How to Stop Kids from Interrupting

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

Episode: How to Stop Kids from Interrupting
Host: Janet Lansbury (JLML Press)
Date: June 9, 2026

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Overview

In this episode, Janet Lansbury addresses a thoughtful listener question about children interrupting adult conversations—specifically, a three-year-old who struggles when not included in dinner table conversations between his parents. Through the lens of respectful parenting, Janet explores not only practical ways to address interruptions but also broader concepts such as setting healthy boundaries, understanding readiness, and distinguishing respect from permissiveness. The episode offers parents perspective shifts and actionable guidance for fostering authentic, respectful relationships within the family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Listener Question and Family Context

• [02:41–05:47]
  • A mother of two (3-year-old and 6-month-old) voices concern about her vibrant, verbal toddler interrupting adult conversations during family dinner.
  • The parents strive for inclusion and attunement but find their son becomes “squirrely and antsy” when not included.
  • The mother wonders if excluding her son from adult talk is disrespectful, struggles with prioritizing her needs versus her child’s, and seeks clarity on setting limits without being permissive.

1. Setting Reasonable Expectations

• [06:22–09:04]
  • Janet emphasizes the importance of having realistic expectations: “Children will have a hard time sometimes with these adult conversations, especially in transitional phases like bringing a new sibling home.” (06:22)
  • Young children, especially “oldest children” who are used to adult focus, may expect to remain the center of attention, but this isn’t always practical.
  • The family dinner ideal may not fit every phase—kids are “ready to eat, not ready to dine” (citing Magda Gerber).

    “Children's needs at dinner time … are quite different than ours. We want to unwind and talk together… Our child is geared to eat what they need and be done, get up and leave.” (09:04)

  • Janet encourages letting go of the expectation that dinner can always be relaxing or the main adult connection time with young kids present.

2. What Respect Really Looks Like

• [10:30–12:45]
  • Respect is not the same as always including your child or making them the focus.
  • True respect includes being fair to oneself, maintaining adult relationships, and setting healthy boundaries.

    “Respecting a three-year-old isn't about always being so attuned and attentive to him. It's about there being a balance where sometimes I'm giving you 100% of my attention… other times I kind of have to divide… And then there's times when I'm really not paying attention to you.” (12:00)

  • Janet explores the risk of “elevating children into being an adult,” which may inadvertently make them feel responsible for adult moods or interactions.

3. The Importance of Boundaries—For All

• [16:55–19:10]
  • Children actually crave clarity about their role and need to see their parents as whole people with needs and relationships outside of parenting.

    “Most children won’t accept this anyway… We needed that to happen and for [my mother] to hold that boundary. We didn’t want to be these people that had all the power to stop her from doing her adult things.” (17:55)

  • Allowing a child to experience not always being the center is both normal and healthy.

    “He doesn't have to ever learn to be happy about it, but he can learn that, oh, sometimes I don't get what I want with them… That's just something that happens in life.” (18:42)

4. Readiness and Balanced Inclusion

• [13:20–15:35]
  • Janet invites parents to reflect: Is the child ready for “family dining” or adult conversation times? If not, it’s okay to adjust routines—perhaps having the child eat earlier or play nearby while adults talk.

    “It’s often better…to wait for our child’s readiness so they can succeed in that situation with us and have it be a positive for all concerned.” (14:10)

5. Practical Steps: Routines & Scripting

• [23:48–27:32]
  • Set up a predictable routine that includes adult conversation time. Let your child know the plan in advance:

    “That’s respectful. Say, you know what, sometimes you have a hard time when Daddy and I talk. We really want to talk. We need to talk. So…we’re going to have a few minutes here.” (24:14)

  • Offer your child choices within limits: Invite them to play or hang out after their meal while adults continue talking.
  • Address escalating interruptions with calm acknowledgment, but don’t allow them to derail the adult connection:

    “You let it go for a second. Don’t stop everything right away and say, ‘we’re going to talk now,’ because he already knows that… Give it a moment, pause, hold your pace…” (27:22) “We're still going to talk sometimes, even though you don't like it, because we need to do that, we want to do that.” (27:37)

  • Build a household “subtext” of confidence and self-respect, from which the child learns healthy relationship boundaries.

