Bugger Eaters & Best Pasta Shapes - Comedy Podcast

Summary

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Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Bugger Eaters & Best Pasta Shapes"
Date: April 27, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason

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Episode Overview

This riotous episode of the award-winning Spitballers Comedy Podcast delivers another dose of dad humor, ridiculous debates, and surprisingly in-depth discussion about unlikely topics. The trio tackles the infamous “booger eating question,” debates the ultimate pasta shapes, riffs on life's most embarrassing viral moments, and challenges each other's taste and intellect in their recurring “Man of the People” and “Spitballers Draft” segments. Delivered in the show’s signature clean and family-friendly tone, this episode is a buffet of running gags, zany analogies, and reliably unserious life advice.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Opening Banter & “Scat” Negotiations

[01:39 - 05:02]

• The show starts with playful jabs about past podcast intros ("scats") and a running joke about selling the rights to the next musical intro—price haggling escalates for comedic effect.
• Producer “Papa Josh” becomes the butt of several jokes, especially around being a “man of honor” unwilling to take money for scats.
• The hosts reflect on the time invested in recording the podcast (365 episodes!), poking fun at themselves and loyal listeners for “wasting” days of their lives.

Notable Quote:

• “If you’ve heard it all, I want you to realize you’ve wasted one year of your life.” – Jason [05:08]

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2. Would You Rather: Viral Embarrassment or Airing Marital Dirty Laundry

[05:46 - 14:30]

• Main dilemma:
  • Would you rather unwillingly go viral for a video of you picking and eating your nose at an intersection, or have every heated argument you’ve had with your wife sent as transcripts and footage to her parents?
• Mike claims a "9.5" out of 10 as a husband, rarely gets into heated arguments, and would theoretically survive marital exposure.
• Jason and Andy muse on relationships; Jason shares a management anecdote about the "jolly boss" who rarely gets angry, but when he does, everyone listens—drawing parallels to handling conflict at home.
• Mike is called out for defending nose picking/booger eating, leading to a hilarious and detailed debate over whether “everyone does it” as a kid—Andy and Jason vehemently deny having ever eaten a booger, which is polled (and misspelled as "bugger") to the podcast's audience.

Memorable Exchange:

• Andy: "Would you rather be seen eating my boogers? Because I have said some of the babiest stuff ever." [10:47]
• Mike (defensively): "Who amongst us hasn't eaten their own boogers? Yeah." [06:11]

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3. Backyard Dream: Mini Golf vs. Bowling Alley

[14:30 - 19:18]

• Would you rather have a state-of-the-art 18-hole mini golf course in your backyard or a single-lane basement bowling alley?
• The trio debates practicalities (weather in Arizona, needing friends to use a mini golf course), the novelty wears off, and the all-year usability of bowling alleys.
• They reflect on the “equipment envy” seen in social media home tours, and the joys and limits of home entertainment features.

Quote:

• Andy: "You imagine how boring...if you don’t have a friend coming over to enjoy this thing, you’re just a dork with a big backyard." [16:17]

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4. Poll Fiasco: “Bugger” vs. “Booger”

[20:32 - 23:39]

• Ongoing attempts to poll listeners re: booger consumption devolve into a spelling disaster as Jason repeatedly posts about “buggers” instead of “boogers.”
• The rest of the crew gleefully roasts Jason for this, noting “bugger” is a swear word in the UK and that almost all poll responses comment on his mistake, not the actual question.

Memorable Moment:

• Jason’s mounting exasperation leads to: “I am the stupidest man alive.” [30:46]

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5. "Man of the People": Crowd-Sourced Survey Game

[27:22 - 39:25]

• Players compete to guess the most popular answers collected by producer Jeremy ("Al Borland") from real people.
• Questions include:
  • What hurts to do with a headache? (Top: “Talk/yell”, “Look at bright lights”)
  • Reasons to be nervous while driving. ("Weather conditions" number one, “Cop in rearview mirror” only #4)
  • Items a girl might give back after breaking up.
  • Children’s foods sold in cups (Jell-O, ice cream, mac and cheese)
• The recurring chaos as Jason obsesses over spelling polls mid-segment is repeatedly mocked.
• Eventually, Mike wins the game.

Humorous Highlight:

• Jason’s stubborn polling, repeated spelling errors, and the crew’s running disbelief (“Unbelievable. I am the stupidest man alive.” [30:46])
• Banter on returned breakup items: toothbrushes, keys, jacket, and especially the 1950s trope (letterman jacket).

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6. The Spitballers Draft: "Best Pasta Shapes"

[41:46 - 59:15]

• Each host picks their favorites in an Italian-style pasta shape fantasy draft. Top picks:
  • Andy: Spaghetti, Fettuccine, Ravioli, Lasagna
  • Mike: Macaroni, Angel Hair, Super Mario shapes, Cavatappi
  • Jason: Bow tie (farfalle), Penne, O's (SpaghettiOs!), Fusilli
• Spirited arguments erupt over what counts as the “best” shape:
  • Jason defends bow tie and spiral/“fusilli” for their sauce-holding prowess, calls most other choices “Olive Garden” tier.
  • Mike trolls by drafting “Super Mario” and jests about SpaghettiOs and novelty shapes.
  • Debate arises over whether different shapes matter, if they’re “all the same,” and the fine art of proper mac and cheese.
• The “booger/bugger” spelling saga continues in the background, as Jason provides poll updates.

Notable Quotes:

• Jason: “Bow tie is the king of pasta shapes. King.” [44:59]
• Mike: “I only buy angel hair. I don’t buy spaghetti. Spaghetti’s because angel hair, so much spaghetti. It’s just garbage.” [48:09]
• Andy: “You cannot believe what he’s got—all my noodles. My shapes are a square and a round. Andy Holloway is a real Italian.” [51:24]

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7. Pasta Masterclass: The Science of Sauce & Shape

[56:07 - 58:57]

• Jason earnestly explains his take: thicker or “grippier” shapes (elbows, spirals) are best with creamy sauces, while thin/flat pastas are just bland “vehicles” for sauce.
• Andy and Mike challenge this theory, but all ultimately agree spiral (fusilli), shells, and unique shapes excel at holding sauce.

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8. Episode Wrap-Up: What Did We Learn?

[59:22 - 59:52]

• Andy: “I learned that Jason—it takes him four tweets to learn how to spell something.”
• Mike: “I learned that people still want to lie about eating their boogers.”
• Jason: “I learned how to spell boogers: B O O G E R S.”

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• "If you’ve heard it all, I want you to realize you’ve wasted one year of your life." — Jason [05:08]
• "Who amongst us hasn’t eaten their own boogers?" — Mike [06:11]
• "You imagine how boring...if you don’t have a friend coming over to enjoy this thing, you’re just a dork with a big backyard." — Andy [16:17]
• "I am the stupidest man alive." — Jason [30:46]
• "Bow tie is the king of pasta shapes. King." — Jason [44:59]
• “All my noodles. My shapes are a square and a round. Andy Holloway is a real Italian.” — Jason [51:24]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Scat Banter & Show Reflection: 01:39 – 05:02
• Would You Rather (“Booger Eater”): 05:53 – 14:30
• Backyard Mini-Golf vs. Bowling Alley: 14:30 – 19:18
• Booger Poll Spelling Fiasco: 20:32 – 23:39, continues throughout
• Man of the People Game: 27:22 – 39:25
• Spitballers Draft: Pasta Shapes: 41:46 – 59:15
• Food Science/Pasta Theory: 56:07 – 58:57
• What Did We Learn?: 59:22 – 59:52

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Tone & Style

• The energy is boisterous and fast-paced, full of quick-witted digs and playful self-deprecation.
• Humor is both highbrow (linguistic gags, meta-jokes) and lowbrow (booger debates, food fights).
• Even the most inane debates—like spelling “booger” or the hierarchy of pasta—are taken to hilarious extremes.

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Summary

This episode perfectly encapsulates why Spitballers repeatedly wins family comedy podcast honors: unpredictable hypotheticals, wild tangents, high-level goofing, self-aware dad jokes, and just enough sincerity to keep you rooting for all three hosts (even as they roast each other). Whether you’re here for arguments over pasta, the science behind booger-eating denial, or just need to laugh at spelling failures, this episode is a classic for both superfans and new listeners.

