Stunnin’ Randos & Fictional Devices You Wish Were Real - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast: “Stunnin’ Randos & Fictional Devices You Wish Were Real”

Episode: Spit Hits!
Date: December 25, 2025
Hosts: Andy, Mike, and Jason

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the award-winning trio delivers their signature blend of “clean, actually funny” dad humor and spirited debate. The main theme revolves around:

• Entertaining “Would You Rather” scenarios (ranging from immunity to injuries to diseases that could be “contagious”)
• Playful banter about midlife crises, water bugs, and bee taxonomy
• A “Man of the People” game show segment
• An epic draft of fictional devices from pop culture that the guys most wish were real

This lively discussion ping-pongs between silly hypotheticals, daily life absurdities, geeky deep-dives, and genuine camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Scat Origins & Opening Bickering (01:33–03:18)

• The guys open with inside jokes about a “scat” segment gone wrong in the previous episode, blaming “Jason’s fault.”
• Light-hearted ribbing about misusing the word “electronical” instead of “electronic,” spawning a running gag and potential EDM band name.

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“Would You Rather”: Blunt Force vs. Piercing Injury Immunity (03:42–13:00)

Prompt: Would you rather be immune to blunt force trauma or piercing injuries?

• Definitions Explored:
  • Blunt force trauma = punches, car accidents
  • Piercing = bullets, arrows, darts
• Vigorous debate about gray areas (spear with the tip off? Cannonballs?).
• Jason questions: “If I throw a spear at you… It’s got a tip… It’s piercing. I throw a spear, I take that off, it’s just the wood stick. Right? That’s a blunt force.” (04:27)
• Andy and Mike ponder practical dangers: “What am I more exposed to on a regular basis?” (06:39)
• Mike on superhero logic: “If I can’t be shot…that’s a good place to be…I could be like a cool superhero…” (10:22)
• Meandering sidebars include toe-stubbing pain, skydiving into the ocean, and strategizing for superhero careers.

Highlights:

“Dude, jump in the ocean. Tons of skydives into the ocean, you’re fine. You can’t drown… unless you land on a swordfish!” — Andy (08:55)

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Semantics Showdown: Immunity vs. Invincibility (11:00–12:52)

• Spirited argument about whether Deadpool’s powers count as “immunity.”
• Mike: “Invincible is what Mike’s saying Superman is. Superman is invincible. He is 100% invincible. Nothing can…”
• Jason: “If your arm could be chopped off and it takes weeks to grow back, that’s not immunity.”

Takeaway: The group collectively admits word confusion, but aligns on "invincible = can’t be defeated", "immune = unaffected".

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Would You Rather: Temporary “Contagious” Dyslexia or Color Blindness? (13:00–21:21)

Prompt: If dyslexia or color blindness were contagious, catching them for 7–10 days like the common cold, which would you rather?

• Andy: “The premise of this question is fantastic. The wording terrible and the options subpar.” (13:21)
• Banter segues into exposing Mike’s secret pleasure reading habit—despite his self-claimed non-reader status.
• Heated debate about the best kind of bookmarks (dog-earing, paper scraps, ribbon bookmarks), dust jackets, and the evolution of personal habits with age.
• Andy: “You said you’re not a reader. It’s your bit. That’s your fictional character.” (17:13)
• Tangent: Value of worn vs. pristine books, coffee stains as bookmarks, and the irrelevance of dust jackets after purchase.

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Midlife Crises & Bug-Infested Water (23:50–31:12)

• Andy reflects on midlife transitions ("midlife crisis is different for everybody") and Jason’s reading resurgence.
• Mike discovers a bug in his water and polled the group on whether they'd still drink from the cup.
  • Andy: “If I see a floating bug, I’m not plucking it. I’m refilling.” (26:24)
• Spirals into a humorous taxonomy of bumblebees, honeybees, carpenter bees and the confusion with wasps.
  • Jason: "Bumblebee's got the fuzzy butt…the bumblebees are huge, man." (26:56)
• Culminates with a real-life slapstick: Matt delivers water on-camera and is “slapped” for calling a bee a wasp.

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Man of the People (31:13–42:07)

Game Show Segment
Al surveys “100 people,” hosts buzz in for top answers. Points for top spots.

Sample Questions & Highlights:

• Why can't kids wait to grow up?
  • #1: Drive, #2: Move Out, #3: Have a job, etc.
  • Andy: “Very first thing I did when I moved out…I bought a bin of Red Vines…One hour later, I was throwing up in the toilet.” (32:22)
• Name a coordinated musical instrument:
  • Piano, Drums, Violin
  • Jason (drummer): “For drums, you need to be able to independently operate all four limbs!” (33:27)
• Black-and-white Movie Monsters:
  • Godzilla, King Kong, Frankenstein, Dracula, etc.
• Roommate arguments:
  • Cleanliness, Food, Rules, Money

Notable Quote:

“The rent no one's paying, it's just in your tuition.” — Jason on college dorms vs. apartments (36:14)

• Stranded on a tropical island, what do you eat?
  • Coconut, fish/seafood, bananas, wild chickens (“Not on the board!”)
• Words starting with "Con":
  • None of the hosts guess survey favorites ("convict", "con artist", "connect").
• Jobs ending in “guard”:
  • Lifeguard, security guard, bodyguard.

Finale: Andy is crowned “Man of the People” after a controversial tie-break involving answer timing.

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Main Event: The Fictional Device Draft (42:37–56:40)

Rules: Must be a “device” (mechanical or “electronical”). No “Elder Wand” or purely magical items.

Draft Picks By Host:

Mike:

1. TARDIS (Doctor Who's space & time machine) (“Most efficient…bigger on the inside…go any time or place you want.” — 43:13)
2. Iron Man Suit (for flying, fighting, and “single man army”)
3. Talking Dog Collar (from Up—so your dogs can actually speak to you)
4. Remote from "Click" (Adam Sandler) — to pause, mute, and rewind reality

Jason:

1. Replicator (Star Trek—“rearranges subatomic particles into anything you want.” — 44:38)
2. Teleporter (Star Trek)
3. Phaser (Star Trek—“Stunning randos!” — 51:30)
4. Holodeck (Star Trek’s immersive 3D holo-simulation chamber)

Andy:

1. Lightsaber (Star Wars)
2. Hoverboard (Back to the Future—“…We haven’t made anything even close.” — 46:34)
3. Rocketeer Jetpack (“Works well with my lightsaber.”)
4. Portal gun (Video Game: Portal)

Riffed Devices and Honorable Mentions:

• Shrink Ray (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids)
• Neuralyzer (Men In Black)
• Grapple gun (Batman)
• Pokeball (Pokemon, but for real animals)
• Cerebro (X-Men)

Notable Quotes:

• “You could be Deadpool!” — Mike, on immunity to piercing injuries (10:46)
• “You said 'Electronical.' That is such a great word!” — Andy (03:01)
• “Stunning randos! From the back, they won't know. Are you in my way? Then yeah, you're getting stunned.” — Jason, on the phaser (51:30)

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Memorable Moments & Running Gags

• Electronical: Recurring joke and would-be band name.
• Dog-Ear Bookmark Debate:
  • “What is wrong with just bending the corner of a page?” — Jason (17:24)
• Bugs in Drinks: Determining bug-to-water tolerance and hygiene thresholds.
• Bee Taxonomy Fiasco: Extended pedantic debate on bumblebees vs. honeybees vs. carpenter bees.
• Stunning Randos: Jason’s dream of a Star Trek phaser for disabling annoying people.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:42 – Would You Rather: Blunt-force vs. Piercing Immunity
• 11:00 – Immunity vs. Invincibility semantic debate
• 13:00 – Would You Rather: Contagious dyslexia or color blindness?
• 23:50 – Midlife crises & water bug bit
• 26:52 – Bee classification banter
• 31:13 – “Man of the People” answers start
• 42:37 – Fictional Device Draft begins
• 51:30 – Jason: “Stunning randos!” with Star Trek phaser
• 56:40 – Device honorable mentions

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Episode Tone & Takeaway

Highly energetic, warm, and relentlessly silly—equal parts dad-humor, nerdy references, and genuine friendship. Listeners will enjoy the group’s creative hypotheticals, nostalgic pop culture, and spontaneous detours. The episode is packed with quotable one-liners and banter, making even the “wrong answers” as fun as the right ones.

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For More Spitballers: Visit spitballerspod.com for past episodes and community features.

Transcript

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[Mike]

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[Podcast Narrator]

Primalkitchen.Com. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and.

[Jason]

Jason. We needed a classic. Cause Jason's ruining the.

[Mike]

Show. I let this one.

[Andy]

Go. No, no. Mute buttons. Everyone out there needs to know it was all Jason's fault. My scat last week. No one Oliver know. It was actually. It was probably gonna be pretty good. Did you ever listen to it.

[Matt]

Al? I did. Yeah. You could still hear it bleed through the other mics. That's where I left.

[Mike]

It. Some people heard it, some people.

[Matt]

Got a little taste of it, but it.

[Andy]

Was. I mean, that was probably the best.

[Matt]

Ever. It was a.

