Self Cleaning Aliens & Best Juices - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Self Cleaning Aliens & Best Juices – Comedy Podcast"

Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason
Date: March 16, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this laugh-out-loud episode, the Spitballers Crew—Andy, Mike, and Jason—embark on a journey through absurd hypotheticals and lighthearted debates, all while offering their trademark “dad energy” and quick-witted comedy. The major themes include impossible “Would You Rather” scenarios (pickles vs. cheese, language skills abroad, sneeze attacks vs. hiccups), alien encounters (complete with gift-giving to extraterrestrials), and a competitive draft to determine the world’s best juices. The trio’s banter remains family-friendly, ridiculous, and rooted in the relatable chaos of modern dad life.

---

Key Segments & Discussion Points

Scat Openers & Social Media Mishaps

• [01:53 - 02:52]
  The guys riff about their impromptu “scat” intro sounds, debate their social media handle changes, and poke fun at failed attempts to upgrade their podcast’s online brand.

Would You Rather: Absurd & Relatable Dilemmas

1. Dad Fame vs. Husband Fame

• [05:01 - 06:44]
  • Would you rather your kids/friends think you're the best dad or your wife/her friends think you're the best husband?
  • Andy: "Definitely the dad."
    He wants to be “Super Dad” in his kids' friends’ eyes and recounts offer and acceptance of his self-proclaimed title.
  • Jason: “No matter what my kid’s friends say, I’m not cool…because you’re old.”
  • The consensus leans toward being the legendary dad.

2. Speak or Read New Languages Abroad

• [07:57 - 10:41]
  • Andy’s recent trip to Turkey serves as case-in-point for the “read vs. speak” dilemma.
  • Andy: “I feel like reading was actually more important… there were times when I wanted to read something and it didn’t have English.”
  • The group explores traffic terrors in Istanbul, ultimately agreeing reading helps more, especially with signs and menus.

3. Pickles with Every Meal or No Cheese Ever Again

• [10:41 - 17:23]
  • Mike feels personally attacked by this one: “This is just an attack. I am under attack.”
  • Jason: “I'm not getting rid of cheese.”
    They all agree the thought of a cheeseless life (pizza, burgers, nachos) is unbearable, even if it means a lifetime of dill pickle spears.
  • Andy (15:43): “It’s so impossible [to avoid cheese].”
  • Story about Andy “punishing” his son with pickles—who ends up loving them after the ordeal.

4. Sneeze Attacks or Social Hiccups

• [21:10 - 24:44]
  • Choose between five sneezes every time your name is mentioned or 10 minutes of hiccups whenever someone touches you.
  • Mike: “I have had multiple times in my life where I've had like a 30-plus minute bout of the hiccups. It’s the stupidest feeling.”
  • The consensus: Sneezes are annoying but less disruptive than chronic hiccups.

The Situation Room: Life on Camera, Aliens, & Phone Call Fortunes

1. Livestream Your Life for $200,000

• [27:15 - 30:53]
  • 24/7 cameras for three months; no privacy except blurred/muted bathrooms.
  • Andy: “I think I could do this… I think you’d learn a lot about yourself through that process.”
  • The guys admit they’d be on their best behavior for the money, sparking a meta-discussion about human nature and surveillance.

2. Alien Negotiations: Greeter, Gifter, or Speaker

• [31:14 - 35:16]
  • Aliens land and only Andy, Mike, and Jason can represent humanity:
    • Greeting: A debate about the importance of the “power handshake.”
    • Gift: Jason warns Andy not to choose a bidet; Mike proposes the “gift of song”—to group approval.
    • Explainer: Andy tackles humanity in 60 seconds:

    "We've done lots of good, lots of bad, built some pretty cool stuff nobody thought we could… we're best when we're nice to each other, and we invented podcasts." (33:25)

3. The $500,000 Phone Call Challenge

• [35:32 - 38:39]
  • For a year, answer every call (even spam/robocalls), stay on the line three minutes, no explanations allowed.
  • Andy: “I would have so much fun with this… sometimes I’m in a saucy mood and I answer and just play along.”
  • Discuss the pain of constant interruptions—especially during podcast recordings.

4. Rhyming Through Thanksgiving (for $15,000)

• [38:45 - 41:16]
  • Survive a family Thanksgiving only speaking in rhyme or lose $15k.
  • Mike’s solution: Just say nothing. “Have you ever tried to pull that off?… Outrageously low [word count].” (39:39)
  • Andy jokes: “Can’t you just make one rhyme about having lost your voice?”

The Draft: The Best Juices

• [43:31 - 62:00]
  The highly coveted Spitballers Juice Draft!

Drafted Juices Include:

• Orange Juice (“Not the best, but the most popular.”)

• Apple Juice (“Better than orange juice. Fantastic, but so sweet.”)

• Lemonade (“You can drink as an adult, it’s acceptable.”)

• Grape Juice (“Maybe better than the other two... the most ‘kid’ juice.”)

• Pineapple Juice (“Probably the best, but can’t drink in quantity.”)

• Cranberry Juice

• Tart Cherry Juice

• Tomato Juice (“Great for flights, V8 is great, maybe Andy’s most controversial pick.”)

• Grapefruit Juice

• Carrot Juice

• Fruit Punch

• POG (Passionfruit-Orange-Guava) Juice (“Might be the 1.01 for legit juice taste.”)

• Tangents about childhood juice boxes, how juice made them “fat and tired” as adults, and the demise of pear juice (“Big Pear is failing!”).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [05:25] Andy: “Who am I? And they say Super Dad. That's their doing.”
• [06:44] Jason: “They (my kids’ friends) don't actually think it because you're old.”
• [13:59] Andy: “I love tomatoes and pickles. There are disgusting, foul creature versions… if that's where people's opinions are coming from—grow up.”
• [15:43] Andy: “It’s so impossible [to avoid cheese].”
• [18:49] Andy (Pickle Punishment Story): “He had to eat those… And it was so funny because in that moment, he fell in love with pickles.”
• [22:18] Jason: “When I sneeze, it feels like I'm going through a little earthquake.”
• [27:43] Jason: “I'm not getting $200k to be naked on screen.”
• [31:52] Jason: “Bidet? They can self-clean!”
• [33:25] Andy (Explaining Humanity): "We've done lots of good, lots of bad... built some pretty cool stuff nobody thought we could... we're best when we're nice to each other... and we invented podcasts."
• [35:36] Jason: “What terrible thing do we have to do for all this money?”
• [44:07] Andy: “I love juice. I’m a big juice guy. Start the morning off every morning with a juice.”
• [45:12] Andy: “When you drink juices as a kid, you’re fine. When you drink juices as a 40 year old, you're fat.”
• [61:09] Jason: “Pear juice is probably the closest example of what I feel like pineapple juice is…”

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:53: Scat intro and social handle banter.
• 04:50: Begin “Would You Rather.”
• 05:01: Dad fame vs. husband fame.
• 07:57: Speak vs. read language abroad.
• 10:41: Pickles with every meal or no cheese ever again.
• 13:59: On pickles and fast-food tomatoes.
• 15:43: Cooking for someone dairy-free.
• 21:10: Sneezes or hiccups hypothetical.
• 27:12: The Situation Room intro.
• 27:15: Livestream your life for $200k.
• 31:14: Alien encounter scenario.
• 33:25: Andy explains humanity to aliens.
• 35:32: $500,000 answer-every-call challenge.
• 38:45: Rhyming through Thanksgiving for $15k.
• 43:31: Juice Draft begins.
• 45:12: “Fat and tired from juice” revelation.
• 61:09: Pear juice musings and episode wrap.

---

Tone, Language, and Flow

The Spitballers’ tone is lively, quick, and packed with good-natured sarcasm. The podcast thrives on real-life dad relatability, groan-worthy puns, and sharp but playful ribbing. Absurdity is mixed with moments of genuine reflection (like on parenting, allergies, and language barriers). Their chemistry keeps the pace brisk and the laughs constant, and even when musing about the “serious” stakes of losing cheese, they remain grounded in joyful, family-safe chaos.

---

Conclusion

This episode encapsulates why the Spitballers Comedy Podcast is award-winning: it’s a blend of imaginative scenarios, heartfelt stories, and irreverent yet friendly humor. Whether pondering a world run by pickles, navigating an alien summit, or getting passionate about pineapple, the hosts create a space where nonsense, nostalgia, and real dad dilemmas collide for comedy gold.

Favorite Listener Takeaway:
If you can’t be the best dad or the best husband, at least make sure you’re not the guy stuck answering robocalls for a year—or worse, the one with a lifetime ban on cheese. And never, ever underestimate the power of a good juice draft!

Transcript

[Andy]

Aruba loves you. Seriously, like the entire island. You don't believe me? Then visit it and you'll see. The beaches will soothe you with warming love. The water will heal you with cleansing love. The food will fill you with delicious, delicious food love. And the people, well, they offer the warmest love of all. That's a lot of love. Hope you like feeling incredible basically the entire time you you're there. Just be sure to return the favor. So go ahead and meet Aruba and then love Aruba. Plan your trip [e-mail] today's show is

[Mike]

brought to you by our friends at indeed. We know here that hiring someone for a job, it's not just about filling a role. You got to find someone with the right background, the experience. It's a difficult thing to do. And that's what Indeed is here to help you do. Get the right person for that job. Indeed. Sponsor jobs help you match with candidates who can move your business forward. Target candidates by skills, certifications, or location. Join the 3.3 million employers worldwide that use Indeed to connect with quality talent that fits their needs. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. Now with Indeed Sponsored Jobs and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves. And at Indeed.com podcast terms and conditions apply. Hiring do it the right way with Indeed.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

What happens when three buffoons give life

[Andy]

advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason

[Jason]

Scoop.

