
It’s another laughter filled, wild episode. Hilarious Would You Rathers, followed by a long awaited round of Liar, Liar and capped by a The Worst Times For Your Phone To Die Draft. This is one episode you don’t want to miss! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!
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Jason
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Mike
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Jason
What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason.
Andy
All right, I'm here for it.
Jason
I'm here for any scat. That's not me. Great job, Mike.
Andy
Next episode. And you skipped your last one.
Jason
I skipped my last.
Andy
So you really gotta bring it. Don't let us down with any, like shenanigans.
Jason
Oh, I would never.
Andy
Next week. No shenanigans.
Jason
Would never pull out a shenanigan. I will say though, how many of
Mike
your last, like four actually.
Andy
Non shenanigans.
Jason
Let's see you muted. One was pure silence. One was I didn't do it. That was the best one. One was Papa Josh. And then so two. Two of the last one.
Mike
Only two?
Jason
I think so.
Andy
Feels. Feels like you haven't done a great one in a while, though.
Jason
Oh, it's been years.
Andy
We have a fun show today. We have Liar Liar back on the show today. He's been laboring over those lies. Normally they come very easy to him. As a dishonest person.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
At his core, lies are super simple, but it's finding the shocking truths that are right. We do have an update as well. We have. Would you rather. On the show we're drafting the worst times for your phone to die. Which these are always funny to think about because we didn't used to have them. We didn't used to have phones at all. Which meant that like there was no. All these moments. You didn't have a phone already.
Jason
Yeah. And people survived.
Andy
You weren't panic attacking.
Jason
We are so much.
Andy
I guess some people died weaker.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
Because of that. Yeah.
Mike
Oh, yes. We are. We are soft.
Andy
The. The walking on the freeway to the different. Because they'll set up like a phone station. That's what they used to.
Mike
Oh like if your car broke down
Andy
every like 20 miles or something and you knew you could walk to find a phone station, maybe you'd make it.
Jason
You know, it would be really interesting if the. Let's. Let's say our grandparents generation. Right? Our grandparents generation. If we could snap our fingers and all of those people were here at let's say 30 years old and all of a sudden there's a whole nother generation right on top of us.
Andy
Okay, those.
Jason
Our grandparents generation living just next to us, living next to us. How much better would they be?
Andy
Oh, they'd be a lot better.
Jason
They'd be harder workers.
Andy
Weird though is they all looked older. Did you know that they looked older
Jason
when they were 30s?
Andy
Yes. They. You gotta look this up.
Mike
There's wild stuff. If you go back and look at. They look TV actors, older TV actors in the 80s.
Jason
We're just aging better now.
Mike
Yeah, I think so.
Andy
Because it's like it's related to maturity. They were more mature and looked the
Jason
things they've been through by the time they're 30. Weather a man.
Andy
If you go look at like the Alabama football team, the collegiate football team, it looks like just a ton of 40 year old men.
Jason
Wow.
Andy
They all look like they're 40. It's a weird thing.
Jason
We just got peptides and lotions and all sorts of things now keeping us young.
Andy
It was. It's a funny thing, by the way, I can juggle. Josh can't.
Jason
Oh, yes. Update on the last episode. We did test the 10 second juggle. Three balls. And Andy, not only did you do it easily, but you did it again and again. No problem.
Mike
First try. It's first try, first try, second try.
Jason
Whatever.
Andy
Mike.
Mike
He can juggle like you could juggle.
Jason
I'm a Juggler Papa Josh. Now, his first try. He got close.
Andy
Nine seconds.
Jason
He couldn't get there, though. And we said, we're only one try. We said only one try on the show. He said, you only get first try. He's like, ah, that was my first try. I was like, yeah, that was the. That was the test. If you can juggle, but it's okay.
Andy
Second time, spit wads.
Jason
We are gracious people. We did give him another try, and he still couldn't get to 10 seconds.
Andy
Nine seconds.
Mike
So, Josh, nine second man. Josh, can you juggle?
Jason
Yes. Oh, I don't know.
Mike
So you think. Okay, we're going to stay with this. Okay.
Andy
If you had to juggle. Okay, new 30 seconds to save your family's life, you take that. No. Okay, then you can't.
Jason
But I can juggle for short periods of time. Okay, nine seconds and under.
Mike
You're a juggler. Yeah, I can juggle for about two seconds.
Andy
I was going to say, like, if everybody lined up in the office and juggled, he would last longer than everybody else, except for me.
Jason
I wonder if the people at large would consider, like, if you say, oh,
Andy
yeah, Is that juggling?
Jason
Is that. Can you juggle? If you can only juggle for nine seconds, you can't ever juggle past nine seconds. You can do it 100 times. You can't juggle past nine seconds. Are you able to juggle?
Andy
I think in a normal environment when somebody's like, can you juggle? Show me. I think you could play off the nine seconds or less as, yes, you can juggle, because you could. That's a good time.
Jason
You do it for two seconds. If you do someone and they're like
Andy
five, and then you throw them, the ball's bad.
Mike
But that's just a trick. Like, you're. I mean, you're just faking, like, juggling is a trick. Hey. Yeah, but like, hey, ask me if I speak Spanish.
Jason
Mike, do you speak Spanish?
Mike
See?
Jason
Whoa. He sure does.
Mike
Done, though.
Jason
Math checks out.
Mike
I don't speak Spanish.
Andy
Now speak nine seconds of Spanish, though.
Mike
Donde esty la biblioteca?
Jason
Oh, that was a couple seconds.
Mike
But you know what the spoilers. I cannot speak Spanish.
Jason
Don't let him in.
Mike
I can pretend like, Josh.
Andy
He.
Mike
He can't. He could pretend he can juggle, but he can't juggle.
Andy
If you learn nine seconds, of every talent, you're the best in the world. That's all I'm saying. All right, let's kick it off with some. Would you rather. Would you Rather, Lily from the website, would you rather get caught giving yourself finger guns in the bathroom mirror?
Mike
Got this. So you're in the mirror, Jeremy,
Andy
finger guns in the mirror. Or so somebody catches you, they walk into the bathroom, they see you giving yourself finger guns in the mirror, which is hilarious. Or accidentally barge into a serious meeting while loudly singing Kelly Clarkson.
Jason
So you are the one barging in.
Mike
You're like, since you've been gone. And then.
Andy
And then you're like, oh, someone's in here.
Jason
You're not going anymore.
Al
You got to be doing that in your falsetto, though. There you go.
Andy
Very nice. Can you do nine seconds with that
Jason
falsetto or I can do it forever. Just don't, don't, don't time me.
Andy
I feel like the. I'm going to choose. I want to be caught doing the Kelly Clarkson because my. The natural thing I need to do after that happens is I leave. Like, I barged in, and my job is to get out.
Jason
I think in both situations, it's your turn to leave, but one is a walk.