[Mike]

Banger. It was definitely the best one ever as far as how it barely came through, but. Mike, thanks for bringing us.

[Jason]

Back. You're.

[Andy]

Welcome. Welcome back one and all. Is this really episode three two one? It is Blast off. Three two, one. Would you rather man of the people and we are drafting fictional devices we wish were real. So that'll be fun. We already eliminated the Elder Wand, Jason. It must be a device. I know you wanted to draft Harry.

[Mike]

Potter. I really wanted the invisibility.

[Andy]

Cloak. Maybe one day we'll do, like, magical things that we wish were.

[Mike]

Real. Yeah, I was surprised. Like, I mean, I guess it is inherently like a device. Seems mechanical, electronical. But I didn't think it had to be. And then I looked up the definition of.

[Jason]

Device.

[Mike]

Yeah. Which Must be mechanical or.

[Andy]

Electronical. We all learn. We all learn stuff. Electronic. Is that what he.

[Mike]

Said? He doubled down on.

[Andy]

It. Did he say.

[Matt]

Electronical?

[Andy]

Electronical. That is such a great.

[Jason]

Word. We all know what it.

[Andy]

Means. Yeah, Just combine some things. That's fine. But we're happy to be with you once again. You can follow the show over on X at Spirit. Please subscribe, review the.

[Jason]

Show. That's a great band.

[Andy]

Name. Electronical. Yeah, that is not.

[Jason]

Bad. Yeah, it's my new.

[Andy]

Edm. What type of parts would one put into an electronical device? I mean, you know, all of the.

[Mike]

Parts. Yeah, well, mostly metal. Mostly metal parts, for.

[Andy]

Sure. All right, let's kick it.

[Podcast Narrator]

Off. Would you.

[Andy]

Rather. Well, our first would you rather question comes in from Buck over on Patreon. Would you rather be immune to blunt force trauma or piercing injuries? This is not something I've examined before. Haven't really given it consideration. So piercing injuries, getting hit with a bat, bullets.

[Jason]

Arrows. Is a spears. Is a bullet considered a.

[Andy]

Piercing? Yeah, yeah, for.

[Mike]

Sure. I get what you're saying because.

[Andy]

It'S not like you're thinking pierce being a point. Yeah, but they have.

[Mike]

Points. Yeah, they do. They're kind of rounded.

[Andy]

Points. They're like miniature flying metal.

[Mike]

Spears. They're definitely made to.

[Andy]

Pierce. I imagine that the spirit of the question is like, be immune to punches and.

[Jason]

Bats. Oh, I get that. But I don't care what the spirit of. I have just questions now. Okay, let's say I throw. So I throw a spear at you. It's got a tip. It's got a, you know, a sharp thing on it, Right. It's piercing. I throw a spear, I take that off. It's just the wood.

[Andy]

Stick.

[Jason]

Right. That's a blunt.

[Mike]

Force. That's.

[Andy]

Fine. Depends if it pierces you. I mean, really? I think it does. I.

[Mike]

Mean. No, it does. Andy's actually right. It completely just depends. Would it break the skin if it breaks the skin? It was a piercing.

[Jason]

Object. But you can get hit if it's hard by blunt force that you break the.

[Mike]

Skin.

[Andy]

Yes. If it breaks the skin, it can't go.

[Jason]

In. That's the way this.

[Andy]

Works. Blunt force trauma. You're immune to car accidents.

[Jason]

Right?

[Matt]

Some. As long as you don't get.

[Andy]

Impaled. Oh, there's going to be a little impaling on.

[Mike]

There. Yeah, that's what I.

[Jason]

Mean. Well, and the glass, like, if there's any.

[Andy]

Shocks. Can we expand piercing injuries to. So is that impalements.

[Matt]

Too? Yeah, anything that leaves like a puncture wound?

[Andy]

Yes. Blow darts.

[Jason]

Then. That were real. Trouble is a.

[Matt]

Cannonball.

[Mike]

Ooh. Good question.

[Jason]

Mike. Because if you hit someone in a cannonball back at the Civil War, that thing went white right.

[Andy]

Through. Yeah, yeah. But that's not.

[Jason]

Piercing. It's.

[Mike]

Not. So.

[Jason]

Why. I thought. But it would puncture the.

[Mike]

Skin. It definitely punctures the.

[Jason]

Skin. It takes the organs out.

[Andy]

Too. It takes it all out. I mean, I don't think a bowling. Bowling ball. I don't think a cannonball is piercing, man. Al shaking his.

[Matt]

Head. That's not a.

[Andy]

Piercing. No, no. It has to have. I mean, it has to have some, like, a point to it. It can't just be so strong.

[Jason]

That. What's the.

[Andy]

Point? It's blunt. If it's blunt, if it's in the blunt area. If it's sharp, if it's in the piercing.

[Mike]

Area. All right, so which one are you more afraid of in your current.

[Andy]

Life? Yeah, I was gonna say which is most likely. I'm more afraid of what will kill.

[Mike]

Me.

[Andy]

Yes. So I would imagine that blunt force trauma I'm more afraid of than piercing.

[Mike]

Injuries. No, wait.

[Andy]

Wait.

[Mike]

You. I'm so confused because we were on the track together and then you jumped.

[Andy]

Off. I.

[Mike]

Did. The roller coaster. Yeah. Because you're afraid of what's going to kill.

[Andy]

You. Yeah. Blunt force.

[Mike]

Trauma. No, the piercing is going to kill you more than the blunt force.

[Andy]

Trauma. What am I more exposed to on a regular basis? I'm more likely to fall and hit my head or get in a car accident that crushes my body. Blunt force trauma. Than I am to be.

[Mike]

Shot. Well, I would agree that the likelihood. The frequency. The frequency of a blunt force trauma is greater than the frequency of a piercing. This is what I feel like. The piercing is gonna kill you. You're gonna walk away from the.

[Jason]

Blunt force thing of the past.

[Andy]

Boys. What.

[Jason]

Is? Toe.

[Andy]

Stubs. Oh, toe.

[Jason]

Stubs. Oh.

[Mike]

Man. Blunt.

[Jason]

First. Jason and I were on a. Oh, did you guys. We were out of town. No, he was saying we were out of town. So I'm. Look, I'm in a hotel room, so.

[Andy]

Stop. It's a new.

[Jason]

Land.

[Andy]

Yeah. It's a new.

[Jason]

Map. I'm not mapped out. I don't know what's going on here. Oh.

[Mike]

Man. Bad.

[Jason]

One. I get immediate. Immediate bruise. Like, I could just watch my toe, and it's, like, just wilting in front of your face. The color just instantly went in, man. It.

[Andy]

Was. There's nothing devastating more humorous in my head than when someone's alone and hurting themselves. Something about them having to deal with that. I saw a woman. There was a video the other day where she tripped in her driveway. She took a tumble, and she's on audio on a nest cam, and she just sprawls out like a starfish afterwards. And she's like, oh. She's like, world, just run me over. It was so funny. It was so funny. But, yeah, I'm more likely to look, I'm not going to fall and hit my head as I get older. I'm not going to break my hip when I hit the.

[Mike]

Ground. I mean, yes, you're going to fall and hit your head. It's just not going to. You're immune to.

[Andy]

It.

[Mike]

Right. So that doesn't mean you can't.

[Andy]

Fall. It's like it's. Nothing happened, though. I mean, you might as well. It's like I'm standing up so.

[Jason]

I can jump out of an.

[Mike]

Airplane. Ooh, I don't know.

[Jason]

Man. And as long. As long as I don't hit. If, like, if I.

[Andy]

Hit. You go into a.

[Jason]

Tree. If I hit the concrete, you're fine. I'm totally cool. But if I happen to fall into, like, oh, some branches, some sharp things. Yeah. Some pointy branches, I got a big.

[Mike]

Problem. Yeah. What about gravel? Gravel would be a real.

[Jason]

Problem. Yeah. What's the ruling on.

[Mike]

Gravel? If you're falling into gravel, you're piercing all over.

[Andy]

Dead. But, dude, jump in the.

[Jason]

Ocean. Oh.

[Andy]

Yeah. Tons of skydives into the ocean, you're.

[Mike]

Fine. Yeah. You can't.

[Andy]

Drown. Unless you land on a.

[Jason]

Swordfish. A swordfish was breaching at the exact same.

[Mike]

Moment. What are the chances? I think if you jumped out of a plane into the middle of the ocean, your blunt force trauma, which would kill you.

[Andy]

Normally.

[Mike]

Yeah. You'll still.

[Jason]

Die.

[Mike]

Really? Yeah. From being in the middle of the.

[Jason]

Ocean. Oh, well, clearly it's planned out to be a super stunt.

[Mike]

Jason. So you got boats.

[Jason]

Nearby. I'm not just booking a flight to London and feeling see you later. Check this.

[Andy]

Out. Now, I was trying to think if there's an advantage to, like, if you can't be shot. Like, is that, like, a huge advantage for, like, being a superhero, or is it more of an advantage? The blunt force trump? Like, if I could just walk through the worst neighborhood in the world, but people could just come beat me up with a.