[Mike]

The doop doop loop.

[Andy]

Bloop, bloop laugh. Sounded like a scat on a toilet.

[Jason]

I. I'm fine with it. It's not. It's not in your upper echelon because it didn't have a flourish. You don't.

[Andy]

You're.

[Jason]

You've set a standard that's higher than us sometimes. Yeah, Jeremy just rated it a 4 out of 10.

[Andy]

Yeah, like, that would have been an 8 for me, if we're being honest.

[Jason]

I liked the beginning. I just. You normally lead to something better.

[Mike]

Sometimes you gotta leave the audience wanting more.

[Jason]

Yes, you did. Welcome to the Spitballers episode 360. Would you rather the Situation Room and a draft on today's episode? Follow us over on X at Spitballers Pod if you want to follow Jason at Jason ffl. Mike is at FF Hitman.

[Andy]

I'm not at Jason FFL anymore.

[Mike]

He's not.

[Andy]

Update These show dogs. I'm at Jason Moore.

[Jason]

Yeah. This show.

[Andy]

Come on. We got producers here or what?

[Producer/Assistant]

That's on me. That's not Andy's fault.

[Andy]

Wow.

[Jason]

He just fell on it before I. That's a new preemptive strike strategy. That was smart.

[Andy]

That was very way of the samurai.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Me at FF Hitman. That's still right at Andy Holloway. And thank you for joining us. Thank you for subscribing to the show, for leaving your reviews. We appreciate you. Episode.

[Mike]

Reminding me to go double check on my handles here.

[Jason]

Yeah. Episode 360. We are five shows.

[Andy]

Mike. Don't do it. If you get at Mike, I'm gonna be so pissed. That won't.

[Mike]

That one won't.

[Jason]

That'll cost him over a million dollars.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

He's not getting Mike.

[Mike]

They. They think their handles are worth a lot of money.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

We tried to upgrade our main footballer show handle. Just like. That'd be nice.

[Jason]

We never did that with spit.

[Mike]

What update?

[Andy]

We never looked to see if footballers

[Jason]

can just be grabbed.

[Mike]

Okay, well, don't tell the people.

[Jason]

I mean, this isn't coming out for a while.

[Mike]

We'll be able to do it right now. Crap.

[Jason]

This is really not for air. Episode 365 shows away from a show for every day of the. Of the year. Do you realize that we've almost got literally one year's worth of shows?

[Mike]

I mean, we are one show for every angle. Or every. If you want to turn like the Earth.

[Andy]

No. 360 degrees.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Oh, I see.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I guess I'm not really.

[Mike]

Geometry joke. It's not too high brow for you?

[Jason]

Kind of missed it.

[Andy]

You know what's funnier to obtuse.

[Jason]

Agreed.

[Andy]

So we're. We're five episodes away from having one for every day.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Nice joke, Mike. You're too obtuse. I mean, that was very cute of you.

[Mike]

Let him fly.

[Andy]

Anyways, so we were five episodes away from having one for every day of the year. But that's also five weeks, assuming no holidays. It's a long time. We. We've been doing this show for way too long.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's what. That was what I was getting at. Let's. Let's keep it going.

[Andy]

Would you rather.

[Jason]

All righty. Would you rather, guys, you ready for this? Mike, are you ready for this? Jason, are you ready for this?

[Andy]

I know I'm not ready.

[Jason]

Bethany from the website, Would you rather your kids and their friends think that you're the best dad on the entire plan or your wife and all her Friends think that you're the best husband in the entire planet.

[Andy]

Definitely the dad.

[Mike]

Hmm.

[Jason]

You want that fame?

[Andy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason]

You were saying you make your kids call you super dad?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Well, no, I don't. I don't always make them.

[Mike]

They just know I've offered up the name.

[Andy]

I've offered up the name and they've accepted. I say, who am I? And they say super dad. That's their doing. I don't say you have to call me super dad.

[Mike]

But what are your superpowers?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Parenting advice, Buying juice boxes, cooking, everything.

[Jason]

So you want. You want to be famous to the. You'd rather be famous to the kids. Friends than your wife's friends?

[Andy]

Yes. Yes, I think that's true.

[Jason]

Yeah. I don't know if I feel that way. Well, I mean, I guess I assume already that no matter what my kids friends say, I'm not cool. Do you know what I mean? Like, it doesn't matter if they call you super dad.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

They don't actually think it because you're old.

[Andy]

That's why it's special.

[Jason]

If you can actually have them think

[Andy]

that it's cool, which is very hard. If you can achieve it, it's special.

[Jason]

I will say, I guess in this situation you actually are thought of and legitimately in the.

[Mike]

In the world that we live in.

[Andy]

I hope so. Where it's all lies.

[Mike]

Like, this is our job.

[Andy]

When

[Mike]

I found that my. While they might, my kids friends don't really care about the show. And I mean, some of them are into fantasy football stuff, but when you point to your YouTube subscriber amount, they

[Jason]

care more about that. Oh, you're like in on.

[Mike]

You suddenly become very cool.

[Andy]

Yeah. So look at this plaque I have from you. Yes. Oh, you are cool.

[Jason]

But you can't really walk around with a shirt with your YouTube subs on. No, because that's not.

[Andy]

I just carry the.

[Mike]

No, but, but when the friends are over, you just like play it on your phone real loud like. Oh, yeah, he totally caught me. I was just checking this new episode that we. We posted on. Oh, what, we're up to 400,000 subs, wouldn't it?

[Jason]

I mean, isn't it embarrassing though if like, if you're.

[Mike]

They have a bigger YouTube channel? Yeah.

[Jason]

It would be friends don't think you're a good husband.

[Andy]

Well, this doesn't imply that the opposite party thinks you're terrible, does it? Was that in the question?

[Mike]

Yeah, you're hearing what we're not saying.

[Producer/Assistant]

You know what?

[Jason]

There may be problems that Come about if your wife's. All her friends think you're the best. So. Yeah, I'm going to go with the kids one.

[Andy]

Yeah, the kids are eating right now. Smooth sailing.

[Jason]

That's smooth sailing. Yep, that's. That Just figured that one out.

[Mike]

Creating a situation for your wife, Joel from Patreon.

[Jason]

When visiting a foreign country, Jason, would you rather be able to speak the native language or read the native language?

[Andy]

Oh, that's legit. So I just went to a foreign country that was not a native English speaking country. So I just experienced this.

[Jason]

Where'd you go?

[Andy]

I went to Turkey and there the English language was okay to get through most of the time. I feel like reading was actually more important. Like, if I'm looking at a menu.

[Jason]

Did you drive yourself there? Like, did you can't drive.

[Mike]

There's an ocean. No, it's still not possible.

[Jason]

Not to get.

[Andy]

No, I did not drive. No, I didn't drive anywhere. I was driven. I mean, I'm not going to go there. Yeah.

[Mike]

And see a lot of the country.

[Jason]

Look, I just.

[Andy]

They're trying to need street signs.

[Jason]

You were Ubering and stuff. I didn't know you're going to call it being driven, but I mean, whatever, man.

[Andy]

Their traffic, Truman, is insane.

[Jason]

The traffic is insane.

[Andy]

I spent my summers in Los Angeles. Oh, man. I kept thinking, Mike and Andy could not handle these drivers. Oh, no freaking chance. You guys would have rather jumped out of the car if there was an opportunity, and there was very rarely an opportunity, but if there was an opportunity to accelerate because there was a little bit of free land in front of this vehicle. Oh, my gosh.

[Jason]

Did they stepped on it?

[Andy]

They stepped on it and there was.

[Mike]

I'm gonna open it up.

[Andy]

He breaks. It was like they saved fractions of a millisecond and they. It was unbelievable. But also too much traffic. Way too much traffic. I mean, it literally made Los Angeles look like Kansas.

[Jason]

Child's play.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So you think that reading would have been more helpful?

[Andy]

I think reading would have been more helpful.

[Jason]

How much? Like, I mean, I've not been to Turkey. I don't even know what you do in Turkey. But how much. How much of it was like both languages? Was there any accommodation?

[Andy]

Almost all of it. Almost all of it.

[Jason]

That's what I was thinking.

[Andy]

Really. There was no struggle. I'm saying, which of the two struggles did I experience more? There were times when I wanted to read something and it didn't have English and I didn't know exactly what it meant. There was almost nobody That I spoke to that couldn't comprehend a little bit.

[Jason]

That was Turkish.

[Andy]

Okay. What did you say?

[Jason]

Something in Turkish.

[Andy]

Oh, you'll have to. He was cursing like a.

[Mike]

You'll have to translate. It's safe for the airwaves.

[Jason]

I will say it is super safe. Sachi.

[Mike]

I'm going bula. Bill Rim speaking would be much, much better.

[Jason]

All right, Nate from Patreon, would you rather every meal and every snack you eat for the rest of your life have to include at least one full dill pickle spear? What? Or never be able to eat anything with cheese on it?

[Mike]

This is just an attack. This is.

[Jason]

I'm.

