It's Never About the Watermelon: What's Really Behind Your Child's Behavior (And What Actually Helps)

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "It's Never About the Watermelon: What's Really Behind Your Child's Behavior (And What Actually Helps)"

Podcast: Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Host: Janet Lansbury
Episode Date: March 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Janet Lansbury responds to a parent's message about her two-and-a-half-year-old son's escalating, often irrational-seeming behaviors—including tantrums, throwing objects, and self-hitting—particularly around mealtimes and daily routines. A major theme is the struggle parents face when trying to “fix” or “strategize” their way out of difficult moments, and Janet offers a perspective shift: Recognizing that the root is almost always emotional, not practical. Through the lens of respectful parenting, she encourages acceptance of children’s feelings—especially the uncomfortable, unreasonable, loud ones—as the foundation that makes authentic connection and positive change possible.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Core Challenge: Accepting Children's Feelings

• Summary:
  Janet opens with validation: nearly every parent struggles when children display intense, seemingly nonsensical emotions.
  The “solution” isn’t a trick, script, or consequence; it’s offering a calm, accepting presence no matter what feelings show up.

• Key Insight:
  “It’s this idea of just accepting what our kids are feeling, no matter what it is... We're helping them get through that moment from a place of acceptance of their right to feel whatever they're feeling.” (02:10, Janet)

• Notable Quote:

  “Can I just feel this way and have it be okay with you? ...That’s what we all want from people we’re in relationships with.” (03:12, Janet)

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2. Parent’s Story: Escalating, ‘Irrational’ Behaviors (04:00 – 09:30)

• A two-and-a-half-year-old throws tantrums if watermelon isn’t cut just so, or if food, utensils, or routines aren't done exactly as he demands.
• Tantrums escalate to attempted hitting (both parent and self).
• Parent is trying labeling feelings, reading emotion books—but feels it’s not working, especially as a new sibling’s birth approaches.

Key Details:

• Parent reports that when she labels emotions, her son sometimes makes silly faces or spits at the book, or gets angrier.
• She and her partner are trying to enforce consequences more consistently, but her son’s behaviors persist and intensify.

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3. Janet’s Analysis: What’s REALLY Happening Beneath the Surface

• It’s Never About the Watermelon:
  The meltdown is rarely about the immediate trigger—it’s about underlying feelings, often big and scary ones (e.g., anxiety about a new sibling, change in routines, separation at daycare).

• Behavior as Communication:
  “He’s making demands that are totally unreasonable, that are not about needs...It’s more about testing or exploring: Can’t I just share how awful I feel? ...Just see me where I am.” (09:26–10:00, Janet)

• Insights on Emotional Expression:

  • Kids don’t yet have access to naming and regulating their emotions, especially when in distress.
  • Labeling or teaching about emotions in books is often less useful than real, lived experience of acceptance.

• Key Quote:

  “Children, they can’t do [naming emotions] very easily because when they are upset, every cell in their body is upset, including the part where their brain can say, ‘I’m upset.’ …It’s almost like we’re in a different world from our child and we’re not going to connect.” (10:47, Janet)

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4. Why ‘Good’ Parenting Strategies Sometimes Backfire (12:00 – 19:00)

• Consequences Aren't Always the Answer:
  Logical or “honest” consequences are necessary at times (“If you throw the fork, we’re done with the fork”), but won’t help a child move through tangled, underlying feelings.

• Avoiding the ‘Dance’ of Accommodation:
  Trying to appease unreasonable requests (slicing watermelon into multiple, contradictory sizes, repeatedly replacing a thrown fork) often increases frustration for both child and parent.
  “That’s not a need for him. That’s just a want. That’s not really the want. The want is to be able to express frustration.” (23:21, Janet)

• Key Quote:

  "So not saying the words 'you’re upset' or 'here’s this feeling'... It’s not the words that our child needs. It’s help me feel safe...Mainly this act of acknowledging and seeing and accepting." (13:20–13:45, Janet)

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5. What Emotional Acceptance Actually Looks Like (21:40 – 27:30)

• The Hardest, Most Essential Shift:

  • Intervene early: With unreasonable requests, set clear, calm boundaries (“I can cut your watermelon or not, but I can’t do it all these different ways”), and allow the explosion to happen.
  • Hold your own boundary without escalating or over-explaining.
  • Let the feelings come, and trust the storm will pass more quickly if feelings are accepted, not redirected, explained away, or “solved.”