Andy
But if I'm caught in the finger guns, what do I do? Just sprint out the door?
Mike
No, you just.
Jason
What?
Mike
That was so easy.
Jason
Really?
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
What do you do?
Mike
Okay. Okay, I'm gonna pretend. And I go. I go, oh, oh.
Andy
You know, you wouldn't finger gun right at the person.
Jason
You would finger gun right at the person. Immediately.
Mike
You just throw those away.
Jason
But what if. What if that person throws their hands up like they're scared?
Mike
Then I keep going like there's a robbery.
Jason
What if he then starts, like, giving you his wallet?
Mike
Then I pretend to call the police
Jason
and say, there was a murder. I murdered someone with figure guns. I didn't.
Mike
We're doing a bit now, and I'm not going to be the one who gives up on the bit.
Andy
Like a Shooter McGavin in the mirror.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
So here's the thing. Look, that's. That's okay. Maybe you can do that. Maybe you can get out of it. It would work, and it would be great. I think it would work, but I don't think I would have the wherewithal to immediately do that. My embarrassment in the moment would not allow me to realize, oh, I can take this further and get out of it and justify. Instead, I would be flush with embarrassment. Like, incredible. Because if I walked in on someone doing finger guns to themselves in a mirror, there's nothing they could do. If they turn and did what you just did to me and try to get their way out of it, I have Judged them eternally. They are. They are locked in as the finger guns to themselves in the mirror guy.
Andy
That's the question for me is how am I going to see these people again later? Like, what's more embarrassing long term?
Jason
Because finger guns.
Mike
All the people in the. It's a big office.
Andy
All the people in the office. Like, there's a lot of people in that room. So you're now known. The finger guns. You're caught by one person. But Kelly Clarkson breaking into the conference room.
Jason
Everybody sings on their own.
Andy
Yeah, but they don't interrupt important.
Jason
No, of course not. That's the embarrassing part. But the embarrassing part isn't the thing you're doing. It's just the timing. There's no situation where, like, finger gunsing to yourself in the mirror is cool.
Mike
You need to try it out. You never done a finger gun.
Jason
I have never given myself a finger gun in the mirror.
Mike
You've never looked at yourself like, get. Get yourself all composed. And then you're like, let's go.
Andy
Never now. Do you. I feel like you almost have to spin after that. After the finger gun, I go, like, spin to walk out the room.
Mike
It's a. I go papow.
Andy
Oh, you do a.
Mike
So you're not bang bang.
Andy
You're not a crazy guy. You're not doing, like four times.
Mike
No, I'm not firing them off. It's just a bang bang.
Andy
Oh, okay. So he bang bangs.
Mike
And you're gonna. You're gonna feel better about yourself.
Jason
No, I feel creepy. I feel. I'm trying it on for size. You're not seeing myself, and I'm like.
Mike
You're not in the back.
Andy
You're more of a one point, like a. I feel like you gotta.
Jason
I feel like you gotta wink. I feel naturally like I have to wink. No, that's dirty. Oh, man. I can't. I can't do that.
Andy
All right, so you're singing.
Jason
I'm gonna sing. And you know what? I'm gonna. That is so easy to walk off.
Mike
Walk off.
Jason
You walk in, you're singing.
Mike
What if you're.
Jason
You walk in, you go, oh, that's embarrassing. You could be done for that, but
Andy
it could be fun.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Oh, look at Kelly Clarkson over there.
Mike
But what if you. You're a part of the meeting? You didn't realize you were right.
Andy
Oh, and then you have to keep coming.
Jason
You thought I was. I thought I was early. I was singing. Be like, oh, all right. Well, I guess the meeting started. Let's go.
Mike
Anybody else? No problem.
Jason
Because I didn't do something I am embarrassed of. I'm embarrassed that I was doing it then, but I'm not embarrassed.
Andy
Are there any artists that you could be caught singing that you would be embarrassed?
Jason
Yes, but there's probably plenty of artists over time that you don't want to sing anymore, so. But Kelly Clarkson. We're good.
Andy
John from the website. Would you rather spend the next five years not knowing what you're doing tomorrow? That's wild. Or know today what you are doing every day for the next five years and not be able to change it? Oh, this is a brain buster.
Jason
All right. Repeat. Repeat that.
Andy
Would you rather spend the next five years not knowing what you're going to do tomorrow? So you do not get to make plans. You don't know what's happening tomorrow or in the future?
Jason
Kind of how I live.
Andy
Yeah, you're very type B. Or have your. I'm sorry. Or know today what you're doing for the next day for the next five years. So you know everything that's gonna happen for the next five years and you can't change. And you can't change it. There's no way you're choosing that one, man.
Jason
No, I don't think so. That. That feels.
Mike
But if they're like. If you have a trip, you know about it. You're like, ooh, in two years, I'm taking that big trip to Japan.
Andy
I'm not sure that much changes in Jason's life if. If a is.
Jason
There's not that much of changes now,
Andy
obviously, it's like, you're going to pack sooner than you do now.
Jason
Right? Like, you know.
Mike
But you got a plan.
Jason
Well, I will say this. The hardship here. So, like, our family, we're taking our first ever European trip in a little while here. We're coming up close to it, and under this first option, I wouldn't know until the day of. That's like, oh, oh, guys, we got to go. We got to fly.
Andy
Oh, you don't have your. You wouldn't have your passport?
Jason
Well, I mean, you get the passport weeks ahead, so I think that's fine. But it's. Are we packed? Because we usually pack the night before.
Andy
You're saying now versus this situation.
Jason
I'm saying in this situation, I would have had my passport taken care of. Because it's.
Andy
Why?
Al
Well, because.
Jason
Just because I don't know what's going on tomorrow. I know I'm going to Europe at some point.
Andy
No, you don't.
Jason
You're saying that in this. I don't know anything I'm ever gonna do for the rest of my life, not just tomorrow. No question.
Andy
For the next five years. Yes. You don't know what you're doing tomorrow.
Jason
Just tomorrow. That doesn't say, I don't know what I'm doing next month.
Andy
Wait, that's included.
Jason
I don't know. Let's go to the. Let's go to the judge owl when
Andy
the next tomorrow comes.
Jason
I don't know what's going.
Mike
Jason is confused. You either. You either have.
Al
I interpret it more like Andy did.
Mike
You don't know what you're doing for five years, or you know exactly what's on the itinerary for five years.
Andy
The spirit of it. Because you can't. When. When you think to yourself, what am I doing tomorrow? Your answer is, I don't know.
Jason
Yes.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
That means you can't make plans.
Andy
Correct.
Jason
You can't go on a vacation.
Andy
And here is the question. Yes.
Jason
So every vacation that I would ever take would be decided today for the next five years. For the next five years. If I take a vacation.
Mike
Yeah. And you'll know the day of.
Jason
The day of. We'll wake up that morning and be
Mike
like, fine, I'll throw a passport. Passport doesn't matter.