[Mike]

I am under attack.

[Producer/Assistant]

It was submitted, but I did put it in because I knew you would struggle.

[Jason]

So every meal and every snack you eat for the rest of your life, you have to include. When you say you have to include it, you got to eat it, Right?

[Andy]

Yeah. Eat a deal.

[Jason]

Pickles, beer, or you can never eat anything with cheese on it or in it again, which. Let me tell you, the amount that I.

[Mike]

People that like you two, you enjoy pickles.

[Andy]

I love pickles.

[Mike]

You will just. You will eat like. I was at a. I love pickles. I was at a.

[Producer/Assistant]

But you probably don't love them with ice cream or with a bag of.

[Mike]

Yeah, but you could. You can just throw it back real quick and then get to your.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Where you're going.

[Andy]

Honestly, it's gonna make the ice cream better. Because every time I get an ice cream, I'll be like, let me chow down on this sourdough pickle. And now ice cream.

[Mike]

Like, they sell bags of. My daughter did a musical, and they're. So they have a snack bar.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But there's pickles there, and there's a bag of pickles.

[Jason]

Yeah. They've really started to streamline pickle distribution. You can get those little dill in a bag. They have flavors of them.

[Andy]

They're not good.

[Jason]

They're not that great.

[Andy]

I love pickles.

[Jason]

They're fine, though. They're fine.

[Andy]

And this idea. This concept is preservatives. Wonderful. The concept is wonderful. The execution is terrible. One, they're not good flavors.

[Jason]

Here's the funny thing. You have to put preservatives in those, despite the fact that pickling something is a preservative because you can't put the juice inside the bag. If the bag was filled with juice, it would be actually fine.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

The bag is filled with just a pickle.

[Andy]

The other issue, though, is they cut them so thick, Those little bagged pickles

[Jason]

they're like, they're really not that bad.

[Andy]

No, they're too thick. They're not chips.

[Jason]

Mike, have you considered that now that the snack bar is selling pickles, they got pickles on the go? Pickles are everywhere. Have you considered you're just wrong?

[Andy]

Have you considered that maybe good.

[Jason]

Maybe pickles are delicious?

[Andy]

When's the last time you ate a pickle?

[Jason]

When's the last time you pickled that?

[Mike]

I think it's. It's been a while. I will say I am open that perhaps my opinion is wrong.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Maybe there are bad pickles.

[Mike]

Mike.

[Andy]

I know.

[Mike]

I've heard you guys talk all about it.

[Andy]

Tomatoes and pickles. Tomatoes and pickles are as in you

[Jason]

can have great or bad.

[Andy]

I love tomatoes and pickles. There are disgusting, foul creature versions of tomatoes and pickles. And usually that's it. Pretty much. It's usually ubiquitous at all fast food restaurants. If you go to a fast food place and you get tomatoes and pickles, they're pretty much smushy, nasty, chewy garbage. So if that's where people's opinions are coming from, grow up.

[Jason]

You need cold, fresh, fresh pickles.

[Andy]

Yeah. And tomatoes.

[Mike]

I mean, but for this question, never be able to eat anything with cheese on it. Again.

[Andy]

No pizza.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah. Because pizza's got cheese.

[Mike]

Just like everything. Almost everything I eat, I'm putting cheese on it.

[Andy]

Yeah. So you're going to have a hamburger. Not a cheeseburger, a hamburger.

[Mike]

I can get down on a bacon, but it's better with cheese.

[Jason]

My daughter right now, we're trying out dairy free for her. Like just as of a couple days ago, the doctor's like, let's give this a shot.

[Andy]

Just as a punishment.

[Jason]

Yes, exactly.

[Andy]

It's turning into, you gotta see, you're dairy free this week.

[Jason]

Every day, dude.

[Andy]

That's the ultimate grounding.

[Jason]

Just like you're gluten free.

[Andy]

You're gluten free.

[Mike]

You're dairy free, gluten free, 3.0.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah. Any day you mess up, you gotta restart your week without it.

[Mike]

You got a 2.0.

[Jason]

But every day she gets up and has a bowl of cereal. So that's already messed up. Now she's got to do almond milk. She doesn't love it. It's fine. But then I go to make her a lunch, and her lunch is normally like a turkey and cheese sandwich. Do you know how horrible that sandwich seems the second you take one of the two elements out of the sandwich? A turkey just sitting turkey on bread.

[Andy]

Jeremy's wife is Dairy free. And I love cooking, and we have them over all the time. I respect for her just now. Of course you did. Yeah.

[Jason]

Is this.

[Producer/Assistant]

It's not by choice.

[Mike]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Andy]

This is for.

[Producer/Assistant]

She vomits if she has dairy free.

[Mike]

Oh, that bad. It's not just, like, respect, respect. A few stankers.

[Producer/Assistant]

No. She'll be up all night puking.

[Andy]

No, I, I, I love that.

[Jason]

Is this her whole life?

[Mike]

I've lost respect.

[Producer/Assistant]

It existed her whole life. She didn't discover what it was until we're together.

[Mike]

How long has the vomiting been going on?

[Producer/Assistant]

Since she had a child.

[Andy]

Since she had.

[Mike]

Oh, this was like a physiological. Physiological.

[Producer/Assistant]

Something changed after Michael Scott.

[Jason]

But your kid's fine. Your kids hammering the cheese.

[Producer/Assistant]

Oh, he loves it.

[Andy]

But I will say, man, cheese is good. It's funny because, you know, it's like, okay, well, I like cooking. I cook for the Granthams when they come over. This is a frequent thing. And now for the. This is the last, like, year or two that she's been dairy free now. And I'm always like, oh, I'll just make something dairy free. And I.

[Jason]

It's hard.

[Andy]

It's so impossible. I'm like, oh, no, I'll do a steak. No problem. It's just meat. I'm like, oh, shoot. I based that at the end, I always put the butter and the garlic, and then you baste it. You can't do that.

[Jason]

I bought my. My daughter asked for some chips, so I just bought a bunch of different Pringles, except for the cheese Pringles. Like, the one of them is a cheese Pringle with cheese powder. And then it's like, oh, this is worse than milk in some situations. We looked it up this morning.

[Producer/Assistant]

You would be surprised. Like, hamburger buns. So many hamburger buns have milk in them.

[Jason]

Oh, man, milk and cheese is so good. Like, that's one of those things where I'd be like, I would have to be at the point of vomiting to quit. Like, if you told me I'm gonna be in a decent amount of pain. I mean, Mike does this all the time.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, Mike, Mike.

[Andy]

Mike has. He'll take one for his own team.

[Mike]

I am most certainly lactose intolerant.

[Andy]

Guys.

[Jason]

Mike's Tum Tum is a sensitive boy,

[Andy]

and he does not care.

[Mike]

I have the problems where I'm like, Mac and cheese, I accept.

[Jason]

Yeah. It's so mind over matter. How's that work?

[Mike]

Cost of admission is a knock.

[Jason]

I'm doing the pickle. I'm not getting rid of cheese.

[Andy]

I mean, we are obviously doing that because we enjoy pickles. And I'm not getting rid of. I mean, if I think about. Pizza's gone. Cheeseburgers are ruined.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Mac and cheese.

[Jason]

I'll eat this macadilla.

[Andy]

I'll eat the nachos, lasagnas, everything. Mozzarellas.

[Jason]

Everything good in the world.

[Mike]

A pickle spear is not that big. Right.

[Andy]

The spear.

[Mike]

Because it's the triangle.

[Jason]

I'll tell you right now. You know what's really good?

[Andy]

Yeah, that's right.

[Jason]

A spear of pickle. Like a pickle with cheddar cheese. Sure.

[Andy]

What are you saying?

[Jason]

Unbelievably delicious.

[Andy]

You're saying put cheddar cheese on the pickle?

[Jason]

Absolutely.

[Mike]

Why would you not do that?

[Andy]

I've never thought of it. And it sounds.

[Mike]

Give it a rip. I will rip it.

[Andy]

That sounds disgusting. I will rip it.

[Jason]

A slight. A piece of cheese and a bite of a pickle. Eat them together.

[Andy]

Are you talking like craft singles here?

[Jason]

No, no, no. You want cheddar. It's actually special with cheddar.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

We'll see if the people agree at all. Probably not. All right. Do we have time for another one, Al? Is Mike winning with the Nancy cheese, by the way? Which one are you doing?

[Mike]

No, I'll eat a pickle.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

I wish this happened. In fact, I think you could learn something that you love. This really goes into all of what we just talked about is a real life situation with my son, my youngest, Isaac, years ago. This is a long time ago. This is like five years ago, maybe. Maybe even longer than that. He was very young. Seven years ago, he got. Thank you. Yes. Seven years ago.

[Mike]

Eight.

[Andy]

No, we'll go seven.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

He got in trouble. I don't remember what it was for. He got in big trouble. And we were not going to ground him. We were not. We were. We were kind of running out of punishments for whatever this issue was. And so my punishment for him was he. I was going to forget. Force him to eat pickles. That was his punishment. It was like torture for him. Pickles were.

[Jason]

You were going to go cruel and unusual.

[Andy]

Cruel and unusual.

[Jason]

Definitely unusual.

[Andy]

Some might say abusive. The way that I sat him down and said, you are grounded from everything until you eat these pickles. You're not allowed to leave until I took one pickle out of the fridge.

[Jason]

And this is how you get super dad. This thing right here.

