Day Owls & Movie Titles To Describe A Trip To The Bathroom - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Podcast Summary: Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode Title: Day Owls & Movie Titles To Describe A Trip To The Bathroom - Spit Hits!
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason
Release Date: January 5, 2026
Episode Number: 312

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Overview

In this delightfully absurd episode of the Spitballers, the trio returns after a holiday break and brings their signature blend of dad-humor, wild hypotheticals, and family-friendly nonsense. The episode dives into "Would You Rather" scenarios, explores quirky differences between similar words, accidentally unpacks some philosophical quandaries, and culminates in a side-splitting draft where movie titles are repurposed to describe bathroom experiences.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Welcome Back, Holiday Antics, and Show Setup

• The guys catch up post-holidays, poke fun at Mike’s “trumpet” practice for their classic scat intro, and joke about prepping for the show with instruments.
  • “I like the idea that you would practice the scat sounds with a trumpet.” — Andy (01:50)
• Mike reveals he’s been away “practicing his scats,” and they eagerly preview the movie title bathroom draft.

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2. Would You Rather: The Eye Edition

• Scenario: “Would you rather all your blinks be 3 seconds long, or have 3 consecutive minutes every hour where your eyes randomly shut?”
  • The group rapidly concludes both choices would be disastrous for driving.
  • Jason proposes timing your blinks but quickly concedes: “That feels impossible.” (04:30)
  • Commiseration over the need for autonomous vehicles or personal drivers.
  • Amusing detour about the limitations and foibles of actual self-driving cars, including a local Phoenix Waymo car driving in circles (06:08).
  • Flashbacks to the viral video of a spinning helicopter rescue in Phoenix, leading to a comedic breakdown of trauma, injury, and settlement:
    • “She spun 175 times in a minute.” — Andy (08:49)
    • “Washing machines have nothing.” — Jason (08:53)
    • “That’s because her intestines went to her feet.” — Mike (10:26)
  • They confirm (repeatedly!) that the woman survived, justifying their laughter.
• Preference: Ultimately, Andy and Mike opt for the 3 minutes eyes-shut, reasoning you can at least stop what you’re doing (16:01–16:21).

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3. Morning vs. Evening People: “Day Owls”

• Would you prefer an extra child-free hour in the morning or evening?
  • Jason, self-described “night owl,” surprises himself: “I’m easily taking the extra child-free hour in the morning.” (17:20)
  • Spirited sidebar on animal terminology: “night owl,” “day owl” (diurnal), and even “crepuscular owl”—leading to a mini linguistics lesson/confusion.
    • “I think you’re a crepuscular owl.” — Jason (18:30)
  • Color perception philosophical rabbit-hole—can we know our blue is the same as someone else’s blue? (20:13)
• They realize, with good-natured shame, that they all lean morning person now:
  • “I'm becoming a morning person...I’ve been trying to get to bed earlier and earlier. I’m sick of staying up too late.” — Jason (23:01)
  • “That means you’re old.” — Mike (23:51)

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4. What’s the Difference? (Language Showdown)

• Trash vs. Garbage vs. Rubbish:
  • Consensus: “Rubbish” is UK English, “trash” (small bins/indoor), “garbage” (big outdoor bins/collected).
    • “Trash is just a small word. It’s a small…Throw it in the trash.” — Jason & Andy (29:11)
  • “Garbage person” > “trashy person” as an insult.
• Smudge vs. Stain vs. Blotch:
  • Stains are permanent; smudges are on glass/temporary; blotches have no definite edge (often with rashes or ink).
    • “A smudge is easily removable…The stain, by definition, is permanently there…” — Andy (31:37)
    • “Blotchy is the real key determiner...there’s no definitive edge.” — Jason (31:04)
  • Wander into tattoo tech—discuss new ink that responds to light wavelengths.
• Courage vs. Bravery vs. Valor:
  • Valor is generally for acknowledged acts after the fact (often in war). Bravery and courage can overlap, but “courage” seems reserved for noble actions, “bravery” can be foolish.
    • “Valor is not something hidden. That's something revealed.” — Jason (36:36)
    • “Anybody that is courageous is also brave, I think.” — Andy (38:30)
  • None of the hosts know anyone with valor—except for one friend who served in the military.
  • Wry conclusion: “People who have valor don't think they have valor.” (39:25)

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5. Rabbit Holes & Running Jokes

• Limousine construction: Are limos “cut in half and stretched”? (14:23)
  • Jason insists, “I'm going to say this like it’s a fact…” and gets faux-vindicated by an AI snippet.
• Color terminology, tiger colors, and can you really “see” what others see?
• Morning routines: multiple toasts to silent, child-free coffee breaks.
  • “If I could wake up, do my coffee, sit on the couch and go back to sleep and redo that in a permanent repeat, I would choose that as my life.” — Andy (34:36)

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6. Highlight: The Great Bathroom Movie Title Draft

[41:13] — Draft Begins

Hosts each select five movie titles that could (hilariously) describe a trip to the bathroom. The segment features raucous laughter, extended riffing, and bathroom storytelling.

Round 1

• Mike: The Exorcist
• Jason: There Will Be Blood
  • “There will be blood. Been there. You don’t want to wipe that one and go, oh no, it’s red.” — Jason (42:50)
• Andy: Mission Impossible

Round 2

• Andy: Heat
• Jason: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
• Mike: Collateral Damage

Round 3

• Mike: House of 1,000 Corpses
• Jason: Panic Room
  • Jason shares a hilarious/frantic story about nearly not making it home from PetSmart with his son driving.
  • “About halfway through the drive, I let him know, like, I'm going to crap in your car, man.” — Jason (47:28)
• Andy: The Longest Yard & The Big Short (tandem for large and small BM)

Round 4

• Jason: Wreck It Ralph
  • “I’m gonna wreck it!”
• Mike: A River Runs Through It

Round 5

• Mike: Pompeii
• Jason: The Green Mile
  • “Sometimes we’re a little unhealthy…maybe we’re too healthy.”
• Andy: Everything Everywhere All At Once

Honorable Mentions (Rapid Fire)

• 127 Hours, The Perfect Storm, Inside Out, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, The Purge, Armageddon, Man on Fire, Free Willy, Crimson Tide, Deep Impact, Swamp Thing, The Hateful Eight, Cool Runnings, Bad Times at the El Royale, From Dusk Till Dawn, Misery, and many more.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I learned I’m a morning person.” — Jason, closing reflections (54:53)
• “You realize you just described…why people are morning people.” — Andy, on Jason's morning habits (22:58)
• “Chassis…is chassis…that’s dumb.” — Jason, English language aficionado (15:36)
• “People don’t declare their own valor.” — Andy (39:41)
• On the draft: “Most movie titles do [work]…Just name a movie!” — Jason (46:02)
• “Free Willy was the home run, Mike!” — Andy, pining for missed draft opportunities (54:16)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:08 — Show intro/scat and return from holidays
• 03:00 — Would You Rather: Blinks vs. Eye Shuts
• 06:08 — Real-life anecdotes: Autonomous cars & spinning rescue
• 17:20 — Would You Rather: Child-free morning vs. night, “Day Owls”
• 26:51 — “What’s the Difference”: Trash/Garbage/Rubbish, Smudge/Stain/Blotch, Courage/Bravery/Valor
• 41:13 — Spitballers Draft: Movie Titles for Bathroom Trips
• 47:04–48:38 — Jason’s “panic room” PetSmart bathroom emergency story
• 54:53 — What Did We Learn? episode close

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Overall Tone

Lighthearted, irreverent, and peppered with classic “dad joke” delivery, the episode is a buffet of silly, sometimes juvenile, but ultimately witty banter. The chemistry between Andy, Mike, and Jason shines, with constant callbacks, mutual mockery, and giddy escalation throughout each segment.

