Camera Confusion & Most Satisfying Sounds - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Camera Confusion & Most Satisfying Sounds - Spit Hits!
Release Date: May 21, 2026
Hosts: Andy Holloway, Mike, and Jason

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Overview

In this delightfully offbeat and family-friendly episode, the Spitballers crew—Andy, Mike, and Jason—tackle their signature blend of nonsense and wisdom as they debate the most satisfying sounds in life and ponder life’s oddest would-you-rather questions. Alongside friendly ribbing and relatable dad humor, they reflect on generational quirks, embarrassing stories, and some accidental on-air mishaps that lead to one of the episode’s running gags about camera angles during a sneeze emergency.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Opening Banter & "Would You Rather?" Shenanigans

• Mechanical Keyboard Debate:

  • Andy expresses his distaste for mechanical keyboards (“Gosh, they're so annoying!” - Andy, 03:09), sparking a brief, bewildered discussion about the term “typist” and nostalgic tales of using typewriters and white-out (04:05-06:15).
  • Memorable Quote:
    • “Well, typist. That's not a word I've ever heard used before.” – Andy (03:25)

• Andy’s Family Embarrassment:

  • A lighthearted anecdote about Andy’s dad moving in a covered wagon launches a comedic debate about the embarrassment of outdated family technology, followed by jokes about outhouses, axles breaking, and the origins of the “Ron sandwich” (06:20–07:06).

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2. Would You Rather? Section

Q1: Dedicated in Your Honor – Theme Park, National Park, or Ballpark? (07:19–11:54)

• The trio dissect the prestige and risks associated with having a place named after you.
  • All choose “National Park” for its legacy and prestige, despite Andy admitting he personally wouldn’t want to hike there.
  • Memorable Exchange:
    • “It’s the Andy Holloway National Park.” – Jason (09:32)

Q2: Earning Money via Social Interactions (11:39–14:46)

• For $1 per wave, $10 per handshake, $100 per hug with strangers (with eye contact and reciprocation), the guys game out how to maximize earnings.
  • Free hug strategy is deemed the clear winner.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • “You’re going to be absolutely loaded!” – Mike (13:54)
    • “I don't want to be the guy that gets paid to hug.” – Jason (14:33)

Q3: Speak or Comprehend? (17:08–21:40)

• Would you rather: speak intelligently but comprehend poorly, or understand everything but speak poorly?
  • They joke about working with people with these “skills,” tiptoe around their own attributes, and circle back to the technical mishaps earlier in the show.

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3. Camera Confusion – Live Podcasting Mishaps (15:24–20:15)

• Andy’s sneeze-fight and need to blow his nose accidentally ends up full-frontal on the podcast video, leading to mock outrage, shifting camera blame, and meta-humor about “Papa Josh” in the control booth.
  • Running Gag:
    • “One time, you just go to another solo cam.” – Jason
    • “I still didn't get to blow my nose.” – Andy
    • “It’d be better to show someone blowing their nose on a camera.” – Jason

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4. Quirky Listener Questions

Scoreboards of Life (24:33–31:00)

• If everyone wore a scoreboard with one personal stat, what would you want to see?

  • Jason touts his “farting hour” from 5 to 6 am as an unbeatable stat, leading to a hilarious and extremely vivid discussion about sleeping positions, morning routines, and the mythos of the “night fart.”
  • Classic Quote:
    • “I'm telling you, when I roll to my left at 5am, the winds…” – Andy (26:07)
    • “I gotta record some of these. I wish I had no comprehension!” – Andy (29:07)

• The group explores embarrassing stats: number of wipes per day, cuss words, or calories eaten—each ripe for social judgment and laughs.

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Anthropomorphic Job Assignments (31:39–33:34)

• What animal would make the best CEO?
  • Contenders include the giraffe (for “stature”), lion (“delegation skills”), queen bee (for natural leadership, albeit more monarch than CEO), and the beaver (for organizational acumen).

Is a Pop Tart a Ravioli? (33:34–36:51)

• A debate only the Spitballers would tackle: No, it's not a ravioli—pasta is key, though the method of crimping is suspiciously similar.
  • Jason: “How have they not made edgeless pop tarts?”
  • Discovery: Pop Tarts are not injected; like ravioli, they are crimped shut.

If All Doors Disappeared for One Hour… (36:55–39:52)

• The group quickly identifies airplane doors, prisons, and bank vaults as the biggest threats/chaos points—detailed with illustrative (and darkly funny) consequences.

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The Draft: Most Satisfying Sounds (41:09–52:50)

An enthusiastic, nostalgia-fueled draft where each host picks their top “most satisfying sounds,” revealing as much about their personalities as it does about what makes life pleasant.
First Pick: Rain (Mike) — a universal favorite, especially treasured in Arizona.

Snapshot of Draft Results:

Mike:

• Rain (41:43)
• Birds chirping (46:02)
• Walking in small gravel (48:12)
• Closing a high-quality car door (51:52)

Jason:

• Crack of a can (43:16)
• Wind in the trees (45:41)
• Vinyl record crackle (49:04)
• Slot machine jackpot (51:01)

Andy:

• Crackling fire (44:31)
• Ocean waves (44:49)
• Coffee pouring into a mug (50:00)
• Sizzle of bacon (50:29)

Notable Quotes:

• “That sound is awesome. It's like, I'm thirsty now.” – Jason, re: crack of a can (43:48)
• “The sizzle of bacon—do they really use that for sound effects?” – Andy (50:36)

Honorable Mentions:

Thunder, rustling leaves, a knife’s scrape on fresh bread, baby laughter, soda exhale, a perfect swish on the court, the pop of a sealed jar, and the sound of a bank cash machine (53:34–54:30).

Comedic Detour:

• The actual, surprising sound of a bald eagle is played (53:09), to everyone’s amusement:
  • “That is a bald eagle? That's awful.” – Andy (53:16)
  • “The sound of strength and freedom, man. Out of here.” – Mike (53:23)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “Mechanical keyboards—oh gosh, they're so annoying.” – Andy (03:09)
• “If you have something dedicated in your honor, what are you hoping that means?” – Jason (08:08)
• “He ate over 4,000 churros at this theme park.” – Jason (08:49)
• “I don't want to be the guy that gets paid to hug.” – Jason (14:33)
• “If you need someone to cover for somebody else, go to the Dooser Cam.” – Jason (20:15)
• Discussion of Andy’s infamous farting hour: (25:28–27:59)
• “What happens if you sleep on your right side? My right side doesn’t work!” – Andy (27:56)
• “How have they not made edgeless Pop Tarts?” – Jason (35:20)
• Bald eagle sound reality check: (53:09)
• “Taste the Italian!” – Andy, referring to Skittles as “candy raviolis” (36:38)

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Episode Flow & Tone

• Relatable Dad Jokes & Self-Deprecating Humor: The hosts weave personal anecdotes and family tales throughout, often making themselves the butt of the joke.
• Meta Comedy: Ongoing jokes about their own production mishaps, specifically camera confusion, pull listeners into the (unfiltered) behind-the-scenes antics.
• Interactive & Imaginative: Audience was invited to engage with questions as if in the room, and the wild, rambling banter always pays off with unexpected insights or gut-busting laughter.
• Clean, Self-Aware, & Silly: They keep the language family-safe while still tackling subjects (like night farts and embarrassing family stories) with a playful, sometimes edgy candor.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Spitballers ride: curiosity, comedy, and creative camaraderie. Expect a mix of goofy hypotheticals, nostalgic tangents (hello, typewriters), surprising revelations (did you know the actual sound of a bald eagle is super lame?), and a front-row seat to the three hosts’ irresistible chemistry—proving, once again, why they’re repeatedly named Comedy Podcast of the Year.

