Jason Storms Out & Best Parts of Being an Adult - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Jason Storms Out & Best Parts of Being an Adult"

Release Date: February 2, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason

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Overview

This episode sees the award-winning dad trio of Andy, Mike, and Jason riffing on the honest reality (highs and lows) of adulthood. With their signature blend of goofy improv and rapid-fire banter, the group drafts the best parts of being an adult, debates the deep questions of daily life (from spotted spiders to the sacred cable drawer), and tackles the Liar, Liar game with wild conviction and endless laughter. Prepare for nostalgia, camaraderie, and some brutal truths about both growing up—and being way too excited about old-man things.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

Opening Banter: Arcade Nostalgia, Scat Debts, and Dig Dug

• Classic Cold Open: The trio jumps right into a mock "scat singing" debt-payoff bit (01:07), with Andy joking:
  “It takes a long time to pay back a scat.”
• Dig Dug Arcade Deep Cut: Andy laments that Jason and Mike never played the classic arcade game Dig Dug (02:10). Jason claims he missed out due to a childhood spent playing basketball instead.
• Aging Out of Dreams (Humorously):
  “One of the best things about being an adult is not that you didn’t live up to all your dreams. That one won’t get drafted.” – Mike (03:23)

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Main Theme Introduction:

Best Parts of Being an Adult (04:00 - 06:30)

• Struggling for Answers: The group admits drafting the “best parts” is much harder than the worst. Jason:
  “Truly. You waited your whole growing up to be an adult... Listen to me, kids: You have it so good.” (04:03)
• Crowdsourcing Life: Jason attempts to crowdsource adult joys from Twitter and is met with responses like "nothing" and "paying a $773 gas bill." (05:45)
• The Reality of “Freedom”:
  “When you are young, what you dream of is freedom. And when you get old, you realize you do not have it.” – Jason (06:59)

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Would You Rather: Arachnid and Reptile Edition (06:56 - 21:00)

• The Great Spider Dilemma: Would you rather (a) see a spider in your room and lose track of it before sleep, or (b) wake up to footage of a spider crawling across your face?

  • Major laughs as the guys recall personal stories:
    • Andy: “Sheets are up, I’m snug. Snuggle down. You are in it. For you, that means eye mask, red light, mouth tape . . . hostage tape, yes.”
    • Jason, on actual experience: “I closed my eyes and pretended it wasn’t there.” (12:22)

• Spider vs. Snake Paranoia:

  • The debate morphs into imagining a rattlesnake suspended above the bed.
  • Andy quips: “Do you know that babies use rattles to go to sleep?” (15:12)
  • Jason admits he’d rather have the spider.
  • Tangents about snakes in gardens and “snake powder.”

• Animals in Cars:

  • Mike: “Spider in the car sucks.” The group hilariously debates what’s worse—a bee, bird, or spider in your vehicle.

• Rabbits vs. Snakes:

  • Unexpected turn as Andy tries to defend rabbits, but Twitter immediately disagrees.
  • “Rabbits rule.” – Andy (19:13)
  • “Rabbits are little monsters. They’re cute monsters.” – Jason (19:42)

• Kids’ Menu Restaurant Fantasy:

  • “I would hire [an 8-year-old to pick my meals] if I could have an 8-year-old as my chef.” – Jason (21:07)
  • The gang dreams up a real “Kids Menu” restaurant concept, riffing on dinners of chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, and desserts.

• Cereal Wars:

  • Discussion devolves into what cereals are allowed in their homes. Jason sarcastically describes his children as “Grape nut freaks.” (23:07)

• Pineapple Consequences:

  • Would you rather give up pineapple or eat a whole pineapple every other day? Group bemoans the “razor blades” inside pineapple.
  • “Delicious razor blades.” – Mike (25:51)

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[Liar, Liar Game] (30:45 - 45:14)

A recurring favorite: two truths and a lie, with all three locked in ridiculous confidence.

Notable Memorable Moments & Quotes:

• On Walmart Hiring vs. Harvard Acceptance:
  • "If that's true, it's still a lie." - Andy (32:36)
• Platypus Absurdity:
  • “If you told me the platypus is the only mammal that’s not a mammal, I’d be like, that’s probably true.” – Andy (35:11)
• Formication Vocabulary:
  • “The sensation of bugs or insects crawling on or under your skin is called ‘formication.’” – Liar Liar round prompt (38:25).
  • Mike: “Those bugs are formicators.” (38:30)
• Unlikely Inventions:
  • The supposed origins of the microwave, Post-it notes, and (fictitious) “paper shredder invented by a cop after witnessing a suspect destroying evidence.”
  • Andy: “Maybe that's urinal cakes.” (43:10)
  • "I always confuse Post-it Notes and urinal cakes." – Jason (43:22)
• Jason's Poker Face:
  • “You basically told me that you were gaming that.” – Jason, to Jeremy, after realizing he tipped his hand in the game (48:44)

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Spitballers Draft: Best Parts of Being an Adult (49:26 - 62:18)

Notable Draft Picks & Discussion:

• Jason #1: Naps

  “Dude, it was awesome. It was outstanding. It was so good.” (50:10)

• Andy: No bedtime
• Mike:
  • "Eat what I want, when I want."
  • “Complaining about young people”—specifically loving to say, “In my day…” (53:32)
• Andy: Privacy

  “Your life is not your own when you’re a kid.” (54:11)

• Jason:
  • Buying whatever you want—bad financial decisions included
  • “Making your kids do the work you don’t want to do.” (56:10)
• Andy: Picking your own friends (57:12)

  “Because when you’re growing up, sometimes you just get stuck with...who was on your street, who was in your class.” (56:59)

• Mike: Old man strength, and the weird pride of a giant drawer of old cables

  “Guys, I got a drawer full of old cables…Whatever cord you need, your boy’s got it.” (59:10, 59:44)

• Jason: Going out and sitting at the bar—alone

  “Solo trip to the bar. Favorite part of being an adult…Silence. Being alone.” (61:50)

Honorable Mentions

• Adjusting the thermostat
• Financial independence
• Skipping things by claiming "I'm busy"
• Fresh bottle of ibuprofen ("adult's favorite thing," per Mike, 62:47)
• Blaming age for problems

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jason (on adulthood):
  “The truth is, if you want to have a good time as an adult, you’re a bad person.” (07:31)
• Andy (re: rabbits):
  “I’m putting a poll up. Do rabbits rule?” (19:15)
• Mike (on cable drawers):
  “Because I have the confidence that no matter what cord needs come up, it’s done.” (59:53)
• Jason (on solo time):
  “What would your dream evening look like? Silence. Being alone.” (62:11)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:07: Scat singing and scat-payback running joke
• 04:00 - 06:30: Introduction and admission that it’s hard to say what’s great about adulthood
• 06:56 - 21:00: Would You Rather—spider and animal phobia shenanigans, plus food talk
• 23:00 - 25:52: “Kids’ menu” restaurant concept & pineapple debate
• 30:45 - 45:14: Liar, Liar game—wild trivia, word origins, and paper shredder humor
• 49:26 - 62:18: Draft: Best parts of being an adult, with detours into cable drawers and bathroom break mishaps
• 61:50: Jason’s closing pick: alone time/bar time
• 62:47: Mike’s heartfelt love for a fresh bottle of ibuprofen

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Episode Tone

The episode is standard Spitballers: rapid-fire, self-aware, and playfully irreverent. The hosts lean into “dad energy,” riffing on generational quirks, complaining about adulthood, and exaggerating both the perks and pains for maximum comic effect. There's an undercurrent of nostalgia and camaraderie, cut through with absurd hypotheticals and self-deprecating one-liners.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you haven’t heard the Spitballers before, this episode is a prime example of their offbeat, clean-parent humor. It’s a raucous, relatable look at growing up—where the biggest perks might just be naps, the cable drawer, and being able to complain about younger people. With games, “would you rather” debates, and ridiculous draft picks, the laughs never stop…and neither does the light-hearted roasting between these three friends.

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Explore more at: SpitballersPod.com

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

Glorp Blarp Diggety dark.

[C]

Skibidi boop boop, bobbity boop. I will never scat again.

[A]

Honestly, you.

[B]

It takes a long time to pay back a scat.

[A]

Yeah, but. But no. He is.

[B]

He.

[A]

He is so right.

[C]

I will. I will never scat again.

[A]

I will find something to get from him. I will. I'm willing to barter.

[B]

I owe Jason four scats, so two more.

