
On this episode of Staying Alive, we’re back in LA for the next few weeks, and hosts Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally get to sit down with one of their oldest friends, chaos agent Gil Ozeri (Big Mouth, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Happy Endings) to discuss how, as far as Gil is concerned, no one has ever said or done a single funny thing unless death was on the table. They’ll also talk about trying (and failing) to eat healthy in a writer’s room, Weight Watchers, candy towers, a road rage incident co-starring Will.I.Am, and we get A Staying Alive exclusive: Gil thinks he might have Horsetooth. Baby. Got. Gout. Follow Gil @tallgilozeri (seriously, do this, Gil’s videos are out of hand) Check out Gil and Anthony Atamanuik’s new podcast Good Science on YouTube! This episode was recorded May 26, 2026 at Forever Dog in Los Angeles CA Special thanks to Brett Boham Staying Alive is produced by Devon Torrey Bryant and Anne Harris Engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant, who also wrote the music Ass...
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A
Smart.
B
Last media.
C
This one. This one had a banger. This one went out last night.
D
Yeah, I've been going out a lot.
C
If you can't see by that. Oh yeah, yeah, he went out last night.
D
Yeah, I was at the. I was at the Dodge. Thank you, bro.
C
I know. Doesn't it look like it's always been that way?
D
It's.
B
Yeah, it looks right. You know what I mean? What did you say when you fit.
C
When your brother called before, what did you.
D
They called me by Fieri. Mitch commented that on my Instagram and my whole family latched on to it.
B
So it's sticking. Yeah, it's sticking. Oh, it's sticking. Just like donkey song. It's sticking.
C
Can't get rid of it.
D
Diners drive ins and glory holes. We have a lot of like this person's an old friend of ours on the show.
C
Right. It.
D
This might be because I met him doing your. Doing your guys sketch show like in 04.
C
Yeah, this is. This might be the oldest of our friends.
D
Right.
C
I mean, I don't know how old Gil is.
D
Yeah, well, no one does.
C
Yeah.
D
No, and if you said to me right now he was 26 or 66, I couldn't.
C
I believe either of them. I would believe both.
D
I couldn't argue either. He is like a timeless little gremlin.
C
A troublemaker.
D
Yeah. He's like chaos agent.
E
Yeah.
D
Yeah.
C
A tiny little chaos agent.
A
Yeah.
D
He's a machine elf.
C
Truly the funny. I still stand. I think he's the funniest person I've ever met in real life. Like.
D
Yeah. I don't know if I have met someone funnier than him ever.
C
Yeah. And people are always like, well, how do you quantify that? Like, what does that mean? Yeah, it's like, I can't. I don't know. But I just know that that being is one of the funniest people I've ever met.
D
At your bachelor party.
E
He did.
C
That was the funniest night I've ever.
D
Yeah, the night my cannabis origin story smoked weed out of an apple. And we did like a two and a half hour bit before strippers arrived. But him going around the pool with just his head. We were at the crowded ass fucking Hard Rock Casino pool day club. Day club full of buff shirtless guys and Hawaiian Tropic model wannabes. Beautiful. The kind of people you think hang out at a Vegas day club in the pool. And then. And Gil did this thing where he went into the water and put just his face out of the water with his glasses. With his glasses in like three feet of water, kind of crouching and walked through this entire pool which is like the grounds of this hotel. And he would go right in between couples that were talking and groups of guys standing around.
C
So disturbing.
D
It was so.
C
Didn't know if he was a small person, a child or like a weird old. Like a weird old man.
B
Yeah.
D
And we watched for an hour from where we were.
C
Yeah. From our perch.
D
He just went through and ruined people's times. Like you would just see. He would like walk through then you would just see people going yeah.
C
Like, yeah. And then there would be other people pointing at him going yeah. Other people watched him. It was.
D
He is one of the funniest people ever. And he has such big ideas about what to do. Like follow his Instagram, follow his Snapchat, whatever. He's making crazy ass videos and he is a king of keeping a straight face.
C
Yeah. No, he doesn't break, he locks the in. He doesn't work so much. That goes to his ideology, which is truly. I don't believe that that dude thinks anything is funny unless death is on
D
the table based on his. The bits he's doing. It's the only thing death if not intense labor. He like loves to put so much work into his.
C
Almost died.
D
Yeah.
F
Yeah.
C
Or else it's not funny to him.
D
You'll see.
B
Have you like done it again once you did it the first time?
D
I. No. This has been two weeks of growth now. So my little roots going here.
C
Right.
D
I. I haven't done this since like my early 20s. Obviously. You know, right before I met you guys, I was frosting my tips and you know, getting highlights. Yeah.
B
Frosting your pubes.
D
And my pubes are braid Jason.
B
Where they go from what color to what color?
C
It's weird.
D
It's red, white and blue. It's like a firecracker.
B
Naturally.
D
Yeah. And it's natch. Yeah.
B
It's all Napa.
C
Are you going to do it again?
D
It all depends. I. I do believe so. Like, you know, cuz it's the summer, man. It's a good time to be.
A
Yeah.
D
And you know what have you.
B
We do have more fun in the summer. Oh you do? As a blonde time.
D
Girls just want to have fun. Blondes have more fun.
