Never Neverland & Best Vending Machine Items - Comedy Podcast

Summary

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Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Never Neverland & Best Vending Machine Items"

Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason | Date: July 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

This week’s Spitballers Comedy Podcast is a hilarious blend of playful debates, dad-level life advice, and off-the-cuff games. The award-winning trio—Andy, Mike, and Jason—dive into childhood fantasy lands, dissect the philosophical merits of ice cream vs. candy, play "We Know History," and close it out with a spirited draft of the best vending machine snacks. As always, expect a blend of good-natured roasting, rampant tangents, and totally impractical wisdom.

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Main Topics and Key Discussion Points

1. Opening Banter & Golf Struggles

Timestamp: 01:22–09:10

• Light-hearted roast of Jason’s golf skills, following a scat-related mishap from Producer Borland neglecting to hit "record" (01:22).
• The gang debates their collective foray into golf, lamenting the sport's difficulty and humorous paradoxes:
  • Jason describes a "reverse improvement"—the more he practices, the worse he gets (04:03).
    • Quote: "I’ve never seen anything in my life that the more you try, the worse you get." – Jason (04:30)
  • Mike’s analogy of awkward golf swings likened to “a 16-string marionette” (05:54).
  • Arizona’s July golf misery: “It will be the muggiest fart you've ever stood in.” – Mike (07:43)
• Andy sums up his approach: he loves being outdoors with friends and does not care about improving his score (07:46).
• Humorous digression about beverage carts retreating early due to the desert heat (08:41–09:10).

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2. Would You Rather: Fantasy World Edition

Timestamp: 09:15–19:10

• The choices: Golden ticket to Wonka’s Factory, Narnia via the wardrobe, or Neverland with Peter Pan (09:36).
  • Jason: Raises concerns over actual danger in Willy Wonka’s Factory ("You think an Oompa Loompa can’t hide a body?") and debates whether the factory is safe for kids (10:27).
  • The group realizes: As adult men, they’d be pirates in Neverland, not Lost Boys—forcing them to imagine themselves as “the bad guys sent to kill kids” (12:38–13:00).
    • Quote: “How in the world can [Hook] not absolutely murder Peter Pan?...He can fly!” – Mike (14:29)
  • Extended riff on if Hook (the movie) is “canon” and the morality of Neverland’s plot.
• Narnia is analyzed: Andy questions if Aslan is just another Gandalf; Mike calls Aslan “the most noble character in any book series” (15:32).
• Side debate erupts over whether there’s ice cream in the Chocolate Factory and an all-studio poll breaks out over what’s better: ice cream or candy (16:12–19:03).
  • Quote: "Think about it. What’s better, candy or ice cream?" – Jason (17:02)
• Final picks:
  • Jason: Willy Wonka’s Factory (for the candy)
  • Mike: Narnia ("I love that world.")
  • Andy: Neverland ("Brother, I’m going to Neverland.")

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3. Would You Rather: Plane Dilemma

Timestamp: 19:42–21:58

• Would you rather sit next to a screaming baby or a serial farter on a plane?
  • Mike now empathizes with parents after having kids; baby cries don’t bother him unless parents aren't at least trying to soothe the child (20:18).
    • Quote: "If the parents do not behave in a fashion that seems like they're embarrassed by the baby, I would like to throw them both off the plane. Baby is unfortunately getting thrown out with the bathwater on that one." – Mike (20:39)
  • The group concludes: Noise-cancelling headphones fix the baby problem, but there’s no solving a farter.
  • Results of their Twitter poll: Ice cream is crushing candy with over 80% of the vote (21:30–21:58).

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4. The Great Ice Cream vs. Candy Showdown

Timestamp: 21:58–32:00

• Extended banter as poll numbers roll in. Jason is stunned by ice cream’s landslide win.
  • Quote: “80 to 90% of every fat molecule in my body has been created by the eating of an ice cream product.” – Mike (22:35)
• Andy reflects that he can easily pass on dessert, but makes an exception for Drumsticks and other frozen concoctions (23:36–24:59).
• Jason introduces "Ice Nova Strawberry Romance," an ice cream treat shaped like a strawberry, sparking further comparisons to “unnatural science magic” and attempts to locate it online (25:59–27:58).

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5. Game: “We Know History”

Timestamp: 35:05–53:52

• A multi-round history dating game: Hosts must put major brands, world events, and pop culture in the correct chronological order.
  • Round highlights:
    • Brands: Nike, Apple, Costco, Southwest Airlines. Nobody scores big—the order was trickier than expected (35:05–39:00).
    • Major events: Sinking of the Titanic, start of WWI, Prohibition, first Nobel Prize. Mike and Andy recall the Titanic’s 1912 date—the only fact everyone knew thanks to a $100 office bet earlier that day (41:18).
    • Toys: Lego, Barbie, Hot Wheels, Cabbage Patch Kids—Jason sweeps with the only perfect round (46:08).
    • Fast food: Taco Bell, Burger King, Wendy’s, In-N-Out—everyone is shocked that In-N-Out was first (1948) (47:00–48:53).
    • Human achievement: Atomic bomb, Everest, human in space, heart transplant. Jason stuns the group with another full sweep and declares "I know history" (52:09–53:41).
  • Quote: "Jason knows history...Rename this segment." – Andy (52:41)

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6. The Spitballers Draft: Best Vending Machine Items

Timestamp: 54:54–74:57

• Each host drafts their “ultimate” vending machine snacks and drinks (standard snack/drink machines only):
  1. Mike: Coca-Cola, Gardettos, Snickers, Hostess Donuts
  2. Andy: Doritos (Orange/Nacho Cheese), Oreos, Cheez-Its, Salt & Vinegar Chips
  3. Jason: Pop Tarts, Dippin Dots, Honey Buns, Cup of Noodles
• Frantic debate over “honey buns” as the true 101 top vending machine pick. Everyone is devastated when Jason snags it.
  • Quote: "Your tongue just feels the film and filth of that honey bun." – Jason (69:32)
• Bizarre digressions include: blue M&M dye difficulties, what counts as a "sweet treat," whether you can "look yourself in the eyes" in a mirror, and Gardettos’ infamous brown chips (59:15–66:14).
• Also-rans: Grandma’s Cookies, Slim Jims, Pringles, Trail Mix, Funyuns, and Nutty Bars.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “It will be the muggiest fart you’ve ever stood in.” – Mike on Arizona golf (07:43)
• "You think an Oompa Loompa can’t hide a body?" – Andy debating Wonka (10:29)
• "How in the world can [Hook] not absolutely murder Peter Pan?...He can fly!" – Mike (14:29)
• “80 to 90% of every fat molecule in my body has been created by the eating of an ice cream product.” – Mike (22:35)
• “I can cold raw dog a Pop Tart.” – Jason, unironically (61:00)
• “Honey buns are used by bears to block their bowels so they can hibernate during the winter.” – Mike (68:45)
• “When you look in the mirror, you’re looking at your reflection.” – Andy, during their logic spiral (72:48)
• "Rename this segment...Jason knows history." – Andy (52:41)

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Episode Flow & Structure

• Opening: Scat debacle / golf misery.
• Main Segment: "Would you rather?" (Fantasy lands, then practical annoyances).
• Debate: Ice cream vs. candy (with live Twitter poll).
• Game Time: "We Know History" (five rounds of increasingly ludicrous historical sequencing).
• Draft: Best vending machine items (with passionate debate and snack nostalgia).

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Final Thoughts

This family-friendly episode is classic Spitballers: loose, fast-paced, and filled with relatable judgments about snacks, fantasy, and trivia. Despite tangents about the philosophy of mirrors and the perils of honey buns, the group manages to cover a truly diverse array of topics. Fans of food drafts, pop culture references, and tongue-in-cheek arguments will be especially satisfied.

For further community, polls, and nonsense: www.spitballerspod.com

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Transcript

[Andy]

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[Mike]

Hi, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Are you looking for a beach read this summer? May I suggest your big wireless bill? It's got suspense, mystery, a slightly flat emotional arc, and a shocking twist where you realize you've been overpaying the entire time. Fortunately, though, Mint's story is better. Every plan $15 a month, even unlimited. That's it. Happy ending, zero tears. Give it a [e-mail] Save upfront payment

[Andy]

of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan me slow when network is busy.

[Producer Borland]

See terms.

[Jason]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice? Explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve. It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason.

[Mike]

Jason is not good at playing golf.

[Jason]

That was pretty good. That was excellent. Really good work.

[Producer Borland]

And accurate.

[Jason]

And very accurate.

[Mike]

Not my first.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Not my first attempt.

[Andy]

No.

[Jason]

Let's peel back the curve.

[Andy]

Yeah, do it.

[Mike]

Do it.

[Jason]

Let's peel back the curve. What do you think, Mike?

[Mike]

Do you like that scat?

[Andy]

Did you? I. For the situation that you were.

[Mike]

I was in a tough situation.

[Andy]

You were. You were thrust into a tough position because we started. You did a scat. It like it had some, some. Some highs. I thought it low.

[Mike]

No, I.

[Jason]

No, I thought his scat was actually really good.

[Mike]

It was like I came out.

[Jason]

I said it was really good. We had two back to back. Great.

[Andy]

Right, Right. We. But we. We. Roger and Ebert it. I was thumbs down.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Andy]

So I was making a comment on it and then. And then producer Boron's like, guys, we're not recording.

[Mike]

I forgot to hit record.

[Andy]

Guys. I didn't do work.

[Jason]

My job.

[Andy]

The work. Yeah, with the work part of my job. Right. I did not do it.

[Jason]

Do it.

[Mike]

I think he said, it's not every day I let you down in such

[Andy]

a big way, but today is one

[Mike]

of the days I did right. So I delivered a great scat. I Had all the energy.

[Andy]

We will never know.

[Jason]

He had hit record, I think, but just other parts of his job he forgot about.

[Andy]

Yeah, right.

[Jason]

Something I don't. Al, do you want to describe how you feel?

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Producer Borland]

You guys nailed it.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

All right. Anyways, so you did a great scat. And then. And then. What was so funny about it?

[Mike]

We thought we could just patch in. We got some of it recorded, and

[Andy]

they were like, hey, Mike, just keep going with that thought. And then it was like 10 minutes

[Mike]

later, and Mike's like, I don't know.

[Andy]

What are we even talking about?

[Jason]

I kind of forced the issue or really highly.

[Mike]

That was kind of where I leaned in.

[Andy]

Issue. Forced the restart. That was.

[Jason]

No, that was owl.

[Andy]

That was the lack of doing the job.

[Jason]

I would have preferred the first one, but we didn't get the first.

[Mike]

You don't like the second one?

[Andy]

No, for what it was. That was for. For a second attempt out of, like, where. Where you don't do any of the original.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. You guys. That was what you leaned into. You're like, oh, man. If he just does the same thing again.

[Jason]

To remember the lyrics. To remember the lyrics. That was Jason, that. That's me.

[Andy]

You're the subject.

[Jason]

And I was. I was very bad.

[Mike]

The participle.

[Jason]

Was it very bad at golf?

[Andy]

What was the lyrics?

[Mike]

Jason is not good at the game of golf. Something like that.

[Jason]

So update for the.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

How's your.

[Andy]

How's your golf game going?

