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10 Things I’m Thankful For Because I Grew Up Without Toxic Screens with Evan Hempe (#251)
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Foreign. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Screen Strong Families podcast, bringing you the best solutions for parents who are serious about eliminating screen problems in their homes. My name is Evan Hempy. I'm extremely glad to be joining you today. I'm glad that we can kind of hang out together for a little bit. So if you are one of our regular listeners, welcome back. If you are a new friend, we are so glad you have found us. You are no longer alone on this journey of navigating screens in your home. You have found your people. So as we head into Thanksgiving, I just wanted to share kind of what I'm grateful for, right? I was raised a little bit differently, as you all may know, if you're a, if you're a. A listener in the past, that I was raised without these screens, without these, what we call toxic screens. And it definitely shaped who I am now, me and my brother, definitely, all of that in the moment. It was tough, right? It was tough to be, to be countercultural. We preached out a lot here is be okay with being countercultural, right? And so it was tough for mom, dad, for me and my brother, who thought we knew best. But now looking back, we realize that it really is. It's the gift that has really blessed us and extremely moving forward in our lives that I don't even. I can't even begin to. To. To say how appreciative I am. So that choice again, yeah. Shaped my life in ways I'm only now fully appreciating. Right? So for you parents out there, if you're making decisions that are going to be tough on your kids that they don't like, that's okay. There's supposed to be a friction there. You're not supposed to be friends with your kids, right? You are supposed to be guiding them. And to be a human being that you are, you know, proud of and that, that you can say that you can kind of see the fruits of your labor in that. And so it's okay if there's friction, right? And so, but, but, but putting in the work now, putting in doing the hard thing now, making the hard decision now, so it becomes easier later, which the concept of delayed gratification, I think, is. Is really important. And it's something that is extremely evident in my. My life. So let's get into 10 things that I'm genuinely grateful for. Because screens didn't take over my childhood, the first thing we're going to hit is, number one, real deep friendships, right? So there's this. There's this thing out there this, this kind of mantra that these, these tech companies want you to believe and parents also believe that these, these screens helped you connect with other people. And social media is a way is this giant social network where you can connect with people that you haven't before and video games is how you stay in touch with your friends and all that, all of that is a bold faced lie, right? That anyone that's saying that is just making an excuse for these screens when they know that there's so many other problems with them. Instead what we were forced to do is because I didn't have that to turn to, guess what I had to do? I had to make real friendships. I had to talk to people to their face. I had to learn how to judge nonverbal cues. Right? That's what they say is it's a lot of communication is non verbal, about 90% of it. So what I had to do is I did what everyone else did for, for you know, however many thousands of years humanity has been on this planet is. I learned to, to talk to people, to engage with them, to do life with them. Right. If you do anything that's challenging with somebody, you'd be surprised how close of a friendship you can get. I know for one thing in my life I was a cross country kid. I ran cross country and that's not fun, you know, running, pushing yourself constantly when, when it's 4:30 in the afternoon and it's 98 degrees in August and you know, in, in the south. But the people you do that with, man, that you build that respect for each other as hey, we went through something that wasn't great and we did it together and you're so much stronger because of that. I think, you know, even you look at, take a look at the military, right? There's a lot of things in the military that you do that maybe aren't your favorite thing ever that are challenging. But the friendships you have and the relationships you form from that are extremely important. So first thing right off the cuff is without these screens getting in the way and kind of driving a wedge between real relationships and everything like we used to have is these real deep friendships, man, like being able to get to know people beyond just what their avatar, their profile was online. I think that's the biggest thing. I have so many good friends in college. I have so many good friends when I come back home here that I can see that I've done live with that, that I, that I don't need to have a screen replace them or their Snapchat icon or anything like that. So that's a huge one. And you know, you are what your friends are, right? And so you surround yourself. The people you surround yourself with is pretty much what you're going to be like. So I was fortunate enough to surround myself with real people. Luckily, I had my twin brother and everything, but being able to do that definitely shaped me into a better version of myself and definitely helped me along the way. So moving on to number two. So genuine confidence, again with that. Without having the screen as a crutch of social interaction, as a. As a replacement of social interaction, you have to go and you have to look people in the eye and meet them for the first time and see how that goes, right? And it's not everyone's favorite thing to do. And the. The biggest thing that I would hear all the time is, oh, Evan, you're so good at public speaking, all that. It just comes natural. No, I. Let me tell you, it does not come natural. Right? None of that comes natural. It's all a skill that's built up, right? You have to. You have to work at it. I'm. I'm the kind of person where things don't really come that naturally to me. And so you have to put in the work behind the scenes to make it look like it does. Right? That's. And that's how it is. People always say, oh, that. That becomes so naturally to you. You're so gifted at speaking. You're so. You know all this. And I'm like, this was built on the fact that I had to go up to the McDonald's worker and I had to