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For listeners who enjoy playful language debates, surreal hypotheticals, and a dash of potty humor, this episode delivers wall-to-wall laughs with Spitballers’ trademark warmth and wit.

Transcript

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[Jason]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Yeah. Welcome back, Mike. That's the way to go back.

[Mike]

Swish.

[Jason]

Swish indeed.

[Andy]

Welcome into the Spitballers. Very nice. Michael, were you practicing that?

[Jason]

Were you at home, like, getting your trumpet out?

[Mike]

Unfortunately, yeah.

[Jason]

Yeah. Took hours.

[Mike]

Guys, I've been thinking about this thing for weeks.

[Andy]

I like the idea that you would practice the scat sounds with a trumpet. Like it's always a trumpet that you get out in.

[Mike]

We got to start somewhere.

[Andy]

Welcome into The Spitballers, episode 312. We're back from a little bit of a break. The holidays, and Mike hasn't been on the show in a while, obviously practicing his scats.

[Mike]

That's where I was.

[Andy]

We have. Would you rather. What's the difference? And we are drafting movie titles to describe a trip to the bathroom. I don't know if I've looked forward to a draft more than this one in a long, long time.

[Mike]

I mean, mine are all on the positive side. I don't know about you guys.

[Jason]

Yeah, yours is Braveheart, like roses and daisies, right?

[Andy]

No, this. This will be fun. We might even have time to go five rounds.

[Jason]

I mean, I. Depending on how your lists are.

[Mike]

I feel like I could go 50 depending on time. We could go 35 rounds.

[Andy]

So this, this will be good. You can follow us on X at Spitballers pod. Watch the show YouTube.com spitballers Alborland's in the house once again.

[Jason]

Yes, sir.

[Andy]

And we are going to get things going. Would you rather, Chris from the website, would you rather all of your blinks be three seconds long? It's a long time. Or. Or have three consecutive minutes every hour where your eyes randomly shut? What? You can't. I mean you can't be. You would not be able to drive. You couldn't drive.

[Jason]

Your license is suspended, indefinitely revoked.

[Andy]

Could you slam on the auto drive when your eyes closed like you quickly hit the.

[Jason]

That's not a bad idea, Andy.

[Mike]

Yeah, but then it's like, doot, doot, doot. Open your eyes, please.

[Jason]

Oh, just give me a minute.

[Mike]

You seem to not be looking at the road.

[Jason]

Oh, that's true. It does. The car monitors your eyes. It's not going to let you get away with that.

[Andy]

A three second.

[Mike]

Like you can't drive with that either.

[Andy]

No. Oh yeah, you can imagine your. No, you cannot imagine your front windshield.

[Mike]

No, you can. This is Mr. Texting while driving over here.

[Andy]

Imagine the front windshield goes black for three seconds.

[Jason]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

Yeah, like all the windows go black, but you can for three seconds.

[Jason]

So here's the thing.

[Andy]

You won. That's not doable.

[Mike]

It's not doable.

[Jason]

I think it's doable. Oh man, I'm blinking so much while I'm talking here, I'm thinking over under.

[Mike]

10 casualties caused by you every single day.

[Andy]

Oh, you're thinking you could choose your blink spot.

[Jason]

Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'm like, while I'm driving, I'm going to go, okay, I'm good here and now. 1, 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, go. And then I'm looking and man, that feels impossible.

[Mike]

When is the last staring contest you've done? If it goes over three seconds, your eyes are going, oh, this is not good. Wow.

[Jason]

We blink way more than I think a lot. Yeah.

[Andy]

Haven't you. Is this just the final excuse you need to have a permanent driver?

[Jason]

Yeah, it really was like, I choose.

[Andy]

Both just so you can hire a guy.

[Jason]

I think we're at a stage where we are close enough to autonomous cars where I will never hire a personal driver, but I want to. It would be so great. And also I'm close enough in the stage of life where I want drivers for me as my kids get old.

[Andy]

Enough if they're the exact same cost. Right. Or let's just call them both free.

[Jason]

Yeah. Oh, autonomous cars. Way better.

[Andy]

You would choose the autonomous car versus the driver if.

[Jason]

Yeah, 100%.

[Andy]

There's not. I mean, you get a little bit more. I mean you do less with the driver.

[Jason]

You do.

[Mike]

You don't have to program.

[Andy]

You don't have to plug in an address.

[Jason]

I mean, I still got to tell them where we're going. And that's the problem.

[Andy]

No, but parking and pickups, autonomous cars are not going to be as versatile in like they take you to a ball game. Well, this, the driver can just pick you up right out front. Your autonomous car, you got to park it.

[Jason]

The pickup is a good counter argument. Yeah, the pickup. Because I don't think, I don't think we're going to back. It's autonomous.

[Mike]

It can do that.

[Andy]

I mean we're talking like it's going to drop you off and it's going to go find a parking garage.

[Jason]

It's supposed to. That is what it's supposed to do.

[Mike]

But if it's. The whole point is you don't have to drive it.

[Andy]

There was that too in a brief. Is this real life moment here for the show. Literally yesterday, an autonomous car here in Phoenix who is taking, who is taking a person to the airport for a drop off because we have Waymo. Autonomous vehicles in Phoenix was dropping off a patron to the, you know, to fly to get on a flight. And it got stuck driving in a perfect circle, very tight circle, a very, very tight loop and wouldn't stop. And this driver has video inside the car calling support and he's going. He's like, I'm getting dizzy. It's going around and around and around and it's just stopping.

[Jason]

I'm going to be honest, I watched that video and I don't get motion sickness. I could play VR. I can go on roller coasters. I could barely watch that video and I wasn't in the car. I was like, this is too much.

[Andy]

It reminded me a little bit of that video of the, of the emergency pickup on the mountain with the helicopter.

[Jason]

That was also in Phoenix.

[Mike]

The lady, the lady who strapped to.

[Andy]

The board, to a board and she gets raised towards the helicopter.

[Mike]

She gets turned into a helicopter and.

[Andy]

Then the wind starts blowing and I'm.

[Jason]

Telling you, I think they strapped the actual safety cords to the.

[Andy]

This person is as close to going back in time as a person can be. She was spinning at a rate that I'm so Surprised she's alive.

[Jason]

I don't know that she is, which is.

[Andy]

No, you're passed out, man.

[Jason]

Oh, you're passed out. She was in serious trouble. I knew it.

[Andy]

She was preparing to be an. Astronauts don't go through what she went through.

[Jason]

No one, I think no one in the history of the planet she has hurt ever gone through. She was already.

[Mike]

She's knocked out.

[Jason]

She was pre injured. No, no, no, seriously. I knew a nurse who was with that patient.

[Mike]

Wait, what?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You have boots on the ground.

[Jason]

I have boots on the ground. It was not a good. Like, it's. It made me where I. You know, I've seen that video after knowing this and it was. It was a really, really bad situation. This was.

[Andy]

This was dire.

[Jason]

This was dire.

[Andy]

Yeah. And because she was very hurt before.

[Jason]

It began, that was what makes it so ironically awful. It's like a sketch comedy thing where it's like, you know, the Scott Sterling where this dude is already messed up and you keep hitting him in the head. And so I know that this was a serious situation. This is not to be joked about. It is not funny.

[Andy]

She's fine.

[Jason]

And I've seen. No, I don't know that she recovered or not. I hope she did. I hope she's great. Yes. After knowing this.

[Mike]

It's coming in right now. She's perfectly fine.

[Jason]

Oh, fantastic. That video is hysterical.

[Mike]

Just heard everything turned out a. Okay. She's aces.

[Jason]

That's wonderful, man.

