The Air of Our Forefathers & Places to Visit to Get Sick - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: The Air of Our Forefathers & Places to Visit to Get Sick – Spit Hits!

Date: January 15, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, the Spitballers—Andy, Mike, and Jason—dive into a fresh set of wild hypotheticals, clean but laugh-out-loud discussions, and their signature draft. From tooth-losing tales and the nuances of water preferences, to the most germ-ridden places you can visit, the guys riff on everyday nonsense with their unique blend of “dad joke” wisdom, good-natured ribbing, and surprisingly earnest insight.

---

Key Segments & Notable Moments

1. The Tale of Mike’s Missing Tooth

Timestamp: 01:04 – 04:47

• Mike reveals he recently lost a tooth, joking about how he tries to hide it and concocting wild stories about “karate on a motorcycle.”
  • "The tooth is a work in progress. I'm going to get a new one. Just haven’t found the right donor..." – Mike (03:17)
• The group humorously debates how to preserve a knocked-out tooth (milk? ice?), settling on dismissive practicalities.
  • "Don't teeth hold up?...If you exhume someone, they're just bones and teeth." – Jason (04:24)
• Andy introduces the “milk protocol” for teeth, which then gets lovingly mocked.

---

2. Would You Rather: Water or Everything Else?

Timestamp: 04:47 – 12:11

• The gang wrestles with a classic “Would You Rather”: Only ever drink still, unflavored water, or never drink it again (everything else allowed)?
• Jason stands firm on his water devotion, while Mike and Andy argue for the joys of coffee, soda, and, notably, hydration myths:
  • "That's like 90% of what I drink...just plain, still unflavored water." – Jason (07:14)
  • "You trying to take away my morning coffee? No, that is—just put me in the ground, brother." – Andy (11:05)
• They poke fun at dietary loopholes, cereal-milk loopholing, and the La Croix obsession in their workplace.
  • "This place drinks more sparkling water than any... It's like everyone here is addicted to sparkling water." – Jason (07:52)
• Side note on hydration: Mike passionately claims coffee does NOT dehydrate you—a hot take for the office.

---

3. Would You Rather: No Fire or No Wheel?

Timestamp: 12:24 – 16:28

• An existential but silly debate: Would civilization be worse off never inventing fire or the wheel?
• Andy and Mike lean “Team Fire,” arguing humanity likely wouldn’t exist without fire.
  • "If we never found fire, maybe we're all dead." – Jason (14:11)
• The debate devolves into joking about “mining from the metal tree” and Mike exposing Jason's lack of metallurgical knowledge.
  • "You're a fraud. The mask has been removed. He doesn't know everything about metal!" – Andy (13:22)

---

4. Would You Rather: Instant Travel, Super Sleep, or Infinite Calories?

Halve Your Trip or Teleport Past Traffic: 16:53 – 18:26

• Hands-down winner: the ability to teleport in front of cars, making driving nearly instant.
  • "That's instant teleportation... just test it out. If you're in your car, what's in front of you? Cars. Prove me wrong." – Jason (17:58)

Sleep Only 3 Hours or Eat 5000 Calories Guilt-Free: 18:31 – 24:14

• The panel debates the value of 21 waking hours vs. eating “everything you want” without weight gain.
• Temptation of big snacks, debate over “serving sizes,” and gripes about US vs. Europe food laws.
  • "What does a 5,000 calorie day look like? Tuesday." – Jason (19:23)
  • "The three hours of sleep is so tempting... I'd get more hours to play video games." – Mike (22:54)
• Final consensus: most go with infinite calories for the joy of "big time snacks," with a tangent about paranoia of going over the calorie limit and ballooning instantly.

---

5. Important Questions

Who Wins: Ninja Turtles vs. Power Rangers?
Timestamp: 26:42 – 31:02

• Intense 90’s kid debate: In a straight fight (no giant robots), who takes it?
• Mike tries to rationalize for the Turtles; Jason hammers home the Rangers' overwhelming advantage with “lore.”
  • "The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers would completely decimate the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles..." – Jason (29:11)
• Ultimately, all pick the Turtles out of nostalgia, while admitting it’s illogical.

Reusing a Pet’s Name After Tragedy
Timestamp: 31:02 – 33:49

• Mike tells a heartbreakingly funny story of adopting a dog (“Marley”) that lasted mere hours.
• Consensus: You can’t immediately re-use a pet name; time (and possibly new pets) must pass first.

Your Go-To Stove Burner
Timestamp: 34:01 – 38:10

• Unusually passionate takes on which stove burner is “the best.”
  • "Jason has 9 burners, so you have to keep that in mind..." – Mike (34:40)
• Andy prefers the middle for venting, Mike uses back burners for child safety, Jason says “front right always.”

Letting People Cross in the Parking Lot
Timestamp: 38:17 – 43:27

• How long do you keep letting people cross before you “assert your right” to drive?
  • "The answer is: Forever, buddy." – Jason (39:20)
• Heated (but rational) urging for pedestrians to wave cars through for efficiency
  • "Let the car go. How long do I wait for that car to drive by? Half a second, maybe a full second. How long to wait for me to walk past them?" – Andy (39:54)
• Special "weather clause" applied; if it's hot or cold out, let the pedestrian go.

Standing Etiquette: Target/Walmart, Jogging When Let Through

• Respectful “light jog” required if a car pauses—“That's my level of respect for you.” – Mike (43:04)

---

The Spitballers Draft:

“Places To Go If You Want To Get Sick”

Timestamp: 44:41 – 64:09

Top Picks:

1. Airport/Airplane (Mike, 45:30)

• Group consensus: "People will not disrupt their travel plans... I'm about to have all of the diseases." – Jason (47:38)

2. School (Andy, 47:48)

• Immediate infection risk once your child enrolls. "Your house is now just infested..." – Andy (48:06)

3. Hospital (especially Emergency Room) (Jason, 49:13)

• "Even if you don't get sick, you feel like you did." – Jason (49:38)
• The group jokes about “sick” and “well” rooms at the doctor’s office being separated by only a few steps.

4. Daycare (Mike, 54:06)

• Universally dubbed an “incubator of all future disease.”

5. Amusement Park/Disneyland (Mike, 55:02-55:04)

• Lines, crowds, handrails, and no one cancels trips for any sickness.

6. Concert (Andy, 52:34)

• Packed, sweaty, shouting crowds: “You're just getting crushed on all sides. It is disgusting.” – Andy (53:26)

7. Sporting Event (Andy, 56:29)

• Mass-exoduses, body contact, and “striped shirt wearing referees” added for comedic flavor.

8. Elevator – Especially Full (Jason, 51:31)

• Recirculated air and no escape. “Hold your breath. That’s it.” – Jason (52:03)

9. Public Restroom (Gas Station Special) (Jason, 57:33)

• The Spitballers admit nobody uses the waxy toilet covers.

10. Subway (Andy, 61:02)

• “The air that's in there – it's not supposed to be there.”—Andy (61:14)
• Running joke: “It's an honor to breathe our forefathers' air in the subway.”

11. Small Musical Theater (w/sold out shows & tiny lobby) (Jason, 59:00)

• Locally-inspired pick, but relatable for community event parents everywhere.

12. Bar (Conference After-Party) (Mike, 63:16)

• Bar after-parties = impossible to avoid others' breath, touch, and volume.

Honorable Mentions:

• Public pool, Walmart, cruise ship, movie theater, buffet, county fair, bus, mall food court.

---

Best Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On water snobbery:
  "My Mountain Valley Spring glass bottled water. Ours is sewer reclaimed water; they just put some bubbles in it." – Jason & Andy tag team (09:05)

• On kid germs:
  "Kids are filthy." – Mike (48:57)

• On Air of Our Forefathers:
  "Wait, are you breathing the same air as they breathed 50 years ago in the subway?" – Mike (61:40) "100%...Ben Franklin, that was his air." – Jason & Andy (61:44)

• Pet name recycling:
  "No, you delete the first Marley. That never happened." – Jason (33:00)

• On courteous crossing:
  "I will get into a light jog...That's my level of respect for you." – Mike (43:00)

---

Tone and Style

• The banter is consistently clever but family friendly, with lots of call-and-response, mock logic, and “dad humor.”
• They blend genuine opinions (health, etiquette, parenting) with exaggerated scenarios for comedic effect.
• The episode includes several running gags: Mike’s dental mishaps, Jason’s “metal ignorance,” Andy’s burner preferences, and the recurring “striped sweater” woman.

---

Additional Tips

• Timestamps provided throughout for easy navigation.
• Draft picks are ripe for debate—share your own "sickest places" with the Spitballers on social media or at Spitballerspod.com!

---

For Listeners Who Missed This Episode:

You’ll walk away with new (and silly) anxieties about elevators, musical theaters, and water preferences, but also some genuinely useful etiquette tips and plenty of relatable laughs. The Spitballers keep things light, never crude, and always welcoming—whether you’re a long-time fan or new to the show.

---

Transcript

[Jason]

Make their hearts skip a beat this.

[Mike]

Valentine's Day with Edible.

[Jason]

With same day delivery or local pickup, effortless gifting is just a click away.

[Mike]

Choose from iconic chocolate dipped strawberries, fresh arrangements or decadent baked treats for your.

[Ad]

Someone special [e-mail] or your local store.

[Narrator]

For over 160 years, Bertolle has brought Italian inspired flavors to kitchens across the country. Bertolle Alfredo is the number one selling Alfredo sauce according to Sercana Pasta sauce Data as of October 2025. It's a blend of fresh cream, real butter and aged Parmesan. Parmesan cheese. Bertolle's new garlic vodka, the tomato and basil and the d' Italia Alfredo make every meal spectacular. Find Bertolli sauces at your nearest grocery store or on Social Bertolli and click the link in their bio.

[Jason]

What happens when three buffoons give life.

[Narrator]

Advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random.

[Jason]

Topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. That's great album, Dom. Ding dong, boom boom. You did it. Oh, my goodness. The courage of this man.

