Pantry Cams & Best Movie Deaths - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Pantry Cams & Best Movie Deaths – Spit Hits!
Release Date: December 29, 2025
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the award-winning trio tackles life's silliest questions, debates absurd hypotheticals, and delivers their signature blend of family-friendly nonsense. Highlights include a deep dive into the ethics of pantry locks (and cameras!), spirited debates about daily commutes by roller coaster or catapult, classic “Would You Rather” scenarios, and a monstrously fun draft of the “Best Movie Deaths.” As always, the guys riff on relatable dad dilemmas, nostalgia, and plenty of pop culture, all in their warm, bantering style.

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Key Segments and Discussion Points

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1. Scat Start & “Would You Rather” Hijinks

Timestamps: 01:07–19:14

• Opening Banter and Scat (01:07–02:27):
  The episode opens with the guys joking about who has to perform the show’s signature “scat” theme, with Jason claiming it for himself and lighthearted accusations about who really volunteered. Jason: “Well, either way, unnecessary. I chose to do the scat.” (02:13)

• Best Movie Deaths Draft Teaser (02:40–03:04):
  They warn listeners about upcoming spoilers as today’s draft will cover iconic movie deaths.

• Would You Rather: Roller Coaster Commute vs. Catapult & Parachute (03:04–10:01):
  The hosts discuss trading their daily commute for either a roller coaster of their design or a catapult with parachute (safety guaranteed).

  • Ideas of designing a “bullet train roller coaster” vs. needing actual roller-coaster elements like loops or hills (04:10–06:20).
  • Mike reminisces about how the catapult commute inspired the podcast:
    “This is why we made the show… The catapult can send you anywhere in the world, but it always takes… maybe it’s 30 seconds.” (07:33)
  • Ultimately, all choose catapult—for comfort, nostalgia, and the “flying” experience.

• Would You Rather: Pooping or Yelling? (10:03–12:26):
  The dilemma: “Would you rather immediately poop every time you yell anything or uncontrollably yell ‘help, I am dying’ anytime you poop?”

  • Hilarious breakdowns of each scenario’s social disasters—kids, sporting events, and more.
  • Andy: “When your forehead is participating in your poop, that’s a bad time.” (11:08)
  • Consensus: Yelling is preferable to public accidents.

• Would You Rather: Prices Slashed or Income Raised by 50%? (12:57–16:44):
  Spirited debate about whether having everything you buy at half price is the same as earning 50% more.

  • They unravel the math, joke about “higher tax brackets,” and bring in ChatGPT’s take to no avail.
  • Jason: “Because your bills are the same!” (15:32)
  • Ultimately, half-price is agreed to be slightly better (even with Uncle Sam involved).

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2. Pet Peeves: Squeaky Doors & Crooked TVs, Plus Pantry Security

Timestamps: 16:55–20:57

• Would You Rather: Crooked Screens vs. Squeaky Cabinets (16:55–18:52):
  Which is worse: every picture/TV in your home being crooked or every cabinet/door horribly squeaky?

  • Andy: “I don’t think I can sit and watch a movie knowing that screen is just tilted.” (17:18)
  • Squeaky cabinets are marginally more tolerable unless stealth-snacking is involved.

• Pantry Cams & Parenting Tricks (18:02–20:57):
  The guys launch into a relatable, over-the-top brainstorm on securing their kitchens from candy-thieving kids.

  • Mike admits to having a lock on his pantry (19:13).
  • Jason imagines “just broadcasting your pantry” online, Truman Show–style, so everyone can witness midnight snacking. Andy: “I need a camera and a lock system.” (20:16)
  • Hilarious imagined statistics: “How many times does he come in his underwear?” (20:52)

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3. What’s the Difference?

Timestamps: 23:52–36:48

A recurring segment where the hosts rationale the difference between terms:

• Bet vs. Wager vs. Gamble (24:14–26:26)

  • Wager = sophisticated, suit-wearing, like at a racetrack.
  • Gamble = neon, high stakes, problem territory.
  • Bet = “willy-nilly,” small and informal.
  • Notable quote:
    Andy: “You don’t ever do a disclaimer at the end of the ads and say, ‘Have you been wagering too much?’” (25:02)

• Trip vs. Vacation vs. Getaway (26:32–28:21)

  • Getaway = spontaneous and short;
    Vacation = several days, relaxation;
    Trip = could be for anything, even mundane or errands.

• Quiz vs. Test vs. Exam (28:30–31:07)

  • Exam = always cumulative, at the conclusion.
  • Test = more significant, needs study.
  • Quiz = short, sometimes surprise (pop quiz), low impact.
  • Mike shares how inconsequential quizzes could be, recalling school days.

• Carnival vs. Fair vs. Festival (31:41–36:48)

  • Festival = costumes, cosplay, more “nerdy” affairs.
  • Fair = bigger, more official; County or State fairs feel safer.
  • Carnival = “dangerous,” “private,” with riskier rides and rigged games.
  • Mike’s competitive son experiences the heartbreak of carnival basketball. Jason: “It’s even worse than the casino because at least the casino pays me in money.” (34:42)
  • Jason’s tale of carrying a human-sized Sonic the Hedgehog plush at Knott’s Berry Farm (35:26).

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4. The Spitballers Draft: Best Movie Deaths

Timestamps: 38:20–61:13

An epic, spoiler-filled draft where each host nominates their picks for most iconic/impactful movie deaths. Five rounds packed with comedy, nostalgia, and (sometimes ridiculous) tributes.

Sample of Pick Highlights:

• Jason:

  • William Wallace (Braveheart) – “Freedom!” (39:54)
  • Maximus (Gladiator) – “Same era, same level of iconic.” (46:32)
  • Tony Stark (Avengers: Endgame) – “One of the biggest, most surprising, most awesome, most heroic.” (47:41)
  • Dobby the Elf (Harry Potter series) – “That will be one of my picks.” (52:29)
  • Sam the Dog (I Am Legend) – “That’s the man strangling his own best friend…” (54:07)

• Andy:

  • T-800 (Terminator 2: Judgment Day) – “Thumbs up going down into the molten metal.” (40:58)
  • Jack Dawson (Titanic) – “Biggest movie in the world. That was the climax.” (43:17)
  • Ellie (Up) – “You were crying at the beginning of a movie!” (48:14)
  • John Coffey (Green Mile) – “Brutal, emotional, and the acting was insane.” (51:42)
  • Littlefoot’s mom (Land Before Time) – “First emotional hit of childhood death in film.” (55:14)

• Mike:

  • Hans Gruber (Die Hard) – “Actual fear on his face when he was dropped—method acting!” (41:46)
  • Final Destination 2: Freeway Logs – “Anytime you see a log truck now, you change lanes.” (42:47)
  • Lawyer on the Toilet (Jurassic Park) – “Iconic and hilarious movie death.” (49:06)
  • “You chose poorly” (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade) – “He ages and vaporizes. Classic.” (50:34)
  • Randy Quaid’s “I’m back!” (Independence Day) – “It’s so dumb, but it’s so amazing.” (57:10)

Notable Deaths in the “Extras” Round:

• Goose (Top Gun), Wicked Witch (Wizard of Oz), Psycho shower scene, Joker (Batman), Melting Nazi (Indiana Jones), Bubba (Forrest Gump), Bambi’s mom, Mufasa (Lion King), Bill Murray (Zombieland), Thelma & Louise, Darth Vader/Obi-Wan/Yoda (Star Wars).

