
We’re back with a brand new episode and a brand new Spitballers set! The hilarious laughs and silly situations remain, and we’ve got another fantastic episode for you. That’s a Great Question returns and we bring things home with a Foods That Taste Better Than They Smell draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!
Loading summary
Sponsor/Ad Voice
With Target, filling every basket with Easter magic has never been easier. That means fun and festive finds starting at just $3. From tasty favorite day treats to the softest Gigglescape plush toys, we've got everything you need to make their day, so find all the Easter basket goodies they'll love at Target.
Jason
Aruba loves you. Seriously. Like the entire island. You don't believe me? Then visit it and you'll see. The beaches will soothe you with warming love. The water will heal you with cleansing love. The food will fill you with delicious, delicious food love. And the people, well, they offer the warmest love of all. That's a lot of love. Hope you like feeling incredible basically the entire time you're there. Just be sure to return the favor. So go ahead and meet Aruba and then love Aruba. Plan your trip today@aruba.com. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Bloop blap ding a da bing bonga
Mike
dingle boop or dingle boop. Is that, like, instead of a light bulb, a dingle bulb?
Jason
Because I think I've had those after some chipotle. I've had a dingle bulb before.
Andy
I'm so tired of scatting for this man.
Mike
A dingle bulb is definitely after you go two. Two swipes and you miss one.
Jason
Oh, yeah. Let me just pull back the curtain.
Andy
Oh, gosh. We're going to do this.
Jason
Yeah, of course we're doing this. This is. We are recording this on any Andy Holloway's birthday.
Mike
Open and vulnerable.
Jason
And we should have a rule. I would say we should have a rule that no one should have to scat on their birthday. You have to come into work. You got to be here. You got to record. You shouldn't have to be forced to do this.
Mike
Well, Josh doesn't have to be here.
Jason
Well, he would never be here on
Andy
his birthday or other people's birthday or
Jason
other people's birthdays, relatives, birthdays. He takes so much time off work. But for us adults in the room like Andy, congratulations being here on your birthday. It was my scat today, and he was.
Andy
Andy was so sure he is here on my birthday.
Mike
Josh. Yeah. Why are you here now?
Jason
Shocked that you are here.
Andy
There's someone, and it's my birthday. So unimportant to Josh. You wouldn't take it off.
Jason
That's what it means. It's not a privilege it's not. No. You're gonna try to turn around and be like, I love Andy so much. That means you didn't even know it was his birthday.
Andy
That's what it means.
Jason
I did know it was his birthday.
Andy
Because if he did, he would have scheduled it off.
Mike
Absolutely.
Andy
Out of respect.
Jason
He has respect for you.
Andy
Okay, go on.
Jason
But Andy, this is about 30 minutes ago, was positive he had fulfilled the scats.
Andy
We made a bet 100 years ago.
Jason
Well, let's put. Let's put it this way.
Mike
It wasn't a bad.
Jason
It was an agreement. A hundred years ago, we made an agreement. 100 years ago. We made an agreement I'd go to
Mike
Las Vegas and make an agreement with the blackjack dealer.
Jason
I'm going to make an agreement here. I'm going to put these chips down
Mike
and you're going to take them.
Jason
Yeah. That's an agreement they will agree to. So anyways, our company Christmas party. Now, I don't know if this is a spit hit at this point, but so long ago, we are not near Christmas. No, you made an agreement.
Mike
We're in the.
Jason
An offer to me about whether or not I would do a certain show for you after our Christmas party and you will do my next number of scats. Today, you were positive that that number you had made an agreement was three.
Andy
Only a billion zillion million dollars worth.
Jason
Positive. Well, when you said, I will bet you a million bazillion dollars was 3. Because I'm like, no, you said 4. When you said, I will bet you a million bazillion dollars, I was ready to take that bet. However, I knew you would never agree to a million bazillion.
Andy
Right.
Mike
So I was like, also, because that's not a.
Jason
It's not a.
Mike
It's not a real number.
Jason
It's got to be a real number.
Mike
Bazillion.
Jason
You can figure it out. Is bazillion a real number?
Mike
No.
Jason
See, this is Jeremy, look up bazillion. Anyways, it is not. So I look it up. I did again. Anyways, so I told Andy, I will bet you $100.
Andy
This is just insult to injury.
Jason
100 on his birthday. $100.
Andy
I'm so stupid.
Jason
To which he agreed to. We had a handshake. We looked it up, and he had said four scats, not three. So I get the hundred dollars.
Andy
The whole thing's a mess because I hosted the Christmas party. I shouldn't have had to do.
Jason
No, you shouldn't.
Andy
I shouldn't have had to do.
Jason
It was Your next morning that originally put you in that show. Taking it from Mike.
Mike
You scheduled the date.
Jason
That's true. That's also true. But anyways, bearing the lead.
Mike
So I got the hundred dollars, like, Friday. Why would we do this on Friday?
Jason
I got the $100 from Andy on his birthday where he still had to scat. And then I turned around and I gave that hundred dollars to Mike for my next scat. I will never scat again, people.
Mike
Ah, I got $100.
Jason
It's been a good day. A good birthday for everyone around here.
Andy
Unbelievable.
Mike
You should make more bad bets.
Andy
Andy, we are on episode 361 of the Spitballers. We have. Would you rather. That's a great question. And we are drafting from a year's
Jason
worth of four away.
Andy
Yeah. From a year's worth of scats or shows. We're drafting things that taste better than they smell. So we'll leave that to your imagination. We'll get to it soon. Let's start with some. Would you rather?
Jason
Would you rather.
Andy
Well, Josh wants to remind everybody that he won $100 on my birthday as well because he won our little company pistachio throwing contest. I think that's $50.
Jason
Those are. I was going to say that's $100.
Andy
I think it's $50.
Jason
It was not $50.
Andy
Oh, it's 100.
Jason
I mean, what did you do? What did you do?
Andy
I got a lot of Amazon gift cards to give away.
Jason
We thought you got a lot of $50 gift cards.
Andy
Ask Al how many he's won.
Jason
Owl, how many? We've been doing this for months and months. We've probably done this 50 times. How many times have you won? Within our office of like, eight other people eligible to win this, I am alone in the elite group of people who have never won this competition.
Andy
I'll give you a $0 gift card.
Jason
You've given me plenty.
Andy
Would you rather your garage be twice as big or your kitchen pantry be twice as big?
Jason
Oh, I mean, I'm. I'm. I am so far on one side, I am ineligible for this.
Mike
I am so far on one side.
Andy
Some people want cars and they want to store a bunch of cars.
Jason
No, I don't want cars and tools that want workshop.
Andy
You are a pantry.
Jason
Oh, man.
Mike
I don't want cars.
Jason
I don't want tools. I want a pantry that is like a 30 foot chicken run. I want to go into the pantry. I want to cook in the pantry. I want countertops and outlets and put my entire kitchen inside the Pantry.
Andy
You've looked into pantry renovation.
Jason
I have, genuinely.
Andy
And the kind that I won't even tell people.
Mike
Have you considered. I have looked into like taking garage space for your pantry.
Andy
I have.
Jason
I have. Not even a joke. I looked into expanding my. I've got like a mud room off my garage.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
I looked into converting that into what we will call a pantry.
Andy
Yeah. But what he means is a freezer.
Jason
A walk in refrigerator.
Andy
Yeah, he's looked into a walk in,
Mike
walk in refrigerator freezer.
Jason
Like a room.
Andy
Just imagine a room is a fridge. That's what he looked at.
Mike
What are you trying to do? Like Rocky Balboa? Like, no, you're going to hang. Look, cow and just beat up on it.
Jason
If we're going to be real here and be ourselves, just tell the truth. Mike and I went to the wedding of. Oh, we did our manager in wherever. The middle of nowhere.
Mike
We'll call it Detroit.
Jason
We'll call it Detroit.
Mike
But it was not Detroit. It was some town that Detroit's never.
Jason
We had to take a small flight from Detroit to this place. Anyways, nightmare later, they had one pretty much Canada. It was pretty much.
Andy
Get it off your chest.
Jason
They had one that. That was an awful trip. Congratulations. They.
Mike
It was also in like the 90s.
Jason
They had one place that was the best place in the world. Didn't we name it? What was the name of that? No, I don't know. But they had converted this outside shed essentially into a walk in refrigerator. Because this was a catering place. It was. No, no. He had a vineyard.
Mike
They were on a big farm with a bunch of apples.
Jason
Oh, that's right.
Mike
It was apples. And they make like boutique, like apple, you know, like cider.
Jason
Cider.
Mike
And then. And they like make. They make like apple whiskey of some sort.
Jason
So this was a storage room. It was a business operation. But they had shown us that there was this little air conditioner, like a normal $100 air conditioner you buy that just goes in a wall. And there's this machine that they could plug in. They hacked it to hack it for
Andy
cheap to turn it into a type of thing.