[Andy]

Dude. Yes. I was full, eyes closed, just vibing.

[Mike]

Oh, and then you opened your eyes.

[Andy]

I opened to a lovely surprise.

[Mike]

Oh, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Jason]

The people are going to be so excited to see the new you.

[Mike]

I don't. It just felt like the right time. People have asked to see the broken tooth and I had the scat and.

[Jason]

This cross promotion, that's one way to make the scat not scary. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

Like, who distract from it?

[Jason]

Who cares what comes out of your mouth? Because at that point it's more about what's missing from your mouth.

[Andy]

And so like, I didn't hear the scat.

[Jason]

No, no. I just heard my giggles.

[Mike]

For those that are just spitballer fans, maybe you don't follow the fantasy, footballers. I knocked a tooth out of my mouth and I've been hiding it from.

[Andy]

The public, doing like man stuff.

[Mike]

Yeah, karate. It was karate on a motorcycle.

[Jason]

I was karate with a jump on a motorcycle.

[Mike]

I drove by an alleyway and I saw a woman getting her purse. Her purse was being.

[Andy]

Oh, you're a her.

[Mike]

And I leapt off the motorcycle tooth first, left it running, hit him right.

[Jason]

With the right with the front right tooth.

[Mike]

Yeah, well, that's where he got me. I got him with the rep, the rest of it. I got him with the karate moves and then he got me in the tooth. And then I was like, did she get her purse no.

[Jason]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

No.

[Jason]

That was my surprise.

[Mike]

I took the purse.

[Andy]

Imagine if you could be that accurate with a strike, because the rest of deep tooth somebody. There's no bruising on your mouth. Like, your lips are fine. Usually if it's a punch, it's makeup. There's other residuals.

[Mike]

No, there's tons of bruises.

[Jason]

I would think you just came in.

[Andy]

With a B and got one tooth.

[Jason]

That's got to be like a one finger punch. You know what I mean? But that's. That's dangerous for your digits. But, you know.

[Mike]

Yeah, look, I'm working. The tooth is a work in progress. So I'm going to get a new one. Just haven't found. Haven't found the right donor and. Well, I'm still, you know, if you got one that's nice, I might be interested.

[Andy]

Did you put it immediately on ice?

[Mike]

No, I do have the tooth because Aren't you. I had to keep it.

[Andy]

Aren't you supposed to do that with teeth?

[Mike]

Not with a tooth, no.

[Jason]

I think with like an organ.

[Mike]

I know, I know that.

[Jason]

But I put a finger or something.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

I have the tooth.

[Andy]

So not also your tooth.

[Mike]

When I try to buy a new one from somebody, I need it to match, so I had to keep the original.

[Jason]

Yeah, it makes sense.

[Andy]

Ooh, Papa Josh is saying, put it in milk. I knew there was something floating around.

[Jason]

About just because Papa Josh said it doesn't make any sense.

[Andy]

No, no, it ain't that the truth. I'm not saying it's right, but I'm saying in the back of my head, there was some protocol that is back there.

[Mike]

So it's the milk protocol.

[Andy]

It's the calcium.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's probably what it is. Keeps it safe. Somebody wanted somebody to do that a long time ago, and then we did it for hundreds of years.

[Andy]

I'm looking into this.

[Jason]

Don't teeth hold up? I mean, when you lose your tooth and put it under the pillow for the tooth fairy, you can leave children's teeth, like a decade later, you can.

[Mike]

Have a necklace of alligator teeth. They didn't disintegrate.

[Andy]

And then I don't put that in milk. If you exhume someone, they're just bones and teeth.

[Jason]

Yeah. I don't think you need to milk this.

[Andy]

I think we have figured this out.

[Mike]

Would you rather. That's a great question. And we are drafting places to go if you want to get sick.

[Jason]

I've got a handful of those.

[Mike]

Yeah. So that'll be fun at Spitballers pod on Twitter if you Want to check it out over there? Spitballerspod.com is the website. Thank you for telling your friends and family about this show and. But not this specific show. Don't tell them about this episode. This episode 294. It's going to be a hit the tooth episode. Yes. Let's begin. Would you rather Lars from X says, would you rather only drink still unflavored water water or never be able to drink?

[Jason]

I mean, right? Are we just for clarity, this is just all.

[Andy]

Dude, I was running it through my brain and I'm like, I'm missing something because this is very specific to describe a water.

[Mike]

Well, the opposite would be like moving flavored water. Right, right.

[Jason]

Like sparkling, which is.

[Andy]

Or never be able to drink.

[Mike]

Or never be able to drink still water. What is this question?

[Andy]

Would you rather only drink still water?

[Mike]

Alma's lunch, putting together this doc.

[Andy]

Or never be able to drink still water.

[Jason]

Oh, man, that's going to be real tough. That's going to be really tough to answer. So let's think about this. Would you rather only drink still unflavored water or never be able to drink still water?

[Andy]

Oh, wait. Okay. Oh, no.

[Jason]

Mike's getting there. I'm letting you work through this.

[Andy]

We made it there, everybody.

[Jason]

So this is basically. Would you rather have to always drink carbonated water or always drink still water or just.

[Andy]

No, it's just drinking.

[Jason]

Drink whatever you want.

[Andy]

Drink or only soda or drink flavor from now on.

[Mike]

Write them like you explain them later.

[Jason]

But if you drink whatever you want, then you can't drink just plain water. You can't go to a drinking fountain.

[Mike]

That's fine. That one.

[Jason]

Gotcha. Oh, see, I'm.

[Andy]

But no, I'm reading this as like it's. You get only water, plain water, or it's like milk and sodas.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah, that is what it is. Anything else?

[Andy]

All right, but we're all on the same page.

[Jason]

If you choose the everything else, then you cannot have regular water again.

[Mike]

That's fine. We're all fine without it. Really? Yeah.

[Jason]

That's like 90% of what I drink.

[Mike]

Is just plain water.

[Andy]

Are you official?

[Jason]

Boring. I can't stand the carbonated water.

[Mike]

You don't like coffee. You don't like milk.

[Jason]

I like coffee.

[Mike]

You don't coffee, soda.

[Jason]

I like that. I don't like juice. Gatorade juice. I like all that stuff. But still, if you just put them all together, 90% of total volume is just water. I mean.

[Mike]

You mean in those things?

[Jason]

Yeah. No, no, no. Not as the Main ingredient in those things. I'm saying, if you take all the liquid that I drink, 90% of that is just the plain, still unflavored water.

[Mike]

That's abnormal for a lot of people.

[Jason]

Yeah, but definitely in this office. I don't know how y' all don't just go around burping, but this place drinks more sparkling water than any. I mean, I have to imagine, than most places. It's like everyone here is addicted to sparkling water.

[Andy]

Yeah, it's good.

[Mike]

It's awful.

[Jason]

What?

[Mike]

Actually, I remember you don't like it.

[Jason]

No, I don't.

[Mike]

Well, okay.

[Andy]

Like I said.

[Mike]

What? I didn't know this. First of all, I thought you were on board for what we order in the office, so I'm sorry that we aren't. Now, is your water very still and unflavored and you.

[Jason]

Yes, today. Today is hot, hot, still unflavored, according.

[Mike]

To Matt, who orders our food. He says he has to order five cases of La Croix a week.

[Andy]

Well, there's where our money's going.

[Jason]

That's figured it out. You know how cheap regular water is?

[Mike]

Pretty cheap, yeah.

[Andy]

Well, it depends.

[Mike]

Except for you.

[Andy]

Are you coming out of the tap? Don't pretend like you're coming.

[Mike]

You're not coming out of the tap.

[Jason]

You made us. I'm going Mountain Spring, baby.

[Mike]

You made us order like Alkal.

[Jason]

Yeah, I am a pretty big water snob, but I still don't. Yeah, mine's probably way more expensive than yours. My Mountain Valley Spring glass bottled water.

[Andy]

Ours is sewer reclaimed water. They just put some bubbles in it.

[Mike]

You guys drink energy drinks? I never drink an energy drink. So that's part of your diet?

[Jason]

Yeah, that is. That is.

[Mike]

I can't imagine taking the water only.

[Jason]

Approach on this one, but imagine the.

[Mike]

Health benefits it would be. Yeah, that'd be really.

[Jason]

Because I'm pretty sure that in all your sparkling waters that have the light flavors.

[Mike]

Y' all drinking metal cereal with milk in this hypothesis?

[Jason]

Yeah, he just can't drink it at the end. Oh, okay. That's fair. That's fine.

[Mike]

Oh, you have to use a big. He'll have to use a big spoon for once.

[Andy]

No, I think he has to use a fork.

[Jason]

No, no, you may eat the milk.

[Andy]

You may douse the cereal in the milk. That's fine. But you don't get little sips of it. That's drinking.

[Mike]

Oh, that is drinking.

[Jason]

That's not drinking. No, I'm eating. If I'm taking a bite of cereal, you don't say, I'm drinking that much you cannot take.

[Mike]

You have to have a certain proportion of cereal on the spoon.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's fair. Because I would try to loophole. I would get one little Cheerio and.

[Mike]

Try to drink the milk.

[Jason]

Big old spoon.

[Mike]

Yeah, you would try to get the most absorbent cereals, man.

[Jason]

There's a lot of other drinks besides water. Yeah, the more I think about it.

[Mike]

Yeah. Are you sure you want to be on the still water side? Boringo.

[Jason]

But what happens to your health if you literally can never drink regular water?

[Mike]

Nothing. I don't drink water.

[Jason]

Okay, so.

[Mike]

And I'm fine. But your teeth fall out.

[Jason]

Who knew there was so much calcium in water?

[Andy]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

Okay, I guess we're all taking the Al.

[Andy]

You said that too.

[Mike]

I didn't even see that. Oh, my gosh.

[Jason]

All right, I guess I'll go with you guys. I'll drink all the other stuff.

[Andy]

We're not trying to bully you into it, man.

[Mike]

If you want to lead the water brigade, you can.

