Mike’s Best Day & Things That are Orange - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast – Episode 323

Title: Mike’s Best Day & Things That are Orange
Release Date: April 21, 2025
Cast: Andy, Mike, and Jason (with Al Borland)

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of the Spitballers delivers classic, family-friendly absurdity as the hosts tackle life's “hard questions,” nonsense debates, and a much-anticipated draft of “Things That are Orange.” Laughter abounds with digressions about household chores, hypothetical scenarios about parenting, personal travel routines, and an especially intense round of their signature game, Baller Dash—which, on this particular day, becomes storied as “Mike’s best day” for his legendary performance.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Opening Banter: The Return of the Scat [01:06–03:31]

• Signature Opening “Scat”: Jason brings their signature nonsense musical intro back (“Skitty scat, boom bam ba ding a da dingy!”).
  • Andy comments on how only a “vocal minority” loves the scat, but they're back for those devoted fans.
  • The team jokes about making “Josh” (a recurring background character/producer) do the scat next time, teasing him about his lack of preparation.

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Segment: Would You Rather? [04:04–22:29]

1. Snap Clean or Book Brain? [04:08–11:13]

Would you rather be able to snap your fingers ten times a week to instantly clean a room, item, or vehicle—or, once a week, absorb the contents of any book by touching it?

• Debate over Definitions:
  • They spiral into an absurdly detailed (and funny) argument about whether a pool is a “room.” (“You don’t enter an item!” –Jason, 05:37)
  • Andy insists, “It’s not a room if you can’t go in it.” [06:25]
• Knowledge vs. Cleanliness:
  • The team overwhelmingly picks the instant book knowledge, with Andy reasoning: “Of course it’s the book. Instant knowledge.” [11:09]

2. Packing vs. Unpacking: [11:18–15:39]

Would you rather have everything magically packed for a trip, or everything instantly cleaned and put away when you return?

• Packing Is the Worst:
  • Andy admits, “48 hours before my trips… absolute nightmare.” [15:11]
  • The crew discusses practical strategies for dirty laundry in hotels (“You find the corner,” says Mike.) [13:10]
• Unanimous Result:
  Everyone prefers to have their packing done for them.

3. Day Shift vs. Night Shift: [15:41–20:03]

Five days of 9-to-5 work or three 10-hour night shifts?

• Interesting Realizations:
  • Jason reflects on how much of America has inflexible work schedules: “I often think… how does anybody do anything?” [17:41]
  • Andy questions, “How do kids get home if both parents work?” [17:52]
• Majority Pick:
  Both Andy and Mike prefer the standard 9-to-5; Jason chooses the night shift for the quiet and no commute.

4. Parenting Paradox: [20:09–22:29]

Be a horrible parent with perfect kids, or a perfect parent with horrible kids?

• Darkly Comic Consensus:
  • Andy: “Easiest question of all time. I would love to be a terrible parent if my kids were great.” [20:24]
  • Jason objects philosophically, but everyone eventually agrees: they’d sacrifice their own reputation/happiness for their children’s well-being.

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Game Time: Baller Dash [24:22–37:29]

A rip-roaring, competitive segment with a trivia/creative lying game. Mike absolutely dominates, drawing joy and mock envy from the rest.
Scoring system: Guess the correct answer (2pts), fool an opponent (1pt).

Memorable Categories and Answers:

• Word Definition: “Twangdillo”
  Correct answer: A “quick slap.”
• Notable Person: “Wilbur Vlieva”
  Correct answer: Preacher who ruled a town forbidding lobsters, lipstick, booze, and bacon.
  Amazingly, both Jason and Andy are duped by Mike’s answer, cementing his legend for the day.
• Acronym: FSO
  Correct answer: “Friends of the Sea Otter.”
• Movie Plot: “The Horrors of Spider Island”
  Correct answer: “A plane full of dancers crash lands in Yugoslavia, and their talent agent is bitten by a vicious spider.”
  (“That’s the most ridiculously specific thing I’ve ever heard.” – Andy, 31:50)
• Weird Law (Kentucky):
  Correct answer: Illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket.
  Al explains this stemmed from a loophole in horse theft laws. [36:24–36:47]

Legendary Scoreline:
Mike sweeps the opposition, leaving Jason and Andy trailing far behind.

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The Spitballers Draft: Things That are Orange [38:38–49:00]

A classic, bickering draft full of passionate and silly logic.

Notable Picks and Rationale:

1. Mike: “Orange.”
   • “It’s got the name.” (Andy)
   • The group debates: did the fruit or the color come first? It’s revealed the fruit predates the color name. [41:44]
2. Jason: “Fire.”
3. Andy: “Basketball,” “Cheetos.”
4. Mike: “Tigers,” “Traffic cones,” “Charizard (Pokemon).”
5. Jason: “Grand Canyon,” “Autumn leaves,” “Sunsets.”
6. Andy: “Prison jumpsuits,” “Oompa Loompas.”

Draft Antics & Banter:

• Much debate and laughter around what “deserves” to be the #1 orange thing.
• Jason tries to draft “Mars”—the others protest “It’s called the Red Planet!” [45:29]
• The group goofs on each other’s rationale for picks and explorations into etymology (fruit vs. color, crunchy vs. puffy Cheetos).
• Mike’s picks are legendary, with the group dubbing it “The Mike Show.”
  • “This is just...it’s orange episode. The title should just be Mike’s episode. Goodness.” (Andy, [40:51])
• Jason, frustrated, says, “I don’t even care about this show!” after losing debates. [45:41]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Parenting:

“I would just love to be a terrible parent if my kids were great. Oh, my goodness, you know how easy it would be to be a terrible parent?” —Andy [20:24]

On the Baller Dash Sweep:

“He is on fire, ladies and gentlemen. This is one for the record books.” —Andy, about Mike [33:23]

On the Orange Draft:

“It’s like—it’s the grandpappy of orange.” —Andy, defending the fruit as the ultimate #1 pick [40:18]

On Hotel Room Laundry:

“You find the corner.” —Mike, on universal dirty laundry strategies [13:10]

On Kentucky Law:

“Apparently, people used to steal horses...they’d put ice cream cones in their back pocket and try to convince the horse to follow them home.” —Al [36:29]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------|------------| | Opening/Scat & Banter | 01:06–03:31| | Would You Rather | 04:04–22:29| | Baller Dash Game | 24:22–37:29| | Things That are Orange Draft | 38:38–49:00 |

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Episode Highlights / Takeaways

• Mike’s Legend: Mike’s domination of Baller Dash and the orange draft is a running joke and celebratory theme.
• Clash of Logic and Nonlogic: Every topic, however small, gets the full Spitballers absurd reasoning—room definitions, etymology debates, and Cheetos texture history.
• Philosophical Comedy: Even the most ridiculous hypotheticals get serious, honest answers, often spiraling into heartfelt or existential territory.
• Classic Family-Friendly Nonsense: The episode is packed with quotable moments, relatable sighs about everyday chores, and the perennial delight of grown men arguing about the color orange.