[Andy]

She spun 175 times in a minute.

[Jason]

I mean, it was like washing machines have nothing.

[Andy]

I have an update on the story.

[Jason]

Tell me it's good.

[Mike]

No, she's good.

[Andy]

Phoenix City Council approved settlement for woman who spun during botched helicopter Mountain rescue.

[Jason]

Tell me it's $10 billion.

[Andy]

She had tripped along the trail, became disoriented, needed help back down. She was in her 70s.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Andy]

And she started to spin, going faster and faster and faster to the speed of light. Settlement approved up to $450,000.

[Jason]

Not enough.

[Andy]

The suit was for $2 million. And it's tough.

[Mike]

It's tough.

[Andy]

She is okay.

[Mike]

She fell down and got hurt.

[Jason]

She is okay.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Oh, fan then.

[Mike]

Yeah, I told you.

[Jason]

In that case, everyone go watch this video because it is the funniest thing you've ever seen. It's impossible what happened in real life. It's impossible what happened.

[Andy]

74 year old old woman.

[Mike]

It keeps getting worse.

[Andy]

Yeah, I. Man, they botched that falcon.

[Jason]

Are you aware of this video? Okay. Darn. I just wanted to know if there Was anyone in this room who had not yet seen it?

[Andy]

Video of the helicopter rescue has been viewed millions of times online because it's amazing. She suffered swelling.

[Jason]

Rescue. These are rescuers who are coming up.

[Andy]

This is like when you're carrying somebody off on the stretcher and you trip and roll them down a hill.

[Jason]

It's the equivalent of an ambulance driving off a cliff. Like, let me get you. I got you. Let's go.

[Andy]

She suffered swelling and bruising all over her body during the botched dress.

[Mike]

That's because her intestines went to her feet.

[Andy]

She also claims she suffered from pain, discomfort, and anxiety.

[Jason]

That's not a claim. I watched the video. You're gonna suffer from that just watching.

[Andy]

How long does it take to accept that what's happening is happening? When you are.

[Jason]

You have to pass out. There's no way that she stayed conscious the whole time.

[Mike]

You can't just watch the.

[Andy]

She spun more than 200 times.

[Mike]

Like, spinning that fast. What are the G forces on her body?

[Andy]

Because a million billion.

[Jason]

No, that is correct.

[Mike]

Astronauts or the. Or the fighter pilots doing the maximum G. And their face is just.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah, completely. I'm surprised it wasn't liquefied, because the gravitational pull of that.

[Andy]

It can only be this funny because she's fine.

[Jason]

Yes. That's why I was.

[Andy]

She should be dead.

[Jason]

There was a time where I wasn't sure that she hit.

[Mike]

Oh, she's perfectly fine.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's great.

[Mike]

Don't worry about it.

[Jason]

Anyway, so. Autonomous vehicles.

[Mike]

Right back.

[Andy]

The blinking three. Yeah, autonomous vehicles. Blinking three seconds.

[Mike]

I do have a question about that, Jay.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Same It. You know, similar thread of questioning age. Like it's the same price. Same. Same price free. Whatever you want to call it. Autonomous vehicle. Or you have an autonomous vehicle, but a guy just sits in the front seat.

[Jason]

No, I want the privacy. I want to be able to make a phone call and not feel like I'm being listened to. I don't want to. So you wouldn't take a man in.

[Mike]

The tuxedo who has to sit in.

[Jason]

That seat if it was a completely soundproof box that he still had to sit in, like, he had to. Limo. I would love. I would just not Oversight. He doesn't even have a steering wheel. I just want. Mike said he's in a tuxedo, so that kind of sucked me in. That was. That was kind of devious of you. You knew where you were going with. Yeah, but a man in a tuxedo would be pretty cool.

[Andy]

I mean, the. The.

[Jason]

The driver he could open my door at least.

[Andy]

Like, is this an autonomous car, like a compact, or is this an autonomous limousine? No, because if you have a driver, the driver, I feel like you would appreciate feeling important.

[Jason]

Yeah, well, for sure, I would take. I mean, if you're telling me I get to choose between, like, a compact car or a limo, I mean.

[Andy]

Okay, you'd rather have the limo with the person than the autonomous compact.

[Jason]

Yes, there. I would. I'm far enough away from him. I would sit in the very back, and he would have to walk back and open the door.

[Mike]

Of course.

[Andy]

Yeah. How did, like, this all.

[Mike]

How did limos start? Honestly, of, like, it wasn't, like, happy.

[Andy]

It was privacy.

[Mike]

I need to be further away from that driver.

[Jason]

I think it had to just start with, like, bigger is better.

[Andy]

Space. Yeah, Space and the fact that you sit in the round.

[Jason]

Or was it like, we needed a board meeting on the road so we can't all fit?

[Andy]

I bet that's part of it.

[Jason]

I'm curious. That's actually a legitimate. Like, there was someone who made the first limo. Yeah. He cut a car in half, which is how you make a limo. They don't. They don't manufacture limousines. No.

[Mike]

Really?

[Jason]

Am I wrong about that?

[Andy]

This was Newspoint. Maybe in the beginning you were right.

[Mike]

I was thrilled to hear about that.

[Andy]

But I'm pretty sure that there's not, like, the limo companies out there aren't, like, all right, I need twice as many of those as you think I need. And I want you to slice that thing in half. And we're going to get the welders out here like, they're manufacturing limousines now, I guess.

[Jason]

I think we can do this. My point is, like, I'm. Okay. I'm going to say this like it's a fact. Okay.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

A Cadillac Escalade. The Cadillac does not manufacture limousines. So they're going to make this. And I've seen stretch Escalades and stretch Hummers and stretch Hummers. Hummer is not making a stretch Hummer. So you're going to have to take that Hummer and you're going to have to turn it into a stretch Hummer. And the only way you do that is you separate the front from the back. You push stuff in between. How could I be wrong about this?

[Andy]

Because there's thousands and thousands of them on the road.

[Mike]

Yeah, but they're made slowly.

[Andy]

If you tell me that there's, like, a Lamborghini limousine and it's one of one, then yes, that's how they make them. But if you're talking about like literally manufacturing, like limousine companies exist, like that's a thing.

[Mike]

Yeah, but you need a. You need a plant, though. You need the manufacturing plant. And everything has its molds.

[Andy]

Look, I could be wrong. There could just be a lot of.

[Mike]

Jason has persuaded me onto this side of stupidity.

[Jason]

Thank you.

[Andy]

So you take a car, you cut it in half, you grab like a little section of an airplane, you jam that in the middle.

[Jason]

All right, according to AI overview, and we know our. No, no, look, I'm just saying, the AI overlords, they're always right. Yeah. A stretch Hummer is made by taking a standard Hummer vehicle, cutting it in half, then welding custom built extension piece between the two halves to lengthen the wheelbase. Sounds essentially stretching the car. This is followed by reinforcing the chassis to handle blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Mike]

Yeah, chassis.

[Jason]

Yeah, brother, that's not spelled chassis. That's spelled chassis. Okay, baby. Welcome to the Spitballers.

[Mike]

I know.

[Jason]

Yeah, I know. No, I already wrote it down. I wrote my learn. Chassis is chassis. Chassis. That's dumb. That's a dumb look.

[Andy]

You know, Mike's going to be on.

[Jason]

Your side on that one with the English language.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, for sure. Don't look up, Corporal. You're going to have a bad time.

[Andy]

Okay, the blinks or the eyes shut? I'll take, I'll take the.

[Jason]

There was a question here.

[Andy]

I'll take the blinks and I will not be driving.

[Mike]

Well, they're all blinks.

[Andy]

I'll take the three minutes. Sorry. I'll take the three minutes. Okay, so I can blink normally and it's random and it's gonna suck and there are gonna be situations beyond driving that this is gonna be a nightmare. Like, I don't know, walking in public.