6. The Real Meaning of Respectful Parenting

• [19:51–22:04]
  • Reciprocity does not mean always being available to the child; it means modeling your wholeness so they can later do the same.
  • Let your child experience “the whole kaleidoscope of feelings”—not only joy and inclusion but also frustration and longing.
  • Emphasize that upholding your needs is part of upholding theirs:

    “It’s not helping him be a whole person when we are giving everything up to him and not being whole people ourselves.” (20:15)

• These boundaries, Janet reminds, become especially important as siblings grow and family dynamics become more complex.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Setting Limits with Confidence:

  “When we set a boundary, it’s knowing that it’s the right thing to do for us and our child, that it’s the most loving thing to do…” (25:51)

• On Children as Part of, Not the Center of, the Family:

  “He needs to feel cozy in his nest with his two grownups looking out for him and not…letting him take over. That is respect.” (10:45)

• Reframing Family Mealtime:

  “The point of a family meal is the connection, right? And a child can get that from one-on-one attention with a parent…Children don’t need all this attention from us all day long.” (09:21)

• Boundaries Enable Wholeness:

  “Taking care of ourselves is taking care of our child always, even when our child is not giving us permission to take care of ourselves, which they are not likely to do.” (19:10)

• Practical Script Idea:

  “Pause and say, ‘Oh, you don’t like us to talk at all, do you? I hear you…But, you know, we’re still going to talk sometimes, your dad and I. You can get all mad if you need to.’” (27:22–27:35)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:41–05:47 — Listener Letter: The situation with interruptions at dinner
• 06:22–09:04 — Setting realistic expectations; Magda Gerber’s mealtime wisdom
• 10:30–12:45 — Defining respect vs. permissiveness; balancing family attention
• 16:55–19:10 — Healthy boundaries: Why kids need to see parents as adults too
• 19:51–22:04 — Nuanced meaning of reciprocity and child “whole personhood”
• 23:48–27:32 — Scripting and routine ideas; modeling calm confidence during interruptions

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Conclusion & Guidance

Janet Lansbury reassures parents that children learn invaluable life skills when they are not constantly at the center of family attention. Setting boundaries is not only respectful, it is essential—for the well-being of the whole family. Parents are encouraged to thoughtfully rework routines to allow space for adult connection and to communicate changes clearly and confidently to their children. Ultimately, Janet underscores that self-respect and assertive boundary-setting are cornerstones of respectful parenting.

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Recommended Action:
Trust in your boundaries. Prepare your child in advance. Model self-respect—knowing it is one of the greatest lessons you can give.

Transcript

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[Janet Lansbury]

Patio season is here and these deals won't last, so head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Well, today I have a thoughtful question from a parent, specifically about her toddler interrupting the conversations that she's having with her partner at the end of the day. But the thoughts that I want to share with her are actually about a lot of other things too, that concern us as parents. Boundaries of all kinds, understanding readiness, approaching meal times successfully, and what it really means to be respectful to our child versus perhaps being indulgent or permissive. So here's this parent's note to me. Hi Janet, longtime listener to your podcast. I love all of your work.

[Podcast Host]

It guides my perspectives, routines and interactions

[Janet Lansbury]

with my two boys and has resulted

[Podcast Host]

in such a joyful motherhood experience for

[Janet Lansbury]

me my 3 year old is incredibly bright, vibrant, verbal and very used to

[Podcast Host]

adult attention and attunement from me and my husband. We have a six month old baby and while that transition felt very much

[Janet Lansbury]

like we were moving through something big,

[Podcast Host]

I believe my toddler did so with such grace and continues to it is hard sometimes, but with support he goes through his emotional waves and comes out the other side refreshed. Anyways, my question is actually about the dynamic between me, my husband and my 3 year old. I'm home with my boys all day. My husband is a teacher and gets home in the evenings. My husband gets one on one time with our three year old when he gets home. They usually go in the yard together, do chores together, etc. Then we have family dinner together and this is often where things become tricky. I crave adult conversation and my husband wants to share about his day. When the two of us talk in front of my toddler, he will start escalating in volume, interrupting, asking questions, or he might just bluntly say Mama Dadda, stop talking. We have up until this point acknowledged him, said something like I'm going to finish telling Dada the story and then we can talk together. Or we might just go back and forth between talking, acknowledging our son, back to talking and so forth in general. My son gets squirrely and antsy whenever adults are having conversations without him. I've always thought it was more than reasonable to have grown up conversations and just let him know that I hear him and will be with him shortly. But recently I got to thinking about what it would be like to be the only one in the room who doesn't speak the language everyone else was speaking. That would feel really lousy, especially to

