Gorilla Warfare & Company Mascots You Want To Party With - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Gorilla Warfare & Company Mascots You Want To Party With – Spit Hits!
Date: April 16, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason

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Overview

This episode of the Spitballers Podcast delivers another round of absurd “would you rathers,” wild animal hypotheticals, a fresh “Guess Guess Goose” game, and a lively draft of company mascots you’d want at your party. The banter is quick, irreverent, and laced with dad humor as the guys debate life’s least important questions—and create chaos along the way.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Intro & Show Announcements

• [02:23]: Teasers for the episode: The return of the “Liar Liar” game next week and the main draft – “Company Mascots You’d Like to Party With.”
• Quick catch-up on past game wins and banter about show champion status.

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2. Would You Rather: Gorilla vs. 100 Unarmed Men (04:00–15:45)

The Question: Would you rather be a gorilla facing 100 unarmed men, or one of 100 unarmed men facing a gorilla? Who wins in a fight: one gorilla or 100 unarmed men?

Main Arguments

• Mike: “It is definitively the gorilla.” [05:08]

  • Backs up his stance with stats: gorillas can bench up to 1800–4000 lbs, have 1300 psi bite force.
  • “An unarmed human stands virtually no chance of hurting a healthy adult gorilla.” [06:16]
  • Questions how many men can realistically attack at once—“10, maybe 15 at a time.”

• Andy & Jason: 100 men win, but with many casualties.

  • Andy: “You’re not getting through all of them before someone gets his eyes. You gouge out the gorilla’s eyes.” [07:47]
  • Argue gorillas will tire before killing all 100, and that sacrificial waves of attackers could get in a decisive blow.
  • Admit many will die (“sacrificial first fighters” [08:29]), but human strategy and numbers prevail.

• Scientific Analysis:

  • Jason references ChatGPT: “In almost any direct physical confrontation, an unarmed human stands virtually no chance…” [06:36], but the debate stays focused on raw numbers and human coordination.
  • Mike warns, “Just think how strong a gorilla is; if you jump on its back, that gorilla’s gonna bite your arm—you’re not getting a chokehold.” [11:58]
  • Andy: “The thing about the eyes, the eyes are gone. He’s blind. I already took out the eyes.” [11:02]

• Memorable Moment: Andy’s strategy for survival if thrust into the fight—

  • “I would quietly fall over and tie my shoes. I would be dead until they clear out the bodies and I’d be like, I still live. I can’t believe I’m the king of the Earth. The most cowardly man.” [15:12]

Final Verdict

• 2-to-1, the table settles (somewhat facetiously) that 100 humans could win if desperate enough, with Andy and Jason outvoting Mike.

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3. Would You Rather: Induce Fear, Sleep, Pain, or Confusion? (15:42–19:51)

Prompt: Which superpower would you pick: the ability to induce fear, sleep, pain, or confusion in others?

• Consensus: Sleep is the most powerful. “Because anything you want…You’re basically immune to everybody.” [16:39–16:41] Andy: “You got a gun? You’re asleep.” [16:43]
• Mike debates merits of fear vs. pain (“Fear is more powerful than pain. But confusion is the most fun.” [19:39–19:51])
• Confusion is picked as most entertaining, but sleep is clearly best for power.

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4. Would You Rather: Car Pee vs. Store Poop (19:51–26:29)

Prompt: Would you rather have to pee every time you get into a car, or poop every time you walk into a store?

• Comically detailed debate about logistics, public restrooms, and the possibility of modifying vehicles for “car bathrooms.”
• Andy admits he can “hold it for a couple days...when I go on vacation, I will often complete that vacation without pooping.” [23:08]
• Mike, on the other hand, cannot hold it: “Once I feel it…the timer is on.” [22:57]
• Final verdict: Most would pick the pee-in-car option, for practicality.

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5. Game Time: Guess Guess Goose (29:57–43:19)

Game Play Explanation

• Hosts present survey-style questions with percentage guess answers; within 5% = 2 points, exact = 3 points (later amended to 4).

Sample Questions & Results

• What percentage of people can juggle 3 balls for 10 seconds?
  • Correct answer: 15%.
  • “I can juggle three balls for 10 seconds.” – Jason [32:33]
• Used a significant other’s toothbrush?
  • Correct answer: 38%.
• Morgan Freeman vs. James Earl Jones as narrator?
  • 68% pick Morgan Freeman [36:24]
• Been buried up to your neck in sand?
  • 23% (Andy lands within range, gets points)
• Prefer musical theater over non-musical?
  • 59% prefer musical
• Most often use toilet paper to blow nose?
  • Only 35%

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Have you ever tried to juggle?” – The gang admits their (lack of) circus skills. [32:34]
• Lively, mock-competitive scoring: “That goose is getting so comfy.” – Andy, after losing. [43:19]

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6. The Spitballers Draft: Company Mascots You’d Like to Party With (44:56–60:00)

Premise: Hosts take turns drafting famous company mascots to assemble the best imaginary party squad.

1st Round

• Jason: Captain Morgan. “He’s the clear 1.01. Captain Morgan is literally a party pipe.” [45:34]
• Mike: The Most Interesting Man in the World. “Of course I want to party with that guy!” [46:07]
• Andy: Kool-Aid Man. “He’s bursting through the walls. He’s having a party.” [46:55]

2nd Round and Beyond

• Andy: Chester Cheetah—“We gonna make a mess up in here.” [48:46]
• Mike: Energizer Bunny—“That dude parties nonstop.” [49:45]
• Jason: Mayhem from Allstate (for chaos), Sonny the Cuckoo Bird from Cocoa Puffs (for wild energy), and Smokey the Bear (as designated driver/watcher) [52:24, 52:48, 57:56]

Notable Picks and Discussion

• Mike’s wild-card pick: Macho Man Randy Savage (former Slim Jim mascot). “You’ll have elbow drops coming off the top ropes.” [53:50]
• Andy’s picks: Burger King (“shows up with bags and bags of burgers” [55:02]), Tony the Tiger (“he’s great” [56:10])
• **Mike finalizes with Jack from Jack in the Box (“seems like he’s a funny guy” [57:03])

Draft Banter Highlights

• Mascot “party logistics”—Would Kool-Aid Man bleed out if his glass broke? [47:29]
• Shock revelations: Energizer Bunny was originally a Duracell mascot [50:12], leading to a “landmark rabbit sharing deal” [51:34]
• Discussion of honorable mentions: Ronald McDonald (“bad vibes”), Grimace, Scrubbing Bubbles, Little Debbie, Old Spice Guy, Jolly Green Giant, 7Up Cool Spot.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Andy (on surviving the 100 men vs. gorilla fight):
  “I would quietly fall over and I would tie my shoes. I would be dead...and I’d be like, I still live. I can’t believe I’m the king of the Earth. The most cowardly man.” [15:12]

• On animal fights:
  “Nothing hunts gorillas…They’re apex.” – Jason [09:34]

• On holding it in:
  “When I go on vacation, I will often complete that vacation without pooping.” – Andy [23:08]

• Guess Guess Goose game woes:
  “That goose is getting so comfy.” – Andy, after losing [43:19]

• Mascot draft banter:
  “He (Kool-Aid Man) can’t fit through a door, so he bursts into every room.” – Andy [47:59]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:00 – Gorilla vs. 100 Men Debate
• 15:42 – Superpower: Fear, Sleep, Pain, or Confusion?
• 19:51 – Pee-in-Car vs. Store-Poop Conundrum
• 29:57 – Guess Guess Goose Game
• 44:56 – Company Mascots You’d Like to Party With (Draft)
• 60:00+ – Honorable mentions & episode wrap-up

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Tone and Style

• Friendly, silly, and sometimes mock-serious (“none of us are experts, but when we weigh in, that’s when it matters” [03:50])
• Gentle ribbing and competition between the hosts, with a strong element of improvisational absurdity.
• Clean comedy suitable for the whole family, but loaded with offbeat, relatable details about dad life and daily mischief.

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For anyone who missed this episode:

• You’ll learn (probably too much) about the bathroom habits of the hosts.
• Get an answer to life’s most useless questions—like who wins in a brawl: 100 men or a gorilla.
• Witness sweeping takes on the best party mascots (with surprise history lessons), and delight in a game where almost nobody guesses right.

Favorite exchange:

Andy: “I just quietly fall over until they clear out the bodies and I’d be like, I can’t believe I’m the king of the Earth.” [15:12]

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Listen if you love:
Clean family humor, wild hypotheticals, playful trivia games, and the kind of irreverent drafts that crack up dads and kids alike.

Transcript

[Andy]

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[Mike]

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[Andy]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. That really felt like you were gonna land on a Badingi. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for the ending.

[Jason]

That makes none of us.

[Andy]

Wait, me.

[Jason]

That makes one of you. One of us.

[Andy]

None of us. I was like, wow, that's. That's a new way to insult someone. Like, oh, yeah, me and you. That makes no one.

[Jason]

That's when you multiply by a zero, right? That's a zero.

[Andy]

That would. That's what the math tells me.

