We Know History & Best Dipping Sauces - Comedy Podcast

Summary

Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: "We Know History & Best Dipping Sauces"

Date: April 6, 2026

Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Spitballers Comedy Podcast features a double-header of nonsense, laughter, and surprisingly competitive trivia. The hosts debut a brand-new segment called "We Know History," where they test their dubious mastery of world events by putting them in chronological order. The second half is devoted to drafting the best dipping sauces—a topic they take far more seriously than you’d expect. As always, hijinks, mockery, and dad-level wisdom abound.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

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1. Cold Open & Banter (03:02–04:02)

• Messy Scats and Fatigue:
  Andy discusses his ongoing fatigue from doing the show’s scat openers. Jason needles him, leading to laughs about "scat fatigue" and the visual vs. audio experience of the intro.

• Leap Year Confusion:
  Jason displays a questionable grasp of leap years, thinking they make the year shorter.
  Quote:

  "I was thinking that leap years had fewer days." – Jason (02:51)

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2. Would You Rather

Segment: 04:02–21:45

a. Understanding Dogs vs. Being Understood by Dogs (04:05–10:15)

• Hosts debate whether they'd rather comprehend their dog's thoughts or have their dog understand everything they say.
  • Jason is wary of knowing his dogs' true feelings, fearing disappointment.
  • Andy worries about how dull or repetitive dog thoughts might be ("Eat that thing?").
  • Consensus: They’d all rather have the dog understand them— easier training, fewer messes, and maybe some peace regarding "revenge turds."

Quote:

"I want to be able to explain to him all the rules of this house and have him obey." – Jason (05:56)
"That dog was sending us a message. It was a revenge turd every time." – Jason (06:31)

b. Whisper Indoors vs. Yell Outdoors (10:15–18:08)

• They discuss the implicit social and physiological horrors of only being able to whisper inside or yell outside.
  • Andy and Jason point out that whispering is bad for your vocal cords.
  • Mike reveals misophonia:

    "My body hurts inside out. What is going on?" (11:51)

  • Hilarious philosophy about whether being in a car or plane counts as “indoors,” leading to extended, ridiculous debate ("You're inside but not indoors!").

Quote:

"You could be inside without being indoors." – Mike (15:59)

c. Magic Toolbox vs. Battery Drawer (18:09–21:45)

• Would you rather have a magic toolbox always containing the perfect tool or a drawer with any battery you need?
  • Overwhelming love for the toolbox—tools are harder to find, more expensive, and easily "borrowed" by family or workers.
  • Jason jokes about blaming lost tools on workers, introducing an ongoing running joke (“my workers”).

Quote:

"The first person that invents a tool set with built-in tracking is going to be rich." – Andy (20:55) "Let’s not lose sight of the real issue—my workers are stealing my tools!" – Jason (21:18)

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3. Game Segment: "We Know History"

Segment: 24:01–39:31

A trivia game where the guys must place four historical or pop culture events in correct chronological order per round. Points for correct placements; bonus for getting all four.

Notable Moments & Rounds

• Warm Up (24:37–25:32):
  Moon landing, Declaration of Independence, Wright brothers, Civil War.
  Easy layup; all score maximum points.

• Round 1 (26:11–29:40):
  Nixon resignation, first Super Bowl, Godfather’s release, JFK assassination.

  • Jason stands alone, confidently orders Super Bowl after JFK, gets all four, gloats.*
    Quote:

    “I am the smartest man alive... This should be called ‘Jason Knows History.’” (29:00–29:20)

• Round 2 (29:54–32:15):
  Friends debut, Mario 64, Jurassic Park, SpongeBob.

  • Mike gets all four, Andy and Jason less so.*
  • Score: Mike 5, Jason 1, Andy 2.
  • Mike takes the lead.

• Round 3 (33:04–37:17):
  California Gold Rush, invention of telephone, Lincoln’s election, completion of transcontinental railroad.

  • Struggles over which predated which; Mike and Andy get two right, Jason none.
  • Clarifies Gold Rush started 1848, not 1949.
  • Quote:

    “I learned the Gold Rush was not in 1949.” – Jason (59:21)

• Round 4 (37:22–39:31):
  Instagram launch, PlayStation 2 release, first iPhone, US Office.

  • PlayStation 2 is oldest, Instagram newest; positions of iPhone and The Office surprise some.
  • Final Score: Mike 8, Jason 8, Andy 6 (no tie-breaker, ends in a draw).

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4. Spitballers Draft: Best Dipping Sauces

Segment: 41:24–58:31

Each host picks the best dipping sauces in “fantasy draft” order. Betrayal, strategizing, and passionate sauces advocacy ensue.

First Round Picks

• Andy: Ranch (goes 1.01; “could drink it from a cup”) (42:06)
• Mike: Cheese Sauce (underappreciated, versatile) (43:08)
• Jason: BBQ Sauce (“good for dipping and cooking”) (45:25)

Standout Moments

• Jason’s BBQ and Ketchup Combo:

  “Barbecue sauce and ketchup...genuinely, if you’re dipping…” – Jason (47:06)

• Mike’s Raising Cane’s Sauce:
  Mike goes for the jugular with the cult-favorite, extols its virtues, and explains it’s the only reason the chicken exists.

  “The entire point of the chicken is to get the sauce into my mouth.” – Mike (49:37)

• Chick-fil-A, Sriracha Mayo, Buffalo Sauce:
  Andy and Mike go to war over the best fast-food signature sauces and spicy picks.

• Jason agonizes over picks; chooses Sweet & Sour and Marinara:
  Extended deliberation before landing on two beloved but less general-use sauces.

• Mustard Controversy:
  Jason extols the beauty of ketchup/mustard piles, but ultimately passes in favor of more versatile choices.

Draft Results (Sample Order)

• Andy: Ranch, Chick-fil-A sauce, Sriracha mayo, Honey mustard
• Mike: Cheese sauce, Raising Cane’s sauce, Buffalo, (Thousand Island debated but not picked)
• Jason: Barbecue sauce, Ketchup, Sweet & Sour, Marinara

Honorable Mentions & Closing Thoughts

• Garlic aioli, blue cheese, cocktail, tartar sauce, Thousand Island, etc., get shout-outs.
• General agreement: most sauces have narrow but intense followings.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jason, Gloating at History Game:

  “I am the smartest man alive! You guys are such dummies.” (29:00)

• Mike, on Whispering:

  "My body hurts inside out. What is going on?" (11:51)

• Andy, Sauce Draft:

  “Cheese sauce can go on a hot dog. Ranch doesn’t go on a hot dog.” (43:54)

• Jason, Toolbox Would You Rather:

  “Let’s not lose sight of that, but let’s... my workers are stealing my tools!” (21:18)

• Mike, On Chicken and Sauce:

  "The entire point of the chicken is to get the sauce into my mouth." (49:37)

• Jason, on Being Indoors vs. Outdoors in a Car:

  “You could be inside without being indoors.” (16:01)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 03:02 – Main show begins, intro banter, leap year confusion
• 04:05 – Would You Rather: Dog understanding
• 10:15 – Would You Rather: Whisper vs. yelling debate
• 18:09 – Would You Rather: Toolbox vs. battery drawer
• 24:01 – "We Know History" game starts
• 41:24 – Dipping Sauces Draft begins
• 58:31 – Honorable mentions, episode wrap-up

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Episode Tone & Language

The episode is light, fast-paced, and packed with family-friendly jokes. The hosts constantly rib each other, get competitive, and embrace silliness. They turn simple topics into deep (yet absurd) debates and never miss a chance to make each other (and the audience) laugh at their own expense.

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This summary captures all major jokes, debates, and trivia, making it perfect for anyone wanting the highlights and inside jokes without needing to listen to the full hour.

Transcript

[Andy]

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[Jason]

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, man, oh, man. That started okay. I don't know about that ending.

[Andy]

Welcome to the Spitballers.

[Jason]

It was like you quit.

[Andy]

I don't know what happened. I think the whole. The whole time I was thinking I was going to do something with like a trumpet, and it just never happened.

[Jason]

Well, you did a trumpet with your fingers.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Jason]

If you watch the video, I have

[Andy]

so much scat fatigue right now.

[Mike]

You were doing a trumpet with my fingers.

[Andy]

But then nothing ever came.

[Jason]

If you were listening to the audio, you have no idea.

[Mike]

What does the trumpet sound like, Andy.

[Jason]

Yeah. And that's not what you were doing. You were.

[Andy]

It's like playing my words.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Look, I've scouted over 1000 times in a row.

[Mike]

You have done a lot.

[Andy]

And just so you know out there, it's over. I finally paid off my debts.

[Jason]

And it's not over because I got Mike to do my next one. Yes.