[Jason]

I genuinely. No joke.

[Mike]

I should have attacked Al.

[Producer Borland]

Really?

[Jason]

No, this is great. But you really wanted.

[Mike]

You tried to force me to do another one.

[Jason]

So golf has been something that we have all. Not Mike, but everyone else in the entire studio has gotten involved in. And we've been golfing more and more. We're going a couple times a week. It's fun. We're trying to get better. We've bought too much money of clubs and, you know, we've invested. I now have a simulator in my house. Jeremy's building a simulator in his house. I have taken multiple lessons, paid lessons. Have you scheduled?

[Andy]

Yes.

[Mike]

That wasn't an insult. I was just curious. I didn't know that.

[Jason]

Well, it's an insult because I didn't know this. What has happened. And this is what I hate the most about golf. I've never seen anything in my entire life. Literally never in my entire life has there ever been one other thing that the more you try, the worse you get. When I came out. You did say that when I came out after 10 or 15 years of not playing. I hadn't played in forever. And we golfed at this point. That was a couple months ago. The first time I was like, okay, I'll try it again. I hated golf, but I'll try it. I was fine. I was fine. I wish I could play like that. Like the first time that I swung a golf club in 15 years. If I could just play like that, I would be a golfer from here on out.

[Andy]

Was that like a beginner's luck?

[Jason]

Had to be. Had to be.

[Mike]

Or.

[Jason]

It's just the absence of all the thoughts. When I go to swing a club now, my body doesn't know how to move. I go. I look at that ball and I go, how do I swing? I mean, my whole body from the hips up, go. You don't know how to move.

[Mike]

It kind of feels like. Here's. Maybe you relate to this analogy when you. When you go up to play golf and you haven't tried to be better, you just go up and swing like you think you should swing.

[Jason]

I'm just going to swing a club at this point.

[Mike]

You're sort of like a 16 string marionette.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

Where somebody's trying to control the marionette. And you've got so many.

[Jason]

My tip needs to go.

[Mike]

You got new joints.

[Jason]

My right arm needs to go this way. My wrist.

[Mike]

There's no way to play that way. No. And I don't. Look, I don't know how to make it better because we're all equally bad at different times in golf. Unless you spend all of your time doing it. But that's just where I went with the scat. I just. I just needed to attack somebody for having to do a second scat.

[Andy]

So. Golf is such a funny sport.

[Mike]

I don't know why you won't play with us. We can. We use this time, Al. Can we appeal to Mike?

[Andy]

Yeah. No, you can't.

[Mike]

I feel like we are all out there on this ride and Mike is just.

[Andy]

Please do. Please.

[Mike]

Mike is just choosing. Is it the weather?

[Andy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Mike]

Is it all the weather?

[Jason]

Really?

[Andy]

Yes.

[Mike]

So you'll play with us in November.

[Andy]

There is some funky timing with the boy and schedule and schedules and him trying to be a football star.

[Mike]

You just don't love it enough to play in 110 degree heat, brother. I know.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Honestly, when I say it out loud, it sounds pretty logical and rational and smart. And we sound pretty dumb and stupid because Jason's miserable. But then he's got the heat on top of it.

[Jason]

What's crazy is I hate It. And I'm doing something I hate in 110 degrees.

[Mike]

Yes. And we're all doing it.

[Jason]

That'd be like signing up to clean out my garage every day as often as I can. Can I get a tee time to clean out my garage? Like, get. Oh, man, it's all booked up.

[Mike]

I want to go stand in my shed for two hours.

[Andy]

You're like, oh, we are. We're almost full, sir. But you can pay this amount of money and we will let you come and do it.

[Mike]

Does test money.

[Andy]

It's going to be 110. Also because it's now July in Arizona, which is supposed to be a dry heat. It won't. It will be the wettest heat.

[Mike]

It will be the muggiest fart you've ever stood in.

[Andy]

So, yeah, that's like, I love. I love being out in nature and screwing around. I am the opposite of where Jason has been of, like, I can function in golf. I don't think that I am good by any stretch. I. If you say, hey, hey, Mike, are you good at golf? I will say, no, I'm actually bad. But being out in the.

[Mike]

In that is fun.

[Andy]

In the nature. Yep. In good weather.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

And just hanging out with boys, that's

[Mike]

the part that appeals to you. And therefore, that part's not there right now.

[Andy]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

It.

[Andy]

Dude, it's the best.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

But the people who are like, no, I'm going to be really good. I shaved five strokes. I don't care. I do not care.

[Mike]

I. You know what? Mike is pretty smart.

[Andy]

I will say, did the beverage cart roll up? Yeah, did roll up five times.

[Mike]

And the answer, Mike, to that question is, maybe if they haven't already left for the day because it's too hot. Because that's what happened to me last time.

[Andy]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

On the second, they rolled up to me and go, last call, hole two. Last call at one in the afternoon, I go. I'm thinking to myself, I'm not prepared for being rescued on this course. I expected you to come back through

[Andy]

the bevy cart gave you a last call.

[Mike]

At Holt, they're like, all of our ice is melted. It's over the worst. Let's do some.

[Producer Borland]

Would you rather.

[Jason]

Would you rather.

[Andy]

That's.

[Mike]

It's true, Mike.

[Andy]

It's true.

[Mike]

They were out.

[Andy]

Were you doing it at 18 or.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

Oh, my.

[Mike]

They were piecing out in whole two.

[Andy]

So did you, like, open a bag and be like, please fill this?

[Mike]

I did buy more than I should have.

[Andy]

Yeah. That's amazing.

[Mike]

Would you Rather find. I like this question a lot.

[Producer Borland]

Would you.

[Mike]

For all the. For the occasional questions that I criticize. I love this question. Would you rather find a golden ticket to Wonka's Factory?

[Andy]

Oh.

[Mike]

Would you rather step in. Step through the wardrobe into Narnia with some Turkish delights?

[Producer Borland]

Yes.

[Mike]

Well, those would come from the Queen, but whatever. Or follow Peter Pan to Neverland.

[Jason]

Okay, so this is really. What's the best? Wonka's Chocolate Factory, Narnia or Neverland?

[Mike]

Well, sort of. But I think that another way to look at it is like, there's no

[Jason]

one trying to kill you at Wonka's Factory. It's not just.

[Mike]

I don't feel like people die, sir.

[Jason]

Oh.

[Andy]

Have you viewed Willie? One of them are the chocolate factory.

[Jason]

I don't think they're dead.

[Mike]

I know that you're not supposed to think.

[Andy]

Hold on, hold on. Are they?

[Mike]

I think so.

[Jason]

We don't know for sure.

[Mike]

I think they're just gone.

[Andy]

You think an Oompa Loompa can't hide a body?

[Jason]

No, of course they can't. They're very.

[Andy]

Of course they can. They're so resourceful.

[Mike]

Or those monkeys can carry them off.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

Like, everything is crazy in the Wonka Factory.

[Mike]

Look, I believe he just mixed it up with.

[Jason]

I believe you did.

[Andy]

I was trying to roll with you and I'm like, there's my.

[Mike]

Into another world.

[Andy]

That's the flying monkeys from Oz.

[Jason]

Are you trying to tell me that you don't think that Violet Beauregard was juiced back to being a human when she turned into a blueberry? You think she wasn't able to be successfully juiced, Rip?

[Andy]

I do not, actually. I do not.

[Mike]

That was the first thing I went to is like, it doesn't seem like you can die in Neverland.

[Andy]

That's also no, that's also fight. No, that's also false.

[Jason]

We're grown ups now.

[Mike]

You can't.

[Andy]

You can't. You can't age well.

[Mike]

You fight Hook, inevitably, it's like forever.

[Jason]

No, we would forever battle. We're pirates. I hate to break that.

[Andy]

Tell that to Rufio. Dude.

[Jason]

Do you guys.

[Andy]

Oh, my God. That is the coolest apocryphal.

[Mike]

That's not part of the canon.

[Andy]

The coolest pirate in Never or Lost Boy, I should say, met his demise. And Hook. And you're telling me you can't die there?

[Jason]

That was in the movie, Hook. I don't think you can. But listen.

[Andy]

Hold on. Hold up. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Time out.

[Mike]

I Know they have swords.

[Andy]

Worse. They never strike them by. No, it's we, not we. You are making the claim that Hook is not now considered canon, for I would assume it's not in the story of Peter Pan.

[Jason]

I was following along.

[Mike]

JM Bari wrote the canon.

[Jason]

I was. I was following along with what Andy said. But if I were to choose what is.

[Andy]

How's the end of game authority? Is that canon?

[Jason]

The story of.

[Mike]

You're saying because it's bad.

[Andy]

No, I'm saying because George RR didn't write it. How's the. How is that canon?

[Jason]

All right. Hooks. Cannon.

[Andy]

Thank you.

[Jason]

Yeah. Because it should be. Because it was the best version of.

[Andy]

Okay, thank you. Now we're back.

[Jason]

All right, I'm with you. I'm not with you on that, but. Okay, well, follow me on this, because this is the most important part of this question. Have you guys real. I didn't realize this until this moment. Let's say the three of us went to Neverland.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Okay. We go. How old are we today? Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, tonight?

[Mike]

We're not.

[Andy]

We're pirates.

[Jason]

We're pirates.

[Andy]

We're pirates.

[Jason]

I've never thought of that.

[Andy]

We're grown ups.

[Jason]

We're not. We're not Lost Boys. No, no, no. We're the bad guys.

[Andy]

Y.

[Jason]

We show up and we're like.

[Mike]

That would be the worst thing to accept.

[Producer Borland]

This.

[Mike]

This whole. Would you rather. And then you show up and you've got a patch over your eye.

[Jason]

Yeah. And you're like, you got to go kill those kids. Kill those little kids.

[Andy]

Now, the way you say it, it's. That's pretty bad.

[Mike]

I want to go.

[Jason]

I want to go to Neverland, but I don't want to be the grown up.

[Mike]

Is Tinkerbell a grown up? Could I be Tinkerbell?

[Jason]

No, she's a fairy.

[Andy]

But. No, no, no. But. But age wise, I don't think they age the same.

[Jason]

There's no old fairies.

[Mike]

And Robin Williams was a grandma fairy. If you're putting it into canon, Robin Williams was an adult.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So there's no guarantee I'm a puppet.

[Jason]

But he was. He was already Peter Pan.

[Andy]

Yeah, he was. He was Peter Pan.

[Jason]

He was going back. He was already a lost.

[Mike]

Maybe I was too.

[Jason]

Maybe.

[Andy]

But hold on. We're missing a point here. So we're saying in the story of Peter Pan, there's children. Yes. That play shenanigans, hijinks, chicanery. And then there's a pirate captain who's like, I'm going to kill that Peter Pan.

[Jason]

That's what the book is. The grown up wants to murder, literally kill the children.

[Andy]

I don't know that I've thought about it.

[Jason]

I haven't thought about it like this.

[Andy]

Like a real logical thought.

[Jason]

Well, why does he want to kill him?

[Mike]

Because he wants power, like all bad guys.

[Jason]

I thought it was not because the crocodile, but Peter Pan's just.

[Andy]

Well, Peter Pan gave the hand to the crocodile as a goof.

[Mike]

Why?

