Pizza Pains & Best Sequels - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Pizza Pains & Best Sequels
Date: January 19, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason

Overview

In this episode, the Spitballers—a trio of dads and award-winning podcasters—tackle life’s unimportant but highly entertaining dilemmas. The group dives into hilarious “Would You Rather” questions about pizza, French fries, and paper cuts; dispenses their signature, tongue-in-cheek life advice about modern dating and gym etiquette; and finishes with their much-anticipated draft of “Best Movie Sequels That Are Better Than the Original.” Expect plenty of banter, food confessions, and strong (mostly wrong) opinions.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Scat Singing & Setting the Tone (01:15–03:00)

• The episode opens with Andy’s fast-paced scat song, which the group critiques and jokes about.
• They jest about their supposed “seriousness” and societal role:
  Andy: “This show is... If there’s one thing the show is, it’s serious.” (02:00)

---

2. Would You Rather: Pizza vs. French Fry Economics (04:00–17:00)

The Question:

Would you rather pay $1 for every French fry or $25 for every slice of pizza for the rest of your life?

• Quantifying Pizza Price:
  • Andy asks, “What is a slice of pizza if I’m paying?” (04:20)
  • The group debates actual slice prices (settling between $6 and $7).
  • Mike and Jason admit to loving pizza, but lament the aging body’s inability to handle it.
    Jason: “I’m at the point in my life where it’s not worth it... I know how I feel after.” (06:06)
  • Mike is firm: “That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.” (07:08)
• Physical Aftermath:
  • Pizza reportedly causes next-day regret—stomach problems and lactose intolerance afflict everyone, even Jason’s son:
    Jason: “My son last night...‘Dad, I think I’m lactose intolerant.’” (07:55)
  • Mike recounts his keto pizza routine: “I would rip the cheese off of a slice. One of my kids would eat the cheeseless bread.” (08:30)
• Fries vs. Pizza Loyalty:
  • Andy concludes he might give up pizza: “If I had to pay $25 a slice, I’d never eat pizza again.” (09:04)
  • Jason is the lone holdout: “I haven’t had a slice of pizza in my life that I felt bad after.” (09:43)
  • Sharp disagreement on French fry supremacy—
    Jason: “French fries are overrated.”
    Mike: “French fries are the greatest food in the entire world!” (16:33-16:39)

Notable Quote:

• On pizza regret:
  Andy: “It’s a transition period...You still do it because...pizza: yum, yum, yum, yum.” (07:36)

---

3. Food Ingredients Rant: Chick-fil-A Nuggets and Science Jargon (10:00–15:00)

• The group critiques Chick-fil-A’s “grilled” nuggets (“There are seven X’s [in the ingredients]!”), marveling at the unpronounceable:
  Jason: “This can’t be a word. Dimethylpolysiloxane!” (11:33)
• Mike rails against scientific gatekeeping with complex food labels:
  Mike: “Stop the gatekeeping bullcrap...You can put it in terms human beings...understand.” (13:58)
• They jest about running for president with the platform “no word over ten letters.”
  Mike: “In my America, no word is over 10 letters.” (14:51)

---

4. Would You Rather: Salad Dressing Dilemmas & Paper Cuts for Cash (17:08–24:29)

Salad Dressing:

• Double vs. quarter the usual salad dressing.
  • All quickly choose “double”—extra dressing is always better.

Paper Cuts:

• $50/week free, or $25 for every paper cut (intentional or accidental)?
  • Mike and Jason recoil at enduring even two paper cuts a week for extra money:
    Jason: “One of these things—I get $50 for a baby. I do nothing. I have no pain.” (22:06)
  • Jokes about having “cardboard murder weapons” and becoming “Killmonger from Black Panther” with scars.

---

5. Life Advice: Communication Styles & Grocery Store Loyalty (27:01–34:57)

Voice Memos or Texts?

• A listener’s girlfriend sends voice memos instead of texts.
  • Andy, Mike, and Jason agree: for short, nuanced subjects, voice memos are fine. For “grocery lists,” text is king.
  • Mike pivots into a passionate segment about grocery list loyalty:
    • Jason is a hardcore “make-one-meal-at-a-time” shopper at Trader Joe’s and Sprouts:
      Jason: “There is no one in the world who loves your store more than me.” (31:17)
    • Andy and Mike prefer classic grocery stores like Fry’s.

---

6. Life Advice: Handling Annoying Gym Advice (35:05–38:31)

• A gym-goer gets constant, unsolicited advice about form.
  • Jason admits he’d just switch gyms to avoid confrontation.
  • Mike considers whether he'd listen based on how muscular the adviser is.
  • The group jokes about inviting the persistent adviser to AA meetings as a politely awkward deflection.

---

7. Life Advice: TV Show Spoiler Dilemmas (38:42–45:53)

• Listener’s boyfriend falls asleep within 10 minutes of every episode but asks to watch shows together; she’s forced to rewatch the same piece each night.
  • Group consensus: The person with the greater interest in the show dictates the viewing; if one falls asleep and cares less, the other is allowed to continue.
• Debate on how long you have to avoid spoilers for a major show—prompted by Andy’s infamous slow watching of Stranger Things.
  • Mike: “If the final season was truly one per week, I’d be caught up. But when they drop six at once, I fall behind.”

---

8. Draft: Best Movie Sequels That Are Better Than the Original (47:11–71:54)

Draft Order & Picks

• Andy:

  1. Empire Strikes Back (Star Wars) (48:39)
  2. Aliens (James Cameron) (60:05)
  3. Back to the Future 2 (60:33)
  4. Avengers: Endgame (70:02)

• Mike:

  1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (50:17)
  2. John Wick 2 (58:34)
  3. Dawn of the Dead (62:33)
  4. Thor: Ragnarok (69:02)

• Jason:

  1. The Dark Knight (54:13)
  2. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (56:38)
  3. Rocky 3 (65:04)
  4. Mission: Impossible 3 (66:54)

Draft Commentary:

• The group debates what counts as a “sequel”—second or just "any after the first."
  • Jason learns mid-draft that “sequel” covers films beyond part two (53:48).
• Lots of laughter over 80s movie “goofiness,” age of Spielberg films, and iconic scenes (e.g., T2’s helicopter under the bridge).

Notable Quotes:

• “Terminator 2 is the only movie franchise where, when you say the name, you mean the sequel.” — Mike (56:46)
• On Star Wars:
  “Star Wars [A New Hope], that’s a goofy movie. Go back and watch it, guys.” – Mike (49:16)

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On pizza regret:
  “You still do it because...pizza: yum, yum, yum, yum.” — Andy (07:36)

• On scientific jargon:
  “In my America, no word is over 10 letters. We can all read the words. We’ll be fine.” — Mike (14:51)

• On draft eligibility:
  “A sequel is just any movie after the first one?" — Jason (53:30)

• On gourmet pizza vs. French fries:
  “French fries are the greatest food in the entire world!” — Mike (16:39)

• On the Netflix binge dilemma:
  “When they’re like: here’s six episodes... and then here’s the second half. Hold up, hold up, hold up...” — Mike (44:43)

---

Notable Segment Timestamps

• Opening Scat & Setup: 01:15 – 03:00
• Pizza vs. French Fries Debate: 04:00 – 17:00
• Ingredient Rant: 10:00 – 15:00
• Paper Cuts for Cash: 17:08 – 24:29
• Life Advice – Communication & Grocery Stores: 27:01 – 34:57
• Gym Advice Rant: 35:05 – 38:31
• TV Spoilers / Streaming Problems: 38:42 – 45:53
• Draft (Best Sequels): 47:11 – 71:54

---

Takeaways

• Food is funny pain: The hosts hilariously lament the impossibility of guilt-free pizza and French fry consumption as middle-aged dads.
• Communication pet peeves show up in everyday life, from excessive voice memos to unsolicited advice at the gym.
• Nostalgia rules the draft: The passionate debate about sequels exposes deep generational movie loyalties and a collective disdain for unnecessary remakes.
• Group recommendations: Listen for the sheer joy of listening to people that love arguing about things that don’t matter, while dispensing “life advice” no one should take seriously.

---

For more laughs, family-friendly nonsense, and the occasional accidental wisdom, follow the Spitballers every Monday.

Transcript

[A]

Make their hearts skip a beat. This Valentine's Day with Edible. With same day delivery or local pickup, effortless gifting is just a click away. Choose from iconic chocolate dipped strawberries, fresh arrangements or decadent baked treats for your someone Special. [e-mail] or your local store. For my family, I'm always at my best. That's why I also want the best in my kitchen. And that means only Egglund's best eggs. They're always so fresh tasting and delicious with 6 times more vitamin D, 10 times more vitamin E and 25% less saturated fat than ordinary eggs. So why give your family less when they can have the best Egglands best? Better taste, better nutrition, better eggs. For added convenience, look for our hard cooked peeled eggs.

[B]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice? Explore unrealistic situations and and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve. It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Bada da ding ding ding ding. Badga da dingy. Woo hoo. He wasn't scurged.

[C]

Sometimes you gotta play the hits.

[D]

Yeah, it's been a long time.

[B]

I feel like it was a faster pace than normal.

[D]

Well, I'm not doing your scat this time.

[B]

So that was really you.

[D]

I can bring it.

[B]

It's you being you.

[D]

Welcome into the Spitballers, episode three, five, three. Would you rather Life advice and a spectacular draft. On today's episode of the show, Jason Moore is here. Mike Wright.

[C]

Wait, we're given life advice?

[D]

Present and accounted for. Yeah. Yeah. We're giving life advice because we have a role to play in society. Everybody has their role to play. We know what ours is. It's to inform people to lead society. It's to lead them in ethical and moral issues.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

This show is. If there's one thing the show is, it's serious.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

This shows about the issues facing the modern.

[C]

We're just making. We're making the medicine go down easy.

[D]

Right. Because you think it's all jokes, but it's tough love.

