
The Spitballers are back to make your week just a little bit better. From behemoth burgers to taco rage, we’ve got the laughs you need. Some can’t miss Would you Rathers, Guess Guess Goose makes its return and a draft of Best Foods on a Stick make this one episode you don’t want to miss! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!
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Andy
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Mike
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Narrator/Ad Voice
What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random
Andy
topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy Mike and Jason.
Mike
Squee Dap Pop.
Josh
So good.
Mike
Changed instruments halfway through.
Andy
He just opened the case and popped out that brass.
Jason
You know, that could have gone real like potential for error there significant. And you.
Mike
I knew what I had to do when the music started and I was like, oh.
Jason
Cause you started it. And I was thinking it's a pretty mic normal scat. It didn't seem special. And then you really trumpet.
Mike
It was a mouth trumpet. They don't know better.
Andy
There's video. There's video evidence here.
Mike
Mike blurted it out.
Jason
I liked it. It was great. Welcome to The Spitballers. Episode 366. Would you rather guess Guest goose. And a special draft for you today. We'll get to that shortly. If you want to follow this show over on X at Spitballers Pod at Jason Moore. If you want to follow Jason, Mike is at FF Hitman. I'm at Andy Holloway. And we appreciate it if you want to watch the show? YouTube.com Pitballers let's kick it off.
Andy
Would you rather.
Jason
All righty. Which physical attribute would you rather double for yourself? Your strength, your stamina, or your reaction speed?
Mike
Strength doubles a lot.
Andy
Stamina or reaction speed? Okay. Stamina's out. Stamina.
Jason
You don't want to run a mile.
Andy
I don't care about long distance running.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
And the things that I do, like
Jason
doing like pit is also like.
Mike
Like a ball.
Andy
You would be.
Mike
You would have a superpower.
Andy
But if I had reaction speed, that was double.
Mike
That's true.
Andy
That would be far more valuable. I don't feel like I need to play six hours of pickleball. You know what I mean? Like, if I play three hours, I'm exhausted. I run out of stamina. But also, it's like, that was. That was pretty good.
Jason
I mean, reaction speed is interesting. I mean, I feel like that is probably better than you think. I mean, there are some.
Andy
It's also the most likely to save your life.
Jason
True.
Andy
You know what I mean?
Jason
It's good for driving.
Mike
Google AI says the average human reaction time to a visual stimulus is typically 0.2 to 0.25 seconds.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
So you're cutting that one.
Andy
I think it makes. I could have responded without Andy hitting me in the face.
Mike
I react to Andy slapping you in the face.
Andy
I reacted after.
Jason
I just wanted to see how quick your baseline was.
Andy
I could have seen that coming and avoided that if I had.01 more seconds. Okay, so maybe that's your vote after that. But strength.
Mike
But also, if you had double the strength, there's no way he's going to hit you in the face like that.
Andy
That's true.
Jason
Intimidation.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
If you doubled your strength, you could lift a boat, right?
Mike
Well, yeah. That's the only thing holding me back
Andy
because I'm at half boat strength.
Jason
I mean, double the strength would be.
Andy
Double the strength means you're going to have more gains in your workouts.
Jason
I'm pivoting to a side. Would you rather question right now?
Andy
Okay.
Jason
Double the strength but half the physical appearance. Appearance of strength or double the physical appearance of strength and half the actual strength?
Andy
Dude, I don't need to live nothing. Yeah. I will look good.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
I would absolutely choose to look good and be weak than be strong and look bad.
Jason
All right. It's not that great of a question. I think we'd all do that.
Andy
I think it's a great philosophical question. That is revealing because everyone would choose. Everyone would choose the looks, which means
Jason
that you're not working out to get strong.
Andy
No.
Mike
That's why.
Andy
Correct.
Mike
Haven't you ever seen the videos where here's a bodybuilder versus so and so who does like a very physical job?
Jason
Yes. And they have like lumberjack strength.
Mike
Yeah. And so you have these people, they just look, I mean, they're, they're bigger, but they still are more of an average type of a look. And they're, they're doing things that the bodybuilders cannot do because the bodybuilders are training for esthetics.
Jason
True.
Mike
And they're not. It's not real functional.
Jason
I've seen like a functional, like high, high tier rock climbers.
Mike
Oh, yeah.
Jason
Have wicked crazy strength.
Mike
Yes.
Jason
That bodybuilders that look like they could do the same stuff can't do it.
Mike
Right.
Andy
Yeah. I mean, think about the, like the World's Strongest man competition.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
Those guys that can carry boulders, they'll look like fatso.
Jason
Yes. Yeah. A lot of them do. They actually do. So we were.
Andy
Congrats. You can lift a boulder.
Jason
So in this case, you're not getting the aesthetic benefit.
Mike
No.
Andy
But I think you would if you doubled your strength. Right. If. If I doubled my strength right and I'm working out now, Instead of benching 125 or whatever, I'm benching 250. I will get gains from that.
Jason
Okay. I will go strength. Although the reaction speed. Yeah, I'll go strength, but reaction speed is right. It's right there.
Mike
Stamina's gonna feel good when you're old though.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
I don't plan on getting there.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
Okay.
Mike
I don't blame you, brother.
Jason
His reaction speed is way too slow to get to old age.
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
I need to react, but like, imagine
Jason
being you took a slap to the base.
Mike
You're like, you're 80 or whatever. You know, everyone's like so slow. And you're like, I'm. I'm regular, man.
Andy
That would be really nice. But I am going to choose in the mo. Who knows how long we will live.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Your bird in hand and your strength.
Andy
You know, it's like, does stamina really start coming into play 30 years from now?
Jason
It would still benefit you greatly.
Mike
Right now.
Jason
I was at a pharmacy. Did I tell you about this? I was at a pharmacy a couple days ago.
Andy
You didn't tell me about your pharmacy.
Mike
No.
Jason
Okay, well, I did tell somebody here, but this, this dude walks up and like I'm at. I'm talking to one pharmacist getting medicines for my, my kid and he walks up to the other pharmacist.
Mike
This is already a lie. They never have two.
Andy
I know what pharmacist. There are never two pharmacists on duty. Making us one of them.
Jason
The drive thru guy came over to help me.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
It was the drive through guy, except for. And he made the drive thru lady wait so long. And I'm staring at the drive through lady through the window. I even mouthed the word so sorry to her because he was taking his time up on me. But this dude walked up, he's probably about 6, 3, 6 4, and like has this conversation with the pharmacist. And he is so. He looks just strong and like, well spoken, like super smart. And then they ask him his eight, like his birthday and he goes, 1941. Who? And this, this cat was 85 something years. 85, going in 86. And look, I mean, to your point, this dude had a. He had asked this question and someone granted him the stamina.
Mike
Okay?
Jason
And at 85, he was like 60 year old.
Mike
You wrote down everything he was picking up. Right?
Andy
Right.
Jason
Yeah, I should have. Yeah, that would have been. I should. Give me what he's having. Give me whatever he's got. Yeah, I was crazy. I was literally. I didn't know a way to intervene and tell him how complimentary of him I was feeling.
Andy
Right. Excuse me, sir. I heard how old you and it shocked me.
Jason
It shocked me with how good you look.