[Jason]

Would you rather guess?

[Josh]

Guess.

[Jason]

Goose. And we are drafting very interesting draft today. Company mascots, party time. You would like to party with. Yeah, so that'll be fun. We have Liar Liar returning next week. That is what I have been told. Okay, Al Borland. That's a promise.

[Andy]

It's been a minute.

[Josh]

I put it in there so I would be held accountable.

[Jason]

See, that's. That's the problem is, is we know how Serious. He takes Liar Liar.

[Andy]

That means he's getting no work done.

[Jason]

That's where I'm going elsewhere for our company, 24 7. I know his. His son has got a play coming up this weekend. He will not be seeing that.

[Andy]

No chance. He's there if he's gonna commit to Liar Liar being back next week.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

We're not seeing him until that next show.

[Jason]

Didn't Mike win Liar Liar last time?

[Andy]

Nobody knows.

[Mike]

Yeah, I don't remember.

[Jason]

Mike wins everything on this show these days. In recent history, he probably did.

[Andy]

All I know is OWL is no longer undefeated and after a giant run of terror. But he is still, like, 98%.

[Mike]

Yeah. He usually wins.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Well, let's kick it off with some. Would you rather.

[Andy]

Would you rather.

[Jason]

Okay, I forgot about this one. We said we wanted to talk about it because this is the biggest question on the Internet. So everyone on the Internet is writing.

[Mike]

We're right on time.

[Jason]

Well, look, it has been.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And we have not weighed in.

[Mike]

Right. Which you need the experts.

[Jason]

When we weigh in, that's when it matters.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Andy]

Well, that's when you have a definitive answer. I think there's been a lot of speculation on the Internet. And now you come to find the truth.

[Jason]

Okay. So you tried to make it into a. Would you rather. Is what you did, and you wrote it as. Would you rather be a gorilla facing 100 unarmed men or one of 100 unarmed men facing a gorilla?

[Andy]

That's an interesting way to word it.

[Jason]

Interesting way to.

[Josh]

I did the best I could.

[Jason]

That's not exactly.

[Andy]

Who would win in a fight. Yeah, that's the hundred unarmed men or a gorilla. That's the question.

[Jason]

So I've seen tons of people weigh in on this, none of them experts like us that know the world of gorillas and men. I am curious if. What's the best way to start this? Because I'm wondering if we could just say. First we just say who you think would win the fight.

[Andy]

Sure.

[Jason]

And then we can get into why. Because I don't know either of your answers. Is it 100 men? Is it the gorilla? We should.

[Andy]

Well, we'll just say it on three.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

We'll say 100 men or gorilla.

[Mike]

We're saying the winner.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

Yeah. Who we think would win?

[Mike]

Yep.

[Andy]

It's 1, 2, 3, shoot.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

1, 2, 3. Gorilla. Gorilla.

[Jason]

Okay, so we got.

[Andy]

All right, so it's two on one.

[Jason]

Mike's the gorilla.

[Mike]

It's definitively the gorilla.

[Andy]

No way is it the gorilla.

[Jason]

I don't think it's definitive.

[Andy]

It is definitively the 100 men.

[Mike]

It is definitively the gorilla. You want to kick it off or you want me to?

[Andy]

You can start.

[Mike]

Okay, so here's the thing, like what you need to know about a gorilla is an adult male gorilla. We're talking four to nine times stronger than an average human.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Estimated to. This is. I'm on chat. GPT right now. Estimated to lift 1800 to £4000. That is their to lift.

[Andy]

Okay, I heard live.

[Mike]

No, no, not lived 1800 years. So it's like this is what they're, they're benching up to £4,000. Where a human, like an elite human, when it comes to bench press strength, you're talking like what, 2 to 2 to 300 pounds? That's top tier. I'm not saying that's.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, I mean this is the strongest of the gorilla. At least give them like 400 pounds.

[Mike]

Okay, whatever. And okay. Bite force, 1300 psi. That's a gorilla. Where a human's doing 162.

[Jason]

We're not biting. We're not going to be biting.

[Mike]

Well, I'm just saying like, of things that are. The gorilla is going to be biting.

[Jason]

Yeah. Oh yeah.

[Mike]

And, and my follow up question, I know this is, this is different than a hundred because that's where the question comes in. But I said, how can an unarmed human actually hurt a gorilla? And it said in almost any direct physical confrontation, an unarmed human stands virtually no chance of hurting a healthy adult gorilla.

[Andy]

100% true. But against 100 men.

[Jason]

So here's where, and trust me, neither of us are saying these men are living many of them.

[Mike]

So here. But here's the thing is, okay, you have a hundred guys, right? How many of them can actually

[Andy]

be

[Mike]

affecting the gorilla at one time?

[Andy]

So here's the thing.

[Mike]

10 guys. 15 guys. The other one.

[Andy]

Not 15. Yeah, okay, 10.

[Jason]

I think I eat three per appendage.

[Mike]

How are you, how are you all fitting in there?

[Andy]

So you're going 12, I think 12.

[Jason]

12 to 12 to 16 men.

[Mike]

I'm talking about just pure surface area. How are you fitting all those people in there?

[Jason]

Gorillas are big.

[Andy]

I'm going to say 10. I'm going to say there's. It's 10 on one at all times. Gorilla is clearly going to just knock three of them out of the way. Going to bite him, tear his throat out like he's MacGruber. He's going to be a monster. And he'll kill the first five so easy. Oh yeah, he'll kill the next 10 pretty easy.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Okay, we're at 15. You've got 85 left. You're not getting through all of them before someone gets his eyes. You gouge out the gorilla's eyes.

[Mike]

That's. That is the only. That is the only vulnerable point other than I'm. I'm assuming you can get a gorilla with a crotch shot, right?

[Andy]

Of course. Yeah.

[Mike]

But it's like this is a male gorilla. You hit a gorilla in the crotch or you get him in the eyes, and it's like I. With that level of strength, a gorilla literally just doing a whirling dervish. If that fist brain.

[Jason]

It's tiredness, though, the gorilla tires out.

[Andy]

There's no way. There's no way he kills a hundred humans before he loses his eyes. There's just no way. Because we're smart enough to go crotch and eyes, crotch and eyes. And then eventually.

[Jason]

See, I don't go crotch and eyes. I hold. I'm wearing this thing out with some sacrificial first fighters.

[Andy]

100%.

[Jason]

And then I am using four to five guys to hold each arm and leg down.

[Andy]

Not going to happen.

[Jason]

It will. They'll get too tired.

[Andy]

I do think that the tiring them out matters a lot. Like a gorilla might be much, much, much stronger. But it can't just go forever.

[Mike]

No, it can't go forever, but it can go. It could go longer than human.

[Jason]

They're burst animals. They can. They'll burn. The first five to 15 guys are getting exploded.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

You have to have a group of a hundred men that are willing. They have to be committed. This cannot be some pat. Like.

[Mike]

That's another part of it.

[Jason]

Join.

[Mike]

That's another part is a hundred are watching. You're watching your soldiers. Get what I meant by the gorillas spinning is like if a gorilla just backhanded and hit you anywhere in your neck or your head, you're.

[Jason]

You're done.

[Mike]

You're not in the fight anymore. Like, you might be. Like maybe it doesn't kill you.

[Andy]

You could be used as a meat shield.

[Mike]

Yeah. Now the gorilla has a weapon because the gorilla could just start picking up bodies, see nothing, swinging them around.

[Andy]

The gorilla already has weapons, brother. His. His arms.

[Jason]

Nothing hunts gorillas.

[Mike]

Are they no natural predators?

[Jason]

Yeah, I mean, humans don't really even do that.

[Andy]

Yeah, we're the most dangerous.

[Jason]

So I mean, like they don't. We don't know. They're not made to be hunted. They're not made to be defeated. Right.

[Mike]

Yeah, They're. They're Apex this is one of the

[Jason]

reasons I think we should put animals from different places in the world together.

[Andy]

You want to see what happens when a shark happened? Not a shark, a shark and a gorilla.

[Mike]

We're gonna give the shark some robotic

[Jason]

legs, you fly over the ocean, you push out 100 gorillas and you see what happens.

[Andy]

Yeah, I really genuinely, I mean, give

[Jason]

it 50 guys, it kills 50 and it can keep going.

[Mike]

I think so.

[Andy]

I think that the, it can't go to 100.

[Mike]

The time that it takes for a gorilla to take out multiple of these soldiers.

[Andy]

And the thing is, is no impact to this. You got it? You get one human being on the back. Okay. Because it can't reach you very easily now. Okay. Just one on the back and people just. Soccer ball in the balls. Okay. We're talking, we're talking boom, boom, left, right, left, right.

[Mike]

You think the gorilla is just going to stand there and not do anything?

[Andy]

No, I don't think it's not going to do anything. But I'm saying not getting a shot. You're going to get the eyes out and you're going to start choking the neck and you're just going to keep, you're going to keep kicking the balls. Kicking the balls. Choke the neck. Choke. The thing about the eyes, the eyes are gone. He's blind. I already took out the eyes.