[Jason]

Yeah, but at least there you can, you can stop. If you're in the middle of a.

[Mike]

Crosswalk, you're gonna see so many people just stopped.

[Jason]

You know what movie how I imagine.

[Andy]

You'Re lying to a concert. You're on the way in.

[Jason]

Oh, you gotta have your friend in front and you hold onto him. Also, I'm sprinting every crosswalk I got. I'm looking left.

[Andy]

Oh, you're sprinting.

[Jason]

Run because you don't want to. You know, just. Although, man, if you're in the middle of a sprint.

[Mike]

Oh, you're eating.

[Andy]

Do you pull out?

[Mike]

You're never running again.

[Andy]

Do you. For the three minutes, do you pull out? Do you pull out a pair of glasses, like sunglasses and a quick snap Cane.

[Jason]

Oh, that's a good one. Just for your three minutes, so that people know I cannot see you right now.

[Andy]

Right.

[Jason]

Or at least just the glasses with the big eye cover. Old people glasses.

[Mike]

Old people sunglasses.

[Andy]

Oh, man, she was spinning so many times. Sawyer, from the website, would you rather get an extra child free hour in the morning or an extra child free hour in the evening? This question is like, are you a morning or an evening person?

[Jason]

Yeah, I don't think it is, because I'm an evening person. I'm a night person. A night owl. I prefer that. I hate mornings. Don't consider myself a morning person. I'm easily taking the extra child three days in the morning. That's a great question, because are we.

[Mike]

Just saying the same thing?

[Andy]

Oh, like. Yeah, you're saying a night. Night.

[Mike]

Yeah, you're like. An owl is a nocturnal animal. You're like, it's a night owl.

[Jason]

Well, yeah, it's an owl.

[Mike]

It operates.

[Andy]

Somebody at one point goes, you know what? I'm just kind of like an owl. And they didn't know what they meant.

[Mike]

Oh.

[Andy]

And then they go, yeah, I'm like a night owl. Like, an owl's out at night. Do I have to explain it to you? Fine, I'll call it a night owl.

[Jason]

Do we have day owls? We have day owls. Yes. According to our AI Overlords.

[Mike]

No.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

Somehow they're nocturnal. I was not this in.

[Jason]

Diurnal owls. I mean, I'm probably saying the word wrong.

[Mike]

I bet it's correct, that.

[Andy]

Look, if diurnal.

[Jason]

Diurnal. Diurnal. Die.

[Mike]

That's what happens when you die in the men's bathroom.

[Andy]

Look, we all can't get when we got that problem. So I'm a day owl. If I get up in the morning, I'm a morning owl.

[Jason]

I think maybe you are.

[Andy]

Why am I an owl at all?

[Jason]

I think you're a crepuscular owl.

[Andy]

No, I am an early bird.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's a crepuscular owl.

[Mike]

So then to say night owl to me is like. Okay, most owls are actually day owls.

[Jason]

No, most owls are nocturnal.

[Mike]

But I'm saying, to say, when we use the phrase night owl, that sounds like that means that.

[Andy]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

The night owl is actually uncommon.

[Andy]

It's just part.

[Mike]

It's a regular owl. It's not a day owl. It's just an owl.

[Andy]

I'm definitely the 90% owl is what you're saying.

[Mike]

I don't.

[Andy]

You know, there's only one authority on this.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Al Borland. Are you a night owl? No.

[Mike]

Okay, okay, I'm an owl.

[Jason]

Okay. No, let me.

[Mike]

Just a regular.

[Jason]

Just a reg. No, but you're a daytime guy, so you're a diurnal owl. Or if you're a morning person, you're a crepuscular owl is what I've learned.

[Andy]

If you have Chipotle, you're both of those.

[Mike]

Yo.

[Andy]

First, you have a diurnal crap.

[Jason]

But Mike is right in the sense that we don't ever talk about yellow tigers. You ever heard someone talk about a yellow tiger?

[Mike]

No.

[Jason]

You talk about white tigers.

[Andy]

Wait, what's a yellow tiger?

[Jason]

It's just a tiger.

[Andy]

Exactly.

[Jason]

But yellow, orange, orange.

[Mike]

Okay, I knew where you were going.

[Jason]

Jay never talk about blue tigers.

[Mike]

But he's saying. But we talk about a white snow.

[Jason]

You talk about white tigers.

[Mike]

A white tiger.

[Andy]

Specify. White, because it's the rare one.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

Right.

[Jason]

You don't say an orange tiger.

[Andy]

Correct.

[Jason]

You just say a tiger.

[Andy]

Right. Because a tiger's orange.

[Jason]

So not yellow, though, Right?

[Andy]

Not yellow.

[Jason]

Yellow tiger. What is.

[Andy]

Let me see.

[Jason]

What the. Oh, yellow tigers aren't a thing. That's just stupid.

[Andy]

What colors do you know? Like, metals. You know, metals. Do you know colors?

[Jason]

Colors are much more difficult for me. Fuchsia. What's that?

[Andy]

You know, I've always wondered if, like, oh, gosh, I'm going to rabbit hole this thing. But I've always wondered, like. Because nobody can see through somebody else's eyes.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I have all those thoughts.

[Andy]

Like, my green could be your blue. Yes, it could be. So long as we are both calling the same thing.

[Jason]

Well, no, because if we're both calling it blue.

[Andy]

But then.

[Jason]

But to you, objectively.

[Andy]

But when you're. It is.

[Mike]

But it is blue.

[Andy]

When you're growing up, though, and your parents say, look at that blue ball on the wall.

[Jason]

Oh, they teach you that green is blue. And so you believe whatever they're just.

[Andy]

Saying, look at the blue ball. And in your eyes, through your eyes, that might be pink, but you would only call it blue because it's blue. By teaching. You only call it that by the word you use to associate with it.

[Jason]

Interesting.

[Mike]

You've never been through this one.

[Andy]

Like, theoretically, the whole world could be completely different than the way you see, and you would never be able to know. No one has ever. Unless AI knows it already. And maybe there's no way for us to see through other eyes. Right?

[Mike]

I mean, the closest you can.

[Andy]

Other than, like, the closest you go.

[Mike]

Is, like, people who are Colorblind. And then they get the glasses and they're like, that's blue.

[Jason]

Would you like to know what our AI overlooks?

[Mike]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jason]

The nature of color is a combination of objective and subjective.

[Mike]

There you go.

[Jason]

Okay, so I don't know what it means.

[Andy]

What's not subjective is the reality that tigers are not yellow.

[Jason]

Okay, that's fair. Even if your yellow is different than you. I typed yellow tiger and I saw a picture of a yellow tiger. And, you know, that's Photoshopped. It looks so stupid. Tigers are, like, not close.

[Andy]

They're just super orange.

[Jason]

If you were like, what is the most orange thing you'd be like? A tiger. That would be correct.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

I didn't realize that.

[Andy]

Why are you choosing the child Free morning versus evening. When you're a night out, like, you don't. You just want the peace and quiet in the morning?

[Jason]

There is routine that can happen in the morning that can't happen later. Like, I've started working out, getting healthy, whatever, and it's like, if I tried to do that after work. If I. I've done this before. It's like I'm trying to work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I'll get home from work. You get home from work and there's distractions and there's things going on, or they're tired or this kid's got to be there, and. And then everything gets in the way. But I've found that even though I'm not a morning person, I don't like waking up early. When you wake up and have a routine, you can actually stick to it.

[Andy]

I've got an incredible thing to tell you right now. You are a morning person.

[Jason]

I'm becoming a morning person.

[Andy]

You just described why people are morning people, which is you are.