[Jason]

You know what? This feels like the CD Lamb jalen waddle. I'm sticking to my guns. I'm taking my mountain spring still water.

[Mike]

All right. Still water.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Mike, I guess you're with me, right?

[Andy]

Yes. You're trying to take away my morning coffee. No, that is just put me in the ground, brother.

[Mike]

Very hydrating, by the way. That's an old wives tale that it's not hydrating because the majority of your coffee is actually water.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And then people are like, oh, it makes me feel.

[Andy]

I thought it was the caffeine.

[Jason]

Caffeine.

[Mike]

No, it does not dehydrate you. Coffee does not dehydrate you. You pee a bunch afterwards because you just drank multiple glasses of water.

[Jason]

Okay, so Coca Cola, it hydrates. Nice. Yes. Okay, I'm gonna need that.

[Mike]

I'm not saying as well as other stuff.

[Andy]

Also I've heard from.

[Mike]

From Milk hydrates a very well.

[Andy]

Amon Ross, St. Brown's father. I don't know if you saw this clip.

[Jason]

We were talking about it today.

[Andy]

Superstar NFL wide receiver whose father, correct.

[Mike]

Me if I'm wrong, he was mystery universe two times.

[Andy]

Mystery universe two times in a row.

[Jason]

Two times in a row. Mr. World three times.

[Andy]

You know what? I don't even care if it's in a row. Two time. And this guy is on here trying to tell his superstar NFL son that at halftime he should drink a Coca Cola.

[Mike]

Not Gatorade. Coke.

[Andy]

Yeah. And he's like, I'm telling you. And so.

[Mike]

And then they're like, you think I'm crazy. Try it.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

He's like, next time you're not feeling great, drink a Coca Cola. See how you feel.

[Andy]

So this guy. I'm back in.

[Jason]

You're back in on. Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

Cool.

[Jason]

All right.

[Andy]

Good enough for him.

[Mike]

Mike from Patreon writes in. Would you rather live in a world that had. That never discovered fire seems like a problem. Or a world that never discovered the.

[Jason]

Wheel seems like a much bigger problem.

[Andy]

So we just like rolling around on trains?

[Mike]

Nah, man. Nah.

[Jason]

Yeah, we can skip. I mean, here's the deal.

[Mike]

Wait, wait, wait. Are you on. You're on the team Wheel?

[Jason]

I'm on the team wheel. I'm on the.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Andy]

Look.

[Mike]

Goodbye combustion.

[Jason]

Yeah, I don't drive a combustion engine.

[Mike]

What's the wheel for?

[Jason]

The motor.

[Mike]

Where does the metal come from that you build your. All of your, like, energy batteries?

[Jason]

Are you telling me they need fire to make metal? I thought you knew everything about metal.

[Andy]

Wait a minute. You're a fraud.

[Jason]

No, no. You've been exposed. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. This isn't just. Wait.

[Mike]

Where are they getting the metal?

[Jason]

From the metal tree they're getting from.

[Andy]

The Earth, ladies and gentlemen.

[Jason]

They're mine. In the metal.

[Andy]

The mask has been removed. He doesn't know everything about metal.

[Jason]

I know all the things that are made out of metal, Mike.

[Mike]

That's true.

[Jason]

That's what I know.

[Mike]

He doesn't know how.

[Jason]

I don't know how they're made. I know what they're made of. That metal. Come on.

[Mike]

I just. I mean, the wheel. I'm not saying it's not important, but, I mean, we. We'd be all driving around right now. We'd be in, like, tank vehicles.

[Andy]

Yeah, I was gonna say you can still have a tread, right?

[Mike]

You can have a tread. That ain't. I mean, I guess there's some wheels at the front and back of that.

[Jason]

Yeah. How do you think the tread moves over? They're going through wheels.

[Mike]

Don't try to act like you know.

[Andy]

What you're talking about.

[Jason]

Now.

[Andy]

I think we could. We could put triangles in there and make it happen.

[Jason]

Obviously, if it squares.

[Mike]

You mean fire.

[Jason]

Brother, if we never found fire, maybe we're all dead. Okay, that's. If we.

[Andy]

I think that is. It's more likely that humans would not have made it if we didn't find fire for sure. But then the advancement of civilizations, more to the wheel.

[Jason]

That's what I'm saying. Because if we survived past fire, then, you know, we can heat our Homes. We can heat our electric stove and cook and we could do everything without fire. Nowadays.

[Mike]

How are you providing the energy to light your home?

[Jason]

Nuclear energy, water, wind.

[Mike]

I feel like fire is solar. Okay.

[Jason]

There's a few options. Just fire. Fire is energy.

[Mike]

But that was a part of our industrial progress.

[Jason]

Right. But I've seen. We made it coal and we went through.

[Andy]

Every town just has a 50 acre fire running, burning at all times.

[Jason]

We're powering the town with this giant bonfire. I mean.

[Mike]

You can't progress to those other things without the fire stage.

[Andy]

Yes, I agree.

[Mike]

That's all I'm saying.

[Jason]

Yeah, I mean, I will. It's an interesting question because if you're saying would you rather live in a world that never discovered fire, which is how it's worded, then you're saying you're probably dead and you probably didn't progress to existence. So I would rather live in the world that had fire because I would be alive. However, if the question was more like.

[Mike]

Which one, would you turn it off today?

[Jason]

If you turn it off today, I.

[Mike]

Guess I can be convinced I would.

[Jason]

Rather turn off the fire and keep the wheel.

[Mike]

Yeah, I understand that. Because like you said, we've progressed now. Right. We don't need to burn coal and gas.

[Andy]

We have different ways of heating things.

[Mike]

Yeah. Okay, but now. So would fire not exist at all?

[Andy]

It would exist, but we can't harness it because you can't.

[Mike]

So it still burned down forest and stuff.

[Andy]

Yeah. So the lightning could still set things on fire.

[Mike]

Okay, I don't want to talk.

[Jason]

And we would just look, I want.

[Mike]

To talk about this.

[Jason]

We would just look in awe. We'd say, how did that exist?

[Mike]

I wish we could harness that. Imagine as he's on his unicycle, riding down the street, living life to the fullest.

[Jason]

Luke from Quattro Cycle. Man, I'm all about them wheels. I'm adding one more.

[Mike]

To be clear. One more than. One more than a unicycle is quadro.

[Jason]

Just to be clear what is happening, I was going. I was adding one to the four pack, but a Quattro is a four pack. So I was thinking, was that a Quint?

[Andy]

Quintro.

[Jason]

A Quintro. That's what I'd be rolling down.

[Mike]

Luke from the website. On a long distance drive, would you rather automatically get to your destination in halftime? Okay, sounds great. Or whenever you see a vehicle on the road in front of you, your own vehicle automatically teleports to a safe distance in front of that car.

[Andy]

Interesting.

[Mike]

How Close do you got to get? I guess it don't matter.

[Jason]

They got to be in sight. That's it.

[Mike]

That's it.

[Jason]

Oh, well, then that's like transportation. I mean, that's like, that's instant transportation. I don't drive anywhere where I don't see cars. I don't, I don't. You know what I mean? Like, when's the last time you've been on a road and you don't see a car ahead of you?

[Andy]

I'm thinking more of like when you're on the 10 going to California. You'll have some stretches where you want a few, but. But not very long.

[Jason]

Not very long. Especially when I'm zooming ahead to the next one.

[Mike]

Yeah, you, you would be. Even if it was like, get within 100 yards, you'd be stepping on the gas full speed.

[Jason]

I mean, it would, it would really.

[Mike]

Be like get into a wreck with the person in front of you.

[Jason]

It would be 3 o' clock in the morning is the only time that I am driving at a normal pace when there's no cars on the road. Otherwise this is, this is borderline just straight teleportation.

[Mike]

It's hard to argue with that.

[Jason]

I mean, just test it out. If you're listening to your car right now, what's in front of you cars, I promise I'm right. Like, take a picture. Prove me wrong. It's not going to happen. You see one.

[Mike]

Okay, so, I mean, I don't think there's a strong debate. I think teleportation is our answer.

[Jason]

Yes, instant teleportation.

[Mike]

I don't want to get stuck in another conversation like last week with the half the money or twice the money.

[Jason]

Whoops. Yeah, we messed that one up, Al.

[Mike]

Should we move on or do we have time for one more?

[Jason]

Let's do one more.

[Mike]

Tara from Patreon. Would you rather only need three hours of sleep every night to feel fully refreshed and perform optimally, which would be awesome. Yeah. Or be able to maintain a healthy weight.

[Jason]

Weight.

[Andy]

Wait, was that a weight? Don't finish this question or immediate answer?

[Mike]

I think it's a little bit of.

[Jason]

A. Yeah, let's hear.

[Mike]

Or be able to maintain a healthy weight eating anywhere from 500 to 5,000 calories a day.

[Andy]

Oh, brother. I mean, can you handle the 5K cap?

[Jason]

Oh, I can handle the 5K cap, yes.

[Mike]

However, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, no, you would not get the extra time on that side of things. The 5k cap. I was just thinking, if you stay up and you only need three hours, you're going to eat more. So in that world, you will eat more because you're up 21 of 24 hours.

[Jason]

So I will gain even more weight with all this extra time on my hands.

[Andy]

What does a 5,000 calorie day look like?

[Jason]

Tuesday. That means Wednesday. Thursday. I can keep going. I can name all of them, all.

[Andy]

The days that ended. 1.

[Jason]

I mean, here's the thing. I know this because somewhat recently I've started tracking my food, tracking my calories. And there are so many things that are really surprising because I feel like I know what a normal meal is. I know if I'm going to get the chipotle burrito and I'm going to have it as a burrito, I'm going to add the guacamole and all that. It's going to be like a 1200, 1300 calorie meal. But there's a lot of hidden calories in things, especially drinks and all sorts of things where you think, oh, this looks like a healthy breakfast. This is the healthiest breakfast. And then you go and you actually track the calories and you're like, that was also over a thousand calories for one meal. And so you're eating.