[Mike]

There's. I don't think, I don't think a human could choke out a gorilla. I don't think it's possible a tired gorilla, even a tired gorilla, a human

[Andy]

could choke out a gorilla.

[Mike]

Just think about how, think about how long human beings like last in a fight.

[Jason]

I just like how definitive you are. The answer from Chad GBT is in short, no. It is not realistically possible for a human to choke out a gorilla. Not without weapons. Tranquilizer for a sci fi twist.

[Andy]

Now say there were a hundred humans, one of them eventually choke out a go. Because of course.

[Jason]

Hold on, I don't think gorillas don't. This is, there's a direct quote. Gorillas don't really have quote necks in the human sense. Their trapped shoulders and jaw muscles are thick and muscular. The human style rear naked choke relies on compressing the carotid arteries on either side of the neck. Good luck finding them on a gorilla or applying pressure.

[Mike]

Good luck.

[Andy]

It said good luck.

[Jason]

Yes. Okay, but I'm saying like dense muscle and fur.

[Mike]

Think about how strong that gorilla is and you jump on its back and how fast that gorilla is. You're not. It's going to bite your arm like you're not getting a chokehold on.

[Jason]

What are the deucers weigh in here. You've heard this discussion.

[Mike]

They're wild creatures.

[Jason]

They're out.

[Mike]

They're training every day.

[Jason]

What team are you on?

[Andy]

I'm on 100 humans.

[Josh]

I'm on team Mankind as well.

[Jason]

Humans are getting.

[Mike]

All right.

[Andy]

So we have the definitive answer.

[Jason]

We got one man.

[Andy]

All right. We answered it. Sorry, Mike, you were wrong.

[Mike]

Yes, I am not Jackie.

[Andy]

Accept your defeat.

[Mike]

No, no. The I will accept the defeat of for this debate as I'm outnumbered, but also Josh. Papa Josh was the one that we had to spend an hour long time at lunch convincing him he cannot fight a baboon. He thought it was a chimp or a chimpanzee. Even worse, he was convinced in a 1v1 with a chimpanzee that he could win that.

[Jason]

You're saying we don't need him on our side. That's a bad thing?

[Mike]

His opinion is null and void.

[Andy]

Ten men versus a chimpanzee.

[Mike]

I'll take the chimp.

[Andy]

I'll take the chimp. I would too.

[Jason]

10 against the chimp, 10 against the chimp. No way. I'll take the men.

[Andy]

I would take. I would take the chimp. A chimpanzee is still brutally strong. This is about. This is a numbers game and a tired game. You have to wear the beast out via 50 dead bodies. But a hundred too many for a gorilla to go.

[Mike]

Now there's. Now. Now the gorilla's got a structure around it. There's just bodies built up.

[Jason]

Chimps are 90 to 130 pounds of pure muscle.

[Andy]

No, I know.

[Jason]

It's just muscles.

[Andy]

They literally have ripped arms off of humans before.

[Jason]

They're stronger than men.

[Guest/Announcer]

Yes.

[Mike]

It will rip your arm off and

[Andy]

beat you to death with it. Why punch yourself? Why punch yourself?

[Jason]

Are you basically saying we have no. We have no chance if we just. If we choose to fight female gorillas. Is that what you're saying? Oh, no way.

[Andy]

No way.

[Jason]

Female animal. We're toast.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

Because our only strategy as humans, not any female animal.

[Andy]

Crocs like a bird.

[Mike]

But we win because of tools.

[Andy]

Yeah. So if you're.

[Jason]

If you were fighting a bird, you wouldn't need to hit it in the. In the nuts.

[Andy]

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't need to know a kick in the balls is a kick in the head.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Jason]

Wow. Gorilla's winning.

[Andy]

All I know is I will be patient, 99. I'll be at the back of the

[Jason]

line like if there's. They're putting together a pat. They want to figure this out. Let's say this is a scenario. The Earth has decided. We're going to put together the battle, and it's going to be held in the old Coliseum in Rome. They've cleared it out. They've got it all rebuilt. It's going to be like the Olympics, but for this event, they're getting the hundred guys together. What's the dollar amount you need to be a part of the hundred men?

[Andy]

Me or people? Because me is going to be about a jabillion.

[Mike]

Yeah, you're.

[Jason]

What if they said you could become the king of the Earth?

[Mike]

No, because, Jason, like,

[Andy]

everything that you could offer me.

[Jason]

Would you, like, when they start running in for the fight, would you, like, run in place and be like, let's go?

[Andy]

No, I know exactly my strategy, genuinely. If I had to do it, if I was in that arena, I would start running with my compadres, and I would quietly fall over and I would tie my shoes. I would be dead until they clear out the bodies, and I'd be like, I still live. I can't believe I'm the king of the Earth. The most cowardly man.

[Mike]

Did I miss it?

[Andy]

What happened? Oh, man.

[Jason]

All right, listen, we'll move on. We'll move on. We've. We've got everybody weighing in there. All right, Jackie from Patreon. Would you rather have the ability to induce fear, sleep, pain, or confusion?

[Mike]

Are we playing an RPG right now?

[Jason]

We can induce fear, sleep, pain, or

[Andy]

confusion on other people.

[Jason]

What's the most. It's weird because it feels like sleep is out of the category. Like, the fear, the pain, the confusion,

[Andy]

they're all active, they're all mental. Sleep is physical, Right.

[Jason]

And mental. But. Yeah.

[Andy]

Well, I mean,

[Jason]

your body can go to sleep without burns.

[Andy]

Right. You go to sleep fearful or in pain or confused. You're still aware.

[Jason]

If you can make anything go to sleep, anybody go to sleep.

[Andy]

That's got to be. That's got to be the choice.

[Jason]

You would think that that would give you the greatest advantage.

[Andy]

For sure. Because anything you want.

[Jason]

You're basically immune to everybody.

[Andy]

Yeah. At all times. You got a gun, you're asleep.

[Jason]

As long as you can see them. Yeah.

[Andy]

So that's the rule. You got to be able to see them. Well, you can't, like, put people to sleep.

[Mike]

Right. Like, I get the whole concentration, man. We all know these things.

[Andy]

So then how many can I put asleep at a time? Ooh.

[Mike]

How powerful are you?

[Andy]

I'm pretty powerful, man. I'm talking.

[Mike]

Are you a local wizard?

[Andy]

No, I'm a regional. Regional wizard.

[Mike]

I'll give you southwest. I'll give you five people.

[Andy]

Five. That's not enough for a bank, man. I'm just thinking. I'm thinking, can I walk in a bank? Put everyone nine. Nine. And then just do.

[Mike]

I'll give you five. But.

[Jason]

So it's like if everybody went to sleep in a bank for you, I don't think you walk out with any money.

[Andy]

Okay. I walk out with their credit cards, though. You know what I mean? You're right. I'm gonna get there. I'm gonna be like, oh, how do I open this drawer? I need to wake one of these guys up. Tell me the code.

[Mike]

I have so many identities to steal. Yeah.

[Andy]

And in which case, if I'm just gonna end up pickpocketing, I'm. I'm probably not going to the bank. With all cameras and stuff.

[Jason]

What would you use inducing? Why is fear better than sleep in any situation? Like just.

[Andy]

Well, let's.

[Mike]

More fun.

[Andy]

Let's take sleep out of it and look at fear, pain and confusion. What is.

[Jason]

Pain's just cruel.

[Andy]

Yeah, I don't think I'd want to do that, you know, but in a fight.

[Jason]

But like, I guess like, Mike, if you saw like a really poorly coached basketball game and you were so upset, would you bring a little pain to that coach that made the bad call?

[Mike]

Well, that coach is dealing with the natural consequences of being unprepared. But yeah, I'd like to, you know, Palpatine.

[Jason]

Just a little zap.

[Mike]

Little zap. A little zap.

[Andy]

Confusion could be fun in I think, more situations. Keeping with the sport, you know, theme. If you confuse the other team just a little bit here and there is like, oh, I'm going to run her out. You are confused. And then you're going the wrong way. Well, I'm. I was confusing the defense.

[Mike]

Yeah, but I'm saying like they. Well, you confuse the offense and they just run the wrong direction.

[Andy]

Sure. Score on themselves. Safety.

[Jason]

Yeah. Sleep seems like the runaway winner from a power perspective.

[Andy]

Correct. I think it goes.

[Jason]

And pain is behind that. I think just from a self defense perspective.

[Andy]

Yeah, but I was thinking.

[Jason]

So I was like, same thing.

[Andy]

In a fight, pain would be great, but I don't. You can push through in a lot of fights.

[Mike]

I feel like the.

[Jason]

Not anymore.

[Andy]

Yeah, it's been.

[Jason]

They're all afraid of you.

[Mike]

I mean, depending on the level of pain, like you can push through level, like how you could push through high levels of pain, especially in a fight.

[Jason]

Yeah. What kind of pain are you causing?

[Mike]

If you're. If you're telling me I'm putting someone in basically a panic attack, like that level of fear.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Then you aren't fighting.

