Spitballers Comedy Podcast: “Stunnin’ Randos & Fictional Devices You Wish Were Real”
Episode: Spit Hits!
Date: December 25, 2025
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason
Episode Overview
In this episode, the award-winning trio delivers their signature blend of “clean, actually funny” dad humor and spirited debate. The main theme revolves around:
- Entertaining “Would You Rather” scenarios (ranging from immunity to injuries to diseases that could be “contagious”)
- Playful banter about midlife crises, water bugs, and bee taxonomy
- A “Man of the People” game show segment
- An epic draft of fictional devices from pop culture that the guys most wish were real
This lively discussion ping-pongs between silly hypotheticals, daily life absurdities, geeky deep-dives, and genuine camaraderie.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Scat Origins & Opening Bickering (01:33–03:18)
- The guys open with inside jokes about a “scat” segment gone wrong in the previous episode, blaming “Jason’s fault.”
- Light-hearted ribbing about misusing the word “electronical” instead of “electronic,” spawning a running gag and potential EDM band name.
“Would You Rather”: Blunt Force vs. Piercing Injury Immunity (03:42–13:00)
Prompt: Would you rather be immune to blunt force trauma or piercing injuries?
- Definitions Explored:
- Blunt force trauma = punches, car accidents
- Piercing = bullets, arrows, darts
- Vigorous debate about gray areas (spear with the tip off? Cannonballs?).
- Jason questions: “If I throw a spear at you… It’s got a tip… It’s piercing. I throw a spear, I take that off, it’s just the wood stick. Right? That’s a blunt force.” (04:27)
- Andy and Mike ponder practical dangers: “What am I more exposed to on a regular basis?” (06:39)
- Mike on superhero logic: “If I can’t be shot…that’s a good place to be…I could be like a cool superhero…” (10:22)
- Meandering sidebars include toe-stubbing pain, skydiving into the ocean, and strategizing for superhero careers.
Highlights:
“Dude, jump in the ocean. Tons of skydives into the ocean, you’re fine. You can’t drown… unless you land on a swordfish!” — Andy (08:55)
Semantics Showdown: Immunity vs. Invincibility (11:00–12:52)
- Spirited argument about whether Deadpool’s powers count as “immunity.”
- Mike: “Invincible is what Mike’s saying Superman is. Superman is invincible. He is 100% invincible. Nothing can…”
- Jason: “If your arm could be chopped off and it takes weeks to grow back, that’s not immunity.”
Takeaway: The group collectively admits word confusion, but aligns on "invincible = can’t be defeated", "immune = unaffected".
Would You Rather: Temporary “Contagious” Dyslexia or Color Blindness? (13:00–21:21)
Prompt: If dyslexia or color blindness were contagious, catching them for 7–10 days like the common cold, which would you rather?
- Andy: “The premise of this question is fantastic. The wording terrible and the options subpar.” (13:21)
- Banter segues into exposing Mike’s secret pleasure reading habit—despite his self-claimed non-reader status.
- Heated debate about the best kind of bookmarks (dog-earing, paper scraps, ribbon bookmarks), dust jackets, and the evolution of personal habits with age.
- Andy: “You said you’re not a reader. It’s your bit. That’s your fictional character.” (17:13)
- Tangent: Value of worn vs. pristine books, coffee stains as bookmarks, and the irrelevance of dust jackets after purchase.
Midlife Crises & Bug-Infested Water (23:50–31:12)
- Andy reflects on midlife transitions ("midlife crisis is different for everybody") and Jason’s reading resurgence.
- Mike discovers a bug in his water and polled the group on whether they'd still drink from the cup.
- Andy: “If I see a floating bug, I’m not plucking it. I’m refilling.” (26:24)
- Spirals into a humorous taxonomy of bumblebees, honeybees, carpenter bees and the confusion with wasps.
- Jason: "Bumblebee's got the fuzzy butt…the bumblebees are huge, man." (26:56)
- Culminates with a real-life slapstick: Matt delivers water on-camera and is “slapped” for calling a bee a wasp.
Man of the People (31:13–42:07)
Game Show Segment
Al surveys “100 people,” hosts buzz in for top answers. Points for top spots.