Andy
In the other way. You might only have one vacation that's on the. But, you know, it's planned. It's in 2.4 years.
Jason
And I love that this. So this is. This is revealing something about maybe us or at least just myself. When I'm thinking about future plans.
Mike
A planner now.
Jason
Future plans. No, when I. When I'm thinking about future plans, the only thing that matters to me in this context appears to be vacations. Like that.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
That's the only thing to look forward to. Like, we've got plenty of stuff. When does school start? You know, my kids are in theater. What. What weekend is that show? I don't care.
Mike
Those are like.
Jason
Those are. You know, show up the day of. Oh, we got to do this today. Okay, whatever. But it's the vacations that you look forward to.
Andy
And it's funny, because I could be.
Jason
I.
Andy
My personality. I could be fine never going on a vacation again.
Jason
Really.
Andy
I would not care.
Jason
I think it's the last thing I live for now.
Andy
I would not. I would not care. Like, if you told me I could settle into.
Mike
That's wild.
Andy
I could settle into a daily routine for the next. How old am I? I'm 41. Give me another 40 years of perfectly routine days. I'd be totally without I don't care. Don't care.
Jason
That is a prison sentence.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
Guess what I don't have to do
Mike
if I don't live your life, if
Andy
I don't go on vacation, have fun. I don't have to plan. I don't have to pack. I don't have to pay.
Mike
Well, with this, I don't have to pay. You don't have to plan either. It's already planned.
Jason
Yeah. So, Andy, you're so. I would imagine, I guess, by default, personalities.
Andy
I guess the first one would be my choice, really, because it would omit the thing I don't like, which is having to do the planning and the adjusting.
Jason
Hmm.
Andy
Oh, I'd probably live in a complete fear state.
Mike
Yeah, you're adjusting.
Jason
Everybody would be aware.
Andy
I would just be like, every day I'm like, oh, crap, am I going to wake up and have to go to Paris?
Jason
Yeah, I think personality wise, I think I know where both me and you land.
Andy
Yeah, I want to know, Mike.
Jason
I'll. I'll figure it out the day of. And no planning. You'll plan everything out, Mike. Who are you?
Andy
Honestly, you're giving me a great idea. I should plan the next five years right now.
Jason
Yeah. Every day.
Andy
I can do that.
Jason
You can. You are so type A. You could do it. You are capable of doing it.
Andy
I could do that.
Jason
And you could do it where you could commit to it and never change a thing. After today's planning, you're like, that is what.
Andy
Oh, and what a great thing it'd be if somebody's like, hey, can you come to my kid's birthday?
Jason
No.
Andy
And they're like, oh, but next year. And I'm like, oh, no, actually, I can't next year either.
Mike
I can't fit you in.
Andy
I've got next year planned out.
Mike
Oh, man, this just got even better.
Jason
I mean, I'm.
Mike
I mean, there's going to be stuff on there that you don't want to do, but the stuff that pops up that, like, catches you off guard.
Jason
Oh, that is the worst.
Mike
Oh, man.
Jason
So you're going. You're going to the Planet?
Mike
Yeah, I'm going to take the next five years because I have to know I have the vacation and I have. I have to see the Super Circle vacation where there's new children.
Jason
Oh, yeah. I need. I need the vacations. I don't think. I think I'm gonna pivot. I think we're all going to future planning. I have to have the vacations. Yeah, that's. That's. That's what I'm. I am.
Andy
You can have day trips.
Jason
My daily. You know how you've got your daily routine, right?
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
Today's daily routine is to get me to the next vacation, right? No, that is why I do today.
Andy
You have been living vacation to vacation in the last few years, so.
Jason
All right. See you in Paris.
Andy
You need to do a year long cruise.
Jason
Oh, you're telling me, brother. Yes, I do. Is that permission?
Andy
A permanent vacation?
Jason
Yeah, Just keep paying the salary.
Mike
We're doing a year sabbatical.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
50%.
Jason
No, no, no. All right.
Andy
Little Forney writes in from the website. Would you rather trip and fall every time you enter a room full of people or have your voice crack every time you try to make a serious point or get in a heated argument?
Mike
The voice cracking is the worst because
Andy
it
Mike
still happens to me and it happens to a lot of people. It's just one of those things that does happen, but then when it does, you're like, will you go to puberty?
Jason
I feel like you could break.
Mike
You're totally derailed.
Andy
Yeah. You're 40 and you're still like, no, I'm not.
Jason
That would be a way to break the tension, though. It talks about heated arguments. How can you stay in a heated argument if someone's voice.
Mike
But you lost.
Guest
Yeah.
Jason
Yeah. But sometimes it's better to just lose and have the heated argument over. Your honor.
Andy
Your honor, I did not commit.
Mike
Never read that book, Jason.
Jason
You never read that book.
Mike
Yeah. Things losers say.
Jason
Oh, goodness gracious. Walked right into that one, man.
Andy
How to lose an argument.
Jason
Oh, hey, Jason, pull this lever. Okay. Shink Axe came down and decapitated me.
Andy
Yeah. The voice crack you're not making if you every time you make a serious point. Oh, that would be so frustrating.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
This basically means. This is another way of saying you will never make a serious point the rest of your life because every time you try to make a serious point, you will derail it by sounding unseen.
Jason
I don't think it is a guaranteed derailment if I am making a good point and then I have a voice crack in it, I can power through and then we just ignore it. You know what I'm saying?
Andy
Did you hear his voice cracker? That was super embarrassing.
Jason
I don't know. I think I powered through. I think I.
Mike
You made it to the other side. Yeah. When's the last time either of you has fallen down?
Andy
Dude, it's getting. It's getting more painful and more dangerous.
Mike
That's what I'm referring.
Jason
One of These is shortening our actual lifespan.
Andy
I've realized that I'm not there yet where, like, a fall is going to be the end of me. Obviously I'm 40, but I've realized in a couple stumbles, because a stumble is not a fall. A stumble is a prequel to what you know will happen someday.
Jason
Right.
Andy
When you're not as capable of catching yourself. And I've had a couple of stumbles where I'm like, if I do that when I'm 60, I am going to be 100%. I'm going to be in trouble.
Mike
I'm going to break into a thousand.
Andy
We have a family cabin with a lot of steps, and I see that thing and I go, I don't know if you're part of my future.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Because those steps, they may be the end.
Jason
When I was 20, I could fall down a flight of steps and I'd be fine.
Andy
At 40, that was almost fun.
Jason
At 40, if I slip off the bottom step, I am definitely leaving injured. At 60, I can just fall down without a step and I will be. It might be the end.
Andy
Let a casket catch you at the bottom.
Jason
Right into a casket. No, you can't fall down that often. Every time you enter a room, falling down, I mean, you.