[Andy]

Right. You're afraid to fight.

[Mike]

You're crumpled in the corner because. Because you're having a panic attack.

[Andy]

You're afraid that this fight is going to kill you.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

And so you're not going to fight.

[Mike]

You're not like, oh, my skin hurts?

[Andy]

No, I think. I think that's true. I think fear is more powerful than pain. But confusion is the most fun. So that's the one I'm going to take. It's going to make people do silly, stupid stuff.

[Jason]

Yeah, that'd be. That'd be fun. Dylan from the website, would you rather suddenly have to pee every time you get into a car or suddenly have to poop every time you walk into a store?

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh. Okay, we're back.

[Jason]

We're back.

[Andy]

Pee every time you get in a car or poop every time you get into a store?

[Mike]

Question. Do you actually have to or you just have the urge?

[Jason]

I mean, you got it.

[Andy]

I think you have to. Yeah, you. You're gonna have to poop and pee.

[Jason]

If you had to pee every time you got in the car, would you create a car bathroom situation?

[Mike]

Yeah, you would have to. You'd have the. Where you cut the hole in the floor and run a funnel. I've seen you do a video of it.

[Andy]

What? Wait, straight out the car, like, oh, you're leaking some washer fluid. Yeah.

[Mike]

No, you're like, I am.

[Andy]

Well, that's my washer fluid. I've been washed from the inside.

[Mike]

Yeah. I've seen an oil change.

[Jason]

Do they do that?

[Mike]

Well, people don't do that, but this was just like making a funny Internet video.

[Jason]

So you're not saving it.

[Andy]

But you would have to do that because you can't.

[Mike]

That's no problem.

[Andy]

Because based on this question, like, okay, I go out to go to work in the morning and I sit down, I'm like, oh, I gotta pee. I gotta run back in. I'm gonna pee. I get back to the car. Oh, no, I gotta pee.

[Jason]

Every time you get into the car, you have to pee.

[Andy]

Yeah. So I have to be able to pee in the car, whether it's in

[Jason]

a bottle or a car. At the beginning of your trip, really? That would be the more ideal thing.

[Andy]

How often do you guys go in stores? Like, what was the Last weird question. It sounds weirder than it actually is.

[Mike]

I'm taking a whiz.

[Andy]

I'm just saying, what was the last store? Like, your last store? You were at Target, which was how long ago?

[Jason]

Yesterday.

[Andy]

Okay. He's a shopper.

[Jason]

Man who goes to Target yesterday is a shopper. When's the last time you were at a store, Mike?

[Mike]

Oh, gosh.

[Jason]

Has it actually been a while? What is this?

[Andy]

What is this?

[Mike]

A store?

[Jason]

When's the last time you were at a store?

[Mike]

It's been yesterday.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

Okay, shopper.

[Josh]

I've been three or four days.

[Jason]

For me, it's been a couple days. We know you wouldn't go anywhere doordash.

[Andy]

Yeah, that is part of the problem. I'm like, you know, instacarting doordash. Like, if I can avoid going to the store, I usually do.

[Jason]

Now, do you have to poop if you order doordash?

[Mike]

No. No. Per the rules of this question.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, after you have to walk.

[Mike]

It's. When you walk into a store, that

[Jason]

means you're public restrooming all the time.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So you probably also are planning that. I'm bringing a roll with me. I got a roll with me at all times. But there's a store of comfy toilet paper.

[Mike]

There's stores that don't have bathrooms, man.

[Jason]

That's true. You'd have to go next door and be like, I got to take a dump. Can I use a restaurant? Not a great conversation.

[Mike]

I am always in shock when there's. People are like, oh, man, I'm gonna have to take a poop here. And you're like, well, when you're like, oh, no, I'll hold it. Like, what? How is that?

[Jason]

Oh, really? Oh, no, you're not a holder.

[Mike]

Once. Once it hits. Once I feel it.

[Jason]

Yeah, you're a quick.

[Mike]

The timer is on.

[Andy]

I am usually a holder.

[Mike]

I can't. Yeah, I can hold it for a while. I can'.

[Jason]

It blows my mind.

[Andy]

A day, maybe two. Whoa.

[Mike]

That's absurd.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You two poop differently. Yes, yes.

[Andy]

Yes, we do. I mean, I'm not saying there aren't certain situations where it's like, I got a situation, but you're saying you could option out? Yeah, I can option out for a couple days. When I go on vacation, does that

[Jason]

mean you have a more.

[Mike]

What?

[Jason]

Like, more space?

[Andy]

When I go on vacation, I will often complete that vacation without pooping.

[Mike]

Your. Your intestines must be so strong. That's not the best.

[Josh]

Yeah, that's not good.

[Andy]

That's bad. For you?

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Josh]

That needs to get out, bro.

[Andy]

I mean, it usually does, but I'm just saying, when I don't want to, I don't do it. Now, obviously, if I'm sick or hedge pole, it's not up to me.

[Jason]

So Mike would modify his car with maybe a second hole.

[Mike]

No, the car is the p. Well, I'm just saying.

[Jason]

But like, if in real life it seems practical for you, if you. And you feel the urge.

[Mike]

Yeah, I know the timer is going.

[Jason]

Your car might have a discharge.

[Mike]

Yeah, I don't know if I have to poop every time I go into a store. I'm never going to stores.

[Jason]

I can't read what you wrote, Papa Josh. I just can't.

[Andy]

I don't think you have to go to stores anymore.

[Jason]

His conjecture is that he doesn't think there's harm. That's the tldr.

[Mike]

Of course there is. It's waste. It needs to get out of your body.

[Jason]

What do you think your body's trying to tell you? He's not telling you. Hold on.

[Mike]

It's not a suggestion.

[Jason]

It's like. I mean, you can definitely wait a little while. We're not made to have to, like, instantly go, oh, man.

[Andy]

Hold on. I'm on it.

[Jason]

This has been.

[Mike]

What are you researching now?

[Jason]

I am researching, like, how safe it is.

[Andy]

I said, if I really have to take a poop and I choose to hold onto it for two days, will that hurt me? Holding onto a bowel movement for two days occasionally is unlikely to cause serious. Harmfully.

[Mike]

That's fine.

[Andy]

But it can lead to problems, especially if it becomes a habit.

[Jason]

Can it become, like, somebody's addiction?

[Mike]

I'm taking this thing to the limit.

[Jason]

Like, is there a world record that

[Andy]

someone starts the stopwatch as soon as they finish? Just see, they wipe and then they go click. Let's go, baby.

[Jason]

The world record would have to be dependent on food intake. You can't. I mean, because you could fast and then not have to.

[Andy]

That's sure.

[Jason]

You. There should be a world record, but you have to have, like, a burger twice a day. How long can you go, Jason, I think you can put your mind to this.

[Andy]

Yeah, I can.

[Jason]

Obviously, Papa Josh will beat you.

[Mike]

Obviously, he's the best.

[Jason]

But this question has gotten a little bit wild.

[Andy]

I'm going to pick the poop. I can avoid stores.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah. When's the last public number two?

[Andy]

Public meaning in a. I don't mean

[Jason]

in front of people.

[Andy]

No, no, no. You mean. That's not what I thought that's not what I assumed. But I'm saying, like, because to me, when I, when I. And I think I know the answer, but when you say like public pooping, I include when I go. When I go to like a hotel or something. Even though it's private, it's just not my home.

[Jason]

No, no, no. Public restroom.

[Andy]

When is the last time I pooped in a public restroom? I can't.

[Jason]

Years.

[Andy]

Years. I can't remember when.

[Jason]

I guess if a guy's willing to

[Andy]

hold it for days, yeah, no problem.

[Jason]

You're not going to break in the middle of a Best Buy.

[Andy]

No.

[Jason]

Mike, on the other hand, I have pooped the best.

[Andy]

He will break. He will break. That for sure.

[Mike]

For sure, for sure.

[Jason]

I've pooped at 10 different locations.

[Mike]

All right, Generally speaking, not bad. They got clean bathrooms.

[Jason]

Not bad.

[Andy]

Shout out store 787.

[Jason]

You bring the merchandise in there?

[Mike]

No, there's very big signs up that say, don't do that.

[Jason]

Alright, we'll take a break.

[Andy]

Leave my merchandise in public restrooms that say, please don't poop here.

[Jason]

Like, we have the facilities, but we'd prefer.

[Andy]

Yes, exactly. You can avoid pooping here.

[Jason]

Please do as the has your chat GPT answer where it's like, occasionally.

[Andy]

Okay. It's okay.

[Jason]

Tells you that you have permission to not poop here.

[Andy]

Don't do that.