• Self-Harm During Tantrums:
  Janet reassures: in most common scenarios, a child hitting their head with hands is safe, but what matters is the parent’s unflinching acceptance, gentle blocking if necessary, and not “joining in the drama.”

• Memorable Analogy:
  “If you were my friend and you said, ‘Oh gosh, I just got held up at gunpoint.’ And I said, ‘You’re upset, you’re frustrated, you’re scared.’ Instead of, ‘Whoa, that’s really scary!’ That’s what our child needs – that 30% of their intensity to feel okay and safe and seen.” (14:30, Janet)

• On Teaching About Emotions:
  Emphasis is on real-life, relational learning rather than instructed, abstract labeling:

  “Kids learn through their relationships with us...We can’t teach [emotional understanding] in a book.” (18:00, Janet)

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6. Big Transitions, Big Feelings: The New Sibling Factor (15:50 – 18:00; 26:50–29:30)

• Janet highlights how the anticipation of a new sibling (and necessary shifts in caregiving) may be fueling the child’s anxiety and acting out.
• Calls for honest communication (“I won’t be able to pick you up after the baby comes”) and acknowledgment that these transitions are scary and hard for everyone.
• Suggests not “sugarcoating” changes; being straightforward increases trust and models healthy emotional honesty.

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7. Practical Takeaways & Closing Reassurance (27:50–31:00)

• Be Brave:
  Accepting all feelings—your child’s, your own, your partner’s—is brave and ultimately connective parenting.

• Let the Feelings Flow:
  Don't fear tantrums; they're necessary for release and healing.

• The Underlying Message:
  The more “irrational” the behavior, the more likely your child is showing you that he needs to safely vent deep-seated fears.

• Final Words:

  "It's wonderful when you can see me and let my feelings be. So I can pass through this knowing that you love me and see me and care... It's really safe to be in those storms as long as we feel anchored in ourselves.” (30:00, Janet)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:10 - Main theme introduction: acceptance of feelings
• 04:00 - Parent’s letter about behavioral struggles
• 09:26 - Janet’s reframing: behavior as communication
• 12:00 - Honest consequences vs. emotional acceptance
• 14:30 - Memorable analogy (friend in crisis)
• 15:50 - Addressing big life transitions and emotional buildup
• 21:40 - How to respond in the moment (mealtime example)
• 23:20 - How to set boundaries without escalating
• 27:50 - Embracing tantrums as healing
• 30:00 - Reassurance and closing thoughts

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Notable Quotes

• “It’s never about the watermelon.” (Summary theme)
• “Taking care of ourselves is taking care of our child.” (23:14, Janet)
• “This is where kids kind of need us to have that therapist hat on and see that there’s a lot they need to vent.” (27:30, Janet)
• “The more unreasonable the behavior, the more we can trust that there’s some major venting that needs to go on here. And that underneath it is almost always fear that we can help ease through our acceptance.” (29:10, Janet)

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Summary in a Nutshell

Janet Lansbury compassionately guides parents away from a “fix-it” mentality and towards fearless emotional presence. The true heart of respectful parenting is not in perfectly executed boundaries or proactive scripts, but in showing our unwavering acceptance of children’s big, messy, human feelings. Especially in times of transition and turmoil, it’s never about the watermelon—the gift is being the anchor for our children’s storms.

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Transcript

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Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled.

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Today I'm going to be responding to

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a question from a parent that brings up this this challenge that I feel like almost every parent I know has. It's actually a solution to challenges that we face with our kids behaviors when they seem so unreasonable and maybe emotional and we're trying to respond in a way that calms them down or just, you know, makes them stop doing that behavior, whatever it is. And there's this one solution that improves the situation almost every time. It's like right in our face and we want to do everything else but that instinctively. So anyway, not to be too mysterious or confusing, it's this idea of just accepting what our kids are feeling no matter what it is. That doesn't mean we're accepting the behavior that we're feeding into, the behavior that we're letting them disrupt places or, you know, have Loud meltdowns in front of everyone on the street. It just means that we're helping them get through that moment from a place of acceptance of their right to feel whatever they're feeling. That's if we think about it, what we all want from people we're in relationships with or people that care about us. Just let it be okay for me to feel what I'm feeling. Yeah, maybe it seems ridiculous, maybe it seems like I'm overreacting, but it's just the way I feel. Can I just feel this way and have it be okay with you?

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So here's this parent's note. It's sort of an exchange that we had, but she gave a lot of

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good information that I feel like I can help her. So centered around this idea, just simply allowing Americans to feel what they're feeling. I think this will help you understand what I'm talking about.