Andy
Yeah, congratulations. I'm shocked at how old you are.
Jason
Yeah, it was. He outsmarted this pharmacist on something. It was amazing. 1941. All right.
Mike
I'm taking this drink though.
Jason
Would you. Would you rather your shoelaces become untied every 15 minutes? That's awful. Or all four car tires need to be topped off with air every week? I will say I genuinely dislike filling my car tires with air. It's not a hard task. It's not difficult, but I hate it.
Andy
Yeah, I mean, we've talked about this, I think on the show before. The fact that like, I don't know if Discount Tire is nationwide, but you
Jason
must work for them, how much you love them.
Andy
You just drive up, you don't even get out of the car. You get in a line and people fill up the air for free.
Jason
Like you got to drive the Discount Tire once a week. Yeah, I. I mean, that's part of it.
Josh
I got a question for you on that. Do you tip that guy?
Andy
No, I've never tipped him.
Josh
Neither have I, but I feel like I need to.
Mike
I'M glad to hear you're not either. I. I like.
Jason
You've tipped.
Mike
Yes. I. If I have a couple bucks. Yeah.
Andy
Okay.
Mike
I mean, this. This isn't a five. You should.
Jason
I would feel like it'd be $4 if I. Nah. One for tires.
Andy
I give them a piece of advice.
Mike
You know what kind of tip, dad.
Andy
Hey, brush, two minutes, you know, go the. Go the full 120.
Jason
My man, he will pay you never to come back.
Andy
If you do that.
Mike
I think about two bucks.
Jason
Two bucks?
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
50 cents a tire.
Andy
I see. I don't. The thing is, is you don't need to tip them in. In the sense that they are trying to.
Jason
Hold on.
Andy
Sell tires.
Jason
Hold on. Papa Josh. I just watched Papa Josh over there, and he gave a. He. He looked over to the Falcon and he gave a real demonstrative. He made thumbs down.
Josh
And I was like, yeah, he.
Jason
I thought that was you. Thumbs down and tipping.
Mike
No, no, no.
Jason
It seems more up your alley.
Andy
No, I'm just.
Jason
I was thumbs down to Matt for a.
Andy
We don't need to hear that terrible joke. It was just bad.
Jason
So I. I went to. I want to know this because this is a tip. Tip question. Sidebar. I went. I. I had to take my kid to the hospital this past week. And it's a big hospital, the second one that we went to, and they have complimentary valet, and I didn't even want to use it, but I literally found myself in a driving situation where I couldn't escape it. Like, I had pulled into a lane and it was really blocked off, and the only thing you could do there was valet. And it's free valet, but it's not.
Andy
No, you have to tip.
Jason
So I go and I do the valet, and it is quite convenient. And I come back out and they get me my car, and I don't have any cash. So I asked them, I say, do you have a digital way to tip? Because I know I need to tip. So they said, yeah, yeah. QR code right over here. And so I. I went and I did the QR code.
Mike
Yeah. Whoa. Big tip. Incoming. Bebop sent.
Andy
It's true.
Mike
See you guys later.
Andy
Those. Just watch me scan this. That's my tip.
Jason
You know what the worst part was is the. The. The woman that went to get my car wasn't there when I asked about the QR code.
Mike
Newman's.
Jason
Sorry. I knocked over some here. So she wasn't. She had run off to get the car. So the guy, the other valet. I asked about the QR code. But then I knew that she didn't know that I had asked about the QR code. And because I don't hand her cash, I had to make it known to her that I had, in fact, found the QR code.
Mike
Do you.
Jason
But that's not even the point of my story yet. I just go on.
Mike
Oh, I just need some valet advice here.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Do you tip both?
Andy
No. You do. You tip at the end, as in the drop end.
Mike
Okay. I've only ever.
Andy
Only the tip at the end.
Jason
Yes.
Mike
What is the end?
Andy
But, like, I totally know what.
Mike
You're the guy who's taking the.
Jason
They get the tips at the end.
Andy
I totally know.
Mike
They share them all.
Jason
It's the same guy.
Andy
I always feel. I always feel like when they. They open the door for me and they take the thing and then I'm like, see, it just feels rude.
Jason
What do you think? Here's where I was getting to. I scan QR code, and I understand I could hide whatever I do with that, which is nice. But what do you think the default tip was when I scanned it? Because you know how you go to, like, the coffee shop and there's like, three buttons. 15, 20, 100%.
Andy
And they had a default.
Jason
There's a default price in there, which is what I went with.
Andy
I've got my guess.
Jason
Oh, no, Hospital valet.
Andy
I'm going to guess $10.
Mike
10 would be my guess.
Andy
Which is a 20.
Jason
Josh. Now Josh's eyes are getting big because he's like, I would never do that.
Mike
Ten is too much.
Jason
It was eight.
Andy
Oh, okay.
Jason
It was $8.
Mike
Oh, that's such a good number.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
They said because 10 is. If you put 10, you think the
Jason
tens become fives if they leave it at 100%.
Mike
If they put 10. Custom 5. If they put the 8.
Jason
That's what I went with.
Mike
I don't know if I'm going through the trouble to change the number.
Jason
Exactly. That's what I did. I went with the eight.
Mike
I was like, rapscallions.
Jason
I. You know, But. But the whole idea that it's free is funny. It's funny.
Andy
It can be free if you have no heart.
Jason
Yeah. Yeah. And they. Man or no cash, they were running a long distance to get these cars. I probably should have changed it.
Andy
We're in Arizona. It's nice. It's nice outside on. On asphalt.
Jason
What's the most you've tipped on a valet?
Andy
20.
Jason
You've tipped 20. Is it because you had a 20?
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
If you had had a 10, you would have given a 10.
Andy
I think that's. I think that's accurate. I've tipped 20 many, many times, but it's usually because that's just the only have. And I'm willing. I don't want to be like, I've
Jason
kept the 20 before because of that.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
Do you get change?
Jason
Changes?
Mike
No, change is a little.
Jason
And you could get change on a 50.
Andy
Well, sure, yeah. If I. If, like, if all I had was a hundred, I'm not going to tip the guy 100, but if I've got a 20, I don't want to be like, Can I get 15 back?
Jason
If you give them a hundred and you say, can I get change? And they throw you. What if they give you back five twenties?
Andy
Oh, smart, Smart.
Jason
That's smart, right?
Andy
Smart.
Jason
And then you put them in your
Andy
pocket, give them a 20, and be like, More change
Mike
valet.
Jason
Yeah, I can't do the shoelace. Shoelaces 1. I feel like we've had a question very similar to that before.
Mike
Maybe that exact.
Jason
It might have been that exact question. I think it was. Oh, this is a good one. Would you rather have to attend a stranger's wedding once per week?
Mike
No.
Jason
Or a stranger's funeral twice?
Mike
Gosh.
Jason
Twice per month.
Mike
Oh, two a month.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
Not the same. I mean, it's not one to one ratio here. One is a celebration with dinner. I mean, I'm getting a free dinner every week.
Andy
Not every wedding has an open bar, but a lot of them do.
Jason
You know, you got to tip those, too.
Andy
Well, that's true.
Jason
Give me a QR code.
Andy
Honestly, that just happened. That just happened.
Jason
We.
