Andy’s Potty Mouth & The Best Treasure Hunters - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Andy’s Potty Mouth & The Best Treasure Hunters - Spit Hits!
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason
Date: February 16, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of Spitballers delivers a classic blend of offbeat humor, absurd life hypotheticals, and playful bickering between the award-winning comedic trio. The primary theme is "treasure hunting," featuring creative debates about the best fictional treasure hunters in pop culture, along with the ever-popular “Would You Rather” scenarios and a special “Liar, Liar” fact-or-fiction challenge. A few PG slips and plenty of memorable punchlines pepper the conversation, showcasing the crew’s signature banter.

---

Main Segments with Timestamps

1. ASMR Cold Open & Andy’s “Potty Mouth”

[01:53–03:39]

• The show opens with the hosts “whispering” in a mock-ASMR bit, which drives Mike up the wall.
  • Jason: “Get that directly into your ears, dripping from there to your soul.” [01:53]
  • Andy: “I was also super disturbed by that. I don’t have any, like, special, like… It’s not a hearing thing.” [02:53]
• The group riffs on misophonia and their annoyance with ASMR, before quickly veering into their classic irreverence.
• Tone: Goofy, slightly gross, and already pushing Andy toward his on-theme "potty mouth" moment later.

---

2. Would You Rather: Gross-Out Gauntlet & Pop Culture Crossovers

[04:23–21:41]

A. Cockroaches or Raw Chicken?

[04:23–09:18]

• Would you rather eat three living cockroaches or a raw chicken breast?
  • Andy: “The raw chicken is dead and will go down smooth. It will not be fun.” [08:28]
  • Jason: “This is a gusher’s candy.” [06:55]
• Jason shares a college story about swallowing a live goldfish for a comedy show and the aftermath:
  • Jason: “Did the show. Drew up all night long." [07:52]
• Final team split: Andy and Jason pick raw chicken over live roaches; Mike surprisedly picks roaches.

B. Which Pop Culture Mentor?

[09:25–15:58]

• Would you prefer to time travel with Doc Brown, fight crime with Batman, train karate with Mr. Miyagi, learn the Force with Yoda, or hunt treasure with Indiana Jones?
  • Jason: “Yoda is a clear win, right?... because in the end, I have the force. I can... move a rock on your head.” [10:39]
  • Group dismisses Miyagi, pokes fun at Indiana Jones’s, and debates the lure of gadgets and lairs vs. treasure.

C. Hemsworth vs. DeVito—The Ultimate Mashup

[14:43–17:07]

• Would you rather have Chris Hemsworth’s body with Danny DeVito’s face/personality, or DeVito’s body with Hemsworth's face/personality?
  • Group agrees: “Give me Danny DeVito’s face... I’ll walk around with a bag on my face.” – Jason [15:08]
  • Mike: “He’s awesome… and I get to be yoked. And funny.” [16:13]

D. Amazon, Everglades, or Outback—Where Would You Survive?

[17:13–21:41]

• Comparisons of their odds in deadly natural environments, with plenty of armchair survival and gross out humor about spiders, dehydration, and Bear Grylls.
  • Andy: “The Everglades easily for me… I don’t think that many gators are killing that many people.” [18:25]
  • Jason: “This is not a question about where are we going to survive. This is how do we want to live in our last 24 hours.” [20:51]
• They reference ChatGPT and Google to (cheat and) back up their “logic.”

---

3. Liar, Liar – Animal Oddities, Sweet Tooth History & French Faux Pas

[24:25–37:00]

Round 1 – Animal Facts (Bears, Ant-Zombies, Horses) [24:28–28:01]

• False fact revealed: The Sun Bear’s bowel habits—a highly suspect “Mollyanus” story.
  • Mike tries to warn about distractions with bathroom-themed facts.
  • Jason: “When we started this segment, I saw that third question being edited…” [28:08]

Round 2 – Candy Bars, Knitting Spies, Atomic Survivors [28:41–31:36]

• False fact revealed: The “Spindle Sisters” granny spy network, which delights everyone with its silliness.
  • Jason on Three Musketeers’ original flavors: “If that one is a lie, that’s a good lie.” [29:00]

Round 3 – Brad Pitt, Governors Without Bathrooms & French Flatulence [31:36–37:00]

• False fact revealed: Rhode Island’s governor having no private bathroom.
• Most memorable segment: The hosts lose it over the “ChatGPT” pronounced in French (“cat, I have farted”). Cue the episode’s only bleep.
  • Jason: “Did we have our first bleep? Did we have our first bleep? Oh, baby, that one was a little too clean.” [34:06]

Notable Quote:

• Mike (victorious): “I’m the smartest man alive. Yeah, you take your second L. And I also played…” [36:22]

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4. Spitballers Draft: Ultimate Treasure Hunter Teams

[39:24–55:44]

Draft Premise: Choose fictional characters to assemble the best “lost treasure” hunting squad.

Key Picks
Jason: Indiana Jones, Batman, Robert Langdon (from Da Vinci Code), Captain Jack Sparrow
Andy: Sherlock Holmes, Bilbo Baggins, Harry Potter, Scrooge McDuck
Mike: Lara Croft (Tomb Raider), Benjamin Franklin Gates (National Treasure), Nathan Drake (Uncharted), Dora the Explorer

Notable Draft Banter & Quotes

• Jason (on Indiana Jones): “Not only that, but he does it with charisma and style.” [40:14]
• Andy (on Bilbo): “He literally found the giant golden treasure in the Lonely Mountain.” [44:44]
• Mike (on Dora): “I got Boots. I got a sidekick monkey.” [49:14]
• Jason (on Jack Sparrow): “Captain Jack says, I got this. Hold my rum.” [52:01]
• Endless mockery of less-mainstream picks (“Robert Langdon, Attorney at Law,” luck-based treasure finding, or “what was that movie even about?”).
• Mike struggles choosing between Dora and Scrooge McDuck.
  • Mike: “Between Dora and Scrooge, I was having a very difficult time…” [49:48]
• Clever nostalgia: DuckTales, National Treasure, Harry Potter, and more, with deep-cut jokes for franchise fans.

---

5. Pop Culture, Running Jokes & End-of-Episode Reflections

• Frequent callbacks to previous episodes, movie and character knowledge, and fatherly life advice the audience is warned to never take.
• Discussion of animation, children growing up, and whether Disney movies persist as essential viewing.
• Quick list of “honorable mentions” for treasure hunters not picked (Gandalf, Carmen Sandiego, Mulder of X-Files, etc.)
• Mike: “Are you diminishing the accomplishments of the Goonies?” [54:57]
• Banter on how style and luck factor into both fictional and real-life treasure hunts.

---

Highlights & Memorable Moments

• ASMR Meltdown: Mike’s visceral reaction to Jason’s ASMR “dripping into your soul”; the group’s deep dive into why those sounds are so disturbing.
• College Goldfish Story: Jason’s improv group fundraiser where a guy actually (unwisely) swallowed a live goldfish.
• Chris Hemsworth/Danny DeVito Debate: A hilarious conversation about which body/face/personality mix would be the best, capped by love for DeVito’s comedic genius.
• Andy’s “Potty Mouth”: The French ChatGPT joke leads to Andy unintentionally dropping a rare “bleep,” triggering laughter over breaking the show’s usually-clean tone. [34:06]
• French Language Faux Pas: “ChatGPT, pronounced with a French accent, means ‘cat, I have farted.’” [33:02]
• Draft Creativity: From Sherlock Holmes to Scrooge McDuck, the combinations are both logical and ridiculous, sparking plenty of audience-nostalgia and in-group teasing.

