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- [00:00]
Olivia Kernighan
Foreign.
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Hi, everyone. This is Olivia Kernighan, executive producer and editor for the Screenstrong Families Podcast. This was a great year for the podcast, and as we embark on our new season, we want to share a few clips of the many highlights from our episodes this past year. Enjoy. Well, I think the main thing and we can start here is. Is knowing some brain facts. Okay. This is how we start all of our workshops, is how I start everything. And this is me as a mom, you know, back in 2019, finding out about Screenstrong. These are the things that hit home with me. So the first thing is, is knowing that the brain takes 25 years to develop. And so that's becoming more common knowledge. Back, you know, six years ago, I was like, what? Excuse me, I did not know this. What do you mean? So, you know, scientists, even as much as a decade, 15 years ago, really thought that the teenage brain was just a smaller version of our. But that's not true. It's actually a brain that's not fully developed yet. Okay. Which brings a lot of things into making sense, you know, when we deal with teenagers and we think back to our own teenage years. So the brain develops from the back to the front. So the back part, the cerebellum, is what develops first. This is in charge of movement. This is why our toddlers and our little ones and our all the way through want to move their body because that part of their body is nice and solid. And then the next part that develops in the middle part of the brain is the limbic center, the emotional part of the brain. This is what is on fire and fully developed during those teenage years. This is why our teenagers. And again, going back to our teenage years, we wanted to make all our decisions based on our feelings, right? And our emotions. And we're moody and we're throwing fits. Or you see your teenager being, you know, right around puberty, where it's like, oh, they're turning into such a young adult. And so great. And then the next day, they're acting like they're three. And you're like, what's going on? This is totally normal for development. It's not because anything's wrong with them. It's just their brain. But what does not develop until age 25 and even 27 for boys is that front part of the brain, the frontal cortex. So this is the part of the brain that is in charge of knowing when to stop, knowing when to go. We tell the kids, when we educate the students, we say it's. Think of it as a Stoplight. And it doesn't have, you know, it's like you're driving a car with all accelerator and no brakes. Okay, when you're a teenager. And so the brakes are up here or the red light is up here, right? And it's not telling us when to stop yet, when it's not developed. And so that's exactly what technology exploits. The addictive technology we have today, which Screenstrong calls video games, social media, pornography, those are the toxic screens that are harming the brain. It's actually causing that part of the brain to shrink. And so when our kids are on their device and we're getting upset because they're not coming up for dinner or they're not stopping when the timer goes off, it's because that part of their brain is just simply not engaged. And so it's up to us as adults. So that's one of the main brain facts. The second brain fact is something we call neural pruning. And this is what happens during the teenage years. And it's really important. And when I heard this fact, it just blew me away. Because during the teenage years, the brain starts. Does start to turn into an adult brain. It's starting to function like, okay, how can we be more efficient now? So all these pathways you've been building with activities during your children's play years, you know, during those elementary years, all, you know, all the way through till puberty, they might have been in sports. And you spent all this time playing and you, you did all these things to build healthy pathways in their brain. Because that's what shapes the brain is activities that aren't on a screen. It's the activities off screen that's what's shaping their brain. Well, all of a sudden, they get to around that puberty age and we're handing them a phone because we think they're mature enough. But really what happens is that phone or that video game, that device starts to replace those activities that made those strong pathways. Okay? So this neural pruning takes place place during puberty where the brain just starts pruning away the pathways that are no longer being used. So picture a child that just loves basketball, right? And is out playing basketball, playing basketball. He's really good. And then gets introduced to Fortnite or to another video game that just kind of grabs him. And now it's hard for him to go outside. He doesn't want to go outside and play anymore. You start to notice that his attitude is changing, that his social skills seem to be lacking. And we as Parents just kind of go, oh well, you know, that's just puberty. It's just hormones, it's just this and that. And we kind of think this is normal. Especially if that's your first kid, you know, and you don't know what to expect. You're like what, like your five year old? Like, well, you know, this is just who she is. She's throwing fits, not realizing it's because her brain was so, you know, overstimulated. But anyway, so during puberty this is the time we