Best Quotes from the Draft:

• Jason (on drafting warriors): “If this were a battle royale, I’ve got nothing but warriors, baby!” (47:41)
• Mike (on the Jurassic Park death): “I think it warms the hearts of all Americans to see a lawyer get eaten. It’s a great pick. Right off the potty.” (50:02)
• Andy (on traumatic cartoon deaths): “Littlefoot’s mom in Land Before Time was my first exposure to death of parents or something. They shouldn’t have done that to me, man.” (55:14)
• Mike (on Final Destination 2): “If you’re driving on a freeway and there’s a truck that has logs in the back, you do not drive behind that truck because you’re going to die.” (42:47)

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5. Running Jokes, Memorable Tangents & Classic Spitballers Nonsense

• The existential horror of growing too old for roller coasters.
• Parenting woes involving hidden snack wrappers, camera surveillance, and pantry codes.
• The relatability of losing at (rigged) carnival games with kids.
• The philosophy of “wagering” vs. “gambling”—which gets you in trouble, and which gets you a nice hat.
• The ever-present theme of kids' movies ruthlessly killing off parents for emotional impact.

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Notable Quotes

• Andy: “When your forehead is participating in your poop, that’s a bad time.” (11:08)
• Jason: “Because your bills are the same!” (15:32)
• Mike: “You’re probably in some kind of cosplay or time period piece if you’re going to a festival. That’s the real nerd place.” (31:53)
• Andy: “I need a camera and a lock system [for my pantry].” (20:16)
• Jason: “If this were a battle royale, I’ve got nothing but warriors, baby!” (47:41)
• Mike: “I think it warms the hearts of all Americans to see a lawyer get eaten. It’s a great pick. Right off the potty.” (50:02)
• Andy: “Littlefoot’s mom in Land Before Time… They shouldn’t have done that to me, man.” (55:14)
• Jason: “It’s even worse than the casino because at least the casino pays me in money.” (34:42)

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Important Timestamps

• Scat & Opening Banter: 01:07
• Would You Rather: Catapult/Rollercoaster: 03:04
• Would You Rather: Pooping/Yelling: 10:03
• Pantry Cams & Parenting: 18:02
• Difference Segments (Bet/Wager/Gamble, etc.): 23:52
• Carnival/Fair/Festival: 31:41
• Draft - Best Movie Deaths: 38:20
• Draft Picks Begin (William Wallace): 39:54
• Lawyer on Toilet (Jurassic Park): 49:06
• Ellie’s Death (Up): 48:10
• Sam the Dog (I Am Legend): 54:07
• Littlefoot’s Mom (Land Before Time): 55:14

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Tone and Style

The episode is full of quick wit, genuine camaraderie, and the hosts’ gift for finding comedy in the universal struggles of adulthood, pop culture, and parenthood. It’s playful, nostalgic, and just a little irreverent (“help, I am dying!”), always with a focus on keeping things clean and family accessible.

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Summary

This episode is a classic Spitballers romp—nonsense debates, insightful laughs, and movie nostalgia galore. Whether you’re tuning in for goofy hypotheticals, relatable parenting tales, or a trip down movie memory lane, Andy, Mike & Jason serve up five rounds of fun and plenty of memorable moments. If you’re the type of listener who likes being in on all the jokes at the next family gathering, don’t miss this one!

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Oh, no.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

I'm totally dead.

[C]

I wish there were a few more little, little exclamations. Yeah, yeah. But no, I liked it.

[B]

I liked it. Yeah.

[C]

That was pretty good for me.

[A]

It was pretty good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. If you're grading on a curve as an A.

[B]

Yeah. I think there's a lot to unpack there. One thing being that you took the scat upon yourself. I mean, you. Last week we gave it to Papa Josh and you could have skipped it. I mean, we did give you the option. You could have.

[C]

We didn't really give him the option.

[A]

No, no, no. You weren't in the room. He was going to move on. And I said, no, I want this scat. And.

[C]

But no, hold it. It was offered. I was not in the room.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

Yeah, bro.

[B]

Fake offer.

[C]

Veto.

[A]

Well, either way, unnecessary. I chose to do the scat.

[C]

I just want to make sure everyone knows that it was not of your accord.

[A]

Okay, well, it was both and no, 100%. Mike. Mike crawled in.

[C]

Okay, we got it.

[A]

No, I'm with you now. I apologize, but there's a one on one in this draft to me and I believe Andy would have taken them. And so, you know, I get the one on one.

[B]

Him.

[A]

It's a him.

[B]

Okay, we are drafting the best movie deaths on today's show. So. Yeah, I mean, there's. There's a lot more than you think. And by the way, like, if you don't want to hear who died in movies, you might want to skip the draft because we're going to give you 12 spoilers, right?

[A]

Yes. Some of them are old, I'm sure. And then, you know, but there, there might be a recent one or two.

[B]

Yeah. So there you go. Best movie deaths on the show today. What's the difference? Would you rather as well? And we're happy to have you with us. Thank you for supporting the show, following the show, telling your friends about it. I guess we'll kick it off. Would you rather, Cody, from the website, would you rather have your daily commute be replaced with a roller coaster of your design? I like that idea. Or a giant catapult and a parachute? Okay, I like that idea. In either case, your safety is guaranteed. Okay, well, I mean, this is. I feel like there's an easy answer here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because of like, if you are on a roller coaster that will be slower than flying through the air. Right.

[A]

I do not, I don't know. Roller coaster of my design.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, this thing's going fast.

[B]

Are you just doing a bullet train?

[A]

I'm just doing a bullet train roller coaster.

[B]

No, you have to have something that makes it a roller coaster. Otherwise you're like driving a monorail or a train.

[A]

No, the launch is what makes it a roller coaster.

[B]

Oh, do you go up? Click, click, click.

[A]

No, no, no. You know, like flat launch. Yeah, flat launch.

[B]

No, a flat launch is not enough to make it a roller coaster. You know it. I know it. If you get on a flat. If you go to an amusement park and they're like, come ride on the, on the blue rocket. And the blue rocket is just a launch. Start straight in the line and you get off on the other end. Dude, you will say that is a train.

[A]

Not if it explodes off the line. If it's going to make me swallow my stomach.

[B]

I guess they do shoot you up, but this would just be straight. I think you need one. I mean, Al, you rule on this. I think you need like either one loop or one. I think at least a turn corner or something. Look up.

[C]

What is the. Like, how fast does like a bullet, A real actual bullet train launch? Because those things get up to. Well, they go insane. Top speeds.

[A]

Yes, the top speeds are crazy.

[B]

I would imagine up to 320 kilometers an hour. So 200 miles an hour.

[A]

But I would guess that that it's a slow progress to start. They're not trying to, like, have the.

[B]

No, I agree with that. That part is specific to, like, a coaster.

[C]

But there are rides now where it's an extreme launch, like 0 to 60 or whatever it is in just a couple seconds. And then all you do really is you go up. Pretty vertical, though, up a hill, and then kind of turn and come back down. That's the entirety of the ride.

[B]

I am fine with your plan, Jason. If you do the click, click, click, you don't get an instant launch. That would make it a roller coaster.

[A]

So, like, if you had to click backwards.

[B]

No, if you had to click up, like, up the top of it, you had to go click, click.

[A]

Does it incredicoaster just launch you right up the hill?

[C]

Yes, it does, but it has loops.

[B]

And turns and it's roller coaster.

[A]

But I'm saying the launch is flat. You could still have the loops.

[B]

Yeah, I don't want to say you can opt into a click, click, click, or a loop. That's all I'm saying.

[A]

I am saying that I will meet you where your point is, which is that a flat thing is not a roller coaster. But I will not choose either the loop or the click, click, click. I will click because I love.

[B]

What are you choosing?