[B]

Sometimes it's not the sugar. The spoonful of sugar is how we present it. Behind that is something so serious and so deep and so, if I may be so bold, so objectively true, whatever. We're saying that it will help people, it will help you. And we're going to give life advice that will change at least one person's life forever.

[D]

For obviously this podcast has been. It's been life changing. Said somebody at one point.

[B]

Yeah. So many people.

[D]

So that's what we're here for. We've got a great draft. We're drafting sequels better than the original movie. On today's show, I've got the first pick. Jason's not a fan of the drought.

[B]

What's that fart the Fire is about? There's not.

[C]

There are.

[B]

I can't. I can't wait to hear your list.

[C]

I. I can't wait to tell you my list.

[B]

I spent years developing this list.

[C]

You are. A couple of minutes you're not being intellectually honest with.

[B]

Maybe I just don't remember.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

But I feel like there's not that many sequels that are better than the original, so I can't wait to see what you guys bring out.

[D]

We've done this show long enough, and we're getting old enough to where there's a good chance we do shows that are so similar to previous shows we've done just because we forget what happened.

[B]

Have we done this one?

[D]

Probably.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

This is probably a repeat. I don't know.

[C]

Oh, I mean, we're at, like, a 35% chance this is a repeat.

[D]

You've heard this all before.

[C]

Well, I mean. Let's begin. Owl Borland is not here.

[D]

No. So he would be the only one to call us out on that.

[C]

Correct.

[D]

So, Papa.

[C]

Josh, no disrespect, have we done this before, Josh.

[D]

But your memory is.

[C]

10 shows that you've done.

[B]

I'm gonna say no.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

There you go. We're good. We're in the clear. It's time to answer some questions. Would you rather, Joseph, from the website, for the rest of your life, would you rather have to pay $1 for every French fry that you eat the rest of your life?

[C]

That's a problem.

[B]

Problem. That's a lot of money.

[D]

Or you pay $25 for every slice of pizza you eat.

[B]

$25 a slice of pizza or a dollar a French fry? Now, now, real quick.

[C]

That's a problem.

[B]

What is a slice of pizza if I'm paying? No, not, Not. I'm not saying this.

[D]

Like, Mike's reaction to that was like.

[B]

You socked him in the stomach. I'm not saying. What is this thing?

[C]

You did say that. Hey, brother, what is.

[B]

Whatever is a slice.

[C]

What's a slice of what?

[B]

Even of pizza? No, I'm saying, what is the cost.

[C]

Of a slice of pizza if I don't slice it? That's a slice, brother.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I just want to cool that thing up.

[B]

What is a slice of pizza? I'm not saying. That's a great start. No, you are saying that. You said It. This is not like a theological giant question.

[C]

A large existential man in the pizza.

[B]

Of life, what's a slice in the pizza?

[C]

A largest ate sleep slices.

[B]

What is the cost? 25 of pizza.

[D]

To a store? You're probably paying 5 bucks.

[C]

5 bucks a slice. You are not paying $5 a slice. Absolutely you are. No way you're seeing too much or too little. That's too little.

[D]

Yeah, baby. Six, seven bucks.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[D]

Six, seven bucks a slice.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, it's locked. Yes. Good.

[B]

No, no.

[D]

We have a spray bottle. If Jason give him the sprayer.

[C]

No, it's locked again. Hold on.

[B]

Okay, there it is. It's not my fault. You said six, seven.

[C]

Because it's a sequential number. It happens all the time. We can't stop it.

[D]

Here. Here's what I'm thinking. I had pizza last night.

[C]

How much pizza did you have?

[D]

Two slices.

[C]

No, no, give me monetary. You had $50 of pizza.

[D]

I mean, I bought you pizza last night.

[C]

You did. You did.

[D]

Here's my point about this. If I have to pay a dollar for every French fry, I'm going to be very conscious of how many French fries they eat. That's better for me.

[C]

That's. No, but. No.

[D]

I'm at the point of my life. I'm right at the edge. I love pizza. I'm at the point where it's not worth it. It's not worth it.

[C]

Are you hearing me?

[B]

Really?

[C]

Oh, my God. You have gotten all the way there.

[D]

All the way to the point where a slice of pizza is now at the point where it's just not worth it. I know how I feel after.

[B]

No, you're lying. You don't. You want to know? No. Do you want to know how I know for a fact? He is lying. For him to say he's gotten to the point in his life where it is not worth eating the pizza, that means he doesn't eat the pizza.

[D]

No, no, no.

[B]

When was the last time you just said last night?

[D]

Last memory. I still think pizza is an easy meal to order, and then I get it, and then I eat it, and I'm like, why did I do it then?

[B]

You're not at that point.

[D]

It's a transition period, man. You're Jason Papa Josh. You feel this.

[B]

If you're at the point in your life where I'm saying it's not worth it to eat it, then you don't do it.

[D]

I'm learning.

[B]

So you're getting close, but you're not there, Jason.

[C]

That's the stupidest thing you've ever said.

[B]

I've said so much.

[C]

I know. And I don't say this with. I've weighed it. That's the stupidest thing you've ever said. Wow.

[B]

Explain it.

[D]

You know, you get stupid because we eat.

[C]

We eat crap all the time that we're not supposed to eat.

[B]

Yeah. And I don't say. I've gotten to the point in my life where I say no to in and out.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no, he didn't.

[D]

I've reached the point.

[C]

No, he was saying now it's happening right now. He said he's reached the point where it's. It isn't worth it. You still do it.

[D]

Yeah. Because.

[C]

You still do it because. Pizza.

[D]

Yum, yum, yum, yum.

[B]

All right.

[C]

But, yeah, like, you bought me pizza.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Last night.

[D]

Yeah. How'd you feel?

[C]

Yeah. Guess who had stomach problems this morning?

[D]

It's 100% of 100% my son last night. And it's not just old people. He goes, dad, I think I'm lactose intolerant.

[C]

I go, yeah, probably.

[D]

Probably. Nobody should eat this much cheese.

[C]

Like, legitimate. And this. So years. Years and years ago, I went full keto. Right.

[B]

I remember.

[C]

And I was on it for two years.

[D]

I didn't realize you were that long.

[C]

I was on a full two years.

[D]

Gin and tonic. Mistake.

[C]

Yeah. I made. There's mistakes you make along the way, but legit it. Like, Friday is pizza movie night. Right. I was going to say legitimate. And then I cut it off.

[D]

No, that's cool.

[C]

It's a new one. Friday is pizza movie night at my house.

[D]

Every Friday.

[C]

It was every week. And even during that. And so all I did was I would rip the cheese off of a slice. Oh, that's. And then one of my kids would eat the cheeseless bread. Yeah. But that's how he wanted. Was I could live. I could. I could live.

[B]

The bread, that was the problem.

[C]

I don't know. But my stomach was okay during that time.

[B]

Sounds like it's the bread.

[C]

And I really had reached a point where I'm like. Even after I was no longer on the keto, I'm just like, dude, pizza destroys me.

[D]

If I had to pay 25 for a slice, I'd never bite. I'd never eat pizza again.

[C]

See, that's. That's how.

[D]

That's what happened.

[C]

That's how they. If. If that really is a choice I have to make. Yeah, that's a problem with pizza.

[D]

That's my choice.

[C]

Because you know what rules hashtag not a sponsor. Domino's. Domino's rules. It's good.

[D]

Oh, it's the interview.

[C]

It's good for days. And you can get like two for six bucks or something. Or six apiece. It's great. It's good. There's. There's penalties. Yeah, you like. You pay. You pay less up front. Are you telling me you pay more in the back?

[D]

Are you saying that when you eat a slice of pizza, you're just doing great? Life's just great.

[B]

Hundred percent. Totally fine. I haven't had a slice of pizza in my life that I felt bad after. And don't hear what I'm not. Don't hear what I'm not saying. There are foods now that just like. I can't.

[D]

You don't even Chick Fil A anymore.

[B]

I can't do Chick Fil A. Chick Fil A is delicious. I can't do it.

[C]

The mouth loves it. The tummy does love it.

[B]

It will destroy me.

[D]

Which people think to this day. People think Chick Fil A is healthy.

[B]

Oh my gosh. My kids, they're like this chicken.

[D]

Same thing.

[B]

They're grilled chicken. They're grilled chicken. Now here's the ingredients list that should be on a grilled chicken. Clearly not a sponsor. Also, hashtag will never be a sponsor.

[C]

Hold on. So, okay, in my estima mation.

[B]

Uh huh.

[C]

A piece of grilled chicken. Ingredients.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay. Let's go grilled chicken.

[D]

We can start with that chicken.

[C]

Let's go with some spices. We'll go with. We'll go with some spices in oil to cook it.

[D]

We'll go with an oil.

[C]

I.

[D]

That should be the end.

[C]

I think maybe some salt. Salt. Well, okay, so I mean, if you want to have multiple spices, let's say six.

[D]

We should end it there.

[B]

I'm talking about the nuggets too.

[D]

Chicken, spices, oil. The end.

[C]

Also, we are never getting a chick voice.

[B]

No, no, after this.

[D]

Not on Sunday.

[B]

Thank goodness. They're. They're. I mean, the.

[D]

Give me some of the highlights. All right.

[C]

No. Count the number of X's.

[B]

Count the number of X's. Oh, just how many X's.

[C]

How many times do you see the letter X? The letter X in the chicken?

[B]

Seven. Seven. There are seven.

[C]

The letter X is. It means nothing.

[B]

So one maltodextrin has an X. Zantham gum has an X. Extract has another maltodextrin. Another maltodextrin.

[C]

Why do you have to list it twice?

[B]

Because they're different. They're different types of Maltodextrin. Oh, my gosh. This can't be a word. Guys. This can't be a word. Dimethylipopiciloxane. Let me spell this. Oh, my gosh, guys.

[D]

Highway to spell.

[C]

It might be totally normal and we're just dumb and we don't know. Okay.

[B]

All right. Write this down while I say this. And if you're playing along at home.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna think through this.