need to be protecting their brains more than anything. We should not be allowing them to replace normal activities with screen time. This is the worst time to do that. And keeping in mind they have the rest of their lives to be on screens. So Screenstrong really believes to delay till 18 like for to have this major technology, the entertainment technology, the video games of social media, things like that. Now we can talk about in a minute what kind of technology is. Okay, we're not anti screen but there are those toxic screens that are just not necessary. So that's the main thing. One more little brain fact and then if you want to change the subject or go somewhere else, we can. But the other thing that I like to explain to both parents and students is this concept of dopamine and what it does in the brain. So dopamine is also becoming more common word that people know. But if you don't know what it is, it's basically the feel good chemical in our brain. It's the reason that we get up in the morning, why we eat food, why we procreate, why we would not be able to survive without dopamine. And normal ways to get dopamine that we were created with naturally in our brain is to go outside in nature or spend time with a loved one or to play with something that, you know, brings us that dopamine. We always tell the kids, you know, maybe eating an occasional treat like a cupcake or some chocolate, you know, that's going to kind of give you that little dopamine. But what science tells us now, research shows us on brain scans is that these toxic screens, the interactive type of screens, we're not talking like Excel or Word, okay. Or like something we're doing. We don't get addicted to those, okay? We're talking, I wish, I wish, I wish we could get a. No, we never hear that. Like my kids really addicted to, you know, this spreadsheet. I mean there might be some, I don't know out there. It's not created with that, but the interactive screens are creating such a spike in the dopamine that it's running on the same pathways as cocaine and heroin. And I know, me as a parent, when I heard that personally, I thought, oh my gosh, yes. Like, the amount of chemicals that are being released in their brain, it's like they're getting high. And this is why you can't get it away from them or why it hurts so bad when you take it away from them and they freak out. And it's because their brain is wanting that, you know, low effort, high reward. Like, it doesn't take a lot of effort to start a screen and push some buttons. But the brain is going crazy. So our goal as parents and teachers and caregivers is to help our kids know how to keep their dopamine kind of on this level, this baseline level, and not let it spike. Because when we're letting it spike, especially too long, the higher it goes, the further, you know, their mood and everything else is going to have to fall when you take it away. It's this ugly cycle that dopamine plays in it. So it's really keeping us at that baseline. So those are just some main facts. And I feel like if you can really grasp those main facts and then research them a little bit more and keep learning and teach your children these, this what is what helps, you know, the why behind why you're limiting screen time.
- [07:16]
Legal Expert
Unfortunately, regulatory agencies have have not risen to meet the moment. They haven't done what they need to do. I think that a lot of school districts and state boards have fallen for the propaganda of ed tech and, you know, and maybe more hopefully believe in this idealistic vision that knowledge is power. I agree with that, but I don't think that this is knowledge. You know, this stuff really isn't knowledge. And so for better or worse, private litigation is where it's going to be. Class action lawsuits against these companies, not against schools, are a relatively low stakes way for families to start making change. And so it's a way to help protect people who are exactly situated like you are. And so the idea behind a class action lawsuit is it is collective action. It is a bunch of people working together to exercise their rights when they're harmed in the same way. And I think one of the interesting, you know, neat things about, about class action lawsuits, they were made possible because of the civil rights movement. You know, back when kids were being denied their place in school, changes were made to allow them to bring these, these lawsuits on behalf of all kids. Just like themselves, so that they could get the education that they deserve. And so it feels in some ways like it's really coming full circle.
- [08:35]
Olivia Kernighan
Yeah. Okay, so how about this as we kind of finish out, what are parents rights when it comes to ed tech and opting out? What can you tell us about that? I do have a couple ambassadors on our team. One in particular I'm thinking of, and she'll know who she is when she hears this, but she has opted her kids out in our big district here and has really gotten a lot of pushback, but she has stood her ground and has gotten them other, you know, options than the iPad and the. And this is middle school. And. And she's making them give them print out things and things like that. What can parents actually do? Do they have any rights when it comes to their child learning on a screen?
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Andrea
Legally?
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Legal Expert
Yes, practically. Not always.