[A]

Two more.

[B]

This is the second one that I paid back, and obviously it was great, but it takes a long time. I mean, you got to rotate through three shows. Maybe there's a little. Al Borland worked in every 88 shows. I mean, Jason might literally not scout again because he's willing to spend the money.

[C]

Yeah, I'll do what it takes.

[B]

He's willing to do whatever it takes to not.

[C]

You need a ditch, Doug.

[B]

Yeah, he'll ditch. He'll ditch a dog, as you say.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

I love that game in the arcade.

[B]

What's up, dog?

[A]

Oh, my God. Dig Dug. Oh, thank you, Papa Josh.

[C]

He's old enough.

[A]

I was so disappointed you guys didn't play Dig Dug.

[C]

I've never.

[B]

I know what you're talking about. I know what you're talking about now.

[A]

Dig Dug ruled.

[B]

Yeah, bro.

[C]

You.

[B]

That's why I said you did call back.

[A]

You dug. And you also then throw out a hose and you inflate the bad guys. You inflate them up and they pop.

[C]

Sounds really cool, dude.

[A]

Dig Dig Dug ruled, man.

[B]

Dig Dug ruled, man.

[A]

In the 80s.

[B]

Welcome to the Spitballers. Andy, Micah, Jason.

[A]

You've never played Dig Dug.

[C]

I have never played it. I've never heard of it. And looking up, you know, sometimes you Google something and you're like, oh, yeah, I have absolutely never seen this in my life.

[A]

What did you do with your life?

[C]

Something better than you. Something. Absolutely.

[B]

If he hasn't heard of it, you did. It's not good.

[C]

Yeah, because.

[B]

And whatever you.

[C]

Because I know that you did dig Doug.

[A]

Right. So what did you do?

[B]

He did Dig Dug.

[C]

I played basketball.

[B]

And where'd that lead you? I don't know.

[C]

To a great life with happiness and joy.

[A]

Yeah. Health, wealth and fitness.

[B]

Five, nine. And no contract.

[A]

Yeah, sorry.

[B]

Five, seven.

[A]

I'm still good at Dig Dug.

[B]

Would you rather Liar Liar. And we're drafting the best parts of being an adult, which is one of the best things, is not that you didn't live up to all your dreams. That one won't get drafted.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But best parts.

[A]

You know what I'm drafting? Still having hair.

[B]

You know what's funny is one of.

[A]

The best parts of being an adult. Am I right, guys?

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Right, guys?

[C]

Totally.

[A]

Who amongst us thinks that having everybody's hats off.

[B]

Ready, Mike? Hats off.

[A]

I didn't say small foreheads. I just said having here.

[B]

By the way, when we're putting the list together of best things about being an adult, I realize there's not a lot.

[A]

Yeah. Truly.

[C]

This was like, oh, that's gonna be the easiest draft list to me of all time. It's like, oh, dude, you waited your whole. Growing up to be an adult.

[B]

Listen to me, kids. You have it so good. You have it so good.

[A]

It's the Billy Madison, inexcusably where you are.

[B]

By the way, Al, did we do a draft of the worst parts of being an adult? Did we ever do that? Is that why we're doing this one?

[C]

I don't think so.

[B]

Because there'd be a lot of those.

[C]

Have we done best parts of being a kid? I don't think so, because that stuff rules. I mean, that would be. I would have a list of 700 things.

[A]

The problem, though, worst parts of being a kid. Having nothing to do so often.

[B]

Oh, we did do the worst parts of the kid. I bet we did.

[C]

Of course. Episode228.

[B]

There's a million of them.

[A]

The problem of the taxes. The best parts about being a kid are you. But when you're in it, you don't Recognize it.

[B]

No, you can't. You can't do it without it.

[A]

Such as humanity, we don't recognize. You don't know what you got.

[C]

You don't have to pay your bills. You don't know any better. So it's not like something that you loved during that time. Like, man, I love that I don't have to pay electricity bills.

[B]

If you had to. Yeah, yeah, Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's. We'll draft the best parts of being an adult. It's a small list, and we'll get to them today.

[A]

It's one round.

[B]

It's one round.

[A]

And I struggled.

[B]

You can't draft being closer to death. Sorry, would you rather. Is where we're going to start?

[A]

This 101's off the board. Would you rather the great sleep approaches? The one great sleep. Every time I wake up, I'm one day closer. So one day closer.

[C]

Genuinely, I was. I was having a hard time coming up with best parts of being an adult. I genuinely was.

[A]

I didn't.

[C]

So I went to Twitter. I did something I've literally never done in 200 episodes we've ever had.

[A]

How's your crowdsourcing?

[C]

And I crowdsource. I just asked Twitter, like, what's your favorite part of being an adult? And the answers are, nothing. One person said, I got nothing. One person said, paying a $773 gas bill.

[B]

It's like, children, please hear us soak it up. It's so good. All right.

[A]

Would you cycle? They'll never hear. And they'll grow up. They'll be like, this is the worst.

[C]

Paying taxes. Nope, that's not it. Working a meaningless job 40 hours a week. Wait, that can't be it.

[B]

This will be a heck of a draft.

[A]

We. We are broken. Humanity is broken. If we. If you're putting, like, legitimately. You know, legitimately, like, sometimes we get a little. We get, like, fake serious on here.

[C]

I'm.

[B]

Oh, you want to get serious.

[A]

This is like a real serious. You're putting out a poll.

[C]

Let's get real serious.

[A]

And you're saying, what are the best parts about being in a. An adult and people. Nothing. Like, people cannot be genuine with their answer.

[C]

Do you want to know why?

[B]

I do.

[C]

Because when you are young, what you dream of is freedom. And when you get old, you realize you do not have it.

[A]

Right?

[C]

We think, like, we can make our own choices, but we don't. We could if we did not have, like, a moral compass or a guy. Like, my life is obligations. Like, I don't get the choices I thought I was going to get when I was an adult.

[A]

Right.

[C]

I just like, oh, if you chose.

[B]

Them, yeah, you're a bad adult.

[C]

Exactly. Because I would be a bad.

[A]

Like, you know what?

[C]

So the truth is, if you want to have a good time as an adult, you're a bad person.

[A]

You know what? Sounds like it ruled prison. No, no, no. I bet that. I bet it does a rule.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hunter gatherer.

[C]

Oh, hunter gatherer.

[A]

Hunter gatherer, man.

[B]

Just until the first plague hits.

[C]

Oh, well.

[A]

Oh, well, I'm out.

[C]

Every man dies.

[B]

The conversation of that.

[A]

No, but it's like, hunter gathers. Like, you're a hunter. It's like, okay, you're in the. You're in your tribe, right? You're out there getting your. Your protein and your meat. You're either really, really good at it or.

[B]

Or you're dead or you.

[C]

Or you're out. I love that the title for this episode is going to be Best parts of being an Adult. People are going to be like, oh, that's great. And they put it on.

[A]

It's like nothing.

[C]

Dying.

[A]

No, we.

[B]

We have some. We have some.

[C]

Well, at the end of the episode, we'll. We'll scratch and claw. Wait till a couple first.

[B]

Would you rather. From Washu Tiger on Patreon. Would you rather see a spider in your bedroom right before bed but not be able to find it again before going to sleep?

[A]

Okay, that.

[C]

That's. I need it realistic.

[B]

I couldn't sleep or see and feel nothing. But when you wake up in the morning, there's security footage of a spider crawling across your face.

[A]

Oh, I mean, this is just. This is for one person.

[B]

Do you want. Yeah. This question for Jason.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. It's a. It's a legit question, so I feel like it's a good question for all three.

[A]

No, no, no, it's an easy question.

[C]

No, for me, it's spiders. Okay. But let. Let's say.

[A]

Wait for what do you.

[C]

What I'm saying both answers had spiders. I have a.

[A]

For me, the answer is spiders.

[C]

I'm not saying the answer. I'm saying the question. The reason you say the question is for me is because I am. You're the spider afraid of spiders. But if it was like a rattlesnake spider guy, you know, you guys are more afraid of a rattlesnake. It's a great question for you.

[A]

You know why I'm afraid of a rattlesnake, Jason?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

It can actually hurt you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So the question. Let's Change this question for all three of us to a rattlesnake, something that could really kill us. Would you rather see a rattlesnake but you can't do anything?

[A]

No, no, no, no. I'm with Jason. This is a much better question.