[Jason]

You're gonna have to reevaluate.

[Andy]

You realize you just described.

[Jason]

Dude, I've been trying to get to bed earlier and earlier. I'm sick of staying up too late.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Andy]

You're becoming a morning person. You just said you want peace and quiet in the morning to do stuff. That's what morning people want.

[Jason]

It's so nice, man, when you get those. Welcome in, dude, am I welcome? Am I allowed here? I'm a morning person. I just declared it.

[Andy]

Text anytime you want in the morning.

[Jason]

Dude, I'm up. I'm up. 6:00am let's go, baby, let's go.

[Mike]

I love to imagine Jason at night, and it's like 9:30pm he's just forcing himself to stay awake. This is who I am, I'm a night person.

[Jason]

Give me a drink.

[Mike]

I just want to stay.

[Jason]

Oh man. No, you are. I am a morning person.

[Andy]

Wow.

[Jason]

Well, I guess I didn't. I guess you can have chassis Mike.

[Mike]

I got worse news for you, Jason.

[Jason]

Uh oh.

[Mike]

That means you're old.

[Jason]

Honestly, what you said.

[Andy]

Yeah, I've been old for so long.

[Jason]

When he was saying it and I was like, okay, I am trying to get to bed earlier. I'm trying to have, you know, my sleep cycle be better. And I was like, that was the only thought that went through my head is like, I'm just old. That's all this is, is just I've gotten old to the point where it's like I want to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier.

[Mike]

Time converts, I think most people into morning people eventually.

[Andy]

This is why your dinners, are they moving forward?

[Jason]

No, man, no. I had an AEM dinner last night. So I'm still, I'm still young enough.

[Andy]

That's the next.

[Jason]

That's the next generation. 5pm dinner.

[Andy]

Yeah, get them, get them moved up. Mike, are you morning? I'd rather have the morning. Like when my kids are on winter break, summer break, they're all at the age where they don't try to get up. They want to sleep as long as humanly possible. So I just got off of three weeks of no kids in the morning.

[Jason]

Oh, it's been awesome.

[Andy]

It's spectacular.

[Mike]

If I could do.

[Andy]

It's so quiet.

[Mike]

If it can be morning and this is when they're getting ready and going to school and I just have to be like, you could just delete that. Yeah, I'm not a part of this anymore. Then I'm going to take that. Yeah, if I can't do that, then I'll go in the evening.

[Andy]

Okay, well that was one fun. Would you rather we'll take a break, we'll get into what's the difference. What's up spit wads? People keep asking about my 2026 resolutions. And I've got the usual goals, you know, like read, read a bunch of books, you know, that type of thing. Keep yourself in shape. But I got a new one at the top of my list. It is get comfy. And that is where Bombas comes in. They're bringing serious comfort to all of your everyday go tos. Maybe this is the year you take up running or tennis or in my case play more pickleball. And I've been wearing the all new Bombus sports socks and they are perfect and they are perfectly comfortable. They're sweat wicking and cushioned where you need them most. They keep you comfy and locked in. And they've also got you covered with the comfiest everyday footwear imaginable. Look, I love all of my Bombas products. All of my socks. So comfortable. An actual noticeable difference. And they've got the Sunday slippers. They got all sorts of great stuff. Head over to bombas.com spitballers and use the code spitballers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O m b a s.com spitballers code spitballers at checkout. You're going to love it.

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[Andy]

What's the difference between me and you? Me and you? Chassis.

[Jason]

What's the difference between a chassis and chassis?

[Andy]

What is the difference between trash, garbage and rubbish? Trash, garbage and rubbish. This is a good one. I feel like. I mean, rubbish is not. We don't use that word.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I was going to say it's very European.

[Jason]

English trash.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, I feel like people use the word rubbish more versatilely. Like, you know, that thought's rubbish. That idea is rubbish.

[Mike]

Oh, I use garbage like that all the time.

[Jason]

You do?

[Andy]

Yeah, I guess we do.

[Jason]

I get it. Like that.

[Mike]

Like you're garbage.

[Jason]

You're playing like trash.

[Mike]

You're a garbage person.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

That is one of the things which.

[Mike]

I'm not insulting people who work garbage. No, no, no. You are literally garbage.

[Jason]

You are a garbage person. That means you're a disgusting.

[Mike]

Your insides are made of garbage.

[Jason]

Yes. And I love that insult.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

So rubbish is just European garbage?

[Jason]

Yeah, I think so. It's just across the pond.

[Andy]

Hold on. I mean, it's kind of a cooler word.

[Mike]

Is it European garbage or European trash?

[Andy]

That is where we'll figure that out right now.

[Jason]

Yeah. Because we gotta decide what's the difference between trash and garbage?

[Andy]

When I say put something in the trash, what do you think of first? Is it a little cancer?

[Jason]

I think it's a small bin.

[Andy]

And if I say take out the trash, though, it goes to the curb.

[Jason]

Then it becomes garbage.

[Andy]

What do you use more, garbage or trash?

[Jason]

Trash. Right. I feel like all the inside stuff is trash. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

I'm struggling over here.

[Jason]

You got your trash cans. You take out the trash.

[Andy]

It's a garbage truck, though.

[Jason]

It's not a trash truck exactly. Once it's part of the big, like, package, like, multiple bags together, that's garbage.

[Mike]

Okay, so garbage is a lot of trash.

[Jason]

It's a lot of trash.

[Andy]

Then it becomes what's inside of a landfill garbage.

[Jason]

It's a garbage dump.

[Mike]

You don't call it the trash trash dump.

[Andy]

Put that in the trash can. Put that in the garbage can.

[Mike]

Which one's bigger?

[Andy]

Exactly?

[Mike]

The garbage can's big.

[Jason]

The garbage can is what's outside your house.

[Andy]

That's the. It's a trash can.

[Mike]

It's the bin. The bin's outside.

[Andy]

You knock over your trash can.

[Mike]

Oh, but that's the small metal ones.

[Jason]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andy]

Interesting.

[Jason]

Very interesting.

[Andy]

You see garbage. More letters in the word garbage, bigger amount.

[Jason]

Trash is just a small word. It's a small.

[Andy]

Throw it in the trash.

[Jason]

Throw it in the trash.

[Andy]

Don't put it in the garbage bin.

[Mike]

So trash can become garbage, which is why can garbage become trash. Can you break it back down?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

If you separate it all in the garbage.

[Jason]

Go get that out of the garbage. Go get that trash out of the garbage.

[Andy]

Yeah, go dig through.

[Mike]

You know what I mean?

[Jason]

That's what you're doing. And think about it this way, too. When you look at rubbish across the pond and you're like, which one is worse? Look, you could be a trashy person, and that is not nearly as big an insult as being a garbage person. You know what I mean? You're a little trashy. That's fine. As a little. You're garbage. You're a piece of garbage. Dude, you are disgusting. Your innards are like. You were.

[Mike]

Would you rather be garbage or thrown.

[Jason]

Around in a helicopter?

[Andy]

I'd rather be called rubbish. To me, rubbish is slightly less dirty than trash and garbage for sure.

[Jason]

Because it's been cleaned by the English accent.

[Andy]

Yes. Yes, it has. What is the difference between a smudge, a stain, and a blotch? I did what you did, too.

[Jason]

I mean that. I did what you did.

[Mike]

Like Snoop Dogg.

[Jason]

It looked.

[Andy]

Let me just clean off my screen here.

[Jason]

That looked like a different word.

[Andy]

A smudge, a stain, and a blotch. Blotch. Blotch. Because I would have known the other One smudge, stain, blotch. All right, A stainless steel is where I'm going to begin here. That is a dried, permanent marking.

[Jason]

Yes, yes, that's easy.

