Remote Senses & Worst Songs To Play at a Funeral - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode Title: Remote Senses & Worst Songs To Play at a Funeral - Spit Hits!
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason
Release Date: April 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic mix of clean, witty, and sometimes absurd dad-driven humor from the Spitballers. Andy, Mike, and Jason explore hypothetical “Would You Rather” situations about remote-controlled senses, dive into a spirited game of Baller Dash, and top things off with a hilarious draft of the “Worst Songs to Play at a Funeral.” Sprinkled throughout are memorable quotes, philosophical musings (with a comedic twist), interesting tangents, and some personal life lessons—plus plenty of signature nonsense.

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Key Segments and Insights

Would You Rather: Remote-Controlled Senses

[04:13 – 10:00]

• The Premise: Which sense—eyes, mouth, nose, or ears—would you want to launch and control remotely, drone style?
• Discussion Highlights:
  • Eyes are the consensus pick for their “drone” surveillance and practicality (“You could fire them off like a surveillance drone.”—Jason, 04:44).
  • Mouth has “stealth eating” appeal. Jason jokes about sneak-eating strangers' food at a food court using his detached mouth, while Mike thinks of pranks and tasting all the Cold Stone flavors (09:05).
  • Nose is handy for avoiding bad smells in places like gas station bathrooms or when stuck in a car after a potent dad fart (06:13).
  • Ears open up awkward social territory: “You don’t want to know everybody’s thoughts… ignorance is bliss.”—Mike (07:08).
• Memorable Moment:
  • “If you flew your mouth around, you could spit on people.”—Jason (08:42)

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Would You Rather: Warm Welcome vs. No Cold Shoulder

[09:27 – 17:04]

• Scenario: Would you rather always get a warm welcome or never receive the cold shoulder?
• Discussion:
  • Warm welcomes bring heartfelt social perks, especially when entering a group (“It feels great. And I want to give that to other people.”—Mike, 16:12).
  • Cold shoulders can sting but sometimes offer a helpful social exit ("You saved me from having to do it; now I'm not the jerk, you're the jerk."—Mike, 16:33).
  • The group discusses social maneuvers, “bait and switch” escape techniques at conferences, and the subtle art of slinking away.
• Commitments:
  • Mike pledges to give “two warm welcomes” at the next conference, Andy jokingly bets on “three cold shoulders” (16:48).

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Would You Rather: Magic Kitchen vs. Instant Restaurant Food

[17:04 – 22:58]

• Question: Do you want a magical pantry that's always stocked (with 20% off groceries) or instant delivery of any restaurant meal (for 20% more)?
• Debate Points:
  • Grocery option = cost savings, healthier eating, but requires cooking.
  • Restaurant option = instant gratification, possible bankruptcy, more meals/snacks, weight gain risk.
  • Hybrid thinking: you can still buy groceries or use DoorDash regardless of the wish (19:10).
  • Groan-worthy tangent about fridge design, house architecture, and why front doors should be bigger (21:41).

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Baller Dash Game

[24:53 – 38:29]

• Gameplay: Each host submits humorous or plausible fake answers to obscure trivia—in categories like Definitions, Notable Persons, Acronyms, Movie Plots, and Weird Laws. They must guess the real answer while trying to trick each other.
• Notable Segments/Timestamps:
  • Definition—Sagbutt (25:45):
    • Correct answer: Medieval trombone-like instrument.
    • “Floppy flat booty.”—Mike (25:49)
  • Notable Person—Bob Hafely (27:52):
    • Correct answer: Man who built life-size Jesus from 65,000 toothpicks.
    • “Tupperware was invented by Earl Tupper.”—Andy (29:43)
  • Acronym—AIMR (31:13):
    • Correct answer: Association for the Improvement of the Mississippi River.
  • Movie Plot—Bridge Goes Wild (32:30):
    • Correct answer: Children’s book illustrator gets dream job—misleadingly unrelated title.
    • Mike and Jason’s complex, silly bridge-gone-berserk synopses clued everyone in (35:16).
  • Weird Law—Winnipeg (36:21):
    • Correct answer: Illegal to sell clams or oysters door-to-door.
  • Mike, usually a game master, is outscored by Jason, and Andy’s creative answers earn laughs—“single-use inflatable dartboard” (30:36).
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “I always lose this game!”—Jason (38:29)

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The Spitballers Draft: Worst Songs to Play at a Funeral

[39:46 – 50:27]

• Setup: Each host drafts songs that would be painfully inappropriate, awkward, or hilarious if played at a funeral. The draft is full of dark humor, song puns, and funeral “party” visions.
• Key Picks & Rationale:
  • Mike: “Another One Bites the Dust” (Queen), “Staying Alive” (Bee Gees), “Happy Birthday,” “Electric Slide.”
    • “I don’t think you want to be at a funeral, be like, ‘Boom, boom—Another One Bites the Dust.’” (40:50)
  • Jason: “Highway to Hell” (AC/DC), “If You’re Happy and You Know It,” “Hit the Road Jack” (Ray Charles), “Bye Bye Bye” (NSYNC).
    • “Would it even be legal to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to a dead person?” (43:44)
    • Imagines a “combo funeral/birthday party” and requests “somber hot dog vendors” at his future funeral (45:04).
  • Andy: “Burn Baby Burn (Disco Inferno),” “You Had a Bad Day,” “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” “Bodies” (Drowning Pool).
    • Envisions a funeral-turned-mosh-pit to “Bodies”: “Circle pit around the casket… one last crowd surf for old Frank!” (47:19)
• Honorable Mentions:
  • “Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead,” “Celebration,” “I Just Died in Your Arms,” “Baby Shark,” “Let It Go,” “Running With the Devil,” “Somebody That I Used to Know,” “Forget You.”
• Memorable and Hilarious Tangents:
  • Idea of “funeral snacks” and concession-style vendors.
  • Discussion about the ostensible etiquette of birthday and party songs at funerals.

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Quotes & Colorful Moments

• “If you flew your mouth around, you could have a lot more fun… whisper things in a room. No one’s there.”—Mike (08:47)
• “Andy is bait. He’s wrapped in a nice warm blanket and being taken care of.”—Jason (11:00)
• “You bring a present and attend a funeral, two different cupcakes…”—Jason, on funerals/birthday combos (44:09)
• “Let the bodies hit the floor!”—Andy, drafting “Bodies” for a funeral mosh pit (47:19)

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Lessons & Final Laughs

[50:27 – End]

Each host reflects (satirically, of course):

• Jason: “Earl Tupper founded Tupperware while Brownie Wise pioneered the marketing strategy.”
• Andy: “I learned what a sag butt is.”
• Mike: “I am committed to giving people warm welcomes.”

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:07: Show proper starts, banter
• 04:11: Would You Rather (remote senses)
• 09:27: Would You Rather (social welcomes)
• 17:04: Would You Rather (magic kitchen)
• 24:53: Baller Dash game
• 39:46: Funeral Songs Draft

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In the Spitballers Spirit

Absurd, good-natured, clean fun—this episode relishes in hypothetical nonsense, expert wordplay, and relatable dad comedy. Whether you want to debate if it’s ever okay to take your nose off in a car, laugh at the idea of funeral crowd-surfing, or just gather new reasons not to cold shoulder someone at a conference, this is an episode to keep you smiling.

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For more laughs and clean absurdity, check out the Spitballers every Monday or join the ‘Spitwads’ at spitballerspod.com.