[Jason]

Okay, let me follow up. Let me follow up further. Could you imagine? Peter Pan's a young boy, right? He's not like a 16 year old. He's a young.

[Andy]

I believe he's supposed to be an early teen.

[Jason]

Okay, so let's call 13.

[Andy]

I've never read the canon. I'm so sure.

[Jason]

But let's assume he's 12 or 13. He's tween or teen, and we're Captain Hook. How in the world can he not be. How can he not absolutely murder?

[Mike]

Such an easy answer. He can fly.

[Andy]

He can fly.

[Mike]

He can fly. He can fly. He can fly. He can fly.

[Jason]

I'm just saying I feel like Captain Hook should be able to get this.

[Andy]

It also means that Captain Hook's a

[Jason]

bad shot because he's got a gun,

[Mike]

he's got a sword, he got both.

[Andy]

He's a pirate captain. He's got a gun.

[Mike]

He's got a one shot, probably.

[Jason]

So he's got a cannonball, a gun, a sword, and a rufio with a gun.

[Andy]

All right?

[Mike]

He killed him with the thinnest sword you could find. Fencing sword.

[Jason]

All right. I don't think I want to go to. I don't think I want to go to Neverland. So then it's.

[Mike]

I want to go to Narnia. That's because I think eternally snowy, right? No, no, no. Just in part of it. Just in part.

[Andy]

Oh, just in the. The. In the wardrobe.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

And not all of the land is eternally snowy. It's not in the wardrobe. Look, Aslan is the most noble character in any book series. So I think I don't want to live in a world where I am submitting to.

[Andy]

How is he different than Gandalf?

[Jason]

He doesn't have magic. He's not a wizard. He doesn't wear a hat. He's not a human.

[Mike]

He's a lion.

[Andy]

Doesn't he? But. But he just comes back because he got. He sacrificed himself.

[Mike]

He did sacrifice himself.

[Andy]

And then he comes back.

[Mike]

He does come back.

[Andy]

Sounds like Gandalf.

[Jason]

That's one option you could go with.

[Producer Borland]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I mean, there's a lot of.

[Jason]

CS Lewis would go with a different option.

[Mike]

Yeah, there's. There's. There's a lot.

[Andy]

Give Gandalfa a main. And. And I think we're talking about the

[Mike]

same dude right now, which, again, I think.

[Andy]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Mike]

I think if you ask Tolkien, he might give another example as well, but, yeah, I'm not. I'm not. This factory doesn't intrigue me that much. It's not an ice cream factory. You give me an ice cream factory, I'm gonna be there.

[Jason]

You don't think there is unlimited ice cream at the Willy Wonka Chocolate factory?

[Mike]

No, because they know that if they put any ice cream in there, it would overwhelm the allure of the candy. Because ice cream is better than candy.

[Andy]

Okay, you bring up an interesting thing. Is there ice cream in the chocolate factory?

[Jason]

Man, I'm sure.

[Andy]

I don't think there is.

[Jason]

Maybe not.

[Andy]

I don't think there is.

[Mike]

Because they're two different categories.

[Jason]

Yeah, because candy.

[Andy]

There's the soda that makes you fly.

[Jason]

What's better, candy or ice cream?

[Mike]

I don't need to speak.

[Jason]

Andy. The other four humans in the room,

[Mike]

let's get a random vote.

[Jason]

Random already. The four of us.

[Andy]

Think about what's better.

[Jason]

Think about it at home.

[Mike]

Candy or ice cream?

[Jason]

Candy.

[Andy]

The whole corpus.

[Jason]

The whole corpus. The whole corpus of ice cream. So if you're talking. If you're talking. No, I'm saying, like.

[Mike]

No, it's impressive. I don't know what it means, but go ahead. Everything.

[Jason]

You're talking soft serve. You're talking.

[Andy]

That's a Latin word. No one knows what it is.

[Jason]

Grocery store. You're talking mix in countertop. Cold stone. You're talking all ice cream. I know you like sauces and fixes, but. And then candy is candy versus candy chocolate bars.

[Andy]

Honestly, now that we're talking this, I don't even understand why we're talking this.

[Jason]

Because it's so easy.

[Mike]

All right, first, let's go to Sally.

[Jason]

Mike and I already know this.

[Mike]

Ice cream or candy?

[Producer Borland]

Let's go. Candy ice cream.

[Mike]

Okay, one to one.

[Jason]

Okay. Candy ice cream.

[Producer Borland]

What?

[Andy]

It's not even close.

[Mike]

Not even close.

[Jason]

Get out of here, Andy.

[Andy]

It's not even close. I thought through it. I gave it real thought. Yeah, it's not even close.

[Mike]

I've never loved you more.

[Producer Borland]

It's.

[Jason]

What the hell are you talking about? It's not even close.

[Andy]

No, it's.

[Jason]

It's not even remotely close.

[Producer Borland]

Throw a Twitter poll up, Jay.

[Jason]

Oh, I'm on it.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

I don't bias the poll.

[Andy]

I'm throwing my own up. Yes. I got. I gotta. I gotta head you off with the pass.

[Jason]

No, just tell me how to word it.

[Mike]

You guys figure it out.

[Andy]

What's better?

[Mike]

Narnie is my answer.

[Andy]

Colon.

[Mike]

Narni is a magical question, like the

[Producer Borland]

best candy versus the best ice cream.

[Andy]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Jason]

All of ice cream or all of.

[Andy]

No, no, no. What's better?

[Mike]

What's better, ice cream or candy? That's the question.

[Andy]

You tell me. What, you want me to put it first in the.

[Jason]

Just what's better, ice cream or candy?

[Mike]

That's what I'm doing.

[Jason]

Okay, well, I already posted it, so.

[Mike]

Mike, you posted as well.

[Andy]

What's redundancy? Colon. Ice cream candy.

[Jason]

Why is there a colon?

[Andy]

It's a poll.

[Producer Borland]

Ice cream candy.

[Andy]

Because a colon indicates there's going to be multiple options.

[Mike]

It just says, what's better? Colon.

[Jason]

Mine is what's better? Question mark, and then two poll options. Forgive me.

[Mike]

Colon versus ask a poll. What's better, a question mark or a colon.

[Jason]

I'm on it.

[Mike]

And then put in parentheses, not a bowel. All right, final answer for me is Narni. I love that world.

[Andy]

Oh, I'm going to Neverland, brother.

[Mike]

You're going to Neverland. I love that, too. I'm not going to the Wonka factory, man.

[Andy]

No. That place.

[Mike]

That's a little scary, because, one, I think you can die. Two, I think he might kill you if you do the wrong thing. Like, it just feels like you're. You're, like, at risk of death because you just disappear.

[Jason]

I'm gonna go to the. I'm gonna go to the candy factory. Factory for sure.

[Mike]

On an airplane. Would you rather be seated next to a screaming baby or a serial farter? Oh, let me back up the question. Think about this for a second. One, Jason, this one's so easy. As a man who can fart on command, this is easy.

[Andy]

But I will say this is only easy because of the year that we are recording this. Okay, you could have asked me this question 10 years ago. I'll try to be. But.

[Mike]

But are you saying because you now have sympathy for the baby situation, that is actually a.

[Andy]

Also a good.

[Mike]

Because I asked.

[Andy]

That was not factored into my. Because I have no sympathy.

[Mike]

I have been bothered. Okay, I was gonna say I've been bothered by zero babies since I had a baby 18 years ago. Zero.

[Jason]

Every baby haven't Been next to a baby?

[Mike]

No, I have. I've been next to him and all

[Andy]

I do you never been bothered by a baby since you have a baby?

[Mike]

No, because I have un. You guys know me. I'm like an over empath.

[Andy]

You are.

[Producer Borland]

So I.

[Mike]

If I hear that baby, all I do is think about how bad those parents feel that that baby is crying. Now, I will say this. If the parents do not behave in a fashion that seems like they're embarrassed by the baby, I would like to throw them both off the plane. Baby is unfortunately getting thrown out with the bathwater on that one.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But if you have any sense that you don't want your baby crying. I no longer worry about the baby. It is like we were in Alaska on this trip.

[Andy]

Sure.

[Mike]

And I think the baby was being left with the grandparents in this, like, on this excursion. So the grandparents had to be on the bus with the baby. And this baby was tough, rough. But I was just like, you know what? I feel bad for you.

[Andy]

The truth is, I have over. Do we got it? Okay.

[Mike]

Jeremy said, quote, jason, these polls aren't doing us any favors.

[Andy]

Are you talking about the ice cream versus candy? Idiotic.

[Mike]

Let's see what the results seem to be. Let me place my vote. Oh, what's better? Currently on Jason's website, 183 votes is what I'm seeing. What are you seeing? 184 because I just voted 83.2% ice cream, 16% candy. That's even more than I thought.

[Andy]

Wait, you're at 86. I'm at 81.1% ice cream.

[Mike]

I just voted for yours. 81 to 18. Yeah.

[Jason]

I don't understand how I wish. I'm a lifelong fat man.

[Andy]

Even when you're a fit man, the fat boy's in there.

[Jason]

Absolutely. He's never gonna.

[Andy]

I get it.

[Jason]

And my belly says he's still here. So my life has been. I love food, I love sweets, I love candy, and I've, you know, no self control.

[Mike]

And you don't like ice cream as much as the rest.

[Jason]

You could be so fat if ice cream.

[Mike]

You could be unconscious, brother.

[Andy]

We could have wrecked each other.

[Mike]

Let me tell you, this is a great point you're making. 80 to 90% of every fat molecule in my body has been created by the eating of an ice cream product. Genuinely, that's not an exaggeration. 80 to 90%. And you're saying you don't even like ice cream enough for it to be 5% of your fat molecule.

[Jason]

Ice cream is Absolutely delicious. I mean, who. I mean ice cream. You take a bite, it's great. I just don't like it that much that it's so cold.

[Mike]

Imagine if you did.

[Jason]

I would imagine I would ruin my life. We would not have a podcast anymore.

[Mike]

So you talk about that bowling ball character from Hook.

[Andy]

That'd be you. So my number one response, which is actually very topical, because, look, I'm not really a candy. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not a sugar person. Like, I'm not saying I don't enjoy it.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

But I'm saying, I mean, you guys have been.

[Jason]

You don't have the. It.

[Andy]

I can say no to dessert.

[Mike]

Yeah, you super easy. You have the most control.

[Andy]

But it's not even. Because it's just like, I'm like, yeah, impartial. I don't have to have it. But. So the other day we had gotten some drumsticks. You know what I'm talking about, the ice cream treat.

[Mike]

Oh, of course.

[Andy]

So it's the bad. If you're not familiar, it's six of them. It's in a cone.

[Jason]

The little tiny guys.

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, these are not.

[Mike]

These were normal.

[Jason]

Oh, this is the full normal.

[Andy]

These were regular size. Where it's like. Yeah, it's in a cone.

[Mike]

Show me how you hold them.

[Jason]

Not going to do that on video,

[Andy]

but also I'll show you. It's about yay big. And it's got like, the top of the cone is chocolate. It's a vanilla. It's got. Usually it has like some sort of nuts on the top of it. And there's some sort of magic because I keep my freezer freezing.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah. But they're not like.

[Andy]

I'm not saying they're still equipped.