[Andy]

Yeah. Learn.

[Jason]

Just double checking.

[Andy]

Sliced them up, and I put, like, five slices of pickles, said, you have to eat those. And he Ate one. And it was so funny because in that moment, he fell in love with pickles.

[Mike]

True story.

[Andy]

He loves pickles now. He hated them before that, but he showed me with his punishment. Is his favorite punishment of all time because it turned out to be a treat. He's like, oh, these are good.

[Jason]

Do we gotta do this to my.

[Andy]

Then he had me make him more pickles. Like, I think it was, like, really to show me up. It was like, when the punishment was over, it's like, I want more.

[Mike]

Not realize he could have just kept the con go.

[Jason]

Yeah, that would have been the way to do it.

[Mike]

Like, oh, no, dad, whatever you do,

[Andy]

don't punish me with my favorite. Oh, yeah, yeah. That would have been wise. Yeah. So punish Mike with pickles, and then he'll love him. Okay.

[Mike]

I mean, I'm older, you know? Like, I used to hate mustard. I like mustard now. Things have changed. I'm. That's why I'm saying I'm open to be wrong about it. I just have a feeling I will eat because I don't do zucchini either.

[Andy]

Oh, zucchini is disgusting garbage. It's mushy nonsense, and there's no way to redeem it. There is no cooking it or cutting.

[Mike]

Like, I don't like zucchini. I don't like cucumbers, just all of those.

[Andy]

I'm okay with cucumber. But I will say this. I want you to try pickle again in the near future, okay? But do me a favor and ask permission for the pickle from me, because not all pickles are created equal. And I don't want you to try a bad pickle. I don't want you to be like, this is a soggy nasty.

[Mike]

Just. Just get a pickle here.

[Andy]

Okay, then. Then look, Matt's willing to do this. It's got to be the cold stored clawson pickles. Not a sponsor.

[Mike]

The best pickles are these whole pickles or these slices.

[Andy]

Oh, they sell them in all kinds of ways.

[Mike]

But what am I supposed to go

[Andy]

with, like, a spear? I think that's the way. Or the small. I like the small whole ones. Those are my favorite.

[Producer/Assistant]

The little baby dills.

[Andy]

Little baby dills.

[Producer/Assistant]

Yeah, those are good.

[Andy]

I love pickles.

[Mike]

Pete from X does a lot of pickle chow.

[Jason]

Would you rather have a rapid series of five sneezes every single time someone says your name, Jason? Or get the hiccups, Mike, for 10 minutes every time someone touches you, intentionally or unintentionally?

[Andy]

What is this question?

[Jason]

It seems like a Stupid question. For a really sophisticated show like ours,

[Andy]

there's a really big problem in. In marriage here.

[Mike]

There's a.

[Andy]

This, this is.

[Mike]

Would you rather jump off a bridge?

[Andy]

I mean, or just have hiccups or sneezes? I think sneezes are five sneezes last the equivalent of 10 seconds to, you know, a sneeze every two seconds. So I don't have people actually use my name that often. I mean, at the beginning of every show you say follow Jason on.

[Mike]

We would all weaponize.

[Jason]

Everybody.

[Producer/Assistant]

Sneezes are not the same at Jason Moore.

[Andy]

Yeah, no, I know.

[Jason]

Everybody's sneezes are different. Like my. When I sneeze, it feels like I'm going through like a little earthquake. Like, I get a headache.

[Andy]

Really?

[Mike]

Oh, I sneeze big now.

[Jason]

Yeah, big sneeze. Hashtag. You don't know big sneeze Mike, though. But the hiccups thing is a real. Like, he has a hiccup.

[Mike]

I have had multiple times in my life where I've had like a 30 plus minute bout of the hiccups.

[Jason]

This is true.

[Mike]

It. If I can't explain how terrible it is because you're just. It's the stupidest feeling of they hurt. You can't stop them. And you're like, body. What are you doing?

[Jason]

None of the tricks work for you, right?

[Mike]

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

[Jason]

You've been scared.

[Mike]

Oh. To startle it out of you. I mean, that one's a little harder because I can't startle myself.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Is there anything that the little sips

[Andy]

of water is what usually helps me.

[Jason]

Any reason why the hiccups begin?

[Mike]

I have actually where I have found. Oh, crap. That it was something about, like, when I. When I'm coughing.

[Andy]

You can cough yourself the hiccups.

[Mike]

Yeah. Like, it just. Cause it freaks out Mike.

[Jason]

So when you riddled.

[Mike]

No, I'm saying it's not every cough. It's like.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I can't even explain it.

[Jason]

But no, we've seen Mike. We've seen Mike with the hiccups not stopping for 30 minutes.

[Andy]

10 minutes of hiccups is so much longer than you think.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

When you get hiccups and for two minutes you feel like it lasts forever because it's so annoying. And when you have the hiccups, I feel like you can't concentrate on anything else. Your life is over until you rectify the hiccup situation. Because the entire time between hiccups, I'm just like focusing on. I'm going to get rid of this Next one. Yeah, it doesn't happen. It's 10 minutes.

[Mike]

Betrayal of your body for the hiccups. I feel like going that long.

[Jason]

The worst hiccup attacks I've ever had have been related to consuming too much custard. Very specific, very specifically custard. I don't know if it's the eggs that are mixed into custard, but I can remember I went through a phase where I. What's that? Is it Rita's?

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, I went through.

[Jason]

So I was starting to hammer, you know, very small quantities of Rita's.

[Andy]

That's what they call. I was hammering back custard.

[Jason]

That's right. But basically, yeah, I mean, I would get these massive painful. They wouldn't last 30 minutes, thank goodness.

[Andy]

But yeah, my hiccups are very painful and usually libation related.

[Jason]

Sure.

[Andy]

That's the one thing that does happen.

[Jason]

All right, we'll take a break. We'll jump into the situation room.

[Mike]

Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Gorton's Seafood. Gorton's Seafood isn't new. It's been trusted since 1849. Their over 175 year legacy speaks for itself. When you're choosing dinner, you want to know it's worth it every time. Gorton's delivers uncompromising quality and reliable fresh taste. It's an easy, dependable choice that takes the stress out of mealtime. Gorton's products work for every occasion with a wide variety of products that'll make appetizers like coconut shrimp a breeze to more creative options like new taco tenders to shake things up effortlessly. Solve the snack, appetizer or main meal dilemma with one trusted brand. Fish sticks. Come on, people. Fish sticks are delicious. They're fantastic. And Gorton's makes the best ones. My wife loves the fish sandwich as well. It's just, it's great. It's a great product. It's delicious. Visit gortons.com to learn more, find a store and get recipe inspiration.

[Jason]

What's up, spit wads? People keep asking about my 2026 resolutions. And I've got the usual goals, you know, like read. Read a bunch of books, you know, that type of thing. Keep yourself in shape. But I got a new one at the top of my list. It is get comfy. And that is where Bombas comes in. They're bringing serious comfort to all of your everyday go tos. Maybe this is the year you take up running or tennis or in my case, play more pickleball. And I've been Wearing the all new Bombas sport socks. And they are perfect and they are perfectly comfortable. They're sweat wicking and cushioned where you need them most. They keep you comfy and locked in. And they've also got you covered with the comfiest everyday footwear imaginable. Look, I love all of my Bombas products. All of my socks. So comfortable. An actual noticeable difference. And they've got the Sunday slippers. They got all sorts of great stuff. Head over to bombus.com spitballers and use the code spitballers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O m b a s.com spitballers code spitballers at checkout. You're going to love it. All right, we're jumping in.

[Andy]

The situation realm.

[Jason]

All right, guys, it is time for us to do what we do best, which is fix other people's situate situations. Our first one here, Maddie from the website. A streaming company approaches you and offers you $200,000 to let them live stream your entire life 247 for three months.

[Mike]

So Jason's finally getting paid for what

[Jason]

he thinks has already happened.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

You cannot turn the camera. Just normal guys can't turn the cameras off. You can't pause or hide.

[Andy]

Okay?

[Jason]

Your friends, family, boss and co workers all know that it's happening.

[Andy]

Of course they do.

[Jason]

Do you take it? And what's the thing you think you're most dreading people seeing? I have questions.

[Mike]

This is a trap.

[Andy]

Nice try.

[Mike]

Nice rap me.

[Andy]

Nice try. You know, if you're gonna give up 200,000 cause you got a big secret to keep. You're not giving it away with a question about it. It's the body in my basement. I hope they don't fall. Shoot, I said it like. Come on.

[Mike]

My first question you would totally catch

[Jason]

me is the bathroom blurred out in this broadcast. Let me start there.

[Andy]

Well, it does say showering and bathroom cameras off. Hide or pause. So yes.

[Jason]

Wait, it's pause.

[Mike]

No, you cannot.

[Andy]

No, you cannot. So yes, the duties are seen.

[Jason]

I mean, I'm not getting violation. Yeah. I'm not going to take 200 grand to be naked on screen.

[Andy]

Yeah, if I were you, I would

[Producer/Assistant]

agree with while you're actively using the restroom or actively showering.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Producer/Assistant]

So it's like you can't just go in there and hide.

[Jason]

It's like sim blurring.

[Andy]

It's censored.

[Producer/Assistant]

Yeah, yeah, they'll blur it and they'll mute the audio for the toilet time.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Bro, I'm just 247 nude in my house. Then.