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Final Thoughts

For both new and longtime listeners, Episode 323 is a showcase of the Spitballers’ chemistry—careening from philosophical debates to utter nonsense—with Mike basking in his (temporary?) comedic and competitive glory. “Things That Are Orange” becomes the canvas for all manner of debate, nostalgia, and goofiness. If you need laughter, lightness, and some truly unexpected trivia, this is a must-listen.

Transcript

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[Andy]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random.

[Al]

Topics more thought than they probably deserve?

[Andy]

It's Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason Skitty.

[Jason]

Scat, scat boom bam ba ding a da dingy.

[Mike]

We are so back. We are so we.

[Andy]

I tried, people.

[Mike]

We were in a lull. We were in a really dark, dark place. And then the hero we needed, the bedinghe arrived from the darkness. The badinghy is back in your face, Jason.

[Andy]

I mean, look, when you say I tried.

[Mike]

Who are you talking to?

[Andy]

I'm talking. I'm talking to the quiet majority. Yeah, that's what I'm talking to. There is a very loud, vocal minority who loves these scats. And we're back for you.

[Jason]

Uh huh.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Yeah. Welcome into episode 323.

[Mike]

Jason's been holding meetings that we don't know about.

[Jason]

He's been recruiting on Twitter.

[Andy]

Come on, people.

[Jason]

I would. I think you're with me. When you.

[Andy]

When you rent more scat. No more. They're all quiet.

[Jason]

When you rent out the big, you know, facility and you invite everybody to come campaign against it, I think you might be alone in that room.

[Andy]

I was. It was embarrassing.

[Jason]

I guess Al would be with you every 81 shows. He would be like, anti scat. But that's got to be. Wait, where are we now? What's the episode number?

[Mike]

Ways away.

[Andy]

It's got to be pretty close.

[Al]

I think I'll figure it out again. I can't Remember. We're at 323 right now.

[Jason]

Yeah, we can ease you back into the scat, Jay. I know a good way to do. Okay, Tell me next time you have to scat.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Josh has to scat.

[Andy]

Oh, that's great.

[Mike]

And Josh ever done it?

[Jason]

Well, he hasn't. And I actually was asked by Josh, a fan of Josh's A fan of Josh's video game podcast to make Josh scat Fantastic.

[Mike]

Was it his co host?

[Jason]

It was not. And I don't.

[Al]

I think you mean the fan of his podcast.

[Andy]

Nice. Ow. Get wrecked. Oh, yeah. Body bag. All in favor?

[Jason]

Aye.

[Mike]

Oh, aye. Yeah.

[Andy]

There we go. It's unanimous now.

[Jason]

This is a blessing in disguise, Josh, because I could have put you on the spot. So you know, now you know it's coming.

[Andy]

You got time. You could do your vocal push ups.

[Jason]

And this is just your people. Your people ask for it.

[Andy]

I'm not scared.

[Jason]

Uh huh. Well, we are.

[Mike]

Yeah, because you're not doing it right now.

[Jason]

Would you rather Baller dash And we are drafting things that are orange.

[Al]

We are.

[Mike]

Like I said, we are so back.

[Jason]

We are so back, baby. I got the one on one in the orange draft. You kidding me?

[Mike]

Don't blow it. Oh, There's a pretty 101.

[Andy]

There's a pretty clear 101.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

Oh my gosh.

[Mike]

And I'm not. I'm not.

[Jason]

I just feel like clear 101.

[Andy]

Like, come on. Okay, okay.

[Jason]

We'll see if I get it because now I feel like I'm going to fail.

[Andy]

You better get it.

[Jason]

All right, let's get it going.

[Andy]

Would you rather.

[Jason]

Would you rather from Kira on Patreon, Would you rather have the ability to snap your fingers and instantly clean a room, an item or a vehicle? So you could just. You get 10 snaps a week.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

And you can clean a room. 10, an item or a vehicle. So like clean the car 10 snaps a week. I'm using one on a car probably every week.

[Mike]

I mean, you could do your. You could do your whole house.

[Jason]

It says a room.

[Mike]

So.

[Andy]

Yeah, he's saying 10 snaps, but I get.

[Jason]

Yeah. Oh, sure, sure. Yeah.

[Mike]

I mean a weekly.

[Jason]

10 snaps a weekly. Maybe your house?

[Mike]

Yes, my house. Could be.

[Jason]

We could clean it probably twice or so. You got the little snap cleaner 10 times a week. Or have the ability to touch a book and absorb all the information. One use a week.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

Wow.

[Mike]

So free cleaning for life.

[Andy]

I'm a little weirded out by the. So like the vehicle, the room, and then there's item. How often are you cleaning an item?

[Jason]

Trying to think of like, I guess that's a vehicle. I was about to say like a motorcycle.

[Andy]

Right? No. And there's stuff in a room that you might dust. But if you clean the room, what.

[Jason]

Items need to be deep cleaned individually.

[Mike]

A toilet. But I assume that the toilet is in the bathroom because the bathroom is now Clean.

[Andy]

The only thing I could think of is.

[Al]

Is a pool and item.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

Pool's not an item.

[Al]

But it's not a room.

[Jason]

It's more of a room than an item.

[Andy]

I agree. It's more of a room than an item. You go in it. You don't go in an item.

[Jason]

Hold on.

[Mike]

Okay, now we're.

[Jason]

You don't enter an item.

[Mike]

Now we're in the good stuff. Is a pool a room?

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

Only in an a. Would you rather where there's item or room?

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah, it's definitely a room over an item.

[Jason]

I mean, in Florida, they put up the, like the bug protective tents over all the pools. So all the pools are like indoor pools, but not in a house. And those would be rooms, though.

[Mike]

Okay, well, now we're going to define what is a room.

[Andy]

What is a room?

[Jason]

It is one entrance. Well, that's not two entrances. It could be multiple.

[Andy]

Obviously, people have to be able to go inside of it. That is a non.

[Jason]

Yeah, but a closet's not a room.

[Andy]

I'm not saying that that makes a room if a person could go inside of it. I'm saying you must.

[Jason]

That's step one.

[Andy]

That is a non negotiable. You cannot have a room if a person can't go in. It's not a room if you can't.

[Jason]

Lay down and stretch your arms out and not hit a wall. It's not a room.

[Andy]

I agree. Like a closet, a pantry, something like that. It's got to have enough size of substance.

[Mike]

So what do you do then? For example, the way my house is laid out, you walk in. I don't know if you guys remember, like, there's a front.

[Jason]

I know where you're going.

[Mike]

There's a front room.

[Jason]

There's not a door to that.

[Mike]

And then there's something like. There's a transition of the flooring material. Yes, but then there's a thing that would be sold as the dining room.

[Jason]

Is there any. It's not how we use it, but elevation change. Is there any steps?

[Mike]

It is completely flat.

[Jason]

Are you blocking one room from the other via furniture?

[Mike]

There is a couch that is sort of. But there's the walkway. So it is not completely faux walled.

[Jason]

You might have. You might have a great room.

[Andy]

Yeah, you have a great room with walking up. Or you can call it what it is, a multipurpose room. Because you're using multipurposes. But that's one room.

