Jiu-Jitsu Master & The Best Animal Movies - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast: "Jiu-Jitsu Master & The Best Animal Movies – Spit Hits!"

Episode 303 | January 22, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, & Jason

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Spitballers Comedy Podcast is packed with the trio’s classic brand of clean, dad-friendly humor. The main attractions are ridiculous hypothetical scenarios, an extended and hilarious debate about the value of mastering jiu-jitsu versus drawing, wild real-life news stories (including a texting judge and a wayward finger), and an animated, nostalgia-tinged draft: the best animal movies. From awkward social dilemmas to childhood favorites, the laughs and friendly jabs come nonstop.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Would You Rather: Awkward Social Terrors

[02:30]
Prompt: Would you rather give a best man’s speech for someone you barely know OR go to your kid’s schoolmate’s birthday party and blow out their candles (and stay for the rest of the party)?

• Detailed breakdown of each disaster:
  • The agony and logistical planning for blowing out another child’s candles as an adult: “You have to sell it like it’s a big gag. That’s hilarious. I mean, it’s not going to go over well. You might get punched.” – Andy [03:28]
  • Layered justifications for the act, from "saving" the birthday kid to claiming desperate personal need for a birthday wish.
• Comparing the embarrassment and possible violence from parents. The group ultimately agrees that hijacking a best man’s speech is the less scarring option.

Notable Quote:
“I was just helping him, man. Why’d you do that? He’s a little undersized. I didn’t think the lungs were going to be able to power through. I want his wish to come true. And my man lungs got them all 11 out.” – Mike [05:11]

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2. Would You Rather: Master Drawing or Jiu-Jitsu?

[08:41]

• Mike quickly picks jiu-jitsu, valuing its “real-life skill” and the satisfaction of being unbeatable at tournaments—even if only for a year.
• Andy presses the longevity and hobby-satisfaction of drawing, pondering if talent is innate or strictly learnable.
• Tangents include a lively side quest: brainstorming a hobby for Mike. Ideas range from woodworking (“That’s very cumbersome and you get sweaty in the garage”), collecting (antiquing “infinitely until your next of kin is forced to sell them all”), to beer making and brunching.
• Jason suggests bootlegging, complete with moonshine logistics, and muses about art scams (“If I’m really good at drawing, do I make all these drawings and then say someone I knew made these, and now they’re gone? Because that’s the only way they’re valuable.”) [15:49]

Notable Quote:
“I wish I could do it…just looking at it, which is…that’s not a…most of the things I see drawn in my life are on a dry erase board and they’re quickly erased.” – Mike [11:47]

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3. Social Norms: Doors and Elevators

[14:14] Would You Rather:

• Always stand in the elevator with your back to the door, or always pull doors shut behind you—even with people walking up?
  • Universally agree that actively shutting doors on people is egregious.
  • Detailed hilarity about elevator scenarios, from greeting every family (“Hello, welcome. Enjoy your stay.”) to speculation about smile-versus-scowl when standing backwards to strangers in an elevator.

Notable Quote:
“If I turned around and this dude had an ear to ear smile, I would run off that elevator.” – Mike [21:42]

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4. Is This Real Life?

[25:55] News Stories:

• Andy: Oklahoma judge resigns after sending over 500 mocking texts to the bailiff during a murder trial, peppered with emojis and snark about lawyers' attire and skills.
  • “The judge is just side-eyeing you…The best part is the texts were being sent to the bailiff during the trial. Making fun of people with emojis included.” – Andy [26:48]
  • The trio sympathizes but is floored it was a murder trial, not traffic court.
• Mike: Canadian family pays $10,000 to ship dad's body home from Cuba…receives a much younger Russian man with tattoos instead.
  • “So they spent $10,000 to have the body returned…However, the casket arrived containing the body of a Russian man who was at least 20 years younger…with a head full of hair and tattoos.” – Mike [30:13]
• Jason: Citizen in Tacoma finds a human finger in the yard. Eventually, the owner calls in saying it was lost during a fireworks mishap—news brings a gleeful reunion (with the finger, not reattachment).
  • “He didn’t know where it went…Saw the story and called in, ‘I think that’s my finger.’” – Jason [34:42]

PSA: Don't mess with fireworks. “If we can do anything on this show, please, please, please don’t play with fireworks, everybody. It is the dumbest thing you could ever do.” – Andy [35:12]

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5. The Spitballers Draft: Best Animal Movies

[38:24] Full segment; highlights below

Draft Criteria: The animal must be a predominant character or theme—not just a pet in a home. Animated films permitted.

ROUND 1

• Mike: Homeward Bound
• Jason: The Lion King
• Andy: Jaws

ROUND 2

• Mike: How to Train Your Dragon
• Jason: Free Willy
• Andy: Jurassic Park
  • Debate if dinosaurs qualify as animals. Verdict: Yes. [43:00]

ROUND 3

• Mike: Finding Nemo
• Jason: Zootopia (“It’s so good. The main characters are so good. Jason Bateman…” – Jason [48:21])
• Andy: Land Before Time (nostalgic favorite, animated dinosaur tearjerker)

ROUND 4

• Mike: Planet of the Apes (OG Heston version)
• Jason: Paddington 2 (unexpected enthusiasm, cited as near-perfect; “Paddington 2 is just a perfect movie.” – Mike [52:03])
• Andy: Paddington 2 was Jason’s alternate as well—triggering a Paddington love fest.

ROUND 5

• Mike: Emperor’s New Groove (Cusco becomes a llama; “Goofy Movie is my favorite Disney cartoon. Emperor’s New Groove is a very close second.” – Jason [53:46])

Also-Rans:

• Kung Fu Panda, Jungle Book, Milo & Otis, Charlotte’s Web, Air Bud, 101 Dalmatians, All Dogs Go to Heaven.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On What Makes an Animal Movie:

  • “If the name of the movie is the animal…we’ll allow it.” – Mike [42:28]
  • “Is a dinosaur an animal? Yes, is the answer.”—Andy [42:56]

• On Hobby Searching:

  • “Antiquing sounds awful…Shopping sounds good, antiquing sounds awful.” – Mike [12:26]
  • “What’s my ratio of crap to empty space?” – Jason, on collecting [13:04]

• On Social Responsibility:

  • “If I was there and there was just an endless line of families and no one was willing to take the door from me…I would die there.” – Mike [19:41]

• On Paddington 2:

  • “Paddington 2 is just a perfect movie.” – Mike [52:03]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Start of main show after ads: [01:05]
• Would You Rather – Best man’s speech vs. birthday candles: [02:30] – [08:41]
• Would You Rather – Drawing vs. Jiu-Jitsu: [08:41] – [15:37]
• Hobby Brainstorm and Bootlegging: [12:13] – [15:24]
• Elevator/door dilemmas: [14:14] – [23:15]
• Is This Real Life (News stories): [25:55] – [35:00]
• Animal Movie Draft: [38:24] – [56:08]
• Leftover draft picks & wrap-up reflections: [54:33] – [56:08]
• Episode sign-off: [56:23]

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Takeaways and Final Thoughts

• The Spitballers’ chemistry is strongest in wild hypotheticals and when riffing on everyday social rules, peppered with rapid-fire one-liners.
• The animal movie draft sparked genuine debate about the very definition of "animal movie," with Jurassic Park and Zootopia both passing their bar, and dinosaurs (and dragons) hotly contested as animals.
• Unexpected wins go to Paddington 2 and Emperor’s New Groove, both described as "near perfect" and essential viewing.
• “Don’t play with fireworks,” turns from a story punchline to a genuine PSA.
• The show wraps up with each host sharing something new they learned—and Andy realizing Emperor’s New Groove is, indeed, an animal movie, while Mike vows never to disrespect kid birthday traditions.