[B]

No, that's fine. I mean, the answer is going to be the one that guarantees I'm safe. I don't care if it slithers across bird in hand. I don't care if it slithers across the belly while I'm asleep. It says I don't know it. I just see security footage. The other situation where I go to bed, I might literally wake up and it's biting me. So I'm taking the one where I'm guaranteed sex.

[A]

Okay, so hold on, let me. Jason.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We've all had.

[B]

Now, if it's a spider snake, that's a different story. Hold on.

[A]

What is a spider?

[B]

What isn't a spider snake?

[A]

We've all had a situation. At least I believe in your room, you're going to sleep and you see a bug of some sort.

[B]

It could just be a moth.

[A]

It's usually. Yes, it's usually a flying creature. Legitimately. You are going to bed.

[B]

Sheets. The sheets are up.

[A]

I'm snug. Snuggle down. You're in it. You are in it. I mean, for you, that means eye mask, red light. Every. Every influencer health benefit is mouth tape benefiting. Oh, thank you. Hostage tape. Yes. Everything. Yeah. Your arms are bound behind you.

[C]

I don't think that's a thing. Is that a thing?

[B]

Not yet.

[A]

Not yet.

[B]

Hostage sleep is showing studies to increase your placebo, but.

[A]

Okay. Your sheets are up.

[C]

I want a huge placebo. Thank you. Only the biggest.

[A]

Legit. Your sheets are up.

[C]

I know what you're saying. I'm all cozy tucked in, you see.

[B]

While you're protecting yourself.

[A]

Okay, but I have to specify. You see a spider.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

The farthest corner from.

[C]

I'm glad you're being specific.

[A]

Farthest corner from where you are snuggled in.

[C]

This has happened.

[A]

Sheets up.

[C]

I know exactly what I would do.

[A]

Spiders. And he's just. He's sleeping. He snuggled into.

[C]

Yeah, he's all.

[A]

He's in the corner.

[C]

He's just in the corner.

[B]

Jason's not sleeping.

[C]

No, no, no, Dude.

[B]

Jason's not sleeping.

[C]

I have had this happen and spider type.

[A]

It was harmless.

[C]

It was?

[A]

Yeah. Because they all are.

[C]

It was probably a daddy long legs. Big daddy long legs. And what I chose to do.

[A]

Naming. What did we do?

[B]

It's great.

[A]

What did we do wolf spider.

[C]

What do you think I did?

[B]

Wolf spider.

[C]

What do you think I did?

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

I think that you slept in another room.

[C]

Okay, Mike.

[B]

Or went home.

[A]

I think you called in someone to take care of the problem.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Jeremy.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

This, this.

[A]

You can't call. You can't possibly call Jeremy. He would.

[C]

I.

[A]

You might have called Jeremy.

[C]

We'll shock you.

[B]

Did he killed it?

[C]

Closed my eyes and pretended it wasn't there.

[A]

Really?

[C]

It was far enough away. If that thing.

[B]

Was it there when you woke up?

[C]

No, no, not there when I woke. What was what there?

[A]

It's up there.

[C]

There was nothing there.

[A]

Right?

[C]

It was one of those things where it's like I have to pretend I didn't see this. I have to just. You did that.

[B]

You tricked yourself. Yes.

[C]

And it was like I'm closing my eyes. It was far enough away. That's why I said I was happy.

[B]

You obviously been like 20ft.

[C]

Well, I mean, the size of a bedroom. So you know how big you got?

[B]

Different bedrooms.

[A]

I had a bedroom about 75,000ft.

[C]

This was before I had the bedroom. I got now, you know, this is like college bedroom.

[B]

And have you ever had that happen in a car, by the way? Spider in the car.

[C]

Spider in the car is.

[B]

Spider in the car is.

[A]

I can't handle that. I've never done. Spider in the car sucks. Spider done car.

[C]

That sounds just. That sounds worse.

[B]

Being a car is worse than spider in a car.

[A]

Be in a car.

[B]

Think half as hard as dang Rhino in a car.

[A]

I was not driving the car because this is. I mean, this is. Hey, this is 16 year olds. The. The windows are down because the air conditioning doesn't work. It's Arizona. And you're cool yourself, and all of a sudden a bee flies in. Guys, I was not cool.

[B]

You don't like bees.

[A]

I was not cool.

[C]

I mean, I don't have a problem with bees at all, but if a bee was in my car, I'd be freaking out. Yeah, I don't know how I would drive the car.

[A]

It's not great.

[B]

I had a friend who had a bird in the car. Wait, not a joke.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

Not a joke. I would be bird in the car.

[C]

But you would be happier with a bird in the car than a bee in the car.

[A]

No, the problem is the bird wants flap. Flap, flap. Yeah, the bird too outrageously big. The bird realizes. No, no, no. You get a bird.

[B]

You can have a bird than a spider.

[A]

Jason, you can have a sparrow in your car. And the bird realizes this is a problem. Bird needs to get out. A spider is just like, sick. Where are we going? That's a problem.

[C]

If the spider was straight above my head when I went to sleep, I would not. I would not be able to go to sleep. I would move to a different room.

[B]

What, other corners? No, you have to go to sleep. The animal will not hurt you. But either hanging on a web above your head, it will never drop down and get you. You know, this going into sleep, it's just. I know you're a little scared right now. The spider is hanging down. It's four or five feet above your head. It will not hit you. It will not bite you. It will not hurt you. Or a rattlesnake is hanging five feet above your head. It will not hurt you. It will not bite you. Which would you rather have hanging above you? I want to know how irrational this fear is.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Neither is going to hurt you if.

[C]

I know neither is going to hurt me. A rattlesnake hanging. Well, is it rattling? Because I would be.

[B]

It's not rattling.

[C]

So I can sleep through this. I'm not going to be like, no. It's coiled whole night.

[A]

Do you know that babies use rattles to go to sleep?

[C]

That's a great point, Mike.

[A]

I just wanted a counterpoint.

[B]

Some families do use rattles with their babies.

[C]

If I knew neither one would bite me or touch me.

[A]

Come on, dude. Come on, dude.

[C]

Yeah. I think. I think I'd take the spider.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I think I would. Just because we need to know where you're at, man. You don't know for sure.

[B]

We have two people waiting outside that we're gonna take you off.

[A]

Yeah, dude. Rattlesnakes. I've. I've only encountered one. And there's really something. Thank goodness I was alone.

[B]

The size of the size of the past really matters.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

And I've run into two or three snakes in the last couple years. They're not dangerous snakes that I've run into. I1 I'm not positive. They're not. I'm not good enough of it. I know what a brown recluse and a black widow look like and how everything else is fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know for sure that that snake doesn't have some secrets.

[A]

No one knows. Nobody knows.

[C]

So in my backyard, we have a chicken coop and a little garden.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And I got sent a photograph. This was six months ago or so of a coiled up snake right by the garden. And the snake, it's a smaller Snake looks like a kind of a juvenile. We'll call it a juvenile snake.

[A]

It's a baby snake.

[C]

That's why I'm going juvenile. It wasn't a baby, but it wasn't like full grown. Thank you.

[A]

My joke is like two people.

[C]

It looked like it could have been a rattlesnake. You couldn't see the tail to know.

[A]

If you don't know for sure, it's not a rattlesnake.

[C]

If you don't know it is a.

[A]

Rattlesnake, you need to get out of there.

[C]

Exactly. So I had my pest guy come and look for it and put down, I don't know, some powder for snakes or whatever.

[B]

Snake powder?

[A]

They have snake powder?

[C]

Yeah, there's like a powder that they put down. It's the scent of it that keeps snakes away, apparently.

[A]

Anyway, what does this smell like?

[C]

I don't know. I'm not a snake, but I don't know.

[A]

I got to know about that also. No, correction. What is it? What does it taste like? Because as we all know. That's right, we all know that snakes don't smell. They use their snake or their snake tongue for what's the animal that kills.

[B]

The snakes really good?

[A]

Honey badger.

[B]

No, no, that is correct.

[A]

Hawk.

[B]

Hawks are good. No, I'm trying to think of what kills the cobras.

[A]

Music.

[B]

Come on, guys. Nobody knows what kills a cobra. Mongoose. Mongoose. Thank you. Anyways, smells like mongoose. Go on.

[C]

Great interruption.

[A]

Great BMX bike.

[B]

Continue.

[C]

So, but now every single morning that I go out to the garden or the chickens, you're looking for a BMX on the brain. I am terrified that there's going to be a bicycle back there. But like, I mean, it's gone.