[Jason]

We're taking a break. We're coming back with some guest. Guest goose. What's going on, everybody? I have a busy life. We have three kids. They are always all over the place and it is hard to find time to cook a healthy meal instead of just clicking that button and getting something nasty delivered to your house. And we've all had long days when that hunger kicks in and we want that healthy meal. And, well, it's not in the fridge. And that's where Factor comes in. We were using Factor our family since before they were even a sponsor of the show. We're talking fully prepared meals that my son steals most of the time. Designed by dietitians, crafted by chefs, delivered to your door. We've been subscribed for years now. They are fresh, never frozen. They go right into our refrigerator. Tons of great variety. We grab them. It's two minutes per meal and stuff that we actually enjoy that tastes great. There are more than 100 options every single week. We've got like, I'm on a protein meal plan. I can order protein meals that I absolutely love. And we've been doing that for a long time. Head to factor meals.com ballers 50 off and use the code ballers 50 off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details. What's going on? Spit wads. If you're trying to be more intentional about what you wear every day, Quints can help with that. They've got pieces that feel easy, comfortable and still put together. The fabrics feel elevated and the fits are clean. Fun story. I've been buying from Quints for a long time and they've been working with the show. Love them. They've got all sorts of great stuff like think about 100% European line shorts and shirts. We wear only shorts out here for $34. That type of stuff. I go into our closet and lo and behold, there is a box from Quince. My wife had separately found them and started buying from them. That's how good the products are because it's 50 to 80% less than what you'd find with similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman legitimately. A great company, a great product. I love everything I've gotten from Quince. The specific shirts and shorts that I absolutely love. Those are my favorites. So comfortable. And in Arizona you need comfortable shorts all the time. Refresh your everyday with luxury. You'll actually use head to quince.com spitballers for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com spitballers for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com spitballers.

[Andy]

What time is it? Game time.

[Mike]

What's so funny?

[Jason]

We are playing guest Guest goose.

[Mike]

All right.

[Andy]

Well, that's fun. I'm a goose.

[Jason]

I didn't remember this. You're the current goose, which means you got the goose on your head.

[Andy]

I believe I'm a back to back goose. You are a back to back goose.

[Jason]

That is correct.

[Andy]

It went Andy, then me, then me, and hopefully not me.

[Jason]

So Mike's never goosed.

[Mike]

I have.

[Jason]

Oh, okay. You just mean recently.

[Andy]

Yeah. All right. So because I'm the goose, I have to explain the rules, which we have to remember each time. Here's how this game works. Each one of us are going to bring up an amazing question. A question that you know is like how do you face the shower when you wash your hair? Or something like that. And then the person who asks the question is going to give their prediction for what they think that number Is the percentage of people that do it a certain way. If you get the exact percentage, you get three points. If you guess within 5% on either side, you get two points. The other two gentlemen will have the chance to choose whether they think it is higher or lower. And they will get a point. If they are correct, you did it.

[Jason]

And the truth, the answer is brought to us by the general public. Right?

[Andy]

Correct.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

And as we've seen in the past, sometimes we ask really stupid people. Right?

[Jason]

Al does. I don't ask.

[Andy]

Yeah, Al does all the work.

[Mike]

I've learned a lot about humanity from this segment.

[Jason]

Well, here we go. We'll see if Jason remains the goose or not. The first question. What percentage of people can juggle three balls with two hands for at least 10 seconds? So 10 seconds. 10 seconds. Now.

[Mike]

Second juggle.

[Jason]

I mean, I'm not taking a now. What are you. Are you.

[Andy]

I'm mentally juggling for 10 seconds.

[Jason]

You don't know mental reps. You yourself can jungle for 10 seconds. Oh, 10 seconds. Okay, I think this number is. I got to make my guess here. You guys will go higher or lower? I think that answer is 23%. I don't think three ball juggling is very easy.

[Mike]

Not what it once was.

[Jason]

I think I could end up low, but we'll see. I'm going 23%.

[Mike]

What do you guys think? I got to go first.

[Jason]

You guys have to decide at the same time if you're higher or lower.

[Andy]

Yeah, we can decide at the same time.

[Mike]

Give me that number again, Andy.

[Jason]

I'm so tempted.

[Andy]

23% number.

[Jason]

I'm going to change the number.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Jason]

30%.

[Mike]

30%.

[Jason]

I want to go 30 on that.

[Mike]

Excellent. I'm going to go lower.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

I'm really sad he changed that number because I was already lower.

[Mike]

I was, too.

[Andy]

Oh, you were too?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

So he's got to be way off.

[Jason]

So we think that people can't juggle? Maybe. How many people? Even worse.

[Andy]

All right, I would have gone like 15.

[Mike]

How many people here can actually juggle?

[Jason]

I can juggle three balls for 10 seconds. I can juggle three balls for 10seconds hold on.

[Mike]

I want you to guess which of the deucers can juggle.

[Jason]

That'd be Papa John.

[Andy]

We are testing.

[Mike]

Josh can juggle.

[Andy]

We are testing this immediately after this show. By the way, he raised his hand. And we'll put in the show.

[Mike]

Doc, you can. You could juggle, Josh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason]

That makes sense.

[Josh]

Better than anybody else.

[Jason]

That's two out of six.

[Andy]

We're Putting in the show doc next week whether he did it. And give him his credit, because he's very confident.

[Jason]

Two out of six in the office. 33%.

[Mike]

Wait, who? Oh, because Andy, myself.

[Jason]

Yeah, I can juggle.

[Andy]

All right, nerd. So what is the answer?

[Mike]

What's the answer?

[Josh]

Had this been your turn, Jason, what did you say that you would have?

[Andy]

15%.

[Josh]

The correct answer is 15%.

[Mike]

What?

[Andy]

Man.

[Jason]

Okay, so I was closer with my first guess.

[Andy]

You give him the easy ones.

[Jason]

15% is not.

[Josh]

You were closer, but you weren't in point range, so you didn't at least hurt yourself. Yeah.

[Jason]

You know, I wonder if it's because I can juggle. Maybe. I think more of the people out there. All right, you guys ever tried to juggle?

[Mike]

Oh, I tried to juggle.

[Jason]

You can't juggle.

[Mike]

Nope.

[Andy]

I can juggle.

[Jason]

What about two balls with one hand? Can you juggle two balls with one hand?

[Andy]

Everybody can do that. Oh, with one hand?

[Mike]

No, probably not.

[Andy]

I can juggle two balls with two hands very easily, though.

[Mike]

Nice.

[Jason]

Next question.

[Mike]

Next question.

[Andy]

Mike, you're up.

[Mike]

What percentage of people have used a significant other's toothbrush?

[Andy]

This is a good. I hate these. This is a philosophy question. This is a morality question.

[Mike]

It is not a. You use it all the time. It is. Have you done that before?

[Jason]

All right, you're the one that sets the line.

[Mike]

All right, I'm going to set the line. I don't think it's a lot have used a significant.

[Andy]

But people.

[Mike]

People get me on these things. I'm going to put. I'm going to go at. I'll go 25%. Okay, 25%. I think it's pretty low.

[Andy]

Jason, are you ready?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I already had my answer down. Regardless of what number you said, it's going to be higher than you think.

[Jason]

I'm going 10%.

[Andy]

Oh, you guys are.

[Jason]

I'm lower. I'm on the lower. You're on the. Higher.

[Andy]

It's way higher.

[Jason]

Mike, your guess was what?

[Andy]

And I'm the goose.

[Mike]

25.

[Jason]

You're at 25%. Go ahead.

[Josh]

The goose is correct. The answer was 38%.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Well, that's not way.

[Jason]

Goose is doing well, but right now, so far.

[Andy]

So Goose.

[Josh]

That gives Jason two points.

[Mike]

You've never.

[Josh]

Mike has one point.

[Mike]

You never been on a trip, and

[Andy]

you're like, I got the toothbrush, so.

[Mike]

And just use your wife's toothbrush. I've done that for sure.

[Andy]

It's always the opposite direction.

[Jason]

I would never forget a toothbrush.

[Andy]

It's Always. Yeah.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

It's always the opposite direction. The wife uses my toothbrush. I don't like it, but it happens. I know it happens. All right.

[Jason]

Do you, like, rinse it a little extra?

[Mike]

Yeah, just dip that thing in some mouthwash. It's good to go.

[Jason]

That's. I would feel good if it was dipped in mouthwash. I feel like it would be sanitized.

[Andy]

I hope so. It's supposed to sanitize the mouth. Like, that's its job.

[Mike]

I got some work strong enough for a toothbrush.

[Jason]

Do we have double points in the second round or no?

[Josh]

No, sir.

[Jason]

Oh, well, that sucks. All right.

[Andy]

Andy is currently full goose.

[Mike]

Yeah, but I only double points.

[Andy]

All right, I am up. And my question is, what percentage of people would choose Morgan Freeman over James Earl Jones to narrate their lives?

[Jason]

That's a crazy question.

[Andy]

Okay. And since I have no idea, I'm going to set that line at 50%.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay, Andy, you got your.

[Jason]

Yeah, I got my answer.

[Mike]

And it is.

[Jason]

You have to figure yours out, too.

[Mike]

Mine's written down. Well, I thought it was.

[Jason]

Just went around the day these two go same times.

[Mike]

Okay. I am higher.

[Jason]

I am higher.

[Mike]

Of course. Look, both are.

[Jason]

It's just no Morgan Freeman. People who know who they are.

