Behemoth Burgers & Best Foods on a Stick - Comedy Podcast

Summary

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Spitballers Comedy Podcast — Episode 366

"Behemoth Burgers & Best Foods on a Stick"

Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason | Aired: May 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this family-friendly, laugh-out-loud episode, the Spitballers trio (Andy, Mike, and Jason) tackle a buffet of hilarious and relatable topics: physical superpowers, social etiquette around tipping, the struggle with giant burgers and unruly tacos, and debates about the best foods on a stick. The show features their signature "Would You Rather" segment, the guessing game "Guest Goose," and closes with a spirited "Foods on a Stick" draft, blending comedic banter with genuine insight about food, life, and daily dilemmas.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

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1. Would You Rather: Superpowers & Social Woes

[03:07–23:45]

• Superpowered Dads: Strength, Stamina, or Reaction Speed?

  • The hosts debate which attribute they’d rather double.
  • Andy: "If I had reaction speed that was double...that would be far more valuable. I don’t feel like I need to play six hours of pickleball." (03:41)
  • Mike: Brings up AI reaction speed averages.
  • Jason: "If you doubled your strength, you could lift a boat, right?...That’s the only thing holding me back because I’m at half boat strength." (04:51)
  • Group consensus: Most would trade appearance of strength over actual strength: "I would absolutely choose to look good and be weak than be strong and look bad." —Andy (05:25)

• Shoelace, Tire, or Tipping Hassles:

  • Would you rather have your shoelaces untied every 15 minutes or top off your car tires weekly?
  • An extended, comical tangent about tire shops and whether to tip tire technicians.
    • Mike: "If I have a couple bucks, yeah." (10:34)
    • Andy: "I give them a piece of advice. 'Brush two minutes, go the full 120.'" (10:44)

• Tipping Valets and Bartenders:

  • Anxiety and social norms around tipping, especially with QR codes.
  • Jason: "What do you think the default tip was when I scanned it?" (13:25)
  • Default was $8; lots of confusion and jokes about preset tips.

• Weddings vs. Funerals:

  • Would you rather attend a stranger’s wedding weekly or a stranger’s funeral twice a month?
  • Weddings win—free food, drinks, and "enjoyable parties." Funerals lack the perks and catharsis for strangers.
  • Imagined tables for wedding crashers and etiquette for napping at funerals.

Memorable Quotes

• "I think everyone would choose the looks, which means...you're not working out to get strong." —Andy (05:41)
• "My man, he will pay you never to come back if you do that." —Jason on dad tips (10:52)
• "If you’re bundled, I’ll pay more to not have a landline. I will say take it and shove it." —Andy (41:02)

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2. Behemoth Burgers vs. Taco Trauma

[21:44–26:26]

• Tall Burgers or Exploding Tacos:
  • Would you rather every hamburger you eat be too tall to bite, or every taco shell fall apart?
  • Consensus: Oversized burgers are worse. Broken tacos turn into salads but are still enjoyable.
  • Andy: "A chef made it that way because he’s an idiot." (23:54)
  • Jason: "If they want to do that, they need to have a burger in the burger." (24:04)
• Preference to deconstruct big burgers; broken tacos are salvageable.

Notable Exchange

• Andy: "Let me eat it!" (22:20)
• Mike: "We don’t need them that thick." (22:03)

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3. Guest Goose Game

[27:36–42:13]

• Game Structure: The hosts try to guess what percentage of people gave certain responses to survey questions. Others say if the guess is too high or low.

• Funny/Surprising Stats:

  • Percent who’ve purchased gas station car washes in the past year: 43% (29:11)
  • Percent owning T-shirts 10+ years old: 84% (32:55)
    • Mike underestimated tremendously: "Wow. Okay. He should get negative points." —Andy (32:59)
  • Percent who’ve used a bow & arrow: 76% (34:10)
    • Everyone but maybe Jason in the group had tried one.
  • Percent of men regularly using barber shops with a barber pole: 24% (37:05)
  • Percent queasy reading in cars: 42% (39:16)
  • Landline phone ownership: 35% still have one! (41:32)

• Game Banter: Jabs at each other’s poor guesses, generational teasing over old-school gym classes, and lots of self-deprecating humor.

  • "I refer to that as when I fat it out." —Mike on outgrowing clothes (32:04)
  • "Papa Josh, did you not have a day in PE where you shot a bow and arrow?" (35:20)

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4. The Spitballers Draft: Best Foods on a Stick

[43:29–57:00]

• Draft Rules: Snake format, each drafts three foods; debate on what counts (not meat on a bone, must have actual stick).
• Top Picks:
  • Corn Dog: Consensus #1 (43:54)
  • Popsicle: #2, every kid’s favorite stick food (45:27)
  • Caramel Apple: #3, though now a dental hazard (46:46)
  • Kebabs & Shrimp Skewers: "There’s something great about it. I think we all agree." —Jason (47:58)
  • Cotton Candy: Split opinion; Andy and Jason love it, Mike: "Cotton candy’s disgusting." (49:04)
  • Street Corn (Elote): "If you’ve never gotten down with elote, you really should. It’s a good time." —Mike (50:08)
  • Pineapple Skewer, Roasted Marshmallow, Cake Pops, Ice Cream Bar, Mozzarella Corn Dog
• Runner-Ups/Leftovers: Lollipop, chocolate-dipped banana, candied apples, chicken skewers.
• Debate over:
  • Whether a churro is "on a stick" (not really)
  • The difference between fruit and pineapple skewers
  • Shrimp: "Objectively, it’s gross. It’s a giant bug." —Mike (52:31)

Notable Quotes

• Jason: "If they wanted to invent another 20 of these things… I’d be fine with it." (43:42)
• Andy: "Cake pops — I could house a hundred of these." (54:15)
• Mike: "Mozzarella corn dog — it’s a giant cheese stick dipped and fried." (55:21)

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Highlight Timestamps

• Would You Rather Superpowers — 03:09–07:37
• Shoelace vs. Tires & Tipping — 09:39–17:00
• Weddings vs. Funerals — 15:45–20:44
• Tall Burgers vs. Taco Trauma — 21:44–26:26
• Guest Goose Game — 27:36–42:13
• Foods on a Stick Draft — 43:29–57:00

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Standout Quotes

• "I would absolutely choose to look good and be weak, than be strong and look bad." —Andy (05:25)
• "If you doubled your strength, you could lift a boat, right?...That’s the only thing holding me back because I’m at half boat strength." —Jason (04:51)
• "A chef made it that way because he’s an idiot." —Andy on giant burgers (23:54)
• "Cotton candy’s disgusting." —Mike (49:04)
• "Objectively, it’s gross. It’s a giant bug." —Mike on shrimp (52:31)

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Episode Tone & Flow

• Language & Humor: The trio keeps it clean, quick-witted, and observational; plenty of dad-jokes and puns.
• Pace: Fast, with frequent playful sidetracks (especially about food and awkward social situations).
• Listener Value: Even without prior episodes, this one is a fun, easy entry point — perfect for anyone who loves comedic debate about everyday topics.

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Summary

Episode 366 of the Spitballers Podcast delivers exactly what fans expect: inventive would-you-rathers, oddball statistics, and a hilarious, hunger-inducing food draft. Whether breaking down why humans prefer to look strong, how to survive a never-ending string of weddings, or what foods truly belong on a stick, Andy, Mike, and Jason keep things light, clever, and effortlessly relatable.

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Transcript

[Andy]

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[Mike]

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[Narrator/Ad Voice]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random

[Andy]

topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy Mike and Jason.

[Mike]

Squee Dap Pop.

[Josh]

So good.

[Mike]

Changed instruments halfway through.

[Andy]

He just opened the case and popped out that brass.

[Jason]

You know, that could have gone real like potential for error there significant. And you.

[Mike]

I knew what I had to do when the music started and I was like, oh.

[Jason]

Cause you started it. And I was thinking it's a pretty mic normal scat. It didn't seem special. And then you really trumpet.

[Mike]

It was a mouth trumpet. They don't know better.

[Andy]

There's video. There's video evidence here.

[Mike]

Mike blurted it out.