[A]

But if you had a photo, you know what kind of snake it was?

[C]

I. Oh, I put it to Chad GPT and it.

[A]

They said, who sent you the photo?

[C]

My. My gardener.

[A]

The gardener doesn't know what kind of snake it is?

[C]

No. It took a picture and then was away.

[A]

He's just like, hey, bro, this snake was here.

[B]

Believe it or not, people, when they find animals like this, a lot of the times, like my wife and other people, they think it's cool and then they want to see more of the snakes.

[A]

That's because snakes in actuality and spiders.

[B]

Do good stuff for like our world.

[A]

But that's not where I was going to go.

[C]

They don't. What?

[A]

Dude. Dude, you know what sucks? Do you know what sucks? Flies and mosquitoes and rabbits suck.

[B]

They should get Eaten. They should get eaten by snakes.

[A]

Hold on, hold on. Rabbits?

[B]

Yeah, they eat all your garden, bro.

[A]

We're going after rabbits.

[B]

The snake doesn't eat his tomatoes. The rabbits eat the tomatoes.

[A]

Rabbits rule.

[B]

Rabbits don't rule.

[A]

Rabbits rule.

[B]

So hard pest with.

[A]

I'm putting a poll up. Do rabbits rule?

[B]

Passed with a puffy tail. I would pass with a puffy tail.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I'm putting it up. I'm putting it up.

[C]

Rabbits.

[A]

This is unacceptable.

[C]

Rabbits are deucers.

[A]

Where doers. Where am I with rabbits? They rule, right?

[C]

I think they're cool.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

They're fine. Yeah, they're all right.

[C]

They're fine. Okay, rabbits.

[A]

That's a point for rule.

[C]

No, that's not a point for rule. If you rule, you're awesome. No one's like, oh, yeah, that's great. Celebrity. It's okay. You wouldn't be like, oh, yeah, that dude rules. Rabbits look cute. Rabbits are little monsters. They're cute monsters. I'm with Andy on this. They destroyed my garden.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

I had one growing up.

[B]

I had like a bunny. Snakes ain't doing that. Snakes ain't doing that.

[C]

I had a bunny and it's all. It doesn't. It doesn't bond, it doesn't enjoy you, it doesn't like you. It just ratchets quite fast. Like crazy. It's back, hind legs just.

[A]

There's so few animals that actually care about you.

[C]

I posted my snake in the slag for.

[B]

I posted a counter. Okay. I countered your tweet.

[A]

What did you put up?

[B]

I said rabbits suck. That's the whole tweet. We gotta move on Clara from Patreon. For the rest of your life, would you rather have a random 8 year old pick all the meals you eat or all the outfits you wear? Why do I feel like we've asked this question before?

[A]

The first response on my. On my poll is Andy told me they suck. Oh, you have influence. You have ruined the poll, sir.

[B]

Just telling him what he already knows.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Did you guys hear my question?

[A]

No.

[B]

Would you rather have a random 8 year old pick your meals or the outfits you wear give me meals all day long. What are they going to pick?

[A]

Oh, peanut butter, jelly, Mac and cheese pizza.

[C]

Chicken nuggets.

[A]

Chicken nuggets. You know what? You know what rules? Chicken nuggets.

[B]

I would pay an 8 year old to pick my meals for me if I could.

[C]

I would hire one if I could have an 8 year old as my chef. Yes. Like, my personal chef was 8 years old. I'm eating great every day. Every day.

[B]

My kids know how to use a instant.

[A]

You're eating so good. If an 8 year old is the chef.

[C]

You want to know one of the worst parts about being an adult? You can't eat like dinner anymore. You know what I mean?

[B]

There was a restaurant that 8 year olds were legally allowed to make all my meals. I'd go to that restaurant. It's called Only the kids Meals. Only the kids menu.

[C]

Yeah, Kids menu. That's the name of the restaurant.

[B]

Kids menu.

[C]

Kids menu. You go there and it's just great. Mac and cheese, great chicken tenders.

[B]

Peanut butter and jelly.

[C]

Great. Peanut butter and jelly. Great. Pizza.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean that's it, right? They don't eat anything beyond that. Well, desserts, of course. We're going to have a whole dessert.

[A]

Any type of sugar. Yeah.

[C]

We'll have milkshakes, we'll have.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[C]

Birthday cake. You know what I mean? Like just on the menu.

[B]

Cupcakes as well.

[C]

For sure. But are there any other entrees that we would have? Pizza, Mac and cheese, Chicken nuggets. Chicken nuggets.

[A]

Butter. Did you do butter noodles?

[C]

We can have that. That can be on the kids menu.

[B]

I say sugar cereal as a meal as well. Sure.

[C]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Of course. What else do your kids go to? What's the go to for your kids? Because we'll give them all this choice and then they'll be like, eh, I'm going to have a bowl of honey bunches of oats or something.

[C]

You're saying for just serious, you're saying.

[B]

What do kids go to or like.

[A]

Your children eat honey bunches of oats.

[B]

Is that bad?

[A]

No, it's not bad. Because it's boring. No, that's highly questionable. Children are eating something that has oats in it.

[B]

It's pretty sweet, man.

[C]

It is very sugary. But it's one of those things that kids would assum.

[B]

Hot dogs.

[A]

Oh yeah, Corn dogs.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, now we're back. Honey bunches of oats Corn dogs.

[C]

You know my kid, my little ones when they were little they were just.

[A]

Like tricks we don't get.

[B]

We don't buy that other stuff.

[A]

Cinnamon toast crunch. Honey bunch of oats.

[C]

And they were just like. They couldn't get enough raisin bran.

[B]

You know, I knew, I knew where it was going the second I said it.

[C]

Oh, they love grape nuts. They put it in the microwave because that's what we buy. They can't have that other stuff. My kids are. My kids are Grape nut Freaks. They can't keep it in stock.

[B]

They should feel blessed. Andy from the website, would you rather give up pineapple?

[C]

You know what? I'd have to pay my kids to eat Honey bunch of oats.

[B]

What are you buying them tricks?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

They're for kids.

[C]

Would you rather get Reese's Puffs? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Like the real ones?

[A]

Honey bunches of oats.

[B]

You buy any of that cereal, Al?

[C]

No, we don't buy any cereal.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What's. When you change the standard. What's the big log of wheat?

[B]

Oh, I eat those. Shredded Wheat.

[C]

Shredded Wheat?

[B]

Yeah, I eat the big ones.

[C]

Oh, man.

[B]

With raisins.

[C]

Do they still make. They do.

[B]

I just bought them. I bought them for the.

[C]

Just bought.

[B]

I bought him for the first time in 20 years.

[C]

You are so you. I mean, genuinely, like. It's a bit, but it's not a bit.

[B]

No.

[C]

You are the old man. No.

[B]

3 biscuits and some raisins. Not a joke.

[C]

Goodness.

[B]

Good time.

[C]

You just bought Shredded wheat and they still make them.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

They tried to put a little frosting on them to trick us, and they're still.

[B]

No, no, I eat the regulars. Would you rather give up pineapple forever or eat a whole pineapple every other day?

[A]

Oh, the second one. That's so easy.

[B]

Pineapple's great.

[A]

Pineapple.

[B]

Pineapple a lot, though. You'll have a lot of the. Like.

[A]

That's all right.

[B]

The mouth reaction to it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I know some people that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Have weak mouths and they. They get the wounds in the mouth. That's just.

[A]

That's being disingenuous, us. Everyone who eats too much pineapple gets shredded. I could.

[C]

I could eat a whole pineapple.

[A]

Yeah. And then there's consequences. There's tiny little barbs. Scientifically. Zoom in on them. There's tiny little barbs that scratch the crap out of your tongue.

[C]

See, I. I can. I can say that the. The acidic nature.

[A]

No, it's not the acid reflux.

[C]

Well, it gives me acid reflux.

[A]

Well, it does for you, too.

[B]

It's good for your stomach.

[C]

My. My mouth has never had a problem eating pineapple.

[A]

You've never eaten enough pineapple, then.

[C]

Let's try to eat some pineapple, then.

[A]

Also. Also a can of dole pineapple in its water. It's a mystery goop. No, we're talking a real pineapple.

[B]

A full pineapple.

[C]

I'm zooming in.

[B]

That's a lot to eat, but I'll zoom in.

[A]

You can't zoom in.

[C]

I'm zooming in on These pineapples.