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Summary by Spitballers Podcast Summarizer, 2026

Transcript

[Andy]

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[Jason]

Stop by any of its participating communities

[Andy]

and find select red tag homes at Incredible Pricing. So whether you're buying your first home or looking for an upgrade, you don't want to miss the red tag sales event. Starting this Friday, discover the Dr. Horton Difference. Tap your screen now or visit Dr. Horton.com Dr. Horton America's Builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

[Commercial Voice]

You're more than just one thing.

[Andy]

You're the boss.

[Commercial Voice]

Hey, Google, what time is my meeting with Tim today? The athlete that class wrecks me.

[Mike]

The ringleader.

[Commercial Voice]

And we're good and always their mom. Everyone in the all new Mazda CX5 more to move every side of you. Learn [e-mail] Google is a trademark of Google LLC. Sequences shortened and simulated foreign.

[Mike]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Do dad be bad?

[Andy]

Yes. Yes. Zero. You're giving yourself a zero.

[Mike]

Well, I don't have two of these or it would have been a ten. This is just the second digit of a ten. Mike.

[Jason]

We don't restart shows ever. We never have. We never will. But if we did, we would have.

[Andy]

I gave you the blueprint, Jay. When you screw up, you just go, nope.

[Mike]

That's right. I forgot about the nope. You felt real good on the beginning.

[Jason]

Did you go into a. I mean, like, that was bad.

[Mike]

I'm very tired.

[Jason]

That's in the bottom five.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

All time. But thankfully I have very tepid and afraid.

[Mike]

The nice. The nice thing, though is I have good company with myself in the bottom.

[Andy]

Yeah, the donkeys down there.

[Jason]

This has been a good run for us. Welcome into the Spitballers, episode 316. Is that right? 3 1.

[Andy]

That is 31 6. 31 6.

[Jason]

Would you rather. And we're playing a game today. We're playing Baller dash back on the episode and drafting the worst songs to play at a funeral.

[Mike]

Oh, that's going to be real fun.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

There's some good. There's some good song titles there. The titles alone.

[Jason]

Yeah. I tried to imagine myself sitting in the solemn assembly and hearing these songs. Come on.

[Andy]

Yeah. I wasn't sure which direction you guys would go. Okay, well, if, like the impact of that song. Song tie. Because sometimes just the song title is like, oh, that's really funny. But then if you Play the song. It might not be that funny.

[Mike]

No, I get. I get you. I think I'm more on the song title, but we'll see. There's one that I think is the best.

[Jason]

A lot of people, it's like the

[Mike]

101, but I'm not going to take it with the first pick.

[Jason]

They name their songs after some of the words that they say a lot in the song, and that's kind of the.

[Andy]

Sometimes.

[Jason]

Yeah, not always. Not always. But that's what we're doing today. You can follow us on x @spitballers pod, follow Jason @jason ffl, Mike is at ffhitman, I'm at Andy Holloway. Over on X. We always appreciate it. If you take a moment and if you're on Apple Podcasts, click that follow button. Leave us a review. If you're on Spotify, click that follow button and tell your friends and family about the show. If you'd like them to enjoy their life and if you're indifferent to it, also let them know. The only situation you don't let them know is if you actively despise them in that situation, you probably don't want to tell them about it because it will make them happy. It could make them happy.

[Mike]

Very happy.

[Jason]

So we appreciate everybody that supports us in those ways, and we'll kick it off.

[Mike]

Would you rather.

[Jason]

It looks like. Our first question is from Chuck over on Patreon.

[Andy]

Chuck.

[Jason]

Yep. Chuck.

[Andy]

What's up, Chuck?

[Jason]

Thank you. Which swish of these body parts would you rather have the ability to launch and control remotely like a drone? Your eyes, your mouth. Okay. Your nose or your ears? And I. I like this question. I am. I'm already. My brain is already.

[Andy]

You're noodling.

[Jason]

Yeah. I'm just thinking about, like, obviously the eyes. You could fire them off like a surveillance drone. I barely got that word.

[Andy]

Surveillance.

[Jason]

Surveillance. Say that word. Surveillance. Surveillance.

[Andy]

Are you going.

[Mike]

You're still saying.

[Jason]

I'm adding the, like, spelling of it. Just say it.

[Mike]

Just say it.

[Jason]

Surveillance.

[Mike]

Huh?

[Jason]

Surveillance.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

You were going.

[Andy]

Surveillance.

[Jason]

Yeah, because that's how you spell it, right?

[Andy]

Oh, maybe I don't remember.

[Mike]

We don't know.

[Andy]

That's you. That's all you do.

[Jason]

Your mouth starts with an S. The mouth is funny. If I could go, like, sneak eating food off of people.

[Andy]

Oh, you know what I mean? You're going. I thought you had to be, like,

[Mike]

over here telling secrets.

[Jason]

No, I went, like, straight to. I'm at a food court, and I'm like. I'm, like, grabbing A quick sip of someone's.

[Mike]

I don't understand.

[Game Host/Moderator]

What is the spirit of the question? Because these are all your senses. Which of your sentences, senses would you want to remotely control?

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

So you can feel like you'd have to fly. You'd have to, like, bite it and bring it. Bring it back.

[Jason]

Wait, are you telling me that my thought process was wrong? Al.

[Game Host/Moderator]

No, you say, I think that was correct.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Game Host/Moderator]

And that's how I interpret it.

[Jason]

The nose. I don't need the remote smell much, so that one's out for me.

[Andy]

No, you can get your nose out of here, though.

[Jason]

Ears would be.

[Mike]

Oh, that's fair.

[Andy]

Like, I'm gonna. I'm going into a gas station bathroom

[Mike]

and you could leave my nose in the car.

[Andy]

I'm gonna leave my nose in the car. Exactly.

[Mike]

I'll tell you what, man. We were driving to school the other day, and my kids all. A remote nose, they. They needed it. But something happened to me.

[Andy]

Oh, it was you.

[Mike]

It was me.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

It was one of those. It was one of those farts that was the smallest little thing. You can't leak out a less fart.

[Jason]

But was it just.

[Mike]

I mean.

[Jason]

Yeah, it was hot.

[Mike]

The windows fogged. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face.

[Jason]

They were all angry. Huh?

[Mike]

Oh, it was.

[Jason]

Sounds pretty bad.

[Mike]

It was incredible, man.

[Jason]

And so, yeah, I guess the nose has some practicality. The ears, obviously. I mean, that one is. That one's sneaky. Send those ears into any room, hear what people say.

[Mike]

I don't think you want that. We've had kind of questions about mind reading before on this show. And the more that I've thought deeply, philosophically about this, I think people need their secrets from you. I don't think you want to know everybody's thoughts. I really. I think it will backfire.

[Jason]

Is that because basically everybody's probably said something negative.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

About even their friends.

[Mike]

We're all jerks.

[Jason]

And so if you knew everything, you'd hate yourself. You'd hate. You would hate everybody.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you want let. You know, ignorance is bliss.

[Andy]

But there's still. There's other things. Like, you can get passwords.

[Mike]

Yeah. But you could do that with eyeballs, too.

[Jason]

The problem is the eyeballs. You'd have to, like, learn how to lip read or something. Right. Because your ears isn't coming with you. Like, you can't send the eyeballs into a movie theater to, like, sneakily watch a movie for free because you don't got the Ears.