[Jason]

Oh, to get blurred out.

[Mike]

Oh, it's just all blurry again.

[Andy]

No one's watching. Get my 200 grand.

[Jason]

Oh, my God.

[Andy]

Walking down the street.

[Mike]

Look, it's a lot of money, but no.

[Andy]

What? 200,000 for three months. I could be good for three months

[Mike]

just showering fully clothed.

[Andy]

It feels like. This question is so silly. This question is like, what's wrong with you?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

How do we see it?

[Mike]

Do you want.

[Jason]

Did you say you're taking it? The 200k?

[Mike]

Did you take this huge money and then tell us your deepest, darkest secrets?

[Andy]

Three months? I. I don't know. I mean, if you're blurred and you're not, like, actually, like the intimate times of your life are.

[Mike]

They're there. Everything, it just.

[Andy]

I mean, the knowledge of it happening would be there, but the visual of it happening would not be there. Right. That's what we're.

[Jason]

People go on Survivor, people go on Big Brother, but that's all.

[Mike]

It gets edited.

[Andy]

But still it gets edited.

[Jason]

Seen by somebody.

[Andy]

Yeah. The cameras are there at all times. I think I could do this. I think I could do three months for $200,000.

[Mike]

It's a long time.

[Jason]

Three months is a while.

[Andy]

Three months is a while.

[Mike]

But, yeah, I'm sure we could all make it.

[Andy]

It's just. What? It's a three month experience. And honestly, I think it would be. I think you'd learn a lot about yourself through that process.

[Jason]

Do you think we would all behave better if we thought someone.

[Andy]

Yes, I was watching 100 treat your

[Producer/Assistant]

wife better, Treat your kids better.

[Andy]

I think everyone. That's why I said I can make it three months. I can be good for three months. Because you'll have to be perfect for three months. You just have to look, you know, you can't have any of your, your bad moments because everybody has bad moments. And you just.

[Jason]

You do.

[Andy]

Yeah, I'm okay. I'm the one that has from time to time bad moments. Yeah.

[Jason]

But I won't ask my wife's friends about me.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I'm the best super husband. Yeah. I think maybe you're right, Al. Maybe people just. Maybe it'd be good. Maybe it'll be like those. Maybe we could do it with like fake cameras anyways and just trick people into the fact that they're being watched and then they'll behave better. Tyson from Patreon. An alien ship. Okay. This is the kind of situation we're better.

[Andy]

This is the real ones. Yeah.

[Jason]

An alien ship lands and the aliens say they Will only communicate with three representatives from Earth. Somehow. Obviously not somehow. Obviously.

[Andy]

What in the world is somehow?

[Jason]

We've been chosen.

[Andy]

Obviously.

[Jason]

One of you must greet them. One of you must give them a gift representing humanity. And one must explain what humans are, who does what and how did the first content go?

[Mike]

Explain what humans are.

[Andy]

Yeah, just tell the story of humanity.

[Jason]

This is pretty. Jason cannot be doing the gift. I don't care which of the other ones he does. He can't do the gift.

[Andy]

No, no, because give him something nice. Give him a bidet.

[Jason]

That's what I'm talking about. That is exactly. Because you're gonna filter. You filter your gifts like you filter your draft picks, things that you like.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, of course.

[Jason]

And you just assume alien species will be exactly in sync with you. I mean, you're not giving the gift.

[Mike]

They have waste.

[Andy]

They've got a poop.

[Mike]

Yeah, you don't know.

[Jason]

They can't self cleaning.

[Andy]

That's true. They could. We should really have evolved that. You know what I mean? Like just some, like real much more clean process of.

[Jason]

Maybe it's the bad food reading. I think if you eat good food, maybe the process is pretty clean.

[Andy]

Yeah. You think Taco Bell requires a bidet?

[Jason]

I think Taco Bell is one of those. Like best if eaten with a bidet nearby.

[Andy]

Okay, so one of us has to give a bay. I think you're the greeter, Jason.

[Jason]

Mike can't be the greeter.

[Mike]

Oh, I cannot.

[Jason]

They would declare war.

[Mike]

Intergalactic war.

[Andy]

No, Mike is out on that one. You're saying I'm out on the gift. Who explains who humans are?

[Mike]

No, don't let me do that.

[Andy]

So that means you're giving the gift. Yeah. So what would you give as.

[Mike]

I will give them the gift of song. Oh, I love it.

[Andy]

That's actually good. You'd write them a song.

[Mike]

Yeah, dude.

[Jason]

So wait.

[Andy]

All right, that's a great gift.

[Jason]

Does that mean I have to explain

[Andy]

to you that's better than a bidet? I think you're explaining humanity.

[Jason]

I'm the one doing.

[Andy]

I know I'm usually the Jason Explains, but I think we should do an Andy Explains. In fact, Al, why don't you hit the button for Jason Explains? But we're gonna do Andy. Jason explains in 60 seconds. Explain humanity. Go.

[Mike]

Oh, gosh.

[Jason]

It's a whole bunch of people living in a society, humans. And we've done lots of good, lots of bad, lots of. We built some pretty cool stuff that nobody thought we could build. We. We've blown up Some stuff we shouldn't have blown up. We're best when we're, like, nice to each other. And knives. No, nice when we're nice to each other.

[Andy]

All right, better.

[Jason]

And we came up with this really cool thing called podcasts that anybody could do at a low barrier of entry. And that's kind of our pinnacle accomplishment in this world. And this one's the best one of all of them.

[Mike]

I mean.

[Andy]

Oh, you did that in 30 seconds.

[Jason]

So.

[Mike]

Yeah, there's other podcasts for the end.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, some do self cleaning, butthole aliens do, but

[Mike]

just, like, explain what humans are.

[Andy]

We're sacks of meat.

[Mike]

Yeah. Like, we're. We're mammals.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I mean, that's a tough one.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I don't care. I just have to greet them. Get a hearty handshake in there.

[Mike]

How are you going in?

[Andy]

Oh, a hearty handshake.

[Mike]

Wait, hold on.

[Jason]

You're not dapping them up.

[Mike]

Yeah, we go and dap. We go in hand.

[Andy]

We're going.

[Mike]

Creed. Going arms wide open for a big hug.

[Andy]

No way. I'm going one hand extended. And I'm going to make sure I win that shake.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

I'm going to have the power shake. My hand will be on top.

[Mike]

First impressions?

[Andy]

Absolutely. I will make sure that this alien is weaker than me.

[Mike]

What if your hand gets just.

[Andy]

Just obliterated?

[Jason]

Just explodes?

[Andy]

Smeared? Then I will know what we're dealing with. That's the upside here. Everybody run. Don't give him the gift of song. He does not deserve it. Give me to a hospital.

[Mike]

Grip strength cannot be trifled with.

[Andy]

They can open every jar of pickles.

[Jason]

All right, we solved that one. Do you have a preference on one of these next two album? I haven't read anything.

[Mike]

I bet they're all give us money to do something.

[Producer/Assistant]

Let's go in the order they're in the doc.

[Jason]

Liam from Patreon. A man approaches you and hands you a phone.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

On the screen is your bank account with an extra 5,000.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

Hey, Bingo.

[Mike]

Go on. What terrible thing do we have to do for all this money?

[Jason]

With an extra $500,000 deposited, okay, he says it's yours to keep. But for the next year, you must answer every single phone call you receive. Every spam call, robocall, every wrong number. You must stay on the line for a minimum of three minutes each time. You're not allowed to explain to anyone else why you're doing this. So if you rudely answer a call in the middle of an important meeting, you can offer no explanation.

[Andy]

This is awesome. I would love.

[Jason]

Wait, so if they hang up.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Producer/Assistant]

If it's a wrong number, you got to somehow keep them on the line for three.

[Jason]

So one hang up ruins the money.

[Andy]

Correct. Oh.

[Jason]

Even if they get bad signal, there's no bad side.

[Producer/Assistant]

There's no. You're not going to lose any money if you fail the challenge. But you might be, you know, six months into it, and there's no way

[Mike]

you're going to make it.

[Jason]

What do you mean you're not going to lose? If you're six months in and that happens, don't they take the money back? Right.

[Producer/Assistant]

I'm saying you're not going to.

[Jason]

That seems like a loss.

[Andy]

I feel like we lost that money.

[Mike]

It was already depoted, so.

[Producer/Assistant]

Well, yeah, you're losing what was given to you, but you're not losing anything from your original.

[Jason]

Oh, no, I'm losing a lot, brother. And it's the. I'm concerned about the calls that the dropouts and the bad. The bad areas.

[Andy]

Okay. That can't be. That can't be part of. Are you saying that if. If.

[Jason]

If you're driving through the mountains, if

[Andy]

both humans, neither one of them ever hang up, but a call is just dropped because technology fails that I lose this test.

[Producer/Assistant]

We can eliminate.

[Andy]

Okay. If that's eliminated, I'm in. I would not.

[Producer/Assistant]

We'll say it fails the challenge if somebody hangs up in the first three minutes.

[Andy]

Now, I will say this. We do several podcast recordings, and that means, you know, look, I screen calls during this time, but I would no longer be able to. We'd have to.

[Jason]

You have to take a call.

[Andy]

I'd have to take every single call.

[Jason]

That would become entertaining, though, because you'd like speakerphone.

