Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Pantry Cams & Best Movie Deaths – Spit Hits!
Release Date: December 29, 2025
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason

Episode Overview

In this episode, the award-winning trio tackles life's silliest questions, debates absurd hypotheticals, and delivers their signature blend of family-friendly nonsense. Highlights include a deep dive into the ethics of pantry locks (and cameras!), spirited debates about daily commutes by roller coaster or catapult, classic “Would You Rather” scenarios, and a monstrously fun draft of the “Best Movie Deaths.” As always, the guys riff on relatable dad dilemmas, nostalgia, and plenty of pop culture, all in their warm, bantering style.

Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Scat Start & “Would You Rather” Hijinks

Timestamps: 01:07–19:14

• Opening Banter and Scat (01:07–02:27):
  The episode opens with the guys joking about who has to perform the show’s signature “scat” theme, with Jason claiming it for himself and lighthearted accusations about who really volunteered. Jason: “Well, either way, unnecessary. I chose to do the scat.” (02:13)

• Best Movie Deaths Draft Teaser (02:40–03:04):
  They warn listeners about upcoming spoilers as today’s draft will cover iconic movie deaths.

• Would You Rather: Roller Coaster Commute vs. Catapult & Parachute (03:04–10:01):
  The hosts discuss trading their daily commute for either a roller coaster of their design or a catapult with parachute (safety guaranteed).

  • Ideas of designing a “bullet train roller coaster” vs. needing actual roller-coaster elements like loops or hills (04:10–06:20).
  • Mike reminisces about how the catapult commute inspired the podcast:
    “This is why we made the show… The catapult can send you anywhere in the world, but it always takes… maybe it’s 30 seconds.” (07:33)
  • Ultimately, all choose catapult—for comfort, nostalgia, and the “flying” experience.

• Would You Rather: Pooping or Yelling? (10:03–12:26):
  The dilemma: “Would you rather immediately poop every time you yell anything or uncontrollably yell ‘help, I am dying’ anytime you poop?”

  • Hilarious breakdowns of each scenario’s social disasters—kids, sporting events, and more.
  • Andy: “When your forehead is participating in your poop, that’s a bad time.” (11:08)
  • Consensus: Yelling is preferable to public accidents.

• Would You Rather: Prices Slashed or Income Raised by 50%? (12:57–16:44):
  Spirited debate about whether having everything you buy at half price is the same as earning 50% more.

  • They unravel the math, joke about “higher tax brackets,” and bring in ChatGPT’s take to no avail.
  • Jason: “Because your bills are the same!” (15:32)
  • Ultimately, half-price is agreed to be slightly better (even with Uncle Sam involved).

2. Pet Peeves: Squeaky Doors & Crooked TVs, Plus Pantry Security

Timestamps: 16:55–20:57

• Would You Rather: Crooked Screens vs. Squeaky Cabinets (16:55–18:52):
  Which is worse: every picture/TV in your home being crooked or every cabinet/door horribly squeaky?

  • Andy: “I don’t think I can sit and watch a movie knowing that screen is just tilted.” (17:18)
  • Squeaky cabinets are marginally more tolerable unless stealth-snacking is involved.

• Pantry Cams & Parenting Tricks (18:02–20:57):
  The guys launch into a relatable, over-the-top brainstorm on securing their kitchens from candy-thieving kids.

  • Mike admits to having a lock on his pantry (19:13).
  • Jason imagines “just broadcasting your pantry” online, Truman Show–style, so everyone can witness midnight snacking. Andy: “I need a camera and a lock system.” (20:16)
  • Hilarious imagined statistics: “How many times does he come in his underwear?” (20:52)

3. What’s the Difference?

Timestamps: 23:52–36:48

A recurring segment where the hosts rationale the difference between terms:

• Bet vs. Wager vs. Gamble (24:14–26:26)

  • Wager = sophisticated, suit-wearing, like at a racetrack.
  • Gamble = neon, high stakes, problem territory.
  • Bet = “willy-nilly,” small and informal.
  • Notable quote:
    Andy: “You don’t ever do a disclaimer at the end of the ads and say, ‘Have you been wagering too much?’” (25:02)

• Trip vs. Vacation vs. Getaway (26:32–28:21)

  • Getaway = spontaneous and short;
    Vacation = several days, relaxation;
    Trip = could be for anything, even mundane or errands.

• Quiz vs. Test vs. Exam (28:30–31:07)

  • Exam = always cumulative, at the conclusion.
  • Test = more significant, needs study.
  • Quiz = short, sometimes surprise (pop quiz), low impact.
  • Mike shares how inconsequential quizzes could be, recalling school days.

• Carnival vs. Fair vs. Festival (31:41–36:48)

  • Festival = costumes, cosplay, more “nerdy” affairs.
  • Fair = bigger, more official; County or State fairs feel safer.
  • Carnival = “dangerous,” “private,” with riskier rides and rigged games.
  • Mike’s competitive son experiences the heartbreak of carnival basketball. Jason: “It’s even worse than the casino because at least the casino pays me in money.” (34:42)
  • Jason’s tale of carrying a human-sized Sonic the Hedgehog plush at Knott’s Berry Farm (35:26).

4. The Spitballers Draft: Best Movie Deaths

Timestamps: 38:20–61:13

An epic, spoiler-filled draft where each host nominates their picks for most iconic/impactful movie deaths. Five rounds packed with comedy, nostalgia, and (sometimes ridiculous) tributes.