[Mike]

Oh, interesting. So it's really just gonna do with

[Andy]

this new magical power. I'll go save like 11 bucks. Just gonna sneak these bad boys in the back of the theater. No one's the wiser or into a basketball game.

[Jason]

Sit front row. My eyes just blink.

[Mike]

My.

[Andy]

There's just these two eyeballs hovering courtside, baby.

[Mike]

Yeah, you get the nosebleed. You know what I mean? You. You go all the way to the top of that. Yeah, right.

[Andy]

I'm flying around like the NFL sky cam.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

If you sat. What are you going to do?

[Andy]

You can't stop my eyeballs from flying.

[Mike]

That's dangerous. You know they're chucking up three pointers.

[Jason]

Do they fly?

[Andy]

Bloop.

[Jason]

Do they fly separate or together?

[Mike]

You want them together, otherwise you're going to throw up.

[Andy]

Yeah, you're going to have real bad depth.

[Mike]

You're going to be up in the stands.

[Jason]

Just.

[Mike]

The eyes are the first thing that makes sense to me because it is what we're used to with like a drone. But when I think about the actual application of drone usage, like just getting surveillance, I don't like. I don't really need surveillance a lot. I'm not like scouting out woods and like.

[Jason]

No, but if you flew your mouth around, you could spit on people.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Which I know you like to.

[Mike]

I think you can make some. If you flew your mouth around, you could have a lot more fun. You could go. You know what I mean? I mean, you could just go up behind people. You could scare the tarnation out of people. You could just make people question their sanity or their life. Just whisper things in a room. No one's there.

[Jason]

Yeah, they think that.

[Mike]

Plus you get to taste, you know, go ahead and strangers food. Well, just go to cold stone and I'm going to taste all the flavors. Just fly. Boom, boom, boom. I think I lean. I think I lean mouth. What is Mike giggling about?

[Andy]

Don't worry about me. Oh, no, I'm going. I'm going eyeballs. I think it's the most. Most practical.

[Jason]

I guess I'll go eyeballs. Matthew from the website, would you rather always be given a warm welcome or never be given or never be given the cold shoulder? This seems like. Would you like a good thing or not a bad thing?

[Andy]

Does this even make sense?

[Mike]

People are just tepid, given a warm welcome. Okay, so that's really nice. Or never be given a cold shoulder.

[Jason]

Right. Right.

[Mike]

Well, so that's a good thing. Those two good things.

[Jason]

Okay, I'm with you.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm with you, never being given a cold shoulder means no one's ever rude to you, no one's ever smug, no one ever ignores you when you come in.

[Jason]

How do you.

[Mike]

That's the cold shoulder.

[Jason]

How do you react to a cold shoulder?

[Mike]

I feel bad in my heart.

[Andy]

I got big gulps.

[Mike]

Huh? Yeah. That is. That is.

[Jason]

We've been cold shouldered at events in the past.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah. If you've ever gone to any type of giant gathering, of course you've gotten a cold shoulder.

[Jason]

But I don't think I know how to cold shoulder people properly.

[Mike]

No, you don't. I don't like being around.

[Jason]

My shoulders are warm.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Mike does.

[Andy]

Mine are minor. Just dead.

[Mike]

Yeah. Mike is the ultimate cold shoulder. It's amazing. What's funny is we're kind of like a. We're a gradient, the three of us.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know, and so, like, we go to conferences. We're going to a conference again next

[Andy]

week, you know, for the smoke bomb.

[Mike]

You guys. Fantasy sports. Well, here's the wonderful part about it, is Andy cannot cold shoulder to the point where he's basically. You know, he's not physically hugging them,

[Jason]

but I'm in a conversation with them

[Mike]

all emotionally, making sure whoever comes up to him is getting wrapped in a nice warm blanket and being taken care of. Now, sometimes that stinks because it's like, oh, don't say. Don't say hi to that. Don't. Oh, now we're here. But Mike taught me something, which is you can sneak out of there. Yes, you can. You can.

[Jason]

Absolutely.

[Mike]

I mean, Andy is bait, and he is bait. And then it's just like, oh, I got to go to the bathroom. And then you will see me in two hours.

[Jason]

If you're in a bad conversation, you should invite me over. You should be like, come on over here.

[Mike]

Oh, that's a good idea.

[Jason]

Because by the time you get me over there, I will be saying something, and you could disappear.

[Mike]

I am using that this next week, I promise, dude. I mean, oh, Andy, Andy, come here. You got to check this out.

[Jason]

Mike has done that before. Mike has brought us in. And then you look around and you're like, where did he go?

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, there's different levels.

[Mike]

You can.

[Andy]

You can hit the people like, oh, I'll be right back.

[Mike]

Or you.

[Andy]

You just wait until there's a little bit of a louder moment and you slink Homer Simpson into the bushes and you never return.

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, you just walk off sometimes where everyone's talking and you just turn. You just turn full back and just walk away.

[Jason]

I need a button on my watch that I can push that will make my phone ring. And then I can say it's like the kids.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. Almost had to text my son yesterday to come rescue me from the door. I had a solicitor. Oh, my goodness, this is hard Sales. Solar is the name of that company, I imagine.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Just. Oh, they've been through the sales training sessions, man.

[Jason]

We're not here soliciting. We're just asking some questions.

[Mike]

They know how to respond to everything you say. They'll leave everything with a question that you have to answer. Overcoming objections. Objections. It was just like. I mean, you want to talk cold shoulder? I felt like the biggest jerk. I'm doing the, like, one.

[Jason]

Did you slow door close?

[Andy]

Yeah, that's why you got to do it.

[Mike]

I did the half door open. I did the, like, leaning into the crack of the doorway.

[Andy]

Step one.

[Mike]

Yeah, but you. I mean, 25 minutes later, I'm like, still, dude, this door is half cracked.

[Andy]

That's on you.

[Mike]

No, it's on him. He was so good at just.

[Jason]

Not much information do you have now about the solar plan.

[Mike]

None. I got his. I was. I was very cold shoulder. But there was one point where I was like. I gave him lines like, no, I'm good. I'm not going to sit down and do a whole meeting, so if you want to give me your website or something, it's not going to happen. I literally said, it's not going to happen. Oh, I get that, but blah, blah, blah. And it's like, he's not getting it. He says, I get that, but you're not getting it. And I thought, I need to text Jason and be like, you got to

[Jason]

say, you're a renter.

[Mike]

Come tell me. Oh, I know that's.

[Andy]

No. You need to tell him. Be like, dude, I told you no. And guess what? I am now going to get solar from your competitor. Get off my property.

[Mike]

That does feel like a Mike fantasy football trade maneuver. You know what I mean? He's working with a trade, and it's annoying. And it's like, no, I'm not. I'm holding to my guns here. And it's like, no, you can't come to. And he's like, all right, I'm trading over.

[Jason]

I want solar now from someone else.

[Mike]

Yes, exactly.

[Jason]

It would also be great to just be like, oh, my gosh, I'd love to hear this. I'll be right back. And then close the door. And they can hear the click, click, click. Of the lock.

[Andy]

I've never done that.

[Jason]

You got that?

[Andy]

Incredible.

[Mike]

How long would they stand there because you said you're gonna come back? They should see you leaving. The. Leaving the garage, pulling out, the pulling out of the garage. And you got it. When you do that, you have to peel out. You have to pack up quick. And when you get on the road,

[Jason]

that is the ultimate escape on the nest cam.

[Mike]

You'll never get me alive.

[Jason]

You watch your nest, camp till they leave, come back.