B
I challenge you to do it to your beard.
D
Oh dud.
B
I would love to see disturbing.
D
Yeah.
C
He would look albino. He would look like if he. If, if even once he went cross eyed you would think he was albino.
D
The guy, the colorist. I shout Out Major Moon. I said to him, I was like, should I do the beard, too? He went, no.
B
This guy's like, major Moon said, no pink hair.
D
And he was like, no, you guys. You will look so old.
B
Here's what I suggest. You.
C
Oh, God.
B
Do it to your beard, right? And then make your teeth really dark brown, even browner.
D
I was going to do bleach my beard, but leave a black Fu Manchu, like, Hollywood Hulk.
B
Oh, yeah.
C
What about your eyebrows? Do you think if you did your eyebrows, like, what do you think the vibe would be?
D
This is so funny. Everyone really is curious about what? About doing the rest of my. My mom really?
B
Oh, it is. Oh, no. Now I feel like a. Yeah, you feel, like, complete.
F
Just.
D
Just like them fucking.
B
Just like your fucking mom.
C
You just. You're just like my mom.
D
You're so soft.
B
You're just like, everyone's me this. Jesus.
D
No, my mom's, like, always, like. But now you need to dye your beard. Get rid of those grays. I was like, oh, well, now, you know.
B
I love when mom, like, peeks her head out. It's like, this is exactly how I feel. Like, you.
D
Well, it's funny. It's like, I could tell why she hates grays in my beard because she's 66. She's like, my oldest son has a huge gray beard.
B
My mom does that all the time. I'll get a haircut. She's like, finally. Finally. I've been waiting to say, like, it's ugly for so long.
D
Your mom hated when you had the Rachel all those years. Yeah,
B
I hated the fucking swoop. I hated the swoop.
C
Thank you. Covering your beautiful face.
D
You're covering your beautiful face in the swoop.
B
Oh, thank God you're working out. Thank God.
C
Oh, well, that's my dad. My dad. My dad doesn't even like. That would be passive aggressive for my dad. My dad will walk into the room after not seeing me for, like, a week and be like, I guess you had fun in Los Angeles this week, huh? I'll be like, what? And he's like, no, just turn to the side.
B
Let me see from the side.
C
It just seems like.
D
Why'd you do a little spin for you.
C
It seems like you had. It just seems like. It seems like you had a good time. And then he'll, like, walk past me and pat my. My tummy.
B
Oh, my God.
C
You know?
B
And it's like, you remember. Do you remember that just made me think of Lapan when me and you went to Lapan. You know, this Story.
D
No, no.
B
We went to Lapan together. This was like 10 years ago.
D
Yeah.
C
To be long.
B
And we went and we went. We were sitting down and the waitress comes over after we've eaten and pats me on the stomach.
E
Yeah.
B
Remember that?
C
Yeah. Good job.
B
She said, you've done a great job.
C
Plate was gone. Obviously it was wild. And he didn't take it. It wasn't. It almost seems the way he's saying. Saying it flirtatiously. It was not flirtatious. It was the way at which she was proud. She was proud of him that he took the whole plate.
B
It was paper.
C
It was a lot of so painful. It was a painful night.
D
It was a full release of Le Pan.
C
Yes.
D
It's a happy. You get the happy ending after the free bread.
C
But she went over the table and tapped his tongue.
D
I would have been rocked hard. I'm like, I know. I'm a good boy.
B
I ate all my bisque sauce.
D
Like, I have soup all over my face.
B
Thank you.
D
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C
But that was also at a time when Gil. When. If you've driven with Gil, Gil at a time, Remember when you got.
B
Yeah. A little road rage issues?
C
He was more like devastated.
D
I. I like you're going like. This was in a time when Gil was like a little more emotionally fragile the rest of the time we've known him. No, that's what Gil was walking the edge.
B
I'm on. I'm on a severe amount of protein.
C
Everything's going great. Your pussy like you were, no doubt, with those kids in the car pulling up next.
B
Well, ask Emily. She might have a different story.
C
You are, you see, pulling up, you're pulling up. You broke your watch, right?
B
I was trying to bite it. Yeah.
C
You still pull up to people.
B
I don't pull up to people. No. But she still does not like the way I drive. By the way, I was going to say off of the pat that my daughter yesterday said, do you have a baby in there? She said that to me. She's only three, so. But I think you look good I think.
C
I think
D
my. My nephew says, you don't need to do that. My nephew always says, uncle Nani, how come your belly's so big? And I'll be like, cuz I love to eat. And then like, later on, I'll hear him talking to someone else. Like, my Uncle Nani, he loves to eat.
B
Yeah, yeah.
D
Like, it's like a Talking about me, like I'm a pig.
B
Yeah, he's.
D
Wait, do you see this pig?
C
They ring the bell, he comes.
B
Don't hit that thing up. I'm running. Look how he loves to eat this pig.
D
My Uncle Nani's so much bigger than my dad.
B
Like, I.
D
He. That's how he talks and stuff. It's like they're upset. Obsessed with the fact that I'm the biggest person in their family. Like, I'm the biggest person they've ever met, right? So they're like, so everything is about my Uncle Nan. He's huge.