Jason
It runs. It'll like burn out every year and a half.
Mike
It runs forever and doesn't free.
Jason
Yeah. And so. But it was the cool. It was awesome. So I went home immediately after that
Andy
trip and I was like, how do I do this?
Jason
I want a walk in refrigerator like that. Because it was the best place in the world. They're really expensive. There's a lot more than just that unit. So I Didn't do it. But I will take the pantry. Fouchou.
Mike
I will take the garage. Really?
Jason
I thought you were going to be on the pantry side.
Mike
What, for all of my cooking?
Jason
Well, you do the cooking. Yeah, you.
Andy
I mean, storing groceries, slowing down his enjoyment of it.
Mike
Yeah, but.
Jason
Okay, so was this an. You said you're very much on one side. Was this anti pantry or is this pro garage?
Mike
This is pro space to put junk. Junk, which. Oh my gosh, guys. So, yeah, this is a little soapboxy. So I apologize. But the other day, we're. We're driving around and there's been this empty, you know, piece of land on a main stretch of road and there's a. There's a giant new structure being put up and we're like, oh, what is this? Holy crap. Is that another storage it? Is that another storage place?
Jason
Yeah, they're.
Andy
They're very.
Mike
And it is.
Andy
And it's like, I know where that is.
Mike
Okay, so storage is big business. It is.
Andy
They can put like five storage places within a mile and everyone will get filled up.
Mike
It's big business in the United States of America. And I was watching it and you know what? It just that I was like, I'm a little grossed out.
Jason
And
Mike
I tell you, I'm looking in the mirror. So this is not an attack. This is an attack on myself of just, why do we have so much crap? We have so much stuff.
Andy
I mean, that we could talk about that for the whole time.
Mike
We have so much stuff now that now we must go to a business and say, hello, your extra room. That is not a part of my house. I would like to borrow your space because I have too much stuff that I gotta come put it in your
Jason
place A long time ago. What are we doing? A long time.
Andy
Living the right way.
Mike
What are we doing?
Jason
Storage units were places that you would rent for a maximum of three months. That was a place or temporary. I am exactly things.
Mike
It's like I have, you know, I have so much summer equipment. I got all this stuff for the lake. You know what I mean? It was like. And I can't possibly have that at my house, but I. But I use it for a huge chunk of the season, but I have to store it somewhere. Or you're like, there are exceptions that I totally recognize. But for the most part it feels like, what are we doing? Why do we need so many businesses? Because we have so much stuff. We don't know what to do here.
Jason
I can answer it.
Mike
It just goes there.
Jason
I can Answer it with one word. I can answer it with one word. And I'm sorry.
Andy
This will not let me be afraid of this word.
Jason
Yeah, of course. Wives. That's why. That's 100% why? 100%. No.
Mike
Yo. No.
Jason
Yeah, I hit my button before you. You tried. Oh, they're fighting. They're fighting.
Andy
I knew you were gonna say no. Brother Jason has a very personal connection to the accumulation of costumes.
Mike
I am part of the problem.
Andy
Listen, I am not part of my problem here. Here's what's weird.
Mike
Shipping pantry.
Andy
Boy, what if you told somebody? If you mentally went through it, what isn't? What is the storage unit cost per month? Al. What do you give me a. Just ballpark. 100 bucks.
Jason
Probably between 100 and 150.
Andy
That's what I thought. Okay, so 100. $150. What if I told you that you get the opportunity to rent a bunch of items to be stored in a room? You can't use them for $150 a month because that's what you're now doing. You're now renting possession of those items instead of selling them for profit. Right, Right. You could sell them for something most often or give them away, but instead you get to rent them. You don't get to use them. You get to rent the. This would be like me saying. Jason. Yes, Listen, you can have partial ownership of my couch. $100 a month. I'll store it at my house.
Jason
Okay, that's $100 a month. But you get to have partial ownership.
Andy
You have partial ownership.
Mike
Whenever you own a couch, you own it.
Andy
And you know it's not going to be usable by you.
Mike
Right?
Andy
It will be stored in my facility.
Jason
When you explain this to me.
Andy
Don't you want to rent it?
Jason
So much more upset than I already was. I was already. Look, we've got an RV garage at our house.
Andy
That is. This is your moment, Jay.
Jason
This is top to bottom.
Andy
You got an RV in there, right?
Jason
Oh, no, we couldn't. We can barely fit a skateboard in there, my man. That thing is.
Andy
You can barely fit a skateboard in an RV garage.
Jason
We have. Genuinely. We have, like, we've got five little scooters for our family of five, and they barely squeeze in on the. Right. This is not a small RV garage. This could. Whatever RV exists, you can get.
Andy
I mean, if you call it.
Jason
I mean, you can't get it in.
Andy
You already know how big it is. This is by default.
Jason
Yeah, this is.
Andy
At least.
Jason
I don't. I just Maybe people think I own a theater. I don't. I don't own a theater, but I have all the props, sets, and costumes. If you have a theater out there, let me tell you, hit me up, because I can. I can do your whole show.
Andy
Let's say you had full control over what's inside of that.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
What would you do?
Mike
Okay.
Jason
There's layers to this because burn them. I would. I would burn if. If that was my only iron man. Yeah, right. That wouldn't be. I mean, ideally, I'd sell them. I'd say, hey, I'd sell them. I would donate them. I would get rid of them to Salvation Armies. Hey, come pick up this stuff. Any theaters.
Andy
What if you need it?
Jason
If I need it? That's the thing. We don't need it. We don't need it.
Andy
We don't need anything.
Jason
We don't need.
Andy
We need almost nothing.
Jason
But if it came to it, if it was like a.
Mike
But I'm a buyer.
Jason
You're not allowed to sell it.
Mike
If he's doing, like. Here's the thing. If Jason's offering, he's gonna be like, this is so cheap. They say, yeah, I can't. I can't buy this deal if I.
Jason
If I.
Mike
What if I need the pink every. I don't know.
Jason
My RV garage is for sale. 50 bucks total. It's an on. You couldn't imagine.
Mike
I'm gonna buy.
Andy
I'm gonna buy it. Yeah. This is something we inherited, like some bits and pieces. Our parents generation was thrifty. This is the garage. They were the garage sale antique generation. You said wives. I'll disagree, because my grandfather was the biggest hoarder of anything that could be perceived as possibly valuable ever again that you could ever imagine. Old machines to make keys that don't work anymore in the garage because you can't get rid of something.
Mike
What kind of key you got there?
Andy
I mean, we make jokes.
Mike
Another one.
Jason
I used to be able to make that. Look.
Andy
We make jokes on our fancy. It doesn't work about. Can't cut that guy.
Jason
Yeah, can't cut that thing. I can't give it away.
Andy
You might need it.
Jason
We might do another show set in the 1920s that need sparkly dresses. We might do that someday. Can we have to hold on to these 20 dresses.
Andy
Do you ever see the little bit. I don't know the guys that do it. It was on YouTube where the dad finally has a need for the scrap.
Mike
The piece of wood.
Andy
The piece of wood that's in a certain shape for this certain situation.
Mike
Yes. It's the same. I mean, I drafted for one of our things. It was like I drafted the box of cords.
Andy
I remember that. Because what if you need it?
Mike
Yeah. What if what? What if only 1989.
Andy
The trick about it is the only way you ever need any of those items ever is the day you get rid of them.
Mike
Yeah, that's how it works.
Andy
It's the Murphy's law of possession.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
If you give that thing away tomorrow you'll need it. You'll need an ethernet cord. The.
Jason
That is true. That is 100% cord.
Andy
It's no chance.
Jason
But you want to know what's nice about the box of cords? You don't need a warehouse. You don't need to pay. Here's my $200 a month.
Andy
Buy an RV. Step one, step two, pull it into the garage. That's all I'm saying.
Jason
There's a lot of steps that have to come before I can fit that rv.
Andy
No, no. Pull it in.
Jason
Okay. I'm just gonna smoosh it all.
Andy
That's where I'm getting.
Jason
I guess it's got power and weight. It could get free.
Andy
I think it could handle the sparkly dresses. Jason.
Jason
I think it.
Andy
All right. Would you rather. By the way, my final answer is.
Jason
Oh, yeah. This is a legit question.
Mike
Do you know how much cool stuff I have that I can't get rid of?
Andy
It's garage. Would you rather loudly fart every time you sit down like Jason does? Or whatever surface you lie down on sounds like a loud potato chip bag. Every time you move.
Jason
Oh my gosh.
Mike
So your bed's like.
Jason
I don't know if it's age or just what I'm going through. I have no idea.
Mike
The farts.