Andy
Andy and I just went to it.
Mike
We'll square up at the end of the night, man.
Andy
Don't worry about it. Just went to a wedding.
Jason
I'll be right back.
Andy
This was last week, and it was a free open bar, and they had a QR code to tip. And I, you know, there's a line. And so I asked the same. The question, like, oh, you know, do you have a digital way. And I took my phone out, and I scanned the QR code and walked away.
Jason
You did nothing.
Andy
But I didn't realize that the QR code they had was specifically for, like, Venmo. So you had to be, like, in the Venmo app and scan it from there.
Jason
Oh, you scan it with your camera.
Andy
You scan it with my camera. And it just went to an error. And I was like, not my fault. They saw me scan it. I'm good.
Jason
So what is. I'm really Learning a lot today. What is. What is the open bar tipping policy on drinks? Is it a tip per drink?
Mike
Yeah, about it. I mean, usually a bartender. At least the way I handle it. And maybe bartenders will be mad. I'm like a bucket drink, depending on the bar.
Jason
Jason's face said Jason does more.
Andy
Yeah, but. Yeah, I'm usually like five a drink. Okay, well, you're.
Mike
But you're also a cocktail man.
Andy
Yes. Yeah.
Jason
You're a beer man.
Andy
You're getting a beer. Okay, That's. Yeah.
Jason
Yours. He's just opening the top.
Mike
Yeah, sometimes.
Jason
This one's a mix, Right. Is it polite to say how much work did you do on this?
Mike
I mean, how hard did you work? Should know, because he's.
Andy
Yeah. I mean, I know how much it takes to. To mix them, but I have said before, like, I. I'll.
Mike
I'll.
Andy
I'll get something big at the end or something.
Jason
Josh says he does more than the dollar. He says he does two to three per trip.
Andy
How does that make you feel, Mike?
Mike
Still fine.
Jason
Matt said he gives them 20 off the rip. That's what I've done. I've done a higher tip at the beginning, but I don't tip every time
Mike
I go up there.
Andy
No, if you're gonna. If you're gonna drop a 20 burger right off the.
Jason
And just be done.
Mike
Yeah. And next time you walk up. New bartender. Now what?
Jason
That is a problem. Yeah, it is a problem.
Mike
That's. You can't preload.
Jason
That's when you do the fake scan of the.
Mike
There's way too. Way too many mouse traps along the way to be doing.
Jason
You want them to feel good in the moment that they gave you the drink. They see you put it in.
Mike
Also, I'm just gonna open a tab, so it's not gonna. Okay, I'll put it at the end.
Andy
Tab for tipping.
Jason
Yeah. I mean, is there anything. I hate to say it like this, but is there anything good about a funeral?
Andy
Certainly not for a stranger.
Jason
There's nothing like. There's not like a. I don't think there's. There's not a platter. That's a wake. You get a platter at a wake. I'm not getting any food.
Andy
You're not gonna get food. You're not gonna.
Jason
It's quiet. I can get. Maybe nap.
Andy
I don't think that's pretty rude.
Jason
Is that pretty rude?
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
Which one is more rude to fall asleep at the funeral? Is it?
Andy
I think so. I think that it's about restraint.
Jason
I think It's a lot easier to fall asleep at a funeral so someone would forgive it better.
Andy
More sadness leads to sleeping. I feel like if I was at a wedding and I saw someone asleep, I'd be like, they must have had a crazy night or something. If I'm at a funeral, I see someone asleep, I'm like, sir, this is.
Mike
Can you sleep sad if they're just in deep contemplation?
Jason
Yeah. Can you sleep sad? Can you make it seem like you're in. In weeping?
Mike
Because that would be. Imagine.
Jason
Because you can do this.
Andy
Imagine your hands if you accuse someone
Mike
of sleeping, and then you're like, oh, you were not asleep.
Andy
No, you were praying. I mean, that's. You wake up. You wake up, and you just got to hit them with a big part from the Falcon.
Jason
You can wear sunglasses at a funeral. You cannot. You can't wear it.
Mike
Well, if it's an outdoor wedding, you can wear your sunglasses also. You can just be the coolest guy in the room and wear some sunglasses.
Jason
I mean, you can wear a veil. A sleeping veil at a funeral wedding.
Andy
Crashing is a sir.
Jason
Is that a veil?
Mike
It's very tight around the eyes.
Andy
People.
Jason
Very morning.
Andy
People enjoy weddings. Food, drink, parties. Enjoyable. I don't think it is often enjoyed to go to a funeral. And obviously these are strangers, so I don't think there's catharsis.
Jason
Whoa.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
No, no. Don't tell me you got this. I know it's cathartic, but what is the word?
Jason
Catharsis.
Andy
Catharsis.
Jason
No, it's not cathartic.
Andy
Cathartic. Is that what I was looking for?
Jason
I think. Yeah. The one you knew. There should be a table at every wedding for strangers. It's five seats. It's hidden away.
Mike
What?
Jason
First come, first serve is first come, first serve. You fight. It's like musical chairs. For those five seats, any stranger can attend and utilize them.
Mike
I mean, it's the. It's the plot of Wedding Crashers.
Jason
Yeah, yeah.
Mike
They just go, yeah, no, thank you,
Andy
but we're all taking the wedding.
Jason
Yeah, the wedding. It's once a week. It's a free meal. You get to meet some people. Would you rather. Are we moving on or should I do one more?
Andy
We could do one more.
Josh
And also I will. Okay, I gotta throw myself under the bus because we did do that exact same question with the tire pressure just three episodes ago.
Andy
Oh, okay.
Josh
I was sailing the open seas, and somehow we didn't get it notated that
Mike
we use that question.
Jason
Blackbeard himself.
Josh
My fault.
Mike
So the Sword has gone through you into who else?
Andy
Yeah, into who?
Josh
No, no, this is. This is a me problem.
Jason
Oh, just you.
Andy
It did sound like I was not here. Well. And someone didn't mark the curtain.
Josh
We've built a new system for managing our spitballers docs and I built that system and it didn't work, so.
Jason
Okay, is it just me or does it seem like Josh, while he does screw up frequently, is screwing up less than normal?
Andy
I've seen that one. I would say it's just you.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Andy
I'm just getting better at hiding it. He just screwed up trying to talk
Jason
and trying to turn his microphone on.
Mike
All right.
Jason
Okay. I stand corrected. All right. Would you rather every hamburger you eat to be far too tall to bite properly?
Andy
Oh, my gosh. This is.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
If we have a pet peeves draft again, sometimes to be on my list. I hate them. Bore it.
Mike
We don't need them that thick.
Jason
There's no point.
Mike
It's steak.
Jason
It's picturesque and that's why they do it.
Andy
If I am at a museum and you want to present a beautiful burger that you can come and look at, make it as tall as you want. If I'm at a restaurant and I plan on eating this thing.
Jason
Let me fit in your mouth.
Andy
Yes. Let me eat it.
Jason
So that's choice one.
Andy
Museum.
Jason
Yeah. Let's say something more.
Andy
It's a food museum.
Jason
It's not a fantasy. So the hamburger. This is for choice number one. Hamburger. Far too tall to bite properly, which is a problem. Or every taco you eat, the shell structurally falls apart. First bite.
