
The Spitballers return for another hilarious episode! A brand new, can’t miss segment is introduced and brings the laughs. Would You Rather goes off the rails like always, and we wrap things up with a draft of the Best Dipping Sauces. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!
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Andy
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DSW Announcer
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Jason
What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, man, oh, man. That started okay. I don't know about that ending.
Andy
Welcome to the Spitballers.
Jason
It was like you quit.
Andy
I don't know what happened. I think the whole. The whole time I was thinking I was going to do something with like a trumpet, and it just never happened.
Jason
Well, you did a trumpet with your fingers.
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
Wait, wait, wait.
Jason
If you watch the video, I have
Andy
so much scat fatigue right now.
Mike
You were doing a trumpet with my fingers.
Andy
But then nothing ever came.
Jason
If you were listening to the audio, you have no idea.
Mike
What does the trumpet sound like, Andy.
Jason
Yeah. And that's not what you were doing. You were.
Andy
It's like playing my words.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Look, I've scouted over 1000 times in a row.
Mike
You have done a lot.
Andy
And just so you know out there, it's over. I finally paid off my debts.
Jason
And it's not over because I got Mike to do my next one. Yes.
Andy
Ridiculous. Spitballers Episode 3 Scatting is very lucrative 62 Episode 362 Is it warm in here?
Mike
362 so we are.
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
362 we are rapidly approaching. You could listen to a Spitballers a
Andy
day for a year.
Mike
Assuming it's not.
Andy
It's too much.
Jason
Leap year.
Andy
It's too much.
Jason
We have a new segment, especially on a. On a leap year, right?
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
No.
Andy
Leap year is more. Do you know what a leap year is?
Jason
Is it more?
Mike
3 oh, no.
Jason
All right. Oh, no. We've learned things here. This is a. This is an educational.
Mike
What happened, Jason? What happens on leap year?
Jason
Yeah. Okay. February goes to 29. I see the direction it is. More days, not fewer. I was thinking that leap years had a fewer days.
Andy
It's amazing because we have a new segment today called We Know History.
Jason
We do.
Andy
We do. We've always known history and we've known it by the dates. It's all about the dates. And so we're going to jump into that new segment today. But you also know, you know time as well.
Jason
Time, calendars, days, geography, spelling. It's kind of like this. My wheelhouse is metals. Well, I mean, I had been joking, Andy. I'm not really an expert on those other things, but if you want to bring up medals.
Mike
Right, right.
Andy
That is something you would never joke.
Jason
That is legit. I am a metal expert.
Mike
You thought when he said leap year, it was shorter.
Andy
It leaps a day.
Jason
I didn't.
Andy
It leaps over a day.
Jason
Think much? I just had a thought.
Andy
Would you rather We Know history and we are drafting the best dipping sauces on today's sauces and fixings on today's episode. We'll start with some. Would you rather.
Jason
Would you rather.
Andy
Would you rather be able to understand what your dog is thinking or have your dog understand everything that you are saying? Okay.
Jason
I read the first part of this, and the first part, I was like, oh, my gosh, no, I don't want to know what my dog is thinking. He's going to tell me. He's going to tell me how unhappy he is.
Andy
What a bad.
Mike
Your dog.
Jason
There's the potential.
Mike
No, you treat your dogs right and they're so happy.
Jason
There's the potential that I don't treat my dogs right. In their opinion. My kids. I treat my kids right, and I know the kids grow up thinking, I wish I was treated better.
Mike
I've seen my dog's tail.
Jason
Obviously, the IQ of a dog is lower and it might be okay with what I've done to it, but I. You know what I mean?
Andy
Like, I mean, he literally doesn't have one of the dogs. He had.
Jason
Yeah, because it booted Pete. I got rid of it. I mean, it's a dog.
Andy
My worry about knowing what the dog's thinking has to do with being disappointed with the level of. With the lack of intelligence of what's actually happening.
Jason
Oh, man. Of the dog.
Andy
No, what happens now is that we all see our dogs and we just. We just view them through rose colored Glasses. Everything they're doing is good natured and fun and they love you and you think that they're just in love with you. The best. Because they're the best. I'm just worried that if I am like if I know what their brain
Jason
thinking, if their thoughts are basically just
Andy
like, it smells good. What smells good?
Jason
I smell something. I smell something. I see something.
Andy
Eat that thing.
Jason
Yeah, eat that thing.
Andy
So what's funny?
Mike
There's a lot to eat that thing for sure.
Jason
But what's funny is, should I eat it? So I read the first half of this and I didn't read the second half. I was like, I do not want to understand what my dog is thinking. I wish he could understand what I'm thinking.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
And then that was the second half of the question. Of course I want him to know what I'm thinking. I want to be able to explain to him all the rules of this house and. And have him obey.
Mike
Yeah, don't eat that.
Jason
You think the difference the rules are eat that and don't eat that.
Andy
You think a dog would follow all the rules if he knew what they really were?
Jason
I think I could. I think I could explain.
Mike
American bad boy talk.
Jason
Talk about potty training.
Mike
Right.
Jason
I think sometimes dogs are confused. They don't understand. They don't.
Andy
I mean, clearly, Chris Pepper was fine once he left your house.
Producer/Moderator
You don't think she knew what she was doing when she pooped on your pillow every night? She knew she wasn't allowed to do that.
Andy
Here's another one.
Jason
Definitely new. I mean, hers were. Hers were legitimately vindictive. If we left her alone for a while. It was a revenge turd. It was a revenge turd every time. That dog was sending us a message. But at the same time, I do think that there are better dogs out there than that evil little monster.
Andy
How is Pepper doing?
Producer/Moderator
She's perfect. She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me outside of my wife and kid. I mean, you gave her to.
Jason
I'm above.
Mike
You could say the dog, Jeremy. We all know.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
My dogs are the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Andy
Yeah. I feel like there's just. I think I'd rather have the dog understand what I'm saying.
Mike
Yes.
Jason
You could teach it better. You can train it better. You could do cool tricks.
Andy
Never come into our master bedroom at this time.
Jason
Yeah, exactly. You can't set ground rules.
Mike
Where, where does your dog sleep, Andy?
Andy
He's always in my son's bedroom.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
My old dog used to Sleep under our bed. My hunter under army crawled under the bed every night.
Jason
Tiny dog.
Andy
That's awesome. Not tiny enough.
Mike
That sounds great.
Andy
He kind of outgrew it to where he was really squeezing in there.
Mike
Well, my 110 pound monster of a
Andy
dog on the bed.
Jason
Your bed.
Mike
Recently. Oh, very recently.
Andy
That's not. Okay.
Mike
Has decided that. But it's only during the fall asleep period of the sleep. Because you wake up every morning and he's not there. He's not on the bed. It is only when.
Jason
It's only when you need.
Mike
When you need to be comfortable. And like whatever amount of COVID you have or blanket. When he lays down, that's all you get. That's what you get.
Jason
You can't move it.
Andy
No.
Mike
Because he's 110lbs and when you try and move him, he. He literally lays into you more dead weight.
Jason
He knows exactly what he's doing. Could you imagine, like, let's say you're going to sleep you and your other in bed under coverage and then someone just puts 110 pound barbell on your bed?
Andy
Yeah, actually that would suck. It's not the best, but no matter what you do, the barbell doesn't leave the bed. It just moves around.
Jason
Oh, man, That's a nightmare.
Andy
That's funny.
Jason
You got to.
Andy
He rules.
Jason
You got to get this dog knowing how sweet it is to be with kids because like my youngest has to sleep with Sugar, one of our two dogs, every night. That is part of the routine.
Andy
That's why Nathan takes the dog every night.
Jason
Yeah. And so it's like, that's great because I like it for the dog. I like it for the kid and I like it for me. My dogs are not allowed on my bed. In fact, we got a couch for
Andy
the foot of our bed for the dog.