[Andy]

No, that's. You peel out then, but then you get on the nest cam. You're like, I'm gonna be right. I will be right back.

[Jason]

Or just drive a few houses down and park

[Mike]

just a window down, looking at the house.

[Jason]

Oh, man, these are all good plans. But those solar guys, man, they sell

[Andy]

like, get out of here, man.

[Jason]

They're rough. We were talking about the warm welcome and the cold shoulder.

[Mike]

Well, we weren't, but that was the question.

[Jason]

Do I want a warm welcome every time?

[Mike]

It feels good, man. A warm welcome. When someone. When you walk into a room or a place, you want that every day

[Jason]

from Josh or just like once in a while?

[Mike]

No, a warm welcome is not a big deal. Bear hug from Josh. That's not what it is to me. That's. That's an awful morning. No, a warm welcome is to me. How I view it is when I walk.

[Andy]

You all right?

[Mike]

What happened there, Andy?

[Andy]

Wrong pipe.

[Jason]

Borland just has commentary.

[Mike]

All right. A warm welcome to me is like when you go into a place and it's more than one person. Like, you can't get a warm welcome to me on a one on one. I mean, it just. It doesn't mean as much. It's when you're greeted fondly in front of a group. Oh, there he is, my man. He's here. Oh, you know, that sounds good. That sounds nice, dude. It feels great. And I want to give that to other people. I need to do more warm welcomes.

[Jason]

I think that I'm going to go with the warm welcome final answer, because the cold shoulders. If you're giving me the cold shoulder, I don't need you in my life.

[Mike]

100%. Yeah. I think about the conferences where we've gotten cold shoulders in the past.

[Jason]

Mike Peace.

[Mike]

I know. Who's cold shoulder? Me.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's fantastic.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I love the cold shoulder, dude. Thank you.

[Andy]

I don't have to waste my time.

[Mike]

You saved me from having to do it now. I'm not the jerk. You're the jerk. But I didn't want to talk to you. Anyways. It was great.

[Jason]

Okay. Okay. Mike, are you going more welcome?

[Andy]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Mike]

It feels good.

[Jason]

All right, I'm going to commit.

[Mike]

I'm going to commit right here in front of you two gentlemen. This next week when we go to a conference, I'm giving two warm welcomes. Oh. To two people.

[Jason]

To two people that you don't.

[Andy]

I'm making a commitment, too. Three cold shoulders.

[Mike]

Oh, nice. Andy. What can you commit to?

[Jason]

Probably 100. Warm welcome, no cold shoulders.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jason]

I need to not go. All right, let's go to Noah from the website. Would you rather have a magic fridge, freezer, pantry.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

That instantly has whatever groceries you want from whatever store, and you get it all at 20% off grocery store prices?

[Andy]

What is happening?

[Mike]

It's just getting better and better and better.

[Jason]

Or have food from any restaurant in the world instantly appear on a plate at your table, hot and fresh, but you have to pay full price for the food plus a 20% premium. When you say full price for the food, you mean, like, the restaurant price?

[Mike]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

You don't already mean, like, the costs?

[Mike]

No. This is already expensive and then a premium.

[Andy]

Right.

[Mike]

And if you're ordering something nice, you're going to a nice restaurant, you're getting a steak from maple and ash, or, you know, that is. That is expensive plus 20%.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

But I do this right now. I pay a 20% premium to get lukewarm food.

[Mike]

That's true.

[Andy]

From, you know, from wherever. Anywhere.

[Jason]

And this would be hot.

[Andy]

And it takes sometimes 45 minutes. And I think it's probably more than 40.

[Mike]

I see 20% premium, and what I hear is that's a discount. I hear. What a deal. I'm only getting charged a 20% premium for instant delivery.

[Jason]

How do you not take the, like, unlimited food in your fridge, freezer, pantry, though? That is. You never have to grocery shop again.

[Mike]

But you have to cook. Yeah, that's the thing. You have to cook every meal you have to make and find. You want just a sandwich, make it. You know what I mean? But if I want a sandwich, snap my fingers, it's there. It's the one I'm thinking about. It's my favorite sandwich from any restaurant I've ever been to.

[Jason]

But you would potentially bankrupt yourself in

[Andy]

this situation with the 20% premium.

[Jason]

20. No.

[Andy]

Or both.

[Jason]

Just because of the instantaneous, you know, the instant gratification.

[Mike]

I'm eating more meals now. Like, I'm up to, like, eight meals a day. Get it?

[Jason]

Quick. Yes. But I also believe, I just believe you would eat. You would choose that option more often. Right. Neither of these excludes the fact that you could go buy groceries still if you had the second option.

[Mike]

Right.

[Jason]

Or you could still pay for doordash if you had the first option. I'm saying that like, if you knew that you could snap your fingers, you're going to spend more money in just total meals. Eating out 100% of your meals until you're broke are going to probably be snapping your finger and have it right

[Andy]

in front of you.

[Mike]

Yeah, that is definitely true. If I can snap magic food to me, why would I cook good food? So you're probably getting fatter at least cooking. I know. Like, if, you know, I don't have

[Jason]

to cook ice cream. I'd like that in my freezer all the time.

[Mike]

Yeah. But I'm worried about the ingredients. You know what I mean? Like, I can get much better ingredients if I'm cooking it. When you get from a restaurant, you're getting a bunch of, you know, crap food.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Deep fried.

[Jason]

That's what I'm saying. I think I'm going to take the. I'll take the 20% off all the grocery prices and just have that stuff instantly at home.

[Mike]

I'm going to take the 20% off the current fees of my delivery service, which is a 20% premium, and I will snap instant foods.

[Jason]

Detour. Which one are you doing?

[Andy]

The premium. I'm doing the premium.

[Jason]

Is there ever a world, you know how, like sometimes. In fact, I think some companies exist where like instead of charging your battery on your. On an electric car. And I promise this will tie in, the thought was they just swap the battery. Right. You go to a station, they hot swap the batteries.

[Mike]

That was how Tesla first was made.

[Jason]

And there are some, I think there are some companies that do that over in Asia. Is there a world where we'd ever like, just do a quick hot swap of the fridge, like the full fridge. They just show up. They bring you in a full fridge. They pull out your old fridge.

[Andy]

You got to have a big front door.

[Mike]

Yeah. And your fridge has to be at the front door.

[Andy]

Because I know they can do it. These people do it.

[Mike]

I mean the hot swapping batteries, those are things where you drive up on something and it automatically can take it. It's on the outside of the car and then put the new one on. You don't. The delivery service where someone's coming in your house, walking to your kitchen, grabbing the fridge, hauling it out. That Is cool.

[Jason]

We would innovate a little bit.

[Mike]

Yeah. We'd put the fridge at the front

[Jason]

door and if you could do front,

[Mike]

it'd be built into like the exterior wall.

[Andy]

When I had. I had to get a new fridge, the only way they could get it in was they had to completely helicopter dismantle it. They had to take all the doors off and then this thing had to go in at the perfect curvature.

[Jason]

You know, what are we doing with this?

[Andy]

How do we get.

[Jason]

I mean, design.

[Andy]

No, we need bigger doors. Is what we need, like mandatory.

[Jason]

That's the one thing that, like, if you go look at old school houses or old streets or old movie theater or theaters in New York, smaller seats. Everything was for the smaller people. We never fixed our doors. Humongous.

[Andy]

Yeah, I mean, the standard door. Too small.