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Hi Janet, I've been listening to your podcasts and I've been trying to implement boundaries more and follow through with consequences. Yesterday, for example, my two and a half year old wanted watermelon after dinner and we offered some, but he wanted some pieces cut small and not others. And he didn't like the way I had done it. So he began trying to throw his fork and tip the watermelon. I therefore took the watermelon away and said throwing the fork is unsafe. And he went into a tantrum with trying to hit me. If I move away so that he cannot hit me, then he will direct that behavior to himself and start hitting his head with his hands. This completely breaks my heart and really stresses me out. What would you suggest doing in this situation? We've explained in moments of calm that we don't hit others ourselves or damage things. He understands these things.

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I know.

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And sometimes as I say this, he will then hit his head for a reaction too. Any advice appreciated? So I wrote back. Are there ways you encourage him to vent this frustration? Probably it's not directly due to the watermelon, but more a kind of build

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up of toddler angst.

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He needs to feel safe to be mad. So this isn't a message exchange on Instagram. I think it was the parent wrote back. Thanks for replying. That's really kind of you. And I know you must be so busy. When he's calm, we read emotion books together. We have posters with different emotions on the walls and I try to label emotions. I also try to help him label emotions. If I notice him struggling with something yesterday, for example, he couldn't open his Lego box as soon as he wanted to, so he threw the whole thing down on the ground. I said to him, you were feeling frustrated because you couldn't open it straight away and next time you can ask for help if you need. We are also expecting a second baby in three weeks and this kind of behavior has really started to pick up over the last few months. I offered him noodles for dinner, asked if he wanted the noodles cut and he said yes. So I cut them, but then he wasn't happy I had cut all of them and just not that particular bite. And he proceeded to tip the whole bowl over on the table and throw his fork. He then wanted me to get the fork but would throw it again straight away. I said he needed to get it himself since he threw it, but he wanted only me to get it. He won't even like it if my husband gets it. He also doesn't like it if I wash it. He wants to use that dirty fork. I did give him some longer noodles again, but he tried to tip them again, so I tried to ignore it and then he tried to hit his hands on his head. At that point I told him I could tell he was upset and we don't hurt ourselves, but he can have a cushion if he feels like hitting. I know sometimes he doesn't feel comfortable talking about emotions because when I read books and show when characters are feeling sad or upset, he will make silly

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faces or spit bubbles at the book.

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He can go from hot to cold in a moment and as soon as he gets frustrated or something doesn't work out the way he envisioned, he will react like this by throwing or trying to hit me or himself. The other thing is he does go to daycare pretty much full time other than Fridays, which are half days, and I wonder if he struggles with being in that for that long as well. I've realized after listening to your podcasts, he hasn't really had any real consequences to his actions. We say it's not okay, but usually give the fork food back to him, for example, if it's in the context of mealtimes. We're trying to work on that. So then I responded, I have some thoughts for you that I hope will help. I'm going to share them in a podcast if that's okay. It's something in the way you're looking at this that I think I can help you with. And she wrote back, thank you, that would be really helpful. The other thing to mention, if it's relevant at all to your thoughts, is that I think My son has somehow learned some emotions are bad when he is calm and we are reading books about feelings. And if I ask if he has ever been sad or angry, he will say no and only yes. If I ask about being happy, excited or brave, when he's upset and I label it, for example, I say I can see you are upset, he will scream no and get even more mad at times with his behavior. In the moment it feels as though he's testing my love. For example, if he throws a toy and only wants me to get it back for him, he has become a lot more clingy to me lately and he will demand that only I take him to the potty, wash his hands, do his bath, put him to sleep, only I can sit next to him at mealtimes, not his dad, etc. It's becoming harder for me to do some of these things as I can't bend down as easily and so he will just kick and scream as his dad does some of these tasks. I'm having a planned C section and now I won't be able to lift him up for about six weeks afterwards. So we're just persevering with trying to get him used to his dad helping him more with tasks that need doing. The other thing he has started doing is throwing things in the potty like slippers or hairbrushes and finding that funny. Sometimes he throws clean clothes in the bathtub when it has been set up for his bath. I don't really know what kind of consequences would work in these scenarios. He knows it's not the right thing. And with the slippers, when we said we won't be able to use them again and that was unkind. I could tell he then felt sad about it, but usually he just laughs and thinks it's funny. Thanks so much for reading these messages. I felt at such a loss and looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

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Okay, so stepping back from this, we can sense that this child is definitely going through it, right? He's making demands that are totally unreasonable, that are not about needs. And I would love to reassure this parent that it's not about testing her love, it's more about testing or exploring. Can't I just share how awful I feel, how unsettled I feel, how all

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over the place I am?