[Andy]

Ridiculous. Spitballers Episode 3 Scatting is very lucrative 62 Episode 362 Is it warm in here?

[Mike]

362 so we are.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

362 we are rapidly approaching. You could listen to a Spitballers a

[Andy]

day for a year.

[Mike]

Assuming it's not.

[Andy]

It's too much.

[Jason]

Leap year.

[Andy]

It's too much.

[Jason]

We have a new segment, especially on a. On a leap year, right?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No.

[Andy]

Leap year is more. Do you know what a leap year is?

[Jason]

Is it more?

[Mike]

3 oh, no.

[Jason]

All right. Oh, no. We've learned things here. This is a. This is an educational.

[Mike]

What happened, Jason? What happens on leap year?

[Jason]

Yeah. Okay. February goes to 29. I see the direction it is. More days, not fewer. I was thinking that leap years had a fewer days.

[Andy]

It's amazing because we have a new segment today called We Know History.

[Jason]

We do.

[Andy]

We do. We've always known history and we've known it by the dates. It's all about the dates. And so we're going to jump into that new segment today. But you also know, you know time as well.

[Jason]

Time, calendars, days, geography, spelling. It's kind of like this. My wheelhouse is metals. Well, I mean, I had been joking, Andy. I'm not really an expert on those other things, but if you want to bring up medals.

[Mike]

Right, right.

[Andy]

That is something you would never joke.

[Jason]

That is legit. I am a metal expert.

[Mike]

You thought when he said leap year, it was shorter.

[Andy]

It leaps a day.

[Jason]

I didn't.

[Andy]

It leaps over a day.

[Jason]

Think much? I just had a thought.

[Andy]

Would you rather We Know history and we are drafting the best dipping sauces on today's sauces and fixings on today's episode. We'll start with some. Would you rather.

[Jason]

Would you rather.

[Andy]

Would you rather be able to understand what your dog is thinking or have your dog understand everything that you are saying? Okay.

[Jason]

I read the first part of this, and the first part, I was like, oh, my gosh, no, I don't want to know what my dog is thinking. He's going to tell me. He's going to tell me how unhappy he is.

[Andy]

What a bad.

[Mike]

Your dog.

[Jason]

There's the potential.

[Mike]

No, you treat your dogs right and they're so happy.

[Jason]

There's the potential that I don't treat my dogs right. In their opinion. My kids. I treat my kids right, and I know the kids grow up thinking, I wish I was treated better.

[Mike]

I've seen my dog's tail.

[Jason]

Obviously, the IQ of a dog is lower and it might be okay with what I've done to it, but I. You know what I mean?

[Andy]

Like, I mean, he literally doesn't have one of the dogs. He had.

[Jason]

Yeah, because it booted Pete. I got rid of it. I mean, it's a dog.

[Andy]

My worry about knowing what the dog's thinking has to do with being disappointed with the level of. With the lack of intelligence of what's actually happening.

[Jason]

Oh, man. Of the dog.

[Andy]

No, what happens now is that we all see our dogs and we just. We just view them through rose colored Glasses. Everything they're doing is good natured and fun and they love you and you think that they're just in love with you. The best. Because they're the best. I'm just worried that if I am like if I know what their brain

[Jason]

thinking, if their thoughts are basically just

[Andy]

like, it smells good. What smells good?

[Jason]

I smell something. I smell something. I see something.

[Andy]

Eat that thing.

[Jason]

Yeah, eat that thing.

[Andy]

So what's funny?

[Mike]

There's a lot to eat that thing for sure.

[Jason]

But what's funny is, should I eat it? So I read the first half of this and I didn't read the second half. I was like, I do not want to understand what my dog is thinking. I wish he could understand what I'm thinking.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And then that was the second half of the question. Of course I want him to know what I'm thinking. I want to be able to explain to him all the rules of this house and. And have him obey.

[Mike]

Yeah, don't eat that.

[Jason]

You think the difference the rules are eat that and don't eat that.

[Andy]

You think a dog would follow all the rules if he knew what they really were?

[Jason]

I think I could. I think I could explain.

[Mike]

American bad boy talk.

[Jason]

Talk about potty training.

[Mike]

Right.

[Jason]

I think sometimes dogs are confused. They don't understand. They don't.

[Andy]

I mean, clearly, Chris Pepper was fine once he left your house.

[Producer/Moderator]

You don't think she knew what she was doing when she pooped on your pillow every night? She knew she wasn't allowed to do that.

[Andy]

Here's another one.

[Jason]

Definitely new. I mean, hers were. Hers were legitimately vindictive. If we left her alone for a while. It was a revenge turd. It was a revenge turd every time. That dog was sending us a message. But at the same time, I do think that there are better dogs out there than that evil little monster.

[Andy]

How is Pepper doing?

[Producer/Moderator]

She's perfect. She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me outside of my wife and kid. I mean, you gave her to.

[Jason]

I'm above.

[Mike]

You could say the dog, Jeremy. We all know.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

My dogs are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[Andy]

Yeah. I feel like there's just. I think I'd rather have the dog understand what I'm saying.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jason]

You could teach it better. You can train it better. You could do cool tricks.

[Andy]

Never come into our master bedroom at this time.

[Jason]

Yeah, exactly. You can't set ground rules.

[Mike]

Where, where does your dog sleep, Andy?

[Andy]

He's always in my son's bedroom.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

My old dog used to Sleep under our bed. My hunter under army crawled under the bed every night.

[Jason]

Tiny dog.

[Andy]

That's awesome. Not tiny enough.

[Mike]

That sounds great.

[Andy]

He kind of outgrew it to where he was really squeezing in there.

[Mike]

Well, my 110 pound monster of a

[Andy]

dog on the bed.

[Jason]

Your bed.

[Mike]

Recently. Oh, very recently.

[Andy]

That's not. Okay.

[Mike]

Has decided that. But it's only during the fall asleep period of the sleep. Because you wake up every morning and he's not there. He's not on the bed. It is only when.

[Jason]

It's only when you need.

[Mike]

When you need to be comfortable. And like whatever amount of COVID you have or blanket. When he lays down, that's all you get. That's what you get.

[Jason]

You can't move it.

[Andy]

No.

[Mike]

Because he's 110lbs and when you try and move him, he. He literally lays into you more dead weight.

[Jason]

He knows exactly what he's doing. Could you imagine, like, let's say you're going to sleep you and your other in bed under coverage and then someone just puts 110 pound barbell on your bed?

[Andy]

Yeah, actually that would suck. It's not the best, but no matter what you do, the barbell doesn't leave the bed. It just moves around.

[Jason]

Oh, man, That's a nightmare.

[Andy]

That's funny.

[Jason]

You got to.

[Andy]

He rules.

[Jason]

You got to get this dog knowing how sweet it is to be with kids because like my youngest has to sleep with Sugar, one of our two dogs, every night. That is part of the routine.

[Andy]

That's why Nathan takes the dog every night.

[Jason]

Yeah. And so it's like, that's great because I like it for the dog. I like it for the kid and I like it for me. My dogs are not allowed on my bed. In fact, we got a couch for

[Andy]

the foot of our bed for the dog.

[Jason]

For the dogs. Which they have now ruined. I mean, that couch with dumps. No, no dumps. My two dogs are potty trained or else I would have gotten rid of them.

[Andy]

Jeremy would have them.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

And they'd be potty trained.

[Jason]

No, for some reason. This is the thing with golden doodles. This is a thing that's like. I know. It's common and awful. I love goldendoodles. I love our goldendoodles. But one of our two dogs gets an ear infection every week. I mean, it's like he lives.

[Andy]

Not common in my house.

[Jason]

He lives with an ear infection.

[Andy]

What are you putting in the dog's ears?

[Jason]

Usually medicine. Like little alcohol pads and everything we could do to clean it, but it Smells disgusting. And he lays on this bed all night or on this couch and I just.

[Andy]

Smelly dogs are a problem.

[Jason]

To burn that couch if. Listen, spitwads, if you need a couch and are in the Phoenix area, boy, do I have a couch for you.

[Andy]

Al's taking that.

[Jason]

You want that? I'm sure you can clean it up. I've tried.

[Andy]

He resell it.

[Jason]

I bought a scent cleaner for dogs. Liar.

[Andy]

Would you rather only be able to whisper well indoors or only be able to yell while outdoors? Whisper well indoors. Everyone says that whispering is worse for your vocal cords. Have you heard this before? Yes. It is like if you were losing.

[Jason]

It's harder on your vocal cords if

[Andy]

you're losing your voice. Sometimes you're tempted to whisper to protect your voice. It's actually doing more damage to your voice. At least that's the.

[Jason]

No, I.

[Andy]

That's the. That's what they say.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, my kids are in musical theater. You know, I grew up as an actor, went to, you know, college for that. And that's widely taught. At the very least, whether it's.