[B]

Here is the word I'm spelling in their ingredients list.

[C]

Give it to me.

[B]

D, I, M E T, H Y.

[C]

L, P. I'm running out of space.

[B]

O L, Y, S. Oh, I'm out of space. I L, O X A, N, E. What is that word?

[C]

Guys, I read it.

[D]

Dimethylpolysiloxane.

[C]

You know what? It.

[B]

Don't worry. It's added to reduce foaming. This is grilled chicken nuggets, man. Why is it foaming?

[C]

It tastes exactly like. It smells delicious.

[D]

Dimethylpolic.

[B]

I'll tell you how you spell delicious. D I M E T H Y L P O L, Y S I L, O X.

[D]

Prevents oil foaming and frying. I mean, improves product safety and extends oil life.

[B]

I don't know, maybe and destroys your belly when you eat it.

[D]

Aren't you supposed to change every 3,000 miles?

[C]

You know what? You know what? We need to talk to the scientists. No, no, we. No, we do.

[D]

We need to talk to the farmers.

[C]

No, no, we didn't know because this is the scientists. I am pro. I am big science. I love science. I love all, like, it's fascinating. But when we do this. Josh, give me the camera. When we. Give me. When we have words that are this.

[D]

Yeah, that's a two line word.

[C]

Stop the gatekeeping bullcrap. Dude, stop it. We don't have to do this. You can put it into a terms that human beings, regular human beings understand. This is the science degree. I understand. You're like, I paid so much that I get to speak a language that no one else speaks. Stop it.

[D]

Listen, I'm on your side.

[C]

Stop it.

[D]

They're not the only place that has dimethyl polycylox.

[C]

I don't. What is it bad.

[D]

But I can promise you that's why you feel bad, Jason.

[B]

Yes, that's why.

[D]

That's what you're pooping out.

[B]

That is one of the many reasons I feel bad.

[C]

That's the problem, is I don't.

[D]

And then I'm paying the 25 for the pizza and.

[B]

But I'm saying there was a Question here.

[C]

Yeah. Then you get the other people and they're like. And they're listing all the words, and you're like, like, you know what that is? That's an apple. And you're like, dude, I just call.

[D]

It an apple, man.

[C]

Well, no, no, I'm saying with this bull crap, with. How many letters are in this word?

[D]

75.

[C]

That's no word. Should be over 10 letters.

[B]

No words. I love it. I love it. I mean, it's great. I am. I'm on that. Like, you should run for president on that.

[C]

In my America, no word is over 10 letters. We can all read the words. We'll be fine.

[B]

I love it. If I ask that is 20 characters, that's at least two words in your America.

[C]

I'm on the team, and they're making it hard for me.

[D]

I asked them to shorten that one to ten letters. This. Dimethylips.

[B]

Dimethylips.

[D]

Dimethylips. I'm going. Pizza. I don't need pizza anymore. I hate to say it. I'm 41. I don't need pizza anymore.

[C]

You think I'm giving up French fries?

[B]

No, I would. I would do the opposite. I would take the $20 a slice.

[D]

I mean, dude, have you considered I'm.

[C]

Jealous of you that French fries are probably the greatest food in the entire world?

[D]

Jason, you said you don't feel bad after pizza.

[B]

I have never once.

[D]

Is that. Is that an unlimited quantity situation?

[B]

So far, so good. Yes.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

So like, my favorite pizza, personally.

[D]

Yeah. What is your favorite?

[B]

And I'm not talking like, you know, the local, awesome, unbelievable pizza. There's lots of those chains. I'm talking of the. Of the big boys. My personal favorite pizza is the thin crust from Domino's.

[C]

Because it rules.

[D]

Thin crust helps out a lot.

[B]

I can eat that whole.

[D]

It helps out the whole.

[B]

I'm gonna eat the whole thing.

[D]

Yeah, it comes.

[B]

I've never felt bad after that because it rules. But also, that thin crust is a real problem for this question. Because a usual pizza is eight slices.

[C]

Yeah, the way they slice it, eight.

[B]

Slices is the 200 pie.

[C]

No, I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you real slices on a thin crust.

[B]

So you're telling me I can order this for 200 bucks? Because otherwise it's like $800 because they. All these pieces are so tiny.

[C]

Also, The Spitballers has 11 letters. I've just been informed.

[D]

Spitballers podcast Spitballer Ryan from the website.

[B]

French fries are overrated.

[D]

Would you rather every salad?

[C]

Yeah. It's a throwaway. How? French fries are the greatest food in the entire world.

[D]

Spoken like a true shoe fry lover.

[B]

Well, they are better.

[D]

Would you rather every salad you eat.

[C]

Moving forward have the worst french fries? And no wonder you don't like french fries.

[B]

I don't want Giant.

[C]

It's so stupid.

[D]

Yeah. You just called them overrated. And then you're the guy on the shoestring side. You're an idiot.

[B]

No, thank you. Thank you, Andy.

[C]

I couldn't move. I could not move on.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Without being out there.

[D]

Ryan wants to know, would you rather every salad you eat moving forward the rest of your life every salad you eat moving forward the rest of your life have two times the normal amount of dressing?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Mixed in. That doesn't seem like a problem. Or one quarter the normal amount of dressing?

[C]

Two times.

[B]

Two times.

[C]

Okay. You have to get to like 4x before I'm concerned. 4x is a soupy problem.

[B]

What is this stupid question? What is this stupid question? Would you rather your french fries have too much salt or like, no salt? Come on, man.

[C]

Would you rather your salad be covered in delicious thousands?

[D]

You want your caramel apple to have four times the caramel?

[B]

Tell me something.

[C]

Or hardly any caramel.

[B]

Here's the easiest way to answer this. And it is so clear. Too much chocolate or no chocolate? Just a genuine, like, clear and obvious answer.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Mike, have you ever in your life ordered a salad and asked for half the dressing that it normally comes with?

[C]

I can tell you with intellectual honesty, I have never.

[B]

Have you ever ordered a salad and asked for extra dressing?

[C]

I can tell you with intellectual honesty, that is about 90% of the time you want. No, it comes down to do they have that option.

[B]

Right? Yeah.

[C]

Like if the only time I don't ask for extra dressing on the side because I'm watching my weight is they don't offer it.

[B]

Right.

[C]

That's the only time I will never get.

[B]

It is such a common thing to be, like, extra dressing on the side.

[D]

If they. If they.

[C]

Because they're all cheap.

[D]

If I said I wanted it on the side and they accidentally brought it with two times as much on it already, I'd be like, thank you.

[C]

Like, what is going on with these restaurants where the amount of dressing they give you for your salad. Drinkflation, that's where. But. But I'm saying, like, it's an entire restaurant. This is where you're going to recover the goods.

[D]

No, it's insane.

[C]

On salad dressing.

[D]

Yeah. This is where you're going to make Your profit margins.

[C]

Your profit margin.

[D]

You're gaining. You're already charging me for lettuce.

[C]

You're gaining cents at a time.

[D]

Best business in the world is pasta and lettuce. If you sell those two things, the.

[C]

Pasta people are just. The pasta people are just Scrooge McDucking in gold.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Pasta. Oh, my God.

[D]

So cheap.

[C]

It's ridiculous.

[D]

Well, that answer was quick. Here you go, Jason from Patreon.

[C]

Would you rather episode brought to you by Olive Garden. Yeah, Olive Garden. When you hear your family, would you.

[D]

Rather get $50 a week with no stipulations at all?

[C]

That's. That's pretty awesome.

[D]

Or $25 per paper cut you receive for the rest of your life?

[C]

Dude, I'm recovering from a. I'm recovering from the cardboard. This is a cardboard.

[D]

Recovering from a.

[C]

You can't see it on the camera.

[D]

From a cardboard.

[B]

Wait, no, I think you.

[C]

It on the camera. Go see that.

[B]

Go to Mike's camera. You can see this.

[D]

That looks like a splinter.

[C]

I don't.

[D]

That's a big one.

[C]

It was. This was. You know what this was?

[D]

Slice the dice.

[B]

I see it.

[C]

You know what this was? This was.

[B]

Was it cardboard?

[C]

It was cardboard.

[B]

Oh, I've had it.

[C]

They're the worst.

[B]

Cardboard cuts shouldn't be like paper cuts. They're just thick paper cuts.

[D]

What if your job was to get paper cuts full time? Where would you get the paper cut on your body?

[C]

Okay, this is a good question.

[D]

Like, you have to commit. How much money do you need to live?

[B]

Let's say you forearm.

[D]

Let's say you need 200. But.

[B]

But if you need $200.

[D]

Oh, no.

[C]

The. Underneath that sense.

[D]

$200 a day is eight cuts a day.

[C]

That's.

[D]

Would you do that?

[B]

No. So here's the paper.

[D]

Yeah, paper. Just paper.

[C]

Oh, man.

[B]

What were the car.

[C]

Because cardboard.

[B]

8. Cardboard. Bleed out cardboard. You're done.

[D]

Cardboard cuts are hard.

[C]

You better go to the E.R. not okay. Apparently.

[B]

What was not.

[C]

When you're breaking down soda boxes, guys, here. This was.

[D]

No, I can see that.

[C]

This was a plain Jane because the recycle bin's like, you better break down your boxes. I'm like, okay, you follow the rules. I'm like, hey, environment, this is for you.

[B]

My hand.

[C]

I'm bleeding everywhere.

[B]

Your Honor, I present the murder weapon, the Amazon box.

[D]

Breaking news. The environment doesn't care if you break that box down or not.

[C]

I don't know, man.

[D]

You're just following the rules.

[B]

Your garbage can does. You got to break it down. So you can fit it?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So in a way it does.

[B]

Now real quick.

[D]

Eight cuts a day. I gotta really rotate. What's the healing time on a cut?

[B]

No, Two weeks.

[D]

So you gotta rotate two weeks worth of spots in your body. My butt cheek.