Andy
I know I weigh more than I used to weigh, but I don't feel like it's by the amount that's proportional to the amount of injury that happens now.
Jason
Are our bones just weaker? Like we weigh more while our bones weigh less?
Andy
I don't know. Bones.
Mike
Bones are weaker.
Andy
Muscles fall more awkwardly because we don't have as much.
Jason
I don't know, man. I feel like muscles are stronger. Like I was a weak 20 year old.
Mike
They can be. I was talking. Not gonna name any names, right?
Jason
Yeah. Just not me.
Mike
Yeah. No one. Wasn't talking about myself, right?
Jason
Yeah. But you know, other people. Yeah. I'm gonna. I'm gonna take the voice crack and power through and I'll live a long life.
Mike
Can't fall, man.
Andy
If I follow it. Yeah.
Mike
I can't fall once a month.
Jason
Yeah. Seriously, if it was fall once a month, a serious fall once a month, or voice crack every time you talk. Not even serious.
Andy
Not to mention I can't make a serious point if I enter a room, fall down, and then start talking. So, Johan from Patreon, do we have time for one more hour? Should we move on?
Jason
We got time.
Andy
All right. Johann from Patreon, would you rather always talk like Christian Bale's Batman swear to
Guest
me or I love Michael Keaton's Batman
Andy
or Heath Ledger's Joker?
Jason
Ooh, wow.
Mike
All right.
Jason
Who's going to give that one a try? So serious.
Mike
That's not too bad. Not too bad.
Andy
Look, they're both ridiculous. They're both ridiculous, but one feels more authentic. The Joker.
Jason
The Joker feels way more authentic.
Mike
Got to do a lot of smacking, though. He does that all the time.
Jason
Yeah, yeah.
Andy
Cuz he's got all that freaking lipstick on. He needs to get. Don't put so much lipstick on. You got the look.
Mike
Christian Bale is just getting the carmax in your mouth.
Jason
Want to know how I got these scars?
Andy
Christian Bale's Batman. Look, I will forever. I know. I know how loved and beloved the Dark Knight series is, and I respect that. There are. Is it Dark Knight? The one with Joker?
Jason
Dark Knight.
Mike
Dark Knight Rises is the third.
Andy
Okay. The one with Joker. Absolutely. It's one of the best spectacular ever made. Yeah, but the first Batman, when he tries that voice on for size.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
I just can't take it. I just can't because it's just so. It's almost like the voice cracking conversation we just had. Like when I was a kid going through puberty, the one thing I didn't want anyone to know was I was going through puberty. So I tried to fake a deeper voice than I had. Not a joke, because all these other kids around me had deeper voices and so I would talk like a deeper voice. I sounded ridiculous. And that's what Batman sounds like. No, he sounds like a guy doing a voice.
Jason
No, see, this is.
Andy
Why do that?
Jason
No, let me explain it.
Andy
Oh, I want to know.
Jason
This is.
Andy
This is.
Guest
I want to know. You want to know why I talk like this?
Jason
I'll tell you. Because this was the first superhero movie.
Mike
The.
Jason
The Nolan Dark Knight Rises, you know, trilogy, swear to me, was the first movie that tried to make superheroes real. Like. Yeah, there was a backstory. This was a realistic situation in a realistic. Yeah, and here's why. It is real. Because Christian Bale realized after watching all the cartoony Batmans, you know, the George Clooney Batman, where George Clooney is just. He's just talking just like him. Like, everybody will know it is you.
Al
You're just.
Jason
You're just you with a little bit of mask on.
Guest
I use my disguise. You don't know who I am.
Jason
That's.
Mike
But.
Guest
But at least I'm Batman.
Jason
But at least. At least when you do that, you don't know. You don't know. You're not Just giving yourself away. If you're putting on a mask to protect your.
Guest
I think you live in the city. You don't know who I am. I'm not Christian. I'm from out of town. I'm from out of town. I don't live here. My life is blatant. I changed it. I live in the caves. You're tricked.
Jason
But that's why, and it is silly. I remember the first red eye. I remember the first time I watched it.
Guest
I'm so tired.
Jason
It was like, whoa.
Guest
I just saw Bruce Wayne down the street. I promise, he's. He's the coolest. I love that guy. You're doing talks totally different than me.
Jason
You're doing bad, man, which is awesome. Oh, man, it just.
Andy
It got. It gets me, and it also gets me when he freaking pushes a button
Jason
on his boot and, yeah, bats come
Mike
running, but the Batman voice is so ridiculous.
Andy
I enjoyed that. So I'm choosing the Batman voice based on enjoying what just happened.
Mike
You're not gonna enjoy it when your entire life is eating lozenges.
Andy
Yeah, it's not good on my chest right now.
Jason
Yeah, no, I'll. I'll talk like the Joker.
Mike
Yeah. I mean, you have to tell a lot of stories.
Andy
Oh, and they have to be, like, winding stories.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Yeah, they do.
Andy
And people will not trust you, but they will respect you.
Jason
You want to know how I got this job?
Mike
You know who they're not trusting?
Guest
This guy. I'd like a cheeseburger, a Big Mac with extra French fries, no tomatoes. No, it's not. I'm not Batman. Don't you dare put onions on that.
Andy
All right, we'll take a break. We'll come back with some. Liar.
Jason
Liar.
Andy
What's going on, everybody? I have a busy life. We have three kids. They are always all over the place, and it is hard to find time to cook a healthy meal instead of just clicking that button and getting some nasty delivered to your house. And we've all had long days when that hunger kicks in, and we want that healthy meal, and, well, it's not in the fridge. And that's where Factor comes in. We were using Factor, our family since before they were even a sponsor of the show. We're talking fully prepared meals that my son steals most of, designed by dietitians, crafted by chefs, delivered to your door. We've been subscribed for years now. They are fresh, never frozen. They go right into our refrigerator. Tons of great variety. We grab them. It's two minutes per meal and stuff that we actually enjoy. That tastes great. There are more than 100 options every single week. We've got like, I'm on a protein meal plan. I can order protein meals that I absolutely love. And we've been doing that for a long time. Head to factor meals.com ballers50off and use the code ballers50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details.
Jason
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Andy
All right, we are back with another spectacular edition of Liar, Liar. Al Borland has put his mind to three rounds worth of truth and lies. Two of the facts that I'm going to read are going to be true. One of them is going to be a lie.
Mike
We're already discussing this.
Andy
We are going to figure it out and we're going to win. I think Mike won last time. Am I wrong? Do we have a record that is correct?
Al
Yeah, the record is I've won 22 times. You guys have won three times. But Mike did win the last time
Andy
where I got the records. Okay, here we go. Round one. You ready, Jason?
Jason
I am ready.
Andy
Fact number one, Winston Churchill once commissioned a parrot to spy on German troops. And return with intel. But the mission was abandoned after the parrot only returned. Whistling military marches nonstop. Okay, man, we did try some weird stuff in the wars, so that could be true. Johnny Cash intercepted and decoded a Soviet communication and became the first person to inform American leaders of the death of Joseph Stalin.