[Janet Lansbury]

my 3 year old who is so

[Podcast Host]

used to feeling included in the rhythms of our home. We take him into consideration always. And this is an area that feels like you're just going to have to learn to be okay not being a part of this. Other than this, he's great at playing independently. He doesn't always need adult attention by any means, but being left out of conversation seems to be specifically hard for him, which I can understand. I think I'm conflicted because respectful parenting to me means thinking about reciprocity, relationship and treating children in a way that keeps their whole personhood at the forefront. And this is an area that feels exclusive of him to me. It's also tricky because it's something that happens on a daily basis. Although it still feels like I barely talk to my husband these days, I go to bed extremely early as I'm exhausted by the end of the day and try to get as much rest as I can, knowing my baby will be up in the night. Often it's hard to prioritize everything that I care about and want to tend to. I know the answer isn't never talk to your husband in front of your child, but I guess what I'm wondering is what is reasonable when, how much and how to frame it. And I suppose also am I over considering my child? Thank you so much for everything you've

[Janet Lansbury]

given me and my family. So, wow.

[Podcast Host]

This parent is, like I said before, so thoughtful and considerate of her child

[Janet Lansbury]

and has obviously very much embraced this idea of respect. So I'm looking forward to helping this parent navigate those instincts she has and giving her a bit of an outside perspective to see what she might be missing and how to make this work better for her because she deserves to get to talk to her husband at

[Podcast Host]

the end of the day.

[Janet Lansbury]

So what I would like to offer are three bits of guidance. The first one is to have our expectations in order. And this is the way I would approach any kind of, well, any situation with a child. Because having those reasonable expectations is how we're going to ensure that we succeed in getting what we want and that our child can handle whatever boundaries we give them. And I'm not saying our child can't always handle the boundaries that we give them. If we give them with respect, but they may not respond in a way that we want them to. They have a much better chance of responding positively to our boundaries if we know what to expect.

[Podcast Host]

Now in this case, this parent said,

[Janet Lansbury]

we have a six month old baby. While that transition felt very much like we were moving through something big, I believe my toddler did so with such

[Podcast Host]

grace and continues to.

[Janet Lansbury]

It's hard sometimes, but with support he

[Podcast Host]

goes through his emotional waves and comes out the other side refreshed. So wow.

[Janet Lansbury]

This parent is understanding that process of her child moving through his feelings and being able to share them with his parents and be accepted and just allowed to feel that and get to the other side.

[Podcast Host]

It sounds like they're handling that beautifully.

[Janet Lansbury]

And even still there's more minor, just little intense feelings that are going to come up and be present when a child is going through a transition like this. She said that he's always had a hard time with adults talking in front of him when it doesn't include him. But I would say, especially now, especially in this temporary transitional phase of this family's life in this passage. So the reason I'm saying all this is because, and I think this parent is on this page mostly that it will help to expect that he's going to have a hard time sometimes with these adult conversations. Also because this parent realizes this boy is used to being included in having all this adult attention and attunement. That is often the way the oldest child gets treated and that's what he's come to expect, that he sort of

[Podcast Host]

becomes the center of things when he's there.

[Janet Lansbury]

So then here they are at the end of the day, he gets this wonderful one on one time with his

[Podcast Host]

dad, when his dad gets home, and then they have a family dinner together. And this is when the parent says things become tricky.