[C]

You sit on paper cut.

[D]

My butt cheek?

[C]

No way.

[D]

Upper butt cheek.

[C]

No way.

[B]

I can't do it to myself. Listen. Wait, wait, wait. Read back the question because I just want to make sure that I was right on how I heard this.

[C]

The two upper paper got sound.

[B]

$50 a week for free.

[D]

For free or 25 per paper cut you receive accidental or intentional the rest of your life.

[B]

So I have to get two paper cuts a week to break even on my. Either way.

[D]

You gotta go paper cut here.

[B]

You can't go paper cut here.

[C]

What?

[B]

Two paper cuts a week is too.

[D]

Much for baby Jason.

[B]

One of these things. I get $50 for a baby.

[C]

I'm with baby Jason.

[B]

I do nothing. I have no pain. I just paid an extra 50 bucks a week.

[D]

Papa Josh.

[C]

Come on. We know papa Josh. He's getting paper.

[B]

Bald head is gonna be just scarred with paper cuts. I know this is gonna surprise everybody, but I'm taking the guaranteed 50.

[C]

No, you're not, Josh.

[B]

I actually believe you, Josh.

[C]

Because he's gonna look like killmonger from Black Panther.

[B]

This makes.

[C]

He's just gonna be cardboard cuts all over his body.

[D]

I can get rich anytime I want with some little.

[B]

No, you can't.

[D]

A little bit of pain. No.

[B]

What's rich?

[D]

How many paper cuts?

[B]

$1,000. Is that rich?

[D]

How many cuts is a thousand bucks? Thousand bucks a day.

[B]

Let me know. Okay. $1,000 would be 40 cuts. Cut yourself 40 times.

[D]

Is it better to get a new paper cut or a cut in the old cut?

[B]

A new one.

[D]

That's worse.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So just recut. I will have a part of my body that is going to scar up.

[B]

You are.

[C]

I don't know that I've double paper cut.

[B]

I've done it before on the worst.

[D]

I've done it. You do that.

[C]

I want in the webbing cheek. Did you get in the webbing? Yeah.

[B]

And the webbing? No, I know webbing. Yeah, the we duck.

[C]

What do you call it?

[B]

I knew what you were talking about.

[D]

We all know what you're talking about.

[C]

Then what do you call it?

[B]

I was calling it the webbing.

[D]

It sounds like you're an animal.

[B]

We are an animal. Like a platypus, dude.

[C]

I wish I had webbing.

[B]

That would rule.

[C]

Except for the paper cuts.

[D]

You guys Are paper cut wusses. Respectfully.

[C]

Yeah, no, I. I said respectfully. Charged a paper cut.

[D]

It sucks, but, I mean, come on, dude.

[B]

You always tell me, tell me that you haven't had a paper cut in six months without telling me you haven't had a paper in six months. Andy has just said he has not had a paper cut in six months. If you had a paper cut right the second. Just one. Just one, which would be $25, you would be like you. There's no question which side you'd be.

[D]

You guys are both going to be poor. And we're not poor wusses.

[C]

No.

[D]

$50 a week, 200.

[C]

I'm going to be rolling in it every month.

[D]

I'll be bleeding everywhere, but I'm rolling it.

[C]

You show up like the mummy Papa.

[D]

Josh, I'm disappointed in you. I've always considered you to be an exceptionally cheap person willing to take pain for money. I know some of the things you've said you do for money, and this disappoints me. Paper cuts suck. Yeah.

[C]

Thank you, Josh. Thank you, Josh.

[D]

Bunch of wusses.

[C]

No, they're the worst.

[D]

All right, we'll take a break.

[C]

Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Gorton's. The big game, it's on the way. And we know what that means. We're hanging out with friends, we're watching some good football. And of course, the food. The food at the party is so crucial, it might be the most important part. And it's all fun and games until your kitchen's a mess, the oven's full, and you just want something that's quick, it's good, and it's guaranteed to please. And that's where Gorton's comes into your life. Gorton's seafood makes it simple to serve. Fresh tasting, high quality seafood for game day. Whether it's snacks, apps, or the main event. I am a fish sticks man. Call me a traditionalist. That's fine. They're delicious. They're easy. Or my wife's her personal favorite, the coconut shrimp. Or there's the crunchy filets. Or the surprise hit, taco tenders. Look, Gorton's has you covered no matter what you need. It's easy and it's delicious. You don't need to overthink your spread. Gorton's has been doing this for over 175 years. And it shows. Everything comes out hot, crispy and ready to impress. Visit gortons.com to learn more, to find a store and to get recipe inspiration. That's G O R-T O N S.com.

[D]

It'S a new year. That means colder days, and this is the moment where your winter wardrobe really has got to deliver. If you're craving a winter reset, start with pieces truly made to last season after season. Quince brings together premium materials, thoughtful design, and enduring quality so you can stay warm, look sharp, and feel your best all season long. I think their outerwear is especially impressive. Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. I absolutely love all of the pieces I've gotten from Quince. I wear them all the time. They're holding up great. And look, whether it's stuff you're picking up for your home bath, kitchen, travel, doesn't matter. Refresh your winter wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com spitballers for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada as well. That's Q U-I-N C E.com spitballers free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com spitballers coming back from the break, I really want to take a moment here and focus on helping the spit wads out there.

[B]

Spitballers to the rescue.

[C]

Oh, man. I saw. Would you rather. And I was ready to tackle it.

[D]

This is the part of the show where we give life advice, real serious life advice to help you. And Elena writes in with a heavy heart. I'm sure I haven't read her question yet, but it's probably a very heavy heart.

[C]

I fart a lot.

[D]

My girlfriend texts me voice memos instead of normal texts.

[C]

Okay, so, okay, so you're getting the voice memo.

[D]

You got to play it.

[C]

Yeah, that's not a problem.

[D]

Like three minute rants about three minute rants about grocery lists or whether I feel like I'm in a podcast. Am I allowed to say, just text me like a normal human?

[C]

Well, hold on.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[D]

If you get a voice memo, do you. Are you happy or sad?

[B]

Sad.

[D]

Isn't there a part of you that's like, man, this is like, I got to hear something.

[C]

I will. I would consider myself neutral. Okay. I don't get a lot of them.

[D]

I got one recently. I was pretty like, cool. This is neat.

[C]

I feel like every voice text I have ever received.

[B]

Not voice to text.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no. It's a, it's, it's a voicemail audio recording is. It's warranted. It's good. When I hit Play. And I listen through the whole thing. I'm like, oh, yeah, you can't text this because there's inflection. There is like, just things. You cannot. What's the word?

[B]

Like convey.

[C]

You can't convey. Thank you. You can't convey it in a text. You have to have a voice. So I've never had a problem with it. And a three minute rant.

[D]

It's better if you're driving.

[C]

I feel like I'm in a podcast and you're saying that's three minutes long. And we put out podcasts that are about 60 or so minutes on average.

[D]

This is what you call an involuntary podcast, though you choose to listen to us because of our wisdom. This is an involuntary. Mike, if I sent you a five minute one, are you listening to the whole thing?

[C]

Five minutes.

[D]

Five minutes.

[C]

No, there's no.

[D]

Are you going to pretend like you did?

[C]

I'm going to get about a minute and a half in and I will feel like I can summarize the whole thing.

[D]

Yeah, you're going to tell me you heard the whole thing.

[C]

So a grocery list. That's no good. I need to have that in text format. Also. Grocery lists. Okay, guys, when you go to. Where are you guys at with grocery lists?

[B]

When you go.

[C]

You go to this.

[B]

I love a grocery list. Really?

[D]

Really.

[C]

It's pretty important because I think a grocery list. Breakfast is the worst possible thing.

[B]

I know why.

[D]

Because it constrains.

[C]

No, no, no.

[B]

I know why he. I want to hear.

[C]

I want to hear your opinion before I even say it.

[B]

It's because you are not preparing a meal. Like, you aren't going there to prepare a specific. I love a grocery list because I know today I'm making chicken piccata with. Yeah, I'm making a meal and I go there with a list of ingredients I need for this meal. And I'm excited for it.

[C]

One time out. You're my guy. Yeah. You're going to the grocery store. A full stop at the grocer for one singular meal every other day.

[B]

At least. Hopefully, if I'm eating healthy.

[C]

How many times a week do you go to the grocery store?

[B]

Well, that would be three and a half.

[D]

I want to be honest with you, Jason. That sounds like nightmare.

[B]

Oh, I love it.

[C]

That's what I love. Dude, you're. You're two steps away. Can I. You are so close.

[B]

I gotta. I gotta say. I gotta come out here. I gotta.

[C]

Hold on.

[B]

I've got to say something.

[C]

That three and a half trips to the.

[B]

I have to say something. What's your story? What's your story? That's what I'm gonna say, man. You.

[C]

Are you a fry?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Are you a sprouts dude?

[B]

I am only one. I'm only one. There's only one place that's acceptable, and I am in Trader Joe's. If I could invest, I would. And they're not a sponsor. Be a sponsor, because I'm telling you, there is no one in the world who loves your store more than me.

[D]

It's going to be a rich man.

[C]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. So we got to work this. It's not. It's not fries.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I love this store, cuz.

[C]

Fries is for every man.

[B]

I would go there every day.

[C]

I'm a fries man. It's not going to be fries Andy. Are you a Fry Andy?

[D]

It's going to be freaking AJ's.

[C]

Andy, where are.

[D]

It's going to be AJ's Fine Foods.

[C]

Are you a. Are you fries? Ashes?

[D]

Sprouts, probably.

[C]

You're a sprouts guy. I'm a fries dude.

[D]

There's no chances.

[C]

I got. No. We got to go around the room.

[D]

AJ's fine.

[C]

Hold on, hold on.

[B]

Josh, Josh, where you think? Grocery store.

[D]

AJ's makes sense.

[B]

I just don't.

[C]

No, no, no, no. Where are you on grocery store?

[B]

Yeah, bro, we haven't gone to the.