[Andy]

It strains them more than soft speaking. It's true.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, because your vocal cords are

[Andy]

a muscle, it causes them to have inflammation and reduces vibration, which can lead to feeling damage.

[Mike]

So what are you supposed to do?

[Andy]

Talk softly.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Well, I mean, still talk.

[Jason]

Your vocal rest is great to not talk at all, but whispering is more difficult. However, I know Mike doesn't like this because.

[Mike]

No, yeah, it's really, really bad. That's the misophonia or whatever it's called.

[Jason]

Yeah, you have it. And I'm so sorry.

[Andy]

I'm doing.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. I'm going.

[Jason]

I know. I know what I'm doing, too, but it wasn't my fault. I'll put this in the show.

[Mike]

Don't.

[Andy]

But.

[Mike]

Stop it.

[Jason]

But I couldn't do my job. He. He said he took his ears out. Okay, my point.

[Mike]

I can't do it, man.

[Jason]

I'm sorry. I'm. I'm a little sorry. I'm mostly very entertained.

[Mike]

I wish people could understand.

[Andy]

Ah, it's creepy.

[Jason]

My nails on a chalkboard.

[Mike]

My body hurts inside out. What is going on?

[Jason]

That being said, if he wasn't in

[Producer/Moderator]

your ears right now, if you guys were just sitting next to each other, would it still bother you whispering?

[Andy]

Yes. Okay.

[Jason]

Really?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Do you think somebody would understand, like, if you could only whisper indoors, would people just accept that you can't talk as much?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Like, I feel, like, the need to speak, like, for life. Let's say, Let me change the question. Would you rather be able to not speak indoors? Wait, how am I messed this up? My point is, is what's more important, being able to speak indoors or outdoors? That's the question. I feel like outdoors is the more consequential situation. Or you're interacting with strangers indoors, people. You could write them a note. People understand what you're talking about.

[Jason]

The vast, vast majority of my life is indoors. The vast majority of my communication is indoors. In the entirety of my job, which is speaking, is indoors.

[Andy]

Now that's a solid point.

[Jason]

So it's definitely indoors.

[Mike]

Over.

[Andy]

Outdoors.

[Mike]

Let's take this outside.

[Jason]

Is.

[Andy]

What if you got pulled over though?

[Mike]

Being in a.

[Andy]

You'd be yelling at the.

[Mike]

Is being in a car indoors?

[Jason]

Yes, I think it's indoors if you have a roof over your head.

[Andy]

No, me and Al are

[Jason]

indoors. There are, let me ask you, doors, you are inside. If you're in a sedan, they call that. Yeah. And what do they have on? Like would you say it's a four something vehicle?

[Mike]

So what it would be. So indoors needs to be yours is

[Andy]

in a, in a house.

[Jason]

What if a roof in a building?

[Mike]

What if I have a mobile home?

[Jason]

Yeah, great question.

[Andy]

Is it driving? Is it actively driving? Okay, if I'm actively moving from one place to another, I'm not in a building.

[Jason]

Okay, so you're not indoors in an airplane, you're outdoors because you're moving. Is that what you're trying to pretend to say here? You nonsensical.

[Producer/Moderator]

I think it's a combination with square footage and building.

[Jason]

Okay, so if I'm in a small plane, a Cessna, now I'm outdoors. Is that what you're saying, you nonsensical?

[Mike]

What if you are in a mobile home, like, you know, like a trailer,

[Andy]

I don't think you're out.

[Mike]

It's literally on top of a semi that is being transported.

[Andy]

I don't think you're out. I see what you're saying. It's got no wheels of its own, Right?

[Mike]

Look, you're not wide load.

[Andy]

You're not outdoors in a plane. You're just not indoors in a house or a building.

[Jason]

You're saying you're not indoors or outdoors.

[Andy]

If a tornado catches you while you're in your car on a freeway, is it catching you indoors?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

[Andy]

If you say a tornado can handle

[Mike]

a house, no problem. Yeah, I don't know what we're saying.

[Jason]

Yeah, if a tornado took my house up like Dorothy would You say indoors. Yeah, she was indoors. It was a house. She's moving.

[Mike]

What? If Dorothy was in a car, she

[Andy]

wasn't moving till the tornado came.

[Jason]

I know, but once the tornado's coming. You're saying she's outdoors?

[Andy]

She was caught in a tornado at that point.

[Mike]

Wasn't she in the barn?

[Jason]

No, she's in her house.

[Andy]

In the house? Don't be an idiot.

[Jason]

It's a whole big thing. I just saw the whole thing.

[Mike]

Does she wake up in the barn?

[Jason]

No, she wakes up in the house.

[Mike]

There's no barn.

[Jason]

There's a barn. Before she gets in the house, there's a barn. She's playing, falls in the pig pen.

[Andy]

That house is swirling up in that tornado that.

[Jason]

What do you think, lands on the Wicked Witch and kills her? The barn, I guess. The pig pen.

[Mike]

No, I didn't think it was the pig pen. I'm not an idiot, okay?

[Jason]

I thought it was the barn. Anyway, speaking of idiots, let's talk about this. You're outdoors in a car.

[Mike]

It's literally indoors, meaning inside of.

[Andy]

Inside a car.

[Mike]

And there's car doors.

[Andy]

You're not indoors.

[Jason]

You are inside of doors.

[Mike]

If you're in doors, there's a roof. There's a roof.

[Jason]

There's a floor.

[Mike]

There's doors.

[Jason]

There's doors.

[Mike]

There's two to four doors.

[Jason]

How are you not indoors?

[Andy]

So if you're caught in a car in the middle of a blizzard, you're like, oh, man, don't worry about it.

[Mike]

Thank goodness I'm indoors.

[Jason]

Yes, thank goodness. Indoors. Do you know how much it would suck right now to be outdoors? But I'm protected because I'm indoors.

[Andy]

You're inside.

[Jason]

I'm not saying you're not inside.

[Mike]

You could be inside without being indoors.

[Andy]

Where you been?

[Jason]

Oh, I'll realize I'm dying on the vine. He realized.

[Producer/Moderator]

I'm still in your camp, but I don't have a solid.

[Mike]

You can be inside without being indoors.

[Jason]

This is what you're talking.

[Andy]

Yes.

[Jason]

You could be inside without being indoors. I understand completely the childish thought that if you are inside a car, well, of course you're not indoors, because that means a building or whatever. But then once you work through it, logic, you're like, no, I guess I am indoors.

[Andy]

No, no, I got one for you. If you go to the outdoor zoo up in Berrizona and you drive through it, or you go to one of those, like, Christmas light things that you drive through, are you going to an indoor event?

[Jason]

I'm not going. I'm Not. I would be traveling through an outdoor event. I mean, that's the same as a plane. Oh, what do you mean? I don't think that I'm traveling through an outdoor event. I'm traveling through the air in a plane.

[Mike]

I am still indoor because my house can't travel.

[Jason]

You think you switch.

[Mike]

You still have a problem. You still have a problem with Winnebagos

[Jason]

in mobile homes, you're on the losing side of this.

[Andy]

If you have more than three feet above your head and then there's a roof, you're indoors.

[Jason]

Okay?

[Andy]

Winnebagos can count.

[Jason]

So you have to have. So this is three feet above your face.

[Andy]

Above your head.

[Jason]

Okay? So that means, like Victor Wimanyana can't be indoors ever.

[Mike]

Also, my upstairs is eight feet.

[Jason]

Oh, no, you're inside.

[Mike]

So I'm.

[Andy]

I already knew you were indoors in your house, dork.

[Jason]

No, no, but you just. Your rules just told him.

[Mike]

He's out. Downstairs, I'm indoors. Upstairs, I'm outside.

[Jason]

And like I said, Victor, women. Yana Yama never been inside. Yeah, I guess only in the overnight.

[Producer/Moderator]

More than two categories. You could be outdoors, you could be indoors. You could be in a car, you could be in a place.

[Mike]

Thank you.

[Producer/Moderator]

Those can all be different categories.

[Andy]

That's right. You're in a plane. When you're in a plane, you're not indoors.

[Producer/Moderator]

I agree.

[Andy]

I feel like if you were in the middle of a plane flying through a thunderstorm, you wouldn't be like, after you got there, you're like, thank goodness I was indoors during that storm.

[Mike]

The only way it works is if your car has one door because then you're just indoor, which is also.

[Andy]

Would you rather.

[Mike]

That's the moon where the Ewoks live.

[Andy]

Correct. Would you rather have a magical toolbox that always has exactly the tool you need instantly?

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh, yes.

[Andy]

That would be so helpful.

[Mike]

Yes. My. My tools are.

[Andy]

I'm spread about. I have things. I have things to say about this. Or a magical battery drawer that always has the exact batteries you need instantly. Oh, I don't care about that. That's not hard. I have a battery drawer. It's fine.

