Toxic F*ckhead Island | #136

Summary

SECONDHAND THERAPY
Podcast by PonyBear Studios
Episode #136: "Toxic F*ckhead Island"
Release Date: July 6, 2026
Hosts: Louie Paoletti ("Daddy") & Michael Malone (as "Sean")

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Episode Overview

In this brutally honest and hilariously raw episode, Louie and Sean dive into the world of reality dating television—specifically, their recent binge of Love Island (re-named "Toxic F*ckhead Island" for comedic effect). They use the chaos of the show as a launchpad to talk about modern dating, masculinity, emotional growth, codependency, jealousy, and the difficulties of unlearning toxic relationship patterns. The pair dissect not just the trash TV they love to hate, but also their own relationship histories, their developing emotional awareness, and the journey from performative love to self-worth.

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Reality TV Deep-Dive: "Toxic F*ckhead Island" (Love Island)

[09:39-44:02]

First Impressions & The Role of Reality TV

• Sean admits watching Love Island is mostly “phone time”—background noise more than real engagement.
• Louie jokes: “They should call that toxic island, huh, buddy?... It should be called lust island, there’s no love on this island.” [10:34]
• Both agree the show is less about real connection and more about being seen, with Louie bluntly saying: “Do you think they're really there for the idea of finding a connection, or is it... being on TV?” [14:06]
• Sean reflects: “If I was younger, I'd be like, oh, this is great... Me now, I would be tortured on this island.” [13:13]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “The dumbest conversations I’ve ever heard.” — Sean [13:35]
• “Every game or competition... It’s like a humiliation ritual.” — Louie [14:40]
• “I want to guarantee people either cry or fight on every episode. So that’s who’s making your show.” — Sean, quoting an MTV executive [16:44]
• “I think a lot of the allure for television shows like this is that we get to sit at home and yell at the TV... we get to feel good about ourselves because we’re seeing how messy and chaotic these things are and not realizing how messy and chaotic you might be in that situation.” — Sean [19:16]

Dopamine, Attention Spans & Messy TV Culture

• The hosts riff on how TikTok, short attention spans, and dopamine hits affect our enjoyment of these shows.
• Louie observes: “I think it's truly just the...fluctuation of dopamine over and over and over again… It's just become addictive for our brains.” [20:39]
• Sean compares kids' YouTube to TV’s quick-cut chaos, saying: “Changes like, every second and a half...it just gradually happened to us.” [21:40]

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Dissecting Relationship Dynamics

[24:18–44:00]

Codependency vs. Authentic Connection

• Sean catches problematic language: “‘I like who I am when I’m with them’ ... that’s super codependent. Versus 'I like them.'” [24:39]
• Louie agrees: “It's alarming how... every dude on the show is beyond narcissistic.” [25:02]

Gendered Behavior on the Show

• The hosts analyze how women on the show are portrayed as seeking loyalty, while men seek attention and validation.
• Louie: “The women really do just want a loyal guy. And the guys just want to be liked, but also want to do everything that they want.” [25:30]
• Sean on the boys' lack of accountability: “...there is room for both of those things [bro time and honesty], but there is no accountability or anything with the men at all.” [30:12]

Honesty, Double Standards & Accountability

• Sean questions why Kenzie isn’t called out for being a “player” like the men and concludes it’s about her being honest, not sneaky: “It’s honesty. Kinsey is being honest, and the men on the show are not.” [38:09]
• Louie prompts: “As someone who struggles with accountability, what are they supposed to do?” [30:54]
• Sean: “In that scenario, you gotta be like, yeah, you got me. I fucked up. I shouldn't have said that. Also, I was with my boys… Hey, man, you got me. That was wrong.” [31:00]

Favorite and Least Favorite Cast Members

• The hosts dish about Love Island cast, comparing favorite contestants, critiquing playboy behavior (Sincere deemed “should be in jail” [38:11]), and marveling at the show’s over-the-top antics.

---

From TV to Therapy: Inner Work & Self-Discovery

[44:02–64:36]

Dating: Validation vs. Self-Knowledge

• Louie calls out a classic dating trap: “So much of dating nowadays is just, do they like me? ... You can't even answer it because you're chasing this thing of validation or feeling desired.” [51:50]
• Sean reflects on his personal journey: “I think a lot of people get that wrong in dating, myself included… we're chasing that like, do they like me? And really, the question is, do I like them?” [45:22]

Notable Quote

• Louie: “The thing they like most is how much the person likes them. That's the best thing you can find is someone that really likes you.” [52:14]

Unlearning Conditional Love & The Need to Be Chosen

• Sean confronts his childhood lessons on love: “I so desperately want to be chosen.” [53:26]
• Louie, gently challenging: “Most men...have not been chosen more than they've been chosen...Why that’s such a big thing for you?” [53:49]
• They dig into how early family dynamics shape the adult hunger to 'earn' love: “Inside the house, you learned you were able to earn the love, and you never figured out how to earn it with people who weren’t your mom.” [57:30]
• Sean: “I thought that’s how love worked...Literally until we talked about it on the show last year.” [58:10]

Anger, Emotions, and Friendship

• Segment on identifying different forms of anger: Sean admits he struggles to acknowledge anger, tends to swallow it out of fear people will leave. [60:31]
• Louie introduces the “feelings wheel” (color-coded pillow) as a tool for identifying gradients of angry emotions. [63:16]
• Comedic banter ensues about confusing excitement or high energy for actual anger.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “You think I'm not gonna walk out [of couples therapy] with the trophy?” — Louie, on competitiveness in therapy [27:41]
• On honesty vs. performative ‘good behavior’: “That's what good boys feel. Only joy.” — Sean [64:10]
• “I'm gonna burn this pillow.” (the feelings pillow) — Sean [64:33]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [09:39] — TV show discussion begins; defining "Toxic F*ckhead Island"
• [13:13] — Would you survive on the show? Generational differences
• [19:16] — Why do people love mess on TV? (Hindsight, projection, dopamine)
• [24:18] — Codependency in dating language
• [29:02] — Casa Amore, gendered temptations, "boys will be boys"
• [38:09] — Double standards, honesty vs. deception
• [44:02] — TV as metaphor for real dating pitfalls
• [51:50] — Discussion on validation-seeking in dating
• [53:26] — Sean’s anxiety about not being chosen; childhood roots
• [60:31] — Admitting and identifying anger in friendships

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Tone & Style

• Deeply irreverent, self-deprecating, and warm—humor always used to soften the raw honesty.
• Open about their own therapy journeys, messy pasts, weaknesses, and the endless project of self-understanding.
• Banter oscillates between sharp insights and affectionate ridicule, often mocking themselves, each other, and the absurdity of both reality TV and the modern search for connection.

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Takeaways

• Reality TV is a mirror for our own emotional chaos: It gives us a safe place to judge and disassociate, while inviting us to notice our projections and patterns.
• Dating is a minefield of codependency, validation seeking, and old wounds: Most people aren’t as interested in true compatibility as they claim; the real work is learning to want to be chosen, but also to truly choose.
• Childhood informs everything: Patterns of “earned love” and the need to be chosen can haunt adult relationships until we do the hard work of unlearning them.
• Emotional granularity is tough but crucial: Naming anger, distinguishing excitement from frustration, and allowing space for difficult feelings is part of growth.
• The mess, the humor, and the healing are all intertwined: As Louie and Sean show, it’s only by laughing through the ugliness and being unflinchingly honest that we make progress.