order and say it with my chest, right? Because it was like, we're not going to let you just sit behind mommy. We're not going to let you sit behind the iPad. You're going to grow up. You're going to have to do this one day, so you might as well start now. So having. Being able to be in those uncomfortable situations at first totally built confidence and. And totally. It's something that people respect because not everyone has it. So not only in just, like, social interactions, but. But in confidence in the things that I was doing in the music that I was. That I was learning in the. In the games that I was winning and. Or losing anything like that, trying new things, being. Being real, right? Going back to those real, deep friendships is doing things in real life that isn't virtual. That actually means something that you sweat that you, you know, maybe even cry that it hurts a little bit, right? It's that friction. So I think all of that after, after the fact just builds a ton of confidence. And, and confidence is, is again a learned skill, right? It's not something you're born with. Nobody's born more confident. The other. It's all learned. And so I. Being able to not rely on those screens and having to force myself in, well, I, I got nothing else to do, so I might as well be confident in who I am. Confident in meeting people, confident in doing things on the field, you know, in the classroom. All that stuff totally helped me build up that genuine confidence and make it. It's more fun to be confident, right. When you lean into stuff. I think that was, that was a big thing for me. So that was number two. Moving on to number three, a calmer, less anxious mind. I didn't have to live with these constant notifications or comparison. Um, even now I have a smartphone, I'm in college and I have, I don't have any social media. I don't really have that many apps. I get stressed out how many times the ESPN app is letting me know these random things are happening. You know what I'm saying? I can't imagine these middle schoolers who have every brand of social media in the books, plus everything else that they have on their phones and all that. You're just getting flooded constantly. And that's not healthy, right? When you're constantly being pulled in that many different directions and constantly, you know, getting a notification every time somebody likes or posts, that's just exhausting. And that's just, that's exhausting for adults. I, I can't even imagine myself now, I'm 21 years old, can't imagine myself now dealing with that. Imagine a 13 year old or a 12 year old, a 14 year old, right? And that's what we're doing to our kids. That's what we're giving them and we're saying good luck, right? And so, but not having to live with that, not having to be constantly bothered by stuff. I could focus on the task at hand. I could get my homework done in an efficient manner. I would, you know, put in the work at practice when I needed to. It wasn't getting stressed out all the time or overstimulated. I think people would agree. If you have a, if you have a kid and you know, you give them the screen or you give them the iPad or whatever or anything like that, and then you try to wean them off of it, it's not fun, right? Even in my, like early years before we kind of figured out what was up. I would, you know, get on the Wii. We were playing like Wii boxing or something like that, something silly. And I would just get so sucked into it that it was, it was impossible to pull me out. And that was we boxing when I was 6 years old. Imagine a middle schooler playing Call of Duty or anything like that. Or a middle school girl like having to deal with all this social anxiety that comes from social media because they're constantly comparing themselves to others. So blocking all of that out, not even having to deal with that is the biggest pro. Like, you can't argue about how there's, you know, a better, well, this, that and the other. There's, there's a million reasons not to not to do something, but it always just takes one to say, yeah, this is a problem and that this is a big thing you see all the time. And nowadays everyone's like, oh, our kids are so stressed. But everyone just likes saying that. Nobody actually wants to cut the issue to the core, right? And so this is it. It's like, oh, we're putting them in therapy, we're having our kids, you know, we're, we're giving, we're, we're giving them the social media and all that, but we're not, we're not touching what's on the problem. We realize there is a problem. We're not cutting it down, we're not pulling the weed at the source, right? If you've ever pulled weeds, you can't just cut off the top of it. It's going to come right back up. You can't, you have to get down in the source and you have to yank that thing out of the ground. And so taking away or not even, not, not even just taking away, but not even offering me that in my life of not even being able to, to check out what one of my 13 year old friends was doing, you know, at the time, like, whoa, oh no, they went to the movies without me. Guess what? If I don't know, it doesn't hurt me, right? You know, kind of out of sight, out of mind, ignorance is bliss type thing where if I'm not stressing out what everyone else is thinking about me all the time, because you already kind of are in middle school. Your worth is pretty much in what, what others around you say. I know, for one I tried to gain popularity by being mean to others, right? And so, but having to be mean to somebody in person and see how they react and you know, see their tears, feel that emotion taught Me to not be mean again. But when you're mean online or when you're, you know, doing this stuff behind a screen, it's so much easier because you don't have to deal with the repercussions of, of a real social interaction. So me learning that and not being able, not having to focus on what everyone else is thinking at a, you know, a magnified rate as you do with video games and all that and, and social media, then that just, that just allowed my brain to grow, allowed my emotions to grow, allowed, allowed room, allowed a perfect platform to, to put in the things in my brain that you want, that you want your kid to have. And so yeah, I just a calmer, less anxious mind, man, that's, that's a huge one nowadays because everyone knows there's, that our kids are more anxious and everyone, you know, it's all cute when you say haha, gen Z, gen whatever. You know, they're so anxious, they're so stressed. Low attention spans, but nobody wants