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Episode Timeline

• 00:00–01:39: Ads and intro
• 01:39–06:07: Banter on mechanical keyboards, typewriters, and covered wagons
• 07:19–14:46: Would You Rather?—Parks, earning money through social interaction, intelligence vs. eloquence
• 15:24–20:15: Camera mishap discussion and meta-commentary
• 24:33–31:00: Scoreboard stats; the legend of Andy’s 5am “fart hour”
• 31:39–36:51: Animals as CEOs; Pop Tart vs. ravioli debate
• 36:55–39:52: “What if all doors disappeared for an hour?”
• 41:09–52:50: Draft—most satisfying sounds, with post-draft honorable mentions
• 53:09–54:30: Bald eagle sound and final thoughts

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Bottom Line:
If you love creative, laugh-out-loud banter, zany hypotheticals, and revealingly honest moments between friends, this Spitballers episode is a must-listen (or read)!

Transcript

[Andy Holloway]

Aruba loves you. Seriously, like the entire island. You don't believe me, Then visit it and you'll see. The beaches will soothe you with warming love. The water will heal you with cleansing love. The food will fill you with delicious, delicious food love. And the people, well, they offer the warmest love of all. That's a lot of love. Hope you like feeling incredible basically the entire time you you're there. Just be sure to return the favor. So go ahead and meet Aruba and then love Aruba. Plan your trip [e-mail] today's show is

[Mike]

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[Andy Holloway]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason Bing.

[Mike]

Bop, boom, boom, boom, bop, bam. I kind of scatterm on. You wouldn't understand, Jason.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, I like it. Let's go, let's go. This is gonna be a good show.

[Jason Bing]

I was so hoping you'd redeem that

[Mike]

whole part of the show. There was. There was a part of me that said, this is. This is it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna be the one that just goes silent, doesn't do anything.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

And I'm like, I did it, guys. Instead, you were gonna kill this cat. Instead I was like, well, Kendrick had a good idea. So we're. We're talking about sounds.

[Andy Holloway]

There you go.

[Mike]

And Mr. Lamar gave me some sounds.

[Jason Bing]

Thank you for bringing it back, Mike. I can smell a bedinghy in my future. Spitballers episode 318.

[Mike]

Would you rather if you've never smelled a badinghy?

[Andy Holloway]

Congrats.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah, I don't Recommend it. Would you rather. That's a great question. And we are drafting the most satisfying sounds. So there you go.

[Andy Holloway]

I know what it's not. It's not a mechanical keyboard.

[Mike]

Oh, you don't like that?

[Andy Holloway]

No, I mean, I saw that on lists of, like.

[Jason Bing]

It's a wonderful sound.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, gosh, there's so annoying, really. It's too much. Especially if someone is a, you know, a good typer of the keyboard. It's

[Mike]

like a typist.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Typer of the keyboard.

[Andy Holloway]

Well, typist. That's not a word I've ever heard used before.

[Mike]

That's got to be the word, right?

[Jason Bing]

It is the word.

[Andy Holloway]

It might be the word. But have you heard someone referred to as a typist?

[Jason Bing]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

Really?

[Jason Bing]

Yeah. I mean, I think it's a little bit more associated with, like, when there were people that. On a typewriter.

[Andy Holloway]

Right.

[Jason Bing]

Or I think of it in the. In the, like, courtroom. What are those?

[Mike]

Not a typistographer.

[Andy Holloway]

There you go. You've never heard them referred to as a typist?

[Mike]

No.

[Jason Bing]

I have no idea. Well, a typist would have to be somebody that only, like, types as a job on a keyboard.

[Mike]

Yeah, they're a typer.

[Andy Holloway]

I mean, this is exactly what I was referring to. A person who is skilled in using a typewriter or a computer keyboard.

[Jason Bing]

I mean, that's why I said typewriter. It reminds me of that. Did you ever type on a typewriter?

[Andy Holloway]

I have typed on a typewriter before, yes.

[Jason Bing]

When I was Nice Mike.

[Andy Holloway]

It's really crazy.

[Jason Bing]

That's the most satisfying sound.

[Andy Holloway]

Kaching. Some of those things that are, like, time now. We're old as dirt now. And I remember my father telling stories of, you know, when he was a boy that things are just crazy. Like, they had to move, and they were poor and they had to move at one point, and they had a covered wagon. And I'm like, I know. That's, like, one of his most embarrassing

[Mike]

stories, and it should be, oh, okay. So in my head, I'm like, what, like a Radio Flyer? You're talking like, he's on. He's getting dysentery on horses. A covered wagon.

[Andy Holloway]

And there was one point where I believe.

[Mike]

I believe he had his axle break.

[Andy Holloway]

And this is actually more common for people of our parents or grandparents generation where they didn't have, like, bathrooms and doors. You know, you had, like, an outhouse and that, you know, the sewage and plumbing. That's a relatively modern invention. But the typewriter is one of those things where I genuinely Was at an age once where I used a typewriter for school, but to write an assignment, not as a joke or like, as. Like, for this assignment, I'm going to write on a typewriter. It was like, no, I got to type it up. So you use a typewriter that feels ancient.

[Jason Bing]

I will always remember, and I know those listening won't, but won't all understand. But if you use a typewriter, I just remember specifically, if you needed to correct something, you went back and you took a little tiny plastic sheet that had white on it, and you would type the exact same letter that you had typed onto the white, and it would punch the white.

[Mike]

Oh, it would punch the white through

[Jason Bing]

and it would cover the letter so you could retype it.

[Andy Holloway]

And then we got in our covered wagon.

[Mike]

Is that before or after, like, actual whiteout?

[Jason Bing]

It was before.

[Andy Holloway]

Interesting man. Whiteout. Whiteout was ruling the world at one point.

[Mike]

We're gonna live forever.

[Jason Bing]

So your dad had a covered wagon? Was he 600 years old?

[Andy Holloway]

They moved in a covered wagon. I don't know if they had one us or if they just rented it. I don't know. I don't know.

[Jason Bing]

Renting a covered wagon is worse.

[Mike]

Okay, that is like the Beverly Hillbillies.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

[Jason Bing]

Wait, but you said he's very embarrassed by that.

[Andy Holloway]

That was an embarrassing story that I just shared with the entire world.

[Jason Bing]

Because it shows his age.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, Well, I think he was embarrassed.

[Jason Bing]

Why didn't they just take the brontosaurus across the country?

[Andy Holloway]

I think he was embarrassed then because

[Jason Bing]

I think it showed his economics.

[Andy Holloway]

Like other people had cars and stuff.

[Mike]

This is the guy who makes the Ron sandwich.

[Andy Holloway]

That is. That is the. That is the man, the legend.

[Mike]

But I'm saying the sandwich is not an embarrassment. It's the covered wagon.

[Andy Holloway]

Correct. It was the original sandwich.

[Jason Bing]

It was the original sandwich invented of all sandwiches. Would you rather. That's a great question. Most satisfying sounds. Draft. We'll kick it off right now.

[Andy Holloway]

Would you rather.

[Jason Bing]

Jason from the website writes in after you die, would you rather have a theme park, national park, or ballpark?

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason Bing]

Dedicated in your honor? So.

[Andy Holloway]

Wow.

[Jason Bing]

You know, you see different places with this library dedicated in this person's name or this wing of a hospital. This is a theme park, a national park or a ballpark. Let me start with this question before you make your decision, because I really want to understand it, and I think this show is about understanding.

[Andy Holloway]

Yes.

[Jason Bing]

And learning what a lot of people might say. Okay. I don't even care. I'M dead. It doesn't matter. I get that viewpoint. But if you have something dedicated in your honor, what are you hoping that means? When someone sees it, oh, like, what

[Andy Holloway]

did we do to deserve it?

[Jason Bing]

Well, no, just, like, what do you want? Like, if we're doing this thing, we're dedicating it in their honor. Are you wanting people to see it and be like, they helped build this. Are you wanting people to see it and be like, I wonder who that was? Like, what is the purpose of the dedication?

[Andy Holloway]

More the second one more of, like, do you want. Not, like, my park. I didn't build this park. But, like, you know, it was. Yeah, you definitely need a bio under,

[Jason Bing]

like, a little bio, a little plaque

[Andy Holloway]

that said, you know, like, when you go to the zoo and it tells you what the. You know, he was a lover of

[Jason Bing]

theme parks, and we dedicate this park in his honor.