Jason
That can't be true.
Mike
Johnny Cash, please.
Andy
That's the kind of.
Jason
That's the kind of.
Andy
That's the worrisome.
Jason
Oh, man.
Andy
And the third one, Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel, but he declined, saying he lacked, quote, the natural aptitude.
Jason
Wow, these are fascinating.
Mike
I believe Einstein was.
Andy
Are you gonna say Jewish? Because I hope so.
Mike
No, no, no. I was gonna say, like, I think he was actually humble about his intellect and of, like, things that he didn't know.
Andy
I mean, Israel wasn't around then.
Mike
Oh, man, now you're talking world history.
Jason
That. I. I don't know, I thought the
Andy
40s, 47 or something. The war and Israel reclaimed. So Einstein.
Mike
No idea, man.
Andy
Einstein would have predated that. Is that a clue?
Jason
That feels like a pretty good clue. I will say this also, why promise you that from there, if Israel didn't exist during Einstein's heyday, they did not offer him the presidency.
Andy
Right? Yeah.
Jason
That's a pretty big clue.
Andy
Now, I would love to know how long Einstein lived, because he might have.
Jason
Was he offered the first presidency like he was going to be George Washington?
Andy
I mean, I feel like he lived past the 40s.
Jason
Yeah, I think so.
Andy
I'm thinking he was around in the 60s.
Jason
Yeah, those were the good decades, let me tell you. That's my favorite.
Andy
So he could have. He could have been offered the presidency. The Johnny Cash one sounds ridiculous. I believe the Churchill one.
Mike
I do, too.
Jason
I kind of do. Even though the problem here is now,
Andy
what do we move forward with?
Jason
Well, I know mine. Okay, do yours. I cannot possibly. I cannot possibly believe that Johnny Cash was the person to receive and decode the death of Stalin and is the first person to inform American leaders that just. I feel like he's a little bit busy.
Andy
It's a stupid lie.
Jason
Well, that's fair. That is a stupid lie. Like, how would you come up with that? Why would you decide that if it wasn't true?
Andy
Yes, I know.
Mike
It's what the song Ring of Fire is about.
Andy
Burning ring of fire.
Jason
Interesting. I was thinking Great balls of fire. But that's not Johnny Cash.
Mike
That's not Johnny Cash.
Jason
Great call. I'm going to lock in Johnny Cash because I just. I find it possible I'm Going to lock in.
Andy
Albert Einstein wasn't offered the President.
Mike
I'm going with the Johnny Cash one. All right.
Andy
At least maybe we'll make it through.
Al
I'm sorry, who?
Jason
What did you.
Al
What did you each say? I'm sorry.
Jason
So I'm going Johnny Cash. The other two are going, Albert Einstein.
Mike
No, I'm Johnny Cash.
Jason
Oh, I'm sorry.
Andy
Mike and Jason are Johnny Cash. I'm Albert Einstein. The lie.
Jason
Oh, he's going to play.
Andy
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Mike
Is it the Winston?
Andy
No, no, no. The Churchill's a lie.
Al
The Churchill is a lie.
Jason
Come on. There's no way Johnny Cash was. I got to look this up. It is.
Al
It is true. Johnny Cash was in the air force assigned to Landsberg, West Germany on a three year tour. He was a wireless operator and he.
Andy
At no point.
Mike
Johnny Cash.
Al
The Johnny Cash.
Andy
At no point did I put two and two together. That Johnny Cash wasn't like musician Johnny Cash 100%. I should have thought he had a previous.
Al
No, it was the musician.
Andy
No, I mean he wasn't actively a musician while he was.
Al
I see. Yes.
Andy
Like I didn't put together. He's serving. Which makes perfect sense.
Jason
It does. But the odds of that are still astronomically small. There's only one person in the history. You're welcome to look it up.
Andy
Only one person in the President of the world.
Al
Einstein was offered the second presidency of Israel.
Andy
Yes.
Al
In 1952.
Andy
I believe so. They just barely. Wow. They offered the presidency to Einstein in 1952. And he knew better.
Jason
He knew better. John Adams. You want to be George Washington, not John Adams. You know what I mean?
Andy
He didn't want to be the Atoms of Israel.
Jason
You don't want to be the number two.
Mike
I mean, I have an article that says. Well, does it sound crazy? Well, it might just be true.
Jason
The Johnny Cash.
Al
Yeah, I'm looking at the same article. Keep reading it. It states it as fact.
Jason
It might be a fact. Okay, but the odds of.
Mike
I mean, so burning the Ring of Fire is about the fall of Joey Stalin over there, right?
Jason
I don't know, man. But the odds are just astronomical. One person in the history of the world was the first person to inform the American leaders. And it just so happened to be the person who became Johnny Cash.
Andy
That's who was at the time Johnny Cash.
Mike
That is unbelievable.
Jason
Is that his birth name?
Andy
That I don't know.
Mike
Johnny Cash?
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Is that a way that we can write on this question?
Jason
Oh, yeah. It wasn't Johnny Cash then.
Andy
It's Got to be a stage name, right?
Mike
My father's Jonathan Cash.
Andy
Major Cash. He was in the army. He was Major Cash.
Al
John R. Cash.
Andy
Oh, my gosh.
Jason
He was a actual Johnny Cash.
Mike
That's fine.
Jason
Now it's.
Andy
Now we just compete against each other.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Al is already 23.
Jason
And three.
Andy
Round two. Why don't you guys read this one?
Jason
All right, round two. Lie number one or truth number one. The inventor of the modern treadmill suffered a fatal heart attack while demonstrating it to investors. Number two, the inventor of the Frisbees ashes were molded into a limited edition batch of flying discs after he died in 2010.
Andy
Wait, the 2010?
Jason
Okay, I thought the Frisbee was fitting, like, 1720.
Mike
Yeah, well, thankfully I didn't just blurt it out. And I thought through it, I'm like, no, the Frisbee was a. Was a pie tin. And then someone figured out we could turn this to a Frisbee. But that's a back to the future joke.
Jason
Okay? And then the final truth or lie. The inventor of the Segway died after accidentally riding his Segway off a cliff. So let me just tell you this. One inventor of a cool thing died using it. That is a fact. Because it's either the treadmill or the Segway.
Andy
I think the segue one. I think the segue one's 100% true.
Mike
Yeah, I didn't want to say it. 100% true.
Andy
I think that one's 100% true. I think. I think it's. It's plausible that Mr. Frisbee was so proud of that invention that he might want that done.
Jason
I think a lot of things wrong with that, though. I don't know how you mold ashes into something.
Mike
Well, you just put some ashes inside of the plastic. That seems pretty easy.