[Mike]

Okay. Apparently.

[Andy]

Do you have to have a door?

[Mike]

This is where I'm going Of definitions.

[Jason]

You have a front door. So if you go through the front door, you come in, you're in.

[Andy]

I think every room has a door.

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

At least a doorway.

[Jason]

No. You go down a hallway, you come into a. Does a hallway count? Because your front room, your living room, a lot of the times you don't.

[Andy]

Like, open a doorway to a living room. So there's a doorway out of it. There's a door to that room. Exactly. There's a door in that room.

[Mike]

Well, now you're lumping in my living room, which is, like, around the corner. So my great room is three different rooms.

[Andy]

Just name me one room. One room that does not have a door.

[Mike]

One room.

[Andy]

Just find one in your life.

[Jason]

I mean, the kitchen doesn't have a door.

[Mike]

It's got a back door.

[Al]

Really?

[Andy]

It doesn't have a back door. Huh? You don't have a back door off your kitchen?

[Jason]

I mean, I do.

[Andy]

So does everybody.

[Jason]

I mean, some people don't. Some people.

[Andy]

You walk into the kitchen, there's no pantry. Okay.

[Jason]

Now you're looking for loopholes.

[Mike]

Saying, that's an interesting thought exercise.

[Jason]

Apparently people are getting tired of the open floor plans. Have you heard about this? Yeah, that's so people. People went crazy with open floor plans.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And I think it was, in part convenient. It's not just convenient for builders and stuff like that.

[Mike]

No. It's also just. You like. The space feels nicer, but people don't like them. Now, I can agree that there can be difficulty. Like my room, where it's two rooms and you have to figure out how do you segment them. But if you use the right furniture and things, you can segment them. I don't. The people putting the walls up, those things will be ripped down in about five years.

[Andy]

It's objectively better to be open.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

Oh, I don't agree.

[Mike]

Oh, give it to me. Give me that old.

[Andy]

You want them low ceilings and small hallways.

[Jason]

I mean, sometimes y. I have three kids.

[Mike]

You want to live in a medieval castle.

[Jason]

I want to go sit. Like, I had a room that had, like, books and a fireplace and a couch, and I want to go sit in there and read. Except for you got to walk through it to get anywhere in the house. So it's like it's constantly loud and trafficked, and there's no seclusion. There's no quiet. There's no. I'm going to go over there and sit down and not be in the noise.

[Andy]

You should always be reading in the bathroom, Andy.

[Jason]

Well, you.

[Andy]

Problem solved.

[Jason]

Bath. What Room.

[Andy]

Room. Oh, you got a door on your bathroom. Yes, you do.

[Mike]

One way in.

[Jason]

If you can't lay down. If you lay down, though, and your arms hit the wall, that's a water closet problem. Okay. So touching a book and absorbing all the information, I would feel a pressure. Tell me if I'm wrong. One snap a week. I would feel some pressure to prioritize a humongous book because I would not. Like. There might be books I want to read that are little, but I would feel the pressure to be. It's like War and Peace, the history of the world, all these big.

[Mike]

This is encyclopedia, of course.

[Andy]

And you should, because you can still read. This is still. This does not delete your ability to read.

[Jason]

Yeah, but how fast do you read a small book?

[Andy]

Faster than a big one.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

I mean, always. So, yeah, you're going to be touching the massive books of knowledge. You'll be reading the small stuff you like.

[Jason]

Al, is this true? If you accidentally pick up a book, it uses your one time a week?

[Al]

They did say that. I didn't add it to the question.

[Jason]

But if you actually pick up, like a kid's book. Oh, it's gone.

[Mike]

Okay, so Sunday, one fish, two fish every Sunday.

[Al]

Same with snapping your fingers. If you snap your fingers, Whatever.

[Mike]

Oh, that's. I'm.

[Jason]

It's just clean inside.

[Mike]

I get 10 uses, guys.

[Andy]

Mike's always snapping his fingers.

[Mike]

Yeah, always.

[Jason]

He cleans his own car 10 times in a row on the way to work.

[Mike]

You can. You guys are just gonna have clean cars. Who's gonna be firing off snaps? Loosey goosey.

[Jason]

It's the book one.

[Andy]

Yeah, it's the book. Of course it's the book. Instant knowledge.

[Jason]

Yeah. I'll master something. I could pay for people to clean these rooms. Come on now.

[Andy]

Yeah. With all that knowledge?

[Jason]

With all my knowledge. Jared from Patreon, when going on a trip, would you rather have everything packed for you? Oh, that's nice. Everything. Is there nothing left behind? Oh, my gosh, that would be so cool.

[Andy]

I hate packing.

[Jason]

I wish. I wish that there might be. If there's someone out there that does this for a job, like, let me know. Or have everything cleaned and put away for you the minute you return home? Oh, man, that one's tough. Because every time I get back from a trip, what I want is to put everything away instantly so I can relax. What I do is never that.

[Andy]

Right. Well, because you can't put it away. It's dirty.

[Jason]

Right. So, I mean, you have to wash it. Yeah. You got to take it.

[Andy]

There's a lot more work involved in the unpacking, I feel like, than the packing. Well, just because you're starting with everything.

[Mike]

Dirty, but then it goes right into the laundry basket.

[Jason]

That's true.

[Al]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Which needs to then be washed and then dried and then put away.

[Jason]

There's no discretion there when you're packing. You have to make decisions when you're unpacking. You just chuck it in a. In a.

[Andy]

Sure.

[Mike]

Packing is. I go back and forth in my closet like 20 times. You go get one thing like, oh, I need that one other thing. Unpacking. I'm just like unpacking takes me well.

[Andy]

And if I'm two minutes, if I'm being honest, and I will be honest, the amount of laundry that needs to be washed before a trip is just as much as after.

[Jason]

So you, that's a you problem.

[Andy]

Yep, that's true.

[Jason]

I was gonna say think about when you're leaving a place and you've got to pack up to leave how you pack. I mean that, that's nothing.

[Andy]

No, you shove it. If I had a shovel in the room, like hotel rooms should just have a shovel. What, so you could just pick up all your dirty clothes.

[Jason]

A little plastic clothes shovel.

[Mike]

What is your guys's strategy? I know where you're going in a hotel. Where do you put your dirties Corner.

[Jason]

I do a corner. Very often.

[Mike]

I'm a corner.

[Andy]

Yeah, you find the corner.

[Mike]

It's so shameful.

[Jason]

It's also just a cool feeling because you just really shouldn't be doing that. And it's like, yeah, you're free.

[Andy]

Oh, it's great. No, it's usually a corner back by the bed, around the corner and it's thrown over there. But when you get to the hotel room, you're scouting quarters. You know what I mean? You're like looking around like, that's the.

[Mike]

One, that's, that's my dirty corner.

[Andy]

And then you just. Dirty corner.

[Jason]

You go grab everything in the corner and just dump it on. In the.

[Andy]

So there was one trip, we went on a, on a big like week long cruise.

[Mike]

And that's going to pile up.