[D]

Grocery store in, like a year.

[B]

It's called. It's called. Got a farm outback. Deliver it to your house now.

[D]

Do you.

[B]

Do we got.

[C]

We have a delivery service man. All right, Falcon, you're a delivery service.

[D]

Doordash man.

[C]

We rotate grocery stores quite a bit. So what's in different spots?

[D]

You clipping coupons?

[C]

No, it just depends what we need. Like produce, you know, pasta.

[D]

Right. You're boring, Jason. Go ahead and tell us about AJ's.

[B]

I. I used to love AJ's, man. I used to love it because it's.

[D]

Too far for you. This can't be it.

[B]

No, it's super close. Super close. It's fake good. I'm telling you. AJ's is fake good. I loved it until I started the one that I trust more than anything. And I love it. I would shop there every day, and what's funny is I.

[C]

Beef fries.

[B]

Hated it. Beef fries.

[C]

I go to fries, dude. That's where I go.

[B]

I love sprouts.

[C]

Sprouts.

[B]

I love it more than you could imagine.

[C]

He's a sprouts man.

[B]

I'm a sprouts man. 31.

[C]

I couldn't even tell you where the closest sprouts was.

[B]

Oh, I could tell you where all your closest sprouts are because I go between them all, man.

[D]

Is it the bins?

[B]

It's nothing to do with the bins. It's a matter of.

[D]

Is it the vibe?

[B]

It's the product. They have trustworthy product. It's so good sprouts. It's unbelievable.

[D]

I like shopping at a sprout.

[B]

I love sprouts. I love it like tiff my wife.

[C]

I feel like I have to give you $50 just right now because you're like, it sprouts. Like, that's. Do they. Do they have a cover charge?

[D]

They do.

[C]

They just to walk. They charge per bag.

[B]

If you bag your groceries, it's 10 cents a bag.

[C]

Wait, this isn't. We don't live in California.

[B]

They do it.

[C]

We don't get the California benefits. We don't get.

[B]

That's what it cost them. Their bags are like, you could step in it and do like a. A three legged roof.

[C]

You can get in their bags. You're buying bags. You're not bringing the. Recycle the reusables.

[B]

Nah, I'm not trying for bags. I'm not trying to save the environment here. I'm just trying to get stuff in my body, dude.

[C]

When I go to California, I'm like, they're like, would you like a bag? And I hold my arms up. I'm like, hold on, hold on. No, I would not.

[B]

I could carry it all. No, I'm bagging that up. I'm like, give me, give me two extra bags.

[D]

So when you watch Pluribus.

[B]

I know, dude. Well, when I was watching sprouts all.

[C]

To herself, I was.

[B]

I was like, jealous. I really love sprouts. And when I was a kid, I won't say who it was in my life because they might have.

[C]

But you want me to say no, My family doesn't listen to my show.

[B]

I hated sprouts. It was the, like, it was going.

[C]

In there because it was the hoity toity.

[B]

The hoity toity.

[D]

Healthy.

[B]

Was it really boring?

[C]

Oh, sprouts, healthy. I still judge y'. All.

[B]

Like, I go to the cereal aisle and I'm like, there's no brands here. Where's my cereal?

[D]

It's the only place you can go to get like infinite bags of chocolate covered almonds or something.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

I go to fries. Do you know how much pesticides are all over everything I eat?

[B]

Yes, I do.

[C]

Proudly. Proudly.

[D]

Proudly.

[C]

You think I Watch that crap. No, it gives me superpowers.

[D]

You're allowed to text. You're allowed to tell them to text you like a normal human. By the way, that's the answer to your question. Ollie from the Twitter.

[B]

There was a question.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, that was good life advice. There's a guy at my gym who seems to just live there and always gives unsolicited advice about my form.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I've never asked him. Yes, I've never asked. Not once. What's the best way to shut him down without making my arm day more awkward? I'm just trying to keep the dad bod in check, not competing for Mr. Olympia. So there's a dude that comes over and watches you lift incorrectly there.

[C]

Well, he's.

[D]

Or slightly incorrectly.

[C]

There's. I mean, there's a question. Number one.

[D]

I mean, I would take one set of unsolicited advice from somebody.

[B]

I know exactly what I do. I know exactly.

[D]

You guys don't act like you don't speak English.

[B]

I would go to a different gym the next time. I would never be back in that gym ever again.

[D]

You're Mr. Non Confrontation.

[B]

Yeah. I couldn't.

[D]

You would switch. You'd subscribe to another gym.

[C]

I would.

[B]

And I'd keep my subscription there because I would feel bad, like, that gym didn't do anything wrong.

[C]

No, you. Because you can't cancel gym membership.

[B]

Oh, that's also true. You have to write notarized letter, mail it to.

[C]

No, it feels like come do it.

[D]

In person on your credit check. It feels like Experian would have all your gym memberships that you. Because they're permanent. Yeah, they are permanent.

[B]

I have 24 gym memberships.

[D]

You have 24 from the different periods of your life. Non cancelable.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know.

[D]

Student loans.

[B]

Honestly, government backed. I feel like this is a question that would be coming from me because I wouldn't know. I would not know how to deal with if someone was, like, telling me, hey, you got. You want to keep your elbows straight when you do this. I would be so humiliated. So upset, but embarrassed. I would genuinely probably never come back to this gym.

[C]

No, it.

[B]

What would. What. What is the advice for this?

[C]

Here's the. This is what I'm saying. The question number one. It's very superficial. I admit it.

[B]

Oh, are they strong.

[C]

My guy shows up. My dude is swole. My dude is jack.

[D]

You're taking the advice.

[C]

I am 100% taking that thing.

[B]

Maybe it's just helpful.

[C]

Guy shows up.

[D]

I know the trick.

[C]

Looks like Me. And he's trying to tell me how to lift.

[D]

Well, let's pretend it's that guy.

[C]

What are you doing? Okay, so it's me. Every time you're giving yourself mirror version shows up. Yes, he's moving out. He's a loose in the cage.

[D]

Yes, he's coming up and he's like.

[C]

No, this is how you gotta hit chest. I'll be like, every time, though.

[D]

This is where.

[C]

Every time it's tough because the first simple answer, the first time I can handle, I'll be like, oh, thanks. Thanks, my guy. Thank you. Thank you. And he shows up. He's like, no, you're still doing it wrong.

[D]

Every time they come up to you. Jason, the key to this problem, you invite them to AA with you.

[B]

Oh, okay. Just each time, like, hey, by the way, I have a meeting.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4pm I just.

[D]

Invite them every time.

[B]

Thank you for this advice. Thank him.

[D]

Thank him.

[B]

Thank you. That's great advice. Hey, I.

[D]

But remember we were talking about this last week.

[B]

I've got some advice for you too.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

We have an AA meeting. Like, I'm looking at your nose, and I know. Like, you know? I know.

[C]

Oh, it's a little red.

[B]

Well, he's looking at my little grumpy. Little red. A little grumpy. A little bumpy. So I know, like, you know, you're looking at my arms. You can tell I'm not doing this right. I'm looking at your nose. I'm like, hey, you're not right. So I got a place for you. Help each other out. And you should go to aa. Everybody knows your name, you giant drunken nose jerk.

[C]

But what? Yeah.

[B]

Is that what I would say? Something like that?

[D]

That's what.

[C]

Something like, that's what you would say.

[D]

Make it your own, right? Make it your own. Allison from Patreon. My boyfriend insists that he wants to watch new shows together and asked me to wait for him to watch the newest episode. Okay, this is a great question. All right.

[C]

This is a great question, because I want to know.

[D]

I need advice here.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But without fail, he falls asleep in the first 10 minutes every single time. His expectation is that I turn the show off and consume it the next. Consume the next 10 minutes with him tomorrow night until he nods off again. It's a terrible way to consume television shows. At least me going to bed frustrated every time. What do I do? You are. You are asking this question to somebody who lives this life.

[C]

You're the one who falls asleep.

[D]

It's it's either one. It's been both directions. We are equal opportunity disappointer of the other person in our marriage. All right. Sometimes it's one. I mean it literally.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

There was a period of life about five or six years ago we'd watch out in the living room, and I chose. I made a mistake. I thought I was the kind of guy who could lay sideways and watch.

[C]

A show with a pint of ice cream.

[B]

Shut up.

[D]

I thought I could lay horizontally after the pint of ice cream.

[B]

My guy.

[C]

You didn't learn that in high school. Doing the homework, when you're like. You go from sitting, you go to. You go to lay down. You're gonna lay down with one hand. You're like, bad.

[D]

Horizontal is the end.

[C]

Yes, of course. Because that is the position for sleeping.

[D]

That's what it is.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's almost like really how you sleep.

[C]

If you're practicing to sleep, you're gonna fall asleep.

[B]

Practice how you play, man. Practice.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

So that was all me. I was like, the. I was the first one to do this. But then we started watching shows in our room. Our kids stay up later. We don't have privacy out in the living room because they're always awake now they're older.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So we go to our bedroom. The problem is we don't have, like, an adjustable bed. We just have a normal bed, which means you're in the sleep.

[B]

You're in the place you sleep in a bed.

[D]

You're in the place you sleep with one pillow.

[B]

Let me ask you.

[D]

I tried to get wedges to try to.

[B]

Genuine question. Pause. When you're watching in your bed.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you under the covers?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in the junk.

[B]

Snuggled up.

[D]

It's a problem.

[B]

Snuggled up tight.

[C]

Is the white noise machine on?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We always watch with it.

[B]

Me, I put my sleep mask on, and then we turn the show on. I can't stay through it.

[D]

So I will say this, like, the.

[C]

Way I'm doing everything I can to stay awake.

[D]

Let me give you the audible sound of our bedroom when we're watching a show at night. Here's how it goes. The show's. Imagine the show. Audio is playing. Okay. Right. And then I'll say, you still up? And then there'll be some time that goes by, and she'll go, you awake? And then some time will go by.