[Mike]

Morgan Freeman seems like a. It's a little.

[Andy]

Am I within 5%?

[Mike]

Better?

[Josh]

You are not within 5%. The other guys are correct that it was higher. The correct answer is 68.

[Mike]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir on the board.

[Andy]

Shame.

[Mike]

I'm bummed I didn't get that question.

[Jason]

Me, myself, I wouldn't choose James Earl Jones.

[Andy]

I would choose James Earl Jones.

[Mike]

I would go Morgan Freeman, worse voice.

[Andy]

Yeah, he does have a worse voice. He's got a great voice. Yeah, it's just worse.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's a little overplayed. Yeah, a little too much. James Earl Jones kept it rare.

[Andy]

Yeah. Mike's narration of his life is just going to be like, I've seen this a hundred times.

[Jason]

Yeah, I've already heard of it.

[Andy]

Mine is going to be Andy Dufresne.

[Mike]

Yours is Darth Vader.

[Andy]

What doesn't have the voice changer? This is pure James Earl.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's still Darth Vader.

[Jason]

What percentage of people have been buried up to the neck in sand? Oh, what percentage of people have been buried up to the neck in sand?

[Andy]

This is probably just laying down and you let the head out.

[Jason]

I mean, this is because originally I'm

[Andy]

thinking like, you got a.

[Jason]

You know what's funny is what a

[Andy]

six foot article like if you said

[Jason]

what percentage of people made it have been to a Beach? It's not 100%, right? No, I'm going to say that's actually a good question.

[Andy]

I feel like.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's.

[Andy]

What percentage. Yeah, I was going to say it would be the vast majority.

[Jason]

All right. Percentage of people that have been buried up to the neck in sand. Weird question. I feel like this is the kind of question people would want to answer. Yes. For some stupid reason. Like, it's cool. Like, that's a cool feature. So it's going to up my number to 21%. I'm going to say 21% of people. I wanted to go like 11, 13. I don't know.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

What number do you guys. What are you guys going?

[Andy]

I've got mine written down.

[Mike]

I'm going higher.

[Andy]

I'm going higher as well.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

All right. How many people are doing this?

[Josh]

Andy is the first one to fall within the range. The Correct answer is 23, which is higher. So you guys also get a point.

[Jason]

Okay. So did. I didn't catch anybody.

[Josh]

We are sitting with Mike with four. Andy and Jason both have three.

[Mike]

Oh, man. It's tight.

[Andy]

It's man.

[Jason]

Okay. All right, we're back. Baby.

[Mike]

Andy.

[Andy]

Oh, he got double.

[Jason]

Baby.

[Andy]

He got two for.

[Jason]

Glad I bumped it up. I knew people would think it's cool.

[Mike]

I can't believe you explained to the rules.

[Andy]

I know, I know. But I just can't believe that if you guess the exact right %, it's only three. You get three when you get to. I'm changing the rules from now on. If you get the right. Since no one's gotten the right percent,

[Jason]

you're saying if it's dead on it.

[Josh]

We have had it happen one time.

[Andy]

All right, but today I'm saying I could change the rules live because it hasn't happened.

[Mike]

So what do we go?

[Andy]

Four points. You get double.

[Mike]

Okay, that's fine.

[Jason]

All right, it's happening. Effective now.

[Andy]

It's officially now.

[Jason]

I'm omitted from that.

[Andy]

You had a chance.

[Jason]

You would have retroactively given me four.

[Andy]

I would have retroactively given you four.

[Mike]

We totally would have done that.

[Andy]

Trust me, man.

[Jason]

You're wearing a goose. You're wearing a goose on your head.

[Andy]

Of course I can trust you. So we're tied. Andy and Mike's in the lead by one.

[Jason]

Mike is.

[Mike]

Oh, this is a perfect question. Go ahead. What percentage of people prefer musical theater over non musical theater?

[Jason]

Interesting.

[Mike]

So the amount of people that prefer musical. I just want to see a play to non musical.

[Andy]

Okay. That's. I'm fascinated of what the answer is going to be.

[Mike]

I think it is the majority people would rather go to a musical. They want to. They want to sing some songs. I am going to set the line at how high do I go? I'm going to go 70%. Oh, man.

[Andy]

That's such a good number. That's a good. I wrote down my number. I didn't write higher.

[Jason]

I did too. Well, lock. We'll lock in this. So my number, I was a little

[Mike]

torn between 70 and.

[Andy]

So I. I wrote 66.

[Jason]

I wrote 62.

[Andy]

So we both went lower.

[Mike]

Are you going lower?

[Josh]

Okay, so you guys are correct. The correct answer is 59.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Oh, really?

[Jason]

I was with. I was pretty close.

[Josh]

All right, so a point to Andy and a point to Jason.

[Jason]

We are tied.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Andy]

Oh, no.

[Josh]

We really have a three way tie at four points.

[Andy]

So I have to get within range here.

[Jason]

Oh, if we tie, you stay the goose.

[Andy]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

So I have to. I have.

[Jason]

Yeah. That's the only way. Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

No, no. Oh, my gosh. No. But you guys can't see each other's answer. You cannot see each other's answer.

[Jason]

Okay, all right, all right.

[Andy]

Oh, no. Mike's just given the. I'm stretching full on guest beyond. Oh, my gosh. For the listeners at home, Mike is pointing up what I would.

[Mike]

That's.

[Andy]

And Andy is pointing at you.

[Mike]

Yeah. Boo. Yeah.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Down with the.

[Andy]

All right. Okay, here's the final question. Now here's the thing. If I get this on the dot, I double your points.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I get a four burger and you can't cheat me out.

[Mike]

Yeah. Do we get it?

[Jason]

Do we have an extra question if there's a tie at the end?

[Josh]

Yes.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

Oh, all right. Okay. Well, then I feel much better.

[Jason]

What?

[Mike]

I feel real low about it.

[Andy]

What percentage of people most often use toilet paper to blow their noses?

[Jason]

This was something that I didn't know was a thing because our family always had Kleenex boxes.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And then I'd go to other people's families, to their houses, and I'd be like, where's your Kleenex? They're like, we don't have any.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Because they just use toilet paper. So it does happen.

[Andy]

Oh, I mean, I.

[Mike]

So it happens all the time at my house just. Cause we're out.

[Andy]

Yeah. And I think we have.

[Jason]

Not by preference, but just.

[Andy]

I think we have Kleenex somewhere and we almost always just use toilet paper. Like go to the bathroom, blow your nose. That's just normal because you could do it. You could do it anywhere. So what percentage of people most often use toilet paper to blow their noses? Now, first of all, where are you guys at? I most often use, like, I'm definitely a vast majority of the time. Okay. We're real. We're.

[Jason]

We're a Kleenex household.

[Mike]

We're usually out.

[Andy]

All right. Because I forget to use toilet paper to blow their noses.

[Jason]

So.

[Andy]

All right. I'm going to say a very important number to be right.

[Mike]

Yes. Yes.

[Andy]

And it's going to start in the 60s.

[Jason]

Get that goose off your head. Let's get this going.

[Andy]

It's going to be 65. You're leaking 65%.

[Mike]

Okay, I will.

[Andy]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

I will honor the game and I will write down my answer.

[Jason]

I will too. And my answer is lower.

[Mike]

I am lower.

[Andy]

Okay, all right. I almost changed to 68.

[Josh]

So the correct answer is 35%.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Mike]

The goose. The goose is cooked. Yay.

[Andy]

I started out the lead.

[Mike]

Three time champion Choke job.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh. Oh, man, this game sucks. That goose is getting so comfy.

[Mike]

Oh, thank goodness.

[Jason]

Oh, what a comeback.

[Mike]

Come back for the ages.

[Jason]

All righty. Well, dumb Jason, congrats. I can't wait to play that again. Let's draft.

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[Mike]

in on the Serta counting sheep.

[Andy]

Why aren't we counting anymore?

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[Andy]

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[Guest/Announcer]

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[Andy]

We'll never get counted again.

[Josh]

Nope.

[Mike]

Save this Memorial Day.

[Jason]

Shop at a retailer near you,

[Andy]

The Spitballers draft.

[Jason]

Well, this is an interesting draft. There are actually a ton of choices and options for it, but we are drafting company mascots you would like to party With.

[Andy]

Okay. Okay.

[Jason]

And so there are. Like I said, there are lots and lots of options. I am going to try to see if I'm cheating on the first one.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Andy]

Right off the bat.

[Jason]

Because I got the number one pick. Although that could sneak through because it's cheating.

[Mike]

It's not making it past Chase.

[Jason]

All right. No, look, I'm going to stay at number one. I'm going. Captain Morgan.

[Andy]

He's the clear of 101.

[Jason]

Captain Morgan is captain Morgan.

[Andy]

It's literally a party pipe.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, this is. This guy knows how to set the.

[Mike]

He is. And I thought of him right away and. Which is. Fabulous answer. But then I stumbled upon another one. I'm like, ooh, that is it. That's a very, very close.

[Jason]

There's another one in that category.

[Andy]

It is.