[Jason]

Too small.

[Mike]

Also front doors with just one door. Was this house built in the 90s? Like, you got to have the. You got to have the two doors. Yeah. Front door should always be the French.

[Andy]

I was imagining a very small hallway and there's two. Almost like an airlock.

[Mike]

No, no, not, not like a double door.

[Jason]

You go through one, then another one. Why?

[Andy]

When did this become a thing?

[Mike]

I'm saying that front doors to the house should always be able to open two doors wide, like French doors, so that you can.

[Andy]

Is that more of a security risk?

[Mike]

I don't think so.

[Jason]

It is, it is more of a security risk. Yeah.

[Andy]

I think it's really. I think it's easier to like kick those.

[Jason]

Yeah, I mean, they have ways to secure it, but you don't have, you know, you don't have a middle because

[Andy]

your bolt, your bolt is not. Yeah, it's not going into.

[Jason]

Yeah, you can kick those down. I've kicked down. I've stolen some stuff.

[Andy]

So many doors.

[Mike]

I've kicked French doors down all the time, man.

[Jason]

We were, we were talking about the freezer. I think we figured that out. All right, we'll take a break. We'll switch gears.

[Andy]

Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Gorton's Seafood. Gorton Seafood isn't new. It's been trusted since 1849. Their over 175 year legacy speaks for itself. When you're choosing dinner, you want to know it's worth it every time. Gorton's delivers uncompromising quality and reliable fresh taste. It's an easy, dependable choice that takes the stress out of mealtime. Gorton's products work for every occasion with a wide variety of products that'll make appetizers like coconut shrimp a breeze. To more creative options like new taco tenders to shake things up effortlessly solve the snack, appetizer or main meal dilemma with one trusted brand. Fish sticks. Come on, people. Fish sticks are delicious. They're fantastic. And Gorton's makes the best ones. My wife loves the fish sandwich as well. It's just. It's great. It's a great product. It's delicious. Visit gortons.com to learn more fish, find a store and get recipe inspiration.

[Mike]

I checked all day first and saved

[Andy]

hundreds on my car insurance.

[Mike]

Really smart. Unfortunately, I didn't check if I took the gas hose out of my car's tank. Ooh, not smart.

[Andy]

And I drove off while still attached

[Mike]

to pump number three.

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check all state first for a quote that could save you hundreds. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

[Mike]

What time is it? Game time.

[Jason]

All right. It is time for some baller dash. We were given five prompts in five different categories. We secretly gave our answers to Alex prior to the show. And now we are going to play some Baller dash where Al is going to read all of our fake answers and the real answer. We're going to try to identify what the real one is and try to trick one another into believing that our answer is the real answer. And if none of that made sense, you'll. You'll catch on quickly.

[Mike]

That was a perfect synopsis.

[Jason]

Okay, good.

[Game Host/Moderator]

That's the first scoring wise. You get two points if you guess the correct answer and one point if an opponent guesses.

[Jason]

You. Beautiful. I never win this. So let's go.

[Game Host/Moderator]

The five categories are definition, notable person, acronym movie plot, and weird laws. We are starting with the definition and your word was Sagbutt.

[Jason]

Spell. Spell that, please.

[Game Host/Moderator]

S, A G, B U T. Sagbut Off.

[Mike]

Floppy flat booty.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

How did you know what I wrote?

[Game Host/Moderator]

Is a sagbut a medieval musical instrument resembling the trombone.

[Jason]

A medieval instrument.

[Game Host/Moderator]

A mythical creature that lurks in the corners of libraries whispering spoilers for books you haven't read yet.

[Mike]

That's a good mythical creature.

[Game Host/Moderator]

A deep ocean creature known for its odd tail and lack of eyes.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Or an old fashioned leather sachet used to hold coins.

[Jason]

Oh, man.

[Andy]

Okay, so the medieval instrument, the spoiler creature.

[Jason]

The spoiler creature, the deep ocean creature

[Andy]

potion and then a coin purse.

[Mike]

The spoiler creature is funny to me because it's mythical, but I can't imagine. I don't know something about, like, a mythical creature being like, also doing something like being a spoiler, which feels like

[Jason]

such a hiding in the corner of a library.

[Mike]

Such like a modern day. He dies at the end. This can't be a mythical creature.

[Andy]

Oh, man. That's a bit like. That needs to be like a full SNL sketch. The mythical creature that spoils things that

[Jason]

hides in the corner. How do we do this on who picks first?

[Andy]

I think we take turns. Okay, so, Andy, you're first.

[Mike]

Oh, nice call.

[Jason]

I'll go. The boring leather satchel is the answer.

[Andy]

I am going to go that too. I'm going. Coin purse.

[Mike]

I'm going to go.

[Andy]

Oh, crap.

[Mike]

Trombone.

[Andy]

Oh, no, it's Jason the coin purse.

[Mike]

I'm the coin purse.

[Andy]

That's such a good answer.

[Mike]

Thank you.

[Game Host/Moderator]

He also got the correcting.

[Mike]

Love on fire.

[Game Host/Moderator]

So that's a hot start for Jason.

[Jason]

Four points.

[Mike]

What? Yeah.

[Game Host/Moderator]

That is correct.

[Andy]

That is impossible.

[Jason]

That's wild.

[Andy]

The game's done.

[Jason]

I made up.

[Andy]

That was fun.

[Jason]

I made up the mythical library creature, though.

[Mike]

It was great. I really enjoyed it. It just didn't make sense to me.

[Jason]

Yeah, it was a little out there, wasn't it?

[Andy]

I respect the answer.

[Jason]

Next.

[Game Host/Moderator]

All right, we're moving on to the notable person.

[Mike]

All right.

[Game Host/Moderator]

His name is Bob Hafely. H A I F L E Y.

[Mike]

Bob.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Hayley, was Bob Hafely a Hollywood stuntman who specializes in getting kicked by horses?

[Jason]

Okay. All right.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Is Bob Hafely renowned for inventing the world's first inflatable dartboard?

[Jason]

Dartboard.

[Mike]

Inflatable dartboard. What is that? Single use.

[Jason]

That's funny.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Was Bob Hafely a California man who used 65,000 toothpicks to build a life size figure of Jesus Christ?

[Andy]

Toothpicks. Okay.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Or was Bob Hafely famous for revolutionizing the kitchen world by creating Tupperware in 1946?

[Mike]

Tupperware. It better not be that one. Man, that's so boring.

[Jason]

I think Tupperware.

[Andy]

I don't know. Did you hear that name, Bob Hayfley?

[Jason]

I thought that was a woman.

[Mike]

The Tupperware creator thought so.

[Jason]

Well, now, but now that sounds good.

[Mike]

Now it better be.

[Andy]

I realized I messed that up pretty bad.

[Mike]

Oh, I can't Google it yet because it could be the answer here, but

[Andy]

I'm looking it up now. Holly, what was the Hollywood

[Game Host/Moderator]

specializes in getting kicked by?

[Andy]

Better be the horse kicks. Dartboard. Toothpicks. Tupperware.

[Jason]

I'm gonna go toothpicks. Oh, wait, I'm not supposed to.

[Mike]

No, you're not picking first. How dare you.

[Andy]

Dartboard. Yeah, I'm going toothpicks.

[Mike]

I'm going toothpicks.

[Jason]

Toothpicks.

[Game Host/Moderator]

All right, all three of you guys got the correct answer.

[Jason]

All right.

[Mike]

There it is. We did good on that. Tupperware.