---

Notable Quotes

• Jason (on fighting crime with Batman): “One of these, you could end up—look, you might get to punch a Nazi in the face pretty good, right?” [12:43]
• Mike (on Danny DeVito): “He’s awesome and I get to be yoked. And funny.” [16:13]
• Andy (the scientist): “I’m just playing, like, cards with Josh… you go do this, I’m gonna help you from here.” [14:06]
• Jason (on Robert Langdon): “Langdon will walk right over Bilbo Baggins’ sleeping body to collect the answer.” [46:48]

---

Episode Structure Recap

1. ASMR/Opening Antics ([01:33–03:39])
2. Would You Rather:
   • Gross food scenario
   • Pop culture sidekicks/powers
   • Celebrity body swap
   • Surviving in wild places
3. Liar, Liar:
   • Three rounds of weird facts and lies, featuring animals, candy, governors, and the infamous French fart joke
4. Draft:
   • Building the best treasure hunter squad
5. Bonus Banter & Pop Culture References

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Final Thoughts

Even without the ads and podcast fluff, this episode packs a punch: gleeful gross-outs, deep pop culture nerdery, and rapid-fire comedic logic colliding on subjects like animal digestion, penguin suits vs. Hemsworth abs, and the unending worth of movie knowledge. Whether you just want to know if Sherlock or Batman finds the treasure, or if you tune in for Andy’s rare “potty mouth,” this episode lives up to its clean-yet-edgy, family-friendly comedy badge—with just enough mischief to keep the grownups snickering.

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To Listen: SpitballersPod.com
Episode: Andy’s Potty Mouth & The Best Treasure Hunters
Date: February 16, 2026

Transcript

[Mike]

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[Announcer]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason ASMRs get time to get what you get.

[Mike]

You get what you get.

[Jason]

Get what you get. You don't throw a fit. Get that directly into your ears, dripping from there to your soul.

[Andy]

Fight and.

[Jason]

Buried treasure in here.

[Mike]

That was. That was awful.

[Jason]

Well, I know you. You have like a.

[Mike]

You have like a ASMR phobia, misophonia, or however you say it.

[Andy]

You don't like the whispers.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Jason]

See, Mike has exceptionally good hearing. It's not like you can hear small noises, but like you're. You pick up on it. I mean, it's part of musical. I have a trained ear talent, sure.

[Andy]

But I think there's not musical.

[Jason]

Musical, yeah, musical. I'll stick with it.

[Andy]

I actually get it.

[Jason]

But I.

[Mike]

It's.

[Jason]

I don't think it's just trained. I mean, it is also trained. But I think that there's natural talent there and I think that natural Part. There's something about that that is really put off by the asmr. By the whisper, by the. Like, you just feel it too much.

[Andy]

I would like to say, and I will pull the Doosers as well, but I was also super disturbed by that. I don't have any, like, special, like. It's not a hearing thing.

[Jason]

All right, Doosers. What'd you think of that one?

[Mike (listener or caller)]

I thought you'd done worse.

[Jason]

Okay, Yeah, I have. I've done way worse.

[Andy]

Well, the ending was, you know, you kind of brought it all together. You didn't. No.

[Jason]

Poopa.

[Mike]

Poopa.

[Jason]

Yeah. Which, I mean. I mean, I could have ASMR'd that, but, you know, you get what you get.

[Mike]

I thought you were gonna go asmr. Satchmo.

[Jason]

Oh, next time.

[Mike]

I don't even know how to do it.

[Jason]

It's just a demon, Mike.

[Mike]

I'm in hell.

[Andy]

Welcome into episode 304. This is the only material left to.

[Mike]

Cover on the show.

[Andy]

We've gone through everything else. Would you rather Liar, Liar. And we are drafting characters to help you find a lost treasure today.

[Jason]

That's right. Liar, Liar. On today's episode. It's been a while. I know. Jeremy, you hate putting these together because you feel like there's a high bar that you have set for yourself. And it's difficult after this many episodes to do it. But I want you to know we were talking about it beforehand. The people really, really want this, and they love it. And so make sure that it never goes away.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

Yes, sir.

[Andy]

All right, we're jumping in.

[Announcer]

Would you rather.

[Andy]

Would you rather Patrick from the website writes in? Would you rather have to eat three living cockroaches?

[Jason]

Holy no.

[Andy]

Or a raw chicken breast?

[Jason]

Oh, come on.

[Mike]

Oh. What, are you trying to kill us?

[Andy]

Oh, see, Jason, I are probably on the other side of that. No. Why you'd eat the three.

[Jason]

I am so much like raw chicken breast. Raw chicken. I believe it is something like 1 in 18. Like, if you go to the grocery store and you purchase a. They have prepackaged raw chicken breasts. The ones that you get near you. The ones that are in your fridge today. Something like 1 in 18 have salmonella.

[Andy]

Which I thought it was like 1 in 4.

[Jason]

Oh, I can't imagine it's a quarter. Al, why don't you get on that?

[Mike]

It's the way that I approach my handling and the sanitary things of raw chicken. It's one in one in one.

[Andy]

Maybe I was thinking 25%, but it's one in 25 packages.

[Jason]

Okay, one in 25. But still the chances of getting salmonella are. Well, one in 25.

[Mike]

Now we'll say the.

[Andy]

That's not good odds. The cockroaches, bacteria, parasites.

[Mike]

Where are these from? Are these pet store cockroaches or are these just, like, off the ground?

[Mike (listener or caller)]

Off the ground.

[Mike]

Okay, okay, hold on.

[Jason]

What if we get to cook the cockroaches?

[Mike]

What if we get to cook the chicken?

[Jason]

Well, then I would take the chicken. Andy, cook chicken's delicious.

[Andy]

Cooked grilled chicken breast or 5,000 cockroaches.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

You can season either of them whichever way you please.

[Andy]

I just thought. I thought you guys would both say the chicken because that's like. I mean, you guys eat sushi, so, like, just. Just slurp it down, dude. Play your 1 in 25 chance. Now, Salmonella, does it kill you?

[Jason]

It can, but it does not usually.

[Mike]

What are we afraid of?

[Andy]

Throwing up?

[Jason]

It's not throwing up. I mean, throwing up is kindness.

[Mike]

You throw up out the butt.

[Andy]

This.

[Jason]

Well, no, no, no. You're gonna be throwing up, but you're gonna be throwing, like, your. The lining of your heart up through your mouth.

[Mike]

This is like. This is real bad.

[Jason]

This is like hospitalized throw up.

[Andy]

Throwing up through your butt.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Been there.

[Andy]

And the living cockroaches. So you've got to bite the heads off first just to kill them.

[Mike]

No. What?

[Jason]

No suckers hold you. Let them crawl down your throat.

[Mike]

That. That does bring up a good question.

[Andy]

No, that's not.

[Mike]

You're gonna. Are you gonna let your esophagus and your stomach ass.

[Jason]

No, no. The teeth. The teeth are gonna juice this thing out.

[Andy]

This thing is a.

[Jason]

This is a gusher. This is a gusher's candy.

[Mike]

You have the worst question we've ever.

[Andy]

Bite them in half right away.

[Jason]

I think you do have to crush the head.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Does it have a head?

[Mike]

There's a head on it, but they're not headless. They can live without their head for a while, though.

[Jason]

Oh, my God.

[Andy]

That's why you have to.

[Jason]

So back in college. Back in college, we.

[Andy]

The best beginning to any story.

[Jason]

I was part of the Charles Darwin Experience, which was a comedy improv group. And so we were trying to raise money to go to Chicago Improv Festival, and we had this, like, this big thermometer where it was like, if we get this, we do this. If we get this much, we get this. And one of them was that one of the guys was going to eat a live goldfish.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Jason]

And he did. We got the money and he. On Stage, you know, right. From petsmart, took the goldfish as a medium size. We won that baby.

[Andy]

That's a swallow.

[Jason]

It was just a straight swallow. Did the show.

[Andy]

Oh, no.

[Jason]

Drew up all night long.

[Mike]

Like, did he send the fish out?