[Jason]

I liked it. It was great. Welcome to The Spitballers. Episode 366. Would you rather guess Guest goose. And a special draft for you today. We'll get to that shortly. If you want to follow this show over on X at Spitballers Pod at Jason Moore. If you want to follow Jason, Mike is at FF Hitman. I'm at Andy Holloway. And we appreciate it if you want to watch the show? YouTube.com Pitballers let's kick it off.

[Andy]

Would you rather.

[Jason]

All righty. Which physical attribute would you rather double for yourself? Your strength, your stamina, or your reaction speed?

[Mike]

Strength doubles a lot.

[Andy]

Stamina or reaction speed? Okay. Stamina's out. Stamina.

[Jason]

You don't want to run a mile.

[Andy]

I don't care about long distance running.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

And the things that I do, like

[Jason]

doing like pit is also like.

[Mike]

Like a ball.

[Andy]

You would be.

[Mike]

You would have a superpower.

[Andy]

But if I had reaction speed, that was double.

[Mike]

That's true.

[Andy]

That would be far more valuable. I don't feel like I need to play six hours of pickleball. You know what I mean? Like, if I play three hours, I'm exhausted. I run out of stamina. But also, it's like, that was. That was pretty good.

[Jason]

I mean, reaction speed is interesting. I mean, I feel like that is probably better than you think. I mean, there are some.

[Andy]

It's also the most likely to save your life.

[Jason]

True.

[Andy]

You know what I mean?

[Jason]

It's good for driving.

[Mike]

Google AI says the average human reaction time to a visual stimulus is typically 0.2 to 0.25 seconds.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So you're cutting that one.

[Andy]

I think it makes. I could have responded without Andy hitting me in the face.

[Mike]

I react to Andy slapping you in the face.

[Andy]

I reacted after.

[Jason]

I just wanted to see how quick your baseline was.

[Andy]

I could have seen that coming and avoided that if I had.01 more seconds. Okay, so maybe that's your vote after that. But strength.

[Mike]

But also, if you had double the strength, there's no way he's going to hit you in the face like that.

[Andy]

That's true.

[Jason]

Intimidation.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

If you doubled your strength, you could lift a boat, right?

[Mike]

Well, yeah. That's the only thing holding me back

[Andy]

because I'm at half boat strength.

[Jason]

I mean, double the strength would be.

[Andy]

Double the strength means you're going to have more gains in your workouts.

[Jason]

I'm pivoting to a side. Would you rather question right now?

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Double the strength but half the physical appearance. Appearance of strength or double the physical appearance of strength and half the actual strength?

[Andy]

Dude, I don't need to live nothing. Yeah. I will look good.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

I would absolutely choose to look good and be weak than be strong and look bad.

[Jason]

All right. It's not that great of a question. I think we'd all do that.

[Andy]

I think it's a great philosophical question. That is revealing because everyone would choose. Everyone would choose the looks, which means

[Jason]

that you're not working out to get strong.

[Andy]

No.

[Mike]

That's why.

[Andy]

Correct.

[Mike]

Haven't you ever seen the videos where here's a bodybuilder versus so and so who does like a very physical job?

[Jason]

Yes. And they have like lumberjack strength.

[Mike]

Yeah. And so you have these people, they just look, I mean, they're, they're bigger, but they still are more of an average type of a look. And they're, they're doing things that the bodybuilders cannot do because the bodybuilders are training for esthetics.

[Jason]

True.

[Mike]

And they're not. It's not real functional.

[Jason]

I've seen like a functional, like high, high tier rock climbers.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

Have wicked crazy strength.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

That bodybuilders that look like they could do the same stuff can't do it.

[Mike]

Right.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, think about the, like the World's Strongest man competition.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

Those guys that can carry boulders, they'll look like fatso.

[Jason]

Yes. Yeah. A lot of them do. They actually do. So we were.

[Andy]

Congrats. You can lift a boulder.

[Jason]

So in this case, you're not getting the aesthetic benefit.

[Mike]

No.

[Andy]

But I think you would if you doubled your strength. Right. If. If I doubled my strength right and I'm working out now, Instead of benching 125 or whatever, I'm benching 250. I will get gains from that.

[Jason]

Okay. I will go strength. Although the reaction speed. Yeah, I'll go strength, but reaction speed is right. It's right there.

[Mike]

Stamina's gonna feel good when you're old though.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

I don't plan on getting there.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

I don't blame you, brother.

[Jason]

His reaction speed is way too slow to get to old age.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I need to react, but like, imagine

[Jason]

being you took a slap to the base.

[Mike]

You're like, you're 80 or whatever. You know, everyone's like so slow. And you're like, I'm. I'm regular, man.

[Andy]

That would be really nice. But I am going to choose in the mo. Who knows how long we will live.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Your bird in hand and your strength.

[Andy]

You know, it's like, does stamina really start coming into play 30 years from now?

[Jason]

It would still benefit you greatly.

[Mike]

Right now.

[Jason]

I was at a pharmacy. Did I tell you about this? I was at a pharmacy a couple days ago.

[Andy]

You didn't tell me about your pharmacy.

[Mike]

No.

[Jason]

Okay, well, I did tell somebody here, but this, this dude walks up and like I'm at. I'm talking to one pharmacist getting medicines for my, my kid and he walks up to the other pharmacist.

[Mike]

This is already a lie. They never have two.

[Andy]

I know what pharmacist. There are never two pharmacists on duty. Making us one of them.

[Jason]

The drive thru guy came over to help me.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

It was the drive through guy, except for. And he made the drive thru lady wait so long. And I'm staring at the drive through lady through the window. I even mouthed the word so sorry to her because he was taking his time up on me. But this dude walked up, he's probably about 6, 3, 6 4, and like has this conversation with the pharmacist. And he is so. He looks just strong and like, well spoken, like super smart. And then they ask him his eight, like his birthday and he goes, 1941. Who? And this, this cat was 85 something years. 85, going in 86. And look, I mean, to your point, this dude had a. He had asked this question and someone granted him the stamina.

[Mike]

Okay?

[Jason]

And at 85, he was like 60 year old.

[Mike]

You wrote down everything he was picking up. Right?

[Andy]

Right.

[Jason]

Yeah, I should have. Yeah, that would have been. I should. Give me what he's having. Give me whatever he's got. Yeah, I was crazy. I was literally. I didn't know a way to intervene and tell him how complimentary of him I was feeling.

[Andy]

Right. Excuse me, sir. I heard how old you and it shocked me.

[Jason]

It shocked me with how good you look.

[Andy]

Yeah, congratulations. I'm shocked at how old you are.

[Jason]

Yeah, it was. He outsmarted this pharmacist on something. It was amazing. 1941. All right.

[Mike]

I'm taking this drink though.

[Jason]

Would you. Would you rather your shoelaces become untied every 15 minutes? That's awful. Or all four car tires need to be topped off with air every week? I will say I genuinely dislike filling my car tires with air. It's not a hard task. It's not difficult, but I hate it.

[Andy]

Yeah, I mean, we've talked about this, I think on the show before. The fact that like, I don't know if Discount Tire is nationwide, but you

[Jason]

must work for them, how much you love them.

[Andy]

You just drive up, you don't even get out of the car. You get in a line and people fill up the air for free.

[Jason]

Like you got to drive the Discount Tire once a week. Yeah, I. I mean, that's part of it.

[Josh]

I got a question for you on that. Do you tip that guy?

[Andy]

No, I've never tipped him.

[Josh]

Neither have I, but I feel like I need to.

[Mike]

I'M glad to hear you're not either. I. I like.

[Jason]

You've tipped.

[Mike]

Yes. I. If I have a couple bucks. Yeah.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

I mean, this. This isn't a five. You should.

[Jason]

I would feel like it'd be $4 if I. Nah. One for tires.

[Andy]

I give them a piece of advice.

[Mike]

You know what kind of tip, dad.

[Andy]

Hey, brush, two minutes, you know, go the. Go the full 120.

[Jason]

My man, he will pay you never to come back.

[Andy]

If you do that.

[Mike]

I think about two bucks.

[Jason]

Two bucks?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

50 cents a tire.

[Andy]

I see. I don't. The thing is, is you don't need to tip them in. In the sense that they are trying to.

[Jason]

Hold on.

[Andy]

Sell tires.

[Jason]

Hold on. Papa Josh. I just watched Papa Josh over there, and he gave a. He. He looked over to the Falcon and he gave a real demonstrative. He made thumbs down.