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For those who missed it:

• Expect a blend of truly ridiculous ‘would-you-rather’ hypotheticals, a keen nostalgia for ‘90s flicks, and low-stakes but passionate debate about what constitutes a real animal movie—all delivered with clean, improv-style dad humor.
• If you’ve never seen Homeward Bound, Paddington 2, or Emperor’s New Groove, you may want to add them to your list (and maybe send Mike some new hobby ideas).

Transcript

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[Andy]

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[Mike]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason.

[Jason]

And then the roar.

[Mike]

Okay, all right. Now was it and then the roar.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason]

Sometimes you gotta fill space with some syllables and then words just come out of your mouth. Oh, the people loved it. Wow. It's probably the roar at the end. It was a good one.

[Andy]

Welcome into the Spitballers. Andy, Mike and Jason with you.

[Jason]

You'll never catch guess what we're drafting.

[Andy]

Would you rather Is this real life? And we are drafting the best animal movies on today's episode of the podcast. Episode 303. In fact, 303A palindrome.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

I mean, yeah.

[Jason]

Yeah, that is true.

[Andy]

Thank you for joining us. Thank you for following the show. Tell your friends and family if you would like them to enjoy. They're Mondays. What's the other day? We released shows Thursday and they're Thursdays. Anything else out?

[Mike]

You're allowed to listen. Yeah, you're allowed to listen every single day.

[Jason]

Every day could be a Spitballers day.

[Andy]

All right, let's kick it off. Would you rather Trisha from Instagram writes in and says would you rather give the best man's speech for someone you barely know or go to your kids schoolmate's birthday party and blow out their candles after everyone sings to them and you have to stay for the rest of the party.

[Mike]

Wait. Okay, the second one of these options is you're going to your child's schoolmate. So your child's friend. Oh, my son's buddy Roger's having a birthday party. I'm going to go there, and after they sing him Happy birthday, I'm a blow out his candles. As a grown man, you'll probably have.

[Jason]

To do it, like, as the song is coming to a close.

[Mike]

Oh, I got to get in there before he does.

[Andy]

So on that one, you have to sell it like a. Like you think it's a big gag. That's hilarious. I mean, it's not going to go over well. You might get punched.

[Mike]

See, what I'm going to do is I'm going to sit there right next to him. Maybe I'll be filming from his perspective. Absolutely. Like, just right before him, and they won't know.

[Andy]

What about a sneeze?

[Mike]

Oh, that's good. Right on the cake. Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

Shoo.

[Mike]

Let me slice this up for you.

[Andy]

So the second one sounds way worse. I mean, that.

[Mike]

But the first one's not even bad.

[Andy]

It's not that hard a best man speech for someone you barely know. I could go through enough trivialities. Like, I mean, I think it's.

[Jason]

The issue is you're taking over the speech. Like, the best man does not get to speak. Like, they go up like, you know, it's time for the best man speech. And they're walking up, and you run.

[Andy]

And you grab the mic and you.

[Jason]

Shoulder check them and you take the microphone.

[Mike]

Okay. That would make this question make far more sense, because if I just. If I was asked to give a best man speech for someone that I've been asked that, I don't know, I'm like, yeah, sure, that's fine. I would probably rather do that than. Than someone I know. It's like, I could say anything I want. I can have fun with this.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, I feel like you can say enough generic things at a best man speech to be fine. The idea that you are taking the spot from someone else and then having to give a speech is awkward as can be.

[Mike]

Little Kanye West.

[Jason]

I'll let you finish.

[Mike]

I'll let you finish in a minute. But I could.

[Andy]

I think I could blow out the candle if it was like a solo candle on a cupcake that someone was holding and be like, no, he's 11 years old. So there are 11 candles, and you have to stay for the rest of the party. So everyone's just gonna be like, why'd you do that?

[Mike]

I was just helping him, man. Why'd you do that? He's a little undersized. I didn't think the lungs were going to be able to power through. I want his wish to come true. And my man lungs got him all 11 out. That's. I mean, I did this for him.

[Jason]

What do you, like. What do you do at the end? You've blown the candles out.

[Andy]

Oh, you grab them.

[Jason]

What's your. Are you doing a. Eh, eh.

[Mike]

Do you stand and cheer, like, what's one thing?

[Jason]

Or do you just sit there in silence.

[Andy]

I'm just kidding, everyone. And you grab the lighter and light them again?

[Mike]

No, I mean, I think what you do is immediately when you blow them out, you grab that knife and you start cutting.

[Jason]

You're like, who wants cake?

[Mike]

Who wants cake? I'm just trying to get this party moving. You know what if you say you.

[Andy]

You had a wish that you needed.

[Mike]

Yeah, dude, I'm so. Look, Roger, I am sorry, but I needed this wish.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, like, I am going to lose my job without this wish.

[Jason]

You just tell him to. Your kid, be like, you don't know this, Tom, but little Frankie's really going through it right now.

[Andy]

He's really sick.

[Jason]

He's so sick right now.

[Mike]

Well, he was, and then I made this wish, and watch how happy he's going to be now.

[Jason]

I'm looking at Frank. He looks perfectly fine. Exactly.

[Mike]

That's why I blew out your candles. You get it?

[Andy]

I like that. That's a good one.

[Jason]

Just start hugging the. You saved him. You saved my little boy.

[Mike]

It's a lot easier. It is a lot easier to overcome these children than to overcome the grooms and the. The bridesmaid. So you think the parents are going to. Oh, man.

[Jason]

Oh, the parents.

[Andy]

What makes the best man? I'll tell you what makes the best man.

[Mike]

So put yourself in the shoes of the other parents. This is your son's birthday, okay? We all have a young.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

And another parent.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh, not another kid.

[Mike]

Like, I could see another kid doing that, and I'd be like, what a little jerk kid. I hate that kid. But that kid's parent blows out the candles. This would be wild.

[Andy]

This would be like, you know, they got the pinata, and one of the other parents grabs. Grabs the stick and goes first. It just rips it into.

[Mike]

That would be awesome.

[Jason]

I mean, just like Sammy Sosa showing.

[Mike]

Up to your birthday party.

[Jason]

Bat flips at the end, brings his own.

[Andy]

Bring your own bat.

[Mike]

Yeah, I prefer an aluminum.

[Andy]

I mean, if you. The thing about traditionalist. I don't know what the next thing I do is.

[Mike]

Once you start serving. Someone did that for my opening presents. You're going to move on.

[Andy]

I'm serving that parent the last piece.

[Jason]

Yummy. You're going to relight the candles.

[Mike]

Oh, well, that just makes it completely easy.

[Jason]

No, but now you still have to this.

[Mike]

Everyone has to sing again.

[Jason]

The awkwardness is still in the air of this person just blew out the candles.

[Andy]

Man. Man. This is a great question because they are both awful.

[Mike]

I think I could.

[Andy]

I guess I'm doing the best man speech.

[Mike]

That's the way I lean to. I think I could take the microphone.

[Jason]

Let's get this party started, everybody.

[Mike]

And I could just try to make the crowd laugh and have fun and be belligerent and then give it back and everyone. And then it's like there was a. Hopefully a reason for it of like, that was just fun. There's no redeemable quality about blowing out another kid's birthday candles as an adult.

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

No. So I think we're. I think we're good there. Rusty from Patreon writes in. Would you rather instantly master the skill of either drawing or jiu jitsu?

[Mike]

Jiu jitsu, baby.