[Jason]

Who invented Tupperware?

[Mike]

Please be a woman.

[Andy]

Nope.

[Mike]

Earl. Earl Tupper.

[Andy]

Earl Tupper.

[Mike]

Wait. No, it makes complete sense.

[Andy]

Tupperware. Why does it make him a person?

[Mike]

Because his name is Tupper and it's Tupperware.

[Jason]

Makes sense.

[Mike]

It's like silverware.

[Andy]

Plasticware, invented by Bob Silver.

[Mike]

Tupperware.

[Andy]

Yeah, Tupperware was. Is named after a man.

[Jason]

I thought. I thought the person that invented Tupperware invented the Tupperware party.

[Mike]

That had to be a woman. That was made back in the day when women were putting the food away.

[Jason]

I know where you're going.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Oh, we should probably move on also.

[Mike]

No, no, no. We can't move on. I need to figure out because why I believe that I want to know what the answer. The answers on this round, despite us getting them right. They were awesome. Who had the inflatable dartboard?

[Game Host/Moderator]

That was Andy's answer.

[Mike]

Two for two on your creativity here.

[Jason]

Zero points.

[Andy]

Yeah, but I'm giving you the funniest answer point.

[Mike]

Oh, I thought the horse kick was good.

[Andy]

Yeah, but this one's deep. Yeah, it's the single use dartboard. Like, that's so ridiculous.

[Jason]

Earl Tupper invented the container seal

[Andy]

for Tupperware.

[Mike]

I gotta make sure I'm right. But his partner.

[Andy]

Roger, you might want to bail out, forge the plastic. Bail out.

[Mike]

All right.

[Jason]

Yeah, I think we'll bail out for now.

[Game Host/Moderator]

All right, we're going to move on to the acronym. The acronym is aimr.

[Mike]

AI aimer.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Correct. Is aimr. Aerial Infrared Missile Reconnaissance. American Institute for Mustache Mustache Research.

[Jason]

That's so stupid.

[Game Host/Moderator]

American Institute of Medical Researchers. Medical association for the Improvement of the Mississippi River.

[Jason]

That's boring.

[Andy]

I can spell that.

[Jason]

So missile Mustache Medical.

[Andy]

You didn't do it right.

[Mike]

Mine was Mississippi. Oh, so I'm up now.

[Jason]

You're up now?

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm going to go with the Mississippi river project.

[Jason]

Me too.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Andy]

Yeah, I guess I'm the.

[Mike]

Wow. We're going six and. Oh here in two rounds.

[Game Host/Moderator]

And you guys all got the correct answer.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

I mean, when I think where Jason

[Game Host/Moderator]

is maintaining his four point lead.

[Andy]

We have discovered each other's.

[Mike]

Yeah, we can see through all of each other's answers.

[Game Host/Moderator]

We have Jason with eight and Andy and Mike both have four.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Game Host/Moderator]

And we are going on to the movie title the movie is called the Bridge Goes Wild.

[Andy]

The bridge and the bridge.

[Game Host/Moderator]

And you guys need to find the correct synopsis.

[Mike]

Gone wild.

[Jason]

Brownie Wise.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Is it a suspension?

[Andy]

Hold on, hold on. Jeremy.

[Jason]

Brownie Wise was the name of the woman that invented the Tupperware party and was part of the head of that company.

[Andy]

Of the market.

[Jason]

That's what I remember.

[Andy]

Gotcha.

[Jason]

All right, moving on.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

What a name, by the way.

[Andy]

Tupperware.

[Jason]

No, Brownie Wise. Her name was Brownie.

[Mike]

But she was very smart.

[Jason]

Yeah. All right, go on. All right.

[Game Host/Moderator]

The Bridge Goes Wild. Is that A self aware futuristic bridge traps and crushes commuters, sparking chaos. A traffic reporter and a reluctant engineer must outsmart it before disaster strikes.

[Jason]

Say the beginning part of that.

[Mike]

Was that the whole thing?

[Game Host/Moderator]

That was the synopsis I'm going with.

[Andy]

Not that one.

[Mike]

That wouldn't fit on a card.

[Game Host/Moderator]

A self aware futuristic bridge traps and crushes commuters, sparking chaos.

[Jason]

Oh, self aware is the word I was trying to remember.

[Andy]

Self. Aware.

[Game Host/Moderator]

The next answer.

[Mike]

Why you wrote it.

[Game Host/Moderator]

A suspension bridge gains sentience and starts flinging cars into the ocean, demanding toll payments.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Game Host/Moderator]

A woman finally gets her dream job. Dream job? Illustrating. Goodness, I can't talk. Illustrating children's books.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

What?

[Game Host/Moderator]

I will read that again. A woman finally gets her dream job illustrating children's books.

[Mike]

A bridge gone wild is her name.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Bridget.

[Andy]

Oh.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Lastly, a small town farmer's life is turned upside down when a big city businessman moves into town.

[Jason]

I'm not a fan of any of this.

[Mike]

No, I don't like all of them.

[Jason]

Including two include real bridges and one includes a children's book. And one includes a farmer.

[Andy]

Two of them are dangerous bridges that have gone wild. Andy, I think you're up.

[Jason]

I don't think those are. I don't think those are them. I'll go town farmer.

[Andy]

I'm going to go illustrator.

[Mike]

I'm going to go with the illustrator. Two had nothing to do with it. Bridget. Bridget. Writing children's books on a bridge.

[Game Host/Moderator]

The correct answer is the children's books Illustrator. Which Mike and Jason got. Andy guessed Mike's answer.

[Mike]

Yeah, baby.

[Game Host/Moderator]

So Mike walks away with three points there and Jason walks away with two.

[Mike]

And you read my answer wrong. Jeremy. Thanks. What did I read wrong? Yeah, it doesn't matter now. It's over.

[Andy]

You guys had these long. You're like. It was Terminator.

[Jason]

The first two. The first two are ours, right, Jay?

[Mike]

Yes. The first one was so obviously yours because Mike and I both knew it was too long.

[Game Host/Moderator]

You guys have no idea how much? I shortened that for Andy. I was like, dude, it's gotta fit on a card.

[Jason]

What do you mean, a card? Like, I don't know what the game comes from.

[Andy]

If you were playing a game like Baller Dash, it's gotta fit. Snafu.

[Game Host/Moderator]

All right, so we got Jason with 10, Mike with seven.

[Mike]

Hold on. I'm halfway done.

[Andy]

It all started when the Braves was. Sir, sir, calm down, sir.

[Mike]

We know that that's not the answer. You can stop reading. It's been 12 minutes. I know. That's why when he's like, oh, that was the word I was looking for. I'm like, dude, that was yours. We all know it was yours because Mike made fun of it and I made fun of it. It's obviously not the real answer, so it's gotta be yours.

[Andy]

Can we just circle back to that one one more time, please?

[Mike]

I think there's something there. You both said it was wrong, so

[Jason]

I want him to reread it in

[Mike]

case you buy back. They clearly missed out on part of this. Okay. All right.

[Game Host/Moderator]

All right. So we have Jason with 10, Mike with 7, Andy with 4. Moving into the last round.

[Andy]

10 points in Baldash is a lot,

[Game Host/Moderator]

which is weird laws.

[Jason]

Over fast enough.

[Mike]

Weird laws.

[Game Host/Moderator]

In Winnipeg, Manitoba, it is illegal to sell door to door on horseback.