C
Well, Drake used to call Drake. Drake when Drake was a baby. And we'd be like, oh, we're gonna see Gabrius. He's gonna be like the strongest man in the world.
B
That he's Mel Brooks.
C
Yes, you always. He does talk like that still. He has a weird New York accent.
B
Yeah, it's like, that's great.
C
Comes out all.
D
I mean, karate.
C
Yeah, like, as soon as karate' on,
D
you'll pick me up.
B
The right way to pronounce it.
C
Karate.
B
Gabagool.
D
Karate.
B
So funny, man.
D
I used to you saying driving with gills bringing back memories. Coming home from the original Hot Sauce sketch show. We would tech at night. Gil and I both lived in Williamsburg at the time. He's like, I could drive you.
C
I would get dropped.
D
You do bits about how funny it would be if to crash. Crash.
B
Remember when we drove through. We were going through the Holland Tunnel
C
and I just went, no, no, it wasn't the Holland. It was the Queen's Midtown.
D
No, no, this. No, this was Dr. Home.
B
I drove through the. What are they?
D
The divider with you must have done it with you.
C
You did it with me to Brooklyn. And you were like. You fade into the thing. Like, why? And it. But I feel like when we did it, it was harder than you expected. Maybe it was your reaction. Your reaction. You thought it was going to be funny. And then you were like, oh, my God, no, no. And you, like, pulled over to that.
B
You think it's going to be funny to die. And then it starts to happen. You're like, wait, how funny would be
D
if we almost Died. Wait, now I'm remembering what almost dying feels like. It's terrifying.
C
But that's like your. I mean, you know, not to unpack 25 years of. Of, you know, deep friendship. But you. You would die for a bit. Yeah, you would. I know you would. Yeah, I know.
D
You're saying anyone who's. You're saying your comedy has seen you nearly.
B
I feel like the only way to make it funny.
C
Right? I know, I know, but I know
B
you think that I don't think anything has been funny.
C
I know. I never. No one has said anything real for the first time ever right now. That's the realest shit you've ever said. You don't think anything is funny.
B
Nothing unless you die.
C
I know. I know that how you feel.
D
That's why. I mean, I mentioned it yesterday. I fudgeing love Grillo Zeri.
B
Yes.
D
What I favorite bits I did. I paid himself to the fucking front of a car and drove around as a duct taped grill. He was grill Ozeri not a barbecue. He didn't open his mouth and reveal hot dogs. The grill he chose to be was the front of a fudgeing moving car.
B
That is how you die by accident. How funny would it be if I died like that?
D
Yeah.
B
To say they have to go to a.
D
You still have to post it. You have to play it.
B
It's so stupid. It just shows how stupid everything is.
C
Oh, you know, who's this guy?
D
This is my level two improv teacher.
C
He's honestly never seen you do voices like this guy. You're not even a voice guy.
D
The.
C
Oh, the funniest person in the world.
D
Gil hit himself in the leg with Prozac. Like it was epinephrine. Let's. All right, you ready to record?
C
What is it? What are you doing? What's your. Are you really like, what are.
B
Am I doing Prozac?
C
Well, no, I am. Oh, I'm big time doing Prozac.
B
Yeah.
C
I've been a long time.
B
I love what it's done for me. I'm. Is that what you're asking? I don't know.
C
We have one question that we have to ask on the thing which.
D
Okay, we don't even have to ask it. We did come up with one question that was. And we were like, I think we're done solving the show.
C
Yeah. We're like, that's the show. And then that's it. But like, what are you doing to stay alive?
B
What's to stay alive? I am taking Prozac.
C
Okay.
B
I've been Taking it since the pandemic.
C
Okay.
B
And it's changed my life completely.
C
Good.
B
So that's been great. What am I doing to stay alive? I am not working out right now, so that's not good. I'm trying.
C
You feel that, though? But I got. I got. You've never been a big working out guy.
B
I haven't, but I've. I've. There's been spurts.
D
You're a baller.
B
You're a baller. No, not taller.
C
He's a former smoker of. Of a former smoker of. Not just, like, one pack a day. Of like.
B
Yes, I was a heavy smoker. Yeah.
C
When Gil. When we were young. This is like two packs, three packs a day.
B
I wouldn't go to three. I'm not John Wayne over here. But yeah, two packs is like. Three packs a day is hard for,
D
like, a construction worker to do.
C
Dude.
B
That's hard.
C
You're like. The fact that you're like, like, okay, I'm sorry. Sorry.
B
It was actually two and a half.
C
Yeah. I'm sorry. There were definitely times with you where I'd be like, wow.
B
No, I was smoking a lot, but I started to get sick from smoking. And, like, I also get sick from, oh, so many things. I get sick. I. I get sick.
D
You get sick?
B
If I lose. Yeah. I get sick very easily. And if I. If. Then I'll be like, if I have, like, the wrong food or the. If I don't get enough sleep, I will get sick for, like, two weeks.
C
Really?
B
Straight.
D
Yeah.
B
And I still don't know. I still don't know what causes it. I've gone to so many doctors and
C
what kind of sickness is it?