[Josh]

And I was like, yeah, he.

[Jason]

I thought that was you. Thumbs down and tipping.

[Mike]

No, no, no.

[Jason]

It seems more up your alley.

[Andy]

No, I'm just.

[Jason]

I was thumbs down to Matt for a.

[Andy]

We don't need to hear that terrible joke. It was just bad.

[Jason]

So I. I went to. I want to know this because this is a tip. Tip question. Sidebar. I went. I. I had to take my kid to the hospital this past week. And it's a big hospital, the second one that we went to, and they have complimentary valet, and I didn't even want to use it, but I literally found myself in a driving situation where I couldn't escape it. Like, I had pulled into a lane and it was really blocked off, and the only thing you could do there was valet. And it's free valet, but it's not.

[Andy]

No, you have to tip.

[Jason]

So I go and I do the valet, and it is quite convenient. And I come back out and they get me my car, and I don't have any cash. So I asked them, I say, do you have a digital way to tip? Because I know I need to tip. So they said, yeah, yeah. QR code right over here. And so I. I went and I did the QR code.

[Mike]

Yeah. Whoa. Big tip. Incoming. Bebop sent.

[Andy]

It's true.

[Mike]

See you guys later.

[Andy]

Those. Just watch me scan this. That's my tip.

[Jason]

You know what the worst part was is the. The. The woman that went to get my car wasn't there when I asked about the QR code.

[Mike]

Newman's.

[Jason]

Sorry. I knocked over some here. So she wasn't. She had run off to get the car. So the guy, the other valet. I asked about the QR code. But then I knew that she didn't know that I had asked about the QR code. And because I don't hand her cash, I had to make it known to her that I had, in fact, found the QR code.

[Mike]

Do you.

[Jason]

But that's not even the point of my story yet. I just go on.

[Mike]

Oh, I just need some valet advice here.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Do you tip both?

[Andy]

No. You do. You tip at the end, as in the drop end.

[Mike]

Okay. I've only ever.

[Andy]

Only the tip at the end.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

What is the end?

[Andy]

But, like, I totally know what.

[Mike]

You're the guy who's taking the.

[Jason]

They get the tips at the end.

[Andy]

I totally know.

[Mike]

They share them all.

[Jason]

It's the same guy.

[Andy]

I always feel. I always feel like when they. They open the door for me and they take the thing and then I'm like, see, it just feels rude.

[Jason]

What do you think? Here's where I was getting to. I scan QR code, and I understand I could hide whatever I do with that, which is nice. But what do you think the default tip was when I scanned it? Because you know how you go to, like, the coffee shop and there's like, three buttons. 15, 20, 100%.

[Andy]

And they had a default.

[Jason]

There's a default price in there, which is what I went with.

[Andy]

I've got my guess.

[Jason]

Oh, no, Hospital valet.

[Andy]

I'm going to guess $10.

[Mike]

10 would be my guess.

[Andy]

Which is a 20.

[Jason]

Josh. Now Josh's eyes are getting big because he's like, I would never do that.

[Mike]

Ten is too much.

[Jason]

It was eight.

[Andy]

Oh, okay.

[Jason]

It was $8.

[Mike]

Oh, that's such a good number.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

They said because 10 is. If you put 10, you think the

[Jason]

tens become fives if they leave it at 100%.

[Mike]

If they put 10. Custom 5. If they put the 8.

[Jason]

That's what I went with.

[Mike]

I don't know if I'm going through the trouble to change the number.

[Jason]

Exactly. That's what I did. I went with the eight.

[Mike]

I was like, rapscallions.

[Jason]

I. You know, But. But the whole idea that it's free is funny. It's funny.

[Andy]

It can be free if you have no heart.

[Jason]

Yeah. Yeah. And they. Man or no cash, they were running a long distance to get these cars. I probably should have changed it.

[Andy]

We're in Arizona. It's nice. It's nice outside on. On asphalt.

[Jason]

What's the most you've tipped on a valet?

[Andy]

20.

[Jason]

You've tipped 20. Is it because you had a 20?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

If you had had a 10, you would have given a 10.

[Andy]

I think that's. I think that's accurate. I've tipped 20 many, many times, but it's usually because that's just the only have. And I'm willing. I don't want to be like, I've

[Jason]

kept the 20 before because of that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Do you get change?

[Jason]

Changes?

[Mike]

No, change is a little.

[Jason]

And you could get change on a 50.

[Andy]

Well, sure, yeah. If I. If, like, if all I had was a hundred, I'm not going to tip the guy 100, but if I've got a 20, I don't want to be like, Can I get 15 back?

[Jason]

If you give them a hundred and you say, can I get change? And they throw you. What if they give you back five twenties?

[Andy]

Oh, smart, Smart.

[Jason]

That's smart, right?

[Andy]

Smart.

[Jason]

And then you put them in your

[Andy]

pocket, give them a 20, and be like, More change

[Mike]

valet.

[Jason]

Yeah, I can't do the shoelace. Shoelaces 1. I feel like we've had a question very similar to that before.

[Mike]

Maybe that exact.

[Jason]

It might have been that exact question. I think it was. Oh, this is a good one. Would you rather have to attend a stranger's wedding once per week?

[Mike]

No.

[Jason]

Or a stranger's funeral twice?

[Mike]

Gosh.

[Jason]

Twice per month.

[Mike]

Oh, two a month.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Not the same. I mean, it's not one to one ratio here. One is a celebration with dinner. I mean, I'm getting a free dinner every week.

[Andy]

Not every wedding has an open bar, but a lot of them do.

[Jason]

You know, you got to tip those, too.

[Andy]

Well, that's true.

[Jason]

Give me a QR code.

[Andy]

Honestly, that just happened. That just happened.

[Jason]

We.

[Andy]

Andy and I just went to it.

[Mike]

We'll square up at the end of the night, man.

[Andy]

Don't worry about it. Just went to a wedding.

[Jason]

I'll be right back.

[Andy]

This was last week, and it was a free open bar, and they had a QR code to tip. And I, you know, there's a line. And so I asked the same. The question, like, oh, you know, do you have a digital way. And I took my phone out, and I scanned the QR code and walked away.

[Jason]

You did nothing.

[Andy]

But I didn't realize that the QR code they had was specifically for, like, Venmo. So you had to be, like, in the Venmo app and scan it from there.

[Jason]

Oh, you scan it with your camera.

[Andy]

You scan it with my camera. And it just went to an error. And I was like, not my fault. They saw me scan it. I'm good.

[Jason]

So what is. I'm really Learning a lot today. What is. What is the open bar tipping policy on drinks? Is it a tip per drink?

[Mike]

Yeah, about it. I mean, usually a bartender. At least the way I handle it. And maybe bartenders will be mad. I'm like a bucket drink, depending on the bar.

[Jason]

Jason's face said Jason does more.

[Andy]

Yeah, but. Yeah, I'm usually like five a drink. Okay, well, you're.

[Mike]

But you're also a cocktail man.

[Andy]

Yes. Yeah.

[Jason]

You're a beer man.

[Andy]

You're getting a beer. Okay, That's. Yeah.

[Jason]

Yours. He's just opening the top.

[Mike]

Yeah, sometimes.

[Jason]

This one's a mix, Right. Is it polite to say how much work did you do on this?

[Mike]

I mean, how hard did you work? Should know, because he's.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, I know how much it takes to. To mix them, but I have said before, like, I. I'll.

[Mike]

I'll.

[Andy]

I'll get something big at the end or something.

[Jason]

Josh says he does more than the dollar. He says he does two to three per trip.

[Andy]

How does that make you feel, Mike?

[Mike]

Still fine.

[Jason]

Matt said he gives them 20 off the rip. That's what I've done. I've done a higher tip at the beginning, but I don't tip every time

[Mike]

I go up there.

[Andy]

No, if you're gonna. If you're gonna drop a 20 burger right off the.

[Jason]

And just be done.

[Mike]

Yeah. And next time you walk up. New bartender. Now what?

[Jason]

That is a problem. Yeah, it is a problem.

[Mike]

That's. You can't preload.

[Jason]

That's when you do the fake scan of the.

[Mike]

There's way too. Way too many mouse traps along the way to be doing.

[Jason]

You want them to feel good in the moment that they gave you the drink. They see you put it in.

