Parts Work & A Gay Wedding | #137

Summary

Podcast Summary: Secondhand Therapy

Episode #137: Parts Work & A Gay Wedding

Release Date: July 13, 2026
Hosts: Louie Paoletti (Malone) and Michael Malone (Brooks)
Podcast by: PonyBear Studios

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Episode Overview

In this candid and emotionally rich episode of Secondhand Therapy, hosts Louie Paoletti (Malone) and Michael Malone (Brooks) bring their signature humor and vulnerability to two core themes: the complex emotional fallout from not being invited to a close friend’s gay wedding, and an in-depth personal exploration of “parts work” therapy.

The duo navigates the messy territory of feeling left out, examining ego, friendship dynamics, and expectations around inclusion. They then turn toward the healing process, as Brooks shares vivid, vulnerable details about working with the different “parts” of himself—especially focusing on anxiety and anger—in therapy. The entire conversation is underscored by laughter, self-realization, and an unfiltered, honest look at why emotional growth never gets easy.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Uninvited to a Gay Wedding" Dilemma

[07:13–15:07, 22:41–27:12]

• Malone shares the story of his close childhood friend (who he considers “like a brother”) getting married with no prior notice and no invitation for him. He only discovers the wedding via Instagram.

  • "If this is your wedding, I'll kill you with a fucking gun." (Malone, 08:02)
  • The banter is darkly comic, punctuating a very real sense of being hurt and left out.

• Exploring the Hurt:

  • Malone reflects that his instant reaction is mixed: he admits to hating weddings and knowing it would have been a chore, yet still feels left out.
    • "I don't actually want to go, so what is this reaction in me?... Hurt my feelings. That's stupid." (Malone, 09:01, 10:27)
  • Brooks tries to parse whether it's about “being considered,” but Malone is unsure.
    • "Do you not feel included?" (Brooks, 09:01)
    • "I'm supposed to have my feelings hurt, so I'm letting my feelings be hurt." (Malone, 11:12)
  • Malone and Brooks debate if having context or “an explanation” would matter or bring closure. Malone isn’t convinced it would.
    • "It makes no difference. Now, if you would like to talk about… how can you trust anything?" (Malone, 23:40)
  • They riff about whether wondering about the rationale is healthy, necessary, or just ego.
    • "I could let it go, but it still has a lot of space in my brain." (Brooks, 25:32)

• Self-reflection & Resolution:

  • Ultimately, Malone voices his feelings directly (but jokingly) to his friend and follows up with genuine well-wishes and accountability:
    • "I sent him a voice note...I know we were just fucking around. But I'm really happy for you... you don't owe me an explanation." (Malone, 14:32)
  • The conversation circles back to the tension between needing “closure” and accepting that not everything is about you.
    • "It's his wedding. It should be whatever he wants it to be. And that's fine. If that doesn't include me, that's perfectly fine." (Malone, 09:53)
  • Both hosts compare how they process exclusion, with Brooks seeking context for closure and Malone wary of giving the event too much power:
    • "Relationships aren't built on whether someone invites you to their wedding." (Malone, 26:08)

---

2. Exploring "Parts Work" in Therapy

[30:33–37:18, 42:33–54:49]

• Brooks reveals recent breakthroughs in therapy using "parts work," a therapeutic approach that involves identifying and dialoguing with different emotional “characters” within oneself:

  • "I learned this week that my guy does parts work...That's why you signed up with him in the first place!" (Brooks/Malone, 30:33–31:05)
  • Brooks describes requesting to start “parts work” to address his problematic knee-jerk defensiveness in relationships.
    • "I'm really, really tired of living this way, and I want to be different." (Brooks, 32:38)
  • The hosts recap a recent incident between them involving a misunderstanding and Brooks’s outsized defensive reaction.

• The Therapy Session:

  • Through somatic focus, Brooks’s therapist helps him locate anxiety in his chest/throat and realize his hands are self-soothing—a lifelong habit tracing back to childhood medical trauma.
    • "A lot of my anxiety lives in my hands." (Brooks, 35:15)
    • "You can't hurt me. I'm hurting me." (Brooks, 37:05)
  • They discover two “parts”: anxious and self-soothing, with the former triggering the latter.

• Meeting “Anger”:

  • Brooks encounters “anger” as a separate part, physically felt in his brow and visualized as Super Mario guarding a lever that controls fire.
    • "He's just screaming at me...he's mad at me about everything, every fucking thing." (Brooks, 43:41–45:15)
    • Notable Visual: "He [anger] looked like Mario...with this giant grill, and all he wants to do is pull that lever and let that fire out." (Brooks, 47:06)
  • For Brooks, anger is an emotion he is not “allowed” to have, believing it drives others away.
    • "It is an emotion that I'm not allowed to have. When I do have it, I get treated very differently, and it's ugly." (Brooks, 47:25)
    • "People like me when I'm happy, even when I'm sad. Nobody likes me when I'm angry." (Brooks, 50:19)
  • Their therapist links anger’s “fuel” to motivational potential, but Brooks feels he can’t express it safely.

• The Interplay of Anger and Anxiety:

  • Malone points out, "Anxiety has the handcuffs on anger." (Malone, 54:39)
  • Brooks expresses fear of losing relationships, jobs, or opportunities if he expresses anger at all.
    • "I think using [anger] properly would be like learning how to stand up for yourself… I don't know how to just let a little [anger] out...it's either nothing or the lever gets pulled and then I'm like, hey, you're not gonna talk to me like that." (Brooks, 52:51–53:57)

• Vulnerability & Awareness:

  • With his hands fidgeting throughout, Brooks admits to feeling emotionally exposed and struggles not to cry.
    • "How you feeling?...Vulnerable." (Malone/Brooks, 55:06)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On hurt feelings and ego:

  • "I fucking hate weddings. It would have been a chore and a task to go...but initially really hurt." (Malone, 09:01–12:00)
  • "I think the lingering hurt has got to be ego." (Malone, 18:59)

• On context and closure:

  • "It's hard for me to sit with hurt feelings without context. Yes. Context helps me a lot with feelings." (Brooks, 19:21)
  • "I don't need closure with everything. Me not getting invited to his wedding, I don't need closure on that." (Malone, 25:52)