Transcript

[Jason]

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[Mike]

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[Jason]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. That was your best one. That was your best one. We're on a hot streak, people. Mike, you crushed my scat last week. Andy. Great. Mike. Next week's gonna be awesome. Two weeks from now. Stay tuned. It will be the first time that I will be scatting in years.

[Andy]

I'm more willing to buy one of your scats if we get another one from you. Like, we need to break the street.

[Jason]

I agree.

[Mike]

I will say this. You have been auctioning, for lack of a better word, highest bidder, your scats off for. I mean, you're like, it's February.

[Andy]

It's been since.

[Jason]

It's at least multiple months.

[Andy]

It's now April.

[Mike]

So there. There is. So we got all the deucers here, right? Yeah, there is one deucer who in particular will do almost anything for money.

[Jason]

Papa Josh.

[Mike]

I didn't want to.

[Jason]

No, no, no. You don't have to confirm or Deny. But I'm just saying, like, I know that, papa. Anything for money.

[Mike]

The fact that we have all discovered that these are available for cash prizes. I did.

[Andy]

Take 12.

[Jason]

Put the camera on.

[Mike]

I'm saying he has. He has.

[Jason]

He approached you? He hasn't. He is a man of honor, Papa. Josh, you are a man of honor. You look great today.

[Andy]

Is that what he is?

[Jason]

He is. He's. Honestly, he's the most man happy. This is uplifting, guy. Will you do my Next scap for $50 cash?

[Mike]

For you?

[Jason]

I'll do it for free, buddy. I take it. Deal.

[Mike]

What the hell? Stupid. Josh. That was. What just happened, Josh? He offered you 50.

[Jason]

Dude, I was gonna go to 200. I'll do it. I love Jason. I don't. I don't need Jason's money, man. Oh, I loved it. Suit. Dude, the man of honor worked. The man of honor worked.

[Andy]

You just baited him out of $200.

[Jeremy]

You want to sell your next one?

[Jason]

Well, talk to me in a couple weeks.

[Jeremy]

All right?

[Andy]

You got to leave the people talk. Estimating that you might do it.

[Jason]

No, I might do it.

[Mike]

Josh.

[Jason]

What?

[Mike]

No, no, no. What happened, Josh? Did you win the lottery?

[Andy]

I love Jay.

[Jason]

Did you pay?

[Mike]

No, no, no, no.

[Jason]

I love you.

[Mike]

Did you come into money? What happened?

[Jason]

No, I'm still waiting on my paycheck.

[Andy]

Kids, get a scholar.

[Jason]

Just keep waiting.

[Mike]

Yeah, no, it's in the mail.

[Jason]

It comes in your email box. Just click refresh.

[Mike]

No, it's in.

[Jason]

Show up.

[Mike]

Being delivered.

[Andy]

I managed to click my button. All right, we're doing some man of the people later today.

[Jeremy]

We got some.

[Andy]

Would you rather first you could come

[Mike]

in 50 to $200. John, you should have known.

[Andy]

Jason is willing to pay. To Jason. $50 is $200. $200 is $2,000. You could have had $2,000. Episode 365. Guys.

[Mike]

Amazing.

[Andy]

Oh, this is 65 wasted hours of our lives.

[Jason]

Of not not just ours, but the producers and the listeners.

[Andy]

The listeners.

[Jason]

The listeners. You guys have wasted so much.

[Andy]

What is that, 365 times 60?

[Jason]

If you've heard it all, I want you to realize you've wasted one year of your life.

[Andy]

365 times 60. 21,900 hours.

[Mike]

So here's the thing.

[Andy]

That's 900.

[Mike]

Our shows are not 24 hours, Jason.

[Andy]

I didn't do that. Right.

[Jason]

They're not.

[Jeremy]

You converted to minutes.

[Jason]

They're not.

[Andy]

Yeah, I did, didn't I?

[Jason]

They're not 24 hours a day. But if you spend one hour of your life? Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Every day.

[Jason]

I need to figure out how many hours.

[Andy]

2 days. 15.2 days of spitballers episodes.

[Jason]

Is it?

[Andy]

That's it.

[Mike]

That's it.

[Andy]

Yeah. Not technically. It's more if you listen to it in different languages. Like, if you listen to the same

[Mike]

episode in Spanish and then look by lamos.

[Andy]

Thank you. Would you rather time.

[Jason]

Would you rather.

[Andy]

Would you rather let the music take

[Mike]

you over by lamos?

[Andy]

No, you know Spanish.

[Mike]

Yo quiero.

[Andy]

Would you rather unwillingly go viral for the video some stranger took of you picking your nose?

[Mike]

Wait, unwillingly?

[Andy]

Yeah. You're unwilling. They caught you picking your nose at an intersection and snacking on it.

[Mike]

Oh, so you eat it? Who amongst us hasn't eaten her own boogers? Yeah.

[Andy]

Or have footage and transcripts of every heated argument you've ever had with your wife sent to her parents. Well, this is not a great question.

[Mike]

Well, that one is.

[Andy]

This question is a problem.

[Mike]

That one's pretty easy for me on the heated arguments, because, I mean, I don't mean to brag about how good I am at being married, but.

[Jason]

Oh, are you pretty good at that?

[Mike]

Oh, I'm so good.

[Jason]

For real?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I mean, if you're talking, like, 1 through 10, how good am I? How good are you at being married?

[Mike]

I'll give myself a 9.5.

[Andy]

You're a 9.5 married dude.

[Mike]

If you're talking heated. Heated arguments. One hand. Really? Oh, for sure.

[Andy]

Mike doesn't get real steamed.

[Jason]

Wow.

[Andy]

In general, like, we've had 12 years of working with Mike. How many times has he been steamed? Yeah, he's kind of like Jim from the office.

[Jason]

It's.

[Andy]

He doesn't raise his voice.

[Mike]

It's. Well, it seems you can tell when

[Andy]

he's serious, but he doesn't really get.

[Mike]

It's the thing of. I am. I have it ready. And I have. Over time, I have built it up that, like, if you know, that I get loud, you're like, oh, yeah, we don't hear this.

[Jason]

I had a.

[Andy]

That's such a smarter way to go than being loud all the time.

[Jason]

Genuinely.

[Mike]

So you're like, oh, he's being loud.

[Andy]

That's. Boy who cried wolf.

[Jason]

I know we're not into the question yet, but long ago, once upon a time, I used to be a manager at a Best Buy, and I was. I was a sales manager and the general manager of this store. I don't.

[Mike]

Right, hotshot?

[Jason]

Right. No, the general manager of this store, guy named Kevin Johnson. Swear to you.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Not the mayor of Sacramento.

[Jason]

Not the mayor of Sacramento. Not NBA all star, NBA point guard. But it was a different very.

[Andy]

That's a pretty common name. Go on.

[Jason]

Kevin Johnson. This guy was the most happy, go lucky dude you have ever met. He was just a. I mean, he was an overweight guy, right? So he was a big jolly. I'm saying because he was. What does it have to do with being jolly? He's jolly. If you're jolly. If you're jolly, I don't want. No. Can you be. No.

[Mike]

Okay, I contest.

[Jason]

Can you be jolly if you're not overweight? Genuine question. Can you be. You could be happy. Can you be jolly?

[Andy]

Probably not.

[Jason]

No. If I say you're jolly, you understand who I'm talking about? It's like a Santa Claus. It's a Santa Claus figure.

[Mike]

It's a really coded word. Jolly fellow.

[Jason]

Dude.

[Andy]

It's because you figure that I'm going to.

[Mike]

So he's happy and rotund.

[Jason]

The next time I see someone happy and rotund that I don't like, I'm going to say, you're a jolly person. Yes.

[Andy]

You used to be more jolly anyway.

[Jason]

So this guy, you.

[Mike]

You're less and less jolly by the day.

[Jason]

This guy was a very jolly guy. And I heard from someone. Oh, that you never want to see the other side. Like.

[Andy]

Oh, like he's got a Hulk.

[Mike]

Yeah, Hulk.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And then I saw it.

[Andy]

You saw it.

[Jason]

This is after a year and a half of managing this store. And I'm telling you, when this guy who's just this jolly guy who had. You just thought you could do anything you want and get away with whatever and everything's going to be great.

[Andy]

And then he had a different side.

[Jason]

And it was not anger. It was not some big display. It was just so serious when you're so jolly that I learned a lesson for real. The contrast. I learned that.

[Andy]

Never learned that.