[Mike]

Also, I'm just gonna open a tab, so it's not gonna. Okay, I'll put it at the end.

[Andy]

Tab for tipping.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, is there anything. I hate to say it like this, but is there anything good about a funeral?

[Andy]

Certainly not for a stranger.

[Jason]

There's nothing like. There's not like a. I don't think there's. There's not a platter. That's a wake. You get a platter at a wake. I'm not getting any food.

[Andy]

You're not gonna get food. You're not gonna.

[Jason]

It's quiet. I can get. Maybe nap.

[Andy]

I don't think that's pretty rude.

[Jason]

Is that pretty rude?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Which one is more rude to fall asleep at the funeral? Is it?

[Andy]

I think so. I think that it's about restraint.

[Jason]

I think It's a lot easier to fall asleep at a funeral so someone would forgive it better.

[Andy]

More sadness leads to sleeping. I feel like if I was at a wedding and I saw someone asleep, I'd be like, they must have had a crazy night or something. If I'm at a funeral, I see someone asleep, I'm like, sir, this is.

[Mike]

Can you sleep sad if they're just in deep contemplation?

[Jason]

Yeah. Can you sleep sad? Can you make it seem like you're in. In weeping?

[Mike]

Because that would be. Imagine.

[Jason]

Because you can do this.

[Andy]

Imagine your hands if you accuse someone

[Mike]

of sleeping, and then you're like, oh, you were not asleep.

[Andy]

No, you were praying. I mean, that's. You wake up. You wake up, and you just got to hit them with a big part from the Falcon.

[Jason]

You can wear sunglasses at a funeral. You cannot. You can't wear it.

[Mike]

Well, if it's an outdoor wedding, you can wear your sunglasses also. You can just be the coolest guy in the room and wear some sunglasses.

[Jason]

I mean, you can wear a veil. A sleeping veil at a funeral wedding.

[Andy]

Crashing is a sir.

[Jason]

Is that a veil?

[Mike]

It's very tight around the eyes.

[Andy]

People.

[Jason]

Very morning.

[Andy]

People enjoy weddings. Food, drink, parties. Enjoyable. I don't think it is often enjoyed to go to a funeral. And obviously these are strangers, so I don't think there's catharsis.

[Jason]

Whoa.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

No, no. Don't tell me you got this. I know it's cathartic, but what is the word?

[Jason]

Catharsis.

[Andy]

Catharsis.

[Jason]

No, it's not cathartic.

[Andy]

Cathartic. Is that what I was looking for?

[Jason]

I think. Yeah. The one you knew. There should be a table at every wedding for strangers. It's five seats. It's hidden away.

[Mike]

What?

[Jason]

First come, first serve is first come, first serve. You fight. It's like musical chairs. For those five seats, any stranger can attend and utilize them.

[Mike]

I mean, it's the. It's the plot of Wedding Crashers.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

They just go, yeah, no, thank you,

[Andy]

but we're all taking the wedding.

[Jason]

Yeah, the wedding. It's once a week. It's a free meal. You get to meet some people. Would you rather. Are we moving on or should I do one more?

[Andy]

We could do one more.

[Josh]

And also I will. Okay, I gotta throw myself under the bus because we did do that exact same question with the tire pressure just three episodes ago.

[Andy]

Oh, okay.

[Josh]

I was sailing the open seas, and somehow we didn't get it notated that

[Mike]

we use that question.

[Jason]

Blackbeard himself.

[Josh]

My fault.

[Mike]

So the Sword has gone through you into who else?

[Andy]

Yeah, into who?

[Josh]

No, no, this is. This is a me problem.

[Jason]

Oh, just you.

[Andy]

It did sound like I was not here. Well. And someone didn't mark the curtain.

[Josh]

We've built a new system for managing our spitballers docs and I built that system and it didn't work, so.

[Jason]

Okay, is it just me or does it seem like Josh, while he does screw up frequently, is screwing up less than normal?

[Andy]

I've seen that one. I would say it's just you.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Andy]

I'm just getting better at hiding it. He just screwed up trying to talk

[Jason]

and trying to turn his microphone on.

[Mike]

All right.

[Jason]

Okay. I stand corrected. All right. Would you rather every hamburger you eat to be far too tall to bite properly?

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh. This is.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

If we have a pet peeves draft again, sometimes to be on my list. I hate them. Bore it.

[Mike]

We don't need them that thick.

[Jason]

There's no point.

[Mike]

It's steak.

[Jason]

It's picturesque and that's why they do it.

[Andy]

If I am at a museum and you want to present a beautiful burger that you can come and look at, make it as tall as you want. If I'm at a restaurant and I plan on eating this thing.

[Jason]

Let me fit in your mouth.

[Andy]

Yes. Let me eat it.

[Jason]

So that's choice one.

[Andy]

Museum.

[Jason]

Yeah. Let's say something more.

[Andy]

It's a food museum.

[Jason]

It's not a fantasy. So the hamburger. This is for choice number one. Hamburger. Far too tall to bite properly, which is a problem. Or every taco you eat, the shell structurally falls apart. First bite.

[Mike]

Nope.

[Jason]

First bite. Taco structure. Catastrophe.

[Andy]

I see that.

[Jason]

Which turns into a taco salad.

[Andy]

Yeah, but it also.

[Mike]

But I'm there for tacos.

[Andy]

But you can salvage a broken shell. You gotta spread your fingers out and you're like holding the shell together.

[Jason]

He's describing how to keep it in your hand.

[Mike]

There's not gringo crispy tacos. There's also the. The soft shell and like. And those can get over saturated. You know, like the little tacos.

[Jason]

You could have it if you're not fast enough.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too juicy.

[Mike]

And then. And then all of a sudden that thing's falling apart.

[Andy]

The little dry street tacos can be problematic for sure.

[Jason]

But I.

[Andy]

But you want to know what happens when. Because we've all experienced both of these things.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

When I have a taco that kind of falls apart on me. I still eat that taco and enjoy that taco. When I have a Burger that is too big. I end up basically having to get a fork and a knife, and you don't enjoy it. I can't eat it together. Like, with a taco. Let's say both of these. You end up needing to turn it into a forked food.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

You can still get a bite of that taco that's got everything together. You can't do that with a burger.

[Mike]

It's much harder with the burger.

[Andy]

And one of them is on purpose. That's the real issue here. The burger is done on purpose. A chef made it that way because he's an idiot.

[Jason]

You have to take. You know, if they want to do that, they need to have a burger in the burger. So you take the middle burger out and flat, and then you got two burgers. Sure. For the picture. You know what I mean? I'm with you.

[Andy]

I'd rather damn tall burgers.

[Jason]

I could deal with the taco if

[Mike]

you want it that big. Two smaller patties.

[Andy]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want. You have a bunch of ingredients. You better have a smash burger.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

You want a big, thick patty.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Smash burger.

[Andy]

You just put a sauce on it in a bun.

[Jason]

Getting hungry. All right, we're gonna take a break and eat some burgers also. I eat. I eat burgers way more than tacos, so I would want that one in. In good shape. Yeah. Some guest. Guest goose coming up. What's going on, everybody? I have a busy life. We have three kids. They are always all over the place, and it is hard to find time to cook a healthy meal instead of just clicking that button and getting something nasty delivered to your house. And we've all had long days when that hunger kicks in, and we want that healthy meal. And, well, it's not in the fridge. And that's where Factor comes in. We were using factor our family since before they were even a sponsor of the show. We're talking fully prepared meals that my son steals most of, designed by dietitians, crafted by chefs, delivered to your door. We've been subscribed for years now. They are fresh, never frozen. They go right into our refrigerator. Tons of great variety. We grab them. It's two minutes per meal and stuff that we actually enjoy that tastes great. There are more than 100 options every single week. We've got, like, I'm on a protein meal plan. I can order protein meals that I absolutely love, and we've been doing that for a long time. Head to factor meals.com ballers50off and use the code ballers50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details. What's going on? Spit Wads. If you're trying to be more intentional about what you wear every day, Quints can help with that. They've got pieces that feel easy, comfortable and still put together. The fabrics feel elevated and the fits are clean. Fun story. I've been buying from Quints for a long time and they've been working with the show. Love them. They've got all sorts of great stuff. Like think about 100% European line shorts and shirts. We wear only shorts out here for $34. That type of stuff. I go into our closet and lo and behold, there is a box from Quince. My wife had separately found them and started buying from them. That's how good the products are because it's 50 to 80% less than what you'd find with similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman legitimately. A great company, a great product. I love everything I've gotten from Quince. The specific shirts and shorts that I absolutely love. Those are my favorites. So comfortable and in Arizona you need comfortable shorts all the time. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.comspitballers for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.comspitballers for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comspitballers.