- [09:17]
Olivia Kernighan
Yeah.
- [09:18]
Legal Expert
We've seen time and time again there's just tremendous pushback from schools and school districts. And some won't let them opt out. Some will just say, no, we do school on computers now. Here's your computer. Legally you do have rights. I mean, that's what our lawsuits are about is, is that by and large, if you're talking about kids under 13, you need parental consent to take any of their information about them. And all of these companies take a lot of kids information. And more to the point, the consent isn't even voluntary. They have to go to school. I mean, kids have a legal right to go to school and parents have a legal obligation to send them. And there's criminal penalties for parents who don't send their kids to school. And so you do have legal rights. The practical reality, unfortunately, is those are not always respected in schools. We did not get in this to sue school districts. We want to help school districts and we think that they are being taken advantage of just as much as families are. However, there are cases where that might be appropriate. And so these families may have claims. And we're always open to hearing from anybody who's struggling with this and trying to help them find their path, find their way forward, whether it's with their school or with a particular piece of technology or just joining the movement, you know, more broadly. You know, our firm, we don't charge for our services unless we win. And so we have a contact form on our site. People can reach out and we're happy to help negotiate these issues. But it is very hard. It is very hard and it is very lonely. And a lot of families never get the support that they need and are constantly being made to feel like an outlier or a burden on schools when that really shouldn't be the case. And so this comes back to building connections and building community with the other families in your school and in your kids class and being able to come at this as a class of parents and not just one or two.
- [11:19]
Olivia Kernighan
That's great. Okay, so now we're at the end of the school year, basically. Right. So you've gone through almost an entire school year, your eighth grade year, which tends to be kind of a hard year for a lot of kids and a lot of us that went through eighth grade. And so here you are. And so you would say, from the beginning of the year until now, what's the biggest change you've seen in your mood, in your life and your mental health?
- [11:40]
Colin
Well, I'm just a lot. I'm just a more happier person and I just feel like I can socially interact with a lot more people and I'm just a lot more aware of people and yeah, people around me, I can just feel more and I just feel comfortable being in the classroom and learning and being yourself. Being myself, yes. Which is what I'm being right now. But in sixth grade I would have been like, what do I say?
- [12:14]
Olivia Kernighan
Yeah, no, it's true though, because screens, we talk to parents a lot about how screens are replacing that opportunity for you to practice those skills, those social skills, your handwriting skills. Screens come in and start replacing that and it's not good.
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Andrea
Right.
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Olivia Kernighan
For your development. So it sounds like you have bounced back and your brain, you're building a nice, healthy brain and that's great. Okay, so let's talk about what you guys are doing now to inspire others. Colin, you recently submitted comments to the Iowa legislature. Like, can you tell us a little bit about that and what made you want to do that?
- [12:47]
Colin
I knew my experience was extremely profound after. After just my parents like giving me knowledge about these screens and almost reading the entire screenstrong textbook aloud. And I just felt very moved to say something because I read all those testimonies that those other kids put out on the. On the textbooks and I said, I want to do that because that feels good. So I submitted my testimony to the Iowa legislature to. Would you like me to read it?
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Olivia Kernighan
Yes, I would love for you to read it.
- [13:23]
Colin
Colin, we are aware that phones have been a topic of opposing views in recent years and they should have been taken care of years ago. Here is why, from a kid's perspective who is living in this situation every day at school. During my sixth grade year, I was highly addicted to YouTube. I watched thousands of YouTube videos during my school day and. And essentially skipped the entire year of school. In this same year, I was told by another student to take the gay test online using my school device. I did and was brainwashed for months thinking that I might be gay due to the survey's influence on me. In seventh grade, I was shown a video of XXX pornography on a. On a kid's cell phone. I was also shown a livestream suicide video on the same kid's cell phone. And the same kid noticing a trend also said just kill yourself. Because of the discord trend and other things, I was lucky and I told my mom for help. After having these serious ideations, these negative experiences with the help of certain teachers and my parents have led to profound and emotional spiritual growth in my life. I cannot say the same for my peers. I see say each day, please help us as children to end the addiction, give us a place to be kids and so socially interact with each other again.