[Andy]

I would have so much fun with this every now and then. It's not common. Usually I screen every, you know, incoming spam call or even just a number that I don't have in my phone book. But every now and then, I'm in a saucy mood and I answer and I'm.

[Jason]

We know. We've been watching Truman Show.

[Andy]

Yeah. And. Right. So you've seen.

[Jason]

We've seen your saucy moods, and it's

[Andy]

like, I just like playing along with these people and just like, oh, yeah, is that. Tell me more about your great. You gotta be kidding me. Yeah.

[Jason]

Is there a technique? Like, could you literally just say you think you can get away with, like, starting the conversation being like, oh, hold on one second. I cannot wait to talk to you. Give Me Just a second. And then you could like walk away. I think like two or three minutes.

[Andy]

I think if you do that for the entire time, you will lose one of those.

[Mike]

I think you could buy maybe 30 seconds.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Producer/Assistant]

Keep in mind, Jay, if you do do that, Andy and Mike don't. I did say doo doo. Andy and Mike don't know why you're doing it. You can't offer up that explanation. You're just rudely answering the phone in

[Andy]

the middle of the.

[Jason]

And then we're like in the middle of talking to you, and you answer it and we're like, what the heck?

[Andy]

No, hold on. I have to get this real quick. Sorry, guys.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Boom. Done. Easy. I'll do. I mean, I don't get called. Three minutes, Jay. Yeah, I'll be right back and I'll. I'll unplug, I'll leave the room and.

[Jason]

No, the nice thing is we're not live. I know what you do. You'll be like, I got a poop.

[Andy]

Yeah. Oh, I gotta take a.

[Jason]

Then you're just talking in there. One more Ryland from the website. Your local wizard has come to you with an opt in opportunity.

[Mike]

I bet it's money related.

[Jason]

I bet it is too. You're told that you have to survive an entire three hour Thanksgiving get together with your extended family.

[Andy]

Okay, that's.

[Jason]

But everything you say must rhyme.

[Andy]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

If you break the rhyme at any point, you lose $15,000. Why do you think we're so motivated by money, Al?

[Producer/Assistant]

Yeah, it's not me, it's the people.

[Jason]

If you.

[Producer/Assistant]

This one. You actually lose money out of your account if you accept the challenge and lose, though.

[Jason]

So if you break rhyme, you do the time? Is that what you're saying?

[Producer/Assistant]

You think that's what I'm saying?

[Mike]

You think I can't go to a three hour. He's not going to try my extended family and say zero words. You think I can't do that?

[Jason]

Have you ever tried to pull that off?

[Mike]

I mean, not. I've never challenged myself to zero words,

[Jason]

but what do you think your minimum words per Thanksgiving is? What's your words per Thanksgiving on average, man?

[Mike]

Thanksgiving in particular?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Outrageously low. Wow, there is.

[Jason]

So what do people.

[Andy]

You don't. You do you get with family on Thanksgiving?

[Mike]

No. No, not anymore. I can't believe it, bro. You know what I do. I've told you.

[Andy]

I know. You go to Jack in the box, whatever, but I thought you also have like a get together with family that you attend.

[Mike]

No, I Put the football on. And I watch football all day long.

[Jason]

I thought people came over.

[Mike]

They used to. Yeah, I got rid of that.

[Jason]

Take this podcast. Every time, Mike, we're just learning. Like, so when you were getting together, did people just think, like, what do you think they would have said about you? Like, if you have a cousin that came to the Thanksgiving, you know, we all. We all grew up with different family members, extended family members. Oh, there's my second cousin, my, you know, my great uncle. What? Right when they go home and they go, oh, you see Mike was there.

[Mike]

They go, yeah, he's looking a little puffier. Then I think they just. They wouldn't because you just make yourself invisible.

[Jason]

You don't think they'd be like, he never says anything.

[Mike]

They might say that the puffy guy never says anything.

[Andy]

Can't you just make, like, one rhyme, talking about how you've lost your voice? You know, like, one.

[Mike]

My choice. Yeah, right.

[Andy]

Exactly. And then, boom, done. Everyone explains, we can. We can conquer.

[Mike]

But to not, like, try and skirt the rules is like three hours of rhyme.

[Jason]

I have throat cancer.

[Andy]

Exactly.

[Mike]

No, then. Oh, you don't say. You're going to get all sorts of attention.

[Andy]

No, you just keep repeating that one line for three hours.

[Jason]

I'm sorry.

[Mike]

I can't answer trying to rhyme for three hours.

[Jason]

I'm ravaged with throat cancer.

[Andy]

It would be tough.

[Mike]

What's our. What's our. I am pentameter here. What's the. What's the rhyme scheme?

[Andy]

I just.

[Mike]

Aabb.

[Jason]

Whatever my cancer joke was.

[Andy]

Yeah, we're AABB here. It's. It's. It's one line, then rhyme. See?

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh. I've got enough money here. I've got. From all these situations.

[Andy]

Yeah, you accumulated enough. $500,000 from your phone calls.

[Jason]

Thank you.

[Andy]

$200,000 from people watching you poop.

[Jason]

Right?

[Andy]

You don't need 15 grand.

[Jason]

No, no, you guys got to forget. We should have a spitballers bank account, because if you could add it up, like, if AI could go back through and figure out how much money we've earned, we're way too. You need to up the ante for our Spitballers money.

[Mike]

We are. We are estranged people.

[Jason]

Just add zeros and we'll be motivated. Okay.

[Mike]

We just want to know what. What will you do that you don't want to do for money?

[Jason]

That's really. Because we don't. Al doesn't come up with these people send these things.

[Mike]

Stop. Leave us alone.

[Andy]

We'll do anything.

[Jason]

All right? We'll Take a break. We'll draft.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Justworks helps small businesses support their teams with everything from HR to better benefits. Whether you're hiring, automating payroll, expanding globally, or tackling compliance, JustWorks offers transparent pricing and 24. 7 human support. Hire and manage talent without juggling multiple platforms or hidden fees. And get your team access to premium benefits like health insurance, 401k and commuter perks. Learn [e-mail] they do your human resources right so you can do right by your people. Just works for your people.

[Ad Voice 2]

Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet hamster? I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires, I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet nibbles after his untimely end.

[Andy]

This is very strange, Angie. The one you trust. Define the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home [e-mail]. THE Spitballers Draft.

[Jason]

Well, guys, we are. We finally got to this draft. We've been dying to do this forever. The best juices.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah. I'm taking steroids. No, that's not what we're talking about. What? My list is ruined.

[Jason]

We're talking about juices that which feels like them.

[Mike]

Someone calling steroids juicy orange juice is like. That's even funnier.

[Andy]

I love juice. I'm a big juice guy. Start the morning off every morning with a juice. Juices. Yeah.

[Jason]

When you were a kid, I felt like. I mean, my house growing up, I don't know if I ever drank water now. My parents did not comprehend the sugar content I was consuming. But because of that and because of whatever marketing big juice did, I mean, I had apple juice constantly. I drank squeezes apple juice, that type of stuff. Squeezes apple juice. Juice boxes. Some sugary drink at all times. Grape juice. I mean, white grape juice.

[Andy]

Whoa, whoa. Don't ruin the list. Let's not give away trade secrets on Tuesday.

[Jason]

Okay, so in that. In that situation. Mike. Yeah. You're first. I just feel like we all graduate from juices and then all of a sudden juices are weird to get right.

[Andy]

Juices are much more like.

[Jason]

They're less delicious.

[Andy]

No, they're great. But we under. Here's what happens when you drink juices. As a kid, you're fine. When you drink juices as a 40 year old, you're fat. So tired and metabolizing like it just. It's not good for you.

[Mike]

No.

[Jason]

And then they figured that out. It's not good for kids either, but. So you got a low sugar Versions of stuff. Yeah, but Mike, you get the first pick. I honestly, I hate being at number three. I feel like there are two.

[Andy]

Yeah, there's two.

[Mike]

There's two big.

[Jason]

There's two big ones. But I don't.

[Andy]

I don't know if you want to even go with that or you just want to go with your favorite.

[Mike]

I'm taking the one.

[Andy]

Yeah, I tried. I wanted orange juice.

[Jason]

I really.

[Mike]

I will take orange juice.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It's not the best juice.

[Andy]

No. But it's the most popular juice. What were you saying?

[Jason]

35 to 40% of all juice sales is orange juice.

[Mike]

I mean, I would say orange juice is probably the second best.

[Jason]

That one makes sense because that's the one juice. Whereas in an adult, it is normal and acceptable.

[Mike]

Yeah, you can have orange juice for breakfast.

[Jason]

For breakfast. That's normal. It's like if you go someplace, even if you go through a drive through, they'll be like, what do you want? You want the orange juice? It comes with orange juice. You got to switch it out.

[Mike]

Do you want immediate heartburn?

[Jason]

Right.

[Andy]

This is where we've talked about.

[Jason]

Have I told this story about my dad before?

[Mike]

My dad, the amount of cheese he consumes.

[Jason]

No. He gets up in the middle of the night and has a glass of orange juice and goes back to bed. Like I'm talking. You wake up at 2am you're like, I'm kind of bebopping around the house. Walks out to the kitchen, pours himself a tall glass of oj. Drinks the entire glass of oj. Ah, time for bed.

[Mike]

And then goes into the chair. Because you can't possibly.

[Jason]

It's fine.

[Mike]

You can't lay down after a glass of orange juice.

[Jason]

I can't. My 70 year old dad can.