[Jason]

Those who don't speak a lot, those who don't get angry. When it's your time, right. To set the. The standard, people freaking listen. And it was like, guys, Santa's mad. Santa's mad. It was a genuine moment. And so I.

[Andy]

And you took it seriously.

[Jason]

This is. This is 20. Santa Claus, 20 years. I remember it. And honestly, I think about him in that moment many times. Like, we've run a business. I've run businesses for the last 20 years, since then and run so many businesses. I drive a Dodge and I think about that like, you are a fun, loving, happy, go lucky person. And the more that that is established when you need to set a groundwork of upset. It carries weight.

[Andy]

I don't know what you're like at home, but you're pretty much like that here. You've only been mad a handful of times where I was like, oh, he's

[Mike]

pretty mad about the football, the golf.

[Andy]

Well, look at himself. I've seen him mad at himself a

[Jason]

lot, many times, but at other people

[Andy]

or situations, you do take it pretty seriously when there's not a boy who cried wife. I'm going to be very clear about my answer on this one. I'd rather be seen eating my boogers because I have said some of the babiest stuff ever. If you're not supposed to find delicious, that's one angle. But no, I have acted like a baby sometimes with my wife where I've just, you know, I saw you nodding back there, Al. I don't know about you. I have been a baby.

[Jeremy]

I was just nodding because she told me that.

[Andy]

Yeah, okay.

[Mike]

Because we've seen it. All right.

[Andy]

Yeah, no, I. Y' all knew the answer.

[Jason]

What was the question? I didn't listen to that.

[Andy]

Would you rather go viral unwillingly for picking your boogers at an intersection on video and snacking on it, or have footage and transcripts of every heated argument you've ever had with your wife to send to her parents?

[Mike]

It's the booger one.

[Andy]

It's the booger one for me.

[Mike]

Oh, no, it's. It's not that bad. Just give it a try. Give them. Give.

[Andy]

You have farted in a roundhouse kick on video for. For entertainment. Just give.

[Mike]

Give one a little lick.

[Jeremy]

But virality is different. Like, people are recognizing you as the booger.

[Jason]

Booger boy is the jolly booger guy. Is there a chance that the footage and transcripts are a positive? Is there a chance here that because

[Mike]

you win the art, you.

[Jason]

Maybe I'm. Maybe I'm justified. And it's like you've been waiting. You see this?

[Andy]

Oh, you're looking for that. So you didn't win in the moment.

[Jason]

Yeah, maybe I didn't win. You didn't win in the moment, but clearly, maybe the. The jury and executioner here watching this transcript of video goes, I get it.

[Andy]

What if they say the opposite? Well, do you?

[Jason]

I want to find out.

[Mike]

But, Jay, it tells you who's the jury and executioner are. It's her parents. Yeah.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah. I think I'll win. I'm going to court, baby. I'm going to court. I'm not eating my boogers.

[Mike]

Well, you should also do that Mike

[Andy]

is super into eating boogers. Apparently that's what we have learned in the last 10 minutes.

[Jason]

What did we learn today? Mike loves eating boogers.

[Mike]

I'm just speaking for the every person.

[Jason]

No, you're not. No, you're not.

[Andy]

You're speaking for a few people. I have never eat their own boogers.

[Jason]

I have never in my life.

[Mike]

You weren't a kid.

[Andy]

Never tasted.

[Jason]

Never when I was a kid.

[Andy]

No.

[Jason]

Below me.

[Jeremy]

I never have. I've got papa Josh.

[Jason]

Papa Josh, you've eaten a booger.

[Mike]

Yeah. No, because papa Josh is the only truth teller in that deucer corner. Yeah, sure.

[Andy]

Raise your hand if you've never eaten a booger.

[Jason]

You're.

[Mike]

That's so funny.

[Jason]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

So as a child, you didn't eat a booger? Not on pur. On purple crap.

[Andy]

Accidentally eaten a booger. Like a bad nosebleed.

[Jason]

I think there has been a time where I pick my nose or something and then later my finger ends up in my mouth and I go, what does that taste? And I go, oh, no.

[Mike]

But you're like, oh, no, that's booger. I know exactly what booger tastes like because I've never eaten a booger.

[Jason]

Too defensive about this. You are.

[Andy]

Do you chomp boogers?

[Jason]

Revealing yourself in a way that you don't know what you're doing right now?

[Mike]

No, I know what I'm doing.

[Andy]

Eating boogers.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Regularly on the red. This is not. You could put me on a lie detector test. You're like, oh, Josh is the truth teller. No, he's not. So am I. I believe. So is Andy.

[Mike]

You never done the one. You never done one of these.

[Andy]

That doesn't count.

[Mike]

Oh, it does.

[Andy]

Out the nose into your hand.

[Mike]

Oh, there's something about the oxidation.

[Jason]

Absolutely. Oh, that doesn't count. But no one would say you're having snorted.

[Mike]

I've snorted.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's. That's not.

[Andy]

You're all boogery if it doesn't hit your. If you're not chewing.

[Mike]

Well, what if I just.

[Andy]

All right.

[Mike]

This is disgusting. You know, would you rather have a

[Andy]

backyard with a full state of the art 18 hole mini golf course? So mini golf in the backyard or a basement with a single lane bowling alley? So one lane bowling alley.

[Mike]

Okay, let me ask this question.

[Andy]

Full 18 hole mini golf course.

[Mike]

Let me ask this question. Because it says full state of the art to you guys when I say state of the art mini golf.

[Andy]

Clown mouth.

[Mike]

Okay, you beat me to the question.

[Andy]

Sorry.

[Mike]

Because there's. There's State of the art. The Tiger woods and company. He has a company. We have whatever. We have.

[Andy]

Whatever. That's like. That's not the same thing we're talking about.

[Mike]

But that's mini golf.

[Andy]

That's mini golf.

[Mike]

That's state of the art. Is that state of the art or is it the goofy golf where there's windmills and there's clown noses?

[Andy]

I'll tell you what, I'd rather have one single hole in the backyard, like a full par three or something than I would an 18 hole mini golf course. Because 18 hole mini golf is not going to make me any better at golf.

[Mike]

But it's going to make you better at mini golf.

[Andy]

I know, but who cares?

[Mike]

The mini golf international competition.

[Andy]

I mean, this is the thing. This is the thing that I realized the older I get. I'm just going to diatribe for a second.

[Mike]

All right. Please do.

[Andy]

I have seen. And they come through like social media and stuff when some magical house goes on the market out here in Phoenix. And it's somehow. It's got a mini golf course and it's got a mountain bike course and it's got.

[Mike]

I saw one.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Very recently.

[Andy]

It's got a bowling alley and a gun range and it's got. It's got all this stuff. You know what? You better have friends. You better have friends to have a house.

[Mike]

Like friends not included.

[Andy]

Friends that are. Yeah.

[Mike]

Much like batteries.

[Andy]

You imagine how boring the. I've realized this when I get. I've gotten stuff from my own house. If I don't have a friend coming over to enjoy this thing. You're just a dork with a big backyard.

[Mike]

Yeah. But your chance.

[Andy]

Nobody cares. Your chances of friends go up with a mini. With a race car.

[Mike]

If you have an 18 hole mini golf course in your yard.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Your ability to get friends.

[Jason]

Yeah. That's not going to. I'm not going to be your friend to be like, dude, if I'm his friend, I can go play mini no go kart course. Yeah, sure. Absolutely.

[Andy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jason]

There are part of it. There are.

[Mike]

You don't like the. You don't like the putt putt?

[Jason]

No, I don't like the putt putt.

[Andy]

I just.

[Mike]

I need mini golf.

[Andy]

You need to have friends to enjoy

[Jason]

a guitar like that. I like pup. So we're in Arizona. I like. I like mini golf. That's inside new state of the art ones where. Oh yeah. And they track your balls and it's great.

[Mike]

But I think I'D rather him be on track.

[Jason]

I like air conditioning. Forgive me.

[Mike]

It's Jason. There's parts of the year where it's really nice outside.

[Jason]

Yeah, but there's parts of the year where it's really not nice outside.

[Mike]

I know, but you can't play a full.

[Jason]

But I can bowl. I can go down and bowl in my.

[Mike]

We talked about the bowling alley last episode.

[Andy]

The bowling alley would be, I think, my pick here, actually.

[Mike]

You know who's showing up? If you have a bowling alley in your house, you know who's showing up? Who do you think you are?

[Jason]

I am.

[Mike]

You know who's showing up?

[Jason]

Brooks.