[Jason]

Batteries are expensive.

[Mike]

The only problem with batteries is the stupid circle batteries.

[Jason]

Oh, those are the worst.

[Andy]

I'm going to tell you something.

[Mike]

Why is there 15 sizes?

[Andy]

Well, that's a problem.

[Jason]

And real quick to stay on the circle battery. What is with the new packaging? I don't know if you guys.

[Andy]

Impossible to get into. It's impenetrable.

[Jason]

Unbelievable.

[Andy]

It's Practically indoors.

[Jason]

These packages, you need them for, like, your car key. Fab. That's like the thing I needed for the most. And I. It's like I. I think to myself,

[Mike]

I hope you have a blow, George.

[Jason]

Yeah. I can't put this in my car glove box because if I'm. If.

[Andy]

Yeah, it's not expensive there.

[Jason]

Impossible. I need that magic toolbox to open up to get. Like.

[Andy]

I don't have a chainsaw.

[Jason]

There are. And they advertise it like this. Oh, it's a child protector.

[Mike]

Easy.

[Andy]

Open.

[Jason]

It's the most impossible thing I've ever opened in my life.

[Mike]

Are they lying? Can children get in?

[Jason]

Oh, no. Adults, Children. Nobody could get in.

[Andy]

I'm telling you right now, I own at least four of every tool that exists. Because I can't find them.

[Mike]

Because of children.

[Andy]

Because of children. Because my son uses the workshop and I work in a different space. And it's like in the moment that you need a tool, it is as far from where you need it as possible. I know. The worst thing is, you know you have it and you just walk from side to side of your house while you're indoors and you're looking for this tool and you know you own it, and now you're stuck with. Do I go to Home Depot and buy a second one of these to try to. Because I need the tool, or keep searching for this and you just call. I get to the point where I just start calling family members. I'm like, where did you put it?

[Jason]

Right. You would. You would.

[Andy]

I blame them. I'd be like, caleb, where did you put the thing?

[Jason]

I didn't.

[Mike]

I didn't do it.

[Andy]

Cause there's no way I didn't place it back in the right spot.

[Jason]

What I know is that that toolbox would be sick if I have, say, a plumber or an AC guy or a pool guy or a gardener or anybody that has to do some work in my house. I will find out a couple weeks later how many of my tools they clearly stole. They had to have stolen all my tools. Cause I can't find any of my

[Mike]

people are stealing your tools?

[Jason]

I have to assume so. Only because, I mean, I would never lose. I would never lose every day of my life. My drill. My drill. I can't find it no matter what.

[Andy]

The first person that invents. Just like a full tool set that all has built in tracking.

[Jason]

Yes. And then all of my workers are off the hook. I mean, you could know that he's

[Andy]

been suing his workers for days.

[Mike]

I mean, if you wanted, you could air tag all your tools.

[Andy]

Freaking workers. Let's not lose sight of that, but let's.

[Jason]

You know, I'm not the only person that hires plumbers or AC guys.

[Andy]

We don't call them our workers, brother. We don't. We don't say ours. I don't have staff.

[Mike]

We don't have them on retainer.

[Andy]

Jason, where do they live for you?

[Jason]

They're not in your. They're not in the. They're not in the area for the work? They don't live there? No. Oh, okay.

[Andy]

No, they're not on retainer, brother. We all have our workers.

[Mike]

Good night.

[Andy]

All right. Perfect time to move on. And that's what we're doing right about now.

[National Debt Relief Announcer]

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[DSW Announcer]

you know that thing where you get an amazing pair of shoes at a really great price and want to tell everyone about it?

[National Debt Relief Announcer]

Yeah.

[DSW Announcer]

So do we here at Designer Shoe Warehouse. We'll give you something to brag about, like the latest styles from brands you love or the trends everyone's obsessing over or shoes that make you feel like.

[Jason]

Well, you.

[Mike]

I.

[DSW Announcer]

So go ahead, show off a little. Buying shoes that get you and prices that get your budget. Head to your DSW store or dsw.com today. DSW. Let us surprise you.

[Jason]

What time is it? Game time. You don't even hear it anymore, do you? No. No, he does. No, he doesn't.

[Mike]

I don't hear the words you say.

[Jason]

I kind of do. Oh, man. I don't. I.

[Mike]

So, Jason, meet reality.

[Jason]

I. I think I've gotten to a place where I'm a little bit more honest and open, and I shouldn't be at that.

[Mike]

Yeah, you gotta shut it down.

[Jason]

You gotta tighten it Up. I gotta go back.

[Andy]

We are introducing I'm the Everyman. You're the Everyman. That's what people think.

[Mike]

We all have subscriptions for our bed, right?

[Jason]

Who doesn't? We all should.

[Andy]

We're playing a new game called We Know History.

[Mike]

Oh, dude.

[Jason]

Not waiting for this to crush this game.

[Andy]

We Know History is a game. It's very simple. You can play along at home. We're all going to have our own thoughts on legitimate objective history.

[Mike]

This is going to be amazing.

[Andy]

Al Borland has put together a three round battle. Now this first time we're playing this game, we're going to have a little warm up round and then play our three rounds. But it's very easy. It's simply. I'm going to read four events that have happened in history and we're going to put them in order. I just want to hear Jason play this game. And so take your little notepad out.

[Jason]

So easy.

[Andy]

So our little warm up round is going to be these four events.

[Jason]

Okay? This is a warm up.

[Andy]

This is the warm up.

[Producer/Moderator]

And for everyone that you get in the correct slot, you get one point. If you get all four in the correct slots, you get five points total. So you get bonus points.

[Jason]

So I, I assume I'm getting five every time.

[Andy]

So our little warm up round is going to be event number one, the moon landing. Okay. Event number two, the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[Andy]

Okay, that's event number three, the Wright brothers. First flight.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Andy]

And then event number four, the American Civil War begins.

[Jason]

Okay. I know the Declaration of Independence has to be before the Civil War.

[Mike]

Are we just doing this one as a group?

[Andy]

This is a little. I mean this one's done. It's declaration Civil War. Wright brothers, moon land.

[Jason]

I completely agree.

[Andy]

Locked it in.

[Jason]

He gave us a layup.

[Andy]

Yeah, this is a little warm up.

[Mike]

Because it's the warm up.

[Producer/Moderator]

Five points for everybody.

[Jason]

Easy peasy. We know history.

[Mike]

Yes, that's right.

[Jason]

Yeah, we do.

[Andy]

I hope you ready for the real event.

[Producer/Moderator]

Now everybody's back to zero points.

[Jason]

That was just a warm up. First time we've ever done this game. There is a piece of me that hopes that each round is done this easy and it's the worst game ever.

[Andy]

There's a chance, but it's not about struggle. Now the only thing I'll say is that because we're each competing against each other, we should probably not ruminate too much over the microphone. We should kind of put it down on a. You know what I Mean, lock in our answers. I'll read the four dates, but I don't want to try to solve it together. I want the people at home to be able to play along.

[Mike]

Sure, sure.

[Andy]

So round one. Round one. Our four events. The resignation of Richard Nixon, the first super bowl ever. The release of the movie the Godfather.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

Oh, that's okay.

[Jason]

Godfather versus Nixon. I don't know what.

[Andy]

And the assassination of John F. Kennedy.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh. I'll tell you right now, if you said Nixon and Kennedy, who was first? I am. Barely.

[Mike]

I told you you were about to struggle.

[Andy]

So I have. I do have my consistent first Super Bowl.

[Mike]

Wait, so is your list in a different order than mine?

[Andy]

Yes. He randomized the list so that what we see on the screen are different for all of us, so that every time we open our show. Doc. We see different orders so that.

[Mike]

Oh, so I can't write the number down. I have to.

[Jason]

That's what I was.

[Mike]

Write words down.

[Andy]

Yeah, you got to write words down. So, the resignation of Richard Nixon, the first super bowl, the release of the Godfather, and the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I have my order locked. I have. What I'm going to go with. I don't think it's. All right.

[Mike]

Shoot.

[Jason]

I thought the super bowl would be first for sure, but now I'm realizing it's like Super Bowl 50 or 60. So it's like, I would assume 50 or 60 years ago.

[Andy]

Well, I mean.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Andy]

So you got two presidential events.

[Jason]

This is tough.

[Andy]

We got to lock them in, though, guys. We got three rounds.

[Mike]

The super bowl is really a problem.

[Andy]

Super Bowl. The assassination of John F. Kennedy, the resignation of Richard Nixon, release of the Godfather. I am officially locked. Guys, I have my doubts on one pairing.

[Mike]

I am so excited for Super Bowl

[Andy]

51 6, something like that.