B
Like, if I drink, I can't have any. I can't drink anymore. I can't smoke. If I have, like, I will get, like, a sore throat, and then I will get, like, my nose will get stuff for two weeks, and I will get sick for two. And I'm not, like, contagious or anything. It just allergic. I went to an allergist. I went to an ear, nose, and throat doctor. I've had an endoscopy. I've gotten, like, so many, like, tests, and it's come back. Like, they don't know. Yeah.
D
It's like mind over matter.
B
I mean, it might be psychosomatic, but, like, I have, like, a. A threshold. And if I could feel it coming. And then I'm like, it's two weeks
C
of, like, is there any way to mitigate it? Like, where you're like, Oh, I feel it coming. If I shut it down now.
B
I try. Stupid shit. I'll, like, pop a Pepto Bismol. I'll get. Try to get some sleep. I'll take, like, you know, elderberry or whatever it is. I'll. Let's like.
C
You can't stop it.
B
I can't. Once you start to feel it, I'm like, oh, I'm done for two weeks.
C
Whoa.
B
Yeah. And that's happened since. Since, like 2007. That's why I stopped smoking and stopped drinking, because of that.
C
Well, I also remember. I mean, there were a couple times, like, when we shot was like, the first thing we. First sketch we ever shot was Yeastball. Remember when we.
B
Yeah.
C
And Ben. And Ben got us that middle school up in.
B
In Riverhead, the way Ben does get every Riverdale.
C
Yeah. Ben just called us and was like, hey, they're giving us my school.
B
Yeah.
C
And we were like, what? All right, we'll be there.
B
Spielberg's direct.
C
Yeah. And he was like, show up in big stuffed outfits. You're like, great. But we. We shot this one part of it where we had to run. It wasn't even running, was shooting layups over and over again. Remember? It was like, yeah. Gil had to shoot, like, 10 layups.
B
I almost died.
C
And we shut. We just shut down, like, production shot down, essentially because Gil was dry heaving and breathing on the floor. And. And I remember being like, whoa.
D
He's like, this happened, like, three months ago with us. Did it at the clown show. You almost died.
B
That's right.
C
Well, that just serves you right. You both shouldn't be a clown.
D
That guy had a.
C
Take off those pants. What are you doing? It stayed with you.
D
He literally did the same thing. He pushed himself so extreme afterwards. And he was like, let me have some water.
B
And I'm trying to get that death going. Stop it. Stop it.
C
I actually don't.
E
I actually.
B
Sorry.
C
I don't know.
B
Ball it on your head.
C
I actually had something similar.
D
That's one of my core Gil memories was we were driving Font home in a van and it started raining. And, like, Shannon was driving.
B
This is back when I was, like, so anxious because I was like, yeah,
D
yeah, you were very anxious. And I didn't understand, like, how the kippo worked or anything like that. I look over and he's holding his wallet on his head and praying.
C
That's how quiet Shannon was driving.
B
I don't remember.
D
It was a rain.
B
It was raining. And I think I was just like, oh, my God, we're Getting into an accident and suddenly I'm like, how about
D
I just look over and I just look over and I'm like, I know that this is religious, so I can't laugh.
B
No, it was.
D
So everyone was cracking up.
B
The fact that it was money on my head.
D
How do I notice this without being.
C
You haven't done that in public, have you?
B
Not. Not like on a plane.
C
Have you done it during turbulence?
D
Have you done it during. Jewish guy, you put a little money on your head.
B
Little money.
C
You know what? It would be worse if it came from someone else. If, like, he was like, oh, God, I'm so nervous. Someone, don't worry about it and put money. I heard that if you put.
B
I heard if you sit on locks, everything will work out.
C
If you give a Jew a dollar while they're having a panic attack, it inst. Goes away.
B
Exactly.
C
Imagine you're like, oh, my God. I. Someone comes over, give him a dollar.
B
Give him a dollar. Give him a dollar.
D
Does anyone have a dollar?
B
Yes, please, someone give me a dollar.
D
Give this man a dollar.
B
Let him kiss. Money.
C
Quick one. Now. What if I told you I could turn this one into 100 before I die?
D
Well, you know, so you're not exercising.
B
I'm not exercising.
D
You're also not smoking, drinking.
B
I have no vices. I have nothing. Nothing. No, actually, I guess my phone, I would say, like, social media is like, yeah, bad.
C
That's a dopamine hit.
B
Yeah, it sucks.
D
I know.
B
Are you guys on your phone a lot?
C
Oh, my God, dude, I. I have
D
like, I'm at like, real issue level now.
B
What does that mean? Like, if I took a look at your usage right now.
E
Don't.
C
Don't look at my phone.
D
Like, if you looked at my usage,
C
like, tits would show up.
D
Smart. Listen.
C
Tits and glizzies.
D
Yeah, it's all hot dogs and tattooed nipples. Dog. I. My just the nipples this morning. Like, I'm on it first thing in the morning and last thing at night. And it's so bad. And like, I. I like, have to watch movies for my quote unquote job. And like, I have to like, put the phone like 10ft away. And then while I'm watching the movie, I'm like, I like, look at the phone and it's like in a bright light, all of a sudden it's like,
C
like I feel it calling, like. Or you see like a. A text shoot up and I'm like,
D
oh, that could be anything. That could be literally anything.
B
When I'm anxious at night, in the middle of the night too. I'll wake up and I'll just be
C
like, oh yeah, that would scroll for two hours.