Sample Questions & Highlights:
- Why can't kids wait to grow up?
- #1: Drive, #2: Move Out, #3: Have a job, etc.
- Andy: “Very first thing I did when I moved out…I bought a bin of Red Vines…One hour later, I was throwing up in the toilet.” (32:22)
- Name a coordinated musical instrument:
- Piano, Drums, Violin
- Jason (drummer): “For drums, you need to be able to independently operate all four limbs!” (33:27)
- Black-and-white Movie Monsters:
- Godzilla, King Kong, Frankenstein, Dracula, etc.
- Roommate arguments:
- Cleanliness, Food, Rules, Money
Notable Quote:
“The rent no one's paying, it's just in your tuition.” — Jason on college dorms vs. apartments (36:14)
- Stranded on a tropical island, what do you eat?
- Coconut, fish/seafood, bananas, wild chickens (“Not on the board!”)
- Words starting with "Con":
- None of the hosts guess survey favorites ("convict", "con artist", "connect").
- Jobs ending in “guard”:
- Lifeguard, security guard, bodyguard.
Finale: Andy is crowned “Man of the People” after a controversial tie-break involving answer timing.
Main Event: The Fictional Device Draft (42:37–56:40)
Rules: Must be a “device” (mechanical or “electronical”). No “Elder Wand” or purely magical items.
Draft Picks By Host:
Mike:
- TARDIS (Doctor Who's space & time machine) (“Most efficient…bigger on the inside…go any time or place you want.” — 43:13)
- Iron Man Suit (for flying, fighting, and “single man army”)
- Talking Dog Collar (from Up—so your dogs can actually speak to you)
- Remote from "Click" (Adam Sandler) — to pause, mute, and rewind reality
Jason:
- Replicator (Star Trek—“rearranges subatomic particles into anything you want.” — 44:38)
- Teleporter (Star Trek)
- Phaser (Star Trek—“Stunning randos!” — 51:30)
- Holodeck (Star Trek’s immersive 3D holo-simulation chamber)
Andy:
- Lightsaber (Star Wars)
- Hoverboard (Back to the Future—“…We haven’t made anything even close.” — 46:34)
- Rocketeer Jetpack (“Works well with my lightsaber.”)
- Portal gun (Video Game: Portal)
Riffed Devices and Honorable Mentions:
- Shrink Ray (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids)
- Neuralyzer (Men In Black)
- Grapple gun (Batman)
- Pokeball (Pokemon, but for real animals)
- Cerebro (X-Men)
Notable Quotes:
- “You could be Deadpool!” — Mike, on immunity to piercing injuries (10:46)
- “You said 'Electronical.' That is such a great word!” — Andy (03:01)
- “Stunning randos! From the back, they won't know. Are you in my way? Then yeah, you're getting stunned.” — Jason, on the phaser (51:30)
Memorable Moments & Running Gags
- Electronical: Recurring joke and would-be band name.
- Dog-Ear Bookmark Debate:
- “What is wrong with just bending the corner of a page?” — Jason (17:24)
- Bugs in Drinks: Determining bug-to-water tolerance and hygiene thresholds.
- Bee Taxonomy Fiasco: Extended pedantic debate on bumblebees vs. honeybees vs. carpenter bees.
- Stunning Randos: Jason’s dream of a Star Trek phaser for disabling annoying people.
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 03:42 – Would You Rather: Blunt-force vs. Piercing Immunity
- 11:00 – Immunity vs. Invincibility semantic debate
- 13:00 – Would You Rather: Contagious dyslexia or color blindness?
- 23:50 – Midlife crises & water bug bit
- 26:52 – Bee classification banter
- 31:13 – “Man of the People” answers start
- 42:37 – Fictional Device Draft begins
- 51:30 – Jason: “Stunning randos!” with Star Trek phaser
- 56:40 – Device honorable mentions
Episode Tone & Takeaway
Highly energetic, warm, and relentlessly silly—equal parts dad-humor, nerdy references, and genuine friendship. Listeners will enjoy the group’s creative hypotheticals, nostalgic pop culture, and spontaneous detours. The episode is packed with quotable one-liners and banter, making even the “wrong answers” as fun as the right ones.
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