[Andy]

Mastering is the word there. That is making that more difficult because we're all competitive sports people. And if you tell me you get to master any sport, if I'm the master of a sport that comes with the competitive joy of winning. I don't know if there's drawing competitions, but I don't think they're like sports.

[Mike]

Well, and as a life skill, that's more how I look at it as a life skill. Like, drawing is amazing. It blows my mind when people can draw even. No, really. Like when they can visualize in their mind what they want to draw. That alone blows my mind. But they're able to then draw it. I can't even see a stick figure in my mind to draw. I'm like, I don't know the shape of a dog, right?

[Andy]

Can you learn that? Like, seriously. I know some people are gifted artists, right? Like Papa Josh. His wife is a great artist. His daughters are great artists. Did they learn it? Did they have some of it? Was it inherent? Like, if I decided today I want to, like, I'm going to commit my life to drawing, I. You would learn, like, all the way.

[Jason]

Yeah. I believe that any art thing, like, there are some people, you're born and you just have a. Your brain happens to Function naturally a certain way. So you can think about that. But for drawing, it's going to take longer. But I think that you can learn the skills of light and shadow, of that. Of just. I mean, first off, when you look at an object, just what are the basic shapes of that? And kind of deconstructing it before. Before you start drawing and adding all the detail in. I think anyone can learn it.

[Andy]

Can I. Can I alter this? Because it seems like Jiu Jitsu is going to win the day here.

[Jason]

Well, I was going to say that. Just going back to the first question. If someone blows out the candles, I'm not going to draw, like an angry picture and hand it to him.

[Mike]

But the Jiu Jitsu, now that comes in handy.

[Jason]

That might come in real handy when Bob's blowing out the candles.

[Andy]

What if you could become the master of Jiu Jitsu for one year or the master of drawing for your whole life? Because one of the redeeming things about drawing to me was the idea that for years and years and years, this is a hobby I can do. I would like a hobby like that.

[Mike]

I was thinking today, I want to add a hobby to my life. I want to find a hobby.

[Andy]

Do you need our help?

[Mike]

I don't. Sure, yeah. Recommendations. Rack your brains, fellas, because step one.

[Jason]

You'Re going to need some more time, right?

[Mike]

Yeah. But a future hobby.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

I feel like drawing. To me, it's.

[Andy]

That's not your hobby.

[Mike]

I admire it so much, but that sounds so boring.

[Andy]

That's not your hobby.

[Mike]

I don't want to see.

[Andy]

You don't like museums.

[Jason]

You don't like.

[Andy]

You don't like drawing because it's from nothing. From an empty page to something you're proud of. There's a whole lot of time you'll be unhappy.

[Mike]

I wish I could do it just.

[Jason]

Looking at it, which is.

[Mike]

That's not a. I mean, most of the things that I see drawn in my life are on a dry erase board and they're quickly erased.

[Andy]

Could you do woodworking? Or is that also. That's not boring.

[Mike]

That's less boring. But that's very cumbersome. And it's hard to get sweaty. It's probably in a garage. We're in Arizona. But keep these flowing. Deucers. You guys as well. I'm looking for a hobby.

[Andy]

What are some hobbies people have?

[Mike]

Yeah, people do.

[Andy]

Well, like, do you want to learn an instrument?

[Mike]

I'm not good at that.

[Andy]

Okay, no music. What about antiquing?

[Mike]

Oh, that.

[Jason]

Is that a hobby?

[Andy]

It is a hobby.

[Mike]

Yeah. Shopping sounds good. Antiquing sounds awful.

[Jason]

Antiquing's.

[Andy]

Oh. What you do is you go to antique stores, which are very popular. You'll find them. And you go to garage sales and you buy things that you think are worth money or antiques, and then you just collect them infinitely until your next of kin is forced to sell them all.

[Jason]

That's what I was going to ask. So how do you gauge?

[Andy]

I am really good at thinking it's how many based on how much storage space you have.

[Mike]

No, just based on how many things.

[Andy]

You'Ve purchased, how much storage space you don't have anymore.

[Jason]

Right.

[Andy]

It's all in negative volume.

[Jason]

My ratio of crap to empty space.

[Mike]

And everyone that I have almost no.

[Andy]

Room left, I'm doing it.

[Mike]

When you are antiquing, you are going out there and you find that apple plate that is so rare and you say, this is worth hundreds of dollars. 1982, they're selling it for $19.99. They don't know what's on their hands. So this is a. This is a profiting. That's a little different though. No, but they're never going to sell it. They think they're going to sell it. They're going to go, oh, I'm going to make money on this. And they're going to bring it home and they're going to store it until you're. Until their next of kin has to.

[Jason]

Is forced to throw it away.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

Well, they're going to sell it because they've been told how much it is, except they have no idea.

[Andy]

Estate sale. Everybody else comes and then they get a discount on it and it just keeps going and it's a cycle of nobody paying the real price, so they just get kept.

[Mike]

Antiquing is out, so no antiquing.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

I don't have the room for that, man.

[Andy]

Deucers. Feel free to break in with some hobby suggestions during the show.

[Jason]

Brunching.

[Mike]

Oh, I could brunch. That's a hobby.

[Jason]

If antiquing is a hobby, my dude, I can.

[Mike]

But I think that's only once a week.

[Jason]

No, you know, a true bruncher, three to four times a week.

[Andy]

My wife's father. My father in law, beer making.

[Mike]

Okay, now, so that. Now I'm in. But I've heard that if you do it wrong, you could like blow up your house.

[Jason]

That's moonshine.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. So you know what I mean.

[Jason]

You could be a moonshine. You could be a bootlegger.

[Andy]

You don't want Anything with, like, a possible blowing up of your house, I.

[Mike]

Would prefer not to. I'm open to it. Like, that's not a full deal breaker, but if there is a little bit.

[Andy]

But you don't like collecting, so all the collecting ones are out.

[Mike]

Out. I don't care about knickknacks.

[Andy]

Like, you could be doing collecting Lego sets or collecting hobbies. They're collecting, you know.

[Mike]

Yeah. The Babe Ruth signed card is like, this is a piece of paper to me.

[Jason]

Do people still bootleg?

[Andy]

Is this around Prohibition ended in 29, was it?

[Jason]

No, I know, but is there, like, people who are like, yeah, I'm a bootlegger?

[Mike]

I don't think so.

[Andy]

I don't think there's people bootlegging because of moonshine.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I mean, I think people make it and no one gives a care.

[Jason]

Yeah. Like, you can drive around and pretend.

[Andy]

If you're selling moonshine out of the back of your old van, you might get in trouble.

[Jason]

Okay, so bootlegging is alive and well.

[Andy]

Yes, Mike, this is your hobby.

[Mike]

Okay? You got bootlegging if you drink for.

[Andy]

Mine if you drink it all. Not in control. Oh, no.

[Jason]

Not on your own supply.

[Mike]

Anyways. Going back to drawing, I don't. That doesn't sound fun or appealing to me. So I think I would love to. Even if it was one year, I would love to be an expert at Jiu jitsu.

[Andy]

You'll do that one.

[Mike]

Do some tournaments, get some medals, have that period of time and retire a champion.

[Andy]

Absolutely. All right, Makes sense.

[Mike]

I think we.

[Andy]

I think we talked your answer, Mike, through that one.

[Jason]

Well, I was thinking. I was trying to come up with a scheme.

[Andy]

The moonshine is the answer.

[Jason]

No, no, no. It's similar, but I'm coming up with a scheme of if I'm really good at drawing, do I make all these drawings and then I. I say someone I knew who made these, and now they're gone because that's the only way that they're valuable.