[Mike]

Look, it's the same category.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

And look, he's the most interesting man in the world. He is the most interesting man in the world.

[Andy]

You tell me you don't want to party with the most interesting man in the world.

[Mike]

Of course I want to party with that guy. I want to hear those two are. There's going to be the most interesting in the world.

[Jason]

It's like, we got them, and you're the goose.

[Mike]

Now the draft can begin. Fun. Dude. Like, that was such a late addition.

[Jason]

Oh, was it? Yeah.

[Andy]

You don't deserve them.

[Jason]

Great pick, Jason. What do you got at the top of your list that you have now?

[Mike]

All right.

[Andy]

When I am throwing a party with mascots, we're going to cause the draft.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

You know, we're going to have a ruckus. Oh, no.

[Mike]

You're going to raise some cane.

[Andy]

I am starting right off with the koolaid man.

[Mike]

Oh, Koolaid man. What's the first name I wrote?

[Andy]

He's bursting through the walls. He's having a party.

[Mike]

Tell you what, you always have beverages that's on hand.

[Jason]

He shows up late, Right.

[Andy]

Well, he's got to make an entrance. Imagine you're the Kool Aid man and you burst through the wall. You get one shot at this, and no one's there. Yeah. You're like, I'm the first one here an hour early. Oh, crap. Can you put the wall. Can you get the drywall guy here? Although it's always brick.

[Jason]

Can he. Is he restricted due to spillage?

[Andy]

I don't think he can spill. No, he has too much confidence. Because if he could spill, you don't

[Mike]

think he could spill. But he sloshes.

[Andy]

If he spilled, is he dead?

[Jason]

One thing.

[Andy]

So, like, Is that his blood?

[Mike]

I think probably.

[Jason]

If it's a reinforced wall. Does he break the glass? Everything goes. His blood goes everywhere.

[Mike]

You reinforced wa can stop the Kool Aid Man?

[Andy]

It cannot. And no load bearing wall can either. And that's a real problem. Because if he burst accidentally through a load bearing wall, party's over.

[Jason]

How does he get into the restroom at the party? Does he walk through the door?

[Andy]

Of course.

[Jason]

Oh, he doesn't burst into the restroom.

[Andy]

No, he bursts into every room. Does he burst into every room?

[Jason]

Oh, he does.

[Andy]

Yeah. He can't fit through a door.

[Jason]

He's ripping your house apart.

[Andy]

Great. Pants just tearing. I'm not having this party in my house.

[Mike]

I thought it was a one time. He shows up. Hey, Kool Aid Man' and the trick is done. You're saying he goes through.

[Jason]

Somebody says, somebody says, like goes through walls.

[Andy]

Cuz he's too wide for door.

[Mike]

Can turn sideways and make it sideways.

[Andy]

He's not like a Brita pitcher. It's a very round picture.

[Mike]

We got to move the handle.

[Jason]

I do.

[Mike]

Like, he has a handle. Right.

[Jason]

The party's getting going. Somebody's like, hey, is the cool man, Kool Aid man gonna be here? Yeah, you go.

[Andy]

Yeah. His name has cool in it.

[Jason]

All right, all right.

[Andy]

I'm taking another cool cat.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

Chester Cheetah, baby. We gonna make a mess up in here. My party is gonna be orange and red everywhere.

[Jason]

That is a combo.

[Andy]

Yeah, that.

[Jason]

We know what your party is.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

With those two. When you see those two at the party.

[Andy]

I am at a hotel.

[Jason]

You're throwing caution to the wind where

[Mike]

you are not being invited back.

[Andy]

No, they will not let me back. And I. I gave him a fake credit card. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. I didn't put my name on that.

[Jason]

All right, Mike, you have the most interesting man in the world. He's older.

[Andy]

Interesting.

[Jason]

He's older. He may go to bed early.

[Mike]

He might.

[Jason]

But he's interesting while he's there.

[Mike]

I can't thank you enough for the setup there, Andy.

[Jason]

Okay?

[Mike]

Because sometimes, look, when you go out, you're partying, you're having a good time, and your buddies are like, I'm going to turn in. And you're like, no, I'm like, I want to party. I'm energized.

[Andy]

Yeah. Yep. Yep.

[Mike]

I want to keep going and going. That's why you got the Energizer Bunny, man.

[Jason]

My next picture. You will.

[Mike]

You'll have a party buddy forever. That dude parties non stop.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's going and tunes.

[Mike]

So he's just hitting that drummer.

[Andy]

Oh, that's true. He's out there drumming.

[Mike]

So all night.

[Andy]

I learned something while doing deep research for this draft, looking up every mascot that I could think of and find. Yeah. When I think of, you know, a battery mascot and the Energizer Bunny is obviously, he was one of the first mascots I thought of.

[Mike]

The Energizer Bunny is not what he once was.

[Andy]

As I research.

[Mike]

Oh, he's still going.

[Andy]

As I research this. This is. I don't know if I am like, everyone in this room is gonna be like, duh. Or if everyone's going to be as shocked as I was, but when I looked at, like, the classic, the most famous all time brand mascots, it was a bunny for Duracell. Duracell's bunny mascot was like the OG did you. Your looks on your face.

[Mike]

Hold on. You're telling me the competing battery brand

[Andy]

came out with the same.

[Mike]

They had a bunny.

[Andy]

A bunny.

[Mike]

Was he also pink?

[Andy]

He was brown. He looked like a bear.

[Mike]

What?

[Andy]

I mean, it blew my mind.

[Josh]

It was pink.

[Jason]

I mean, it's a pink bunny from 1973. A pink Duracell bunny and Energizers.

[Andy]

Just like. That's a good idea. Check this out. It's our idea.

[Jason]

The bunny battles.

[Mike]

And they were like, well, they're a little too similar. What should we do a drum, some sunglasses on him and call it a

[Jason]

day and give him a drum?

[Andy]

So, okay, so everyone did anyone in here know of the door cell bunny?

[Jason]

I mean, no idea.

[Andy]

Yeah, so I was reading. I'm like.

[Jason]

Because, by the way, that it's a. It is a lawsuit that is still going on.

[Mike]

Over the bunnies.

[Jason]

Over the bunnies.

[Mike]

Okay. It's time to let that go.

[Andy]

Yeah, there's a.

[Mike]

You lost.

[Jason]

Wait a minute. Hold on. It was settled in 1992 in a landmark rabbit sharing deal.

[Andy]

Oh, okay. They shared the.

[Jason]

Between the two companies.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

It worked better for energizing.

[Mike]

Yeah, I do.

[Andy]

One of them got drafted to a cool party.

[Mike]

Yeah, the Energizer Bunny is cool. The Duracell bunny looks terrifying. That's like a five night at Freddy's situation.

[Jason]

All right, look, I feel like I need to. I need to add a little bit of.

[Andy]

It was pink.

[Jason]

I know.

[Andy]

Just literally did the same exact thing. That's crazy.

[Jason]

Give him a drum and some sunglasses. So you have the cooler man in Chester Cheeto. Your party is kind of crazy.

[Andy]

Yes, sir.

[Jason]

It's kind of crazy. Mike's is very interesting. And it keeps going forever. Yeah, I've got Captain Morgan. He's going to set the tone. But I feel like I need some craziness. I'm taking. I'm taking Mayhem. Mayhem from Allstate.

[Mike]

He's not even on my list.

[Andy]

Oh, I wanted him so bad.

[Jason]

His name is Mayhem.

[Andy]

He belongs at my party.

[Jason]

My party.

[Mike]

Mayhem.

[Andy]

If I had Chester, Cheetah and Kool Aid breaking down walls and Mayhem there.

[Jason]

Yeah, he's just. He's going to cause problems. He's going to go crazy.

[Andy]

That's a good pick.

[Jason]

And then this next pick. Dang it, I'm on the fence here. I'm going to go with the toucan

[Mike]

from Cocoa Puffs because.

[Jason]

What? Toucan Sam.

[Mike]

Toucan Sam.

[Jason]

Oh, no, wait, that's Froot Loops.

[Mike]

Cocoa Puffs is the crazy bird.

[Jason]

Crazy bird. Look, it's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

[Andy]

He is wild.

[Jason]

I don't remember what kind of bird he is, but he's wild and he's crazy. You can look it up. He's at the party.

[Andy]

Sonny, the cuckoo bird.

[Mike]

That's his name.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

All right.

[Andy]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Jason]

I kind of botched which bird from

[Mike]

which cereal your delivery kind of let it down. All right,

[Andy]

Big breath.

[Mike]

Okay. All right. I had to. I had to get an approval here. So I already cleared this with the judge because, look, because there's crossover where you're like, this is just a dude. Except he is the mascot.

[Jason]

This is the pick I thought was cheating.

[Mike]

Oh, was it?

[Jason]

I guarantee you're gonna say Macho Man.

[Mike]

I'm gonna take Macho Man.

[Jason]

I saved it for my last pick.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh. You get.

[Mike]

Yes. You elbow drops are coming off of the top ropes.

[Jason]

I made a horrible mistake. I saved it. That was the number one pick I was going to take.