[Mike]

I'm looking for someone who's got the real number.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Does anyone have the real number?

[Andy]

That's a little bit of a cheat code, Mike. I'm sorry.

[Mike]

I'm just. I'm just talking to my friends.

[Andy]

Yeah, no big deal.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Andy]

All right, let's say this. Since I started the first round, I'm going to lock in and say it.

[Mike]

The first round.

[Andy]

But you guys need to be locked.

[Jason]

Right?

[Andy]

Because. Are you going to give me my. Whether I'm right or wrong right away?

[Producer/Moderator]

Sure, if you want to.

[Andy]

Or do you want us to all reveal and then you tell us the final truth?

[Producer/Moderator]

That's up to you.

[Jason]

Yeah, let's do that one. Let's talk through it when you give

[Producer/Moderator]

me your answers, give me from earliest to most recent.

[Andy]

I think the earliest event is the Super Bowl.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

I think the second event is the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I think the third event is Nixon. And I think the fourth event is Godfather, which is.

[Mike]

I held up my sign.

[Andy]

Me and Mike have the same thing. Now, Jason, you lock yours in.

[Jason]

No, I do not have the same thing.

[Andy]

You locked them.

[Jason]

I will tell the truth. Mine goes JFK first.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Super bowl second.

[Mike]

It might be.

[Jason]

It could be Godfather.

[Andy]

That could be right. I'm just going to be right.

[Mike]

Hey, you got JFK and Nixon in the right order.

[Jason]

I'm proud of that. I am proud of that.

[Andy]

We know.

[Jason]

We Know History.

[Producer/Moderator]

We are starting this off Andy and Mike with zero.

[Jason]

Oh, no. Yes. You guys suck with four. Oh, I'm the smartest man alive. Yes. You guys are such dummies. I am shocked.

[Producer/Moderator]

We.

[Jason]

This should be called I Know History. Why are we calling it Combined for series? Why are we calling this We Know History? This should be Jason Knows History.

[Andy]

When I saw Jason's list, I started to get scared because I started.

[Mike]

I didn't know what to do with the Super Bowl.

[Andy]

I started thinking super bowl was like 50 something years. What the heck am I thinking? Because, like, Kennedy's in fricking 60s.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

And the Super bowl is only 50 something years. We're idiots.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Producer/Moderator]

So we had Kennedy in 63, Super Bowl 67, Godfather in 72, and Nixon in 74.

[Andy]

Jason's a genius. But let's see if we can.

[Mike]

I was gonna. Here's the problem. You get one wrong.

[Andy]

You get them all wrong. You do. You could.

[Producer/Moderator]

Not necessarily, but yeah.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Pretty necessary.

[Andy]

All right, here we go. Round number two. Jason with a commanding lead.

[Mike]

Oh, goodness.

[Jason]

This one looks fun.

[Andy]

The debut of the show Friends.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

The release of Super Mario 64.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

The release of Jurassic Park.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

And the debut of SpongeBob SquarePants.

[DSW Announcer]

Wow.

[Mike]

Okay, friends. I've got mine written down.

[Jason]

Super Mario 64.

[Mike]

I've got mine written down. And you went first. I'm willing to.

[Andy]

I'll go real quick.

[Mike]

So for those playing at home, Jurassic Park.

[Andy]

Wait.

[Mike]

The release of. Jer, I'm not giving my.

[Andy]

Okay, I got you.

[Mike]

This is what my order is on my screen. The release of Jurassic Park. The debut of SpongeBob SquarePants. The debut of Friends. The release of Super Mario 64.

[Andy]

I do. I do have my. I have mine locked in. Mike's going to be the first one to reveal. Jason just needs to lock. And then we Will see if we could catch up to the dominating force of history, Jason or Randall Moore.

[Mike]

One of us is scoring zero points.

[Andy]

I mean, this is an incredible game already.

[Jason]

This is tough.

[Andy]

Okay, I got Mike.

[Mike]

Okay, I'm going. Jurassic park, the debut of friends. Mario 64, SpongeBob SquarePants.

[Andy]

Okay, Jason, go ahead.

[Jason]

I really don't like my.

[Andy]

Are you. Are you writing these down, Al?

[Jason]

Okay, I'm going. Nintendo 64. Jurassic park, friends. SpongeBob SquarePants.

[Andy]

All right, my final answer is Jurassic park first, Nintendo 64 second. Friends third, Square Pants.

[Mike]

Okay, so we're very close. Fourth.

[Jason]

Andy, Are we all square pants Fourth?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Producer/Moderator]

And that is correct.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

All right.

[Jason]

No zeros.

[Producer/Moderator]

That's where it stops for Jason.

[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Jason]

Yeah. Hey, I got a point.

[Producer/Moderator]

Jason got one point. Andy got two points. He was correct about Jurassic park and SpongeBob SquarePants.

[Andy]

So I know Jurassic was.

[Jason]

Tell me Mike didn't get fired.

[Andy]

Jurassic was the first.

[Producer/Moderator]

Mike got five points.

[Jason]

Yeah, I did.

[Mike]

I felt pretty good about that.

[Andy]

I am less.

[Jason]

So, what was. What was your order? What?

[Mike]

Jurassic Park, Friends, Mario six.

[Andy]

I just flipped the two middles.

[Jason]

I had a couple different thoughts on the order. I would have got one point no matter what. You should have one point no matter what.

[Andy]

Okay, so what is the current score? 6 to 5 to 2.

[Producer/Moderator]

That is correct.

[Andy]

That's gross. All right, our final round. Unless we want to do four, I'm in the lead.

[Mike]

Oh, it's not going to be good.

[Andy]

Round three.

[Mike]

This is not going to be good.

[Andy]

The California gold rush. The invention of the telephone.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

Ahoy hoy.

[Andy]

The election. I almost read Electrocution. The election of Abraham Lincoln. And the.

[Mike]

What's going on over here? Typer. What are you typing?

[Andy]

Yeah, what are you typing?

[Mike]

What are you typing? What are you typing?

[Jason]

It's in slack. You can see what I just typed.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

All right. Just making sure we're not doing a little Googling.

[Andy]

The final one is the completion of the transcontinental railroad. What?

[Jason]

Come on.

[Andy]

I.

[Jason]

Wait. The California gold rush had to have been over the course of decades.

[Mike]

Yeah. I assume we're talking the beginning of it, right? Yeah. What is credited as the beginning? There's a very particular date associated with it, Jason, that you should know.

[Jason]

I only know it if it is part of the 49ers.

[Mike]

That is. That is.

[Jason]

That is my.

[Mike]

That is, in fact, the answer.

[Jason]

But that gives me zero.

[Mike]

That's your only question.

[Jason]

It doesn't matter because I don't know when any of these things were.

[Andy]

Well, you get to lock in first. Who did, by the way, we might play. Are we playing four rounds or are we playing three?

[Producer/Moderator]

That's up to you, boss.

[Jason]

Let's go one more.

[Andy]

I guess we could do one more just for the fun of it.

[Mike]

I'm becoming behind the invention of the telephone. The California gold rush. Completion of the transcontinental railroad. The election of Abraham Lincoln. Dude, no way.

[Andy]

I mean, this is wide open.

[Jason]

Completion of the railroad. So this is like. So, Jeremy, just to be clear, this is the.

[Andy]

I mean, it's what it says.

[Jason]

The beginning of the gold rush and the end of the railroad.

[Producer/Moderator]

Yeah, it's exactly what it says.

[Jason]

That's tricky.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's what it says.

[Jason]

It doesn't say the beginning of the California gold rush.

[Andy]

Fair enough. What are your final four?

[Jason]

I have nothing written down. I don't know yet.

[Mike]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me get some answers down the election.

[Jason]

I know one that I think is before the other. That's where I'm at. The invention of the telephone. Okay, that one, I'm very confident.

[Mike]

Hey, J. Who invented the telephone or who's credited. I should say?

[Jason]

Is it Alexander Graham Bell? Okay. All right. Sorry to disappoint you, but we know history, all right?

[Andy]

We got to get some answers. Locked in.

[Jason]

All right.

[Andy]

Jason, you are first.

[Jason]

I'll go first. Are you guys locked?

[Andy]

I'm locked.

[Jason]

Okay. I think.

[Mike]

Oh, hold on. Okay.

[Andy]

You'll get there, Mike.

[Mike]

You know, I've got my answers down.

[Jason]

They're just wrong.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Okay. I think that the word. The completion of the transcontinental railroad is. It's. Maybe it took longer than we thought. I'm putting that last. I'm going to go the telephone first. Oh, then the gold rush. 49. Wait.

[Andy]

Then.

[Jason]

Oh, gosh. Then Abraham Lincoln that. Oh, my gosh. Oh, what an idiot.

[Andy]

We don't know.