[A]

Well, first of all, one of my favorite parts of roller coasters are the rolling hills. Like, the. When you go like this, you get the little airtime. Like, I would do that the whole way. Well, I don't know. I don't know. That'd be a lot of vomit.

[B]

I think if you had a bunch of rolling hills, that's fine.

[A]

If you had a bunch of rolling hills and you got an awesome launch. But I'm forgetting part of this question was that your safety is guaranteed either way. Because, like, when I think I don't want to parachute, I don't want to get injured, I don't want to die.

[B]

Safety, but not necessarily your discomfort. Like, you. What's more comfortable?

[A]

Oh, the roller coaster.

[B]

I think I'm just thinking too, like, you're going to have rainy days, you're going to have sunny days, you're going to have windy days. Which one? Like, do I want to fly through a thunderstorm or roller coaster through one if I got to get to work?

[A]

That's a great question.

[B]

Now, I think we need Mike's thoughts on this.

[C]

My original is like, do you guys remember the kind of the. It feels like the moment where this show was like, we need to do the spitballers show.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Was we were on a trip.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh.

[C]

In an Uber. And we.

[B]

This is why we made the show.

[C]

And we got into a really dumb discussion about a catapult that sends you to work. But no matter what happens, the time frame of you could be going one mile. You could be going 1,000 miles. The time of the travel was always the same.

[B]

It wasn't that it sends you to work. It's that the catapult can send you anywhere in the world, but it always takes whatever. Maybe it's 30 seconds.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So if you wanted to go from here to my house, I'm going at a very. You're going way up in the air and then coming down. But if you wanted to go to New York, that is a straight line.

[A]

There better be some ground clearance.

[B]

That is exactly why this show exists. Is talking about that in a car.

[C]

So that's what I was remembering. And between the two of them.

[B]

Fly, brother.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I think that would be.

[B]

And the parachute would be fun.

[C]

I think that's what I have to take, too, because it's.

[B]

What is the roller coaster trying to do is trying to make you feel like you're flying, like you can fly.

[C]

It's also trying to make you vomit. Dude, getting old is the worst, guys.

[B]

Not just segued in like you can't ride them anymore.

[C]

It is the absolute worst. I cannot do roller coasters.

[A]

And that gives me.

[B]

I'm in perfect health at 40.

[A]

Fear. That gives me such fear. Because I know plenty of.

[C]

But you're older than me.

[A]

But. But my point is that.

[B]

So much older.

[A]

You used to love roller coasters.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

You used to be able to do roller coasters. And you got to a point, because I love roller coasters. I can do roller coasters.

[B]

Can roller coasters do you.

[A]

Yeah, they do you dirty. I would say 90% of them can. There are 10%. That's like. That lap bar is a real problem. Oh, that seat width is a real problem.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

That was the direction I was going.

[C]

Oh, that's brutal.

[B]

So what do you do you want to be catapulted?

[C]

I'm going to catapult.

[B]

That's what I'm doing, too.

[A]

All right. I'll imagine if I know that I'm going to be safe on the way down. That's going to be awesome.

[B]

Can you sell, like, do you have to have somebody come outside and, like, pull the lever, though? Like your kid or your wife or somebody has to. You can't sell. Do they Have WI fi connected catapults.

[C]

I feel like you could. Even without WI Fi, you could just work something up where.

[A]

Yeah, you just.

[C]

The lever is where you are.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You sit down on it.

[C]

There's a giant catapult that throws you to work. We can overcome the launching mechanism.

[B]

All right. We all want to fly, huh?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Logan, from the website, would you rather immediately poop every time you yell anything?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm just realizing how that would undermine.

[A]

Any arguments with your kids.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Clean your room and I'm going to go wipe or.

[B]

So immediately poop anytime you yell anything. That would also affect cheering for sporting events.

[C]

It would affect a lot.

[B]

Or uncontrollably yell, help, I am dying.

[C]

Anytime you poop, which I have done.

[B]

Wait, were you.

[C]

Oh, you've. Friends. If you've never had an experience where you say, maybe I haven't yelled it, but I've definitely said, I am dying right now. Come on. Have you even lived?

[B]

I meant, were you dying? I mean, have you ever almost been dying due to a poop?

[C]

Oh, so many times.

[A]

I mean, I've had those moments. And those moments are. They're always accompanied by incredible sweating.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

When your forehead is participating in your poop, that's a bad time.

[B]

In the other situation, you would eliminate all possible constipation because at any moment that you needed to go, you would need to yell.

[A]

But eventually you're empty.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So how is this going to work? Because what if I'm yelling a lot?

[B]

Oh, maybe that people would see you and go, that guy is really angry. He didn't even. He didn't even poop that time.

[C]

Like, dry heaving.

[A]

Dry heaving out of my butt. Oh, man.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Cause I mean, when you run out.

[B]

That'S a good one.

[A]

When you run out, you run out. That's just a fact of life. That is a. That is.

[C]

When you're out, you're out.

[B]

That is true. But you don't run out for long because you eat three meals a day and snacks. Like, there's a little. So, like, that almost makes it worse. If you're just, like, topping off, you.

[C]

Know, it would be very inconvenient.

[B]

You don't empty out for long. Your body's working through it.

[A]

One of these is involuntarily yelling. And one of these is involuntarily pooping your pants. I think we know what we're all taking here. We'll scream at the top of our lungs if it means I don't just all the time. Have accidents.

[B]

What if you were shot off in the catapult and then you just screamed, oh, my good.

[A]

Well, then I'd start going catapult.

[B]

Oh, man, the people underneath me.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Boy, we settled that one. Thanks for that question. Logan Curtis from Patreon. Would you rather have everything you buy or pay for be 50% less or would you rather make 50% more income?

[C]

Interesting.

[B]

How are these not the same? Let's think about that. Well, how are they not the same? Well, one, because you're making 50% more income if everything costs 50% less even at your current price. These are the same.

[C]

This is only you.

[B]

These are the exact same.

[A]

If you don't have a good. Well, if you don't have a good salary. Right. Let's say you.

[B]

But it's only good relative to what you can buy with it.

[A]

But my point is, if you make $50,000 a year that you might choose to have, things be cheaper. If you make a million dollars a year, I don't know how they're different. Trying to work through it.

[B]

I mean, the one point is that it would affect the world around you.

[C]

Well, that's what I was saying. Is it just you?

[A]

Well, yeah, it's just you.

[C]

Okay, then it still doesn't.

[B]

It doesn't give you an advantage. I can't think of any.

[A]

Okay, I can think of an advantage.

[B]

Can you weigh in here?

[A]

For me, it was easy. I don't spend everything I make, so I'd rather make more money because then my savings is.

[B]

But your savings, what is your savings.

[C]

For a rainy day.

[B]

Yeah, but on that rainy day, it will buy half. It'll be half the price.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, this is half price. Medical home, anything you spend money on.

[C]

If your home is half off.

[B]

I think if I give you a dollar, right. And it costs 50 cents for your medical emergency, or I gave you $2 and it costs a dollar for your medical emergency. It's the same.

[A]

Well, then I'd rather have more money or. No, that comes with more problems.

[C]

Yes. So many more problems.

[B]

Less money, less problems. That was the song, right?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

All right, wait. I don't want to leave this because there's got. I'm afraid of spitwads out there screaming at us. How. It's different.

[A]

Look, I got one. I got one. Giving, giving. If you make double and you want to give, you know.

[B]

Mike. That was Mike doing that.

[A]

You could have more from which to give.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's not spending or.

[B]

But you can't give as much because your stuff costs the same. It's the same.

[A]

No, but like Owl was saying, I don't have to spend on. I don't have to buy something for myself today.

