Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Nap Attacks & Extinct Technologies - Spit Hits!
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason
Date: March 27, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, the Spitballers—Andy, Mike, and Jason—combine their signature mix of clean, family-friendly hilarity and playful nostalgia in a packed show centered around questions about extinct technology, lively "Would You Rather" scenarios, and hilarious debates about the subtle differences in everyday language. The highlight is a "Spitballers Draft" where the trio reminisces about technologies that have come and gone, exploring both their utility and the hilarious ways they impacted '90s and '00s life.

Key Segments, Discussions, and Memorable Moments

1. Opening Banter & Introduction to Extinct Technology (01:12–05:43)

• The hosts riff on "extinct technology", joking about how once-essential businesses and gadgets become obsolete.
  • Jason highlights, "When I think of extinct technology, I can't help but always go to the fact that somebody somewhere had a business, and their business was that technology." (02:10)
  • Andy notes their own brush with obsolescence, “We started a business on MySpace. MySpace could be on this list…” (02:28)
• Commentary on the unlikely survival of Best Buy and wild speculation about money laundering and the mob, with Mike quipping, "For that day, I figured it was money laundering." (03:17)

2. Jason's Elderly Hero Moment (03:33–05:43)

• Jason tells a story about stepping in at a Verizon store to protect two elderly customers from upselling, channeling his inner "protection zone." (03:33)
  • Jason: “By the mercy of the Lord. These two folks were like, oh, well, we need to talk to our financial person and then we’ll get back to you… I pulled them aside and explained…that was a bunch of baloney.” (04:00–05:06)
• Mike deadpans, “This show is brought to you by Verizon.” (05:08)

3. Would You Rather? Teleportation, Trampolines, and Fictional Upgrades (05:43–23:17)

a) Teleportation vs. Time-Free Travel

• The team debates: Would you rather travel the normal way and lose no time, or teleport but lose triple the time on the clock? (05:44–10:58)
  • Andy, in awe: “The one thing that I think is being lost is that one of these comes with freaking teleportation. Like, of course I'm taking whatever the hardships are that I can teleport.” (10:20)
  • Mike points out, “You’re never late anywhere, right? You just got to leave by the time you got to be there.” (09:27, 09:35)

b) Turn Any Surface into a Trampoline or Walk on Water?

• Playful analysis of the usefulness of both powers ensues. (10:59–15:01)
  • Andy: “There's no purpose to turning the water into solid ground to walk on.” (12:00)
  • Jason: “Do you know what trampolines are for? For people over 30. Way different ways to throw your back out. That's all they are.” (13:35)

c) Conjure a Fictional Vehicle vs. Fictional Companion

• Would you take the Millennium Falcon, a time-traveling DeLorean, or a legendary companion? (15:02–23:17)
  • Jason weighs practical issues: “If you put me in the Millennium Falcon, I ain’t never taking off...Where’s the door?” (19:09)
  • On picking a companion: “I can take Doc Brown with me, and then we're good. He did it once.” (19:37, 19:48)
  • Endless debate about the user-friendliness of fake spacecraft and whether user manuals are included.

4. What’s the Difference? Hilarious Linguistics (25:26–39:30)

• Rind, Peel, Skin (25:26–30:07)
  • Spirited speculation about fruit "butts", orange rinds, and what exactly each word means.
  • Andy asserts, “I'm telling you, the rind is the butt part of the peel. That's how I view it.” (26:06)
  • Jason reads: "A rind is a thick, hard and tough outer covering...usually inedible." (28:56)
  • Ultimately: Peels, rinds, and skins are, confusingly, nearly interchangeable!
• Graveyard vs. Cemetery (30:08–32:27)
  • Graveyards are haunted by definition, cemeteries are respectable; graveyards are what happens if no one visits "for three years," says Jason. (31:00)
  • “If [zombies] come out of a cemetery, it is instantly a graveyard.” (32:01 – Andy)
• Goblet, Chalice, Grail (32:28–34:51)
  • A running joke about cereal in a chalice, decorative goblets, and the uniqueness of the (Holy) Grail.
  • “I think there is only one grail...You're grabbing chalices and goblets, hoping it's the one.” (34:32–34:38)
• Nodding Off, Drifting Off, Dozing Off, Falling Asleep (34:52–39:48)
  • The art of denial: “You have to have one singular nod. Nodding off is forward. You can't nod off backwards.” (35:11–35:20)
  • Delightful honesty about the ‘sweetest sleep ever’ being the “illegal sleep,”—dozing on the couch and denying it to your spouse. (37:44)
  • “If you could figure it out for a device…but to me, the sweetest sleep ever is the illegal sleep. It is so sweet.” – Jason (37:42)
  • Andy: “I learned that dozing off is only for parents.” (63:07)

5. Spitballers Draft: Extinct Technology (41:16–63:01)

DRAFT FORMAT: Each host selects extinct technologies in a "snake draft" style, reminiscing as they go.