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Olivia Kernighan
Wow, that was so brave, Colin.
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Andrea
Yeah, it's really hard to admit that when you're a strong kid like Colin that you were thinking about suicide. And that was a really horrible moment as a mother. But, you know, we've spent a long time building trust. And to have him reach out and say that he was having those feelings and to feel safe, I feel incredibly blessed and grateful. I worry for the kids that maybe don't feel comfortable saying that to their parents. There has to be more children feeling this way.
- [15:23]
Olivia Kernighan
Andrea, what is some encouragement or advice that you could offer to parents that might be finding themselves really concerned about ed tech? They're concerned about how much their kids are getting screen time at school and what they can they even do about it. Like, what would you encourage them to do?
- [15:37]
Andrea
Yeah, well, first, like, acknowledge that, that, that intuition, that question, if you're even asking that question, that, you know there's something going on and you're the parent, you're. You're the driver of this car. You, you can come at this from a loving place, like I said earlier. And that when you take the, you know, take the control back, it's not, you're not managing your children.
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Podcast Guest
You're.
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Andrea
You're guiding and teaching them. That's, that's what we're called to do. That's our job as parents. And so trust that instinct. You know, ask yourself, what is an acceptable number of videos for my kids to be watching at school? I mean, I would argue it's none unless, but, and then you know, see and explore. If your school district is using Google, there is the Google takeout option. I would highly encourage parents to figure out how they can do that. If they can't log into their kids iPads or Chromebooks to do the Google takeout, you can actually submit a records request and they can provide those files to you so you can actually find out exactly what your kids are searching for, what YouTube videos they're watching, if they're using the Google suite.
- [16:48]
Olivia Kernighan
So, so that's how you figured out how many videos he was watching.
- [16:52]
Andrea
Yeah, absolutely. I logged in under his account because I knew what his password was since we didn't have the iPad here at home. So I just logged into Google through the district website and I did Google takeouts and, and then I parsed out the data and, and that was when I was really stressed out.
- [17:10]
Olivia Kernighan
Yeah.
- [17:11]
Andrea
But yeah, I think, you know, I, we're the parents, right? We love our kids and our future depends on us acting as the adults in this situation from a loving place and that we can do it. Try to find, you know, try to find like minded peers if you can. We've, we've kind of been going at it mostly alone the past year. So like acknowledge that that's difficult. There is the great Screenstrong Community Connect.
- [17:38]
Olivia Kernighan
Right?
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Andrea
It's Community Connect or Connect Community. Yeah. Where you can reach out and, and ask for help. There's a lot of us out there that watch those boards and are happy to reach out and have conversations with people that feel stuck.
- [17:53]
Olivia Kernighan
Well, thank you so much for that and thanks for sharing your story. Thank you, Colin. So what would you say first to parents just from your perspective, what would you say to parents that are struggling with their child that's on screens?
- [18:06]
Colin
Even if like, even if your kid is, is going, because your kid is going to like, like, like be, be unkind and they're going to, they're probably going to yell and they might smash something, which is something that happened to me. Just, just know that it's going to be, it's going to be hard but it's so worth it because you are going to change your child's future. It is guaranteed. What I'd say to kids is even when like, like your parents take, take it away because like if I hope that parents listening to this take their, the phone away, like there will always be someone to help you out there and even if you don't have your phone, there's always books and there's coloring and there's and there's going outside and playing. Like you can, you can find your neighbor kids. There's probably some kids in your neighborhood or an apartment you live in and you can go play a game with them. Like, yeah, right, I got it. I got a boomerang and now I've been throwing it.
- [19:08]
Andrea
You learned how to play cribbage, right? You learned how to play cribbage? Yeah.
- [19:11]
Colin
And games with your family. It's, it's just like the possibilities are honestly endless.
- [19:17]
Olivia Kernighan
I was gonna ask you that, Colin. I was gonna ask you what are, what are the things that you love to do now that you're not on screens?