[Andy Holloway]

That's not what it's going to say. But, yeah, I. When I look at the question, he

[Jason Bing]

ate over 4000 churros at this theme park.

[Andy Holloway]

The national park feels the most prestigious, but also, it's the place I want to go the least. So I'm really conflicted, which.

[Mike]

And it is the one that will. That will stick, right? Like a ballpark. They change names or they get demoed and replaced, and you're just. Then you got to hope they. The replacement stadium. They carry over the name and theme parks while we think of, like, Disneyland. You're like, well, Disneyland's forever. There's tons of theme parks that fail.

[Jason Bing]

Wait, Al, are they naming it after you? Because I was imagining, like, the only reason I wouldn't pick the national park is there's lots of entries to a park. I thought you'd have to see this plaque on entry.

[Andy Holloway]

No, it's going to be named after you.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, it's named after you.

[Andy Holloway]

It's the Andy Holloway National Park.

[Jason Bing]

Oh. Stadiums will come and go. They'll knock that thing down. They'll build another one. Theme parks. They'll have a lawsuit. That one roller coaster broke.

[Andy Holloway]

That guy died at Andy Holloway's theme park.

[Jason Bing]

But the national park will be safe.

[Mike]

There's gonna be a lot of people that die. The park, Jake.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, the bears. Oh.

[Jason Bing]

But they won't blame me.

[Mike]

No, they'll blame the bears.

[Jason Bing]

I'm taking the national park.

[Andy Holloway]

I think this will be very surprising, but I'm taking the national park as well.

[Mike]

It is.

[Jason Bing]

I hope. There's a lot of hiking trails on your park.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, for sure.

[Jason Bing]

It's just Jason Moore's. National Hiking Park.

[Mike]

It's just benches.

[Andy Holloway]

There's still trails.

[Mike]

We turned them into benches.

[Andy Holloway]

There's still trails. Certainly no trees around.

[Jason Bing]

There's trails with benches so often flat walking paths.

[Andy Holloway]

There are no incline at all, but miles and miles of trails.

[Jason Bing]

It's all decline because they bring you up in one of those.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, we've got the gondola. Yeah, for sure.

[Jason Bing]

What is the skiing? Ski lift. Ski lift you to the top so you can walk at a slight decline.

[Andy Holloway]

I like that. But still need the benches.

[Jason Bing]

That would be like if they came to you and said, can we use your name for this hiking park? You'd be like, yes, but put in 2,000 benches.

[Andy Holloway]

Okay, so we're all going national park. So pick our park.

[Mike]

Well, I'm saying I haven't picked.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, you didn't.

[Mike]

I'm still. The national park makes so much sense. It's just like if. If the theme park hits and you have. I mean, the fact that Walt Disney, like, that's a real person and it's hard to even kind of think about that because, like, Disney is a brand.

[Jason Bing]

That's true.

[Mike]

Disney is feelings. It's emotions. It's all these excitement. It's these so taking you on wild rides with story. So if it hits. That's like top tier stuff is people can't wait to go back to rights to. Yeah. To write land or whatever it is. But there's just too much risk. So I think I'm going to take the national park.

[Jason Bing]

Bobby from the website, would you rather get $1 for every stranger you wave at? $10 for every stranger you shake hands with? So a wave, a dollar a wave. $10 for a handshake or $100 for every stranger you hug. In all cases, you must make direct eye contact with the stranger and they must reciprocate the greeting.

[Andy Holloway]

Interesting. So, okay, we're going to go make some money here. We're going to go make money. I'm going to a busy mall full of strangers.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy Holloway]

I'm going to the food court because this is America and that's where everybody's hanging out. Yeah. The line for Panda Express. Oh. At this moment, it does not matter what time of day it is. Whenever you're listening, it could be a holiday. That line is around the corner at all malls.

[Mike]

I am a huge supporter of Panda Express. I love it. But the, you know, when we go to, we still have a mall. A mall that has not died. And Panda Express is still the hotness. I mean, like, how is Chipotle Is there.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, there's great other options, but it's like panda.

[Mike]

Is it. Are they too slow or so fast?

[Jason Bing]

I don't understand. The other place is being slow.

[Mike]

Oh, so you just. You're like.

[Jason Bing]

And they know that pandas fast.

[Mike]

I know that the line is long, but it's going to be fast.

[Andy Holloway]

I don't know. It was. What was the question? So I'm going to.

[Mike]

I remember going to the field court. $1 for a wave, 10 for shaking hands at $100 for a hug.

[Andy Holloway]

Obviously, I can wave at a lot

[Mike]

of people, but they have to wave back.

[Andy Holloway]

They have. Oh, they have to wave back. They have to reciprocate, not just make the eye. Oh, well, then that one's out. Because I think if I were to go and just randomly start waving at a bunch of people, you'll get a few of them to wave back. But One handshake is 10 people. A hug is almost. This is the most dangerous, but almost automatically reciprocal.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy Holloway]

Your hugging is half the battle.

[Mike]

I would go with. Like, it's. The price disparity is too large. You just go out, you hold it. Free hugs.

[Andy Holloway]

Free hugs.

[Mike]

Do the free hug sign.

[Andy Holloway]

Yes.

[Mike]

And I mean, you're going to be. You're going to be absolutely loaded.

[Andy Holloway]

I mean, you could give away something for the hug. You could say $5.

[Mike]

You have to disclose that you're going to make 100.

[Andy Holloway]

No, of course not. I mean, if I was saying, I will pay you $5 for a hug, would I get more hugs or less hugs than if I just said free hugs?

[Jason Bing]

Almost weirder.

[Andy Holloway]

That's what I'm saying. I feel like.

[Jason Bing]

Like, I don't want to be paid to hug. I'll give you a hug for free.

[Andy Holloway]

But a paid hug.

[Mike]

I'll give you $5 to hug me.

[Andy Holloway]

That would be a problem. No, you're 100% right. If I saw that. If I saw a little stand.

[Mike]

There's a free hug guy right there.

[Andy Holloway]

I'll take the free hug. I don't want. I don't want your $5. I'm gonna feel bad about this hug.

[Jason Bing]

I don't want to be the guy that gets paid to hug.

[Andy Holloway]

But what if it was a balloon? Give me a hug. You get a balloon or something? You know what I mean? I think we. It's got to be the hugs. $100. It has to be the hug. A hug.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason Bing]

Isn't there, like, $10 for every handshake? Wouldn't you go to, like, a bunch of business Events.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, that's a. That's a nice hack. Everyone's shaking hands with everyone there still.

[Mike]

You got to get 10 for every. You think I can't get hugs at a business convention? For sure can.

[Andy Holloway]

People. People will hug back.

[Mike]

If you go at a business convention. Yeah. And you fully. You signal.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

You go, Creed. Arms wide open.

[Andy Holloway]

Just like the.

[Mike]

You're getting a hug.

[Andy Holloway]

Just like the big. You know, the big, like, what's up, my man? High fives.

[Mike]

This is only for the video watchers.

[Andy Holloway]

What? Okay. What is happening?

[Mike]

Andy's been fighting a sneeze since the show.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

And he was like. He's like, producers, someone give me a Kleenex ad. And he's trying to do it off camera.

[Andy Holloway]

He said a Kleenex and a camera change.

[Mike]

And then. And then they went right from me talking into the full three shot.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, my gosh. Josh. Is this Papa Josh again?

[Jason Bing]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, my gosh. This is, like, no time. I'm going to defend this one because

[Jason Bing]

Mike was done, and I cannot leave the camera.

[Andy Holloway]

You got to go to Jason's solo cambro.

[Mike]

The next man up was talking.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, my.

[Jason Bing]

I can tell you from seven years of other people doing the cameras, this has never happened. One time, you just go to another solo cam.

[Andy Holloway]

They were riffing back and forth. It was amazing.

[Jason Bing]

You just literally said it'd be better to show someone blowing their nose on a camera.