to actually cut down to the root. So I promise you, the first couple weeks might be rough, but getting the social media, getting all that out of your middle schooler's hand or anything like that, man, it's going to pay dividends in the future. And so I, that's, that's a huge one that I think is missed a lot today. But that's, that's definitely one that I'm thankful for. Moving on to number four. So time to develop my skills and passions, right? Not having all that extra social anxiety or the extra distractions of a smartphone or video games to work at, you know, you might as well fill your time with something, right? So what did I do? You know, I was a baseball guy, so I would get the net, I would get the tea, and I would just go hit for hours. I would go, think, Right? You go, thinking is great. Thinking is fun. Everybody likes thinking. Even like something as simple as when you're riding in the car, look out the window and think next time you're doing. Like, obviously if you're not driving because you need to pay attention, but if you're a kid out there and you're hearing this, instead of going on your phone and constantly being entertained, put down the phone, look out the window and think. Trust me. Like, it's actually pretty fun. Like even being in that little moment of boredom or quote, unquote boredom, you'll think your brain will go places that you never even, you know, thought you could go. And it's fun. You kind of talk to Yourself a little bit. I, you know, it might be weird, but I did that all the time. And so having that time to fill without the screens was, was really helped develop, you know, your cognitive development and what you think about and, and your reasoning, right? Because you're exercising that muscle, it's like getting in the gym, but when you're just scrolling or playing video games, your brain kind of shuts off and it goes numb. And so when you're just doing that, it's not getting a good workout. It's pumping it full of sugar, metaphorically. And then you're not getting, you know, it's going to be more unhealthy in the long run, but filling it with things like just basic thinking or even trying music, sports, you know, hobbies, clay classes, you know, random stuff like that, art. And getting good at them is spending the time to get good at them. Those are the ultimate cures of boredom. Because I don't care who you are, if you are playing music, you will never master it completely. I like, legitimately. You will never. There is always someone who's going to be better than you. And that's good. That's, that's a good thing. That's a healthy thing that we've been given as humans. That, that should drive you to be like, you know what, to be like them or to even be better than them. You know, I want to work hard and that fills time, right? It takes hours, it takes something like 10,000 hours to get good at something, right? So whether that be music, sports, you know, art, theater, anything like that, man, just get, get into it and just, and embrace it, right? Don't, don't go halfway into something because you're scared that you're not good at it or anything. It's okay to not be good at first. In fact, you shouldn't be good at first. Like I said, back to the thing. Very few things, I think, come naturally to human beings. Some now people will argue with me all the time. Well, I have this one friend that's naturally smart, yada, yada. Okay, fine, maybe there's these one offs. But from one of my experiences is not really being naturally smart or not really being naturally gifted at anything and then just putting yourselves into that, immersing yourself into it, being committed to the grind, being committed to putting in work that eight hours. And guess what? On the back half of those hours, you have something to look back on. And yes, I know that I gleaned a skill from that. I legitimately got better at baseball because of That I got better at art, I got better at singing, I got better at piano because it takes hours. But again, that's so countercultural because nowadays everything is so go, go, go. Need it now, need it now. There's no such thing as delayed gratification anymore. But if you want to be good at anything, you got to spend time with it and you got to just embrace it, right? And know that it's just going to be, it's going to be yielding so many better dividends than it will just you scrolling and being minutely entertained in that moment when you could be, you know, struggling for 15 minutes. But in the long run, that struggling of 15 minutes against music, against sports, all that adds up. And you'll be, you'll have a skill that somebody envies, right? That somebody's going to come up to you and say, oh man, I wish my parents had never let me quit xyz. Boom. It happens all the time, right? I'm not, I'm not the best at anything, anything that I do. There's no way that I'm anywhere near the best. But I have enough that I do to where people respect that and people think that that's pretty cool, that, hey, you're really good at piano. I'm not really good at piano, right? But because I play and because I pushed through those hard times and filled my time when I was a kid, man, I have something that I can really cling on to and then I can fill my hours as an adult. I don't have the temptation to scroll like I don't even have social media on my phone, nothing like that. Because I was built when I was younger to rely not on that, to rely on other things and get. And guess what? That just carries on into my life now as a 21 year old college student. So that's a huge thing. Time to develop skills and passions. Being able to just spend time with them, to grind with them, right? And that's, that's a beautiful thing. And that's. And it's, and it's fun. So that's a huge one that I'm thankful for. Moving on to number five. So we'll go better focus for school and life. This kind of goes back to the, the ignorance is bliss thing where not having all that social distraction or those just is, you know, multitude of other distractions that are around you today. Allowed me to focus when I needed to, allowed me to focus on school when I was in school, allowed me to focus on sports when I was in sports, allowed me to focus on relationships and, you know, asking questions to adults, all that stuff when I needed to, not having all that extra stuff to constantly be worried about. When your brain hasn't been wired for constant stimulation like they are being now with, you know, just growing up on screens, it. It's. Everything's less chaotic and everything will