[Andy]

Who? Well, Brooks showing up.

[Mike]

Hey, it's me, Beth.

[Andy]

Oh, wait. Because we insulted the bowling alley, the smokers are showing up. Yes.

[Mike]

It's a two pack minimum to get in the. Into the bowling alley, Beth.

[Jason]

Yeah, this is what I sound like now. There's a. There's a woman named.

[Mike]

This was. This was a throwback to a. I don't.

[Jason]

I don't remember that. At first I thought I was Dave Gettleman.

[Andy]

I want.

[Mike]

Hey, it's me, Beth.

[Andy]

I want the single lane bowling alley. I think I'd have more.

[Jason]

Of course I can use it 12 months of the year. If it's raining, if it's snowing, if it's too hot outside. The 18 hole is too much for a backyard.

[Andy]

There's so much novelty stuff that you get thinking you would love to have that I don't think people would use. It's like if you told me you built me a cool laser tag course, I'd use it three times. I'd be like, ugh, I don't want to go out there and do it again.

[Mike]

Do you know how exhausting laser tag is?

[Andy]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jason]

Laser tag is a workout of all workouts.

[Mike]

Yes, it really is.

[Jason]

And then the only saving grace from a workout perspective of like, I can't over exhaust myself is the worker saying, no running because that saves me. I'm like, thank God. Yeah, thank you, sir.

[Mike]

Seconds. Thank you.

[Jason]

Tell all the kids to stop running, please. I'm exhausted. I'm sweaty. Make sure no one is running. Running is like, that is not fair. If you're playing with kids and adults, you should not be allowed to run because we're at a disadvantage.

[Andy]

Final answer is bowling alley.

[Jason]

Yeah, for sure, it's bowling alley.

[Mike]

Both sound awesome. I guess I'd probably take the bowling alley.

[Andy]

Would you rather have a driving range or an 18 hole mini golf course?

[Jason]

Driving range,

[Andy]

but you have to get Your own balls.

[Jason]

I would just keep buying new ones. I mean, I would.

[Andy]

He would have. He would have a. See, absolutely. Every ball lands in a sea of balls like Scrooge McDuck.

[Jason]

I would find a way. Here's what I would do to hit the other direction if I had a. No, genuinely. If I had a place in my backyard with a big net and I could just hit balls over there, I would find a way to purchase 1,000 golf balls cheaply. It's very easy. Is it?

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

Okay, well, that's what I do then.

[Mike]

The only golf balls I own are. It was a giant mesh bag of used driving rings and they were in. Yes.

[Jason]

And. And then every now and then, it's very cheap. I'd pay my son or someone to just go collect them.

[Andy]

Good to know. Would you rather you do. I don't know. I would go pick up one by one. I get.

[Jason]

No, you.

[Andy]

I get one of the driving cart things that you drive out there.

[Jason]

Speaking of liars, I have posted a booger question. The booger question. Oh, did you post a booger?

[Andy]

I posted like, what percentage of people have eaten a boogers?

[Jason]

Here's how I worded it. Have you ever eaten your boogers after picking your nose? Question mark in parentheses. Tell the truth, no one can see. Okay, that. So that's.

[Mike]

But people can see when they.

[Jason]

But they don't know who voted. No one knows if I vote yes.

[Andy]

Let me guess, let me guess. Since we're about to do man of the people anyways. 33%. Yes.

[Mike]

That's way too low. Okay, you think it's more than plus 50%.

[Jason]

Okay, now I want to ask a different question. I posted this question. It looks like. I'll give you the answer. I posted this question about 10 minutes ago.

[Mike]

I'm going to go look.

[Jason]

And we know how. We've got a very large social following. We're very famous and very important. Hundreds of thousands of guy. No, I just. I'm just saying the truth. So you spellman word booger. Have you eaten.

[Mike]

Ever eaten your buggers? Jason, that's very different.

[Jason]

No, did I? Yeah, you wrote buggers.

[Mike]

And we're also 16 votes in Jason.

[Jason]

So that was what was.

[Mike]

Because you wrote the word buggers and

[Jason]

no one has any idea what you're talking about. U, G, G, E, R, S. Buggers. How do you. All the comments have got to be about that. How do you spell boogers?

[Andy]

First answer, think it's spelled boogers.

[Mike]

Second answer, what are boogers? Fourth answer, buggers.

[Jason]

How do you spell boogers.

[Andy]

O, O, G, E, R, S. Boogers.

[Jason]

Oh, man. I tried three different ways.

[Andy]

Everybody's answer is around how you spelled it.

[Jason]

All right, we'll check back later in this episode.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. This poll says no one eats their buggers. Case closed.

[Jason]

Mike, you're wrong. No one eats boogers.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. You thought boogers was spelled the buggers.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Also, every time we say bugger in the uk, we're getting bleeped, just so you know.

[Andy]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Cat is over the face.

[Jason]

Chasing is a shake. Oh, my gosh. Let me give you my. It didn't look right. It didn't look right. It really did not look right. And so I could have asked.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

Wow. Shout out to Noah who says yes. And if this is for the spitballers, yes. Obviously, whoever needed this poll is dumb. That's right, Noah. Eat them boogs.

[Jason]

Eat them bugs. Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

Them bugs. As Jason would say.

[Jason]

I put it back up again without a pole. I'm wrecked. You posted it again. Yes. And then the first comment was put a pole with it. Oh, you forgot.

[Andy]

You forgot to pull.

[Jason]

Oh, man, this is going downhill fast.

[Jeremy]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

I'm out of here.

[Andy]

Oh, my abs hurt.

[Jason]

What abs? Oh, man.

[Mike]

Oh, goodness gracious. We got a game coming up.

[Andy]

We'll take a break. We'll. We'll go to the commercials, and we'll come back in a second. You dirty buggers. What's going on, everybody? I have a busy life. We have three kids. They are always all over the place, and it is hard to find time to cook a healthy meal instead of just clicking that button and getting some nasty delivered to your house. And we've all had long days when that hunger kicks in. And we want that healthy meal. And, well, it's not in the fridge. And that's where Factor comes in. We were using Factor our family, since before they were even a sponsor of the show. We're talking fully prepared meals that my son steals most of, designed by dieticians, crafted by chefs, delivered to your door. We've been subscribed for years now. They are fresh, never frozen. They go right into our refrigerator. Tons of great variety. We grab them. It's two minutes per meal and stuff that we actually enjoy that tastes great. There are more than 100 options every single week. We've got pro. Like, I'm on a protein meal plan. I can order protein meals that I absolutely love. And we've been doing that for a long time. Head to factor meals.com ballers 50 off and use the code ballers 50 off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details.

[Jason]

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[Mike]

You can't script that, Mike.

[Jason]

I was so shocked that after almost 10 minutes it had been like 14 votes. I didn't know what that. But it probably is like, what's a bugger?

[Andy]

It's.

[Mike]

It's so funny how language works because that was, that was not a joke. Like, like bugger is a code coded swear word for uk. And over here it's not.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's just, it's nothing. It doesn't mean a bugger is a misspelled booger. That's all.

[Mike]

Buggers are so funny to like.

[Andy]

It's definitely not the right word. In another country, that's for sure. Let's play another game.

[Jason]

Man of the People.

[Andy]

We are playing man of the People. And Jason is the previous man of the People. Congratulations on your past win, Jason.

[Jason]

Thank you. I apologize for the people.

[Andy]

Al Borland has spent most of the last several weeks out there in the public interviewing people, getting answers to questions that they should know. Probably nothing. Bugger related. And we will take turns competing. We'll all compete on every every question. We're not taking turns, we're competing all the time.

[Mike]

Wait, Jason won the last one?

[Jason]

Of course I did.

[Jeremy]

Yes, he did.

[Andy]

If you get the first answer that the public has said, you get three

[Mike]

points for the next highway to spell. I would suggest booger out.

[Jason]

B U.

[Andy]

All right, here we go.

[Jason]

I can't believe it's not a U. I still wouldn't. I would.

[Andy]

It's changing paradigm of life.

[Jason]

I would have changed it from my double G to B U G E R. I mean, but how would you say that? How would you say B U G E R?

[Mike]

I would say buger.

[Jason]

No, you'd say booger. No, you wouldn't.

[Mike]

B U G E R. No, Booger. No, buger.

[Andy]

The E makes the U say U. Booger.

[Mike]

I would do a lot of different pronunciations, none of them for real.