[Mike]

Bat. I still. I still think the danger is being pierced. Like, if you got in a car.

[Matt]

Accident.

[Mike]

Right. If you got in a car accident and nothing pierced you, like, Today without these.

[Jason]

Superpowers.

[Mike]

Right. You're probably not that it's a. But you're probably. You're going to be injured, you know, but you're probably.

[Andy]

Okay. Most people die from.

[Jason]

Like. Yeah, it's like you hit your head on the wheel, which we have airbags now, but you can hit your head on the side.

[Andy]

Window.

[Jason]

Yeah. I think in.

[Andy]

The. People are getting decapitated in all these.

[Mike]

Accidents. I think they're getting crushed and pieces of car are coming into.

[Andy]

Them. If I have. If I am. If I'm packing, I've got weapons and I can't be pierced by bullets. That's a good place to.

[Jason]

Be.

[Andy]

Yeah. Because I can open fire on anybody. They can't open fire on me.

[Mike]

Now. I like this creative.

[Andy]

Thinking. Right. So I could be like a.

[Jason]

Cool superhero that where does it shoot.

[Mike]

And kills everybody, the bad guys. You could be Deadpool. That this is literally.

[Jason]

His. No, because Deadpool just.

[Mike]

Regenerates. Well, sure, but I'm saying he's immune to it. And he.

[Jason]

Shoots. He's not immune.

[Mike]

Though. He is.

[Andy]

Immune. Don't fight with Mike.

[Mike]

Man. What do you mean he's not. What is the definition of.

[Jason]

Immune? Immune. Is it like it would.

[Andy]

Bounce? Does he feel.

[Jason]

Pain? No, he doesn't feel pain, but like he can.

[Andy]

Have. That's pretty close to immune.

[Jason]

Mike. But you can get your limbs removed. They don't grow back. Oh, they do grow back. That's not immunity. I mean, that is not.

[Mike]

Immunity. That is.

[Andy]

Immunity. You.

[Mike]

Can'T. You.

[Jason]

Cannot. Immune is.

[Andy]

Superman.

[Jason]

Papa. Josh, the bullet comes in. The bullet comes into his eyeball. It crushes.

[Mike]

Him. That's not what immunity is. Mike is.

[Jason]

100%. Thank you.

[Andy]

Josh. You're not. If your arm could be chopped off and it takes weeks to grow back, that's not.

[Jason]

Immunity. Thank.

[Andy]

You. That's a good.

[Jason]

Point. And in Deadpool 2, he gets a little.

[Andy]

Baby. It's invincibility. If you want to say you're.

[Mike]

Invincible. Protection or exemption from something like Deadpool has protection from. It's just protection. It's not the way that you would define immunity. But yeah, he's immune to the.

[Jason]

Way that the word defines immunity is. It doesn't.

[Andy]

Exactly. You should be using.

[Jason]

Invincible.

[Andy]

Yes. Invincible means that you're not going to.

[Mike]

Die. I think we're exact opposites. Invincible is what Mike's saying Superman is. Superman is invincible. He is 100% invincible. Nothing.

[Andy]

Can. I've always defined invincible as living like you're invincible from.

[Mike]

Death. I think we don't know the meaning of.

[Andy]

Words. I think we know invincible means too powerful to be defeated or.

[Jason]

Overcome. If you get shot and the bullet goes into your body, but it's not gonna kill you, but it still damages your body for a short period of time, you are not immune. Immune is like you.

[Mike]

Can. You're certainly not.

[Jason]

Invincible. Correct. Yeah, you're not invincible either. But immune, you know, like you can. You can drink the poison.

[Andy]

And. Are you saying you think immune is more powerful than.

[Jason]

Vincibility? No, I know invincibility.

[Mike]

Is. Invincibility is the top tier.

[Andy]

One. Yes.

[Mike]

Okay. That's what Mike is saying. Like, what's the difference.

[Andy]

Between. So, yeah, the blunt force or the piercing? Which one you.

[Jason]

Want? I'm.

[Andy]

Going. I'm going.

[Jason]

To. I'm going blunt.

[Mike]

Force. I'm going.

[Andy]

Piercing. Chris from the website. Would you rather suddenly become a contagious infectious.

[Matt]

Condition? Which would you.

[Andy]

Rather. Okay, that makes way more.

[Mike]

Sense. We're back to question on.

[Jason]

Immunity.

[Andy]

Which. Which would you rather suddenly.

[Jason]

Wait. Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. Which would you.

[Andy]

Rather. Read it.

[Mike]

Properly. Which would you rather suddenly become a contagious.

[Matt]

Infectious. No, no, no. Which would you rather suddenly become a contagious infectious.

[Jason]

Condition?

[Mike]

Yep. That's a terrible sentence. That's what you just read. And you read it so confidently and.

[Andy]

Like. It is a bad.

[Jason]

Sentence. Do it.

[Mike]

Again. Because I still didn't know you.

[Andy]

Could have said, which of these would.

[Matt]

You rather talk to, Chris? But it says, which would you rather suddenly become a contagious infectious.

[Andy]

Condition? It's color.

[Matt]

Blindness. Color blindness or d to say.

[Jason]

Like, which of the following or which of you have to let people know there's something coming.

[Andy]

Up? Or would you rather. Color blindness or dyslexia become a contagious infectious condition, so you would occasionally acquire it just like the common cold, and it would last seven to ten days. Okay, so dyslexia or colorblindness. The premise of this question is fantastic. The wording terrible and the options subpar. Like, we could have had some really more severe things that become contagious. But colorblind or dyslexia, you can.

[Jason]

Catch them for about seven to 10.

[Andy]

Days. Someone tell me what dyslexia really.

[Mike]

Is. Dyslexia means that you scramble upwards or letters. So when you're reading, you might read the second word before the first or within words, certain.

[Jason]

Letters. It becomes very.

[Andy]

Challenging. Challenges. Like reading.

[Mike]

Challenges. Yes. You basically can't see the world of color. Or you are a poor reader and I don't do reading. So this is you Know what.

[Andy]

Does? Not according to.

[Jason]

Mike. This is a lie. This is. This is all a.

[Andy]

Trick. Oh.

[Jason]

No. This is a. Mike, Mr. Jason. I go hiking in the.

[Mike]

Mornings. I'm getting.

[Jason]

Exposed. We were just. I just mentioned the trip. I didn't even know this was going to come up. We're on the aeroplane and I'm listening to some music. I'm vibing out. I look over. My compadre over here has pulled out a book and I'm like, oh, that's. That's new. That's like. I wonder what he's reading. And it seems to be some sort of a.

[Mike]

Fantasy. It's Mistborn. It's like.

[Andy]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I just assumed it was some health book. So he's just reading real.

[Jason]

Books? No, he is.

[Andy]

Reading. He's a.

[Jason]

Reader. He is reading fiction. Strictly for.

[Andy]

Pleasure. Tell him the big part. Tell him the special.

[Jason]

Part. The book comes out and apparently the light wasn't enough for Jason, so he pulls out the little horseshoe book.

[Andy]

Light. Those are nice. Really nice around the neck with the.

[Jason]

Dual. I'm just saying the charade is.

[Mike]

Up. All right, well, hold on. If we're getting exposed here. I was at. I was at a cabin yesterday. I'm out in the morning reading out by the.

[Matt]

Campfire. I was gonna bring that up if you.

[Mike]

Didn'T. I took a bubble bath and I'm reading in the bathtub yesterday. I'm reading all the.

[Matt]

Time. I was literally asking the group that was with us for bookmark recommendations.

[Jason]

If we had any bookmarks. We.

[Mike]

Really. Dang.

[Jason]

It. Hold.

[Andy]

On. A piece of paper, man. It'd be.

[Jason]

Fine. I want to confirm what I just heard. Not a book.

[Mike]

Recommendation. No.

[Andy]

Correct. A book.

[Jason]

Top. A.

[Matt]

Bookmark. We saw him dog ear the corner of his pages and we were giving him a hard time and asked him if he'd ever heard of bookmarks. But then it went down the road of. He was on Amazon looking for. Of course, but he wanted the.

[Jason]

Best. The best book you could go buy a.

[Mike]

Bookmark. I wanted something special. I wanted the best.

[Andy]

Bookmark. He's into books now. Mike.

[Jason]

Listen. So what's the best? That feels like a.

[Andy]

Draft. When the world. When a person. We'll call him Jason, spends his 20s and.

[Jason]

30S.

[Andy]

Yeah. In a public outcry against hiking, reading, mornings, all of these.

[Mike]

Things. Health, reality.

[Andy]

Food. All of the above. And it all at 40, whatever turns.

[Jason]

To. And like, you still think you're that person. Not realizing that you're.

[Mike]

Like.

[Andy]

Yeah. You said you don't I'm not a reader. It's your.

[Mike]

Bit. That's your fictional character.

[Jason]

Yeah. Also, sorry, what's. What is wrong? What does the world find so wrong with just bending the corner of a.

[Mike]

Page? What's wrong with this? I mean, those guys gave me a really hard.

[Andy]

Time. It's not the end of the world, man. But also, you could rip off the corner of any piece of paper and use it as a.