Jason
The farts are neither of those. That's a lifelong daily 24 hour a day symptom. I have had that since birth. I can fart like crazy. I put myself up against any farter in the world and I will beat you. But what I was going to eat.
Andy
I beat you.
Jason
Professional fart.
Mike
I'll fart.
Andy
Smell.
Mike
Is this sound?
Jason
It's not smell.
Mike
Sound or quantity?
Jason
Both sound and quantity. Volume. We can. We can judge on any level. But smell. I don't have the stinkiest. I've met people that.
Mike
Because we. As well documented by episode. Whatever. When you drank the root beer and you nearly passed away.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Yeah. That was life. Life near death experience.
Jason
That was legit.
Mike
A thing that. That is very common amongst. Not you. You can belch on Command. And people will be like, I burp the Alphabet. Can you fart?
Andy
I cannot fart the Alphabet.
Jason
I cannot fart the Alphabet. But I can almost always fart on
Andy
demand, which is just unbelievable.
Jason
But you've been around me enough. You know that that's usually true.
Andy
I know that's almost always true, so I wish I didn't know that.
Jason
I apologize. I was really upset at pickleball yesterday at a couple plays, so I just had to. I just chose. That wasn't like I needed to fart. I just chose. I was like, farts need to happen here.
Mike
Have you ever weaponized?
Jason
Oh, yeah.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
Oh, yeah. I'm 43 years old. You think I haven't weaponized my.
Andy
Yeah, you want to know? One time, like, one time, he was getting a cavity and it was hurting bad. Weaponized.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Sent the dentist a message.
Mike
Have you ever been at a chiropractor?
Jason
I've been at a chiropractor and just. Well, I hold.
Andy
He said, oh, you really got my lower back there.
Jason
My genuine. Like, I love. I adore. One of my favorite things in the entire world is professional massages.
Mike
Yes.
Jason
I love going to a fancy spa and just getting someone that knows what they're doing to work through the muscles. My number one, big. Well, number two, I got two issues.
Mike
Number two is. Number two.
Jason
I got two issues with massages.
Andy
Okay, just stick with number two.
Jason
We'll stick with number two. I don't know what you think number one is, your brother. I'm just worried about farting. I'm just. Number one. Is that when they. When you start face down too long. My nose. I think it's everybody.
Mike
Oh, yeah. Gets all clogged.
Jason
Just gets like. Like I can't breathe anymore. They got it. They gotta lay you down, face down for 30 minutes. And. Because when they go, like, 45 minutes, I just can't breathe anymore. And then I'm like. At that point, I'm just trying to survive and not fart. But my biggest fear is I just got enough. I'm so gassy. I have unlimited gas. What was the question?
Mike
The loud fart when you sit down or you. Your potato chip bag bed.
Jason
Oh, so I remember how we got here. I was talking about what I'm going through right now.
Mike
Oh, yeah.
Jason
I toss and turn in my sleep more than I've ever tossed and turned. I mean, I am. Once I'm asleep for about four hours, the rest from there until I wake up, I am 10 minutes. Flip. 10 minutes, flip 10 minutes.
Mike
You got a Lot of stress going on.
Jason
I have no idea, man. I don't know what it is. I'm taking magnesium. I'm doing all the old people things you're supposed to do. I got a sun blocker.
Mike
Light blocker, sun blocker.
Andy
I think I know what this is all about. It's because I don't like that show. You like. Well, you're really stressed out.
Jason
Take that off of me.
Andy
I don't like that one show you recommended.
Jason
It's a good show.
Andy
It's fine.
Jason
You know, one of the guys that agrees with you that it wasn't good. Came into me the other day, Said he's on the midway point of season two and he's really been enjoying it.
Mike
Oh, no.
Jason
Said it's getting pretty good.
Mike
Anyways, we're talking about paradise, guys. It's just.
Andy
It's a whole nother topic, this idea
Mike
that we all got a concert.
Andy
We all got to agree with each other on these. These takes.
Jason
We don't have to agree with each other on takes.
Andy
But isn't it amazing, though, how when you come in as overwhelming it is when you don't read a critics review and you have a movie you liked and they don't like it, you're like, maybe I shouldn't have liked it. Right.
Mike
Stupid.
Andy
Are we?
Jason
I don't think like that. When I read a critics review of something I really liked and they didn't like it, I don't think maybe I shouldn't have liked it.
Andy
I think that because your show got a 6.6 out of 10, so. Of course you don't.
Jason
Oh, man,
Andy
I'm going to run out of battery in an hour.
Jason
Pushed his cord down the hole.
Mike
Jason is ready to fight people to the death.
Andy
Oh, my gosh.
Mike
Over his love of this show.
Jason
Look, I don't. This is not.
Mike
Mike, if you pull it back now,
Andy
Mike, if you start watching this show, you're only going to hurt Jason.
Jason
I.
Andy
There's just.
Mike
I have never seen it, nor will I ever see it.
Jason
I am enjoying paradise. It's a. It's a good show.
Andy
I walk it back.
Jason
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not walking anything back. It is a good show. I really enjoy it. It is way better than 6.6. This is not an all time, and I've said that from the beginning.
Andy
You said the word elite.
Mike
You said you watched this is this.
Jason
I said this is not Game of Thrones. It's not breaking.
Andy
Wait, why did he say Mike?
Mike
He said during the first episode he would have those thoughts of and conversations with your wife of when while you're watching the first episode, you guys are like, this show was so good.
Jason
Yes, that happened.
Mike
No, that only happens with elite top tier shows.
Jason
I said it was. I think it's an elite show.
Andy
I need to know why he's up late at night. He's struggling with this. He's very proud of his recommendations.
Jason
Good show. Paradise is a really good show. Like really good. I don't think this show, it's not an all timer. It is not one of the best shows.
Mike
That's not how you were talking about the show.
Jason
You can be a really good show without being one of the best of all time. It is not in the Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones tier. It doesn't have that production value.
Andy
Hold on. It is down to a 6.5. It's not a 6.6.
Jason
Andy is on a mission. He's not a 6 anymore. Rate this one star. It's a really good show. That's.
Mike
But that's not how you were talking about the show.
Jason
I wasn't talking that it's a really good show.
Mike
No, you were talking it's a great show.
Andy
Season one, 6.7. Season two, 5.5.
Mike
We sit down, ladies and gentlemen. We sit down for lunch almost every single day as a company. We have a big table. We got all 10 or whatever of us and we just. We just shoot the crap at the. We spitball. You know, we talk and shows come up a lot because that's what people do. And Jason, could not the Halo glow around you as you talked about how great this show paradise was, which it was.
Andy
Was Al Borland suggestion and no one paid attention.
Mike
Yes. Yeah. And then, and then Jeremy got super mad because you were trying to take the credit of.
Jason
Of Jeremy's show.
Mike
Of Jeremy's show because you were the one who was telling everybody to watch it and it was going to be. You were the one because. Oh, man. When you're the guy that has the thing.
Jason
When you're the guy. This show to you.
Mike
When you're the guy that recommends the show and someone likes that show. Oh, man.
Jason
Spitwats. Spitwats. No, that's.
Mike
That's a great place to be.
Jason
I'm going to get.
Mike
You were trying to be that guy.
Jason
I'm doing it right now. Spit watch. Not a sponsor. Go watch paradise on Hulu.
Mike
It's creepy.
Jason
You're going to really enjoy it.
Andy
Listen, if you like CSI Albuquerque.
Jason
Oh my.
Andy
If you like.
Jason
Oh my God. Oh, my gosh. You. No, it's a really. There's. Look, I've made this argument to you, Andy. This is. It doesn't walk budget.
Mike
Can I watch If I have bunny ears on my tv, can I watch this?
Jason
No, it's not right in. It is more Lost. It is not CSI svu. If I say csi, but it's Lost. This is like a Lost show. Which. Lost was a really good show.
Andy
It's. It's definitely kind of like Lost.
Jason
Where do we. Anyways, spit Watts. Watch it, enjoy it, and then thank me later. And if you don't like it, that is totally not okay. Do not rate it and do not come to me with your.
Andy
All right. We did watch episode five and better than. Than the other four.
Jason
Yeah, I was only like, two episodes in when I started talking about lunchtime. Well, I just said. I said, I don't know yet, but I really like. No, you knew.
Mike
J.
Jason
You knew. Apparently I did because I continued watching it. It's very good. You knew.
Andy
You.
Mike
I don't watch any shows.
Andy
He's a hedgehog right now.
Mike
And I was like. I'm like, whoa, do I need to watch this show?
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
No, watch.
Andy
No, you don't, but you'll be fine.
Mike
And then, thank goodness, Andy came in with the network television comparison. Like, if. Oh, I've saved so much.
Jason
If right now. If right now, within this reach, Andy was bobbing for apples. I would hold his head up. I would not let him come up there for a long time. I'm so glad this came up in a. We have been showed us that our company Slack Channel has been. Because we got littered. We got three dummies against the rest of us who have seen it. That all love it. No, that has. So Mike is not watching the rest.