(Top picks listed with the best quotes and rationale)

• Compact Discs (CDs)
  Mike: “If you wanted to bring your music collection with you, you had to bring a gigantic binder of CDs…” (43:15)

• DVDs
  Andy: “You just buy them and have bookshelves, literal 8 foot tall, 5ft wide, bookshelves filled...I loved having a DVD collection.” (44:34–45:14)

• Dial-Up Modems
  Jason (on the nostalgia): “An iconic sound...your phone is used and you’re dialing up and no one else can use the phone. You’ve cut off contact your home.” (46:30–46:56)

• Typewriter
  Jason: “The best part of a typewriter was that if you messed up...you’d slip this little thin piece of white, basically held white ink, and you’d type the same letter…” (47:53–48:18)

• Payphones
  Andy: “Payphones were unfathomably important...you had to use them because cell phones didn’t exist. You couldn’t call someone without a payphone when you were out of your house.” (49:41–50:02)

• Pagers
  Mike: “What could the pager show you? Just numbers…sometimes it would say 911…Sometimes it would say I love you if you turned it upside down. Sometimes it would say naughty words that your friends would text you.” (51:03–51:20)

• Polaroid Cameras
  Mike: “Back before everybody had one of those and you wanted to get some pictures...everything will remain undocumented...Usually there's...maybe you called them on a payphone once.” (53:34)

• Fax Machines
  Andy: “This machine used to be super important to all business...you would use a fax machine…if you fax a fax, you hope you can read that final output at the end destination.” (55:52–56:02, 56:37–56:59)

• VHS Tapes
  Jason: “You got to rewind it, you browse the Blockbuster, the video store.” (57:38–57:49)

• Walkman
  Jason: “The Walkman was, it was a generational staple...the Sony Walkman. Good name, good brand, good marketing.” (59:18–59:58)

• Overhead Projector
  Mike: “If you were in elementary school in the late 80s, early 90s, how did the teacher show you all the information? Well, they put it on the overhead projector, baby.” (60:35)

Also Mentioned:

• Video game cartridges, floppy disks, dot matrix printers, rotary phones, “non-Google” search engines, Morse code, telegraphs, and zip drives.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Time-Traveling DeLoreans:
  • “If you put me in the Millennium Falcon, I ain’t never taking off...Where’s the door?” – Jason (19:09)
  • “There’s actually a ton of people with DeLoreans stuck in the past right now that are just too tall.” – Jason (17:29)
• On Nostalgia for Obsolete Tech:
  • “Oftentimes people romanticize the things of old until they go use them again.” – Jason (41:49)
  • Mike on pagers: “We were tech forward on pagers, and our entire family got one...the person was like, whoa, you guys all have pagers? Wow, what a dumb thing.” (51:36–52:15)
• On Fake Sleeping / Denial:
  • “If you could figure it out for a device…but to me, the sweetest sleep ever is the illegal sleep.” – Jason (37:42)
  • “I learned that dozing off is only for parents.” – Andy (63:07)

Flow, Tone, and Listener Value

From laugh-out-loud musings to playful childhood recollections and chaotic debates on semantics, this episode is classic Spitballers: witty, self-deprecating, and sharply observant about generational changes in technology and language.

Listeners will come away with a strong feeling of both nostalgia and amusement, perfect for anyone who remembers the elegant misery of dial-up Internet or the drama of skipping CDs. The chemistry among Andy, Mike, and Jason ensures that even simple topics become high-energy, relatable entertainment.

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Extinct Technology Opening Banter: 01:12–05:43
• Jason's Elderly Hero Verizon Story: 03:33–05:43
• Would You Rather: Teleportation and Beyond: 05:43–23:17
• What's the Difference—Fruit Parts, Graveyards, Drinks, Sleeping: 25:26–39:48
• Spitballers Draft: Extinct Technology: 41:16–63:01
• Outro & Quick Recap: 63:01–63:13

For more fun and retro comedy, catch all the Spitballers’ episodes at SpitballersPod.com.