[Mike]

Bookmark. I'm not looking to like, personally, I'm not going to ebay this book when I'm done with it, you know, or take it to a bookstore and sell it. Like, I don't care if the do people.

[Jason]

Ask. And like, you got it up for sale on ebay. Like, was this book dog.

[Andy]

Eared? How many dog ears in a book do you want is the question? Because those will. They'll start to appear when you're closing the book. You'll start to see like.

[Jason]

20. And then that book's like, I am a well read.

[Mike]

Book. Yeah. You want a weathered, you know, used book. I want a couple of pages that were.

[Andy]

Clearly. A bookmark is a coffee stain.

[Mike]

Whether it's from tears or a.

[Jason]

Bath.

[Andy]

Right. All bookmarks, no matter which you find on the Internet and how much they cost, will all be some thin piece of material between the pages you're.

[Mike]

Reading. Not entirely.

[Jason]

True. Thickest.

[Mike]

Bookmark. There are some bookmarks that attach to the book itself and then hold the.

[Andy]

Page. The little leather thing. Yeah.

[Mike]

Okay. But what we concluded was, why don't all books come with the ribbon that, like, the Bible has, like, just build in the.

[Jason]

Ribbon. Oh, that's cost. Yeah.

[Mike]

That'S. It wasn't. Cost him a penny per book. I mean, shell out, charge me five extra.

[Jason]

Pennies. Do you not remember the story of, like, when the airlines, like, we removed an olive from our salads and we've just saved hundreds of thousands of.

[Andy]

Dollars. We're not putting these. And the ribbons wouldn't be up to.

[Jason]

Snub. But hold on, hold on, hold on. These penny ribbons, Jeremy. Mr. Attacking our new. Our friend over here who's bettering his life reading. And you're like, you're not doing it right. What is going on.

[Andy]

Here?

[Matt]

Why? I don't think I attacked him. It was a group.

[Jason]

Effort. Yeah, well, what.

[Matt]

More. It was more of just a noticing that he dog eared it. And then, then it became the group of readers of defacing a nice.

[Mike]

Book. It was a defacing. Why are you defacing your book? Made me feel really.

[Jason]

Bad. Take that spine.

[Andy]

Yeah. I mean, I feel like I'd rather dog ear like, a paperback than a hardcover. Was it.

[Matt]

Hardcover? It was a hard.

[Andy]

Cover. Yeah, I wouldn't want to.

[Jason]

Dog. Okay, a hardcover. Not coming with the ribbon. Now we can talk.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Jason]

Yes. Now we can talk. A hardback should come with a.

[Andy]

Ribbon. A hardware should come with a ribbon. Or optional ribbon. You should be able to click. Yeah, like. And pick your.

[Mike]

Color. Does it have a jacket on it? Yeah, that's your.

[Jason]

Bookmark. Oh, those are too.

[Andy]

Thick. You didn't take the jacket.

[Jason]

Off. Take that dust cover. Throw that thing.

[Andy]

In. You didn't take that thing off. I have that thing in the old. The trash.

[Mike]

Bin. Okay, I will. I'm gonna deface the heck out of.

[Andy]

It. Plus, you'll notice that when you take the dust cover off, it'll look much nicer on your shelf, which you have to be building.

[Mike]

Now. Yeah, I know. The library is in.

[Jason]

Permanent. What are we doing with these dust covers? They're so obnoxious. They look. The COVID of the book looks so much.

[Andy]

Better. It.

[Jason]

Sails. It's plastic on the.

[Mike]

Couch. Save the money on the dust.

[Jason]

Cover. Put a ribbon.

[Andy]

In. There's no place to put the bio of the author without a dust.

[Jason]

Cover. Oh, you want a page in the.

[Andy]

Book. You can't do.

[Mike]

That. Where do we write? Where do we write.

[Jason]

Words? No, Josh, it's not the.

[Andy]

Book. It is, but it's not the book, my.

[Jason]

Friend. So do you leave it on while you're.

[Mike]

Reading?

[Andy]

Yeah. And then you move the inner cover to be where you're.

[Mike]

Stupid. That's the COVID into the page that you finished. I've seen that. And.

[Andy]

That'S. You're.

[Mike]

Fired. It's fine. But when you've got a. This book is pretty thick, so if you get in the middle.

[Jason]

It'S. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. That.

[Jason]

Won'T. Stress doesn't.

[Andy]

Work. Yeah. This discussion is spectacular. I'd rather be colorblind for seven to 10 days, by the way. I'd rather be ice cream. I can live without colors for a little.

[Mike]

While. Oh, I'd rather be.

[Andy]

Dyslexic. But what about your.

[Mike]

Books? I can put on Audible for a week. Okay, I'll.

[Andy]

Listen. Good job, guys. This has been something special. We'll take a break. We'll come back with man of the.

[Mike]

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[Andy]

Purchase. Before we jump into man of the people, I'm just thinking about this like Jason, you know, everybody's midlife crisis is different. You know, my science teacher in grade school, his was a Mazda Miata. You know, I'm just, I don't know what man I'm going to be in a couple of years is the real thing. That's the Point I'm bringing up because I'm already entering that.

[Mike]

Phase. I'm like, I'm coming out of.

[Andy]

It. You're coming out of it. I'm going right in. He said. Jason said 41 was his toughest.

[Mike]

Year. Yeah.

[Andy]

41. 41. I just turned 41 so far. It.

[Mike]

Sucked.

[Jason]

Yeah. Sorry. Because you're like, you came face to face with the demons, but now you're changing it. I doubt.

[Mike]

It. I think I.

[Andy]

Just. Is it.

[Mike]

Mortality? I think it.

[Jason]

Just. I felt old.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. And fat and.

[Jason]

Broken. And now you're working on it.

[Mike]

Man. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So, you know, we'll all get there. Dude, there is a bug in my water cup. Refuses to.

[Andy]

Leave. In your.

[Mike]

Water? Yeah, Just hanging out, like, right by.

[Matt]

The. If anybody's on YouTube. About five minutes ago, Jason was staring into this cup, and I could not figure out what was going.

[Jason]

On. Oh, one of those little gnat type.

[Andy]

Bugs.

[Jason]

Yeah. But it didn't go in the.

[Mike]

Water. It didn't go in the water. So I don't know if I can drink this or not, but this. I mean, it was hanging out there for a long.

[Jason]

Time. That's another question. The. What is your.

[Andy]

Response? So say the bug went in the.

[Jason]

Water. Say the tiny little gnat goes in the water. Are you like, I.

[Mike]

Can'T. I was. I was full. I'm currently planning on not drinking any more of that.

[Jason]

Water.

[Andy]

Okay. Even.

[Mike]

Now. Even now. Like, I don't want.

[Andy]

To. You don't pluck and.

[Mike]

Sip? No, not unless. Not unless the liquid is.

[Andy]

Valuable. I would not pluck and sip unless I saw it go in. Like, if. I didn't know if it was there for, like, days or.

[Jason]

Something. Oh, how old is.

[Andy]

It? How long have you got water around? You don't have water next to.

[Jason]

Your bed in a bottle, like in a.

[Andy]

Thermos. Okay, your thermos. What do you have next to your.

[Mike]

Bed? I've got a bottle of.

[Andy]

Water. I have. You know, when.

[Mike]

You. You got a bucket.

[Andy]

No. When you go to baseball games, they give you the, like, souvenir.

[Jason]

Cups. Yeah, yeah.

[Andy]

Yeah. I collect those. And all I use them for is water glasses by my bed. If. I mean, theoretically, I could use that for a couple nights. I could drink half of it. There's enough water for the next night. Now I'm getting hand sanitized, but you got it.

[Matt]

Covered. You got, like, a layer of dust.

[Andy]

Cover. No, there ain't. It's not covered. There is.

[Matt]

Dust.

[Andy]

Gross. There can be Dust. But if I. If.

[Mike]

I. And if I see the bug go in, it's fine. But otherwise it.

[Andy]

Could. If I see a floating bug, I'm not plucking it. I'm.

[Jason]

Refilling. How big of a bug does. So you're watching the bug go in. How big does the bug have to be before you're like, nope, I.

[Andy]

Can'T. Yeah. I mean, it's got to be super tiny. Like a regular fly. Like a real.

[Mike]

Like. Like a house.

[Andy]

Fly. Fly's too.

[Jason]

Big. Yeah. House. Because they're all covered in acid. They're covered in doo doo. But like, a bumblebee goes.

[Mike]

In. Oh, good.

[Jason]

Question. Perishes in that.

[Andy]

Water. Bumble, bumble, bumble. I'm not sipping that.

[Jason]

Water. Honeybee.

[Mike]

Maybe. Wait. What's the.

[Jason]

Difference? The.

[Mike]

Bumblebees. A bumblebee's different than a.

[Jason]

Honeybee. Bumblebee's got the fuzzy.

[Andy]

Butt. The bumblebees are huge.

[Mike]

Man. Wait, that's. I thought a bumblebee is.

[Andy]

Just. If it was the same, it would be called a bee. It wouldn't be called a.

