HERITAGE COLLECTION: Dear Media, Love Corn

Summary

Ride with Benito Skinner & Mary Beth Barone — "HERITAGE COLLECTION: Dear Media, Love Corn"
Date: April 1, 2026
Podcast Network: Dear Media

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Episode Overview

This special "Heritage Collection" episode of Ride sees hosts Benito Skinner and Mary Beth Barone revisit iconic, fan-favorite moments from their podcast archives, blending nostalgia, irreverent humor, and their signature chaotic charm. The main focus is a hilarious and unexpectedly heartfelt deep-dive into the world of Love Corn snacks—which, despite the enthusiastic promo, they cheekily assure listeners was not a paid placement. From prank stories to reflections on childhood consumerism (debit cards for six-year-olds?), all the way to the surprisingly profound joys of peeing, this episode is a wild, highly personal ride through pop culture, everyday absurdities, and friendship banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the Ride Heritage Collection

• [00:35] Mary Beth and Benito explain this "Heritage Collection" is about re-airing—and re-titling—iconic episodes from their archives, so fans know exactly which classic moments to expect.
  • Notable quote:
    “Moments that come to mind: the lesbian cop at Ride Live... how many chickens there are in the world...”
    — Mary Beth [00:55]

2. The Love Corn Swag Spectacle

Unboxing and Bingeing

• [01:39 - 08:13] Benito raves about an unsolicited Love Corn snack box and their new merch, going through flavors, T-shirts, tote bags, and rainbow "love" stickers, riffing on the intersection of snacking, branding, and gay culture.
  • "I just want to have fun. Start your engine." — Benito [00:25]
  • Both hosts don the corn merch for the episode, with Mary Beth playfully noting, "Benny's wearing a hat. We're in full Lovecorn merch."
  • Relishing the cheesy branding:
    "On the side, it says 'crunchiest snack ever' in quotes with five stars underneath. And it's like, you don't need to know who said it.”
    — Mary Beth [03:50]
  • They mock the required disclosures:
    "The podcast hosts were paid thousands ... We weren't. This is Free. Lovecorn just sent me this box..."
    — Benito [01:55]

Love Corn as Cultural Commentary

• Fun aside: they joke about the transgressive potential of corn-on-the-cob, and riff on Murphy's Law, blending snack talk with their trademark absurdism.
  • "Isn't it crazy to know that someone stuck a corn in the cob up their ass? Like, it's... What is it? Murphy's Law."
    — Benito [04:46]

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3. Pranking and the Joy in Little Things

Childhood & College Pranks

• Benito recounts pranking Mary Beth and Terry, detailing their collaborative and selfless approaches to mischief.
  • "It like, brings gratitude in a weird way. It's just like finding joy in the little things."
    — Benito [10:04]
  • Discussing the evolution to "selfless pranks" where the prankster doesn’t see the outcome—"a whole other sphere."
  • Quote:
    "It's where you're not there. ... You can't see them. Maybe you're in the car every now and then. That is truly a selfless prank.”
    — Benito [11:18]

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4. Debit Cards for Kids & Childhood Consumerism

• [17:09 - 28:43] Benito reads a marketing email inviting parents to open a Chase debit card for their six-year-old, setting off a nostalgic, comic reflection on childhood obsessions, Disney Store mania, and consumer culture.

  • Chase Bank as a person:
    "Can we write a movie? The lead character's name is Chase Bank. ... That is a Netflix name."
    — Benito [17:35]
  • Benito recalls obsessively calling stores to track down new Disney dolls, ordering by SKU, and the childhood compulsion to collect (enabled by supportive parents).
    • "If my parents had given me a debit card at 6, I would have run train through the Boise town square." — Benito [22:40]
  • Mary Beth offers her own childhood finance tale—her first bank account opened at First Communion, complete with a passbook for babysitting money.
    • "You had your first communion along with your classmate Chase Bank." — Benito [26:11]
  • Both reflect on the tension between childhood agency and financial responsibility:
    • "Letting kids have debit cards and learning how money works is so important...but six is the thing that's so funny to me." — Benito [24:49]
    • "Financial literacy is so important. So if they overdraw, you teach them that you can only spend the amount that you have." — Mary Beth [25:11]
  • Dream childhood shopping sprees: Mary Beth wanted a laptop with internet at six; Benito wanted costumes and dolls.

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5. The Joy, Shame, and Philosophy of Peeing

• [32:41 - 44:59] Mary Beth celebrates peeing (in public and private, door open or closed) as a universal human pleasure and proposes that everyone, regardless of gender, should pee sitting down for comfort and sanitary reasons.

  • "Magic is really very simple. All you have to do is want something and then let yourself have it. In a way, every time you pee, it's like magic." — Mary Beth [33:02]
  • She also admits to sometimes skipping wiping to "save the planet," launching Benito into fits.
  • They critique urinals (“abolish the police and urinals” — Mary Beth [35:00]) and discuss shifting toward gender-neutral bathrooms.

• Benito confesses to the "shame" men face for sitting down to pee—especially in locker rooms—while both agree public discussions of bodily functions are unfairly stigmatized.

  • "I got a lot of shame for sitting when I'm peeing. ... For some reason. That's such a whole thing in locker rooms." — Benito [28:28]

Removing Bathroom Shame

• They poke fun at the elaborate excuses people invent to hide the fact they’ve been in the bathroom for a while, comparing them to epic literary tales:
  • "The folklore that comes about from just people, like, feeling so much shame for taking a dump." — Benito [37:16]
  • "Odysseus took a really long dump, and when he came back, he was like, you will not believe what happened." — Mary Beth [38:39]

Iconic Peeing Stories

• Mary Beth shares her story of nearly making it home, only to pee her navy corduroys on a snowy doorstep, observing the steam:
  • "It was so cold that my pee was so warm that steam came off my corner." — Mary Beth [40:09]

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6. Ride or Die Segment & Final Reflections

• [42:32] Both hosts declare their "rides" for the week:
  • Benito rides for the "sweet release" of peeing and the pleasure of returning to bed after a midnight bathroom run:
    • "I just had the most toe-curling orgasm of my life thinking about waking up in the middle of night peeing and then getting back in bed." — Benito [43:12]
  • Mary Beth rides for kids having debit cards.
  • Practical life advice: always pee after sex (“to avoid UTIs”), and don’t try to treat UTIs at home—just get the meds.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “The podcast hosts were paid thousands... We weren’t. This is Free. Lovecorn just sent me this box.” — Benito [01:55]
• “Crunchiest snack ever.” — quoting Love Corn packaging [03:50]
• “This is a Dear Media podcast. So Audio Jungle.” — Benito & Mary Beth [02:30]
• “Fuck corn. Isn’t it crazy to know that someone stuck a corn in the cob up their ass? Like, it’s... What is it?... Murphy’s Law.” — Benito [04:46]
• “I just wish we recorded it.” (on the perfect house prank) — Mary Beth [09:27]
• “If my parents had given me a debit card at 6, I would have run train through the Boise town square.” — Benito [22:40]
• “Letting kids have debit cards and learning how money works is so important.” — Mary Beth [24:49]
• “Peeing is a communal experience.” — Mary Beth [33:58]
• “Abolish the police and urinals.” — Mary Beth [35:00]
• “The folklore that comes about from just people, like, feeling so much shame for taking a dump.” — Benito [37:16]
• “Odysseus took a really long dump, and when he came back, he was like, you will not believe what happened.” — Mary Beth [38:39]
• “Go piss, girl.” — Mary Beth, closing the episode [45:49]