feel. You'll. You'll follow the process that we've been doing for years because we haven't had things like this before where they literally alter the chemic chemistry of your brain. Right. We've had things in the past that, like sports and stuff like that, that give you a healthy level of brain stimulation. But when you're on the social, when you're on social media and we are on video games, in that it is wired to jack up your brain to higher levels than it's used used to. So of course your brain is going to be more excited about that than it is for maybe school. Because now school seems drab. Like now, you know, schools, they're not making jokes every, every five seconds. Like they are on the online. They're not, you know, something crazy isn't happening in life, in my relationship, and that's okay. You have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with this is the regular level of brain stimulation through life. And when you put more into that, it's going to be so much more fun. And so as an adult, what I glean from that, or as a quote unquote adult, I'm not an adult. I'm 21 years old, but I'm not, I press, trust me, I'm not an adult at all. But I'm grateful for the ability to focus and follow through. Right? There's a lot of people, they, they can't, they, they sit and they, they can't sit still. They can't focus. They can't focus on the task at hand and then even follow through and see, that task finished, right? First 80, first 80% of a task is the easiest. But getting it across the finish line with that 20, that takes sprint, that takes resilience, and that's called follow through. That's something that I learned as a kid because I had to concentrate until something was done. I couldn't do something first 80% and then get distracted with video games or social media or anything else, right? It was like, I'm gonna sit here until this is done. And that is a huge skill that will separate you from your peers as you move on throughout life. And like, I can't even think of just Just now is even just being in school the busier. The person like usually that I'm, you know, dealing with, we have a project or something like that. The person that's the busiest always contributes the most to the project. Right. Because if there's, there's a saying that my mom used to say it was, if you want something done, get a busy person to do it for you. Cause if that person's busy, then they have actual, they have been tasked with actual responsibility and they can focus on a task at hand because they've proven that they can. And they finish tasks because they have follow through. Right? So if they're busy and tasked with a lot, that is a green light. And you want to be friends with this person. You want to, you know, work with this person because they've shown that they can complete tasks and that separates you. The person that has the least to do will complain that they have the most to do, while when in reality they don't. And so those are the people that you have to learn to kind of work around. Don't be one of those people. Right. I'm not saying you are, but just do not because that is extremely frustrating to any situation like that. And so, but being able to be focused is so key. And it's, it's, it just pays so many dividends. And, and having that ability to follow through will separate you. Even in something as trivial as a group project in college, in a business class, as I have done. So again. Yeah. Just taking that time away from the screens and putting it onto things that matter teaches you how to focus, teaches you how to finish the task. And that's a huge skill that will stay with you for the rest of your life. Moving on to number six. So we have good sleep and better health. Yeah. This is huge. The sleep is one of those things, especially in the developmental years, that if you don't get enough of it, it's, it's going to show in, in the future. Sleep is something that we are designed. It's, it's a recharging of your batteries. Right. It's extremely important. And being able to do it to the best of your abilities helps you that next day helps you that next week. Right. Being just feeling more refreshed, feeling more in tune. You're, you know, drinking water, getting good sleep, all that stuff, taking care of yourself. The disciplines of life that will pay off are huge. And, and I think everyone agrees that when you get a good night of sleep, you just feel phenomenal, you just feel recharged. It's, it's a wonderful thing that we as humans do. But unfortunately now when you, when you have a phone that you can scroll on and everything and, and just have at your will to entertain you whenever you want, this just leads to late night, you know, staying up way past you need to. Not only is, is it keeping you up and you're not gleaning anything because you're, you're just being, your brain is being stimulated. You're staying up because you're on that blue light which is in your face, which is bad for your eyes, right? And not only is the, is it keeping you up, are you not falling asleep while you're scrolling, but your brain is going very fast and it's being stimulated very fast because of that, the, the nature of, of what you're looking at, most likely. And so, yeah, okay, you may turn your phone off and be like, okay, now I can go to sleep. But your brain still has to take like 30 some minutes to calm down. So that's another 30 minutes you're eating into after, after midnight. That is going to come back to bite you the next couple of days. But when you put that away, when you take away the blue light that's in your face, that's keeping you up and that's having your brain race at a mile a minute, you know, before you go to sleep, when you should be winding down, reading a book, you know, having a cup of tea, doing things that wind down, like stretching at night, all of that is a perfect way to get back into the swing of things. But if you're keeping your brain up and you're keeping your eyes up and all of that, you're just going to feel it the next day. But me not having that, me not being able to take the phone into my room and everything. And your brain gets the rest that it needs, which matters more than I understood, and I don't even probably fully understand it now, but especially in the early years when their brain is developing, when their brain is constantly learning and growing at a, at a faster rate like it is when they're in middle school and high school, you have to take advantage of that sleep or else you will feel it. And so I think I didn't even realize that