[Mike]

Andy's face when he's. When he. When you find the moment Andy seeing him on the monitor, it's like, what?

[Andy Holloway]

Here's what's crazy is this just happened. Something just like this happened.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy Holloway]

We had to edit the show because Josh was a dummy, and it just happened. Like, this is a week or two ago. I still didn't get to blow my nose.

[Mike]

You had to go take over. Go to Jason's camp.

[Andy Holloway]

Anyway, so speaking of. Quick. He's blowing the nose.

[Mike]

Show up.

[Andy Holloway]

Ruin him. Oh, my goodness.

[Jason Bing]

All right, well, you get that on microphone. I went right into the microphone.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, yeah, we got that. All right, what's the next question?

[Mike]

Yeah, we got to take the 100 bucks.

[Jason Bing]

All right, Scott, from the website, would you rather speak with a high level of intelligence but have below average comprehension skills? Speak with. Okay. Or below average speaking intelligence but a high intelligent comprehension. What the. I don't like this question.

[Andy Holloway]

But highly intelligent comprehension skills. Yeah. You just don't like.

[Jason Bing]

I still don't like it.

[Andy Holloway]

You don't like reading it or. Because the question's good, do you Want to be really smart and intelligent, but sound dumb or be really eloquent, but you actually don't know what you're talking about.

[Jason Bing]

It's very interesting because does my listener. Does the listener understand this about me?

[Mike]

Will they understand that you like.

[Jason Bing]

Because comprehension is not the same thing as, like, describe these to me. Because I'm confused by the comprehension one.

[Andy Holloway]

Okay.

[Jason Bing]

You're saying I don't receive information from somebody else. Well, but when I speak, it doesn't mean I don't know anything. If I'm speaking intelligently, then I clearly do know something.

[Mike]

Yeah, you'll have.

[Jason Bing]

I just can't respect.

[Mike]

You'll be BSing a lot.

[Jason Bing]

So I need a situation where I just talk and can leave.

[Mike]

Just give speeches.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, that would do it. You'd be a nice speech giver. Now, on the other side, you're not able to get things out well, but you have a really good understanding of what's going on. Right. I feel like that's like the Elon Musk, like, very smart but can't talk. Exactly. So, man, that would be really tough because everything in your world would be better if you have better comprehension skills, but people think you dumb. You know what I mean? Like, people are going to assume you are dumb. It takes a lot to convince someone with dumb words that you are smart. Josh has still never been able to do it Right. So I don't know, man, which one

[Jason Bing]

gives you the camera changing ability, the having comprehension skills? Okay.

[Andy Holloway]

It doesn't take talking.

[Jason Bing]

So you. So Josh could talk? Well,

[Andy Holloway]

no, he would in this case be the one if. Oh, I see what you're saying currently. Yes. Very eloquent.

[Jason Bing]

Okay. Just making sure

[Mike]

Josh. Josh is still in the chat going on. He's trying to blame me. Like, I was supposed to just keep talking and making like I was done, but apparently I was supposed to keep talking so that Andy could blow his nose.

[Jason Bing]

But at the bottom of the list of all the things that you could ever do in the history of the world, the one where you show the guy blowing his nose is at the bottom of the list. Under any circumstance, it'd be better if Mike would go to Mike's camera. Go to Mike's camera now.

[Mike]

Don't talk.

[Jason Bing]

Mike.

[Andy Holloway]

Better. That's fine. That's fine, that's fine.

[Jason Bing]

Go to Jason's camera.

[Andy Holloway]

And now, here's what's crazy.

[Jason Bing]

Don't talk.

[Andy Holloway]

Jay, he went to your camera. He didn't even go to the right camera. Okay, better. But here's the thing. I was Actually talking when he could have just gone to me. So then it's the best of just nothing. No one would have known anything.

[Mike]

Somehow it's my fault.

[Jason Bing]

That's what he's posting. There's a new rule. If you need someone to cover for somebody else, I want you to go to the Dooser Cam. That's the COVID Go to the Dooser Cam. And you sit there.

[Mike]

Hey, Josh, just start talking.

[Jason Bing]

Start talking.

[Mike]

Just.

[Andy Holloway]

I'm giving 10 seconds right now.

[Mike]

Just start talking. You might be done, but someone will then get mad that you didn't keep talking.

[Andy Holloway]

Do you.

[Jason Bing]

Do you feel like you know anybody in your life that has the either of these two categories?

[Andy Holloway]

No, I think it's difficult to have. I think it's difficult to have this be true for most people. Right? Because if you have highly intelligent comprehension skills, you're usually able to communicate pretty well. I mean, that's not universally true.

[Jason Bing]

How would you ever know that somebody has good comprehension? It happens if they can't speak. Well, how would you know it, though?

[Mike]

I feel like I definitely have moments where I know how something works. I fully understand it, and it's like I can't find the right words to explain it, but I know how it works.

[Andy Holloway]

And I am the opposite, because I can explain anything. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I have never. I've never heard of this product, but I can tell you all about it.

[Mike]

That is true.

[Andy Holloway]

All right, so I guess I'll take that one.

[Mike]

I'll take one of them.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah. Yeah, that's.

[Mike]

I don't know. I'll take.

[Andy Holloway]

Blow my nose off camera for 200, please.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah, we're moving on. What's going on, everybody? I have a busy life. We have three kids. They are always all over the place, and it is hard to find time to cook a healthy meal instead of just clicking that button and getting something nasty delivered to your house. And we've all had long days when that hunger kicks in, and we want that healthy meal, and, well, it's not in the fridge. And that's where Factor comes in. We were using Factor our family since before they were even a sponsor of the show. We're talking fully prepared meals that my son steals most of, designed by dietitians, crafted by chefs, delivered to your door. We've been subscribed for years now. They are fresh, never frozen. They go right into our refrigerator. Tons of great variety. We grab them. It's two minutes per meal and stuff that we actually enjoy that tastes great. There are more than 100 options every single week. We've got like, I'm on a protein meal plan. I can order protein meals that I absolutely love. And we've been doing that for a long time. Head to factor meals.com ballers50off and use the code ballers50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details. What's going on? Spit wads. If you're trying to be more intentional about what you wear every day, Quints can help with that. They've got pieces that feel easy, comfortable, and still put together. The fabrics feel elevated and the fits are clean. Fun story. I've been buying from Quints for a long time and they've been working with the show. Love them. They got all sorts of great stuff. Like think about 100% European line shorts and shirts. We wear only shorts out here for $34. That type of stuff. I go into our closet and lo and behold, there is a box from Quince. My wife had separately found them and started buying from them. That's how good the products are. Because it's 50 to 80% less than what you'd find with similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman legitimately. A great company, a great product. I love everything I've gotten from Quints. The specific shirts and shorts that I absolutely love, those are my favorites. So comfortable. And in Arizona, you need comfortable shorts all the time. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com spitballers for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com/spitballers for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/spitballers.

[Andy Holloway]

That's a great question.

[Jason Bing]

Javier from Patreon. Great question for us. If every person on earth had to carry a scoreboard displaying one personal stat, what stat would you want to see? Knowing that your stat would also be publicly displayed as well.

[Mike]

So everyone's.

[Andy Holloway]

Everyone's the same stat. Correct. Okay. All right.

[Mike]

Would we have another bad camera swap? What is happening?

[Jason Bing]

No, he had the one before. He's just thinking. He's holding his up. Camera swaps, too. Yeah, that one would work. I'm at zero right now. I'm at zero.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason Bing]

What's that? This is a weird question.

[Mike]

Farts per day.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, baby.

[Jason Bing]

You want to see the farts per day.

[Andy Holloway]

I will have a crown on my head from 5am to 6am guys, wait. From 5 to 6am from 5 to 6am there could be a camera that turns on just audio for one hour. That's my farting hour.

[Jason Bing]

What in the world?

[Andy Holloway]

Holy hour.

[Jason Bing]

In the bed.