• On trust and control:

  • "How can you know if someone's telling the truth?...Not everything is worth having a belief." (Malone, 23:14, 20:19)

• On self-soothing and control:

  • "You can't hurt me. I'm hurting me." (Brooks, 37:05)

• On anger’s place in relationships:

  • "When I do have [anger], I get treated very differently, and it's ugly...People like me when I'm happy...Nobody likes me when I'm angry." (Brooks, 47:25, 50:19)

• Imagery & Humor:

  • "He looked like Mario...standing next to a giant stove...fire trying to pour out...all he wants to do is pull that lever and let that fire out." (Brooks, 47:22)
  • "I'm going to engrave the bullet. Allegedly." (Brooks, 14:01)
  • "You definitely weren't invited [to the all-gay wedding]." (Malone, 26:47)

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Topic/Event | |----------------|-------------------------------------------------| | 07:13–15:07 | Malone's gay wedding story, exploring the fallout | | 22:41–27:12 | Deepening discussion on closure, trust, ego | | 30:33–37:18 | Brooks’s therapy advances, parts work intro | | 42:33–54:49 | In-depth “parts work” therapy: anger, anxiety, self-exploration |

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Flow & Tone

• The episode remains deeply honest, with humor and self-deprecation balancing emotional digging.
• Brooks is more introspective and vulnerable, particularly around his therapy work, while Malone presses with challenging questions and supportive jabs.
• The pair’s friendship chemistry shines through, particularly in how they riff, tease, and challenge each other to reflect deeper—even within semi-serious or heartfelt moments.

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For Listeners: Why This Episode Matters

Even if you haven’t been through a similar situation, the raw self-reflection, practical therapy insights, and navigations of ego versus feeling left out are highly relatable. The episode demonstrates how therapy tools like “parts work” can open new perspectives, and why emotional processing—whether about relationships, anger, or friendships—is never simple and often circular. Most importantly, it affirms that being honest about what hurts (even when you wish it didn’t) is a critical step in growth.

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Listen for:

• Honest talk about friendship “breakups” that aren’t really breakups
• Real-world application of therapeutic “parts work”
• The ongoing struggle to express—and accept—hard emotions with humor and empathy

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For more episodes or to support the show, visit patreon.com/secondhandtherapypod.

Transcript

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[Brooks]

Secondhand Therapy is presented by Pony Bear Studios. For ad free episodes, head on over to patreon.com secondhand therapypod hello my little

[Malone]

bear cubs and welcome back to another episode of Secondhand Therapy. We need to remind you that we are not therapists.

[Brooks]

That's right.

[Malone]

We're not experts. This is not a substitute for therapy and this is not professional advice in any way. Thanks for being here. How are you here? Are you on YouTube? Are you on Spotify? Are you on Apple? Wherever the fuck you are, go to Patreon.

[Brooks]

Yeah, you're in the wrong spot where you are.

[Malone]

Yeah. Join our Patreon. You're going to get ad free Episodes. You're going to get early access to episodes and then there's a whole other podcast as well. And all of those will be wherever you're listening to this. They'll show up in Spotify, Apple, whatever. Very convenient. My God, do we have good customer service? It's kinda the best, you know, it's good enough.

[Brooks]

Yeah. I mean if you had just heard the text we got and everything like that. You have to be on Patreon to hear that.

[Malone]

They got a response, didn't they?

[Brooks]

They did get a response.

[Malone]

Okay, sure.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

We're not collecting ratings here. If you got a response.

[Brooks]

If you'd like to hear that story, head on over to Patreon.

[Malone]

What else? We Got merch available secondhand therapypod.com if you would like to give a about women, you can go to vasectomyfarms.com where we're making donations with those sales. I don't know what else, dude.

[Brooks]

I don't know.

[Malone]

It's a podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast.

[Brooks]

It's a podcast.

[Malone]

You got anything? You can contact us. Who cares?

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Yeah,

[Malone]

you'll get a Response.

[Brooks]

You can send us digital mail. You can send us physical mail. We have a P.O. box, all that fun stuff. All those details are below if you're listening or if you're watching. And if you're watching, it's also on screen right now.

[Malone]

Do you say digital mail to piss me off?

[Brooks]

Yes, I do.

[Malone]

Okay.

[Brooks]

Physically pissing you off or digitally pissing you off Electronically? Yeah.

[Malone]

Yeah. You are the kind of guy who think email is. You're like. It stands for digital. Like, it's literally an E. For sure.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Okay. And I'm pissed. You did it.

[Brooks]

Mission accomplished.

[Malone]

Pissed. All right. You got anything else for this intro?

[Brooks]

No.

[Malone]

Thought I did.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Whatever, you know.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

All right. Thanks for being here. Here's the music. You know how I keep telling you I'm doing a psychology class? Doing it.

[Brooks]

Okay. Are you really?

[Malone]

I'm really doing it, dude. Our new sponsor, Southern New Hampshire University,

[Brooks]

found some classes, bro. Oh, you fancy.

[Malone]

Now I'm out here.

[Brooks]

He's a schoolboy.

[Malone]

Hey, and here's the thing. If you're like me, and you're just like, dude, I like learning stuff sometimes. Snhu, go learn some stuff. If you were like me in the past, maybe you feel a little stuck in your career, you want to start a new thing. Snhu, what about you?

[Brooks]

I mean, I love to learn.

[Malone]

Oh, God, he's never learned.

[Brooks]

I need to do it more officially.

[Malone]

You never learned a thing. Anyway, if you want to check out SNHU and you want to see what kind of programs they have, you can go to Snhu. Edu Sht. And you can request more information. It costs nothing to request more information. It's a great way to support the podcast. Learn some stuff, start a new career. Do whatever you need.

[Brooks]

Go back to school.

[Malone]

Snhu. Edu. Sht. There's also a link in the episode description. Get some info, start some learning. You're welcome. If you're interested in having the best time of your life, you should go ahead and check out our new sponsor, Psychic Source.

[Brooks]

Oh, buddy, I cannot wait. Dude, I trying to talk to dead people. Do they do that?

[Malone]

They do mediums. They got mediums.

[Brooks]

All right, I'll take a large. Medium.