D
Help your anxiety do scroll for two
C
hours, then go back to sleep and wake up two hours later is the worst sleep.
B
It sucks ever. It sucks.
C
Yeah.
B
And you're like so addicted.
C
Your mind is like running through the doom scrolling that you did before, which is always also. Which we've talked about all the time, which is also intertwined with like all the things you lust for. So it's like war, death, titties.
B
Yeah.
C
Guitars, watches, like, you know, like it's all one big smushed into like, like.
D
All right, enjoy your rest.
C
Have you seen this like so extreme baby owl that I found and raised to like, go, go back to sleep. You're like, you know, your mind is just.
D
You watched 120 of those videos in like under an hour and now you're like, all right, well that's like watching the like Clockwork Orange treatment where you're just like splashing.
B
Yeah.
F
Okay.
D
Good night. Yeah, good night. I love my loved ones.
B
It's hard, but I do feel like I'm like yearning for some sort of like escape, you know, it's just like. Because it's just so hard. Life is so.
C
Life sucks.
B
I mean that. Not to complain.
C
No, no, no. Life sucks.
D
Life's hard.
C
Life is really hard.
D
I. I don't think that's an uncommon experience for people.
C
I feel it in, in television too. Like,
D
just.
C
There's no communal thing to watch. There's no good like thing that I want to watch. There's like so few and far between where you do sit down and you're like, everybody's talking about it. It'll hit my phone because I want. You know, that's gone.
B
You're. You're looking for the MASH days.
C
Yeah.
B
You wish everyone was around the team.
D
Yeah.
C
Three, 20 channels.
B
Three channels.
D
I just wish we had HBO Sunday nights back. Oh, you know, like, Come on, come on.
B
This is how they organically came to maga.
D
Yeah.
B
It was so great of you.
C
That's what all this is, dude. That's.
D
They promised that Sunday nights everyone would watch the same show.
C
Oh, you want to talk about what it would take? What kind of human experience would it take, take to get me to go maga? Someone give me a hug.
B
Just look at that. Bring back Caroline in the city. I'm good. I'll vote for the destruction of my neighbor.
D
It is.
C
I'll tell you what, a rising tide doesn't bring Veronica's closet.
D
I've been pushing what trying to get addicted to TV shows because it feels, it's like methadone. It feels better than the.
B
Yeah, right.
D
So I'm like, I just want to get get kicked into.
B
It's like a book at this point, right?
D
True watch is better than watching a movie.
C
Two sentences of a book. I see all these comedians, everybody, everybody,
D
all these everybody comedians.
C
Like, you know what books I've been reading? I'm like, oh, of you.
F
Ah.
D
Are you gonna be like a huge reader?
C
Oh, my God,
D
I can't believe that read anymore. No, I've just never seen you read.
B
You should do like Oprah. You should do like a top 10 like, like, you know, tick tock recommendation where you recommend the best. I do.
C
I send them to you every hour tonight. You should hear that. You and I, you're the only one of my friends that I, I feel like I'll send you a video on like, when I was in New Zealand, I would like be coming home from a night shoot and I would see a video and I would send it to Gil, be like, oh, I don't
D
know what time it is.
C
And then I would see.
E
Yeah.
C
Immediately respond like, you seen this one? I'm like, well, what's going on in those areas? Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made fifteen dollar bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment
A
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C
So. All right. So you're not working out. Are you eating? Are you.
B
Am I eating?
C
Are you kosher?
B
I'm definitely eating. No, not anymore. Okay, so, yeah, that's.
D
You're going shrimp crazy.
B
I'm going shrimp nuts.
D
No. You're telling me a shrimp nutted this?
B
I'm trying to eat healthy, but I.
C
What does that mean to you?
B
Like, doing nothing?
C
Yeah.
D
Are you still a candy guy
B
at the movies?
C
No candy in your car? There's no candy in your car.
B
There's no candy in my car. There's no candy.
C
There's no candy.
B
Maybe gum that looks like candy. There's a little bit of candy in the car.
D
There's a lot of.
C
Katie, if I went out to that
B
car, maybe if you look under the seat.
C
If I open the door.
B
Candy wrappers.
C
If I open the door, would be it. It spill out. Is it that much candy?
B
It's a little bit of candy, but I don't.
D
There's a gun. There's a candy that looks like a gun that's got me nearly killed by
B
the police just eating candy cigarettes, and a candy gun
D
showing the end of a candy gun while driving. I'm gone. You look over at the guy next to you.
B
Sir, are you on your phone while you're driving?
C
No, no, I'm eating a candy gun.
D
Candy. Well, I would say stop looking at it while Dr. It's also got GPS on it
B
at the movies. But I still will. I. I will tell myself, don't do it. And then I'll sneak in a little bit of. Sometimes when I. Once I take one, it's hard. Are you really hard?
C
Are you eating wise? Like, are you doing. Are you in the writer's room right now? Okay, so that's always a.
B
That's. It's hard trap. Yeah. I go in there with a plan.
C
Now you have a plan?
B
No, I. I went in there with a plan. And that plan is.
D
You want to make God laugh? You make a plan. Exactly. You know, you make God crack up.