[Jason]

I think the fish was digested. Oh, so liquid fish came out.

[Mike]

Because, like, that's a trick people do, like illusionists.

[Andy]

They'll bring it back up all night.

[Mike]

Swallow the goldfish, and then you just puke it up and it's fine.

[Jason]

Interesting.

[Andy]

They do. They bring it back up alive.

[Jason]

But yeah. So the cockroaches might actually be a higher probability of getting very sick.

[Andy]

I think you're throwing up. I think you're definitely 100% throwing up from the raw chicken.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

I think you are probably throwing up from the cockroaches. The raw chicken is dead and will go down smooth. It will not be fun.

[Mike]

The texture of that.

[Andy]

It will not be.

[Jason]

No texture will be. The texture will be better than the texture of moving.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

You're not used to the texture of moving. Of alive.

[Andy]

Yeah. No. I'm taking the chicken. I'm going 1 in 25. I'm probably trying to throw up after both of these.

[Mike]

I'm going roaches.

[Andy]

Okay. Jason, split the difference.

[Jason]

I'm going to go.

[Andy]

We've thought about it a lot.

[Jason]

El Pollock sashimi. So give me the raw chicken, please.

[Mike]

Did you just combine two different foreign languages?

[Jason]

Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I'm a man of the world.

[Andy]

It sounded pretty good. It sounded all right.

[Mike]

La cugaracha.

[Jason]

4% chance at Salmonella. 0% chance at movement in my mouth.

[Andy]

Slammin jammin from Patreon writes in. If you had to choose one word. I'm sorry.

[Mike]

Radical.

[Andy]

Let me start this over. If you had to choose. If you had to choose one, would you rather time travel with Doc from Back to the future?

[Mike]

All right.

[Andy]

Fight crime with Batman, I guess, as a sidekick. Or train karate with Miyagi.

[Jason]

Well, that one's out.

[Andy]

Learn the Force from Yoda or hunt antique treasures with Indiana Jones?

[Jason]

Good question for today's show.

[Andy]

What?

[Mike]

Yeah. Why is this in this?

[Jason]

That one's also out, though.

[Andy]

Limit it.

[Mike]

Is it?

[Andy]

Let's cut it down. Yeah, let's cut it down to your two finalists. For me, that would be fighting crime with Batman or learning the Force with Yoda. And only one of these gives me a superpower, so I'm going to go learning the Force with Yoda.

[Jason]

Yeah. Time traveling with Doc could be cool, but that's only if you go into the future.

[Andy]

All right. Take those.

[Mike]

Yeah. No, that would go. Going in the past would be awesome, too.

[Jason]

I'm not.

[Andy]

I feel like you can't get back without a train, man.

[Mike]

Well, that's only if you. You pop the gas, gas runs out.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I feel like you got to take Yoda and time travel out of this.

[Jason]

Yoda is a clear win, right? Are we at least at a great. Like, it would be my number one, because in the end, I have the force. I can make you change your mind. I can move a rock on your head.

[Mike]

The TV remote.

[Jason]

I mean, to be fair, what TV remote?

[Andy]

I can train karate right now.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

And I'm not really interested.

[Jason]

The Miyagi one is so stupid because not only. Not only can you train karate right now, from. You can go find an expert. Like, this is not hard to achieve, but when you do that, you're not going to have to wax any cars.

[Mike]

That's what.

[Jason]

I'm not going to have to do any chores. Like, Miyagi was a terrible teacher.

[Andy]

He.

[Jason]

He got lucky.

[Mike]

I think he was. I think he was teaching some other lessons. Making him do that.

[Jason]

Children's lessons.

[Mike]

Do your chores. But that was the question of, like, well, if I go train with Miyagi, am I just doing chores?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Or am I doing crane kicks and.

[Andy]

Wait, I was gonna say all the training led to the crane kick.

[Mike]

Well, he does the crane kick while the sun's going down over the ocean.

[Andy]

I remember that.

[Jason]

It's been a minute, Mike.

[Andy]

Let's just go here. Fight crime with Batman or hunt antique treasures of the Indiana.

[Jason]

All right, that's a fair fight. Because they're both cool. They're both a little dangerous.

[Andy]

Yeah. They're risky. They're both just human.

[Jason]

They are both human. No superpowers. Although, you know, you got the goblet, there's the treasure.

[Mike]

Supernatural. Well, what's cooler?

[Jason]

What's cooler? Like the bat wing or, you know, the. Some crazy treasure that's mythical, I think. The batwing.

[Andy]

You're saying, like, if you found the cup.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Or the ark.

[Jason]

Wait, does the cup give you, like, eternal life?

[Andy]

It does if you drink the right wine.

[Mike]

But you have to stay within the confines of the temple.

[Andy]

It's so bad.

[Jason]

That's a punishment?

[Mike]

No, not if you ask them. It's an honor.

[Jason]

I'd be like, is there Internet? What's the wifi password in this?

[Mike]

So.

[Andy]

But can you live in. Would you rather live in prison? Eternally?

[Jason]

Right. Yeah, exactly.

[Mike]

One of these you have. You could end up. Look, you might get to punch a Nazi in the face pretty good, right? One of them, you might punch a guy in the face and find out that person actually has superpowers.

[Jason]

And additionally, one of these or have two faces, One of these.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Could get you a suit. Because if I'm fighting crime next to Batman, I'm a sidekick, man. I could be Robin or whatever.

[Andy]

What's your nickname?

[Jason]

What would my nickname be?

[Mike]

The Bloat.

[Jason]

The Bloat. I do deal with some bloating from time to time.

[Andy]

No, it's the Human Bloat. Like the Human Torch. Yeah. I mean, you got to put the suit on.

[Jason]

Yeah, the suit is probably spandex. That's not going to be great. So now I see where the super name comes from. I'd be like, yeah, he's bloated. It's really not him. He had five guys.

[Mike]

I ate some raw chicken earlier. You'll have to forgive me.

[Jason]

El pollo sashimi.

[Andy]

I want. I want Batman. I want the lair. I want the hideout.

[Jason]

I want the tools.

[Andy]

Who doesn't want a hideout?

[Jason]

I want the cars and the gadgets.

[Andy]

Honestly, I'm playing on the computers in the hideout, and I'm like, you just.

[Jason]

Go, yeah, I'll watch the phone things. You go do this. I'm gonna help you from here.

[Mike]

Oracle. Is that the name of the.

[Andy]

Yeah, I mean, I'm just playing, like, cards with Josh.

[Mike]

Do I got that right?

[Jason]

I'm gonna have. From an oracle. Is somebody.

[Mike]

No, not an oracle. No, the one eventually Batman teams up with somebody is. It's like. I think it's like, back girl gets paralyzed.

[Jason]

I'm sure you're right.

[Mike]

All right, whatever.

[Jason]

But we're all doing solitaire on the Oracle. Like, that's what we're playing.

[Mike]

Well, yeah. It's the only game on there.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I'm going Indiana Jones.

[Jason]

Really?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Well, you won't get him in the draft, sucker.

[Mike]

I know, I know.

[Andy]

You should really think about if there's some other picks, oj.

[Jason]

Okay. I've got others, and I will take that.

[Andy]

Might be better. Oh, and from the website, would you rather have Chris Hemsworth's body.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

And Danny DeVito's face, voice and personality, or Danny DeVito's body with Chris Hemsworth's face? This is voice and personality.

[Jason]

I mean, this is. This is nowhere near. I don't even. This isn't a fair fight.

[Mike]

Yeah, I agree.

[Jason]

I mean, give me Danny DeVito's face.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

100 out of a hundred times. I'll put a bag on that I'll walk around with a bag on my face.

[Mike]

First off, like, I guess the face is all right, but Danny DeVito's personality. Danny DeVito is so funny.

[Jason]

He's awesome.

[Mike]

He is like, he.

[Andy]

As an actor, I feel like he must be way older than we think.