[B]

It's a noble try. Yeah, I'm gonna try, but it don't help the situation.

[A]

I'm gonna be very.

[B]

Because your bills are the same.

[C]

They are. And then Jason will just have a room that's, like, full of the money. I mean, I guess, like, that's my giving money.

[B]

Someday, I guess if you make more, you can say, I make more. So that's the case, if you like.

[A]

Oh, so now you want higher taxes.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

There's the loophole.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

Taxes go up with your bracket.

[A]

Yes, they do.

[C]

Percentage of taxes, half off.

[B]

Half off.

[A]

I think we all got to go half off. Otherwise we're losing money here. Thanks, Uncle Sam.

[B]

Unfortunately, if everything's half off, they're making half the sales tax. They're going to have to raise your income taxes. Yeah, all right. No, I think that's the right answer. We'll just go with that.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Oh, I love this. Al searched to try to figure out what ChatGPT thought, which is exactly what I was doing over here on my side. I was trying to say explain the differences. What is. Did it bring up taxes? What did ChatGPT say? It does discuss.

[A]

A higher income would put you into.

[B]

A higher tax bracket, but it says.

[A]

Generally increasing your income would be more beneficial than reducing your expenses.

[B]

Oh, good. Good reasoning.

[A]

Because it leads to a greater increase in disposable income. So basically, what we already discussed.

[B]

Okay, I still don't. I don't stand for that. I don't believe it. All right, do we have time for one more of these, or do you want to.

[A]

Yeah, let's do one more.

[B]

Corbin from the website, Would you rather have to deal with every picture and TV in your house being crooked? Oh, boy.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Or every cabinet and door in your house be super squeaky?

[A]

Wow. I think I would have to choose the cabinet doors. Obviously, both of these are terrible, but I don't think I can sit and watch a movie knowing that that screen is just tilted. There would be something in me that would have to.

[B]

I do feel like that would bother you.

[A]

Stand up, and I would be so angry.

[B]

Would you put a cushion under one.

[C]

Cheek just to balance yourself?

[A]

I think I'd rather, like, lay down. Like, just completely lay down. And maybe if I'm watching it sideways, I wouldn't be able to tell it's crooked nature.

[B]

I mean, the Squeaky thing is tough, especially at night, waking people up.

[A]

Yeah. Or when you do the hidden snacks when it's like, oh, I don't wanna. No one's in the room. They're not going to know. I'm grabbing this candy bar.

[C]

Do you have, like, a hidden safe? Well, that looks like you can't tell it's a safe, but you open it up and it's just sweet rolls.

[A]

Oh, man, that's. I need to. I need to do that because right now I've got a real safe that keeps all my sweet rolls. Just a giant gun safe. If you can get in that, like.

[B]

Hawaiian Rolls inside of that Hawaiian rolls.

[A]

Reese's cups, everything the body needs.

[B]

That can't be true. Please.

[A]

No, that's not.

[B]

Of course that's not true, man.

[C]

It's under fingerprint lock.

[A]

Well, you got in there quick.

[B]

Yeah, I'm just picturing somebody makes a safe somewhere that is a pantry safe. It's called a pantry safe.

[A]

I need that for my kids.

[B]

It's refrigerated.

[A]

Like, we should literally lock our pantry.

[C]

I have a locking pantry. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

You have a lock code on your PC?

[C]

No, not a code. Like an actual. Just when I replaced. And we moved in and we replaced all the door handles.

[B]

You put a lot.

[C]

And I purposely bought one that can lock.

[A]

But do you use it?

[C]

It's had to be. It's been used many times. Yes.

[A]

Okay. But it's not like, always in use.

[C]

No, no. And it's not always locked.

[A]

Like, the key is way up there, and every time you want to get in, you got to reach.

[B]

No, I mean, we have a nasty inside our pantry.

[A]

You. Oh, my goodness. This is problems in America in 2024 for parents. Because I'm sitting here thinking that's actually a brilliant idea to put, like, a lock on the pantry door. And there's a code, and you got to ask permission. Do you want to go in there?

[B]

Because you need to not have the code.

[A]

I'm not locking myself out.

[C]

Jay, We've been checking the cameras. There's like 10 minutes of footage that's gone between 4:50 and 5:00'.

[B]

Clock. It's been scrubbed. And it just jumps from, like, the three boxes are gone in the next clip, and it just jumps. No, we had. We found too many wrappers down the side of one of our children's bed beds. And we were like, oh, so the middle of the night has been. So now we got the camera.

[C]

Ours was candy related, too. If I lock it down, kids and their candy.

[A]

If I got a camera, I am afraid that I would put down like Amazon web Services from cloud storage for the amount they would go off with my children just raiding whatever candy drawer they can find. I need a camera and a lock system.

[B]

We need the Truman Show.

[A]

But just your pantry just broadcast just 247 broadcasted pantry Jason's pantry.com anyone can get there. Anyone can look. Full access to my pantry.

[B]

Full access. People will start doing stats, tracking things. That'd be fun.

[A]

How many times does he come in his underwear?

[C]

Next question.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

We're back from the outbreak, but we're still having a good time. Let's move on. What's the difference between me and you?

[C]

All right.

[B]

What's the difference between this show and another show? This one's funnier, made of children. What is the difference between a bet, a wager and a gamble?

[A]

Okay. I feel like that's really important.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like there's a different category. Like, a wager is more sophisticated. Like, oh, yes.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

If I was like, I feel like you wager on horses because. And when you dress nice, when you go to wager on them.

[A]

Yeah, you're definitely dressed to wager. To wager. You don't think about your outfit when you're gambling.

[B]

Gambling is just how many neon lights are in the vicinity to me.

[A]

See, to me, gambling also means this is going to have an effect on your life. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, oh, you don't have a wagering problem. You've got a gambling problem.

[A]

Exactly. Because when you're sophisticated, you're allowed to make wagers. That's fine. But when you've got a problem, it's a gambling issue.

[B]

You don't ever do a disclaimer at the end of the ads and say, have you been wagering too much? Call this number.

[A]

No, because that guy is able to wager. I mean, like, you know, you might.

[B]

Have to wager in a suit. Yes, I think you might wager in suits.

[A]

Your closet certainly is chock full of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have tons of suits or fancy dresses. Women can wager, but they are all sophisticated and probably have really nice hat collection.

[B]

Oh, like the big sun hats.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You're just going full Kentucky Derby.

[A]

Yes. That's all wagers.

[B]

That is how I'm picturing it. Nobody there has a problem.

[A]

No, no, they have. They have solutions.

[B]

Now, a bet, A bet is willy nilly. Anybody could bet at any time with anybody.

[A]

Bets are tiny.

[B]

You don't have to pay taxes on bets.

[C]

They don't have to be sanctions.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Irs?

[C]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Yeah. But gambling, Gambling means. This is gambling. You're always going to lose. You know what I mean?

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah. Nobody has ever, you know, there's not the other side of the coin to the gambling problem. There's not like, oh, you know, how's Patty and Sam doing? Oh, they're super wealthy. He's a big gambler. You know what I mean? Like, ah, put the kids through college. He's a gambler.

[A]

Yeah. There's a reason why all those lights exist.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They make money.

[B]

Settled. Figured it out. Put on your suit, make a wager, get rich.

[A]

Yeah. Get rid of your problems here in the bad times by dressing, spending more.

[B]

Money on the outfit. What is the difference between a trip, a vacation and a getaway? Which one do you plan?

[A]

The getaway is not planned.

[C]

Okay. I mean, spur of the moment.

[B]

I think it could be a weekend. Four hours ahead of time.