[A]

It's not gonna work, man. Do you have a. Do you have a microscope?

[C]

I'm looking online, man. I'm looking at pictures through microscopes.

[B]

They look like little razor blades.

[A]

Yes, because that's what it is. Delicious razor blades.

[B]

Why do our mouths tingle after eating pineapple? And then a zoom up, and it's a bunch of razor blades. I think that's point for Mike.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

It's delicious razor blades.

[A]

Oh, it's the.

[C]

Dude.

[A]

Pineapple is the greatest fruit of all time.

[C]

Would it change if it was one every day?

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

That's a no.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I like pineapple. I don't need it. I would if it was every day, honestly. On both of them. I'm just gonna go without pineapple.

[A]

The problem with pineapple.

[B]

Yeah. Why?

[C]

The best part of pineapple is just pineapple juice.

[A]

No, it's.

[C]

Oh, pineapple juice is awesome. Oh, it's.

[A]

Everything about pineapple is great. The problem with pineapple is preparing the pineapple. And we have the little.

[B]

Eat it with the shell on.

[A]

I don't recommend doing it. What, the shell? Yes, as they call it. What would you call that? The husk? The core? No, it's not the core that's the joke.

[B]

It's a bit of a joke, Jay. I don't eat the spines.

[A]

And they have tools now that make it much easier to. Like, you crank the wheel to harvest a fresh pine. Yeah. You just crank down on that pineapple, and you're gonna. You're gonna have a delicious treat in just a moment. But even still with that, it's like. It's work. It's work. If I could have. If someone delivered me a fresh cut pineapple without the bull crap on the sides, I would eat a whole pineapple.

[B]

Without nature's bull crap on the outside.

[A]

Well, the protective layer of the fruit. Because the fruit. I mean, we realize, you know, why the fruit has the sharp, spiny stuff on the side.

[B]

Someone sounded good at it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Cause it's saying, protect me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we're like, no. No plant.

[B]

Well, no.

[C]

Do you know how.

[B]

Keeps the birds away so we can eat it.

[A]

I will eat you.

[C]

That husk is. I saw that.

[A]

You're mine.

[C]

You ever watch those videos where they take the. They take the. Like, the metal ball that's heated to where it's borderline magma, and then they put it on things.

[A]

Yeah, the hot copper ball.

[C]

The hot copper ball. And it just goes through everything.

[A]

Oh, not a pineapple. It can't go through.

[C]

You go through anything, but you put it on a pineapple skin and the pineapple skin laughs at it. He goes, oh, shields on. That's a little war.

[B]

Like, that's awesome. Nature's got some cool armor we should duplicate. We should all dress up in pineapple husks.

[C]

Put our army people, are they bulletproof?

[B]

They are.

[C]

They have to be.

[B]

There's no. I won't even Google it because I know how true that is. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll be back with some liar, Liar.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

I have terrible news before we jump into this game, guys.

[B]

Okay, not bulletproof.

[A]

Due to a very unscientific, un peer reviewed study by my Twitter account, it appears that rabbits don't rule. Yeah, I'm seeing that you're being honest though. It.

[B]

What's the poll right now?

[C]

61 to 38.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, that's.

[B]

That's pretty.

[A]

People, people do not think rabbits rule.

[B]

No, I think you set the bar high with rule versus just being kind of indifferent to them.

[C]

If you said our rabbits are okay.

[B]

See, you don't.

[A]

I'm not there. Rabbits rule.

[B]

I'm gonna be honest with you. You don't live in a place with a lot of rabbits.

[A]

Oh, I do.

[B]

Do you have rabbits?

[C]

He's got rabbits on the street. He doesn't live. I live where they matter.

[A]

I live two miles away from you. But, like, the rabbits are not.

[B]

Look, where I live, they're not at.

[A]

A 2 mile square radius where I.

[B]

Live, all the way up. All the walls around the houses have to have the little, like, holes in the bottom to let the water go through. It's a rule. And so all rabbits come and go into every yard and they eat everything as they should.

[A]

All right. Because they rule, we're playing liar.

[B]

Liar. We haven't played this in a while. I feel like, Al, it's been a minute. You just didn't want to lose.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. These are tough to come up with.

[B]

Tough ones. We got three rounds.

[A]

This game's so easy.

[B]

Two truths and a lie. And we're going to beat Al like we always have.

[A]

So easy.

[B]

Round one. You guys ready?

[A]

Sure.

[C]

I'm locked in.

[B]

Here's your three potential truths. One is going to be a lie. We got to identify the lie. Or Al Borland makes us look like a fool. Number one, Walmart has a lower acceptance rate than Harvard. Interesting.

[A]

What?

[B]

That doesn't seem based on my own studies.

[A]

Check this out. If that's the truth, it's still a lie.

[B]

Number two, the platypus is the only mammal that can regenerate lost limbs.

[A]

I think that.

[C]

Well, a mammal. Yeah, I think that's true.

[B]

Only mammal. Okay. Not like a lizard tail. And then the third one. 80% of all ginger cats are male.

[A]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are we just saying red cats?

[C]

Yeah, that reddish orange cat. Ginger. You know what? A ginger cat.

[A]

I thought that was a negative connotation.

[B]

No, no, it's a. It's like a.

[C]

No, it's not a negative connotation. I mean, I think when you call people.

[A]

I want to watch the South Park.

[C]

When you call people gingers. It has become a derogatory term.

[A]

That's okay. It means okay.

[C]

But it's not a. It's not in and of itself a derogatory term. It's certainly not towards cats.

[B]

Can we. At least. It's an adjective of a light reddish yellow or orange. Can we call evangelical cats? No, we call them ginger cats.

[C]

I got you, Mike. I was there.

[B]

Walmart has a lower acceptance rate than Harvard.

[A]

Does anyone know what that is?

[B]

The platypus is the only mammal that can regenerate lost limbs. And 80% of all ginger cats are male. What are we going with as the lie? These are. These are tough.

[C]

I mean, the Walmart one is really upsetting because Mike is 100% right. Like, if that's not the lie, then that's still the lie.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Like you were lied to when you found this truth.

[B]

Is Harvard been setting up a lot of these questions by letting more people in?

[C]

No, but I mean, the way that this, the way that this ends up being true is like some absurd number of total applications for Walmart.

[B]

That's the lie.

[A]

I mean, you win. You win because we discussed if, if, even if it's true, it doesn't matter.

[B]

That's what I'm going.

[A]

If it's true, it's still a win.

[B]

That's what I'm going to go with. I feel like this is one of those ones that's supposed to look ridiculous.

[C]

I can't go with the platypus. I think that's true.

[A]

It can regenerate limbs.

[B]

I mean, that's a wild claim for us all to just be like, yeah, that's the platypus for you. But. But I've decided that's the problem with.

[A]

The platypus is you start at the base level. It's. There's rules about. There's rules. Yeah, there's scientific rules about being a mammal. And you're like, if you. Does this animal have this Check, it's a mammal. Number Two, check it's a mammal. Number three. It can do that. It's not a mammal. And the platypus is like, yeah, I lay eggs.

[C]

I lay eggs.

[A]

Like, you're not a mammal. They're like, yeah, but it is. If you told what is saddle.

[C]

I got a beak.

[A]

What is.

[B]

If you told me the platypus is the only mammal that's not a mammal, I'd be like, that's probably true.

[C]

Okay, I'm starting to rethink my. My platypus.

[B]

Look, pick it. We got to move on.

[C]

What did Mike pick?

[A]

I haven't.

[B]

We'll go clockwise here.

[C]

We can't get it wrong if we never finalize.

[A]

These are all lies.

[C]

Oh, man.

[A]

Oh, what did you go with Andy? He went with the Walmart because that's the lie.

[C]

I'm going to go Walmart.

[B]

Are you.

[C]

There's.

[A]

Gosh darn it. You're going. I have to pick something else. Mike, you're telling me 80% of all the red cats are male?

[C]

It's a good start. Jeremy.

[A]

This is a. Jeremy.

[C]

You suck.

[B]

You guys need conviction. Make a pick. I don't have.

[A]

I have no conviction, okay? Walmart has a lower acceptance rate than.

[B]

I'm releasing a spider in five seconds.

[A]

The platypus is the only mammal that can regenerate lost limbs. 80% of all ginger cats are male. I'm taking that one.

[C]

I'm switching to platypus.

[B]

All right, so we got one.

[A]

We're spread out.

[B]

One of each.

[A]

This is not good.