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For listeners new or returning, this episode stands out as a smart, funny, and therapeutic look at why growth—and love—are so damn hard, why pop culture can’t quit toxic TV, and how two best friends keep each other honest as they stagger toward better mental health.

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Transcript

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Sean]

Second Hand Therapy is presented by Pony Bear Studios. For ad free episodes, head on over to patreon.com secondhand therapypod welcome back to Secondhand Therapy. I knew you were gonna do that. We wanna remind you that we are not therapists. We are not. This is not a substitute for therapy and this is not professional advice in any way.

[Daddy]

That's all true.

[Sean]

We're glad you're here.

[Daddy]

However, the youths would say, big facts, big facts. Big facts, my guy.

[Sean]

You're going to hear some ads. I hate to be the one to tell you that, but you're going to hear a lot of ads.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

So.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And even though we're not the basement yard with their 50,000 people on Patreon making a quarter million dollars a month, you can go to our Patreon. Eggs are expensive.

[Sean]

There's a lot of good stuff there.

[Daddy]

There is.

[Sean]

Including. Well, this T shirt's not on Patreon. I just wanted to talk about it. We got new shirts. Trauma Zombie shirts are here. We heard you in the comments section. We already knew it was going to be a thing. But hey, thanks for. Thanks for saying something. Yeah, they're out. It's available. You can get it@secondhand therapypod.com it's like a band tee.

[Daddy]

Yeah, it's like a tour band tee.

[Sean]

It's like really cool.

[Daddy]

But if you're on Patreon, you get a discount on it.

[Sean]

That's true. Trauma Zombies. And it says world tour in the back. All that fun stuff.

[Daddy]

The Buried Alive world tour. You saw the clip.

[Sean]

I did. I did see the clip. So did 2 million other people.

[Daddy]

A lot of people. Anyways, a lot of people saw that.

[Sean]

A lot of people saw that clip. Anyways, there's a lot of other stuff there on. On our merch site. And if you're feel little, one of

[Daddy]

the zombies is me.

[Sean]

The other one is an orphan.

[Daddy]

So if you want to see what I look like as a zombie.

[Sean]

Wait a minute. Even when I'm dead, I'm not with my family.

[Daddy]

No. They shunned you.

[Sean]

Hey, that tracks.

[Daddy]

The Amish built your porch, didn't they?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Yep. Shunned.

[Sean]

What a weird.

[Daddy]

Just trying to tie Sean back, you know.

[Sean]

Yeah. There's some Malone lore for you. The Amish did build our back porch.

[Daddy]

Yeah. In a day.

[Sean]

In a day. Good porch still there.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

My family not so much. You can also check out our other show. The other show, which is our non therapy podcast. It's on there ad free episodes on there. Early access to episodes are on there. There's different things.

[Daddy]

That's a good show.

[Sean]

It's a great show.

[Daddy]

God damn, that's a good show.

[Sean]

Yeah, that's real fun. What else? If you're feeling like you want to be nice and charitable, you can check out pfarms.com and all. All of our merch there. If whatever you buy, a portion of it goes towards women's resources and organizations.

[Daddy]

Women's resources.

[Sean]

What does it go towards?

[Daddy]

Women's reproductive resources.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

What?

[Sean]

What? I say just women resources. Yeah. In case they need shoes. Oh, I don't know.

[Daddy]

Whoops. You would say driving lessons or something.

[Sean]

No, I was trying to think of something that everybody needs and shoes is something everybody needs. Genderless. Shoes are genderless.

[Daddy]

Good one.

[Sean]

Thanks. Poof. Also driving lessons. Now you.

[Daddy]

No, no.

[Sean]

You said that.

[Daddy]

I didn't.

[Sean]

You said that.

[Daddy]

I didn't.

[Sean]

You said that.

[Daddy]

I didn't.

[Sean]

You said.

[Daddy]

I said cooking lessons. Why? I said a pair of dish gloves.

[Sean]

No.

[Daddy]

What?

[Sean]

Listen, go to vasectomyfarms.com also, you can contact us.

[Daddy]

Yeah, you can.

[Sean]

You can send us digital mail. You can text us. You can leave us a little voice note. Sometimes we play them on the air and talk about them. We haven't done that in a long time, but sometimes we do.

[Daddy]

Yeah, because stop asking for advice. We can't do that.

[Sean]

We can't do that. Do that. Hey, we can't do that.

[Daddy]

We can't do that. Also, if you're sending us a message about whether some sort of crisis deleted quickly.

[Sean]

Cannot do that.

[Daddy]

Because we can't do it.

[Sean]

We can't do that.

[Daddy]

We cannot help you. Only you can help you.

[Sean]

And you can send us.

[Daddy]

Only you can help you. Is that a shirt with a blue bear on it?

[Sean]

Just you blocking.

[Daddy]

Only you can help you.

[Sean]

You can also send us stuff to our P.O. box. That address is listed below if you're listening and if you're watching, it's on the screen right now.

[Daddy]

Oh, God. God, I hope that's all a housekeeping yapping dude.

[Sean]

And non stop yapping.

[Daddy]

Yapping dude.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Kind of sounds like yabba dabba doo. Yeah.

[Sean]

Head on over to Patreon.

[Daddy]

I was gonna say something.

[Sean]

Sure,

[Daddy]

Whatever, dude.

[Sean]

You got it.

[Daddy]

Nothing. Go to Patreon. We did get someone on our Patreon. Reached out on Patreon and said they support Patreons and Stuff. And they said, you guys are the gold standard of Patreon with the way you organize and your schedule and your communication, and that was a really nice compliment.

[Sean]

Yeah. And that's all you.

[Daddy]

So go to Patreon.

[Sean]

Episodes might not even go up if I was in charge of Patreon.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Oh, yeah.

[Daddy]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It'll just be a donation link.

[Sean]

Yeah. Please help us.

[Daddy]

So go to Patreon. You're gonna get a gold standard experience. Because I'm anal

[Sean]

Pride month's over. We love you. Thanks for being here.

[Daddy]

You know how I keep telling you I'm doing a psychology class? Doing it.

[Sean]

Okay. Are you really?

[Daddy]

I'm really doing it, dude. Our new sponsor, Southern New Hampshire University,

[Sean]

found some classes, bro. Oh, you fancy.

[Daddy]

Now I'm out here.

[Sean]

He's a schoolboy.

[Daddy]

Hey, and here's the thing. If you're like me and you're just like, dude, I like learning stuff sometimes. Snhu, go learn some stuff. If you were like me in the past, maybe you feel a little stuck in your career, you want to start a new thing. Snhu, what about you?

[Sean]

I mean, I love to learn.

[Daddy]

Oh, God, he's never learned.

[Sean]

I need to do it more.

[Daddy]

Officially, you never learned a thing. Anyway, if you want to check out SNHU and you want to see what kind of programs they have, you can go to Snhu. Edu Sht and you can request more information. It costs nothing to request more information. It's a great way to support the podcast, learn some stuff, start a new career, do whatever you need. Go back to school. Snhu. Edu Sht. There's also a link in the episode description. Get some info, Start some learning. You're welcome. If you're interested in having the best time of your life, you should go ahead and check out our new sponsor, Psychic Source.

[Sean]

Oh, buddy, I cannot wait. Dude, I'm trying to talk to dead people. Do they do that?

[Daddy]

They do mediums. They got mediums.