[A]

I think it could be.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

Yeah. This is not.

[B]

We should get away this weekend.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. This is Thursday night at the latest or at the earliest when you're deciding this getaway.

[B]

I don't think a vacation and a getaway can touch, but I think a trip and a getaway, like a trip.

[C]

Could be some overlap.

[B]

There's overlap there. Like you. If you, if you do a getaway, it's also a trip. I took a quick trip.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, I mean you can also take a. A trip can be business related.

[A]

Yeah. A trip is not fun. Not necessarily. It's not built in to be fun. You could take a trip to the store.

[B]

Oh, that's true.

[A]

You know, a trip is just like, I've got to go somewhere.

[B]

Yeah. And it could be my doctor 45 minutes away. I got to take a trip to the doctor's office.

[A]

It could be so many different reasons. Except fun. It can't be fun if you're going on a fun trip. You wouldn't say trip.

[B]

Now let me ask you. So then if I said a week from now we're going to go for one day, can that be a vacation? That'd have to be a good way too. Right. Like, doesn't a vacation have to be a certain amount of days?

[C]

Can't be. Yeah. One day is not enough for a vacation.

[B]

That's not a vacation.

[A]

That is not a vacation. Yeah, vacation is three syllables because it requires a length of time.

[B]

It's the syllable a trip.

[A]

Yeah. It could be quick. Trip is one.

[B]

A getaway that has to be improvised. That's like you sit around and you're like, oh, let's just get out of here.

[C]

All right.

[A]

And sometimes it's a car if you're robbing a bank.

[B]

Oh, a getaway.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Yeah. We could have just swoosh. Could have put a bow on that before you said anything. All right. What's the difference between a quiz, a test, and an Exam.

[A]

Exams are always at the end.

[C]

Yeah. An exam is accumulating.

[B]

At the end of what though?

[A]

At the end of everything you've learned. At the end of the year, at the end of the class. At the end of the.

[B]

You can have multiple exams. Right. In a semester.

[A]

But it's the end of the.

[C]

Like a chapter. Will the end of a chapter be an exam or is that just.

[B]

That'll be a test.

[A]

No, exams can be.

[B]

How many can happen over a semester. A quiz can happen over a hundred times.

[A]

Oh, pop quiz, hotshot. You just boom, bam. You don't even know it's coming.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

You have to be able to study for a test.

[B]

Oh, a quiz you don't have to study for. Yeah, because it's a pop quiz.

[A]

Sometimes it's a pop quiz. But they might tell you they're a quiz tomorrow. But you don't need to study because it's just a quiz.

[B]

Now if the quiz goes over a certain question amount, is that in violation of quiz code? Like you can't. If it's a 50, can it be a 50 question quiz?

[C]

As long as it's multiple choice, 100 question quiz. That's, you know, you're pushing it.

[A]

Yeah, but it's got to be A and B on the multiple choice at that point.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If it's that many. Just a binary option. Yeah. So at some point he's got to graduate into the test category.

[A]

Yeah, that's just. Do you need a study? If you need to study for the test, then an exam has to count.

[B]

For a certain amount of years.

[C]

It's going to say an impact on your grade. Between a test and exam. I think that's the biggest differentiator.

[B]

Did you ever take a test or a quiz or something and you did really well on it and then you realized that it counted for like nothing?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

When you were growing up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't remember.

[B]

He didn't relate to the doing well on it part or what?

[A]

No, no. Oh, the tests were where I did well. I just didn't have great grades because I did not do homework. Doesn't it?

[B]

As a man who I met for the first time as a freshman in a freshman Spanish class when I was a junior. When he was a junior. It does not actually shock me.

[A]

And I did not finish that class.

[B]

No. And they did. You were gone. Yeah. You poof.

[A]

I dropped it. I was like, this sucks. And then I took my deficiencies as foreign language and I'm doing all right, but I Certainly cannot speak.

[B]

You speak the same amount of Spanish I do, and I finished that class.

[A]

Yeah, which is none.

[B]

When are they going to teach, like, usable Spanish in schools? My kids have had to take Spanish.

[C]

You got to start early.

[B]

They did. They've been taking Spanish since they were kindergarteners.

[C]

Really?

[B]

But it's not. It's not conversational Spanish. They get taught.

[C]

What do they get taught?

[B]

I don't know. They get little quizzes and tests and certain words, but they can't talk.

[C]

We got to get. Because you got to get some immersion going on, too, for sure.

[A]

But. Yeah, it's hard. They just know, like, panelones. I think that's pants.

[C]

Is that pants?

[A]

I think so. Sounds like it.

[B]

Al, do we have time for one more of these?

[A]

We do.

[B]

Have we done this one before? What is the difference between chicken tenders, chicken strips, and chicken fingers?

[A]

That feels familiar. It sounded familiar to me, too, but I searched our master doc and couldn't find it. But we can skip it if you think we've done it. And I think we've done it.

[C]

I'm pretty sure we've done this one.

[B]

What about the difference between a carnival affair and a festival?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You feel like this one's gonna take some deep diving?

[A]

Well, you dress up for a festival. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? You're gonna. You're probably in some kind of cosplay or time period piece. If you're going to a festival, that's the real nerd place.

[C]

A.

[B]

Interesting.

[C]

I believe a fair. See that? I was gonna.

[B]

And a carnival. Which one's more dangerous?

[C]

That's where I was gonna head. I was like. But I'm like. But a state fair. I feel okay about going on the rides at a state fair, but it's.

[A]

But like, carnival is the more dangerous.

[C]

Yeah, but is that the carnival?

[B]

County fair is what you normally hear about the county fair.

[A]

A fair is a pretty big thing.

[B]

Can you trust the county?

[C]

I think so.

[A]

Yeah. But you can't trust a carnival.

[C]

No. There's a private 25% chance of being stuck.

[B]

They shouldn't. I mean, the whole thing. They build the rides there. They have to rebuild them every time. None of the things you can win. And people love them.

[C]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

Mostly because of the, like, the fry bread. Which is why I like going.

[C]

Oh. I tell you, the competitions. My middle son is just so overly competitive. And every boardwalk game, you pass.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Every single one is.

[B]

You don't want us to go at it.

[C]

Yeah, we're gonna. We got to go do this. And so like we just on. We just took a vacation. I was going to say a trip, but it was.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

It was not a trip. And there's the basketball hoop one there. And he's like, I can. He's got a shot. And I'm like, dude, it's rigged. Like, the hoop is not always a circle. Oh, sure, there are some where it is, but for the most part these are. It's more of an oval than an actual circle. It's way harder to make the shot and. But it's just the allure of it, of if I win. Look at this prize that I can win and the greatness that comes with it. And then you go and you do it. And if he doesn't win, then it's just. Then it's a catastrophe. So it's a catastrophe all day. If I'm like, no, we can't do this, then I'm squashing his dreams. He goes and do's it goes and does it.

[A]

He goes and do it. He goes and you are at the carnival.

[C]

And then we just lose money. And then he said that he didn't make it a shot in the rigged game.

[B]

Don't bring them to these places.

[C]

This is what I've been trying to say to my wife. We need to stop bringing him.

[B]

They'll have those hanging tests where you hang from the bar.

[C]

Yeah, but it spins.

[B]

But the bar spins. It's all rigged and we accept it.

[C]

You didn't know that the bar spins.

[A]

Let's just.

[B]

I mean, this is the same thing as a casino. It's all rigged in a casino against you. But we go there because you want to be the like exception, not the rule.

[C]

Except it's even worse because you pay $20 to. And let's say you win the jackpot. You know what the value of that jackpot prize is?

[A]

3 bucks if you're lucky.