Mike
Nope.
Jason
First bite. Taco structure. Catastrophe.
Andy
I see that.
Jason
Which turns into a taco salad.
Andy
Yeah, but it also.
Mike
But I'm there for tacos.
Andy
But you can salvage a broken shell. You gotta spread your fingers out and you're like holding the shell together.
Jason
He's describing how to keep it in your hand.
Mike
There's not gringo crispy tacos. There's also the. The soft shell and like. And those can get over saturated. You know, like the little tacos.
Jason
You could have it if you're not fast enough.
Andy
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too juicy.
Mike
And then. And then all of a sudden that thing's falling apart.
Andy
The little dry street tacos can be problematic for sure.
Jason
But I.
Andy
But you want to know what happens when. Because we've all experienced both of these things.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
When I have a taco that kind of falls apart on me. I still eat that taco and enjoy that taco. When I have a Burger that is too big. I end up basically having to get a fork and a knife, and you don't enjoy it. I can't eat it together. Like, with a taco. Let's say both of these. You end up needing to turn it into a forked food.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
You can still get a bite of that taco that's got everything together. You can't do that with a burger.
Mike
It's much harder with the burger.
Andy
And one of them is on purpose. That's the real issue here. The burger is done on purpose. A chef made it that way because he's an idiot.
Jason
You have to take. You know, if they want to do that, they need to have a burger in the burger. So you take the middle burger out and flat, and then you got two burgers. Sure. For the picture. You know what I mean? I'm with you.
Andy
I'd rather damn tall burgers.
Jason
I could deal with the taco if
Mike
you want it that big. Two smaller patties.
Andy
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want. You have a bunch of ingredients. You better have a smash burger.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
You want a big, thick patty.
Mike
Oh, man. Smash burger.
Andy
You just put a sauce on it in a bun.
Jason
Getting hungry. All right, we're gonna take a break and eat some burgers also. I eat. I eat burgers way more than tacos, so I would want that one in. In good shape. Yeah. Some guest. Guest goose coming up. What's going on, everybody? I have a busy life. We have three kids. They are always all over the place, and it is hard to find time to cook a healthy meal instead of just clicking that button and getting something nasty delivered to your house. And we've all had long days when that hunger kicks in, and we want that healthy meal. And, well, it's not in the fridge. And that's where Factor comes in. We were using factor our family since before they were even a sponsor of the show. We're talking fully prepared meals that my son steals most of, designed by dietitians, crafted by chefs, delivered to your door. We've been subscribed for years now. They are fresh, never frozen. They go right into our refrigerator. Tons of great variety. We grab them. It's two minutes per meal and stuff that we actually enjoy that tastes great. There are more than 100 options every single week. We've got, like, I'm on a protein meal plan. I can order protein meals that I absolutely love, and we've been doing that for a long time. Head to factor meals.com ballers50off and use the code ballers50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details. What's going on? Spit Wads. If you're trying to be more intentional about what you wear every day, Quints can help with that. They've got pieces that feel easy, comfortable and still put together. The fabrics feel elevated and the fits are clean. Fun story. I've been buying from Quints for a long time and they've been working with the show. Love them. They've got all sorts of great stuff. Like think about 100% European line shorts and shirts. We wear only shorts out here for $34. That type of stuff. I go into our closet and lo and behold, there is a box from Quince. My wife had separately found them and started buying from them. That's how good the products are because it's 50 to 80% less than what you'd find with similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman legitimately. A great company, a great product. I love everything I've gotten from Quince. The specific shirts and shorts that I absolutely love. Those are my favorites. So comfortable and in Arizona you need comfortable shorts all the time. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.comspitballers for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.comspitballers for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comspitballers.
Andy
What time is it? Game time.
Jason
Goose time. Well, I guess.
Mike
Great.
Jason
Getting real comfortable in my head. Two straight times that I have lost.
Andy
Guest Guess Goose looks good on you.
Jason
It's getting. It's pretty cozy. It. You know what? I don't think it looks good. I'm gonna be honest with you.
Andy
No, it doesn't.
Jason
I was lying. We're gonna play Guest. Guest Goose again. Six rounds, right? That is correct.
Josh
You each get two rounds where you're the guesser.
Jason
Follow along with us at home. Make it is my favorite game on the show. We are going to be basically. I never know how to describe the game though. Go ahead.
Andy
Is his favorite game my favorite game?
Josh
All right. There's a topic and we were. We.
Jason
Topic. That's the word I was looking for.
Josh
We. We pulled so many people and so many. If you are the guesser and you guess. Man, this is hard to explain.
Andy
All right, my turn. My turn.
Jason
Jason.
Andy
Okay. So we are going to present a question. Each one of us are going to present a question and we're going to answer our thought of what percentage of people answer a question a certain way. And then the other two gentlemen are going to decide whether they think that we are too high, too low and pick a side. We get points if we're right, points if we're within a certain record. This certain pretty good percentage points. And it's a ton of fun. You're going to love it.
Jason
Couldn't say cathartic, but could do that. All right, I'm kicking it off here. 3 points if you get the exact percentage, 2 points if the guesser is correct, within 5% in each direction, and 1 point if the higher or lower guesser gets it correct. What percentage of people have purchased car washes at gas stations in the past year?
Andy
Okay. What percentage of people.
Jason
This is tough because the.
Andy
A car wash at the gas station,
Jason
I have to set the line and I'm going to talk through my thinking here and you could agree, disagree, obviously you're going to weigh in. I feel like the car wash world has become very subscription based. There's a ton of subscription car washes. I'd imagine if you have one of those, that counts as purchasing a car
Andy
wash. Oh, for sure.
Mike
But it says at.
Andy
That's my big issue.
Mike
As opposed to a standalone car wash detail place.
Andy
My issue is. I don't know when people are presented
Jason
this question within the last year though.
Andy
Yeah, just once in a year. Just once in a year. But when they're presented this question, I'm curious if people interpret this as, oh, I went out to like a mobile gas station place or whether they are really answering it genuinely like I did one that is at a gas station.
Jason
I. I'm going to go with. I mean, this is, this is. I'm the goose. So I'm sure it'll be wrong. I'm going to go with 48%. I'm going to go with 48% on the number. It's probably terrible, but I feel like just under 50.
Mike
I will go lower.
Andy
I think I'm going to go lower as well. The gas station thing, I feel like
Mike
it's a really low number in the last year though.
Jason
You need a car wash. You're not washing your own car, man. Nobody does that anymore.
Mike
I agree with you.
Jason
How many times have you washed your own car in the last year?
Andy
How many? How many last year?
Mike
Zero.
Andy
Let me ask you this. Do you get the car like in my family? I Get the car washes for both cars. Like, my wife has not done that. So if we were you, get them both.
Mike
Like he's saying he's the one who's in charge.
Jason
No, we're not like that. We're very.
Andy
Yeah, but I'm saying there's. There's people that, that, that don't. Or what if children are asked this question?
Jason
Okay, just give me the answer.
Mike
Better not be taking them through the gas station.
Jason
Tell me.
Josh
I got some good news. Everybody's walking away with points this round.
Andy
Okay.
Jason
That means I got more points than you guys.