[Andy]

Oh, you say they were from, like, a famous dead artist.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

So dying is a big part of the.

[Jason]

Oh, that's when art's actually worth money. While you're alive, it's worth nothing. It's a dumb drawing. You can make more of those.

[Andy]

I feel like we won't find it right now, but I feel like there is a wild. Would you rather question that exists around what you pass down for your family and generations versus what you get now? So we may have to find one of those. Unless you guys just want to quickly say, what you get now.

[Jason]

And you know, you're saying, like, yeah.

[Mike]

I'll take what I get now.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's what I figured. All right. No, by the way, one last hobby question, because I've never. I am 40 years old. I have skied zero times. I have never. Have you skied?

[Mike]

I've skied about three times.

[Andy]

Mike, have you skied?

[Jason]

I snowboarded once and bruised my tailbone twice to a level that I could not walk for a couple weeks.

[Mike]

There is only one time that was it. There's only one time in my entire life where I know I had a concussion. That was skiing. Have you not heard my ski story?

[Andy]

Is this the story where you went for one last run while everybody else was staying at the lodge and you come stumbling in covered in head to toe in snow?

[Mike]

Yeah, my goggles broken, and I tumbled down that hill for a long time. One ski on, one ski, way up the mountain. I mean, I was. I was brutalized. And then I remember just standing there thinking, I don't know where I am.

[Andy]

If you have.

[Jason]

If you have no former experience, like when you're young, of, like, skateboarding, I would, I bet, even surfing. Just any sport where you learn to balance yourself.

[Andy]

Now I feel like I'm just asking, can I start the hobby of can I become a skier at 40?

[Mike]

No ligaments.

[Andy]

Oh, ligaments. I love that as an answer to the question.

[Jason]

Pain tolerance, too.

[Andy]

But what about just cross country skiing?

[Mike]

Oh, sure. Oh, yeah, you can do that. That's called walking. Can I become a hiker? Yeah, no problem.

[Andy]

All right, Noah, from the website, would you rather always stand in the elevator with your back to the door or always pull doors shut behind you, even when you know that there are other people walking up to them?

[Mike]

That second one is so hard. I mean, we've talked about the nice, casual, you know, social norms of holding a door for someone. And I'm the type where it's like, I hate when I'm walking to a restaurant and I see someone far away because I can't do it. I can't walk in and let that door shut. But now I got to stand and wait for grandma over there to, like, 45 seconds later, you run into those.

[Andy]

Situations and you just stand there and you wait.

[Mike]

Stand and wait.

[Andy]

What do you do when that situation happens and the person doesn't take the social responsibility of then taking the door? When they have a group of people, they walk through and they all walk past you?

[Jason]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

Do you know what I mean?

[Jason]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

The social norm Is I held it for you.

[Jason]

No, you take over.

[Andy]

The next family takes over the door. And have you had them, though, where they go right through?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Andy]

Like, I'm a permanent door holder at that point.

[Mike]

You start greeting each one of them like you were asking for tips. You just say, hello, welcome. Enjoy your stay. Right this way. I've got this. You just follow your grief.

[Andy]

Do you hold through that family because of your obligation to the next family? Because if you're not handing to the one that just walked right by you, then you have to hand to the next family personally.

[Mike]

This is. I mean, everyone's different. If I was there and there was just, let's just say an endless line of families and no one was willing to take the door from me. They were just thanking me for holding it for them, I would die there. That would be. I would. I'm just waiting for the restaurant to close at that point in time.

[Andy]

All right. Yeah. That does happen, though. People don't take it.

[Mike]

What was the first part of the question?

[Jason]

The elevator. You're standing at the door. That's just arms crossed, standing at the door.

[Andy]

Do they have to walk by you then?

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, imagine being the person that opened the elevator. I'm going up, and you see a bat. And the door opens and someone's standing.

[Jason]

With their back just alone.

[Mike]

Just standing with their back to me. Oh, that's a good point. I didn't even think about being alone.

[Jason]

Do they get on?

[Mike]

Would you walk on if someone is there?

[Andy]

Okay. Being.

[Jason]

I've been waiting forever. Elevator finally shows up. There is a. There's a man, and he's got his back to me. He's all alone. I'm not getting in there.

[Andy]

I would say, is this available?

[Mike]

I think I would squeeze on. I would wait for a second for him to turn around or acknowledge me.

[Andy]

Spread to. To completely block the entrance.

[Mike]

Well, then I'm not getting off.

[Andy]

But he said, yes, you can. Come on. You just have to climb through tunnel tag. You have to crawl through his legs.

[Mike]

No, thank you.

[Andy]

But he's dressed really nicely and he.

[Mike]

Says he's an employee, but it would be really funny. So let's say he's just off to the side a little bit, right? He's not blocking the door at all. He's over by the buttons, but still in the walkway a bit back is to you. Let's say he's in a suit. The door opens. You wait for him to turn around, acknowledge you or whatever, but he's not. But the Rest of the elevator is empty. So you're like, okay, I'm just gonna walk past him. I walk past him and I turn around. Are you hoping this guy has a giant smile or a scowling frown? Like, what is more. What are you expecting when you turn around? I think if I. If I turned around and this dude had an ear to ear smile, I would run off that elevator.

[Jason]

Yeah, I've seen that movie.

[Mike]

What did I walk into? I would rather him scowl and be like. Because that's what I would expect. Like, he's just an upset guy in his own world.

[Jason]

But then, you know, he's mad at you.

[Mike]

He's not mad at me. He was mad before I got on the elevator.

[Andy]

How about you have to be the guy. You get on an elevator, you're the one that's standing in front of the door with your back, but you're going to the top floor, so every person on every floor has to walk right by you. That would be tough.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So in this, would you rather we are the person, we are the weirdo standing with the back to the elevator.

[Jason]

Door or you're pulling the door shut behind you?

[Mike]

Well, that one's.

[Andy]

The problem with that one is so many of those doors don't close fast.

[Mike]

Well, no, that's why it's pulling.

[Andy]

They're like the pull.

[Mike]

Wind. The wind. That's the point. You're pulling against the hydraulics.

[Andy]

Yeah. The draft of it or the hydraulics.

[Mike]

Yeah. You're like, no, you don't get. This is the opposite of holding a door for someone. This is shutting a door on someone. This is. No, I pull. This was for me.

[Jason]

I opened the door.

[Andy]

I would say, can't let the AC out when I'm doing it. I would say that over and over again.

[Mike]

The problem there is saving energy. Oftentimes when you're walking into, say, a restaurant, that's the most common place I think of with door holding is three steps into the building. You stop in a line, waiting for the host to stand. So you're going to walk in here and you're going to shut that door on someone. And it's not like you can run away. No, it's like they're going to open the door and you're waiting right there in line. Man, I can't do that.

[Andy]

So you're taking. You're the.

[Mike]

I'm going to be a backwards elevator guy.

[Andy]

Yeah, I want that, too. Okay. Yeah, that. The door closing one is just pretty egregious. All right, Al, are we. We Moving on. Or we got time for one more. Let's move on. All right, let's do it. This episode is supported by Prize Picks. Whether you're starting a new routine or making player picks for the first time, you trying something new can be hard. But in life and on prize picks, it always feels good to be right. And guess what? Just found out about this. Prizepix now has early payouts if your player gets off to a hot start. You now have the option to cash out those winnings before the game even finishes. And they added a new social feature, little social feeds feature that you can share your prize picks with your friends and copy lineups from winners with a single click. We do this around the office and the only thing that I'm going to make you promise me is that you won't be friends with Al Borland. That's all you've got to do. You got to make sure about that. How simple was it for me to get started on prizepix? As simple as it gets. We come from the app development space. Their app is perfect. It's simple, it's easy to use. It makes the sport watching experience better. Download the prizepix app today and use the code spitballers to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's the code spitballers to get 50 dollars in lineups after you play your FIRST $5 lineup. Prize picks it's good to be right.