[Andy]

A smudge is on glass.

[Jason]

It does have to be some kind of reflective material. You cannot get a smudge on this wooden desk.

[Andy]

No, you could not.

[Jason]

It's impossible. I could stain this. I could not smudge this.

[Andy]

Could you? Is there a blotch on it? What's a blotch? A blotch. That word's real, like a regressive word.

[Mike]

Blotch is a. It's a big thing of ink blotch.

[Jason]

It also show. It doesn't have.

[Mike]

When your pen is blotchy.

[Andy]

I've said it too many times.

[Jason]

Blotchy is the real key determiner of figuring out the root of blotch. Because when something is blotchy, this word. When something.

[Andy]

This word now no longer means anything. And it's so powerful and strong.

[Jason]

When something is blotchy, there's no definitive blotch. There's no definitive edge. You know, like, a stain can have, like, I think of it with a rash. Rash, yeah, absolutely.

[Mike]

You're blotchy rash.

[Jason]

There's a bunch of, like, you know, it's blotchy. It's kind of like several things together.

[Andy]

Can you have a blotchy stain?

[Jason]

No, I don't think so.

[Mike]

No.

[Andy]

A smudge is easily removable, too.

[Jason]

That's right. You can always get rid of a smudge.

[Andy]

The stain, by definition, is permanently there right now. What if you remove a stain? Is it still a stain that you remove? I mean, they're stain remover.

[Mike]

I mean, if you can still see it, it's still a stain. It might be faded, but that's a stain.

[Jason]

Yeah, it either exists or it no longer exists.

[Andy]

If you wanted to use one of these words to describe a tattoo, which would it be? A stain.

[Jason]

Yeah, it has to be.

[Mike]

But you can have blotchy tattoos. If you got a bad artist who can't do good, clean lines get blotchy.

[Jason]

That's the issue. It's the.

[Andy]

If you react to the heat. Definitive edge with a rash that's also blocked. Yeah.

[Jason]

If it doesn't have a defined edge, then it's blot.

[Andy]

Then it's a blotch. This is the rabbit. The rabbit hole show. Anyways, have you seen these tattoos that are done with the ink that is activated and deactivated by two waves of light?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

No.

[Mike]

Yeah, I've seen them.

[Andy]

And so you can have different lightweight patterns. You could have your whole arm sleeved up, and if you run, like, a certain wavelight on it, it disappears, and then you run a different wavelight on it and it react.

[Jason]

What is a wavelength?

[Andy]

A lightweight. Like a different wave. Like a black light versus a white light.

[Mike]

But it's. What I don't know about it because I haven't looked into it. I just saw a video, and I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. When you activate it with a certain wavelength, it burns. No, but it's like, I think about shoes that glow in the dark. Like, they get activated, but then eventually does it deset. Like, over time, it fades out. So does the. I would think that how the tattoo has to respond because it's getting beamed with other light.

[Andy]

What would be funny is you have some regular tattoo and then you have hidden parts that are like that.

[Mike]

Like, you have, like, a parchment, and then you have to unveil it.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, you could do.

[Jason]

Or you've got something you don't want really known. So you do it in, like, basically what will be invisible ink until you go to that Halloween party, and it was like, you go in the little scary house, and all of a sudden your arm says what you didn't want it to say because you're under a black light.

[Andy]

Or you cover your entire body with the Declaration of Independence. And then when you're laying on the slab and the light goes on when you're dead, then it reveals the map.

[Jason]

Find the treasure.

[Andy]

Yeah. This show is a morning show.

[Jason]

We're morning men.

[Andy]

I think.

[Jason]

Where are you, Mike?

[Mike]

I think I'm still in between.

[Jason]

You're welcome to our club.

[Mike]

I can do both. But if I have to make the decision, I guess I would say morning.

[Andy]

You've often moved over, spoken of the porch, coffee.

[Mike]

Well, I'm saying, like, I am now to the point where, like, on the weekend, I'll get up, I have the coffee, hang out, just relax a little bit. But then I go. I take the house to task. I go get a bunch of crap done, and I.

[Andy]

In the morning, yes, with the coffee.

[Mike]

It'S much harder now at night to be like, all right, let's go get things done.

[Andy]

I'm going to be honest. I'm at the age now where if I could wake up, do my. Do my coffee, sit on the couch and go back to sleep and redo that in a permanent repeat, I would choose that as my life. There's nothing that's good life I like more that's living than two cups of Coffee in the morning, in silence with my kids asleep. All right, Smudge stain. Blanche, we got that taken care of. We got time for another one before the draft. Al, let's do one more. Do you have a favorite of these three? No. Nice. All right. What is the difference between courage, bravery and valor? Oh, boy. We are not qualified for this one.

[Jason]

I mean, valor is only war, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, but it's like we have.

[Andy]

That word is the biggest word we.

[Mike]

Have rewarded and recognized the courage or the bravery.

[Andy]

Valor is post doing it.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

Do you have. You don't have valor in the moment.

[Mike]

Well, I mean, you do if you're.

[Andy]

A man of valor. You previously had courage and bravery, but.

[Mike]

Everyone else needs to know about it.

[Jason]

Yeah, everyone should know about valor. Valor is not something hidden. That's something revealed.

[Andy]

Do anybody. Just curious. Do you know anybody with valor?

[Jason]

Not one person, man.

[Andy]

I know one person with valor, and they were in a war. They were in the marines, of course. In the Marines.

[Jason]

Oh, I know someone of valor.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Yeah, me, too. Now I thought of someone, and they were in war.

[Andy]

Yeah. Bravery, courage.

[Jason]

You don't get valor on the basketball court.

[Mike]

You know what I mean?

[Jason]

You're not, like.

[Andy]

Because you can go Valor award for the hall of famer that made it through the. No.

[Jason]

Yeah. You can be brave or courageous in certain moments. You know, you're in a boxing match.

[Andy]

Can it only be war? Is there any other kind of valor? Like if you were the astronaut that went to the moon and came back. Do you have valor?

[Jason]

No.

[Mike]

Yeah, you.

[Jason]

Do you.

[Andy]

Do you think you have valor? Only if you fought an alien.

[Mike]

Because your bravery has advanced civilization. Civilization. Yeah.

[Andy]

Can you have valor? I guess that starts to ask the question. Let's say there were those, like, miners that were stuck in the mine.

[Jason]

The young people.

[Andy]

Yeah. And they went.

[Mike]

The people who mine. People who mine.

[Andy]

And people went and got them and showed bravery and courage. Do they afterwards have valor?

[Mike]

They do.

[Jason]

Mike is giving out valor all willingness.

[Andy]

Valor cannot be active. I think it has to be. Speaking of the past, of course. But I think bravery is active. Courage active.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

Valor is a recognizing.

[Jason]

So what's the difference between courage and bravery? Those seem so similar.

[Andy]

Which would you rather have?

[Jason]

Oh, that's a good question.

[Andy]

Would you rather be brave or courageous?

[Mike]

Isn't.

[Andy]

I thought.

[Mike]

Isn't the phrase, like, courage is just bravery in the face of danger?

[Andy]

I was gonna say, I would prefer courage. I'd rather be courageous. Because bravery, I feel like you could kind of slide it into, like. Oh, man, he's brave. He just jumped off of that jump on his bike.

[Jason]

I see what Mike's saying, though.

[Andy]

You can't be courage. It's not courage to jump off a jump.

[Jason]

Bravery is what's inside you. Courage is what comes out. That's. You know what I mean? Like, you're a brave person, and then you're doing something courageous. You're not. You don't say, like, I'm doing something brave.

[Andy]

Yeah, you do what?

[Mike]

You know, doing something brave is.

[Andy]

It can span a lot more.