[Jason]

I can. I'm on, like, if we had to.

[Mike]

Guess, he's got to be.

[Andy]

I'm going to say 78.

[Jason]

I'm going to go 74.

[Mike]

72.

[Jason]

79. Oh, all right.

[Mike]

79.

[Jason]

He's almost 80. He's doing work and he's still working.

[Andy]

Oh, okay. Doing work. Not like, looks good.

[Jason]

Oh, no. That's the point of the question. Yeah, he looks like a troll. But to be fair, he's looked like a troll for. How old is he? For 79 years.

[Mike]

I bet he's scared.

[Jason]

Mom. Is he above 5ft when he was born?

[Mike]

410 Corps, according to Google, when he.

[Jason]

Was born that had. It's like Jeremy that had to terrify the parents. Jeremy.

[Mike]

Danny DeVito is. Point being, he's awesome and I get to be yoked.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And funny.

[Jason]

You know how good you feel? You know, like if you are in Chris Hemsworth, Hemsworth's body, you've just gotta. You've gotta have energy. You can jump and run and crouch and duck and all sorts of things. I don't want to do anymore.

[Mike]

I could tie my shoes.

[Andy]

Don't forget, first of all, Chris Hemsworth's name has come up way too many times on this show over 304 episodes.

[Mike]

It's been fine. It's been enough. Secondly, have you seen Chris Hemsworth?

[Andy]

I'm just. The voice is a great voice. Yes, right. I mean that both of them.

[Jason]

Both of them have great voices.

[Andy]

What? I mean, Chris Hemsworth's voice is much better.

[Jason]

Yes, he has a much better accent. I mean, he's got a much better everything.

[Mike]

You know, he's all right.

[Andy]

So we're all going with the body.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Vanessa from X says, would you rather have to live in the Everglades, the Amazon or the Australian Outback?

[Jason]

Oh, we were talking about this something similar to this at lunch about the dangers of places in the world. And these are all like, we're all going to die.

[Mike]

Amazon is instant death.

[Andy]

Amazon. Everything there is meant to kill you.

[Mike]

Amazon is moist.

[Andy]

Amazon. Everything is self defense.

[Mike]

Amazon is instantaneous death for us.

[Andy]

Yeah, we wouldn't like the first thing you would try to do if you. I'm going to go drink that water.

[Sponsor Host]

Up that leaf, dad.

[Mike]

Earmuffs, Jay oh, no.

[Jason]

Oh, no. All right.

[Mike]

I was going to say the creatures that are in the Amazon.

[Andy]

You can say what you want. He's got his ears plugged.

[Mike]

The spiders that live in the Amazon are. You would. Jason would pass out. Okay, you can come back.

[Jason]

Okay. I presume this was a Spidey talk. Yes, but the thing is, is I don't know that they're worse than the Australian outback. Like, if you're really in the outback.

[Andy]

But not the outback's threat is not the creatures. The outback's threat is your. You're going to die. You're going to die from exposure.

[Mike]

It's all of those things. But at least you're not like you. You have some visibility at least.

[Andy]

Yeah, you can see the sun coming. I mean, you're dead. It's the Everglades easily for me.

[Jason]

You want them gators.

[Andy]

I don't think that many gators are killing that many people. They don't they.

[Mike]

Well, because people are staying out of the Everglades or they have those cool fan boats.

[Andy]

Where am I? Am I in the water? Am I on the shore? Am I just trying to, like. Do I get one of the fan boats?

[Mike]

No, no boat. No bo. You get a bottle of water?

[Andy]

Am I in the water?

[Mike]

No, I don't think you have to be in the water.

[Jason]

Yeah, you got to find a little dry spot next to a tree, sit on a lily.

[Andy]

I got shade. It's, you know, I got water.

[Jason]

What do you think is in the water? Like, animal creature, snake, gators, all of that. Yeah. So I feel like I'm going to take the outback and just pray I don't come across just dehydrated. The giant spider.

[Andy]

I feel like you'll die 12 hours in the outback.

[Jason]

No way. No way.

[Andy]

There's no trees, but I think you.

[Jason]

Could make it 12 hours. Yeah, exactly.

[Mike]

I can make it day, night and then die the next day.

[Jason]

Hundred percent.

[Andy]

Yeah. You could die the next day, I guess. I remember watching Bear Grylls on one of those old shows go out in the outback and he was drinking his own pee and. Oh, yeah, it was like, have you.

[Mike]

Ever seen the people?

[Andy]

Like, I've got a lot of Outback experience. Anyway, twice a week.

[Mike]

The bear. Oh, yes. Yeah. It's delightful. Steaks. The. The. When people are like, show where Bill Grizz Bear Grylls is actually filming, and you're like. It's actually just like 30ft off of the road sometimes. Well, here's the thing. If Your brand is Bear Grylls. That gets to be zero, anything over a zero percent when your entire nothing.

[Andy]

You see is real. Mike.

[Mike]

Yeah, but he, but they're claiming it's real and it's just right off the road.

[Jason]

Okay, all right. I just, I asked the Internet, you know, can you survive in these locations? I asked can you live in the Australian outback? Yes, it's possible, but it's remote and people have died. Can you survive in the Everglades? Yes, some people have lived in the Everglades, but it looks like many people have died. Can you survive in the Amazon? Yes, it's possible to survive in the Amazon rainforest, but it's challenging and many people have died while attempting to do so.

[Mike]

Everglades.

[Jason]

So this is not a question about where are we going to survive. This is how do we want to live in our last 24 hours.

[Mike]

Yeah, okay, that's fair.

[Jason]

So give me the Amazon rainforest. I think that place is going to be awesome.

[Andy]

I asked Chatgpt because we cheat. Now, what is the most likely one to survive in rainforest, Outback or Everglades? Just say the word. Ooh, rainforest.

[Jason]

All right, I picked the right one. I'm surviving and I'm thriving.

[Mike]

Did you say rainforest or Amazon?

[Andy]

I said rainforest.

[Jason]

Oh, a rainforest sounds awesome.

[Andy]

Yeah, the Amazon. Still the rainforest. Still the rainforest.

[Mike]

Probably because of water, I don't know.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason]

I mean shade, water, plants. I mean you're going to have to pick the.

[Mike]

I don't probably. Who knows? Yeah, I think like we don't even know what's in the Amazon.

[Andy]

It's like the bottom of the ocean. All right, let's go ahead and take a break and we'll come back with some Liar liar. What's up spitwads?

[Sponsor Host]

People keep asking about my 2026 resolutions and I've got the usual goals, you know like read, read a bunch of books, you know, that type of thing. Keep yourself in shape.

[Andy]

But I got a new one at the top of my list.

[Sponsor Host]

It is get. And that is where Bombas comes in. They're bringing serious comfort to all of your everyday go tos. Maybe this is the year you take up running or tennis or in my case play more pickleball. And I've been wearing the all new Bombas sport socks and they are perfect and they are perfectly comfortable. They're sweat wicking and cushioned where you need them most. They keep you comfy and locked in and they've also got you covered with the comfiest everyday footwear imaginable look. I love all of my Bombas products. All of my socks, so comfortable. An actual noticeable difference. And they've got the Sunday slippers. They got all sorts of great stuff. Head over to bombas.com spitballers and use the code spitballers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com spitballers code spitballers at checkout. You're going to love it.

[Andy]

What's up, Spitwads?

[Sponsor Host]

Well, this is something I can speak from experience on. You want to eat better. We all want to do that. We feel like we have zero time and energy to make it happen. Sometimes you even try to eat better.

[Andy]

And you realize you just can't.

[Sponsor Host]

You can't even order something that is actually healthy for you with all the different restaurants out there. Look, I was in that boat. I went to Factor, checked it out. We love the Factor meals. In the beginning, when we got the Factor meals delivered, my son was stealing all of them. Now I'm ordering enough to where I can kind of steal some and hide them from him because they are so delicious. They don't ask you to meal prep.