- [19:23]
Colin
Well, I like school activities and extracurricular curriculars like show choir and theater, but for kids who are more like sports. Sign up for basketball, soccer, football, or whatever you guys have at your guys's schools. I go outside and I ride my bike and I just go down to the creek sometimes, like, because this year it was all frozen and I was like throwing snowballs at it, trying to break the ice. And then like, even if you're just playing alone, it's, it's, it can be fun. It's a, it can sometimes be a lifelong memory.
- [19:57]
Olivia Kernighan
I'm just thinking, oh yeah, we have an entire chapter on pornography in our kids Brains and screens course and where we do talk about the science behind it. And that's going to be more preventative. Right? Like, obviously could bring it in at any time into a situation. But if you want to teach your kids, your kind of fifth and up age kids about that, there's also some great books, good pictures, bad pictures. That's a book for younger ones that we've had her, the author on our podcast as well. And that's really great. She's got one for preschoolers too. So there are some resources out there now which are great. And I would just encourage our parents to just know that education is key in preventing any of this.
- [20:36]
Oh yeah. Even our flip book that we have for porno, it's called Porno Free. And there's like useful phrases that you can teach your kids that if someone tries to show them something explicit on their phone is, you know, that's not sex, that's abuse. You know, I respect women too much. This is coming from a boy, even a girl's perspective too. Porn can be addictive and just explaining, you know, teaching them these, these phrases. But then like proactive steps that you can take is teaching your kids that if something, if an unwanted image pops up, you hit the Back button immediately or you hit the X immediately, giving
- [21:15]
them the steps of exactly what to do.
- [21:18]
Right. Just telling them that if it's gonna happen, unfortunately, I hate the fact that that's so solid is that it's going to happen. But teaching them that, yeah, if a friend asks you to send nudes or tries, wants to send nudes to you, you immediately turn them off, turn them down. And if they are pushing it, then you block them and you go tell your trusted adult, whether if you're at school, go tell your school counselor, go call your mom, your dad, your caregiver, whoever that trusted adult might be. And if you're sent something pornographic on any app, whether that's social media or even video games or whatever, you report it and you tell your trusted adult. And I think that's the biggest key thing that we, we teach our kids and we teach our adults is that you need to be that trusted adult for those kids not to scare or even shame parents. But it's time for adults to be the adults. And that's what I've come to. Especially stepping into this role and doing all these talks and just hearing, I would say, quote, unquote excuses sometimes is like, well, here's the thing is, as adults, it's time for us to step into a role of being adults. And no, I personally don't have kids, but I want to be that safe and trusted person for kids. I want to be educated in every part of social media and every app so that I know if I'm working in a school or if I'm working with some, any kids, and this pops up, that it's a red flag in my mind and I can get there before abusers do or before perpetrators do or traffickers. And so that is key as an adult, not being a parent, but. And then looking from a parent role is being educated and then stepping into the role as an adult.
- [23:15]
And it's really about protecting our kids, which is your project me project. That's what kids want. They want to be protected, they want to be rescued from this. And it's our jobs as parents and adults with fully connected brains to not put our kids in these situations where they have to figure all this out. It's just not fair. It's not fair. And so the best way to do this is to delay access as long as you can into the high school years, even to 18, if you can. You know, there's great other, you know, a lot of people are going back to flip phones, just got to get them without Service, you know, so they can't connect to anything. You can still see the Internet on those most of the time.
- [23:53]
Yeah.
- [23:53]
We are proponents of the gab gab wireless, you know, because it looks like a smartphone, but it's not, you know, no Internet access. There are some options now for your kids, but the best thing to do is delay and to just create lots of opportunities for them to do other things. And they will thrive when you get through those teenage years. They will thrive and they will. Thank you.