[Andy]

What time is it? Game time.

[Jason]

Goose time. Well, I guess.

[Mike]

Great.

[Jason]

Getting real comfortable in my head. Two straight times that I have lost.

[Andy]

Guest Guess Goose looks good on you.

[Jason]

It's getting. It's pretty cozy. It. You know what? I don't think it looks good. I'm gonna be honest with you.

[Andy]

No, it doesn't.

[Jason]

I was lying. We're gonna play Guest. Guest Goose again. Six rounds, right? That is correct.

[Josh]

You each get two rounds where you're the guesser.

[Jason]

Follow along with us at home. Make it is my favorite game on the show. We are going to be basically. I never know how to describe the game though. Go ahead.

[Andy]

Is his favorite game my favorite game?

[Josh]

All right. There's a topic and we were. We.

[Jason]

Topic. That's the word I was looking for.

[Josh]

We. We pulled so many people and so many. If you are the guesser and you guess. Man, this is hard to explain.

[Andy]

All right, my turn. My turn.

[Jason]

Jason.

[Andy]

Okay. So we are going to present a question. Each one of us are going to present a question and we're going to answer our thought of what percentage of people answer a question a certain way. And then the other two gentlemen are going to decide whether they think that we are too high, too low and pick a side. We get points if we're right, points if we're within a certain record. This certain pretty good percentage points. And it's a ton of fun. You're going to love it.

[Jason]

Couldn't say cathartic, but could do that. All right, I'm kicking it off here. 3 points if you get the exact percentage, 2 points if the guesser is correct, within 5% in each direction, and 1 point if the higher or lower guesser gets it correct. What percentage of people have purchased car washes at gas stations in the past year?

[Andy]

Okay. What percentage of people.

[Jason]

This is tough because the.

[Andy]

A car wash at the gas station,

[Jason]

I have to set the line and I'm going to talk through my thinking here and you could agree, disagree, obviously you're going to weigh in. I feel like the car wash world has become very subscription based. There's a ton of subscription car washes. I'd imagine if you have one of those, that counts as purchasing a car

[Andy]

wash. Oh, for sure.

[Mike]

But it says at.

[Andy]

That's my big issue.

[Mike]

As opposed to a standalone car wash detail place.

[Andy]

My issue is. I don't know when people are presented

[Jason]

this question within the last year though.

[Andy]

Yeah, just once in a year. Just once in a year. But when they're presented this question, I'm curious if people interpret this as, oh, I went out to like a mobile gas station place or whether they are really answering it genuinely like I did one that is at a gas station.

[Jason]

I. I'm going to go with. I mean, this is, this is. I'm the goose. So I'm sure it'll be wrong. I'm going to go with 48%. I'm going to go with 48% on the number. It's probably terrible, but I feel like just under 50.

[Mike]

I will go lower.

[Andy]

I think I'm going to go lower as well. The gas station thing, I feel like

[Mike]

it's a really low number in the last year though.

[Jason]

You need a car wash. You're not washing your own car, man. Nobody does that anymore.

[Mike]

I agree with you.

[Jason]

How many times have you washed your own car in the last year?

[Andy]

How many? How many last year?

[Mike]

Zero.

[Andy]

Let me ask you this. Do you get the car like in my family? I Get the car washes for both cars. Like, my wife has not done that. So if we were you, get them both.

[Mike]

Like he's saying he's the one who's in charge.

[Jason]

No, we're not like that. We're very.

[Andy]

Yeah, but I'm saying there's. There's people that, that, that don't. Or what if children are asked this question?

[Jason]

Okay, just give me the answer.

[Mike]

Better not be taking them through the gas station.

[Jason]

Tell me.

[Josh]

I got some good news. Everybody's walking away with points this round.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

That means I got more points than you guys.

[Josh]

The correct answer was 43, which is exactly 5% from Andy's guess.

[Jason]

So I get two.

[Josh]

He gets two points.

[Jason]

Oh, man, this goose is coming.

[Josh]

Jason and Mike both get one.

[Jason]

All right, 43.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Jason]

Wow.

[Andy]

Okay, you did say just below 50%.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

And 43 then.

[Mike]

All right. All right, there we go.

[Andy]

What you got, Mike?

[Mike]

My question is what percentage of people own T shirts that are at least 10 years old?

[Andy]

Oh, man, that is a long time.

[Jason]

Try not to make myself the whole answer. Interesting. What are you thinking through?

[Mike]

I feel like, I mean, people, you're constantly. If you're a T shirt person, you're not constant. You're pretty frequently adding to your collection. But I think we add more to our collection than we actually remove.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, you don't change sizes as you. I mean.

[Andy]

Well, never mind. I've had to replace.

[Jason]

Some people don't change.

[Mike]

I refer to that as when I fat it out.

[Jason]

Do you have two sections of your closet?

[Mike]

I have one section of my shirts that hang up. I have another section of shirts that are folded up where it's like some dairy.

[Andy]

Oh, some dairy.

[Jason]

Motivation smiley face and frowny face shirts.

[Andy]

I mean, do you guys have 10 year old shirts?

[Jason]

That's a lot of years.

[Mike]

I'm sure I've got some shirts in there.

[Andy]

Really?

[Jason]

I probably do too, maybe.

[Mike]

Wow. Okay, but I'm going to set the lines lower. I'm going to go 35%. Oh, okay.

[Andy]

Oh, what did you just write down, 35 or something?

[Jason]

I wrote 35 down, which is awful because now I have to decide what direction I'm gonna go. Higher.

[Andy]

I am as well. I'm taking the.

[Mike]

Come on, baby.

[Andy]

The wider.

[Mike]

Come on.

[Andy]

B.33.

[Josh]

The correct answer.

[Andy]

84%. Oh, get wrecked. Wow. Get wrecked.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

He should get negative points.

[Jason]

He was way off.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Josh]

So Andy and Jason each get a point there. Mike with nothing.

[Jason]

What's more, right now the score is

[Josh]

currently Andy with three with one Jason with two.

[Andy]

Okay. Yep. All right. My question. Oh, this is. This is interesting. What percentage of people have used a bow and arrow? This is amazing. What percentage of people have used a bow and arrow?

[Jason]

Oh, man. Wow.

[Andy]

I'm going under 50% percent.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

What's funny, though, is I feel like everybody I know has used one once. So that would say to go above 50%. Yeah. Have you used a bow and arrow?

[Jason]

Money.

[Mike]

I'm, like, cross pollinating this question with, like, how many people have been to a Renaissance fair or anything like that where you just. They just. They have the weapon stands.

[Jason]

I wrote my initial number down, so I'm. I'm just curious where Jason's going to end up.

[Andy]

I'm going to go just below. I'm going to go 45%.

[Jason]

I'm lower.

[Mike]

I will go lower as well.

[Josh]

All right. Nobody's walking away with points on this one.

[Jason]

What?

[Josh]

Correct answer. 76%.

[Mike]

Andy had seven.

[Andy]

Andy wrote down seven.

[Jason]

So, Andy.

[Josh]

It's funny because Jason started by saying, I think most people I know.

[Jason]

Yeah, I wrote 7% down. I couldn't have been more wrong.

[Andy]

Let's pull the room. Yeah. Who shot. Has anyone in here? Yeah. So six for six.

[Jason]

How about you say six for? I didn't raise my hand.

[Andy]

I know you've shot a bow and arrow in your life.

[Jason]

You have.

[Mike]

You had to have.

[Josh]

You've never shot a bow and arrow.

[Andy]

You didn't shoot one in my cabin ever.

[Josh]

Well, five for six.

[Andy]

I don't know. That's a battle very, very high.

[Jason]

I mean, a toy bow and arrow.

[Andy]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

You mean like a real one?

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

If a toy counts, then yes.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

All right, we're on to. So we're halfway through the game. 3, 2, 1. Still, right?