[Mike]

I know what you're talking about.

[Andy]

I'm saying you put a tub of ice cream in my freezer. A single spoon is not getting anything done because this thing is rock solid. There's some sort of science magic in the drumstick that this thing remains a soft serve bite immediately out. Out the freezer. And I'm like, how is it possible?

[Mike]

It is not okay.

[Andy]

There's something that's in there.

[Mike]

It's not okay. There are elements from the periodic table being used that are not.

[Andy]

They are not being displayed to us either.

[Mike]

Display? No, they don't tell us what's going on in something. There's some. There's some helium put in that.

[Andy]

I was so shocked.

[Mike]

My wife, I get 100% pulled one

[Andy]

out and I was like, oh, I want a bite of it. And I was like, what?

[Mike]

How did I just. You want to know what?

[Andy]

I took a bite of it.

[Mike]

I bet you a million dollars on that box that says frozen dairy dessert.

[Producer Borland]

Ooh.

[Mike]

I bet you did not say ice cream.

[Andy]

It's the fake.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No way.

[Mike]

It says ice cream.

[Andy]

It's like the Pringles or it's like. This is a sort of a potato.

[Mike]

Yes. This is a fake object that I have a feeling. The funny thing about those is I have a feeling if you left them for six hours, they'd be the same cold. That's how I feel like they'd be.

[Jason]

Okay, guys. All right. I found it.

[Andy]

We got more information.

[Jason]

Yeah, we got big breaking news here.

[Mike]

Breaking news.

[Jason]

Breaking news.

[Andy]

Do we need the button?

[Jason]

Sure.

[Mike]

You're getting into ice cream.

[Andy]

I pushed the button.

[Mike]

I will take you around town.

[Jason]

All right.

[Mike]

Show you all the spots.

[Jason]

So we here's deal.

[Andy]

Sounds nervous.

[Jason]

This. I'm a little nervous because it's a little off brand and totally on brand for you guys. You reminded me of it when you talked about the consistency of the ice cream.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

This weekend I had my sister in law stay over with her husband. They came, brought their dogs. We had a nice time. And she was doing this weird freak out thing. This weird thing where it was like, you have to go to Safeway and get this ice cream I love. And it was like, okay. It's like not that big a deal. No, you don't understand. You have.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

She said her husband let me throw

[Andy]

in just an aside, complete agreement. Ice cream from a grocery store. It never hits like an ice cream shop. Never, never.

[Jason]

And I. And I don't like ice cream anyway, so I couldn't give two farts. Like, I can't believe you're making your husband go to the grocery store to get this ice cream thing.

[Mike]

I am already like pulling up instacart, but go on.

[Jason]

They came back with this I really will thing. It was a strawberry shaped ice cream treat of strawberry ice cream. Call is. And so look, the strawberry. This is not a sponsor.

[Andy]

My wife loves the strawberry shortcake.

[Jason]

No, no, those are.

[Mike]

Those are.

[Jason]

I don't know if any of you have heard of this.

[Mike]

Give me a name.

[Jason]

Ice Nova. One word. Ice Nova. Strawberry romance.

[Mike]

Well, this sounds weird, guys.

[Jason]

I made her leave them. When she left, she was not allowed to take them.

[Mike]

Ice Nova.

[Jason]

Best craziest thing I've ever had. If you want to tell me I'm an ice cream freak. This ice Nova thing, it was so soft it was. There's no way. It's not pure science. There's, there is nothing natural that grows in this thing.

[Mike]

I can't even find it.

[Jason]

It's.

[Mike]

Oh, here it is.

[Jason]

Oh, you.

[Mike]

It's ice Nova Strawberry Romance ice cream.

[Jason]

It's unfat and they have a peach and a strawberry and they just look like the fruit. Like it's, it's a giant fist sized strawberry that you eat that's just made of ice cream and white chocolate. I think it's unbelievable.

[Mike]

I'm willing to give it a go. Mr. 16% candy only Nova. This was, this was a detour from what would you like to be seated next to on a screaming baby or a serial farter? Is that what this was?

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

Oh no. We returned to the poll question. We better answer this because we got to get on.

[Andy]

By the way, it's so easy because if you travel more than. Nope, I retracting. If you travel once a year on an aeroplane, if you buy yourself a good brand of air can or air canceling noise canceling headphones.

[Mike]

You can't cancel the air candy. A new candy for the airplane.

[Andy]

Noise canceling headphones. It will change how you fly.

[Jason]

So we have to.

[Andy]

The baby doesn't matter at all.

[Jason]

Interesting. That's, that's a good point. You can't, you can't really undo the farter, but you can undo the baby.

[Andy]

Correct. The farter. I don't have smell canceling nose phones.

[Jason]

But if, if, if I don't have technology to assist me.

[Mike]

That's a good point.

[Jason]

I will take the farter over the screaming baby. Because here's the thing.

[Andy]

I agree with that too.

[Jason]

I've been on a fair share of amount of flights. I mean I've flown in the last 10 years probably.

[Andy]

I don't want to brag, but I've been in an airplane.

[Mike]

You also had a fair share of farts. Yeah.

[Jason]

So let's say I've flown 50 times in the last decade. I.

[Andy]

How many farts?

[Jason]

Infinity. There is very frequent that I smell someone's fart and I hate it.

[Andy]

It's frequent.

[Jason]

Yeah. You're on a flight.

[Mike]

It's pretty bad, man, because you're stuck, you know, you're stuck with it.

[Andy]

Hold on. But it's frequent.

[Jason]

I would say at least. Are you at least 25?

[Mike]

Caseton? Hold on a second.

[Andy]

I got. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Are you smelling your own farts?

[Andy]

No, I was going with. How often are you flying with your spouse?

[Jason]

Most of the time.

[Mike]

25% of the time.

[Jason]

About. Yeah. So 20.

[Mike]

Same percentage is the farts.

[Jason]

25% of my. I will smell someone's fart. And of course I hate it. But you know what happens at the end of that? I don't really care. It didn't ruin my flight. I just. When a baby is on the flight near me crying ruins the. Every minute of every hour. It's just ruined. And I get off and I'm. I feel bad. The trip is worse, the vacation is worse. The farter I can get over it sucks. But I will take the farter out of the baby.

[Mike]

And to be fair, this crying baby could also emit odors of their own.

[Andy]

For sure it could.

[Mike]

But I was saying, like, this noise canceling headphones that Mike brought up is actually like, if you have flight anxiety. Oh, dude, that's actually a massive improvement in your life.

[Andy]

It's so good.

[Jason]

Can we. Can we real quick, before we move on to the next question, can we order some of these ice Novas to the studio?

[Mike]

If you want.

[Jason]

I genuinely would try them. Yeah, dude, I want.

[Mike]

I don't do that stuff around here,

[Jason]

but we're on it. Someone, Someone order them because I want you guys to experience this. It's unbelievable. Get some peeps, get some strawberries.

[Andy]

It's unbecoming of me.

[Jason]

It's beneath me.

[Mike]

But I get what you said. It's crazy somebody could do that.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, maybe you guys won't like it as much as. Because you guys love ice cream and I don't. And so this is the me version.

[Mike]

I think that might happen. But if you said white chocolate, I'm kind of into that.

[Andy]

Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm just saying ice cream is way better than canned.

[Mike]

Way to be on the right side of the poll. And history. All right, we are going to take a break and come back with.

[Jason]

Let's see how much ice cream you get when we're back versus candy Mike when we're back.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

What are you doing?

[Andy]

I was going to give you an update on the poll, but it's actually. It's gone down.

[Mike]

Oh, we won't do that then. Calling all fun lovers and memory makers, Texas invites you to cheer from our

[Andy]

stadiums

[Mike]

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[Andy]

Let's Texas spitballers.

[Jason]

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[Andy]

When I say the poll has gone down, I mean it's gone down from 81%. Oh, we're back.

[Mike]

Okay, what's the current numbers now?

[Andy]

We're at 81.6%. Ice cream.

[Mike]

No, we had dropped.

[Jason]

I just see 80, 20.

[Andy]

I just see 80, 20 plummeted to 80.6. And then, you guys know, I like

[Mike]

myself a good 25 pounds of mike and Ikes, but I still pick an ice cream.

[Andy]

You do love Mike and Ikes.

[Mike]

I do.

[Andy]

You all love this office. The office love for Mike and Ikes.

[Mike]

Well, it only became their love because of me bringing £25 of Mike. And I think most people didn't think they were that good. And then they all were like, well, wait a second, I kind of love this.

[Andy]

I have eaten for the record. Zero. You never had any of them of any of those Mike and I?

[Mike]

Oh, you should have tried them. No, we know history is the game needed. We know his as a man who likes. Well, never mind. I'm not getting into it. We're playing we know history, which I believe Jason famously won last time.

[Jason]

Yeah, I know history.

[Andy]

Oh, we're playing this game.

[Mike]

We are playing we know history, which is a We know history five round game. In each round, there are four things that happened in history. It is our job and yours. At home to put them in order of when they happened, because we.

[Andy]

We know history.

[Mike]

Round one. Nike is founded.

[Andy]

Wait, what? How do you have answers? I don't have any answers in here.

[Mike]

Round two. Costco opens its first warehouse. Costco starts.

[Jason]

Apple is founded. Costco opens its.

[Mike]

No, I said Nike is founded.

[Andy]

His is in a different order than they are.

[Mike]

Nike is founded. Costco opens its first warehouse. Southwest begins flying Southwest Airlines.

[Jason]

This is impossible.

[Mike]

And the founding of Apple.

[Andy]

Okay, I have a question that unfortunately, will benefit my opponents.

[Producer Borland]

Great.

[Jason]

Ask it.

[Andy]

Producer Borland.

[Producer Borland]

Yes, sir.

[Andy]

Are we counting Costco as Price Club?

[Jason]

That's what we have not.

[Mike]

Oh, we're not.

[Jason]

Oh, yay. That was my.

[Andy]

We're not. So when did Price Club.

[Mike]

That's. You got to tell us that stuff out the jump. No, brother.

[Jason]

No, we don't have to.

[Mike]

They're the same company.

[Jason]

No, he said Costco first. So it's a warehouse club.

[Mike]

All right.

[Producer Borland]

Costco and Price Club were competitors that merged.

[Mike]

Yes, we were talking. Okay. All right.

[Andy]

Oh, okay. No, that's. That's important.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I did not know that part.

[Mike]

I didn't. I thought it was changed.

[Andy]

I thought it was a rebrand.

[Jason]

All right, I would not have. I totally remember Price Club, but I would never have remembered the name.

[Mike]

I have my order.

[Andy]

You're welcome.

[Mike]

So I have my order.

[Andy]

So we are saying Costco opened up businesses. Price Club was opening up businesses, and then Costco.

[Jason]

Yes. So whenever Costco opens its first warehouse. Exactly like it's worded.

[Mike]

Well, okay. I mean that. You can be all high and mighty about it, but the fact of the matter is, those warehouses were already opened, and they became Costco's.

[Andy]

No, no, they did. No, no. But they did open.

[Jason]

But the first Costco warehouse before the merger.

[Mike]

I got you.

[Producer Borland]

Okay.

[Mike]

And I have no idea. This is a terrible, terrible one. And I have no clue. Any of these.