[Andy]

It was going to pile up, right? And so we brought this, a two pack of foldable hampers that like, you know when, when they're empty, you can fold them down to next to nothing, pack them in your suitcase and then when you arrive, you poof. And they're huge. They're gigantic. And it was awesome. I mean because in a, in a, in a like a cruise Room is very, very small. You just don't have a lot of corners.

[Jason]

Corners.

[Andy]

So. But it was really practically.

[Jason]

Can I get a room with seven corners, please?

[Mike]

How many empty corners? We got this thing.

[Andy]

I just.

[Mike]

I'm here for a week.

[Andy]

I was really blown away.

[Jason]

I'd like a whites and darks corner, please to separate.

[Al]

So.

[Andy]

Yes. So the foldable laundry basket is great, but I. Yeah. The corner is usually the go to for the laundry.

[Jason]

Okay. Did we answer anything?

[Andy]

What was the question?

[Jason]

It was the everything cleaned when you get home or somebody to pack for you?

[Mike]

Pack.

[Andy]

I want to be packed.

[Jason]

Yeah. But they've getting out of town is more stressful than returning.

[Andy]

And I assume in this question that it's a magical pack. It is.

[Mike]

Yeah. Perfect. Nothing is. Nothing is left behind.

[Andy]

Yeah. Great.

[Mike]

So that, you know, you forget your meds or whatever. Which. That happens a lot with our house.

[Andy]

The stress level that this will take away.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Would be monumental because trips are a nightmare. 48 hours before my trips usually.

[Jason]

Yeah. You. You have the. The most stressful buildup to trips of any human on the planet.

[Andy]

Oh my gosh.

[Jason]

I mean, somehow brutal. Somehow you. You were like. Because your stories are always the same. It's like me and Mike show up. We're ready to go. How you feeling, Mike? I'm good. How you doing? I'm all right. Jason, how are you? I was up till 4am it's always this. I was up till 4am Doing laundry, getting packed.

[Andy]

I haven't slept yet. It's like I'm asleep on the plane.

[Jason]

I got. Okay. Bryn from X writes in and says, would you rather work five days a week for eight hours a day, Dolly. Or three night shifts per week for 10 hours per shift?

[Mike]

Is that the nine to five?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Nice.

[Jason]

Oh, a Dolly. Dolly Parton working nine two, five.

[Mike]

I don't know why we went with that voice. That's not Dolly Parton at all.

[Andy]

It's more than our voice.

[Mike]

More like Shakira. Nine two five.

[Andy]

The steps don't lie.

[Jason]

Would you rather work five days a week, eight hours a day? So a normal shift or three night shifts for 10 hours per shift? So you're working less hours, but you work. But your work. It's 10. It's 25% less.

[Andy]

I'm just saying it's not enough less to have to live an overnight lifestyle where you're on a graveyard shift and.

[Jason]

You'Re waking up, you're picking the nine to five. Of course I three night shifts for. And then you got four days Off.

[Mike]

But how do you flip back and forth, like, between. Okay, I'm going to be working it.

[Andy]

I mean, my circadian rhythm matters a lot.

[Mike]

It might be his.

[Jason]

You don't know what that first word is.

[Mike]

A cicada Rhythm.

[Andy]

Yes. Because it's, like, very noisy.

[Mike]

What if you work Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I mean, you don't. Tuesday and Thursday are not like, oh, I get to have all day.

[Jason]

There are a lot of jobs. Like firefighters will work a couple 24s.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

You know, during the week. Or nurses will work 12s, like three 12s. And it is a big adjustment, I think, coming out of that. But 9 to 5 also. I mean, you just. It's funny because I will just. I'll be honest here on the show. We run our own company. We've done that the last 10 years. Before that, I worked for a small business. There was always flexibility in hours. I realized that 80% of America does not have flexibility in hours. And I often think when I'm trying to schedule things, like, how does everybody else. How does everybody. How does anybody. Like, when you say, oh, you need to make sure you're going for your checkups to the doctor. If I didn't have flexibility with my schedule, I can't imagine.

[Andy]

I don't understand it. We have schools around here that every single week, have a half day, the kids get out. Like, every single week, those kids go to school for, like, two and a half hours. It's like, what if both parents work? How do these kids get home?

[Mike]

It's a big issue.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So can a.

[Andy]

Do you think?

[Mike]

Because, like, a normal dentist is not working the weekends. Right.

[Jason]

A lot of them will maybe take a little bit of time on a Saturday, but. Yeah, but.

[Mike]

So jobs like that, where it's like, people need to get in. Oh, yeah. But most people are at work and you're like, well, I don't want to schedule a dentist appointment. My boss is like, it's. This is going to be a nightmare situation. Could a dentist survive charging, like, double working just the weekends?

[Jason]

I see what you're saying. Just be an exclusive.

[Mike]

I'm available on the weekends. It's a premium, Mike, because I'm working the weekend.

[Andy]

You are helping dentists and you are helping society right now.

[Jason]

What if the dentist did three night shifts? I mean, or they work nine to five for the weekday?

[Andy]

Theweekenddentist.com I'm going to see, because after this episode goes live, we've got to own that domain.

[Jason]

We will need to learn dentistry if we really want to execute that.

[Andy]

Well, no, we're just going to take something.

[Jason]

I want the three night shifts.

[Andy]

I don't believe you.

[Jason]

I got no commute. Say goodbye to the commute.

[Mike]

Traffic, you mean.

[Al]

Correct.

[Jason]

Yeah, I guess. I'm not transport. I'm not like.

[Mike]

You're a vampire who could turn into a bat.

[Jason]

It's funny because I do mentally. Commute does not mean driving in traffic. But I think of the word commute to automatically mean traffic.

[Mike]

Driving.

[Jason]

Yeah. No traffic. It's quieter. There's enough 24. Seven places. I can get. I can get stuff. Maybe I just make a full transition.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Maybe I just become a full nighttime person.

[Andy]

What? Everyone who works night shifts pretty much has to do three of them.

[Jason]

Like, if it was two night shifts, I feel like I could adjust three of them. That's tough. So you're going nine to five?

[Andy]

I'm going nine to five.

[Jason]

That's a quick one for you. You too, Mike.

[Mike]

Yep.

[Jason]

I'll take the night shifts. We got time for one more or should we move on?

[Mike]

Al?

[Al]

Let's do one more.

[Jason]

Okay. Bryce from the website. Would you rather be a horrible parent whose kids turn out to be perfect or a perfect parent whose kids turn out to be horrible?

[Andy]

Oh, man. The easiest question of all time.

[Jason]

I ob to the entire premise.

[Andy]

I get that. I get that. And it should be objected to. But before we get into the philosophical objection which is worthy. I would just love to be a terrible parent with your kids.

[Mike]

It would be great.

[Andy]

Oh, my goodness. You know how easy it would be to be a terrible parent.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

The reason I don't gotta do nothing.

[Al]

Peace.

[Andy]

I'm out.

[Jason]

But then if your kids turn out perfect, by definition, you've been a good parent. That's the part I don't. It's like, would you rather be a good mathematician who gets his sums wrong?

[Andy]

No. That means the kids grew up. Well, in spite of you.