[Mike]

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[Andy]

All right, this is the segment of the show that we Drop in every once in a while that we have the opportunity to share a real life news story that we ask ourselves, is this real life? Is this actually happening in the society we live in? I'll just get mine out of the way.

[Jason]

All right.

[Andy]

This one. I actually saw this story come through when it originally happened. Briefly, I hadn't read it, but an Oklahoma judge had to step down because it was proven that they had sent more than 500 text messages during a murder trial that they were the judge of.

[Mike]

No.

[Andy]

And the text messages were all about things happening in the trial.

[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Andy]

About the fact that.

[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Andy]

For instance, the.

[Mike]

You've got texts.

[Andy]

One of them was the fact that the. And the best part is the texts were being sent to the bailiff.

[Jason]

This dude's so guilty.

[Andy]

The texts were being sent to the bailiff during the trial. Making fun of people with emojis included.

[Jason]

It's kind of funny.

[Andy]

And one of them, like the prosecutor was, quote, sweating through his coat was one of the tweets. The other one. The other one was a text about how the defense attorney was awesome and can I clap for her?

[Jason]

Look, we have.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Jason]

We have done things where we, the three of us, or maybe more of us, we will be on a video meeting with other people.

[Andy]

Yep.

[Jason]

And we have definitely intentionally messaged into our. Into our work slack environment trying to get the other person to laugh at Timmy because it's inappropriate, which makes it really funny. Now, if you're the one who gets someone else to break while they're doing the meeting, I think that's all the judge is doing.

[Mike]

Now, if you're the bailiff and you're standing there to the side and you try not to break your watch buzzes. You know, you get that text on your watch and you just look up and it says, he's sweating through his jacket.

[Andy]

Yeah. Now, the problem here, the judge is.

[Jason]

Just side eyeing you.

[Andy]

I'm not sure the Oklahoma judge would have had to step down had it been traffic court. But this was a murder trial over the killing. I don't even want to get into the details, but they were mocking the prosecutors. They were sprinkling emojis throughout the texts, and it was over 500 of them. And it wasn't just during the trial. It was during jury selection.

[Mike]

It was just who he is. That's just who that judge is.

[Andy]

So, judge, text message. Yeah. Some of this stuff I can't even read, but it was like, is this real life? The fact that you get the texting judge? That's making fun of parts of your trial while you're. Because they're so bored.

[Mike]

Wow, that's.

[Andy]

Hold on, let me see if I can find the statement here. Here is the statement from the judge about the resignation. I promise to uphold the constitution in a fair, even handed and efficient manner. The judge said in the resignation letter. I believe that I have done so. However, being human, I have also faltered.

[Jason]

So you haven't done it.

[Andy]

So being human, I did everything right.

[Jason]

But I didn't.

[Andy]

I like the fact that being human meant I couldn't withstand the temptation to.

[Mike]

Send over 500 texts to which another prosecutor might say to that judge, there are no non human judges. Just so you know.

[Jason]

They're not there yet.

[Mike]

They are all human.

[Andy]

That's right.

[Mike]

And they all have to choose to not send 500 texts during a murder trial. Okay, well, I'm sorry. That, that.

[Andy]

Sorry. That. That's real life.

[Mike]

That. That is real life. I'll go next year. Since you had a murder trial and mine deals with an unfortunate death. Canadian family receives wrong body after father died on Cuban vacation. They. The father goes on a vacation to Cuba, unfortunately dies on the beach. And this family sucks. Has to spend $10,000. What to.

[Andy]

I've heard that this happens.

[Mike]

The body.

[Andy]

Yep.

[Mike]

To send the body from Cuba to back home. You're sending a human body across the planet? That can't be cheap.

[Jason]

Leave me there. Hey, guys.

[Mike]

Well, they did. That's the worst part. That's the point. Because unranded other person shows up a random. Not just a random other person. So they sent. They spent $10,000 to have the body returned to the family. However, the casket arrived late last week containing the body of a Russian man who was at least 20 years younger than this person. Unlike her father, the body also had a head full of hair and tattoos. So this was like. This wasn't like, oh man, whoops. This was totally different. Not at all the right person.

[Andy]

You know that this was a big mistake and you know that your father had died. But when you open that casket and it's a Russian dude with tattoos, do you have a split second where you're.

[Mike]

Like, yeah, you got a little bit.

[Andy]

Maybe he's okay.

[Mike]

I think you. Depending on what they saw beforehand, it's like, that's not my dad. You start dancing. Well, see, here's the other side of this.

[Andy]

Like, he is dead though.

[Mike]

Yeah, he is dead. The other side of this though. When I first read the article, like, Canadian family receives wrong body after father died on Cuban vacation. This Is not a problem for one family. There's someone else who.

[Andy]

Wait, this isn't like a swipe swap, right? I don't know, but is there a body in Russia that's the dad?

[Mike]

No, that I don't think happened. I think they said the wrong one. But the point is, there's a Russian family that obviously did not receive their body.

[Jason]

Do you just move ahead with the funeral?

[Andy]

Closed casket?

[Jason]

No, no, no, no. He wanted it open.

[Mike]

Wait, no. You can't have an open casket of a different person.

[Andy]

You could do the bottom. You can do the bottom half open.

[Jason]

You got to roll with the legs.

[Mike]

That's fair. Just a Wizard of Oz type of death.

[Jason]

He loved these pants put on.

[Andy]

Yeah, you could dress him in the. All right, well, that's unfortunate. I hope the Cuban government rectified that.

[Jason]

Let's figure that out.

[Andy]

I don't know about that.

[Jason]

Mine's kind of a two part story. A little bit heartwarming here at the end.

[Andy]

That's good.

[Jason]

But, you know, it starts off, this is from Tacoma, Washington, back in July. And a person had to call up the police because, like, right around their property, there was a finger.

[Andy]

Like a human finger.

[Jason]

A human finger?

[Andy]

Yeah. Heartwarming. Mike.

[Jason]

Oh, just hold on.

[Mike]

This is so nice.

[Jason]

Well, so imagine you find it's a guy from Cuba. You find a human finger, like, just chilling on your driveway.

[Andy]

Not great.

[Jason]

I mean, I would freak out.

[Mike]

I'm not. I mean, I think we all would, but, like, I know I could put myself in that situation.

[Jason]

What do you.

[Mike]

I check the mailbox. I'm walking up first. What's your first scream? 100%. Okay, I see it. I would scream without a doubt.

[Jason]

Then number two, what do you do?

[Mike]

I'd go. I'd go get Tiff.

[Jason]

Obviously these people called the police. I don't know if that's my initial reason.

[Andy]

Oh, that's what I would do instantly. Oh, yeah. The sooner the police know that I know about the finger.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

I had nothing to do with this.

[Andy]

I was like.

[Jason]

I would say, yeah, sure you didn't.

[Mike]

Yeah, I would definitely call 911, but I feel like I would. I would incorrectly want an ambulance first for you. No, I mean, someone needs an ambulance. They're missing a figure.

[Jason]

What's your.

[Andy]

Paramedics? I found a murder.

[Jason]

There was no blood around the finger.

[Mike]

Huh.

[Jason]

You wouldn't just, like, keep kicking it.

[Mike]

Till it's on your neighbor's land?

[Jason]

You broom it over? Not my problem. But anyway, so this became a story in the local news. And then the guy called in.