Mike
How many Mike has.
Andy
I don't think Josh has seen it.
Mike
Wait, wait. We got six people at the.
Jason
Yeah, most of the table seen it and likes it.
Mike
And then we got company Slay. You guys are listening while we're recording.
Jason
Schneider loves Josh. Josh loves it. Or not Josh. Jeremy loves it.
Mike
Josh, have you watched it?
Andy
No, I haven't watched it at all. I know better.
Mike
Loves it.
Jason
Bets loves it. That's five. Julia Papworth loves it. She's one of the people that got me into it. That's six. So I was already right. And I.
Mike
You do seem to have about 6.5% out of 10.
Jason
Well, look, six and a half out of every 10 people love it.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
The others hate it.
Mike
Jay, let me ask you this. On a scale of One to ten?
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
Oh, this is a good question.
Mike
Okay, a scale of 1 to 10, if you go to a school and a grade that you receive back is a 6.5.
Jason
That's a bad question.
Mike
How. How do you feel about that grade? Letter wise, what would you say that is?
Jason
Check this out. Jason explains paradise. No, no, Jason is.
Mike
Jason has to explain 6.5.
Jason
All right, so here's the thing. Six and a half out of ten
Mike
explain how it's good to get 6.5.
Jason
6.5.
Mike
Your child walks in with a 65% and they spin it. It's good.
Jason
They come and they tell me, I got a 65% on this test. And I say, that doesn't sound good at first. And he says, well, hold up, everyone else out there. When I look at all the tests, of all my friends, they're all getting at max. The best, the smartest, the brightest. The one who studies for everything is getting a 70% because tests aren't what they used to be, scores aren't what they used to be, and I'm starved for a good score. But it turns out my score's pretty darn good because I got a 6.5 out of 10. And there's no other tests that are worth an 80% anymore. So I love this six and a half. I'm so proud of my boy. I'm like, I have been waiting for something that's not a 3 out of 10. And so that's why I'm proud of my boy getting a 6.5, because I am starved for something that's not a 3.
Andy
That's amazing.
Jason
And that's what this show is.
Andy
My buttons and you hit, AKA this
Mike
is an indictment on.
Jason
On all other shows. Okay, we are. We are show starved. And this is.
Andy
You've lost perspective. Got it. All right, we're taking a break.
Mike
Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Gorton's Seafood. Gordon Seafood isn't new. It's been trusted since 1849. Their over 175 year legacy speaks for itself. When you're choosing dinner, you want to know it's worth it every time. Gorton's delivers uncompromising quality and reliable fresh taste. It's an easy, dependable choice that takes the stress out of mealtime. Gorton's products work for every occasion with a wide variety of products that'll make appetizers like coconut shrimp a breeze to more creative options like new taco tenders to shake things up effortlessly solve the snack. Appetizer or main meal dilemma with one trusted brand. Fish sticks. Come on, people. Fish sticks are delicious. They're fantastic. And Gordon's makes the best ones. My wife loves the fish sandwich as well. It's just. It's great. It's a great product. It's delicious. Visit gortons.com to learn more, find a store and get recipe inspiration. Today's show is brought to you by our friends at indeed. We know here that hiring someone for a job, it's not just about filling a role. You got to find someone with the right background, the experience. It's a difficult thing to do. And that's what Indeed is here to help you do. Get the right person for that job. Indeed. Sponsor jobs help you match with candidates who can move your business forward. Target candidates by skills, certifications or location. Join the 3.3 million employers worldwide that use Indeed to connect with clients. Quality talent that fits their needs. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. Now with Indeed. Sponsored Jobs and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves@ Indeed.com podcast terms and conditions apply. Hiring do it the right way with Indeed.
Jason
Also for the this is why I don't watch shows for the listening audience that might not.
Mike
Why are you guys watching shows?
Jason
The listening audience might not have understood what happened there. If you're watching, which you should always be watching, we've got a new set.
Mike
Yeah, you're going to want to see. We have a new graphic in the back, I believe.
Jason
It's not a green, is it YouTube.com not AI. Not AI.
Andy
Not CGI.
Mike
It's just I.
Andy
That's right. It is just intelligence.
Jason
YouTube.com spitballers is it just spitballers or spitballers pod? No, I'll figure it out. But what happened was YouTube.com spitballers okay, so I didn't want to answer that question.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
And so Andy's finger was on a button to go to the next segment, I guess to the ad break.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
And I tried to make his.
Andy
I mean, I'm not hit the button. I'm literally 10 by 40 buttons.
Jason
You've got 40 buttons. And so I just reach over and hit a button at random on his board and it was Jason and explain.
Andy
Oh, it suits you.
Jason
Right? But I feel like I crushed that.
Andy
No, you really did a good job. I might watch it now.
Jason
That's a great question.
Andy
All right, let's move on. Here you are allowed to invent one new lane on the road that everyone must legally respect. However, your criteria for using this lane must include at least 20% of the population. What are you going to make the entry criteria? This is fun. So on the freeway, there's a new lane that you can add.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
But it needs to include at least 20% of the population. So, like we have the HOV lane which lets you drive in it if you know you have another person in the vehicle. It's not just one person driving solo.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
How is it this one needs to be 20% of the population, so it could be left handed people. That wouldn't work. Right. Because it's not 20%.
Mike
So I can't.
Jason
Lefties are only like 10%, right?
Andy
Yeah. So that one, you couldn't go lefty. You could do shoe size.
Jason
Ideally, you're looking for something that includes yourself, obviously, and then keeps it as close to 20 to keep the lane
Andy
as so IQ empty as possible.
Jason
Ooh. Oh, nice try. Did you ever not top 20%?
Mike
Now, I never IQ'd. I assumed the test would break if
Andy
I took it, but I don't think I ever IQ'd. No.
Mike
So. So you can't say this is like the autobahn lane.
Andy
Mike, Me and you have got to be in the height.
Jason
Oh, yeah.
Mike
Six footers.
Jason
Six. Six footers only, baby.
Mike
Six foot plus.
Andy
Because there's got to be more than 20%.
Jason
Oh, yeah. Can you imagine passing this guy on the freeway?
Andy
We're passing him on the freeway. Heads poking out of the top of our cars.
Mike
My knees are up to my ears.
Jason
Yes.
Andy
Because we are less comfortable in compact cars. We need to get home faster.
Mike
Yes, yes. Jason's feeling.
Andy
This is his favorite episode ever. I'm glad my final scat pal. Happy birthday is going well.
Mike
Yes. Height, dad.
Andy
Done.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason
Six foot and above. All right, well, I'm going to tell you something. I'm in, baby. You think I'm not in the top 20% of height on the globe?
Mike
Oh, of course.
Jason
Five' eleven is at the top 20%.
Mike
We're doing six. We didn't say top 20%.
Jason
No, but. But what if that's not 20%?
Mike
Is it not?
Jason
I don't know.
Mike
Oh, gosh, I don't.
Andy
I'm looking.
Jason
I think it's way narrower. I think the amount. The amount of people that are over six foot are not. Is not 20% of pop.
Mike
All right, I'm going bowel syndrome.
Jason
Oh, it's 50.
Andy
It's 15 to 20% of men.
Mike
Oh, Troy. Then we're going to 20.
Jason
Yeah. So you need to go one inch lower. Yeah. 5 11.
Andy
I think you're right.
Jason
That's right. Owl, eat our dust. I finally separated on height.
Andy
You know what percentage of women are 6ft or taller? Give me the percentage, because I got it for you.
Jason
A half. Half a percent. One percent. I mean, that's what I would guess.
Andy
Well under 1%.
Jason
Okay. I mean, genuinely, you want to know a percentage of woman six foot, you go, wow, that's rare. Because it is rare. What percentage of men? I would guess over 6 foot. I would guess 15%.
Andy
Yeah, I mean, you guess really well.
Jason
Thanks.
Andy
That is.
Mike
I don't ever.
Andy
So if you include all adults, it's complete. We don't get this lane because it's 8 to 10% of all adults.
Mike
So weird. 511 is like, I'm 6ft tall. I'm one of the guys that, like, I'm actually, I'm closer to 6:1. I'm 6ft and 3 quarters, but I'm one of the guys, like, I round down. I'm. I say I'm 6ft tall, which pisses me off because I'm a real. No, you're.
Jason
You're well taller than six foot.
Andy
Yeah, I actually was going to make the lane six one. Well, then I'm in to leave the 511 liars out of it.
Mike
But it's. I don't feel tall like I. In my. In my normal everyday life. I don't walk around feeling.
Andy
Now he's even madder.
Jason
That makes me that you also don't think you've got good hair.
Mike
No, I do.