[Mike]

Yeah. And I think they don't like you.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

I think that if you're a horrible parent, your kids grow up and they turn out okay.

[Andy]

If you add that in, like.

[Jason]

Yeah, But a perfect kid, they appreciate their parents.

[Andy]

They have respect for their elders.

[Mike]

I think.

[Jason]

So whether they're horrible or not.

[Mike]

No, they're like.

[Al]

I think Mike's right on this one.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

If they.

[Al]

If you're a horrible parent, your kids won't like you.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Al]

So let's. Let's.

[Andy]

Let's amend this.

[Jason]

Let them reconcile. They have such a good sense.

[Andy]

Would you rather have be a good, hardworking, perfect parent and Your kids turn out terrible.

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

But they love you.

[Jason]

No.

[Andy]

Or you're a bad parent. Terrible parent. Your kids turn out great. They've got a very successful life, and they're good people.

[Mike]

Do it.

[Andy]

And they hate you.

[Jason]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[Mike]

I think I'll do it. I'll do it.

[Andy]

You got to take it on the chin for the.

[Jason]

I think. Why do we want them to be so happy and successful?

[Mike]

Your children?

[Andy]

Yeah, I think love.

[Mike]

I think that's the purpose.

[Jason]

But this is a weird exit. No, I know. I'm saying that's the purpose. But then you're literally saying you're willing to be hated by your kids for them to have good, like, joy in life.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. But then I also don't have to worry about them.

[Andy]

Right?

[Mike]

It's a win.

[Andy]

Win.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, I see you guys are both going the win, win. Like, you could be worse than you are now, and they'd be fine.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Oh, man. If I could be a bad parent and know they'd be okay, because right.

[Jason]

Now you're on the, like, bad, bad, my man.

[Andy]

I'm super bad.

[Jason]

I'm just kidding. All right, we'll take a break. What's up, spit wads? This time of year, it's sensory overload everywhere but one feeling we're still chasing. You know what it is? It's cozy, Papa Josh. It's cozy. And Bombas has the socks, slippers, and tees and basically everything to get you there, to get you to cozy. They've got answers for all your gifting questions, too, like, what do you get your son's new marathon training girlfriend? Bombas running socks have sweat wicking and impact cushioning. What about the neighbor's fussy newborn? Well, baby Bombas fit like a hug because everyone likes the feeling of sinking into a new pair of slippers. The best part, for every pair of Bombas you purchase, Bombas donates one to someone facing homelessness on your behalf. So anytime you get something cozy, someone else does too. We love Bombas. I've been wearing Bombas socks for a very long time. They are truly the coziest socks in the world, including their footwear, their underwear, their T shirts. It's all cozy. Head over to bombas.com spitballers and use the code spitballers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M b-s.com spitballers code.

[Al]

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[Andy]

What time is it? Game time.

[Jason]

We are playing Baller Dash today. We were given five prompts in five different categories by Al Borland himself. We gave our answers to Al to the five prompts before the show, and he will be reading from all five categories. He'll be reading our three.

[Mike]

And the truth that is correct.

[Jason]

You'll catch on to what we're doing. We each had to deal with a definition, a notable person, an acronym, a movie plot, and some weird laws. And so we've all submitted our fictional answers, and we're trying to fool one.

[Mike]

Another and say the fact that there's a category in here called notable person, and we have no notes of who these people are, Are they really notable?

[Jason]

Yeah, I mean, I think notable is not a really high acclaim. Notable is like the bottom of the.

[Andy]

Right.

[Jason]

You know what I mean?

[Andy]

It's not famous.

[Jason]

No. Like, someone one time was like, oh, yeah, that guy invented, like, the.

[Andy]

He has something notable about him.

[Mike]

They made one tiny note about him, right?

[Jason]

Yeah, One small note. Okay, go ahead, Al. Did I introduce that in any way, shape, or form accurately?

[Al]

You did. Great. And the scoring format is 2 points if you guess the correct answer, 1 point if an opponent guesses your fictitious answer. And we're going to start off with the definition of the word twangdillo.

[Jason]

Whoa.

[Mike]

Hey, whoa.

[Jason]

Twangdillo.

[Al]

Is a twangdillo. A quick slap.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Al]

Is a twangdillo a person who crafts flutes out of various woods?

[Mike]

Fluty.

[Jason]

Fluty.

[Al]

Is it a men's scarf that was popular with organized crime members in the 1930s?

[Jason]

Men's scarf.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Al]

Or is it to overreact dramatically to a mild paper cut?

[Jason]

What?

[Mike]

These are all so specific.

[Jason]

So who's starting with the has to answer first?

[Mike]

I'll go first.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

And then we got to spin it around.

[Jason]

Yep.

[Mike]

Quick slap. Person that makes flutes, the flute, one men scarf. And then overreact to paper cut.

[Al]

That is correct.

[Mike]

And the word one more time.

[Al]

Twang. Dillo.

[Mike]

Twang dillo.

[Andy]

Can you use it in a sentence?

[Jason]

All right, very helpful.

[Mike]

I'm going to. I'm going quick slap.

[Andy]

I'm going quick slap, too.

[Mike]

Oh, no, I will Go.

[Jason]

Men's scarf.

[Andy]

That was my backup.

[Al]

All right, quick slap is the correct answer. Two points for both Mike and Jason. And Andy guessed Mike's answer. So he gets another point on top of that.

[Jason]

Son of a gun.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Al]

So three for Mike, two for Jason, zero for Andy.

[Mike]

I could have had a four burger.

[Andy]

You could have had a four burger.

[Jason]

All right, I'm losing.

[Mike]

Currently. You are.

[Jason]

I'm losing.

[Al]

There's plenty of time to make it up.

[Mike]

Just joking. Yeah.

[Al]

All right, we're going to move on to the notable person.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Al]

His name is Wilbur Vlieva.

[Mike]

Wilbur.

[Al]

Wilbur Vohlieva was Wilbur Volieva a 1920s strongman known for lifting goats instead of weights?

[Jason]

Maybe.

[Al]

Is he an arsonist who is known for starting fires with flaming arrows?

[Jason]

An arsonist, like a Viking?

[Mike]

Okay.

[Al]

Is Wilbur a turn of the century preacher who ruled a town where lobsters, lipstick, booze, and bacon were not allowed?

[Mike]

Nope. What is.

[Al]

Or is Wilbur Valieva the physician that invented the Hypodermic needle in 1844?

[Jason]

Dang it. That's a good answer.

[Mike]

Needle. So wait, strong man, goats, the goat lifter, the arrow arsonist, the preacher. The preacher with no lobsters and whatever, and then the needle. That's correct.

[Jason]

Yeah. Jason, you got a lock in.

[Andy]

Oh, shoot. It's me first. I was waiting for Mike's answer. Oh, why is. Yeah, I'm going to go. That. He invented the needle.

[Jason]

Needle.

[Mike]

Two for needle. Gosh. I'm gonna go. Give me the lobster one.

[Jason]

Oh, I thought about it. I did think about it.

[Andy]

That means it's it with a four pack. Oh, he's on fire. He's on fire. I can't even believe how good you're doing.