[Malone]

All right, so here's the thing. Daddy already did it. Okay? Now here. Here's the thing. If you want to talk to a psychic, and trust me, you do, here's what you do. You go to trypsychicsource.com sht. 10. Okay? You're gonna get 40 minutes. 44. Zero minutes for $19.80. Now you don't have to use all 40 minutes with one person. I didn't. I did 20 with. And look, mind your business. Talk about my love life.

[Brooks]

Okay, all right.

[Malone]

Talk about my love life.

[Brooks]

Trying to see some. Some.

[Malone]

Maybe some road bumps, just seeing if it's gonna be clear skies, and it's not. Now, I did the other 20 on just, like, a spiritual thing. See where I'm at? Let me guess. You're gonna do a medium.

[Brooks]

Oh, my God, I can't wait.

[Malone]

All right, well, if you want to talk to a psychic, you can do that again. Trypsychicsource.com sht10. You get 40 minutes for under $20. Do it. And then DM us, because I want to hear how it went.

[Brooks]

Oh, I can't. I. Please, please DM us.

[Malone]

Oh, God, it's so much fun.

[Brooks]

I want the tea.

[Alltrails Advertiser]

We all belong outside. We're drawn to nature. Whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to or the succulents that adorn our homes. Nature makes all of our lives, well, better. Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it. But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With Alltrails, you can discover trails nearby and explore confidently with offline maps and on trail navigation. Download the free app today and. And make the most of your summer with Alltrails.

[Malone]

Hello, my little bear cubs, and welcome back.

[Brooks]

Secondhand therapy.

[Malone]

And we know that what I found out was happening was I was h. I don't know if I was battling my ego. It's definitely a part of me that I'm battling.

[Brooks]

Okay.

[Malone]

So I've talked about him on here before. My best buddy growing up. Super close, like brothers. He's gay. He has a partner. They got engaged, and they've been engaged for a while. And then I see on Instagram a photo of a venue, and I go, that looks nice. And then I see on Instagram a photo of these two queens what looks to be on their goddamn wedding day. Okay.

[Brooks]

Oh, no.

[Malone]

So I, as a friend, reply to this story that looks like it could be their wedding. Mm. And I say, if this is your wedding, I'll kill you with a fucking gun. Okay.

[Brooks]

Okay.

[Malone]

What?

[Brooks]

Go on.

[Malone]

He responded, yeah, we threw it together pretty quick. And I responded, I'm very happy for you. Congratulations. You're dead to me. No.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Mm. No invite for lubear. Now I hate weddings.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

I don't actually want to go, so what is this reaction in me? Hey, you did me A favor not invite me to that wedding.

[Brooks]

Yeah. Do you not feel included?

[Malone]

I don't really care about being included.

[Brooks]

Considered. Is that a better word?

[Malone]

No, I'm not you. Let's go deeper. Let's go deeper.

[Brooks]

Well, what else would it be?

[Malone]

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

I mean, it's got it. Part of it has to be my ego, but I think the rest of it is, like, I don't. Maybe I'm. Part of me is hurt that

[Brooks]

I

[Malone]

don't know if it's because of our history or how close. And it's all how close we used to be. Like, we're still in touch. We still talk. Like, when I'm in town. Like, usually I'll be at, like, be at their house. We'll catch up, like, things like that. But we're definitely not close. Like, we used to be. So fine. It's fine. And also, dude, it's his wedding. It should be whatever he wants it to be. And that's fine. If that doesn't include me, that's perfectly fine. And it's so odd that. And again, I fucking hate weddings. It would have been a chore and a task to go.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Hurt my feelings.

[Brooks]

Hmm.

[Malone]

That's stupid.

[Brooks]

No.

[Malone]

What?

[Brooks]

Not at all.

[Malone]

You're gayer than they are.

[Brooks]

Yeah. That makes perfect sense to me.

[Malone]

I know it does to you.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

You're probably mad you didn't get invited.

[Brooks]

I'm very upset.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

I want to go.

[Malone]

Yeah. I'll show you this venue.

[Brooks]

Oh, yeah. Does it also feel like maybe, like you mentioned, like, that's who. That's where you used to be in that relationship? Does it feel like maybe it's the realization of maybe you guys, you know, maybe that door is closed a little bit now.

[Malone]

I've known that.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Yeah. Yeah. Life's different now. It's very different. And I have a lot of relationships that are different than they used to be. And that. That kind of stuff never bothers me. I also. I wonder if part of it is, like. I don't know how to phrase it. I'm supposed to have my feelings hurt, so I'm letting my feelings be hurt. You know, I'm wondering if I'm, like, playing into it a little bit for myself.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

I don't know. It's so odd. I don't. I. I can't stress this enough. I fucking hate a wedding.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

And had I been. Had I been invited, I would have gone and I would have been pissed. Cause you gotta travel you gotta. I gotta. Like, I don't have clothes for a wedding. A gay wedding. I gotta go shopping.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Like, he truly did me a favor.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

But initially really hurt.

[Brooks]

Do you think you would have felt better if he just given you a heads up?

[Malone]

Oh, that's interesting. Like, hey, we're throwing the wedding together, but we're keeping it.

[Brooks]

Yeah. Last minute. Yeah.

[Malone]

Interesting. Yeah, I think so. What does that mean to you?

[Brooks]

I mean, that goes back to the first thing I said, which is just being considered. You don't feel like you're considered?

[Malone]

I don't think I should be considered. It's not.

[Brooks]

You have a history, a close history.

[Malone]

Yeah. But I just don't think it's anybody who's having a celebration or an occasion that's for them. I don't think it's their responsibility to consider everyone.

[Brooks]

Not everyone, but a relationship like yours.

[Malone]

I don't know that I agree with that. Or, you know, maybe deep down I do.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

I don't know.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

If I got married and you weren't invited, would you kill yourself?

[Brooks]

I'd kill you first, buddy. You wouldn't make it to the wedding.

[Malone]

Here's real quick. You're not. Not a fucking chance. You think you could kill me?

[Brooks]

Yeah. You'd see it on my story. You'd be like, is he at the gun range? Why does he have a sniper rifle?

[Malone]

You can't lift a sniper rifle.

[Brooks]

Malone's never been in the gun range.

[Malone]

You're gonna kill me from far away?