[Jason]

Wait, when was the rail. Then the railroad. I don't know if you.

[Andy]

My first one is Lincoln.

[Jason]

You told me Abraham Lincoln was in 1919. Don't say 1917.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Jason]

What am I doing? Why is Abel get third?

[Andy]

All right. My.

[Jason]

That's impossible. The one thing earlier I said it's not impossible. The one thing that I said earlier we don't know was that I am sure of one thing and the only thing I wrote down was that the gold rush was before. That's gotta be wrong.

[Andy]

My four locked in. Lincoln, first, gold rush, second railroad, third telephone, fourth. Is that you, too, Mike?

[Mike]

We Are identical, Andy. So we're all or nothing.

[Andy]

We're all or nothing.

[Jason]

Telephone is not fourth.

[Producer/Moderator]

Jason.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Producer/Moderator]

You were correct when you said that the gold rush was before Abraham Lincoln. Oh.

[Jason]

Oh.

[Mike]

What? No. What?

[Producer/Moderator]

But you still ended up with no points.

[Jason]

Oh, okay. That feels.

[Mike]

Oh. Do we all have none?

[Producer/Moderator]

No. Mike and Andy both got the. The last two correct. You got the first two wrong.

[Andy]

So Gold rush before Lincoln, huh?

[Producer/Moderator]

Yes, it was the.

[Andy]

The gold rush and the phone were the last two.

[Producer/Moderator]

You really duped me.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Producer/Moderator]

Gold rush, Lincoln, Railroad telephone.

[Mike]

So is gold rush credited as 49?

[Producer/Moderator]

It's actually credited as 48.

[Mike]

But 1948, San Francisco 48.

[Andy]

They rushed.

[Jason]

They rushed what? That's why I was so screwed up, because I know that the telephone was around the turn of the century, and I'm like, well, thought we were gold

[Andy]

rushing 50 years ago.

[Jason]

Yeah. No. Oh, my gosh, that's stupid.

[Andy]

We.

[Jason]

You know, history.

[Andy]

All right, so give us the scores before our final round.

[Jason]

Gosh, I did think it was 1949.

[Producer/Moderator]

We got Mike with seven, Jason with six, Andy with four.

[Jason]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Jason]

Anyone's game?

[Mike]

No, no. I thought the game was done.

[Andy]

No, no, no. We got one more round.

[Jason]

We established before that last round that we're going for.

[Mike]

You told me before we started.

[Andy]

It was three rounds, brother. We were saying it out loud. All right, round four.

[Mike]

I don't care what you say. I won.

[Andy]

The launch of Instagram.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Andy]

The release of the PlayStation 2.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Andy]

The release of the first iPhone,

[Mike]

and

[Andy]

the debut of the Office television show in the US. I am back to locking in first.

[Jason]

I've got mine done.

[Andy]

I've got my order.

[Mike]

Hold on. I know what I'm.

[Andy]

I'm just gonna read them out again.

[Mike]

Hold on, hold on. Okay.

[Andy]

The release of the first iPhone, the release of the PlayStation 2, the debut of the television show the Office in the United States, and the launch of Instagram, the platform. Okay, I know how we all got them locked.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yep.

[Andy]

I'm going. PlayStation 2 is the first.

[Mike]

Okay, I'm going.

[Jason]

We're all gonna get five.

[Andy]

I'm going. IPhone second. Office third. Instagram four.

[Mike]

I went IG third.

[Jason]

Oh, thank.

[Mike]

What?

[Jason]

Oh, so I get to win. Wait, did you put. I'm the same as aim.

[Producer/Moderator]

Give me one of you at the exact same as Andy.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Producer/Moderator]

Okay.

[Andy]

Which is PS2 iPhone, Office, Instagram.

[Mike]

I was PS2 iPhone, Instagram, Office.

[Andy]

Mike could. Mike could run away with it.

[Jason]

No way. No way. Was in super no way. No house.

[Producer/Moderator]

All right, Andy and Jason, you Guys got two points.

[Jason]

Oh, get out of here. I got five points. I was perfect.

[Producer/Moderator]

And Mike, you got one point, brother.

[Jason]

Oh, no. We both won.

[Mike]

Oh, no. Did we try?

[Producer/Moderator]

That's a tie for Jason and Mike.

[Andy]

So what was the final one?

[Mike]

We know history.

[Producer/Moderator]

The correct answer was PlayStation. The office.

[Andy]

Wow.

[Producer/Moderator]

The iPhone. Instagram.

[Jason]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. Wow.

[Andy]

It's you mess one up, man. Thank goodness.

[Mike]

And like, we all knew IG was after the iPhone.

[Producer/Moderator]

Yes, we.

[Andy]

Yeah, we knew. We're amazing.

[Jason]

I knew Instagram.

[Mike]

We're amazed that office was that old.

[Andy]

The assassination of Lincoln was between office and iPhone.

[Producer/Moderator]

We and we.

[Mike]

History.

[Producer/Moderator]

I had an extra round in there, but we used it, so we have no tiebreaker. So we end with Mike with eight, Jason with eight, and Andy with six.

[Mike]

Dude, just big winners over here.

[Jason]

I feel like we know history so well.

[Andy]

That first round, the five nothing shellacking we got, it was humbling. That was humbling. Jason just knows history.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Amazing. We'll take a break. We'll draft.

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[Jason]

The Spitballers draft.

[Mike]

I don't know what you're laughing at.

[Andy]

We just realized that, like Josh, Josh posted that he was a gold rusher under Jason's timeline.

[Jason]

I was laughing. I was laughing at Jeremy laughing. So because I was typing a message in Slack, I got yelled at like

[Mike]

I was cheating because you were typing during a game.

[Jason]

So I just quickly, just as quick as I could try to finish and hit enter so you could see that I was not about your typo. Yes, Abraham. I typed Abraham Lincoln.

[Andy]

Abraham Lincoln. All right. We are drafting the best dipping sauces in the world. Sauces. I've got the first pick. I do thrilled to have it.

[Mike]

The 101.

[Jason]

Clear 101.

[Andy]

I mean, this is the go to. No matter what it is.

[Jason]

It could be anything, literally. French fries, pizza, vegetables.

[Andy]

Oh, and you give me a finely made house version of this and you are just living large. I could drink it from a cup. I'm taking ranch as the 101. The best dipping sauce known to man.

[Jason]

So many dipping sauces start with Ranch. It's like, well, let's add something to Ranch and call it a different sauce. So Ranch is clutch.

[Andy]

Ranch is my one on one for the best dipping sauces draft. Good luck, Mike. I would it have been both of your one on ones?

[Jason]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easily.

[Mike]

There is the problem Here is the game now, right? I. I feel like I have the easy 102 and I. But I don't know if Jason, I

[Jason]

got two picks, brother. I can taste these sauces.

[Mike]

All right. I'm not, I'm not even. I'm not even playing the game. I'm not even. I'm not even going to take a risk. It sounds ridiculous by name, but it is in fact just what it is. If you roll through Culver's and you're like, hey, give me some cheese sauce. It's dude, cheese sauce.

[Andy]

I thought it would sneak all the way back.

[Mike]

Oh, I couldn't risk it.

[Andy]

So.

[Mike]

Could not risk it.

[Andy]

Cheese sauce, baby underutilized.

[Mike]

Oh, cheese sauce is under available when you were like ranch. It goes with everything. I'm like, cheese. There's some vegetables. I don't know. I'm not putting them in the cheese sauce.

[Andy]

Cheese sauce is so versatile that like

[Mike]

a lot of stuff's going in.

[Andy]

I mean, I'll dip a burger into Ranch, but I'll dip a burger in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fries in a ranch. I'll dip them into cheese sauce.

[Mike]

Yep.

[Andy]

Cheese sauce can go on a hot dog. Can't go. I mean, Ranch doesn't go on a hot dog.

[Mike]

Oh, yes it can. A ranch can.

[Andy]

It can.

[Jason]

But that's not normal.

[Andy]

The versatility is there. With cheese sauce.

[Mike]

It's a great pick. I hope I disappoint you.

[Jason]

You did not disappoint me on this fact that I was not going to take cheese sauce.

[Mike]

Okay, then I blew it. Yeah, I blew it. I could have had free cheese sauce.

[Jason]

You could have had free cheese sauce. And don't hear what I'm not saying. Cheese is just delicious. Overall, you put in a sauce form, great, but it would not have been the top. Honestly, I'm at a real crossroads here because I've got two different two packs. I'm literally between four picks, but two go together, and I feel like two go together. I'm going to. I'm going to play the game. I'm positive one of these will come back, because I don't think either of you guys like them. So I'm going to take Gold Rush, 1949. The 1949ers. I honestly would have.

[Mike]

They were wearing poodle skirts.