[C]

And I'll go, yeah.

[D]

Are you still there?

[B]

Yep.

[D]

So we will check with each other too frequently about. Are you still awake?

[B]

Yeah. You're really enjoying this show.

[D]

Yeah. And then one of us will not.

[C]

Answer, and that will be the end. I think my advice is every show you watch, there is no such thing as a 5050 show and one person wants to watch. What I mean by that is the interest level of the show is never 50, 50.

[B]

There are, there are the rare massive shows like when Game of Thrones was happening.

[C]

Peak never is hyperbolic. Okay? So there. There is the fringe. Outliers is like the Stranger Things.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Game of Thrones. Okay.

[B]

Those as a team. You're waiting and you're looking forward to it. But yeah, you're right.

[C]

Generally speaking, for the most part, if.

[D]

You asking me to watch something or I'm asking you to watch something, shows.

[C]

Are imbalanced and the. The TV stays on until the person of power with the percentage of interest in the show is the one who's like, I can't watch anymore.

[D]

Yep.

[C]

If the person who's at sub 50% is falling asleep, it's fine. Yeah, doze off.

[B]

You can catch up later. When I tell you there's a.

[C]

There's a recap before every show, isn't.

[D]

It weird how we just want other people to have, like. It brings us more enjoyment to have other people have watched us with us.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. We like things in a group.

[D]

Going to a movie by yourself, you don't have anybody to talk about it with.

[C]

It's still rules.

[D]

I'm not saying it doesn't.

[C]

We're an important show.

[D]

Like you ladies and gentlemen out there.

[C]

If you want to go to a movie by yourself, go do it. It rules.

[D]

Life advice question.

[C]

It rules.

[D]

Andy from Peoria, you got a friend. He's chosen to watch a show that's very popular. As slow as possible.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Everybody else in the entire office.

[B]

I put it at half speed.

[D]

Everybody else in the entire office has already seen this show.

[C]

You're saying, is it everyone? Is it everyone?

[D]

It's a pinnacle, super top tier show that everybody watches and wants to talk about. Yes.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[D]

One person, one guy just is stuck.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

On like episode three. But is like, don't tell me what happened.

[B]

You can't talk about it around here. What do you do?

[D]

What do you do in that situation?

[C]

All I'm asking is no spoilers. No, but. But here's the thing. If you are in a room that is literally a building apart, because our office is made up of two buildings. If you're in an office two buildings away and I can hear you cackling and screaming, about the spoilers. Then I'm going to ask you to keep it down.

[D]

What's the true statute of limitations? If it's a top tier show, it's a. It's a center of culture.

[C]

See.

[D]

But what's the time from the finale. But here's to open combo.

[C]

Here's. The thing is. No, this is 100. This is. This is exactly about me. This is a Stranger Things problem.

[B]

Yeah, we've been wanting. I really still want to talk.

[D]

I would love to talk to you about it, Jason, but we've been banned and.

[C]

Free speech. Free speech is. You're protected from the government. I am not the government.

[D]

Feels like it.

[C]

The problem is how they release the crap. Dude. Like this goes back to the binge watch versus just. I just. And you know what? I promise you, if this, If. If the. The final season of Stranger Things was truly a one per week, we'd all.

[D]

Be caught up then.

[C]

No, no, no. I would. I would not be caught up. And I'd be like. And I would go, you know what? That's on me. But when they're like, here's six episodes. And then you're like, oh, well, hold, hold up, hold up, hold up. And then they're like, here's. Here's the second half.

[B]

All right, hypothetically. I'm just gonna make you hypothetical because what you just said was like, if it was once a week, whatever. Let's say they hypothetically released four episodes. And then more than four weeks later, they release only three episodes.

[D]

Right.

[B]

And then more than three weeks later, they release one episode.

[D]

Yeah, hypothetically.

[B]

So it's even slower than what you're asking for.

[C]

Okay, that sound like that's on me.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank you. Because that's exactly what happened. We still can't talk about.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. We're all dying. And by the time we can talk, I'll forget about it.

[C]

Oh, my God. Guys, I figured it out. I will go home. Oh, I'll just go home.

[D]

Oh, that's the end.

[B]

Oh, so that we could talk about it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're saying I'm leaving work for today so that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The grace for you.

[C]

For the greater good of the.

[D]

Not to go home and finish the series.

[B]

No, no. He's got more important things to do.

[C]

Of course not.

[B]

Some nap.

[D]

What a good life advice question. We'll take a break.

[C]

I'm just going to go home. I can go.

[D]

Honestly, it sounds great.

[B]

Sounds great.

[D]

Sounds great to me. We figured it out. That's your life advice.

[C]

See you guys later. Protein is now at Starbucks and it's never tasted so good.

[B]

Try our all new caramel protein lattes with up to 31 grams of protein and options with no added sugar. Level up your drink at Starbucks.

[C]

Revitalize your bathroom with big savings at Lowes. Get up to 40% off select vanities and free delivery during our bath savings event. Plus get up to 40% off select showerheads. No matter what style you're looking for. We've got you covered. Shop for your bathroom refresh at Lowes. We help you save while supplies last selection varies by location.

[D]

And obviously we're talking about the movie Sixth Sense and we're still waiting for Mike to finish that movie so we can talk.

[C]

I've heard something big happens at the end.

[D]

Something big does happen. But we'll give you some time. Let's draft.

[B]

The spitballers draft.

[D]

Today we are drafting the sequels movie sequels that are better than the original movie. And I have got the first pick.

[B]

There's five of them.

[D]

There are more than five of them. Okay.

[C]

I'm still mad about the way that Netflix releases shows look because you wanted.

[D]

In half episodes so you can keep up.

[C]

No dude game. Was there ever a problem with Game of Thrones?

[B]

No.

[C]

Correct.

[D]

Once a week. Hey look, I'm with you on the.

[C]

Week because they have set up.

[D]

I don't want more than once they.

[C]

Have set it up in a manner of. I got to get my crap together. I got. I. You shouldn't have got to get on this.

[D]

You should not have to binge if it is wreck. You should not be. You should not be forced to binge.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

If it is an other. It's a binge burden worldly show. A true pinnacle nationwide experience. Then I would. That's. That is the only time I will agree with you guys. Once a week is better because you get your stuff together and you're going to watch it. Everyone's talking about it on Monday appointment television. If it's just an average show, it's not good enough. Just put it. Put it out there. Let me bench through and get to.

[D]

The next first pick in the sequels. Better than the original draft.

[C]

Oh yeah. There are. There's a 101.

[D]

It's easy. I honestly think there's a bunch of them. I think there's multiple one on ones. I think I know which one you want and I'm going to let you have it.

[C]

Okay. Perfect.

[D]

Is your. Is yours. Three words.

[C]

Do you count the.

[D]

Yes, I do.

[C]

Then yeah.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. I won't go with it. I'll let you pick because, you know, I've kind of been against your series, even though you're right on this one. Mine is going. Mine is going to be Empire Strikes Back.

[C]

Yeah, that's the top a. That's not my one on one, but that's the top tier pick.

[D]

I think it's the true one on one. Empire Strikes Back is a much better.

[C]

Movie than the first Star wars because, guys, we got. We got to tell the truth right now.

[D]

Okay?

[C]

Star wars, aka Star Wars Episode 4. Aka Star Wars. Episode 4, A New Hope. That's a goofy movie. That is a goofy movie.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

That is a goofy movie. Okay, go back and watch it, guys.

[D]

Not as goofy as Phantom Menace, but.

[C]

All right. No, no, no, no, no, no. But go back and I am a massive Star wars guy.

[D]

It's. The original ones are great.

[C]

Star Wars.

[D]

Like, I'm not. I'm not a nerd.

[C]

Of course not. None of us are nerds. Episode. Episode 4. It's the first one. It's goofy. The acting is the stakes. It's a little weird. The plot, the dialogue, it's a little. Everything's just a little bit goofy when you go back and you watch it.

[D]

Empire Strikes Back is. I still love Star wars, my 101. Yes, I know what yours is. Can I guess it?

[C]

I mean, if you guess and you're wrong, then you have given away an answer.

[D]

I think it's going to be the Dark Knight.

[C]

Oh, it is.

[D]

Am I wrong?

[B]

Oh, you are wrong. That's what I thought it was going to be when I. Duh. And three words.

[D]

That's what I thought.

[B]

Great pick.

[D]

So what do you. What do you got as your.

[C]

No, a Dark Knight is on my list.

[D]

I think it's. It's obviously.

[C]

So if it doesn't make it back, I will be.

[D]

You know how much I hate the first Batman.

[C]

Yeah, Batman. Batman Begins. Yeah, yeah. Batman.

[B]

Stop it.

[C]

No, it is. This is the super rare. Where there are, well, technically, lots of sequels. Technically, there's five now. Okay, there's three. I got you the Last Crusade.

[D]

It was. It was on the top of my list.

[B]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

[D]

Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade.

[B]

Okay, hold on. Okay, so I didn't. I didn't know. I did not know that sequels, to me, is the second movie. No, Jason, A sequel is just any.

[D]

Yeah, you can add to your.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy. Is that where you ran into a problem?

[B]

That's clearly where I ran into a problem. I was literally siphoning those out. I thought a sequel was the second movie.

[D]

No, no, you can expand. No, look, the Last Crusade is. It's on the top of my list. And it's. Honestly, when you watch that movie, that movie is a fabulous, wonderful picture. And the other two are actually not that good.

[B]

The.

[D]

They're not that good. When you see Last Crusade and you want.

[C]

You are. You are kind. You are mostly right.

[D]

You want to talk about goofy, you are. That first one is goofy.