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I'm not making sense to me either. Just see me where I am and

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let me share this with you and

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understand or at least accept how I feel. And that's what I was talking about in the beginning of this. It's Right there in front of us. But it can be so hard for us to see.

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For me, too.

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Even after a lot of years of practicing it with my kids, with other people's kids, demonstrating it to parents, helping them see this, it's almost like too obvious. We don't want to go there. Or we have doubts somehow that, oh, gosh, maybe he really needs me to be the one to pick up the thing or he's not going to eat anymore if I don't do what he needs. And, oh, gosh, I can't let him hit himself. I've got to stop him from any

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way that he's showing these feelings.

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That's not in words, that's not maybe the way an adult would share it, which is I'm really upset. Children, they can't do that very easily because when they are upset, every cell in their body is upset, including the part where their brain can say, I'm upset. It's like they can't even access that. It's, you know, what Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson called Downstairs Brain, or what Mona De La Hook calls the Red Pathway. Right. It's just we're on a different path. So when we try to go there as parents, it's like, it's almost like we're in a different world from our child and we're not going to connect. What's going to happen, unfortunately, is our child's going to feel even more scared and alone in what they're feeling and unacceptable and wrong. All of this feeding into those feelings and therefore that behavior, that out of control feeling. In a way, this is really about taking our child's point of view instead of dealing with the behaviors that are coming at us and trying to fix that behavior and fix that behavior and think of a consequence. So sometimes I do talk about what I call honest consequences in my podcast or in my writing, I talk about how it's so important for us as parents to say, I don't want to do this now, or, you know, when

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you talk to me that way, it doesn't make me want to get you something.

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You know, you're throwing your fork down. That's showing me that you're not interested in eating this food right now. So we're going to stop sitting here and eating the food. I don't want to sit for this. I don't want you to go into this stuff that's mine, into my handbag or whatever it is. I'm not going to help you open this box when you clearly just really need to be upset about it. So when the behavior gets this unreasonable, it can be an aha for us. Oh, wait, this isn't about Legos or watermelon or forks or that he's enjoying throwing things in the toilet or throwing things in the bathtub. He doesn't genuinely think this is funny. He's too smart for that. He's too aware for that. But he's saying, look, how out there I feel that I'm doing this and I'm doing that.

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See me?

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And how out there I feel. So the answer for us can be as simple as that. Seeing them and really accepting. Children are layered, nuanced, aware people. From the time they're born, they know the difference in making us laugh, doing something that's genuinely funny and doing something and going, ha, ha, ha. What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna see me? It's a totally different vibe. They don't think that things that are making us angry are funny, just the way our friend or partner wouldn't think it's funny to do destructive or negative things. That children know the difference very, very young. So not saying the words you're upset or here's this feeling that you're having that you're frustrated. I see that it's not the words that our child needs. It's not the analyzing of their behavior or the sensible response to unsensible behavior. It's help me feel safe in this and that you're going to stop me doing those things by taking my hand. But mainly this act of acknowledging and seeing and accepting and being able to hear that, the full force of that message. I think you've heard me say in this podcast before, if you're a regular listener, it's that 30% that we want to give our child. When they're way up here in their behavior and we say you're upset. I use the analogy, like, what if you were my friend and when we were meeting, you said, oh, gosh, I just got held up at gunpoint. And I said, you're upset, you're frustrated, you're scared. Instead of, whoa, that's really scary. That's what our child needs, that level of emphasis, that 30% of what their intensity is to feel okay and safe and seen. Not just seen from this objective standpoint, but seen as somebody that cares about you and knows that you wouldn't deliberately do all these things just to make me angry. You're doing them to show me how bad you feel, how uncomfortable you are. And the more I kind of avoid seeing that or try to deal with

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it on a behavior level, the less