[Mike]

Wait, what do you mean the dude missing a finger? Has anyone, like, a lost and found?

[Jason]

So which. Kids, listen up. Apparently said man was inappropriate with fireworks, blew off a fingie, and he, like.

[Andy]

Got shot into the air.

[Jason]

He didn't know where it went.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. He didn't know where his finger was?

[Andy]

A true lost and found.

[Jason]

No, but he saw the story, and then he called in, he said, I think that's my finger.

[Andy]

And did he get it reattached?

[Jason]

Oh, that. I don't know.

[Mike]

It doesn't sound like it was on ice. This is probably a dead finger at that point.

[Andy]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

But this is like. You make the joke like, oh, I lost a finger and be like, oh, where'd it go?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, I had no idea. I lost my finger.

[Andy]

Wow. So what was the heartwarming part?

[Jason]

The guy called in, he said, hey, that's my finger.

[Mike]

The heartwarming part was. The heartwarming part was that this guy.

[Andy]

No one was dead.

[Mike]

Found out where his finger went, but I doubt he got it back. It's not that hard.

[Andy]

Listen, if we can do anything on this show, please, please, please don't play with fireworks, everybody. It is the dumbest thing you could ever do. The stories every year that we would never share are so freaking scary. Just. Just don't do it.

[Mike]

It's also not like. It's not just exclusive to the hillbillies and rednecks and people making dumb decisions. Like, I know a fireman who has blown off.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Melted his hand.

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, they're like, yeah, let's just. Let's just watch the fireworks, you know?

[Andy]

And you'd never want to do something where if someone told your story, the end of it was goofing around with fireworks.

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

Like, you don't want that to be where your life led to. All right, one more break here, and we're getting into the draft.

[Jason]

Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Gorton's. The big game, it's on the way, and we know what that means. We're hanging out with friends, we're watching some good football. And of course, the food. The food at the party is so crucial, and it might be the most important part. And it's all fun and games until your kitchen's a mess, the oven's full, and you just want something that's quick, it's good, and it's guaranteed to please. And that's where Gorton's comes into your life. Gorton's seafood makes it simple to serve Fresh tasting, high quality seafood for game day, whether it's snacks, apps or the main event. I am a fish sticks man. You call me a traditionalist, that's fine. They're delicious. They're easy. Or my wife's her personal favorite, the coconut shrimp. Or there's the crunchy filets. Or the surprise hit taco tenders. Look, Gorton's has you covered no matter what you need. It's easy and it's delicious. You don't need to overthink your spread. Gorton's has been doing this for over 175 years and it shows. Everything comes out hot, crispy and ready to impress. Visit gortons.com to learn more, to find a store, and to get recipe inspiration. That's G O R-T O N S.com.

[Andy]

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[Jason]

The Spitballers Draft all right, we are.

[Andy]

Into our draft for the day which is the best animal movies and we have decided, you know, this has to be a movie where the predominant theme or character is an animal. Now we have included or we're allowing animated films. We are, but this is not about a movie where the lead character just happened to have a dog in the house. And it's not about an animal.

[Mike]

The animal needs to be an important or crucial part of this movie.

[Andy]

If someone came up to you and said, hey, what's a good animal movie I could watch?

[Mike]

You're not saying the wizard of Oz because Toto's in It.

[Andy]

Right? Yeah. All right, Mike, you get the first pick.

[Jason]

Well, mine is not just one animal. There are three animals. They are the main characters of said story. I believe it was based on a true story. But I feel like almost every 90s movie when we were kids were like.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, no, it's FIFAL Goes west.

[Jason]

Based on a true story of two dogs and a cat that some. The family goes somewhere else. And somehow these animals managed to find the family again. They have gone home. They have bounded home in Homeward Bound with one of the old. One of the ultimate gotchas at the end where they. They try and punch you right in the emotional face.

[Andy]

I love.

[Mike]

I don't know it. I love that I never saw it.

[Andy]

That you think, well, it's. It like the true story part of. If that's a true story. I'm gonna check.

[Mike]

I'll double check.

[Andy]

Let me just tell you. I'll break. Break the news to you. Okay, if it's a true story. Here's the true part. They lost their dogs and cat, and then they showed up at the house. All the story of their. There's no way. Oh, man.

[Jason]

It's not. It's not even based on a true story, Mike.

[Mike]

Bad pick.

[Andy]

All the things that happen in the movie are three animals. They can't account for their whereabouts to you.

[Mike]

Here's the thing.

[Andy]

Write a story about them crossing the river.

[Jason]

But I.

[Andy]

But they just showed back up at home.

[Jason]

I literally, just as I'm trying to find my. Is this true life story this happened with a cat. Like, this just happened that the cat got lost in one of the national parks and the people looked for days and couldn't find it. So eventually they had to go home, back to California, and then the cat found them.

[Mike]

That's insane.

[Jason]

So, like, this has happened, but apparently this one, like I said.

[Mike]

Now let me ask you this. Don't they talk in Homeward Bound? Do they talk? Yeah, the animals talk 100%. Yeah, but it's not based on a true story.

[Jason]

They talk to each other. The humans don't understand what the animals are saying.

[Andy]

Yeah, and there's no, like, lips moving and stuff. It's almost like it's in their head.

[Jason]

Wait, hold on. The AI overview of the Google search says it's not based on a true story. But then down here, according to Oakland Veterinary Referral Services, the popular film Homeward Bound is actually based on a true story.

[Andy]

It's based.

[Jason]

I don't know anymore.

[Andy]

It's based on a true story because of the fact that a dog has been lost and found their way home before.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

But this, all the hijinks that they go through in the movie we know nothing about.

[Mike]

All right, one more bound. I'm going to go a little bit more well known, popular. Awesome. It is also coming out soon again in live action form. Taking the Lion King, man. Okay, the Lion King is.

[Jason]

It already did come out, but that.

[Andy]

Was a long, long time ago.

[Jason]

You're thinking of the new. There's a new scar years ago.

[Mike]

Yeah. The Lion King is. When I think of like the movies that I actually enjoy that are animal based, like, that's the first thing that comes to mind.

[Jason]

Lion King is top tier Disney movie.

[Andy]

It would have been. It would have been on my. My double picks here. All right. My first one. You guys decide if it's okay. I think I have two picks that you're not going to want me to make.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

Or that you're going to feel like don't fit the mold. But I think they both do.

[Mike]

Pet Sematary is about animals.

[Andy]

Yes. Pick number one is Jaws.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Mike]

It's on my list.

[Andy]

Pick number one is Jaws. One of the greatest movies ever made. Central character, Jaws. Yeah.

[Mike]

I mean, if the name of the movie is the animal.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Okay, we'll allow it.

[Andy]

Now my second one. I had to Google this because I'm dumb. I had to google, is this an animal?

[Mike]

Wait, a what?

[Jason]

This is exciting.

[Mike]

I can't wait to find out what.

[Andy]

And you can veto it. I'm giving you full. Just quick veto. It's fine. Jurassic park. Because when I googled is. Now I'm getting a nod.

[Mike]

That's an animal movie.

[Andy]

Is a dinosaur an animal? Yes. Is the answer.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah, 100%. I mean, technically speaking, human beings are animals.

[Mike]

Right?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So Braveheart, it's about humans.

[Andy]

Well, actually, that's my son does all the time, actually speaking.

[Jason]

Sure.

[Andy]

I mean, to me, it's the. I mean, this is my. My fabulous too. And Al Borland. You're in on that?

[Jason]

I'm in on it.

[Andy]

All right. Jurassic park it is.

