This is part two of a three-part series that I think you’re gonna love SO much. Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the full series.

If you missed Part 1, you can read it here. But if you want to read the full piece now, click here.

What Progress Can Look Like Sober

When I finally decided to divorce diet culture (what I’m referencing as sober), I really struggled without rules.

If I wasn’t following all the made-up, restrictive diet culture rules, how do I decide what to eat? What not to eat? How often to work out? Heck… how to live my life?

I felt this way because, as designed, I was solely focusing on “external regulation” to make decisions.

When I say “external regulation,” I’m referring to how you make health and wellness decisions based primarily on outside rules, expectations, or approval, rather than from your own intuition, values, or needs.

You make choices based on someone else’s rules. Whether it’s a diet plan, a fitness challenge, or even social media trends, you’re letting something outside of you call the shots. And most of the time we are doing this minimally informed.

You see a video saying somebody lost 50 lbs doing xyz and intrigue sets in.

You see an article saying kale is a super food and now you’re picking it up instead of spinach, even though you love spinach.

Your friend tells you pilates will burn stubborn belly fat and suddenly you’re sacrificing 2 of your 8 hours of sleep to go to the primetime class.

And baby it happens fast.

Now, internal regulation, on the other hand, is rooted in trust: trust in your body, your Spirit, your lived wisdom, and your relationship with God.

It looks like asking:

* What do I actually need right now?

* What feels nourishing?

* What is my body asking for?

* What would bring me peace right now, not just progress?

It doesn’t mean you never follow structure. It means the structure follows you. You aren’t just the main character of your life. You’re the co-creator.

When you’re regulated from within, your choices are led by awareness and alignment, not fear, pressure, or performance.

Is that harder? Yes, at first.Is it worth it? Absolutely.

Now, there is a place for external regulation. They are partners. But internal regulation is Batman and external regulation is Robin. Internal regulation is Barack and external regulation is Biden.

But we’ll talk more about that soon. We need to address something important first.

Why Feeling Better Is the Goal

So now let’s talk about what comes next.

Because when you stop chasing weight loss and superficial milestones, you have to work toward something else.

You need a new target.

As many of you know, I’m a Weight-Neutral Health and Wellness Coach.

What that means is that I help Black women of faith live healthier, happier lives without focusing on weight loss or physical appearance.

And what that also means is that I help you define what health and happiness actually look like… to you.

Because for most of us, even when we say we want a “lifestyle change”, what we really mean is “weight loss we don’t gain back.”

That’s the unspoken goal. The silent metric. The thing we think will prove it’s all working. That makes us worthy of the next level. A certain feeling that only exists in a certain body type.

But I want to offer you something better. Something that lasts. A new target.

And by now, you’ve probably guessed it: feeling better.

Now, I know some of you are rolling your eyes. Like, girl… what does that even mean?

Don’t worry. I’ve got you… next week. 🤎

💭 Reflection for you:

What diet culture rules have distracted you from peace… or still try to? I’ll be sharing my own reflection in the comments, so drop yours below and let’s chat!

And while you’re here, I’d love to invite you to something special…

🌈 Join Our Free Community on Substack

If this message resonated, come be part of Root’d Reflections, our free faith-based wellness community on Substack.

It’s where we slow down, reflect together, and practice what we talk about here… peace in real time.

Subscribe below to:

* Read the full “How to Feel Better” series, uninterrupted

* Join our weekly reflections and prayer threads

* Access devotionals, audio pep talks, and private conversations with other Black women of faith

🙏🏾 P.S. You’re Invited to Prayer on Monday

We’ll be gathering for community prayer this Monday at 12:30 PM CST here inside Substack… a gentle space to breathe, pray, and reset your heart for the week with God.

No performance. No pressure. Just presence.

Subscribe now (obviously free) so you don’t miss the link when it goes live. 🤎

And I’ll see you back here for part 3 next week! 👋🏽

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit melaninwell.substack.com

Choosing Peace Over Performance