[C]

So it's even worse than the casino because the casino at least pays me out in cash. In money that is a dollar is worth a dollar.

[A]

And the worst thing to me is if you win, let's say you win something at one of the hard places and you got that giant unicorn.

[B]

I've been there.

[A]

You better not do that early.

[B]

I've been there because now you're carrying.

[A]

Around a giant unicorn all day and the kid's not doing it.

[B]

I won a human sized Sonic the Hedgehog at one of these events early in getting there and my son was young enough to where he loved that we had won this day. I Had to carry Sonic the Hedgehog. And I'm not joking when I say it was human sized. I mean you were there, Papa. Josh, this was in California. What's the Knott's Berry? Knott's Berry.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

We won this thing. I had to carry Sonic the Hedgehog the entire day, human size, on my shoulders, like a person. It was awful. I wish someone would have stolen it from me.

[C]

But that is part of the. It's part of. Part of the journey. Like if you have that large prize, you're showing everyone at Knott's Berry Farm.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I felt good for a little while. I am. I am alpha game playing dad here. I won this.

[A]

Whenever I walk by and see someone carrying one of those things, I think you respect. That's pretty cool. Yeah, they did a good job. I don't ever stop to think, oh, how miserable. I'm so sorry for you. And that's really what we should be thinking.

[B]

Yeah, I definitely, definitely left that thing someplace on purpose.

[C]

Heavy as the crown. Yeah.

[B]

And that.

[C]

Gotta walk around with it all day.

[B]

So poorly manufactured.

[C]

All right, what happened to it? Did it make it home?

[B]

We had stayed. Somebody had given us the ability to stay in their townhouse in California. And we thought it would be real funny to leave it in the townhouse. So we left them a gigantic.

[C]

To at least put it like on the toilet or something.

[B]

We had it sitting at the kitchen table.

[C]

It was perfect.

[A]

I would have tucked him in bed. Who's in my bed?

[B]

It was so humongous. All right, so carnival, fair, festival. We feeling good here?

[C]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

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[B]

Choose to lean into it.

[A]

Every Mazda is engineered to give you effortless control.

[B]

I wake up.

[A]

The Spitballers draft.

[B]

All right, we are drafting. Well, it's categorized the best movie deaths, but I need to talk to you guys about this.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Not because anything needs to change about that title. I just am curious how you interpreted best. Because it could be funny deaths, it could be most emotionally impactful deaths, it could be most visually unsettling deaths. Like, is it all.

[A]

It can be all of those things. Coolest, most famous, whatever. For me, when I look at my list, I picked ones that, like, made an impact on me. You know, things that I remembered easily off the top of my head. Like, oh, my gosh, this. Yes. Or oh, that was so brutally sad. Or, you know, the ones that just stick with you. That's how I did it.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I think it's mostly. I think that means that all of those categories I brought up all fit because best.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

I've got all those. Yeah. Okay. I just curious where you're going to start. Whether it would have been the one that I would have taken.

[A]

I was really, really, really, really surprised how many great character deaths have been in movies, which is shouldn't be surprising considering someone dies in every movie. All right, I'm going to go with my one on one because I don't know if you would have taken it, Andy, but you would be the one to take. Is my favorite movie of all time.

[C]

How is this anything.

[A]

It is Andy's favorite movie as well. It's William Wallace, the famous.

[C]

That's not the name of the movie.

[B]

Braveheart.

[A]

Braveheart is the movie. William Wallace is the character. Freedom.

[C]

Yeah, but what happens after he yells it?

[A]

He dies.

[C]

Oh, he does? Yeah.

[A]

Right when he yells it.

[B]

I am so, like, I put my list together right before. It's not on it.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I forgot. I forgot. I mean, obviously that is. That is.

[C]

I put it on my list of just like. Well, I'll just.

[B]

Things to steal.

[C]

I'll just put this on here.

[B]

Okay, let's play the game. I have a lot of deaths on my list, but I will go with my first pick. Terminator 2 Judgment Day.

[C]

Yeah. It would not have been.

[B]

Or the T800.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Thank you, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thumbs up going down into the. What? Molten metal or whatever it was. And very iconic famous death. That's what I thought you were going to take at one on one. But I did forget Braveheart entirely.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, that one is the thumbs up as he's being melted to the ground. Is pretty, pretty iconic.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Spoiler alert. Again, we're going to tell you the ends of a bunch of movies you should have already seen.

[A]

Sometimes it's the beginning, Andy.

[B]

That's fair. But in both of our movies, the end. Mike, you are on the clock. You got two picks.

[C]

Yeah. Terminator 2 definitely would not have made it back.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But I will start my selection. Hey, guess what movies back, guys. Oh, it's Die Hard. And I will take Hans being dropped off the building. The Hans the Big Bad in number one.

[B]

I got it on my list with the.

[C]

I mean, it's an incredible moment. The fact that Alan Rickman did the stunt and then the.

[A]

I didn't know he did that.

[C]

Oh, yeah. And then the fun Easter egg is they said, okay, we're going to give you a countdown and then we're going to drop you.

[A]

Oh, I did have seen this.

[C]

They jump the countdown.

[A]

So.

[B]

So he would be actually afraid.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So the look of fear. You see, that's a man method acting.

[A]

Not by choice.

[C]

Talk about screaming and involuntary pooping in your pants. So I'm going to go with that one as my number one. Oh, man. I'm not sure what's possibly going to make it back. Whatever. I'll just. So this is. I'm kind of cheating here because it's. It's a bit of a combo, but it has. This movie has created a situation for all people of our age that if you're driving on a freeway and there's a truck that has logs in the back of that car, you do not drive behind that truck because you're going to die. Because not just you, everybody around you. So it is Final destination number two, specifically the free. The opening freeway scene where.

[B]

Oh, I didn't watch those movies.

[C]

One car, one mishap of a car created a havoc that has stayed with me.

[B]

Yeah, well, see a lot of these.

[C]

Since I've seen it.

[B]

I think a lot of these fall in the category of biggest impact on you seeing them and like them lasting. Because I have some old ones in here that I think I can save towards the end. So I'm going to go with a look. I'm going to go with a. I'm going to go with a vote getter.

[C]

Oh, a vote getter.

[B]

I'm taking Jack Dawson and Titanic. I'm talking the end of Titanic. It's one of the most iconic out there.

[A]

I saw it when I was like looking, you know, Reminding myself. Yeah, but I didn't transfer it to my list.

[B]

But.

[C]

So you enjoyed it?

[B]

No.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

I actually kept thinking, why didn't he just get up there?

[A]

Yeah, that's what everybody thought. Everybody who watched that movie was like, dude did not need to die.

[B]

But that was, like, the biggest movie in the world. And that scene was the climax of the entire movie.

[A]

So I think that's why he had to die.

[B]

I think it was that. Yeah, it was. And I think it was that impactful of an ending for one of the best movies of his generation.

[A]

So do you think James Cameron did that on purpose?

[B]

Like, so you would have outrage.

[A]

So you'd have outrage. Made it to where he super easily could not have died. Like, we should start doing that in movies again. Like, he didn't need to die.

[B]

There have been times like that where. I mean, I. I just saw a movie that I felt that way about. Should I talk about it?

[C]

Is it a new movie?

[B]

It is the original Quiet place.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And so quite old.

[A]

Enough spoilers.

[B]

It was the original one.

[C]

I've seen it. Yeah.

[B]

And the main character, John Krasinski, who's the writer director, at the end of the movie, sacrifices. Oh, wait, he's covering his ears. Al is covering his ears. Wow. Crap. He sacrifices himself.

[C]

Hold on.