Jason
Okay, so you're just. But that's not molding your ashes. I mean, they'll consider it that. But I'm just like, you can't just.
Mike
I'm going treadmill is the lie.
Andy
I'm going treadmill's the lie.
Jason
I'm going to go. I'm going to go Frisbee. Because I still can't believe that the inventor of Frisbee died in 2010.
Mike
Okay.
Al
The treadmill is the lie. So Mike and Andy got that correct. Jason got that wrong.
Andy
Round three. In 2005, a Canadian influencer claimed to do a 21 day ice fast surviving exclusively on artisanal ice cubes.
Jason
Not just I can't do regular ice
Andy
cubes harvested from glaciers. He sold an Ebook called Freeze yourself thin before eventually admitting he was secretly supplementing with beef jerky.
Mike
It's like the Liver King just secretly
Jason
supplementing with
Mike
anabolic steroids they supplemented with different things.
Andy
Fact number two, the background music used in the you wouldn't steal a car anti piracy campaign turned out to be pirated.
Mike
Oh, man, that's gotta be true. That has to be true.
Andy
That sounds.
Mike
Oh, the government.
Andy
A man once ate an entire airplane piece by piece after realizing he could digest metal. He received an award from the Guinness Book of World Records. The award was brass and he ate it.
Jason
100% true. Now, I don't. Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that. I know that that is true. Like sometimes we know. We're like, I've heard this. I'm aware. No idea. That's true. People do weird.
Mike
People have eaten weird stuff.
Jason
I can't imagine that that's it.
Mike
I'm going with the ice is fake.
Jason
I'm going to try to go over three and I'm going to go with the background music and you wouldn't. I mean, they're literally making a. Don't piracy. Don't, don't, don't piracy. Because I guess don't pirate.
Andy
Piracy.
Jason
Yeah. An anti piracy campaign that was pirated. That just, I hope better.
Mike
Oh, there's that one. Has to be true.
Jason
It feels true. So I'm going to pick it.
Andy
What one did you go with? Mike.
Mike
I'm going. The lie is the ice.
Andy
I'm going to do the background music.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
All right.
Al
The lie was the ice.
Jason
Mike wins.
Al
So Mike.
Mike
Yeah.
Al
Second place.
Andy
He's been winning everything lately.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
All right, look, this just happens. There's ineptitude everywhere. And they were like, just grab a song. We got to get this piracy over with.
Andy
Grab a song quick.
Al
They actually commissioned the guy to make the music for a specific film festival that they could use that one time.
Guest
Oh.
Al
And then they decided they were gonna keep using it and without his permission
Mike
and they thought they bought the whole thing.
Al
He bought a DVD and heard his music and sued them.
Jason
You wouldn't do this, would you?
Andy
You should get a penalty by the judge. Like an extra. Yeah, extra amount of money for irony. Yeah, like an irony. Punitive damages. All right, we will take one more break and come back and draft.
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Andy
Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
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Mike
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
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Jason
Liberty, Liberty. Liberty.
Andy
Liberty.
Jason
The Spitballers draft.
Andy
We are drafting the worst times for your phone to die. And Mike, you got the number one pick. You have been very staunch that you had a 101.
Mike
I proclaimed there was a 101. And there might be some better answers that do eventually come out. But there was the one place I thought of because I was in fact in that place when I was made aware of what the draft is going to be. So I will say in the bathroom.
Jason
Yeah. I have it written down as sitting down to poop.
Mike
Yeah. Can you imagine? Can you imagine that?
Andy
We lived in that world. It was fine.
Mike
No, no. In that world, I mean, I guess
Andy
they had a magazine.
Mike
Yes. There was always something. Or you're like, I guess I'm reading the directions on the scrub and bubbles again.
Jason
I remember people used to make jokes about how they'd grab a shampoo bottle.
Mike
Exactly.
Jason
To sit down and read. They would. You don't want to just sit there and be in the moment with your poop.
Mike
No. With your shame.
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
Okay, so you're doing the dirty deed. It's disgusting.
Jason
Yeah, no, that was my one on one. It was funny because beforehand.
Mike
Very dirty deed.
Jason
When we were coming up with our list, I was like, oh, there's a one on one. And he's like, what? And Mike's like, yeah, there is.
Mike
And we were right there because you can imagine it.
Andy
And.
Mike
Yeah. I lived that life. I grew up in it. I can't imagine it now.
Andy
Right. You're very used to the phone and.
Mike
Yes.
Andy
And the pooping.
Mike
Yes. Increasing productivity.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
All right. So the worst time for your phone to die on the pot.
Jason
I know my next pick because this is an act of fear that I have had before. And I genuinely don't know what I would do. And so I came close to this once, and it was like, what do I do if my phone dies? Because I'm at, like, 2% and it is right before Ubering from a sketchy downtown spot.
Mike
Yeah. I have just ordered an Uber.
Jason
Just order. Just order. If you Uber there. If you Uber there and you're not in a great place and your phone dies, okay, we're not in New York City, where it's like, oh, just lift your hand up and grab a cab off the road. There's.
Andy
I'm.
Jason
I in. In Arizona. If we go anywhere, it's 30 miles away. You know what I mean? If we go downtown from where we live.
Andy
I didn't have it, but that's a great one.
Jason
Oh, man. I was like, 2% of battery away from that happening once. And I was like, what do I do? I can't call anybody.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
I can't. I can't walk home realistically.
Andy
Okay.
Mike
There's no pay phones anymore.
Andy
That gives me an idea for another one, by the way. I won't. This one is just an extension of Mike's, so it's not my pick, but I had written down on the toilet when you're out of tp because the phone. The phone is important for calling somebody. And roll in a roll.
Jason
Yeah. At least you can scream in that situation.
Mike
Yeah, that's true.
Jason
That's my normal call.
Andy
That does sound like you. All right, so Mike went on the pot. You went right before you get your Uber. So, yeah, that would be a problem. I'm going to go with my first pick here. Intruder in the home.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
Someone breaks in, middle of the night, you need to call 91 1. Your phone is dead. Now you're in a horror movie, right? Because in a horror movie that nobody's
Jason
phone's ever worked in a horror movie, they're always dead. You pick it up and they say, I'm inside the house.
Andy
That's true.
Jason
It's equally scary.
Andy
Yes. So I will say intruder.
Mike
Way scarier when they do it on your cell phone.
Jason
Yeah, yeah.
Andy
And then the one that popped into my head the most, because we're so dependent on it now. It's funny because my son just learned to drive, and he goes. He drives to this, you know, our church every Sunday night for youth group. And the other day, he goes, I'm going to try to go without directions. Like, this was just, like, a fun activity because he's so used to having directions. So I was going to Say, when you're driving, you need directions.
Jason
Sure. Absolutely.
Andy
When you need to get someplace, because we're so dependent on it now.
Jason
There's no maps anymore.