[Brooks]

I don't know.

[Malone]

That is something.

[Brooks]

That's a bitch move legally. I don't know.

[Malone]

Kill me with brass knuckles. Make it personal, like, I earned it.

[Brooks]

I'm gonna engrave the bullet. Allegedly.

[Malone]

Luigi free. Luigi. Yeah. So that was a weird one.

[Brooks]

All of them are going to say, consider me.

[Malone]

They missed. Yes. I got my feelings hurt. I didn't go to a gay wedding.

[Brooks]

Damn. Yeah, I think that's valid.

[Malone]

It might be. I apologized.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Yeah. I sent him a voice note because, like, it was bantery and that does fit our relationship and our communication.

[Brooks]

But yeah.

[Malone]

Yeah, I sent him a voice note. I was like, hey, I think that was a little bit childish and selfish. I was like, I know we were just fucking around. I was like, but I'm really happy for you. And, yeah, you don't owe me an explanation. And I hope that wedding was the best day of your life so far. I love you. Asked my love to. I said his partner's name and yeah.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

And here we are.

[Brooks]

Good for you.

[Malone]

Still no invite.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Still no invite.

[Brooks]

Hmm.

[Malone]

In that situation, if it were you, would you need an explanation eventually?

[Brooks]

Context would help. Context would help. It would. Yeah, it would help the bruise.

[Malone]

That's not context. That's an explanation.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Mm. What if you never got it? Could you let it go? Or would you have to ask eventually?

[Brooks]

I. If it's a relationship, like, you're saying, as close as it is, Because I keep thinking, like, I'm comparing it to my buddy in Texas, like, our. Our relationship has shifted a little bit, and we don't talk as much as we used to.

[Malone]

Yeah, you guys talk way more than we do.

[Brooks]

Okay.

[Malone]

I would say. Let's look more in the. Somewhere in between Foster and Winkelman.

[Brooks]

Mm. Mm. Yeah. I don't know when I would ask. It might be years later.

[Malone]

Years.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Oh, my God.

[Brooks]

But I'd want to know eventually. Like, hey, whatever happened with that?

[Malone]

What? Whatever happened with what?

[Brooks]

Be like, why didn't I get invited to that? What was going on?

[Malone]

Oh, you didn't make the cut.

[Brooks]

Oh, okay. Fair enough.

[Malone]

That's a good enough explanation.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

That's obviously what happened.

[Brooks]

No, that's not. That's never obvious.

[Malone]

What else would it be? What if, like, I completely forgot about you?

[Brooks]

That's also. You know what? You know, it goes back to, like, me thinking I've done something wrong. Yeah. So, like, oh, we must have, like, the last. Like, in my mind, it would have to be something like. Well, the last I didn't want to mention is the last time we hung out, you had said something about, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it didn't really sit right with me, and I didn't think you'd have a good time here. Whatever. And I'm like, oh, okay.

[Malone]

And that. Oh, okay.

[Brooks]

Well, in my head, I mean, dying, but yeah.

[Malone]

Wow.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Oh, no, you got to let that go.

[Brooks]

You don't want any contact, so.

[Malone]

Okay. It doesn't matter

[Brooks]

if he wouldn't have responded at all if you just said, hey, it looks like you guys got married this weekend. Blah, blah, blah.

[Malone]

That's how I said. I said, I'll kill you with a fucking gun if you.

[Brooks]

I was trying to give you a little. Little nicer response than a hate crime.

[Malone]

I deal in facts, but it's not a hate crime if I don't kill him.

[Brooks]

If.

[Malone]

If it's a hate threat.

[Brooks]

If he would just responded with just, like a. If he just liked it or thumbs up it or something like that or whatever. You had no context of, hey, yeah, I was last minute.

[Malone]

Sorry.

[Brooks]

If you didn't have that context.

[Malone]

That's also not context. That it Again, it's.

[Brooks]

What is that?

[Malone]

That's just words somebody said. Whether it's true or not, I'll never know. Whether or not that's actually what. I will never know. They could have been playing this thing for two years. That's why you don't owe me an explanation. Because. Yeah, we just threw it together. A wedding? Really? At that flawless venue? They just had that available?

[Brooks]

Huh?

[Malone]

Get out of here. You don't have to. It's fine. You don't owe me an explanation. You don't have to spare my feelings. You don't have to give me an excuse. It doesn't matter.

[Brooks]

So if he would have said nothing.

[Malone]

It's exactly the same. Wow. It's exactly the same. My feelings were initially hurt.

[Brooks]

Right.

[Malone]

I think they probably still are. And I think that's ego. The lingering hurt has got to be ego. But the truth of it is, I don't like weddings. It would have been a chore to go.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

None of that changes. I don't know, man. It. But it's hard for you to sit with hurt feelings.

[Brooks]

It's hard for me to sit with hurt feelings without. Without context. Yes. Context helps me a lot with feelings.

[Malone]

Even if it's.

[Brooks]

Even if it hurts.

[Malone]

Even if it's just an easy. Like, ah, yeah, it was last minute. And then you hear later that they've been planning it for 18 months.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

So I could just start lying to you, and that would help our relationship a lot.

[Brooks]

I mean, here's the deal. Like, if I find that out, then I'm double hurt. You know what I mean? That you lied to me and that. But what I'm saying is. Yeah, but then you come to me with hurt feelings.

[Malone]

I go, oh, that's just what I told him.

[Brooks]

See, this is what I'm talking about with your. With your disbelief in things. How do you. How do you. How do you take anything at face value then? Or how. What is. What is your belief then?

[Malone]

I don't have one. It doesn't matter.

[Brooks]

Exactly. Yeah. If you believe in nothing, how do you believe in.

[Malone]

Not everything is worth having a belief.

[Brooks]

We'll be right back with more secondhand therapy. Hang tight. I know we talk about better help a lot on this show, but now they're a sponsor.

[Malone]

They are a sponsor, dude.

[Brooks]

I'm using better help. I'm loving it so far. It's so easy to find a therapist, find out what I'm looking for, and if it's not working out, because that has happened, I've been able to switch therapists with no problem at all.

[Malone]

Yeah, yeah, you had that one. That was not a good fit.