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Important Segments (Timestamps)

• [00:35]: Intro to Heritage Collection concept and re-airing iconic moments.
• [01:39 - 08:13]: Love Corn unboxing, merch fashion show, and riffing on snack branding.
• [08:18 - 13:09]: Pranks—classic, collaborative, and selfless varieties.
• [17:09 - 28:43]: Financial literacy, debit cards for kids, and childhood consumer tales.
• [32:41 - 44:59]: The philosophy, technique, and sociology of peeing.
• [42:32 - 45:49]: “Ride or Die” declarations—peeing, debit cards, and self-care advice.

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Tone and Style

The episode is punchy, irreverent, full of absurd tangents, and vivid storytelling. Both hosts trade affectionate teasing and looping callbacks, unafraid to blend “bimbo” energy with flashes of real insight into friendship, bodily autonomy, and capitalist culture.

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Summary for New Listeners

This Heritage Collection episode is pure, unfiltered Ride: equal parts nonsense and nostalgia, never afraid to get weird, warm, or a bit gross. It celebrates small joys (a snack box, a prank, a good pee) and pokes at the awkwardness—and unexpected profundity—of growing up with too much agency and not quite enough shame. Whether it’s the memory of a steaming snowbank, a prank gone perfectly, or the thrill of charging up a Disney Store at six, Benito and Mary Beth remind listeners to “find love in the little things”—and never, ever be ashamed to pee sitting down.

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Final words:
"Go piss, girl." — Mary Beth [45:49]
"Run it." — Benito (on owning childhood agency) [28:38]

Start from the top and go down. We ride at dawn!

Transcript

[Mary Beth Barone]

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hey, can you come pick me up? Yeah.

[Benito Skinner]

What's wrong?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Nothing.

[Benito Skinner]

Are you sure?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah, no, I just need a ride. Ride. Ride.

[Benito Skinner]

I just want to have fun.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Start your engine.

[Benito Skinner]

I'm Benito Skinner.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm Mary Beth Barone and this is Ride.

[Benito Skinner]

Ride.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Hello and welcome to the Ride Heritage Collection.

[Benito Skinner]

The Heritage Collection.

[Mary Beth Barone]

This is something new we're trying where we are going to release iconic heritage episodes of the podcast in no particular order, and we're going to retitle them so you know exactly which iconic moment to expect. Moments that come to mind. The lesbian cop at Ride Live.

[Benito Skinner]

Massive.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We're talking about Amya Sista.

[Benito Skinner]

I was there. It was rare.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It was rare. NDA and of course, how many chickens there are in the world.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, I just got a boner. Oh, my God. Wait, Mary Beth just cut her finger and is bleeding.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I guess we have to go enjoy this episode. We hope it's a tasty treat for you. We're gonna have fun going through the archives and picking out these episodes for you.

[Benito Skinner]

Think about what we're doing right now. We do exist in the world. Isn't that trippy to think about? Let's go on the journey for the Ride Heritage Collection. How do these things stay in the air?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Do you have a minute to hear about something that'll change your life?

[Benito Skinner]

Hey, sir, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but do you have a second to talk about one of the best snacks you can have on Earth? I'm sorry.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Hey, I saw you walking there. I was just wondering, have you heard of Love Corn?

[Benito Skinner]

I think just before we start, I know that Dear Media sometimes plays that thing that's like. The podcast hosts were paid thousands to talk about what they said today. We weren't. This is Free. Lovecorn just sent me this box, which

[Mary Beth Barone]

I guess, in some ways, like, it counts that they've paid us. I don't know.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, I mean, Free Profit.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Did someone from the FCC get back to me on this?

[Benito Skinner]

I've emailed them all year.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I mean, my gosh, but what are you guys so busy with?

[Benito Skinner]

I literally feel like we're leading a challenger retreat.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We're in full just for the listeners. We're in full. Lovecorn merch.

[Benito Skinner]

I mean, they're gonna see this.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Benny's wearing a Hat.

[Benito Skinner]

This is a multimedia podcast. I mean, come on, sister.

[Mary Beth Barone]

This is a Dear Media podcast.

[Benito Skinner]

So Audio Jungle.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Audio Jungle.

[Benito Skinner]

God, that's good. You're really good at that. Uh. Oh, Burp. Oh, my God. Love Corn.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Don't throw up.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, my God. Me throwing up corn. It repeats itself.

[Mary Beth Barone]

History's cyclical.

[Benito Skinner]

So love corn. I get this box, and literally Terry goes, ben, there's a fun box for you. That came in my head. I go through everything. I'm like, oh, my God, it's a Chanel purse.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So much better.

[Benito Skinner]

And actually, I thought it was your birthday present, which is so good. I got you kind of a bitchy present. I don't know how to describe it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

There's a waist trainer, There's. You got me Ozempic shots.

[Benito Skinner]

How did you know?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, sorry. I was just feeling a little bitchy this year.

[Benito Skinner]

Really? Like I'm not fucking Dennis the Menace. Although we have to talk about you getting pranked for the first time by yours truly.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yes.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So in this little box, I cut it open and I just immediately went. And it. Just looking at me, it says, love Simon, love Victor, love corn. Delicious, crunchy corn. P.S. find love in the little things.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Are we not always saying that?

[Benito Skinner]

Are you fucking kidding? Like, that is so sweet.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I love. On the side, it says, crunchiest snack ever in quotes with five stars underneath.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And it's like, you don't need to know who said it. It's not important. You don't need to. They'll write up Lovecorn. They'll never write about this podcast, but that's fine. That's fine. It doesn't really matter, does it? We don't really care. We don't really care. It's like, whatever. Five stars across the board. I'll give them five stars. I'll give them Crunchiest Snack.

[Benito Skinner]

Why does it say PPS open here?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Maybe people don't know how to open boxes.

[Benito Skinner]

Of course. And that tracks. So inside, obviously, you'll see that I stocked my own pantry. I brought these for Mary Beth today. I took down one of these smoked BBQs. And you know what's funny? I went on a walk after, and I did burp a little bit, and I thought, oh, my God, here we go again. But I would have kept going. So we have smoked barbecue.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Fabulous.