[Andy]

Yep. And Andy Allen.

[Jason]

Oh.

[Andy]

All you gotta do is not finish the last.

[Jason]

I can collapse here. What percentage of men have had their haircut at establishments that display barbers? Poles. Oh, goodness.

[Andy]

Okay, so we're talking the classic barber shop. What percentage of men.

[Jason]

I have to feel back the curtain for a second.

[Andy]

Oh, no, no.

[Jason]

Papa Josh was like, did you not have a day in PE where you shot a bow and arrow? Mike replied. Mike replied, no, Josh, we're not 100 years old.

[Andy]

I didn't know your response, but I already knew it because, Josh, of course we didn't do that in PE we aren't your generation. You guys didn't have computers and stuff. Like, he's older.

[Josh]

They did the bow and arrows right after their musket loading class.

[Andy]

Oh, man. And their trench digging, you guys.

[Jason]

Amazing.

[Andy]

Oh, it's so good.

[Jason]

What percentage of men have their haircut at establishments? Now, catch the wording here, because I'm going to help all of us.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

It's not have had their haircut ever. It's have their haircut at establishment. So that's their routine.

[Andy]

Oh, well, I did not read it that way. Thank you. Depending on what the answer is, I

[Jason]

do have a line I'm going to set. I'm going to get out there ahead of it. I'm going to duplicate my first answer. I think it's 48%.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

I'm going 48% on this one. I'm sticking with just under 50.

[Mike]

This is tough because it's like.

[Jason]

But I don't know the demographics of the world. Like, there may be cities and towns that have a lot more of the classic barbershop.

[Mike]

We won't pull the room yet, but, like, the way I'm thinking through it is not every. Not everyone gets their hair cut. Number one, at a place that would refer to it. This is a barber or a barber shop.

[Andy]

Right. I go to their salon.

[Mike]

Yeah, hair salon. Like, I. Most of my life, I've had my. I would have my hair cut at a salon. Now I'm at a barber, but my barber doesn't have.

[Andy]

Right. Doesn't have the poles. I've been to several barbershops, and I don't know for sure if any of them have had poles. And so I will go lower as well.

[Josh]

All right, the correct answer. 24%.

[Andy]

All right, so we get points.

[Jason]

I know where this is at.

[Josh]

We're tied. Andy and Jason at three, Mike at two.

[Andy]

Oh, you do it. Let's do it.

[Mike]

Mike, you want to have the. The barber pole does.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, we got two. I mean, that's pretty well.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Two, six.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

What is that, Jay?

[Andy]

That's one third.

[Jason]

And what is that?

[Andy]

33.

[Jason]

All right, we did it. Very cathartic of you.

[Mike]

All right, my question is.

[Jason]

Two questions left to not fall on my face. Go.

[Mike]

So it's three. Three to two. Three. Three, two.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Josh]

That is correct.

[Andy]

If you play within the 5%, that is going to wreck us. Wreck Andy.

[Mike]

What percentage of people cannot read inside moving vehicles without feeling queasy? I am very much in that category.

[Jason]

I am, too.

[Mike]

I think it's more people than. It's not. I'm.

[Andy]

Oh,

[Mike]

I'm going to go. 60%. 60%. Just slightly.

[Jason]

Unfortunately, a spectacular line.

[Mike]

Just slightly more.

[Andy]

Okay, man.

[Mike]

The people that can read in a Car. Y' all suck. Like, I'm so envious of that.

[Andy]

I thought because. Because I know that you experience this, I think maybe there's some, you know, self projection. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna go lower. I'm gonna take the. I'm gonna take the under here.

[Mike]

I'd like. I can. I also think about my children who have on a road trip all of a sudden. I mean, this wasn't. It's ipading. It's all of a sudden like, dad, dad, I'm not.

[Andy]

You're like, they got your gene.

[Jason]

I just think your line is spot on, to be honest with you.

[Mike]

I think.

[Jason]

I think the answer is going to be real close to that, which makes this tough. I. Jason, what did you do?

[Mike]

I went lower, man. Oh, lower.

[Andy]

Oh, he's just playing the game.

[Mike]

Give me. Give me the points.

[Andy]

You know what? Andy's got to give me that first next time.

[Josh]

He was smart to play the game. The correct answer is 42%.

[Mike]

Oh, gosh dang it.

[Josh]

I. I thought your line was great too. I would have thought there was more than not.

[Mike]

It's up to you, Jason.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

There's nothing I can do now.

[Andy]

Well, that means that it's not up to me at all. You can't. You're the goose, no matter what.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Well, it's up to you to win, so. Yeah.

[Andy]

Okay. All right.

[Jason]

Congrats.

[Andy]

Andy, final question. What percentage of people still have a landline telephone in their home? What?

[Jason]

Wait, am I not the goose? Guaranteed correct.

[Josh]

That is correct.

[Jason]

What a feeling.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

What? Because there's a two point gap and he can't get two points?

[Andy]

Yep. That is how it works. What percentage of people still have landline telephones in their homes? Should be zero. It's not zero. They're still old people. Quick question, Papa Josh, do you have a landline?

[Mike]

No.

[Andy]

Okay. All right.

[Mike]

I have a landline specifically for my alarm.

[Jason]

What? What?

[Mike]

Because it's more reliable.

[Jason]

Oh, you mean for your.

[Mike]

Your. The alarm on my house?

[Jason]

I went to Alarm clock.

[Mike]

Yeah. No, I have a service. They call me in the morning.

[Andy]

Well, I was just like every night at bed.

[Josh]

I'd like a wake up call at

[Jason]

6am can you call from that phone number if you need to?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Well, there's also the bundle stuff.

[Jason]

So, for instance, bundled into it.

[Andy]

I moved several times in the last decade, and every time I.

[Jason]

The last year, probably.

[Andy]

It's. It's fine. I've been a couple. I know it's been a while, but every Time that you start service, it's like, I don't want a landline. Like, well, but it's cheaper if you get a landline. So what. What are you doing?

[Jason]

Right.

[Andy]

What are you doing?

[Mike]

Where does. It's.

[Jason]

For a little while, it's cheaper for

[Mike]

a year and then it skyrockets.

[Jason]

Oh, it does.

[Mike]

And they hope you don't change it.

[Andy]

I'm going to say have a landline, Jason. No, of course not. I refuse. If you're bundled, I'll pay more to not have a landline. I will say take it and shove it. I don't want a landline. I refuse on purchase.

[Jason]

Take the bundle, but don't install it.

[Andy]

Okay. I'm going to go 15%.

[Mike]

I'm going to go higher.

[Jason]

I had written down 13. So I'll go lower.

[Mike]

I'll go higher.

[Jason]

It's probably higher.

[Josh]

It is higher at 35.

[Jason]

Yeah. I think there's a.

[Mike]

There's a lot of questions.

[Jason]

There's also a lot of people that 10 years ago they can't afford. I mean, cell phones are pretty cheap

[Mike]

now, but it's just if you do. There's so much different out there in the United States.

[Jason]

Yeah, there is.

[Mike]

Like, there's areas where you would go

[Jason]

and be like, no cell coverage out there.

[Mike]

This is a different world than I ever experienced.

[Jason]

Yeah. So I, but, but to be clear, this is yours now. Yeah. Have you ever been the goose?

[Mike]

This will be number two. I think so once.

[Jason]

Good luck putting that big head and that goose.

[Mike]

It's tight.

[Jason]

All right, we're taking a break and then we're going to draft.

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[Andy]

The Spitballers draft.

[Jason]

All right. We are drafting a topic I think we're all very passionate about and in support of. And honestly, if you want. If they wanted to invent another 20 of these things, that I'd be fine with it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

It's foods on a stick. We're drafting the best foods on a stick. That's right. Mike has the number one pick. Best foods on a stick.

[Mike]

It's a corn dog.

[Andy]

Yeah, of course it's a corn dog. This is a great draft.

[Mike]

Welcome to the corn dog draft.

[Andy]

When it was first brought up as, like, foods on a stick, I was like, that's just corn dog. There's a food on a stick.

[Mike]

Here you go to hot dog on a stick.

[Andy]

Hot dog on a stick.

[Jason]

Is that. Is it. What? Why is the corn dog the. The obvious creme de la creme of foods on a stick? There's a lot of other foods that we're going to draft here today. They're all on sticks. Why is the corn dog get all the fanfare?