Jason
For the dogs. Which they have now ruined. I mean, that couch with dumps. No, no dumps. My two dogs are potty trained or else I would have gotten rid of them.
Andy
Jeremy would have them.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
And they'd be potty trained.
Jason
No, for some reason. This is the thing with golden doodles. This is a thing that's like. I know. It's common and awful. I love goldendoodles. I love our goldendoodles. But one of our two dogs gets an ear infection every week. I mean, it's like he lives.
Andy
Not common in my house.
Jason
He lives with an ear infection.
Andy
What are you putting in the dog's ears?
Jason
Usually medicine. Like little alcohol pads and everything we could do to clean it, but it Smells disgusting. And he lays on this bed all night or on this couch and I just.
Andy
Smelly dogs are a problem.
Jason
To burn that couch if. Listen, spitwads, if you need a couch and are in the Phoenix area, boy, do I have a couch for you.
Andy
Al's taking that.
Jason
You want that? I'm sure you can clean it up. I've tried.
Andy
He resell it.
Jason
I bought a scent cleaner for dogs. Liar.
Andy
Would you rather only be able to whisper well indoors or only be able to yell while outdoors? Whisper well indoors. Everyone says that whispering is worse for your vocal cords. Have you heard this before? Yes. It is like if you were losing.
Jason
It's harder on your vocal cords if
Andy
you're losing your voice. Sometimes you're tempted to whisper to protect your voice. It's actually doing more damage to your voice. At least that's the.
Jason
No, I.
Andy
That's the. That's what they say.
Jason
Yeah. I mean, my kids are in musical theater. You know, I grew up as an actor, went to, you know, college for that. And that's widely taught. At the very least, whether it's.
Andy
It strains them more than soft speaking. It's true.
Jason
Yeah. I mean, because your vocal cords are
Andy
a muscle, it causes them to have inflammation and reduces vibration, which can lead to feeling damage.
Mike
So what are you supposed to do?
Andy
Talk softly.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Well, I mean, still talk.
Jason
Your vocal rest is great to not talk at all, but whispering is more difficult. However, I know Mike doesn't like this because.
Mike
No, yeah, it's really, really bad. That's the misophonia or whatever it's called.
Jason
Yeah, you have it. And I'm so sorry.
Andy
I'm doing.
Mike
Oh, my God. I'm going.
Jason
I know. I know what I'm doing, too, but it wasn't my fault. I'll put this in the show.
Mike
Don't.
Andy
But.
Mike
Stop it.
Jason
But I couldn't do my job. He. He said he took his ears out. Okay, my point.
Mike
I can't do it, man.
Jason
I'm sorry. I'm. I'm a little sorry. I'm mostly very entertained.
Mike
I wish people could understand.
Andy
Ah, it's creepy.
Jason
My nails on a chalkboard.
Mike
My body hurts inside out. What is going on?
Jason
That being said, if he wasn't in
Producer/Moderator
your ears right now, if you guys were just sitting next to each other, would it still bother you whispering?
Andy
Yes. Okay.
Jason
Really?
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
Do you think somebody would understand, like, if you could only whisper indoors, would people just accept that you can't talk as much?
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Like, I feel, like, the need to speak, like, for life. Let's say, Let me change the question. Would you rather be able to not speak indoors? Wait, how am I messed this up? My point is, is what's more important, being able to speak indoors or outdoors? That's the question. I feel like outdoors is the more consequential situation. Or you're interacting with strangers indoors, people. You could write them a note. People understand what you're talking about.
Jason
The vast, vast majority of my life is indoors. The vast majority of my communication is indoors. In the entirety of my job, which is speaking, is indoors.
Andy
Now that's a solid point.
Jason
So it's definitely indoors.
Mike
Over.
Andy
Outdoors.
Mike
Let's take this outside.
Jason
Is.
Andy
What if you got pulled over though?
Mike
Being in a.
Andy
You'd be yelling at the.
Mike
Is being in a car indoors?
Jason
Yes, I think it's indoors if you have a roof over your head.
Andy
No, me and Al are
Jason
indoors. There are, let me ask you, doors, you are inside. If you're in a sedan, they call that. Yeah. And what do they have on? Like would you say it's a four something vehicle?
Mike
So what it would be. So indoors needs to be yours is
Andy
in a, in a house.
Jason
What if a roof in a building?
Mike
What if I have a mobile home?
Jason
Yeah, great question.
Andy
Is it driving? Is it actively driving? Okay, if I'm actively moving from one place to another, I'm not in a building.
Jason
Okay, so you're not indoors in an airplane, you're outdoors because you're moving. Is that what you're trying to pretend to say here? You nonsensical.
Producer/Moderator
I think it's a combination with square footage and building.
Jason
Okay, so if I'm in a small plane, a Cessna, now I'm outdoors. Is that what you're saying, you nonsensical?
Mike
What if you are in a mobile home, like, you know, like a trailer,
Andy
I don't think you're out.
Mike
It's literally on top of a semi that is being transported.
Andy
I don't think you're out. I see what you're saying. It's got no wheels of its own, Right?
Mike
Look, you're not wide load.
Andy
You're not outdoors in a plane. You're just not indoors in a house or a building.
Jason
You're saying you're not indoors or outdoors.
Andy
If a tornado catches you while you're in your car on a freeway, is it catching you indoors?
Mike
Yeah, yeah. I don't know.
Andy
If you say a tornado can handle
Mike
a house, no problem. Yeah, I don't know what we're saying.
Jason
Yeah, if a tornado took my house up like Dorothy would You say indoors. Yeah, she was indoors. It was a house. She's moving.
Mike
What? If Dorothy was in a car, she
Andy
wasn't moving till the tornado came.
Jason
I know, but once the tornado's coming. You're saying she's outdoors?
Andy
She was caught in a tornado at that point.
Mike
Wasn't she in the barn?
Jason
No, she's in her house.
Andy
In the house? Don't be an idiot.
Jason
It's a whole big thing. I just saw the whole thing.
Mike
Does she wake up in the barn?
Jason
No, she wakes up in the house.
Mike
There's no barn.
Jason
There's a barn. Before she gets in the house, there's a barn. She's playing, falls in the pig pen.
Andy
That house is swirling up in that tornado that.
Jason
What do you think, lands on the Wicked Witch and kills her? The barn, I guess. The pig pen.
Mike
No, I didn't think it was the pig pen. I'm not an idiot, okay?
Jason
I thought it was the barn. Anyway, speaking of idiots, let's talk about this. You're outdoors in a car.
Mike
It's literally indoors, meaning inside of.
Andy
Inside a car.
Mike
And there's car doors.
Andy
You're not indoors.
Jason
You are inside of doors.
Mike
If you're in doors, there's a roof. There's a roof.
Jason
There's a floor.
Mike
There's doors.
Jason
There's doors.
Mike
There's two to four doors.
Jason
How are you not indoors?
Andy
So if you're caught in a car in the middle of a blizzard, you're like, oh, man, don't worry about it.
Mike
Thank goodness I'm indoors.
Jason
Yes, thank goodness. Indoors. Do you know how much it would suck right now to be outdoors? But I'm protected because I'm indoors.
Andy
You're inside.
Jason
I'm not saying you're not inside.
Mike
You could be inside without being indoors.
Andy
Where you been?
Jason
Oh, I'll realize I'm dying on the vine. He realized.
Producer/Moderator
I'm still in your camp, but I don't have a solid.
Mike
You can be inside without being indoors.
Jason
This is what you're talking.
Andy
Yes.
Jason
You could be inside without being indoors. I understand completely the childish thought that if you are inside a car, well, of course you're not indoors, because that means a building or whatever. But then once you work through it, logic, you're like, no, I guess I am indoors.
Andy
No, no, I got one for you. If you go to the outdoor zoo up in Berrizona and you drive through it, or you go to one of those, like, Christmas light things that you drive through, are you going to an indoor event?