[Andy Holloway]

In the bed with the wife next to you. Oh, yeah. I'm telling you, I save them up all night. What happens is I think I sleep on my back for most of the night, and then around five in the morning, I roll to my left. There's no.

[Jason Bing]

There's no explanation for a farting hour. The explanation is you have a medical condition.

[Andy Holloway]

It is the realest, most true thing you've.

[Jason Bing]

What do you mean you save them up? Your body cannot fart in the middle of the night.

[Andy Holloway]

I think not. When I'm on my back, it doesn't like. It blocks like a block. I'm telling you, when I. When I roll to my left at 5:00am, the. The winds.

[Jason Bing]

So you can start it. You can start it when you want. When you wake up, do you go. And we begin and then you turn.

[Andy Holloway]

I'm telling you guys, this isn't a joke. This isn't a bit. From 5 to 6am, 100. Could it be massive farts or is

[Mike]

5am something to do with it?

[Andy Holloway]

It's the left. It's laying on my left side. I just don't do it till the morning. And then when I do it in the morning, it's like what he does. Thank God I've got so much in me.

[Jason Bing]

What he doesn't tell you is every 4am he drives to Taco Bell that. Are they stinky?

[Andy Holloway]

No, no, no. This is just pure night.

[Jason Bing]

Night farts.

[Andy Holloway]

This is just pure wind. Massive. And sometimes night terrors.

[Mike]

Night sweats, Night farts. Night farts.

[Jason Bing]

I mean, we just. You know, it's 318 episodes in, but Jason does not burp. That is so his biology is store it and release it in the farting hour.

[Andy Holloway]

Apparently, yeah. I mean, it's. It's something I've thought about trying to get a timed microphone of. Because I'm telling you guys, I'm not

[Jason Bing]

interested in that substack.

[Andy Holloway]

You are, and you might think you're not, but you have no idea what kind of power I'm talking about here.

[Mike]

It's.

[Andy Holloway]

That. Could you. I mean, every other day it makes me laugh. Every other day. I can't believe it.

[Jason Bing]

Do you feel better after?

[Andy Holloway]

It's incredible.

[Mike]

So wait, are you. Are you're cracking yourself Up.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, it's just like. I mean, one that just.

[Jason Bing]

Is she immune to it, the wife?

[Andy Holloway]

Is it just like she sleeps through it?

[Jason Bing]

She tunes it out.

[Andy Holloway]

She doesn't even know even when you. That's what makes it really funny to

[Mike]

me that it's just you.

[Andy Holloway]

Like, I wanted you. No.

[Jason Bing]

Have you thought about doing the full road? What if you do full rotation onto your belly?

[Mike]

What happens if you. I don't know, man.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, I got up on my knees

[Mike]

or like your right side.

[Andy Holloway]

My right side doesn't work. No. Oh my gosh.

[Mike]

Left side only.

[Jason Bing]

This is just too.

[Andy Holloway]

Actually. Is it. Wait, wait, wait.

[Mike]

Left side is the. Is the. That's where you're supposed to sleep for. For stomach stuff, right?

[Andy Holloway]

I think so. I believe. And I'm not sure there's something in the back of my head. This is from like two years ago. But Papa Josh, I believe, told me. Okay, he's nodding yes. He was the one that told me. I think I was having a stomach problem or something. He said lay on my left side.

[Mike]

Yeah. Sleeping on your left side may help with digestion and reduce heart.

[Andy Holloway]

It finishes all the digestion, brother.

[Jason Bing]

It's.

[Andy Holloway]

Guys, this is. This is what this show is here for.

[Jason Bing]

If you wake up and you are like freakin a balloon.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. At five, but not at the. Not at six. At six, I am raisin.

[Mike]

Does the. Does the blanket eventually take off like a hot air balloon?

[Andy Holloway]

Well, it just depends on if I'm going for a Dutch oven or not, which. So a lot of times I'll do the one leg over the covers. Okay. And then I'm just blowing it out. I'm just, you know, blowing it to the back door. I want to know. Nothing, dude.

[Mike]

Yeah, I gotta.

[Andy Holloway]

I gotta record some of these. I just. I wish I had no comprehension. So impressive with these parts.

[Mike]

Well, we're gonna need some proof.

[Jason Bing]

I agree.

[Andy Holloway]

I agree, man. So look, Jeremy, see if you can find my force.

[Jason Bing]

Google it.

[Andy Holloway]

See if you can find like an audio recording device that can turn on at a. Like. Like that I could turn on for an hour, 5am or they have the apps that tell you if you snore in the middle of the night and they use your phone's microphone. Okay, dude, well, see if you can find one for farting or whatever.

[Jason Bing]

A lot.

[Andy Holloway]

At 5am I want to see if I'm right about this because I'm. I'm telling you, these are facts.

[Jason Bing]

Coming back to the question, which is the scoreboard displaying the personal stats. That one's a Good one. Because no matter what the number is, it's funny for everybody. Is there one that's like an embarrassing stat, but you are low in it? Like, there's just something you don't do that other people do that's embarrassing for them. That's embarrassing for them. Is there anything in that category? Like, what if it was just, like, the amount of times you watched Gilmore Girls? Or you. Is there some, like, thing that you're.

[Andy Holloway]

That we're high in?

[Jason Bing]

That we're low in?

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, that we're low in.

[Jason Bing]

I'm just saying, like, if you're putting a stat out there, that's how you like to know from somebody else, that could be embarrassing.

[Andy Holloway]

Are you safe from amount of wipes today? Okay, think about amount of wipes. Because I would be zero every day.

[Jason Bing]

Because of the bidet? Because of the bidet, not because you don't wipe. Right.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. Pat dry. But, like, what if you're walking around and we're bad. What if you're walking around and someone's 5 to 6am but what if you're walking around and someone's got, like, 48?

[Jason Bing]

Cause, you know, it's a rough day.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, man. I just. Free hugs. I'm so sorry.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah, you just give them money. You're like, I'm sorry.

[Mike]

Oh, I'm gonna say curse words could be pretty funny.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Because I like dad. Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

You come home and you got a three.

[Mike]

You got a five burger.

[Jason Bing]

What?

[Mike]

What?

[Andy Holloway]

Or this. Or the son.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

Or your comes home from school is 12. What are you doing, you potty mouth? Wow, that would be good.

[Jason Bing]

Anything back there you guys can think of? Al, you got anything on your mind?

[Andy Holloway]

Nothing on my mind. The most shameful one that would be best for America would just be calories.

[Mike]

Just calories eaten.

[Andy Holloway]

Just a calorie counter and everybody's calories.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, you're going to the doctor and you're like, I don't know, Doc. I always eat healthy.

[Andy Holloway]

You're at 10,000. Yeah.

[Jason Bing]

All right, Matt from the website, great question for us. If all animals had to be assigned human jobs based on their personalities, which animal would make the best CEO? Ooh, see, that's interesting. Certain animals seem smarter than other ones, even when they're not.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. A giraffe, because of stature.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy Holloway]

It stands tall and proud. And, you know, it's very heady way up there.

[Jason Bing]

That feels to me as a good CEO.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. Like. Like, I think a lion would be

[Jason Bing]

a good CEO, though.

[Mike]

Oh, well, for sure. But that's the question. Is a lion really a good leader?

[Jason Bing]

Right? Yeah. What do they do? What's the most organized animal? Is that like a beaver building a dam?

[Mike]

I did think of that. One of like, they just instinctually know. They're like, there's some water coming through here. Not on my watch.

[Andy Holloway]

That's the worker. That's not the CEO. You want the beaver working hard for you. That's the blue collar.

[Mike]

But they know. They know what needs to be done. See, the lion, And a great CEO is someone who experienced.

[Jason Bing]

Is there any delegating animals, though?

[Andy Holloway]

A lion. Lion doesn't go out and do his killing. It's like, hey, ladies, go, go get me some meat.

[Jason Bing]

I'm busy growing my mane.

[Andy Holloway]

Lions got the gig, man. They're probably outside of bears. They are the strongest, most powerful animal.

[Jason Bing]

Nothing will kill.