[Mike]

Because it's sold at fairs.

[Andy]

Oh, good point.

[Jason]

But other things. I mean, other items are. You think that's what it is? It's. It's just like, it. You just.

[Mike]

Yeah. I don't know. They have taken the world. They. They own the brand.

[Jason]

They own the food on the stick. I'm gonna be honest. That's obviously the pick.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, we. You could pull 100 people. What's the first most important food on a stick? 100 would say corn dog. What are you talking about?

[Mike]

Which is also strange. Like, is it because the people don't want to touch the corn meal?

[Jason]

It's hot.

[Andy]

Well, I think to fry.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Andy]

In order to fry it, you don't put the stick in the oil.

[Mike]

Right. Part of it will go in the oil.

[Jason]

I mean, the stick is not hot. I'm not holding a hot corn dog with my bare hands.

[Andy]

The heat is.

[Jason]

Why do you not hold.

[Mike]

It's like holding A good answer.

[Jason]

It's like holding corn on the cob.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So, like, you have to use the tongs or you're going to hurt your.

[Mike]

Right. But that's actually. And it's also very messy.

[Jason]

Corn on a stick would work if we want to just do that.

[Mike]

Do corn dog. Yeah.

[Andy]

All right, I'm going to.

[Jason]

Sorry.

[Andy]

Yeah, I'm going to take something that is. I mean, these sticks are very important. People build things out of them. I'm Taking a Popsicle.

[Mike]

Yes. Yes, man.

[Jason]

Those are the easy one and two. Yeah, those are the easy one and two.

[Andy]

Popsicle sticks are kind of.

[Jason]

I thought you might go away from popsicle just because, like, popsicle is probably not close to your favorite food.

[Andy]

Correct. That's. That's very, very true. There are several things. I don't like popsicles, but.

[Mike]

Really, you don't like a good.

[Jason]

I knew you would say that. I don't know. I knew that about you, but I just knew you wouldn't have it.

[Andy]

Don't love frozen treats.

[Jason]

He doesn't like cold. Cold treats.

[Andy]

Yeah. Just.

[Jason]

He's like a baby, so.

[Andy]

I think babies love cold treats as a.

[Mike]

They do as a youth. You were never an Otter Pop guy.

[Jason]

He doesn't eat ice cream as fast as I would like him to.

[Andy]

No. I'm a slow ice cream eater. Otter Pops. No, I, you know, you want to know. I got these scars. Those things.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

Ripped up the face.

[Mike]

They definitely did.

[Andy]

Yeah. I just. I don't know. And if I'm. Well, it could be drafted, so I will, I will.

[Mike]

This is not the drafted giveaway.

[Andy]

No. We don't have 50 options here.

[Jason]

I think you guys drafted very well.

[Andy]

Thank you.

[Jason]

I'm going to go first with a caramel apple.

[Mike]

That's my. That's my third. We have now taken my top three.

[Jason]

Yeah. A caramel apple is the next most natural. Man, are they good. But I, at this point in the career of my teeth do not feel as though I will be able to consume them in the normal fashion. I'll have to cut them up and tuck them back away from my ever breakable teeth. I mean, can you imagine how many would come off?

[Mike]

You would look like your dentures came out.

[Jason]

It would look after one bite, the next bite would be all teeth. So.

[Andy]

But the nice thing is you could no longer break your teeth on the teeth.

[Jason]

Right. Yeah, I. I do need to get help, but caramel apple to me is the. It's. It feels like a natural third pick.

[Andy]

My career.

[Jason]

My. My teeth career. My next pick. I. I'm struggling because it's a long wait and there's not a lot of options.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So I'm going to go with kebabs.

[Andy]

Oh, it's the right one. That's my third shish kebab.

[Jason]

Yeah, it is. It's a delight.

[Andy]

Oh, they're so good to eat food off a stick.

[Jason]

I think we all agree with that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

There's something great about it. So I'll go. I'll Go with shish kebabs.

[Andy]

Is it back to me?

[Mike]

It is.

[Andy]

Oh, fantastic. Because I can still pick things.

[Mike]

We're running out.

[Andy]

I still have things on my list.

[Jason]

This is why I said we need more foods on sticks.

[Andy]

Yeah, we do.

[Mike]

For this draft.

[Jason]

It would help.

[Andy]

And for eating, I'm going to take. What do I have right now? I've got just popsicle. Correct.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I'm going to stay sweet. I'm going to stay sweet. I'm going to go with something else sold at a fair. I'm going to go cotton candy.

[Mike]

Oh, that's a good answer. It's not even on my list.

[Andy]

There you go. Cotton candy. You know, that is. That is. You're not eating that by your just hands. Handfuls of cotton candy.

[Jason]

It is a stick. It may have a point on it, but it's a stick.

[Mike]

Although people do rip it off the stick.

[Jason]

It's a great pick. No, no, it was not on my list.

[Mike]

Which is.

[Andy]

And we need. This is what we need.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

Draft is a couple.

[Jason]

Me and Mike didn't have it.

[Andy]

You didn't take one from us on the list.

[Mike]

I also wouldn't.

[Jason]

Let me guess. You hate.

[Andy]

You don't like cotton.

[Mike]

Cotton candy's disgusting.

[Andy]

Oh, cotton candy is awesome. You're just eating air fluffed sugar.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's.

[Andy]

No, that's awesome.

[Mike]

No, thanks.

[Jason]

Are you. You're not a fan, Al?

[Andy]

No.

[Josh]

That stick just helps me move it to the trash can without getting my hands dirty.

[Jason]

Papa Josh, do you like cotton candy? Oh, my gosh. You got a new button.

[Andy]

It's not taped down, so I wind up kicking it every time I do it.

[Jason]

You've said we've had a new situation with the button for two years.

[Andy]

This is a new.

[Jason]

New button. Get him a finger button.

[Andy]

I'm not a fan of cotton candy.

[Mike]

Believe it or not, Falcon, I have no. No cotton candy. Yeah, that's right.

[Jason]

I'm fine with you. Okay.

[Mike]

Sanity Delicious.

[Jason]

To be clear, you're not just putting air sugar. It's also like red, five and blue and all that.

[Andy]

All the good dies.

[Jason]

All right. My. All the good dies.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

All the good dies young. Mike.

[Mike]

Yes. We'll get you. All right. I've got my two picks.

[Jason]

Congrats.

[Mike]

Yeah, I know.

[Andy]

We're good.

[Mike]

We're narrowing it down. You mentioned the corn, but I'm going. I'm going street corn. We're going with elote.

[Jason]

Is that Sonic?

[Mike]

That is. That is Mexican street corn.

[Jason]

I did not realize. I didn't think about that. That Makes sense.

[Andy]

I didn't know that came on a stick.

[Jason]

It does come.

[Mike]

Definitely. I get that on a stick.

[Jason]

Yeah. I can now picture that.

[Mike]

It is fantastic. If you've never gotten down with elote, you really should. It's a good time.

[Jason]

I am going to see if I can see one picture with a stick, though.

[Mike]

If I go to Google Images, search alote on a stick. And you definitely.

[Jason]

I found it on.

[Mike]

You will find it.

[Jason]

No, I'm. I'm not putting the stick part in. No, I see it. I see.

[Mike]

And this one. I assume we're good with this because it's. It's. It's. It's talking very.

[Andy]

Yeah, we're good with it. Okay.

[Mike]

I'm going with the pineapple skewer.

[Jason]

Oh, that's fine.

[Andy]

Sure, my man.

[Mike]

Because, like, it.

[Jason]

It implies this has been fruit skewer from the draft.

[Mike]

The what?

[Jason]

Does it take a fruit skewer away from the draft?

[Mike]

Maybe you.

[Jason]

I wonder. I'm just.

[Mike]

But my. Specifically pineapple. Because, you know, when you're grilling.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And you throw.

[Jason]

It's amazing.

[Mike]

You grill up some pineapple. It sounds weird, but it sounds very good.

[Jason]

No disrespect there. That's amazing. I think if you were gonna go fruit skewer or pineapple skewer? Pineapple skewer is the better pick.

[Mike]

All right, well, that's the one I took.

[Jason]

Because you grill pineapple, you don't get all the fruits.