Jason
I'm not going. I'm Not. I would be traveling through an outdoor event. I mean, that's the same as a plane. Oh, what do you mean? I don't think that I'm traveling through an outdoor event. I'm traveling through the air in a plane.
Mike
I am still indoor because my house can't travel.
Jason
You think you switch.
Mike
You still have a problem. You still have a problem with Winnebagos
Jason
in mobile homes, you're on the losing side of this.
Andy
If you have more than three feet above your head and then there's a roof, you're indoors.
Jason
Okay?
Andy
Winnebagos can count.
Jason
So you have to have. So this is three feet above your face.
Andy
Above your head.
Jason
Okay? So that means, like Victor Wimanyana can't be indoors ever.
Mike
Also, my upstairs is eight feet.
Jason
Oh, no, you're inside.
Mike
So I'm.
Andy
I already knew you were indoors in your house, dork.
Jason
No, no, but you just. Your rules just told him.
Mike
He's out. Downstairs, I'm indoors. Upstairs, I'm outside.
Jason
And like I said, Victor, women. Yana Yama never been inside. Yeah, I guess only in the overnight.
Producer/Moderator
More than two categories. You could be outdoors, you could be indoors. You could be in a car, you could be in a place.
Mike
Thank you.
Producer/Moderator
Those can all be different categories.
Andy
That's right. You're in a plane. When you're in a plane, you're not indoors.
Producer/Moderator
I agree.
Andy
I feel like if you were in the middle of a plane flying through a thunderstorm, you wouldn't be like, after you got there, you're like, thank goodness I was indoors during that storm.
Mike
The only way it works is if your car has one door because then you're just indoor, which is also.
Andy
Would you rather.
Mike
That's the moon where the Ewoks live.
Andy
Correct. Would you rather have a magical toolbox that always has exactly the tool you need instantly?
Mike
Oh, my gosh, yes.
Andy
That would be so helpful.
Mike
Yes. My. My tools are.
Andy
I'm spread about. I have things. I have things to say about this. Or a magical battery drawer that always has the exact batteries you need instantly. Oh, I don't care about that. That's not hard. I have a battery drawer. It's fine.
Jason
Batteries are expensive.
Mike
The only problem with batteries is the stupid circle batteries.
Jason
Oh, those are the worst.
Andy
I'm going to tell you something.
Mike
Why is there 15 sizes?
Andy
Well, that's a problem.
Jason
And real quick to stay on the circle battery. What is with the new packaging? I don't know if you guys.
Andy
Impossible to get into. It's impenetrable.
Jason
Unbelievable.
Andy
It's Practically indoors.
Jason
These packages, you need them for, like, your car key. Fab. That's like the thing I needed for the most. And I. It's like I. I think to myself,
Mike
I hope you have a blow, George.
Jason
Yeah. I can't put this in my car glove box because if I'm. If.
Andy
Yeah, it's not expensive there.
Jason
Impossible. I need that magic toolbox to open up to get. Like.
Andy
I don't have a chainsaw.
Jason
There are. And they advertise it like this. Oh, it's a child protector.
Mike
Easy.
Andy
Open.
Jason
It's the most impossible thing I've ever opened in my life.
Mike
Are they lying? Can children get in?
Jason
Oh, no. Adults, Children. Nobody could get in.
Andy
I'm telling you right now, I own at least four of every tool that exists. Because I can't find them.
Mike
Because of children.
Andy
Because of children. Because my son uses the workshop and I work in a different space. And it's like in the moment that you need a tool, it is as far from where you need it as possible. I know. The worst thing is, you know you have it and you just walk from side to side of your house while you're indoors and you're looking for this tool and you know you own it, and now you're stuck with. Do I go to Home Depot and buy a second one of these to try to. Because I need the tool, or keep searching for this and you just call. I get to the point where I just start calling family members. I'm like, where did you put it?
Jason
Right. You would. You would.
Andy
I blame them. I'd be like, caleb, where did you put the thing?
Jason
I didn't.
Mike
I didn't do it.
Andy
Cause there's no way I didn't place it back in the right spot.
Jason
What I know is that that toolbox would be sick if I have, say, a plumber or an AC guy or a pool guy or a gardener or anybody that has to do some work in my house. I will find out a couple weeks later how many of my tools they clearly stole. They had to have stolen all my tools. Cause I can't find any of my
Mike
people are stealing your tools?
Jason
I have to assume so. Only because, I mean, I would never lose. I would never lose every day of my life. My drill. My drill. I can't find it no matter what.
Andy
The first person that invents. Just like a full tool set that all has built in tracking.
Jason
Yes. And then all of my workers are off the hook. I mean, you could know that he's
Andy
been suing his workers for days.
Mike
I mean, if you wanted, you could air tag all your tools.
Andy
Freaking workers. Let's not lose sight of that, but let's.
Jason
You know, I'm not the only person that hires plumbers or AC guys.
Andy
We don't call them our workers, brother. We don't. We don't say ours. I don't have staff.
Mike
We don't have them on retainer.
Andy
Jason, where do they live for you?
Jason
They're not in your. They're not in the. They're not in the area for the work? They don't live there? No. Oh, okay.
Andy
No, they're not on retainer, brother. We all have our workers.
Mike
Good night.
Andy
All right. Perfect time to move on. And that's what we're doing right about now.
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So do we here at Designer Shoe Warehouse. We'll give you something to brag about, like the latest styles from brands you love or the trends everyone's obsessing over or shoes that make you feel like.
Jason
Well, you.
Mike
I.
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Jason
What time is it? Game time. You don't even hear it anymore, do you? No. No, he does. No, he doesn't.
Mike
I don't hear the words you say.
Jason
I kind of do. Oh, man. I don't. I.
Mike
So, Jason, meet reality.
Jason
I. I think I've gotten to a place where I'm a little bit more honest and open, and I shouldn't be at that.
Mike
Yeah, you gotta shut it down.
Jason
You gotta tighten it Up. I gotta go back.
Andy
We are introducing I'm the Everyman. You're the Everyman. That's what people think.
Mike
We all have subscriptions for our bed, right?
Jason
Who doesn't? We all should.
Andy
We're playing a new game called We Know History.
Mike
Oh, dude.
Jason
Not waiting for this to crush this game.
Andy
We Know History is a game. It's very simple. You can play along at home. We're all going to have our own thoughts on legitimate objective history.
Mike
This is going to be amazing.
Andy
Al Borland has put together a three round battle. Now this first time we're playing this game, we're going to have a little warm up round and then play our three rounds. But it's very easy. It's simply. I'm going to read four events that have happened in history and we're going to put them in order. I just want to hear Jason play this game. And so take your little notepad out.
Jason
So easy.
Andy
So our little warm up round is going to be these four events.
Jason
Okay? This is a warm up.
Andy
This is the warm up.
Producer/Moderator
And for everyone that you get in the correct slot, you get one point. If you get all four in the correct slots, you get five points total. So you get bonus points.
Jason
So I, I assume I'm getting five every time.
Andy
So our little warm up round is going to be event number one, the moon landing. Okay. Event number two, the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
Oh, no. Yeah.
Andy
Okay, that's event number three, the Wright brothers. First flight.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
Oh, no.
Andy
And then event number four, the American Civil War begins.
Jason
Okay. I know the Declaration of Independence has to be before the Civil War.
Mike
Are we just doing this one as a group?
Andy
This is a little. I mean this one's done. It's declaration Civil War. Wright brothers, moon land.
Jason
I completely agree.
Andy
Locked it in.
Jason
He gave us a layup.
Andy
Yeah, this is a little warm up.
Mike
Because it's the warm up.
Producer/Moderator
Five points for everybody.
Jason
Easy peasy. We know history.
Mike
Yes, that's right.
Jason
Yeah, we do.
Andy
I hope you ready for the real event.
Producer/Moderator
Now everybody's back to zero points.
Jason
That was just a warm up. First time we've ever done this game. There is a piece of me that hopes that each round is done this easy and it's the worst game ever.