[Sean]

All right, I'll take a large medium.

[Daddy]

All right, so here's the thing. Daddy already did it. Okay? Now here. Here's the thing. If you want to talk to a psychic, and trust me, you do, here's what you do. You go to trypsychicsource.com sht10. Okay? You're gonna get 40 minutes. 44. Zero minutes for $19.80. Now, you don't have to use all 40 minutes with one person. I didn't. I did 20 with. And look, mind your business. Talk about my love life, okay?

[Sean]

All right.

[Daddy]

Talk about my love life.

[Sean]

Trying to see some. Some.

[Daddy]

Maybe some road bumps, just seeing if it's gonna be clear skies, and it's not. Now, I did the other 20 on just, like, a spiritual thing. See where I'm at? Let me guess. You're gonna do a medium.

[Sean]

Oh, my God. I can't wait.

[Daddy]

All right, well, if you want to talk to a psychic, you can do that again. Trypsychicsource.com sht10. You get 40 minutes for under $20. Do it and then DM us, because I want to hear how it went.

[Sean]

Oh, I can't. I. Please, please DM us.

[Daddy]

Oh, God, it's so much fun.

[Sean]

I want the tea.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Daddy]

Hello, my little bear cubs.

[Sean]

And welcome back Secondhand therapy.

[Daddy]

And we know that the Love island episode.

[Sean]

The Love island episode. Is this your first experience with Love Island?

[Daddy]

I'm not certain. I don't believe so.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Daddy]

But any other experience I had, I believe my girl was watching. And this was back when I was on my phone, so I think I was like, oh, that's okay. Phone time. And I would just pick up in the background.

[Sean]

Yeah, it's okay. Phone time. Yeah.

[Daddy]

You know. Do you know what I mean?

[Sean]

Like, yeah, you know what? Some TV shows are just phone time.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Whether you're with your partner or not, it's phone time.

[Daddy]

I don't really. Well, yeah. No, that's true. The office Seinfeld. Something's in the background. And then you. You know when the part's coming.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And you just tune back in.

[Sean]

You need a nice in between. Yeah.

[Daddy]

So that they should call that toxic island, huh, buddy?

[Sean]

It should be called lust. Is there's no love on this island.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

There's no love.

[Daddy]

Yeah. It's the only one. I'm. I'm. I'm going to be speaking of women, because that is who our Lord and savior chose that I would be attracted to or who I chose, depending who you voted for. Sure. Anaya is the only one. Worse. Only one, dude.

[Sean]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Daddy]

Early on the paint challenge, when they brought in the other hoes. Oh, she skipped over, didn't kiss nobody. Skipped right over to her, dude. And I was like, that's the one. She's the one. Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah. He did her dirty, dude.

[Daddy]

They all did him dirty. Who's yours? You can't say Anaya because That's mine. Because women are a possession. She's mine. Right? And that's just a good start here. I'm really firing off here.

[Sean]

I like Jesus. I like someone. I like someone, but they reminded me of an ex, so I don't know what that says about me. Surprise has all you need to know.

[Daddy]

Oh, hey, real quick. I'm having a heart attack.

[Sean]

You, I liked the same. I liked Beatrice.

[Daddy]

Beatrice,

[Sean]

the Olympic runner?

[Daddy]

Oh, yeah.

[Sean]

Oh.

[Daddy]

Personality wise.

[Sean]

Yeah, she was great. She's gorgeous. I liked her a lot.

[Daddy]

It does not look like your ex. I'm sorry to break it to you.

[Sean]

I didn't say, look like my ex.

[Daddy]

I know. That's when I said personality wise.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Daddy]

Very tomboyish.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Oh, my God. I was gonna talk about this. God damn it.

[Sean]

I was into that for a minute.

[Daddy]

Dude, pick a different ex. Pick one that liked you. What is wrong with you?

[Sean]

Yeah, I was like, right away, I was like. I clocked her. I was like, o. That's for me.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And I was like.

[Daddy]

You're like, she can't leave. She has one leg. There's one I could finally keep. Right. She's a sprinter, bro.

[Sean]

She's great. And a lot of. A lot of heart and a lot of character to her.

[Daddy]

I don't know if I agree with that.

[Sean]

Really?

[Daddy]

What do I know, though, you know?

[Sean]

I don't know. I found that she was stepping up in social situations.

[Daddy]

Okay.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Okay.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Do you think one. Be honest, bro.

[Sean]

Okay.

[Daddy]

You think you're having a good time on this island?

[Sean]

I think younger me would have a blast. Me now. I would be tortured on this island.

[Daddy]

Why tortured?

[Sean]

I don't know. It's. I keep having to remind myself that they are young. These are the dumbest conversations I've ever heard.

[Daddy]

Yeah. They're not saying anything. I don't think Kenzie can read.

[Sean]

She is maga.

[Daddy]

Really?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

That makes sense.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah, man. I don't know. There have. They're just. There's no depth to any of it there. And I don't understand how you're finding your person or narrowing it down. And maybe we're just not seeing the correct conversations. We are. But, like, that's how you're finding your person.

[Daddy]

Do you. Do you think they're really there for the idea of finding a connection, or is it all just. No, it's being on camera. Yeah.

[Sean]

Just being on.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Sean]

They just want to be on tv, for sure. But I think if we were to take it as. As an Honest show about trying to find love. I don't understand how you're doing it on. On that in that place.

[Daddy]

Yeah, it's like, everything. Every time they have, like, a game or a competition or something.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

It's like a humiliation ritual.

[Sean]

Yeah, it's.

[Daddy]

And they're like. I mean, it's a TV show, so I would assume before they start, the producers, like, be into it. Be. You know, whatever.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

But, bro, you just sliming around, just dry humping, like.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

What do you think? This. Like, how. How are you okay with this? I don't understand how I get. They're young.

[Sean]

That. And that's the. That's like, the dichotomy for me. Right. If I was younger, I'd be like, oh, this is great. And you're making out with people and you're sliding around. This is hot. But, like, me now, I'm like, oh, I just spent the night. I spent several nights with you. I'm making you breakfast. We're talking. We're having deep conversations. Now you're just dry humping Steve in front of me.

[Daddy]

So you've gotten more jealous as you got older?

[Sean]

Not jealous, just, like, more connected. Like, oh, I thought we had. Like, you're just gonna play in my face. Like, jealousy has to come with the lack of conversation.

[Daddy]

Jealousy has to come with.

[Sean]

I don't understand, like, lack of conversation and lack of consideration. That's where jealousy stems from, I think. So, you know, if your person is being flirty or doing whatever without consideration or without a prior conversation that you've had in the relationship, I think that's where jealousy comes from.

[Daddy]

But they all have. They're all like, yeah, we're here to explore. We're here to.

[Sean]

Yeah, to a degree, I guess. I don't know. It just seems. It seems really disrespectful. Yeah, I think that's more. That is more so what it is than jealousy. It's just like, you're just gonna play in my face like that.

[Daddy]

But you play in their face. That's a show.

[Sean]

Yeah, that's the show. That whole show reminds me. This is a long story. I'll make a short story.

[Daddy]

Don't we have a lot of time?

[Sean]

I was pitching a show to MTV back in the day.

[Daddy]

Did they buy it?

[Sean]

They did not buy it, and that's

[Daddy]

the end of the story.