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safe you feel in your relationship with me, which is all that kids care about their relationships with us. Another sign that we can get so caught up in the behavior that we miss connecting with our child's point of view. And this happens so often. You know, the parent offers, well, we're having a baby in a few weeks. That is a major, major issue here and probably what is causing this. And yes, it happens when parents are expecting, not just when they've had the baby. It can happen when the baby turns one or one and a half. It's different for every child, but there's waves of discomfort and fear that come from the mystery of all this. And everybody's saying, aren't you excited? And sensing my parents distancing herself, as this parent says she needs to because she's having a C section. So she's already kind of shifting and hoping her son will depend more on his dad. And so children are so sensitive and aware. They feel that they feel, why is she pulling away? It's like as if you're in a romance and you feel this partner kind of distancing themselves a little bit, trying to shift you into depending on other people. How scary is that? How disconcerting is that? So I'm resistant to the information that goes out about teaching kids to label their emotions. I mean this is a two and a half year old. But even with a four year old or five year old, the way to help them label emotions is not, in

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my opinion, an experience.

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Pointing out pictures in books and saying, this is sad, this is angry. It's about the real life learning experiences that kids can have with us, where we accept. Ah, must be so scary to wonder what's going on and what it's going to be like when this baby comes. It seems like this is really rattling you. Understandably, that's what almost every big brother or big sister feels. It's like what I had my parents all to myself and now I don't even know what it's going to be like, but I feel my parent distancing themselves. That's how we learn what scared feels like. From a place of my parents acceptance and validation and not judging me for that, wanting to see me, wanting to show me that it's totally understandable and we're still there for you. But yeah, it's totally different. Everything's going to change for a while and I'm not going to be able to pick you up and I'm not going to have as much attention for you. I mean, I would even put that out there in small ways, upfront honesty instead of this, you know, this veil of like, oh, everything's fine when our child knows it's not fine. Yes, we love them just as much, but it's not going to be the same. So personally as a parent, I wouldn't do the books and the lessons about feelings. I mean, maybe for an older child that's really having a hard time socially reading other kids feelings, then that's where that's appropriate. But kids learn through their relationships with us. When it comes to things that are so close to the heart and so vital, like their emotional life, we can't teach that in a book.

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Because every child deserves to crack the reading code. ReadingGuru.com. So let's just go over some things and how this will look different for this parent if she's willing to make this shift, which I know is like, I mean, I wouldn't be doing a

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whole episode about this and probably I've

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done many episodes about this if it wasn't so hard, hard and counterintuitive. So please be kind to yourselves, forgiving of yourselves, compassionate. Give yourself lots of chances to not get this and not be able to do it before you're brave enough to do it. I mean, talk about brave in that emotion book. It's brave to put the truth out there with our children. It's never the wrong thing to do. Let's start with the watermelon. This is where she started. He wanted some pieces cut small and not others. So right there, I think I would say, I'll cut them for you or I won't cut them, but I can't do this different size thing right there. He melts down. So we're getting it over with quickly instead of going down this path of frustration for us. Right where, oh, now I'm trying to please him here and now he's throwing his fork. Now I'm picking up his fork and he's throwing it again. We go down these roads because we're trying to avoid a lot of the time that feeling which is what's behind everything and just needs to come out and needs to be seen and needs to be accepted. So we could just get this over with right from the beginning by being reasonable ourselves and caring for ourselves and

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being like, you know what?

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This is what I'm going to do. I'm not willing to do this whole dance for you to eat watermelon.

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Watermelon is a treat.

[B]