at the time, but just knowing the importance of that, you hear all these studies on sleep and how sleep just leads to a better healthy life and just, and, and you can even die of sleep deprivation. You hear that too. It's, you know, it's, it's torture. One of the One of the forms of torture is, is by keeping somebody up and not letting them sleep. And so why would we do that to ourselves by sitting on our beds, you know, with our neck in an awkward position, just shining blue light in our face, keeping us up, exciting our brain, all that stuff. And it's just hurting yourself for the future. So definitely one of the things I'm thankful for is, man, I was able to get good sleep. One thing I would recommend is get a. Get a sleeping mask. Like those things, you know, the blackout things that go over your face, man, because if your body is in. If it's, if it feels that it's in full darkness, you're going to fall asleep so much faster and sleep so much better. So that's what I've started to use since college. I wake up fairly early. Just the nature of everything. But, man, I sleep so much better. Doesn't even have to be a perfect mattress, but man, just, just take those things that you can to, to get that good sleep and to take care of yourself. It's just one of those natural disciplines that when you're just allowing yourself to scroll and everything like that, you're kind of taken away from that. So we'll move on what we got. Okay, Number seven, learning how to handle boredom. So I've kind of touched on this with the, the looking out the window and just thinking, right? But boredom is where creativity grows. If you have screens constantly filling up every spare minute, your brain is never going to be bored. But that's not a good thing. Everyone, like, boredom has such a negative connotation, but boredom is not a bad thing in of itself. You, like, you, like I said, you learn how to think, imagine. Like it's fun to imagine things, to walk yourself through. Like something I do all the time is I'll, like, get on a train of imagination in my head, like looking out the window or something. Then I'll arrive at a place, I don't know, could be wherever, and then it's fun. Then I trace back on how did I get here. And you see, like, the cause and effect. I don't know, something. Maybe I'm just weird and think that's fun, but I enjoyed, I legitimately enjoyed doing that. And so again, like, it's working out your brain. It's. You're teaching yourself how to problem solve, how to imagine, come up with your own fun, right? Nobody has to hear what you're saying in your head. But that's the beauty of it is you, like, you know, you enjoy that Right. You can say whatever you, you want in your head. And to cut through that quote, unquote boredom, that's so bad. It helps you grow, man. And so just allowing that place to, to have to be creative and, and to grow. I like all the greatest inventions. They, they were bored. And so like the inventors just sat around and they thought a lot. That's how that creativity grows. And then you get, you know, you get on a roll, you, okay, what? Well, maybe this doesn't work, but maybe this does. And then, boom, we have a really cool invention that doesn't just happen naturally. That happens because they had. Their brain was just actively moving, right? It just, it was, it was imagining, it was problem solving, it was seeing things in the world and saying, how can I make this better? Or just simp. Simply just coming up with their own fun. Just stuff like that. And so many great things have been born out of boredom. And I think that's something that people just don't. We don't, we don't see as much is anymore because, oh, I'm bored. And that's so bad, right? And boredom is where creativity grows. And so allowing that space for boredom without the screens, without that constant, like, crutch of, oh my gosh, I need my boredom cure. Like I'm tweaking out, you know, I need my boredom cure, right? Instead of just having that all the time, sitting that boredom, like, let that, let that sink in. And so, and allow yourself to, to problem solve and imagine and think and, and especially at a young age, that is huge. The imagination of when I was a kid, and even just children, the child's brain is just, it's fascinating and so not stunning that by giving it a screen and allowing it to grow, allowing it to be bored, allowing it to do what it wants, is really, really, really going to pay dividends in the future, is something that I definitely have grown from and I definitely am thankful for moving on to number eight. So no digital mistakes following me forever. And I am extremely grateful for this. There are so many things that I said in high school, middle school, whatever, in elementary school, even now, there are so many things that I've said that I'm ashamed of. And I can't even imagine if they were online following me around. Yeah, okay. Yeah, things get deleted. Yada yada. No, they don't. Things will stay permanent. Like once the picture's posted, once anything's on the Internet, somebody will be able to access it. It may not be the grand public, but. But somebody in a background Check is, is going to discover it and it's going to come back to haunt you. And so I think not having to worry about not, not having a platform to where I could be mean when I was a kid, not having a platform to where I could say something that would, you know, put my future career in, in, in jeopardy. And so you see this all the time where people, people dig up something that somebody said maybe 30 years ago or, you know, even more recently, 15, 10 years ago that, oh, it's not a big deal now because they're a big person, you know, a, a different person now and they're all grown up and everything. But that just still follows you. When people hear that, they're like, oh, I, you know, they did this, they said that, and that's kind of what you become known for. And it could cost you a job, relationships, you know, status, whatever, reputation, all of that. And so not having all of that follow you around. I think we can all say that we've said plenty of things in our early years that we are ashamed of and that we would be embarrassed if somebody brought them up again. And so why are we allowing our kids a platform to say things that they're going to be embarrassed for in the future? Why would we let them do that? Right. Just take that away. Don't even give them that opportunity. If they're going to say something that's a mistake, allow them to say it and then you correct them on it. And then