[Benito Skinner]

You hear that? Hey, what's better than that? Tiffany, Jack.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Corn. Check. We're loving corn, but are we fucking corn?

[Benito Skinner]

Fuck corn. Isn't it crazy to know that someone stuck a corn in the cob up their ass? Like, it's. What is it? Murphy's Law.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Murphy's Law. Whatever can happen will happen. Come on, Murph. You know that. Wow. Today is a giggly one. I can feel It.

[Benito Skinner]

Holy. It's just every time I talk about,

[Mary Beth Barone]

I can feel it's gonna be a giggly one as we're both pissing ourselves. I have a really good sense for that stuff.

[Benito Skinner]

Literally. I can't wait for the same comment we got from that one episode for them to send me the same message. Are you guys high? 12 minutes. 12 minutes of corn habanero.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I haven't tried those ones.

[Benito Skinner]

It's so good. So good. Oh, my God. And then cheesy, which I hadn't had and I just loved. I took down the smoked barbecue and then I tried the cheesy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Does this not feel like Christmas morning, sweetie?

[Benito Skinner]

Of course.

[Mary Beth Barone]

By the way, you're giving sort of like college orientation leader right now.

[Benito Skinner]

No, I know. That's what I wanted.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And what I love is that I would totally think you were straight and have such a big fat crush on you and try to hook up with you.

[Benito Skinner]

You would have written me an email.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I would have written you a fucking email about how in love with you I was.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And then you would have come out as gay. Like, post grad.

[Benito Skinner]

Of course.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That would have been such a cool full circle story for us.

[Benito Skinner]

I agree. It's crazy that we skipped the middleman, but, like, we. We could have been together for a time.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know.

[Benito Skinner]

So you said, save the salt and vinegar for me, and guess what? I did. I saved both for you. So they're both in here and they gave us two shirts. The back of Mary Best says cheesy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Cheesy Again.

[Benito Skinner]

I don't know if you can buy any of this stuff.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Cheesy.

[Benito Skinner]

Cheesy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Remember the Cheeto commercial with that sort of sexy cheetah?

[Benito Skinner]

That cheetah was like. He made it. You want to talk about smoking hot? Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Flaming hot, even.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, my God.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Heating up in here, babe.

[Benito Skinner]

Ye. That would play right after a verb. It's what you do. And it's like, what do you want me to do?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Also make every shot a power shot.

[Benito Skinner]

So then they sent me a tote bag, and then they have these stickers.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I was hoping those were stickers.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, of course.

[Mary Beth Barone]

For my phone case.

[Benito Skinner]

These are going to go all over Marshall's laptop. But you know what's so funny is that, like, they have love and it's rainbow, which is like. It is love.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Corn, gay.

[Benito Skinner]

All love is love. Love wins. Love, corn.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Gay narratives.

[Benito Skinner]

And then there's a tote, which obviously I feel like you'd probably use more than.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's like, for going to the grocery store, which I like. Not that I do that, but well,

[Benito Skinner]

to get your corn on the cobs.

[Mary Beth Barone]

To get my love corns. Wow. Thank you. To love corn. This is so.

[Benito Skinner]

I know.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So beautiful.

[Benito Skinner]

This box is so sweet. Thank you for sending to us. I feel like there's a lot. There's a lot more corn in our future, I'll tell you that much. Yeah, so let's see what's in this crazy little pamphlet they sent me. Because this is what we'll give to people on the street. Because we are going door to door for love corn.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Love corn. Missionaries

[Benito Skinner]

heard of God. Who cares about her? We want to talk to you about corn.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We want to talk to you about a real higher power love corn.

[Benito Skinner]

Okay? So we believe our snacks will always be delicious with simple ingredients, period. In giving back and doing good through business. Sick. Our brand should make our customers smile. Well, they did that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We are right now, ear to ear,

[Benito Skinner]

delicious, plant based, gluten free. You hear that, Marshall? We'll give you a bag, baby. Perfect crunch. Grape flavors. Look at this. She's taking it right off the. Okay, I shouldn't talk too much about what they can't see.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Wait, that's pretty poetic. I shouldn't talk too much about what they can't see. Think about that for one second. I shouldn't talk too much about what they can't see. That's the episode.

[Benito Skinner]

I'm looking at this and thinking, milk chocolate and sea salt. That wasn't in the box.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Love for you. Should we talk about you pranking me? So I'm at Benny's house yesterday and I.

[Benito Skinner]

It looks like we're telling this to a troupe.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, they're all sitting. Crisscross applesauce. I'm at Benny's house yesterday and I was like doing something on my phone and then I hear Benny and I knowa do a little giggle and I'm like, oh, what's funny? And they're like, oh, ha ha, nothing.

[Benito Skinner]

Terry's on the couch and I know you're expecting someone.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm expecting someone to come pick me up from the house. So I'm sitting next to the fireplace, so my back gets nice and hot. And I hear a knock at the door. And when I lift my head up, I know I was not there. You're not there. So Terry walks by, he looks at the door and then keeps walking. And he's like, you can get it. And I thought that that meant that the person who was picking me up was there. So I leap up from the fireplace, not him.

[Benito Skinner]

Domi, you can get it. Also background. He didn't know about the prank, so he just like, didn't open the door.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Right.

[Benito Skinner]

Which I love.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. So I leap up from the fireplace to go welcome my guest and I open the door and I'm like, why is my guest spend a over if

[Benito Skinner]

I'm so fucking crazy, then leave. And I wish I had this love porn hat on. It just came in the afternoon.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I just wish we recorded it.

[Benito Skinner]

I know I probably shouldn't.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know I'd been in the corner, but. So she had gone to the bathroom, quote, unquote.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So to not be there. Because then she would have probably gotten up to get the.

[Benito Skinner]

Well, you know what? When I was giggling with her, I told her because I've implicated her before, so she knows the whole bit. But I was like, if there's a knock, say it's for her. And so she. And then I think she didn't know how fast I was going to run the back. So well executed heart was beating so fast because I was like, oh, there's nothing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But you also had to beat my guest showing up. Like you had to be there before he got there.

[Benito Skinner]

No, I know. I was like leaping fences, sandlot style.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, my God, it was incredible. It really was like joy, pure joy.

[Benito Skinner]

I hadn't done that prank, obviously, since the very last time I did it for Terry. I can't recommend it enough. I just think it's so fun. It like, brings gratitude in a weird way. It's just like finding like joy in the little things. And it's like, well, finding love in the little things.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Also, the shape your body makes when you're bent over with your hands out, giving the finger. It's like, isn't it?

[Benito Skinner]

So like Avril Lavigne, punk rock. It's punk.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's so punk. It's pop punk.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, it's pop punk.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I loved it. It was fabulous. Thank you for giving me that experience.