[Sean]

But the one of the executives I was pitching to said, I want to make sure we make it louder. And I said, what does that mean? And he goes, I want to guarantee people either cry or fight on every episode. So that's. That's who's making your show.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You know what I mean? So of course they're dry humping in front of each other and blindfolding you and bringing in mystery people and like, all this stuff. Like, this is the messiest show on television. I have yet to see a messier show than this.

[Daddy]

I mean, love is. Love is Blind.

[Sean]

Yeah, but they're not purposely. These people are. They're literally bringing out what they call bombshells. Yeah. That's so messy.

[Daddy]

Dude.

[Sean]

Love Is Blind's not doing that.

[Daddy]

No. They're being like, hey, cross your fingers that it's not an uggo.

[Sean]

Yeah, exactly.

[Daddy]

And then they come out and they're like, now you gotta be together.

[Sean]

Yeah. Now when it wins the wedding and

[Daddy]

you're like, yeah, like, I. I mean, she. She's at least 10 pounds overweight. Love is. I think love is. It's not as messy. It's not as chaotic. No, but I think it's messy.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Why is it. Why are we so drawn to these shows?

[Sean]

I was thinking about that. About, like, I think it goes into also how we look at ourselves versus other people. I think for me, I can speak. For me, that's all you can speak for. Oftentimes, what works for me when I'm looking for answers is treating myself like it's advice for a friend. Because it's easier to give advice for a friend or to comment or to think what is best when it's not you. And I think a lot of the allure for television shows like this is that we get to sit at home and yell at the TV or talk to our partner about what they should be doing or, like, what's really happening. Because two things. One, we have the gift of hindsight. This is already on air. This is already going on. They're living it in the moment. We're watching it and being like, oh, this is what's happening. We're also getting a better picture of, like, we get to see everybody's actions, so we have a wider scope. So I think it's just like this idea of. I think it makes you feel good about yourself because you're seeing how messy and chaotic these things are and not realizing how messy and chaotic you might be in that situation or a similar situation. Yeah.

[Daddy]

You're definitely speaking for yourself. Yeah.

[Sean]

You don't know how you'd be on that island, dog.

[Daddy]

I know exactly how I'd be on that island.

[Sean]

Do you?

[Daddy]

Yep. For sure. Yeah. Yeah.

[Sean]

I don't know. I think a lot of times we. We feel that way about, like, oh, this is what they should be doing. It's like. It's like. I guess it's easier to see the potential in other situations.

[Daddy]

What potential?

[Sean]

Like, yeah, like, what they should be doing or who's a better match or whatever. It is, like, it's easier to view than it is to live. What do you think it is?

[Daddy]

Honestly, I. I'm disappointed to say I think we have become. Because of TikTok and Reels and the short attention span. I think it's truly just the. It's just fluctuation of dopamine over and over and over again. It's quick cuts, it's music, it's dancing, it's conversation. Like, it's just. It's so, like, you're constantly getting a refresh of what is happening on the show, and I think that's just become addictive for our brains.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And it's gross. It's a real bummer, dude.

[Sean]

Yeah. I think that's. That's the case for a lot of reality shows, though, not just this one specifically. For sure. Yeah.

[Daddy]

It's case with most visual content.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Have you ever watched a YouTube show that, like, kids watch?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

It's overwhelming.

[Sean]

Yeah. Changes, like, every second and a half. There's like a new frame happening.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

It's weird, man.

[Sean]

Yeah. I don't. Yeah. I don't understand it, but it just gradually. It also just gradually happened to us, like, when's the last time you. And the opposite. When's the last time you watch something from, like, the 80s?

[Daddy]

The 80s? I didn't. I mean, I was born in 88, so you get me watching 90s.

[Sean]

Yeah. Even then it's a little faster, but still slow.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Like, somebody was playing. Somebody was showing the difference in kids shows, and they were playing one of these cartoons where it is, like, fast and bright and whatever versus what we grew up on in the 80s and 90s, which was. They showed, like, a clip of the Berenstein Bears, and I'm not old enough for that. It is like. It's in slow motion, dude.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And it's like. Yeah. No wonder these kids are like, this is what they're growing up with. There's just this.

[Daddy]

I think films are like that, too, older films. Like, there's never. There's not, like, four climaxes along the way.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

It's just characters and dialogue and story and then it resolves, and now there's like a hook every fucking 15 minutes. And yeah. It's just weak. Anyway.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Who do you think the smartest person on this island is?

[Sean]

What is her name? Is it Kendra or what's. She's dating a British guy. What's her name?

[Daddy]

Oh, Keda Kada, maybe Keita.

[Sean]

I think Kate has got to be the smartest one.

[Daddy]

Think so?

[Sean]

Yeah. Yeah. What do you think?

[Daddy]

I think the. One of the chairs.

[Sean]

It is the dumbest conversations I've ever.

[Daddy]

A plate of eggs. Yeah. They're all just insufferable. Dude.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

I think I saw Kenzie's in an episode and I'm not kidding.

[Sean]

You probably did.

[Daddy]

Yeah. She was like, of course. Making out, right?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And yeah, they were shooting like it a straight on angle and she swung her leg over this guy and I was like, that is her.

[Sean]

And then quick commercial break.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sean]

It's. It's a wild show.

[Daddy]

It's very upsetting.

[Sean]

Yeah. On a lot of different levels. I. I was looking at this dynamic too because I've heard a lot of them use this language and it's language that I've used before. And I picked up on they were saying, I like who I am with them or you know, like, who I

[Daddy]

am when I'm with you.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Daddy]

Super codependent.

[Sean]

Yeah. Versus I like them.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

I like who I am when I'm with them or I like who I. You know. And I've. I've used that language before.

[Daddy]

I believe you.

[Sean]

And I was like, oh, yeah, that's. Yeah. That not good.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Bad.

[Sean]

Yeah. I picked up on a couple things like that where I was like, yeah, yeah, that's not good.

[Daddy]

Yeah. It's alarming how. Well every dude on the show is beyond narcissistic.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

It's crazy. And it is. It is a weird. From my observation, you can tell me if you agree the difference in gender behavior. Like it seems like the. The women really do just want a loyal guy.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And the guys just want to be liked, but also want to do everything that they want. Why don't you go through your notes?

[Sean]

That brings me to Casa Amore.

[Daddy]

Okay.

[Sean]

I wanted to touch on that idea because Casa Amore is just Temptation Island. Right. The idea is like, let's see if these guys are going to fuck up. Like it is.

[Daddy]

I don't know if it's. See if they're going to. It's probably see like how intimate they let it get because the show is to kiss and explore and they think

[Sean]

they're having these private moments with these women.

[Daddy]

Well, the cameras should have given it away.

[Sean]

The cameras. But I'm saying they didn't know a flat screen tv. TV was going to be delivered to the women and they were going to watch live, Right? Them getting lap dances and all. They think that they are.

[Daddy]

Did you see one of the guys just recently figured out that the necklace he's wearing is a microphone?

[Sean]

Nope.

[Daddy]

Had no idea.

[Sean]

Had no idea. How do you.

[Daddy]

What you think it was? Sorry. Go ahead.

[Sean]

Anyways, yeah, we'll be right back with more secondhand therapy. Hang tight. I know we talk about better help a lot on this show, but now they're a sponsor.

[Daddy]

They are a sponsor, dude.

[Sean]

I'm using better help. I'm loving it so far. It's so easy to find a therapist, find out what I'm looking for and if it's not working out, because that has happened, I've been able to switch therapists with no problem at all.