it doesn't have, and then move on. It doesn't have to have an audience, it doesn't have to have future implications. And it can just be something they say in the here and now that they learn from that they move on. If they say it online, then they can learn from it. Yeah. And the time, but they're not going to be able to move on. It's going to follow them wherever they go. And that's really unfortunate. There are a lot of good people that said dumb things that they haven't been able to get. The job they want, the promotion, they want, the status, they want all of that because something like that followed them around. And so being able to have that privacy, not having that constant of, oh, I should say this because when you're a younger, when your brain is younger and more undeveloped, it's not going to be able to make the decision on, oh, this is a good thing to say online and this is a bad thing to say. It's going to, it's. They're just going to think, how can I get the cheapest laugh. How can I do this, that and the other. And they're not going to think through it critically. And because, and that's natural, their brain isn't there where they can think through things critically and make the most wise decisions. So they're going to make mistakes and unfortunately they follow them around. So me not having to have that is huge. Me being able to walk into a room, walk into an interview room and you know, shake their hand and look them in the eye and have them get to know me for what I present in person and not having this online reputation and all that follow me around. Right. It's fun when the interviewers are like, oh, we'll check your social media. And it's like, well, I actually happen to not have any. That's one less thing that the interviewers have to worry about and that's one less thing that somebody has to do. And then they can just hire me for what I present to them on the platter in the moment. And so I think that's a huge advantage that I have that I don't have to worry about. Oh no, I killed the interview. But X, Y, Z, right, I don't have to worry about. I can just say I killed the interview and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get the job. So not having those digital mistakes follow you around forever. I know for me, with the amount of dumb things I've said, you know, done and all that, so extremely thankful that's not following me around and then I get to step into a professional world where I don't have to worry about that. So that's a big one. Okay, we'll move on to number nine. So a number nine is a strong sense of who I am. Yep. Again, bang goes back to the, the, the concept of, of that confidence, right. Of those, of those moments in your life where you, where you, you, you have to learn, where do you stand? Not having to constantly go with the flow and, and go with what's popular and all this stuff, man, that was the biggest character building thing when I was in middle school because we got, me and my twin Andrew, we got mocked all the time for not having video games, for not having, you know, social media, phones, all that. They're like, oh, you know, we don't want to go to your house because you probably don't even have a tv Amish, hahaha, whatever. You know, all those hilarious jokes at Middle Shillers make. And it just built character because yeah, I was mad in the Moment that, you know, it, it wasn't, it was something that I was getting made fun of because the middle schooler doesn't want to get made fun of for anything. But here's what I look back onto it now as they were not making fun of the way I looked, the way I smelled, the way my character was, which is what most middle schoolers give me. If you're in middle school, you're going to get made fun of for something. So the fact that they were picking something that I couldn't even control showed that we had essentially won, right? Because then it became my thing that, oh yeah, we don't have screens, we don't, you know, we don't have smartphones, we don't have video games, all that. And by the time 9th or 10th grade came around, man, people respected that. Our house became the hangout spot because we would do real stuff, we would do real games, we'd have a pool, you know, all that stuff. We would just, we were a good time. Andrew and I could talk about so many different things because we'd been introduced to so many different worlds as kids. Sports, music, art, culture, all of that stuff. And people really started to appreciate that and it became kind of who we were, where it was. Hey, we know when we go over to their house, we're not just going to be sitting around scrolling our phones. We're not just going to be playing video games. We're going to be doing stuff that creates memories and that lasts and that creates, that builds tighter bonds. It creates, you know, stories and everything and then inside jokes and all that stuff and everything great that can come out of that. And that became, it was just from the confidence and being, being confident with who I was. Right? Is I am Evan Hempy. I don't have this, I don't have this. I don't have that. But I do, you know, piano, violin, bass guitar, baseball, basketball, cross country, xyz. Boom, right? It's like that's who I am. And so being confident in what I have, you know, the, the things that I've been given, the things that I am confident in, being good at and all that people were, you know, not everybody can do that. People were, were pretty shocked by, by kind of who Andrew and I, I think became and, and not having to constantly go with the flow, not having to constantly worry about what was popular, not having to constantly worry about what, what was this going to do for our reputation and just being confident. I mean, we, the stuff we did in high school, like, you know, all innocent, of course, but like the things we wore. Like, I wore a fanny pack my junior and senior year. Horrible fashion decision. And like, I wore loafers and, like orange shorts, stuff like that, you know, random stuff, but that normally, like, high schoolers are, you know, scared to wear because I don't want to get made fun of. But I was so extremely confident in who I was. You know, I had long hair, all that stuff that I wasn't worried about. What people were going to say is I was like, I think this is funny. So therefore I'm going to do it right? And so that all that didn't happen overnight. That came from the character building of being different in middle school, of having a different way of growing up, which should not be different. It's