[Andy]

Think about how bugle is spelled and then you would just change it to er. Buger. That's how you would say that word. It's called English. All right, here we go. First round. Let's go.

[Jeremy]

All right, three points if you guessed the first answer. Two points the second one for any other correct answer. We do seven rounds. Seven round. Seventh round is worth double round one. When you have a headache, name something that it hurts to do.

[Andy]

Watch tv,

[Jeremy]

not on the board.

[Andy]

All right. I knew that was bad.

[Jeremy]

Talk, talk or yell is the number one answer.

[Jason]

Yell.

[Mike]

Yeah, it is.

[Jason]

That sucks.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

I was going to say.

[Andy]

Yeah, if you have a headache, you can't talk.

[Jason]

No. Yeah.

[Andy]

All right. I suck.

[Jason]

All right, So I guess it's me. I would say if I've got a headache, the thing that sucks to do is

[Jeremy]

three. Look at a light is the number two answer.

[Jason]

All right. Okay. Wait.

[Mike]

What? Look at a light.

[Jason]

Look.

[Andy]

I mean, it makes sense.

[Jeremy]

Look at bright lights.

[Jason]

Yeah, look at bright lights.

[Jeremy]

What?

[Jason]

I was. It's their way of saying what I said.

[Mike]

No, no, no.

[Jason]

But no one looks at me.

[Mike]

I understand that, but yeah, I have no headache. You know what I'm not doing? Looking at lights. Because you know what I will get if I look at the light?

[Jason]

A headache.

[Mike]

A headache.

[Andy]

All right.

[Jeremy]

Other answers that we missed were laugh, bend over, cough and think.

[Andy]

Yeah, think. I should have gone with think.

[Jeremy]

All right, next round, we're moving on to round two.

[Andy]

That's terrible.

[Jeremy]

Name a reason why you might be nervous.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jeremy]

Okay, we'll put that on hold.

[Jason]

My fourth post. I finally got it right.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Have you ever eaten your bunkers? I spelled it the same.

[Mike]

You spelled it the same way I spelled it, Jason.

[Jason]

I went to check, and someone said, it's spelled boogers. And I was like, I know. I did that. Believable.

[Andy]

Yes, he did.

[Jason]

Yes, I did.

[Mike]

No, you did not.

[Jason]

Yes, I. I have it.

[Andy]

I have it on the screen.

[Jason]

Unbelievable. I am the stupidest man alive.

[Andy]

He has done it multiple times.

[Jason]

This is my fifth post.

[Andy]

Jason, you look like you've had a beverage,

[Mike]

except. What is happening?

[Andy]

All right. Ask the question.

[Mike]

Here we go, man.

[Jeremy]

That's wild. All right, round two.

[Andy]

All right, let's go, let's go.

[Jeremy]

Name a reason why you might be nervous while driving.

[Jason]

Cop in the rear view mirror, baby. Good answer.

[Mike]

That's a good answer.

[Jeremy]

That is on the board. It is the number four answer.

[Mike]

Bull crap.

[Jeremy]

Spot a police car.

[Andy]

Weather.

[Jason]

Raining.

[Mike]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Jeremy]

Weather conditions is the number one answer. You guys don't have to hit the button when you're the last one.

[Jason]

Stop it.

[Mike]

I did it.

[Jason]

Don't tell me what I can't do.

[Mike]

Amazing. You're three. You're intoxicated.

[Jeremy]

Two.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jason]

Be nervous.

[Jeremy]

I would be, too. That's not on the board.

[Mike]

Good, good, good, kids. Good, good, kids. That was a. That was a test.

[Andy]

The cops were asking that question. If you answered that way, you're in trouble.

[Jeremy]

All right, weather conditions was one. We had heavy traffic. New driver.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Tailgating slash road rage. And the cops wasn't one of them bad directions or lost. Yeah, cops was. I'm sorry. That was number four.

[Andy]

So what's the score now?

[Jeremy]

Let me Four.

[Andy]

Three. Four, three it is.

[Jeremy]

Andy with three, Jason with three, Mike with three.

[Andy]

All right, all right. At least I'm not cooked.

[Jeremy]

Moving on to the third round. Besides a ring name, something specific a girl might give back to her boyfriend when she dumps him.

[Jason]

His jacket. Oh, I was gonna say his clothes.

[Jeremy]

Jacket slash clothing is the number six answer.

[Jason]

His key, obviously.

[Jeremy]

Keys is the number three answer.

[Mike]

What have you never seen in 1950s? They give the letterman jacket back.

[Jason]

Yeah, but the key to the house is like, I'm.

[Mike]

No do that in the 50s.

[Jason]

I wasn't. I'm talking about today.

[Jeremy]

You're just giving Andy time.

[Jason]

Three, two.

[Andy]

A toothbrush.

[Mike]

Gross.

[Jason]

Gross.

[Jeremy]

That is not on the board.

[Jason]

Get it back because I took your toothbrush. There you go. You get records.

[Jeremy]

The number one answer was pictures. Like a framed photo of the two of you. I don't know. Number one answer. And then we had love letters. Was the only other one.

[Mike]

No, it's not.

[Andy]

Nobody returns it. They burn them.

[Jason]

So I had the number one answer.

[Mike]

What was according to the people. But was it my highest?

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

Okay. So mine was number one because one and two were.

[Mike]

Yours was worth the same.

[Jason]

Those were buggers.

[Andy]

Next question.

[Jeremy]

All right, moving on to round four. Name a popular children's food that's sold in cups.

[Andy]

Mac and cheese.

[Jeremy]

Mac and cheese is the number six answer.

[Andy]

Oh, that's not good enough.

[Jason]

Say cereal.

[Jeremy]

Cereal not on the board.

[Jason]

What?

[Mike]

Read the question one more time.

[Jeremy]

Name a popular children's food that is sold in cups.

[Andy]

Three.

[Mike]

Ice cream.

[Jeremy]

Ice cream is the number two answer.

[Jason]

House cups not on there.

[Jeremy]

Number one answer was jell.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jeremy]

Then we had fruit cups, yogurt, and applesauce.

[Andy]

I'm happy to be on the board. I thought Mac and cheese was an easy one.

[Mike]

I was not thinking that direction at all. I was thinking someone's like, here's a cup Kersplash. It wasn't like, rip the top off,

[Andy]

but, like, I thought about it that way. That's why I want Mac and cheese.

[Jason]

Every breakfast buffet I've ever gone to in my entire life, my kids just. They just go to the. The. The prepackaged cups of cereal.

[Mike]

Yeah, that was the best, man.

[Jason]

Not on the board.

[Andy]

Those used to be boxes, though. Then they just recently figured out they

[Mike]

can make them bowls back in the day.

[Andy]

What's the score now?

[Jeremy]

The score is. Sorry. You think about it. Andy with four, Jason with four, Mike with six.

[Mike]

Back in the day.

[Andy]

Mike.

[Mike]

And you would be able to go like, you. It was the family trip, and you stay at the hotel or wherever you're at, and they got. And they have the cereal, and they have whole milk. I grew up in a skim milk house.

[Andy]

Full skim.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

That's a shameful place to live.

[Jason]

Yeah, but then we would.

[Mike]

We go to a place, and they would have whole milk.

[Jason]

You're telling me.

[Mike]

Oh, brother.

[Jason]

You're telling me, as someone that grew up on skim milk, that you desired whole. Yes, because I grew up on 2%, and whole milk grossed me out.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

Not that whole is bad. No. It's so thick.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

If you leave. If you leave 2% out long enough, it becomes whole milk.

[Mike]

The truth is 2%, right? Yeah. Becomes cottage cheese. 2% is the correct answer.

[Jason]

I completely agree.

[Mike]

I have adapted.

[Jason]

If I'm not cooking 2%, I'm full.2% drinking cereal.

[Mike]

Yeah, but it's like, I had to be skim. I was Forced skim. And then that whole milk show up.

[Andy]

Skim is water. Oh, man, it's white water.

[Jason]

It was.

[Mike]

It was a tasty treat.

[Andy]

Next round.

[Jason]

How many rounds we got left?

[Jeremy]

There are three. Three rounds remaining. Last rounds were double. It's definitely anybody's ever. Name something you do at the library.

[Jason]

What? Read

[Jeremy]

is the number one answer.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So what do you do with a book?

[Mike]

You check the computer.

[Jeremy]

Use a computer is the number four answer.