[Benito Skinner]

Well, you're leaving me in a couple days, so I had to give you

[Mary Beth Barone]

one prank and I'll be back. And I can't wait to not expect the unexpected. And you'll prank me again. And I can't wait.

[Benito Skinner]

I've got some great pranks brewing. And I will say a few people have sent me pranks that are really, really. They're intense. And the one that I loved, though, this woman sent me this prank where she cues up Shania Twain. I think either still the one or, man, I feel like a woman. She cues that up like a Thousand times on someone's phone. So no matter what they play, that

[Mary Beth Barone]

comes on after that is so funny.

[Benito Skinner]

So funny. But you know what's great about that prank? And I, I think that this is moving into the more selfless prank, which, you know, is a whole other sphere. I haven't even talked about this. I haven't even talked about this subculture. But it's where you're not there.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Enjoy the outcome.

[Benito Skinner]

The outcome. You can't see them. Maybe you're in the car every now and then.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And that is truly a selfless prank.

[Benito Skinner]

Selfless prank. And I want more of it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I feel like genius.

[Benito Skinner]

I had a few like that in college. That I did. But I have this new prank I'm working on where I want to buy really, really ugly things for the house and just start putting them everywhere and see, I think just that'll kind of be selfless. Cuz I won't always see it when he finds it. But I found this Patrick Star rug with where he's wearing the dominatrix.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yes. He sent me that.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, I think I want that to be on the other side of the bed. So he'll walk over and see that and be like, oh, my God.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So garish.

[Benito Skinner]

And we talked about. We have to talk about how people who, they can't change how their reactions are to make you realize that it's not actually something important.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, my God. You opened my eyes to this. So I was on vacation with our good friend Emily and there would be these reactions she would do where I wouldn't know what she was looking at or what had happened. Oh, my God. And I'd be like, what happened? And she's like, I just dropped ice. Yeah, I just dropped a piece of ice.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm like, okay.

[Benito Skinner]

Terry's like, hey, Terry sees like Melissa McCarthy's Ursula makeup for the first time. Oh, my God. Like, fully. He couldn't. I'm like, that's the reaction. I'm like, how am I going to know if there's a killer in the house? I'm going to think, no, Terry, you cried. Well, no, literally, I'm going to be like, terry accidentally, like, lost a page in a book. You know what I mean?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Like, yeah, Terry lost his place.

[Benito Skinner]

Like, that's the re. That's the reaction.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You know what, though? I think it's actually kind of endearing now. I'm just like, oh, what happened? Yeah, you broke a nail.

[Benito Skinner]

Terry does this thing where when I ask like, what is it? He just does take a beat. So I'm like, okay, well, I'm still thinking like something really, really fucking bad happened.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Like your, your mom got in a car accident six months ago and she's only telling you now literally something like that. But. But no, it's something else.

[Benito Skinner]

My mom thinks it's so funn you

[Mary Beth Barone]

in the artillery got called out. Hey, if you're going to keep secrets, sometimes you're going to get called out. As my mom says, when you play, you got to pay.

[Benito Skinner]

So how much would you charge to rob? How would. How much would you charge to haunt a house?

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm still working out my fee.

[Benito Skinner]

I can't wait to say that. Apparently my niece is like me. She's like an ag. So I'm like, I have to. I can't.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You have to hit her with that like a lot.

[Benito Skinner]

And she'll be like, a lot.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah, I don't know. Give me a credit card.

[Benito Skinner]

So today I ride for kids having

[Mary Beth Barone]

debit cards and I ride for peeing. Let's get into it. One of the things that keeps a lot of us from going to the gym is not knowing where to start or if workouts will even, well, work out. Meet Tonal, the ultimate strength training system that tracks your progress to take the guesswork out of working out so you can have the confidence to keep pushing forward. Tonal is the ultimate strength training system for a reason. When life gets busy, workouts are often the first thing to go. With Tonal, you can make sure you're checking your workout off your to do list with their smart and compact strength training system right in your home. 24.7tonal provides the convenience of a full gym and the guidance of a personal trainer anytime at home with one sleek system designed to reduce your mental load. Tonal is the ultimate strength training system, helping you focus less on workout planning and more on getting results. After a quick assessment, Tonal sets the optimal weight for every move and adjusts in 1 pound increments as you get stronger so you're always challenged. Tonal lets you choose from a variety of expert LED workouts from strength to aero hit to yoga and mobility to keep you coming back for more. No more second guessing your form. Tonal gives you real time coaching cues to dial in your form and help you lift safely and effectively. And yes, you best believe that my trainer has the tonal and it's perfect. Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your tonal purchase with promo code ride pod. That's tonal.com and use promo code ride pod for 200 off your purchase. That's tonal.com promo code ride pod for 200 off. Get tonal today. It's fabulous. Tonal.com and use promo code RIDE POD for $200 off your purchase. That's Tonal.com promo code RIDE pod for $200 off. Hey all. You know that this podcast is brought to you by Quints, our good friends over there. We've been doing a little with our closets lately. I mean, Benny just moved and of course I live in a studio, so I'm constantly getting rid of things. And one day I'm going to stop talking about the fact that I live in a studio. But today is not that day. We're focusing more on quality over quantity, just building a wardrobe of pieces that are well made, versatile and easy to reach for every day. That's why we keep coming back to Quint. The fabrics feel elevated, the fits are thoughtful, and the pricing actually makes sense. Quint makes beautiful everyday pieces using premium materials like 100% European linen, organic cotton and super soft denim with styles starting around $50. Their spring pieces are lightweight, breathable and effortless. The kind of things you can throw on and instantly look put together. And that same focus on materials carries over to their accessories, like their leather bags, which are made from 100% hand woven Italian leather and honestly look way more expensive than they are. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. We hate middlemen. They're constantly getting cut out. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. I got a spray tan this morning. That's why I sound so chipper. 7:30am as many of you know, Benny and I have our staple Quince pieces. Benny has his cashmere polo that he wears on dates with me that I just love to run my hands over. And then I have that gorgeous black bodysuit, which he also loves to run his hands over. Refresh your spring wardrobe with quint. Go to quint.com ride for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Oh my God. So pop by Canadian Tire and then go home, get on the Wi Fi and order your Quint. Go to Q I N C.com Ride for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com Ride Wait, where are we going?

[Benito Skinner]

Who cares? Ride. I came across this incredible email recently. Actually, I'm just going to get the exact wording. You have to, because I don't always check the promotions tab on Gmail because you know who's who knows what's in there? So Chase sends this. Oh, my God, it's so funny. And I feel like Chase knew I thought this was so funny.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Chase Bank.

[Benito Skinner]

Chase Bank.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You know, Edward thought Chase bank was someone that, like, went to my high school because they don't have Chase bank anymore.