[Andy]

Oh, on horseback.

[Game Host/Moderator]

It is illegal to sell door to door clams or oysters.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Game Host/Moderator]

It is illegal to sell door to door livestock.

[Jason]

That makes sense.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Or it is illegal to sell door to door snow shovels due to price gouging.

[Andy]

I like the. I like the. Due to. So on horseback,

[Game Host/Moderator]

clams or oysters.

[Jason]

This is Manitoba.

[Game Host/Moderator]

It is Manitoba life. Livestock and snow shovels due to price gouging.

[Jason]

I believe Mike is.

[Andy]

I am first. I am gonna go. I'm gonna go with clamps because they have feelings, too.

[Mike]

I was really. I feel like snow shovels might be yours, Mike. I was wanting you to guess that so that I would know it wasn't yours. I'm going to go clams, because then I can't lose.

[Jason]

I'll go livestock.

[Game Host/Moderator]

That was a smart move, Jason. That is the correct answer.

[Mike]

Clams.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Yeah. Clams and oysters was the correct answer.

[Andy]

Dang.

[Mike]

Which means.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Which means Jason wins.

[Mike]

But what was Mike's answer?

[Game Host/Moderator]

Mike's was livestock, which Andy guessed.

[Mike]

So I could have been overtaken there, right?

[Andy]

Yeah. I would have.

[Mike]

Yes, man. Sometimes you play to win the game.

[Andy]

The game. You didn't answer with your heart.

[Mike]

And I won.

[Andy]

Disqualified.

[Mike]

Yes. Thank you.

[Jason]

Five rounds. No one picked any of My answers

[Andy]

once, I think five rounds.

[Jason]

Not even one time.

[Andy]

Got them. All right.

[Mike]

I did. I did not get, I guess the right answer every time.

[Jason]

Should have gone.

[Andy]

Snow shovels should have gone with that bridge that was AI infested.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's a heck of a. I

[Mike]

mean, you want me to read that again?

[Andy]

You like the card?

[Jason]

Check out the movie.

[Andy]

Rolls off the tongue.

[Jason]

It's a 10 hour movie.

[Mike]

It's the elevator.

[Andy]

Put that on the poster.

[Mike]

A quick, quick description. People can read that quick. Two or three minutes.

[Jason]

I told you I always lose this game. All right, taking a break. Get into the draft.

[Mike]

I checked Allstate first and saved hundreds on my car insurance. Really smart. Unfortunately, I didn't check if I took the gas hose out of my car's tank.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Oh, oh.

[Mike]

Not smart.

[Andy]

And I drove off while still attached

[Mike]

to pump number three.

[Commercial Voice]

Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northwick, Illinois.

[Jason]

Mom, can you tell me a story?

[Commercial Voice]

Sure. Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car. Was she brave? She was tired mostly. But she went to Carvana.com and found a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required.

[Mike]

Did you have to fight a dragon?

[Commercial Voice]

Nope. She bought it 100% online from her bed, actually.

[Andy]

Was it scary?

[Commercial Voice]

Honey, it was as unscary as car buying could be.

[Mike]

Did the car have a sunroof?

[Commercial Voice]

It did, actually. Okay, good story. Car buying you'll want to tell stories about. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.

[Mike]

The Spitballers draft.

[Jason]

Oh, I'm losing Baller dash. I'm getting in trouble with Earl Tupper. And here we are. We're drafting the worst songs that you can play at someone's funeral. There is some decorum necessary in the somber funeral atmosphere. And so you might not want to have these in your playlist.

[Mike]

And it could be for different reasons. Like Mike was saying at the beginning, maybe it's the title just seems like something inappropriate. Maybe it's the song itself. Maybe it's the meaning. I think there is one that I can't. I can't even imagine. Like, I can't justify it. But I'm going to kick that down the road because I don't. I don't think you guys will draft. I think it's. We'll see. I'm going to play the game. I'm going to take the one that feels the most home. Run across the board. The title, the song itself. It's Another One Bites the Dust.

[Andy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Mike]

By Queen. I don't think you want to be at a funeral. Be like, boom, boom, ooh, Another One Bites the Dust.

[Andy]

It'd be pretty funny.

[Mike]

You'd like that.

[Jason]

I think in the right kind of.

[Mike]

Would be funny.

[Jason]

I might want to. Well, there's awkward. There's offensive.

[Mike]

Right.

[Jason]

There's just. Yeah, that's a good one. It would have been. Would have been my first pick. Not a good one to play. Likewise. I'm going to go. Highway to Hell by AC no, that

[Mike]

was my number two on my list.

[Jason]

I think highway to Hell would be a problem.

[Andy]

Yeah, mine is along. I'm going along the lines with Andy there. Or I mean, it may be your preferred burial style. It's an upbeat song from. From the disco era. It's called Burn Baby, Burn, Disco Inferno. And then now we all get to dance and I don't know, maybe your ashes, maybe you're burning with the devil. I don't know. Burn with one of those two. And then for my second pick, I'm gonna go. This one's a little bit. The tone fits a funeral. It's a little more somber, a little more down. Believe it was a one hit wonder. Daniel Powder, I guess is the name is.

[Mike]

I have never heard of Daniel Powder.

[Andy]

The song is. You had a bad day.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah. You had a bad day.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. I know that. That's a pretty bad day. You had a final day.

[Andy]

Exactly. No more bad days. That's the good news.

[Jason]

Is it back to me?

[Andy]

Yep.

[Mike]

Unless they're burned, baby burn. You know what I'm saying?

[Jason]

I tried to think outside the box a little bit and so look, anything can come onto the sound system here at the funeral home. So I think a real awkward one would be the. If you're happy and you know it. Clap your hands.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, for sure. Okay, who's singing with me?

[Commercial Voice]

All right.

[Jason]

And why did. I mean, if it's a big enough. It's a big enough funeral. Do you think you get one clap like somebody just like muscle memory. If you're happy and you know, clap your hands.

[Andy]

We got one.

[Jason]

There it is.

[Andy]

You Jason.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

You're the funeral clapper.

[Mike]

Well, what's worse? Someone clapping or no one clapping and then the song is over and everyone's like, oh, this sucks.

[Andy]

Just dies out.

[Mike]

If you're happy and you know, clap your hands.

[Andy]

Hey, if you're.

[Mike]

Oh, it's a funeral. Yeah. Probably shouldn't be Doing this here.

[Game Host/Moderator]

So.

[Mike]

Okay, that was. So that's more similar to what the

[Jason]

ex wife is the one that class.

[Mike]

Yes, that's. That's similar to what? I'm more outside the box, less Billboard top 100, but something that, like, feels like not the place. And that is Happy birthday. If someone celebrates someone's birthday, we're gonna celebrate someone's birthday. I feel like. I don't know, man.

[Jason]

Is that even, like. Is it even legal to sing happy Birthday to a dead person?

[Mike]

Well, I don't think you'd be singing it to the dead person, but, like, let's say it just happens to be my birthday and I'm coming to the funeral, and then everybody wants to sing.

[Andy]

No. What if, to Andy's point, what if you are? Your funeral is on your birthday. Do you sing Happy Birthday?

[Mike]

I want to hear the most somber Happy Birthday.

[Jason]

Anybody ever done a combo funeral birthday party? Like, some ever in the history.

[Mike]

I'm sure that's happened so many people.

[Jason]

You bring a present and you attend a funeral,

[Mike]

do you bring a present?