[Andy]

Right.

[Sponsor Host]

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[Andy]

What?

[Sponsor Host]

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[Announcer]

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

[Andy]

All right, it has been a minute, and we'll see if we can dominate Al Borland once again. That's what we do most of the time. Yeah, we'll crush him again. All right. Three rounds, three truths. One of them is not true. It's not.

[Mike]

Three. Three truths. No.

[Jason]

No. Two.

[Andy]

Well, I'm gonna read three things that.

[Mike]

Are supposed to be true. Yeah, there we go. There we go.

[Andy]

They're supposed to be true and one of them is not. And we have to identify that one. All right, round one. Let me prepare myself Here. The Malayan sun bear known as Ursus Molly anus. Molly anus is known to be regularly constipated.

[Mike]

The molly anuses. The Molyannes.

[Andy]

The average digestion cycle. Digestion cycle lasts 7 to 10 days longer than any other species of bear. This also results in the largest poop to body weight ratio in the bear family.

[Mike]

Okay, I'm rooting for that one.

[Jason]

I hope that's true. Now does a digestion cycle lasting a long time? That doesn't mean you're constipated though, right? I feel like it's only after that time that you can't poop is when you start to be constipated.

[Andy]

I think you're right on that. If the poo poo is in your body.

[Mike]

But if that's normal.

[Andy]

Right. I get what you're saying.

[Jason]

Then you're regular.

[Mike]

Yeah, he just. He makes a boo boo.

[Andy]

If you're towards the 10 days. You feel a little tight. All right, here's the second one. Ophiocordyceps is a species of fungus that turns ants into zombies, forcing them to climb a tree before exploding the ants bodies to release spores to fall down on the ants on the ground below, perpetuating the cycle. That's true.

[Jason]

I have heard. Take that ants. I have heard of this type of thing. Fungus that basically uses insects as zombies. True. I'm going to assume it's the truth.

[Andy]

We got to work together here.

[Jason]

Also, I just got to give you mad props because I couldn't have read that first word if you gave me like 12 tries. Would never have got it.

[Andy]

When you guys were finishing the conversation in the previous question, I was practicing that in my head.

[Jason]

Do it again.

[Andy]

Ophiocordyceps. Perfect.

[Mike]

Opio Cordy.

[Jason]

Opio Cordiap.

[Andy]

Third one. Horses cannot vomit. So this is animal related. Horses cannot vomit because their digestive system anatomy prevents food from moving back up into the stomach. From the stomach to the mouth. Simple digestive issues like gastric distention or colic can kill a horse.

[Mike]

Feel like dull.

[Andy]

I feel like I've heard that. Is he making up a poop one to attract us to it?

[Jason]

Are you here? Are you thinking of like giraffes? I think. Giraffes?

[Mike]

Is that what it was?

[Andy]

I don't know.

[Jason]

I don't know.

[Andy]

Like cows have distended bellies. So did he just change cows to horses and try to get us on.

[Jason]

Them or is it just, you know, that's what those four legged animals are like.

[Andy]

Right?

[Jason]

The ones that are and then there's one that's a poop thing. So it seems like. It seems like it should be the poop thing, but is he trying to play the game? Get us to the poop thing?

[Andy]

I don't even know if Maliana seems. It seems like that's what he started the search with.

[Mike]

Malenus.

[Jason]

Malenus.

[Mike]

All right, John Mollenus.

[Andy]

I'm going to say the horses one's a lie.

[Jason]

I believe the horses one is a lie.

[Mike]

I'm going to go with the bear.

[Jason]

All right.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

All right, Mike, you're still alive.

[Mike]

Oh, dang it. I tried to tell you guys. I thought I had heard that horse one. It was vaguely familiar.

[Jason]

Yeah. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna. I'm gonna let something free here.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

When we started this segment, I saw that third question being edited, like. Like deleting, writing, rewriting, something.

[Mike]

Oh, you tried to play the game.

[Jason]

And I tried to play the game. I thought he was. I thought he was. You know, you're.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

You're just fixing a typo in there. But that's funny that you caught that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And I was like, oh, he can change this one. He made it up. Okay.

[Mike]

I saw some typing in there, too.

[Jason]

There was nothing that was going to keep me to not guess the third answer. Nothing.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

That's good to know for the future.

[Jason]

Well, I mean, game's already been played.

[Andy]

The game is afoot. All right, Mike, round two. Three Musketeers, when first released, came with three different kinds of nougat, chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. Hence the name. Unfortunately, it had to be cut down to 1 during World War II due to sugar rations being too expensive.

[Mike]

If that one is a lie, that's a good lie.

[Jason]

I would agree with that.

[Andy]

Yeah. It's a little weird in the fact that, like, if sugar rations. Like, we just make one type of sugar thing, right, Instead of we're out of sugar, we can only make one sugar flavor. All right, number two. During the American Revolution, there was a secret society of knitting old ladies known as the Spindle Sisters, who smuggled battle plans to military commanders by stitching them into scarves.

[Jason]

Oh, man, the Spindle Sisters.

[Mike]

I mean, if they're grannies joining the.

[Andy]

Cause, I believe that there are grannies that were part of the cause. But this is like, if you're smuggling battle plans to commanders, what are you smuggling? Stuff from your own army so that the other commander. I don't get it.

[Jason]

You're saying, where are they getting the information?

[Andy]

What are the plans that need to get to the commanders. And why do they have to come?

[Jason]

Why did the grannies get it?

[Andy]

Yeah, why did the grannies get it?

[Jason]

I promise you, if this is true, though, the Spindle Sisters had a logo. Like, they made a logo. They got together, and they're like. Well, we. You know, we.

[Mike]

Killer band name.

[Jason]

Yeah. Not bad.

[Andy]

Close neighbors to the Spin Doctors.

[Mike]

Yeah. Oh, yes.

[Andy]

All right, great. Tsutomo Yamaguchi survived both atomic bombings in Japan.

[Jason]

Yeah. This one's true.

[Andy]

He was in Hiroshima when the first one dropped. He survived, returned to his hometown, got the second one. He lived to be 93. That's true.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I know that one to be a fact.

[Andy]

So I think that the Spindle Sisters is the lie. That's what I'm going with.

[Jason]

That makes so both of those have, like, a logical strangeness to them, like sugar rations. Doesn't mean that you can only do chocolate and you can't do strawberry and vanilla.

[Andy]

Right.

[Jason]

But also, how are these Spindle Sisters getting these plans to military commanders?

[Mike]

I'm gonna go with the Three Musketeers battle plan.

[Jason]

No. That's such a good lie. That's too good a lie. Oh, which one was he editing? I'm not official yet.

[Mike]

Okay, I'm going. I'm going. Spindle Sisters.

[Jason]

All right, then I'll go. Three Musketeers. Okay, that's on that. We're done here, Owl. That's on you now.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

What was the indies? I didn't catch his Spindle Scissors are the lie.

[Sponsor Host]

All right.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

The Spindle Sisters was the lie.

[Jason]

Oh, Mike's alive. Mike is alive. Now I see why he didn't answer. He's just waiting for you to change your answer. What was Mike. I didn't hear. He took the.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

Mike got it right. I just never heard Andy's.

[Jason]

Okay, Mike, you got a round three.

[Andy]

All right, and round three. Here we go. Movies that feature Brad Pitt eating more than 200 calories on screen do better than box office at the box office and have a higher IMDb rating than those of the films.

[Mike]

This is a thing that do not. I don't. I don't know if the ratings are. But Brad Pitt eating on screen is a thing.

[Andy]

That's a thing.

[Mike]

Yeah, like, you can watch. Go watch a super cut. Like, kind of like the super cuts of Tom Cruise running. Yeah, there's super cuts of Brad Pitt eating.