[Andy Holloway]

You have to do it.

[Mike]

Well, other than other male lions.

[Jason Bing]

True.

[Mike]

You have to fight them off a lot.

[Jason Bing]

I mean, ants are all organized, but there's no leader. They just work as a group.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, a queen bee.

[Mike]

Oh, okay, now we're talking.

[Jason Bing]

I mean, that does seem naturally.

[Andy Holloway]

That works. But that's not an animal.

[Jason Bing]

It's more of a monarch situation.

[Andy Holloway]

It's a flying monster.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to think if there's anything else.

[Mike]

I think the queen bee is a good answer.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, boy. Austin wants to know. Austin from Austin from X says, would you consider a pop tart? A type of ravioli? No,

[Mike]

a type of ravioli because it's not pasta.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah, a ravioli has to be pasta.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, it's stuffed.

[Jason Bing]

Has to be noodles.

[Andy Holloway]

Stuffed noodles. Yeah, some kind of pasta.

[Mike]

So define what a ravioli is.

[Andy Holloway]

To me, a ravioli is any kind of stuffed pasta that is fully enclosed.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

So if it's fully enclosed, if the pasta shell is crimped on all sides, folded in on itself, rolled over, whatever.

[Jason Bing]

Is that crimped like a pop tart? Is that the. Oh, is that the way you make

[Mike]

stuff inside of it?

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, yeah, we're close.

[Mike]

Like a pop tart.

[Andy Holloway]

We're pretty close.

[Jason Bing]

But when you make ravioli, I'm assuming you put the filling in and then you put. You put more noodle on top and then you crimp it closed.

[Andy Holloway]

You usually have.

[Jason Bing]

You don't inject, right?

[Andy Holloway]

No, you don't inject.

[Jason Bing]

So you inject a pop tart, though, right?

[Mike]

I don't know.

[Jason Bing]

Is that an injection?

[Andy Holloway]

I don't know how a pop tart is made.

[Mike]

Does anyone know looking into it. Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

Google that for us.

[Mike]

Or is it Just too. Because, I mean, it's a pastry and I wouldn't call a pastry a ravioli.

[Jason Bing]

I feel like they're injected. I choose to believe that.

[Andy Holloway]

I do not believe they're injected. They are not injected. I'm watching a video.

[Mike]

I'll show you the one flat piece. And they spread it and then clamp it shut. Yep.

[Jason Bing]

That's just not as cool.

[Andy Holloway]

No, it's definitely not as cool. But that there's.

[Mike]

If it were injected, you would have the sight. You'd have the sight of the injection.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. And there's not enough stuff inside to inject a jelly donut.

[Mike]

That a pop Tart has way too

[Andy Holloway]

much edge and way not enough stuff inside.

[Mike]

Right.

[Jason Bing]

How have they not made edgeless pop tarts?

[Mike]

Now we're talking.

[Andy Holloway]

Now that is. That is incredible. I do believe it might exist. But what I'm curious about is why haven't they made a double sided pop tarts? You can keep the.

[Jason Bing]

You can keep that, like frosting on

[Andy Holloway]

both sides, frosting on the bottom. And it's not.

[Jason Bing]

This is what I'm saying. Then maybe it would be more.

[Andy Holloway]

That'd be just better.

[Jason Bing]

It could be shaped like a ravioli. And I think we're all in.

[Mike]

But what side do you lay it on then for the toasting? No, once you get it out, you

[Andy Holloway]

just lay it on either side.

[Jason Bing]

Comes with a tripod. Comes with an easel.

[Mike]

Mike, very specific Pop tart holder. Because if it's frosting on both sides. I liked where you're going until I thought of just the practicality of it.

[Andy Holloway]

There's no problem.

[Mike]

Wax paper.

[Andy Holloway]

No. Take a pop Tart and go ahead and do something crazy. Put it frosting side down on your plate. It won't do anything. It won't. It'll be fine.

[Mike]

Because the frosting never gets.

[Andy Holloway]

No, the frosting is hard as it's a shell.

[Mike]

Right.

[Jason Bing]

I don't feel like pots.

[Andy Holloway]

It's like saying you can't put a skittle down because both sides of the Skittle are. That's pretty strong.

[Jason Bing]

You're talking about the little teeny candy raviolis.

[Andy Holloway]

Yes, I know what you're talking about. Little candy raviolis. Skittles.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, my gosh.

[Andy Holloway]

Taste the Italian.

[Jason Bing]

I feel like I can't understand why pop Tarts hasn't taken a more Oreo approach to their product.

[Andy Holloway]

They try. They've got a lot of flavors.

[Jason Bing]

Do they?

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah.

[Jason Bing]

All right.

[Mike]

Like Italian.

[Jason Bing]

Is that one of the flavors? All right, Jesse from the website. If all doors in the world suddenly Disappeared for one hour, what would be the biggest consequence?

[Andy Holloway]

I didn't hear you.

[Jason Bing]

Airplane. Airplanes.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason Bing]

If all doors in the world disappeared

[Mike]

for one hour, death.

[Jason Bing]

What would be the biggest consequence? It has to be airplane. Right.

[Andy Holloway]

I mean, what else would be worse? Okay, airplane door is gone. So are the people. You're sucked out.

[Jason Bing]

I mean. Yeah.

[Mike]

If there's no door for the whole time, you'll be fine.

[Andy Holloway]

Correct.

[Mike]

Because it's the pressure.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Jason Bing]

That's how that works.

[Mike]

I mean, they used to. They still do. People fly in planes that have.

[Jason Bing]

The fact that they press.

[Mike]

It's going to be so loud and so cold. Yes.

[Jason Bing]

So, I mean, what other doors really matter here on the concert? I mean, all the car doors disappearance. Funny. That'd be a funny picture on the freeway.

[Andy Holloway]

Trapdoors would suck.

[Mike]

Oh, they'd be so.

[Andy Holloway]

You'd be needed. And if you were happy to be standing on one.

[Mike]

Sorry.

[Jason Bing]

Bank vaults. Owl throwing that out there.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, Very nice.

[Jason Bing]

I mean, there's still a few steps between me and that door.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. The prisons.

[Jason Bing]

All of them illegal. All the prisons, yeah, yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

I mean, if they made bank vaults wide open, they.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

I would not rob it.

[Jason Bing]

I would not rob. That's not one thing holding me.

[Andy Holloway]

Right. If only that door wasn't there, I'd be rich.

[Mike]

It's the only thing standing between.

[Andy Holloway]

I don't know the combination.

[Jason Bing]

But the prison cells, if all the doors in every prisoner in the entire country, could that be worse for society than all the planes in the air?

[Andy Holloway]

No, I don't. I don't think so. It's for one hour.

[Jason Bing]

I mean, that's enough time to get out.

[Andy Holloway]

Well, again, that's not the only thing stopping.

[Mike]

How long does it take you to trust that the doors are not coming back?

[Andy Holloway]

Right. Yeah. Those doors might be open about three minutes.

[Mike]

Five minutes.

[Andy Holloway]

And you just stay in your cell because you're like, I'm not supposed to go out right now until you hear

[Jason Bing]

one guy going, hey, the main door is open.

[Andy Holloway]

Okay, but here's the thing.

[Mike]

Five minutes max.

[Andy Holloway]

Maybe this is different. Maybe this isn't how it is in real life the way it is in movies, and certainly movies about prisons in the 1950s. But I feel like there is a guard tower with a rifle and a big outer ring on these prisons with, like, you know, barbed wire fences. Now, that door to the fence is. Yeah, that's open, but y' all got to make it there. And the rifle sniper.

[Mike]

The rifle sniper's not getting enough people,

[Andy Holloway]

but he's getting, he's not getting zero,

[Mike]

you know, but he's like the group. I think we would. If I were in, that's what I would do.

[Andy Holloway]

You would, you would go with the group and run?

[Mike]

Yeah. It's a full on prison break. Let's get out of here.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah. Military bases and vaults and, you know, nuclear plants and doors being open. I, you know, I feel like the planes and the prisons are the biggest ones.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, I agree.