[Jason]

I would have just off of World

[Mike]

War II, doing the gold Rush, finally finding California, doing the Monster Mash, they're

[Jason]

traveling west to do the Gold Rush after World War II. That is so stupid.

[Andy]

We know history. We won the game, Jay.

[Jason]

I won. We won. All right. We know history.

[Mike]

Yes, we. All right.

[Jason]

I'm going to take two awesome sauces that are great to dip in.

[Mike]

Ooh, awesome sauce. Great.

[Jason]

Great to cook with.

[Andy]

I hate that phrase so much.

[Jason]

I absolutely love both of these sauces. First, barbecue sauce. Barbecue sauce is.

[Mike]

Oh, really?

[Jason]

Yeah. Barbecue sauce.

[Andy]

Bbq.

[Jason]

BBQ sauce. You can dip your nuggies in there, but you can also cook with it. You can go ahead and it's the

[Andy]

best dipping sauce draft. So just let's focus on dipping, not cooking.

[Mike]

I barely remember to even put barbecue on my list. It's so low.

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh. You are an idiot.

[Mike]

No.

[Jason]

And then I will.

[Andy]

I mean, BBQ is a classic. You get it at any restaurant when you're asking for a dipping sauce. That's a good pick, Jay. There's nothing wrong with it.

[Jason]

I like it. But now I'm questioning my whole dipping conundrum because you just.

[Mike]

Name of the draft.

[Jason]

No, I know what the name of the draft is.

[Mike]

Why is the name of the draft not up on the back wall?

[Jason]

We have a whole back wall.

[Mike]

There's so much back wall.

[Jason]

We have so much space.

[Andy]

This bounty wall is so huge.

[Jason]

And you guys didn't do any prep or planning or production.

[Andy]

You can put a donkey kick up. I bet. I bet you could donkey kick us in two seconds.

[Jason]

I Guess we're drafting SP podcast. That's what it looks like to me. Wow.

[Producer/Moderator]

Sorry I let you down.

[Jason]

Thank you.

[Producer/Moderator]

Also, our designer went home early.

[Jason]

Okay, I am going to pivot here. I'm going to pivot.

[Mike]

Oh, you're going to pivot?

[Jason]

I'm going to pivot.

[Mike]

Probably because BBQ was such a bad pick, you need something to redeem it.

[Jason]

I think so. I had these two grouped together, and you'll know what one of them. I'm going to take one of the other group.

[Mike]

I know what two you had. Yeah, I know what two you had. And I'm going to take the second one.

[Jason]

No, you're not.

[Mike]

Yes, I am.

[Jason]

Ah, darn. I should have. Can I undo my barbecue? No, I'll take ketchup because ketchup is the most classic dipping.

[Mike]

Oh, no. I thought you were going a different direction.

[Jason]

Okay, all right.

[Mike]

Ketchup is what I would have taken over cheese sauce.

[Andy]

I thought, man, the way you were talking, I thought maybe ketchup would come back to me.

[Jason]

No, I'll take ketchup, barbecue sauce, and ketchup. I mean, genuinely, if you're dipping, you

[Andy]

don't need to talk about ketchup. We all get it.

[Jason]

You know what ketchup is.

[Andy]

Yeah, we know what ketchup is. Okay, let me start telling you.

[Mike]

Ketchup is interesting because it's an elite. It's up at the top, but it's like the older you get, the less you start using ketchup.

[Andy]

I agree. Because you just. Broader palette. It's like, very simple.

[Jason]

Taste.

[Mike]

Well, because, like, fries, fries, ranch. Fries can go. Fries and ketchup is fantastic. But it's like, are you putting your. Are you dipping your chicken nuggets into ketchup anymore?

[Jason]

Heck, yeah, kid at heart. I absolutely would.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Mike]

I'm not saying I wouldn't do it. I just. That's so low on the list for dipping.

[Jason]

Do you want to know if I had chicken nuggets? You want to know what I would dip it in before ketchup?

[Mike]

What's that?

[Jason]

Barbecue sauce.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's fine, that's fine.

[Andy]

Underrated combo. Dip into barbecue, then dip into ranch. Just saying.

[Mike]

Oh, yoga.

[Andy]

That is a dynamic duo.

[Jason]

I used to get so mad at my wife when she would do this. She would ruin both sauces. She's crushing.

[Mike]

Oh, she's. She's making. She's just. Now you have two perfect sauces.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's really what's happening now. It's like, yeah, let's let's mix them up more. Pour half of this and half of that.

[Andy]

Mike, you're back on the clock.

[Mike]

Raising cane sauce.

[Andy]

Okay. Yeah.

[Mike]

Raising. Raising cane sauce goes on way more than you can possibly imagine. Like, people complain, so we'll peel back a curtain a little bit. Raising canes, it is absolute.

[Andy]

Not everywhere. It is not. That's what's going to hurt you.

[Mike]

We're most places now.

[Andy]

No, we're like half the states.

[Mike]

Are we? Yeah, look them up. We got to be in the. What? Hold on.

[Producer/Moderator]

Producers.

[Mike]

What we got cackling back there?

[Jason]

What do we. Cackling?

[Producer/Moderator]

I was.

[Jason]

Our graphic designer. Came back early.

[Andy]

That is aerial Capital capital letter aerial.

[Jason]

What Great work you've done on this video.

[Andy]

Boy, I'm impressed.

[Producer/Moderator]

For about a minute before I got

[Andy]

it, Mike, you were right.

[Producer/Moderator]

It was, like, in the middle of the wood beam. Just totally misplaced.

[Andy]

Raising canes is in 44 states, so most people understand. Yeah. 900 locations.

[Mike]

So raising is number one. Was a sponsor of our show at one time. Not currently. It's super delicious.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Mike]

And the.

[Andy]

We weren't paid to say that. And.

[Mike]

And often, if anyone is complaining, they're like, you know, the chicken's kind of bland. Blah, blah. I'm like, the entire point of the chicken is to get the sauce into my mouth.

[Jason]

Yeah, it's a sauce spoon. The chicken is a sauce spoon.

[Producer/Moderator]

Thank you.

[Jason]

And no one. No one eats plain raising cane's chicken strips without the sauce. No, it's not done. That's part of the flavor.

[Andy]

That's like saying, I'm getting barbecue ribs.

[Jason]

You don't have to order sauce. You don't. You don't go to raising canes. I mean, we order extra sauce for sure, but if you just order a meal, it comes with sauce.

[Mike]

But here's the thing. It comes with one. And you're like, hey, I would like

[Andy]

more of seven more, please.

[Mike]

I would like more of your raisin cane sauce. And they're like, we have to charge you for that.

[Andy]

We got the font upgraded, guys.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. Is that Comic Sans?

[Jason]

Comic Sans, all caps.

[Producer/Moderator]

Sure is.

[Mike]

Gross.

[Jason]

Cool.

[Andy]

Please, all lowercase please.

[Mike]

I'm saying that the restaurant knows the value of their sauce so much that they're like, it's not just, hey, can I get more ranch? And they go, oh, yeah, sure. Here you go.

[Jason]

Here you go.

[Mike]

No, they're like, no, we got to charge you because we can.

[Jason]

Well, because it's the only reason you come here. No one has ever said in response to, oh, there's an extra charge for that. No one has said, oh, never mind then.

[Andy]

I have two picks.

[Mike]

I'm saying get yourself. Get yourself a double cheeseburger. Put some raisin cane sauce on it.

[Andy]

I feel like Mike.

[Jason]

What? Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, there's nothing wrong with that.

[Jason]

Oh, brother.

[Mike]

You're gonna have a great time.

[Andy]

Because of Mike's pick and venturing into the fast food world, I am going to go Chick Fil A sauce.

[Mike]

I thought when I said, I know what you're doing, I thought he was

[Jason]

going to go with both Chick Fil A and raise.

[Andy]

I'm taking Chick Fil A sauce, which

[Mike]

are two elite dipping sauces.

[Andy]

It's sweeter. Thank you. It's been upgraded. We're lowercase and it's dipping sauces. Thank you for the upload.

[Jason]

Great work.

[Andy]

We can do this note. I need you to upgrade it to

[Mike]

my sleep with our wheel back there.

[Andy]

I need to. I need a verdict. Is guacamole. Does it count as a dipping sauce?

[Jason]

That's up. Oh, it's a dip dipping sauce.

[Andy]

We've drafted.

[Jason]

No, it's not a sauce. It's not a sauce. Too thick. In that case, if it's a sauce, you don't want that. Guacamole.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

You know what I mean? That's not what you're drafting.

[Mike]

We've all had that.

[Andy]

I thought they would get vetoed.

[Jason]

That's Taco Bell guacamole. And that's not guacamole.

[Andy]

No, no, no. That's water sriracha mayo.