[Andy]

Hold on, hold on.

[Mike]

So this is not the merger date.

[Andy]

So here we are. We are sorting.

[Jason]

This would be pre merger.

[Andy]

Apple is founded. Nike is founded, Costco opens its first warehouse, and Southwest Airlines begins service.

[Jason]

Southwest is the one that. I really don't know where to put.

[Mike]

There used to be a lot of old airlines, by the way. You remember this? Like Northwest.

[Andy]

Shout out to American West. Oh, dude. Northwest and American West.

[Mike]

American West. All right, I got my order.

[Producer Borland]

I think it was just America West.

[Jason]

Oh, is it not American?

[Producer Borland]

American is a different airline, but it was America.

[Andy]

America West.

[Jason]

Oh, so there's Air West.

[Mike]

There was an Air West.

[Jason]

There's American Airlines. Which sucks.

[Andy]

They. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're very pro brands here. For money.

[Jason]

Yeah, if you want us.

[Mike]

All right, I guess whoever reads it,

[Andy]

they have stranded me in several places.

[Jason]

They are the worst.

[Mike]

They all are. All right, here's my order. Everyone's locked, though, right? We're not changing.

[Jason]

I'm locked. I'm locked.

[Mike]

Well, I will get this thing started with the wrong order. Okay? My number one is going to be Apple. Number two is Nike. Number three is Costco, and number four is Southwest.

[Jason]

We are identical.

[Andy]

We have a big problem.

[Mike]

Are you the same?

[Andy]

No, no.

[Jason]

Obviously, we are very different. So I am the same.

[Mike]

Which was Apple, Nike, Costco, Southwest.

[Andy]

The problem is you guys are smart

[Mike]

guys, and I don't know.

[Jason]

Okay, what is. What's your order?

[Andy]

I'm going Costco.

[Mike]

This could be a chance for a big lead for you.

[Andy]

Southwest.

[Jason]

Wow.

[Andy]

This is Nike.

[Jason]

Oh, man. This is like, almost.

[Mike]

Oh, somebody's getting points.

[Andy]

And so that's what I said. We have a big problem here.

[Producer Borland]

We actually have Andy and Mike. I'm sorry. Andy and Jason with zero points.

[Andy]

What?

[Producer Borland]

And Mike with one point.

[Andy]

Oh, not.

[Mike]

Not a huge discrepancy.

[Andy]

No.

[Mike]

History.

[Andy]

Infinite League.

[Jason]

Wait, what was the order then?

[Producer Borland]

The correct order at Nike, first in 1964, Southwest in 1971, Apple in 1976, and Costco in 1980.

[Jason]

So what's funny is I wasn't born

[Andy]

for any of them.

[Mike]

That's cool.

[Jason]

What's funny is the only thing I wrote down in the beginning, the only thing my whole board, I wrote down, Apple before Costco. That was the only one I was sure of. And then I was like, where do I fit in the other two? At least I was right about that. All right, what's next? We know history.

[Andy]

Number 22.

[Mike]

All right, so just one to nothing. No big deal.

[Andy]

One to nothing.

[Mike]

Here's some real history here. Those were all fake history. World War I begins. So World War I. World War I. Are we number two?

[Andy]

I have questions.

[Mike]

The.

[Jason]

You have questions already.

[Mike]

Titanic.

[Andy]

Because it matters.

[Mike]

The Titanic sinks. That's the second item or historical event. Number three, Prohibition. Prohibition begins in the United States. And number four, the first Nobel Prize is awarded, which. That sucks. I have no idea.

[Andy]

So World War I begins. Are we going Franz Ferdinand? What are we doing? What are we defining as the beginning of World War I?

[Jason]

What a great question. Because we know history. So this is.

[Andy]

I could tell you the day, the minute, and the hour.

[Mike]

It's when the actual copyright went through for the phrase World War I. Now, what do you.

[Andy]

What is the

[Mike]

date?

[Producer Borland]

What's the date conflict originally began?

[Mike]

Okay, that's fine.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah. But it began when. What happened?

[Jason]

When there was conflict.

[Andy]

Are we saying when a country attacked or are we saying when the.

[Jason]

You don't know the difference. You don't know the difference. You can ask the questions and still get the answers wrong.

[Andy]

I did. I answered.

[Mike]

All right.

[Producer Borland]

When Austria, Hungary declared war on Serbia.

[Andy]

Thank you.

[Jason]

Okay, I got my list. But this is worth saying earlier today, right before.

[Andy]

It's unbelievable.

[Jason]

Right before the show. This is unbelievable. Andy.

[Producer Borland]

I don't know.

[Jason]

How do we even get onto the topic?

[Mike]

I just had it in my head, man.

[Producer Borland]

That's it.

[Jason]

You would watch something, and I think it surprised you. The Titanic date. And so out of the blue, we're just. The three of us are sitting in the. In our office. We share an office together. Three of us right next to studio. And he's like, I'll give you $100 if you can tell me the year. The site that. The Titanic.

[Mike]

It's a big mistake by me.

[Jason]

To which I immediately answered 1912. And Mike then said, 1912. We just knew the answer.

[Andy]

And I responded with. I was going to say 1912. And you know what? I'm going to stay with it.

[Jason]

Right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

And we're going to backfire.

[Jason]

And then he's like, well, crap, I got $50.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And then Andy sent each of us $50. He's a man of his word. Thank you. But then Al comes in and is like, oh, like, were you guys looking this up?

[Andy]

And we're like, like, why are you guys looking at the spitballers?

[Jason]

What are you talking about? And he's like, that's a question on today's episode is it's impossible. That's impossible. Seriously, though, Totally.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

All right, so somebody else.

[Andy]

Titanic sinks. I've got. World War I begins. Prohibition. Nobel Prizes are awarded. Prohibition.

[Jason]

I've got my order.

[Mike]

Yeah, I've got mine as well, I feel.

[Andy]

When was the Prohibition?

[Jason]

Oh, you tell me when you're locked in.

[Andy]

Yeah, okay. Hold on. I'm not locked yet.

[Jason]

I'm going to put years down. I'm going to guess the years.

[Andy]

I love that. I can tell you. I know. The Titanic was 1912.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

I don't know if that helps me.

[Jason]

Yeah. Whether. Well, but when.

[Mike]

All right, we got to get going. Let's go.

[Andy]

All right, you guys, I'll finish my other team.

[Jason]

No, no, you don't get to finish. After we announce.

[Andy]

Lock them. Just give you. Just give me Your answer.

[Mike]

You can go first.

[Jason]

I can't until he's locked.

[Andy]

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Jason]

There's only four things you can write down. Just write them down in any order. He's scratching out and watching.

[Producer Borland]

Okay.

[Andy]

No, no. And we're good. I got it in.

[Jason]

All right, you got it in. I'm going to go the Nobel Prize.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

The Titanic in 1912, Prohibition, and World War I.

[Mike]

So I have Nobel Prize in Titanic to match you to start. And then I went World War I, then Prohibition.

[Jason]

Crap.

[Andy]

Okay, okay, so I got no bail. Number one.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

I went WW1. Number two.

[Jason]

Okie doke. Well, that's wrong. That had to be after 19, but,

[Mike]

yeah, go on, go on.

[Jason]

Don't worry about it.

[Andy]

Does it?

[Jason]

Yeah, just find out.

[Andy]

I think I'm going Titanic.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Third.

[Andy]

Prohibition, number four.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Producer Borland]

All right, Mike, you got two points.

[Andy]

All right, I'll take it. I will take two points.

[Producer Borland]

Sorry, Josh, you have Mike down at three, but maybe I misheard. So, Mike, tell me your order one more time.

[Andy]

Nobel. Ww okay. Titanic.

[Producer Borland]

Okay.

[Andy]

Prohibition.

[Producer Borland]

All right, you got two points. Josh is an idiot.

[Andy]

They're.

[Jason]

They're arguing.

[Producer Borland]

Oh, you're. You're tallying total score. Sorry. Okay, Andy with a clean sweep that round. Four points.

[Mike]

Thank you.

[Jason]

Oh, give me a break. No way. Prohibition was after. Thank you, World War I.

[Producer Borland]

No way.

[Jason]

Prohibition.

[Mike]

Because prohibition was, like, 29, wasn't it?

[Producer Borland]

Prohibition was 1920.

[Andy]

No.

[Jason]

Okay. No way. It was before that. One year later, Prohibition was, like, 1914,

[Mike]

but except for real Lee, not whatever.

[Andy]

So which two did I call it?

[Producer Borland]

I knew this was the United states officially beginning January 17, 1920.

[Mike]

That means you got two points.

[Jason]

Yeah, I got two. I should have got four. That's ridiculous.

[Mike]

If history was different.

[Jason]

We know history.

[Mike]

So what's the current total?

[Producer Borland]

Formal apology to Josh. The current total is Andy with four, Mike with three, and Jason with two.

[Mike]

This is the biggest, most points I've ever had. All right, round three. Let's go, guys. We're going to have to get going.

[Andy]

Oh, man. Oh, I just saw number four.

[Mike]

Round three. Cabbage Patch Kids become a national craze.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay, so that's Cabbage Patch.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Lego plastic bricks are introduced.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Hot wheels are launched.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Oh, that one's interesting.

[Andy]

Oh, this one's so.

[Mike]

And Barbie debuts.

[Andy]

I'm done.

[Jason]

I'm done, too.

[Andy]

I'm done. Locked in.

[Jason]

Locked.

[Andy]

Lock in.

[Jason]

Oh, this was quick. This was quick. I feel good about this.

[Andy]

Locked in.

[Jason]

I'm gonna get zero out of four.

[Andy]

I feel great.

[Mike]

All right. I'm good. I'm good.

[Andy]

10 out of a million.

[Mike]

Jay. Mike can read first.

[Andy]

You want me to go first?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Check this out.

[Producer Borland]

Legos.

[Jason]

Same.

[Andy]

Hot Wheels.

[Jason]

Nope.

[Andy]

Crap. Barbie. And then the other one. Cabbage.

[Jason]

Cabbage. I went Lego.

[Mike]

Completely different.

[Jason]

I went Lego. Barbie, Hot Wheels. Cabbage.

[Mike]

I went Barbie, cabbage, Hot Wheels, Legos.

[Jason]

All right. Goodness.

[Mike]

That might be hard for the team.

[Andy]

Was that too fast for you?

[Mike]

We're good.

[Producer Borland]

Jason, Clean sweep.

[Mike]

Okay, So I got Legos.

[Producer Borland]

Are that.

[Andy]

I got two.

[Mike]

Are that.

[Producer Borland]

Legos are old Mike got two, Andy got one. Yeah, it was Jason's order. Lego, Barbie, Hot Wheels, Cabbage Patch.

[Andy]

So Barbie and Hot Wheels were flipped.

[Mike]

So the only one I got was the Hot Wheels.

[Andy]

What were. What were the years on Barbie and Hot Wheels?

[Producer Borland]

So I'll go through all of them. Lego, 1949. Barbie, 1959. Hot Wheels, 1968. Cabbage Patch. 1983.

[Mike]

83. Okay, so I got. I got the Hot Wheels and the Barbies. Decades.

[Andy]

Fine.

[Mike]

But not in the right order.