[Al]

He got the correct answer and both of you picked his answer.

[Jason]

The hypodermic needle was a great answer.

[Mike]

Yeah, it was perfect. It was perfect.

[Jason]

I can't. Dang.

[Andy]

No one wanted my goat lifter. Come on.

[Jason]

I want my arsonist with fly.

[Mike]

I was between the lobster and the goat one. Oh, gosh.

[Jason]

I suck at this game.

[Al]

All right, all right.

[Andy]

Is there like a word to do double points?

[Al]

No, not in this one. But we might just do that audibly if we decide to. If he's ahead enough at the end. All right, we're going to move on to the acronym. The acronym is F S. Oh, does FSO stand for Full Self Operation?

[Mike]

Self operation?

[Al]

Does it stand for Flatulence Suppression Officer?

[Jason]

Come on, man. Come on.

[Al]

Does it stand for Florist Society of Ontario?

[Mike]

Okay.

[Al]

Or does it stand for Friends of The sea otter.

[Jason]

Come on, man. What was the first one? Full self operator.

[Al]

Full self operation.

[Jason]

I have to weigh in. Yeah, you're first sea otter.

[Mike]

You're going friends of the sea otter. What was the florist something society.

[Al]

Florist society of Ontario.

[Mike]

I'm going with the sea otter.

[Andy]

Oh, my goodness. I was going to go see.

[Jason]

He's going to stay in the lead.

[Andy]

So I was going to go sea otter, but then Mike's reaction was like, oh, that's his. He's laying it on too thick.

[Jason]

It could be.

[Andy]

But then he went sea otter.

[Jason]

Right.

[Andy]

Dang it, Mike. I'm going sea otter.

[Al]

All three of you guys correct. Got the correct answer on that one. It was friends of the sea otter.

[Mike]

All right, we're not doing bad.

[Andy]

That's a good pitch. Mike's just doing great.

[Jason]

I just scored for the first time. I'm doing pretty bad.

[Andy]

I'm doing pretty good. Mike's just doing great.

[Jason]

Mike is playing the game.

[Al]

So we got.

[Jason]

You know what the rule should be. No joke. Future game doesn't have to be today. Whoever's in the lead has to start.

[Andy]

Ooh, I like that.

[Jason]

Makes perfect sense. I like it.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Then they can't play the stay in the lead game.

[Mike]

All right.

[Al]

Starting now.

[Jason]

Not that you were. You got the right answer.

[Al]

We got Mike with nine, Jason with four, Andy with two, and we are moving on to the movie plot, and the movie title is the Horrors of Spider Island. I don't like it.

[Mike]

I.

[Jason]

That's funny.

[Mike]

I don't know how. We have four different answers to this one.

[Al]

They are very similar.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Al]

Is the Horrors of Spider Island. A soccer team crashes on an island where a mysterious fog turns people into spiders.

[Jason]

Okay, soccer team, fog, spiders.

[Mike]

They turn into spiders.

[Al]

Correct. Is the Horrors of Spider island is that a treasure map leads to an island with eight legs.

[Jason]

Ooh.

[Al]

Is it. A plane full of dancers crash lands in Yugoslavia, and their talent agent is bitten by a vicious spider.

[Mike]

Nope.

[Andy]

That's the most ridiculously specific thing I've ever heard. It's not just a plane. It's a plane full of dancers. They're not landing anywhere. Okay. They are landing sp. Where?

[Jason]

Yugoslavia.

[Andy]

Yugoslavia. Boom. Shaboom.

[Al]

And their talent agent is bitten by a vicious spider. Or last is the Horrors of Spider Island. A group of kids sneak away for their. For their summer camp, only to become trapped on an arachnid infested island.

[Mike]

Spider Island.

[Andy]

Little, little heavy on the nose there.

[Jason]

Mike. You're up first.

[Mike]

I have to go first?

[Jason]

Yeah. Don't worry. You got nine points.

[Andy]

Yeah, you can do no wrong here.

[Mike]

I'm doing the dancers, dad Gummet.

[Andy]

That means.

[Jason]

So the soccer team. The treasure map to the island with eight legs. The dancers.

[Andy]

So I didn't do the real long one earlier. It was long and it was stupid, and I thought that's too long. And I feel like we've played that game in the past where Andy had the longest answer ever. And so he knows better. We already know better.

[Mike]

Does the game know better?

[Andy]

Does the game know better? I was going to go with the on the nose kid Summer. But Mike, you. I mean, but I can't catch you if I keep picking. I'm just gonna pick the right answer. I think it's the. I think it. I think it's the absurd plane crash in Yugoslavia.

[Jason]

I'll do the kids sneaking away. The last one you read.

[Al]

All right. Jason and Mike picked the correct answer, which was the dancers crash landing in Yugoslavia. And Andy picked Mike's answer. Shaboo extending his lead.

[Andy]

He is on fire, ladies and gentlemen. This is one for the record books.

[Mike]

Oh, man. In double digits for the last one.

[Al]

Has. Has anybody picked somebody else's answer? That wasn't Mike yet.

[Andy]

No, I have not had someone pick my answer.

[Mike]

Dang it, man.

[Jason]

I have not had anybody pick my answer.

[Mike]

I thought I was getting you again, dude.

[Andy]

I thought. I thought that my treasure map.

[Mike]

Oh, I really liked that.

[Andy]

Thank you, Mike. I really did. But I was in on that.

[Mike]

That was a genuine. Oh, yeah, that movie sounds fun.

[Andy]

And then you didn't pick it.

[Jason]

Here's a little known fact. Well, I'll share it with you later. Never mind the answer. That's the real answer. Sometimes we look to chat GBT and AI to give us some ideas. It was the idea gave me was so close to that. I thought for sure it was just spitting that answer to both of you guys, man.

[Al]

All right, so we got Mike with 12, Jason with six, Andy with two. And due to the butt whooping, we're.

[Andy]

Going to make this round worth double quadruple.

[Jason]

At least I can pass.

[Al]

Jason has a chance. Andy does not.

[Jason]

All I want to do is pass. Jay. I don't care about Mike.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's kind of how I feel. I just want to hold on to two.

[Al]

Oh, actually, I guess you don't. Oh, no, you do have a chance. I'm sorry. In Kentucky. This is the weird laws in Kentucky. It is illegal to carry a fishing pole into a cemetery.

[Mike]

Fishing pole.

[Al]

It is illegal to carry an ice cream cone. In your back pocket.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Al]

In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry soiled garments.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Al]

Or it is illegal to carry a harmonica in church on Sundays.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Harmonica.

[Andy]

It's me.

[Al]

Wait, so Mike has to go first?

[Mike]

Oh, I have to go first, too?

[Al]

Tell me we're handicapping you.

[Mike]

All right. I'm just upset about the. Trying to say Kentucky doesn't let people rip on a harmonica in the church. Like Blues Traveler. That they're not allowed.

[Andy]

They're not gonna hold him down.

[Mike]

Fishing. What was the.

[Andy]

Thank you?

[Al]

A fishing pole into a cemetery. Illegal to carry a fishing pole into ice cream back.