[Janet Lansbury]

Magda Gerber had such a simple way of making her points, and in this case hers was young children are ready to eat, they're not ready to dine, at least in these early years. So this is where I question sometimes this huge emphasis on family dinners. What Magda was pointing out is that children's needs at dinner time or really any mealtime are quite different than ours. We want to unwind and talk together and kind of linger, maybe at the table. Our child's geared to eat what they need and be done, get up and leave. And often their mealtimes work better when they're earlier than ours as well. I'm not saying always. So the, the point of a family meal is the connection, right? And a child can get that from one on one attention with a parent. One of the parents is there with him having his dinner. Now I'm not saying this family shouldn't do it the way they're doing it, but the expectation that their son, who's very used to all this adult detention, is going to be able to hang out and have the parents talk. It might not be as helpful an expectation as if they realized that for him it might work better just to eat and then go play. I would just look at this idea that we all have to sit down for dinner together, especially since he's getting one on one time with his dad and he's getting probably lots of one on one time with his mom during the day. Children don't need all this attention from us all day long and to be at the center of things and to get to know, interrupt what other people are doing and make it about them. So I would consider a couple things in terms of expectations. I wouldn't expect that I'm going to get this comfortable, relaxing, fulfilling conversation with my partner at the end of the day at the dinner table in front of my child. That's a big expectation to have. I'm not saying that it can't happen, but it's not an expectation that I think we can have across the board that this is going to go smoothly with a three year old who's still in this transition of his brother being born. And the thing is, in a couple of years when this little boy is five or six or seven, it will gradually become easier. It will also become easier when this parent works on the boundaries I'm going to talk about and the way of understanding respect that will help her child feel more settled in his place in the family, which is not that he gets to grab attention from everyone all the time. This is where what often feels more respectful and kinder is actually giving our child a message that's kind of uncomfortable for them that they have all this power in the home and that everybody drops everything to talk to them. Now I want to segue into talking about respect because this parent has so much respect for her children clearly and has put a lot of thought and care into that. Again, with one child especially or the oldest child, it can be easy for us to take that almost into like we're elevating them into being an adult when what he needs is to feel cozy in his nest with his two grown ups looking out for him and not, you know, letting him take over. That is respect. It's respecting his needs at this stage of life also. At the same time, respecting him means being fair and respectful to ourselves. We do that with understanding what we can expect of him and respecting ourselves enough to assert our place in this. Respecting ourselves means being able to really enjoy that and not have it be a battle. And it will be less a battle when we are confident in our boundaries and again our expectations so that we don't have to feel frustrated when we're not getting what we want. Finding a way to make that happen. Maybe it isn't dad giving him all that time with the chores one on one. Maybe it's a little of that and then a meal. Maybe dad sits with him while he's having his meal or you all sit together and you consider that an attention time. Now he can play a little before bed or you wait until after bedtime for him, depending on his bedtime and you have this conversation then when you can relax and enjoy it. So again though, respecting a three year old isn't about always being so attuned and attentive to him. It's about there being a balance where Sometimes I'm giving you 100% of my attention. Could be just a few minutes here and there in the day. And other times I kind of have to divide between you and your sibling or you and the chores or whatever. And then there's times when I'm really not paying attention to you. I'm paying attention to your other parent or another adult or your sibling. I'm not giving you the sense that you have to be a part of everything, that our life that we've built is all around you. And this could also be about for us taking up that onus of, like, the family meal. We got to make it work. It's often better with so many things to do with parenting, to wait for our child's readiness so that they can succeed in that situation with us and have it be a positive for all concerned. I feel like there's not enough emphasis just generally on readiness in terms of all kinds of things that we expect kids to do. And so much is about, well, we got to do this and we got to do that and make sure they get this and that. But readiness matters. It makes the difference between a child feeling like they're coming into it in a way that they can succeed and enjoy it, or they're kind of reaching and getting people annoyed and not feeling like they're succeeding in that. So this is true with extracurriculars, with things like family dinners even, in my opinion, every kind of stimulation events that we take them to. Readiness is the factor that makes or breaks whether this is beneficial or less so. So getting more into this idea of what respect is this parent. She has this whole questioning that's going on that's so impressive, where she's considering like, he's getting squirrely. Does that mean it's not fair to him? People are having conversations without him being a part of it. Is he feeling excluded? Again, what I would say is our expectations we want to have in order to understand. Yes, he is antsy, and there's reasons for that. The stage of life he's at, the transition that's going on in his house, the fact that it's the end of the day, the fact that he's sitting at a table maybe longer than he can handle easily, but even given all that, no, it's not disrespectful or in any way less respectful for him to know. There are conversations that include you that you're very much a part of. And there are other conversations that don't. There's both going on in life just the way, he's going to have to learn, you know, there's friends that want to be with you and there's friends that don't. Or sometimes these friends do, and sometimes these friends don't. This is all healthy, natural learning that we can give our children through our self care and respect for ourselves. We are going to talk to our partner and we're going to feel very confident about it. Even though you're trying to interrupt, I don't feel the need to keep telling you, you know, that we're going to talk in a minute.