[Benito Skinner]

Can we write a movie? The lead character's name is Chase Bank. Wait, that's so fun. That is a Netflix name.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Because I'd be like, I have to call Chase Bank.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And he's like, what?

[Benito Skinner]

Chase Bank?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Who is Chase Bank?

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, Chase bank was a nice kid.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Totally out of gold.

[Benito Skinner]

Chase bank sends me this email, and it says, benito, open your kid's first debit card. And I was like, what? And it says, you're invited to learn more about this debit card for kids. Chase First Banking is exclusively for parents, guardians who are existing Chase checking customers. It includes the following. 0 monthly service fee. A debit card in your child's name. Banking account owned and managed by youy for children's ages 6 to 17 years old. I could not stop laughing when I saw this.

[Mary Beth Barone]

This made me pee myself. When you posted this on your story, by the way, I called you. I called you crying. Do you remember when I called you crying?

[Benito Skinner]

That's why I want to talk about it on the pod, because I'm like, I just need it to, like, live forever because I just think it's so. And that's why we do this pod is for our lineage.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's immortality.

[Benito Skinner]

Exactly.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So our ideas become immortal thinking of,

[Benito Skinner]

like, people, you know, the year of magical thinking. And then this.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Stop bringing up.

[Benito Skinner]

I will bring up exactly what I want to, sister. So I. I kept.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's the outfit, by the way. This is the Stanford prison experiment. You put us both in uniforms and just see what happens. And you are becoming authoritarian.

[Benito Skinner]

Exactly.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You are a dictatorship.

[Benito Skinner]

Well, I have the hat on. I'm the. I'm the NSO leader. New student orientation. My love podcast. Every feet like this.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Thank you.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah. Oh, freshman. These freshmen are bananas.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Stop.

[Benito Skinner]

And then right after, it's just like some.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Some girl from Connecticut going do the Harlem sh. And then they take. They take you to a seminar about sexual assault.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, totally. Yeah. Right after you're like, oh, okay. So immediately after I read that 6 year olds can have debit cards, I picture myself because my mom always tells the story about the Disney Store that used to be in Boise, Idaho, and it meant the world to me. I think honestly, it was my OCD coming out as a kid. But I needed to collect things like I needed. As I. If there was one, I needed the whole collection or it made me sick, which was unfortunate for my parents. Consumerism.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Capitalist consumerism.

[Benito Skinner]

I was. I had a tummy ache, and the

[Mary Beth Barone]

test came back positive for consumerism. Say it.

[Benito Skinner]

And so. So I would go to this Disney store, and my mom would always laugh because she was like. This crazy thing would happen is that I would call them all the time and be like, do you have the new Tarzan toys? Like, do you have the Jane dollar? And shout out, like, my mom and dad, they always let me get dolls. It was amazing. Like, they didn't care. That was really important to me. It wasn't until I went to school that I felt like, oh, but you

[Mary Beth Barone]

felt safe in the home.

[Benito Skinner]

I'm looking around thinking, no one else wants to do the Lizzie McGuire monologue. Who's a boy? Okay.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Okay, I guess I'll just do it.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, I'll do it again.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Something unbelievable. I'm so upset because after we recorded that, I want to show Lizzy.

[Benito Skinner]

I want to show something. Something unbelievable.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What's. What really pissed me off.

[Benito Skinner]

Me in this outfit.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Me driving home from Dear Media the day we recorded that podcast and going, sing with me, Lizzy. Sing to me, Bella, I want to show you something.

[Benito Skinner]

He brought her back to say, isabella doesn't sing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Wait. He says, I want to show you something. I believe you have a twin, and I've been singing with her.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, you have a. An exact twin.

[Mary Beth Barone]

She has brown hair.

[Benito Skinner]

She has brown hair, and her name's Isabella, and she is Italian, my love. And she's a global pop star. Anyway, my mom would always laugh because I would call them and check in on toys. And then one day, my mom walks into the Disney Store with me, and, you know, I'm holding her hand, and I'm, like, there to see my girls.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What's up?

[Benito Skinner]

And immediately the manager comes over and she goes, ben, we have your order for you.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, my God.

[Benito Skinner]

My mom's like, you have his what? And I had ordered a costume. I had ordered when Toy Story 2 came out. There was a Bullseye costume, Woody's horse, where you could put your legs through. You want to talk about ride? You want to talk about horse girls, where you could put your legs through it and it would look like you were riding Bullseye.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Of course, it was a genius costume.

[Benito Skinner]

It was genius. And so my mom was like, yes. A part of me was mad that you had called and that they had let a child order this. But then Another part of me was like the tenacity, the go getterness, the heart and the creativity.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh my God.

[Benito Skinner]

She was like, I ended up getting you the costume. Cause I was like. And then I kept doing it and it did become a problem. And then it just immediately made me think of. If my parents had given me a debit card at 6, I would have run train through the Boise town square. I would have gone, are you kidding? Debit. Friggin Lacany of Atlantis dolls.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Put it on the plastic.

[Benito Skinner]

Mega. Put on the plastic.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, you know what Disney's all about empowering kids. So of course they took a phone order from a six year old. Yeah, why would they not? Yeah, it's the most magical place on earth. Like kids are treated as like real humans with rights.

[Benito Skinner]

With my buzz cut and my mega shirt that says so Greek, so chic. And I'm like, you still have that? I don't. I wish. I asked my mom. She was like, I'll check. Because I literally asked for a crop top for you when you were going to Greece. I was like, I need. And I, I have the photos. That's all I have. And then a lot of me with Pocahontas tees because she was like my number one. So gorgeous and so, so gorgeous. I have distinct memories of like calling Toys R Us and being like, this is the, the number for the toy.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, of course. You were looking up the sku.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, of course.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Because we were savvy consumers catalogs. I'm not going to call up and try to describe the item to you. No, no, no. Plug it into your like analog computer that is just black with green writing. Yeah, I want you to plug it in on num lock and tell me if you have it.

[Benito Skinner]

No, exactly. And you'll know. And I need to know how many are in stock and can you put it on hold for putting it on hold.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So powerful.

[Benito Skinner]

I thought it was so cool. And then I, I would go in the store with my mom and I feel she'd be like, you just watched 18 holes of golf. Like, is there any, you know, would you like a toy? And I'm like, come with me to customer service.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, have I got news for you.

[Benito Skinner]

It's on hold, sister.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's under my name.

[Benito Skinner]

But it like I would call up these places and then sometimes they would say I was a girl because my voice was really high. Every time I'd go, excuse me, ma', am, I'm actually a boy. And I would get kind of pissed. And then I'd be like, do you have any update on the toy?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Excuse me, ma'. Am.