[Andy]

How.

[Mike]

How strong is his valve?

[Jason]

I don't. Yeah, he's got a strong valve.

[Mike]

Like mine is just corroded. Barely hanging on.

[Andy]

Maybe the valve that doesn't let me burp also keeps me safe from these things. Like it's. Nothing's coming up.

[Mike]

You never reflux?

[Andy]

Not really, no. I can drink orange juice, no problem. Do you ever afford it, though? You go to McDonald's now and you're like, these prices. No, really. If you're like, you get it. You get a, like a breakfast meal, but then you're like, change to orange juice. It's like five bucks.

[Mike]

The way that fast food is now with number one. I mean, I. Whatever, McDonald's this. Are you gonna be ordering with the app?

[Andy]

Oh, I know.

[Mike]

Shut up.

[Jason]

Oh, that's.

[Mike]

I Don't want to talk about the app.

[Jason]

It's not a person either. It's a robot that does.

[Mike]

No, but. And then.

[Andy]

Which is even worse.

[Mike]

But then I found out that my wife has been using the app and saving so much money.

[Jason]

Oh, really?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

Oh, give me the tips.

[Mike]

It's just you, the app, the app. You get coupons and then you automatically just save money.

[Jason]

So you say yes.

[Mike]

Yeah. And then you give. When you're at the drive thru, you just, you give your code and then it. That's how they sink it. So it's not that the tech is bad, it's just annoying of.

[Andy]

Dude, every.

[Mike]

I'm super old man right now, but everything needing an individualized app, I'm just. You're over it. I am. I went to sign up my kids on a football team and they're like, hey, we're running a.

[Jason]

We're doing, you know, one of the 5,000.

[Mike]

We're doing a fundraiser. Well, yeah. First off, I was like, hey, we communicate on Team Snap. We also use Slack. We also share all the video on Huddle. And they're like, hey, we're going to do a fundraiser. And I'm like, okay, fine, I'll go sign up for your fundraiser.

[Jason]

Better.

[Andy]

You got to get the app.

[Mike]

No, No, I don't. Man, I'm so over having 50,000 accounts.

[Jason]

I think you have some things to talk about at Thanksgiving, Mike. That's what I just figured out.

[Mike]

Oh, Orange juice, the number one pick.

[Jason]

Jason, you are up next.

[Andy]

Number two, I mean, I'm obviously going apple juice because it is the number one of the juices as far as most delicious, best juice. Like, it's better than orange juice. Apple juice is fantastic. The problem is it is so sweet. And I think, I think really, if apple juice had vitamin C, they could have big marketing, which it does not. Like. Orange juice, when you think of orange juice has sales because of this vitamin C. Like, oh, yeah, this is healthy, man. Neither one is healthy even remotely healthy. Orange juice and apple juice, it might.

[Jason]

There's gotta be something 34 times the vitamin C of apple juice.

[Mike]

There's gotta be something good in a smaller amount of orange juice.

[Jason]

Absolutely.

[Andy]

I disagree.

[Mike]

I think that you're getting a lot of vitamins.

[Jason]

Absolutely. I mean, if you go take an orange off the tree.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

This is the thing. This is the advantage of orange juice to a degree. Right. You can go take an orange off the tree and then you can make juice out of it. You don't have to add sugar. You Just drink it.

[Andy]

If you're literally juicing an orange, sure. Let me. Let me tell you the big box that's in the last. Or sugared up, let's say 10,000 times you've drank orange juice. How many of those were from a orange you got off a tree?

[Mike]

And juice.

[Jason]

I mean, I don't drink a lot of orange juice because of the heartburn problem.

[Andy]

But my point is the orange juice that is consumed is just.

[Jason]

Yeah. I don't. This is why I don't like being the number three pick.

[Andy]

Yeah. Because orange juice and apple juice are the best.

[Jason]

And then. So I'm going to go lemonade.

[Mike]

That was lemonade.

[Jason]

I'm going to go lemonade.

[Mike]

Lemonade is easily the 102. Apple juice with lemonade on the board.

[Jason]

Yeah, lemonade is lemon. I mean, we call it apple juice when you take apples and sugar and add it. But we call it lemonade when you take lemons and sugar.

[Andy]

And lemon juice is like just the stuff that scars you. And.

[Jason]

Yeah. We're not drinking. Yeah, sugar's involved.

[Mike]

Lemonade is. And you can drink lemonade as a grownup. It's not a problem.

[Andy]

We don't sell lemonade is more acceptable.

[Jason]

We don't sell orange juice on the corner. We don't sell apple juice on the corner.

[Andy]

We don't have orange juice stands.

[Jason]

No. So lemonade is the one. And then this is where it goes really sideways, because I don't. I feel like there's other options here. I'm just gonna go with the one that I think is delicious, that I think is very good for breakfast, instead of orange juice that I think is. It can be good for you. Not necessarily the way that Ocean Spray would have you use it, but I'm going to go cranberry juice.

[Andy]

Yay.

[Mike]

You're going with the bog fruit.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

Going with cranberry juice.

[Andy]

I was worried because, look, when we. When we do this, there's 12 things that will be selected, and we're going to. We're going to get to a place

[Mike]

here where cranberry is very high up the list.

[Andy]

Cranberry is very high up the list. It's a common juice. I hate cranberry juice. Really disgusting.

[Jason]

Have you just not really had the right wine? You don't like the one?

[Andy]

You're saying I haven't had enough sugar in mine?

[Jason]

Yes, probably.

[Andy]

Oh, fresh. Because cranberries are.

[Mike]

Yeah. Disgusting.

[Andy]

Yeah, they're. I'm not a fan, but I knew that at some point cranberry juice is good.

[Jason]

I might be forced to think I

[Andy]

might have to draft.

[Jason]

Cranberry juice is awesome.

[Andy]

Yeah, Awful. I agree. It's really good. Now this is easy because there's. To me, there are three. There's three that are great. The third one is every bit as good as apple juice and orange juice. Nowhere near as common. It's not ubiquitous.

[Jason]

What?

[Andy]

Grape juice is awesome. Grape juice is, I think, maybe better than the other two. Grape juice is perfect.

[Jason]

First of all, four have been drafted. Stop throwing cranberry out the window.

[Andy]

Yeah, that doesn't count. Cranberries.

[Jason]

Awful. Grape juice is good. Grape juice is the most kid drink of all of the juices.

[Andy]

I would agree with that. It feels like I'm not supposed to drink grape juice.

[Jason]

Grape juice is the most, like, iconic kid juice of the.

[Mike]

No, that's apple.

[Jason]

No, I don't think so.

[Andy]

They're very close. They're very straight.

[Jason]

One's purple. Mike. It's like bright colors.

[Mike]

It's. When you get a kid's meal, there's not grape juice. It's apple juice. It's always apple.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not common because it's not like

[Jason]

I feel like it's the most kids juice.

[Andy]

I understand what you're saying. I don't think you're an idiot for saying that.

[Jason]

Was that the 101 for you alone?

[Producer/Assistant]

No, the 101 for beast. Not drafted yet.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Jason]

So. But you agreed with me.

[Mike]

Don't worry.

[Producer/Assistant]

I do agree.

[Mike]

I got you covered, big guy.

[Jason]

Mike, you've got two picks.

[Mike]

Pineapple juice.

[Andy]

Ah, that is his.

[Jason]

That's not drinkable at quantity.

[Andy]

That's not

[Mike]

a great pick.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's a great pick.

[Jason]

I thought you were going to pineapple juice, though. You cannot put down 16 ounces of pineapple juice.

[Mike]

You can't.

[Andy]

That's the problem. You can't.

[Producer/Assistant]

Matt, go to the store and get me some pineapple juice.

[Jason]

Okay. The average person, I feel like it's so concentratedly sweet. I love pineapples. I love pineapple juice. But I feel like that is a mixer.

[Mike]

Yeah, you can't.

[Jason]

When do you crack open? No. Kids are drinking pineapple juice at school. It's too sweet for kids.

[Mike]

I can put down a bigger glass of orange juice than I can pineapple juice. I would.

[Jason]

I mean, I would assume legitimately. Is there anybody that drinks pineapple juice casually?

[Mike]

Not frequently.

[Jason]

I know you do, Al. I know you do. I'm just saying, like, I've never seen a kid pop open A can of pineapple juice or get a juice box with pineapple juice. I'm not saying it's not delicious. And heck, if you throw some coconut in there and you make it a pina colada, I'm gonna drink it all day long.

[Andy]

Pineapple juice is probably the best of all the juice.

[Jason]

It's very versatile.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I just don't think you can drink the quantities I want to drink. That's all I'm saying. Mike, you got another pick.

[Mike]

Not as common, but I have had it, and it's out there. I'm gonna go with cherry juice.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Cherry tart.

[Jason]

Cherry.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, really? Yeah. I want it tart.

[Jason]

It's tart. Cherry juice.

[Mike]

I want it.

[Jason]

I feel like that one is legit. Good for you.

[Mike]

I want to take a sip and you go like, you. You can't get away with your.

[Jason]

And you get that with cranberry. A little bit.

[Mike]

A little bit? Yeah, a little bit. But the tart cherry is like your tongue fuses to the top of your mouth. And the only way too much for me.

[Jason]

Oh, I get what you said.

[Mike]

When you're like, that's like. That's there, you know?