B
Schedule something. I went in, and I was just
D
like, all right, gather round, troops. We're gonna go into this writer's room, and we're gonna avoid the chips. Okay?
B
Let's go, tower.
C
It's. It's not even to Me. It's also the. The writers room. Also, the snacks become a place to go when. And you're stressed or like.
B
Yeah. To feel better. It's another escape.
C
Yes. Or because, like, the job can sometimes be. You're all gathered and you pitch something that didn't go well or whatever.
B
Yeah.
C
And you're sitting there thinking about it, and there's like, okay, we're gonna take a break. And you're like, okay, be right back. I'm just gonna get some pretzels with peanut butter in it, maybe some whipped cream around the edge of that or whatever.
B
It's also just, you know, the grind of being in a room every single day for, you know, and it's great, but it's just like, you want to feel better, but if you go in
D
with your plan and you lock it up and you're like, make it through Monday through Thursday. You're like, like, now it's Friday. What can I. And then all of a sudden, you're like, you have so much Swedish fish that you're like, it's insane.
B
It's like an alcoholic working at a bar. It's just like, I'm there. It's just like a tower of candy. And it's just like, come here. Feel better right here.
C
Yeah, I know.
B
And it's so easy. It's so easy to stick my little grubby hands into the dark chocolate pretzels.
D
A second candy tower has been hit. You're Mr. President.
C
Yeah.
D
Gil has hit the second tower of candy.
C
You know, you can tell you're bad.
D
I saw the Muslims celebrating the candy towers.
C
You know how you could tell if you're a good person? How quickly you stole candy between tower one and tower two?
B
I would have run back in. Yeah.
D
Like, why?
B
I left, like, Sour Patch Kids in my desk.
C
Like, Walberg.
D
Gotta grab. You gotta go back in my Swedish fish.
C
No joke. I almost was in the towers at 9 11. If not for ran as easy. He stopped me.
D
He's like, let me.
B
I'll do true story. No. No, it's not.
D
True story. You got to tell Marin.
C
True story. I got to tell Mark. I got to tell Mark. True story. I was on my way.
B
True story. I was almost a tower, too. But I left my Goldberg's chocolate chews at home, and I had to run
C
home and get them.
B
Almost died, but I had to go get my.
C
And then when I heard what happened, I ran back to save lives. This security guard, God bless him, Steve Rani, his name was, told me, don't come in here.
D
I was almost on United 93, but I left my sour Skittles in my chair and I had to go back.
B
You had to go back again?
D
I missed it, man. I was standing there with Seth McFarlane going, I can't believe we missed this flight.
C
And he's like, Peter, that's the one
B
detail he does that. He does that voice to you.
D
That's Lois. I'm like, that's not one of the few you don't do on the show.
B
You're the inspiration for Peter, right? Yeah.
D
He's like, I notice you have a fat.
C
I'm trying to scrotum on your chin.
D
And he. I was his inspiration for Peter and he was my inspiration to grow a beard.
C
He was my inspiration to start singing cabaret.
B
So funny. That, that's. That was Kevin Spacey for me.
D
He's actually inspired me to do a lot of stuff.
C
Johnson Groff is doing the second best. Bobby Darren, Bobby Darren. Kevin Spacey's Bobby Darin. Bobby Darren. I want that note.
D
Doing dream lover at 59.
B
At 59 for a bunch of 13 year olds. That's what got me to do crooning
C
that and the chicken from the Warner Brothers cartoon.
B
Oh, Lord.
C
Oh, man.
D
So trying, trying to stay healthy eating. Trying also is being a. Like, this is good.
B
This feels like an intervention.
D
Being a parent makes it kind of difficult too, right? Because you kind of. You like the willpower of what you have in and around the house.
B
You want to be a good. You want to set a good.
D
You want to set a good example. But you also don't want like your
B
kids to be like, I'm just going along with these.
D
No, I mean more like you don't want to be. Your kids are going to have snacks around the house because it's like the nice thing to do as a parent. But is it like impossible not to like, like smash down three string cheese or something?
B
Yeah, I'm always eating their. And also, like, I didn't have snacks in my house as a kid.
E
Same.
B
And so I've gone the wrong way. And like, I'm just giving them a little bit too much. I'm like having too much.
C
You didn't have any snacks?
B
I had like pretzels.
C
Right.
B
And orange.
C
Wait, which kind of pretzels?
B
Like the, the snider.
D
The hardest, blackest, brownest. That was what my mom got too, I'll tell you. Diet culture that hit like the mom's subsect in the 80s and 90s up our generation. Weight Watchers, Slim Fast in the fridge, and I'm like, ooh, chocolate. And then I drink it, and I have diarrhea at school all day because I just wanted chocolate.
C
Oh, my God. One of, like, the saying. One of, like, the sayings of my family was like, my sister was, like, three years old, Eric was, like, three years old,' and eating my mom's Slim Fast bars. And there's a, like, a home video of me doing, like, a Michael Jackson. And she's, like, farting, like, loud. And she just goes. And she, like, looks right in the camera. She goes, like, slim fast to make me foul. It was like a huge, like, make me fart, like, like, she's a baby. It was like my family. Like, that was a saying throughout my entire life. So fast make me fart. It's like, why was it.
D
And you're still doing the Michael Jackson stuff?