[Jason]

I know he eats a lot in Fight Club. That movie did very, very well.

[Mike]

In the. In the oceans movie, he's, like, always eating.

[Jason]

Yes, he is always, always eating. In those and those crushed in the box office. Okay, Good detective work, Batman.

[Andy]

Number two says the only US State without a private bathroom for its governor is Rhode Island. The closest bathroom is instead a shared public restroom located outside the Department of sanitation's office on the floor below the governor's office.

[Mike]

He has to go downstairs, man.

[Jason]

Get bodied. It's a tiny. It's a tiny state.

[Mike]

Is it like, directly under. Could you just cut a hole?

[Andy]

All right.

[Jason]

Even if it is and you're close and you miss, you're right next to the Department of sanitation, so they'll take care of it.

[Mike]

Oh, they will.

[Andy]

If you say chat GPT. Chat GPT. Chat dpt with a French accent, you are saying, cat, I have farted in French.

[Jason]

This is the best. Okay.

[Andy]

Shout GPT.

[Jason]

This is the best truth or lie that we might have ever had. If you say chatgpt with a French accent, you are saying, cat, I have GPT.

[Andy]

Oh, I think that's true.

[Jason]

Shut the gbt. Oh, my gosh, that's so, so good.

[Mike]

So some somehow GPT.

[Jason]

Well, you're saying shat is cat.

[Mike]

Yes, that's what so somehow GPT is. You're saying.

[Jason]

Excuse me, that is.

[Mike]

I have farted.

[Andy]

Either. Either is French. The normal order. I've studied no French. Because the shot. The.

[Mike]

Shot. Yeah, that could be the shots.

[Andy]

Could be the farted part.

[Jason]

That's usually more of a solid.

[Andy]

Exactly. Shot. I shat my pants. Maybe that came from the French. The French, when they're in a war, they always.

[Jason]

Oh, did we have our first bleep? Did we have our first bleep? Oh, baby, that one was a little too clean. We'll have to beep that.

[Andy]

Oh, I didn't mean to.

[Mike]

He's trying to speak French.

[Jason]

Those Frenches are foul mouthed, man.

[Mike]

He's trying to speak French.

[Jason]

Frenchies. Dang it. Okay, how many thousands of shows have we done? Yeah, I think that we're at least 1500 shows across our podcast.

[Andy]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jason]

All right, I believe that one. I'm going to go. I'm going to go with the US State being Rhone Island.

[Andy]

I'm going. French one's a lie. Okay?

[Jason]

So whatever we pick is irrelevant.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, we could tie for winning. Okay, that's if Mike misses.

[Jason]

So.

[Mike]

But guys, we're trying. We're all trying to win here.

[Jason]

Yes, we're all trying to win, which is you. I mean, yeah, I think we're all out on the Brad Pitt thing. That seems like it's legit, so it's.

[Mike]

The Rhode island private bathroom.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Put the deucers came up there real quick. Jerry, we are out on the Brad Pitt thing. How's that make you feel? I need to see his face. Oh, he's stone cold poker face.

[Mike]

That's his poker face.

[Jason]

No, that's the best. No, he's. He's got a terrible poker face. This one's pretty good. This is his liar, liar face. Okay. All right. I tried to get more information for you, Mike. I got nothing. Good job, Jer.

[Mike]

The chat.

[Sponsor Host]

GPT.

[Mike]

GPT.

[Jason]

Chat. The GPT.

[Sponsor Host]

GPT.

[Jason]

Cat, I have farted.

[Andy]

I'm not attempting that one again.

[Jason]

You're out.

[Andy]

You're done. I'm not attempting that one. I tried, I lost. I was conquered. You got to make a call, Mike. It's got to make a call.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's easy for you to say. There's no pressure on you.

[Jason]

So easy.

[Andy]

Well, that's the game.

[Mike]

So the lie I'm going to say. I'm going to go with the governor one.

[Jason]

Yeah, I think that's right. All right, Owl. Yeah.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

Good work, Mike.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

I'm the smartest man alive. Yeah, you take your second L. And I also played.

[Andy]

Wow. That means that the chat GPT1 was right.

[Jason]

Wait, play it.

[Mike]

Who found this out?

[Andy]

Yeah. What? Was this all found by you?

[Mike (listener or caller)]

No, I found this somewhere.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Wait, was this all found by you? Now I found it. I'm pretty sure that's a yes.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

I thought he was saying, was it all made up? I found this particular one on Reddit.

[Sponsor Host]

All right.

[Andy]

We did it. Or rather Mike did. Congratulations.

[Mike]

We all.

[Jason]

Yeah, we. If Jeremy loses.

[Andy]

That's right. All right, let's move forward. We got an ad break, then we're coming back with a draft.

[Sponsor Voice]

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[Mike]

Fish sticks. Come on, people. Fish sticks are delicious.

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[Mike]

It's just, it's great. It's a great product.

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[Andy]

What's up, Spitwads?

[Sponsor Host]

People keep asking about my 2026 resolutions and I've got the usual goals. You know, like read a bunch of books, you know, that type of thing, keep yourself in shape or.

[Andy]

But I got a new one at the top of my list. It is get comfy.

[Sponsor Host]

And that is where Bombas comes in. They're bringing serious comfort to all of your everyday go tos. Maybe this is the year you take up running or tennis or in my case, play more pickleball. And I've been wearing the all new Bombus sports socks and they are perfect and they are perfectly comfortable. They're sweat wicking and cushioned where you need them most. They keep you comfy and locked in. And they've also got you covered with the comfiest everyday footwear imaginable.

[Andy]

Look.

[Sponsor Host]

I love all of my Bombas products. All of my socks, so comfortable. An actual noticeable difference. And they've got the Sunday slippers. They got all sorts of great stuff. Head over to bombus.com spitballers and use the code spitballers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com spitballers code spitballers at checkout. You're going to love it.

[Announcer]

The Spitballers draft.

[Mike]

All righty.

[Andy]

We. I didn't mean that. Well, that's. Yeah, we are drafting characters to help you find a lost treasure. Jason, you have the first pick.

[Jason]

Look, we've already talked about them. It's easy. It's obvious There's a clear 101 for me. And not that there's nothing people that might even be better. But like when I think of searching.

[Mike]

For lost, there's no one better.

[Jason]

I'm saying like maybe they're smarter or whatever they got. I mean, Indiana Jones, yes. He do one thing, he goes and he finds lost treasure. So. And not only that, but he does it with charisma and style. Yeah. So give me Indiana Jones. He is the one who will make sure we get the treasure.

[Andy]

All right. I look, it's not a buried treasure. It's just a lost treasure.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I need to follow clues. I need to be deductive.

[Jason]

Yep. He was my number two.

[Andy]

I need to figure it out. And so I'm going to go Sherlock Holmes.

[Mike]

Yep.

[Andy]

That was Sherlock Holmes. Can follow clues, he can figure out where it's. I mean, you got it.

[Mike]

It's lost.

[Jason]

Yeah. He was my 102. He was the only one that I think, like, he might be able to figure it out just as good or better, but no style. And also, what's going to happen.

[Andy]

He's got style.

[Jason]

What's going to happen is he's going to find it first, and then somehow Indiana Jones is going to end up with it. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

Yeah, it's very possible. All right. Okay. So Indiana Jones, Sherlock Holmes. With my first pick, I will take. She's often referred to as the lady version of Indiana Jones, and we grew up. So I will take Lara Croft, who is the star of the video game series Tomb Raider.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

Because she goes and finds lost treasures. And, I mean, when they made Tomb Raider, I mean, they had to just been like, what if we gave Indiana Jones a couple, like, two guns?

[Andy]

That's what they did.

[Mike]

Well, there's. Yeah.

[Andy]

All right. Good pick, Mike. Lara Croft.

[Sponsor Host]

I.