[Mike]

Because you can be brave and do. When you're like, I'm going to do something stupid.

[Andy]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mike]

And I'm brave.

[Andy]

Yeah. I'm not wearing a helmet today.

[Mike]

I'm super brave.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Because I know it's.

[Andy]

But you're not courageous.

[Mike]

I know it's potentially dangerous.

[Andy]

Courageous seems tied to helping somebody.

[Mike]

It does. I think I got there, too. And then valor is recognizing courage.

[Andy]

Yeah. But bravery is. You can be brave and courageous. Right. But you can also just be brave. Yes, but anybody that is courageous is also brave, I think.

[Mike]

True. That's how I'm looking at it, man.

[Jason]

I didn't learn the difference at all.

[Andy]

No, you got the valor one, though.

[Jason]

Valor makes complete sense if you want to recognize bravery.

[Andy]

Post if you were. No, no.

[Mike]

Valor is recognizing courage. Valor is never recognizing.

[Andy]

I got it. I got the example for you. All right, Jason, today on the show, this amazing podcast that everyone loves, you showed that you're a brave person because you admitted you're a morning person. You were brave. Right here, right now on the microphone. You were so brave.

[Mike]

Something you didn't want to do.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Person you didn't want to do.

[Andy]

But you're not a courageous person.

[Jason]

Not at all. No. Okay.

[Andy]

Unless you use those mornings to go save a cat out of a tree.

[Jason]

No valor for me.

[Mike]

Yeah. But that's. All right.

[Andy]

Well, none of us have. Like we said, we don't even know people with valor. I think one guy.

[Mike]

People who have valor, they know other people. Like, they get in the club.

[Andy]

The people who have valor don't think they have valor. That's another thing.

[Mike]

They, too, are humble.

[Andy]

They are very. They are too busy being courageous to worry about having valor.

[Jason]

Yeah. So I can't ever have valor because.

[Andy]

You'D be too worried about it.

[Jason]

Yeah. I'd really want people to know.

[Andy]

Oh, gosh. Well, look, I.

[Jason]

People don't declare their own valor.

[Andy]

No, no, that is. I do have valid.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's putting your own award on.

[Jason]

They're very valuable.

[Andy]

Okay, well, look, that one busted. I think we need to get to this draft because I've never looked forward to something more in my entire life.

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[Jason]

The Spitballers draft.

[Andy]

We are drafting movie titles to best describe a trip to the bathroom. This is kind of like, are we going five? Do we got time for five rounds? Okay, we'll give it a go. Mike, you get the first pick to describe a trip to the bathroom with a movie title. Go ahead.

[Mike]

Being in the first pick here is difficult because I mean what I'm saying.

[Andy]

Reading my list and already laughing like.

[Mike]

I mean, I've got to set the tone here for the draft.

[Andy]

Yes, you do. It's important.

[Mike]

I know that our lists are going to be very different, but there will certainly be, I think, a couple of overlap. So I'm going to start with that one.

[Andy]

With what one with an overlap.

[Mike]

With an overlap. Sorry. That style of pick. I'm going to go with the Exorcist. Okay.

[Jason]

All right.

[Mike]

Where I have exorcised the demons.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

All right. So the Exorcist. Your first pick. I get it, Jason.

[Jason]

Oh, I'm very excited that this one's here. This was. This was the one I wanted the most that could describe a certain bathroom outing.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And I think it goes well because famous quote from this line is, I drink your milkshake.

[Andy]

Uh huh.

[Mike]

Oh, I did not think you would. I didn't think we'd go there. I thought about this.

[Jason]

For the first pick it was a way better pick. There will be blood. There will be blood. Dude, it's.

[Andy]

It's the number.

[Mike]

I didn't think you would go there.

[Andy]

It's number two on my list.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

So you could have set the tone.

[Mike]

Yeah, I misread everything.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

And we'll just let that speak for itself.

[Jason]

Oh, for sure. There will be blood. Been there. You don't want to wipe that one and go, oh, no, it's Red.

[Andy]

The Exorcist. There will be blood. I got two picks. I'm going to go with number one here as Mission Impossible. Oh, yeah, look, we've been there. Yeah.

[Jason]

Oh, sometimes it doesn't work and please work impossible.

[Andy]

And I've got to go with this one. It's a great movie. It's not a great time in the bathroom. I'm going with the heat.

[Jason]

All right.

[Andy]

I'm going with heat. Yeah. So there you go, Jason, you are back on the clock.

[Jason]

All right. I'm going to go with this one just because it made me laugh. That's it. It's not a specific one.

[Andy]

That's a good reason.

[Jason]

It's not a specific, like, you know, this is going to be a bloody disaster. It's just what it is.

[Andy]

If all of yours have to do with blood.

[Jason]

Well, most of them do.

[Andy]

We'll call a doctor.

[Jason]

This one, I was just looking through movies. Describe a bathroom trip. Look, this one's Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. You know what I mean? It's like, ah, that's success. Success. Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs. That's my bathroom break.

[Andy]

Oh, that's a good and terrible one. Mike, you are on the clock.

[Jason]

Oh, there's never been a more Spitballers draft than it is before.

[Andy]

This is the best.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

Oh, man. I need. We need 100 rounds. I mean, yeah, depending on how much overlap we.

[Andy]

I. I've got a large list honorable mentions. Mike, you are back on the clock. You got two picks.

[Mike]

Okay, so there is. There's a term when, like when there's fighting going on and someone who's not involved in the fight, unfortunately, they. They get hurt. There is a name for that. And so I go with my pick. Number two. I'm going with collateral damage.

[Jason]

Oh, for sure. Do not go in there.

[Andy]

Yeah, collateral damage is good.

[Mike]

Sometimes people who are not involved in my bathroom trip, they are affected by it.

[Andy]

Yes. No.

[Mike]

And.

[Andy]

Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

[Mike]

And this. Oh, man. What do I go with for the next one? This one. It just makes me laugh as Well, I did a. I think it was directed by Rob Zombie, if I'm not mistaken here. I'm going with House of a Thousand Corpses.

[Jason]

Oh, what does that mean? Oh, you know what that means.

[Mike]

No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.

[Jason]

Okay, that's a bad bathroom trip, man.

[Andy]

Jason, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was your last pick. You frightening man.

[Jason]

Yeah, There Will Be Blood was my first. I'm just going right down my list. Number one, number two, my number three, a Jodie Foster classic Panic Room.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, that's pretty good.

[Jason]

You know, sometimes it's like, dude, I was like, contact.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Almost every movie works, people. Just so you know, just name a movie.

[Andy]

Almost every movie works.

[Jason]

It can work. But Panic Room, that describes a specific trip to the bathroom. And let me tell you, I had this situation. Okay, story time, real quick.

[Andy]

Why not? Why not? We got time.

[Jason]

My children are learning to drive. I'm taking them. They drive me. Now, where we go? We went to the petsmart. My son was driving me. We get to petsmart, he got a beta fish at a white elephant gift exchange, which is.

[Mike]

Who does that?

[Jason]

It's hysterical. And we're the family to take it because we find it funny enough. That's an awesomely bad gift. It's a living thing.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

What are your choices now?

[Jason]

So I went to petsmart. We're buying a tank and food and all that stuff, and we're in line to check out, and I'm like, problems? I've got to take a dump right now. And so I'm starting sweating, and we're at petsmart. Oh. And I'm like, I should drive. I'm thinking this in my head. I'm not saying this.

[Mike]

Well, not bad enough that you were going to unload at petsmart.

[Jason]

I did. I. No, I don't think about. I don't do public restrooms.

[Andy]

Public pooping from his repertoire.