C
Well, yeah. I kind of feel like the movie.
B
He inspired you to sing, too, right?
C
Let me tell you something.
D
Michael Jackson, right now, decent singer,
C
Better.
B
Here are my favorite people. Woody Allen, Romanski.
C
You want to talk about my talent? Mount Rushmore.
D
It's. It's Roman Polanski, Woody Allen, Kevin Spacey, the D.C. sniper. Those are my four guys. Who are you guys?
B
What is the. What talent does the DC Sniper have? Accuracy,
C
depth perception, you know, follow through.
B
Follow through. That's good.
A
That's good.
D
That's good.
B
That's good. I love that.
C
Well, what working out did you ever like to do? I don't remember you ever.
B
I worked at it. I did. I actually, last year, I started working out with a trainer.
C
Okay, that's good.
B
And I had to quit because I would get sick after the workout from what I told you guys before, like, because I pushed my body too hard, and then I would get sick with a cold for two weeks. If anybody out there, I. I don't know.
D
What does that happen?
C
When we used to. Did that happen when we used to perform?
B
It's gotten worse since. Since then. So, like, it takes because.
C
Less to trigger it, but, like, because some of those shows were, like, so hard to do. You know what I mean? We were like.
D
Especially the way Gil plays, and we
C
were doing stuff that was, like, as many scenes as you could.
B
Right.
C
A certain amount of time.
B
Yeah.
C
And, like, it was really hard. I did. You used to get sick after that? I mean, you were also.
B
Every time I push myself. Yeah, it. It feels like it's. It's not good.
C
That's crazy. Maybe you just have, like, a low threshold for, like, low tea. Maybe you just have low tea, huh? Usually what it is. Have you ever tried maybe low tea?
B
It's low tea.
C
Maybe you need more testosterone.
B
Yeah.
C
No, I don't know.
B
I don't know what it is.
C
But you've had it since a kid. It's weird. I mean, like, I remember hearing stories of people getting sick after, like. Like, we would have rehearsal. Do you remember? Anthony King made us do. We were on a team and Anthony King made us do this exercise where you would have to, like, he'd split the room into four emotions and you'd. And you'd have to. And he'd like, tell you to go in one of the emotions.
B
Oh. And you have to act that much
C
to heighten that emotion until it changed into the next emotion. And I remember some people telling me that they got sick after that exercise.
B
Really?
C
Yeah, because they were, like, giving it their all, you know, because you're, like, laughing as hard as you can and then you're, like, crying as hard as you can and then you're super. It's like.
B
Yeah.
C
And you're just, like, doing. Putting everything out.
B
I find that it correlates to stress, really, for me. So if, like, I'm going through and like, it could be stress, like physical stress, but it could also be, like mental stress from, like, work and I'll work myself thin or, like, I'll be so stressed out over something and worked up, you know, whether it's family related or work related. And then, then if I couple that with not sleeping enough or eating the wrong thing, I'm. I'm.
D
Yeah. I mean, we do like it, like the ecosystem or that is our body gets a little more fragile as we get older, where you're like, introducing a new species will, like, decimate your biome or whatever, you know, you're like, well, I guess I cannot eat coconut shrimp anymore. I've had like four different times and it absolutely killed me.
B
Yeah.
D
And I don't know what it is.
B
That's what. Roasted tomatoes and peppers. I cannot do it.
C
Roasted tomatoes and peppers? Like, what, from like a cheesesteak or something?
B
From, like, tomato sauce?
C
Oh, no.
D
Tomatoes of acid reflux.
B
Yeah, I mean, I got tested for all that stuff for acid reflux, and nothing. It did not come back, but as positive. But I still cannot eat it. And it just, like, makes me sick. I'll. I'll eat it and then the next morning I'll have a sore throat. It's fucking wild. It's so weird.
C
My sister can't do tomato stuff either.
B
She's got gout.
C
Well, no, she's pesto.
D
Baby got gout. She must be one of them rappers
C
girlfriends with those kinds that eats all that shrimp and drinks all that vodka.
D
Baby got anaconda. Don't want. Unless you got crystals, hun. Unless you got uric acid crystals.
B
Acid crystals. Now out. Make it sound so beautiful.
D
On any other podcast, we would just diagnose what Gil has. And like, on, like, we would just lie. Like, if this was a regular podcast, this was a different podcast. We'd go like, oh, you have inflammation.
B
That's what you got.
D
Yeah, you got to do sauna and plunge.
C
You got to try Pete Holmes mind melt.
B
Yeah, well, everyone's a doctor, right?
C
But forget the people that host the health podcast.
D
But for us, I am curious. Like, I don't want to open it up to the audience. Like, why don't you guys solve gills, please?
B
My God.
D
But it sounds like it might be inflammation based, which is like one of those, like, unexplained things that people get.
B
I wonder. I don't know. I've got. I did like, I just did, like, literally six months ago, a barrage of tests and they, they're like, we don't know what it is. Maybe it's a. Maybe you have to do. It's a sleep thing and you have. I don't know. But I was just like, this is not true. I don't know.
C
Yeah, I mean, that's, It's. It's wild. I. I feel like I. Similarly, it's just your body breaks down as you get older. Like, I woke up from the plane yesterday and both my eyes were, like, swollen and red and I. You know what I mean? I was like, I didn't, I didn't go to sleep that way, but when
B
I went down on a leaf blower. Yeah.