the same way that kids used to grow up all the time and everyone used to have much more confidence, much more ability to, to stand up for what was right, for what they believed in. But now everyone is just kind of getting swept up in the wind because it's easy to conform when you have, you know, social media, other stuff like that. When you can conform online, when you're by yourself, it's like, okay, yeah, okay, this is what everyone else is doing, so therefore I'm going to do it. But having that, you know, that friction of, no, we're going to do things differently. And it totally created a much stronger sense of, of who I was, of the confidence then, of where that came from, of who I wanted to be and how I was going to do that. And so even now when I, in college, I'm. I'm pretty just myself, right? I don't have to beat around the bush. I don't have to try to please people, all that stuff. I'm just going to be who I am. And if somebody doesn't like that, then maybe we won't be friends. But I've, you know, I've never had trouble being, Being a friend to somebody, making friends, all that because people appreciate that confidence, because you showing that you're confident helps other people be confident. They have an example they can follow and everything. And man, they're so confident, man, they can walk into a room and really, like, work the room. How do I be like that? And then you. They start to emulate you. And then before you know it, you have a really strong group of people who are all confident in who they are. And, and man, that just is when things are just clicking left and right. Um, so I just think that that's the. That's a huge One that a strong sense of who I am, of being, you know, Evan Hempy. Right. Um, you don't have to be Evan Hempy, but you be whoever, you know, who you're confident being. And I'm confident in myself. So, you know, and that. That stems from not having the constant synchronization with society. Right. Not having to constantly worry about that. And so being able to have that confidence is ultimately one of the biggest things that I've gleaned from my childhood. But we'll move on to number 10. So this is going to be, yeah, extremely important, a close, connected family. So, yeah, one of the things that there was always just a given in our house was we eat dinner every night as a family. You know, my dad comes home, my mom's there, me, Andrew, all my siblings are there. And you just talk with each other about your day, about life, about. You ask questions, right? You say, what is this? You know, tell me about this. All that. And so having that community, it shouldn't seem like this otherworldly. But unfortunately, what happens is with these screens is they drive a wedge between that. Where, you know, the mom will be like, okay, kids, dinner's on the stove. Just come and get it when you want. Because they're up in the room, you know, on their. They're all on their individual screens. The house is dark. It's really sad. And so, because that family time, that it's. It's. It's something you share together. It's something you come together and you work through things. There have been so many, like, arguments and all that that I've gotten in with my siblings and my parents over the dinner table. But being able to work through them and having that time to, you know, maybe there's an argument tonight, but guess what? Tomorrow night, guess what? We're going to be. We're going to be in the same place. You know, we're going to have made up, we're going to have talked to each other, we're going to have cried, laugh together, all that stuff. It just creates a bond that humans were meant to share. So when you break bread together, when you share life together, that just builds bonds that, that just. That in roots that run so deep and that are so strong. And so having that sense of a house, that's a home because that's where my family is, being able to come home, you know, hang out with them, talk about stuff, you know, argue, have that friction, you laugh together, all that. That's how it's supposed to be. That's why families are a thing. And so that connection with that family helped me be confident in who I was. Help shape me, you know, help my worldview, help me think through challenging issues, challenging life issues, right? All of this stuff. Having a safe space where I can come home and I can say anything, right? I can be myself. I don't have to be worried about, you know, anything that anyone's going to say, because we know that we. We say everything in love to each other, and we've built those bonds that are just extremely difficult, if not impossible to break or replicate. And so having that. Having a place where you can. Where it's a home base, right? Where, yeah, we get sent out to our high schools, we get sent out to our colleges, our middle schools, whatever, you know, as a representation of what's going on kind of in. In your home. And so you want to build an environment. You want to build a place to where there's connection, where there's deep love, where there's everything that you can share together. You can just go through life together so that when you do go a place where. Where maybe you're not with all your family, you're confident in an ability that you have people back home that care about you, that want what's best for you, and you want to make them dang proud. And so I think having that moving forward, especially in college, when I moved away, is like, yeah, I want to. You know, you are essentially a representation of that last name of Hemp, you know, Hempy or whatever your last name is. So you want to bring as much, you know, attention to, hey, we're doing something right, you know what I'm saying? I want to share with you guys what that, you know, the. The family structure that we had at home, it's never perfect. There's very few things in this life that are perfect. But being able to have that. That. That ability, that vessel to kind of. To. To. To grow, right? Because even. Even adults like you can always grow, like with your kids and everything. There's always constant. There's always room for constant improvement in life. And the day you stop thinking about improving or making things better is the day you're going to fall behind and it's going to become sad. So having that place, having that against essentially a laboratory where it's like, let's get better. Like, you know, let's work through this together, let's talk about things, let's learn things. You know, let's laugh together. And. And that is so beautiful and something