[Jason]

Ice cream garments and harmonica.

[Mike]

Oh, man. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go fishing pole.

[Andy]

I'm going to go. Soiled garments. That should be illegal.

[Jason]

That sucks, because I should not pick that. If I want to try to pass you or equal yours, I'll go fishing pole.

[Al]

All right, Jason. Got two of you this time.

[Andy]

Oh, man, the fish.

[Al]

Jason's.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Al]

And Jason guessed Mike's. Just to round it out.

[Mike]

Shoot.

[Jason]

So wait, this is the second game in a row where five questions no one has picked one of my fake answers.

[Mike]

Are you the. Which one? Are you the.

[Jason]

I'll go through all of them.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hear.

[Mike]

Oh, wait. What was the right answer?

[Al]

Oh, I'm sorry. It was an ice cream cone in your back pocket.

[Andy]

No, I looked it up because I.

[Al]

Was curious about this, and apparently, back in the day, people used to steal horses, which is obviously illegal, but if. If you could get the horse to follow you home, it was not a crime. So they would put ice cream cones in their back pocket and try to convince the horse to follow them.

[Mike]

So that is insane. Instead of simply saying, hey, if a horse follows you home, you don't get to keep it. They're like, we gotta figure out what to do with these ice cream problems.

[Jason]

Here's the five that you didn't guess. The person who crafts flutes out of wood.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

The arsonist with the flaming arrows.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

The Florist Society of Ontario.

[Mike]

That's really close.

[Jason]

The soccer team that crashed where the fog turns people into spiders. And the harmonica in the church on Sundays.

[Mike]

I had principles.

[Jason]

I couldn't pick that up. I fooled none of you. Mike wins in a. Oh, a landslide. Here we go.

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[Andy]

Tis the season of gifting and holes to deck and the who's in who Louisville were in love with new tech. Where can we find Sonos and Samsung and Nintendo? They shouted. Would they find it in one place? This they questioned and doubted when suddenly a who yelled, walmart's the place to start. And D2 added headphones, TVs and games to their carts. With Walmart, their shopping was done in a furry. They cried out who knew? And ordered their gifts in a hurry. Shop the latest tech gifts in the Walmart app. The Spitballers draft.

[Jason]

All right, so there's a one on one, eh?

[Andy]

Yeah, there is.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

And it.

[Al]

I'm gonna the people what we're drafting.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah, that's a good point. We are drafting things that are orange, not red or green.

[Mike]

Yeah, that'd be silly.

[Jason]

Orange.

[Andy]

Yeah. We would never know.

[Jason]

We would not purple.

[Andy]

But we have.

[Mike]

So go back.

[Jason]

Not yellow. Orange.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I'm going with fire.

[Mike]

Ooh, that's not the one I want, but fire is a good answer.

[Jason]

You're up.

[Mike]

Orange.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, come on. It's got the name.

[Jason]

That's not the best. It's the best things that are orange. Not most similarly named.

[Andy]

It absolutely wins. When you think of something that is orange, you don't think first of a.

[Jason]

Carrot because it's not what you think first of. It's the best things that are that color.

[Mike]

Yeah. And it's an orange.

[Andy]

Oranges are great.

[Jason]

That's not the best thing. That's the color Orange. I am.

[Andy]

That's a terrible thing.

[Mike]

It is a great thing. And what got named first has to.

[Andy]

Be the orange, the fruit.

[Jason]

What do you mean? What are you talking about?

[Mike]

What got named first?

[Jason]

The color.

[Mike]

So we found this color and then they were like, ooh, it's in nature. What should we call that?

[Jason]

The first thing they saw that was that color was an orange. And they're like, oh, so let's call it orange.

[Andy]

Why don't we have something that's called pink then?

[Jason]

I don't know. One guy didn't just invent all hand me that.

[Andy]

Hand me that red. We don't do that with anything else.

[Jason]

Orange is not the best pick.

[Mike]

Oh, it's the greatest pick.

[Jason]

Al's with me.

[Andy]

It's got the namesake. It's like it's the grandpoppy of orange.

[Mike]

And by the way, the draft is things that are orange.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It's not best things. It's just things.

[Andy]

No, it's always that are orange.

[Mike]

The thing, it's orange.

[Andy]

I mean, Mike, you are crushing. I wish you did the scat because it would have been incredible. This is just. It's orange episode title should just be Mike's episode. Goodness.

[Jason]

You get to pick now. And unfortunately, orange isn't there.

[Andy]

I know that. That stinks. I was sad.

[Jason]

You'll probably pick an Orangitane. Busted.

[Andy]

Oh, this is a fun show. I'm going to take. I'm going to take my favorite thing growing up made a lot of impact on my life. Very similar to your object, Mike. It is round and it is orange. It's a basketball.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andy]

He's giving me the stare down. Were you on the basketball?

[Jason]

It's on my list.

[Al]

Okay.

[Jason]

Yeah. It's not fire.

[Andy]

No, no, it's not fire.

[Mike]

That one's the. I guess the NBA ones are still very orange, aren't they?

[Jason]

It's funny. I had two picks in consideration.

[Mike]

Number one.

[Jason]

And one of them's still on the board. So we'll see.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

We'll see if it gets back to me.

[Mike]

So Jeremy did come through, and I picked twice and it said that the naming of the fruit came first.

[Andy]

Incredible. And then there was the fruit named the color. Yeah, you tell me that's not boss. Come on, man. The fruit named the color. I mean, it owns the color.

[Jason]

That sentence doesn't even make sense.

[Andy]

It can't do anything. It's a fruit. Yeah. And yet it did.

[Mike]

And they're like, we can't call anything else this. That's orange.

[Andy]

Yeah, orange claimed it.

[Mike]

Okay, but how do we describe the color? Oh, crap.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

A tangerine looks exactly like an orange.

[Mike]

Oh, it looks nothing. Orange.

[Jason]

And it gets called tangerine.

[Andy]

That's so tiny. Yeah, it's not boss. How big are the oranges you're eating, man?

[Mike]

Size of your fist?

[Andy]

Yeah, for sure. Okay, so jump. This show is so dumb. All right. This award winning show.

[Jason]

Yeah. You got a basketball.

[Andy]

I got a basketball.

[Jason]

You have been stripped of all awards.

[Andy]

I've got Cheetos.

[Mike]

I mean, it's a good pick.

[Andy]

It's gonna be on everything. It's gonna turn everything else orange. It's gonna turn my fingies orange. It's also delicious.

[Mike]

Are you a puffs guy?

[Andy]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Mike]

Standard crunchy.

[Andy]

It's funny because the crunchy has become like the standard. But puffs had to be first. Like, crunchy was a.

[Mike]

No, no, I think the small.

[Jason]

The small ones came first.

[Andy]

No way.

[Mike]

That has to be that way.

[Jason]

They're called a puff. It was like an invention.

[Mike]

Yeah. They didn't go back and retroactively.

[Jason]

They didn't know how to. They didn't know how to puff stuff, man.

[Mike]

Oh, is Cheetos puff.

[Andy]

Someone, someone get on.