Andy
No. And there's no, like, payphones to go pick up and call somebody, even in a pinch. And you want to get someplace. So I'll say driving in. Need directions.
Jason
All right, that's good. I just alluded to it. I'm taking my first overseas trip. Going to be going to Paris here in a little bit. And I think if you are using your phone to translate in a foreign country. Yeah, that is a pretty bad place for my phone to die, because then what do I. I can't talk to you.
Andy
Can you speak nine seconds of French? That's enough.
Jason
Oui, oui.
Mike
Yeah. We could proceed.
Jason
My name is Jason. I think that was French.
Andy
That is, if you say it like that.
Jason
I didn't know you couldn't understand what I was saying.
Mike
I heard. I was saying Batman.
Jason
Can Batman speak in French?
Guest
Speaking French. I'm not from here because of my voice.
Mike
All right, all right. I'm on the clock.
Andy
You're back on the clock.
Mike
All right. I get two picks here. So it's not all the time in my life that I am going to the gym, but when you have. When you are going to the gym and if you did not have your phone, goodness gracious.
Jason
You say no tunes.
Mike
Exactly. You're going into the gym and you're just like. You're just whatever's on. On the speakers, that's what you're listening to.
Andy
Raw dog in the gym.
Mike
Exactly. That's what the kids would call it.
Jason
It's bad. I will say that. Like, I prefer having AirPods, but there were a handful of times I would go to the gym and I would have forgotten my AirPods, and I'm like, oh, crap. Not as good. But also, I got music on. It's not the end of the world.
Mike
Yeah, that's wild.
Andy
I bought some gym AirPods because it
Mike
was going to leave them at the
Andy
gym and I kept forgetting to bring them, so I never got to use them. It's not that bad.
Jason
It's not that bad. And here's what you can do.
Mike
You guys are crazy. Go to the gym.
Andy
People are going to side with you.
Jason
Go to the gym and just look at everybody. At least half of them not in
Mike
AirPods because they forgot them.
Jason
Well, sure, but I'm just saying they all survive.
Mike
Well, of course.
Jason
This is not this big a problem.
Mike
Draft is not places you will die.
Jason
If your phone really? Andy's in his house with a break in Robber. All right.
Andy
Only bad.
Mike
So I'm back up. And then someone said, my name is.
Guest
I'm in the house too.
Mike
I am going to go with look, because your phone is your phone is your phone. It's your communication. It's your maps, it's your say.
Andy
Your phone is your phone.
Mike
Yeah, well, all the things that it actually does.
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
It's also our camera now.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
You go to the kids recital, you're trying to record this thing. I got to have this documented for when they grow up.
Jason
Yep. It's on my list. Filming your kids. Big moment.
Andy
Yeah. I said once in a lifetime.
Jason
And that's. Of course, I know when it dies. You've been filming his game the whole time. And all of a sudden that deep pass comes, your kids running down and the phone goes off. That's a touchdown. Yep. That's a promised touchdown. Did you get that, dad? Did you get that? And you say, sure did.
Mike
I'm going to text it to you right now.
Jason
It's like that time I recorded someone's wedding without a tape. I think I told that story on here once before, but that is.
Mike
But I forgot.
Andy
And you faked it.
Jason
I faked it. I didn't want to distract them for their. From their wedding. Like they're walking down the aisle. But oh, man, they do not have evidence of that wedding.
Mike
I don't remember the end, but I hope you just like, dropped your camera into like, the punch bowl or something like.
Jason
Oh, no. What'd you do?
Mike
All right, tape is clearly ruined.
Jason
I thought you were going here. Mike, your phone is everything. Your phone is your phone. Your phone is your camera. Your phone is also the only access for certain events now.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
You can't get into a major sporting event or a major concert with paper. You can't print it out anymore if that. You can't even screenshot if that line's not moving on your phone. You can't get in. So if your phone dies.
Mike
Anyone check that?
Andy
Yeah, I don't think it works, man.
Mike
Have you checked it?
Jason
That's a good. I wonder that sometimes.
Mike
Are they just telling us that it doesn't work and it works?
Andy
Remember if I've tried that or not. I've tried to screen. I've tried to screenshot. I don't think.
Jason
Danger of trying. I mean, I guess you could just try it. Take a screenshot and try. And then if you. If you actually have the ticket, then swipe it away and pull up the ticket.
Andy
All right, so big event. You can't get in.
Jason
You can't get into your big event. I mean, you go all the way down there and now it's like, no, I really have tickets.
Andy
It makes sense.
Jason
I have.
Andy
I have one that's in that vein and I have another one that's more serious because, you know, the draft is
Jason
if you die, ways to die with your phone.
Andy
So. So I'll go with that one first. Medical emergency. You got a medical emergency, you need to call somebody. You need your phone. You don't got your phone, your phone's dead. You're dead. All right.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
The second one is just as severe. You're trying. You're trying to do some two factor authentication.
Mike
Oh, man, you need.
Andy
You need to log in, gotta get your passwords. They're trying to text you the code or you're trying to do the little two factor, like Google app, and your phone's not work if your phone's not with you. You're not getting in. You know, it's two factor for every. It ain't one factor. Yeah, it's two factor.
Mike
And I can't even remember the one factor.
Andy
No, no, you need the app just for.
Mike
Tell me what the one factor.
Andy
Get your password. It's three factor. Good luck. So, yeah, nowadays. Nowadays we're so dependent. Mmm.
Jason
Man, this is. This is tough. This is. There.
Mike
I got.
Jason
I got a lot of things left on this list. I like them all, but I'm gonna go with this one. It's a new thing that we can do recently over the last couple of years. But you could delete texts now. You know, you text someone and you go, oh, I regret that. Yeah, you can unsend. Unsend the text.
Mike
So you can delete them if they still have them.
Jason
You can unsend the text where it deletes for you and someone else within a short period of time. So I'm going to say right before deleting a regretted text, you send a text and you're like, oh, I should not have sent you. Oh, text.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
That is, you know, no coming back from that one.
Mike
No, no, it's gone.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Mike, you get to wrap us up.
Mike
All right. For my last one here. So I got in the bathroom. Clearly the most important. Jim, you need the tunes recording for the video. And I will go, you're on a. You're a job interview on. On the zoo.
Andy
Yeah, any work call interview that makes sense that you lose it, you're done. You're not kidding.
Mike
And then if it's dead. Then of course you can't get back in touch with anybody.
Jason
No job for you.
Andy
Okay. No, that's good. So you went with. Yeah. The gym. On the toilet. Filming the moment in the middle of an interview. Jason, the Uber situation. Those have been. What's funny is if any of us. We've all had the low battery, needing the Uber. Have any of us actually run up against the situation and actually run out of battery?
Mike
No.
Andy
Does Uber have a way of extending your battery just long enough to get the person there?