[Podcast Host]

You know, you can say that once

[Janet Lansbury]

and then just let it go on. And try to keep talking in front of your partner as best you can with that confidence that this is the model that he needs to have in his relationship with both of you, that you do have a part that's separate from him. And while it may seem like this is not a happy situation for him, and it's not in a way because he's not used to it, but most

[Podcast Host]

children won't accept this anyway.

[Janet Lansbury]

I mean, I remember growing up with, well, we had telephones in those days, like regular telephones, but oh my gosh, the phone would ring. My mother would get on the phone and I instantly. I mean, she would be on for one second and already it just felt like, ugh, she's on the phone. Like, we don't want her to be on the phone. We don't want her to be on the phone. I mean, kids aren't inclined to be excited about us not paying attention to them every second. That's just a frustrating thing. But, you know, if my mother had gotten off the phone and said, all right, all right, I have to get off from this person so I can talk to you, that would have made me feel really weird and got uncomfortable. You know, it was almost like my sisters and I wanted to be able to be frustrated that she was on the phone. We needed that to happen in her, to hold that boundary.

[Podcast Host]

We didn't want to be these people

[Janet Lansbury]

that had all the power to stop her from doing her adult things. And this parent said, this is an area that feels like you're just going to have to learn to be okay not being a part of this. And yeah, I mean, that's it right there. It's learning that he goes on and we go on. I mean, he doesn't have to ever learn to be happy about it, but he can learn that, oh, sometimes I don't get what I want with them. And they're not all focusing on Me, and I get through that. That's just something that happens in life, in my relationships. That is a really, really important lesson for him to learn. Because imagine if they don't learn this from us, then they've got to try to figure that out with their peers coming from square one where, hey, you know, everyone needs to be paying attention to me, that's not going to be helpful to him. So taking care of ourselves is taking care of our child always, even when our child is not giving us permission to take care of ourselves, which they are not likely to do. So I hope that's helping this parent with her conflicted thoughts about respectful parenting. She says it's about reciprocity, relationship and

[Podcast Host]

treating children in a way that keeps

[Janet Lansbury]

their whole personhood at the forefront. Exactly. But reciprocity, it doesn't mean every time you want me, I'm available to you. I mean, and this is all going to be really helpful for this parent to get so confident about and squared away on as her second child is growing, because there's going to be a lot of conflict of wants for attention between the two of them. And then there's going to be other times when she needs to take care of herself and not have that disrupted by somebody wants her right then. So keeping his whole personhood at the forefront is this multidimensional person who needs to feel all the feelings as this parent so wonderfully helping him through his emotional waves, as she says. But there's also all these little niggly. They were talking to each other and I wanted their attention. All of those feelings he needs to have too, this whole kaleidoscope of feelings that he gets to have as himself. That's being a whole person. It's not helping him be a whole person when we are giving everything up to him and not being whole people ourselves. And she says it's also tricky because it's something that happens on a daily basis.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Janet Lansbury]

So this is part of the day. This is part of life. There's so many opportunities for him to learn that this goes on and we feel comfortable getting to be ourselves here. And are we expecting it's going to be smooth sailing for him? Absolutely not. That's about our expectations. No. And as much as possible, we're going to try to respect. Hey, this is time where he's sitting there stuck here with us at the table. Maybe we won't do it right here or we'll do it less right here because it's not very fulfilling for us anyway. So we're going to try. But if you know something comes up and we want to talk about it, we're going to do that. That's being a whole person and it has to start with respecting ourselves, being the ones who are deciding these things, not leaving it up to a three year old child. I love a good family trip as

[Podcast Host]

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[Janet Lansbury]