[Andy]

My answer is study.

[Jeremy]

Study is the number two answer.

[Andy]

That's right.

[Jason]

Return books. Number three.

[Jeremy]

Checkout books. Was number five. Look at old newspapers and. Oh, yeah, research where the other answers.

[Andy]

You guys, that would caught me off guard.

[Jason]

Number one. Number one was pretty.

[Mike]

These people are not playing. What do you do with Odell Lake and Sticky Bear Basket Bounce.

[Andy]

Ironically apple ii.

[Jeremy]

Like, I've never read at a library. I go and I pick out books and bring them home and read them.

[Andy]

Now you're. They let you read them there?

[Jeremy]

I'm sure they do.

[Mike]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

[Jason]

This is a library.

[Mike]

Are you reading? What do you think you're doing next?

[Jason]

Not in this building.

[Andy]

Moving on. Renter building.

[Jeremy]

Round number six. Name something shampoo commercials claim their shampoo does for your hair.

[Mike]

Clean it.

[Jeremy]

Clean it is the number two answer.

[Mike]

Des Baloney.

[Jason]

Ooh, thicken it. Oh, thick.

[Jeremy]

Thicken it. I lost my spot. I know. It's on the board.

[Jason]

Look up top. It's number one. It's number one.

[Jeremy]

Increases volume.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Is the number four answer.

[Mike]

Number one makes it smell great.

[Jeremy]

Oh, that is the number three answer.

[Jason]

Yes. What was yours?

[Jeremy]

The number the best.

[Mike]

The best of our answers. Yeah. It was number two.

[Andy]

So wait, number one is.

[Jeremy]

It wasn't. All you guys haven't mentioned it was. Yes. Add shine. That was the number one answer. And then Chinese greasy like to me and softens it or makes it healthier.

[Andy]

So wait, where are we at with our final round? It's got to be close.

[Mike]

Greasy and shiny are not the same thing.

[Jason]

But if your hair is shiny, would you say it looks greasy? Your hair?

[Mike]

I would say your hair. If your hair is greasy, it's shiny.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

But if your hair is shiny, it doesn't have to be greasy.

[Andy]

That's fair.

[Mike]

Not every poo poo time.

[Jason]

It's a peepee time.

[Jeremy]

All right, Going into the final round,

[Mike]

I did it backwards, but you know what I mean.

[Jeremy]

We have Mike with nine, Jason with eight, Andy with seven.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

All right. Is this double points or. Yes, it is just we win based on this Round.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Name something that a guy from Memphis is probably better at than a guy from New York City.

[Mike]

Oh, gosh.

[Andy]

Might just play music.

[Jeremy]

Singing slash singing was my answer.

[Jason]

And that's not even what he said.

[Jeremy]

Singing slash guitar is the number one answer.

[Jason]

Oh, so he wins. So he was already in the lead. So this doesn't matter. Okay. In that.

[Mike]

Enjoy. Second place.

[Andy]

Something with Elvis.

[Jason]

I would. Dad Gummet. That was my answer.

[Andy]

I buzzed in before you.

[Mike]

Something with elf.

[Jeremy]

Not on the board.

[Jason]

I'll also go not on the board. Titan stats.

[Andy]

What?

[Jason]

Tennessee Titans.

[Andy]

I was.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. Not on the board.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

The answers you didn't get were farming.

[Mike]

Farming was my number two answer.

[Jeremy]

Horseback riding, line dancing and manners.

[Andy]

How about stupid manners?

[Jason]

How about stupid questions?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

They come from Memphis.

[Mike]

The people in Tennessee think they got good manners.

[Jason]

What a dumb. What a dumb, dumb question.

[Mike]

Wait, hold on. It's time. Jeremy, who won?

[Jeremy]

That would be you. You won with 15. Jason was next with eight, Andy with seven.

[Mike]

Man of the people.

[Andy]

All right, we're taking a break. We're going to draft. Royal Caribbean takes next level to another level. Go all in on the world's boldest ships. Filled with mind blowing entertainment, world class

[Jason]

dining and the largest water parks at sea.

[Andy]

And just when you think it couldn't

[Jason]

get any better, you'll stop at our award winning private island.

[Andy]

Perfect day Cococay.

[Jason]

It's an unreal adventure for everyone in

[Andy]

the family book [e-mail] Big Time, Best

[Jason]

time, all the time.

[Andy]

Come seek the Royal Caribbean ship's registry.

[Jason]

Bahamas

[Andy]

still figuring out mother's day. We can arrange that with edible. It's easy to send a gift mom will love without the last minute store. Order online in just a few clicks and choose delivery or easy in store pickup. From fresh fruit arrangements to chocolate dipped treats, Edible makes it simple to celebrate mom with something thoughtful, delicious and beautifully made. This Mother's day, skip the scramble. Send a gift that feels special and let edible help make it all come together. You know that one sucked because we all had the same answer. It was just who won the button.

[Jason]

Yeah, well, that's part of the game.

[Andy]

That is. Let's draft.

[Jason]

The spitballers draft.

[Mike]

I like that you were like, you're smarter and faster.

[Andy]

No, just faster.

[Jason]

Yeah, that was just faster. It wasn't fast.

[Andy]

You're not smarter.

[Jason]

He literally said we all had the same answer.

[Andy]

Okay, we're equal and you spelled booger B.

[Mike]

We're all equal. Smart.

[Andy]

No, I didn't.

[Mike]

But you are fast.

[Jason]

I did not I spelled bugger. I never. I never was asking about boogers. I was asking about buggers.

[Andy]

You did finally get it up.

[Jason]

And I spelled that right. Okay, so here's the 40. 60. 40. No, give me your boot. I got to squash that booger. 60% do not eat their buggers. 40% eat their buggers.

[Jeremy]

How many votes is that?

[Andy]

Only 32.

[Jason]

Which is the most?

[Andy]

You don't have a big following. Apparently you're not very famous.

[Jason]

People don't want to talk about their.

[Mike]

It's probably because you've asked them repeatedly

[Jason]

about eating buggers questions. Question five gets less.

[Andy]

We are drafting.

[Mike]

The algo is throttling you right now.

[Andy]

The best pasta shapes is our draft for today's show. The best pasta shapes. We've got lots to choose from. I have the first pick. I'm going to take the Tried the true.

[Mike]

Oh, you got to get the one on one.

[Andy]

I've got to take spaghetti.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's.

[Andy]

Yeah, I'm taking spaghetti. It's default. It's iconic. It's everywhere. It's spaghetti. I feel like the strong opinions about spaghetti. Nobody has a strong opinion about spaghetti.

[Jason]

That's like taking vanilla ice cream in an ice cream draft. And is vanilla the best? You can argue it is the best. It's the most common. It's so stupid.

[Mike]

Jason, if you had the first pick, what would you have taken?

[Jason]

Not spaghetti for sure. No, I wrote down. I wrote down what I would have taken.

[Mike]

Okay, fine. You could take.

[Jason]

And I'll take it at 3 because you're not going to take it because you're stupid too.

[Mike]

Take your boosie boy. Macaroni.

[Andy]

Macaroni is.

[Mike]

Thank you.

[Jason]

It's a good pick.

[Andy]

It's a great pick. Mac and cheese plus comfort foods.

[Mike]

Not only is it good with cheese, it's also good to put a feather in your cap. Jason, you're up.

[Jason]

Hold on. Excuse me.

[Mike]

Hold on. Wait, wait. You're gonna boo my super patriotic yankee doodle dandy joke?

[Jason]

That was not me. That was the people booing. No, they thought it was. Honestly, Mike, I thought it was so great.

[Mike]

Thank you.

[Jason]

That was a really.

[Mike]

Thank you.

[Andy]

Two picks for you, Jay.

[Mike]

That joke was very good.

[Jason]

The first, which I would have taken number one.

[Mike]

It was not related to noodles. I just called it macaroni. We should start doing that again. Whoa, look at that shirt. Macaroni.

[Jason]

Is that something people used to do?

[Mike]

I believe.

[Andy]

How does this song go?

[Mike]

He put a feather in his cap. He called it macaroni. I believe it was like this Is like fancy doodle because it was Yankee Doodle was doing it in jest. Making fun of the high class society because we were the Americans. We were the rebels. They were the wealthy red coats.

[Andy]

I feel like I.

[Jason]

Isn't that learned tea drinkers. Dandy. I'm going to go with far fella, which is bow tie. Bow tie pasta.