I'm not saying to say all these words, but to think of it like, you want me to do like the fancy stuff with a watermelon. I mean, that's not a need for him, right? That's just a want. That's not really, the want. The want is to be able to express frustration when children are asking for these silly things. So don't buy into it. Don't go down that path where it gets worse and worse and worse. So I wouldn't even go to the rest of this. I would stop it right there at the beginning. That's more loving to ourselves and to our child to not go down this path of increased frustration, more ridiculous unreasonableness. We can't help but start resenting our child when we do that. Right. And think that they're just the biggest meanie. But it's because we're trying to avoid something that that happens. So we're not taking care of ourselves. So taking care of ourselves is taking care of our child. Taking care of ourselves by standing up for what we're willing to do. So he started hitting with himself with his hands. So he's not going to seriously hurt himself by hitting it with his hands. But we don't need to let it get that far. If somehow he goes to that directly or whatever, because that's what he's seen us react to, and that's where he's seen that he's effectively getting his message across that everything's not okay, then just do the mildest thing instead of saying, you can go hit this. Something very objective and reasonable. Right. But that's not where he is. Or then we're on a totally different pathway. We're in a totally different world. We're not going to connect with him. There's a. So we want to say, oh, you're so mad you're hitting yourself. It's so frustrating. And maybe we're just surreptitiously kind of holding his forearm a little so that he can't hit himself too hard if we need to. But mostly we don't need to. And what's better is for us to really see that and not be trying to stop something that really we have very little control over, which is how he treats himself. Yeah, we can put our hand up and block when he's hitting us, but right there, we also want to see you feel like hitting me. And you're so mad about this watermelon thing or the fork or everything. And I wonder if this is how you're feeling right now is really out of control. It seems like you're scared. And you know what? We're here for you. So definitely not saying all of those words, but those are the messages we want to get across. And that's why I said to her, are there ways you encourage him to vent this frustration. He needs to feel safe to be mad. It seems like that there haven't been ways for him safely and feeling accepted rather than redirected or corrected. There haven't been ways for him to do that, and that's why it's continuing. So in a way, this is so simple, right? Just let the feelings be, Just accept them. Agree with his right to feel the way he feels. Stop him from doing the big stuff that you can stop. Don't buy into these trains of frustration that we get on. I said to him, you were feeling frustrated because you couldn't open it straight away. And next time you can ask for help if you need. So right there too, there's a little like, okay, this is how you're feeling, and here's what you can do to not feel that way next time. So I'm telling you without telling you, really, it's not okay to feel like that. You should do something to avoid that. And that's a very adult, conscious, reasonable way of thinking. Right. That doesn't really work that well for us either. Sometimes we just want to express how unreasonable we feel, but it definitely doesn't work with children. So then that all got out of control. Tipping the bull. And yeah, he doesn't feel comfortable talking about emotions because kids don't want to

[C]

talk about emotions in that way when they sense that we're trying to teach them lessons. And here's, you should express this and

[B]

you should say that you're this or that instead of having it be in every cell of your body the way young children feel. And really, kids just need to have it in every cell of their body in a way that's healthier than what we do as adults. It's much more genuine, it's much more authentic, it's much freer. And you know what? They pass through the feelings a lot quicker if we can accept them because they're so expressive of them. So you can go from hot to cold in a moment. Yeah, he's just tipping off into those feelings at any moment. And yeah, the being at child care, that adds a certain stress that children have to kind of hold it together while they're away from us. This isn't to say that it's wrong or harmful for him at all, but it's just what happens at school or at care is that kids can't be as free with their emotions. They do conform to that usually. And so this buildup, it's like an explosion. Now I gotta share it with my parents. And I just need to land it with them safely and then I can, whew, feel better. Surely there'll be more explosions. But each time my parent really accepts and sees and tells me through their behavior and their attitude that it's really okay to feel the way I feel, that helps to ease my fears that are adding to all the other fears of the situation. The fear that I'm just out of control and you guys don't accept me. The screaming, the getting mad, that's the gold right there. I know probably people hate when I say that, but that is how this is going to pass. The more he can get that out of his body. This is where kids kind of need us to have that therapist hat on and see that there's a lot they need to vent. And then being honest with him about this parent situation. And yeah, you're noticing I can't bend down and that's hard. And so Daddy's going to need to do this. But yeah, yeah, you really want me. And this whole thing's so scary. So when Dad's doing it and he's upset about that, that's a wonderful moment of you're holding your boundary, but you're welcoming. The part that has to go with every boundary, really, as parents for it to be successful is that you get to disagree with this boundary vociferously. You get to be so mad at me and so upset, and I see you and I feel for that because as an adult, I know that this is not about whether it's me or dad taking you to the potty. It's about this whole situation, and it's really okay. So it's that seeing beyond, seeing from our child's point of view, taking our child's perspective and knowing that the more unreasonable the behavior is, the more we can trust that there's some major venting that needs to go on here. And that underneath it is almost always fear that we can help ease through our acceptance. Anyway, so that's this piece that we often miss. Knowing that our kids need to vent something. Sometimes it's just little discomforts or that we've been unclear about things. Other times like this. It's this whole situation about the baby coming. It's scary and mysterious. What's going on here? I feel my parent distancing from me. They're going to distance from me even more. I need the right to be able to express this and feel how I'm feeling. And it's wonderful when you can see me and let my feelings be. So I can pass through this knowing that you love me and see me and care. I really hope some of this helps and thanks so much to this parent for reaching out to me and I wish her a wonderful experience. It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be rich when she's not afraid to allow for all the emotions that come with it, her own, her partner's and her child's and the babies. It's really safe to be in those storms as long as we feel anchored in ourselves. Thank you so much for listening. We can do this

[A]

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