[Mike]

Happens a lot with things like cereal, where you get like a calorie count on two cups, but you have a bowl.

[Jason]

Yeah. Or good one.

[Mike]

You know what I mean?

[Andy]

You know, serving size. Nonsense. Yeah, serving size, two thimbles.

[Jason]

You know, you go to a restaurant, almost everything in a restaurant's over 1,000 calories. If they're being honest.

[Mike]

You know, over in Europe, they just have out on the front of the packaging. It's been mandated by the government. It's just graded like A through F on how nutritionally healthy it is for you. So you can see the food and instantly decide instead of having to read like a complicated label like A through.

[Jason]

F. A through F. And then it skips to usa and then it's like, right, right, this is legal.

[Mike]

A through F. And then there's usa.

[Jason]

But you got to smuggle that over because that's not legal.

[Andy]

We're talking like, so like the potato chips and Oreos. That's just. That's an F. I mean, it varies.

[Mike]

But yeah, I mean, depends on the oils and the contents.

[Jason]

It is really funny the insane law differences in what we're allowed to eat in the US than most of the world. We were talking at lunch the other day about how Froot Loops are made in America. Oh, yeah, they're Made here and then the rest of the world's Fruit Loops. They're also made here, but they're totally different because it's illegal.

[Mike]

No artificial colors. They're more bland looking. So we don't buy them.

[Jason]

Right.

[Mike]

Because we like shiny things.

[Andy]

I did take a look. Looked disgusting.

[Mike]

Yeah. This is.

[Jason]

Looked old and faded.

[Mike]

If you're up, they look faded.

[Andy]

I think that was probably the problem is like, that's old Fruit Loops, right?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Like if they had always looked like that, it would not be a problem.

[Mike]

That's true.

[Jason]

We've been trained to delicious processing and it's hard to undo that.

[Mike]

The 5,000 calories. If you go that route. Are you healthy? I know you said a healthy weight, but are you healthy?

[Andy]

I think so. I think for this magical question.

[Mike]

Yeah, for this magical question. The three hours of sleep is so tempting.

[Jason]

It sounds because you wake up, you feel refreshed.

[Mike]

You don't get like, you know, I.

[Jason]

Can have eight hours of sleep and feel awful, but that's probably because I'm a healthy weight.

[Mike]

Normally on the 5,000 calorie days, you go to sleep and feel awful.

[Andy]

No, you don't have to only sleep three hours.

[Mike]

Right.

[Andy]

It's just saying that if you get. If you log three, then you're going to have.

[Mike]

You moved beyond the desire to have more hours in your day, Mike.

[Andy]

Oh, it's just if you're.

[Mike]

Because for like 20 years we live, we're like, oh, man, I wish I could stay up like I used to. Now are you just totally content not staying up? Not at all.

[Andy]

I just. Not every single day I'm gonna want to have 21 hours where I'm awake.

[Mike]

I did wonder if there were like mental ramifications of that, but I'm trusting that there aren't because you feel so refreshed, like you're jamming eight to 10 hours of sleep into three hours. You wake up refreshed. So like, I don't know, you go to bed at like 2 in the morning, wake up at 5, you got all that time.

[Jason]

You obviously, though, in this situation are going to be awake during more darkness. Right? Like, you're only skipping three hours of sleep.

[Andy]

That's what I'm saying. Can I sleep longer if I want to?

[Mike]

Now, Jason, there's no chance that in the three hours of sleep you would use the extra time for like exercise and health.

[Jason]

Dude, let me tell you this. I've tried for long periods of time, the exercise and 2000 calorie diet, and I can't Maintain a healthy weight. So, yeah, no, no chance. Give me sub 5,000. Healthy weight.

[Mike]

That's so tempting. 5,000 calories means big time snacks while I'm watching that TV at night.

[Jason]

Yeah. You want to say hello to ice cream again, Andy?

[Mike]

Oh, I do.

[Andy]

Yeah, I do.

[Mike]

Mike. What are you going with? You can play video games again with this. Three hours of sleep.

[Andy]

That is very true. There's a lot of things you could do.

[Mike]

5,000. Matt's saying if you get the 5,000 calories, you could finally have one crumble cookie.

[Andy]

If you can borrow from the next day.

[Mike]

Yeah, one crumble.

[Andy]

I guess I'm taking the calories, man.

[Jason]

Would it be one of those things where if you take this deal and you ever accidentally hit 5001, did you balloon instantly? Oofs. And you're like Nutty Professor. The paranoia that you would have, all.

[Andy]

Your overages, they get instantly.

[Mike]

They're all stored up and then it all comes.

[Jason]

I think you just explore.

[Mike]

That's a good movie. That's a good movie. All right, we're going to take a break. Come back with. That's a great question. This episode is supported by Prizepix. Whether you're starting a new routine or making player picks for the first time, trying something new can be hard. But in life and on Prizepix, it always feels good to be right. And guess what? Just found out about this. Prizepix now has early payouts if your player gets off to a hot start. You now have the option to cash out those winnings before the game even finishes. And they added a new social feature, little social feeds feature that you can share your prize picks with your friends and copy lineups from winners with a single click. We do this around the office and the only thing that I'm going to make you promise me is that you won't be friends with Al Borland. That's all you've got to do. You got to make sure about that. How simple was it for me to get started on Prizepix? As simple as it gets. We come from the app development space. Their app is perfect. It's simple, it's easy to use. It makes the sport watching experience better. Download the Prize Picks app today and use the code spitballers to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's the code spitballers to get $50 in Lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price picks. It's good to be right. It's a new year. That means colder days and this is the moment where your winter wardrobe really has got to deliver. If you're craving a winter reset, start with pieces truly made to last. Season after season, Quints brings together premium materials, thoughtful design and enduring quality so you can stay warm, look sharp, and feel your best all season long. I think their outerwear is especially impressive. Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. I absolutely love all of the pieces I've gotten from Quince. I wear them all the time. They're holding up great. And look, whether it's stuff you're picking up for your home, bath, kitchen, travel, doesn't matter. Refresh your winter wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com spitballers for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada as well. That's Q U I-N C E.com spitballers free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com spitballers.

[Jason]

That's a great question.

[Mike]

All right. Cartman from Patreon writes in and says, who would win in a fight between the Teenage Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?

[Jason]

Oh, baby.

[Mike]

So this is the most wildly ironic question ever because I typed both of those into the Google trends this morning to try to pinpoint when the peak of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, teenager and the Power Rangers was.

[Andy]

When was the Power Ranger one?

[Mike]

It was a little bit later.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's her thought.

[Mike]

I think it was 96 for turtles, believe it or not. Which seems late. Which seems late.

[Andy]

That was the peak.

[Mike]

It was the peak for them being included in the vernacular of society.

[Andy]

So I think you got to have some ground rules here first. No Megazord.

[Jason]

Okay, that's fine. Because that was all. That was the answer.

[Mike]

There's no fun buying then. They can't do their normal stuff.

[Andy]

They can well know what you're saying. No, no. The Power Rangers are excellent.

[Jason]

What he's saying.

[Andy]

Oh no. They are excellent hand to hand combat warriors. I'm just saying.

[Mike]

But they don't even have the regular Zords.

[Andy]

How are they? How are the Turtles competing at all? This is the nonsense. Like Superman versus Batman. Like, okay, if we really allow Superman to use all of his powers to the fullest, Batman stands a 0.0% chance.

[Mike]

So do you know the lore of these two universes? Like have the Turtles ever really been hurt?

[Andy]

Oh yeah, dude. The Turtles are. Do you not know the last Ronin?

[Mike]

I know nothing.

[Andy]

So the last Ronan know What you said the last Ronin is a story. I think it's getting turned into a movie right now. But it's. There's only one left.

[Mike]

They died.

[Andy]

Three of the brothers got taken out.

[Jason]

Whoa. By which one lived?

[Andy]

I think it's. I think it's wrath.

[Jason]

Spoiler walked right into that one. Mike. What?

[Andy]

That is a really funny idea. Like spoiler trap. And then just shame people. Do you hear this guy? He just told us what happened to.

[Mike]

What happened at the end of the sixth Harry Potter movie again.

[Andy]

And then just yoink.

[Mike]

So you want to take away what makes them them?

[Andy]

No, I'm saying that if you put. If you put them into giant vehicles, then you just have to step on the turtles and it's over.

[Mike]

Yeah. They're making a R rated Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

[Jason]

Whoa.

[Andy]

For grownups.

[Jason]

Yeah, they're like. They're like. The problem is these new kids that have come along don't care about these turtles. But these old people.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Andy]

We still love them.

[Jason]

We still love their turtles.

[Mike]

Like getting an R rated Power Rangers in two years.

[Jason]

Mike is trying to find a way that he could take the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Like that's what he's doing right now. Because he realizes that's what he wants to do. The mighty morph of Power Rangers would completely decimate the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles if it was just their worlds existing. Yes, they would. They would dominate them.

[Mike]

Why did they? But here's a point though.

[Andy]

The people with fighter jets will beat the people who are just running around on the ground with size and a big stick.

[Mike]

Now the Power Rangers, though, they always seemed to need the Megazord, but they.

[Jason]

Could never started with it.

[Mike]

That's what I mean. They never win with the regular Zords. They're always like, oh, let's do it. And then they're like, no, they are.

[Andy]

They're always winning the fight against that week's Big Bad. But then Rita, I think that was her name, she throws her staff down and then the monster grows 20x in size. So that's when they have to call out. If they would have just called the Zords out at the beginning.

[Jason]

But that's what I'm saying. If they called the Zords out at the beginning, there's no. There's no like struggle. They just stomp them.

[Andy]

It's the Superman versus Batman. Yes.

[Jason]

So why didn't they start with that?

[Mike]

They never. Nobody ever starts with the best.

[Andy]

Because the episode would be two seconds.

[Jason]

That's the point they needed to make it 30 minutes.

[Mike]

Okay, what is your vote then? The Power Rangers.