Jason
Okay. All right. You wear a hat every day.
Mike
Yeah, because you.
Jason
You make the argument all the time that if you had ripped abs and you were, you would not wear a shirt.
Mike
That is correct.
Jason
Get your hat off, man. Well, sometimes you got John Stamos hidden under a hat.
Mike
Look, I also don't wear. I don't wear, like, diamond necklaces and diamond earrings because some things are too shiny, some things.
Jason
Your hair's too good. Yeah. Okay. Do you.
Mike
Do you understand what I would have to deal with every day?
Andy
I've got your lane, Mike. I've got. I've got something 20 to 30% of adults, okay, it's something you qualify for, but me and Jason don't. Oh, try to figure it out. 20 to 30% of adults have this.
Jason
A good memory.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
You've got it up and down both your arms. Oh, tattoos would work.
Jason
Really? That small?
Andy
Yes.
Jason
I feel like we're getting closer to like 30 or 40 of adults.
Andy
Of adults. 20 to 30% of adults.
Mike
It's definitely going up. And it's a club. You got to earn your way into the club.
Andy
Well, you earn it by paying somebody to put a tattoo on you, right?
Mike
Yes, you do have to sit there for it.
Andy
No, I'm aware. People with migraines, 15 to 25%.
Mike
Oh, I'm in there, too.
Jason
I'm not.
Andy
Everybody on the road that has an active migraine should get their own lane to get home.
Jason
They should not be driving.
Mike
They really should not be driving.
Andy
Sometimes it hits while you're driving, then
Jason
get off the road.
Andy
People with allergies, 20, 30%. You could get an allergy. Sneezy.
Mike
Lane, I am crushing this.
Jason
You are not. A majority.
Mike
Panic.
Andy
And attached earlobes. Attached earlobes would be 20, 30%.
Mike
Yeah. Where you don't have.
Andy
I think that's where it goes to the. Oh, no, you're loose. You're dangling.
Mike
Do we have your dangle? Do we have any. Wait, wait, hold on. No, no, no.
Andy
He's attached, right?
Mike
No, let me turn, turn. Go.
Jason
Go to my solo cam.
Andy
I think you're attached to. I would consider you an attached.
Mike
I've never looked at your lobes.
Andy
Yeah, you're an attached lobe. You are.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andy
You are. You're in the lane.
Jason
I'm in the lane, baby.
Mike
You are. I've never looked at your lobes.
Jason
Okay, well, thank you for that.
Mike
What's going on with our office? What do.
Andy
Sirs, what's the lobe situation?
Mike
Josh is attached.
Jason
I am not.
Andy
Okay, okay. Couple guys with attached lobes in that lane. Hazel and green eyes is about 20%.
Mike
No, get them out of here.
Andy
I mean, you're.
Mike
You're. Oh, you're brown eyes.
Andy
You're brown.
Mike
No, I got.
Andy
I'm green.
Mike
I just got the dominant. Dominant traits.
Andy
People who exercise regularly.
Mike
20 to 30%, bro.
Andy
That's true.
Mike
If we. Hey, that would be an insane. You want to change America?
Andy
Oh, my gosh.
Mike
Elaine.
Andy
You unlock it. You unlock Elaine with a workout.
Mike
Yep.
Andy
24 hour. 24 hour access with a workout.
Jason
That is brilliant.
Andy
You do it in front of like a Optimus robot. It watches you and it says you've now you got to wear a whoop. And then you unlock a lane for that.
Jason
That would motivate. That would absolutely motivate me to work, save lives.
Mike
I feel like you could. You could make it even easier of just like, hey, you, like, do like 50 push ups, right? Here.
Andy
Oh, yeah.
Mike
Or whatever. Because it's like, if you can actually do that, that proves that you do work out. Because, I mean, how. What is the general male population.
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
Of guys who can do real 50 push ups? It has to be extremely. Yeah, yeah.
Andy
It's really low. It does change with age. How many you need to be able to do to be considered physically fit.
Mike
Yes. Yeah.
Andy
But you could have that number. By the way, this one's for our audience. We'll create the lane for you people who listen to podcasts regularly. 20 or 30%.
Mike
Oh, but that's going up.
Andy
Yeah, it is.
Mike
Because we're. We're changing lives with our important show.
Andy
All right, next great question for you. A new law is passed, and every household now must keep one farm animal indoors like a normal pet.
Mike
Oh, that's easy.
Andy
Choices are cow, goat, sheep, rooster, horse, pig, pig.
Mike
Yeah, it is pig.
Jason
I was waiting. I was just waiting.
Andy
Pig wouldn't be.
Jason
You got to take pig out because
Andy
pig is like a dog.
Jason
Pig is. I've got friends that have a pig with a dog door.
Andy
You were going to say. I got pigs in my house.
Mike
My. My youngest desperately wants a pet pig. Desperate.
Jason
My oldest.
Andy
Is it overrated, though, you think?
Mike
Yes, I think so.
Jason
Stinky, nasty, dirty. They're cute.
Andy
Are they friendly?
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
Are they cuddly?
Mike
No, they're not.
Jason
No, they're not cuddly.
Andy
Could you make that pig.
Jason
They're not feeling like you don't want to pet a pig. They're not soft and. No, they're hard. Despite being big and fat, you'd think, oh, maybe they're cushy. They're not.
Andy
Are they firm?
Mike
Scaly?
Jason
They're not scaly, but their hair is rough.
Mike
Oh, okay.
Jason
You know what I mean? It's not a cuddly animal.
Mike
If you cut pig out, it's actually pretty easily Highland cow.
Andy
What is a Highland cow?
Mike
Look it up.
Jason
Okay, I'm on.
Andy
Is this something you experienced?
Mike
I experienced videos.
Jason
Are they small?
Andy
Are they small cows?
Mike
They're smaller.
Jason
They're like, oh, my goodness.
Andy
They're like.
Jason
Yeah, it's like a cow that needs a haircut.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
Oh, that's nice. Yeah.
Mike
I received videos from my wife.
Jason
Okay. But this just said cow. This just said cow. So we're gonna assume farm cow, Jersey cow. No way. Yeah. Then it's grapes. Then it can't really be a problem. Rooster's o u T. Because it's waking
Andy
you up and the horse is too big.
Jason
No, I mean, it's a goat. It's a goat.
Andy
It's got to be the goats.
Jason
You just got to be careful with what all they can.
Andy
I mean the sheep, though. Sheep seems fine.
Jason
Oh, I didn't know there was goat and sheep.
Andy
Yeah, there's goat and sheep.
Jason
Much rather have a sheep.
Andy
Goats.
Jason
Goats eat everything.
Andy
What do sheep even do? Like if they're just left to their own devices, what do they do if
Mike
they're left to their own devices?
Andy
Die. Right. They've been bred to be protected by like.
Mike
Yeah, I think we've sheep ruined them. Like, we have ruined sheep. Yeah, they've been over domesticated.
Andy
Well, that's like any normal dog would just die or most of them.
Mike
Yeah, I mean, you're right.
Andy
I think every golden doodle out there is dead in a week.
Mike
There's some street tough dogs.
Jason
Yeah, yeah. They're not golden doodles. I don't think they're German shepherds either.
Andy
The poodles will die before the end of the day. Yeah.
Jason
I mean, set them free. Assuming that they cannot be cutely rescued. Right. Because anytime there's a golden doodle or a poodle or something on the road, be like, come up, we'll protect you. But like, if they were not allowed to be taken in, they would never know how to get food. They'd just be walking around looking for a bowl everywhere. Like, where is my bowl of food?
Mike
Yep.
Jason
Yeah, they're gone.
Andy
Yeah, Yeah.
Jason
I mean a cat at least. Like if you want to have the first ever me take the cat side over a dog. A cat in the wild. Yeah, they're fine. They'll hunt their food.
Andy
Now if a sheep. If you. If you told a sheep, like defend yourself, what does it do? What is the first action they get in?
Mike
They get in a real one sheep,
Andy
one on one against something.
Mike
Oh, it does it kick? No, it just dies.
Jason
It lays down.
Andy
It just explodes.
Jason
I don't know what it lays down
Andy
and exposes its neck.
Jason
Does it on my own terms. Would a sheep ever try to ram you like a ram? Like, would it try to headbutt? I don't know.
Mike
It's really the only thing it could possibly do.
Jason
That's it.
Mike
Also, why. Why don't more animals.
Jason
Sheep do frequently headbutt as a natural behavior to establish dominance, play or communicate.
Mike
Why don't more animals. Donkey kick?
Jason
That's their. That's what they should all do. I'll tell you why.
Mike
Donkeys, Donkeys just know like from birth. They're like, I want something. Check this out. Get out of my way. Donkey Kick.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Well, I mean, why does it be called a kick?