that I've been able to just be extremely thankful for moving forward, that I ultimately just want to create my own version of that when, when it, when the time comes for me to, you know, find a wife and have kids and everything like that is, I just want to replicate what was going on, you know, right here. And so, and I know that, you know, even though you don't always say it, you may always seem like, but you're thankful for it. And especially around, around Thanksgiving is going around and just legitimately being thankful for that person to your left and right, because I think it's something we take for granted is like, think a little bit about what it would be like if they weren't here. Right? It wouldn't be the same. Things are always different like that. So even if, you know, it's not perfect all the time, having that home base, that laboratory to just get better, just grow as people is the thing that I've just taken away and just can't even express how thankful I am. So. But that rounds us out. That was number 10, kind of. In summary today, man, growing up screen strong was actually so much easier than growing up with the burden of toxic screens. Not having to worry about all that extra stuff on what I was missing out on or, you know, what I wasn't doing on a screen, but stepping into a real life, friends, adventures, you know, hobbies. Like, one thing I always say is, man, I want to have stories that give me dad lore. I want to do stupid stuff that I can tell my kids about, you know, not, maybe not too stupid, but you want to have stuff that makes you interesting. So it's obvious that, man, putting myself in real life situations like that was just gives me just these, these awesome skills that I'm able to move on in life with. And it doesn't even compare to, to what you would glean from playing video games or having social media at a young age or being cool, quote unquote from a young age. I didn't waste hours on meaningless entertainment. And that gave me freedom and peace and connection that so many kids don't get today. So many kids are so stressed out and they don't know why, but from what we've seen, man, we know why. It's because we're giving them something that they're just not ready to handle yet. So allowing them to be a kid again, right, taking kind of back childhood is go outside, do random things, man, create stories that you're going to look back on. And unfortunately that's slipping away from us today. Where These kids are just spending their time on social media screens and they're getting stressed and you know, it's, it's really a sad reality. But I think man, we, we got to get right to the heart of this issue and we got to just let them be kids again, let them be real again. Let them be real people. And so, and ultimately, yeah, it may not be easy now for you as parents and even for you as kids if you're going through this now and switching up, but trust me, give it five, six years. Man, I'm 21 and I'm so thankful for everything. I love coming home. I love just doing stuff like this, man. It, it just doesn't get better and, and just being in real life doing all that stuff. You know, one thing that, that we, we wanted to come up with the helpful resource to, to help families and to be, you know, to serve as guidelines is we do have this curriculum, right? Of course it's a real book because you know, we don't mess around with, with not real books right out here. But it is, it's the kids brains and screens, right? So all these curriculums, it's going to outline for you and hey, we're all screens now. Now what? And these, these, these books answer the now what? And they answer the how, you know, how, how do we, how do we go about this? What are things. It has so much in there about what you can do instead, what you can, how you can do this kind of this screen free childhood. Because believe it or not, it has been done before. You know, it's, it's funny, I think we, we forget often, like, oh no, I can't, I can't parent without the iPad. How do I even do xyz? Well, how did your grandparents do it? Right? Just replicate that. Because just being in real life and throwing your kids in real life, giving them real experience is going to be something they're so thankful for. If you want to check out that curriculum, man, it's awesome. It's good for, you know, parents to read, middle schoolers to read all that. We do have, we have versions for younger kids as well, but it's just really explaining to them, man, what's going on in your brain when you're on this stuff and, and what you can do instead to combat that and to gain the self confidence and, and you know, re. Reduce the anxiety in your life, man, all that stuff. And there are ways to do it. It's simpler than you think, right? It's like, it's like finance A lot of people just get kind of stressed out about, you know, finances. But there's a formula that works. There's a formula, and it's not rocket science, right? But you just gotta. You gotta take what the book gives you and just. And just stick to that, and it's gonna work. It's not gonna be easy, right? The things that. Things in life that are good are never easy. Just being able to stick to it. And for you as parents to just know that you're the parents, man, don't let your kids kind of move you around based on their emotions. Don't ride that roller coaster with them. Because I know my parents sure as heck didn't, because I was throwing fits, I was being a brat, all that stuff. And they just kind of just sat back and were confident in their decisions. Again, that confidence, man, they were able to make decisions out of confidence and teach me how to make decisions out of confidence. And so be that example for your kids. Step in for them. Because, you know, I think we talk to so many parents around. They know that something's not right with the iPad, with the. With everything that's going on with their kids and the social media and the anxiety, they know something's not right. So we're here to help you just kind of step in and make that right. Take the steps to make it right, to. To have them be somebody that, man, you're. That you're going to say, yep, that's my son, that's my daughter. All that. It's really a beautiful thing. So I appreciate y' all for hanging out with me. You know, I don't do this justice, right? My mom does a much better job than me and my brother, but I'm just out here talking about my life experience. So until next time, stand up for your kids, stand out from the crowd, stay strong, and happy Thanksgiving. Thanks, y'. All.