[Jason]

This next one is.

[Andy]

Yeah, this is the one I love.

[Jason]

Spit wads.

[Mike]

What's the score?

[Producer Borland]

Current score is Jason with six, Andy and Mike with five.

[Jason]

All right, good.

[Mike]

He knows history.

[Jason]

This next.

[Andy]

We know history.

[Jason]

This next question. Spitballs. You are going to love. I'm going to love. And we are. Have no idea.

[Mike]

Taco Bell opens. Burger King opens. Wendy's, opens. In and out opens. Taco Bell, Burger King, Wendy's. And in and out.

[Andy]

Bro. I am firing from the hip. I'm already in.

[Producer Borland]

All right.

[Mike]

I am not in you. I got mine.

[Andy]

I'm already. I'm already.

[Jason]

I think I'm going to get. I think I'm going to get it wrong from the get.

[Andy]

I.

[Mike]

Hold on. Hold on. I'm not ready.

[Andy]

Feel terrible.

[Jason]

Gosh.

[Andy]

This.

[Jason]

I'm going to screw it up with my first one. I already know it. I know it's going to screw my whole order up. The next three are in the right order.

[Mike]

I'm going to read them. Wendy's, number one, Burger King, two, Taco Bell, three. In and out, four.

[Jason]

I'm similar, but I put Burger King ahead of Wendy's. Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell, in and out.

[Mike]

So we have the same last two.

[Jason]

I just don't know where Burger King goes.

[Andy]

I don't either. But it could be the judges to listen up for the correct order. Here we go. Taco Bell, Burger King, Wendy's. In and out. Wow. Wow. Four or four.

[Producer Borland]

Mike got one.

[Jason]

He's holding up one finger. I held up one he was so convicted.

[Producer Borland]

Andy, give me yours one more time.

[Mike]

Wendy's, Burger King, Taco Bell. In and out.

[Producer Borland]

Okay, Andy got two.

[Mike]

With the last two or the first

[Producer Borland]

two, it was in and out. Burger King.

[Jason]

What?

[Producer Borland]

Taco Bell, Wendy's.

[Mike]

So I got the middle two and

[Producer Borland]

Jason got one there. Yeah.

[Jason]

In and out was first. That was the only one I was confident. Dead last.

[Mike]

That's what I thought.

[Producer Borland]

1948.

[Mike]

Well, we were not living in their right.

[Andy]

Who started in and out?

[Jason]

Abraham Lincoln.

[Andy]

Brother. Brother. No, no, no. Brother or sister. Taco Bell. Burger King took over the world.

[Mike]

Is it 7, 7, 6 now?

[Producer Borland]

That is correct.

[Mike]

Me and Jason are tied and Mike is one behind. It's a wide open game.

[Jason]

The last round.

[Andy]

This is not good.

[Mike]

Oh, boy. Final round.

[Jason]

Everybody are sweating.

[Mike]

Final round. The first human to enter space. Okay, human entering space.

[Andy]

Define space.

[Mike]

Outer space. Number two. The first atomic bomb is detonated.

[Andy]

Oh, okay. The test. We're not talking.

[Mike]

That is correct. The first.

[Andy]

This is the test. This is not the attack. Correct.

[Mike]

Yeah. First one detonated. Number three. The first successful ascent of Mount Everest.

[Jason]

How would they know that?

[Mike]

Because that person went there.

[Jason]

No, but that could have happened in 1732, and it's not documented. That's dumb.

[Andy]

Well, that's.

[Mike]

Anything could have happened if it wasn't documented, dummy.

[Jason]

No, you can't. Like someone didn't invent in and out in 1700.

[Mike]

They didn't document it.

[Andy]

If anyone got to the top of everest in the 1700s, they would have told everyone about it.

[Jason]

Whatever.

[Mike]

And the last one. The fuse. The first human heart transplant.

[Jason]

Okay, I. I take umbrage with you.

[Mike]

Can umbrage all your. All the way to the top of the mountain. I don't give a crap.

[Producer Borland]

I'll change it to the first documented success.

[Jason]

Thank you. At least.

[Producer Borland]

Of Mount Everest.

[Mike]

All right, I've got my list.

[Andy]

What?

[Mike]

I've got my list. See, when I read them, I just throw a decade down on a piece

[Andy]

of paper and then get them wrong. Hold on. Read them again.

[Mike]

The first human to enter space. The first atomic bomb ever detonated. The first successful ascent of Mount Everest.

[Producer Borland]

Documented.

[Mike]

Documented. And the first human heart transplant.

[Andy]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

I only have a debate with two of them. Really?

[Jason]

One of them's gotta be Mount Everest because it's stupid.

[Andy]

Only because I know history. So good.

[Mike]

So good.

[Andy]

Okay, hold on.

[Mike]

I. I've got my order. I'm gonna. I'm gonna stick with it.

[Andy]

First human heart transplant successful.

[Producer Borland]

Or

[Mike]

this was first human heart. That's a good question.

[Andy]

I don't I'm just saying they could have put a heart in a human and be like, we did it.

[Mike]

The first attempted and completed. Yeah, yeah.

[Andy]

Or completed is. I need successful.

[Mike]

You can't say they transplanted a heart unless they transplanted her heart.

[Andy]

Oh, I certainly.

[Jason]

Of course. It's of course successful. Is it? Yes. Otherwise they would not. It would not be the first document.

[Andy]

You guys are very.

[Producer Borland]

Give me some context.

[Andy]

You guys are very confident in the medical field.

[Producer Borland]

They survived the groundbreaking five hour operation but died 18 days later for pneumonia.

[Mike]

That's successful.

[Andy]

Eighteen what?

[Producer Borland]

Days?

[Jason]

Yeah. Not the heart.

[Mike]

That's the, that was the good transplant.

[Andy]

18 days later is not a successful train.

[Jason]

They didn't ever know.

[Andy]

It's not.

[Mike]

They got the job.

[Andy]

No, it's not.

[Mike]

If you survive it, it's successful.

[Jason]

All right, I've got my.

[Andy]

No, that's not.

[Mike]

All right. Go ahead, Jay.

[Jason]

All right. My stupid order is. I'm going to say the atomic bomb is first. Mount Everest, human in space, heart transplant. When I say that out loud, I realize a heart transplant should certainly come before a human in space, but I will lock my order.

[Mike]

I, I, we're going to have somebody that actually wins here. Mine's very different. My number one for me is Everest. Number two is the A bomb. Number three is the heart transplant, and number four is the space crap.

[Andy]

Me and Andy are identical.

[Mike]

Oh, no. But we're one off.

[Jason]

So I can't win.

[Andy]

I can't overtake you. Yeah, no, but that is exactly.

[Producer Borland]

You guys both putting up zeros

[Andy]

and

[Jason]

Jason putting up a full four.

[Mike]

The people we went before we transplanted a heart.

[Producer Borland]

Listen to this. When we first did this segment, Jason was so terrified of it. He, he tied the first time we did it, and he's won the next two.

[Jason]

I know his.

[Andy]

Jason knows history.

[Jason]

Rename this segment.

[Mike]

It really flies in the.

[Andy]

Give us the order.

[Producer Borland]

The order was the atomic bomb. 1945. Mount Everest. 1953.

[Andy]

Oh.

[Producer Borland]

First human to enter space. 1961. And heart transplant in 67.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Andy]

Okay, baby. I know history.

[Mike]

I, I would love to linger on the fact that Jason thinks that people are doing things and not documenting, like climbing mountains.

[Jason]

You can't document things in the 1500s. If someone climbed the mountain about, how

[Mike]

do you know what happens in the 1500s?

[Jason]

I'm saying, what are they doing? They put it in the newspaper. Hey. Oh, there's no newspaper. There's no printing press.

[Mike]

It doesn't have to be in a newspaper.

[Andy]

What happened in the 1700s?

[Jason]

Yeah, specifically 76 the founding of our great country.

[Andy]

Oh, okay. So we're gonna be in at least some agreement. 1776 on. You could have documented something.

[Jason]

What if somebody climbed Mount Everest in 1000 A.D. we would never know.

[Andy]

That's fine. But from. But before 1776.

[Mike]

Really tried to do it for a long time before they did it.

[Jason]

I'm just saying.

[Mike]

All right. Congratulations. You know, history.

[Andy]

I suck at this game.

[Mike]

We got to get to it. Me too, Mike. We got to get to a draft. I did beat you, though.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Nothing beats tradition like weekly game nights at mom's house. And Tostitos crafted with masa, made the traditional way, starting with whole corn kernels with flavors worth gathering around, like a hint of lime and Mexican street corn. And no artificial colors, flavors, or preservatives. That's the Tostitos way. Bring Tostitos to your next game night, and you'll be winning either way. Tostitos tradition matters.

[Andy]

Carter's has your family covered for every summer. First for steps, first swim lesson, or first sleepover. Our clothes help kids and parents shine, thanks to comfy design and easy dressing details. Visit Carters.com to shop the latest styles or find a Carter store near you.

[Jason]

The Spitballers draft.

[Andy]

Let's play the games I'm good at.

[Mike]

We are drafting the best. If there's any of those vending machine items. The best vending machine items.

[Andy]

Now we're talking.

[Mike]

And hold on, hold on.

[Andy]

We got to check in.

[Mike]

Yeah, on the poll.

[Andy]

Yeah, you want to check in on the ice cream candy, which.

[Mike]

Which is ironic because, like, you can get candy from vending machines, but not ice cream. But go on, Mike.

[Andy]

We are at 15, 60, 71 votes.

[Mike]

That is a lot.

[Andy]

Do you care to get.

[Jason]

I'm going to guess 80. 20. 81. 19.

[Andy]

81. 19 would be the exact vote for ice cream.

[Jason]

I'm happy to be in the correct minority.

[Mike]

I never found Mike more attractive as a person than I do right this minute.

[Jason]

Wait. Wait till you get these ice novas, guys, because I, you know, see the

[Mike]

fact that they're called an ice candy.

[Andy]

Wait till we get the thing to prove us that ice cream is better.

[Jason]

I'm saying I might join your side.

[Andy]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

I bet you this.

[Jason]

But you've already had it.

[Mike]

You know, this thing is not like ice cream at all. You know, there's. This is candy. He said it had white chocolate in it.

[Jason]

He's talking about a chocolate chocolate, guys. It's so good.

[Mike]

Did I hit the draft button already?

[Producer Borland]

You did.

[Jason]

All right.

[Mike]

We're Drafting the best vending machine items. There's something. There's something special about the. The vending machine lore of our lives. I mean, I.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Mike]

I remember there being surge machines at our grade school. They were letting kids get surge at school. That seems dangerous.

[Andy]

Things have progressively gotten worse.

[Mike]

I know.

[Andy]

With the energy drinks, because at my daughter's high school, they're like, hey, you want Red Bulls, you want monsters?

[Mike]

They just let them get them.

[Andy]

Your son's there, man.

[Jason]

Is he not telling you guys?

[Andy]

I don't know.

[Mike]

We go to a cardiologist regularly.

[Andy]

I don't know why your son is crushing monsters.