Josh
The correct answer was 43, which is exactly 5% from Andy's guess.
Jason
So I get two.
Josh
He gets two points.
Jason
Oh, man, this goose is coming.
Josh
Jason and Mike both get one.
Jason
All right, 43.
Mike
Wow.
Jason
Wow.
Andy
Okay, you did say just below 50%.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
And 43 then.
Mike
All right. All right, there we go.
Andy
What you got, Mike?
Mike
My question is what percentage of people own T shirts that are at least 10 years old?
Andy
Oh, man, that is a long time.
Jason
Try not to make myself the whole answer. Interesting. What are you thinking through?
Mike
I feel like, I mean, people, you're constantly. If you're a T shirt person, you're not constant. You're pretty frequently adding to your collection. But I think we add more to our collection than we actually remove.
Jason
Yeah. I mean, you don't change sizes as you. I mean.
Andy
Well, never mind. I've had to replace.
Jason
Some people don't change.
Mike
I refer to that as when I fat it out.
Jason
Do you have two sections of your closet?
Mike
I have one section of my shirts that hang up. I have another section of shirts that are folded up where it's like some dairy.
Andy
Oh, some dairy.
Jason
Motivation smiley face and frowny face shirts.
Andy
I mean, do you guys have 10 year old shirts?
Jason
That's a lot of years.
Mike
I'm sure I've got some shirts in there.
Andy
Really?
Jason
I probably do too, maybe.
Mike
Wow. Okay, but I'm going to set the lines lower. I'm going to go 35%. Oh, okay.
Andy
Oh, what did you just write down, 35 or something?
Jason
I wrote 35 down, which is awful because now I have to decide what direction I'm gonna go. Higher.
Andy
I am as well. I'm taking the.
Mike
Come on, baby.
Andy
The wider.
Mike
Come on.
Andy
B.33.
Josh
The correct answer.
Andy
84%. Oh, get wrecked. Wow. Get wrecked.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
He should get negative points.
Jason
He was way off.
Mike
Yeah.
Josh
So Andy and Jason each get a point there. Mike with nothing.
Jason
What's more, right now the score is
Josh
currently Andy with three with one Jason with two.
Andy
Okay. Yep. All right. My question. Oh, this is. This is interesting. What percentage of people have used a bow and arrow? This is amazing. What percentage of people have used a bow and arrow?
Jason
Oh, man. Wow.
Andy
I'm going under 50% percent.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
What's funny, though, is I feel like everybody I know has used one once. So that would say to go above 50%. Yeah. Have you used a bow and arrow?
Jason
Money.
Mike
I'm, like, cross pollinating this question with, like, how many people have been to a Renaissance fair or anything like that where you just. They just. They have the weapon stands.
Jason
I wrote my initial number down, so I'm. I'm just curious where Jason's going to end up.
Andy
I'm going to go just below. I'm going to go 45%.
Jason
I'm lower.
Mike
I will go lower as well.
Josh
All right. Nobody's walking away with points on this one.
Jason
What?
Josh
Correct answer. 76%.
Mike
Andy had seven.
Andy
Andy wrote down seven.
Jason
So, Andy.
Josh
It's funny because Jason started by saying, I think most people I know.
Jason
Yeah, I wrote 7% down. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Andy
Let's pull the room. Yeah. Who shot. Has anyone in here? Yeah. So six for six.
Jason
How about you say six for? I didn't raise my hand.
Andy
I know you've shot a bow and arrow in your life.
Jason
You have.
Mike
You had to have.
Josh
You've never shot a bow and arrow.
Andy
You didn't shoot one in my cabin ever.
Josh
Well, five for six.
Andy
I don't know. That's a battle very, very high.
Jason
I mean, a toy bow and arrow.
Andy
Oh, man.
Jason
You mean like a real one?
Mike
Oh, man.
Jason
If a toy counts, then yes.
Andy
Okay.
Jason
All right, we're on to. So we're halfway through the game. 3, 2, 1. Still, right?
Andy
Yep. And Andy Allen.
Jason
Oh.
Andy
All you gotta do is not finish the last.
Jason
I can collapse here. What percentage of men have had their haircut at establishments that display barbers? Poles. Oh, goodness.
Andy
Okay, so we're talking the classic barber shop. What percentage of men.
Jason
I have to feel back the curtain for a second.
Andy
Oh, no, no.
Jason
Papa Josh was like, did you not have a day in PE where you shot a bow and arrow? Mike replied. Mike replied, no, Josh, we're not 100 years old.
Andy
I didn't know your response, but I already knew it because, Josh, of course we didn't do that in PE we aren't your generation. You guys didn't have computers and stuff. Like, he's older.
Josh
They did the bow and arrows right after their musket loading class.
Andy
Oh, man. And their trench digging, you guys.
Jason
Amazing.
Andy
Oh, it's so good.
Jason
What percentage of men have their haircut at establishments? Now, catch the wording here, because I'm going to help all of us.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
It's not have had their haircut ever. It's have their haircut at establishment. So that's their routine.
Andy
Oh, well, I did not read it that way. Thank you. Depending on what the answer is, I
Jason
do have a line I'm going to set. I'm going to get out there ahead of it. I'm going to duplicate my first answer. I think it's 48%.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
I'm going 48% on this one. I'm sticking with just under 50.
Mike
This is tough because it's like.
Jason
But I don't know the demographics of the world. Like, there may be cities and towns that have a lot more of the classic barbershop.
Mike
We won't pull the room yet, but, like, the way I'm thinking through it is not every. Not everyone gets their hair cut. Number one, at a place that would refer to it. This is a barber or a barber shop.
Andy
Right. I go to their salon.
Mike
Yeah, hair salon. Like, I. Most of my life, I've had my. I would have my hair cut at a salon. Now I'm at a barber, but my barber doesn't have.
Andy
Right. Doesn't have the poles. I've been to several barbershops, and I don't know for sure if any of them have had poles. And so I will go lower as well.
Josh
All right, the correct answer. 24%.
Andy
All right, so we get points.
Jason
I know where this is at.
Josh
We're tied. Andy and Jason at three, Mike at two.
Andy
Oh, you do it. Let's do it.
Mike
Mike, you want to have the. The barber pole does.
Josh
Yeah.
Mike
Oh, we got two. I mean, that's pretty well.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Two, six.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
What is that, Jay?
Andy
That's one third.
Jason
And what is that?
Andy
33.
Jason
All right, we did it. Very cathartic of you.
Mike
All right, my question is.
Jason
Two questions left to not fall on my face. Go.
Mike
So it's three. Three to two. Three. Three, two.
Andy
Yeah.
Josh
That is correct.
Andy
If you play within the 5%, that is going to wreck us. Wreck Andy.
Mike
What percentage of people cannot read inside moving vehicles without feeling queasy? I am very much in that category.
Jason
I am, too.
Mike
I think it's more people than. It's not. I'm.
Andy
Oh,
Mike
I'm going to go. 60%. 60%. Just slightly.
Jason
Unfortunately, a spectacular line.
Mike
Just slightly more.
Andy
Okay, man.
Mike
The people that can read in a Car. Y' all suck. Like, I'm so envious of that.
Andy
I thought because. Because I know that you experience this, I think maybe there's some, you know, self projection. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna go lower. I'm gonna take the. I'm gonna take the under here.