[Brooks]

It's not a good fit. Hey, and that happens. Finding good therapist is, like, a lot like finding, you know, being out there in the dating world and finding the right partner for you.

[Malone]

And you're married now.

[Brooks]

Never. Never.

[Malone]

You're in love now.

[Brooks]

I have to talk about this with my therapist.

[Malone]

Dude, you're there. Can I meet this person? I don't even know their gender. Can I meet this person?

[Brooks]

Absolutely not.

[Malone]

Let's do one together.

[Brooks]

Well, we should sign up for couples therapy on BetterHelp.

[Malone]

I'll do it. You think I want to do it? You think I won't win couples therapy with you?

[Brooks]

Dude.

[Malone]

You think I'm not gonna walk out with the trophy?

[Brooks]

I know you will.

[Malone]

All right, here's the good news. They really are a sponsor, and if you have wanted to get in therapy and maybe you don't know where to start, maybe you don't have insurance like us, you can go to BetterHelp. They were nice enough to give us a discount. So if you hear this, you can go to betterhelp.com secondhandtherapy and you will get 10% off your first month. There's a link below the episode. Starting therapy. It helps. It really helps. No matter what you want to work on, give it a shot. Betterhelp.com secondhandtherapy we love you guys.

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[Malone]

Not everything's about me.

[Brooks]

Like, it's about lying or something. How do you. So it doesn't matter if this guy's lying to you or not?

[Malone]

No, because the facts are, my feelings were hurt, and it would have been a pain in the ass to go.

[Brooks]

Okay, sorry. I need to rephrase this. So my question is not. It doesn't matter if he's lying to you or not. My question is, how do you. How do you believe anything that he says? Even if he's. How do you know if he's telling the truth or not? If anybody's telling the truth or not?

[Malone]

You don't. How can you know if someone's telling the truth.

[Brooks]

I don't. I don't know. Yeah. Just trust. Sure. So how do you trust anything if you trust nothing?

[Malone]

I'm not saying I trust nothing. I'm just saying in that instance, it doesn't matter if he's telling me the truth.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

It makes no difference. Now, if you would like to talk about how. How can you trust anything? Is all about control. We could do that. We could do that because then you can control whether or not people are telling you you can't.

[Brooks]

Well, I know that.

[Malone]

You know that here. He points to his head. You know that here.

[Brooks]

Yeah, but I have trust in people that they're not lying to me. If. If the. If the response is, yeah, we threw it together, like, sorry, you know, last minute kind of thing, then I have to trust that that is the truth, because I'm trusting in my friend that that's what. That's what the issue. That's what happened.

[Malone]

Okay.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Do you find it's easier to have trust in things that give you the context?

[Brooks]

No, I just have to trust the context. Whatever it is, bad or good,

[Malone]

why do you need it then? If it's either gonna help or hurt and you don't know, what's the point in having it?

[Brooks]

Closure. I'd rather not just wonder and wonder and wonder about whatever happened. I'd rather just have.

[Malone]

Why would you wonder and wonder and wonder?

[Brooks]

Because there's no context. And that's all you do is like, I wonder what happened there. I wonder why I didn't get invited to that thing. And then you just wonder about it.

[Malone]

Why?

[Brooks]

I mean, eventually, see, holding on and letting go is different than wondering and not wondering. I can let it go and still have an idea of like, I wonder whatever happened with that.

[Malone]

No. Yeah.

[Brooks]

Because the feelings would go away, but the question remains, and what do I never. Whatever happened with that. It doesn't mean I'm still hurt about it. It just.

[Malone]

I think you're lying to both of us.

[Brooks]

For sure.

[Malone]

I could let it go, but it still has a lot of space in my brain.

[Brooks]

Sure. Not a lot of space, but if it were to come up again, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I wonder whatever happened with that.

[Malone]

Okay.

[Brooks]

But that's not like.

[Malone]

I don't think you've let it go, if that's the case.

[Brooks]

Really?

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

That's interesting.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

So no closure. So that doesn't help with closure. Context doesn't help with closure.

[Malone]

I. I don't need closure with everything. Me not getting invited to his wedding. I don't need closure on that. That's perfectly fine. No, because it's also. It's an event. It's his life event. It's not mine.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

So me having a lingering, like, I wonder what happened there. It wasn't even my wedding. Like, I'm making this whole thing about my feelings so deeply that I'm constantly wondering and I need this closure, like, now.

[Brooks]

Bro, it's his wedding. But it's your relationship with him.

[Malone]

No, it isn't. Our relationship is not built on whether or not he invites me to his wedding.

[Brooks]

Yeah, I, I. Yeah, but it has to do with that.

[Malone]

No, it doesn't.

[Brooks]

It really doesn't. Yeah. Interesting.

[Malone]

Maybe it was a gay only wedding. I don't know.

[Brooks]

Yeah. I would have gone with you.

[Malone]

You definitely weren't invited.

[Brooks]

Can you ask him why I wasn't?

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

You close with the groom? Yeah.

[Malone]

It's like, is what it is not. It's not even my, like. Yeah. I think if I keep wondering, I'm making that my thing. Like I wasn't invited. Hey, a lot of people weren't invited.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Like, it's just. Yeah.

[Brooks]

That's so interesting. Yeah. Because you keep attaching it to the event and I keep attaching it to the relationship, to the friendship. Yeah.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

Huh.

[Malone]

Do you know this is a hypothetical? Do you find that you hold on to relationships very, very tight because you really don't want them to leave? Is that.

[Brooks]

No, I've never heard of that. I'm pretty loosey goosey.

[Malone]

Interesting. I thought we were onto something there.

[Brooks]

No. Way off.

[Malone]

Interesting. Yeah, I thought you were. Well, this is going to sound codependent, but I want you to hear me out.

[Alltrails Advertiser]

Sure.

[Malone]

I thought maybe you were. Than equating the strength of the relationship to the value of yourself.

[Brooks]

Mm.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

Yeah. Not me.

[Malone]

Nope.

[Brooks]

I thought we were getting somewhere. Yeah. Why wouldn't I be good enough to be invited to the wedding? Never even crossed my mind.

[Malone]

Of course.

[Brooks]

Yeah. I would never.

[Malone]

Nobody heard it reading between lines at all.

[Brooks]

Nobody.

[Malone]

Nobody did.