[Andy]

Good. I like cherry juice. I add cherry juice to my old fashions, but I want the sweeter. I want, like, the. What are those?

[Mike]

Cherries.

[Andy]

They're really expensive.

[Jason]

Maraschino.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Where it's like, those are not even real.

[Andy]

The juice is like. It's not even juice. It's just syrup. Yeah.

[Jason]

It looks, like, sweet and sour. Yes.

[Andy]

Luxardo. Luxardo cherries. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah.

[Mike]

I would never have been able to help you.

[Jason]

This guy ping pongs between. I can't afford orange juice and McDonald's to the most luxurious cherry brand. Dude, who are you?

[Andy]

Cherries are so good.

[Producer/Assistant]

Have been a lot of, like, really fancy old fashions.

[Jason]

I bet they're more than five bucks.

[Andy]

All right, let's see here. Oh, man. We're so.

[Jason]

We're getting down to the.

[Andy]

We're getting down exactly. There's one left that I absolutely adore. Love it. I would draft it there, but I feel like you guys might not draft this and might not like it.

[Jason]

That's fine.

[Andy]

I'm just taking.

[Mike]

Who cares if we like it?

[Andy]

But my point is I could get it with my fourth pick that. I'm playing the game.

[Mike]

Do it. Play the game. Play the game.

[Andy]

I'm going to go with it because I love it, and I don't want one of you two to grab It. Tomato juice.

[Jason]

I knew you were going there.

[Andy]

It's great. I get like, when I fly in a plane a lot.

[Mike]

You got to get your.

[Andy]

I'll get a bloody Mary. Just the mix. Just the mix. I love it. It's like V8. V8 is great.

[Mike]

I've gotten down on the I had a time of my life.

[Andy]

I don't know why.

[Mike]

It's great for me, where I was loving V8.

[Andy]

I mean, not compared to everything else we're drafting.

[Mike]

How much is V8 spicy?

[Andy]

The least sugar is in V8.

[Mike]

Is that thing all sugared up?

[Andy]

Orange juice, pineapple juice, grape juice. V8 is barely sugar by comparison. By comparison. What's it at?

[Jason]

Eight grams per eight ounce serving. Oh, orange juice is like 20.

[Andy]

Yeah, okay. That's what I was going to say.

[Jason]

Tomato juice is just like an old man pick. I mean, that's fine at the place. I knew you would take it. No, I don't. I don't disagree. I'm going to take grapefruit juice. I'm going to take grapefruit.

[Andy]

I think grapefruit juice. Cranberry is amazing.

[Jason]

Grapefruit juice in the morning. I mean, that's that. You can get that at a restaurant. Almost 100% of the time, they'll have grapefruit juice. So I will go with that one. Can I take fruit punch? Sure. I don't care. Can I take a juice cocktail called fruit punch?

[Andy]

Yeah, I'll allow. I should have taken the last pick.

[Jason]

I'm gonna take fruit punch. So you agree that that's a good pick?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I never liked fruit punch.

[Jason]

When you mix down with it, multiple good things that taste good together and it tastes even gooder.

[Mike]

Yeah, but there's ways to do it. But that one never works if you're taking the punch. Never worked for me.

[Jason]

Oh, great.

[Andy]

That's why you gave it to me.

[Jason]

Oh, my God.

[Andy]

You're taking that.

[Jason]

Oh, boy. I can't wait to hear this.

[Andy]

Now, I got two options here. One of them I think you guys can shoot down. I'm going to shoot my shot. Sunny D is no. The best of all juices in the world.

[Jason]

No, because that opens up just orange juice.

[Andy]

That's what I knew was going to be shot down.

[Mike]

It's just.

[Jason]

So what's your pick? Purple.

[Andy]

Purple stuff. That's not juice. Neither is fruit.

[Jason]

No, you can't take. Otherwise this draft would have been for things like squeeze itself and I mean, squeeze it. I also asked if I could have fruit punch cocktail.

[Mike]

I mean, there's got to be. There's fruit in there, right?

[Jason]

In the fruit punch.

[Mike]

Yeah, you can.

[Andy]

Well, I would have. I would have rather find it. I would have rather had the purple stuff and Sunny D. They're delicious.

[Jason]

You did take purple stuff. You got grape juice.

[Andy]

Yeah. Okay, whatever.

[Jason]

What do you think's in purple stuff?

[Andy]

I'm gonna go with something that is absolutely disgusting. People love it, and it is actually healthy. It is. Oh, I know where you're going, actually. Good for you.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy]

It's kind of sweet. I can't stand it. I, like, can't drink it. But carrot juice. Oh, carrot juice is healthy. It's common.

[Jason]

I thought you were going to take coconut water.

[Andy]

Is that juice?

[Jason]

I think technically it is. I mean, it's like that coconut. It's the same thing of lemonade is you're taking coconuts, and that's funny. Technically, they call it milk, though. Yes.

[Producer/Assistant]

Coconut water is considered a type of natural fruit juice.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah. I'll take coconut water.

[Jason]

You already took care of juice.

[Mike]

They're both gross.

[Jason]

I am finishing with tomato juice, and carrot juice is a choice. All right, you're up, Mike.

[Mike]

You got. So you got the mixture? I'm gonna take a mixture where it is. Because, look, we have apple, cranberry, but they're like. There's one. It's pog juice.

[Jason]

Oh, no, that's totally fair. That's an amazing pick.

[Mike]

It's very specific.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh.

[Andy]

What is it?

[Mike]

Pomegranate orange, guava?

[Jason]

Yeah. Dude, that is such a good pick. That might be the 101 in legit juice taste.

[Mike]

It is very, very tasty.

[Jason]

It's so.

[Mike]

It gives you sugary. All of the flavors that you want.

[Jason]

Dang it, man.

[Mike]

Are involved in pog juice.

[Jason]

You own this draft. I mean, tart, cherry, tart cherry.

[Andy]

Start with orange juice. Not really fair.

[Jason]

Pog juice is the. That's the one on one of juices, legitimately.

[Mike]

Ah, there we go. I wasn't. I wasn't.

[Jason]

If you haven't had pog. No, that. I mean, it's. It's three mixed together. But it's common.

[Producer/Assistant]

It's.

[Jason]

It's a great pick, but.

[Mike]

Yeah. And you get to say pog.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's cool.

[Mike]

From Hawaii. Think about pogs.

[Jason]

The only other real. I mean, pomegranate juice was gonna be a pick just by itself.

[Mike]

I couldn't really get pog.

[Andy]

I was gonna go pomegranate.

[Producer/Assistant]

I think the pog juice is actually passion fruit.

[Mike]

Yeah. Oh, yes, yes.

[Jason]

But pomegranate was gonna be a pick for sure. I thought about being healthy and throwing some green juice in there and see if I got away with that.

[Andy]

My favorite celery, you know. Oh, my favorite. And people don't drink this. That's why I didn't draft it. But pear juice, no one actually consumes it. Pear juice. Pear juice is.

[Mike]

I think that would be fine.

[Jason]

I feel like pear juice is probably the closest example of what I feel like. Pineapple juice is, like, where, like, I take a little bit of pear juice, you give me a glass of pear juice. That's weird.

[Andy]

It sounds weird, but has anybody ever

[Jason]

had a glass of pear juice before?

[Andy]

I've never had a glass. I've had little bits.

[Mike]

Why not?

[Jason]

I don't know what's up with that. Is it not good?

[Andy]

Pear just doesn't have good PR it really.

[Jason]

They seem very judged, juicy as a fruit. You could get a lot of juice out of it. Pears are very.

[Andy]

When they're ripe, more juice in an apple.

[Jason]

What is going on with big pear? Some clowns are running the show over there.

[Mike]

Mark. Kids, marketing is really important.

[Jason]

It feels like pear is the Burger king to the McDonald's of Apple.

[Andy]

Yeah. You know, I mean, not even Burger King. Burger King is big. Pear is like.

[Jason]

Don't you feel like Burger King's always just trying, though, to, like, be.

[Andy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Jason]

Just be cool.

[Andy]

And pear isn't even trying. That's my point. If they were trying harder, if they were better, they'd be the Burger King.

[Jason]

Okay, well, we figured that out.

[Andy]

What did we learn today? I learned that our audience thinks we'll do anything for money.

[Jason]

That's what I was about to say. We're very motivated by money. Jason's willing to be on television for three months straight for money.

[Mike]

And we learned Jason went to Turkey.

[Andy]

Three more months.

[Jason]

Yeah. What was the phrase that you comment that you said when you got to Turkey?

[Mike]

That was the one that you said.

[Jason]

No, I know, but Jason, when he arrived, he said it.

[Mike]

Hello.

[Andy]

I don't remember.

[Mike]

Goodbye.

[Andy]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

to see what other nonsense the guy.

[Andy]

Check out spitball.com.

[Ad Voice 3]

With the Venmo debit card. A taco in one hand and ordering a ride in the other means you're stacking your rewards. Nice. Get up to 5% cash back with Venmo stash on your favorite brands when you pay with your Venmo debit card. From takeout to ride shares, entertainment and more, Pick a bundle with your go tos and start earning cash back at those brands. Venmo Stash bundles, terms and exclusions apply. See terms at Venmo Me stash terms max $100 cash back per month.

[Ad Voice 2]

Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet hamster? I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires, I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet nibbles after his untimely end.

[Andy]

This is very strange, Angie. The one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home [e-mail].