[Benito Skinner]

Like, I was like, excuse me, man. I'm actually a boy and sometimes it's fucked up because I was asking for dolls and they're like, oh, of course, the Disney Store. Oh my God, they treated me so well in there. It was so much fun.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But I think letting kids have debit cards and learning how money works is so important.

[Benito Skinner]

I guess just six is the, the thing that's so funny to me.

[Mary Beth Barone]

The value of a dollar.

[Benito Skinner]

I know. And I guess like places don't take cash. So I do see where they're like coming from. If you were like trying to. It's just like, I think that it might be a little. At least they don't get credit cards, which, I mean, of course, God knows what I would, I would have bought Disney.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's their Velcro wallets. To have a little debit card that probably has like cartoons like Mickey Mouse on it is like so cute to me. And it's like, financial literacy is so important. So if they overdraw you teach them that you can only spend the amount that you have in, in the account.

[Benito Skinner]

Me overdrive. I would have laid it down. They go, this is overdrawn. I pull out my second one, run it again. I have to go home and break the ice. Confessions of a Shopaholic. Schrodinger's Cat. Just. No, I would have been her. I would have been her ripping through the mall buying Abercrombie Henley's.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Of course.

[Benito Skinner]

Well, that's later. That would have been my 13 year old debit card.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm imagining you, the videos I've seen of you as a kid dancing to Britney Spears. Just money burning a hole in your pocket in the form of a debit card.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, if someone, if I got like 10 bucks from someone, I was like, there was this place called Hastings and they had toys, CDs and movies and like merch and I was like, posters.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Benito Skinner]

Flip through them. They go like this.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. And they're so big. You have to kind of like I'm

[Benito Skinner]

like jamming my finger every time. Just like.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, did you have a first communion?

[Benito Skinner]

Yes, I did because that's when I

[Mary Beth Barone]

opened my first bank account.

[Benito Skinner]

You had your first communion along with your classmate Chase Bank.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Chase Bank. Me and Chase bank were at our communion. And that was when I opened a bank account because people give you money for your first communion. So then I opened my bank account and I had a bank book. You know when you would have the books that would have, like, your total in it. Yeah. And I put my babysitting money in there.

[Benito Skinner]

You're showing me that maybe there is merit to this. I'm just applying it to the 90s.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's an insane concept, especially in the 90s. Applying it to us as kids is insane.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah. So I think financial literacy is great. I just don't think kids need Democrats. What would you have bought now? I'm picturing like little Miss M. I

[Mary Beth Barone]

would have bought a laptop. I'm not kidding you.

[Benito Skinner]

For Christmas, I'm buying costumes. You're buying a laptop.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That is us for Christmas. From when I was six years old, I asked for a laptop with Internet. Like, that's what I wanted.

[Benito Skinner]

You wanted. No, you wanted the.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I wanted the World Wide Web, honey. I wanted it all.

[Benito Skinner]

You're that girl at school that's like, if I got the lamp from Aladdin, I'd ask for a million more wishes.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Totally.

[Benito Skinner]

I more was just like, I want a costume and I want two dolls.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I would have bought so many clothes.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I would have bought.

[Benito Skinner]

Halloween would have been dangerous.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I would have bought Spice Girls merch. It was just like, I just wanted it. I wanted it all. And I. My parents were really good about if you make money, you can spend it. But like, here's how it works. And they didn't spoil me. Like, it wasn't like, I got everything that I wanted. Christmas was great. And I. But I didn't get the laptop, you know, like, they were like within reason.

[Benito Skinner]

We had. That's the clip. That's the clip we're using.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I didn't get a laptop.

[Benito Skinner]

I didn't get a laptop. I love that. At six years was laptop. At six. I was literally with Internet. A Jesse doll with Internet. Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

My siblings were like, what the. Where did she come from?

[Benito Skinner]

What? You wanted that Apple laptop from Legally Blonde?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, of course.

[Benito Skinner]

God, that was amazing.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I wanted to write. I was always writing as a kid.

[Benito Skinner]

You and me, six year old mall.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Us as six year olds at the mall, were the mayors of the mall.

[Benito Skinner]

Of course. Well, you would have been eight and I would have been six. You would have been like in charge,

[Mary Beth Barone]

you know, running shit like the Navy.

[Benito Skinner]

Of course. Running shit like the Navy. Oh, my God. Well, I just want to shout out my queens at the Disney store. It's closed now. It was an incredible store. It really was so beautiful. I remember just. It was so magical. And I definitely put my parents into debt at that point.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think it's so nice that they supported you through that. Like, they were like, you know what? This kid's got verve.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And we're gonna just, we're gonna reward that.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah. And they let me rock the princess area.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Empower kids.

[Benito Skinner]

Me just. They're checking out and they don't see anyone at the thing, and then all of a sudden, a small little hand reaches up and slaps down the debit card.

[Mary Beth Barone]

They look over, oh, hey, Hi.

[Benito Skinner]

There you go. Run it. That's all I say. Run it.

[Mary Beth Barone]

There's enough on there. You can run it.

[Benito Skinner]

I'm glad my mom can't see my story. My mom just can't access it, but I just think it would have maybe triggered her to see all those things that made her. All the things I circled in the catalog the other day when I posted them. If Your kid is 6 and has a debit card, I want to know about it. I think it's so interesting.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I guess first potty training, then debit card, then first communion. That's how it should be.

[Benito Skinner]

Maybe potty training, debit card, first communion.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I bring up potty training so we can get into my ride.

[Benito Skinner]

I can't wait to hear your ride today because I have a lot to say about this as well.

[Mary Beth Barone]

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[Benito Skinner]

Well, you are famous for peeing with the door open.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I do pee with the door open and that's something we've discussed at length on the previous podcast. This is still within the world of peeing with the door open is just peeing in general. And I feel like, to me, there's not really a better feeling than when you have to go to the bathroom and then you go. And as they said in Halloween Town, magic is really very simple. All you have to do is want something and then let yourself have it. In a way, every time you pee, it's like magic. Like a Disney store.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So I think peeing is so wonderful. And I have some new thoughts on peeing. I think everyone, regardless of how they identify, should pee sitting down. Now, this, I think, for a few reasons. One, equality and equity. Two, you're not gonna get pee on the seat if you're sitting on the seat. Right. And it's just like, take a load off.

[Benito Skinner]

Totally. Take a break.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Have that moment for yourself. Also, I feel like there is a really bad stigma with actually sitting on toilet seats, like in public bathrooms. But I just don't think people. The back of people's legs are that disgusting. Like, I don't see the problem.

[Benito Skinner]

And people at airports, I do that. You just.

[Mary Beth Barone]

In paper.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, I do the paper.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But people that squat are just getting, like, pee all over the seat. And that's not okay.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You have to think about the people coming in after you. It's not just about you.