Andy
There's a chance, but it's not about struggle. Now the only thing I'll say is that because we're each competing against each other, we should probably not ruminate too much over the microphone. We should kind of put it down on a. You know what I Mean, lock in our answers. I'll read the four dates, but I don't want to try to solve it together. I want the people at home to be able to play along.
Mike
Sure, sure.
Andy
So round one. Round one. Our four events. The resignation of Richard Nixon, the first super bowl ever. The release of the movie the Godfather.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
Oh, that's okay.
Jason
Godfather versus Nixon. I don't know what.
Andy
And the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
Jason
Oh, my gosh. I'll tell you right now, if you said Nixon and Kennedy, who was first? I am. Barely.
Mike
I told you you were about to struggle.
Andy
So I have. I do have my consistent first Super Bowl.
Mike
Wait, so is your list in a different order than mine?
Andy
Yes. He randomized the list so that what we see on the screen are different for all of us, so that every time we open our show. Doc. We see different orders so that.
Mike
Oh, so I can't write the number down. I have to.
Jason
That's what I was.
Mike
Write words down.
Andy
Yeah, you got to write words down. So, the resignation of Richard Nixon, the first super bowl, the release of the Godfather, and the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I have my order locked. I have. What I'm going to go with. I don't think it's. All right.
Mike
Shoot.
Jason
I thought the super bowl would be first for sure, but now I'm realizing it's like Super Bowl 50 or 60. So it's like, I would assume 50 or 60 years ago.
Andy
Well, I mean.
Mike
Oh, my God.
Andy
So you got two presidential events.
Jason
This is tough.
Andy
We got to lock them in, though, guys. We got three rounds.
Mike
The super bowl is really a problem.
Andy
Super Bowl. The assassination of John F. Kennedy, the resignation of Richard Nixon, release of the Godfather. I am officially locked. Guys, I have my doubts on one pairing.
Mike
I am so excited for Super Bowl
Andy
51 6, something like that.
Mike
I'm looking for someone who's got the real number.
Andy
Yeah.
Mike
Does anyone have the real number?
Andy
That's a little bit of a cheat code, Mike. I'm sorry.
Mike
I'm just. I'm just talking to my friends.
Andy
Yeah, no big deal.
Mike
Oh, my gosh.
Andy
All right, let's say this. Since I started the first round, I'm going to lock in and say it.
Mike
The first round.
Andy
But you guys need to be locked.
Jason
Right?
Andy
Because. Are you going to give me my. Whether I'm right or wrong right away?
Producer/Moderator
Sure, if you want to.
Andy
Or do you want us to all reveal and then you tell us the final truth?
Producer/Moderator
That's up to you.
Jason
Yeah, let's do that one. Let's talk through it when you give
Producer/Moderator
me your answers, give me from earliest to most recent.
Andy
I think the earliest event is the Super Bowl.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
I think the second event is the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I think the third event is Nixon. And I think the fourth event is Godfather, which is.
Mike
I held up my sign.
Andy
Me and Mike have the same thing. Now, Jason, you lock yours in.
Jason
No, I do not have the same thing.
Andy
You locked them.
Jason
I will tell the truth. Mine goes JFK first.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
Super bowl second.
Mike
It might be.
Jason
It could be Godfather.
Andy
That could be right. I'm just going to be right.
Mike
Hey, you got JFK and Nixon in the right order.
Jason
I'm proud of that. I am proud of that.
Andy
We know.
Jason
We Know History.
Producer/Moderator
We are starting this off Andy and Mike with zero.
Jason
Oh, no. Yes. You guys suck with four. Oh, I'm the smartest man alive. Yes. You guys are such dummies. I am shocked.
Producer/Moderator
We.
Jason
This should be called I Know History. Why are we calling it Combined for series? Why are we calling this We Know History? This should be Jason Knows History.
Andy
When I saw Jason's list, I started to get scared because I started.
Mike
I didn't know what to do with the Super Bowl.
Andy
I started thinking super bowl was like 50 something years. What the heck am I thinking? Because, like, Kennedy's in fricking 60s.
Mike
Yeah.
Andy
And the Super bowl is only 50 something years. We're idiots.
Mike
Yeah.
Producer/Moderator
So we had Kennedy in 63, Super Bowl 67, Godfather in 72, and Nixon in 74.
Andy
Jason's a genius. But let's see if we can.
Mike
I was gonna. Here's the problem. You get one wrong.
Andy
You get them all wrong. You do. You could.
Producer/Moderator
Not necessarily, but yeah.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Pretty necessary.
Andy
All right, here we go. Round number two. Jason with a commanding lead.
Mike
Oh, goodness.
Jason
This one looks fun.
Andy
The debut of the show Friends.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
The release of Super Mario 64.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
The release of Jurassic Park.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
And the debut of SpongeBob SquarePants.
DSW Announcer
Wow.
Mike
Okay, friends. I've got mine written down.
Jason
Super Mario 64.
Mike
I've got mine written down. And you went first. I'm willing to.
Andy
I'll go real quick.
Mike
So for those playing at home, Jurassic Park.
Andy
Wait.
Mike
The release of. Jer, I'm not giving my.
Andy
Okay, I got you.
Mike
This is what my order is on my screen. The release of Jurassic Park. The debut of SpongeBob SquarePants. The debut of Friends. The release of Super Mario 64.
Andy
I do. I do have my. I have mine locked in. Mike's going to be the first one to reveal. Jason just needs to lock. And then we Will see if we could catch up to the dominating force of history, Jason or Randall Moore.
Mike
One of us is scoring zero points.
Andy
I mean, this is an incredible game already.
Jason
This is tough.
Andy
Okay, I got Mike.
Mike
Okay, I'm going. Jurassic park, the debut of friends. Mario 64, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Andy
Okay, Jason, go ahead.
Jason
I really don't like my.
Andy
Are you. Are you writing these down, Al?
Jason
Okay, I'm going. Nintendo 64. Jurassic park, friends. SpongeBob SquarePants.
Andy
All right, my final answer is Jurassic park first, Nintendo 64 second. Friends third, Square Pants.
Mike
Okay, so we're very close. Fourth.
Jason
Andy, Are we all square pants Fourth?
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
Okay.
Producer/Moderator
And that is correct.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
All right.
Jason
No zeros.
Producer/Moderator
That's where it stops for Jason.
Jason
Oh, no.
Mike
Oh, no.
Jason
Yeah. Hey, I got a point.
Producer/Moderator
Jason got one point. Andy got two points. He was correct about Jurassic park and SpongeBob SquarePants.
Andy
So I know Jurassic was.
Jason
Tell me Mike didn't get fired.
Andy
Jurassic was the first.
Producer/Moderator
Mike got five points.
Jason
Yeah, I did.
Mike
I felt pretty good about that.
Andy
I am less.
Jason
So, what was. What was your order? What?
Mike
Jurassic Park, Friends, Mario six.
Andy
I just flipped the two middles.
Jason
I had a couple different thoughts on the order. I would have got one point no matter what. You should have one point no matter what.
Andy
Okay, so what is the current score? 6 to 5 to 2.
Producer/Moderator
That is correct.
Andy
That's gross. All right, our final round. Unless we want to do four, I'm in the lead.
Mike
Oh, it's not going to be good.
Andy
Round three.
Mike
This is not going to be good.
Andy
The California gold rush. The invention of the telephone.
Jason
Oh, my gosh.
Mike
Ahoy hoy.
Andy
The election. I almost read Electrocution. The election of Abraham Lincoln. And the.
Mike
What's going on over here? Typer. What are you typing?
Andy
Yeah, what are you typing?
Mike
What are you typing? What are you typing?
Jason
It's in slack. You can see what I just typed.
Mike
Okay.
Jason
Okay.
Mike
All right. Just making sure we're not doing a little Googling.
Andy
The final one is the completion of the transcontinental railroad. What?
Jason
Come on.
Andy
I.