[Jason]

And there's like, two. Bring a present and there's like, two different cupcakes.

[Mike]

Well, if it's a half birthday, half

[Jason]

funeral, there's like black cupcakes and white cupcakes.

[Andy]

You just got me thinking about it. Like, of all the things that you're like, it's a party, you show up and you're supposed to bring something. Why. But you don't bring anything to a funeral.

[Jason]

Flowers you can bring. Flowers you can bring. Yeah. I don't know what else you bring.

[Mike]

Snacks.

[Jason]

Snacks.

[Andy]

Yeah, man. Well, don't you. Sometimes you do a potluck afterwards, right?

[Mike]

That is what. That is. What I was thinking at first was like, you bring like, you know, everyone brings something for the big potluck afterwards. But then it transitioned in my mind to just like, this is gonna be a long funeral. Man, I need some Doritos.

[Andy]

If I cut some low blood sugar.

[Jason]

If I go down before you guys and you attend my funeral, will you make sure that we have people walking the aisles offering, like, selling stuff.

[Andy]

Oh, like at a stadium?

[Jason]

Yeah, like hot dogs, popcorn.

[Mike]

Is that an official rope? Is that an official request?

[Jason]

Official request.

[Andy]

I will get the.

[Jason]

But they sell them somber style. Like, they're not selling them hot dogs.

[Andy]

I was gonna get you the lemonade guy.

[Jason]

Do you want a hot dog? Yeah, I'm selling them lemonade. Fresh hot dogs. Yeah.

[Mike]

Just died. All right, so I'm.

[Jason]

I'm three day old hot dogs.

[Mike]

I'm back Up, Right.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Well, so I'm going with kind of the opposite of my first one. You know, the first one. Another one bites the dust. Feels inappropriate because someone just bit the dust. But I don't know if that's worse than if you were to sing the opposite at a funeral. And I'm. I'm gonna. The Bee Gees.

[Jason]

Oh.

[Mike]

Stay in the laugh.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Whoops. Should have taken that one out of the rotation. Dj, Staying alive at the funerals. Bad. Kind of like. Whoops.

[Jason]

That would be. That would be especially rough. That would.

[Mike]

If you were at a funeral.

[Andy]

And I mean, like, with my song to. I mean, people crying when disco's playing. It's. It's a bad look.

[Jason]

That's tough. I'm gonna go hit the road. Jack by Ray Charles.

[Andy]

Okay. Don't come back.

[Mike]

He won't.

[Jason]

Mike, you are back on the clock.

[Andy]

All right, so my two final picks. My final two picks. Number one here, we're going to go with the biggest pop star in the world, T. Swift. We're going to go with. We are never ever getting back together.

[Jason]

Yeah, I had that on my list, too.

[Andy]

And what did you do with the cough button over there, man?

[Mike]

Did you miss it? You were like, you missed it. He went. Because I watched his hand. He went to the cough button.

[Andy]

I thought he was, like, rotating it in, like, hold it.

[Jason]

No. It's been the worst episode I've ever had.

[Andy]

I get one more pick.

[Jason]

Ooh.

[Andy]

We're gonna go with Bodies by drowning pool.

[Mike]

Is that. Let the bodies hit.

[Andy]

That is official. Because, I mean, then we can all get in a. In circle mosh. Oh, my gosh. What's up, Denny's?

[Jason]

A funeral mosh.

[Mike]

Casket's in the middle. Yes. Yeah.

[Andy]

Yeah. Now we're.

[Mike]

You Mosh around the casket.

[Andy]

A circle pit around the. Around the casket.

[Mike]

You know, that thing's ending up on the ground.

[Jason]

Someone tossed the casket. Like crowd surfing. Like a crowd surf.

[Mike]

Yeah. And everybody's let their bodies hit the floor.

[Andy]

One last crowd surface for old Frank.

[Jason]

I guarantee you that's happened. Somebody has done that.

[Andy]

Well, I mean, it's Paul Bears. You basically do it.

[Jason]

This is tough. My final pick. My final pick. Bye bye. Bye bye. NSync.

[Andy]

Oh, it is.

[Jason]

Bye bye. Bye. It's tough. There's a handful of other ones here. We'll get to them in the. Yeah, there's honorable mentions.

[Mike]

There's quite a bit. I'm not going to take this one. I'm the last pick, right?

[Andy]

Yeah. You're not going to take what one

[Mike]

I'm not going to take?

[Andy]

Well, you take the one you're going to take and then tell us the ones you're not going to take.

[Mike]

All right. Okay, that's fair.

[Andy]

We'll do it the order we usually go with.

[Mike]

We'll do it your way.

[Andy]

It's the show's way, man.

[Mike]

I'm so close between two. Who I.

[Andy]

Are you going to throw out both names and the one that gets the

[Mike]

better reaction is the one you're going to pick. No, I'm going to. I'm going to go with the Electric Slide. I think that one just feels like. Because when it comes on, everyone knows, like, oh, we're supposed to get up and do the Electric Slide.

[Andy]

The chicken dance.

[Mike]

Yeah, any one of those things.

[Jason]

Fondest day.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's like that comes up and then, you know, the muscle memory of someone's going to get up and be like, oh, wait, we're doing the Electric Slide here.

[Jason]

That's pretty funny.

[Mike]

I didn't have that dad's funeral, the one I didn't take. So my free agent list here. I had Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead. I did.

[Andy]

I have that one, too.

[Mike]

My Humps by the Black Eyed Priest.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

I just thought. My lovely Lydia.

[Andy]

I know the song.

[Mike]

Check it out. It just feels totally inappropriate because it is Celebration from Cool and the Gang.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Let's see, what else? I just died in your arms tonight. Which is.

[Andy]

That's an incredible song.

[Mike]

Yeah. And then my final one was Baby Shark.

[Jason]

Just to be annoying.

[Mike]

Yeah, just to be annoying.

[Jason]

Thank you for telling us the rest of the lyrics.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

What's the next part do?

[Jason]

We had. I had. Thank you. Next. I thought that was Fun by Ariana Grande. Let it go.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

And Pop Goes the Weasel.

[Andy]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Jason]

And maybe the Ghostbuster theme. I don't know.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

How does that next level.

[Mike]

Kind of cool.

[Andy]

I had Running with the Devil from Van Halen.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Final Countdown.

[Mike]

Nice.

[Andy]

You from Europe.

[Mike]

Zero.

[Andy]

Somebody that I used to know by Godier.

[Jason]

I had that, too.

[Andy]

And then last one I had Forget you by CeeLo.

[Jason]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Mike]

What did we learn today?

[Jason]

Earl Tupper.

[Mike]

I know what Andy learned.

[Jason]

Earl Tupper founded Tupperware while Brownie Wise pioneered the marketing strategy.

[Andy]

Very nice. I learned what a sag butt is.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy]

And like when I was.

[Jason]

Wait, what was the right answer for a sag butt?

[Andy]

Medieval looking trombone.

[Game Host/Moderator]

Yeah, that's correct.

[Andy]

Like, play the sag when I was trying to, you know, make notes on it. And my spell check was like, that's not a word. It did not like sag butt.

[Jason]

No, neither do I.

[Mike]

And I learned that I am committed to giving people warm welcomes.

[Andy]

Such a friendly guy.

[Jason]

Mike's got his cold shoulders on lock. Yeah, well, thanks for listening everybody. We will do this again sometime.

[Andy]

Goodbye.

[Mike]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.

[Commercial Voice]

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