[Andy]

That's your 101.

[Jason]

Absolutely.

[Mike]

Bow tie.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

Nerd.

[Jason]

You guys don't. Don't understand pasta shapes. You don't get it. I don't get it. You guys don't.

[Andy]

It's crazy because nobody else gets it either. They don't serve bow tie pasta anymore.

[Mike]

It's on my list somewhere.

[Jason]

You go to a restaurant, binoculars, and you get spaghetti and meatballs.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

You know what I do with bow tie. But if it was so popular, I

[Andy]

think they'd serve it more than nowhere.

[Jason]

Name a place you can get bow tie pasta. Go. Sometimes what is best is what is hardest.

[Mike]

No, you don't understand. It's so good. No one has it. It's sold out everywhere.

[Jason]

You guys are so stupid. Bow tie is the king of pasta shapes. King.

[Andy]

Sure.

[Mike]

Right behind bolo tie. Am I right?

[Jason]

My goodness. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. The. The majority of people they might be.

[Mike]

The majority is not on bow tie.

[Jason]

He said the majority might be with you.

[Mike]

Oh, all right.

[Jason]

But those who know know and we are laughing at you. The minority is so uneducated.

[Andy]

Thank you. Thank you for picking that. So I don't. I have like one of the better ones left. You have another pick.

[Jason]

A food draft. Like you guys don't even belong in a kitchen. Okay. If we were in a kitchen.

[Mike]

That is true.

[Jeremy]

That is true.

[Mike]

That is true.

[Andy]

Might end up eating our buggers. All right, you got another pick there?

[Jason]

Sorry to shame you horribly. I guess I've got to take. I guess I've just got to take the norm. Like give me the.

[Andy]

Oh, you don't have to.

[Jason]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Andy]

Are you a man of principle or

[Mike]

are you a man of what's Fortnite?

[Jason]

What I just realized. Here comes Fortnite, everyone. What I just realized is that your guys experience of pasta is called Olive Garden. And so I'll take penne. Great.

[Mike]

That's a great selection.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's one of Olive Garden.

[Mike]

Accusing me of being an Olive Garden boy.

[Jason]

Sounds like it. It.

[Mike]

Check my record, sir. Google me.

[Andy]

Mike.

[Jason]

Your records are most recently a big fan of the casual most common pushed out crap noodles.

[Mike]

That's fine. You can say those things. I don't ever accuse me of liking

[Andy]

Olive Garden ingestion levels.

[Jason]

I will say of Olive Garden for many years. We are very careful with sponsorship opportunities.

[Mike]

Sure.

[Jason]

Olive Garden will never be a sponsor.

[Mike]

Correct.

[Jason]

Because of Mike. Mike hates Olive Garden.

[Mike]

With I will never be sponsored.

[Andy]

Today's draft brought to you by soup and salad.

[Jason]

All you can eat. Although Zupa Toscana is awesome.

[Andy]

Their Zupa is pretty good.

[Mike]

Brothers we got.

[Jason]

We like Olive Garden. Mine's just dumb.

[Mike]

Noodles and co. Get all your open.

[Jason]

Get all your pennies.

[Andy]

Noodles and company. How many bow ties they serve?

[Jason]

Of course, none. That's my point, you idiot.

[Mike]

How dare you attack Noodles and company Both they've got.

[Andy]

You want to attack noodles? Fine. Company sure.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Don't attack them together. Wrap this up. You guys are so stupid.

[Andy]

Mike, you're back up.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

You got any neckties?

[Mike]

There's just. There's so many pastas that I am just a huge fan of. Let me find out.

[Jason]

I don't even know your pasta shapes and you're giving me crap. No, because it's all the same bullcrap. Jason. It's all the same stuff.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jason]

It's all the same idiot. He's so upset.

[Andy]

He's so upset.

[Mike]

Fine. You know what? Angel hair.

[Jason]

That's a good pick. That's so much better than spaghetti.

[Mike]

Okay?

[Jason]

I mean, spaghetti's the 101. Spaghetti is a crappy version.

[Andy]

You don't believe in the free market, do you?

[Mike]

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm not talking to Andy right now.

[Jason]

Okay? Just talk to me.

[Mike]

I only buy angel hair.

[Jason]

I don't buy spaghetti. Spaghetti's because angel hair, so much spaghetti. It's just garbage. You want to know why? Do you want to know genuinely why spaghetti is the most popular? This isn't a joke.

[Mike]

Yes, I do. Lady and the Tramp.

[Jason]

It is the easiest to make. You have holes and you push.

[Mike]

Angel hair is way easier now. Tiny holes.

[Jason]

No, it is not.

[Andy]

Tinier holes.

[Jason]

No, exactly. The tiny holes cook it.

[Jeremy]

He's saying. To actually produce the noodle.

[Jason]

Produce the noodle. It is so much easier to make. You just take a bunch of dough and push it through a bunch of medium sized.

[Andy]

I just buy it at spaghetti.

[Mike]

That's what I do.

[Jason]

You loser.

[Mike]

An angel hair and spaghetti.

[Andy]

Are you making a lot of bow tie? Have you made your own bow tie? I bet you haven't.

[Jason]

I have not.

[Andy]

I bet you haven't.

[Mike]

There's no way you can tie A bow tie.

[Jason]

It's pretty easy to make a bow tie pasta.

[Andy]

So easy. You've never done it.

[Jason]

I haven't. I've only made have it. I've only made handmade pasta like four times. Forgive me.

[Andy]

Oh, why didn't you make the best one?

[Jason]

Because I'm not. Because I'm not to that level yet. Because I'm not to that level up the boat. It takes skill. You know how many years you got to be a master now? It takes skill.

[Andy]

But also in the other breath you said it's pretty easy to make bow tie pasta.

[Jason]

Pretty easy. I'm not that good. Ok, you know what? Super easy spaghetti you are getting undone like a bow tie right now. I know what you're gonna take next. I already know. And I'll take fettuccine. That's what I've made. Cause it's so easy. I knew what you were gonna take. It's not fettuccine. It's just flat, wide strips. You stupid idiot. It's just flat strips. We're not so the hardest pastas to make. We said. We said the best. Well, no, not the best pasta. Jeremy, what is the name of this best pasta? Shapes. So your shape is flat, wide, rectangle.

[Mike]

Hold on.

[Jason]

We're doing my shape is pasta shape. Yes. Which macaroni was great?

[Andy]

I mean, it'. It's all factored in how you. What, what do you want to eat?

[Jason]

Well, I know what you want. I know what you want to eat. You want to eat spaghetti sauce. You want. You want to eat ragu Alfredo. You want to eat ragu with maybe a meatball.

[Andy]

Ravioli is my next pick. Ravioli. Stuff it with something good.

[Jason]

Ravioli is okay. That's a good past. I bet you've made ravioli. I have made ravioli.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I've made fettuccine and ravioli because they're cuz they're so easy. There is one pasta. If Mike takes it, I'll be pissed otherwise. But you're not going to take it because it's great.

[Andy]

All right, Mike, you're back up. I am.

[Jason]

He just called you an idiot again. Well, because he's not going to take it.

[Andy]

Go for it.

[Mike]

Oh, crap. Now I got to feel like I'm trying to figure out what it is.

[Andy]

Don't worry about Jason.

[Jason]

I'll be so. I will leave the show. I will finish with two picks. Do I have two picks right now? Give me one pick.

[Mike]

Give me.

[Andy]

I think you have two.

[Mike]

One.

[Jason]

Oh, I won't give you a Hint. This is too important. This is too important. I won't even think it.

[Mike]

Give me a hint, you coward.

[Jason]

All right, I'm thinking it, then.

[Mike]

I can't read your mind.

[Jason]

All right, that's on you, not on me.

[Andy]

Spaghetti fettuccine and ravioli.

[Jason]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

Bro, that is powerhouse volume.

[Jason]

Dude, Chef Boyardee loves you. He's like, look at this guy. You cannot believe what he's got. All of my noodles. My shapes are a square, and around. Andy Holloway is a real Italian.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

Mike, you better pick something complicated.

[Mike]

Can I. Complicated patterns for you, Mike, Can I take Super Mario?

[Jason]

Oh, that's a good pick. And absolutely, I'll let you have it. It's not on my list. It's 100.

[Mike]

Wait, I was making a joke. I'm like, can I take Super Mario shape?

[Andy]

Absolutely.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

That's actually Mac and cheese.