Mike
I'd like. I can. I also think about my children who have on a road trip all of a sudden. I mean, this wasn't. It's ipading. It's all of a sudden like, dad, dad, I'm not.
Andy
You're like, they got your gene.
Jason
I just think your line is spot on, to be honest with you.
Mike
I think.
Jason
I think the answer is going to be real close to that, which makes this tough. I. Jason, what did you do?
Mike
I went lower, man. Oh, lower.
Andy
Oh, he's just playing the game.
Mike
Give me. Give me the points.
Andy
You know what? Andy's got to give me that first next time.
Josh
He was smart to play the game. The correct answer is 42%.
Mike
Oh, gosh dang it.
Josh
I. I thought your line was great too. I would have thought there was more than not.
Mike
It's up to you, Jason.
Andy
Okay.
Mike
There's nothing I can do now.
Andy
Well, that means that it's not up to me at all. You can't. You're the goose, no matter what.
Jason
Oh, yeah?
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
Well, it's up to you to win, so. Yeah.
Andy
Okay. All right.
Jason
Congrats.
Andy
Andy, final question. What percentage of people still have a landline telephone in their home? What?
Jason
Wait, am I not the goose? Guaranteed correct.
Josh
That is correct.
Jason
What a feeling.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
What? Because there's a two point gap and he can't get two points?
Andy
Yep. That is how it works. What percentage of people still have landline telephones in their homes? Should be zero. It's not zero. They're still old people. Quick question, Papa Josh, do you have a landline?
Mike
No.
Andy
Okay. All right.
Mike
I have a landline specifically for my alarm.
Jason
What? What?
Mike
Because it's more reliable.
Jason
Oh, you mean for your.
Mike
Your. The alarm on my house?
Jason
I went to Alarm clock.
Mike
Yeah. No, I have a service. They call me in the morning.
Andy
Well, I was just like every night at bed.
Josh
I'd like a wake up call at
Jason
6am can you call from that phone number if you need to?
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
Well, there's also the bundle stuff.
Jason
So, for instance, bundled into it.
Andy
I moved several times in the last decade, and every time I.
Jason
The last year, probably.
Andy
It's. It's fine. I've been a couple. I know it's been a while, but every Time that you start service, it's like, I don't want a landline. Like, well, but it's cheaper if you get a landline. So what. What are you doing?
Jason
Right.
Andy
What are you doing?
Mike
Where does. It's.
Jason
For a little while, it's cheaper for
Mike
a year and then it skyrockets.
Jason
Oh, it does.
Mike
And they hope you don't change it.
Andy
I'm going to say have a landline, Jason. No, of course not. I refuse. If you're bundled, I'll pay more to not have a landline. I will say take it and shove it. I don't want a landline. I refuse on purchase.
Jason
Take the bundle, but don't install it.
Andy
Okay. I'm going to go 15%.
Mike
I'm going to go higher.
Jason
I had written down 13. So I'll go lower.
Mike
I'll go higher.
Jason
It's probably higher.
Josh
It is higher at 35.
Jason
Yeah. I think there's a.
Mike
There's a lot of questions.
Jason
There's also a lot of people that 10 years ago they can't afford. I mean, cell phones are pretty cheap
Mike
now, but it's just if you do. There's so much different out there in the United States.
Jason
Yeah, there is.
Mike
Like, there's areas where you would go
Jason
and be like, no cell coverage out there.
Mike
This is a different world than I ever experienced.
Jason
Yeah. So I, but, but to be clear, this is yours now. Yeah. Have you ever been the goose?
Mike
This will be number two. I think so once.
Jason
Good luck putting that big head and that goose.
Mike
It's tight.
Jason
All right, we're taking a break and then we're going to draft.
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Andy
The Spitballers draft.
Jason
All right. We are drafting a topic I think we're all very passionate about and in support of. And honestly, if you want. If they wanted to invent another 20 of these things, that I'd be fine with it.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
It's foods on a stick. We're drafting the best foods on a stick. That's right. Mike has the number one pick. Best foods on a stick.
Mike
It's a corn dog.
Andy
Yeah, of course it's a corn dog. This is a great draft.
Mike
Welcome to the corn dog draft.
Andy
When it was first brought up as, like, foods on a stick, I was like, that's just corn dog. There's a food on a stick.
Mike
Here you go to hot dog on a stick.
Andy
Hot dog on a stick.
Jason
Is that. Is it. What? Why is the corn dog the. The obvious creme de la creme of foods on a stick? There's a lot of other foods that we're going to draft here today. They're all on sticks. Why is the corn dog get all the fanfare?
Mike
Because it's sold at fairs.
Andy
Oh, good point.
Jason
But other things. I mean, other items are. You think that's what it is? It's. It's just like, it. You just.
Mike
Yeah. I don't know. They have taken the world. They. They own the brand.
Jason
They own the food on the stick. I'm gonna be honest. That's obviously the pick.
Andy
Yeah. I mean, we. You could pull 100 people. What's the first most important food on a stick? 100 would say corn dog. What are you talking about?
Mike
Which is also strange. Like, is it because the people don't want to touch the corn meal?
Jason
It's hot.
Andy
Well, I think to fry.
Mike
Oh, okay.
Andy
In order to fry it, you don't put the stick in the oil.
Mike
Right. Part of it will go in the oil.
Jason
I mean, the stick is not hot. I'm not holding a hot corn dog with my bare hands.
Andy
The heat is.
Jason
Why do you not hold.
Mike
It's like holding A good answer.
Jason
It's like holding corn on the cob.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
So, like, you have to use the tongs or you're going to hurt your.
Mike
Right. But that's actually. And it's also very messy.
Jason
Corn on a stick would work if we want to just do that.
Mike
Do corn dog. Yeah.
Andy
All right, I'm going to.
Jason
Sorry.
Andy
Yeah, I'm going to take something that is. I mean, these sticks are very important. People build things out of them. I'm Taking a Popsicle.
Mike
Yes. Yes, man.
Jason
Those are the easy one and two. Yeah, those are the easy one and two.
Andy
Popsicle sticks are kind of.
Jason
I thought you might go away from popsicle just because, like, popsicle is probably not close to your favorite food.
Andy
Correct. That's. That's very, very true. There are several things. I don't like popsicles, but.
Mike
Really, you don't like a good.
Jason
I knew you would say that. I don't know. I knew that about you, but I just knew you wouldn't have it.
Andy
Don't love frozen treats.
Jason
He doesn't like cold. Cold treats.
Andy
Yeah. Just.
Jason
He's like a baby, so.
Andy
I think babies love cold treats as a.
Mike
They do as a youth. You were never an Otter Pop guy.
Jason
He doesn't eat ice cream as fast as I would like him to.
Andy
No. I'm a slow ice cream eater. Otter Pops. No, I, you know, you want to know. I got these scars. Those things.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
Ripped up the face.
Mike
They definitely did.
Andy
Yeah. I just. I don't know. And if I'm. Well, it could be drafted, so I will, I will.
Mike
This is not the drafted giveaway.
Andy
No. We don't have 50 options here.
Jason
I think you guys drafted very well.
Andy
Thank you.