Jason
Wait. The California gold rush had to have been over the course of decades.
Mike
Yeah. I assume we're talking the beginning of it, right? Yeah. What is credited as the beginning? There's a very particular date associated with it, Jason, that you should know.
Jason
I only know it if it is part of the 49ers.
Mike
That is. That is.
Jason
That is my.
Mike
That is, in fact, the answer.
Jason
But that gives me zero.
Mike
That's your only question.
Jason
It doesn't matter because I don't know when any of these things were.
Andy
Well, you get to lock in first. Who did, by the way, we might play. Are we playing four rounds or are we playing three?
Producer/Moderator
That's up to you, boss.
Jason
Let's go one more.
Andy
I guess we could do one more just for the fun of it.
Mike
I'm becoming behind the invention of the telephone. The California gold rush. Completion of the transcontinental railroad. The election of Abraham Lincoln. Dude, no way.
Andy
I mean, this is wide open.
Jason
Completion of the railroad. So this is like. So, Jeremy, just to be clear, this is the.
Andy
I mean, it's what it says.
Jason
The beginning of the gold rush and the end of the railroad.
Producer/Moderator
Yeah, it's exactly what it says.
Jason
That's tricky.
Andy
Yeah, that's what it says.
Jason
It doesn't say the beginning of the California gold rush.
Andy
Fair enough. What are your final four?
Jason
I have nothing written down. I don't know yet.
Mike
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me get some answers down the election.
Jason
I know one that I think is before the other. That's where I'm at. The invention of the telephone. Okay, that one, I'm very confident.
Mike
Hey, J. Who invented the telephone or who's credited. I should say?
Jason
Is it Alexander Graham Bell? Okay. All right. Sorry to disappoint you, but we know history, all right?
Andy
We got to get some answers. Locked in.
Jason
All right.
Andy
Jason, you are first.
Jason
I'll go first. Are you guys locked?
Andy
I'm locked.
Jason
Okay. I think.
Mike
Oh, hold on. Okay.
Andy
You'll get there, Mike.
Mike
You know, I've got my answers down.
Jason
They're just wrong.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
Okay. I think that the word. The completion of the transcontinental railroad is. It's. Maybe it took longer than we thought. I'm putting that last. I'm going to go the telephone first. Oh, then the gold rush. 49. Wait.
Andy
Then.
Jason
Oh, gosh. Then Abraham Lincoln that. Oh, my gosh. Oh, what an idiot.
Andy
We don't know.
Jason
Wait, when was the rail. Then the railroad. I don't know if you.
Andy
My first one is Lincoln.
Jason
You told me Abraham Lincoln was in 1919. Don't say 1917.
Mike
No, no, no, no, no.
Jason
What am I doing? Why is Abel get third?
Andy
All right. My.
Jason
That's impossible. The one thing earlier I said it's not impossible. The one thing that I said earlier we don't know was that I am sure of one thing and the only thing I wrote down was that the gold rush was before. That's gotta be wrong.
Andy
My four locked in. Lincoln, first, gold rush, second railroad, third telephone, fourth. Is that you, too, Mike?
Mike
We Are identical, Andy. So we're all or nothing.
Andy
We're all or nothing.
Jason
Telephone is not fourth.
Producer/Moderator
Jason.
Jason
Yeah.
Producer/Moderator
You were correct when you said that the gold rush was before Abraham Lincoln. Oh.
Jason
Oh.
Mike
What? No. What?
Producer/Moderator
But you still ended up with no points.
Jason
Oh, okay. That feels.
Mike
Oh. Do we all have none?
Producer/Moderator
No. Mike and Andy both got the. The last two correct. You got the first two wrong.
Andy
So Gold rush before Lincoln, huh?
Producer/Moderator
Yes, it was the.
Andy
The gold rush and the phone were the last two.
Producer/Moderator
You really duped me.
Andy
Yeah.
Producer/Moderator
Gold rush, Lincoln, Railroad telephone.
Mike
So is gold rush credited as 49?
Producer/Moderator
It's actually credited as 48.
Mike
But 1948, San Francisco 48.
Andy
They rushed.
Jason
They rushed what? That's why I was so screwed up, because I know that the telephone was around the turn of the century, and I'm like, well, thought we were gold
Andy
rushing 50 years ago.
Jason
Yeah. No. Oh, my gosh, that's stupid.
Andy
We.
Jason
You know, history.
Andy
All right, so give us the scores before our final round.
Jason
Gosh, I did think it was 1949.
Producer/Moderator
We got Mike with seven, Jason with six, Andy with four.
Jason
Oh, no.
Mike
Oh, no.
Jason
Anyone's game?
Mike
No, no. I thought the game was done.
Andy
No, no, no. We got one more round.
Jason
We established before that last round that we're going for.
Mike
You told me before we started.
Andy
It was three rounds, brother. We were saying it out loud. All right, round four.
Mike
I don't care what you say. I won.
Andy
The launch of Instagram.
Jason
Okay.
Andy
The release of the PlayStation 2.
Mike
Okay.
Andy
The release of the first iPhone,
Mike
and
Andy
the debut of the Office television show in the US. I am back to locking in first.
Jason
I've got mine done.
Andy
I've got my order.
Mike
Hold on. I know what I'm.
Andy
I'm just gonna read them out again.
Mike
Hold on, hold on. Okay.
Andy
The release of the first iPhone, the release of the PlayStation 2, the debut of the television show the Office in the United States, and the launch of Instagram, the platform. Okay, I know how we all got them locked.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Yep.
Andy
I'm going. PlayStation 2 is the first.
Mike
Okay, I'm going.
Jason
We're all gonna get five.
Andy
I'm going. IPhone second. Office third. Instagram four.
Mike
I went IG third.
Jason
Oh, thank.
Mike
What?
Jason
Oh, so I get to win. Wait, did you put. I'm the same as aim.
Producer/Moderator
Give me one of you at the exact same as Andy.
Jason
Yes.
Producer/Moderator
Okay.
Andy
Which is PS2 iPhone, Office, Instagram.
Mike
I was PS2 iPhone, Instagram, Office.
Andy
Mike could. Mike could run away with it.
Jason
No way. No way. Was in super no way. No house.
Producer/Moderator
All right, Andy and Jason, you Guys got two points.
Jason
Oh, get out of here. I got five points. I was perfect.
Producer/Moderator
And Mike, you got one point, brother.
Jason
Oh, no. We both won.
Mike
Oh, no. Did we try?
Producer/Moderator
That's a tie for Jason and Mike.
Andy
So what was the final one?
Mike
We know history.
Producer/Moderator
The correct answer was PlayStation. The office.
Andy
Wow.
Producer/Moderator
The iPhone. Instagram.
Jason
Okay.
Mike
Okay. Wow.
Andy
It's you mess one up, man. Thank goodness.
Mike
And like, we all knew IG was after the iPhone.
Producer/Moderator
Yes, we.
Andy
Yeah, we knew. We're amazing.
Jason
I knew Instagram.
Mike
We're amazed that office was that old.
Andy
The assassination of Lincoln was between office and iPhone.
Producer/Moderator
We and we.
Mike
History.
Producer/Moderator
I had an extra round in there, but we used it, so we have no tiebreaker. So we end with Mike with eight, Jason with eight, and Andy with six.
Mike
Dude, just big winners over here.
Jason
I feel like we know history so well.
Andy
That first round, the five nothing shellacking we got, it was humbling. That was humbling. Jason just knows history.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Amazing. We'll take a break. We'll draft.
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Jason
The Spitballers draft.
Mike
I don't know what you're laughing at.
Andy
We just realized that, like Josh, Josh posted that he was a gold rusher under Jason's timeline.
Jason
I was laughing. I was laughing at Jeremy laughing. So because I was typing a message in Slack, I got yelled at like
Mike
I was cheating because you were typing during a game.
Jason
So I just quickly, just as quick as I could try to finish and hit enter so you could see that I was not about your typo. Yes, Abraham. I typed Abraham Lincoln.