[Mike]

Oh, that's fine.

[Andy]

Sriracha flavor is so unbelievably dynamic. It's outstanding. Still underutilized, but I'm going to go with the raising cane sauce and the sriracha mayo. That's great for my diepping sauces, which is. Thank you. We've upgraded to Papyrus Avatar. Yeah. And it's going off the top of the screen, which I really like.

[Jason]

Oh, that's really nice.

[Andy]

Really nice touch from our designers. This is our new back wall, guys. Can we tilt that to, like.

[Jason]

We're kind of a top podcast, top production quality.

[Andy]

We get 13 degree angle to the right, please. Thank you. Mike, you're back on the clock.

[Mike]

All right, so I got cheese, I got canes.

[Andy]

It's houses.

[Mike]

It's not as versatile as those other ones, but it is. It's still a top.

[Andy]

There's one you have to take.

[Mike]

I'll get there.

[Andy]

This is your last pick.

[Mike]

No, I got two more.

[Andy]

Oh, you do? Okay, okay, My bad, my bad.

[Mike]

Get out of here.

[Andy]

No, I'm going for the angle on that.

[Mike]

Oh, that looks great. Oh, dude, that's wild. 13 degrees. That's pretty 1990s pretty. Yeah. Hey, kid Vid. I'm taking Buffalo.

[Jason]

Oh, no. That was my next pick.

[Mike]

Yeah, I will take Buffalo. It's not for everything, but the things that it is for. Fantastic.

[Jason]

So originally, I was going to take barbecue sauce and buffalo sauce because they are outstanding.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason]

Or I was gonna take ketchup and mustard. Like, those were my two pairs. But what are you dipping into mustard?

[Andy]

Corn dogs.

[Jason]

So here's the thing.

[Mike]

Okay. What else are you.

[Jason]

French fries. Corn dogs.

[Andy]

You're not French fries. Don't be a freaking lizard if you do both.

[Jason]

Yes, both.

[Mike]

But you can't go mustard alone.

[Jason]

Well, I was gonna do the pear. I was gonna do ketchup and mustard. What? I loved it. My. Probably my favorite pretzels.

[Mike]

Okay, Josh, you. We got to two.

[Jason]

My. My.

[Andy]

Yeah, Pretzels. That's right.

[Jason]

Favorite dipping sauce is even more. Even more than the ranch and ketchup. Even though ranch is better when I am eating. If it's a corn dog, a chicken nugget, a chicken strip, a French fry, I want a pile of ketchup and a pile of mustard right next to each other.

[Andy]

You've really talked about this a lot. I know you believe in that combo.

[Mike]

It's a great combo.

[Jason]

I'm not taking mustard. I am going to start. I've got two picks, right? I will start.

[Mike]

It's your final two.

[Jason]

Yes.

[Andy]

For reals.

[Jason]

When we're looking at all the, like, fast food sauces, Chick fil A sauce,

[Mike]

you're trying, like, signature.

[Jason]

Just what you get when you get chicken nuggets, basically, at any. Any place. I've got the barbecue sauce.

[Andy]

Yeah. Barbecue ranch.

[Jason]

That's good. Ranch.

[Andy]

Sriracha mayo.

[Jason]

Sriracha Mayo. I feel like there's one missing, and I do love it. It's so good. So I'm gonna take sweet and sour.

[Mike]

It's on my list.

[Jason]

Sweet and sour sauce. And they're.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And sweet and sour. So different because, like, McDonald's sweet and source.

[Mike]

It's really only McDonald's that.

[Andy]

Let me say that is not normal. That's not like a classic dip. But it is a dip.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It's definitely McDonald's chicken.

[Jason]

Try to have a. Try to have an egg roll without sweet and sour sauce.

[Mike]

Right? Yeah. Ridiculous.

[Jason]

True, Ridiculous.

[Andy]

But not every dip. Not. Not every dip, like your sweet and sour chicken just gets covered in it. You don't have like ranch chicken that's just covered in ranch dressing.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Anyways, you took it sweet sour

[Jason]

and. And I got a lot of. I got a lot. You got.

[Mike]

So you wouldn't even believe.

[Andy]

Thousands of choices.

[Jason]

You would not believe. The problem is I'm looking. I'm looking for versatility because most of my sauces left are. I've got a lot of them, but

[Andy]

they're not so versatile.

[Jason]

They're a lot of non versatile sauces.

[Mike]

Singular use case.

[Jason]

Yeah, exactly. And most of those are more specific.

[Andy]

This dude's taking mustard. I can smell it from here. Most of the way.

[Jason]

Are more specific for seafood, which is even less popular.

[Mike]

Like butters sauce.

[Jason]

There's so many butter sauce.

[Andy]

What your workers wouldn't give to have some seafood.

[Jason]

Oh, they would never be allowed seafood. Get out of the house. Get back to your.

[Mike]

Get back to work.

[Jason]

Get out of the house. All right, I'm going to take this only because Mike has one pick left and I know how much he loves.

[Mike]

Go ahead, do it. Do it. Do it. Because then you are agreeing that it is the best sauce. Do it.

[Jason]

I don't know what to pick here.

[Mike]

Let's light this candle.

[Jason]

This is a dream come true for Andy. I can sit here for 30 more minutes and not make a pick. Andy had a dream that I was.

[Andy]

I did have a dream that time out and couldn't pick 30 minutes. Mike fell asleep at the desk. I was going out of my mind. So yes, this is a lot like that dream make. Oh, we're back to. We got impact. We got impact font on the back.

[Jason]

I'm not going to take the one that I think Mike likes because it's not as much of a dip. I'm going to take marinara. I'm going to take marinara.

[Mike]

Dang it. That's a real solid. That's not on my list.

[Andy]

What did I just write down? Mara frickin nara Marinara.

[Mike]

Solid.

[Jason]

I mean, gosh dang it.

[Andy]

That was going to be my sneaky little Lassie.

[Jason]

Anything fried goes in marinara. It can be seafood. It can be calamari.

[Mike]

That's a great pick.

[Jason]

It can be cheese.

[Andy]

I'm so disappointed. Great pick.

[Jason]

It could be bread.

[Andy]

Why do you take so long to make a good pick?

[Jason]

It took me a while to get there.

[Andy]

All right.

[Jason]

I was about to take a stupid one.

[Mike]

Just Thousand Island.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's what I was going to take because I know Mike loves Thousand Island.

[Andy]

I'll close it out with honey mustard. I mean, I Thought Thousand island is Mike's.

[Mike]

Oh.

[Andy]

I mean, Mike has brother taken Thousand island and expanded it beyond its normal uses.

[Mike]

Yeah, he loves it everywhere. Stretch the limits.

[Jason]

You know what his shampoo bottle is full of?

[Andy]

Thousand island, bro.

[Mike]

Legit. Legit. 100. I promises I do this now from Borrows.

[Jason]

Pizza.

[Mike]

You know what? I dip my pizza into Thousand Island. Thousand Island.

[Andy]

You. Nobody likes Thousand island more than Mike.

[Mike]

No, that is true.

[Andy]

But Honey mustard.

[Jason]

You knew that that's what I was gonna say.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, I knew.

[Andy]

I feel like honey mustard is more versatile, more beloved.

[Producer/Moderator]

Dip.

[Jason]

Honey mustard is the problem with that. The pro. And the reason I was not going to draft honey mustard is because you. You already did. I mean, that's basically what Chick Fil A sauce is. Chick Fil A sauce is a honey mustard sauce.

[Mike]

It's like a honey mustard barbecue.

[Andy]

It's not the worst.

[Jason]

Yeah. I mean, it's comp.

[Andy]

It makes me feel bad that you say that.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Sorry.

[Andy]

But that'll do it. Honorable mentions. I mean, there are a lot of sauces. Garlic aioli. I always like a good garlic aioli. So good. Sweet sauce.

[Jason]

But then that's basically your Sriracha mayo.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So, yeah, I had a cocktail sauce and tartar sauce.

[Andy]

Blue cheese is a dip.

[Jason]

Gross.

[Andy]

I know cheese. People are strongly against blow cheese. What did we learn today?

[Jason]

Jason knows. I know.

[Andy]

Jason knows history.

[Jason]

I know history. That's what I learned.

[Andy]

I learned that Jason knows history. He doesn't know about the gold, and

[Jason]

I shouldn't talk about my workers.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's for sure. There is a disconnect happening. Mike, did you learn anything today?

[Mike]

No.

[Andy]

All right. Mike didn't learn anything.

[Jason]

I learned that the Gold Rush was not in 1949.

[Andy]

No, it wasn't. Like 10 years ago. All right, that is it for the Spitballers.

[Mike]

Goodbye.

[Andy]

Good luck to all of you.

[Jason]

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out Spitballers Podcast.

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