[Daddy]

Yeah, yeah, you had that one. That was not a good fit.

[Sean]

It's not a good fit. And that happens. Finding good therapist is like a lot like finding, you know, being out there in the dating world and finding the right partner for you.

[Daddy]

And you're married now.

[Sean]

Oh, no.

[Daddy]

Never.

[Sean]

Never.

[Daddy]

You're in love now.

[Sean]

I have to talk about this to my therapist.

[Daddy]

Dude, you're there. Can I meet this person? I don't even know their gender. Can I meet this person?

[Sean]

Absolutely not.

[Daddy]

Let's do one together.

[Sean]

Well, we should sign up for couples therapy on BetterHelp.

[Daddy]

I'll do it. You think I won't do it? You think I won't win couples therapy with you? Dude, you think I'm not gonna walk out with the trophy?

[Sean]

I know you will.

[Daddy]

All right, here's the good news. They really are a sponsor. And if you have wanted to get in therapy and maybe you don't know where to start, maybe you don't have insurance like us. You can go to BetterHelp. They were nice enough to give us a discount. So if you hear this, you can go to betterhelp.com secondhandtherapy and you will get 10% off your first month. There's a link below the episode. Starting therapy. It helps. It really helps. No matter what you want to work on, give it a shot. Betterhelp.com secondhandtherapy we love you guys.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Sean]

Yeah, I wanted to talk about the men versus the women's behavior on that. Because when the men were gone, the women had men delivered to them.

[Daddy]

Delivered is so funny. But yes, that is accurate.

[Sean]

They literally had a shipment of men come in. Yeah. A dozen dozen.

[Daddy]

A baker's dozen.

[Sean]

And most of the women besides Kenzie. Most of the women.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Were like, I'm not even kiss this guy. Yeah. We're not sleeping in the same bed. I don't know who this is yet. I want to get to know them. Like, yes, I'm curious about them, and I want to see where I'm at with my current relationship. But also, like, I'm open to explore, but I want the. The dudes right away.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Are just making out. They're slapping ass.

[Daddy]

One of the guys said out loud to the other ones, bro, these chicks are so much better than the Villa girls.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Better.

[Sean]

And that.

[Daddy]

Whoops.

[Sean]

Another point I wanted to make was that that idea of this is on full dis. The. The rhetoric of boys will be boys there. When they came back, they. Multiple men said, I was with my boys. Yeah. You know, I was. You know, because they got called out on some things that they were saying. And he was, yeah, but I'm. I'm having fun. I'm with my boys and this and that. And it's like, okay.

[Daddy]

I mean, there is something to that.

[Sean]

There is something to say.

[Daddy]

It's a real bummer that this is a multiple truths thing.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Daddy]

And there is something to that.

[Sean]

Absolutely. I think there's a point. There's room for accountability and also room for, I'm with my friends, whether it's boy or girl. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sure women dish all that. I know women dish. So that's our version of dishing. You know what I mean? Like, there is a little. There is room for both of those things, but there is no accountability or anything with the men at all. It is just like, yeah, I'm with my guys. What do you want from me? Yeah, well, how about a little decorum?

[Daddy]

Now I'm gonna ask you a question that I don't think you're gonna like.

[Sean]

Yeah, sure.

[Daddy]

As someone who struggles with accountability, what is it? What are they supposed to do?

[Sean]

I mean, in that scenario, you gotta be like, yeah, you got me. I up.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

That was.

[Sean]

I shouldn't have said that. Also, I was with my boy. You know what I mean? Like, hey, man, you got me. Yeah, that was wrong. I fucked up. I shouldn't have said that. I could see. I can see that also. With my boy,

[Daddy]

you missed the five minute explanation beforehand.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Daddy]

You like context, right? Sit down.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Daddy]

There really is no accountability on it from the men.

[Sean]

No, it's all.

[Daddy]

This show is a very strong display of how women are just a superior being.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Like, they're not perfect by any means, but at least they have, like some semblance of character or values.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

That they don't immediately abandon.

[Sean]

Okay, so the Kinsey thing, we keep kind of dancing around it. I had an issue with it and then I answered my own question because I was wondering if she can read. No, no, I was wondering.

[Daddy]

Dude, wait. Can I talk about Kenzie real quick? Can I interrupt you?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

I was watching an episode. The fact that we watched this show to talk about it is the most ridiculous thing.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And I'm so glad we work for ourselves. There was a moment she was talking with some new guy and she grabbed her tits and said, this is sugar Spice. And then pointed her face and said, everything nice. And then the guy goes, well, I'm a visual learner. And she goes, oh, my God, I am too. I was like. And also she asked him, what do you call your grandparents? He's like, oh, my mom's side, Grandma and grandpa. And then over here, whatever. He goes, what do you call yours? And she goes, I don't know. Probably like sugar or something. And it's like you just asked him the question. What do you mean you don't know? What do you call your grandparents? Oh, my God. I'm a visual learner too. He said, take out your tits. Sorry. Go ahead. Yeah.

[Sean]

These are the dumbest conversations.

[Daddy]

Yeah. I can't believe she doesn't fall down more.

[Sean]

The British dude, when there's a moment when he first meets Keda and he's like, so infatuated with her, and he gets like a moment alone with her and she's like, so what are your weekends like? Like, what's your ideal weekend? He's like, oh, I don't know. He's like, oh, no.

[Daddy]

No accent. We don't need it. That's. You just tell us the dialogue.

[Sean]

He's like, I don't know. I just. I go to the gym and then sometimes, you know, maybe I'll watch a film.

[Daddy]

Not leave the accent. I can't, I can't.

[Sean]

She's like, a film. And he's like, oh, you say movie. And she's like, yeah. And then they have like. And he's like, oh, yeah, film. And they have this moment and I'm like, that's your moment.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You with your dream girl and you're trying to bring your. Like,

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I.

[Sean]

These are the dumbest conversations.

[Daddy]

Yeah, well, they're dumb people.

[Sean]

Anyways, all right. About Kenzie Mackenzie. Problem.

[Daddy]

Yeah. She got hit by a parked car. What? She did. I saw it.

[Sean]

McKenzie problem. I was watching it. And when they voted Gabe off, which I get, I support Gabrielle.

[Daddy]

He was with old Jack Sparrow for a while. What? I don't even know why.

[Sean]

Oh, God, He. That dude was just there to play dog.

[Daddy]

He's a good looking Latino from Miami dude.

[Sean]

His whole aura was just like, yeah, we right here.

[Daddy]

Or like, yeah, he's banging dudes. He's banging everything. Anyway. Also the moment between Bryce and the British guy where they did a girth check. One of my favorite moments of an. In a male friendship of all time.

[Sean]

I mean, we do that at the house.

[Daddy]

We need to. I would love to call for a girth check and just get a peek at that hog every now and again. It would be funny every time.

[Sean]

Anyways, yeah. They vote Gabe off because he's there to play. And they're like, he's just kind of making out with everybody. He doesn't seem serious and all this stuff.

[Daddy]

Meanwhile, he's got some game too.

[Sean]

Yeah. Oh, he's got a great game.

[Daddy]

That accent.

[Sean]

Every dude that walks through the door, Kenzie's like, oh, my God, that's my prince charming. Every guy. Every new guy that comes on, she's like, that's my guy. And she makes out with him. And then she's like, they're like, that's the caterer.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Kenzie.