[Mike]

Bumblebee. I thought we'd just shorten it. And we don't always have to say.

[Jason]

Bumblebee. We just call him a.

[Andy]

Bee. No, no.

[Jason]

Man. It's a type of.

[Andy]

Bee. Have you not seen those big old bumblebees flying.

[Jason]

Around? They're not. Those are. The big ones are.

[Mike]

Like. Bumblebees are just a black and.

[Jason]

Yellow regular, but they're.

[Mike]

Fuzzies. Isn't that what a normal bee.

[Jason]

Is? No. A honeybee is not.

[Mike]

Fuzzy. Honeybees aren't.

[Jason]

Fuzzy. No. They're sleek death.

[Mike]

Machines.

[Andy]

No. They got a little bit of fuzz because they got. Not like a bumble. You got to get the pollen on.

[Matt]

Them. Mike is.

[Mike]

Correct. Bumblebees are.

[Jason]

Cute.

[Mike]

Yes. Honeybees are.

[Jason]

Monsters.

[Andy]

Yes. But bumblebees are much.

[Mike]

Bigger. They are a.

[Jason]

Little. Yeah, but they look.

[Mike]

Friendlier. They look way.

[Andy]

Friendlier. They look stuff.

[Mike]

Cuddly. And they're more round, less sleek. The sleekness of a honeybee is made for war. A bumblebee. Which is funny. I want these names.

[Jason]

Replaced. Bumblebee's a.

[Mike]

Cruiser.

[Andy]

Hmm. I mean, bumble's a goofy name. It's the right name for.

[Mike]

That. I'm a bumbling bee. Bumblebees are genuinely cute. Like, which came.

[Andy]

First? What are the ones we see flying around in Arizona that are.

[Jason]

Giant? You talking.

[Mike]

About. You're talking.

[Jason]

Big. It's usually a June bug, but if it's a bee. It's a. I think it's a carpenter bee. That's what I've always called big.

[Mike]

Huge black ones that are like three.

[Andy]

Inches. That's what I've always said was a.

[Mike]

Bumblebee. That's not a.

[Jason]

Bumblebee. No, that's incorrect. What are the giant, big black.

[Mike]

Bees? No, not a wasp. It's the carpenter bee.

[Andy]

It's. Matt wrote.

[Mike]

Wasps. Matt won't.

[Jason]

Wrote. You're.

[Mike]

Fired. You're.

[Andy]

Fired. We know what a wasp.

[Mike]

Is. No longer.

[Jason]

Employed. A wasp is an opinion. Angry looking bee. So Josh is. You're on my.

[Mike]

Side. It's a carpenter bee. It's the.

[Jason]

Drones. I'm on fire today.

[Andy]

Boy. Oh, no, you're not.

[Mike]

Right. Is it a pigeon? We do.

[Matt]

Have. We do have big black bumblebees as.

[Andy]

Well. Oh, carpenter bee does look.

[Jason]

Right. Wait, there's. There's big black.

[Andy]

Bumblebees.

[Jason]

Yeah. Are they snuggly? They're not.

[Andy]

Snuggly. I'm so.

[Matt]

Sorry. No, they are not. They do have, like, a little fur coat, but then their butt is.

[Andy]

Smooth. Yeah. All right. Man of the people. I hit this button and we start and we stop talking about.

[Jason]

Bees. Bumbus.

[Matt]

Melanopagus. Jason, do you need some water? Are you gonna be all.

[Mike]

Right? I would love a.

[Matt]

Drink. Matt would love to get that for.

[Mike]

You. You're hired temporarily to give me a.

[Andy]

Drink. He gets you a drink, he walks it out here on camera. You slap him in the face for saying wasps, and then he can.

[Jason]

Leave.

[Mike]

Okay? All right. Deal?

[Podcast Narrator]

Deal. Man of the.

[Andy]

People. I wouldn't even feel bad. You're not supposed to slap your employees, but this is.

[Mike]

Fine. No, he said wasps when we were talking about bees. Like we didn't know what a wasp was. A pigeon. Do you know how smart we.

[Andy]

Are?

[Mike]

Very. I don't know what a.

[Andy]

Wasp. Mike is still digging into these.

[Jason]

Bumblebees. Well, carpenter bee versus the black bumblebee. They look real.

[Andy]

Similar. Yeah.

[Jason]

Man. I'm sorry. So what do we got here? And is one.

[Matt]

Worse? We have both.

[Jason]

Here. Oh, that's.

[Andy]

Great. I don't see that. That's.

[Jason]

Great. We also got those.

[Mike]

Tarantulas. You can just come right on camera and get your.

[Andy]

Slap. Come on in. Get your.

[Matt]

Slap. There you.

[Mike]

Go. Let the record show I did slap him. And I also made him spill the dirty, nasty water all over the.

[Andy]

Water. But to be clear, that water never had a bug in it. Maybe the bugs were just near.

[Mike]

It. The bug was near it, but.

[Andy]

I Don't know if it's dry.

[Mike]

Bug. I don't know if he was.

[Jason]

Drinking. He's all.

[Andy]

Right. Man of the.

[Mike]

People. Drinking my water, though. Just get you to.

[Matt]

Spit. He got a spit take out of.

[Andy]

It. Oh.

[Mike]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, it's the bug. It's the bug juice. The bug.

[Andy]

Juice. He's covered in.

[Jason]

Water. That's the end of Matt. We'll see you later.

[Andy]

Bud. All right, we're playing man of the People. Al Borland has gone out and surveyed thousands of.

[Mike]

People. You're.

[Matt]

Fired. This show is just 100 people.

[Mike]

Wild. Oh.

[Andy]

Man. Shirt is covered in.

[Mike]

Water. Okay. And that's. That's dirty. That's dirty bug.

[Andy]

Water. He would call it a wasp dead.

[Mike]

Soon. Yeah, wasp.

[Andy]

Water. Oh, my gosh. All right, Al, I'm going to let you keep talk or start talking. Tell us what we're.

[Matt]

Doing. Jason is the current reigning man of the.

[Andy]

People. Who doesn't seem.

[Matt]

Right. We surveyed 100 people. Top six answers are on the board. If you get the number one answer, you get three points. If you get the second answer, you get two points. And if you get any other answer, you get one point. The seventh round is worth double the.

[Mike]

Points. All right, let's do it. Oh.

[Jason]

Man. First, not waking up for this.

[Andy]

Guy. Me.

[Matt]

Neither. Name a reason why a child can't wait to grow.

[Mike]

Up. No.

[Matt]

School. No school is the number six.

[Mike]

Answer. I'm on the.

[Jason]

Board. Barely get that.

[Matt]

Shmoney. Have a job is the number three.

[Mike]

Answer. We're both only one.

[Andy]

Point. Phrase it for me.

[Matt]

Again. Just so I'm a reason why a child can't wait to grow.

[Andy]

Up. Three, get.

[Matt]

Married. Romance is the number five.

[Jason]

Answer. Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. Well, we all. We.

[Andy]

All. Tell us. Tell us the true.

[Matt]

Answer. Drive is the number one.

[Jason]

Answer. Oh.

[Matt]

Shoot. Okay, move out. Number two answer. Okay, and the other one you missed is no.

[Andy]

Rules. I was gonna say no.

[Jason]

Bills. I got bad.

[Andy]

News. You got rules.

[Mike]

Brother. Kids, you got a lot more rules, and they're.

[Andy]

Worse. The very first thing I did when I moved out was I broke the rule and I bought a bin of Red Vines, going, I can eat as many as I want. One hour later, I was throwing up in the.

[Matt]

Toilet. All right, for me, it was binge watching mtv. Oh, to watch that in my.

[Andy]

House. As much as you.

[Matt]

Want. All right, you guys all tied with one point there. Next question. Name an instrument that you need to be really coordinated to.

[Andy]

Play. I'm going to go.

[Matt]

Violin. Violin is the number four.

[Jason]

Answer.

[Mike]

Drums. That Was what I was going to.

[Matt]

Say. I think that's the right answer. But it came in at the number two.

[Jason]

Answer. Stop talking to idiots then. Yeah, please survey better.

[Mike]

People. What was the question? How is it.

[Matt]

Worded? Name an instrument that you'd need to be really coordinated to.

[Andy]

Play. Oh, you did the.

[Mike]

Three. Two.

[Matt]

Saxophone. That is the number.

[Andy]

Six. Can I.

[Mike]

Guess? I'm on the.

[Matt]

Board. Yeah, you can.

[Jason]

Guess.

[Matt]

Piano. That is the number one.

[Jason]

Answer. Yeah, that's.

[Mike]

Wrong. You've got to be way more coordinated to play the drums than.

[Jason]

Drums. Drums you.

[Andy]

Need. I feel like piano is a good answer, though. Two.

[Matt]

Hands. They just need to swap drums and.

[Jason]

Piano. But for drums, you need to be able to independently operate all four limbs. It's not just your.

[Andy]

Fingies. Well, you.

[Mike]

Got. Well.

[Andy]

Piano. You gotta use a.

[Mike]

Pedal. Pedals too. It's. That's.

[Matt]

Three. This is three.

