Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: The Fly Guy & The Best Night With The Boys

Release Date: December 8, 2025
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason
Episode #: 349

Overview

This episode of the Spitballers Comedy Podcast is a classic mix of nostalgic laughs, ridiculous hypothetical scenarios, and hotly debated “life” choices. Andy, Mike, and Jason—three self-described “middle-aged guys”—riff on classic “Would You Rather” questions, dissect the appeal of flying versus driving (and even trains), and dig into the ultimate “boys’ night” by drafting their ideal combo of movie, snack, video game, and album. The chemistry is as hilarious as ever, and the episode is packed with memorable asides, outrageous opinions, and classic Spitballers nonsense.

Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Show Start & Bants ([01:12])

• Opening scatting banter with Jason, who rates his own performance, “I give myself a 10 out of 10.” (Jason, 01:21)
• The group teases Jason for "paying up" on a long-standing scat bet.

2. “Would You Rather”: Sneeze Money? ([03:27]–[11:35])

Hypothetical:
Would you rather instantly get $1 for every sneeze you’ve had in your life, or $3 for every sneeze from now on?

Highlights:

• The guys do some napkin math:
  • “They say 440 sneezes per year…that’s 18 grand. That’s a good chunk of change now.” (Josh, 05:23)
  • Jason and Mike contemplate how far they’d go to trigger sneezes for cash—“Would you be wearing a necklace with a pepper shaker on it?” (Jason, 04:13)
• Sneeze strategies: Jason reveals he habitually holds in sneezes, and Mike recommends, “Just let that—let it fly, man.” ([06:25])
• Discovery of “ACHOO syndrome”: Josh explains the real scientific term for sunlight-induced sneezing, “Autosomal dominant compelling helio ophthalmic outburst. Oh my goodness, that is true.” ([09:09])
• Mike describes an experimental sneeze: “Closed mouth, tongue out. It is the ultimate raspberry.” ([08:03])

3. “Would You Rather”: Fly Guy vs. Drive Guy (Travel Preferences) ([11:35]–[23:00])

Hypothetical:
Would you rather drive 7 hours or take a 9-hour nonstop flight (cost not a factor)?

Highlights:

• Jason declares: “I’m certainly the ‘prefer to fly’ guy. I don’t have any fear of flying or anxiety.” (Jason, 12:42)
• Group debates the pain points: the time lost at airports, stress, and the lack of flexibility with flying vs. the convenience of road trips.
• Love for trains emerges: “Can we start trains up again?” (Josh, 18:31), and Jason shares extolling Europe’s train system, “Trains rule…that was amazing.” (Jason, 18:40)

Memorable Quip:

• “I got to have 5,800 sneezes the rest of my life just to break even. Not including interest. Makes no sense.” (Jason, 11:27)

4. Animal Family Dilemma: Raised by Wolves or Gorillas? ([23:37]–[29:46])

Hypothetical:
Would you rather be raised by gorillas or wolves as an abandoned infant, until rescued at 15?

Highlights:

• Discussion of the "appeal" and skills imparted: tree climbing, foraging vs. pack mentality, howling.
• “You want to be in a pack or you want to be in a band? I want to be in a band.” (Jason, 25:06)
• Josh shares fun animal facts: “Wolves are 36 to 38 [mph], so eat that!” (Josh, 29:36)

Consensus:
Split—Josh wants wolves (“I want to be able to howl at the moon”); Jason and Mike side with gorilla “coolness.”

5. Is This Real Life? (Absurd News Stories) ([31:27]–[43:48])

Each host brings a bizarre, “is this real?” news item:

a. Bald Eagle Drops Cat Through Windshield ([32:52])

• A North Carolina motorist’s claim: “You may not believe me, but I just had a bald eagle drop a cat through my windshield.” (911 call, quoted by Josh, 33:02)
• Intense disbelief and wild theorizing from the group: “This man’s a liar!” (Mike, 35:00)

b. Florida Man Drives from Sunroof ([35:49])