[Brooks]

Nobody out there. What's going on with you?

[Malone]

I really thought we might have got somewhere on that. But, hey, sometimes I have an idea and it's a swing and a miss.

[Brooks]

Yeah, you're way off on that.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

Yeah. I don't even know what makes you think something like that.

[Malone]

No, you can't make me think anything.

[Brooks]

You don't deal with. You. So you didn't think about the relationship, but you are thinking about the relationship because you're trying to Figure out if it's ego or not.

[Malone]

Well, I think it definitely is ego.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

But yeah, my feelings being hurt is. It's my feelings. He didn't do anything to me. It wasn't malicious. Like, it was just. I wasn't included on that thing. The reason being does not matter. It just doesn't. It's not about me. And if I did something that was upsetting or offensive or whatever, I. I feel very confident that I would know that that would be on my radar. Just like the exchange we had on Instagram. Like, I know that we both know we're joking and like that's in our realm. But also I'm like, like, give him a sincere well wishing and be like, hey, it's not weird you didn't invite me. We're good.

[Brooks]

No. Yeah.

[Malone]

It means I'm not good enough and he hates me and we're never gonna talk again.

[Brooks]

Now we're onto something.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Alltrails Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

There it is. Uh huh. See?

[Malone]

And my mom's dead.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

I just. I need closure. What? On the invite, Buddy, I don't know how you don't sleep all day long. You must be exhausted constantly.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

A lot of energy coming out of you.

[Brooks]

Very draining.

[Malone]

I. I can only imagine. I mean, I've. I've been in that realm, but I was much younger. I haven't been in that realm as an adult. I would imagine it's very draining.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Yeah. Okay. Your turn.

[Brooks]

Yay. I learned this week that my guy does parts work.

[Malone]

Now. Is that now? Now, hold on. Because I'm pissed again now. That's why you signed up with him in the first place. I remember that vividly. I also remember last week when you said that you were going to find somebody to start doing parts work. I asked you. I thought your guy did. That's why you signed up with him. Go ahead.

[Brooks]

Well, I did think that. And then we never did parts work or even talked about it.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

And I was like, well, okay, maybe he doesn't do parts work.

[Malone]

Yeah. Did you ever say it to him? Yeah, I thought you did parts work. Are we going to get to that?

[Brooks]

No, no. God forbid.

[Malone]

No. Yeah. He runs therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brooks]

God forbid. I asked for what I need.

[Malone]

So has he started paying you yet? We just never did it. He never brought it up. Hey, that's your job.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Sorry.

[Brooks]

I also. I think I was confusing for a while. EMDR with parts work.

[Malone]

Pissed again.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

And I'm livid.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Go ahead.

[Brooks]

Anyways, so I was telling him about all kinds. I Don't even know. I don't want to talk about. Okay, I'll get right to it. Well, that's a whole nother thing.

[Malone]

Yeah, yeah, no, I got it. Just the idea that we're recording, you go, I don't want to talk about it is so funny. That's all it was, funny.

[Brooks]

So I bring it up to him. I go, hey, just so you know, I'm looking for additional therapy. I'm going to find somebody who does parts work. And he was like, oh, I actually do parts work. And I was like, I thought you did, but we never talked about it. And he was like, I've been waiting

[Malone]

on you to bring it up.

[Brooks]

And he's like, well, yeah, we can give that a try. He's like, what is your goal with parts work? And I was like, I. I gotta get down to the root of some of this stuff.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

He's like, okay. And he said, is there something in particular you want to be working on? And I said, yeah, my reactions. I'm. I'm really, really tired of living this way, and I want to be different. And I brought up what we talked about, I think, on the shit show. So if you're not on Patreon, go over there and you can hear that little incident. But I brought up the softball that you threw me. And I was like. And I just couldn't fucking handle it. I automatically went. I was defensive.

[Malone]

Not literally a softball, guys, you'll get it if you listen.

[Brooks]

Yeah, yeah. There was something happened between us, and my reaction was defensive right away. And that's always the case. I'm always defensive, and I. And I don't want to be that anymore. And so he's like, okay, well, we can. Let's talk about the incident. So we did. And then he's like, okay, I'm gonna have you close your eyes. And he's like, let's. Let's put you back in that position, and let's see where that feeling is. And I was like, it's anxiety. And it is in, like, my chest throat area. Like, it's not like my chest proper, but it's like in between chest and throat. Yeah. And he's like, okay. And he's like, what does it feel like? And I was like, it's just like a fluttering, and then there is like a shortness of breath that's happening. And he's like, what is your anxiety about? And I was like, well, then I'm in trouble. And he's like, okay, so you feel like it's an accusation. Although it sounds like what was happening was just a question. And I go, yeah, that happens a lot. And he's like, okay, great. And. And he's like, where else do you feel this? And by this point, like, my hands are just like. Looks like I'm making pottery. You know what I mean? I'm there going at it, and I go, my hands. I go, I think a lot of my anxiety lives in my hands. And he goes, that's a different part showing up. And I said, oh. And he goes, it sounds like you have anxiety coming up, and then your hands is trying to soothe the anxiety. So that is a separate part.

[Malone]

I have a question.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

At the beginning of this episode, you were doing that the whole time we were talking.

[Brooks]

This. Yeah.

[Malone]

That right hand is always going. Were you feeling anxious when we were talking about the invites and stuff?

[Brooks]

A little bit, yeah.

[Malone]

Why?

[Brooks]

I don't know if we'll keep this or not, but just the conversations that we've had about conversating before. And I am trying to be more curious with you, and I was hoping that I could get there.

[Malone]

I noticed that, and I was like, is that a ring thing or is that a in his body thing?

[Brooks]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Malone]

Go ahead.

[Brooks]

Are you okay? So I'm talking about the shortness of breath, and it's kind of living in that area. And then my hands are going 100 miles an hour. And I said, I don't know if this. I don't know if this means anything or not. He's like, okay. And I go, but I'm not just, like, caressing my hands. There is pressure. Like, I am, like, pinching and, like, applying pressure to my knuckles, and, like, I'm trying to hurt my hands a little bit.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

And I go, the only other time I do this and I've done this my whole life is, like, when you go to the doctor or the dentist and they go to, like, numb your mouth or that you get a shot or something. I will take my fingers and I will, like, pinch the back of my leg or, like, my hand or something when they're putting the needle in something that somebody had told me when I was young that, like, if you want a distraction from that. Ouchie, do this ouchie instead. Hey, that's how you control pain. Hey, that's about control.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

You can't hurt me. I'm hurting me.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

So that was a cool little side road when we went down. Yeah.