[B]

What?

[C]

This Quiet Place came out. What year?

[B]

This has got to be, like, 10 years.

[C]

It's 2018.

[B]

All right, six years.

[C]

You've had enough time.

[B]

Al, we literally just talked about this.

[A]

At the lunch table, and I added it to my list of movies to watch, so that's why I'm covering my ears. You're fine. I got my ears covered.

[B]

All right, I'm going to continue. But. And it's very. It's a touching moment, but I'm, like, watching it, and this dude, don't even fight back. He didn't even. He could have tried to survive. This thing's coming at him, and he's a distraction so his kids can live.

[C]

How many people fighting those creatures do you think? One in a. Just a mono. E. Mono.

[A]

Zero percent. Because they tried hard. I'm going zero percent.

[B]

He had an ax in his hand.

[C]

Oh, I haven't seen it since the pandemic.

[B]

And he just set it down to the side and took it. And I'm just saying swing the thing because your kids might want a dad. That's all I'm saying.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It got me a little bit. I was like, swing it.

[A]

Have any of you guys seen the Mist?

[C]

Yeah. Well, hold on. Picks. That could be Happening.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. I forgot you're drafting movie moments of lots of people.

[B]

It's back to Jason. He's made fun of my picks, officially. Go on to your two picks that I hope suck.

[A]

Man, you're going to be disappointed, Andy, because they're pretty good. I'm going right next to William Wallace. I'm putting another famous iconic, same time period, same level of movie type of character. And when you said that there was something, a new movie coming out, I got scared.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Because Gladiator 2 is coming out. And I will take Maximus Decimus Meridius.

[B]

That was the Gladiator. It was between that and that Titanic pick.

[C]

No joke.

[B]

Because when I think of. It was a long scene in that movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because there was a lot of flashing to his past. His wife, who had already died in the. She's in the field. The golden field.

[A]

It's not the past. It's like the.

[B]

It's the afterlife. Yeah. It's not the past. It's the future. Yes.

[C]

Afterlife kind of is the future. Yeah.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

No, you're not wrong.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So, yeah, that was. That's a great pick.

[A]

And then the other one. Thank you. I mean, I made it easy. The other one. This is, I would say, of all the things on my list, the biggest spoiler of, you know, the last handful of years. So, you know, earmuffs if you want. But Tony Stark. Tony Stark at the end of the incredibly powerful Avengers set of movies is one of the biggest, most surprising, most awesome, most heroic, all of the above deaths. And so I got a powerhouse team also.

[C]

It's an excellent pick.

[A]

If this were a battle royale. I've got nothing but warriors, baby. All right, Take that, little Leo DiCaprio.

[B]

Yeah. You got a bunch of guys.

[A]

That sword to be a bunch of.

[B]

Guys that die in the end.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's a really good battle royale. Everyone just falls over. Is it back to me?

[C]

Yes, sir.

[B]

I'm going to take a little left field pick here because you don't see the death, but you kind of. I mean, you do feel the death.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I'm going, Ellie.

[A]

Oh, yes. On my list. I'm on my list.

[B]

Up. Oh, the opening few moments of the movie where you suddenly you're seeing the story, it's all right. And then she's gone.

[C]

And it's excellent.

[B]

It's an unbelievable, like, it's not thought of as like a normal movie death, but it was. It happened to you.

[A]

Almost everybody that I know that watched up for the first time, like, when they. When. When it came out, you were crying at the beginning of a movie, which just doesn't happen. And.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, it's like you start this movie off with this beautiful love montage.

[B]

And then great music.

[A]

Murderer.

[B]

Yeah, she's just gone. Brutal. So that's what I'm gonna go.

[A]

That's a. See, that is a good pick.

[B]

That's better pick.

[C]

It is a really. It's a really good transition to my next pick, which is Lawyer sitting on toilet eaten by the Tyrannosaurus. Donald Gennaro.

[B]

Donald Gennaro.

[A]

Man. That's not on my list.

[B]

That is on my list. And it's so iconic.

[A]

So good. Oh, how did I not think of that? Yes. Lawyer sitting on toilet is definitely.

[B]

It was a top three death of my childhood to see that scene. And I remember. I'm going to tell you, I slowed down the frames on that one on the VCR to see. I was trying to figure out the movie magic of them ripping. Like, the body. It would look pretty good. And a harrowing. And harrowing. Yeah, they actually did. He did get eaten. Yeah.

[A]

That guy died, but what a sacrifice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Lawyer on toilet, baby. So much better than his name in the movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I like to segue from this beautiful, heartwarming Ellie from up to.

[C]

I think it warms the hearts of all Americans to see a lawyer.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Get eaten. It's a great pick. Right off the potty. And, I mean, the list is really hard to take.

[B]

I want to go five rounds.

[A]

I would go.

[B]

Can we go five rounds?

[A]

Oh, I'll go forever. These.

[C]

I could talk about dead people forever.

[B]

Can we do five, Al? Yeah, of course. All right, let's go five.

[C]

Okay, well, then with this pick I will take. I'm going to go Indiana Jones.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[C]

Well, okay. I don't know which one you were talking about.

[B]

Oh, I know what it is.

[C]

It's the one you have chosen poorly. Okay, get the arc out of here, bro.

[A]

That's not.

[C]

You have chosen poorly. The man disintegrated. He ages over the course of a couple seconds and then vaporizes.

[B]

I thought you were going the Nazi.

[A]

Yeah, that's the right one.

[B]

His face melting.

[A]

I had just wrote down melting Nazi on my list because when.

[B]

But now I'm not taking that because I'm not taking another Indiana Jones death.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, when you took.

[B]

Yours is the better pick.

[A]

When you took the lawyer on the toilet, I wasn't thinking of just amazing moments of, like, side characters and when you said that. I was like, oh, the melting Nazi.

[C]

Yeah. The melting is fantastic. And the special effects work that they did to actually make that happen.

[A]

Brutal.

[C]

It's wild.

[B]

All right, back to me.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Guys, this. This death, it really. It was emotional. It was. It sucked. And the acting was insane. I'm taking John Coffey, who is Michael Clark Duncan and Green Mile.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

The ending of that movie was an emotional. Just a wreck of a situation.

[C]

That whole movie's a tough watch.

[A]

I remember that being what you just described, but I think I only watched the movie once.

[B]

He didn't want him to put the COVID over his head because he's afraid of the dark.

[C]

Yeah, it's brutal. It's a brutal ending.

[B]

It's not a lawyer getting eaten by a dinosaur.

[C]

No, mine's way funnier. Yeah.

[B]

Jason, two picks.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

On the way back through.

[A]

All right. You know what? Oh, man, Do I want to do it? Do I want to double up?

[C]

Double up?

[A]

I don't think so. Gosh. All right, I'm going to go with one. This is tough. I love all of these picks.

[C]

Well, you get two. I guess we're going five rounds.

[A]

Yeah. All right. I'm going to go with Dobby from the Harry Potter series. That will be one of my picks.

[C]

As in, like, we got him. Get that freaking character out of here. Because he's the worst.

[A]

Dobby is.

[C]

Oh, my God, dude, he's the worst. It's full. Jar Jar Binks.

[A]

No.

[C]

Yes. I don't know who's worse, Dobby or Jar Jar Binks. I don't know.

[B]

I did not see this coming.

[C]

I am literally in the midst.

[B]

You were stood up and clapped.

[C]

Yeah, well, I'm back in the midst of watching them through with my kids.

[B]

Are you really?

[C]

And it's. Holy crap. What an obnoxiously terrible character.

[A]

I think it is very different for those who read the book.

[C]

Okay, nerd, I don't care.