Jason
And then it was like, man, those
Andy
donkeys, they started doing it.
Jason
Horses can kill people with a kick.
Mike
Yeah, but they don't.
Jason
They.
Mike
They usually just, like. They'll just go one because that's all they need.
Jason
Wait, are donkey kicks always two?
Mike
Oh, yeah.
Jason
Really?
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
No, they're not. Yes.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
No, they're not. I'm on it.
Mike
Donkey kick.
Jason
Donkey kicks aren't.
Mike
Yeah, they are.
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
Front two legs on the ground, back two legs.
Andy
Oh, yeah.
Jason
Just giving you the business. I thought it was, like, a regular kick.
Andy
You thinking of a regular kick, bro?
Mike
No, no, no. It's a donkey kick.
Jason
What is this? I'm looking for donkey kicks. All I'm getting is workout videos.
Mike
I would say a horse kick if I wanted one leg, A don kick.
Jason
Donkey kicks are two legs.
Andy
You can picture that in your head.
Jason
Yeah, well, I can picture it, but I want to see it.
Mike
Hee haw. Two legs.
Jason
Oh, no. This guy's gonna get donkey kicked. Oh, he's gonna get donkey kicked. Yep, he got donkey kicked. That's two legs.
Mike
And it's not just one. They're like. They can rapid kick.
Jason
Okay.
Mike
They're amazing.
Andy
Yeah, I'm gonna send a. I'm gonna send a nice image into the old. Into our slack channel here.
Mike
Oh, is that a donkey kick?
Andy
Throw a donkey kick up on the back wall. Can we donkey kick your back wall out?
Jason
We don't get a video or a.
Andy
No, we don't need a video.
Jason
Got a picture? We don't do with this set, but we can do anything.
Andy
I mean, it's not the highest resolution picture I've ever sent.
Jason
I am seeing some donkeys do a single leg kick.
Mike
Yeah, but they're not doing a donkey kick then.
Jason
Yeah, they're just doing a regular kick. They're just doing a little.
Andy
All donkeys can regular kick, but not all kicks are donkey kicks. This is common knowledge.
Jason
I did not.
Andy
Thank you.
Jason
He's got a donkey kick on the back wall. Look at that. That is a dog. The set is paying off. Why don't other animals. Donkey kick? That's like, a powerful move.
Andy
If I was a mountain lion, I'm dead. I'm dead.
Mike
Our entire screen is a big.
Andy
It's a donkey kick. In a matter of seconds, that screen became a donkey kick.
Mike
Good work, douche.
Andy
If you find another better donkey kick, I want that up on the screen.
Mike
Oh, man.
Andy
I want as many donkey kicks as you can find. We're moving on. We're Taking a break. We're hitting the draft. What's going on? Spit wads. Look. A thoughtfully built wardrobe comes down to pieces that mix well. And last. And that's where Quint's shines. In fact, there were like three or four boxes from Quint sitting on our like in our closet at home. And my wife had picked up premium fabrics. Considered design everyday essentials that feel effortless to wear and dependable even as the seasons change. Quince has the everyday essentials you'll love with the quality that lasts. My favorite, the lightweight cashmere sweater. So comfortable. It's perfect. We. We can't do more than a lightweight sweater here in Arizona.
Mike
We'll die.
Andy
It's. That's about light. Lightweight is as big as we get. But look it, it's. It's awesome. Comfortable, fits well. Versatile. It makes your wardrobe work. Right now go to quints.com spitballers for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. And you will. Now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling. For clothes that don't last, go to q u I-N-E.com spitballers for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com spitballers there are countless reasons to
Sponsor/Ad Voice
learn a new language. Whether you have an upcoming trip planned or you simply want to learn a new skill. Rosetta Stone breaks down your new language into bite sized pieces and focuses on speaking, practice or real conversations. Rosetta Stone's true accent feature even helps you perfect your pronunciation. I mean pronunciation. Visit RosettaStone.com today. Rosetta Stone how languages learned.
Andy
All right, we are back. We're going to jump into the draft. Our team is working hard on all donkey kick graphics for our new back wall. Let's begin.
Jason
The Spitballers draft.
Andy
We are drafting things that taste better than they smell. There are things that. Well, the one that jumps to my mind right away.
Mike
Well, you're not first.
Andy
No, I know it's not. It's not a. Because I don't like it. I don't like how it tastes, so I'm just throwing it out. But the one smells bad.
Jason
But you're. You're gonna say something I think is on my list.
Andy
I'm just gonna say broccoli.
Jason
Yeah, of course. I knew you were gonna say that. I love broccoli. I'm just saying I'm gonna drop it later.
Andy
I walk and I'm not. That's why I'm ruining it. I walk into the House at home. And I know, you know from the moment you get into the house, no matter where you're at.
Mike
Cooked broccoli.
Andy
Broccoli. Oh, man, it smells like.
Mike
Just fart right in my face.
Andy
Yeah, just fart in my face and then eat it. All right.
Mike
Oh, there's more donkeys.
Andy
We got another donkey.
Jason
No, he's got. Oh, that's one leg.
Mike
That other back leg.
Jason
Second legs up.
Mike
Jason's in the way.
Andy
Blocking it.
Jason
It's not on the ground.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
Okay.
Mike
Yeah. Because he had already.
Andy
He was just beginning to.
Mike
He's going. He's going with a pat.
Jason
Okay. No, dude, you got to get both. It is.
Andy
I like that it's.
Jason
In a realistic battle, you got to get both legs.
Andy
Did you AI that thing?
Jason
No.
Andy
Okay. See what AI thinks a donkey cook looks like and let us know. Jason, you have the first pick. Even though I scouted you get the first.
Jason
Oh, well, I guess I won't be drafting broccoli.
Andy
I'll go for it.
Jason
This is a pretty easy.
Andy
That would be things that taste like they smell.
Jason
That's what I think of broccoli. This is a pretty easy one. It's kind of a two for I'm going to drive.
Andy
Course it is.
Jason
Well, you'll understand because the thing that tastes really good that I love, I adore. If it's on a menu, I order it. I'm not going to have a Thanksgiving without it. Is deviled eggs. Deviled eggs are awesome.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason
But to make deviled eggs, you have to hard boil eggs. Yeah. And so it's really hard boiled eggs that are these.
Mike
It is danky.
Jason
It's most rain.
Mike
It's the 101.
Jason
It is like when you boil eggs, you better. If you got Thanksgiving, don't you make hard boiled eggs that day, you better make it the day before or you're ruining your entire house.
Mike
It's farts.
Jason
People just come in and be like, who had diarrhea?
Mike
Who has egg farts?
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
It's a good pick. And a hard boiled egg, you don't have to make deviled egg. Like, a hard boiled egg is delicious.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
Just put salt on an hard boiled egg. It's awesome.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
So that's a great pick. I'm going to go with blue cheese. I'm a fan of blue cheese. Blue cheese is known to smell bad.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
I mean, it's just taste bad if you. Not everybody's in on it, but those that are in on it, I feel like they're as passionate about blue cheese as Jason is about mediocre television.
Jason
No one.
Andy
I. I just feel like blue cheese. Obvious. I'm plugging more chords.
Jason
Oh, I muted him.
Mike
You've been muted.
Andy
I've never.
Jason
I've been.
Andy
I've known Jason 20 years. I can't get under his skin. I found one thing.
Mike
Yeah, but. But he's not really passionate about how good it is.
Jason
He loves it so much more than he's ever said.
Mike
He's just violently reacting. When you say it's not great, it's
Jason
because it's not bad. And I don't like when it's called bad. Oh, yeah, that guy gets. That guy.
Mike
Oh, that's AI slop.
Jason
That guy gets.
Mike
I know AI slope when I see it.
Jason
Donkey kick.
Andy
That is indeed a. I also, that
Mike
dude's face is way too.
Andy
He's enjoying that donkey kick.
Mike
No, no, he's not going to be feeling good.
Andy
So. Blue cheese, Mike. All right, I got two. Yep.
Mike
All right. Both of these are foods that. Honest. I did. I've grown into as an adult.
Andy
Got it.
Mike
1. Honestly, one of them was the Spitballers, because I guess I didn't really know what the. What it was. I just know that the name is disgusting.
Jason
So educational.
Mike
It smells disgusting. And then you guys told me what it was and I was like, well, why would I not like that? Going with sauerkraut.
Andy
Ah, that's a good pick. Sauerkraut is actually delicious.
Mike
It is delicious.
Jason
Tastes good.
Mike
Smells.
Andy
Almost everything in the pickled sour category is delicious.
Mike
Yeah, but it smells.
Jason
You guys had pickled eggs, like the two hard boiled eggs.
Andy
I have not had pickled eggs.
Mike
I bet I would enjoy it very much.
Andy
So you were just taking something you do something to and doing more to it.