[Andy]

That was good. He's not on my list.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Dig it.

[Mike]

Wow. That was 100% my sneaky pick, Macho Man.

[Jason]

I think I would have gotten Sonny the cuckoo bird in the last round.

[Mike]

I can tell you. He's not on my list.

[Andy]

He is not on my list.

[Mike]

Yes, Macho Man.

[Andy]

But I only have 50 on mine, so that's probably why

[Mike]

I needed at least 70 to 70.

[Andy]

I mean, I just cut it off pretty early. Mike. Sony would have made the list just, like, if I had, you know, 100. Okay, who got?

[Jason]

Mayhem?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

That was a good pick. That was a good pick. All right, so I'm. I know my first one here, because this dude cracks me up, and I have been to parties where people dress up as this character and they show up with bags and. Bags and bags of burgers, and they are the king at this party. I'm taking the Burger King, baby.

[Mike]

Old sneaky king.

[Andy]

Does he have a name?

[Mike]

I don't know.

[Jason]

Doesn't it feel like Burger King's just trying so dang hard?

[Mike]

Well, they've been pretty locked into the

[Jason]

Hub, but does anybody like that mascot?

[Andy]

Oh, I love that. That the King is awesome.

[Mike]

The King was awesome because he would just, like, sneak up on you and

[Andy]

give you a burger.

[Jason]

Just the Burger King does that. Not the. Like they used to. What's the McDonald's? Sneaky guy?

[Mike]

He steals hamburger. That's an Hamburg.

[Jason]

Oh, he's an.

[Andy]

He takes him from the King. Yeah. I don't want him in my party.

[Jason]

It's totally a Duracell Energizer situation.

[Mike]

Oh, because the Burger King gives you.

[Andy]

Yeah, the Burger King is the king of burgers.

[Jason]

That's a good pick. All right. Burger King.

[Mike]

All right.

[Jason]

With your Cheetos and Kool Aid. So we'll be dead soon.

[Andy]

Yeah. And, man, do I want to fight at the party. Do I bring in a competing burger place? I've got two on there. I'm going to take someone that I think would be really, really fun at the party. I think he's great. So I'm going to take another serial icon, Tony the Tiger.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. He's on my list. He's on my list.

[Jason]

He's not great. He's great. He's not that crazy. He's not cuckoo.

[Andy]

He's not. He kind of gets conflated in my mind with Tigger, you know, like he's bouncing all around.

[Mike]

If I tell you what, if any sort of sporting activity breaks out of this party.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

Tony Tiger is ready to go.

[Andy]

He's gonna do hoops.

[Jason]

I knew if I took Macho man before you, it would be just such a treat. And you still got him. Well done.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

He belongs with you, Mike. All right. Your party, it's going well. It's going forever. Who's your last pick?

[Mike]

Okay, so Jay went. Tony the Tiger. The most interesting man. Macho man got the Energizer Bunny. We're going to finish. I'm going to get. I think the guy you were alluding to, Jason. He's regional because it's not across the entire United States.

[Andy]

I was referring to two different options, one of which was that I will take Jack. Yeah.

[Mike]

From Jack in the Box.

[Andy]

Jack Box is his name.

[Mike]

Oh, his Name.

[Jason]

He's regional.

[Mike]

Yeah, Jack in the Box Isn't. Isn't across the entire state.

[Andy]

I know. That blows my mind, too, with the

[Mike]

amount, because on the west coast, it is heavy.

[Jason]

It wore me out, man. We're going too long with Jack Box.

[Mike]

Well, he seems like he's a funny guy. Yeah, I bet he's got some sarcastic wits or quips.

[Jason]

Yeah, I don't know if he's eating anything.

[Andy]

Well, I don't know that he can.

[Mike]

I don't think he can.

[Jason]

Well, I'm going to try to open.

[Andy]

Of course, I don't know if Burger King can eat either. He's just got a plastic face. Can't do anything but smile and hand out burgers.

[Jason]

It's a good pick. I've got a lot of other names on my list, but look, you guys know me. I'm the grandpa on the show. I'm responsible. I need to make sure that these guys all get home safe.

[Andy]

Okay?

[Jason]

So sometimes you got to invite somebody that. He's not going to be very fun at the party, but he's going to be the designated driver and he's going to take care. He's going to make sure nothing too bad happens.

[Andy]

Is he a man?

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

Oh.

[Mike]

Oh.

[Andy]

I thought this was the Michelin Man.

[Mike]

No, I thought you were.

[Jason]

This is Smokey the Bear. Oh, that's Smokey the Bear is going to make sure there's no fires.

[Andy]

My plan.

[Jason]

He's going to bring people home safe.

[Andy]

Him and Mayhem is a great combination. You want parties with responsible people and crazy people. I was going. Had. Had this draft worked different and Mayhem got to me, I would have gone back to back. I would have added Mayhem and then Smokey the Bear to make sure.

[Jason]

Really? You had Smoke on the list?

[Andy]

Just only if I went full crazy.

[Jason]

Yeah. Mayhem needs Smokey.

[Andy]

He sure does.

[Mike]

I thought. I thought maybe you were like, parties end up at a disaster. I need someone to take care of this after the party's over, so I'm getting Mr. Clean up in here.

[Jason]

Oh, that's not bad either.

[Andy]

Or you could have just gone with another insurance. Like floating, you know, for actual insurance. Exactly.

[Jason]

You know one of the names I had on here, I threw it out. You know, if you need someone to bring the snacks, maybe Little Debbie could come to the party.

[Mike]

Okay. I had. I had the Crash Test Dummies. You remember those guys?

[Andy]

Are they not the band mascot of a. Yeah, they were nhtsa.

[Jason]

Oh, is that what it was?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Okay, okay, okay. I was. You know, Ronald McDonald, he's a clown. Clowns and clowns go to parties.

[Mike]

Bad vibes. Bad vibes for me.

[Andy]

I agree. I didn't draft him.

[Jason]

I thought about Grimace because everybody needs are like, what is that?

[Mike]

I thought about the scrubbing bubbles, but those good dudes could probably party.

[Andy]

The Old Spice guy, he was awesome.

[Mike]

You see the problem with the Old Spice guy? Are you doing the former wide receiver?

[Andy]

Right?

[Mike]

Yeah. Where he's like, look at me. Yeah. I'm on a horse.

[Andy]

Yeah. Oh, now I'm a horse. Yeah.

[Mike]

You got a problem, though, Brawny guy or the giant? You got a problem, because that dude. All the attention is going to that guy.

[Andy]

Oh, for sure, for sure, for sure.

[Mike]

Like, you are invisible at that party.

[Andy]

Yeah. It's almost like I would have the most interesting man at my party.

[Mike]

Oh, everyone wants to hang, talk to that guy.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

That guy's stealing all your ladies.

[Andy]

And then the Quiznos, the crazy. The crazy monsters.

[Mike]

Because they are good to us.

[Jason]

All right.

[Mike]

Someone paid so much money.

[Jason]

Super bowl commercial.

[Andy]

Commercial.

[Mike]

Super bowl crazy, dude. The 90s.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

All right. Yeah. Any other ones? Mike, did you. Would you go, green giant at your party?

[Mike]

Jolly Green Giant?

[Jason]

Would you go, brawny guy at your party?

[Mike]

Oh, I take the brownie guy.

[Jason]

Really?

[Andy]

Jolly Green Giants.

[Jason]

You don't want a giant there.

[Andy]

He's vegetables. And I got a roof. I already lost my walls.

[Jason]

You don't like green people?

[Andy]

We're gonna have to party outside. If the Jolly Green Giants.

[Jason]

Hey, you got nothing left if you're. If your dude actually can't get to room. Room to room. You're like Kool Aid, man. Stay in the living room. You don't get to pee.

[Andy]

It was my first pick.

[Mike]

The last one I had. You guys remember the 7up cool spot?

[Jason]

Nope.

[Andy]

Nope.

[Jason]

It's when.

[Mike]

If you look at. Moving on. Look it up, you'll remember it. It was. There was a. It was like a red spot. It's a red spot. And then they gave him sunglasses, and because it's the 90s, and they're like, look how cool.

[Jason]

That's like a mascot.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I still think it's crazy. I learned that Duracell had a pink bunny.

[Andy]

Yeah, I learned that today, too. But I also learned definitively based on majority vote, that 100 people would be a gorilla.

[Mike]

I learned that Jason sucks at Guess Guess Goose.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh, he's such a goose. Oh, and I 100% remember the 7up spot.

[Mike]

See?

[Jason]

Oh, that thing was super cool. Yeah, he'd be great at a party.

[Mike]

He had a Nintendo game and everything.

[Jason]

Can I swap the cuckoo bird out?

[Mike]

Goodbye.

[Andy]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out spitballers pod.com.

[Mike]

This is a Monday.com ad the same Monday.com designed for every team. The same Monday.com with built in AI scaling your work from day one. The same Monday.com with an easy and intuitive setup. Go to Monday.com and try it for free.

[Guest/Announcer]

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