[Jason]

One SpongeBob, Franco, SpongeBob, Princess, Super Mario. All of those. Yeah, they are legit better. I'm not joking. They're legit better than normal macaroni.

[Mike]

Then I'm going super.

[Andy]

This guy, this guy.

[Mike]

I feel like a whole trap.

[Jason]

It's. No, it's got all the space, surface area. I know, I know.

[Mike]

Super Mario.

[Jason]

I know.

[Andy]

Only Bowser's good.

[Mike]

It's got Yoshi's eggs in it.

[Andy]

Did you just draft Super Mario?

[Mike]

I think I did.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

I think he did.

[Mike]

I think we've moved on.

[Andy]

I. I don't even know.

[Mike]

What don't you do, bro? You won't even believe my.

[Andy]

You've got two picks, and they better be good. They better be good.

[Jason]

The best. The best. And this is. This is taking O's. If I was. Oh, dude. Dude.

[Mike]

I didn't think about taking Spaghettios.

[Jason]

Holy moly. Those might be the best. SpaghettiOs are the pick of sophistication down

[Andy]

to ravioli is an amazing contrast. You've made SpaghettiOs. I know that.

[Mike]

Like your spaghetti prepared. Do you make O's?

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh. O's are that.

[Mike]

They need to lowercase, though.

[Andy]

All right.

[Jason]

I wasn't going to take it, but I'm taking O's. I am legitimately taking O's.

[Andy]

The bow tie to O's.

[Jason]

O's are undefeated.

[Andy]

Best pasta shape O's. May I have a bowl of O's, please?

[Jason]

Okay. But now the real pick.

[Andy]

Chef Boyardee is pretty happy with you right now.

[Jason]

Yeah, no, I know you're probably pissed off.

[Mike]

Franco American's loving it.

[Jason]

You're very upset. I got O's. Now let's go back to a real Italian restaurant.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

A complicated pattern. Not as easy to make. It's going to take all the sauce. It's going to keep it in.

[Mike]

Man, I have a headache.

[Andy]

Amazing.

[Jason]

Fusilli, which is spiral. Spiral.

[Andy]

That's great.

[Jason]

If you want to argue that my bow tie should not have been one on one, the only argument is fusilli should be one. It's awesome. If you're doing Mac and cheese should be fusilli.

[Andy]

I've got nothing wrong with bowtie pasta,

[Jason]

which was not on my list. Thank you, Mike. Because O's are legit.

[Mike]

Awesome. Jeremy says Fusilli is the 101.

[Jason]

Yeah. Fusilli is perfect.

[Andy]

It's so good. It holds. You know what? The spiral holds the sauce inside of it.

[Jason]

It really does.

[Andy]

That's. That's the. That's a great pick.

[Jason]

Thank you. All my.

[Andy]

Right up there with O's and X's.

[Mike]

And don't forget about super Mario.

[Andy]

So you got one more pick, Mike.

[Mike]

I have macaroni, angel hair. Super Mario I'm gonna take. I'm Cavatappi here.

[Andy]

Is that the corkscrew?

[Mike]

That's the corkscrew one.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jeremy]

Also, those are good.

[Jason]

Those are like your elbows just longer.

[Mike]

Yeah, It's a Mac and cheese.

[Andy]

They confuse my mouth a little.

[Mike]

It's a Mac and cheese. It's Mac and cheese, but it's like they forgot to cut it. Yeah, just kind of kept going a little bit.

[Andy]

Two for one Mac there. I feel like I gotta. I gotta round out this team. I gotta go full powerhouse here.

[Jason]

Oh, full powerhouse.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, I got spaghetti. I'm taking lasagna. Lasagna.

[Mike]

You gotta take it.

[Andy]

Give me them giant sheets. They're so easy to make that everyone eats them all the time.

[Mike]

Matt is trying to chime in and say, noki is the goat. I have a problem for you.

[Andy]

That would be the goat, kid.

[Mike]

That noki are technically dumplings. Yeah. According to our AI Overlords, noki is.

[Andy]

Noki is good. Linguini is good because rigatoni is good.

[Mike]

Potato tortellinis are good.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, you've got like pop pappardelli and. And linguini, but they're all the same, like fettuccine.

[Andy]

Actually, pappardelli is my least favorite of all.

[Jason]

Fettuccine, linguini and pappardelli, they're all the same.

[Andy]

A big flat ribbon.

[Jason]

They're all the same.

[Mike]

So let me ask you.

[Jason]

I didn't take those because. Yeah, they're Basically Chef Jason.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, my. My draft. I can't be beat.

[Mike]

A real. A real question.

[Jason]

Okay, I will answer.

[Mike]

This is a real question, and I

[Jason]

will take it as a real question.

[Mike]

Explain to me a pasta shape where you're like, you can't do the tomato sauce or you can't do, like, a Mac and cheese. Like it. Like it. Here's why it won't work for that pasta shape, because my contention is it's all the exact same stuff. It's just. It's sort of differently shaped, which goes to the Super Mario argument.

[Jason]

Yeah. So genuinely, the different. Like, I don't even know the word viscosity. Like, if it was oil, like, the thicker stuff is the more that it can grip. And like. So cheese. If you want a Mac and cheese, you want that spiral or you want that elbow. You want that.

[Mike]

But I can use a spoon, and I could. Anything that's melted, I could. That's not a problem.

[Jason]

I'm not saying you can't eat any pasta with any sauce, but there are sauces that go better with certain pastas. If you're going to have just basically a loose, flat, watery sauce, which even a good, meaty spaghetti sauce is basically just a more liquid sauce, you just need noodles or linguine. Just something flat. Just something boring and bland. If you want to shape, if you want a bow tie, if you want a fusilli, if you want something, an elbow, you gotta have a cheesy, thicker sauce. Get in those nooks and crannies. It's just superior.

[Mike]

But why?

[Jason]

It tastes better. It holds the sauce on it, but

[Mike]

it tastes exactly the same.

[Andy]

I think the corkscrew is my favorite. If you need to serve me a meal, it's because it holds the sauce. Like, if you. This is why I don't like the pappardelle, the big, flat ribbons.

[Jason]

I agree.

[Andy]

Those are just like. They kind of feel slimy because it's just. There's nothing. It doesn't hold anything.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

You're having to figure out how to get it all together.

[Jason]

You know the one that went undrafted? Honestly, it would have been my pick, other than O's, so it should have gone drafted. Except I wanted SpaghettiOs. Yeah. IS shells. Shells are awesome because you've got.

[Andy]

Literally, shells are great.

[Jason]

You've got a pocket where it's like.

[Mike]

Shells are not good for the powdery cheese, though.

[Andy]

If you're making, like, a powdered Mac and cheese.

[Mike]

If you're doing. If you're doing blue box Mac and

[Andy]

cheese, you're not a fan.

[Jason]

No. Because Mike doesn't know how to make it.

[Andy]

Yeah, you gotta make it better.

[Jason]

No, here's how you make Genuinely, Mike, the grip.

[Mike]

Mike.

[Jason]

Shells might be the best, other than spiral shells are the best for Mac and cheese. Box Mac and cheese.

[Mike]

I'm a thick and creamy guy.

[Jason]

But listen, what you do is you take that pasta, boil the pasta, you drain the pasta.

[Mike]

Yep, I got that.

[Jason]

You put the pan back. You do not put the pasta back if they're shells. You put the milk in, you put the butter in, you put the cheese in. You make the sauce in the pan by itself, and then you put the shells in. And then baba boo. It's the best pasta you've ever had.

[Mike]

I feel like it will taste almost

[Jason]

identical to every other powder that gets in that pasta. Shell doesn't exist anymore.

[Andy]

I do the powders in a separate container every time I do the milk, the powder, and then I put some real cheese in there and some real butter. You mix it all up in there.

[Jason]

I didn't know you were a chef. Come on over. Okay. Oh, come on over.

[Mike]

Mine all is in a can.

[Jason]

What did we learn today?

[Mike]

Oh, so little.

[Jason]

I learned that Mike. So little. Boogers. And I also learned how to spell boogers. B O, O, G E, R S.

[Mike]

I learned that people still want to lie about eating their boogers.

[Andy]

I learned that Jason. It takes him four tweets to learn how to spell something. We are done. Episode 365. Shout out to the deucers back there. We appreciate you and we'll be back with another episode next week. Bye. Bye.

[Jason]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.

[Mike]

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[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

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