Jason
Yeah, I mean, I like a pickled egg. I love pickled things and I love hard boiled eggs. And the idea of eating a pickled egg is disgusting.
Andy
Yeah, it doesn't sound great.
Jason
My mother in law made them for something. I don't know. It's been in my fridge for a year. I will never touch. They're like, oh, they're so good. I picked these eggs and I look at them and I'm like, there might as well be a human head floating in this pickle jar. Like, it's disgusting.
Andy
Yeah, dude. I saw a gelato flavor the other day at our local gelato place right next to the. Right next to the, like, you know, normal flavors. So egg yolk. Oh, that's the flavor. Egg yolk. Well, that's pretty Good egg yolk. Tough to say.
Mike
Hey, if you're a gelato store and you're still open. Congratulations.
Andy
You're up. Mike, you got one more. Sauerkraut's number one.
Mike
And Brussels sprouts.
Jason
Oh, that is.
Andy
I knew that would be picked.
Jason
That is.
Andy
I don't like them, man.
Mike
Brussels sprouts, when cooked up the right way, are. They're not just good, they're great.
Andy
That's what a lot of people think.
Jason
You want to know what you don't know?
Mike
They smell bad.
Jason
Yeah, they do smell bad. When you cook them, it's very similar to broccoli. When you cook them, it smells like farts. It ruins the house. They can be delicious. But one thing I didn't know for the longest time, because I made Brussels sprouts at home a lot. I really enjoyed them. Toss them in some olive oil, roast them, whatever. I found out when you go to restaurants and they're just this elite level. Brussels sprouts. Sugar? No, it's fried. It's deep fried.
Mike
Oh, yeah.
Jason
They're almost always deep fried. Like French fries. You just don't know because they're not, like, battered and they come out still looking like a vegetable. But it's like if you at home, if you're listening and you're like, oh, this restaurant, I love their Brussels sprouts. They're deep frying it. Just so you know, you are eating something very unhealthy, which is a cheat
Mike
code, because almost anything, you put it in a deep fryer and you're like, oh, it's edible.
Jason
Now, I don't know if. I mean, if you deep fried a turd, I'm not saying. I'm not saying you should eat it, but I'll bet if you ever wanted to enjoy one, you'd be like, not bad. If you ever have to eat a
Mike
turd in your life, you better drop
Jason
that in some frying oil.
Andy
Oh, my gosh. All right. My second pick after blue cheese is going to be canned tuna.
Jason
That was my next pick.
Andy
I mean, it's really just. There's nothing seemingly appetizing about opening that can of tuna.
Jason
All of these. All of these. When we talk about, like, oh, it tastes better than it smells. This really should just be called Smells like a fart. Food that smells like a fart. That's all this draft is. When you open a can of tuna, you're like, oh, who farted? The can of tuna just farted.
Andy
It's not. You're not wrong. You're not wrong.
Jason
Genuinely, man, I was really hoping that I got one of those two. I am taking broccoli. Broccoli is my next pick.
Mike
That's a great pick. It's on my list.
Jason
I love broccoli. I do, too.
Andy
Tastes better than it smells. Even though I don't like how it
Mike
tastes, I am very much on team raw broccoli. Over cooked broccoli.
Jason
Raw broccoli is better than cooked broccoli. I would agree with that.
Mike
It is the. It's the best of the dill tray.
Jason
That's kind of the. See, that's what you did. No, that's what you did at the end. You changed the narrative. You made it a scoop for ranch for. Or dill dip or whatever. You don't want raw broccoli. You want raw broccoli with dill.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason
Yes, because.
Mike
Oh, wait, you want cooked broccoli with nothing on it.
Jason
Absolutely. If you roast broccoli with what?
Andy
Wait, if you roast it? If you roast it.
Jason
If you roast it or pan fried, I make it both with salt and a little bit of oil. You say that doesn't count.
Andy
I'm saying it's not as plain as you said.
Jason
I'm not dipping it into.
Mike
Remember we just talked about deep frying a turd?
Jason
Yeah. Oh, my God. When you cook stuff in oil. Hold on, hold on. So you're telling me that if you cook with oil, not deep fry, but you just.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
So here's my process. I'm gonna take a bowl, I'm gonna put the broccoli florets in. I'm gonna put some olive oil, some seasoning. I'm gonna toss it all in there. I'll put on a baking sheet, bake till it browns, it comes out, and I just eat this single piece of roasted broccoli. You're telling me that I am not just eating broccoli?
Mike
Correct.
Jason
That I am eating broccoli in a dip? Essentially, yes.
Mike
A fancier dip.
Andy
I'm in between.
Jason
Yeah, I am too, man. This is.
Mike
Although.
Andy
Well, you picked it. You picked broccoli.
Mike
But also, we have to. Josh just shared with us that he would rather eat a piece of plain steamed broccoli over raw with dressing, which is.
Andy
No, no, no, no. Raw broccoli sauce. I mean, it's just.
Jason
No, no, no. But he said raw with a dip.
Andy
Yeah, but raw with a dip, you still got to chew it for half an hour.
Jason
Oh, I love raw with a dip. Are you kidding me?
Andy
You're over there. You want to eat raw broccoli?
Jason
Raw broccoli and ranch is elite. It is elite.
Andy
Yeah. I mean, you take a bite and then you come back in a half hour and you swallow it.
Jason
But you got little baby teeth or something. I don't know what to do.
Andy
This is the problem with vegetables in general. You have to chew.
Jason
You do.
Mike
That's the.
Jason
We don't.
Andy
It is the fiber. I got plant cells you can't break.
Mike
I got a full grown man mandible. I handle the broccoli. It's not a problem.
Jason
Good for you, Mike.
Mike
You got one.
Jason
I got one, too.
Andy
It's a man, man.
Mike
All right.
Andy
Donkey kick.
Jason
Yeah. Where's our next donkey kick?
Andy
We've been waiting for the donkey kick, bro.
Jason
We just sit here without donkey kicks all the time.
Andy
Next pick.
Jason
Jason, next pick.
Andy
If you make your pick before the
Jason
donkey kick, I'm going fish. I don't. I'm not. I don't love fish, but nothing smells.
Mike
You are. You are very lucky. He went specifically canned tuna.
Jason
Sure. Yeah, I guess because I would have
Mike
just said fish, but yeah, they're. They're different enough when you.
Jason
When you. When you make fish. Like when I order fish at a restaurant, sometimes they like. I.
Mike
We.
Jason
I have been out with you two gentlemen before and wanted fish but not wanted to order it because I don't want to ruin your guys meal.
Andy
I get it.
Jason
It literally, I've been the other side of that before where the table next to me is ordering salmon or something. I like salmon. But if I'm not in the mood for salmon, if I'm not eating salmon or any of these fish and they come out and they bring that stinky fart plate out, I'm like, oh, gosh. I lose my appetite.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
Smells so bad.
Andy
Having a hard time with this next one. I already went with blue cheese, so I have a cheese in there. I've got canned tuna. You already got hard boiled eggs, right?
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
I'm going to go Caesar dressing.
Jason
So I know what he's. He does not know what he's drafting.
Mike
Excuse me.
Jason
He doesn't know what he's drafting. What he's actually drafting is another fish. It's anchovies.
Andy
It's anchovies. Anchovies smell, but I get credit for it.
Jason
Yeah, that's fine. Caesar dressing is.
Andy
That's why I said real Caesar dressing that has anchovies. It does not smell good.
Jason
No, it doesn't.
Andy
It tastes good.
Jason
Yes, it does.
Andy
Pungent, though.
Jason
It definitely tastes better than it smells.
Andy
It's a pungent.
Mike
Maybe I'm not run of the mill.
Andy
You're a Caesar dressing in a container.
Mike
Oh, man.
Andy
Not real Caesar.
Mike
Caesar dressing is.
Andy
You would smell that all day long.
Mike
No, I would eat it all day long.
Jason
Yeah. That's the point. It tastes better than. A dressing is so good. That's not a bad pick. Anchovies are. Anchovies are pungent.
Andy
They're very pungent. So I'll go.
Mike
All right.
Andy
Caesar dressing.
Mike
Okay, so I have two picks.
Andy
Yep. You close it out.
Mike
So I'm gonna go with a pick that it smells so bad that I can't even eat it. Although I know if you did. Yes.
Jason
Yogurt. Oh, I. Yogurt.
Andy
Wait, what?
Mike
Yogurt is so repulsive. Smell.
Jason
Really?
Mike
It smells because you don't eat yogurt. Like, if you make a smoothie and it's yogurt based, but you wouldn't have,
Andy
like, a container of dannin.
Jason
Now. Are you talking all like, yoplait versus Greek?
Andy
All of it not plain, but even the flavored one.
Mike
It all smells like rotten milk.
Andy
Interesting.