[Mike]

Wow. I'm. I don't like that pick, but because it's a great pick. You know what I'm saying? I'm just upset that you got it because I feel like.

[Andy]

Did you know dinosaurs are animals?

[Mike]

I did know dinosaurs were animals.

[Andy]

I'm having a hard time with knowing.

[Jason]

What an animal is today, which is incredible.

[Andy]

I just feel like. You know what else?

[Mike]

Let me just throw this out there. If it wasn't an animal. What would you have called it?

[Andy]

A dinosaur. I thought dinosaur might have been at the top level. Like an animal. Dinosaur genus.

[Jason]

Dinosaur.

[Andy]

Yeah. Like, is this common knowledge for everybody back then?

[Mike]

What would you think a crocodile is?

[Jason]

Reptile.

[Mike]

Would you say that? Okay, what do you think a reptile is?

[Andy]

An animal.

[Mike]

Okay. All right.

[Andy]

A dino animal. Dynamal. Everybody back there knew they were animals. Yes. We got one. We got one that wasn't. Sure.

[Mike]

Well, look, I'm going to go kind of on the tail of that in the sense that this is not a currently living, nor ever living animal, but definitely an animal, without a doubt. I'm going how to train your dragon. How to train your dragon is a wonderful movie. Wait, I'm getting. Wait, we're accepting Jurassic park, but now how to trade.

[Andy]

Literally, dragons don't exist.

[Jason]

Yeah. Is there a.

[Andy]

That's not an animal.

[Jason]

Are there dragon fossils somewhere?

[Andy]

Yeah, they don't exist.

[Mike]

Okay, so dinosaurs. Let me ask you. This is. So you're saying a unicorn is not an animal.

[Jason]

Correct.

[Mike]

My Little Pony. Those. Those. That's not an animal. That's not a show about a girl's animals.

[Jason]

The.

[Mike]

I mean, that's a.

[Andy]

That's not the worst. That's not the worst argument.

[Jason]

Decent argument.

[Andy]

It's a good argument. I. You know what? These people, I think you persuaded, they.

[Mike]

Live their lives around these animals and learning how to ride them. I mean, that's the. I don't know, man. So you guys decided.

[Andy]

I didn't want to say Jurassic park is because I was worried we'd go down.

[Mike]

I wasn't even worried that this wasn't an animal movie. It is more of an animal movie than Jurassic Park. Yeah. I think Jurassic park was an animal movie. Yeah. That's the point is like, if you think of an ant, no one watches Jurassic park and thinks of it as an animal. How to Train youn Dragon is all about the relationship between the animals and these people. It's an animal movie. All right, I'm gonna accept it. I'm gonna accept the judge.

[Jason]

Okay, great.

[Mike]

Great pick.

[Jason]

Sure, man.

[Andy]

Mike's is the only true animal movie so far.

[Jason]

Let's keep that. We'll keep it rolling. We're going 90s style. Free Willy, baby. Free Willy.

[Andy]

I thought I'd take it later.

[Jason]

Free Willy. I mean, how many marine biologists do we have in the world because of free will? Honestly, the end of SeaWorld has to be in part because of Free Willy. Like our love for the orca whales. And then we saw how sad they are with their dorsal fins tipped over. And we said, we shall not stand for this anymore. It took a while, but we grew up and we got there.

[Andy]

So wait, is it only part also.

[Jason]

That Michael Jackson song? That thing rips so.

[Andy]

So all the other animals. Hold me.

[Jason]

Don't stop there, Jordan.

[Andy]

That is a good song. And that movie was very good. And that, you know, animal movies were big in the 90s.

[Jason]

Yes, they were.

[Andy]

And so that's a great pick. It was on the list.

[Mike]

I've never seen it.

[Andy]

If animals.

[Jason]

What is going. Where did you grow up, dude? I didn't like animals.

[Andy]

And you didn't watch Mighty Ducks.

[Jason]

Homeward Bound?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Free Will.

[Andy]

This is insane. That's trouble.

[Mike]

He was watching, like, I was watching Braveheart. I was watching older movies.

[Andy]

He was older. He was much older. So, so. So if we. If we had other animals that had dorsal fins, though, they could get out? Is that what we're saying?

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

Well, is the dorsal fin the only thing that really like.

[Jason]

Well, the dorsal fin.

[Andy]

Like, if a monkey's tail went sideways in captivity, we would have let it free.

[Jason]

Well, the monkeys have a lot more space. The problem is that the orca whale is gigantic. And we're like.

[Andy]

So you're cool.

[Jason]

Here's a pool.

[Andy]

Like, would you expand the pool until the fin straightens out?

[Mike]

Hey, if we can get there, I mean, that's like a lake. You know what I mean? Like, if you put an orca in a lake, that might be good enough. I don't know.

[Andy]

The lack of seawater will probably die.

[Mike]

Well, I'm just saying Salt Lake, you know, like the city.

[Andy]

All right, Mike.

[Jason]

I'm still up here.

[Andy]

Mike. Jason wants to put all the whales in freshwater lakes.

[Jason]

I am going. Man, I really wanted to just stay with these 90s ones to stay here.

[Andy]

There's more.

[Jason]

There are, but you guys are over here doing weird things.

[Andy]

No, no, no, no. I'm coming back to where you're at.

[Jason]

It doesn't matter. I'm taking Zootopia.

[Mike]

Oh, no. That was my next pick.

[Jason]

Zootopia. So good.

[Andy]

Is that a good movie?

[Jason]

It's so good. It's so good.

[Mike]

It is an outstanding movie. That does not get enough credit.

[Andy]

Did they make more than one of them?

[Jason]

Currently, just the one.

[Andy]

So that's surprising.

[Jason]

They might be doing. There might be a sequel. But just the.

[Andy]

Movie, huh?

[Jason]

Oh, no, it's. It's fantastic. The main characters are so good. I'm trying to think of who's the. Who's the fox voice?

[Mike]

Jason Bateman.

[Jason]

Yeah. Jason Bateman. Oh my gosh. I love Jason Bateman.

[Andy]

Interesting. All right, Jason, you're back up.

[Jason]

All right.

[Mike]

Well, Zootopia was. Was next on my list. I think it is a really underrated movie. So now I'm trying to think what is either nostalgic or classic or just popular. I've seen a lot. Or what is the best. Because those are. I've got three movies I'm deciding between.

[Jason]

It's either nostalgic class animal movie. So you should go with the best.

[Mike]

Well, if it's the best. Oh, then I'm going to take that next. Because it is the best animal movie and no one's going to pick it here.

[Jason]

Yeah, here comes some Bigfoot movie.

[Mike]

So I'm going to. I'm going to go with Finding Nemo. Okay. I'll go under the sea.

[Jason]

That's fine. Andy.

[Mike]

Are fish animals?

[Jason]

They're fishes.

[Andy]

It was on my list.

[Mike]

All right.

[Andy]

I have no.

[Mike]

I'm just trying to test your animal iq.

[Andy]

I have no idea if they're animals.

[Mike]

All right, good to know.

[Andy]

I think everything's an animal. Yeah, that's what I need to remember.

[Mike]

Are trees an animal?

[Andy]

All trees.

[Jason]

What animal, plant or mineral? That's what I question.

[Andy]

It's been a long time since that has been at the forefront. All right. Finding Nemo would have been my next pick. So I'm going to go with. I'm going to go with back to back dinosaur picks. I'm going with Land Before Time.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy]

Land Before Time. Going back to the 90s. That was just. That was like one of my favorite movies ever.

[Mike]

But a little bit traumatic.

[Jason]

Oh yeah. Also devastating.

[Andy]

Devastating, but also.

