Spitballers Comedy Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: Smell Your Feelings & Worst Ways to Wake Someone Up - Spit Hits!
Release Date: December 1, 2025
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason
Episode #: 320

Episode Overview

This episode of the Spitballers Podcast is classic, clean, family-friendly chaos as Andy, Mike, and Jason tackle bizarre hypotheticals, “Would You Rather” scenarios, and answer hilarious audience questions. The main themes include the struggle of waking up teenagers (and the worst ways to wake someone), the concept of associating emotions with smells, and the guys' signature banter on everyday absurdities.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Show Opener: Scat Interrupted & Dad Shenanigans (01:32–03:30)

• Mike’s Opening Scat Muted: The episode opens with technical shenanigans as Jason “accidentally” mutes Mike’s opening scat, causing confusion and laughter. Discussion follows on whether moving the segment to post-production would preserve the comedy or not.

  • Memorable Quote:
    “The scat itself to intro the show is absurd. It’s stupid. It’s usually bad, and I just get to have my fun with it for a week or two.” – Andy (02:59)

• Waking Up Teenagers:
  The trio bemoans the daily struggle of waking up their kids, who repeatedly fall back asleep, and float ideas like Jetsons-style adjustable beds to make the process foolproof.

  • Quote:
    “I woke up to wake you up, and then I come back later and...you’re back asleep, bro. The worst.” – Andy (04:00)

2. Would You Rather: NFL Catch vs. MLB Hit (05:10–10:38)

Would you rather have to catch a 15+ yard NFL reception or make contact and reach first base against an MLB pitcher?

• Debate Highlights:

  • Jason asserts that even with five tries, none of them could hit a Major League pitch, emphasizing how difficult pro sports are for amateurs.
  • Mike pushes back, referencing batting cages and the idea that with a fastball right down the middle they might get lucky.
  • Stat: Pro hitters (.240 - .260 average) only succeed one in four times after a lifetime of practice.

• Funny Sidebar:
  Batting averages, intimidation by fast pitches, and comparisons to slow-pitch softball.

• Notable Quote:
  “How many sports are you terrible at, therefore call boring?” – Mike (07:39)

3. Sleep Patterns: Four Hours Straight vs. Eight Broken (11:27–22:00)

Would you rather: Get four hours of uninterrupted sleep or eight hours with a five-minute wake-up every hour?

• Discussion Points:

  • Examining REM sleep and the health impacts of disrupted sleep.
  • Andy’s “bougie bed” that regulates temperature and vibrates, with the others’ playful ribbing about his luxe gadgets.
  • The history of odd sleeping schedules (Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison) and the phenomenon of “polyphasic sleep.”
  • Mike’s struggle with room temperature regulation and the group’s fan debates.

• Notable Quotes:

  • “You got the covers on. What do I do about the temperature? Well, what if the bed created the temperature for you?” – Andy (15:10)
  • “His problem is when he travels, you’re miserable. You don’t got your bougie bed, your perfect bidet…” – Mike (16:15)

• Great Moment:
  Andy attempts an “ad” for his nameless smart bed, issue bleeped to protect potential sponsorships.

  • [15:33] “Is an incredible product. Not only will it help you...” (bleeped out by Al)

4. The "Breakfast for Dinner" Dilemma & The Origin of "Breakfast" (25:06–30:38)

If you cook breakfast foods for dinner, is it breakfast or dinner?

• Everyone agrees: It’s dinner—meal names are about time of day, not content.
• Side discussion: Is breakfast defined by the first meal after sleep regardless of time? Yes, according to all three.
• Fun Fact: “Breakfast” literally means breaking a fast.
  • “Is that where that word comes from?” – Jason (29:44)
  • “The first meal of the day is called breakfast because it literally means to break the fast.” – Andy (30:01)

5. "Smell Your Feelings": Assigning Scents to Emotions (30:38–35:01)

Question: If all emotions had a smell, what would each smell like?