[Andy]

It was. It was in consideration for me, too.

[Mike]

What if we. I am talking about guns.

[Jason]

I know you are. Yeah. She had.

[Andy]

Take Indiana Jones. Give her. Give him two guns.

[Mike]

Two guns.

[Andy]

What is happening?

[Mike]

But it's a bunch of degenerates back here. All right, and then my next pick, I will take the. You may not know the name off the top of your head, but I.

[Andy]

Knew we'd have some deep cuts here from Mike.

[Mike]

This one's not a deep cut, though.

[Jason]

I know exactly who you're going to pick.

[Mike]

It's Benjamin Franklin Gates.

[Jason]

Yeah. Oh, if I knew for sure, that would be your pick.

[Mike]

Who is that?

[Jason]

Who is Benjamin Franklin Gates?

[Mike]

National treasure? This is Nicholas Gates starring Nicholas Cage.

[Andy]

That's his name?

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

They named him Benjamin Franklin Gates in the movie.

[Jason]

Yeah. They pull no punches.

[Andy]

They're like, not only is he looking for the Declaration, but the character's name is one of the guys from the Declaration.

[Mike]

I think he's so good at it.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Does he have a sidekick? Is it Jefferson?

[Mike]

He does have a sidekick. I can't remember the guy's name off the top of my head.

[Andy]

Thomas Jefferson Jones. I mean, gosh, I had no idea.

[Mike]

But, yeah, I will take Benjamin Franklin Gates.

[Jason]

Who?

[Andy]

All right.

[Jason]

I will take Patrick Gates, his father.

[Andy]

All right.

[Mike]

No, he's a quitter.

[Jason]

Oh, that's true.

[Mike]

He gave up trying to find the.

[Jason]

Treasure, but he named his son Benjamin Franklin.

[Mike]

Oh, there. Riley Poole.

[Andy]

Thank you.

[Mike]

Josh Riley.

[Andy]

I didn't have him on my list.

[Jason]

I was unaware he would never have made it back to you.

[Andy]

So I'm going to go with, at this point, a character that already has a history of finding treasure. I feel like the resume matters. Like, I want to know that you found something valuable. Bilbo Baggins. I'm taking Bilbo Baggins because he found the precious, didn't he?

[Jason]

Yeah, he just looked it. He just walked across it. There's no clue. Finding.

[Andy]

He just was like, oh, because luck's not a part of finding a treasure.

[Jason]

No, it is a lost treasure, but do it twice.

[Mike]

Was he looking for it?

[Andy]

It's not important to look at the detail.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. But for me, I thought he.

[Andy]

I thought he had jumped into a pool and then found it at the bottom. Is that incorrect?

[Jason]

I think that was Gollum. I think Gollum got the.

[Andy]

That was Gollum.

[Jason]

That was Gollum.

[Andy]

That was go.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

So Bilbo just dropped.

[Jason]

Bilbo just walked across. Was like. What's this thing that Gollum just dropped?

[Andy]

Perfect pick. Perfect pick.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Now what.

[Mike]

What other, like, big treasure did. Did Bilbo find?

[Jason]

He found a wizard. No, the wizard probably found him.

[Mike]

Yeah, it did.

[Jason]

Found a long life.

[Andy]

He found the Ring of Power.

[Jason]

All right, so I'm. Yes.

[Andy]

Bilbo Baggins does find many treasures in his adventure. In Lord of the Rings, the main treasure he encounters is a portion of the hoard of the dragon. Smog. You forgot. He literally found the giant golden treasure in the Lonely Mountain. Thank you very much.

[Jason]

I did not forget. I did not know. This is. This is new.

[Andy]

You didn't see the Hobbit?

[Jason]

No, I never watched that.

[Andy]

Okay, well, he found, like, literally, a humongous treasure.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

All right, go on.

[Jason]

Seems like it's easy to find if it's humongous. I'm glad I remembered the Hobbit throwing that out there. All right, so I know my first one. That's easy. I'm shocked that it. I guess with Lara Croft and Benjamin Franklin Gates.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

I get how this guy got past you, but I'm sure he's high on your list because when you're looking for something and you've got to solve clues, sometimes you need resources, sometimes you need brain power. I got both. You need the world's best detective.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

See, he.

[Mike]

That's why, like, he's above Sherlock Holmes for me.

[Jason]

Yes. Because he's better at it. And style. I'm talking Bruce Wayne.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

AKA if you didn't know, that's Batman. But Batman is known as you know, the world's greatest detective. So I'm gonna take him.

[Andy]

He doesn't live in the same world that Sherlock Holmes lives in, though.

[Jason]

Earth. Yeah, they're both from Earth. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure the Lord because. Just so you know.

[Mike]

Or maybe he's like England's like a different world.

[Jason]

Oh, okay then. So this is America.

[Andy]

They find treasures on the other side of the street over there.

[Jason]

This is the New world. Okay. All right, so I've got.

[Andy]

Just saying, like, if you say he's the world's greatest and they don't live in the same universe. That's all I'm saying.

[Jason]

Okay, I hear you.

[Andy]

Go on.

[Jason]

All right, so I've got one more to take here, man. Okay, I'm going to. There's so many strange and funny ways I could go here. I'm going to go similar to Benjamin Franklin Gates. I'm going to take someone who is known for solving puzzles, finding hidden things from the past. This is kind of what he does. It's Robert Langdon. You remember Robert Langdon?

[Mike]

No, I don't.

[Jason]

No. No, Neither of you.

[Mike]

Robert Langdon.

[Jason]

Yes, it is.

[Mike]

Oh, goodness gracious.

[Jason]

Look.

[Andy]

Insufferable movie.

[Jason]

The movie might have been bad.

[Andy]

Insufferable.

[Jason]

But the character finds treasure. That's what he does. And he'll walk right over Bilbo Baggins sleeping body to grab and collect the answer. So, yes. Robert Langdon. From.

[Andy]

From the Da Vinci Code.

[Jason]

From the Da Vinci Code.

[Andy]

All right. That was just. That just came out.

[Mike]

What a stellar pick.

[Andy]

I. Look, I've got to do something different to kind of battle back in this one. I'm going to take a little. I'm going to go a little left field here because it's going to bring me something that Batman doesn't have. It's going to bring me something Indiana Jones doesn't have. I'm taking Harry Potter. I'm taking Harry Potter because.

[Jason]

Should have taken her.

[Mike]

My own.

[Jason]

She was on my list.

[Andy]

I'm taking Harry Potter because he found many, many items. The Philosopher's Stone and the Gryffindor sword and all of these different items. And he's got magic. He's got the Invisibility cloak. Sneaking into places. He's always going into the what? The library. The Forbidden section.

[Jason]

Dude.

[Andy]

Find treasures.

[Jason]

If you can sneak into a library, you can find that treasure.

[Andy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Sponsor Host]

You got it.

[Andy]

I'm taking Harry Potter. I want some magic.

[Mike]

Okay, I will take the. The new Indiana Jones. I will take Nathan Drake. From the Uncharted. From Uncharted. This is not a pick for you, Jason.

[Jason]

No, no, no. I watched. It was okay. It was good.

[Andy]

Was that a movie?

[Mike]

It's a movie based off a video game. Yes, it's a. There's a movie with Tom Holland based off of a wildly successful video game franchise. One of the best franchises out there. So I will take Nathan Drake because he is. He is the modern day. And then for the last pick. Oh, man, I am stuck.

[Jason]

I will go.

[Andy]

Look.

[Jason]

MacGruber.

[Mike]

No, no, I'm not going MacGruber. But part of finding lost treasure.

[Andy]

Look.

[Mike]

One, you need a map. Two, you gotta be good at exploring.

[Jason]

Is this Magellan now?

[Mike]

I'm taking Dora, baby. I will take Dora the Explorer. We will find what we need, and we will have a good time. Find the map.

[Jason]

I'm the map.