So what we're talking about here is how setting effective limits begins. Like the basis for it is the way we set up our day. And so that's why I would look at having a routine that allows for this time that you and your partner want to have in a way that's respectful to all of you. And if you are going to make changes, I would let your son know. That's respectful. Say, you know what, sometimes you have a hard time when Daddy and I talk. We really want to talk. We need to talk. So we're going to sit here with you while you're eating and then after a certain amount of time or when you're done. Daddy and I are going to talk and we're going to stay at the table and you can go play if you want or just, you know, hang out. But we're going to have a few minutes here. I know sometimes you have a hard time and you're going to want to yell and you're going to want to do all these things maybe and get our attention. But you know what? We're going to give you our attention at these times and during this time. We're not for these few minutes, which doesn't mean he's not going to still try to interfere with it. But at least you can feel clean and clear and his expectations can be in order and you can start to set a new pattern for your day. You know, or maybe this is when dad comes home and maybe you don't do the chores or the one on one time with him there right away. Maybe this is when dad and I talk and then we're going to be available to you. I mean, that one might be even harder for him, but, you know, try to work this out so there's a routine in your environment that will support your boundaries and make it easier for you, easier for you, not only in how it affects him, but make it easier for you because you feel comfortable. Hey, we've told him this is the plan. This is a fair plan. Again, it's very fair not to give him attention the whole time in the evening. Very, very fair. It also gives us this confidence, right? Which is so, so, so important. And that's the one thing I feel

[Podcast Host]

a little missing in this parent's approach.

[Janet Lansbury]

Because she is wondering what respect is in terms of her child and that's making it hard for her to be confident in what she's doing. And that's the biggest one here for her or for any of us as parents, when we set a boundary is knowing that it's the right thing to do for us and our child, that it's the most loving thing to do. For all the reasons I've just been saying, for respect for ourselves, for them, for them to understand what relationships are with people, that he's not the center of it all the time, that he doesn't always get it his way. These are lessons he needs that happen naturally. When we take care of ourselves and feel confident about it, when we set this up for ourselves, it's going to become more than us just saying no. It's how we do things. This is how we do things in the moment. And he's going to get Used to that and what I would say exactly in that moment when you are at the table and you want to have a word with each other, or you're with another adult and you want to have a word and he starts piping up and escalating, you let it go for a second. Don't stop everything right away and say, we're going to talk now, because he already knows that. He senses what he's doing and what you're doing. So give it a moment, pause, hold your pace, hold your center, be your separate self in your confidence, letting him do his child self with you.

[Podcast Host]

Pause and say, oh, you don't like

[Janet Lansbury]

us to talk at all, do you? Something like that. I hear you.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I'll be with you in a few moments. But, you know, we're still going to

[Janet Lansbury]

talk sometimes, your dad and I, you

[Podcast Host]

can get all mad if you need to.

[Janet Lansbury]

We're still going to talk sometimes, even though you don't like it, because we need to do that, we want to do that. So I'm not saying to say all those words, but have that comfortable subtext going on. Some people say, put your hand up, put your hand on their leg, or whatever. I don't know if those things work, but I know what works is confidence and that we do our best to keep going. Once we've acknowledged you and we've told you the limit, which is this is what we're doing right now. We'll be back to you as soon as we can. And then try to keep going even if he escalates because again, he needs that demonstration of your confidence, your respect for yourselves, your respect for him, not letting him disrupt everything you're doing. All of those messages need to go in, and the gift here is this parent already knows about the feelings coming and going. So this will just be another place perhaps where her child will be expressing his feelings of frustration and lack of control of the situation. That could be about his brother being born, that could be about some other transition, some other feeling that's going through him being a, you know, somebody who kind of got used to being the center of attention and really has to let go of that. All that letting go will come out during moments like these where we're setting the most reasonable, fair, respectful boundary. So trust yourself, take care of yourself, try to make this work for you, and set your day up so that you're not having to set so many limits in the moment that are a surprise. You know, put this into the routine, find this place for you to get your needs met and to rework whatever's going on right now. Know also that this is a temporary time where you have to get to bed so early and it's so exhausting. It will pass. And in the meantime, you can help him even more. Move through these emotions, through your reasonable boundaries, and know that, yes, respecting ourselves is respecting our child. And we can do this.

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