[Jason]

Limbs. I'm telling you, I use both. It is nothing like playing the.

[Andy]

Drums. Okay. All right. Well, you. Mike plays both, so more.

[Jason]

Points.

[Matt]

Yes. All right, we got Mike at 3, Andy and Jason at 2. The next question is name a famous movie monster you might see in a black and white.

[Andy]

Film. King.

[Matt]

Kong. That is the number two.

[Mike]

Answer. Ooh.

[Matt]

Godzilla. That is the number one.

[Jason]

Answer. Shoot. Read the question again.

[Matt]

Please. Name a famous movie.

[Mike]

Monster. I just wanted to make sure.

[Matt]

It was black and white.

[Jason]

Film.

[Matt]

Dracula. That is the number four.

[Mike]

Answer. Okay, number three on the.

[Matt]

Board. Yeah, you guys are doing great. Number three was.

[Andy]

Frankenstein.

[Matt]

Yeah. And then Mummy and Werewolf were five and.

[Mike]

Six. I'm not gonna lie to you. I would have swapped 1 and.

[Andy]

2. King.

[Mike]

Kong. Godzilla was the first name that came to mind. But then when I was thinking black and white, I was like, no, that's more King.

[Andy]

Kong. Yeah, all.

[Mike]

Right. But I'm glad that it.

[Andy]

Wasn'T. They fight each other though.

[Mike]

Right? Sometimes. We made.

[Jason]

Them. The.

[Andy]

American. We made them do.

[Mike]

It. They don't actually.

[Andy]

Exist. Is King Kong our.

[Jason]

Godzilla? I don't.

[Mike]

Know. Feel.

[Jason]

Like. I mean, they're. They're different because Godzilla is more of a. It was the warning about nuclear war, where King Kong is just a monster who comes in and climbs buildings and grabs. Yeah, he takes damsels to the.

[Matt]

Top. All right, three rounds down, four to go. Reminder, last round is worth our bowser. Our current reigning champion is on top with five points. You two have four. Name something college roommates might argue.

[Andy]

About the cleanliness of the.

[Matt]

Room. Cleaning is the number one.

[Jason]

Answer.

[Mike]

Yeah. Money. The bill. What a.

[Matt]

Rent. However they're going to say it Money is the number three.

[Andy]

Answer.

[Jason]

Wow. Parties. People.

[Mike]

There. Which.

[Jason]

Answer? I mean, I'm.

[Andy]

Sorry. I'll.

[Matt]

Get. Music is on the board, but I don't know if that's really. Parties. That's the closest.

[Jason]

Thing. Parties. Because it's talking about, like, loud and like.

[Matt]

That. That is the number five.

[Mike]

Answer. Yeah.

[Matt]

That'S. You guys missed the number two answer, which was food. They argue about, like, who's. Like, people eating each other's food in the.

[Jason]

Refrigerator. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But wait, hold on.

[Andy]

I'm. Bills. That was that one. That one. I was surprised because I didn't think, like, roommates of an apartment versus a.

[Jason]

Door. You said dorm.

[Matt]

Right. Just college.

[Mike]

Roommates. So when I was my college roommates, I was. I lived in an.

[Jason]

Apartment. Okay. I was thinking of.

[Andy]

Dorms. We both went dorms. But you're.

[Jason]

Right. The rent that no one's paying, it's just in your.

[Mike]

Tuition. All.

[Andy]

Right. We're all on the board every.

[Matt]

Time. We got Andy with seven, Jason with six, Mike with.

[Jason]

Five. Saving up for round seven.

[Mike]

Guys. Yeah.

[Matt]

Smart. If you were stranded on a tropical island, name something you might have to.

[Mike]

Eat. Oh, it's got to be a.

[Matt]

Coconut. Coconut's number one.

[Mike]

Answer. Yeah. You're never getting into that.

[Jason]

Yeah. There's nothing else you can.

[Matt]

Eat? Fish, Seafood. Number two.

[Jason]

Answer. Nice. A tropical.

[Podcast Narrator]

Island.

[Jason]

Correct. Wild.

[Matt]

Chickens. I love the.

[Jason]

Confidence. Not on the.

[Mike]

Board.

[Matt]

Bananas. Bananas, bananas. Number three.

[Mike]

Pineapples.

[Matt]

Four. Bugs, number five, and berries, number.

[Andy]

Six. I want to go on that island, though, because there's a.

[Jason]

Few. Yeah, it's called.

[Andy]

Hawaii. Yeah, let's get some wild.

[Jason]

Chickens. There's wild chickens.

[Mike]

There. Yeah. But I'm guessing that if you were on one of these islands before, you would take that chicken and murder and eat it. You'd probably grab the bananas or the.

[Jason]

Berries. Yeah, well, no, because I got to keep up my.

[Mike]

Gains. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. Need that.

[Jason]

Protein. Yeah.

[Andy]

Yeah. Smart. Ain't catching no.

[Mike]

Fish. All right, next.

[Jason]

Round. How am I doing.

[Matt]

That? All right, next round. Name a word that begins with.

[Andy]

Con.

[Matt]

Concept. Concept. Not on the.

[Andy]

Board. No, I was too.

[Mike]

Quick.

[Matt]

Confetti. Confetti. Not on the.

[Mike]

Board. Dang.

[Jason]

It.

[Andy]

Concert. Oh, that's gonna be on.

[Mike]

There. That's gonna be on.

[Matt]

There. Concert. Not on the.

[Andy]

Board. Shut.

[Mike]

Out. What are these words? Con artist was the only.

[Matt]

Convict. Was number one. Con artist was number two. Contest, contract, construction, and.

[Andy]

Connect. That one's kind of wild. Man is a lot of.

[Jason]

Words. A full word or Is that a.

[Mike]

Hyp? So when I. That's a high. When you were reading it, I thought, con artist is perfect, but I was like, that's not a.

[Andy]

Word. It's a con space.

[Mike]

Artist. Yeah. It's not a.

[Matt]

Word. It doesn't keep people from saying the.

[Jason]

Answer. That's true. It is just a survey. They said drums is number.

[Andy]

Two. Is this last.

[Matt]

Round? This would be the last.

[Jason]

Round. Here we go. Coming in.

[Matt]

Hot. So we currently have a tie. Andy and Jason with nine. Mike has five. I'm doomed. It's not looking good for.

[Andy]

You. Well, if you get.

[Jason]

An. You guys don't get an answer, then. Yeah.

[Mike]

Well. And if Wild Chickens is the answer to this one, you're.

[Matt]

Good. You're all going to get on the board here. Sorry, Mike. All right. Name a job that ends with the word.

[Mike]

Guard. Security.

[Matt]

Guard. That is the number two.

[Andy]

Answer.

[Mike]

Ooh. Andy, you have chance.

[Andy]

Three. Neither of us have buzzed in one.

[Mike]

Name. No, but you.

[Andy]

Have. We're not getting.

[Mike]

Timed. What do you mean? You have to buzz in in a.

[Jason]

Time. No, you don't. Not when there's two people.

[Andy]

Left. We could have all been sitting here. Yeah, you don't know this.

[Mike]

Game. Oh, my.

[Jason]

Gosh. Learn the.

[Mike]

Rules. That's not.

[Jason]

True. Name a job that.

[Matt]

Ends. We've never had this situation. I think in most game shows. Jason's right. We would be. You would have to. There you.

[Andy]

Go.

[Jason]

Lifeguard. Oh, that's a good.

[Matt]

Answer. With enough time. So I got the number one.

[Mike]

Answer. *. This was absolute nonsense. He does.

[Jason]

Not deserve. Hold on.

[Andy]

Hold on. I wasn't.

[Jason]

On the.

[Matt]

Wild Guard. Wild Guard. Not on the board. We had Lifeguard, security guard, bodyguard, prison guard, national guard, and.

[Mike]

Crossing.

[Andy]

Guard. It. Actually, I took a long.

[Matt]

Time to think you guys were all instantly happy there, but.

[Mike]

That does.

[Matt]

I won. Make Andy this week man of.

[Jason]

The people.

[Andy]

No way. Too quick, Jay. Too quick. All right, we'll take a break.

[Mike]

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[Andy]

Google it. Confetti. Confetti was my favorite answer. For what.

[Podcast Narrator]

It'S worth. The.

[Andy]

Spitballers draft. All right. We are drafting fictional devices we wish were real fictional devices. And Jason, what do they have.

[Mike]

To be? They have to be electronical.

[Andy]

Or mechanic. Thank you. So, Mike, you are the first pick in our devices you wish were real draft. What are you.

[Jason]

Going with? I imagine we'll be pretty top heavy here with big ones. So it's just. Which one? So I'm going. It's time machine for me and I'm going to go with.

[Andy]

The.

[Jason]

Tardis. Yeah. As I think it's the most efficient Doctor who. Like the. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Doctor who. I didn't know what.

[Jason]

That was. Oh, yeah, it's the Doctor.

[Andy]

Who want like, it's like bigger on.

[Jason]

The inside and you can go any time or place you want to. Like the DeLorean is awesome. But you're reliant on a lot of stuff, as we saw in the movies, that chaos.