Jason
I don't know, man. And it's not the trip. It's not just an Uber. It's the Uber home. You know what I mean? Like, the way back. Because if it's like you're at home or you're at your hotel and your Uber dies, you know, your phone dies.
Mike
When Uber dies, you're in real big trouble.
Jason
Well, they are. I'll just get a different Uber.
Andy
Wait, the driver. That's what he said in the foreign country. You picked that one. The translator. When you need to get into a big ticketed event and you don't have your phone or right before unsending a regretted text message. Can you really unsend?
Jason
Oh, yeah, you can. IPhone to iPhone.
Andy
Yeah, we gotta.
Mike
The blue bubbles.
Andy
We gotta test that.
Jason
Okay.
Mike
No green bubbles.
Andy
And then I have the intruder in your home driving. Need directions. Medical emergency or two factor authentication. Do you guys have any other honorable mentions here? I had lost in the woods.
Jason
Okay. Probably doesn't work in the woods anyways.
Andy
Probably doesn't. Awaiting an important phone call.
Mike
Disneyland.
Andy
Oh, yeah.
Mike
It is impossible if you don't have a phone call.
Jason
The same thing as, like, getting into an event. Everything is on your phone there. Ordering food, getting into rides, getting into the park.
Andy
Oh, I. So it does work. But it does say, like, so Papa. Josh just tried to do it. He sent me one. He said, unsending this. It disappeared. And then it says it does send a little, like, josh, unsent this message.
Jason
But you can't see the message. I can't see the message, but you
Mike
can see that he unsent it.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
Okay, well, that's fine. No, I was just telling you I loved you. And then I thought that was too much.
Mike
I had a typo, so I wanted to redo it.
Andy
Yeah, I thought it only, like, deleted from my side. I didn't know that. Now I can send you some nasty stuff.
Al
Yeah, you can't.
Jason
Well, watch out. I had stranded on the side of a road. Yeah, that's Almost happened to me once. It's time to pay at the grocery line.
Andy
Oh, yeah.
Jason
I have just got the digital wallet.
Andy
Oh, no other way to pay.
Jason
No other way to pay. And then needing to sell during a stock market crash.
Andy
Oh, that's a. Dude.
Jason
You should have picked that one. It's like, oh, no.
Mike
Oh, no.
Jason
I gotta sell. I gotta get out. Everything's crashing big.
Mike
We've all been there.
Jason
Such a good.
Mike
The market's taking. And I gotta say, sell my stuff.
Andy
You gotta call your guy.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
Not log into Robin Hood, right? No, that's. That one. That one's really a little.
Jason
No coming back from that. What did we learn today? I learned today that falling is our greatest enemy.
Andy
As.
Jason
As we age, we will die from falls.
Andy
I learned that Josh thinks nine seconds of knowledge of something is enough to be an expert.
Mike
Johnny Cash.
Andy
Oh, my.
Mike
Apparently, in the military, doing real good work.
Jason
That's not a stage name.
Andy
Wait, so if he lied, Stalin could still be alive. So we're saying it's all up to him.
Jason
John R. Cash.
Andy
Wow.
Mike
Thanks for tuning in, everybody. See you next time. Goodbye.
Jason
Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballers pod.com. And Doug.
Liberty Mutual Announcer
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Andy
Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. Bird? What is this, your first date?
Liberty Mutual Announcer
Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
Mike
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
Liberty Mutual Announcer
Anyways, get a quote@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.
Jason
Liberty. Liberty.
Andy
Liberty. Liberty.
Spitballers Comedy Podcast – Episode Summary Episode: I’m Not Bruce Wayne! & The Worst Times For Your Phone To Die – Spit Hits! Date: May 7, 2026 Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason
Episode Overview
This episode of the Spitballers Comedy Podcast is classic Spitballers—an energetic, hilarious blend of absurd “Would You Rather” scenarios, pop culture impersonations, and life advice you’d be wise never to follow. Highlights include a round of “Would You Rather” with especially tricky and embarrassing choices, a “Liar Liar” trivia segment, and a draft of the worst possible times for your phone to die. The trio, with their signature dad-humor and friendly bickering, keeps the banter rolling from start to finish.
Embarrassing Public Moments (07:26-11:32)
Plans and Uncertainty (12:16-18:32)
Recurring Physical Embarrassment (18:34-22:32)
Batman or Joker Voice for Life (22:33-26:40)
Al Borland presents three rounds of trivia, with two truths and one lie per round.
Round 1 – Bizarre Historical Facts (30:14-34:48)
Quote:
Jason (skeptical): “I cannot possibly believe that Johnny Cash was the person to receive and decode the death of Stalin.” (32:30)
Round 2 – Inventor Oddities (35:47-37:43)
Round 3 – Modern Absurdities (37:51-39:38)
Quote:
Al: “They actually commissioned the guy to make the music for a specific film festival that they could use that one time. And then they decided they were gonna keep using it… and he sued them.” (40:01)
Draft Order & Picks
Round 1
Mike: “In the bathroom (sitting down to poop).” (41:50)
Jason: “Right before Ubering home from a sketchy spot.” (43:14)
Andy: “Intruder in the home—need to call 911, phone’s dead.” (44:51)
Round 2
Andy: “Driving somewhere and need directions.” (45:44)
Jason: “Using phone for translation in a foreign country.” (46:00)
Mike: “At the gym, phone dies—no tunes.” (47:10)
Round 3
Mike: “Trying to film your kid’s big performance/game and phone dies.” (48:35)
Jason: “Trying to get into a big event (tickets are phone-only, can’t get in).” (49:49)
Andy: “Medical emergency—need to call for help.” (50:33)
Round 4
Andy: “During two-factor authentication—can’t log in without the phone.” (51:12)
Jason: “Right before deleting a regretted text (can’t unsend).” (51:46)
Mike: “On a job interview or work call, phone dies.” (52:27)
Honorable Mentions:
On voice cracks and aging:
“I’ve realized that I’m not there yet where, like, a fall is going to be the end of me ... but I’ve realized in a couple stumbles, this is a prequel to what you know will happen someday.” (20:40, Andy)
On personality types and planning:
“I could settle into a daily routine for the next—how old am I? I’m 41. Give me another 40 years of perfectly routine days. I’d be totally…without—I don’t care.” (16:07, Andy)
On Liar Liar trivia:
“It is true. Johnny Cash was in the Air Force, assigned to Landsberg, West Germany...He was a wireless operator...” (33:43, Al)
On losing access at events:
“You can’t get into a major sporting event or a major concert [if] that line’s not moving on your phone. You can’t get in. So if your phone dies...” (49:48, Jason)
On phone surviving Uber trips:
“I was like 2% of battery away from that happening once. And I was like, what do I do? I can’t call anybody. I can’t walk home…” (44:05, Jason)
What We Learned Today
Overall Tone & Style
Timestamps for Key Segments:
For more Spitballers hilarity, visit spitballerspod.com.