[B]

Who's the one person still alive?

[C]

It's me, Jason. Yeah. I knew it the last second. And here's how I knew it. You have full 180. You were so convicted. I was so convicted. And I was. You can watch the tape. I'm sitting there, hand on my head, eyes closed, with one picture in my mind, and it was Jeremy. Happy as I've ever seen you over there. You were having a great time, and I realized it was because I said so confidently that it's not platypus and you had no care in the world. Well, your face gave you away.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

I had no idea. Oh, man. I'll be watching you like a hawk from here on out.

[B]

Round two, guys. Jason's alive.

[C]

No. And yet the Walmart accepts about 2.6 of all applicants, where Harvard is closer.

[B]

To 4 or 5%.

[C]

Yeah, well, we. Like we said that's a lot. You do, but.

[A]

No, I've been there. We've all been to Walmart.

[C]

They're not taking the top 2%.

[B]

We've all been to Walmart. No, they're taking 2%. It's just a random 2%.

[A]

You're telling me to wait, 2%?

[C]

2.6%.

[A]

So almost 98% of Walmart applicants are denied a job.

[C]

That's what the studies say. Also I've got multiple sources citing this. How many people. Here's the great question. How many people have ever worked at Walmart? How many people have ever worked at Walmart?

[A]

Because then very large percentage.

[C]

Hundreds of thousands of people. So then divide that by like the 2% that they are going to. So everybody who's ever walked earth has applied at Walmart.

[B]

What's incredible is 0% of Walmart employees have been accepted to Harvard.

[C]

That is also true.

[B]

Facts. All right, round two. Apologies to all the Walmart employees.

[A]

I know this is sensational. Round two. Andy is alive. Jason is alive. Okay, I lost round two.

[B]

Here we go. The sensation of bugs or insects crawling on or under your skin is called. Careful.

[A]

Careful.

[B]

Formication. Formication.

[A]

Those bugs are formicators.

[B]

Number two. A person who holds a general hatred of humankind, human behavior or human nature is known as a misanthrope. Misanthrope.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds like me.

[B]

An individual who constantly exhibits behaviors, preferences and decision making patterns, characteristics of someone significantly older than their biological age is known as a progerican.

[A]

Yeah, that's Andy.

[B]

You guys tried Shredded Wheat before? Shredded wheat slaps. There's your three.

[C]

Literally, that's the first time anyone has ever said that in the history of this world.

[B]

I feel good about that.

[C]

All right, so here's the example.

[A]

We are all one of these.

[B]

So the bugs are insects. 1. The example would be when Jason wakes up from a nightmare being covered by thousands of spiders. He spends the rest of the day formicating.

[C]

Awesome.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, wait.

[B]

That's what the example is.

[C]

The sensation of bugs or insects crawling on.

[B]

So he has that sensation is called formication. Number two. The example is like when Mike wakes up from a nightmare.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds right.

[B]

When Mike wakes up from a nightmare of spending multiple minutes in a social situation, he is relieved to wake up to the realization that he is still a misanthrope.

[A]

That sounds like. It sounds like the right word, Right?

[B]

And then I guess for me, the last one is Andy woke up from a nap in his porch rocker at 3pm just in time to head inside for dinner with his fellow progerkins. I'm going to say that the lie.

[A]

Is the formicator it's definitely not misanthrope, right?

[C]

I don't know. Look at Jeremy's face.

[A]

Jeremy, show me. Reveal yourself. I can just see a screen.

[B]

All right, make the call, boys.

[A]

So I'm at a 50 50. Andy, what'd you go with? And you're still alive.

[B]

I think that the formication is the one I think is a lie.

[A]

Okay, so formication, no breathing. That's the line.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You're both going formication.

[A]

We are. So if you split, Jason, we have two people alive going into round three.

[C]

Projerican is just so not entertaining or funny. I feel like that's trying to.

[A]

Well, it's pred Jericho. It's not pro. It's pre.

[C]

Whatever, man.

[A]

I mean, it matters.

[B]

Sure, it matters.

[A]

You ever played Scrabble?

[B]

Got to make a call. You guys are bad at making calls. What?

[C]

Are you sure?

[A]

I'm locked in. Who are you talking to?

[C]

Some of us are still in this game, Andy, and we care. I'm going to go with get it right, Jason. I'm going to go with pro Jericho.

[A]

Okay. Thank goodness.

[B]

I don't think you got it.

[A]

Go ahead. He nailed it.

[C]

He did nail it.

[A]

Yeah, he did.

[C]

I was going to play on pre Geriatric.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so you're telling me the bugs are formicators?

[C]

No, I'm formicating.

[B]

Correct.

[C]

When I feel the buff sensation. When you got a great sensation from formicating, it's wild.

[A]

Next question.

[B]

The microwave oven was invented after an engineer for Raytheon noticed a candy bar in his pocket melted while he was working on magnetron radar equipment.

[C]

Wow. Okay. Nerve accident. Creating inventions. That's happened.

[B]

Number two, Post it notes were invented after a scientist attempted to create a super strong glue and instead accidentally made a weak adhesive, which he considered a failure. However, another employee realized it was the perfect solution for the bookmarks that kept falling out of his church choir hymnal. Seems plausible. Number three, the paper shredder was invented by a police officer after witnessing a suspect shove incriminating documents into an oscillating industrial fan moments before being arrested.

[A]

Please tell me that's true.

[C]

That's the lie.

[B]

Locking it in.

[A]

No, please tell me that's true.

[B]

I've got them all wrong.

[A]

But I have to believe that a cop was saw a criminal doing criminal stuff, and he's like, you know what I could do with this? Make money.

[C]

I can monetize that.

[A]

I can monetize this. Okay, so put the post it notes is there Papa Josh, you would be the only one who can help me on this one. I believe there's at least an old wives tale about. Are you familiar with the band the Monkeys?

[C]

Yes, I know the Monkeys.

[A]

I believe there's an old wives tale that one of the monkeys is related. Is a child of the creator of the post it note.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

Maybe that's urinal cakes.

[B]

I knew it.

[A]

I knew it was. I get it.

[B]

I get.

[C]

Wait, how did that. How was that connected?

[A]

Because it's a ridiculous thing.

[C]

I always confuse post it notes and urinal cakes. You know, those things you pee on or those things you write on. They're basically the same.

[A]

Here's where my brain was. It's like imagine you are a well to do child.

[C]

Oh, no, that's urinal cakes.

[B]

It was such an honest moment too.

[A]

Your father created something ridiculous because a post it note is ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's very functional. Ridiculous urinal cake, ridiculous. Very functional.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But yeah, that's. I can see how that might be a funny gaffe.

[C]

I am going to go with the one that seems.

[A]

Get it right, Jay.

[C]

The least likely one to be.

[A]

Has anyone ever won this game but me?

[B]

I think so. I don't recall.

[C]

I think there's been two. Two wins total. Yeah.

[A]

I think I've won twice.

[C]

Okay. And then. No, I'm going to go with the one that seems to get it right, Jason. Get it right notes.

[B]

I think that one.

[A]

Are you sure it's not urinal?

[B]

Definitely true, Jay. I think the post it notes is so true.

[C]

All right, I'll take the urinal case.

[A]

Andy also thought the other ones were true.

[B]

You need to make a decision.

[C]

I did.

[B]

Which one is yours?

[C]

Still the posted.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[C]

Did you. What was yours, Andy?

[B]

No, I haven't said mine was the paper shredder one. Oh, okay.

[A]

There's no way the paper shredder one is true.

[C]

Wait, I retract my answer. Oh, Jeremy was so excited to have this be over. He wanted to know what Andy's pick.

[A]

Here we go. Here we go.

[C]

I know it's not posted notes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I see you, Jeremy.

[A]

You're to a 50 50.

[C]

I see you.

[A]

Told you.

[B]

All right. Lock in a new one.

[A]

Yeah. Now he's nervous. I can hear it. He's terrified. He's terrified. Jason.

[C]

I'm going to paper shredder.

[A]

I'm going microwave.

[B]

We all locked in? Yep.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

Hold on. No, no, no, no, we're not.

[C]

I see right through you, Jeremy. I'm going microwave. Final answer. I'm locked in. Hey, I got it right.

[A]

One of those times.

[C]

You did. It was the paper shredder. So close.

[B]

Paper shredder was ridiculous.

[C]

Oh, my gosh, ridiculous. I was so close.

[B]

I knew it wasn't post it notes. I've heard that story before.