[Andy]

Can happen. I feel like the Delorean.

[Jason]

And you got to get.

[Andy]

To 88. The DeLorean's kind of a weird answer because the real Device There is.

[Jason]

Mr. Fusion. Right? It was just the flux capacitor, I guess because at number one. Number one does.

[Andy]

Flux fusion. Yeah.

[Jason]

You'Re right. You're right. Jason has.

[Mike]

No idea. You guys are talking like.

[Andy]

It'S real. Time.

[Mike]

Machine is. Well, what actually makes it work is.

[Andy]

The writing. Are we good.

[Jason]

With that? In the world of Back to the Future, we're talking about what makes.

[Mike]

It real.

[Andy]

All right. Okay. So the TARDIS is the number one pick by Mike. Jason, you're on.

[Mike]

The clock. I'm going to go with the heart wants what the.

[Jason]

Heart wants. Good. Good.

[Mike]

For you. And this might not be the most popular, but it would be incredible. And I don't think enough credit is given in the Star Trek universe to.

[Jason]

The Replicator. Oh, it's on my.

[Andy]

List firmly. So I'm really disappointed because that's my.

[Mike]

Number.

[Jason]

One. Unbelievable. The.

[Mike]

Food machine. The food machine. Just make me any food. Perfect. Immediately right.

[Andy]

Now from. It's not.

[Mike]

Just food. No, it's not.

[Andy]

It's not. It rearranges subatomic particles into anything that you want. Yeah, I mean, it just can't.

[Jason]

Be organic. So you can.

[Andy]

Make electronicals. Like you just can't make like a. You can't like make a.

[Jason]

Person'S arm or something like that, but you can make.

[Andy]

A machine. You.

[Jason]

Could make. I mean, you can make a bio or.

[Andy]

A mechanical. Like a quick. Really? Yeah, like a.

[Jason]

Computer mount. I don't.

[Mike]

Star Trek. When, when.

[Jason]

When they. Because I have.

[Mike]

Self respect. Like.

[Andy]

When they. It creates things from.

[Jason]

Thin air.

[Mike]

Watch it. Star Trek. Doing this draft, I realized your list is Star Trek. They are the best of all the sci fi cool stuff. They did it. The best. But yeah, that. You know, when you. When you ask it for a dish, it's putting it on a plate, is making.

[Andy]

A plate. The Replicator's a.

[Mike]

Great pick. What do you do with that? You just throw it away. I mean, how do they not just get overrun by plates? Everyone eats. A brand new.

[Andy]

Plate exists. You put the plate right back into the machine and it rearranges the particles for the next thing. Recycles.

[Jason]

Forever. Lightsaber. Okay. Yeah. Figure that one.

[Andy]

Would happen. I didn't really want it to be my first pick. I wanted to get into the Replicator and start talking about it like I'm smart and you.

[Mike]

Picked it. It's obviously a very popular one that you know, will do well in the draft, but I think, like fictional devices you wish were real. I don't wish the lightsaber was real.

[Andy]

That is. A lot of.

[Mike]

People do. No, no, no. I.

[Jason]

Get that. There would be some.

[Mike]

Big problems. Yeah, there's big problems if a lightsaber.

[Jason]

Is.

[Andy]

Real. Yeah. I'm going in the back of a lot.

[Mike]

Of vaults.

[Jason]

You are. Nothing.

[Andy]

Stopping me. Straight in. All right, so you threw me off a little bit. I thought I was very, very safe with the replicator. So I've got the lightsaber. I'm just going to. Heart wants what Heart wants. I'm going hoverboard back to.

[Jason]

The future. Yeah, baby. It's on my list.

[Andy]

That's nice. You could pretend like we've made stuff like that. We haven't. We haven't.

[Jason]

Made.

[Andy]

Anything. Yeah. The one that's out there, they're all pretend, man. They're all. No, they're all like, oh. If you put it on.

[Jason]

A magnet floor special track, then it doesn't work. As long as it can hover over everything but water.

[Andy]

You'Re good. I feel like hoverboard lightsaber, and I have those, and I'm using them at the same time. I'm the coolest.

[Mike]

Dude ever. You're just flying down, cutting balls.

[Andy]

In half. Yo, Biff, come here. All right, Jason, you're back on.

[Jason]

The cloud. It's a very different movie. It is. If you give Marty, you.

[Andy]

Give him a lightsaber, he's going to be.

[Jason]

All right.

[Mike]

All right. I would have taken this one first, but I felt like with your tardis, so I'm unfamiliar with Doctor who. This can go anywhere and anytime. Yeah. So I could be like, I'm Yesterday in China. Yeah. So that. That's way better than what I'm about to put. But I want the teleporter from.

[Jason]

Star Trek. It's still.

[Mike]

Very cool. The fact that I could just, like, you know, beam somewhere. That is still the device. That is the fictional device that I cannot wait to exist. And it will.

[Jason]

Be.

[Andy]

100%. No. They go, beam me down, Beam me down, Scotty. They never beam you down. They do that energizes.

[Jason]

The one. Jason's a big fan of the.

[Mike]

Word energizical. Yeah. So I'll take Star Trek. Teleportation is going to be so great. And will.

[Andy]

100% exist. Yeah. Yeah. And Jason has been so. It's so important to him that people know he was.

[Mike]

The.

[Jason]

One. Yeah. I believe from.

[Mike]

The.

[Andy]

Beginning. Yes. I believe we're going to Teleport ourselves.

[Mike]

We're not.

[Jason]

It seems. I mean, I feel like you have to go wormhole teleportation. We can't do the. Disassemble your body, send your genetic code over.

[Mike]

And reassemble. I'm already there. Where? Wherever I'm going, I'm not. I'm not being disassembled and reassembled. Is anyone.

[Andy]

Else confused? He's been drinking.

[Jason]

A lot. Okay, so.

[Mike]

I'm.

[Jason]

Up. Yeah. Sick. I'm gonna take the. Because I thought this was. I thought it would never make it back. Give me the Iron.

[Andy]

Man suits.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah. Because I will do almost all those things. I mean, I can fly, I can go to space if I need to go to war. I can be a single man army. Very excited for.

[Andy]

That one. And then what slows you down in that suit, by.

[Mike]

The way? Having to pee like that.

[Jason]

Would be. There's no way. There's no.

[Mike]

Way that.

[Andy]

It's beautiful. You can pee in there.

[Mike]

For sure. You could poop if you go high enough. That's fine. It'll evaporate, you know, by the time it hits.

[Andy]

The ground. He's saying you pee in the suit. You're saying you're peeing out of.

[Mike]

The suit. That's right. I'm not going to pee in.

[Jason]

My suit. If you go up to.

[Andy]

People pee in suits and you're peeing.

[Jason]

Out the suit, you got a whole nother.

[Andy]

Freezing problem. People pee.

[Mike]

In scuba. Oh, you think it's really cold.

[Jason]

Up there? Up in the air, up in the atmosphere.

[Andy]

Or space?

[Mike]

Very cold. I'm not going to outer space and opening my suit. I'm just going, you know.

[Jason]

How high up are.

[Mike]

We going?

[Jason]

Thousand feet.

[Andy]

A thousand. Oh, people.

[Mike]

Can see. I don't. You're giving them way too.

[Andy]

Much credit. That's a.

[Jason]

Good point. And then for my next pick, let's see. Speaking of the heart wants from the.

[Mike]

Movie up. Okay, I will be taking all.

[Jason]

Those balloons. No, I will be taking the talking dog collar so that my dog.

[Andy]

May speak. That's a.

[Jason]

Cool pic. And me and me and my dogs. I'm gonna know exactly what they.

[Andy]

Want, man. The idea that your dogs can talk and then you get the collar on and they're just.

[Jason]

Saying nothing. Oh, that's definitely what's happening. Treats, poop, treat.

[Mike]

Poop, poop. Or way worse. They just tell you how free me. How sad.

[Andy]

They are.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. And you're like, I hate. Well.

[Andy]

I hate. I remember.

[Jason]

My siblings. And you know what? I would rapidly improve the life of.

[Mike]

My dog. If he said that because I don't want to be trapped in this house anymore, I'd like to leave and go out. And so you just let him go out the.

[Jason]

Front door? I won't let him go out. Cuz.

[Andy]

You'Ll die. Yeah, I was gonna say you'd be like, oh, I can't let you go, cuz you'll.

[Jason]

Just die. Maybe the frequency of walks increases. Okay, okay, but until he actually says that, then no, he can just sleep in.

[Andy]

The house. What if you had a dog collar, but it makes you speak.

[Jason]

In dog. That's.

[Andy]

Fine too. He would understand you. You wouldn't know what you're saying.

[Jason]

Though, right? No, I would, but everyone else who was hearing me would hear bark.

[Andy]

Bark, bark. Jason, What Star Trek. What Star Trek item are.

[Jason]

You picking? Bark.

[Mike]

Bark, bark. The Star Trek item I am drafting is.

[Andy]

The phaser. Okay, he's going Star.

[Jason]

Trek again. You're just doing.

[Mike]

Them full. I. I mean, look, they're awesome. They're.