[Malone]

So you just rubbed your chest.

[Brooks]

This next part.

[Malone]

Oh. We'll be right back with more secondhand therapy after this. If you're interested in having the best time of your life, you should go ahead and check out our new sponsor, Psychic Source.

[Brooks]

Oh, buddy, I cannot wait. Dude, I'm trying to talk to dead people. Do they do that?

[Malone]

They do mediums. They got mediums.

[Brooks]

All right, I'll take a large medium.

[Malone]

All right, so here's the thing. That he already did it, okay? Now, here. Here's the thing. If you want to talk to a psychic, and trust me, you do, here's what you do. You go to trypsychicsource.com sht10. Okay? You're gonna get 40 minutes. 44. Zero minutes for $19.80. Now, you don't have to use all 40 minutes with one person. I didn't. I did 20 with. And look, mind your business. Talk about my love life.

[Brooks]

Okay, all right.

[Malone]

Talk about my love life.

[Brooks]

Trying to see some. Some.

[Malone]

Maybe some road bumps, Just seeing if it's going to be clear skies, and it's not. Now, I did the other 20 on just, like, a spiritual thing. See where I'm at? Let me guess. You're gonna do a medium.

[Brooks]

Oh, my God. I can't wait.

[Malone]

All right, well, if you want to talk to a psychic, you can do that again. Trypsychicsource.com sht10. You get 40 minutes for under $20. Do it. And then DM us, because I want to hear how it went.

[Brooks]

Oh, I can't. I. Please, please DM us.

[Malone]

Oh, God, it's so much fun.

[Brooks]

I want the tea. I know we talk about betterhelp a lot on this show, but now they're a sponsor.

[Malone]

They are a sponsor, dude.

[Brooks]

I'm using Better help. I'm loving it so far. It's so easy to find a therapist, find out what I'm looking for, and if it's not working out, because that has happened, I've been able to switch therapists with no problem at all.

[Malone]

Yeah, yeah, you had that one. That was not a good fit. Not a good fate.

[Brooks]

And that happens. Finding good therapists is, like, a lot like finding, you know, being out there in the dating world and finding the right partner for you.

[Malone]

And you're married now.

[Brooks]

Oh, no.

[Malone]

Never.

[Brooks]

Never.

[Malone]

You're in love now.

[Brooks]

I have to talk about this with my therapist.

[Malone]

Dude, you're there. Can I meet this person? I don't even know their gender. Can I meet this person?

[Brooks]

Absolutely not.

[Malone]

Let's do one together.

[Brooks]

Well, we should sign up for couples therapy on BetterHelp.

[Malone]

I'll do it. You think I won't do it? You think I won't win couples therapy with you, dude? You think I'm not gonna walk out with the trophy?

[Brooks]

I know you will.

[Malone]

All right, here's the good news. They really are a sponsor. And if you have wanted to get in therapy and maybe you don't know where to start, maybe you don't have insurance like us, you can go to BetterHelp. They were nice enough to give us a discount. So if you hear this, you can go to betterhelp.com secondhand therapy and you will get 10% off your first month. There's a link below the episode. Starting therapy. It helps. It really helps. No matter what you want to work on, give it a shot. Betterhelp.com secondhandtherapy we love you guys.

[Brooks]

I wrote a book, which still feels weird to say out loud. It is a collection of short stories and essays and faux journal entries, and it's, you know, all about love, grief, dating, loneliness, and all the weird ways people try to hold on to each other while they fall apart. Some of the stories are funny. Some of the stories are sad. Most are, you know, a blend of both. I mean, honestly, the book really isn't about love. It's. It's more about moments, like those awkward moments after an argument or the drive home after a bad date or, you know, that silence after someone says, I'm fine when you know that they're lying to you. Anyways, I am offering signed copies of the [e-mail] so if you've ever mistaken attention for intimacy or referred to distance as independence or, you know, love someone and then realized that that really wasn't the problem, then this book might be for you. And you can get a signed copy and stickers and bookmarks and all kinds of fun [e-mail] it's available in paperback, hardback, ebook, and the audiobook is coming soon, so there's no excuse. Go check it out. Velvettigerbooks.com there's never been a better time

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[Brooks]

So he goes, let's see if we can talk to anxiety. I said, sure. We've tried that before.

[Malone]

He's always here. You're not gonna like him. Yeah.

[Brooks]

So I said, sure. And so I was focusing and we. We're focusing on anxiety and where it lives, and then we're trying to get down to it and I noticed my brow was like. Was like. Like furrowing, like, more and more. And I was like, I can't get to him. And he's like, well, is there something blocking him? And I go, yeah, anger. And he goes, interesting. Where's anger live? And I go, I feel him in my brow. And I felt myself, like, closing my eyes really hard. My brow was, like, fervent, like, really? I go, he's living right there. And he's like, can we talk to anger? Sure. And we go down to talk to Anger.

[Malone]

And I'd like to say, phenomenal session. Oh, buddy, good for you.

[Brooks]

Just wait.

[Malone]

I am on the edge of my seat.

[Brooks]

So we get to Anger, and he's like, can we ask him what he's angry about? And I said, I can't even approach him. He's screaming at me. And he's like, can you make out what he's saying? And I said, he's just screaming. And he said, okay. And he said, can we talk about why he's upset? Can you ask him, Let him know that you're here? And I said, yeah. And he's like, just let him know that you're here first and then we'll get there. I was like, he doesn't. He doesn't care. He's.

[Malone]

He's.