• Anger: Fire, sulfur, or burning. Jason leans toward sulfur, Mike fire.
• Disgust: Poop or body odor.
• Joy: “Sunshine” or “flowers” – leading to hilariously confused debate about whether sunshine even has a smell.
  • “Smell that sun! That smells so bright.” – Andy (31:45)
• Anxiety: Stumped, eventually landing on BO, exhaust fumes, or car fumes.
• Envy: Dirty money/coins.
• Sadness: Rain, bog/wet earth.
• Memorable Joke:
  “You ruined what I was saying. All right, air horn, mariachi band blasting death metal...” – Mike, on the next segment.

6. DIY Toothpaste in a Pandemic (35:55–41:20)

If there’s a toothpaste shortage, what do you use instead?

• Debate:
  Baking soda, coconut oil (“oil pulling”), and even vinegar are offered as options. Joking about the near-magical properties of both baking soda and vinegar.

• Comedy Moment:
  Andy and the gang laughing about buying tiny toilet paper rolls during pandemic shortages.

• Notable Quote:
  “What can’t baking soda do? I feel they’re like—baking soda could take care of that. Just get some of that. We’ll do it.” – Jason (39:02)

7. Spitballers Draft: Worst Ways to Wake Someone Up (43:36–56:03)

Each host drafts two outrageous and devious methods for waking someone:

Picks:

• Mike:

  • Air horn at point-blank range (44:22)
  • Mariachi band (50:19)
  • Death metal blaring from huge speakers (50:39)
  • Pie in the face (55:37)

• Jason:

  • Bucket of cold water (44:51)
  • Antiquing (throwing a fistful of flour/powder at face, 49:53)
  • Sweltering heat—crank up the room temperature (51:03)
  • Cinnamon roll candles—trick someone with delicious smells and no actual food (54:09)

• Andy:

  • Fart in face (45:42)
    “I mean, you’ve got to think about what you got to do to accomplish that.” – Mike
  • Hide a scary clown next to them (48:13)
  • Tarantula on the face (52:16)
  • Crash cymbals (53:02)

Honorable Mentions/Late Picks:

• Smelling salts
• Feather tickle to the nose
• Electrocution or “riding the lightning”
• Waking them up hours early by switching clocks

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you invent a bed that literally goes from horizontal to fully stood up...” – Mike, on wild ways to wake a teenager (04:36)
• “The first meal of the day is called breakfast because it literally means to break the fast.” – Andy (30:01)
• “What can’t baking soda do?” – Jason (39:02)
• “Air horn is the number one on my list.” – Jason (44:32)
• “If I woke up [to a tarantula on my face], I would go back to sleep forever.” – Andy (52:25)
• “Pie in the face. Can you die from that?” – Mike (55:55)

Episode Structure & Timestamps

• 00:00–01:32 – Sponsor ads & show introduction
• 01:32–03:30 – Scat debacle & the daily struggle of waking teens
• 05:10–10:38 – Would You Rather: NFL vs MLB challenge
• 11:27–22:00 – Sleep interruptions, bougie beds, REM cycles
• 25:06–30:38 – Breakfast for dinner, the meaning behind “breakfast”
• 30:38–35:01 – Emotions as smells
• 35:55–41:20 – DIY toothpaste hypotheticals, pandemic shortages
• 43:36–56:03 – “Worst Ways to Wake Someone Up” draft
• 56:06–57:37 – “What Did We Learn?” closing jokes

Language & Tone

Consistent with the Spitballers’ style, the tone is irreverent, self-deprecating, quick-witted, and family-friendly. The trio riff naturally and support even wild tangents, always in the spirit of fun and collective good humor.

Summary Verdict

Whether you’re looking for ear-tickling laughter, relatable “dad” life challenges, or absurd hypotheticals about sleep, food, feelings, and pranks, this episode showcases why Andy, Mike, and Jason are perennial comedy podcast favorites.

Highlights:

• Hilarious debates on everyday dilemmas
• Creative, ridiculous “wake-up” prank ideas
• Deep-dive nonsense on breakfast, emotions, DIY toothpaste
• Notable quotes and off-the-cuff wisdom

Even if you missed the episode, you’ll feel like you were right there in the room—and it might just change the way you think about breakfast, baking soda, and your morning alarm forever.