Andy
Abraham Lincoln. All right. We are drafting the best dipping sauces in the world. Sauces. I've got the first pick. I do thrilled to have it.
Mike
The 101.
Jason
Clear 101.
Andy
I mean, this is the go to. No matter what it is.
Jason
It could be anything, literally. French fries, pizza, vegetables.
Andy
Oh, and you give me a finely made house version of this and you are just living large. I could drink it from a cup. I'm taking ranch as the 101. The best dipping sauce known to man.
Jason
So many dipping sauces start with Ranch. It's like, well, let's add something to Ranch and call it a different sauce. So Ranch is clutch.
Andy
Ranch is my one on one for the best dipping sauces draft. Good luck, Mike. I would it have been both of your one on ones?
Jason
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easily.
Mike
There is the problem Here is the game now, right? I. I feel like I have the easy 102 and I. But I don't know if Jason, I
Jason
got two picks, brother. I can taste these sauces.
Mike
All right. I'm not, I'm not even. I'm not even playing the game. I'm not even. I'm not even going to take a risk. It sounds ridiculous by name, but it is in fact just what it is. If you roll through Culver's and you're like, hey, give me some cheese sauce. It's dude, cheese sauce.
Andy
I thought it would sneak all the way back.
Mike
Oh, I couldn't risk it.
Andy
So.
Mike
Could not risk it.
Andy
Cheese sauce, baby underutilized.
Mike
Oh, cheese sauce is under available when you were like ranch. It goes with everything. I'm like, cheese. There's some vegetables. I don't know. I'm not putting them in the cheese sauce.
Andy
Cheese sauce is so versatile that like
Mike
a lot of stuff's going in.
Andy
I mean, I'll dip a burger into Ranch, but I'll dip a burger in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fries in a ranch. I'll dip them into cheese sauce.
Mike
Yep.
Andy
Cheese sauce can go on a hot dog. Can't go. I mean, Ranch doesn't go on a hot dog.
Mike
Oh, yes it can. A ranch can.
Andy
It can.
Jason
But that's not normal.
Andy
The versatility is there. With cheese sauce.
Mike
It's a great pick. I hope I disappoint you.
Jason
You did not disappoint me on this fact that I was not going to take cheese sauce.
Mike
Okay, then I blew it. Yeah, I blew it. I could have had free cheese sauce.
Jason
You could have had free cheese sauce. And don't hear what I'm not saying. Cheese is just delicious. Overall, you put in a sauce form, great, but it would not have been the top. Honestly, I'm at a real crossroads here because I've got two different two packs. I'm literally between four picks, but two go together, and I feel like two go together. I'm going to. I'm going to play the game. I'm positive one of these will come back, because I don't think either of you guys like them. So I'm going to take Gold Rush, 1949. The 1949ers. I honestly would have.
Mike
They were wearing poodle skirts.
Jason
I would have just off of World
Mike
War II, doing the gold Rush, finally finding California, doing the Monster Mash, they're
Jason
traveling west to do the Gold Rush after World War II. That is so stupid.
Andy
We know history. We won the game, Jay.
Jason
I won. We won. All right. We know history.
Mike
Yes, we. All right.
Jason
I'm going to take two awesome sauces that are great to dip in.
Mike
Ooh, awesome sauce. Great.
Jason
Great to cook with.
Andy
I hate that phrase so much.
Jason
I absolutely love both of these sauces. First, barbecue sauce. Barbecue sauce is.
Mike
Oh, really?
Jason
Yeah. Barbecue sauce.
Andy
Bbq.
Jason
BBQ sauce. You can dip your nuggies in there, but you can also cook with it. You can go ahead and it's the
Andy
best dipping sauce draft. So just let's focus on dipping, not cooking.
Mike
I barely remember to even put barbecue on my list. It's so low.
Jason
Oh, my gosh. You are an idiot.
Mike
No.
Jason
And then I will.
Andy
I mean, BBQ is a classic. You get it at any restaurant when you're asking for a dipping sauce. That's a good pick, Jay. There's nothing wrong with it.
Jason
I like it. But now I'm questioning my whole dipping conundrum because you just.
Mike
Name of the draft.
Jason
No, I know what the name of the draft is.
Mike
Why is the name of the draft not up on the back wall?
Jason
We have a whole back wall.
Mike
There's so much back wall.
Jason
We have so much space.
Andy
This bounty wall is so huge.
Jason
And you guys didn't do any prep or planning or production.
Andy
You can put a donkey kick up. I bet. I bet you could donkey kick us in two seconds.
Jason
I Guess we're drafting SP podcast. That's what it looks like to me. Wow.
Producer/Moderator
Sorry I let you down.
Jason
Thank you.
Producer/Moderator
Also, our designer went home early.
Jason
Okay, I am going to pivot here. I'm going to pivot.
Mike
Oh, you're going to pivot?
Jason
I'm going to pivot.
Mike
Probably because BBQ was such a bad pick, you need something to redeem it.
Jason
I think so. I had these two grouped together, and you'll know what one of them. I'm going to take one of the other group.
Mike
I know what two you had. Yeah, I know what two you had. And I'm going to take the second one.
Jason
No, you're not.
Mike
Yes, I am.
Jason
Ah, darn. I should have. Can I undo my barbecue? No, I'll take ketchup because ketchup is the most classic dipping.
Mike
Oh, no. I thought you were going a different direction.
Jason
Okay, all right.
Mike
Ketchup is what I would have taken over cheese sauce.
Andy
I thought, man, the way you were talking, I thought maybe ketchup would come back to me.
Jason
No, I'll take ketchup, barbecue sauce, and ketchup. I mean, genuinely, if you're dipping, you
Andy
don't need to talk about ketchup. We all get it.
Jason
You know what ketchup is.
Andy
Yeah, we know what ketchup is. Okay, let me start telling you.
Mike
Ketchup is interesting because it's an elite. It's up at the top, but it's like the older you get, the less you start using ketchup.
Andy
I agree. Because you just. Broader palette. It's like, very simple.
Jason
Taste.
Mike
Well, because, like, fries, fries, ranch. Fries can go. Fries and ketchup is fantastic. But it's like, are you putting your. Are you dipping your chicken nuggets into ketchup anymore?
Jason
Heck, yeah, kid at heart. I absolutely would.
Andy
Okay.
Mike
I'm not saying I wouldn't do it. I just. That's so low on the list for dipping.
Jason
Do you want to know if I had chicken nuggets? You want to know what I would dip it in before ketchup?
Mike
What's that?
Jason
Barbecue sauce.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's fine, that's fine.
Andy
Underrated combo. Dip into barbecue, then dip into ranch. Just saying.
Mike
Oh, yoga.
Andy
That is a dynamic duo.
Jason
I used to get so mad at my wife when she would do this. She would ruin both sauces. She's crushing.
Mike
Oh, she's. She's making. She's just. Now you have two perfect sauces.
Jason
Yeah, that's really what's happening now. It's like, yeah, let's let's mix them up more. Pour half of this and half of that.
Andy
Mike, you're back on the clock.
Mike
Raising cane sauce.
Andy
Okay. Yeah.
Mike
Raising. Raising cane sauce goes on way more than you can possibly imagine. Like, people complain, so we'll peel back a curtain a little bit. Raising canes, it is absolute.
Andy
Not everywhere. It is not. That's what's going to hurt you.
Mike
We're most places now.
Andy
No, we're like half the states.
Mike
Are we? Yeah, look them up. We got to be in the. What? Hold on.
Producer/Moderator
Producers.
Mike
What we got cackling back there?
Jason
What do we. Cackling?
Producer/Moderator
I was.
Jason
Our graphic designer. Came back early.
Andy
That is aerial Capital capital letter aerial.
Jason
What Great work you've done on this video.
Andy
Boy, I'm impressed.
Producer/Moderator
For about a minute before I got
Andy
it, Mike, you were right.