[Mike]

Right.

[Jason]

I don't know why, but, you know.

[Mike]

Hmm.

[Andy]

All right, I am going. I've. I'm. Have we tried it?

[Mike]

Have we tried grilling the other fruits?

[Jason]

I think we tried it.

[Andy]

Yeah, we figured it out.

[Jason]

I think Steve tried it.

[Mike]

Thanks, Steve. Steve the griller.

[Jason]

Steve tried it. Bob tried it. I. Nancy did not try it.

[Andy]

Right now. I'm all sweet. I want some savory. The shish kebab.

[Jason]

It's also the only picks I have left.

[Andy]

The shish kebab. No, most of my picks left are still sweet, but I want some meat. But the kebab you got takes most of it away.

[Jason]

It does, yeah.

[Andy]

But what it doesn't take away are you. Is a shrimp skewer.

[Jason]

Yeah, you can have that.

[Andy]

That is. I love me a good shrimp.

[Jason]

What is the skewer? I know Al's and no on it. But, like, what is the. Like if we had done the guest. Guest goose with people that like shrimp, what's the percentage?

[Andy]

I would have said 70. 70%.

[Jason]

That's where I would guess, too.

[Mike]

But I'm Very not probably fine.

[Jason]

Are you a shrimp?

[Mike]

I'd say a little bit. No, it's. What, ocean bugs? No, thanks.

[Jason]

Okay. Yeah, I forgot you two are in ocean bug category. I got my last only because it

[Mike]

looks exactly like a bug.

[Andy]

It eats poop at the bottom, and then when it comes out, you got to de poop it for real.

[Jason]

My last two picks.

[Andy]

They're disgusting.

[Mike]

Yes, they are.

[Andy]

I do love shrimp. They are.

[Mike]

Objectively. It's gross. It's a giant bug. Yeah.

[Jason]

My last two picks. I do have picks left, which makes me feel good. I want to go with. And you need to help me describe it because I don't know what you call it, because I want to say s', mores, but it's really. It's a marshmallow.

[Mike]

Yeah, Right.

[Jason]

Yeah, It's a marshmallow because it's on a skewer that you put over the fire and you eat it.

[Mike]

It's a marshmallow.

[Jason]

Yeah. So because it's not a whole s'. Mores.

[Andy]

Like a roasted marshmallow.

[Jason]

Roasted marshmallow. Thank you.

[Mike]

Oh, that's a great pick. Roasted marshmallow. It's not on my list.

[Jason]

Not on my list.

[Andy]

I love that.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

I love that.

[Jason]

For me, we're all afraid of you can't.

[Andy]

I love it for you.

[Jason]

We're all afraid of taking each other's picks and being left naked without a

[Andy]

food on a stick to get to 12. Took some.

[Jason]

Now I feel like I have a lot now, so I'm going roasted marshmallow. Thank you for the wording on that one.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

This last one. It's an ice cream bar. Yeah, it's an ice cream bar.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason]

It's more me anyways, than the popsicle. If I had to choose popsicle or ice cream bar, I choose ice cream.

[Andy]

I would. I would 100% as well. Like I said, I don't like popsicles, but if I wanted a frozen sweet treat, it is. I would much rather have, like, a fudge sickle type of thing than a popsicle.

[Jason]

Is because of you not liking the cold so much, are you. Do you, like, just do one lick at a time? One. One lick and then wait a couple minutes. Another lick.

[Andy]

I do it slow.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason]

I'm.

[Andy]

I'm thrilled that this one came back to me because I.

[Mike]

Because it's your last one.

[Andy]

Because it's my last one. And I, I. I played the game here because I figured this might not be on your guys list.

[Mike]

Don't take my last One.

[Andy]

I bet it is, but it is. I mean, I love these. I don't like them. I could house a hundred of these.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

Cake pops.

[Mike]

Oh, I love that for you.

[Jason]

Cake pop is.

[Andy]

It was on my list, the Starbucks classic. Birthday cake pop is.

[Jason]

How many can you. How many have you ordered at once? Because there. Have you.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason]

Do you say they're for my kids? No, I just. Just eat them.

[Andy]

Just order four and then eat them.

[Jason]

I'll take four cake pops.

[Mike]

If you order four, they assume.

[Andy]

Yeah. They're not gonna be like. If you get two. Like, really? They're looking for someone else in the car. But even if I'm by myself, if I order four, they're like, he's taking these home, ordering it and saying they're never making it home.

[Jason]

Here's a picture of my family. I didn't ask, sir.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

All right, Mike, final pick.

[Mike]

All right.

[Jason]

Corn dog elote. Pineapple skewer.

[Mike]

And I only. I know this because they are available at Disneyland. They very often they will or offer the vegetarian version of something. They have the mozzarella corn dog. It's just a giant cheese stick with

[Jason]

a dog in it.

[Andy]

No, it's just.

[Mike]

No, it's literally, it's the cheese stick. Then they dip it in the cornmeal, and then they fry it up.

[Andy]

It's just deep fried. Like instead of a hot dog on a stick.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

It's really good.

[Mike]

But they call it a mozzarella corn dog.

[Andy]

I.

[Jason]

It is the most. Maybe the most indulgent, crazy food in the world to me is a mozzarella stick.

[Andy]

Yeah. Take cheese because it's butter bread it.

[Jason]

I know they're good.

[Andy]

Deep fry it.

[Jason]

But it's so much cheese and it's fried, and it's just so, like, it's like more decadent than the most chocolatey cake.

[Andy]

I want a mott stick right now.

[Mike]

My sticks are a kryptonite.

[Jason]

So you took a mott Stick on a stick?

[Mike]

Yeah, a stick on a stick. I mean, it's a. It's a little different because it's. It's the corn. The cornbread surrounding instead of just the breading.

[Jason]

I kept seeing people put churros.

[Mike]

What?

[Andy]

I've never seen a turtle.

[Jason]

It's never been on a stick. Right. It is cooked.

[Andy]

It is a stick.

[Jason]

It's cooked on a stick, but it's not. That's where I got. With rotisserie chicken. I wanted to sneak that one in there to be funny, but chocolate dipped banana was one of my.

[Andy]

For sure.

[Jason]

And candied apples. If you needed a desperate. That was my desperation.

[Andy]

Hail Mary lollipop.

[Jason]

Oh, that would have been a great pick.

[Mike]

I would have gone chicken skewers over shrimp skewers.

[Jason]

I felt like that was. He was giving respect to the kebab.

[Andy]

I figured the kebab has the chicken and the steak and the veggies.

[Jason]

Oh, it doesn't.

[Mike]

Y. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't want any of that crap. I just want the chicken.

[Jason]

I agree. And the pineapple.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah. You don't want the steak.

[Mike]

Well, I'm saying, like, the veggies.

[Andy]

The normal.

[Mike]

Normal kebab. Veggies.

[Jason]

Nobody drafted veggies on the stick on purpose. I was leaning into the meat part.

[Mike]

Okay, stop that. Don't be cheap. Just. Just meat.

[Andy]

I love the onion.

[Jason]

I'm so hungry for lunch.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. Okay, okay, okay.

[Andy]

But just do the onions.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

What did we learn today?

[Jason]

I learned I'm hungry.

[Andy]

I'm starving.

[Jason]

I learned how hungry I am.

[Andy]

I learned that mozzarella sticks make me hungry thinking about them.

[Jason]

Yeah,

[Mike]

I learned that.

[Jason]

That was me, Al. Yeah, it was me.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

I don't know how. I don't know how a person can hit the button and then hit it again that fast. Let me try.

[Mike]

Did you double your reaction time?

[Andy]

Oh, I think we broke. It's broken.

[Jason]

Now.

[Mike]

We will never be able to end this show.

[Jason]

I did it.

[Mike]

Oh, gosh.

[Andy]

Pump fake. Oh, no. We'll see you next.

[Jason]

No, Let me know, people. Mike, what do you. What'd you learn?

[Mike]

People have old T shirts.

[Jason]

All right, we are actually done with the show. Dad, people do have old T shirts. I feel like. I feel like I definitely have to have one or two.

[Andy]

Would ribs have counted?

[Mike]

Ribs on a stick?

[Andy]

No, it's the bone. Nope, it's nature's. That's an inside question. Listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.

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