[Jason]

No, I'm taking the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Man, they're awesome. Power Rangers were for nerds. No way. Wouldn't be caught dead taking the Power Rangers.

[Andy]

Did you not have Power Rangers?

[Mike]

They were a little bit below our age group.

[Andy]

Yeah, it was. Liking the Power Rangers was a little shameful.

[Mike]

Yes. Yeah.

[Andy]

Because we were just a year and I'm older than you.

[Mike]

No, I was right on the cusp, brother.

[Andy]

I was. Oh, I was out. I was one leg out.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And obviously, by my take, I was both legs out. I was like, that's.

[Andy]

That's for you, miss.

[Jason]

For babies. That's for little kid nerds.

[Mike]

So we're all taking the turtles. For shame. Gabby, from the website. Theoretically, if one. If one were to think of the absolute perfect name for a new pet, but then that pet tragically passes away after a week.

[Andy]

What is this question?

[Mike]

What? When I get a replacement, can I name it the same pet name? Is that the question? Did I get that right, Al?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

So you name your pet. The pet has a tragic accident, you get a new pet.

[Jason]

Can you.

[Andy]

But you like the name.

[Mike]

We were pretty close. My family is pretty close to this situation.

[Andy]

Oh, really?

[Mike]

Yeah. Because we got a pet. My wife had begged and begged and begged for a dog. We bought an Italian greyhound when we were first married. We named it Marley. Okay. It was amazing. It was an amazing, amazing dog. We brought it home. I went to the bathroom. While I'm going to the bathroom, I hear a yelp. Within an hour of being home, this dog broke its leg. We don't know how.

[Jason]

Been there.

[Mike]

We don't know. Yeah, that happened to me. Gosh. People think we are going. We're monsters. I don't know how it happened. I think he jumped off the couch or something. We were newlyweds. We had no money. This dog needed thousands of dollars of surgery. So obviously, we just threw it over the fence. No, that is not true at all. That was a joke. We just gave it back.

[Andy]

It was plan B.

[Mike]

We gave it right back to the breeder that we had bought it from. And they got the surgery for the dog, but the dog was gone.

[Jason]

Honey, they'll take him back. Get down off the ladder.

[Mike]

Yeah. So, like, we went from, like this. We had this horrible experience, and within 24 hours, it was gone. Now, would I have ever named a new dog Marley? No way. Really? Just no way. Bad luck. Bad luck, huh?

[Andy]

Bad mojo.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm not gonna, like. It's not. You're not the second Marley?

[Jason]

No, you delete the first Marley.

[Mike]

That never happened.

[Jason]

Like, that never happened.

[Mike]

Would you be willing to now if time passed? Is that make it easier?

[Jason]

I think so. We had a Barkley. All of our animal names are just old Phoenix Suns players.

[Mike]

It was spelled like Marley.

[Jason]

Yeah, I mean, I get it. Mine was Barkley for a reason, and Barkley was a great dog. And I don't know, isn't there, like.

[Mike]

If you got a new dog today?

[Jason]

If I got a new dog after the current round of dogs I have now, I could see naming it Barkley.

[Mike]

Not Barkley the second, though.

[Jason]

No, that's an homage.

[Andy]

But you're like. But you had a round in between.

[Jason]

Right, Right. That's the thing.

[Andy]

It wasn't Barkley to Barkley.

[Jason]

Right. I don't think you can go Barkley to Barkley. No, I think you got to go Barkley.

[Andy]

New name.

[Jason]

Leave time for that. You know, for get a little dog.

[Mike]

Hate that dog. Give that dog to Al.

[Andy]

Right.

[Jason]

Then Barkley and then Barkley. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

How is Pepper doing?

[Jason]

She's great, man. She's such a good dog. She's peeing when you're not looking.

[Mike]

Mike, any final thoughts on this one? No.

[Andy]

I think we nailed it.

[Mike]

Sean from Patreon. If only using one stove burner, which.

[Andy]

Is your go to. I like that. It's if only. Like, we aren't all just using one stove burner.

[Mike]

Yeah. I've never used more than one at one time.

[Andy]

I got my goat. You have to have a go to burner. Right.

[Jason]

I've got Chef Jason. I've got my. I've got two go to's. It just depends on if it's a pan or a pot, because my pots are on the right, my pans are on the left.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

So it's like I'm going for the closest furthest out that burner. It gives you the most air. So the closest to you just say.

[Andy]

Like, front left or front right?

[Jason]

Yeah, front left and front right.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Jason's has nine burners, so you have to keep that in mind. Yeah, I guess on a four pack of burners, that doesn't really.

[Mike]

He had to say closest to you because some are far from him. That's what that means. No, I never consider any of my burners far from me.

[Andy]

Well, I just have burners you can't reach.

[Jason]

They're harder to reach, but I can reach them. I'm a grown man. I'm just. I was more talking left to right, left to right. I got.

[Andy]

Do you have like a slide ladder to go to your other burners?

[Mike]

Oh, like one of those libraries.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

He's got uppers, lowers, backs and fronts, lefts and right.

[Jason]

It's really. It's just a board with wheels in front of the stove and I just use the stove to roll.

[Mike]

Ever since I had kids, I have not put a single pot on a front burner.

[Jason]

Really?

[Mike]

Because I have this paranoid ever since they were little that they could reach their hand up and pull a pot down.

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

And that's why I've always. I always use a back burner.

[Jason]

Wow. I'm always on the front burner.

[Mike]

I don't care which one.

[Jason]

Interesting.

[Andy]

Mine is. I think mine's five. I'm trying to remember exactly, but I have one and that's.

[Mike]

Oh, it's number five.

[Andy]

It's the middle one because it's under the microwave vents.

[Mike]

Oh, you want better drafting?

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah. So when, like when something's smoking or steaming a little bit too much makes sense. I use that one all the time. Those other ones, they're shiny clean.

[Mike]

Do you want to weigh in?

[Jason]

I'm front right all the time. I don't think I've ever used a back burner. That is my default is front right. Sometimes if I'm lazy and I'm getting.

[Mike]

Wonder why that is.

[Andy]

So the phrase I'm going to put something on the back burner is that because we're like, I don't really want it.

[Mike]

I'm not going to deal with it right now. I'm done cooking it and I moved it back.

[Andy]

You put it into the burner that no one wants to use.

[Jason]

You put it to the burner. That is. You're going to put it on a simmer. Like one of my back burners is a smaller burner. It's meant to be like I'm.

[Mike]

He has over 40 back burners cooked this.

[Jason]

So I'm going to move it to a back burner.

[Mike]

I would think that if you were.

[Andy]

Right handed, just for simmering.

[Mike]

You bet. You bet. He does.

[Jason]

Several of them, I would think.

[Andy]

Do your other burners simmer?

[Jason]

They do. So one can only simmer. I don't know. I didn't make this.

[Mike]

He bought it from a waffle house. It's the whole back grill. I would think that if you're right handed, you'd want your pot to be on the front left so that you have like you can stand in the middle of the stove and stir better.

[Jason]

That makes sense. I can center myself on that burner.

[Mike]

I have counters, but it's not symmetrical. Yeah, okay.

[Jason]

Yeah. I think the reason I usually go to the front right is because I want the handle on the right. I'm left handed. Yeah, See, you want the handle going over the counter, not taking over. More burner space. You need all those burners.

[Mike]

You better start, you know, stirring with the wrong hand.

[Jason]

When I start using all my burners, I'll keep the handle placement in mind anytime. I mean, unless you're making just. No, even if I make it spaghetti, I use multiple burners. What are you using one burner for? What? I mean, I'm just saying any meal that you're cooking, unless you're heating up.

[Andy]

Like if I have to use more than two burners, I am in a full panic attack.

[Mike]

I've never used more than one.

[Andy]

Never. Don't ever do it because I find.

[Mike]

It hard to keep up with one.

[Andy]

Yeah, it's. Look, it is terrifying when you're.

[Mike]

Mike thinks he's a full on chef. He's just got the two.

[Andy]

Well, it's like sometimes you're trying to do a meal and there's just so many different parts and you're just running around like a crazy person and then everything is on fire.

[Mike]

Vicky from X says, how long do you have to wait before you stop letting people walk in front of you in front of your car in a busy parking lot? So we've all done it. We pull up. Let's say you go through that front area at a Target or a Walmart.

[Andy]

Oh, Target is.

[Jason]

Why is with, why is Target so much worse than all the other places?

[Andy]

Because it's popular.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's all it is.

[Jason]

No, no, no. More people go to. More people go to Walmart.

[Mike]

Yeah, there's two entrances. There's not two entrances at Target.

[Jason]

Is that what it is? Building it wrong?

[Mike]

They need multiple entrances to help mitigate.

[Jason]

I feel like there's never. There's always a stream of people every.

[Mike]

Once in a while.

[Jason]

In front of a Target.

[Mike]

Yeah, you make the decision. Like sometimes I go into a parking lot, has a Target and I'm like, I need to go to that other store down the way.

[Jason]

I'm like, you're going to the back.

[Mike]

I'm like, do I go up front and try to go by the front?

[Andy]

No way.

[Jason]

It's a gamble. It's like I could get there so much faster if I get insanely lucky.

[Mike]

Nobody in that line of people that have to cross knows about the people before them.

[Jason]

Right.

[Mike]

So they all feel like they're the first ones that deserve to not be run over.

[Jason]

But in truth, you know, the question is talking about, like a year, the driver. How long do you wait before you stop letting people walk? The answer is forever, buddy.

[Mike]

You can try to creep. Yeah. But it's tough.

[Jason]

Well, you got to do the creep where you then look up like, oh, I didn't see you. And you do the wave. And then they go, go on. And you go, oh, yes, sir. And then you drive.

[Mike]

Could you hold a stop sign on a stick out the window? And like, eventually you're like. And yeah, it's my turn.

[Andy]

Which we try to use this podcast for. For positive social movement.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

And look, if you. This is my philosophy. If I come out of a store and there's a car pulling up 100% of the time, if I will wave.