[Daddy]

We're not even rolling.

[Sean]

Kenzie. That's a boom mic. Yeah. Oh, God, he's so tall.

[Daddy]

So.

[Sean]

And I'm sitting there thinking, like, everybody is. Was like justified. Gabe. They were like, yeah, he's a player. Like, get rid of him. And I'm like, but nobody's saying about Kenzie. Everybody's just letting her go with her behavior. And I was.

[Daddy]

Behavior being the behavior.

[Sean]

Just like doing the splits on everything that walks through the door.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And being like, that's my guy.

[Daddy]

Okay. She does do the splits a lot.

[Sean]

She does. And I was like, yeah, she's. I mean, she's currently leading on to men. Right now she is sleeping in bed with old stud muffin from the boat.

[Daddy]

Oh, stud muffin.

[Sean]

He's a good looking guy.

[Daddy]

I don't know which one you're talking about.

[Sean]

Whoever she's been dating for the last three episodes. The Guy that arrived on the boat and then the Dirty Dozen, whatever. So she's been with him. They are together. Together.

[Daddy]

Okay.

[Sean]

Meanwhile, she's like leading Goll on and spending time with Gaul and telling Gaul,

[Daddy]

like, isn't it Gal?

[Sean]

I don't know. She's like, yeah, I just. I really want to explore things with you and I want to do this with you.

[Daddy]

And then how did Gal get on the show with that hairline

[Sean]

that guy came on? I was like, I could be on the show letting this dude on.

[Daddy]

Anyway. Yeah, he's got a full horseshoe up top.

[Sean]

And so I was like, nobody's calling Kenzie out on her, on her. And I was like, is it because it's. It's the male female dynamic, right? Like, this idea that men are naturally players in this. In, like, viewed as players, and women are viewed as empowered when they make these similar decisions or choices. And then I was like, oh, no, I answered my own question. It's not any of that. It is honesty. Kinsey is being honest, and the. The men on the show are not being honest. Every dude on that show is lying through their teeth to their girl, bro.

[Daddy]

Sincere belongs in jail, dude.

[Sean]

Straight to jail with that guy. Yeah, Kinsey, however, the hair is incredible. Maybe she's not smart. Incredible. Maybe she's not smart enough to lie. But, like, she's at least being honest and just being like, yeah, I like doll. Yeah, I like this guy. I like that. And it's like, yeah. Oh, okay. She's being upfront and she's being honest with her actions and her intentions.

[Daddy]

Is she to them?

[Sean]

I think so.

[Daddy]

I don't know because who the. The guy from. With the accent?

[Sean]

Yeah. The British guy?

[Daddy]

Nope. Oh, the Southern accent. Oh, the other white guy.

[Sean]

Caleb.

[Daddy]

That Caleb?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Who's the. The black Asian guy that she was with?

[Sean]

Carl?

[Daddy]

No one on the show named Carl, I promise you.

[Sean]

That guy's name's Carl. The tall guy who's with Anaya. That guy's name is Carl.

[Daddy]

There is no one on the show named Carl.

[Sean]

What's his name then?

[Daddy]

I don't know.

[Sean]

I bet it's Carl.

[Daddy]

Okay, there's a guy that said he's black and Asian and he was with Kenzie.

[Sean]

Oh, that's Corbin.

[Daddy]

Okay, that could be right.

[Sean]

The most beautiful man on earth.

[Daddy]

Good looking guy.

[Sean]

Good looking guy.

[Daddy]

But she was with him and then they got split and she was with the country boy. Yeah, Caleb, maybe. Who's Carl?

[Sean]

Carl is the tall Asian dude that's with Anaya right now. Well, he's trying to be with Anaya.

[Daddy]

There's an Asian guy. I'm behind.

[Sean]

Okay, sorry.

[Daddy]

Okay, that's. You ruined nothing. But she was. She got split up from Caleb. Nope.

[Sean]

Corbin.

[Daddy]

Corbin. And was with Caleb.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And was telling him how she was into him, and then she didn't put a letter in his box and she went back to old boy.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Also, dude, when he. One more time.

[Sean]

Corbin.

[Daddy]

Corbin. When he went to leave, when they took the boys out.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And he took everything from his suitcase, but the pictures of her dog. That is so funny. And I know that hurt.

[Sean]

Let me tell you something.

[Daddy]

That.

[Sean]

That dude's a straight dog.

[Daddy]

Oh, yeah, they all are.

[Sean]

They all are.

[Daddy]

Yeah. Sincere's a dog. Corbin's a dog.

[Sean]

Sincere's the biggest dog of them all.

[Daddy]

Oh, yeah, that guy. Yeah. That's why Short Kings, you gotta watch them, buddy. They're making up for a lot of insecurity.

[Sean]

Yeah, he's. Now he's good. Professional level.

[Daddy]

Sincere.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Oh, full con man.

[Sean]

It's crazy.

[Daddy]

Yeah. His baby hairs bother me.

[Sean]

Him and. But Melanie's relationship is so toxic.

[Daddy]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[Sean]

And that's why they're not gonna split. They're together forever.

[Daddy]

Because. Yeah, that's.

[Sean]

That is a relationship where it's a murder suicide for sure.

[Daddy]

Yeah, I could see that.

[Sean]

There's no way that that dude doesn't get stabbed. At some point, I think he kills

[Daddy]

her and then he. He, like, attempts a suicide. He just shoots through his hair. He's like, I can't believe I missed. I just wanted to be with her.

[Sean]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what?

[Daddy]

Getting blown by the nurse.

[Sean]

He is a guy that kills his wife and then shows us the funeral, like, she's the only one for me. And, like, aren't you dating that girl? He's like, yeah, but, you know.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah. You brought a date to your wife's funeral. I did.

[Daddy]

I had to. That's what she would have wanted.

[Sean]

She wanted me to be happy.

[Daddy]

Yeah. Yeah, he's.

[Sean]

That's how good he is.

[Daddy]

He is. He's a big problem.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Big problem.

[Sean]

Who do you think is the. Is the. Is the. Is like, who's the worst intentions on the show?

[Daddy]

Sincere.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Maybe Casey. He's pretty diabolical.

[Sean]

Yeah. That dude.

[Daddy]

And it's also the first. The very first thing when he. They did cats, dogs, or plants and he picked plants and there was no one on that door. You made a villain.

[Sean]

Oh, yeah, dude.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You made a villain as well.

[Daddy]

You made a villain. Yeah, he Humiliated himself trying to be, like, cute and funny. And now you can't talk to that man.

[Sean]

I think what this show does, too, is really highlights, like the early stages of dating when you are mixing up potential versus reality, because that's all they're going off of, is, like, this potential of who this person might be outside of the island or outside of these challenges or, you know, it's always like. I feel like it's a lot of guessing.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And I don't know how you get to. Ironically, it's a reality show, but I don't know how you get to the reality of who somebody is in a situation like this.

[Daddy]

Yeah, I don't think you can. Yeah, can you? In dating?

[Sean]

That's what I was gonna ask you. You've. You've had some limited dating.

[Daddy]

Yeah, I have not, buddy. And that's why when you say, like, you don't know how, you'd be in line. Get the fuck out of here, bro. As soon as they say, hey, you gotta go eat that hot dog off a string, I go, no. Nah, not doing it.

[Sean]

100 grand.

