Spitballers Comedy Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Smell Your Feelings & Worst Ways to Wake Someone Up
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason
Date: March 31, 2025
Episode #320

Overview

This episode of Spitballers Comedy Podcast dives into a classic blend of the hosts’ signature dad-joke banter, hypothetical questions, and a lively “worst ways to wake up” draft. Andy, Mike, and Jason riff on everyday dilemmas, escalate ridiculous “Would You Rather?” questions, and debate the sensory attributes of emotions. Listeners are treated to hilarious personal anecdotes, playful debates, and some surprisingly relatable parenting struggles.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Great Scat Mute Controversy

• [01:31-03:17]
  The episode kicks off with classic chaos: Jason’s intro “scat” gets abruptly muted by Andy, sparking immediate on-air drama about whether the world was robbed of a legendary moment.
• Memorable Quote:
  • Andy: “The scat itself is not going away… It’s stupid. It’s usually bad, and I just get to have my fun with it for a week or two. That’s it.” (02:59)

2. Would You Rather: NFL Reception vs. MLB Hit

• [05:09-11:06]
  The trio debates which is more plausible for average guys: catching a 15+ yard NFL pass or hitting an MLB pitch and making it to first base.
  • Mike asserts MLB is near impossible: “Give us five chances against a Major League baseball pitcher… There is no chance.” (06:00)
  • Jason stands by his unshakable batting cage optimism.
  • Andy jokes about never playing baseball, but insists reflexes can’t be faked at that level.
• Discussion sidetracks into MLB batting averages, batting cage bravado, and “which sports do you call boring just because you’re bad at them?”

3. Would You Rather: Four Hours of Sleep vs. Choppy Eight Hours

• [11:23-22:00]
  Choices: four hours of uninterrupted sleep OR eight hours with a wake-up every hour?
  • The guys break down the science of REM cycles, fathers’ sleep struggles, and Andy’s “bougie bed” with built-in temperature control and vibrating alarm.
  • Quote:
    • Mike: “I spent my entire life sleeping under a ceiling fan that is on. Yes, because it’s wonderful.” (13:55)
• Trivia detours:
  • The origins of polyphasic sleep (Edison vs. Franklin vs. Da Vinci).
  • What is the “Uberman” sleep cycle? (20:26)
  • Andy cracks, “If it weren’t for Leonardo da Vinci… I mean, that guy was great in Titanic.” (20:43)

4. Breakfast for Dinner? Philosophical Meal Debates

• [25:46-30:18]
  Is it breakfast or dinner if you make breakfast food at night? Do “dinner foods” in the morning become breakfast?
  • Jason: “If I have steak and eggs in the evening, I’m having dinner.” (27:03)
  • Mike’s son insists first meal is breakfast—no matter the time.
  • The real meaning of “breakfast” (breaking a fast) finally dawns on the trio.
  • Quote:
    • Andy: “It is time-based, but not time of day.” (29:22-29:25)

5. Smell Your Feelings – What If Emotions Had Scents?

• [30:24-35:11]
  Imagining smells tied to emotions leads to wild improv:
  • Anger: fire, ash, burning
  • Joy: “sunshine” (cue debate on what sun smells like)
    • Mike: “When you’re out in the sun, your skin has a very particular smell… That’s called sweat.” (31:34)
  • Disgust: poop
  • Envy: dirty money
  • Anxiety: car exhaust, “You’re exhausted, you’re anxious!” (34:44)
  • Sadness: rain (which, according to Andy, can be positive!)
  • Meta joke:
    • Andy: “I will smell my arm tomorrow.” (32:18)

6. What If You Had to DIY Toothpaste?

• [35:31-41:04] COVID-era flashbacks as the group imagines toothpaste shortages:
  • Baking soda, coconut oil, even vinegar championed as multi-use miracle substances.
  • Andy describes coconut oil “oil pulling.”
• Moments of amusing ignorance:
  Jason: “You can just drink a glass of baking soda.” (39:09)
  Andy: “You can’t drink powder.” (39:18)
  The boys confirm the baking soda + vinegar volcano is indeed science.

7. Draft: “The Worst Ways to Wake Someone Up”

• [43:33-55:27] Each host selects their least favorite (and most evil) ways to drag someone from slumber — punctuated by stories and debate.
  • Jason’s picks:
    • Air horn at point blank range (43:57)
    • Mariachi band in your room (49:44)
    • Blasting death metal (50:03)
    • Pie in the face (55:03)
  • Mike’s picks:
    • Bucket of cold water (44:16)
    • Antiquing (smack of flour in the face) (49:17)
    • Ramp up the heat till you sweat awake (50:40)
    • Cinnamon roll candles (psychological torture) (53:08)
      • “They’re going to wake up and be like, where’s the cinnamon rolls? There are none!” (53:42)
  • Andy’s picks:
    • Fart in the face (45:07)
    • Waking someone with a scary clown nearby (47:48)
    • Tarantula on the face (51:41)
    • Crash cymbals to the ears (52:23)
  • Honorable mentions:
    • Hand in water (to induce accidental wetting), tickling, smelling salts, electrocution, waking someone two hours early by changing their clock.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “fart in the face”:
  Andy: “Walk to the side of the bed, turn around, blow wind.” (45:23)

• On practical jokes:
  Mike: “[Antiquing]… They’d get a whole fistful of flour and then just spike it at the person’s face because it wakes you up… you look like a statue.” (49:17)

• On the brutality of cinnamon roll candles:
  Mike: “They’re going to wake up and be like, where’s the cinnamon rolls? …It was a ruse the whole time.” (53:42)

• On confusion over “breakfast”:
  Andy: “It should be break fast, but we say breakfast… What do we do with words?” (29:50)

• On marvels of baking soda:
  Mike: “What can’t baking soda do?” (38:48)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:28] – What’s coming this episode (Would You Rather, “Worst Ways to Wake Up” draft)
• [05:09] – NFL vs. MLB Would You Rather debate
• [11:23] – Sleep schedule dilemma & “bougie bed” discussion
• [25:46] – Breakfast for dinner & meal classification
• [30:24] – “Smell your feelings” improv segment
• [35:31] – Toothpaste shortage and baking soda discussion
• [43:33] – Start of “Worst Ways to Wake Someone Up” draft
• [54:19] – Honorable mentions and closing rapid-fire ideas

Conclusion

This episode delivers rapid-fire laughs, surprisingly relatable insights into daily life (especially as tired parents), and a showcase of the hosts’ chemistry. Classic Spitballers shenanigans—packaged safely and playfully — make it a perfect episode for anyone looking for clean, genuinely funny comedy that the whole family can enjoy.

For more nonsense from the Spitballers, visit spitballerspod.com!