[Mike]

How do you wave the car?

[Andy]

I will wave that car through because it is a simple matter of efficiency. How long do I wait for that car to drive by? Half a second, Maybe a full second. How long to wait for me to walk past them? And that's assuming I give them the courtesy of. I'm going to actually move at not a slow walking speed. It's way longer.

[Mike]

Just let the car go. What if the double wave happens?

[Jason]

I love.

[Andy]

That's fine.

[Jason]

Yeah, I mean, you'll have to figure that out. Mike, I love what you're saying here. Practicality and logic have to come into play. I'm going to add one more wrinkle to that. Okay. So obviously the car should go first. It's going to. It's just more efficient. Yeah, you need to flip that on its head in bad weather. People in Arizona is so hot in the summer. That person walking. I'm in air conditioning. That person. You go, you go. Get to that car. I will wait. If you're. If you're in Detroit and it's snowing and your car is nice and toasty. Come on, get that guy to his car.

[Andy]

I can add that in a weather clause.

[Jason]

Yeah, weather clause. Otherwise. Yeah. And then if the person is. If there's a big stream of people and they are walking, you are not allowed to say, time's up.

[Mike]

I do. I do feel like a pet peeve is in general, I'm going to wave. I mean, you wave to the pedestrian, but sometimes pedestrians will walk in a manner that makes me think that they think that a car would not hurt them.

[Jason]

Right.

[Mike]

Because they're going at a speed and pace and not acknowledging the imminent death that I could bring them.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

When you don't acknowledge a car is so rude. When I'm the driver and I'm like, they're just not even looking, and they're just.

[Mike]

You know what that one is? That one is the.

[Jason]

You're.

[Mike]

That's when you're driving down the aisle to park, and the people go into their car, walking in the dead center with the car in the dead center of the aisle, and you're behind them, and they don't pay attention.

[Jason]

It's foul.

[Mike]

You are. And I'm not sure about this, but I think you can actually. You can hit them a little bit.

[Andy]

You can give them a little tap.

[Mike]

I think you can give them a tap.

[Jason]

Just like a little flat tire. But so long as you say flat.

[Andy]

Tire, you have to scream it out the window.

[Jason]

Yeah. Gotcha.

[Mike]

Those people are like, I want to throw something at them.

[Andy]

Yeah. Walking in the middle of a street is so as is like when things are busier, the driving in the middle of the street as you like. When you pull up and you're like, I have to turn left. I can't because this car is just in the middle of the road. So you have to wave that car on.

[Mike]

If you let me go in front of you. Your car, and you're waving me in front of you, I'm going to. I made this promise my entire I get into a light jog.

[Jason]

Oh, for sure.

[Mike]

Unless I'm with a kid that I need to usher, I will light jog for you.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's my level of respect for you.

[Jason]

I love courtesy.

[Mike]

Yeah. Now I won't sprint anymore, but I'll light jog.

[Jason]

You can't sprint.

[Mike]

No.

[Andy]

A sprint would be highly suspicious.

[Jason]

You go.

[Andy]

You just walked out of Target and you take off running.

[Mike]

That would be really tough.

[Jason]

I'm being respectful.

[Mike]

All right. All right. It is time to draft after this quick break.

[Ad]

New year. New gear. Thousands of fresh active styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now. Save on top brands like Nike, Puma and free people starting at just $35.

[Guest]

How did I not know rack has Adidas?

[Mike]

Because there's always something new.

[Ad]

Plus, join the Nordy club to shop new arrivals first. Unlock exclusive discounts and more Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack mom.

[Guest]

I like to propose a dinner optimization plan for 2026. Soccer practice every week. Get back late, and you're stressed out about making something fast but actually nutritious for dinner. When Ashley's mom picked me up, I noticed that she made blue apron. It Came like a little kit. And by the time it was ready, I still had shin guards on, and it was real food. Fresh veggies, protein, actual flavor. Take her from the younger generation. We're innovators, giving a couple Blue Apron meals around. Not the worst idea. Get $50 off your first two orders, plus free shipping with code STIR50. Terms and conditions apply. Visit blue apron.com terms for more.

[Jason]

The Spitballers Draft.

[Mike]

Well, today's draft is places to go if you want to get sick. So there are places that you go to that are. You know, we are recording this show a few years after the COVID pandemic, and everyone became acutely aware of how germs spread for the first time in their lives. And there are places that you're, like, taking a chance a little bit that you think about it in the back of your head. So the worst places to go if you want to get sick. I am thrilled to have the number one. Really thrills.

[Andy]

I think there's, like, two really strong picks. Well, look, we agree. Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

I mean, for me, this is the clear 101. It seems like you're about 50. 50 right now.

[Jason]

Yep.

[Mike]

But it's the airplane airport.

[Jason]

100%. It's the airport.

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, the airport is. People will not disrupt their travel plans. Jason, you just went on a trip. You said the woman was dying beside.

[Jason]

You, so this was insane. I just came back. We were in this airport. It's a busy airport, because they all are. And there is a lady in a striped sweater. We'll call her the lady in the striped sweater.

[Andy]

Why would you call her that?

[Jason]

She's wearing a striped sweater.

[Andy]

Okay, all right.

[Jason]

But just, you know. You know, just for anonymity sake here. And she's coughing and hacking so much that me and my family decide to change which side of the airport we're standing on. Okay. And I'm not. I'm not a germaphobe.

[Mike]

No, you're not.

[Jason]

I'm really. I'm one who doesn't.

[Mike]

You normally don't think about it?

[Jason]

I don't think about it, but this lady was dying. And the thing is, is it wasn't like, oh, she had something in her throat. Two or three coughs, whatever.

[Mike]

She have a mask?

[Jason]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Mike]

Okay, sorry, sorry. She had a striped sweater.

[Andy]

What was the. The coughing situation? Was it into an elbow?

[Jason]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Andy]

Right into hand.

[Jason]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not making this up. I'm not making this up. Straight out. Come on.

[Andy]

I promise.

[Jason]

Come on, now. She was facing a wall, Okay? I think that was her protection. I think that was her protection for people. She was, like, over by a store facing a wall, just coughing at it. And I think Maybe she covered one or two of 7,000. It lasted so long. I mean, we were there way before we needed our airplane. So then she leaves. She goes to the bathroom somewhere else. Our gates down the other side we go, you know, two gates down, we load up, we get in. I've got one seat next to me. 1. There's one seat in the world. And who comes in? The lady in. But the lady in the striped sweater and plops right down next to me. And right behind me was my family. And I immediately. I was like, shot back because we were all. They knew it. They saw. And it was like, oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

What are the odds?

[Jason]

So, yeah, that was. That was fun. The airport. So I'm about to have all of the diseases.

[Mike]

Yeah. No. And you've given them to me right here before. Mike, you are up.

[Andy]

We will go with school.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

That is. See, I'll let it go. Because I wasn't sure if this needed to be a combo pick. But I'm going to say, because it's school. The second that your children go to an elementary school, your house is now just infested.

[Jason]

Oh, for sure. So, I mean, it spreads in cycles. I mean, I have on my list kindergarten classroom. Yes, but that's just because that's where it begins, right?

[Mike]

Yeah. There are a few places that you can go to where they're gonna send a note home about what's happening with sickness and schools. They'll do that. It's just like, we'd like you to know you're probably getting sick soon.

[Andy]

And you get these, like, I understand they need to be anonymous, but it's always just so strange. I'm like, your child was may or may not have been exposed to blah, blah, blah. And you're like, wait, what?

[Jason]

What do you mean? You're not sending this home for not exposed.

[Andy]

It's just such a terrible kid in the striped sweater.

[Jason]

They should just send that note home every day.

[Andy]

They should sit home every day.

[Jason]

They should sit home, one saying, hey, your kid might or might not have been exposed to blah, blah, blah, today. Because it's true every single day.

[Mike]

They should name the kid.

[Jason]

Also, kids are filthy.

[Mike]

They should be like, jimmy Tom Thompson, he's the sick one.

[Andy]

Send all letters to him.

[Jason]

I agree. That's a great pick, Mike. That is not what I Thought you said there were two. I agree. There were two.

[Mike]

I'm afraid you're gonna.

[Jason]

And I got it. Look, I mean, you go where the sicknesses are.

[Mike]

Yeah. The hospital I had written emergency room.

[Jason]

In particular, that's in the hospital.

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, I don't feel like the hospital's dangerous.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I feel like the emergency rooms, they're different.

[Jason]

Well, the hospital that I know. And by that, I mean every hospital I've ever seen in my life includes an emergency room. So I will get both. It's inside the hospital.

[Mike]

That's fine.

[Jason]

Yeah, but. Yeah, I mean, that's. Even if you don't get sick, you feel like you did. You're afraid of it, you're walking the halls. You know, I don't walk most of the other places that have just a, you know, a hand sanitizer on the wall and hit up four of them, you know, per trip. But if I'm in a hospital, I'm like, oh, there's another one. Let me go ahead.

[Mike]

Hospitals are weird because you know that they're actively trying to keep things clean. Like, they keep it really cold. There are hand sanitizers and they clean all the time. And yet if you go to an emergency room, all active cases of problems.

[Andy]

Yeah. Or like, I guess, I don't know. The ER doesn't split it. But I'm thinking of like, when you go to the kid doctor and it's like, oh, in the sick room, there's two different doors. And. Except then you open the door and you're just looking right at the person in the face.

[Mike]

You're like.

[Andy]

You go five steps that way because that's the sick room and here's the well side.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Jeremy and I.

[Andy]

Didn't you tell me we're all breathing the germs.

[Jason]

Jeremy knows exactly what I'm gonna say. Jeremy and I were on a. We're on a ship and they had a casino and spaceship.

[Andy]

Why didn't you just say cruise ship?

[Jason]

Because I figured that might be someone's pick and I didn't want to talk about it. But yes, that is why I said.

[Andy]

That I can't pick it.