[A]

But, like, Dobby has your heart.

[B]

That's a good. What's the difference between Dobby Golem and Jar Jar in terms of ranking them in movies?

[C]

All right. Wow, you got bodied. You can love it.

[A]

I was really close. I had two, and I'm not going this route.

[C]

It was really the best when it.

[A]

Happened, but I was like, do I go Dahvie or do I go Dumbledore? Both were great. But I don't want to double up on Harry Potter, so I'm going to take Sam, which is short for Samantha, which you don't remember the name of this character.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

It's from the movie I Am Legend and it is a dog.

[C]

Oh, is that the dog?

[A]

That is the dog.

[C]

How dare you even bring that up in my presence.

[A]

That.

[B]

That movie is underrated.

[C]

You're just. Yeah, you're just picking all sad ones.

[A]

Yeah. Well, that is about as it gets. That's the man strangling that.

[B]

As it gets.

[A]

But, oh, he strangles his own best.

[C]

Friend, only he's got no one left. Dude. He's surrounded by him.

[B]

John Coffee got electrocuted for a crime he didn't commit. But no, that's fine. Zombieland Dog.

[C]

It's not Zombieland Dog. That's I Am Legend dog.

[B]

Saying it wasn't sad.

[A]

Yeah, it's very sad. The dog from I Am Legend.

[B]

Not as sad as it gets. All right, I am going with. I said I wanted to do a really, really old callback. I am 40 years old. I was born in 1984. There is one death that jacked me up.

[C]

Okay. Like, it negatively impacted me.

[B]

And so.

[A]

Can I take a guess. Julius Caesar.

[B]

It was Littlefoot's mom in Land Before Time.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Littlefoot's mom in Land Before Time was my first. It's like the first exposure to death of parents or something.

[C]

I don't know what. Why.

[B]

They shouldn't have done that to me, man.

[C]

This is all they do in cartoons. They take cheap, easy routes.

[B]

That was Bambi, too, right? Yeah.

[A]

I was gonna say we probably won't grab it because you just got that. I had Bambi's mom on my list, and I won't.

[C]

I'm not going to take Lion King, but it's.

[B]

No, I know.

[C]

This is just what they're like, man.

[B]

That's the same with Frozen.

[C]

We're really missing some oomph here. What should we do? Kill the parents?

[B]

There is a lot of dead parents in Disney movies.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

It just raises the stakes. It makes everything more important. Emotionally bonds you with the characters. It makes complete sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just tragic. It works.

[B]

Do you remember the Man Before Time?

[A]

Yes. I don't remember that one little foot.

[B]

It was an earthquake. Yeah.

[C]

It's the end of the dinosaurs. Until they made, like, 10 more.

[B]

Oh, they made, like 50 more of those.

[C]

All the video.

[B]

All right, so final pick.

[C]

My final pick here.

[B]

This is where he goes. Nazis.

[C]

Who's.

[B]

Whose face melts off in Indiana Jones?

[C]

No, I am going to take.

[B]

Like.

[C]

There's, like, just.

[B]

There's Final Destination 3.

[C]

No, no.

[A]

The whole movie.

[C]

Okay. I will Take. It's funny enough, we don't date these shows usually, but we just had a recent holiday and that holiday had a very famous movie when we were growing up called Independence Day. And at the end of the movie, a man comes. Comes running back and he says, guess what, boys? I'm back. And he flies his aircraft.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Directly up.

[B]

That is such a gift.

[C]

Into the spaceship. It's so stupid. It's so dumb, but it's so amazing.

[B]

I literally just read a 40 tweet thread on the making of that movie of Independence Day. On they released that there's this good Twitter follow. All the right movies or something like that. And they do. They do these like deep dives on movies. And of course, it was July 4th, so they did it on Independence Day. And I don't know if you. Did you ever watch the deleted scene version of that?

[C]

Yes. It used to be like a crop.

[B]

Duster in the original, he was denied the ability to fly an F15 or whatever it was for good reason. I was a drunk. And he had his crop duster and he tried to fly it up there, but they said it's not realistic. So they went to the realistic version where he flies in F15 straight up the. Whatever of a.

[C]

Right up. Straight up the exit.

[B]

The sun don't shine.

[C]

And then, of course, that just destroys. Oh, it's the turning point of the intergalactic war.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's so ridiculous. Just like that whole movie. But it's.

[B]

It's amazing that that's such a good pick. So extras, Goose and Top Gun. This is spoiler alert. Like, bullet points. The Wicked Witch.

[A]

Yeah, that's a classic.

[B]

Marion Crane and Psycho. So the Psycho lady.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The Joker falling, which was similar Hans Gruber, but the Joker falling in Batman. Yeah, that's pretty good. I think that was the last of my list.

[A]

I had.

[C]

Pulp Fiction when he shoots Marvin and he's like, Marvin's dead. It's just. It's so insane. And out of nowhere. And then the Departed, which you could.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

The Departed is like, just. Just pick which one. And for me, it's the. It's Costigan exiting the elevator after. He's like. You're like, oh, my. He's going to win. He's going to. And then. No, he just. Then no one wins.

[A]

The Departed is so good. I got Bubba from Forrest Gump.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

You know, he's.

[B]

Oh, yeah. That was in war.

[A]

That was in war. Holding them, running him out.

[B]

There's other Tom Hanks to the. From saving Private Ryan.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Which one?

[B]

Him.

[C]

Oh, well, are you talking about the slow knife?

[A]

You got classic Thelma and Louise, you know, hold hands.

[B]

Oh, so you're making fun of me.

[A]

No, I didn't draft you.

[C]

Have you ever even seen that?

[A]

No, I've never seen it. But you've seen that, Sonic. And then I've got to give the biggest shout out of all time. It should be the one on one when you talk about. Because the technical name of this is the best movie. Death.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And that goes to the vampire in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. I don't know if you remember this for anyone who does.

[C]

I do not remember it. It was the movie version.

[A]

The movie version.

[B]

Terrible.

[A]

Which was awesome.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

And it's about a one minute long dying scene. It is the funniest death of all time. It's great. We'll pull it up afterwards. You can pull it up. I think the character keeps going.

[B]

Vader would be a good one too.

[A]

Yeah, there's a lot of characters.

[C]

And Obi Wan.

[A]

Yeah, I was going to say the Star wars and Yoda. A lot of people are going to be like, why didn't you draft these guys?

[C]

So there's.

[B]

There's a million we missed, for sure.

[C]

There's a meme going around with Yoda and it's like, I never understood Yoda and Yoda's passing until I became a parent and my kids don't stop asking me questions. And you're just like, I'm tired. I just roll over and I'm gone.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's good. All right, well, we gave you five rounds here, and I'm sure there are a million that you have, so share them in the comments. Let us know over on Twitter.

[C]

Speaking of, Zombieland is on my list. Shout out to Bill Murray in Zombieland.

[B]

Okay, there you go.

[A]

What did we learn today?

[C]

Don't put the camera in Jason's pantry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't put. Yeah, I learned how sophisticated wagering is today.

[A]

Yes, that is true. You can't have a wagering problem.

[B]

Yeah. And like, maybe I'd wager. Yeah, see?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You sound like you're a baron. You know what I mean? Do you learn anything today, Jason? Maybe pants in the pantry?

[A]

I learned that there's no difference between having more money or paying less.

[B]

No, there ain't. All right, that'll do it for The Spitballers Pod. Twitter.com spitballers pod if you want to follow us, share your thoughts over there on all the ones we missed.

[C]

Goodbye.

[A]

Thanks for listening. To the Spitballers Podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out spitballerspod.com.

[B]

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