[C]

It's. It's. It's 80s. And you know that. The truth is Spielberg movies are goofy. And they're like, I love them.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

There's some I love, like, Goonies. Holy Lord. Distance movie is fantastic. You know what? The movie's goofy. Yes, goofy. There's, like, there are quirks in Spielberg that have not aged well. So, I mean, I think that's the best way to put it because, like, at the time, you know, I mean, in the 80s, I'm just a mere baby boy. But if, like, for the adults who are. That's your first taste of this version of cinema, I bet that was fantastic. But movies and film have progressed, and Spielberg is like, there's. The Spielberg movies are dated for sure. And perhaps it's.

[D]

I think it's part of the style.

[C]

It could be just because, like, he defined an 80s movie looked like this. Yes, everything moves forward, but so it's like.

[D]

It's a trope of sorts.

[C]

Right? Because. Because it was so massive that it then becomes something different, but over time. But Last Crusade is so much better than Ark and Temple.

[D]

So much. They're not even comparable.

[C]

No, I agree.

[D]

The third movie standalone is what defines the entire franchise.

[C]

It's crazy how much better. The third and final official Indiana Jones movie.

[D]

I actually grew up liking Return of the Jedi more than Empire Strikes Back.

[C]

Oh, I didn't know. I did too, because it was more fun because it's Jedi stuff.

[D]

All right.

[C]

Star wars was Jedi.

[D]

I love it. Jason, you are up. I took Empire Strikes Back. Mike took Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. We've given you four to eight minutes here to think about more and other.

[C]

Answers while we're talking.

[D]

We've redefined what a sequel means.

[B]

There are so many answers to this now.

[D]

My.

[B]

My mind is blown. A sequel is just any. Like a sequel.

[C]

I feel like any movie after the first one, any.

[B]

Wow, okay. I thought it had to be that the second was better than.

[C]

Did you know that to have a third movie, you must.

[D]

Here's the definition of a sequel. By the way.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

A published broadcast or recorded work that continues the story or develops the theme of an earlier one.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

So you're good.

[B]

Okay, good.

[C]

We didn't say it must be sequential.

[D]

Yes. Okay. It's not the best. Second movie.

[C]

Yeah. Trap Part two. That is way better than the first one.

[B]

So that's the issue is I. I could think of movies where the third is better than the first, but I can't think of many where the second is better than the first. However, there are. There are a few. And we are throughout one. Well, I'm gonna take that.

[D]

Empire.

[B]

I said that there were five on my list.

[C]

Dark Knight rules. Dark Knight rules, man.

[B]

Dark Knight is.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Absolutely my first pick.

[D]

Incomparable to the first horrible movie. Stop it.

[C]

First movie.

[D]

Batman Begins.

[B]

Christopher Nolan is awful.

[C]

The first movie is not awful.

[B]

It is not.

[C]

It's not as good as the Dark Knight. Correct.

[D]

Katie Holmes. She's.

[C]

She's in the movie.

[B]

Yes, she is.

[D]

You can't push a button on your boots and get the best.

[B]

You can't have one. One moment in a movie that ruins that.

[D]

Incredible. If you can. Yes, you can. You ever see the Indiana Jones movie where the aliens came at the end of the movie?

[C]

No.

[D]

That ruined the entire movie.

[C]

I never seen that movie.

[D]

Very wise.

[C]

Where Andy draws the line on. Batman is maybe the world's greatest detective and utility belt wearer has something that could attract an animal.

[D]

Bro.

[C]

And he's like, yeah, but when it shoots the grapple hook straight in the air and defies the laws of physics and he puts it on. That's fine.

[D]

So are you taking Dark Knight.

[B]

But Dark Knight's done.

[C]

But the bats dude. The Dark Knight. The bank scene.

[D]

You don't know why that movie's.

[C]

I can watch that on loop for legit acting.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Act. That's what.

[C]

No.

[B]

Christian Bale.

[C]

Not bad boots.

[B]

Every part of that movie is incredible.

[D]

It's a great movie.

[C]

You're putting Liam Neeson in a body bag right now.

[D]

He wasn't that good in that movie either. I've got a particular set of skills.

[C]

It was a good turn.

[B]

The second one.

[C]

Did you see it coming?

[D]

Do I need to warm up in the freaking. What is he in a little bat cave?

[C]

No. He's like. No. Were you talking when he's in the prison?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He's got to learn where to fight.

[D]

This is not about Dark Knight. That's a good pick. All right.

[B]

Okay. But respect. The first one was very good. We can all agree. The second movie I'm gonna go with a sequel that is the second as well, because that's how I came in with my list. I want to be true to my OG list.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Please don't take mine.

[B]

I don't know that I will. I doubt it. But this movie is so much better than the first. This movie is so much more famous than the first.

[C]

Crap.

[B]

And our generation. For our generation. This was the first. In my. In my kid mind, I believe it was R rated. This is the first R rated movie you're gonna take ever.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

T2. Terminator 2. Terminator. Judgment Day.

[D]

Terminator 2.

[B]

That movie is Terminator. It is Terminator.

[D]

Terminator. And it's why I' sad I had the first.

[B]

It's the only movie franchise that. I think when you say the name of the franchise, Terminator, you think of only T2.

[C]

I do that for Indiana Jones as well.

[D]

I do as well.

[C]

But I. I'm 100% on your side. Like, Terminator 2 is higher on my list because I was like, maybe it. Maybe it sneaks through.

[B]

Right?

[C]

T2 is unbelievable. It is. It is. It is a. It is a film. Flawlessly film. It's not a movie.

[B]

No, it's a master.

[D]

I'm gonna watch it.

[B]

Did you know your pick? That. The helicopter. You remember the scene where they flew the helicopter? The music in the canal underneath the bridge?

[C]

That's not a helicopter. Are you talking about the semi truck?

[B]

No, no. Different. Different. No, no, no. This is. This is. In this.

[C]

You're not talking about the opening sequence?

[B]

No, I'm not.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

They fly a helicopter at one point.

[C]

No, no, they do, but they're not in the. They're not in the ravine.

[B]

It flies under a bridge. Under a little bridge.

[C]

Does it find her flyer?

[B]

Yes, it does.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

No, CG, it was real. It was.

[D]

They lost 11 pilots.

[B]

They flew the helicopter under.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

We gotta go. We gotta keep practical. Mike. Mike, you've got your second pick.

[C]

All right.

[D]

It's a great pick, Jay. Thanks.

[C]

So I wanted it badly. Most of my top picks have gone. And so we're going to fire it off with this. This one's weird for me. I do have to set it up a little bit. It's weird for me because I think the first one is honestly one of the best movies of all time. And somehow I don't hold up number two like it, just the nostalgia. But it is best.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

It is. It is. It's John Wick too.

[D]

Okay. I wondered if you go John Wick. It seems like Your style.

[C]

Because the, the problem John Wick one is the. All the John Wicks. It's a. I have a weird relationship of like John Wick 1 I feel like is one of. In my top three favorite movies of all time. But John Wick 2 is where you. Number one. I mean, they just, they. They really, really kept it going of all the action, everything. But then the. But they brought in the. The crazy world, the lore, the assassins. You have the every. Like the hotel. It's coins. It's all of like.

[D]

If you told me your favorite movies were John Wick, I would believe you. I feel like you're the one that's defined.

[C]

John. John Wick is in my. It's in my top three. And. But I think John Wick 2 is actually a better movie. So I don't know how that works out, but it just does because. Because of the world building and the lore building of like, it went from a. Just an action movie where like, holy crap, that was what a ride. This is a. This is a world. This is. This is unique.

[D]

What's the newest John Wick, like, universe movie? Ballerina. You saw that with me.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

What did you do? On a De Armas?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's good.

[C]

I haven't seen it yet.

[D]

Yeah, I was. All right. All right. My. My mike has Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade and John Wick two. I have the Empire Strikes Back. I've got two lined up here. Look. Aliens. Yeah, Aliens is a much, much better movie than Aliens.

[C]

Better.

[D]

They just added an S. Yeah. Doubled the production value.

[B]

When you think of Aliens, you think of that. Aliens.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. It's a better movie.

[C]

Jimmy C. It's got two movies in this movie. He does already.

[D]

He does.

[C]

Does James I. Carter, the peach guy.

[D]

I don't think that. I don't think that you're going to end up with Titanic 2 being drafted. Back to the Future 2 is my third pick.

[C]

Oh, see, I didn't listen. I didn't have the stones.

[D]

Back to the Future 2 is a better movie in the Back to Future 1. Is it in the same way that Star Wars 1 and Star Wars I have it on my list. It's more complex. There's more jumping of timelines.

[C]

It's got a hoverboard.

[D]

More. Which rules the hoverboard is. It also has more future.

[B]

It has more future in it.

[D]

You go to the future, but then you still go to the past in that movie for sure.

[B]

But the future is a bigger part of that movie. And that's More fun.

[C]

But that's. That's. That's the joke, man.

[D]

We got to get back to the look.

[B]

Yeah, but like, Back to the future three of the past.

[D]

It's the best of the three by far. I. Back to the future two, it's just more complex with the. With the alternate 1985 timeline.

[B]

It's difficult because of how good Back to the Future one was.

[D]

It's a great movie, but this one's better.

[C]

I think the problem is that the Back to the Future to chase scene, which is identical to the number one, except they were like, what if it's the future and he's on a hoverboard? It's better. And you're like, yeah, that's so much better. Yeah, that scene is better. Yep. But overall, I.

[D]

You also get to go back and he's like, in.

[C]

And then you get. You can start getting, like, weird paradox.

[D]

Yes. He's in the first movie.

[B]

Can we all agree that it's tough that both are better than the third?

[D]

Oh, yeah, We knew. Thank you, Mary Steenburgen, for ruining my life. All right, Mike, you're back on the clock.

[C]

This poor woman. I mean, like, a good. Like, she is like a real actress. She's an acclaimed actor out there, guys.

[D]

And then she's. She's. And then she's in The Back Future 3, she's about to go off the ravine.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. Okay, Jules, Fern, I. There's no way Jason's going to take it, but I have to take it here. I'm going to go with. So the first one was Night of the Living Dead.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Dawn of the Dead. Okay, guys, Much better. Dawn of the Dead. And. And you know what? You want to count both, Fine. Because the remake also rules. But dawn of the Dead, and if you can't remember which one that dawn of the Dead is, what. What's the name of that actor in the. Which one?