[Daddy]

No, no. But I'm not. And also, that's just not for me. Yeah, the player thing, the casual, that's not for me. But I do think, let's say I was on the show and I did what I thought was click with somebody. I'm not above the temptation of all the other women. You know, I'm tied to a bed and they're on top of me. Like, I would like to think I'd be like, hey, I get it. Just, yeah, don't kiss me. But there are Latinas in this world. Do you know what I mean? And I'm allergic. So I would like to say that I'm, you know, But I don't think I'm still just a human being who was really good at making mistakes.

[Sean]

Yeah. So

[Daddy]

I don't know. I'm also just not loose enough to do that show, man.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

But.

[Sean]

So in dating, though. Oh, yeah, I forgot you said something to me or on the show.

[Daddy]

It's probably good.

[Sean]

Then the early episodes.

[Daddy]

Really smart.

[Sean]

I bet it was great.

[Daddy]

What did daddy say?

[Sean]

It was really good. He said.

[Daddy]

Tell me what daddy said.

[Sean]

He said that you, when you were dating there for a hot minute, that you were not interested in seeing if they liked you. You were interested in seeing if you liked them. Yeah, man. I think a lot of people get that wrong in dating, myself included.

[Daddy]

I think a lot of times we're chasing. Sorry, I shouldn't have said oh, yeah.

[Sean]

I think a lot of times we are chasing that. Like, do they like me? And really, the question is, do I like them?

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

We'll be right back with more secondhand therapy after. If you're interested in having the best time of your life, you should go ahead and check out our new sponsor, Psychic Source.

[Sean]

Oh, buddy, I cannot wait. Dude, I'm trying to talk to dead people. Do they do that?

[Daddy]

They do mediums. They got mediums.

[Sean]

All right, I'll take a large medium.

[Daddy]

All right, so here's the thing. Daddy already did it. Okay? Now, here. Here's the thing. If you want to talk to a psychic, and trust me, you do, here's what you do. You go to trypsychicsource.com sht10, okay? You're gonna get 40 minutes. 44. Zero minutes for $19.80. Now, you don't have to use all 40 minutes with one person. I didn't. I did 20 with. And look, mind your business. Talk about my love life.

[Sean]

Okay. All right.

[Daddy]

Talk about my love life.

[Sean]

Trying to see some. Some.

[Daddy]

Maybe some road bumps, just seeing if it's gonna be clear skies, and it's not. Now, I did the other 20 on just, like, a spiritual thing. See where I'm at? Let me guess. You're gonna do a medium.

[Sean]

Oh, my God. I can't wait.

[Daddy]

All right, well, if you want to talk to a psychic, you can do that again. Trypsychicsource.com sht10. You get 40 minutes for under $20. Do it. And then DM us, because I want to hear how it went.

[Sean]

Oh, I can't. I. Please, please DM us.

[Daddy]

Oh, God, it's so much fun.

[Sean]

I want the tea. I know we talk about betterhelp a lot on this show, but now they're a sponsor.

[Daddy]

They are a sponsor, dude.

[Sean]

I'm using better help. I'm loving it so far. It's so easy to find a therapist, find out what I'm looking for, and if it's not working out, because that has happened, I've been able to switch therapists with no problem at all.

[Daddy]

Yeah. Yeah, you had that one. That was not a good fit.

[Sean]

It's not a good fit. Hey, and that happens. Finding good therapists is, like, a lot like finding, you know, being out there in the dating world and finding the right partner for you.

[Daddy]

And you're married now.

[Sean]

Oh, no. Never. Never.

[Daddy]

You're in love now.

[Sean]

I have to talk about this with my therapist.

[Daddy]

Dude, you're there. Can I meet this person? I Don't even know their gender. Can I meet this person?

[Sean]

Absolutely not.

[Daddy]

Let's do one together.

[Sean]

Well, we should sign up for couples therapy on BetterHelp.

[Daddy]

I'll do it. You think I won't do it? You think I won't win couples therapy with you, dude? You think I'm not gonna walk out like the trophy?

[Sean]

I know you will.

[Daddy]

All right, here's the good news. They really are a sponsor. And if you have wanted to get in therapy and maybe you don't know where to start, maybe you don't have insurance like us, you can go to BetterHelp. They were nice enough to give us a discount. So if you hear this, you can go to betterhelp.com secondhand therapy and you will get 10% off your first month. There's a link below the episode Starting therapy. It helps. It really helps. No matter what you want to work on, give it a shot. Betterhelp.com Secondhand therapy we love you guys.

[Sean]

I wrote a book, which still feels weird to say out loud. It is a collection of short stories and essays and faux journal entries, and it's, you know, all about love, grief, dating, loneliness, and all the weird ways people try to hold on to each other while they fall apart. Some of the stories are funny. Some of the stories are sad. Most are, you know, a blend of both. I mean, honestly, the book really isn't about love. It's more about moments, like those awkward moments after an argument or the drive home after a bad date, or that silence after someone says I'm fine when you know that they're lying to you. Anyways, I am offering signed copies of the [e-mail] so if you've ever mistaken attention for intimacy or referred to distance as independence or, you know, love someone and then realized that that really wasn't the problem, then this book might be for you. And you can get a signed copy and stickers and bookmarks and all kinds of fun [e-mail] it's available in paperback, hardback, ebook, and the audiobook is coming soon, so there's no excuse. Go check it out. Velvettigerbooks

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[Daddy]

Com. So much of dating nowadays is just, do they like me? Do, like, do you like them? Dude, like, and they can't. You can't even answer it because you're chasing this thing of validation or feeling desired or whatever and it's just like, yeah, man. Dude, we're all so fucked up, man.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Yeah. I think a lot of people don't even know what they like in a person. The thing they like most is how much the person likes them.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

That's the best thing you can find is someone that really likes you.

[Sean]

Yeah. Cool.

[Daddy]

What the.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah. Which goes back kind of that feeling of, you know, I like who I am when I'm around them or like, who they make me. You know, it's like, well, how.

[Daddy]

How do so many people just not have an identity? I don't get it.

[Sean]

I don't know if it's not having identity or if it's just the feeling of being chosen. I think those are. Those are two different things for sure. Like, I think people like to feel like they, like they've been chosen. Okay, that doesn't make sense to you.

[Daddy]

It does, but that's only one way. You also have to choose.

[Sean]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Daddy]

And if you're just choosing who chose you?

[Sean]

Yeah. Hey, I didn't say it was right. I just said I think that's what's happening a lot of the times.

[Daddy]

Why? Tell me from your experience, why?

[Sean]

Oh, for me, it's all. Yeah, it's. I so desperately want to be chosen.

[Daddy]

Why?

[Sean]

Because I wasn't chosen so many times,

[Daddy]

but everybody was not chosen so many times. I've also not been chosen most of my life.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Most men, most have not been chosen more than they've been chosen most people.

[Sean]

You think?

[Daddy]

Yeah, I do. Rejection is the most common thing that happens in dating and relationships and.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Daddy]

Because also so many people are avoidant. So many people are so attracted to. The grass is greener.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Yeah, I think. Yeah. I think everybody's not been chosen so much more than they've been chosen. I always wonder why that. Yeah. Why that's such a big thing for you. It's a pretty common Human experience.

[Sean]

It might be. And this is the first time I'm really diving into that. But, like, it is. There has to be something there with being so undeniably chosen at home and then going outside and being so undeniably rejected. Like those two worlds clashing together. I think.