[Brooks]

He's pretty upset. And he's like, what is he upset about? He is fed up, and he is very. At first, he was just mad that. At the anxiety about how dumb it was that I was feeling that anxious about being in trouble, quote unquote or whatever. He's like, what the is your problem? Kind of thing. Like, he's just. At first, he was just pointing out anxiety and being like, what the is their problem? I was like, well, he's got a point. I was like, I'm on anger's side.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

And then he's like, okay, can you try to talk to him? And he's just yelling. And then he expressed that he was mad at me and mad about everything, every fucking thing. He just. He's so fed up. And he said, can you. Can you tell him that you're listening, that he's being heard? And I said, yeah, I can try. And so I tried. And then literally, he turned his back on me and just was like, waving me off. Like, get the fuck out of here. Like, I'm done with you. I don't even talk to you. And I'm like, okay. I was like, he's. He won't even acknowledge me, and he doesn't believe that I'm going to do anything about anything. And he's like, okay. He's like. He's like, well, now that we've met with anger and we heard him out a little bit, he goes, I think next session we can talk to anxiety. It sounds like we can kind of move past anger a little bit, like, now that he's been heard. And I said, okay. And we had talked before this about the time that I had done parts work once before about how crazy it is when you think about it. I remember when you were telling me about it, how you can, like, visualize these parts and, like, what they look like and things.

[Malone]

Yeah, sometimes. Yeah.

[Alltrails Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

It's crazy. And so I go, can I tell you what he looked like? My therapist goes, yeah. And I go, he looked like Mario. And so I'm just like, Mario's just yelling at me.

[Malone]

Like, Mario. Like, super Mario.

[Brooks]

Yeah, like super Mario.

[Malone]

Okay.

[Brooks]

And then he is standing next to his giant, like, stove, like, oh, it's like this oven with, like, this giant grill on it, and fire is trying to, like, pour out of this grill, and there's a lever, and all he wants to do is pull that lever and let that fire out. And he's mad. He. He's like, I. He's like, let me fucking. Let me pull this. Like, let me show you what I can do. And I'm like, no. And my therapist is like, oh. He was, like, really taken back by that. He's like, let's talk about anger a little bit. And I said, yeah. And. And I said, it is an emotion that I. I'm not allowed to have. And when I do have it, I get treated very differently, and it's ugly. It's. When I'm at my ugliest is when I have anger, and so I can't use it. And he said, that is interesting. He said. He said, what happens when you use anger? And I said, people leave. They don't want anything to do with me. And he said, okay, that's good to know. Moving forward. And I said, yeah. And all anger wants to do is pull that fucking lever. And he said, yeah, it sounds like. What that sounds like is fuel. You have a lot of, like, what you're describing with the. With the oven and, like, the grill and like, all, like, the grill piece and, like, being held back is like. It sounds like, you know, like, most engines and things like that run on fire and fuel and stuff. And it sounds to me like maybe there's a lot of motivation or a lot of you know, stuff like that that could be useful to you, that is being fueled by that and you're not tapping into it. And he's probably upset by that because he could be helping you a lot and you won't allow him.

[Malone]

Sounds like your underdog complex.

[Brooks]

Yeah. All he wants to do is pull that lever.

[Malone]

What happens when he pulls it?

[Brooks]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Malone]

When did you learn you're not allowed to have it or use it?

[Brooks]

I've never felt like I could.

[Malone]

Who treated you differently?

[Brooks]

Every. Everybody treats me differently.

[Malone]

Like, do you have a memory of letting anger out and there being consequences?

[Brooks]

Not really. Not like a singular moment. But. People like me when I'm happy. People even like me when I'm sad. Nobody likes me when I'm angry. And. Yeah.

[Malone]

Who's the last person to see you angry?

[Brooks]

Whoever's in my car last. You know, like, even. That's like a little. Just bites of anger, you know, People don't like that.

[Malone]

You keep saying people.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Who are these people?

[Brooks]

Relationships. It can't be anger and business, you know, because then you'll lose whatever work's coming to. You know what I mean? Like friendships, and they're not going to want to hang out. You're not a good time in relationships. It's probably a safety thing. Yeah.

[Malone]

What about when you're alone?

[Brooks]

I'm angry when I'm alone.

[Malone]

You are?

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Do you pull the lever when you're alone?

[Brooks]

Sometimes a little bit comes out, but I get upset with myself. Even I don't know how to use it properly. Yeah.

[Malone]

What does that mean, use it properly?

[Brooks]

I don't know how to. I think using it properly would be like learning how to stand up for yourself or express your needs. I think some of that would fall into an anger category because you are being mistreated or you're feeling like you're not, whatever. And so I imagine you're either frustrated, which falls under anger. And so to use it properly, you could use that to motivate yourself to be like, hey, you know, I don't. I don't like the way you're talking to me right now, or something like that. I don't know how to say that, because I'll pull the lever if I don't just swallow it and go, yeah, you know, or whatever. I play along like I normally do, then the lever gets pulled and then I'm like, hey, you're not gonna talk to me like that. That. And then it's just the lever's Gone. And now we're fighting. I don't know how to just let a little. Just. Hey, I don't like the way you're talking to me.

[Malone]

The rage in that.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

Do you think it would be easier to let it out if you weren't worried about doing it right?

[Brooks]

I think it'd be easier to let it out if I wasn't worried about the worst case scenario of like, this person's never going to talk to me again or I'm going to lose that opportunity or I'm. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, that's. That's the. That's the fucking thing.

[Malone]

That's anxiety again.

[Brooks]

Yeah. And anger's so done with anxiety. He thinks he's so stupid, but anxiety

[Malone]

has the handcuffs on anger.

[Brooks]

Yeah.

[Malone]

How you feeling? You've been working your hands for a while.

[Brooks]

I was just saying whoever's in my hands is just like caught in the middle of it, you know? He's just like, everybody just fucking chill.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Malone]

How you feeling?

[Brooks]

Vulnerable.

[Malone]

Yeah. You look embarrassed. I don't see you embarrassed a lot, but you look embarrassed for some reason to me. I'm not saying that's how you're feeling,

[Brooks]

but I don't know. I'm trying not to cry. I'm emotional.

[Malone]

Yeah.

[Brooks]

I don't know if it's embarrassed. Yeah. Just emotional.

[Malone]

Hello, my little bear cub. I just wanted to say thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you would like ad free episodes and other bonus content, please head on over to patreon.com secondhand therapypod okay, love you.

[Alltrails Advertiser]

Bye.

[Malone]

And we know that. Jesus.

[Brooks]

That's a bear.

[Malone]

It's not.

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