[Jason Bing]

All right, we'll take another break and then we'll draft. Royal Caribbean takes next level to another level.

[Andy Holloway]

Go all in on the world's boldest ships.

[Jason Bing]

Filled with mind blowing entertainment, world class

[Andy Holloway]

dining and the largest water parks at sea.

[Jason Bing]

And just when you think it couldn't

[Andy Holloway]

get any better, you'll stop at our award winning private island. Perfect day Cococay.

[Jason Bing]

It's an unreal adventure for everyone in the family book [e-mail] Big Time, Best

[Andy Holloway]

time, all the time.

[Jason Bing]

Come seek the Royal Caribbean ships registry Bahamas.

[Andy Holloway]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Jason Bing]

Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Andy Holloway]

We help people customize and save on

[Jason Bing]

car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Mike]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Jason Bing]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Andy Holloway]

Liberty, Liberty.

[Jason Bing]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Andy Holloway]

The spitballers draft.

[Jason Bing]

All right. We are drafting the most satisfying sound which I. I'm actually really upset I don't have the first pick in this.

[Andy Holloway]

Really?

[Jason Bing]

Yeah, because I feel like a draft like this, there are some sounds that are the best.

[Mike]

I feel like there's some sounds though that like the one on one here. I have a few that I believe should be the top pick.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

Worthy of just as good in the same tier.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason Bing]

All right, Mike, so what are you going with? The first pick. Most satisfying sounds.

[Mike]

I'm gonna go with. We're gonna go with rain.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. It would have been mine. It would have been my first pick.

[Jason Bing]

I wonder if we are.

[Mike]

When it's not a torrential downpour, of course, but when it's a nice just

[Jason Bing]

pitter patter out here, I'll take it all.

[Andy Holloway]

I put raindrops because it's, you know, to be able to hear the drop, hear the drops. Not a storm, but like to hear the drops. It's nice. But I know where you're going.

[Jason Bing]

I was just curious if we have a different perspective on rain than other parts of the country.

[Andy Holloway]

Like, yeah, if you live in Seattle.

[Jason Bing]

Very special.

[Andy Holloway]

If you live in Seattle. Do you hate the sound of rain because you're used to it? It's depressing, and it means you can't go outside. For us in Arizona, where it rarely

[Jason Bing]

rains, we dance in it.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, rain is.

[Jason Bing]

But I love. I mean, part of it is because the sound of rain and it comes with, like, the smell of rain. All of it.

[Mike]

It's all clean.

[Jason Bing]

Rain would have been my pick.

[Mike]

Our nasty, dirty, polluted dust air gets cleaned out for a day or two. Did you like. So we had those huge windstorms over the weekend. Did you guys look at the sky yesterday? Holy crap, it was blue.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

It was so clean there for a day.

[Jason Bing]

Look, I would like more rain. I don't know what I have to do. I think, can we do some of that seeding of the sky?

[Mike]

We can.

[Jason Bing]

Can we seed it?

[Mike]

I don't know if we have the clouds that it'll work on.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, you need clouds.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Remember, if you go back to, like, episode five, cloud machines have not been invented.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, my gosh. Going way back inside. Jason, you are on the clock with the second pick. Rain off the table on our most satisfying sounds draft.

[Andy Holloway]

This is a very satisfying classic sound. It's the first thing that came to mind when you're just thinking of what. What's like a satisfying sound, and it's the crack of a can. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like a soda, beer. Just a beverage. Crack of a great beverage.

[Mike]

I love it. It's.

[Andy Holloway]

I don't know if it's been indoctrinated to us through commercials where we've seen it so much with glorified vision, but it's like, that was the first. I mean, that sound is awesome.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy Holloway]

It's like, I'm thirsty now because there's

[Mike]

so much with it. It's like. Yeah, you're quenching your thirst. You're going to. You're like, I got a crispy beer. I got a fresh, sweet soda.

[Jason Bing]

Okay. All right. It's a good sound. It's a satisfying sound. Can you botch it?

[Andy Holloway]

I don't think so. Because even if you do the, like,

[Mike]

you know, you definitely can.

[Andy Holloway]

You can. You.

[Jason Bing]

You can.

[Mike]

You can over pre open it. And then you get to the point where the tab is actually getting pushed down and it's all quiet.

[Jason Bing]

So a little bit of execution issues.

[Mike]

You gotta. You gotta grip and rip it.

[Jason Bing]

Okay, I'll get my number. I'll get my number two and three options here on the turn. So my first pick, I will go with a crackling fire.

[Andy Holloway]

That was the next bit. I was between the soda and the crackling.

[Jason Bing]

So I will go crackling fire. That is just the best ambiance. And then I will go with. I didn't get rain, but I'll go with the soothing, redundant ocean waves.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason Bing]

The ocean waves is very high on my list. Just crashing on the shore.

[Andy Holloway]

They can't.

[Mike]

They can be too loud.

[Jason Bing]

Too loud? Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, waves can definitely be too loud, but if they are, I don't think

[Andy Holloway]

I've ever been around waves that were too loud. Oh, I'm not saying that there's not.

[Jason Bing]

You know, I've slept near the beach, and you leave the windows down, and it's just. It puts you to bed.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, no, I didn't have it on my list, which is crazy. That's a. That's a great sound.

[Jason Bing]

All right.

[Andy Holloway]

You have a lot of nature here.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Because nature is great.

[Jason Bing]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

Do I want to go?

[Jason Bing]

We do not have a lot of crackling fires, ocean waves, or rain in Arizona. So maybe it's nature you yearn for.

[Mike]

Maybe.

[Jason Bing]

Or in your case, a can of coke, man.

[Andy Holloway]

All right, I'm going to stick with it because the. I think this is the last one that is of nature.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy Holloway]

But I'm going with wind rustling through trees. You know, when you're out in the woods, just that windy, I mean, that

[Mike]

means ghosts are by for sure.

[Jason Bing]

When you said you're sticking with nature, I go, oh, oh. You know what I hadn't put on my list was wind. And then you picked it.

[Andy Holloway]

It's nice.

[Jason Bing]

So wind in the trees. Very nice. Mike, you have two picks.

[Mike]

I thought you were going to go with this one. So I'm going to go with birdies.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, that was. It's the other nature one on my list. I have specifically birds chirping at sunrise.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason Bing]

Bird song.

[Mike]

We in Arizona. I'm sure it's similar for other places, but we have some birds where it's just. The song is incredible. And then we got these, like, these bigger blackbirds, and they.

[Jason Bing]

They ruin it.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

They're like. It's not a crow, though. It's this weird.

[Andy Holloway]

I don't know.

[Jason Bing]

They're just there to ruin it.

[Andy Holloway]

Just honk.

[Mike]

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It's an awful sound.

[Jason Bing]

That would be a great gag for One of those sound machines for kids where you can rotate through, you know, waves and wind, and then there's birds, but they just have the worst birds in there.

[Andy Holloway]

Have. Speaking of birds and bird noises, I think this is a show all about education.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

All about enlightening America and the world at large. And it came to our attention recently. I don't know if we brought this up on this show. Mike, you educated us around the studio. That a bald eagle.

[Mike]

Oh, yes.

[Andy Holloway]

The amazing bald eagle. That sounds.

[Jason Bing]

You mean the one that obviously sounds like.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah, this sounds awesome.

[Mike]

Sounds like freedom. This thing's coming to rip your face off.

[Andy Holloway]

Doesn't sound like that at all in real life, despite watching commercials and movies where a bald eagle does that. Jeremy, are you able. Would you be able to get the sound of an actual bald eagle and play it or not? No, not on the fly. Oh, man.

[Mike]

Well, look it up, everyone. Look it up.

[Andy Holloway]

It's awful. It's stupid. They're like, what a weak little puny.

[Jason Bing]

Like, if that became CEO animal and then tried to give its first speech, everyone would leave.

[Andy Holloway]

Hi, guys.

[Jason Bing]

I can get it ready before what?