[Daddy]

Sure. I don't think, you know, okay, me up. Yeah, but you only got chosen at home when you were acting the right way, and then otherwise she would hide from you and terrorize you.

[Sean]

Yeah, but I didn't know that till I was older. That those are.

[Daddy]

Your nervous system.

[Sean]

Did.

[Daddy]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there's something there.

[Sean]

I just, you know, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

[Daddy]

One of these days when you get mad at your mom will really, really get in there, really figure out. Yeah. Yeah. Do you find. And I'm coming from the listening side. I. It's. It, it's. It varies a lot with my mom loved me too much. To. There was conditional love to. There was. You had to perform to get like. There's, it's, it seems to. It varies a lot.

[Sean]

Yeah, I, I'm. Well, I'm just, I'm just unpacking all of the earned love. I just thought that that was love.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

So I didn't see it as unconditional or, I mean, I didn't see it as conditional love. I saw it as unconditional love.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Because on top of that, was always told about how special I was. Was always told about how handsome I was. Was always told about, you know what I mean, how loved I was and all those things. Like, I, I, I am a mama's boy through and through, for sure.

[Daddy]

Wait, we know.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

But what I'm recently learning is. Yeah, there were, like, those moments where she would give me the silent treatment or if I wasn't acting right or something like that, then her behavior would change towards me. I looked at that as just love, unconditional love, or like parenting. I didn't look at as, as, as earned love. So. Yeah. I don't know. It's just layered like that. Yeah.

[Daddy]

So what you had said was. I don't remember the word used. Maybe the imbalance of being so chosen at home versus so rarely chosen outside of the home.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

And it sounds like maybe the dichotomy is inside the house, you learned you were able to earn the love and you never figured out how to earn it with people who weren't your mom.

[Sean]

Yeah, I can see that.

[Daddy]

We did it. I don't Know, that makes sense. In my head, you're, like, out of high school, and you're, like, trying to earn these girls to like you, and it's not working. You're like, what the. Yeah, I'm doing all the stuff.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Oh, yeah.

[Sean]

I thought. I mean. Yeah, I thought that's how love worked.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Literally until we talked about it on the show last year.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

I was like, what do you mean?

[Daddy]

Yeah. Oh, I remember.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Sean]

That's a. That's a real moment.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And I still don't fully understand that. If I'm honest, I feel. I really didn't. Yeah. I mean, that's a hard thing to. To unlearn. Yeah. But I think that comes with feeling worthy of love, too.

[Daddy]

Meaning what?

[Sean]

Knowing that I'm worthy of love without having to earn it or anything like that. Like, just knowing that I'm worthy. I struggle with that.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

No.

[Daddy]

Where are you at with learning about different kinds of anger?

[Sean]

Slow. It's.

[Daddy]

Have you learned any new. Besides wanting to fight people?

[Sean]

Yeah, I learned that there's anger. Like, there's. Yeah, I've learned that there's different layers to it and different kinds of anger, but I have not learned how to apply it yet. I'm still trying to understand it with. When it comes to my mother and with friendships and everything else. Like.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

There are moments that you and I have static, and I'm like, hey, I'm allowed to be mad at him.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

And that's hard for me. That's really hard for me. And I. I think. I don't know, like, three big talks ago.

[Daddy]

Okay. Yesterday.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Sean]

There was a moment where I was like, oh, I think I'm mad at him.

[Daddy]

Ooh. Why were you mad at me? You never told me.

[Sean]

I don't know. I did when we talked. Yeah.

[Daddy]

You never told me you're mad at me.

[Sean]

There was anger there.

[Daddy]

It wasn't communicated. I'm sure there was.

[Sean]

I thought there. I thought. I. Yeah.

[Daddy]

I'm not saying you did it wrong. I'm just saying I didn't know that's what. What we were talking about.

[Sean]

Yeah. Yeah. There was a moment where I was like, oh, yeah. I think that's what this is. There's a lot of frustrating because I often. Because I don't feel like I'm allowed to have anger.

[Daddy]

Why not?

[Sean]

Well, you'll leave. I'm too difficult.

[Daddy]

Everybody will.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Daddy]

Okay.

[Sean]

Yeah. Whether it's relationships or friendships or business or anything like that. Like, hey, no static. Just swallow it and be cool.

[Daddy]

Call that The Kinsey.

[Sean]

And so. Yeah. And so oftentimes. Yeah. Instead of allowing myself to feel angry or whatever, I just. I won't. I won't even allow it.

[Daddy]

I felt like you were angry before.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Daddy]

But it kind of. Yeah. I don't know. You have so much anxiety, though. Me? Yeah. Yes, you. Michael Douglas.

[Sean]

Me. You. I haven't heard that. That's weird.

[Daddy]

Yeah. And so sometimes when I. It comes across that you're angry, it kind of turns into, like, almost a manic energy.

[Sean]

I think sometimes you confuse my manicness or like, if I get worked up for anger or something like that, and I'm like, oh, no, I'm just, like, excitable.

[Daddy]

Hey. Yeah, I think you're confusing it, my

[Sean]

guy,

[Daddy]

because you pissed and that's okay.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Sean]

I don't feel angry in those moments. I feel excited. Like, I feel, like, energy. I definitely feel energy. Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Sean]

But it's hard for me to say that that's anger.

[Daddy]

I know, I know.

[Sean]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

[Daddy]

When. I think when you're excited is one thing, but when that excitement, as you would label it, is because of something that's upset you, that's not excitement anymore.

[Sean]

Yeah. Huh. See, I always thought of as, like, frustration, but not anger. Because in those moments, I'm getting heightened because I. I feel like we've hit a wall or something. You know what I mean? I'm getting heightened or whatever. But I don't look at that as, like, oh, I'm mad at him. I'm. I'm frustrated at, like, the situation of being, like, either not feeling heard or miscommunication or whatever the. Is causing the wall between us.

[Daddy]

I got a pillow for you. Check out the purple section.

[Sean]

Sure.

[Daddy]

Tell me what you see in there.

[Sean]

Okay, let's see here. I don't see where's. Oh, frustrated.

[Daddy]

Interesting.

[Sean]

It's right on the border.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Right on the border. Yeah. Frustrated is. Now, see? Now. Sure. It's labeled anger. Yeah. Now. Now I know that.

[Daddy]

What are some of the other anger words? And do you think those would fit into those moments of excitement?

[Sean]

Annoyed, aggravated,

[Daddy]

Sounded out such a dick. I'm so sorry.

[Sean]

Enraged.

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

That's all anger.

[Daddy]

I know. Yeah.

[Sean]

But is it like anger, anger.

[Daddy]

Where does it say manically excited? Is that on the wheel?

[Sean]

Oh, joy.

[Daddy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what good boys feel.

[Sean]

That's what good boys feel. Only joy.

[Daddy]

Joy.

[Sean]

I only have happiness and love for

[Daddy]

you people love a happy little puppy boy.

[Sean]

That's right?

[Daddy]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Because all of these other ones, you're not going to stick around for any of those.

[Daddy]

Very unlikable. Yeah, very unlikable. For sure. Yeah.

[Sean]

I'm gonna burn this pillow.

[Daddy]

I got five more. It's okay. Have them in every room in the house. Hello, my little bear cub. I just wanted to say thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you would like ad free episodes and other bonus content, please head on over to patreon.com secondhandtherapypod okay, love you.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Bye.

[Daddy]

And we know that. Brr. Jesus, that's a bear. It's not.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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