[Jason]

Anyways. And we're in the casino and there's a smoking area and a non smoking area. This is a very small casino. It's literally. It's not a joke. It's literally this table smoking. The one next to us. Our table's non smoking. There's nothing in the way. The dude one foot from me is smoking. He's allowed. It's like, what? Do you know how smoke works? Because I am in the smoking section. He's two feet from me, and I'm on the way. Their air filtration system worked. It just blew all the smoke to the non smoking table. And their, their table was.

[Andy]

Well, we gotta get it out of here. Yeah, it's gross.

[Jason]

Okay, so I am up. I got the hospital, I got my second pick here, and I'm gonna go with one that's a little bit more niche. But it's always like when I walk into one of these, I honestly feel like sometimes I hold my breath. And that is a crammed elevator. When you are. When you're on an elevator that is full of people, I just feel like I'm breathing all of what you're breathing out. There's no way we're making it possible.

[Mike]

There's no way not to.

[Jason]

To the next destination. Hold your breath. That's it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I'm either getting smelling farts. Yeah, I have.

[Mike]

Yeah. Like the whole time I've tried.

[Jason]

Just depends on how many floors.

[Andy]

Like driving through a tunnel.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, Always do that. Who here holds their breath when you.

[Andy]

Everybody does that.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy]

Everyone does that.

[Jason]

I just didn't know. I didn't know if that was a universal thing.

[Andy]

It has to be.

[Jason]

It has to be. Because everyone in here did.

[Andy]

Our forefathers, they made it a decree.

[Mike]

Mike, you have elementary school, you have another pick.

[Andy]

So. Oh, man, I'm between two. I am going to go. I'm going to take a concert.

[Mike]

It was high on my list. And you're jammed together.

[Andy]

Yeah. And especially, I mean, the way that we used to do concerts. Now, if your concert does not have a cheer designated for me, don't invite me to your concert. That's rule number one. But back what we used to do, it was all standing. Oh, yeah, it was. Everyone was. I mean, there was at least eight other people that. Their sweat was on you at any given point during the job.

[Jason]

Did you mosh in the mosh pit?

[Andy]

I didn't go into the actual pits, but I would be down there, like, trying not to get thrown into the mosh pit. But you're just. You're getting crushed on all sides. It is disgusting.

[Mike]

Concerts are one of the few things that, like temperature regulation.

[Andy]

It's impossible.

[Mike]

Yeah. It doesn't happen like you.

[Andy]

They try their best.

[Mike]

Plus concerts are outside. They're in the humidity. Sometimes they get moved around. You're out there for hours. Like you're just with people on you.

[Jason]

Well, and sometimes they're in small venues with a popular, you know, local band or something that's packed and you are like sardines in a box of disease.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

Good pick.

[Mike]

Yeah, that would have been one of my two picks here. So I have the airplane airport combo for my first pick. I. I mean, hopefully it counts. Is this the same thing as your school pick? I was going to go with the daycare.

[Andy]

That's where I wasn't sure if it needed to be a combo.

[Mike]

You guys can decide, do I need to get rid of those?

[Andy]

I was going to go daycare, but then I'm like, I don't know, but I'll allow it. It's fine.

[Mike]

Okay. So I mean, the daycare is where it begins.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Mike]

It's the incubator of all future disease.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Mike]

So I will go with the daycare. The next one.

[Jason]

They don't tend to wash their hands very well. Babies.

[Mike]

Yeah. And the employees, like a lot of them, they probably don't clean it very well either.

[Andy]

Putting them on blast. I mean, take that daycare.

[Mike]

Maybe some employees do. So I'll go daycare for the first one. The second one. This is going to be a weird pick, but I just had the experience of almost that whole. Like you said at a concert, you're basically with people and you're almost crushed. To me, that was Disneyland. Yes, to me that was Disneyland. You're in line.

[Andy]

Amusement park would have been amusement park.

[Mike]

Yeah, I guess that would be better. But like you're just constantly jammed against people all day long lines. Nobody cancels their trips to those things. Just like they don't cancel their trips on the airport or on the airline.

[Jason]

And I think one of the places, like you can't really draft it because it's too universal. But I think lines are where you get sick. Like in the airport. It's not just standing around at the.

[Mike]

Airport, but if you lick the people in front of you, it's when you're.

[Andy]

Don't do it.

[Jason]

You know, when you're in the little Runway thing, whatever that's called, where you're standing in that tunnel to board the plane and you're just.

[Mike]

I want you to come up with the name.

[Andy]

I feel like we can never think of the name for that.

[Jason]

It's a on way. It's something way. It's a jet way. It's a jet way. I was.

[Andy]

Is it a jetway?

[Mike]

It's pretty close.

[Jason]

There we go. Okay, but yeah, like in there or in security line. It's like you're packed Next to people and you're not moving. It's just kind of stale air.

[Mike]

And Papa Josh was bringing up the handrails in the line.

[Andy]

100%. Not just in line, but it's like, okay, if there's any stairs and there's a rail, your first move is you. You grab the rail for safety and then you go, oh, no, what have I done? There's 10,000 people.

[Mike]

I really don't know how germs work and how long they last on the.

[Andy]

Handrail in Disneyland forever.

[Mike]

Yeah, I've gotten sick at Disneyland before, so I had to be the pick. Mike, you were back up. Elementary school and a concert.

[Andy]

Yeah. So I knew. I was hoping it would be amusing part because I think that one just. It's a double down on this one. But it's a sporting event. So just another. Yeah, this is another disease factory where you're sardined in. I mean, chairs, but sort of.

[Mike]

You have a chair, you can show up to a game and make it in and be fine. But if that game goes down to the wire and everyone leaves at the same moment.

[Jason]

Yep.

[Mike]

I've been in some like, are we ever getting out of here moments, waiting.

[Andy]

For Escalades, talking like, I mean, what's a. What's an average football stadium? Like 50, 60,000 people?

[Mike]

Sure.

[Andy]

So, I mean, that's just. It's just a lot of openness.

[Mike]

There's a lot of striped shirt wearing people in those places.

[Andy]

Referees, refs.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. Sick referees. All right, so you went with the sporting event. Jason, you have a couple picks.

[Jason]

All right, When I'm thinking about this, like, you know, this isn't necessarily where you are going to get sick, but this is where I feel like I'm going to get sick.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

It's a public restroom, man. I don't. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.

[Mike]

You know, for a non germaphobe, you do have a few carve out in your contract.

[Jason]

Yeah. And I'm talking specifically gas stations because I'm not talking like you go to a fancy dinner and you go to use their restroom. Whatever, it's clean. I'm talking about the. You all know what I'm talking about.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

That's as bathroom.

[Mike]

That's as gross as it gets.

[Andy]

I have an interesting question. Public bathroom related. Do you use the toilet paper waxy cover?

[Jason]

No. That is disgusting.

[Andy]

Does anyone in here use it?

[Jason]

No one uses that.

[Mike]

We're seeing a lot of people shaking.

[Andy]

Their head because, I mean, I Go clean sheet contact.

[Jason]

Yeah, me too.

[Mike]

I just don't know. It's not going to get into my body. Touching my back of my leg.

[Jason]

The sheet thing goes on the seat has the flap where the. Where? You know, the.

[Andy]

Oh, I have had mishaps with the.

[Jason]

Flap and the flap.

[Mike]

Yeah, I've tried it once and get wet.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And it's like. Just don't deal with this. This is not a. This is not.

[Mike]

There's a reason, though.

[Jason]

There's a reason why when you go to most of these places that have those things, they're empty. They stopped putting those out, like, decades ago.

[Mike]

Your butt cheeks can't get you sick.

[Jason]

That is one of the.

[Mike]

All right, well, embroidery pillows. I have.

[Andy]

I thought I was alone in that.

[Mike]

No, no, no. So nobody in here uses.

[Andy]

Wow. We are gross.

[Mike]

Yeah, we're all.

[Jason]

All right. All right, I got one more pick. Is this my last pick? Okay, I'm going to go with something I think that is pretty common for the every person out there. I'm gonna go with a small musical theater that constantly has sold out shows in a small lobby that everyone hangs out in afterwards. That's what I'm gonna pick. Let me repeat that, Mike. A small musical theater that constantly has sold out shows in a small lobby that everyone hangs out in afterwards.

[Andy]

Just hypothetically speaking, are you putting a venue on blast?

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

Yes. A local venue. A local venue in the city of Phoenix?

[Jason]

No, no, it's in Anthem.

[Andy]

Oh, it's in the city of Anthem. Yes.

[Jason]

If you are looking one of the.

[Mike]

Musical theaters up in Anthem.

[Andy]

I heard Jeremy just chuckling, so he is aware.

[Jason]

Oh, it's.

[Mike]

So you've been in this boat before?

[Jason]

I've been in this boat 100 times. I'll be in this boat 100 more times. My children do musical theater. They love this theater. It's a great theater.

[Andy]

I saw your answer, Jeremy. You just deleted it.

[Jason]

But. But after the show, there's usually like 50 kids in the show. All their parents sold out. And then everyone goes out and waits at the lobby, and they all got to get photos.

[Mike]

I've been in that lobby. That is a small lobby.

[Jason]

It is. It is a real problem. Because, I mean, imagine my small, crowded elevator. That's what it is.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

With more.

[Mike]

Just more people.

[Jason]

About 70 elevators could fit in that place.

[Mike]

So are you trying to get out as fast as you can? Like, are you trying to tell the kids, like, say, I'm trying to get.

[Jason]

Into the lobby as slow as I can. Out of the lobby as Fast as I can.

[Mike]

Okay. Very, very nuanced answer for number four.

[Jason]

Everyone can relate to.

[Andy]

Not specific.

[Mike]

Mike, you have another pick.

[Andy]

All right, for my final pick, I'm going to go. Maybe it's okay, but it seems like it's a problem every time you're in there. I will go with the subway.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's on my list.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Jason]

Oh, for sure.

[Mike]

Is there something about it being underground that adds to, like, is more sick things underground?

[Andy]

Yes, because you know that the air that's there.