[Mike]

Oh, great. My first pick in this draft. There are some things. Here's what's funny. I think there are things that are like, iconic vending machine snacks, but then there are some that are just like, I only get them from a vending machine. Like, the only time I ever get exposed to them is a vending machine. So I'm going to get to both of them. But my first pick, without question, is the most classic vending machine item in the history of vending machines. There's nothing more refreshing than a fresh Coca Cola classic out of a vending machine. That is going to be my number one pick. You can debate it, you can discuss it, you can deter from it, but it is a Coca Cola.

[Andy]

That is. That is fine, Jason.

[Jason]

It's whatever. It's fine.

[Mike]

Jason had an issue with the idea that we include Al.

[Andy]

Listen to this.

[Mike]

Go ahead. Go ahead.

[Andy]

So I'm in the office. It's just me.

[Mike]

I didn't hear it all.

[Andy]

And this is going to surprise you. We had the draft, and I had some questions because I want to make

[Mike]

sure that Mike has questions.

[Andy]

Look, I just want to make sure that we're all playing under the same rules.

[Mike]

Yeah, we're in the same fence.

[Andy]

Because I'm starting to write down stuff that is not food. And Jason's like. And I'm like, hey, Jay, what are you. Vending machine or where are we going? And he's like, there's one clear answer I could not be more sure of. There's only one answer.

[Jason]

To me, a vending machine is a machine. We all know what it looks like. It's like eight rows high, and, you know, five or six things left, and there's all these snacks and treats in there. And.

[Andy]

And it's edible only. And I'm like, well, what about sodas? And he's like, what about edible? And I'm like, well, you drink a soda. And he's like, no. It's so easy. It's so clear. And then Andy walks in and we're like, hey, Andy. Vending machine. He's like, oh, you drinks.

[Jason]

So food, whatever.

[Mike]

Your reality is not everybody's reality.

[Jason]

I know that.

[Mike]

Come on, candy boy. All right, Mike, your pick.

[Andy]

Oh, baby. A vending machine. Uh huh. First thing I'm looking for. Doritos. Orange. Orange.

[Mike]

They don't get a flavor, they get a color.

[Andy]

Some people call it the nacho cheese Doritos orange.

[Mike]

Go to Doritos.

[Andy]

That's in the vending machine. Stand back. Give me the number. That's all I need to know about.

[Mike]

I respect it.

[Andy]

Doritos.

[Mike]

It's a great pick.

[Andy]

Orange.

[Mike]

Orange. Have you seen them naked? Doritos. Now in K. Excuse me. NKD Doritos.

[Andy]

Are these like the baked.

[Mike]

No, they're. They're just. They took out the dyes and the artificial stuff.

[Andy]

I'm not interested.

[Mike]

Tastes great.

[Andy]

Tastes great. No, no.

[Mike]

I don't know if you can order orange in that flavor.

[Andy]

You know what? I.

[Mike]

Hey, we don't have time for this at all. So I'm going to talk about it. I guess M and M's tried to remove all the artificial colors. Have you seen this?

[Jason]

No.

[Mike]

So they successfully did it for everything but blue. Because blue is apparently impossible. Basically, other than getting spirulina from the ocean. That's expensive and all this stuff. You don't find blue natural coloring in the wild where you can color something blue. So they managed to do all the other M and M's colors, but they can't do blue.

[Producer Borland]

So just.

[Andy]

Just pick a new one.

[Mike]

That's. That's a. That's an option.

[Andy]

And then put them on the television. You're like, oh, here comes. There's a new fuchsia. Here comes.

[Mike]

It's called faded blue.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Here comes gray. Yes.

[Mike]

The gray MM is my favorite.

[Jason]

So easy to do.

[Andy]

The delicious gray flavored Eminem. It tastes like gray.

[Jason]

All right, I'm up. I've got two.

[Andy]

Yeah, you do.

[Jason]

All right. The first thing that comes to mind for me, and this is probably weird, I don't even know if it's on your guys's list, but every time that'll

[Mike]

be good for us.

[Jason]

That I. Yeah, it will be that I go to a vending machine. The one thing that I just always end up. I. If I go to a vending machine, it's because I'm like, real hungry. Yeah, exactly. I'm hungry.

[Mike]

You're at a hospital. You're at A school.

[Jason]

So I'm looking for.

[Mike]

You're at a rest stop.

[Andy]

You're at a kids show.

[Jason]

I'm looking for food. And that comes in the form of Pop Tarts. Pop Tarts.

[Mike]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that pick. Really?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Pop Tarts are a vending item.

[Jason]

Easily the most common item I have actually consumed from a vending machine is Pop Tarts.

[Andy]

Where do you draft a toaster?

[Mike]

You don't.

[Jason]

I'm okay taking it.

[Mike]

I can't stand them without toasting.

[Jason]

No, I can. I can. I can cold raw dog a pop Tart.

[Mike]

No problem.

[Jason]

No problem.

[Mike]

That. That's honest. It was. It was on my list, Jay.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Because I've seen them in there so often, I forgot we put the pics up right behind our faces.

[Andy]

I read Doritos Orange.

[Mike]

You love it. Was that nacho cheese?

[Andy]

Yeah. Yeah. Look at the screen. That's my Doritos.

[Mike]

That is your Doritos, Jason. I don't think that's a bad pick at all. I've seen it a million times. It's also a way, like, I feel like college vending machines had those. So you grab them. It's like a breakfast.

[Andy]

It's more grown up.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

All right, Jason, my next pick here. I would not have originally even had this on my list because it's not in my classic vending machine. But you guys are saying if it's out of a machine, that. If it's out of a machine that vinzit, then it's fine. And I've had this out of many vending machines. Even though it's not the classic.

[Mike]

This is what's going to happen.

[Jason]

And it is ice cream. It's dippin Dots.

[Andy]

Yeah. Dippin dots is on my machine.

[Mike]

There's nothing wrong with my other.

[Jason]

It's fine. But dippin dots are great. I mean, if I see a dippin dots machine.

[Andy]

Dippin dots is only dippin dots, though.

[Jason]

Correct.

[Andy]

It's the. It's the weird vacuum.

[Mike]

You're also not going to get your classic vending machine picture here on the volcano.

[Jason]

Correct.

[Mike]

I would say that about.

[Andy]

But. But dip is literally the first thing I wrote down. Even though there's no machine, I'm more scared of not getting my item than a dippin dots machine.

[Mike]

I would have put the odds of you drafting dippin dots at about, what, like, 18.9%?

[Jason]

So what's crazy is about 8, 19.

[Mike]

Is that about where you. Mike, I adore dippin' dots.

[Jason]

I love them. I love Them. I like them more than ice cream.

[Andy]

The ice cream of the future. Yeah, so they say.

[Mike]

Did you guys ever get the. The dip. Dried ice cream? The nasty dry.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Mike]

Those are pretty good. All right, Mike, you're up.

[Andy]

Is there sugar in there?

[Producer Borland]

Yeah,

[Andy]

it's. What are you going to do, Holloway?

[Mike]

It's tough.

[Andy]

Play the game because I have two that I got to have.

[Mike]

Well, you get one of them.

[Andy]

Oreos. Really? Yeah. Okay. Oreos.

[Jason]

I don't think that was what he was.

[Andy]

That's fine. That's fine. Because I needed to secure the Oreos. The unfortunate part of the vending machine is Oreos are never double stuffed. Yes, they should.

[Mike]

They aren't allowed to put them in there.

[Andy]

However, desperate times call for.

[Mike]

Oh, you're going to sacrifice.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah. I'll just go. I'll go single layer Oreo when I have to. And I'm. You're not taking it from me.

[Producer Borland]

You could. You could.

[Mike]

You could turn, what, like, come with like, six?

[Andy]

Yes, they do.

[Mike]

It becomes three. Double stuffed if you work it the right way.

[Andy]

That's an interesting.

[Mike]

You should give it a go.

[Andy]

It's an interesting idea. I will take it into advisement.

[Mike]

All right. My picks are not going to be necessarily like poll winners, but they are going to be authentic. And my pick here, I have to have it. I've never bought these in any other context, and yet when they're in a vending machine, I buy them and I enjoy them and they're special to me. It is Gardettos. I am buying Gardettos.

[Jason]

I get that. That is a vending machine.

[Andy]

It is Google's guard.

[Jason]

They've got the awful brown flat.

[Mike]

Yes, the brown flat piece.

[Jason]

And no one wants it. Then all the rest are good.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's a hot herb. That's how everyone put up with the flat piece. Enjoy the rest.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Producer Borland]

I thought those were genuinely. Hunt for those pieces. No.

[Mike]

Do you like those ones? Okay, well, they're so good. They do have a profound.

[Andy]

No, those are free.

[Producer Borland]

It's the chalky white stick ones that are.

[Andy]

Yeah, no, but I'm saying you go to a vending machine and you hit the Gardettos button and it just gives it to you. Yes, they do.

[Mike]

No, they don't.

[Andy]

Yes, they do. They actually. It spits out change.

[Mike]

It's how they get rid of garage.

[Andy]

Here's 75 cents.

[Jason]

And get something else. You're gonna need it.

[Producer Borland]

They literally make a garden request.

[Andy]

You want this Gardetto slop. Wow.

[Jason]

Just the garlic chips.

[Producer Borland]

Gross.

[Mike]

Gardettos are great.

[Andy]

This is.

[Mike]

Gardettos are delicious.

[Andy]

I gardettoed in the toilet the other night. It looked just like this.

[Mike]

My next pick. Maybe it'll satisfy a little bit better. It's a Snickers bar.

[Andy]

Okay. Well, it does satisfy.

[Mike]

It's a Snickers. By the way, Guardados. I'm looking at the picture of them.

[Andy]

Did you look at the picture I just sent?

[Producer Borland]

Yes.

[Andy]

I challenge you to differentiate that from feces. That's disgusting.

[Mike]

Those are so good. The spiciness, the spice.

[Andy]

Jason, come on.

[Jason]

I'm not with you here, man.

[Andy]

No,

[Jason]

first of all, there's too much variation to let it be synonymous visually with a poop.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Unless you, like.

[Andy]

You guys aren't checking out your poops.

[Jason]

You're not. You're not healthy. Mike, you have. I think this is a. A breaking news moment where you need a doctor.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

If you're pooping Gardettos, one, see a doctor. Two, bag it up. Send it my way. All right, Mike, you are back on the clock.

[Jason]

Contact cola guard. You can do this at home.

[Mike]

That's correct. Al will take all the brown pieces, which, in this context, seems troublesome, and then I'll take the rest.

[Andy]

Incredible. I don't know if this is in the pantheon for other people, but it is. I don't know what it is. So Doritos, orange Oreos. Cheez Its, baby.

[Jason]

Sure.

[Andy]

Cheez Its. Where else do you eat Cheez Its?

[Mike]

I buy them from the store and eat them.

[Jason]

We got. Usually have the Costco size all the time.

[Andy]

You guys buy cheeses?

[Mike]

Everyone buys cheeses.

[Jason]

They're always.

[Andy]

No, I don't.

[Jason]

They're stock.

[Andy]

I buy them from the. From the vending machine.

[Mike]

It's a sweet treat because the reason I didn't put in it treats.

[Andy]

Well, it's not actually sweet.

[Mike]

It's just. It's not actually a treat.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's a cracker.

[Mike]

It's a salty cracker is what I mean.

[Jason]

It's a salty cracker. Sweet treat. It's.