Jason
I'm going to go first with a caramel apple.
Mike
That's my. That's my third. We have now taken my top three.
Jason
Yeah. A caramel apple is the next most natural. Man, are they good. But I, at this point in the career of my teeth do not feel as though I will be able to consume them in the normal fashion. I'll have to cut them up and tuck them back away from my ever breakable teeth. I mean, can you imagine how many would come off?
Mike
You would look like your dentures came out.
Jason
It would look after one bite, the next bite would be all teeth. So.
Andy
But the nice thing is you could no longer break your teeth on the teeth.
Jason
Right. Yeah, I. I do need to get help, but caramel apple to me is the. It's. It feels like a natural third pick.
Andy
My career.
Jason
My. My teeth career. My next pick. I. I'm struggling because it's a long wait and there's not a lot of options.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
So I'm going to go with kebabs.
Andy
Oh, it's the right one. That's my third shish kebab.
Jason
Yeah, it is. It's a delight.
Andy
Oh, they're so good to eat food off a stick.
Jason
I think we all agree with that.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
There's something great about it. So I'll go. I'll Go with shish kebabs.
Andy
Is it back to me?
Mike
It is.
Andy
Oh, fantastic. Because I can still pick things.
Mike
We're running out.
Andy
I still have things on my list.
Jason
This is why I said we need more foods on sticks.
Andy
Yeah, we do.
Mike
For this draft.
Jason
It would help.
Andy
And for eating, I'm going to take. What do I have right now? I've got just popsicle. Correct.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
I'm going to stay sweet. I'm going to stay sweet. I'm going to go with something else sold at a fair. I'm going to go cotton candy.
Mike
Oh, that's a good answer. It's not even on my list.
Andy
There you go. Cotton candy. You know, that is. That is. You're not eating that by your just hands. Handfuls of cotton candy.
Jason
It is a stick. It may have a point on it, but it's a stick.
Mike
Although people do rip it off the stick.
Jason
It's a great pick. No, no, it was not on my list.
Mike
Which is.
Andy
And we need. This is what we need.
Jason
Yes.
Andy
Draft is a couple.
Jason
Me and Mike didn't have it.
Andy
You didn't take one from us on the list.
Mike
I also wouldn't.
Jason
Let me guess. You hate.
Andy
You don't like cotton.
Mike
Cotton candy's disgusting.
Andy
Oh, cotton candy is awesome. You're just eating air fluffed sugar.
Mike
Yeah, it's.
Andy
No, that's awesome.
Mike
No, thanks.
Jason
Are you. You're not a fan, Al?
Andy
No.
Josh
That stick just helps me move it to the trash can without getting my hands dirty.
Jason
Papa Josh, do you like cotton candy? Oh, my gosh. You got a new button.
Andy
It's not taped down, so I wind up kicking it every time I do it.
Jason
You've said we've had a new situation with the button for two years.
Andy
This is a new.
Jason
New button. Get him a finger button.
Andy
I'm not a fan of cotton candy.
Mike
Believe it or not, Falcon, I have no. No cotton candy. Yeah, that's right.
Jason
I'm fine with you. Okay.
Mike
Sanity Delicious.
Jason
To be clear, you're not just putting air sugar. It's also like red, five and blue and all that.
Andy
All the good dies.
Jason
All right. My. All the good dies.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
All the good dies young. Mike.
Mike
Yes. We'll get you. All right. I've got my two picks.
Jason
Congrats.
Mike
Yeah, I know.
Andy
We're good.
Mike
We're narrowing it down. You mentioned the corn, but I'm going. I'm going street corn. We're going with elote.
Jason
Is that Sonic?
Mike
That is. That is Mexican street corn.
Jason
I did not realize. I didn't think about that. That Makes sense.
Andy
I didn't know that came on a stick.
Jason
It does come.
Mike
Definitely. I get that on a stick.
Jason
Yeah. I can now picture that.
Mike
It is fantastic. If you've never gotten down with elote, you really should. It's a good time.
Jason
I am going to see if I can see one picture with a stick, though.
Mike
If I go to Google Images, search alote on a stick. And you definitely.
Jason
I found it on.
Mike
You will find it.
Jason
No, I'm. I'm not putting the stick part in. No, I see it. I see.
Mike
And this one. I assume we're good with this because it's. It's. It's. It's talking very.
Andy
Yeah, we're good with it. Okay.
Mike
I'm going with the pineapple skewer.
Jason
Oh, that's fine.
Andy
Sure, my man.
Mike
Because, like, it.
Jason
It implies this has been fruit skewer from the draft.
Mike
The what?
Jason
Does it take a fruit skewer away from the draft?
Mike
Maybe you.
Jason
I wonder. I'm just.
Mike
But my. Specifically pineapple. Because, you know, when you're grilling.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
And you throw.
Jason
It's amazing.
Mike
You grill up some pineapple. It sounds weird, but it sounds very good.
Jason
No disrespect there. That's amazing. I think if you were gonna go fruit skewer or pineapple skewer? Pineapple skewer is the better pick.
Mike
All right, well, that's the one I took.
Jason
Because you grill pineapple, you don't get all the fruits.
Mike
Right.
Jason
I don't know why, but, you know.
Mike
Hmm.
Andy
All right, I am going. I've. I'm. Have we tried it?
Mike
Have we tried grilling the other fruits?
Jason
I think we tried it.
Andy
Yeah, we figured it out.
Jason
I think Steve tried it.
Mike
Thanks, Steve. Steve the griller.
Jason
Steve tried it. Bob tried it. I. Nancy did not try it.
Andy
Right now. I'm all sweet. I want some savory. The shish kebab.
Jason
It's also the only picks I have left.
Andy
The shish kebab. No, most of my picks left are still sweet, but I want some meat. But the kebab you got takes most of it away.
Jason
It does, yeah.
Andy
But what it doesn't take away are you. Is a shrimp skewer.
Jason
Yeah, you can have that.
Andy
That is. I love me a good shrimp.
Jason
What is the skewer? I know Al's and no on it. But, like, what is the. Like if we had done the guest. Guest goose with people that like shrimp, what's the percentage?
Andy
I would have said 70. 70%.
Jason
That's where I would guess, too.
Mike
But I'm Very not probably fine.
Jason
Are you a shrimp?
Mike
I'd say a little bit. No, it's. What, ocean bugs? No, thanks.
Jason
Okay. Yeah, I forgot you two are in ocean bug category. I got my last only because it
Mike
looks exactly like a bug.
Andy
It eats poop at the bottom, and then when it comes out, you got to de poop it for real.
Jason
My last two picks.
Andy
They're disgusting.
Mike
Yes, they are.
Andy
I do love shrimp. They are.
Mike
Objectively. It's gross. It's a giant bug. Yeah.
Jason
My last two picks. I do have picks left, which makes me feel good. I want to go with. And you need to help me describe it because I don't know what you call it, because I want to say s', mores, but it's really. It's a marshmallow.
Mike
Yeah, Right.
Jason
Yeah, It's a marshmallow because it's on a skewer that you put over the fire and you eat it.
Mike
It's a marshmallow.
Jason
Yeah. So because it's not a whole s'. Mores.
Andy
Like a roasted marshmallow.
