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Turns out the great big beautiful White House ballroom was just a roof for the elites' new underground bunker — and they tore out the OLD bunker to build it. Hilariously bad management if Iran takes a swing while it's still under construction. Robbie breaks down why elites should be legally barred from owning bunkers, the Iranian negotiation strategy of showing Trump their cards before the hand plays out, the indictment of Fauci's right-hand man for hiding COVID records, the SPLC/Charlottesville/FBI collusion theory now being floated by Jim Jordan and Trump himself, Pam Bondi prosecuting James Comey for a thought crime over seashells, and the disappearing bullets from the latest Trump shooting attempt.

Plus: the Indian scammer running a fake conservative thirst trap, the Zorro Ranch as the gay annex of the Epstein operation, and Brian Stelter discovering that the process is the punishment now that it's happening to ABC.

Tickets and merch: robbernsteincomedy.comSend me your porches: thefiretix.comSubscriber bonus episode: robbernsteincomedy.com — $5/month

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