[C]

That was for real, man.

[A]

I think I got zero points.

[B]

Yeah, well, shoot.

[C]

All right, wins this round again.

[B]

Dang. That was close though.

[C]

I felt pretty good.

[B]

He tried to answer all three to get all the reads again. We'll take a break and we'll draft. What's up Spitwads? People keep asking about my 2026 resolutions. And I've got the usual goals, you know, like read, read a bunch of books, you know, that type of thing. Keep yourself in shape. But I got a new one at the top of my list. It is get comfy. And that is where Bombas comes in. They're bringing serious comfort to all of your everyday go tos. Maybe this is the year you take up running or tennis or in my case, play more pickleball. And I've been wearing the all new Bombus sport socks and they are perfect and they are perfectly comfortable. They're sweat wicking and cushioned where you need them most. They keep you comfy and locked in. And they've also got you covered with the comfiest everyday footwear imaginable. Look, I love all of my Bombas products. All of my socks. So comfortable. An actual noticeable difference. And they've got the Sunday slippers. They got all sorts of great stuff. Head over to bombas.com spitballers and use the code spitballers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com spitballers code spitballers at checkout. You're gonna love it. What's up Spitwads? Well, this is, this is something I can speak from experience on. You want to eat better. We all want to do that. We feel like we have zero time and energy to make it happen. Sometimes you even try to eat better and you realize you just can't. You can't even order something that is actually healthy for you with all the different restaurants out there. Look, I was in that boat. I went to Factor, checked it out. We love the Factor meals. In the beginning when we got the Factor meals delivered, my son was stealing all of them. Now I'm ordering enough to where I can kind of steal some and hide them from him because they are so delicious. They don't ask you to meal prep, right? They don't ask you to follow recipes, it removes the entire problem. It's two minutes. It's real food and it's done. And I can tell you I have tried probably 20 to 25 of the different recipes. There has not been one that I wasn't happy with. Genuinely, you're not failing out there at healthy eating. You're failing at having three extra hours a night to meal prep and chef made meals so delicious. What? I just had like a burger with some gouda cheese last night. It was unbelievable. Head to FactorMeals.com Ballers 50 off and use the code Ballers50OFF to get 50% off your first Factor box. Plus free breakfast for one year offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor.

[C]

Dad Gummet. Man. Here's the thing. Once I said, wait a minute, he overreacted and put his hands on his house.

[A]

You.

[C]

You basically. You basically told me that you were gaming that. Oh, I'm so mad at myself.

[B]

Stupid. Because you're losing.

[A]

Because you let him know about his.

[B]

His tell. You let him know at the end.

[A]

I just watched Casino Royale again.

[C]

The Bond with.

[A]

Yeah, but. But Daniel Craig version.

[C]

Right?

[A]

One of his slips is he. He told his crew about what the poker players tell was and it got him in big trouble.

[C]

Thank you for that.

[A]

If you find out a tell, you keep that. You keep that to yourself until the very end.

[B]

Makes sense.

[C]

The Spitballers draft.

[B]

Well, we are going to do our very best to draft the best parts of being an adult. That's right, kids. You too can be excited about growing up and becoming an adult because of all these things.

[A]

If you're excited to grow up and be an adult, you should just turn the podcast off.

[B]

Jason as the number one pick. What is the very best thing about being an adult? Jason?

[C]

Naps.

[A]

Oh, my.

[C]

I'm just going.

[B]

You can nap as a kid.

[C]

Yeah. But you don't like them.

[A]

No.

[C]

That's a bad part.

[A]

No kid. No kid.

[B]

I have 12. I didn't have naps on my list.

[C]

That's perfect.

[A]

Naps is elite.

[C]

I mean best.

[A]

Dude, a nap.

[C]

I took a nap yesterday.

[A]

Oh, man.

[C]

Ask me how it was.

[A]

Jason, how was your nap?

[C]

Dude, it was. It was awesome. It was outstanding. It was so good.

[B]

I mean, naps are a huge part of a childhood.

[A]

No. Yes.

[C]

Yes. They're the worst part of your childhood.

[A]

The kids don't nap. They just.

[B]

This is a terrible pick.

[A]

Kids randomly fall asleep.

[B]

I don't like this Pick the best.

[A]

What are you talking. When's the last time you took a nap?

[B]

The best part about being an adult is no bedtimes. That's the best part about. It's the inverse.

[C]

It's being able to do whatever you.

[B]

Want with your bedtime.

[C]

I have no bedtime on my list.

[B]

Sleeping more. It's no bedtime. Number one answer.

[A]

I'm on.

[B]

Survey says number one answer.

[A]

I'm on team Naps.

[B]

Oh, I'm not saying naps. Not great. I'm just saying you could take a nap. That's not something your parents are like. Don't do it until you're an adult.

[C]

You want to know the worst part of being an adult?

[A]

We're on the best.

[C]

No. Do you want to know the worst part?

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

I got ticket Tofu. We're in the middle of a turn based segment.

[A]

He's taking the ears off and I'm like, what in the world is. Oh, I can't wait to see how you edit that in.

[C]

Oh, I'm not stopping. We're rolling.

[A]

I know, but we can't leave all this in.

[B]

Is all this in the show?

[A]

Well, the. Him taking a dump.

[B]

I mean, what if people are listening right now? Are we live?

[A]

Are we streaming?

[C]

Speaking of listening, Matt says he can hear the dumb. I can hear everything.

[B]

Is it bad?

[C]

It was immediate with you.

[A]

It was immediate.

[C]

He took.

[B]

Wait, he took the bathroom.

[C]

He wasn't even in the door with him. Yeah, he picked it up and walked into the job.

[B]

No. So it's now got his particles.

[C]

Oh, yeah. From the sounds of it, it's a lot of particles.

[B]

Mike, you got two picks. Let's go. Is this live?

[C]

Yeah, we're keeping this.

[B]

All right, Mike, you're on the two of this.

[A]

There's no way this is entertaining.

[C]

Are you kidding?

[B]

I don't know our audience.

[A]

I know how you're going to edit it and it's going to be great, but it can't be the whole thing two hours later.

[B]

All right, Mike, you get two picks. No bedtime.

[A]

Hey, we're back.

[B]

We're back. Yeah. By the way, Jason went with naps. I went with no bedtime.

[A]

Jason went with naps and craps.

[B]

Mike, two picks. Best part of being an adult is.

[A]

I eat what I want when I want to eat it.

[B]

I had that one as a slash pizza whenever I want.

[C]

I'm eating candy whenever I want.

[B]

Yeah, eating what you want when you want.

[A]

As with all things in life, it turns out there are consequences.

[B]

Yeah, the parents knew what was up?

[A]

Which consequence, just as a reminder doesn't mean negative consequence is just result. Like you can have positive consequences of an action. But eat what I want when I want.

[B]

It's a good one.

[A]

That's always negative.

[B]

That is, it's.

[A]

It's. It's always negative. And number two, I'm going to go with complaining about young people.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

I'm going to go complaining about the youngs, the youths. I think the youths have no idea what they're doing.

[B]

We did it earlier when we told the kids. When we said. When we told the kids how good they had it. I will.

[A]

Yeah, we did.

[B]

I will eliminate from my list. But it was like a subcategory that says being able to say in my day, which is kind of complaining.

[A]

So.

[B]

Yeah, that's a great pick.

[A]

Got him.

[B]

I think I will go with. This is a tough one. I'm trying to figure out where Jason's going to go.

[A]

Probably.

[B]

I'm gonna go with privacy. Just privacy.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Your life is not your own when you're a kid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You have no privacy. So just privacy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Do my. Do my parents have any idea what I do on a day to day basis? No.

[B]

That's how I like it.

[A]

They learn everything from this podcast.

[B]

That's right. Which they listen to regularly.

[A]

What my father does.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Hi, dad.

[B]

There you go. Jason. Two picks here. You already took naps and craps.

[A]

Most. I've talked to my dad in three months, by the way.

[B]

Just now. Just now. You already took naps. All right. You already took a craps.

[C]

Yeah. I'm gonna say similar to the, you know, eating whatever you want when you want.

[A]

Okay. Better not be too similar.

[C]

It's very similar, but it's more buying whatever I want. Like you get, you know, you don't have to get permission to buy a.

[A]

I thought about the like. And like, you have some spending money.

[C]

Yeah. And you can make bad decisions.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[C]

You know what I mean? No one's there to protect you. You can be like, I'm gonna buy that video game system.