Producer/Moderator
It was, like, in the middle of the wood beam. Just totally misplaced.
Andy
Raising canes is in 44 states, so most people understand. Yeah. 900 locations.
Mike
So raising is number one. Was a sponsor of our show at one time. Not currently. It's super delicious.
Jason
Yes.
Mike
And the.
Andy
We weren't paid to say that. And.
Mike
And often, if anyone is complaining, they're like, you know, the chicken's kind of bland. Blah, blah. I'm like, the entire point of the chicken is to get the sauce into my mouth.
Jason
Yeah, it's a sauce spoon. The chicken is a sauce spoon.
Producer/Moderator
Thank you.
Jason
And no one. No one eats plain raising cane's chicken strips without the sauce. No, it's not done. That's part of the flavor.
Andy
That's like saying, I'm getting barbecue ribs.
Jason
You don't have to order sauce. You don't. You don't go to raising canes. I mean, we order extra sauce for sure, but if you just order a meal, it comes with sauce.
Mike
But here's the thing. It comes with one. And you're like, hey, I would like
Andy
more of seven more, please.
Mike
I would like more of your raisin cane sauce. And they're like, we have to charge you for that.
Andy
We got the font upgraded, guys.
Mike
Oh, my gosh. Is that Comic Sans?
Jason
Comic Sans, all caps.
Producer/Moderator
Sure is.
Mike
Gross.
Jason
Cool.
Andy
Please, all lowercase please.
Mike
I'm saying that the restaurant knows the value of their sauce so much that they're like, it's not just, hey, can I get more ranch? And they go, oh, yeah, sure. Here you go.
Jason
Here you go.
Mike
No, they're like, no, we got to charge you because we can.
Jason
Well, because it's the only reason you come here. No one has ever said in response to, oh, there's an extra charge for that. No one has said, oh, never mind then.
Andy
I have two picks.
Mike
I'm saying get yourself. Get yourself a double cheeseburger. Put some raisin cane sauce on it.
Andy
I feel like Mike.
Jason
What? Yeah.
Mike
Oh, there's nothing wrong with that.
Jason
Oh, brother.
Mike
You're gonna have a great time.
Andy
Because of Mike's pick and venturing into the fast food world, I am going to go Chick Fil A sauce.
Mike
I thought when I said, I know what you're doing, I thought he was
Jason
going to go with both Chick Fil A and raise.
Andy
I'm taking Chick Fil A sauce, which
Mike
are two elite dipping sauces.
Andy
It's sweeter. Thank you. It's been upgraded. We're lowercase and it's dipping sauces. Thank you for the upload.
Jason
Great work.
Andy
We can do this note. I need you to upgrade it to
Mike
my sleep with our wheel back there.
Andy
I need to. I need a verdict. Is guacamole. Does it count as a dipping sauce?
Jason
That's up. Oh, it's a dip dipping sauce.
Andy
We've drafted.
Jason
No, it's not a sauce. It's not a sauce. Too thick. In that case, if it's a sauce, you don't want that. Guacamole.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
You know what I mean? That's not what you're drafting.
Mike
We've all had that.
Andy
I thought they would get vetoed.
Jason
That's Taco Bell guacamole. And that's not guacamole.
Andy
No, no, no. That's water sriracha mayo.
Mike
Oh, that's fine.
Andy
Sriracha flavor is so unbelievably dynamic. It's outstanding. Still underutilized, but I'm going to go with the raising cane sauce and the sriracha mayo. That's great for my diepping sauces, which is. Thank you. We've upgraded to Papyrus Avatar. Yeah. And it's going off the top of the screen, which I really like.
Jason
Oh, that's really nice.
Andy
Really nice touch from our designers. This is our new back wall, guys. Can we tilt that to, like.
Jason
We're kind of a top podcast, top production quality.
Andy
We get 13 degree angle to the right, please. Thank you. Mike, you're back on the clock.
Mike
All right, so I got cheese, I got canes.
Andy
It's houses.
Mike
It's not as versatile as those other ones, but it is. It's still a top.
Andy
There's one you have to take.
Mike
I'll get there.
Andy
This is your last pick.
Mike
No, I got two more.
Andy
Oh, you do? Okay, okay, My bad, my bad.
Mike
Get out of here.
Andy
No, I'm going for the angle on that.
Mike
Oh, that looks great. Oh, dude, that's wild. 13 degrees. That's pretty 1990s pretty. Yeah. Hey, kid Vid. I'm taking Buffalo.
Jason
Oh, no. That was my next pick.
Mike
Yeah, I will take Buffalo. It's not for everything, but the things that it is for. Fantastic.
Jason
So originally, I was going to take barbecue sauce and buffalo sauce because they are outstanding.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jason
Or I was gonna take ketchup and mustard. Like, those were my two pairs. But what are you dipping into mustard?
Andy
Corn dogs.
Jason
So here's the thing.
Mike
Okay. What else are you.
Jason
French fries. Corn dogs.
Andy
You're not French fries. Don't be a freaking lizard if you do both.
Jason
Yes, both.
Mike
But you can't go mustard alone.
Jason
Well, I was gonna do the pear. I was gonna do ketchup and mustard. What? I loved it. My. Probably my favorite pretzels.
Mike
Okay, Josh, you. We got to two.
Jason
My. My.
Andy
Yeah, Pretzels. That's right.
Jason
Favorite dipping sauce is even more. Even more than the ranch and ketchup. Even though ranch is better when I am eating. If it's a corn dog, a chicken nugget, a chicken strip, a French fry, I want a pile of ketchup and a pile of mustard right next to each other.
Andy
You've really talked about this a lot. I know you believe in that combo.
Mike
It's a great combo.
Jason
I'm not taking mustard. I am going to start. I've got two picks, right? I will start.
Mike
It's your final two.
Jason
Yes.
Andy
For reals.
Jason
When we're looking at all the, like, fast food sauces, Chick fil A sauce,
Mike
you're trying, like, signature.
Jason
Just what you get when you get chicken nuggets, basically, at any. Any place. I've got the barbecue sauce.
Andy
Yeah. Barbecue ranch.
Jason
That's good. Ranch.
Andy
Sriracha mayo.
Jason
Sriracha Mayo. I feel like there's one missing, and I do love it. It's so good. So I'm gonna take sweet and sour.
Mike
It's on my list.
Jason
Sweet and sour sauce. And they're.
Mike
Yeah.
Jason
And sweet and sour. So different because, like, McDonald's sweet and source.
Mike
It's really only McDonald's that.
Andy
Let me say that is not normal. That's not like a classic dip. But it is a dip.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
It's definitely McDonald's chicken.
Jason
Try to have a. Try to have an egg roll without sweet and sour sauce.
Mike
Right? Yeah. Ridiculous.
Jason
True, Ridiculous.
Andy
But not every dip. Not. Not every dip, like your sweet and sour chicken just gets covered in it. You don't have like ranch chicken that's just covered in ranch dressing.
Jason
Yeah.
Andy
Anyways, you took it sweet sour
Jason
and. And I got a lot of. I got a lot. You got.
Mike
So you wouldn't even believe.
Andy
Thousands of choices.
Jason
You would not believe. The problem is I'm looking. I'm looking for versatility because most of my sauces left are. I've got a lot of them, but
Andy
they're not so versatile.
Jason
They're a lot of non versatile sauces.
Mike
Singular use case.
Jason
Yeah, exactly. And most of those are more specific.
Andy
This dude's taking mustard. I can smell it from here. Most of the way.
Jason
Are more specific for seafood, which is even less popular.
Mike
Like butters sauce.
Jason
There's so many butter sauce.
Andy
What your workers wouldn't give to have some seafood.
Jason
Oh, they would never be allowed seafood. Get out of the house. Get back to your.
Mike
Get back to work.
Jason
Get out of the house. All right, I'm going to take this only because Mike has one pick left and I know how much he loves.