[Jason]

Was that Bloom? Was that Don Bloom? Is that his name?

[Andy]

Goodness. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Mike]

No one does Bluth.

[Jason]

Was it Don Bluth?

[Andy]

Is that a writer? Sounds an artist.

[Jason]

That was the. He was. No, he's the guy who did your insurance.

[Mike]

Don Bluth.

[Jason]

Did he do Land Before Time?

[Andy]

Yes. Like the music he directed.

[Jason]

No, he's. He was like an animator.

[Andy]

He got all those dinosaurs to do those things.

[Mike]

Yeah, directed. An executive.

[Andy]

I'm sorry, it was a Spielberg produced. But yes, directed by Bluth.

[Jason]

Yeah, but. But Bluth did like Secret Anim. No one's gonna take it. But All Dogs Go to Heaven. Dragon's Lair. Don Bluth did some good work.

[Andy]

Well, I told you I was gonna get back on your level, Mike. But now I'm feeling like I might just stick where I'm at.

[Mike]

Stick with dinosaurs Best dinosaur movies.

[Andy]

I would never go to any sort of, like, mythical. But anyway, Planet of the Apes is my pick.

[Mike]

Oh, that's a good one. That's actually.

[Jason]

Which one? Which one?

[Mike]

Oh, that's true.

[Andy]

Oh, gee.

[Mike]

Oh, the. Okay, so what is that, 1976 or something?

[Jason]

You got to put the Heston movie.

[Mike]

Yeah, that is.

[Andy]

Yeah, the new one sucked.

[Mike]

I just watched the most recent and. Yeah, they did, they did.

[Andy]

But I'm not choosing what are the most recent ones.

[Mike]

No, look, it is rare. How to train your Dragon 5. You can mock all you want, but my next.

[Andy]

I love that movie.

[Mike]

I just didn't think of it as an animal movie. My next pick, because it's about Hiccup. My next pick is a sequel. It is very rare for a sequel to be better than the original, but this is not just better than the original. This is an all time movie.

[Jason]

Is it a bear movie?

[Mike]

You darn right it is. 99% Rotten Tomatoes score. Paddington 2 is elite.

[Jason]

Paddington 2 score.

[Mike]

It's unbelievable. And if you haven't seen Paddington 2.

[Jason]

Do yourself a favor tonight.

[Andy]

Can you skip the first one?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, no problem.

[Jason]

Wait, but Paddington one.

[Mike]

Very good. Very good. Yeah, don't hear what we're not saying. Paddington 1 was not bad. Paddington 2 is just a perfect movie.

[Jason]

It's on my list. And I was deciding my last pick. Do I go with this or do I take Paddington 2? Because Paddington 2 people need to understand that this is, like, grown into the mythology of Paddington 2 has grown and is warranted this.

[Andy]

It's just.

[Jason]

It just. You feel good when you're watching Paddington 2.

[Mike]

I was. I was. I was deciding between these three movies, and you pointed to that screen and you said, take the best movie. I knew what the best movie was. I'm shocked. It was on your list. I figured that could be my last pick. No problem.

[Andy]

I hate it when I'm the one that jumps the literal shark with my picks. My picks suck. None of them are freaking animal movies.

[Mike]

Yeah, just land before time. Yeah, Land before Time's an animal movie. Wait, the rest aren't.

[Andy]

What's your final pick, Mike?

[Jason]

Are we getting a Paddington In Peru?

[Mike]

Yeah. January 2025, baby. Paddington 3. When we do this draft, next time I'm taking Paddington 3. I'm sure of it. All right.

[Andy]

These guys are so funny. All right, what's your final pick, Mike? You said you were down to two and he took one of them.

[Jason]

Yeah, he did. Because that one's definitely an animal movie. This one's about. Look One of the main characters turns into an animal. So that is good enough for me.

[Mike]

Nine Lives with Kevin Spacey.

[Jason]

No. Emperor's New Groove, baby. Emperor's New Groove. When Cusco gets turned into a llama.

[Andy]

And.

[Jason]

And it. Emperor's New Groove.

[Andy]

Interesting.

[Jason]

Is like.

[Andy]

Is that a good movie?

[Jason]

Goofy Movie is my favorite Disney cartoon. Emperor's New Groove is a very close second.

[Andy]

I did not. I've not seen either one.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Emperor's New Groove is so funny. It's so well done. I mean, the characters in that are.

[Jason]

It's a David Spade and. Good.

[Andy]

That's an animal movie.

[Mike]

Yeah. Because David Spade turns into a llama.

[Jason]

Llama face.

[Andy]

Is that the main character?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Yeah. And it did. Have you heard the story about that thing, Jay, where, like, they basically recorded the whole movie without a script one. And then once, like, things were done, they, like, were trying to compile a script for it. It's weird.

[Mike]

I don't know how that's possible, but it's hysterical. The.

[Jason]

The story of how that movie got made is very wild.

[Mike]

All right, what's on our list? What's on our leftovers here?

[Jason]

Oh, Kung Fu Panda.

[Mike]

That's on my list.

[Jason]

I would. If we were gonna.

[Andy]

Jungle Book.

[Jason]

Yeah, Jungle Book. If we were gonna stick with those.

[Andy]

Milo. Notice the.

[Jason]

The live ones. Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

That was in the Homeward Boundary.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

But I had both White Fang and Iron Will on the list.

[Andy]

Iron Will. I remember that. Yeah. Charlotte's Web.

[Mike]

Charlotte's Web for sure is on my list. Air Bud was the nostalgic. I mean, the basketball playing dog.

[Andy]

Of course, you haven't seen the good movies, but you've seen Air Bud.

[Jason]

I don't think I've ever seen Air Bud. Me neither. Or any of the scenes.

[Andy]

One of my greatest features.

[Mike]

I'm not gonna lie to you. I have never seen it either.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

101 Dalmatians. Is that a movie?

[Jason]

Yeah, those are one of them.

[Mike]

Dogs are animals.

[Jason]

I had Jumanji.

[Mike]

Not an animal.

[Andy]

Not an animal movie.

[Mike]

There's just animals in it.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

The Meg.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Which I wouldn't apparently be allowed to pick because. Well, no. Megalodon is.

[Jason]

Yeah, we're fine with that.

[Mike]

Okay. Cujo and all dogs go to Heaven. Yeah.

[Jason]

I didn't think anyone would have it on the list. That's why I threw it out there with Bluth.

[Andy]

He did that, too. I wasn't allowed to watch that movie.

[Jason]

Oh, no. Because. Because of the hell. Yeah.

[Andy]

Heaven and Hell. Yep. All right. Homeward Bound. Free Willy, Zootopia and Emperor's New Groove are mics. Jason as the Lion King, how to train your dragon. Finding Nemo. Yeah, you heard that in my voice. Paddington 2, apparently the world's greatest film. I have Jaws, Jurassic Park, Land Before Time, and Planet of the Apes. And that does that. Does it?

[Mike]

What did we learn today? I learned that blowing out another kid's candles is very disrespectful. And you learned that? I learned that today. I didn't really walk through that exercise until today and then I'm like, I'm not going to do that.

[Andy]

I learned that Emperor's New Groove is an animal movie.

[Jason]

Oh man.

[Andy]

And it's apparently very good.

[Jason]

I learned don't get on an elevator. If a man is facing backwards with.

[Andy]

A big smile at all, he'll never find out.

[Mike]

I love Michael Keaton.

[Andy]

That'll do it for today's episode of the Spitballers. Shout out to Al Borland and the Deucers. Thank you for holding it down. Back with another one next week.

[Jason]

Goodbye.

[Mike]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out Spitballers Pod Dog.

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