[Benito Skinner]

It's so true.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Peeing is a communal experience.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Especially when the door is open.

[Benito Skinner]

Exactly.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But the other thing I've been doing lately, and I think this is going to really blow people's minds, is that sometimes when I pee, I. I'm actually

[Benito Skinner]

scared to say you pee on Edward.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, Sometimes when I pee lately, I just like. I'm like, save the planet. I have not been wiping. I just pull my underwear up and it dries in five seconds. And then I flush the toilet with my foot. Just.

[Benito Skinner]

Then you grunt.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Then the. Then the peeing experience is over. Yeah, it's just, like, simpler.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I want to take a load off when I'm peeing. I want it to be a good experience. I don't want to deal with toilet

[Benito Skinner]

paper sometimes taking a load off. How cool is that?

[Mary Beth Barone]

How cool is that? So I just think peeing is. It's very human. It's gorgeous experience. But I think we can simplify.

[Benito Skinner]

I agree. I always sit down when I pee because it is just like, oh, and it's more time to look on the phone.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I didn't even know that.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, sweetie. Sometimes it is easier just to stand, especially in a bathroom. Like, going to urinal is just.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But I would argue that Urinals are foul and we should abolish them. Abolish the police and urinals.

[Benito Skinner]

Something pretty sinister happens in toilets though, sweetie, so.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But it's not staring up back at you, is it? Like urinal cakes that are just like.

[Benito Skinner]

Well, unless you're looking well, I think

[Mary Beth Barone]

urinals are not okay.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And. And as we move toward gender neutral bathrooms, which obviously I'm like, like fully a proponent, of course, I think we need to just get rid of them. Yeah.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

The great equalizer is if we all pee when we sit down.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I don't know. I'm trying to reinvent the form and it's going well for me at least.

[Benito Skinner]

Well, it's so interesting because I got a lot of shame for sitting when I'm peeing like that. For some reason. That's such a whole thing in locker rooms.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's just wrapped up.

[Benito Skinner]

That's what we're talking about. I'm like, it's not the fact that all of you smell like.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Benito Skinner]

And like, don't wipe your ass like that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, yeah, you're gonna talk about me sitting down to pee when you guys have, like, on your butt and.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, I'm taking a break because this dumper needs. Needs a break.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's heavy. Heavy as the head.

[Benito Skinner]

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Katy Perry. So I. Yeah, I think this is amazing. And I love peeing. Sometimes I really edge myself with peeing because I have to pee so bad. And I'm like, sometimes I love my life too much and I don't want to do it. But then when I go, I'm like, oh, my God. But I've had some such long pisses. And when someone says, I got to take a piss, I think that's garish.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I agree.

[Benito Skinner]

I think that's fucked up.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What do you think is the right thing to say? I have to go to the bathroom.

[Benito Skinner]

I have to pedal. And then you run and then you. And then gallop out of the room. I think the restroom is like, maybe the sweetest thing you have to say to someone. Yeah, sometimes I do say I have to pee. You know, I've been noticing recently, though, I think it's so funny when someone comes back from the bathroom and they obviously took a shite.

[Mary Beth Barone]

A shyste.

[Benito Skinner]

A shyste. And they come back.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You're being crazy today.

[Benito Skinner]

This episode is fun. And it. And we never said this pod wasn't going to be fun.

[Mary Beth Barone]

That's actually the only thing we have said it will be every time is

[Benito Skinner]

that people keep coming back to tables. And I love when it's clear that they took a shite and they're coming up with all these reasons why there's a stall. They're like, oh, my God, it was so crazy. Like, I was in the bathroom, and then just like, it was so insane. Like, I met, like, Weird Al Yankovic in the bathroom. So he's in the line, and then I was. I was talking to him for a sec, and then this person. All the stalls were taken, but then we found out that the door was locked. Like, it's just the stories that. Like, the folklore that comes about from just people, like, feeling so much shame for taking a dump.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I know.

[Benito Skinner]

Is really.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We have to remove that shame. I think the older I get, I'm just like, it's okay to talk about.

[Benito Skinner]

You tell me every time. I tell you every time.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. So I drink a lot of water. As everyone knows, I'm obsessed with water. So I'm peeing eight to ten times a day. I get to have that release. And that's, like, a little gift that I give myself. Not everyone at the table has to, like, talk about the fact that someone just took a while in the bathroom. But I. Wait, actually.

[Benito Skinner]

What are you laughing at?

[Mary Beth Barone]

This is a really fun thing to text people if they've been in the bathroom for a while.

[Benito Skinner]

Did you fall in?

[Mary Beth Barone]

But not just that. So I was out with Emily to dinner.

[Benito Skinner]

Did you fall in? As traditional family values to me. Did you fall in?

[Mary Beth Barone]

But I texted her. She went to the bathroom at all times to take a nude to send someone.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And she'd been in there for, like, 20 minutes. And I texted her and I said, did you fall in, sis?

[Benito Skinner]

It's so fun. You have to ask people that.

[Mary Beth Barone]

So fun. I'm like, but sometimes there really is a line, and you have to be like, there was a line.

[Benito Skinner]

And if there was, I am like, yeah, but I. I do this. I think that's what alarmed me to it. I'm like, why am I. I'm telling them, like, the Odyssey, of course. Like, this is Homer.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's the Iliad, followed shortly thereafter by the Odyssey.

[Benito Skinner]

I'm like, this is.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's Homer.

[Benito Skinner]

It's Homer.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It's literature.

[Benito Skinner]

No, it is. I think, like, that all those stories were cooked up because they were just, like, so scared to tell everyone they took a shite.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Odysseus took a really long dump, and when he came back, he was like, you will not believe what happened. No, I wasn't. I Wasn't shitting. It was like, like this crazy thing happened.

[Benito Skinner]

Tells the story of the Iliad. People don't think we're scholars. We are.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. I, I, I. Oh, God. Anyway, peeing, I think, can be a really powerful practice.

[Benito Skinner]

You know what we could do is if you've been in the bathroom a long time, you come outside, stand at the table and go, that's it. Like this.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You know what? No. The level of callbacks that we're doing at this point, I'm just like, at some point, the podcast is just going to be like, it won't make any sense, but I'm ready for it. And the people that have been listening

[Benito Skinner]

start from the top and go down. When people go, which one should I start with? I'm like, how about the pilot?

[Mary Beth Barone]

You won't get certain things. No, there is barrier to entry. You won't get certain things. I almost peed my pants the other day. Why? First of all, I have an iconic peeing pants story. I was literally in eighth grade.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And we had to wear navy blue corduroys and, like, a white polo shirt to school at Greenwich Catholic School.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And we. I got home, I got dropped off by a carpool, and it had snowed. It was freezing outside, and I didn't have a house key, and I had to pee so bad. So I go over to our lockbox because obviously we have one, and I'm about to. I didn't make it.