[Andy]

I'm the map.

[Mike]

Yeah. You think she doesn't have a map? Always. Always got the map.

[Andy]

That's a painful one.

[Jason]

That's not bad.

[Mike]

I got boots. I got a sidekick. Monkey.

[Jason]

Okay, but you don't get all of them. You get Dora. You just got her.

[Andy]

She's lost.

[Jason]

She's lonely right now.

[Andy]

If you saw somebody for my final pick, if you saw somebody that already had tons and tons of treasure, it would be fair to assume that they're very good at finding it.

[Mike]

Yeah, possible.

[Andy]

And the major theme of this television program was finding treasure with his nephews.

[Mike]

Oh, that was the other thing. I couldn't decide between Dora and Scrooge mcduck. I'm picking Scrooge mcduck between Dora and Scrooge. I was having a very difficult time.

[Andy]

Yeah, that was the main thing that they did, was they found treasure.

[Mike]

Well, it was one of the. In the movie. In the DuckTales movie. And in the DuckTales NES game, which has one of the best video games.

[Andy]

I love it when Mike's knowledge backs me up.

[Mike]

I'm all in on Scrooge McDuck.

[Andy]

You're talking about the treasure of the Golden Suns.

[Mike]

What is that one?

[Andy]

I don't know. It's just one of many episodes where.

[Mike]

He found treasure, says Google. He finds the lamp.

[Andy]

Tell me about it. That's one of my favorite episodes.

[Mike]

DuckTales, the movie is basically Aladdin. If you haven't seen it in a.

[Andy]

While, you have seen them all in a recent. In recent history.

[Jason]

All right, well, sometimes.

[Andy]

Wait a second. Real quick question.

[Sponsor Host]

Okay?

[Andy]

Before you can take a second to think, your final pick. Mike, you watch a lot of movies.

[Sponsor Voice]

I do.

[Andy]

You watch a lot of Disney movies?

[Mike]

I do.

[Andy]

You have three children?

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

Your children are growing up.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

What are you going to do? Like, I feel like, I just feel like the kids were very useful for you. You watch Pixar and watching a lot of kids movies. Oh, are you going to continue to watch your kids Disney movies? Are you looking for the grandkids?

[Mike]

I will, I'll probably continue to watch the Disney animated.

[Andy]

Like by yourself?

[Mike]

Yeah, like a Pixar movie. I'm seeing it regardless. They've had some flops in things. Like, they're not perfect anymore, but they're on the whole, their movies are fantastic and most Disney animated movies are excellent as well. So I will continue to see them. Now, the other companies, I can't speak for them, they put out garbage all the time.

[Jason]

That's true.

[Andy]

All right, final pick, Jason.

[Jason]

All right, look, when you're searching for treasure, sometimes it's like we said, it's under the water. Sometimes it's on an island, sometimes it's.

[Andy]

Did we say we said it was under the water?

[Jason]

Well, you talked about getting the ring of power from, you know.

[Andy]

Oh, I see.

[Jason]

Underwater you need someone experienced like you said, Mike, at following maps. So there's always a map.

[Andy]

Just say it.

[Jason]

This is the Captain Jack Sparrow.

[Andy]

Yes. I knew, I knew that was going to be the pick. It's good. We need somebody out on the open seas.

[Jason]

Yeah, I mean, that's a drunk. You got a lot of ships that have gone down with treasure. And I feel like that's the hole on my team right now is like, oh, no. How do we get there to the ship? Captain Jack says, I got this. Hold my rum.

[Mike]

He would not tell you to hold his rum.

[Jason]

No, he would not.

[Mike]

He would say, I will hold my rum.

[Andy]

Well, there you go. Jason with Indiana Jones, Batman, Robert Langdon, Captain Jackson.

[Mike]

We've had so many bad picks in so many drafts. That is the worst. No way.

[Jason]

It's not even a bad pick. It's not a bad pick. It's a really good pick. It's just not a well known character. Like, honestly, it's Robert Langdon. Attorney at law Benjamin Franklin Gates is another one where you're like, who? Now when you say from National Treasure, you're like, oh, okay, that's a good pick.

[Mike]

It is.

[Jason]

Langdon was a great.

[Mike]

I don't even know what the Da Vinci Code is about.

[Jason]

That's not my problem. They're not finding treasure.

[Mike]

I know that.

[Andy]

They ain't finding no treasure.

[Mike]

Yeah, they're cracking codes.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

There's a code man.

[Mike]

What is the movie about, Jason?

[Jason]

Why don't you try finding treasure?

[Andy]

Why did you take the guy from the war movie that breaks the German codes? Why did you take him?

[Jason]

Because I don't know his name.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

Aren't they trying to find, like, a really famous art piece?

[Andy]

Like a.

[Mike]

Okay. Sounds like treasure to be asking.

[Jason]

Zip it.

[Andy]

Also, Mike took Lara Croft.

[Mike]

Tom Hanks hair in this movie.

[Andy]

Oh, he looks terrible.

[Jason]

Honestly, that was the whole reason the movie did bad. The entire reason that the movie did bad.

[Mike]

Like, this is not Tom Hanks.

[Andy]

It's so bad.

[Mike]

Not my Tom Hanks.

[Mike (listener or caller)]

They're actually using clues from da Vinci's paintings to. To lead to the discovery of a religious mystery.

[Mike]

That's a treasure.

[Jason]

They find a pendant that holds the address of the Paris branch of the prelatory bank of Zurich.

[Andy]

Look at his hair.

[Jason]

He's a treasure hunter.

[Andy]

Look at his hair. He looks like Tarantino.

[Jason]

Great, great picture.

[Mike]

He does.

[Andy]

He looks just like Tarantino in that movie.

[Jason]

All right, who else was on your list? Because I feel like that's.

[Andy]

I got Nathan Drakendor the Explorer. And then I took Sherlock Holmes, Bilbo Baggins, Harry Potter, and Scrooge McDuck. Other names on my list. Alan Grant from Jurassic Park. Very good at finding bones.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

MacGyver. I don't know.

[Jason]

I had him on there, but too close to MacGruber.

[Andy]

I. Blackbeard. If I needed to match a. Another pirate fox molder.

[Sponsor Host]

Okay.

[Andy]

I never really found the aliens, though.

[Mike]

I had spoiler Guybrush Threepwood. Shout out to Monkey Island.

[Andy]

That's nice.

[Mike]

Mikey from the Goonies.

[Jason]

Okay. He found a little bit. He followed a map.

[Mike]

Oh, he found a lot of bits.

[Jason]

Yeah, but it was one time. It was. He found one pile of treasure.

[Mike]

He found a pirate ship.

[Jason]

No, I know, I know. I'm just saying it wasn't like he's proven.

[Mike]

Are you diminishing the accomplishments of the Goonies?

[Andy]

A little bit.

[Mike]

That's unbelievable. And then other than I think, oh, Carmen Sandiego. She's more like stealing stuff.

[Jason]

Carmen Sandiego on my list.

[Andy]

That's why she's a criminal.

[Jason]

I have Star Lord slash the Collector. You know he's gonna get his hands on.

[Mike]

Yeah, the Collector just buys stuff.

[Jason]

That's Scrooge McDuck.

[Mike]

No, Scrooge is out in the field, man.

[Andy]

He is.

[Mike]

He's doing work.

[Andy]

Swims in his treasure.

[Jason]

Gandalf. Way better character to find stuff from than Bililbo Yoda and Dr. Gregory House.

[Andy]

Which he treasure being like a diagnosis.

[Jason]

This is just simply figuring out puzzles, riddles and problems. I mean, he would almost kill whoever.

[Andy]

He'S no Robert Langdon, I'll tell you that. All right, that'll do it for today's episode of the Spitballers. Thank you for joining us.

[Mike]

Go wash out my mouth with soap. Goodbye.

[Announcer]

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