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Trump posts an AI image of himself perp-walking a chained alien — one cuff, no caption, total chaos — while the New York Post tries to convince subway riders that four alien species have been pulled from crashed UFOs (the source: an 89-year-old who didn't see anything but believes the people who told him). The Epstein "suicide note" finally turns up, Rob runs through every unanswered question that note doesn't fix, and FBI Director Cash Patel apparently went snorkeling at Pearl Harbor — the scandal nobody will take credit for.

Plus: Trump's $750M in stock trades and the conflicts of interest behind them, the Cars for Kids charity that wasn't funding the kids, the COVID origins hearing where senators openly admit there's no way to hold the intelligence agencies accountable, and a pitch for "Denters" — the dent-friendly car brand.

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