Jason
Roasted marshmallow. Thank you.
Mike
Oh, that's a great pick. Roasted marshmallow. It's not on my list.
Jason
Not on my list.
Andy
I love that.
Jason
Yes.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
I love that.
Jason
For me, we're all afraid of you can't.
Andy
I love it for you.
Jason
We're all afraid of taking each other's picks and being left naked without a
Andy
food on a stick to get to 12. Took some.
Jason
Now I feel like I have a lot now, so I'm going roasted marshmallow. Thank you for the wording on that one.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
This last one. It's an ice cream bar. Yeah, it's an ice cream bar.
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.
Jason
It's more me anyways, than the popsicle. If I had to choose popsicle or ice cream bar, I choose ice cream.
Andy
I would. I would 100% as well. Like I said, I don't like popsicles, but if I wanted a frozen sweet treat, it is. I would much rather have, like, a fudge sickle type of thing than a popsicle.
Jason
Is because of you not liking the cold so much, are you. Do you, like, just do one lick at a time? One. One lick and then wait a couple minutes. Another lick.
Andy
I do it slow.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason
I'm.
Andy
I'm thrilled that this one came back to me because I.
Mike
Because it's your last one.
Andy
Because it's my last one. And I, I. I played the game here because I figured this might not be on your guys list.
Mike
Don't take my last One.
Andy
I bet it is, but it is. I mean, I love these. I don't like them. I could house a hundred of these.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
Cake pops.
Mike
Oh, I love that for you.
Jason
Cake pop is.
Andy
It was on my list, the Starbucks classic. Birthday cake pop is.
Jason
How many can you. How many have you ordered at once? Because there. Have you.
Andy
Yeah, yeah.
Jason
Do you say they're for my kids? No, I just. Just eat them.
Andy
Just order four and then eat them.
Jason
I'll take four cake pops.
Mike
If you order four, they assume.
Andy
Yeah. They're not gonna be like. If you get two. Like, really? They're looking for someone else in the car. But even if I'm by myself, if I order four, they're like, he's taking these home, ordering it and saying they're never making it home.
Jason
Here's a picture of my family. I didn't ask, sir.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
All right, Mike, final pick.
Mike
All right.
Jason
Corn dog elote. Pineapple skewer.
Mike
And I only. I know this because they are available at Disneyland. They very often they will or offer the vegetarian version of something. They have the mozzarella corn dog. It's just a giant cheese stick with
Jason
a dog in it.
Andy
No, it's just.
Mike
No, it's literally, it's the cheese stick. Then they dip it in the cornmeal, and then they fry it up.
Andy
It's just deep fried. Like instead of a hot dog on a stick.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
It's really good.
Mike
But they call it a mozzarella corn dog.
Andy
I.
Jason
It is the most. Maybe the most indulgent, crazy food in the world to me is a mozzarella stick.
Andy
Yeah. Take cheese because it's butter bread it.
Jason
I know they're good.
Andy
Deep fry it.
Jason
But it's so much cheese and it's fried, and it's just so, like, it's like more decadent than the most chocolatey cake.
Andy
I want a mott stick right now.
Mike
My sticks are a kryptonite.
Jason
So you took a mott Stick on a stick?
Mike
Yeah, a stick on a stick. I mean, it's a. It's a little different because it's. It's the corn. The cornbread surrounding instead of just the breading.
Jason
I kept seeing people put churros.
Mike
What?
Andy
I've never seen a turtle.
Jason
It's never been on a stick. Right. It is cooked.
Andy
It is a stick.
Jason
It's cooked on a stick, but it's not. That's where I got. With rotisserie chicken. I wanted to sneak that one in there to be funny, but chocolate dipped banana was one of my.
Andy
For sure.
Jason
And candied apples. If you needed a desperate. That was my desperation.
Andy
Hail Mary lollipop.
Jason
Oh, that would have been a great pick.
Mike
I would have gone chicken skewers over shrimp skewers.
Jason
I felt like that was. He was giving respect to the kebab.
Andy
I figured the kebab has the chicken and the steak and the veggies.
Jason
Oh, it doesn't.
Mike
Y. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't want any of that crap. I just want the chicken.
Jason
I agree. And the pineapple.
Andy
Oh, yeah. You don't want the steak.
Mike
Well, I'm saying, like, the veggies.
Andy
The normal.
Mike
Normal kebab. Veggies.
Jason
Nobody drafted veggies on the stick on purpose. I was leaning into the meat part.
Mike
Okay, stop that. Don't be cheap. Just. Just meat.
Andy
I love the onion.
Jason
I'm so hungry for lunch.
Mike
Oh, yeah. Okay, okay, okay.
Andy
But just do the onions.
Narrator/Ad Voice
What did we learn today?
Jason
I learned I'm hungry.
Andy
I'm starving.
Jason
I learned how hungry I am.
Andy
I learned that mozzarella sticks make me hungry thinking about them.
Jason
Yeah,
Mike
I learned that.
Jason
That was me, Al. Yeah, it was me.
Andy
Yes.
Jason
I don't know how. I don't know how a person can hit the button and then hit it again that fast. Let me try.
Mike
Did you double your reaction time?
Andy
Oh, I think we broke. It's broken.
Jason
Now.
Mike
We will never be able to end this show.
Jason
I did it.
Mike
Oh, gosh.
Andy
Pump fake. Oh, no. We'll see you next.
Jason
No, Let me know, people. Mike, what do you. What'd you learn?
Mike
People have old T shirts.
Jason
All right, we are actually done with the show. Dad, people do have old T shirts. I feel like. I feel like I definitely have to have one or two.
Andy
Would ribs have counted?
Mike
Ribs on a stick?
Andy
No, it's the bone. Nope, it's nature's. That's an inside question. Listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.
Sponsor Voice 2
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Jason
So if I overspend my balance, Goto
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Narrator/Ad Voice
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In this family-friendly, laugh-out-loud episode, the Spitballers trio (Andy, Mike, and Jason) tackle a buffet of hilarious and relatable topics: physical superpowers, social etiquette around tipping, the struggle with giant burgers and unruly tacos, and debates about the best foods on a stick. The show features their signature "Would You Rather" segment, the guessing game "Guest Goose," and closes with a spirited "Foods on a Stick" draft, blending comedic banter with genuine insight about food, life, and daily dilemmas.
[03:07–23:45]
Superpowered Dads: Strength, Stamina, or Reaction Speed?
Shoelace, Tire, or Tipping Hassles:
Tipping Valets and Bartenders:
Weddings vs. Funerals:
[21:44–26:26]
[27:36–42:13]
Game Structure: The hosts try to guess what percentage of people gave certain responses to survey questions. Others say if the guess is too high or low.
Funny/Surprising Stats:
Game Banter: Jabs at each other’s poor guesses, generational teasing over old-school gym classes, and lots of self-deprecating humor.
[43:29–57:00]
Episode 366 of the Spitballers Podcast delivers exactly what fans expect: inventive would-you-rathers, oddball statistics, and a hilarious, hunger-inducing food draft. Whether breaking down why humans prefer to look strong, how to survive a never-ending string of weddings, or what foods truly belong on a stick, Andy, Mike, and Jason keep things light, clever, and effortlessly relatable.