[Andy]

It's cheeses.

[Mike]

But the reason I didn't put cheeses on my list is because I don't buy them from vending machines because I have them in my house.

[Jason]

Yeah, me too.

[Mike]

Thank you. Well, we're the same out. Gardettos. And you have. Do you respect you.

[Jason]

Do you have any sweet treats in your house like Doritos? Do you have, like, sweet.

[Andy]

I actually don't buy Doritos either.

[Jason]

Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying, you call it a Sweet treat is dumb. That's all I'm saying. It's not a sweet treat. All right. I got. I got two picks. Can't even defend it. Yeah, it's like I can.

[Andy]

Like I can defend it because you ever heard the slang word sweet?

[Producer Borland]

Okay.

[Andy]

To not infer sugar.

[Mike]

But it's not even a treat.

[Jason]

Not in food.

[Mike]

It's not a treat.

[Andy]

Cheeses aren't. Oh, Jesus.

[Mike]

Treats are sweet.

[Jason]

All right, I got two picks here.

[Andy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason]

All right.

[Andy]

You can't take Cheez. Its because I 2.

[Mike]

I really want to get back to me and I'm really afraid there's no way.

[Jason]

There's no way you're the kind of

[Mike]

guy that's going to get the right stuff.

[Jason]

I'm not getting either of yours because I'm going.

[Andy]

He wants dingleberries. That's on the go with his gardettos.

[Mike]

I am so offended.

[Jason]

So the first one, I'm going, this is another guilty pleasure of mine. I mean, this is something that I don't know how many things in the world are better than this. And I don't think that there is one.

[Mike]

Romantic strawberries.

[Jason]

One ounce of food at end. The this. Not one.

[Andy]

Oh, oh.

[Mike]

Of like actual.

[Jason]

Of actual food.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

They print this.

[Mike]

You're gonna say it.

[Jason]

No way. You're driving.

[Mike]

I bet you I am a honey bun.

[Andy]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

That's what you wanted, dude.

[Andy]

Honey bun was Honey bun is what I freaking wanted.

[Mike]

Yeah. And that is not edible.

[Andy]

Jason, we're in the room and I was like, oh, I know my 101.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I didn't think anyone look.

[Mike]

I build a list and then I bold the ones that I really want. Honey bolded on my screen.

[Andy]

Honey.

[Mike]

And I thought it would get back to me.

[Andy]

Number one, Honey buns are only bought in a vending machine.

[Mike]

Honey buns are used by bears to block their bowels so that they can hibernate during the winter.

[Andy]

I was telling Jason in the room, I was like, there was a period, one of the first periods where I really became husky boy was honey bun based. Honey buns were a huge part of it.

[Mike]

They gave you some hunky buns because

[Andy]

I like just at this place of work, I was always there. There was always honey buns.

[Mike]

Honey buns, man.

[Andy]

They were always the best.

[Mike]

I am not 100% sure. That is not like some paper mill byproduct that they turn into the shape.

[Andy]

Honey. Oh, owls. Honey. Ow. You had honey buns, the 101.

[Mike]

Such a thought for sure.

[Producer Borland]

At least when I Was in high school, our vending machine. We all raided the honey.

[Andy]

We were all trying to sneak the honey bun.

[Jason]

You beat a honey bun.

[Andy]

Honey Buns is the greatest.

[Jason]

Your tongue just feels the film and filth of that honey bun.

[Mike]

There's a wax that you eat.

[Andy]

I could transport to exactly where I

[Jason]

can feel it right now. I can feel in my mouth.

[Andy]

I can tell you the buttons.

[Jason]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

I could tell you 11.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Yeah, no, that's, that's great.

[Andy]

All right.

[Mike]

My last. I'm really sad.

[Andy]

Oh, man. That's a big time bummer.

[Jason]

I'm between, I'm between two here.

[Mike]

Between two buns.

[Jason]

They both are savory and they both basically come in their own packaging of container to make it work. But I'm going to go with one similar to a lot of times. I started with the pop tarts where when you need a vending machine, sometimes you need a meal.

[Andy]

Sure.

[Jason]

And this is one that I know saves my kids lives where they are, but I'm going to go with a. This will be probably not even on your guys list, but a cup of noodles. A cup of noodles and a vending. That's the only, that's the only meal you can get from a vending machine.

[Andy]

You get the hot water? Yeah, anywhere.

[Mike]

Hot water, anywhere. Try water.

[Producer Borland]

Try.

[Andy]

No, no. We could. You can try and answer. Yeah.

[Jason]

Okay, let me ask you this like a normal question. Can you make a cup of noodles without a microwave? No.

[Producer Borland]

No.

[Jason]

So what you do is you put, you put water in it and then you put it in the microwave. It's pretty easy.

[Andy]

There's microwaves just hanging out by your vending machines.

[Jason]

When there's a cup of noodles there, there's a microwave there.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jason]

That's a promise.

[Mike]

All right, Mike.

[Andy]

I feel like we would just got lied to.

[Mike]

I don't, I'm not, I'm not sure.

[Andy]

I mean, honestly, it does not matter what I say because Honey buns was.

[Mike]

I thought I could sneak it.

[Andy]

I was sneaking the last pick with the honey buns.

[Mike]

I'm let down. I got a couple contenders.

[Jason]

We went, we went a little too.

[Andy]

We ran a little too hot. It doesn't matter. Who cares?

[Mike]

Are you going to drive Doritos Cool Ranch?

[Andy]

No. Oh, my God.

[Mike]

You don't like Cool Ranch.

[Andy]

That's right, guys.

[Jason]

Cool Ranch is delicious.

[Mike]

I, I, When I pick a side, both sides work.

[Andy]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Because when I wake up in the morning, I can look myself in the eyes and I'm like, you're okay.

[Jason]

You can't look yourself in the eyes. Just so you know.

[Andy]

Not with blues.

[Jason]

You just can't do it.

[Andy]

Yes, I can.

[Jason]

No, no one can. Look themselves in the mirror. You look themselves in the mirror. Thank you. Cool. I look myself in the eye. I push.

[Mike]

Hold on a minute. Al Borland, Cool Ranch. Great.

[Andy]

You're telling me that when you look in the mirror in your eyes, you're not looking yourself in the eyes?

[Mike]

Correct.

[Jason]

I'm looking at myself in the mirror.

[Mike]

No, I'm with Mike on that one.

[Jason]

I'm looking at the man in the mirror.

[Mike]

Like, who's the man in the mirror? Jay, Whose eyes are you looking at?

[Jason]

I'm looking at my eyes through a mirror, but I would say I'm looking at the mirror.

[Mike]

Okay, so what are we even talk. We don't have time for this.

[Andy]

No, no, no, no, no, no. We're in the bathroom.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

We're brushing our teeth. I'm talking to my spouse. But I'm looking into the mirror. Who am I talking to?

[Jason]

You're talking to your spouse.

[Andy]

But I'm looking. No, but I'm talking to the mirror.

[Jason]

Let's say you're in a bathroom stall and the person next to you is. You're talking to them. Are you not talking to me? You're talking to a stall? No. Come on, don't be stupid here.

[Andy]

But then how am I looking? How do you not look yourself in the eyes?

[Jason]

I'm looking at a mirror. I see myself in the mirror. I'm looking at the mirror to see myself.

[Mike]

You're talking to yourself. You're talking to yourself.

[Andy]

Jason, when you look in the mirror, you're looking yourself in the face.

[Mike]

That's what a mirror does.

[Andy]

You're looking at your reflection.

[Jason]

You're on the clock.

[Andy]

I didn't even make.

[Mike]

No, Mike hasn't picked it.

[Jason]

I bypassed.

[Andy]

I didn't make a pick. Because we got on this because you were trying to talk about blue Doritos.

[Jason]

Take your trail mix and let's move on.

[Andy]

Oh, my God.

[Jason]

That just seems like a trail mix. Exactly. Exactly.

[Andy]

After the Gardettos garbage. You're talking about trail.

[Jason]

No, but I assumed you would take it.

[Andy]

It's the same exact bull crap. Salt and vinegar chips.

[Jason]

Yeah, just as bad. Awful. Disgusting.

[Mike]

Hostess donuts is my final.

[Andy]

Nothing matters. Honey buns are gone.

[Mike]

If I want to have also non edible food like a honey bun, I'm gonna get.

[Jason]

Oh, those are really good.

[Mike]

Six donuts.

[Jason]

Oh, I love those. In a vending machine.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

Oh, those are you can get them

[Mike]

in chocolate or powdered sugar.

[Jason]

No, no, no, no.

[Mike]

Cinnamon crumb.

[Andy]

No, the.

[Mike]

The crumbles.

[Andy]

That's the best, you know, original.

[Jason]

Is that original?

[Andy]

It's crumbles. No, there's, like. There's weird donut. What? They call them donuts. Original. And it's like. That's the original.

[Mike]

It is the crunch. The crunch is the.

[Producer Borland]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I mean, you get them all with that pick, but yeah. I'm going Hostess Donut.

[Andy]

Nothing matters anymore.

[Mike]

The one that I didn't drink is also gone. I wanted honey buns. Grandma's cookies was up there. The Grandma's Picture Double Cookies. The soft cookies that are soft for eternity.

[Andy]

Sure.

[Mike]

Slim Jims, Skittles.

[Andy]

Are you going to say those are better than hard Chips Ahoy?

[Mike]

No, no, I'd rather have hard Chips Ahoy.

[Jason]

Good point.

[Andy]

Those are also in vending machines. But they weren't on your list.

[Jason]

No, because they're gross.

[Andy]

Very Jason. Very peculiar.

[Jason]

Yeah, I don't know. He says ahoy, but of course he doesn't. I like honey roasted peanuts. I love getting those.

[Andy]

Oh, honey. Honey roasted peanuts are the best. Because you're like, I'm so healthy.

[Mike]

Nutty bars. Al has nutty bars.

[Jason]

Funyuns. To me, that's a mini machine class for sure. And then I was. When I was deciding between the two cups, and I went, cup of noodles. Pringles I like. I mean, Pringles are just great.

[Andy]

Yeah, Pringles are great. Nothing matters. Honey buns.

[Jason]

What did we learn today?

[Andy]

Honey buns are the best.

[Mike]

I learned I can't let honey buns slip to the back of a dress.

[Andy]

We let honey buns. All of us thought we. We all danced with the devil.

[Producer Borland]

We did.

[Andy]

And we thought we could get honey buns. I drafted Gardettos before, and we all. I. I should have been honest.

[Mike]

Seems like Mike wouldn't have grabbed.

[Andy]

I would have taken honey Buns with my first pick if I thought there was.

[Jason]

And I learned that I know history.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. It's really troubling me. How good.

[Jason]

Let's do a geography quiz next.

[Mike]

I know we know geography.

[Producer Borland]

We're doing highway to Spell.

[Jason]

Nope. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out spitballerspod.com.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Andy]

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[Jason]

Stop. This is Simplisafe. Police are on the way.

[Andy]

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[Mike]

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[Andy]

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[Mike]

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[Jason]

Simplisafe Active Guard Outdoor Protection plan starting at 49.99amonth. Visit simplisafe.com licenses for alarm license information.

[Mike]

Tennessee2012.