[Andy Holloway]

You guys keep drafted.

[Jason Bing]

I'll have it ready before the end of the episode. Mike, you have rain and birds chirping,

[Mike]

but you got one more, so I got one more. So this one. This one could be just me. So whatever. But this is a sound that I have always loved.

[Jason Bing]

Jason's Morning Farts, 5am you're welcome.

[Mike]

Small Walking in small gravel. Like, so when you're walking in rocks.

[Jason Bing]

Interesting.

[Mike]

No, I said, I know that you guys aren't gonna. You'll think about it next time. I'm not talking about walking in the big landscape.

[Jason Bing]

Rock.

[Mike]

But, like, when it's been. When it's been cut down. Pebbles and it's more fine that little.

[Jason Bing]

Like a Japanese garden.

[Mike]

Yes. Like, that little crunch sound is perfection.

[Jason Bing]

Okay.

[Andy Holloway]

Okay.

[Jason Bing]

All right.

[Andy Holloway]

All right. Not on anyone else's list.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason Bing]

I said, hey, satisfying to you.

[Andy Holloway]

I'm just surprised. Like, the crunch of snow. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

The crunch of snow is fine. It's not as good as the small gravel, though.

[Andy Holloway]

All right.

[Mike]

Because the crunch of snow, like, ends up. You, like, you know, like, there's. You get a weird musical tone in there, too.

[Jason Bing]

All right, Jason, you are back on the clock. Wind in the trees. Opening soda can and what else?

[Andy Holloway]

Hmm. A satisfying sound, man. So I'm realizing how old we are because all of our satisfying sounds are, like, so boring. I mean, it is.

[Mike]

Give me loud rock and roll music

[Andy Holloway]

Because I'm so young.

[Jason Bing]

Satisfying inherently is meant to be, like, peaceful. Yeah. Like, it's not the best sound you're listening to.

[Andy Holloway]

And I'm going to stick with the theme of our boring old man sounds. And I'm going to say the crackling not of a fireplace, but of a vinyl record player before it starts.

[Mike]

It's on my list.

[Andy Holloway]

You want to talk satisfying as soon as you put that. Yeah, as soon as you put that little needle down and it starts.

[Jason Bing]

I did not have that. And that's a great pick.

[Andy Holloway]

Whoo. That is satisfying. Like, I've got one on my list. It's at the top of my list that I'm not going to draft because I love the sound. It's not satisfying.

[Jason Bing]

No, that. That's an amazing pick. That was a steal in the third round. My last two picks. I will go away from the ocean waves and the wind and the trees and those things. I'll go to the pour of coffee into a. I can hear it. I can hear it into a mug. And then for my last one, I'm actually going to go. Now I'm thinking of pivoting. I'll go the. The sizzle of bacon.

[Mike]

Oh.

[Jason Bing]

I will go. This rain. Very similar.

[Mike]

Yeah. They use that in sound effects.

[Jason Bing]

Do they really? Yeah, they use the sizzle of bacon. They will use as a rain sound for.

[Mike]

For sound replacement.

[Jason Bing]

No wonder I like that sound.

[Andy Holloway]

I. I have the sizzle of a steak on mine. That different sound, but, I mean, that's okay. Hungry. Thinking about the sound. I'm back up. Huh? All right. None of this boring old man. Easy peasy. You want to know what's satisfying?

[Mike]

What's that?

[Andy Holloway]

The sound of a slot machine jackpot. You know what I'm saying, don't you? Stop. That satisfies. Yes, sir. Oh, baby.

[Mike]

It does.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, yeah. You hear that?

[Jason Bing]

What's the other sound you hear more often on the slot machine?

[Andy Holloway]

I think it's the tears of she left me.

[Jason Bing]

All right, Mike, you have your final pick. Most satisfying sounds.

[Mike]

So I will. Because it's a similar vein, I'm going to pivot away from it, but I have poker chips on. Even though, like when you're shuffling, when you're just playing with your stack there at the. At the table, that's a very good sound. But I'm going to go with. I'm gonna go with a high quality car door.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, so it's quiet.

[Mike]

No. When you close the door and it gets. Wait.

[Jason Bing]

The satisfying. Like when you cluck sound.

[Mike]

No, Just closing the door if it's firm. Thumb if it's so well built and it gives you that thump. Really?

[Andy Holloway]

No, I know exactly what you're talking about, thank you. When you have a real good one, it's not loud.

[Jason Bing]

Does it have to be like a 50s?

[Andy Holloway]

No, no. You're talking modern day luxury.

[Mike]

A luxury car that is just that solid.

[Jason Bing]

It means solid.

[Mike]

It's built solid. You know that when I drive this, I'm not going to hear any road noise. Nothing outside but that close.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah.

[Jason Bing]

All right, so rain, birds chirping, walking on small gravel and closing a high quality car door are Mike's picks. Jason with cracking open a can, wind in the trees, a vinyl record. Putting a vinyl record on and a slot machine. Jackpot. And I went with crackling fire, ocean waves, coffee pouring, and the sizzle of bacon.

[Mike]

Oh, hold on.

[Andy Holloway]

We got the.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, we have an eagle.

[Andy Holloway]

What wasn't drafted was we just went

[Mike]

to an eagle for some reason.

[Jason Bing]

Hold on a second. Let's say I'm about to blow my nose throw. That's better than showing me blow my nose. That eagle.

[Mike]

Okay, let's hear it. It looks like it's making sound. Are we.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh. Oh, that's awful. That's not a.

[Jason Bing]

That is a bald eagle.

[Andy Holloway]

That's a bald eagle. That's awful. That's the tweet, tweet. That tweet, tweet.

[Mike]

That's the sound of strength and freedom, man. Out of here.

[Jason Bing]

That's. I mean, it's a cool looking bird, but you got to up that. Honorable mentions. Thunder. Rustling leaves.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah.

[Jason Bing]

A waterfall.

[Mike]

I had a match strike.

[Jason Bing]

Jason, you'd like this. Shoe squeaks on a gym floor.

[Andy Holloway]

Oh, yeah. I do like that.

[Mike]

I have the. A knife. Scrape on like a fresh loaf of bread.

[Andy Holloway]

Okay.

[Jason Bing]

Interesting.

[Andy Holloway]

All right. I had so baby laughing. Great sound. Not satisfying. I've got the exhale after a soda drink. You know, like the. Yeah.

[Jason Bing]

Heck, yeah.

[Andy Holloway]

A perfect swish.

[Jason Bing]

The sound of being satisfied.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah.

[Mike]

There you go.

[Andy Holloway]

The swish. A perfect swish.

[Mike]

The.

[Andy Holloway]

I don't golf, but a golf ball dropping in the cup. That's like the perfect sound.

[Jason Bing]

Oh, that's a good sound.

[Andy Holloway]

Yeah. The snap of a jar first being opened when you get that lid. Pop.

[Mike]

Yep.

[Andy Holloway]

That's good. And of course, the bank cash machine counting. My gosh.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. I win. My jackpot.

[Andy Holloway]

What did we learn today?

[Jason Bing]

I can't trust him.

[Andy Holloway]

You learned you can't trust.

[Jason Bing]

I can't trust.

[Andy Holloway]

You learned that today.

[Jason Bing]

Yes.

[Andy Holloway]

Wow.

[Jason Bing]

Because I tried wow.

[Andy Holloway]

Let's go to Deucer's Alley. Papa Josh, what did you learn today? I suck at cameras.

[Mike]

Why is the bird back?

[Jason Bing]

Oh, I think we're done.

[Andy Holloway]

All right, wrap it up. Final show.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jason Bing]

Well, thanks for joining us. Tell your friends about the Spitballers. We'll be back with a new episode next Monday. Take care.

[Mike]

Goodbye.

[Andy Holloway]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out spitballers pod.com.

[Mike]

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[Jason Bing]

I wish I had a Premier group chat.

[Mike]

I asked them where we should have dinner last night and they left me on red. I know you saw it. It says it.

[Andy Holloway]

Classic group chat move.

[Mike]

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