[B]

So I had a mindset. Buying dumb stuff without judgment.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what it was.

[A]

So much of my job as father is I am just here for regulations. I am protecting my children.

[B]

Yeah. From what? They don't know.

[A]

From buying stupid crap.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which they want to do on a regular basis.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of. That's the same thing as like when kids want to eat like the whole cake and you're like, no one right. 1. As a parent, your job is just let them not explode themselves.

[A]

And then I'm like, don't do that. And then they go to bed, and I'm like, how much stupid crap can I buy?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, that's. That's a good pick. Buying whatever you want to buy. All right, Jason, you got another one.

[C]

I got another one. Now, not all adults can do this.

[A]

Touch your toes.

[C]

No adults can tie your shoes. But this is definitely one of my favorite parts of being an adult.

[B]

Put on your own socks.

[C]

Which was one of my least favorite parts of being a kid. Making your kids do the work you.

[A]

Don'T want to do. Oh, yeah, yeah. I have.

[B]

I have.

[A]

I delegated.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Down.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. It's like, oh, we've got to pick that.

[A]

I got to teach you about life. You should do the dishes. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, important lesson.

[C]

How dare you not. I've got to go do important things. Just don't come in my room. I've got to take a nap.

[A]

I'm an adult. Business, business, business.

[B]

I like it. That's funny. No bedtime privacy. My third one, I'm going to say picking my own friends.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because when you're growing up, sometimes you.

[A]

Just get stuck with.

[C]

It's like, who was on your street.

[A]

Who was in your class.

[B]

It's the kids from church. You have to hang out with the parents that the parents bring a family over, and then you either be friends with their kids. I'm the cousins that have to come over.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

So pick your own friends.

[A]

You. I believe every friend group. We all had at least one kid where you're like. You're like. They're just there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're just in the group because of proximity. Whatever. You're just. You really hope they don't show up. We all had. I mean, we all had at least one of those guys in the group right back.

[B]

I feel pretty bad for that kid.

[A]

Well, because they suck. Like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you know what? They probably still do.

[C]

They probably, definitely do.

[B]

They were probably really happy to become an adult because their childhood was probably not that good.

[C]

That's true.

[B]

Mike, you got your final two picks so far. You're eating what you want and you're complaining about the youths.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Since.

[A]

All right, So I have one reasonable and one unreasonable, I think.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

So reasonable. I'm going with old man strength. Oh, love that old man strength.

[C]

Because that is a real true.

[A]

Because awesome thing. My. My middle boy is an athlete who has been training nonstop Getting way stronger. He is. There was a race that I think we already talked about on the show, but a well documented race in. In ballers lore. My son over the summer beat me in a race, and it was like. I witnessed it, and Andy was there, and it was like, this is done. I will never, ever, ever, ever be faster than him again.

[B]

But you're stronger.

[A]

But you know what? I am stronger.

[C]

It's gonna take him a long time.

[A]

Yeah, you think that. Oh, just move, guys. Moobs, girthy belly. You know what? I am. I'm stronger than you, and I will be for a long time.

[B]

Oh, man. Strength.

[A]

Okay, so that one works, and then the other one. This might just be me. Guys, I got a drawer full of old cables.

[B]

Really? That's the best part of being an adult part.

[C]

This is what we were talking about. There's not that many great parts, guys.

[A]

I did not have that on my.

[C]

I love having a drawer.

[A]

Do you have anything that needs a cable?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I promise you, you can date it to 92. I got a cable for you.

[C]

You don't dispose of my guy.

[A]

I got a drawer for. I got a giant drawer full of all sorts of cables. Wow.

[C]

You need.

[A]

You need vga. You need rca.

[B]

This is the. You look.

[A]

You need cpu. Whatever. Whatever cord you need, your boy's got it.

[B]

That's a weird answer, man. Yeah, that's a weird answer. Yeah.

[A]

Look, because I have the confidence that no matter what cord needs come up, it's done.

[C]

I.

[B]

It's the new.

[A]

This is the modern version of the. Of the closet full of different shapes of wood.

[C]

I just. I. That wasn't on my list.

[B]

No, me neither. Because I had blaming age for your problems on my list.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Blaming age.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've gotten to the point.

[C]

I do.

[A]

I do have it. I said, quote, it's the only reason I can't do that. Yeah, I could totally do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I'm old now, so I definitely.

[B]

I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry. I forgot about that. My old brain.

[A]

You know me, I'm so dumb these days. Old, getting older.

[C]

The problem with that.

[B]

I'd love to go on that hike, but, you know, I got that crotchety old knee.

[C]

I feel like that's the. One of the worst parts of being an adult.

[A]

Well, it's both.

[B]

I get that you.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, you can get out of stuff, but the other side is you have to get out of a bunch of stuff because of your age.

[B]

Yeah, well.

[A]

But hold on.

[B]

I'm Just better than a cable drawer.

[C]

Way better, Papa. Josh, my favorite thing to be an adult is. I dreamed when I was growing up with that cable drawer, man. No, it's a really big draw. I feel like that's an answer to.

[B]

A draft of things adults have, right?

[A]

Yeah, but it. No, but it's his favorite.

[B]

Josh, we all have a cable drawer.

[C]

I've got a cable drawer. But when you find that cable.

[A]

No, you guys don't know. Tell me. Tell me how you don't have.

[B]

You better have a serial port cable in that, brother.

[A]

You think I don't.

[B]

You better.

[C]

I think you don't have a serial cable.

[A]

You think I don't.

[C]

I want a picture of it tonight.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I take my drawer around with me.

[B]

All right.

[C]

I sit in my drawers.

[B]

All right, One left. Naps, buying whatever you want. Making your kids do the things you don't want to do.

[C]

And my favorite part of being an adult. And this is a shout out whenever I want to my man Joe Flacco.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Going and sitting at the bar.

[A]

Oh, dude. It's on my own. Being alone, dude.

[C]

Yes. Solo trip to the bar. Favorite part of being an adult. That's. I mean, you can't do it as a kid, and that is. It's. I think it's like, what would your dream evening look like?

[A]

Silence.

[C]

Silence. Being alone.

[B]

Being alone is wonderful.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Honorable mentions here. I had financial independence. You kind of said that one.

[A]

Not all adults.

[B]

I said adjusting and choosing the thermostat.

[A]

The what?

[B]

Choosing the thermostat.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

I choose what the thermostat's.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Leaving stuff anywhere I want. Okay. I mean, and skipping things because I'm, quote, unquote busy. The.

[A]

Yeah, the wife doesn't care for leaving things wherever I want. No, I did. I had a fresh bottle of ibuprofen.

[C]

Oh, that's. That's an adult's favorite thing. No, that's a. That's a way better pick than cable, than a kid better.

[B]

Is it like a bag of chips? Are they better when they're fresh? And you. Dude, when you pop the.

[A]

You got the safety seal on the.

[B]

I stuff in there, and you get.

[A]

To rip it off, and you're like, these are the freshest. These are.

[B]

These.

[C]

What is with this cable drawer and ibuprofen guy? I don't know.

[B]

You are.

[A]

I'm living, guys. You guys are pretending.

[B]

Here's your best things about being elderly.

[A]

I'm living.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. You have any other Honorable mentions.

[C]

Jason, I didn't have another thing on my list, bro.

[A]

Oh, I had to do.

[B]

Oh, well, you can share it today. I mean, it could be what you learned today.

[A]

Truly. Truly respecting the weekend.

[B]

Okay. Like, yeah, because every day is a week, kids. Every day in your life's a weekend. So, you know.

[A]

Yeah. Because they're like, oh, I got school.

[B]

Then I have to come home.

[A]

No, you play with my friends. Two days. Two days off. In a row. In a row. Yeah. Sequentially two days that I don't have to go to work. Oh, my goodness.

[B]

I learned today that Mike likes his cable drawer.

[C]

I learned today. Maybe I'm doing too much creatine.

[A]

Oh, with the.

[B]

With the old bathroom break. The old bathroom break there, Jen.

[C]

I don't know. I'm searching. What might have been the issue?

[A]

I don't know what I learned.

[B]

I learned the show must go on. We'll catch you on the next episode of the Spitballers.

[C]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out Spitballers pod dot com.

[B]

Why have I asked my electrician I.

[C]

Found on Angie.com to bury my pet hamster? I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires, I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet nibbles after his untimely end. This is very strange, Angie. The one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie Combination.