[Benito Skinner]

I'm picturing you just slowly falling to the ground.

[Mary Beth Barone]

It was so cold that my pee was so warm that steam came off my corner

[Benito Skinner]

of your gap cords.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Talk about the Sizzler.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, my God. Yeah, that is.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And I was. I was alone. Like, no one was there to witness it. And it was something I could have just sort of like. Like, buried deep in the recesses of my mind. But I was just like, first of all, women in stem.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Like, it's going to vapor in front of my eyes. That's, like, sick.

[Benito Skinner]

What a cool learning lesson for you as a K. You know what I mean? That's so cool. Yeah. That was like photosynthesis. So not what it is.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think it's sublimation, but I'm not sure.

[Benito Skinner]

Sublimation.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I'm really not sure.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

But so that happened to me. And then the other day, Emily slipped with her. She's wearing keen shoes. She has these new shoes.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, yeah. Her keen era. Yeah, they're keen.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And she. Here's the problem with watching people fall.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, I have such a good One. No.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Watching people fall is the ultimate. You had to be there because no matter how you describe it, I could never explain the acrobatics.

[Benito Skinner]

And everyone's like, they have to go, are they okay? And it's like, well, of course I'm telling you the story. But it was so funny.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, they died. It was hilarious.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

No, so she did fall, and I want to explain it to you. It was really funny. And I had to pee. If I had to pee even 0.05% more, I would have completely wet myself and we would have had to go home. Yeah, it was very human.

[Benito Skinner]

There's something so human and so unbelievably funny about it. Like, I used to. And I think it's just my anxiety. Like it would happen at school sometimes if someone falls and I'd just be like, oh, my God, no. But Terry recently fell down the stairs with a towel on and he literally took a tumble, sister. It was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like each stair and I'm like, what is going on? Who is in my house?

[Mary Beth Barone]

There's an earthquake in my house.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, literally. And he looks. Goes doll. And I was like, terry. But I saw the last little part and he's just so tall that it just was so big.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Tree fall. Hard tree bar.

[Benito Skinner]

Literally, it was so funny. Timber. Timber. He's going down. You better move. You better dance, freshman. So should we get into ride or die?

[Mary Beth Barone]

You know what you are, Benny? Hmm?

[Benito Skinner]

A.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Your word's not mine, babe. You're my ride or die.

[Benito Skinner]

Ride or die. I ride for taking a piss, obviously. Peeing is great sometimes, like I said, I edge myself. And maybe I should allow myself to pee more. I am only drinking sparkling water, though, so I don't pee eight times a day by any means. I wish I did drink more water.

[Mary Beth Barone]

People should be drinking water in the shower.

[Benito Skinner]

Sorry.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Of course, of course. Yeah, of course. That is.

[Benito Skinner]

Just aim for the drain as well.

[Mary Beth Barone]

What a sweet release though.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And then wash, obviously. But if you have to go a little bit before you leave somewhere, it's just always worth it to go.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, and before you go to bed, I think. But is there anything.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Always empty that bottle.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, my God. I just had the most toe curling fucking orgasm of my life. Thinking about waking up in the middle of night peeing and then getting back.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

[Benito Skinner]

Marshall?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Just go right when you wake up. And you know you have to like, just get up in that moment and give that to yourself.

[Benito Skinner]

And then you go right back bed or Because I'm talking about middle of the night.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Benito Skinner]

It wakes you up right back to

[Mary Beth Barone]

bed and you go scurry off, scurry off. Scare yourself in the mirror and then you pee and then you come back to bed. I didn't learn this because our sex education in this country is only at the super bowl and on red carpets. And I didn't know that you have to pee after sex or you could get a uti. So the first time I got a uti, I thought, I'm gonna die. Like, I'm going to die.

[Benito Skinner]

You're peeing blood.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Well, you're peeing every 14 seconds.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And you're like, there's just only like a little. Little couple of drops coming out. Pee after sex. I can't stress this enough. I go after any time. Like anything's going on down there. I'm going to the bathroom just to be safe. That's the way I live. And that will be a chapter in my book.

[Benito Skinner]

You have to petering. You have to pee after sex during Avatar the Way of Water.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah.

[Benito Skinner]

I just don't think you should hold pee that long.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Don't deprive yourselves.

[Benito Skinner]

No.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Because you can get a really bad infection. Also, don't try to treat your UTI at home. You should get the meds, because one time I did that and I had to go to urgent care because I had the chills and the shakes.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, sweetie.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. I've had a really, really tough road with UTIs, so maybe that's why peeing and I have a sort of special bond.

[Benito Skinner]

Isn't that how you said you die as a cave woman?

[Mary Beth Barone]

Absolutely. I wouldn't stand a chance.

[Benito Skinner]

And then Salem, obviously.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Yeah. I'm not really surviving outside this current. And if it was the twenties, I would die like Karenitely in atonement, so.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah, that's true.

[Mary Beth Barone]

In the tunnel, the floods.

[Benito Skinner]

I wonder which areas I would have really succeeded in.

[Mary Beth Barone]

We don't know. Dinosaurs.

[Benito Skinner]

Dinosaurs in your loincloth? Literally in my loincloth. Me and a stegosaurus. My feet like this. T. Rex is stomping, gets out. Been around that. I would have. Seriously, if I would have been alive during the time of the dinosaurs. Like, I'm a creationist all of a sudden. If I would have been alive during the time of the dinosaurs, I would have written hollaback.

[Mary Beth Barone]

You just needed the downtime and then you could have. I ride for six year olds having debit cards.

[Benito Skinner]

We have to.

[Mary Beth Barone]

I think I made my stance now.

[Benito Skinner]

Yeah. Thank you. So much for listening to Ride Love Corn. Thank you for sending us a swag bag. We just absolutely adore you and anything else you want to say, Mary Beth. Go take a piss, girls.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Oh, go piss, girl. Remember that meme.

[Benito Skinner]

Go piss girl.

[Mary Beth Barone]

And in closing, what I will say to all the girls out there, to all the bronies, Go piss, girl.

[Benito Skinner]

Oh, my.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Exit. Benny, babe. Eyes on the road. Benny, look out. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. From GEICO Subconscious News, I'm Tammy Racing thoughts broadcasting from your brain. Tonight's top worry. If something happens to your apartment and you need to, like, stay in a hotel and pay for it. That would be crazy, right? Art Palpitations has more.

[Benito Skinner]

That would be crazy, Tammy. But you got surprisingly affordable renters insurance through geico, so it could be covered, giving you peace of mind.

[Mary Beth Barone]

Aw. I love a story that ends well.

[Benito Skinner]

Next up, love stories. Are they all they're cracked up to be?

[Mary Beth Barone]

It feels good to worry less. It feels good to GEICO.