[Al]

I'm seeing that the crunchy came first.

[Andy]

Wow, that blows up.

[Mike]

Do you go with the crunchy stick ones or the ones that are the paw shape?

[Andy]

The crunchy stick ones.

[Jason]

He thinks the mint Oreos came before the regular ones.

[Andy]

Look it up.

[Al]

Original crunchy Cheetos, 1948 Cheetos puffs didn't show up till 71.

[Jason]

Puff technology hitting the 60s, man. They figured out how to puff it up.

[Mike]

Yeah, because they're like, look at those breakfast cereals. We can use less products.

[Andy]

Blow it up. What if we sell more air?

[Jason]

Yeah, but it's. It's an exchange we all want to make because we want the texture of puffs.

[Mike]

They get stuck.

[Andy]

Oh, gosh, I hate puffs. Look at every breadcrumb.

[Jason]

They're all puffy.

[Andy]

Well, I'm not saying I don't like puffed things. I'm saying for Cheetos.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm with you.

[Jason]

Well, that's fine. That's fine.

[Andy]

Do you prefer the puffy ones or the crunchy ones?

[Jason]

Yeah, the puffy ones.

[Mike]

It's a good one.

[Jason]

Mike, you've got an orange. I guess you don't need anything else.

[Mike]

That's true. We could put the poll up and.

[Andy]

It would be over 100% to nothing.

[Mike]

I will take tigers.

[Jason]

Well, that's the other number one. That's. That's the other number one.

[Mike]

Ruined Mike by orange.

[Jason]

This is the Mike show. Tigers was the pick. It was. Tigers are fire.

[Andy]

Should we just give Mike all the. I would have picked.

[Jason]

I would have picked tigers. I don't want you guys got in my head about there being a better pick. So I was like, well, fire.

[Mike]

That worked out for me.

[Jason]

Can I take orange juice?

[Mike]

I mean, O.J.

[Al]

My gut says no.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

That's orange.

[Al]

It's made out of Mike's pick.

[Andy]

Dude, Mike's pick is king. Yeah.

[Mike]

Why, why, why, why is orange juice orange?

[Jason]

You're right. You're right. Okay.

[Al]

Give me.

[Andy]

It's made out of Mike's pick.

[Jason]

Give me the Grand Canyon.

[Mike]

Oh, is that orange?

[Jason]

Give me the Grand Canyon.

[Andy]

The Grand Canyon, I mean, is orange.

[Mike]

It's like a Rusty.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Also give me Mars.

[Announcer]

Ooh.

[Jason]

They call it the red planet, but it ain't red planet. It's not red. It's not red. It's not. It's not red.

[Andy]

I don't know, man.

[Mike]

I'm fine with Grand Canyon.

[Andy]

Mars is most famously known as the red planet, and its surface has a rusty red color.

[Jason]

Rusty orange. Fine, I'll pick something else. I don't even care about this show.

[Mike]

It's things that are orange, man.

[Andy]

There's a lot of things that are orange.

[Jason]

Autumn leaves. That's the pick.

[Mike]

Okay. Okay.

[Andy]

I like the. I want to be clear on the fire. It's the blue part. The blue part of the fire is what I'm doing.

[Jason]

Go look up. Go look up a picture of Mars. Just genuinely look up the picture and tell me what color you think it is.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

If it's closer, I see something here that says planet Mars color palette. And it's like one of those things you paint a room with. The issue is simply Mars is not red.

[Mike]

It's reddish. It's on a. It's a different hue. But the fact that they call it the red part.

[Andy]

I know.

[Mike]

That really hurts your argument. Yeah, it hurts it bad.

[Jason]

Go ahead, Mike. You're back on the clock.

[Andy]

And the. Take another brilliant fire truck.

[Al]

Fire truck is still on the board, Mike.

[Jason]

Grand Canyon.

[Al]

Get it before Andy is orange.

[Andy]

The Grand Canyon is dirt.

[Mike]

Yeah, but it's. They're like orangey rocks. I'm okay with that one. I will take traffic cones. They're very orange.

[Jason]

You could take anything.

[Mike]

Traffic cones. Yeah.

[Jason]

I mean, it's. It's fine.

[Andy]

It's fine. Doesn't matter. You got orange. I mean, you have the name of the draft.

[Al]

Yes.

[Andy]

As an item. Who named the draft? So you're good.

[Jason]

Things that are oranges is the draft. Mike wins.

[Al]

Mike wins.

[Andy]

I'll take oranges.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh. Final two picks is lost.

[Andy]

I'm going to take prison jumpsuits. Oh, Barry Orange. Safe at night. If they're running outside. That's why they do it. Little known fact.

[Mike]

Why. Why on earth did before the orange suits, were they, like, you know what we should do? Stripes, striped stripes, white and black. Like, that would be very easy to hide in the. In the night.

[Andy]

I think it's because they're behind bars.

[Mike]

So they want them to look like bars.

[Andy]

Yeah. Their clothing. But it's still behind. But you should look like the prison you were in.

[Mike]

But the prison bars are vertical. The bar. The bars on the shirt are horizontal.

[Andy]

What about when they lay down when they're sleeping?

[Mike]

They're still horizontal.

[Andy]

They run vertical when they lay down, Mike.

[Mike]

Okay, what's your next pick?

[Andy]

All right, my next pick. Oompa Loompas, baby.

[Mike]

Oh, that's a good pick. That one is nowhere near my list. The Oompa Loompa?

[Jason]

Why, of course.

[Andy]

The Oompa Loompa.

[Mike]

Okay, I got one more pick.

[Jason]

And they come from Mars, by the way.

[Andy]

The Oompa Loopas. The orange planet.

[Mike]

Go Charizard. I choose you.

[Jason]

That's a good pick.

[Mike]

Yeah, because he's orange.

[Jason]

I don't even care anymore, man.

[Andy]

I just want to know if Andy could pick something orange.

[Jason]

Well, sunsets.

[Andy]

Yeah. So kind of.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

You got there. We'll give it to you. It's on my list. But I didn't pick it because I was like, yeah, it sometimes is orange.

[Mike]

Really depends.

[Andy]

This was.

[Jason]

Have you seen oranges in the early stage?

[Andy]

Yes, I have.

[Jason]

You can take them in the green draft.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah. I'll take an unripe orange for the green draft. I'm going to say this. This is one of the most fun times I've had doing this show. I've really enjoyed.

[Jason]

What else did you have? I had sweet potato fries. Cheez. Its a pumpkin.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. Pumpkin was on pumpkin. Certainly pumpkin is on the list.

[Andy]

Mac and cheese.

[Mike]

How did no one take pumpkin? Bumpkin Pumpkin. No, no, you're so. You're so. That's not orange.

[Andy]

Okay, I have got sunkissed soda and I don't care. What else?

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

What did we learn today?

[Mike]

Oh, we learned a lot about oranges today.

[Jason]

Mars is red.

[Andy]

I learned Mike is king.

[Jason]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

I got a nice flop sweat going now.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah. Goodbye.

[Mike]

Goodbye.

[Andy]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.

[Announcer]

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