[D]

Dawn of the Dead.

[C]

The. The. The lead. The gal. Who am I? Sarah Paulie? Yeah, something like that. Okay. Yeah, she's fantastic.

[D]

Yeah, that's. Oh, four.

[C]

But. But both versions of the imagining of. Because I love zombies. I love zombie movies, and neither living dead. Like, that's the.

[D]

If John Wick fought zombies, that would be your greatest movie of all time.

[C]

That would. Hollywood, Dear Hollywood, Dear Hollywood. John Wick fights zombies.

[B]

You got to do it quick.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

We do not have many years left of John Wick.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

He is rapidly slowing down.

[C]

He is noticeably slower in John Wick 4. Which.

[D]

How old is he?

[C]

He's.

[D]

I just searched for John Wick instead of Keanu Reeves.

[C]

How old is John Wick?

[D]

Keanu Reese is.

[C]

He's got a 60 something.

[B]

50. I'm going.

[C]

I'm going low 60s.

[D]

61.

[C]

Yeah. You know, you're a Keanu Keanu.

[D]

He's going to do the new. The surfing movie. He's going to do that way.

[C]

Point Break.

[D]

I'm just kidding.

[C]

But so. So the idea of zombies and everything that comes into that is just. It's a really fun thought experiment. And then you're like, hey, check this out. You're stuck in a mall. You live in a shopping mall while the apocalypse is going on outside the doors. What does that look like? It is incredible. It's fascinating even. Both versions are amazing. And dawn of the Dead is so much better than Night of the Living Dead. Which Night of the Living Dead. Both versions rule.

[D]

All right, Jason, you were back up. Dark Knight, Terminator 2. Two powerhouse picks to start it off. How are you gonna ruin your draft?

[B]

I'm gonna ruin it with two more powerhouses that are not. Well, I mean, they are sequels. They're not the seconds, the thirds. Oh, I added these while sitting here and thinking about movies I love.

[C]

I think I'm out of thirds. No, no, no, I got one.

[B]

I got two thirds here. The first. I mean. Are you telling me Hulk Hogan is in a movie with Rocky Balboa? Rocky 3 was awesome.

[C]

Rocky 3.

[D]

Go to.

[C]

We're going with Rocky 3.

[B]

Rocky 3 was.

[D]

I mean, I knew he could ruin his draft.

[C]

Did you know that Rocky 2 was. You could have picked it because none of us had done that yet.

[B]

Yes, I did. Rocky 3, I enjoyed more than any of them. Rocky 3, that movie was awesome.

[D]

You didn't see two, did you?

[B]

I saw them all. Which one is Drago?

[C]

That's four.

[B]

Yeah, I think. I think that's later. That would be my next pick. That would be my next pick. Rocky 2 was, like, literally worst.

[D]

Did you see what Papa Josh wrote in the show Doc for that?

[C]

No. What do you say?

[D]

He said Rocky 3. Parentheses, WTF question.

[B]

Dude, this. Okay, so of everybody that's surprised, Josh, you are the. I am the most surprised because I assume you watched all these a lot as a kid. I assume that the three of us, we didn't really remember them well because it came out so long ago.

[D]

That's fair. That's fair.

[B]

Rocky 3 was awesome.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Your second pick.

[B]

Well, now I'm worried. But look, the heart wants what the.

[C]

Heart wants to do what you got.

[B]

The heart wants what the heart wants.

[D]

Scorpion King 2.

[C]

I mean, Scorpion King 1.

[D]

The Mummy, too.

[C]

Did you know there's a new mummy coming out, man?

[D]

Is that Tom Cruise now?

[B]

No, it's.

[C]

It's. No, he's back.

[B]

Frazier Fraser's back. Baby is back. It's gonna be. It's gonna be great.

[C]

I don't know how they're gonna do it.

[D]

It's going to take. All right. I'm not going to go there. Go on.

[C]

Look, he's an older gentleman.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This is a movie franchise. He's a movie franchise that has, I don't know, a dozen movies. And you could take any one of them. What you can't take is the second. Okay, John Woo ruined the second one.

[C]

Oh, we're at Mission Impossible.

[B]

We sure are.

[D]

He ruined the third one.

[C]

No, he was only number two.

[D]

He was number two. Which one had.

[B]

The third is the one I'm taking.

[C]

You think the third had all the doves?

[B]

No, that was the second.

[D]

I was thinking of the dove.

[B]

Slow motions.

[D]

You're taking Mission Impossible.

[B]

You're taking Mission Impossible 3 with one of, if not the best villain performance of all time. Oh, Philip Seymour Hoffman was unbelievable. When he's hanging him out of the airplane, he's like.

[C]

He just was like, this is a bad man. He gave us the meme when the Tom Cruise talking to Hoffman would be. That meme is. That is elite.

[B]

So, yeah, I loved that movie. I think that's the end of the good pick.

[C]

That one's tough because I think later.

[D]

Ones are really good too.

[C]

Man.

[B]

But you can't be the second.

[C]

No, no, of course.

[D]

First one has Emilio Estevez for a second. Right?

[C]

Is he in there somewhere?

[D]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

[C]

Oh, yes, yes, he is. He's on the team. He's the elevator guy.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. That's what I remember, dude.

[C]

Also, if you have not seen the old shit, this is a shout out. This is just for my friends, the MTV Movie Awards. Ben Stiller, Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible to sketch.

[D]

That's funny. It's a great sketch.

[C]

It is a legendary sketch. He says, Ben Stiller's the stuntman.

[D]

It's wonderful.

[C]

If you know it, you know it's wonderful.

[D]

All right, Mike, you have Indiana Jones, John Wick 2, dawn of the Dead, and one more pick.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. All right, we're going to go. No. So Marvel movies get a lot of crap, crap, crap. There's one superhero in particular who I hated. I never liked him. I never. I didn't like him in the comics. I didn't want his action figures. And it's. It took until his third movie until we really caught our stride with the God of thunder.

[B]

Oh, really?

[C]

Thor? Ragnarok is perfection.

[D]

Is that the funny one?

[C]

That's. Well, no, but here's the thing. It's the one that is funny. It's not for. This is not God. What? The God of thunder?

[D]

Love and thunder.

[C]

Love and thunder. Love and thunder.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Love and thunder. They lost control.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

It's like this podcast when. When you're out, Andy. When the person in control is like.

[D]

That'S what you guys become. Love and thunder.

[C]

When the goofballs are in control, love and thunder is what you get.

[D]

My goal is to get it to Ragnarok levels.

[C]

But when you have someone who's like, no, I'm gonna allow some funny, but I'm gonna rein it in. Ragnarok is a perfect movie. And it was like, it's a good movie. Like, that is when I knew is like, Chris Hemsworth is who I need to be. I need to be. I need to be Chris Hemsworth. There's a lot.

[B]

Me, too.

[D]

Yeah. There's a gap.

[B]

There's a gap, though, with a genie in it.

[D]

I thought I said crap, because I thought you were taking this. It's Avengers. Endgame.

[C]

Yeah, that's fine. That's fine.

[D]

You want to know why? Because I don't like superhero movies, and that movie's great.

[B]

I actually.

[D]

There's only a handful of superhero movies that I love.

[B]

I think Infinity War, and that's the.

[D]

Only sequel that I love.

[B]

I liked Infinity War the most, but both were absolutely amazing.

[D]

I actually enjoyed Endgame. That's saying something.

[B]

Yeah. Infinity wars and Endgame is really like one movie.

[C]

They are. And the. The. The hard part. Not. The hard part is not the right word. The. The unfair advantage. Endgame is a decade build up.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Of us going to the movies every summer, watching a.

[D]

Well, you guys did. Yeah.

[C]

Yo, you're darn right. Except for the Thor movies. No, thank you. I was not. I was. I was not into them until Ragnarok. Oh, man. Those first Thor movies are just not good.

[B]

No, the first Thor movie is good.

[D]

It's.

[B]

The second one is not good.

[D]

Second one is bad.

[C]

They'd like.

[B]

The first store movie was very good.

[C]

Like, here's who. Okay. Okay.

[D]

Is that Natalie Portman?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But costume designers who was like, thor. You know what we need to do for Hemsworth? What if we bleached his eyebrows.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What if we made him just almost opaque?

[B]

He wasn't Hemsworth then. He was just some unknown actor and he was Thor. And Thor is blonde. With blonde. I mean, they were just making him look like the lore.

[C]

Yeah, but then Denny showed up.

[B]

Yeah, after he showed up, they're like, denny, here's what I learned.

[C]

And he's got like the buzz cut and he's just jacked. And he's like the most handsome world and handsome guy.

[B]

We learned that once Hemsworth showed up and performed on Thor 1, they were like, we're not making a Thor movie.

[D]

We're making. I learned that Jason has more of an affinity for Hulk Hogan than I originally believed.

[B]

And sprouts.

[D]

Mike, what did you learn? Anything?

[C]

I learned that Jason sprouts. Jason has a stomach that can eat pizza still.

[D]

You lucky dog. Yeah, I wish I was.

[B]

You get a slice right now.

[D]

Thanks for joining us. We'll be back another episode next week.

[B]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out spitballerspod.com.

[A]

Make their hearts skip a beat this Valentine's Day with edible with same day delivery or local pickup, effortless gifting is just a click away. Choose from iconic chocolate dipped strawberries, fresh arrangements or decadent baked treats for your someone Special. [e-mail] or your local store. Hi neighbor. Welcome to Birch Lane, your home for classic furniture and decoration. Make the most of every special moment this spring with new beds and dressers, home reno essentials and more. Our timeless styles are crafted to bring joy for years to come and delivered fast and free so you can celebrate what matters most. It's classic style for joyful living. Shop Birch Lane, a Wayfair specialty [e-mail].