Mike
Yogurt smells so interesting.
Andy
I think yogurt's delicious.
Jason
Yogurt is delicious. That's not what he's saying. He's saying it smells interesting.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
Did you have a childhood memory problem here? Perhaps?
Mike
I'm saying it has gotten to the point for me where it smells so incredibly bad. Some of these things I used to eat yogurt.
Andy
I cannot by definition expired, fermenting, old stuff, but they should smell because that's the. That used to be the signal to us to not eat it.
Mike
And no, this is not frozen yogurt. Which. How. That's not even. How was that frozen yogurt?
Jason
Did Josh say that?
Mike
No, no, no, no. This is me saying. I'm saying, like, yogurt.
Jason
No.
Andy
Donkey kick.
Jason
Why are you throwing me under the bus?
Mike
I'm saying a donkey kick.
Andy
Thank you.
Jason
There we go.
Mike
There's a reality I'm able to call
Andy
that at any time.
Mike
I'm saying, like, buying a cup of yogurt versus something that is called frozen yogurt. Like what?
Andy
Just a marketing trick, brother.
Mike
Where. At what point has this remained?
Jason
Yogurt at 0.0.00. They didn't start with yogurt. They didn't finish with yogurt.
Mike
All right. And then I'm going to go some froyo.
Andy
It's so healthy. It.
Mike
Ellie, this is. Maybe this is just a me thing, but, Jason, you. You said it well, of. It smells farty. A bag of beef jerky.
Jason
Yeah. Some. Yeah, some brands. When.
Mike
When you open up a bag of beef jerky, I get farty. It gets farty in there.
Jason
All right, so here's.
Mike
It's not a party, so it's farty.
Jason
There is. I mean, it's a staple of road trips, of course. Staple. I don't go on a road. I don't like road trips. But if I'm going on a road
Mike
trip, I love beef jerky.
Jason
You bet your bottom dollar I'm getting beef jerky. I'm getting the specific brand macros.
Mike
Get those gains.
Jason
That's right. I want lower carbs, even though they all have so much sugar. Don't. Don't lie to yourself. And tons of protein. And I'm going to do that. All of my family likes beef jerky. All five of us. We like beef jerky. Open a bag of beef jerky in the car if we are on a road. If you are not the one eating the beef jerky.
Mike
Yes, sir.
Jason
You get so angry.
Mike
Yes, sir.
Jason
Beef jerky is open and it ruins the car. Now, as soon as you take a bite, it's like, oh, yeah, I'm down with this smell. It smells good.
Mike
I've never thought of it that way.
Jason
But before you get that bite, before you taste the beef jerky and you're just smelling it, you're like, oh, gross. It's true.
Mike
That is very strange.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Because then you are totally correct.
Jason
It really angers my family. And if I give them a piece, then it just calms them down. They're like, okay, I get it.
Mike
That is interesting.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Is it my pick?
Mike
Yes.
Andy
Soy sauce.
Mike
Oh, okay.
Andy
Soy sauce. I think soy sauce smells really weird. I like the way it tastes, but it smells really weird and much worse than it tastes it.
Jason
So I don't mind the smell, but I do agree that it tastes better than it smells. It's not like a smell where I'm like, oh, is that soy sauce? Dude, bring that over here.
Mike
So low sodium or not?
Jason
It's not.
Andy
All right, Jason, final pick for you
Mike
is the low sodium. Just a trick to make us eat more of the regular soy sauce.
Jason
So much.
Mike
Because the regular soy sauce is so much better.
Andy
It is way better. No, it is way better, Jason.
Mike
So much better. It really is. You know why? It is salt.
Andy
Yeah. This is like when you drink diet soda long enough that it tastes good and then you go back to the regular one. That's how the low sodium soy sauce works.
Mike
Yes. Just a ploy to sell more regular.
Andy
Like if one is like 800 times the daily allotment of sodium. And the other one is 600 times. It's still lower sodium. That's good.
Mike
All right, Jay, you have one more pick. All right.
Jason
I've got a couple left that I really like. I thought this was going to be a sparse draft for me, but I have leftovers. But speaking of leftovers.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
I am taking rotisserie chicken leftovers. I don't know if you. It smells so good.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason
It's. It smells objectively rotten. Brand new. I just bought it from the store today. Like the pre cooked rotisserie chicken.
Mike
I know what you're talking about.
Jason
It smells awful. And for something that tastes so good,
Mike
that's meat, fresh and originally smells so delicious.
Jason
Yes. If I cook, it's like leftover chicken just smells like it's bad. Even when it's definitely not bad, it's awful. I can't stand it. Ruins rotisserie chicken for me. I don't get it.
Mike
Interesting.
Jason
Yeah,
Andy
I don't have a lot of, like, honorable mentions. I put shrimp on there, but I don't really like shrimp.
Mike
Right.
Andy
Definitely doesn't smell. I put beer on there because some beer smells really weird.
Jason
So to me. So beer is actually one of those food or drinks that people love the smell. And I. I think it smells better than it tastes. But wine. Wine you can smell. I went to a vineyard. This was when I was, like, I don't know, 24. This is a long time ago. I went to a vineyard and got a tour where they ferment, which is meaning where the grapes rot.
Mike
Right.
Jason
Where all the rotting liquids, it comes back to rotting. And it made me so nauseous. I have never to that to this day, I have never forgotten the smell of fermentation in wine. That is gnarly, disgusting, awful. Never go to a vineyard unless you want to dislike wine. Sure.
Mike
I have a corned beef hash.
Jason
Oh, totally. Asparagus for sure. But I already have broccoli gruyere cheese.
Andy
Yeah. I had aged parmesan on mine, too.
Jason
Parmesan for sure. I didn't want.
Andy
I want to hit another cheese.
Jason
I like parmesan too much to put that on there, but it does not smell as good as it tastes. Yeah. What did we learn today?
Mike
Donkey kick. Yeah.
Andy
We all learned about the donkey.
Jason
I learned that. I learned that a. Oh, wait. Oh. What is happening?
Mike
Jeremy, that donkey is the size of five humans.
Andy
Three legs, brother.
Jason
Screenshot from Red Dead Redemption. Ah.
Mike
Oh, okay.
Jason
Because there is a problem with that.
Mike
The donkey kick is going through the man.
Jason
Bad frame rate. Yeah, that's what it is.
Mike
Yeah, that I. That's his tail, right?
Andy
Let's go off of that.
Jason
That's a tail.
Andy
I learned Jason thinks don't go to
Jason
YouTube.com spitballers there you go.
Mike
Unless you want to see a donkey
Jason
kicking with its tail, 6.5 can be good. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
A cancer diagnosis can turn life upside down. If you or a loved one drank alcohol and was later diagnosed with cancer, you may have legal options and could be eligible for compensation. Get a free confidential claim review today. It only takes a few minutes. Visit cancerclaims.info again. Cancerclaims.info prefer to call? Dial 866-986-2429 again 866-986-2429 Attorney Advertising why have we asked our contractor we found on Angie.com to be our kid's legal guardian? Because he took such good care when redoing our basement that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids.
Jason
We only met a month ago. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects@angie.com.
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason
Date: March 30, 2026
This episode of the Spitballers Comedy Podcast is a raucous deep-dive into life’s least urgent (but most entertaining) questions, including a draft for “Foods That Taste Better Than They Smell,” donkey kick appreciation, and the usual banter about everyday family life, bad bets, possessions, and more. Alongside laughter, the trio shares opinions on home improvement dreams, hoarding, useless cords, and their collective television tastes (or lack thereof). All delivered with their signature squabbling dad energy and ever-present willingness to overthink the silliest subjects.
Timestamps: 01:19–05:16
Timestamps: 05:26–18:00
Jason dreams of a walk-in pantry or even a refrigerator-room: “I want countertops and outlets and put my entire kitchen inside the Pantry.” (07:09)
Andy exposes Jason: “You've looked into pantry renovation.” (07:25)
Mike argues for more garage space, leading to a hilarious anti-hoarding/self-roasting tangent about the proliferation of storage units in America.
Jason blames spouses for the junk, but hosts and listeners know they’re all guilty:
Timestamps: 18:04–23:33
Timestamps: 23:33–32:21
Timestamps: 33:26–40:14
Timestamps: 41:06–44:22
Timestamps: 44:36–47:41
Timestamps: 48:58–65:00
Jason
Andy
Mike
Despite the absurd topics, the Three Dad Hosts manage to provide relatable commentary on everything from hoarding to pet hygiene to the unending search for a good TV show—while delivering the clean, family-friendly nonsense their audience loves. If you’re looking for a hearty laugh, new spins on what it means to adult, and some genuinely creative food rankings, this episode is a must-listen (or at least a must-skim).
For More:
Catch new episodes and join the community at spitballerspod.com.