• A 70-year-old man is arrested for driving a Cadillac via autopilot—standing through the sunroof at 100+ mph.
• His reasoning: "He'd rather go to jail than back to his wife" (Jason, 37:12)
• Spirals into debate about bank robbing and white-collar vs. blue-collar prison time.

c. Drunk Raccoon Wrecks Liquor Store ([42:19])

• In Virginia: A passed-out raccoon is found beside the toilet after breaking in and drinking liquor.
• “Local officials said he was, quote, very drunk.” (Mike, 43:28)

6. The Spitballers Draft: The Best Night With the Boys ([45:32]–[58:44])

Draft Categories:

• Movie
• Video Game
• Snack
• Album

Each host drafts their personal “best night” combo.
Notable Picks & Banter:

Jason

• Video Game: NBA Jam (“Boomshakalaka! That’s the one…” [46:59])
• Movie: Tropic Thunder (“We’d have a blast throwing on Tropic Thunder.” [51:35])
• Snack: Beef jerky (“Everyone gets their own bag of old Trapper… I get two.” [52:30])
• Album: Smashing Pumpkins – Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Josh

• Movie: Die Hard ("I want bullets on the screen, so I'm going Die Hard." [50:15])
• Snack: Pizza rolls ("Pizza rolls is on my list." [47:40])
• Video Game: Mario Kart
• Album: Creedence Clearwater Revival – Willie and the Poor Boys (“I'm getting the Vietnam style music… Fortunate Son on the radio.” [53:43])

Mike

• Movie: Happy Gilmore ("And all four of us are going to recite every single line." [48:49])
• Album: Blink-182 – Enema of the State (“It is a perfect album…from beginning to end.” [49:32])
• Snack: Doritos (Nacho Cheese)
• Video Game: Perfect Dark (“GoldenEye walked so Perfect Dark could run.” [56:39])

Notable Quotes

• “You thought the last segment was gonna age us—we’re talking trains.” (Jason, 22:49)
• “Let it fly, man!” (Mike, on sneezes, 06:25)
• “I'm a fly guy... all I want to do is fly.” (Jason, 14:11)
• “You want to be in a pack or you want to be in a band? I want to be in a band.” (Jason, 25:06)
• “This man’s a liar!” (Mike, about the cat+bald eagle story, 35:00)
• “Everyone gets their own bag of old Trapper. I get two.” (Jason, 52:30)
• “Die Hard is the greatest movie of all time.” (Mike, 50:26)
• “GoldenEye walked so Perfect Dark could run.” (Mike, 56:39)

Segment Timestamps (Approximate)

• [01:12] Show opens and hosts' banter
• [03:27] Would You Rather – Sneeze for cash?
• [11:35] Would You Rather – 7 hour drive or 9 hour flight?
• [18:31] Trains, nostalgia, and transportation tangents
• [23:37] Raised by wolves or gorillas?
• [31:27] Is This Real Life? (Absurd news stories)
  • [32:52] Bald eagle/cat story
  • [35:49] Florida man on sunroof
  • [42:19] Drunk raccoon in liquor store
• [45:32] The Spitballers Draft: Best Night With the Boys
• [58:44] Wrap-up: What did we learn today?

Tone & Style

• Classic Spitballers: Playful, fast paced, and nostalgic, full of dad-level jokes, boisterous “how did we get here” detours, and sincere affection for dorky childhood memories.
• Good-natured Ribbing: Constant teasing, faux outrage, and banter—particularly as Jason tries to defend “fly guy” status and when discussing the completely ridiculous animal and news hypotheticals.
• Family Friendly: Lighthearted with topics that veer silly rather than crude.

Summary

This episode delivers classic Spitballers energy: inventive hypotheticals, “dad” wisdom, and laugh-out-loud drafts. Whether you’re here for real-life absurdities (cat dropped by eagle, a raccoon bender), Jason’s eternal defense of flying, or sweet nostalgia about the “best night with the boys,” this episode is packed with clever asides and quotable moments. The Spitballers shine when debating nonsense, celebrating the mundane (sneezing for cash), and building epic–if questionable–nights in, reminding listeners why they’re two-time Comedy Podcast of the Year.