- [24:12]
Oh, for sure. For sure. I mean, even for me, I was like, when I was in high school, I think is when, like the first smartphone came out, I remember in the middle of high school. But prior to that, like, I didn't have a phone. And we'd go outside, we'd run around, we would catch frogs, I don't know, do crazy, ridiculous things. And now watching kids, it's like the creativity is lower and the. The attention span is shorter. And that's. That's the other key thing that we teach, is that that's reversible. It's not. Well, it's too late for my kids. I'm, you know, if you're a listener, you know, it's not too late for your kids at all. You can reverse this immediately by. And what you guys teach, too. That's why I love this partnership so much, is because we're so spot on with each other. It's so wonderful. But, yeah, it's. It's not too late. And even in this context of pornography or grooming, it's not too late to step in and stop it and educate about it. As long as you do it responsibly and calmly and not react or put the shame on the child, because that is what the perpetrators are doing is they're the ones who are shaming the kid. And so this child has already an abundance of shame, but when you turn it back onto the perpetrator and say, hey, it's not your fault, let's walk through this. It's reversible, and damage can be healed and, and reversed.
- [25:39]
So I think that's too. What a parents can do right away is go back to their kids and say, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that this was hurting. No. You know, and us, we as adults need to take the responsibility back.
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Yeah.
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Not just look at our kids and go, well, what were you thinking? Well, we got to remember what the teen brain is. They probably weren't thinking in that moment.
- [25:57]
Yeah.
- [25:58]
That part of their brain wasn't Intact and that's not their fault. So, yeah, this has all been so amazing. Is there anything else that I've missed or that you want to share or encourage parents as we end today?
- [26:11]
I, I would say just more of, like, encouragement just because we've talked a lot of heavy things is don't stop researching, don't stop digging, is that it does look scary. And it is easy to shove this all under your bed or hide it away and wait till they get older. And the fact is, is that perpetrators, they're not waiting for kids to get older and for parents to sit down and have these conversations. They're going at them now. And at any age, at 3 years old up to, you know, teenage years. And so not to be afraid of doing your own research and not to be afraid to just sit down and begin a conversation. And, and if you don't know where to start, that's okay. Don't be ashamed of that either. But do the research and find someone to maybe walk you through that and help you through it. And it's better to start somewhere than not start at all. There's so many great tools out there, even through this process that I found. And so just being active and allowing your kids to take risks in a healthy situation, you know, like, okay, public speaking, that's a risk. I would say for me, that's a risk, you know, and, or going on a trip and getting involved in some sort of group, whether that's learning a foreign language or practicing volleyball or learning a new instrument. But taking healthy risks with your child and giving them those opportunities is going to keep them off their phones and it's going to keep them away from pornography and desiring pornography. And it's, it's not the end all, but it, it's healthy steps that you can take now.
- [28:02]
Podcast Guest
I mean, I would just end with hope. I mean, there is so much hope for the future. I am so grateful that the research is out. I'm grateful for people like you that are spreading the word on how to implement these things practically. I really do feel so much hope for the future. I think we are at that turning point where we have seen, seen sort of what's gone awry. And some of the brave are making those course corrections, and I mean, present company included. And I think all of you listeners are in the same boat. You are making those course corrections and you are figuring out what are my goals, what are my values, and, and you're shifting in that direction, and that is always going to serve you well. If you are moving and working from a place of, you know, where am I called as a family? Where am I called as a leader of my family? So, you know, just kudos to everybody asking those questions. I always say that there is no wrong answer except to not question it at all. And that's what you're doing. So well done. You're. You're probably over 70% there.
- [28:59]
Parent Advocate
I like your encouragement of allowing kids to stay young for as long as possible. I feel like, I mean, this is a super weird, funny example, but even Harry Potter, my kids were reading one book a year. I want them to have to wait like we did. And this is, this is a weird example. It's like, you know, books are analog regardless, and Harry Potter is fine. I'm sure it's appropriate enough for a young kid. But it's an example of, you know, we'll just have them binge through a series like that that we read from, you know, age whatever, 9, 10, when it came out to basically adulthood. And I just feel like we have to let them slow down. We're in a hurry all the time to let them read the things that we read, to let them watch the things that we watch, to let them do the things that we do. And I just love. I love the idea of consistently remembering and reminding ourselves to slow it down and let them just be kids from
- [29:53]
Olivia Kernighan
everyone on the screen. Strong team. Remember, we've got your back and we are here to help you. So until next time, stand up for your kids, stand out from the crowd and stay strong.
- [30:05]
Sa.