[Jason]

And this is 10 minutes from my house. This is not far. So I'm thinking, okay, I should drive 10 minutes. Yeah. No, that's infinity. Well, but sometimes it comes in waves, and I thought it would be okay. Felt like it was going to be okay. So because it felt like it was going to be okay again, I let him drive us home.

[Andy]

Oh, don't drive fast, son. But drive fast.

[Jason]

Okay, this was over a week ago now. And, dude, I'm at the end of this trip. I'm telling him at the beginning, you need to go a little faster.

[Andy]

You need.

[Jason]

We're going to teach you about a.

[Andy]

Certain Kind of drive.

[Jason]

No, no. Go, go, go faster. Just. You got to go faster, Jay. You got to. No, I'm telling you, you got to go faster. About halfway through the drive, I let him know, like, I'm going to crap in your car, man. You better get me home, or I'm taking a dump in your car. Right now. When we're near the end and I've got a gated entrance, and so.

[Andy]

Oh, you got to put the code in.

[Jason]

No, I'm like, jay, you gotta go. You gotta go. He's like, turn. Now. I'm screaming at him. He is like, Tokyo drifting into this thing as this new driver, trying to figure it out. And he was traumatized. He has not driven once since I have asked him to drive so many times. He's like, no, no, no. I have literally scarred him from driving right now. Because you made it, though. I. I mean, I ran. So that is my shout out to Jody Foster in the panic room.

[Andy]

Oh, dude, that was. Did you see what just happened? With a delivery driver? Have you seen this? No. A delivery driver. Amazon or something ups whatever they get out. He comes with the package. He rings the doorbell really, really fast. The lady answers the door. He burst into the home, and he starts. And it's all on video, and he starts screaming, I'm gonna. My pants. I'm gonna. My pants.

[Jason]

I gotta go.

[Andy]

I gotta go.

[Jason]

I gotta die.

[Andy]

I got diarrhea.

[Jason]

I gotta go.

[Andy]

And you hear this woman screaming, get out of my house. You're scaring my kids. Get out of my house. He's like, no, I can't.

[Jason]

I gotta go to the bathroom. Please save me.

[Mike]

Help me.

[Andy]

And he's, like, crying, and she kicks.

[Mike]

Him out of the house.

[Jason]

Homo. You take a dump on that porch, you say, I tried to help you.

[Andy]

But, I mean, at the same time, you can't break into a person's house.

[Mike]

Yeah, you can't do that.

[Jason]

Oh, man. What do you do?

[Andy]

All right. Panic Room was your pick.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Andy]

I got two picks here. I'm going to go with the first one. The longest yard.

[Jason]

I like it. I'm always proud of those ones.

[Andy]

Well, there's also another version, because I'm going to tandem these. The Big short.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

The longest yard and the big short. You got variety.

[Jason]

Yeah. The Big short is sometimes hard to get out.

[Andy]

It's big. It's little. All right.

[Jason]

Okay. So I'm back on the clock, dude. I'm just taking a classic movie my kids love, Wreck It Ralph.

[Andy]

Yeah, it was on my list.

[Mike]

And then I'm going to wreck it. Which I have said, as in that voice before, going into a bathroom before.

[Jason]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

Mike has the Exorcist, Collateral Damage and House of a Thousand Corpses.

[Jason]

We haven't even used my list.

[Andy]

That's the Mikeiest pick ever. All right, two picks. Round us out. We'll go five rounds.

[Jason]

I can't wait for the leftovers. Just reading the list, that's going to be even better than the picks.

[Andy]

Yeah, I agree.

[Mike]

I'm trying to just. Oh, no. Now I don't remember which. Which actor was in this one.

[Jason]

Paddington two.

[Mike]

No. Nice. No. When we've all been there. When this is happening, I'm going with A River Runs Through It.

[Andy]

Okay, that's. Yeah, that's wonderful.

[Jason]

Oh, that's really good.

[Mike]

Oh, it's Brad. I was searching up Kevin Bacon, but he was in The River Wild also works.

[Jason]

The River Wild. Most movie titles do.

[Andy]

Everything works.

[Mike]

I'm going with the River Runs Through It. And for the next one, one of us out. One of the. What are we. We're going five though, right?

[Andy]

Yeah. This is your last pick.

[Mike]

Oh, it is?

[Andy]

Yeah. You've got four picks. Make it good.

[Mike]

All right. We're going to stick with it. I'm going to go with Pompeii.

[Andy]

Okay. All right. There's a lot of. There's a lot of natural disaster movies that would fit, like Deep Impact and Armageddon. Yeah, we'll go Pompeii.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh, guys, how could you possibly pick a final one here? I can't wait for the leftovers. We are just going to run through these names and you're going to love it. I'm going to go for my final pick. Oh, man, am I. Oh, I'm between three. I'm going to go the Green Mile. Sometimes we're a little unhealthy.

[Mike]

No, sometimes you eat too much kale.

[Jason]

Yeah. Whatever it is. Maybe we're too healthy.

[Andy]

But there's something worse than the longest yard.

[Jason]

It's the Green Mile, baby. Yeah.

[Mike]

When you have too many colors.

[Andy]

So you got There Will Be Blood and the Green Mile. You do know your colors.

[Jason]

All in the panic room.

[Andy]

Well, look, I'm going to go with a more recent Oscar winning movie to finish my list. Everything everywhere, all at once.

[Jason]

Nice. Very, very nice.

[Andy]

Unless you want to go round six. No, we'll just go through.

[Jason]

I mean, I could go forever. I've got so many.

[Andy]

Mike has There Will Be Blood, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatball. Jason does Panic Room Wreck it, Ralph. In the Green Mile, I have Mission Impossible heat, the longest yard, the Big short, and everything everywhere all at once. Mike has the Exorcist. Collateral Damage. House of a Thousand Corpses. A River Runs through it in Pompeii. Here's my list of unsaid names. 127 hours.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

The Perfect Storm. Yeah, I had that one inside out.

[Jason]

I like Scream. Very nice.

[Andy]

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find that.

[Jason]

I was gonna. I was going to. That was the one I was between. Between? There were three. Yeah, it was the Green Mile. And highest on my list was Fantastic Beasts.

[Andy]

Yes. That one was so close to being my last one. And then the final one I have here is the Purge.

[Mike]

I got the Purge on there, too.

[Jason]

Makes a lot of sense. Mine.

[Andy]

Yeah. Give me a list.

[Jason]

Armageddon. Man on Fire.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

Black Swan.

[Mike]

What?

[Jason]

Free Willy. How did you not take that one? Crimson Tide. But I already had There Will Be Blood.

[Mike]

Free Willy.

[Jason]

Deep Impact.

[Mike]

It's a home run, man.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Fifth Element. What? And the Peanut Butter Falcon. Dude, that's a great movie.

[Andy]

Oh, go watch that movie.

[Mike]

Free Willy that you missed.

[Andy]

Free Willy was the home run, Mike. What do you got left?

[Mike]

Swamp Thing.

[Andy]

Swamp Thing.

[Mike]

The Hateful Eight. Bad Times at the El Royale.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

From Dusk Till Dawn.

[Andy]

I love that.

[Mike]

And Misery.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, Misery. Anything from Deucer's Alley over there that you had thought about for this one?

[Jason]

You got mine.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Cool runnings.

[Andy]

Cool.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Dead man, the running. That was good.

[Jason]

What did we learn today? I learned I'm a morning person.

[Andy]

Yeah. I guess I learned that the. That some. Some of these limousines, chop them in half, build out the middle. You got a limo.

[Mike]

Yeah. And part of building that is with the chassis.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's right, with the chassis. All right. Thank you to Al Borland, all the Doosers and Doosers Alley. Thank you to you, the listener, for tuning in to the Spitballers podcast each and every week. Please tell your friends we'll do this again.

[Jason]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out Spitballers pod dot com.