[Andy]

Awesome things. So you don't want a lightsaber, but you want.

[Mike]

A phaser? Well, yeah, because it's.

[Jason]

A stun. Yeah. I mean.

[Andy]

Come on.

[Mike]

Stunning randos.

[Andy]

Oh.

[Mike]

Yes. From. From the back, they.

[Jason]

Won'T know. Are you in.

[Matt]

My.

[Jason]

Way? Yeah. Then, yeah, you're.

[Andy]

Getting stunned. Just so you go on an elevator and when it opens up on the next floor, they're all laying on.

[Mike]

The ground. I don't think they fall over. They just kind.

[Andy]

Of free. You fall over if.

[Jason]

You'Re stunned. Well, I know.

[Andy]

This is. This ain't no Mr.

[Jason]

Freeze machine. I don't know Star Trek.

[Andy]

Enough to know that they.

[Jason]

Fall over. They.

[Andy]

Fall.

[Jason]

Over? Yes. So it's like go.

[Andy]

To sleep. Yes. This is not like. It's not.

[Jason]

Freeze tag. How do you not.

[Mike]

Know this? It's been a minute since I've been watching Star Trek. I grew up.

[Jason]

On it. Did they still use the phasers in.

[Andy]

Next Generation?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Yeah. Okay. They're just shaped different. More like a gun.

[Jason]

I think. Oh, unless.

[Andy]

Like og. It was more like a.

[Mike]

Remote control. I don't know.

[Matt]

I see. You typically fall unconscious and drop to.

[Andy]

The ground. That's because sometimes you'd be confused, like, oh, I hope that was on stun because they fell over if it was.

[Mike]

On kill. I see a video, Star Trek 10 things you didn't know about phasers. I'm gonna.

[Andy]

Watch that. Well.

[Jason]

You should. Yeah. I mean, number one, if you stun someone, they.

[Mike]

Fall down. I didn't.

[Andy]

Know that. Am I back up yeah. Okay. Let's have some fun. I'm going.

[Mike]

Rocketeer.

[Jason]

Jetpack. Yeah. Yeah. That's not very cool compared to my Iron.

[Mike]

Man suit. But you know what's funny is I.

[Jason]

Have cool. Until I knew Iron Man.

[Mike]

I had the rocket man jetpack on my.

[Jason]

Rocket man. The rocket. Give him some respect. It's a.

[Mike]

Great movie. The Rocketeer jetpack on my list. I didn't have the Iron man because I felt like the Iron man was, like, too much of.

[Andy]

A vehicle. Too much the jetpack, but it's way better. Also works with my lightsaber, which is part of my goal. And then I'm actually gonna go into the video game universe here. I'm going the portal gun. Portal.

[Jason]

Fabulous game. You better have some good.

[Andy]

Sturdy legs just to be able to jump through.

[Jason]

It or. Well, yeah. I mean, if. No, like, when you fall through it, if you come from.

[Andy]

The ceiling. Well, I've.

[Mike]

Got a. You get to choose where you're shooting.

[Andy]

That thing. Brothers.

[Jason]

I gotta. Inertia.

[Andy]

Still builds. I got a hoverboard under my feet. I've got a jetpack. If I'm coming down too fast, we're in.

[Mike]

Good shape. Yeah, that's. Those are real. They work together fantastically. All right. I was actually. The portal gun was potentially my next pick, but since you took it, I'm taking the holodeck. So I'm going four for.

[Andy]

Four on. Is that.

[Jason]

A.

[Andy]

Device? Yes.

[Mike]

All right. The holodeck is.

[Andy]

The most. He.

[Mike]

Got serious. It's the coolest version of all. Let me show you these plans, the VR stuff. Because, like, in. You know, it's like the Ready Player One headset.

[Jason]

Or.

[Mike]

Whatever. Right. You know, we pretty much. We don't have the Oasis or the, you know, the destination, but we've got the tech right now, and it's like. It's weird, but in the holodeck, you go into a room, and then all of a sudden, the entire world changes. People can come, and I don't know how it. I don't know how it happens, because it's like, in theory, it is a room, you know, with dimensions. But then once they are in the holodeck and it changes. Now they can be. They can.

[Jason]

Walk forever. Well, I mean, if the floor is. Did you see that, like, cool.

[Mike]

Treadmill, that. The Disney, where you can.

[Matt]

Walk.

[Jason]

Forever? Yeah. Okay. So, I mean, if the.

[Mike]

Floor is that it has.

[Jason]

To be. Then maybe. Maybe we can get there.

[Andy]

All.

[Jason]

Right. My. With my final pick, man. I guess I have some overlap with the tardis But I will take the remote.

[Andy]

From Click. Is that a.

[Jason]

Freeze remote? That was the Adam. I don't remember Sandler movie. I mean, imagine pausing. Imagine a television remote. Yeah, and anything on the TV remote. So you could pause, you can rewind, you could turn.

[Andy]

People.

[Mike]

Down.

[Jason]

Okay. Which.

[Andy]

Oh.

[Mike]

Man.

[Jason]

Mute. Yeah. If I can mute the.

[Mike]

World, you can go straight to Netflix. Is there a Netflix button.

[Jason]

On there?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Obviously. Okay. But then your.

[Andy]

TV crashes. So Mike has the Tardis, the Iron man suit, a talking dog collar, and the remote. Jason has the Replicator, teleporter, phaser, and holodeck from Star Trek. I've got the lightsaber, hoverboard, jetpack, and portal gun. Some honorable mentions as we close this thing out. I still had the shrink ray from Honey I Shrunk the Kids. I couldn't think of how practical that.

[Mike]

Would.

[Jason]

Be. Oh. I mean, the problem is how large.

[Andy]

It is. Yeah, it is big, but.

[Jason]

If you could actually shrink things like, that.

[Andy]

Would be. That would solve our world.

[Jason]

Trash issues. It would be unbelievable. I mean.

[Andy]

In hunger. Oh, and the memory deletion device I have neural on there to just make people forget stuff. The. The grapple gun from Batman I put.

[Jason]

On there. Oh.

[Andy]

That is. I have always. I spent my whole life being like, how does that work every time? How does it. You just fire it up into the sky. No matter what, it will.

[Mike]

Hook onto something, it will find its destination, and it will bring.

[Jason]

You there. Jeremy, how do I shrink hunger? I make the food.

[Andy]

Gigantic. Jeremy.

[Mike]

Yeah, buddy? Does.

[Andy]

It.

[Matt]

Work? Both. This is from Blew up.

[Andy]

The Kids. Oh, yeah, that's a.

[Jason]

Good point. It.

[Andy]

Does both. It only.

[Jason]

Does one. He makes a new machine in the.

[Mike]

Second one.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Really? Yeah. Oh, I guess I haven't seen it in.

[Mike]

A while. So, wait, so in the first one, how do they.

[Andy]

Come back? That's a strong point. He might have.

[Matt]

Figured.

[Mike]

Out.

[Andy]

What? Jeremy. He can only make tiny things.

[Matt]

Regular size. I thought it only shrug. I have.

[Mike]

No.

[Andy]

Idea. Huh. Maybe it can do both. I mean, it's pretty. It was out of control, to be honest. That it was. Was really barely hanging.

[Jason]

On until. Until the baseball diffused.

[Andy]

The.

[Jason]

Beam. Yeah. And we're all right. I had Auntie.

[Andy]

A.

[Jason]

Pokeball. Huh. Just.

[Mike]

In case. Just in case you came upon.

[Andy]

A problem. But it's like.

[Jason]

Real animals. But if you could. Yeah, if you just like.

[Andy]

He'S throwing out, like.

[Jason]

A little. I'm just saying, if it worked on anything that's alive. And I was like, you get out of here. You go in.

[Andy]

This ball. It's not magic. That's device.

[Mike]

I.

[Andy]

Had. Cerebro. What.

[Jason]

Is that? That's the.

[Mike]

X Men. Yeah. Put on the little helmet and you can find anyone anywhere and see what's going on around.

[Andy]

The world. Okay. Okay. Well, there.

[Podcast Narrator]

You go. What did we.

[Mike]

Learn today? I learned that electronical is not.

[Andy]

A word. We did not learn what invincible and.

[Jason]

Immune means. Yeah. And we still have to figure out this blunt force trauma. Verse piercing. Where's the line? Where's the line if it.

[Andy]

Blows a hole right through you? Yep.

[Jason]

You pierced. Yes, it's a.

[Mike]

Problem. Strong. And a.

[Jason]

Lightsaber.

[Andy]

Pierce.

[Jason]

No.

[Podcast Narrator]

No. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Survival Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. When the flu is keeping you up at night, don't try to tough it out. Knock out your flu symptoms with NYQUIL Intense Flu. You got this. It provides powerful relief of your flu symptoms so you can sleep well through the night. NYQUIL Intense Flu. The nighttime sniffling, aching, aching fever. Best sleep with a flu medicine. Use as directed. Keep out of reach.

[Mike]

Of children. Bubba Wallace here with Tyler Reddick. You know what's more nerve wracking than waiting for.

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[Podcast Narrator]

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[Matt]

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