[Mike]

Oh, it's like standing there.

[Andy]

The air that's in there, it's not supposed to be there.

[Jason]

No.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

It's not fresh.

[Andy]

It used to be dirt under the ground.

[Jason]

Yeah. It's just.

[Mike]

They imported that air from up above.

[Andy]

Yes. And then they just. And then. But then they have to push it back down.

[Jason]

Trapped it down there.

[Mike]

That's right.

[Jason]

Same air from the first dig. It's like once they dog the tunnel.

[Mike]

Air of transportation.

[Jason]

That air has been there and it just gets recycled through us.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

We are.

[Mike]

Wait, are you breathing the same air as they breathed 50 years ago in the subway?

[Jason]

100%.

[Andy]

Yeah. Old Ben Franklin, that was his air.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

So, I mean, it's a little. It's an honor.

[Jason]

Yeah. It's an honor to get Ben Franklin's sickness. But you're gonna get it.

[Andy]

But it is.

[Mike]

It's an honor to breathe our forefathers air down in the subway.

[Andy]

But it is sick.

[Mike]

He was a pretty big subway guy, huh?

[Andy]

Oh, huge. It was one of his favorite.

[Jason]

Benjamin Franklin invented the subway.

[Andy]

Yeah. Really?

[Jason]

Yes. That's something, right?

[Mike]

Sandwich chain.

[Andy]

Right after the bifocals was the subway.

[Mike]

These are facts.

[Andy]

Like, you're telling me there's not plague in that air?

[Mike]

That's a good segment idea. New facts. Yeah. That's a good pick. That's a good pick.

[Andy]

So it's. I mean, especially, like, I've been on not a ton of subways, but it's like the New York one in particular. Why is there all that hot air down there?

[Mike]

You want out as fast as possible.

[Andy]

And I'm not talking just like you're hanging out. Like, there's vents blasting hot air everywhere. What is going on?

[Mike]

That must be how they move the subways. I mean, just lots of hot air. Thermal power, I don't know, fire. All right, I have to close this out. I got a lot of other things on the list, but I think I'm going to go with just the one where, like, we've been in the situation that Makes me feel the most uncomfortable, which is we go to these, like, podcast conference events, and we go to. And they always have these after parties or after events, and they're always like. You know what would be awesome is how about everybody from the conference. Let's call it a couple hundred people.

[Andy]

We're going to go.

[Mike]

We got an after party. It's at the local. It's at Pete's local bar. So I'm taking a bar. Because everybody, they want to do the after party at the smallest bar in the world. So if you go to a bar, not only can you not hear the people you're talking to. Right.

[Jason]

So you got to shout and let all those germs out.

[Mike]

Yeah, people are shouting. They're raising their voice. You can't see anything either. It's so dark in there. So you can't see, you can't hear, and you can breathe only the air that is emitted from the other bodies around you.

[Jason]

Well, you're shaking a lot of hands. You're forgetting about that.

[Mike]

That's true, that's true. So I'm going to close it out with the bar.

[Andy]

So, yeah, I was deciding between the subway or nightclub.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

But I think the conference would have just been the better pick. I mean, if you have any. If you've had an occupation where you go to a conference, how many of them you come home sick from? At least one out of two.

[Mike]

Yeah. That's pretty impossible not to, because you do take a. But you take a plane to the conference.

[Andy]

Yes. And everybody else is taking a subway.

[Mike]

To the conference center.

[Andy]

And then you compact all of our.

[Jason]

Picks into one, and then everyone shakes hands the whole event.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. Other ones that weren't drafted.

[Andy]

Public pool.

[Jason]

Public pools on mine as well.

[Mike]

Walmart. Just Walmart.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

I just feel like it's a little easier to get sick there.

[Jason]

I have a cruise ship, which we talked about.

[Mike]

Movie theater. Do you feel like you get sick of.

[Jason]

Not anymore. Because it's empty.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Andy]

I used to.

[Mike]

Yesterday we got tickets to a movie theater. There was almost nobody in the theater.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Except for four people directly next to us. And here's a real thing.

[Andy]

No one moved.

[Mike]

Well, let me. Let me.

[Andy]

The game of chicken.

[Mike]

I need to ask this question. Here's a great question. Little extra content. I need to know what to do next time. Because we got there first. We have our two seats.

[Andy]

Were these assigned seats?

[Mike]

Yes, they're assigned seats because you buy them online. So we sat in our E5, E6.

[Andy]

And when you bought the Map did not show they were sold.

[Mike]

Yeah, we're not psychopaths.

[Jason]

Okay, Tickets right next to someone.

[Mike]

So we. It's us. E5, E6. No one else in the theater. First four people come in. They sit directly next to us. So now there's six people sitting directly next to each other. What do I do?

[Andy]

How big is the row?

[Mike]

We looked online, and the row is. Let's call it 18 seats.

[Andy]

Okay, so this is in one of the smaller theaters where.

[Mike]

No, no, there's plenty of room. After we get in there, we're like, I don't like this. Is there a way I want to sit, like, alone?

[Andy]

Is there a gap? Is there a one chair gap at least?

[Mike]

No, there's no chair gap.

[Andy]

Wait, wait, wait. Okay, hold on.

[Jason]

These people bought four tickets directly adjacent to them.

[Andy]

Like, you're sharing the armrest.

[Mike]

Oh, he took it for most of the movie.

[Andy]

Well, he established dominance.

[Mike]

I didn't. I didn't establish it. Even though the armrest had my drink in it. My drink's in the armrest. His elbow's on the armrest.

[Jason]

Pretty sure that makes his drink.

[Mike]

Did he take your drink off? He could have. By all the rights and rules. He could have said, this was my.

[Andy]

Drink now by rule of the old world.

[Mike]

But what I was.

[Andy]

This is my soda.

[Mike]

What I was dealing with was once a certain amount of time goes by, it becomes very awkward for me to then swing to the other side of my wife, which was open. We looked up. While we're waiting for the movie, we looked up on our phone. Is the seat next to us sold? So I could just go over there, and I didn't.

[Jason]

You got to go to the bathroom and then get. When you come back, sit in the seat.

[Andy]

That's what she said.

[Jason]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

And I didn't do it. I enjoyed that movie with that guy.

[Jason]

We held hands the whole time.

[Andy]

Going to the bathroom. That's a pretty good call.

[Mike]

But the problem about the going to the bathroom is I had to come by. I had to go by him on the way back and to the way to the bathroom. So I would have had to walk by him past my seat.

[Jason]

Grab your drink out and grab my.

[Mike]

Drink out and go to the other side.

[Andy]

You could have gone, striped sweater.

[Jason]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

Just start coughing and hacking.

[Jason]

Make him move.

[Mike]

I thought, you mean switch my clothes.

[Jason]

So it looks like I'm a different person.

[Mike]

I was like, wait, I put on an inverted sleeve.

[Jason]

I'm gonna take that missing guy's soda.

[Andy]

This is the first time I've Been in this theater all day.

[Mike]

This looks like a nice seat over.

[Andy]

Here by this young lady.

[Jason]

I think at that point, while you're going to the bathroom, you should buy a soda to prove I just told my wife that you're a new person. You come in. Look, I have a whole new soda here.

[Andy]

If I were, I abandoned my other drink. Why would I buy a second soda?

[Mike]

I told her that we need to pull the Jason Moore what he would do.

[Andy]

What's that?

[Mike]

Buy four seats?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I don't think these people would respect it.

[Mike]

Maybe not.

[Andy]

If you're going to pull a move of that shenanigan level. That's ridiculous.

[Jason]

I have to believe that they purchased these tickets.

[Mike]

They were elderly.

[Jason]

Oh.

[Mike]

Which meant they were talking through the whole movie. They were given the commentary the whole time.

[Andy]

Yeah. I think the coughing would have worked out real well.

[Mike]

It was great because there was about a. There was about a two minute commercial of Megan Thee stallion doing an Amazon prime ad. And the whole thing gets over. Yeah, the whole thing gets over. The lights, the preview comes down and all I hear is this old lady go, why in the heck was she selling?

[Jason]

It was amazing.

[Mike]

All right. Other ones I put like a bus. Right. Which is like the subway. The mall, maybe. Yeah.

[Jason]

I had the mall food court. I feel like those places just.

[Mike]

The food court.

[Jason]

Yeah. They also have all you can eat buffets.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason]

I mean. Oh, that's. Yeah, that's just.

[Mike]

Have those died off since the COVID.

[Jason]

I think they're coming back.

[Andy]

I hope it's an American tradition, man.

[Mike]

I was up in the county, the fair, like, if you go to the fair, because that food is not like even outside of the people, the food, you're probably 50, 50 to get sick from that food.

[Jason]

What did we learn today? I learned that people need to learn how to use more burners at the same time. Man.

[Mike]

We got to buy them first.

[Jason]

You've got more than one.

[Mike]

I do, I do. How do I use two burners if I'm making Mac and cheese?

[Jason]

Well, that's probably the only thing you use. Okay. Mac and cheese top ramen are one burner meals.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

What did we learn today, America? We learned let the car go. Yes. I didn't learn this because I already knew it, but you now know let the car go.

[Mike]

Yeah. And if you are, if the car lets you go, Move it, light job.

[Andy]

Move it.

[Mike]

Definitely don't go that extra slow. Yeah. And well, four tickets in the movie theater. I guess that's what I learned. Thank you for joining us. On this episode of the Spitballers Podcast. Tell your friends about the show and we'll be back with you next week.

[Andy]

Goodbye.

[Jason]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys.

[Narrator]

Are up to, check out spitballers pod.com.

[Ad]

New Year New Gear Thousands of fresh, active styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now. Save on top brands like Nike, Pop, Puma and free people starting at just $35.

[Guest]

How did I not know Rack has Adidas?

[Mike]

Because there's always something new.

[Ad]

Plus, join the Nordy Club to shop new arrivals first. Unlock exclusive discounts and more. Great brands, great prices. That's why you Rack.