Mike
Go ahead, do it. Do it. Do it. Because then you are agreeing that it is the best sauce. Do it.
Jason
I don't know what to pick here.
Mike
Let's light this candle.
Jason
This is a dream come true for Andy. I can sit here for 30 more minutes and not make a pick. Andy had a dream that I was.
Andy
I did have a dream that time out and couldn't pick 30 minutes. Mike fell asleep at the desk. I was going out of my mind. So yes, this is a lot like that dream make. Oh, we're back to. We got impact. We got impact font on the back.
Jason
I'm not going to take the one that I think Mike likes because it's not as much of a dip. I'm going to take marinara. I'm going to take marinara.
Mike
Dang it. That's a real solid. That's not on my list.
Andy
What did I just write down? Mara frickin nara Marinara.
Mike
Solid.
Jason
I mean, gosh dang it.
Andy
That was going to be my sneaky little Lassie.
Jason
Anything fried goes in marinara. It can be seafood. It can be calamari.
Mike
That's a great pick.
Jason
It can be cheese.
Andy
I'm so disappointed. Great pick.
Jason
It could be bread.
Andy
Why do you take so long to make a good pick?
Jason
It took me a while to get there.
Andy
All right.
Jason
I was about to take a stupid one.
Mike
Just Thousand Island.
Jason
Yeah, that's what I was going to take because I know Mike loves Thousand Island.
Andy
I'll close it out with honey mustard. I mean, I Thought Thousand island is Mike's.
Mike
Oh.
Andy
I mean, Mike has brother taken Thousand island and expanded it beyond its normal uses.
Mike
Yeah, he loves it everywhere. Stretch the limits.
Jason
You know what his shampoo bottle is full of?
Andy
Thousand island, bro.
Mike
Legit. Legit. 100. I promises I do this now from Borrows.
Jason
Pizza.
Mike
You know what? I dip my pizza into Thousand Island. Thousand Island.
Andy
You. Nobody likes Thousand island more than Mike.
Mike
No, that is true.
Andy
But Honey mustard.
Jason
You knew that that's what I was gonna say.
Mike
Oh, yeah, I knew.
Andy
I feel like honey mustard is more versatile, more beloved.
Producer/Moderator
Dip.
Jason
Honey mustard is the problem with that. The pro. And the reason I was not going to draft honey mustard is because you. You already did. I mean, that's basically what Chick Fil A sauce is. Chick Fil A sauce is a honey mustard sauce.
Mike
It's like a honey mustard barbecue.
Andy
It's not the worst.
Jason
Yeah. I mean, it's comp.
Andy
It makes me feel bad that you say that.
Jason
Yeah.
Mike
Sorry.
Andy
But that'll do it. Honorable mentions. I mean, there are a lot of sauces. Garlic aioli. I always like a good garlic aioli. So good. Sweet sauce.
Jason
But then that's basically your Sriracha mayo.
Andy
Yeah.
Jason
So, yeah, I had a cocktail sauce and tartar sauce.
Andy
Blue cheese is a dip.
Jason
Gross.
Andy
I know cheese. People are strongly against blow cheese. What did we learn today?
Jason
Jason knows. I know.
Andy
Jason knows history.
Jason
I know history. That's what I learned.
Andy
I learned that Jason knows history. He doesn't know about the gold, and
Jason
I shouldn't talk about my workers.
Andy
Yeah, that's for sure. There is a disconnect happening. Mike, did you learn anything today?
Mike
No.
Andy
All right. Mike didn't learn anything.
Jason
I learned that the Gold Rush was not in 1949.
Andy
No, it wasn't. Like 10 years ago. All right, that is it for the Spitballers.
Mike
Goodbye.
Andy
Good luck to all of you.
Jason
Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out Spitballers Podcast.
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Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason
This episode of the Spitballers Comedy Podcast features a double-header of nonsense, laughter, and surprisingly competitive trivia. The hosts debut a brand-new segment called "We Know History," where they test their dubious mastery of world events by putting them in chronological order. The second half is devoted to drafting the best dipping sauces—a topic they take far more seriously than you’d expect. As always, hijinks, mockery, and dad-level wisdom abound.
Messy Scats and Fatigue:
Andy discusses his ongoing fatigue from doing the show’s scat openers. Jason needles him, leading to laughs about "scat fatigue" and the visual vs. audio experience of the intro.
Leap Year Confusion:
Jason displays a questionable grasp of leap years, thinking they make the year shorter.
Quote:
"I was thinking that leap years had fewer days." – Jason (02:51)
Segment: 04:02–21:45
Quote:
"I want to be able to explain to him all the rules of this house and have him obey." – Jason (05:56)
"That dog was sending us a message. It was a revenge turd every time." – Jason (06:31)
"My body hurts inside out. What is going on?" (11:51)
Quote:
"You could be inside without being indoors." – Mike (15:59)
Quote:
"The first person that invents a tool set with built-in tracking is going to be rich." – Andy (20:55) "Let’s not lose sight of the real issue—my workers are stealing my tools!" – Jason (21:18)
Segment: 24:01–39:31
A trivia game where the guys must place four historical or pop culture events in correct chronological order per round. Points for correct placements; bonus for getting all four.
Warm Up (24:37–25:32):
Moon landing, Declaration of Independence, Wright brothers, Civil War.
Easy layup; all score maximum points.
Round 1 (26:11–29:40):
Nixon resignation, first Super Bowl, Godfather’s release, JFK assassination.
“I am the smartest man alive... This should be called ‘Jason Knows History.’” (29:00–29:20)
Round 2 (29:54–32:15):
Friends debut, Mario 64, Jurassic Park, SpongeBob.
Round 3 (33:04–37:17):
California Gold Rush, invention of telephone, Lincoln’s election, completion of transcontinental railroad.
“I learned the Gold Rush was not in 1949.” – Jason (59:21)
Round 4 (37:22–39:31):
Instagram launch, PlayStation 2 release, first iPhone, US Office.
Segment: 41:24–58:31
Each host picks the best dipping sauces in “fantasy draft” order. Betrayal, strategizing, and passionate sauces advocacy ensue.
Jason’s BBQ and Ketchup Combo:
“Barbecue sauce and ketchup...genuinely, if you’re dipping…” – Jason (47:06)
Mike’s Raising Cane’s Sauce:
Mike goes for the jugular with the cult-favorite, extols its virtues, and explains it’s the only reason the chicken exists.
“The entire point of the chicken is to get the sauce into my mouth.” – Mike (49:37)
Chick-fil-A, Sriracha Mayo, Buffalo Sauce:
Andy and Mike go to war over the best fast-food signature sauces and spicy picks.
Jason agonizes over picks; chooses Sweet & Sour and Marinara:
Extended deliberation before landing on two beloved but less general-use sauces.
Mustard Controversy:
Jason extols the beauty of ketchup/mustard piles, but ultimately passes in favor of more versatile choices.
Jason, Gloating at History Game:
“I am the smartest man alive! You guys are such dummies.” (29:00)
Mike, on Whispering:
"My body hurts inside out. What is going on?" (11:51)
Andy, Sauce Draft:
“Cheese sauce can go on a hot dog. Ranch doesn’t go on a hot dog.” (43:54)
Jason, Toolbox Would You Rather:
“Let’s not lose sight of that, but let’s... my workers are stealing my tools!” (21:18)
Mike, On Chicken and Sauce:
"The entire point of the chicken is to get the sauce into my mouth." (49:37)
Jason, on Being Indoors vs. Outdoors in a Car:
“You could be inside without being indoors.” (16:01)
The episode is light, fast-paced, and packed with family-friendly jokes. The hosts constantly rib each other, get competitive, and embrace silliness. They turn simple topics into deep (yet absurd) debates and never miss a chance to make each other (and the audience) laugh at their own expense.
This summary captures all major jokes, debates, and trivia, making it perfect for anyone wanting the highlights and inside jokes without needing to listen to the full hour.