Sample of Pick Highlights:

• Jason:

  • William Wallace (Braveheart) – “Freedom!” (39:54)
  • Maximus (Gladiator) – “Same era, same level of iconic.” (46:32)
  • Tony Stark (Avengers: Endgame) – “One of the biggest, most surprising, most awesome, most heroic.” (47:41)
  • Dobby the Elf (Harry Potter series) – “That will be one of my picks.” (52:29)
  • Sam the Dog (I Am Legend) – “That’s the man strangling his own best friend…” (54:07)

• Andy:

  • T-800 (Terminator 2: Judgment Day) – “Thumbs up going down into the molten metal.” (40:58)
  • Jack Dawson (Titanic) – “Biggest movie in the world. That was the climax.” (43:17)
  • Ellie (Up) – “You were crying at the beginning of a movie!” (48:14)
  • John Coffey (Green Mile) – “Brutal, emotional, and the acting was insane.” (51:42)
  • Littlefoot’s mom (Land Before Time) – “First emotional hit of childhood death in film.” (55:14)

• Mike:

  • Hans Gruber (Die Hard) – “Actual fear on his face when he was dropped—method acting!” (41:46)
  • Final Destination 2: Freeway Logs – “Anytime you see a log truck now, you change lanes.” (42:47)
  • Lawyer on the Toilet (Jurassic Park) – “Iconic and hilarious movie death.” (49:06)
  • “You chose poorly” (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade) – “He ages and vaporizes. Classic.” (50:34)
  • Randy Quaid’s “I’m back!” (Independence Day) – “It’s so dumb, but it’s so amazing.” (57:10)

Notable Deaths in the “Extras” Round:

• Goose (Top Gun), Wicked Witch (Wizard of Oz), Psycho shower scene, Joker (Batman), Melting Nazi (Indiana Jones), Bubba (Forrest Gump), Bambi’s mom, Mufasa (Lion King), Bill Murray (Zombieland), Thelma & Louise, Darth Vader/Obi-Wan/Yoda (Star Wars).

Best Quotes from the Draft:

• Jason (on drafting warriors): “If this were a battle royale, I’ve got nothing but warriors, baby!” (47:41)
• Mike (on the Jurassic Park death): “I think it warms the hearts of all Americans to see a lawyer get eaten. It’s a great pick. Right off the potty.” (50:02)
• Andy (on traumatic cartoon deaths): “Littlefoot’s mom in Land Before Time was my first exposure to death of parents or something. They shouldn’t have done that to me, man.” (55:14)
• Mike (on Final Destination 2): “If you’re driving on a freeway and there’s a truck that has logs in the back, you do not drive behind that truck because you’re going to die.” (42:47)

5. Running Jokes, Memorable Tangents & Classic Spitballers Nonsense

• The existential horror of growing too old for roller coasters.
• Parenting woes involving hidden snack wrappers, camera surveillance, and pantry codes.
• The relatability of losing at (rigged) carnival games with kids.
• The philosophy of “wagering” vs. “gambling”—which gets you in trouble, and which gets you a nice hat.
• The ever-present theme of kids' movies ruthlessly killing off parents for emotional impact.

Notable Quotes

• Andy: “When your forehead is participating in your poop, that’s a bad time.” (11:08)
• Jason: “Because your bills are the same!” (15:32)
• Mike: “You’re probably in some kind of cosplay or time period piece if you’re going to a festival. That’s the real nerd place.” (31:53)
• Andy: “I need a camera and a lock system [for my pantry].” (20:16)
• Jason: “If this were a battle royale, I’ve got nothing but warriors, baby!” (47:41)
• Mike: “I think it warms the hearts of all Americans to see a lawyer get eaten. It’s a great pick. Right off the potty.” (50:02)
• Andy: “Littlefoot’s mom in Land Before Time… They shouldn’t have done that to me, man.” (55:14)
• Jason: “It’s even worse than the casino because at least the casino pays me in money.” (34:42)

Important Timestamps

• Scat & Opening Banter: 01:07
• Would You Rather: Catapult/Rollercoaster: 03:04
• Would You Rather: Pooping/Yelling: 10:03
• Pantry Cams & Parenting: 18:02
• Difference Segments (Bet/Wager/Gamble, etc.): 23:52
• Carnival/Fair/Festival: 31:41
• Draft - Best Movie Deaths: 38:20
• Draft Picks Begin (William Wallace): 39:54
• Lawyer on Toilet (Jurassic Park): 49:06
• Ellie’s Death (Up): 48:10
• Sam the Dog (I Am Legend): 54:07
• Littlefoot’s Mom (Land Before Time): 55:14

Tone and Style

The episode is full of quick wit, genuine camaraderie, and the hosts’ gift for finding comedy in the universal struggles of adulthood, pop culture, and parenthood. It’s playful, nostalgic, and just a little irreverent (“help, I am dying!”), always with a focus on keeping things clean and family accessible.

Summary

This episode is a classic Spitballers romp—nonsense debates, insightful laughs, and movie nostalgia galore. Whether you’re tuning in for goofy hypotheticals, relatable parenting tales, or a trip down movie memory lane, Andy, Mike & Jason serve up five rounds of fun and plenty of memorable moments. If you’re the type of listener who likes being in on all the jokes at the next family gathering, don’t miss this one!

Skipped: advertisements, sponsor messages, and non-content sections as per instruction.