C
Well, you should have seen this thing.
D
They call me the leaf blower blower.
C
It was so long and the capacity.
D
Who watches the watchman? Who blows the blowers?
B
Did you really? What happened?
C
I think it was the pillow. I think. Or like, it was like a down.
D
Someone had farted on the pillow before you made it.
C
Yeah, I'm sure I have a double pink eye. No, I don't know. I don't know.
D
Two in the pink guy, one in the stink.
C
An allergic reaction.
B
You know, I have been feeling lately this is going to be. I haven't said this yet to anybody.
D
What do you mean? Like, no.
B
Like, even to, like, my. Well, I actually told Emily yesterday. I feel like my teeth are starting to jut out like an old man. So, like, what do you. Have you ever see. There was a picture I saw like, a few months ago on the Internet of. Of as a horse ages. Okay.
D
Yes.
B
Its mouth starts to go like this. And I don't know if you've ever noticed this about your, like, great uncles or your grandparents, where the teeth start to, like, come out like that.
D
No, they turn, like, perpendicular.
B
They turn like, perpendicular. Exactly. Especially for a horse. They're like.
D
Especially for our.
C
Especially for a horse.
E
Right.
C
We're not going to diagnose anything or talk about things you don't know about being the doctor. Yeah, we don't. We're not going to talk about things we don't know about, but tell me more about horses anyway.
D
It's called.
B
Called horse tooth.
D
Doctor says, I did a barrage of tests. They have no idea what's going on, but they do know I have horses.
B
Anyway, I. Every time in the middle of the
C
night, I only came positive for one thing.
B
Good news, get my disease out.
D
Good news, bad news. Mr. Rosary, you got a horse, too. He got horse tooth.
B
I feel like my teeth are getting more perpendicular as I get older.
C
Particular.
B
I feel like I'm biting down.
C
They're not parallel right now.
B
They're getting not. Not perpendicular. They're getting. They're jutting out more. And now I feel my. My front teeth are going to be within a year over my.
C
Like, like the Venice, like the Venice waterway in a year.
B
They're getting. I feel like I'm.
D
I'm not going to lie. I'm. I'm like, sitting here going like, what the. Now I'm coming. So I can't get my teeth to feel right.
B
That's right.
D
That's how I feel.
B
Once I saw that horse tooth image, I was like, oh, my God, they're starting to go outwards.
D
I feel crazy now.
C
Going, all right, I can diagnose you. We don't need the audience. Crazy.
B
Crazy. Yeah, that's probably in my head.
C
No, no, that one's.
B
That one's probably.
C
I don't know.
D
I haven't told anyone this. I mean, I told my wife yesterday, but I do think I have horse tooth. I can't believe you haven't told anyone that. Well, scooped it here on saying live. Gil thinks he has horse tooth. I. I hope deadline.
B
Can we do everything in our power
D
to get deadline to pick that.
C
These people are watching this. They might want us to cut it. I. I actually have suffered from horse tooth since I wild.
D
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
C
So I Don't know the difference. I always feel like I've had horse.
B
I've noticed actually your teeth are going more in.
C
Oh, really?
B
They're tucking in under your armadillo.
C
I'm getting armadillo. Well, I mean, we're all gonna get to that stage eventually, which is a tough one. Which is that if, God willing were alive, the teeth, like you'll have to wear dentures. You know, like it does happen.
D
That tech has to get better.
C
It's gotta get better.
B
We're the first generation to not die.
A
Die.
B
Us, me and you. We are not dying. We're getting.
C
You're the peak of hell.
B
Look at me. They're going to infest. Not going to die.
D
Unless, of course, someone accidentally puts a tomato in my food.
C
I'm bulletproof.
B
That's me. That's my. That's go.
C
I am bulletproof. Unless I get stressed.
D
David's got a tomato and a tomato takes kill. Someone's got
C
deadline.
B
But obviously Goliath.
D
A gilly's heel.
C
A gilly.
B
A gilly's heel.
C
That's your one.
B
I gotta duct Tate myself to a huge heel now.
C
Statue.
B
Oh, Lord.
A
Carter's has your family covered for every summer. First for steps, first swim lesson or first sleepover. Our clothes help kids and parents shine thanks to comfy design and easy dress dressing details. Visit Carters.com to shop the latest styles or find a Carter store near you.
F
At dsw, we ask the important questions like what shoes are you going to wear? Whether you're prepping for wedding season, festival season or just planning the ultimate vacay, the right shoes can make or break an rsvp. So own the moment. You've got big plans and we've got just the shoes at the perfect price, of course.
A
Course.
F
Get ready to get ready with designer Shoe Warehouse. Head to your DSW store or dsw.com today and let us surprise you.
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B
Have you guys talked about how you think you're gonna die on this show?
C
Oh, I mean, I've. We've been asked it quite a bit. I mean, I always. I want to die on set.
B
What does that mean?
C
Like, I want to be Working, like, as an actor. Oh, really? Yes, I want to be working as an actor.
B
Why? Why?
C
Because it's. My mind is not on death at all. It's like, because then I'm. Then I'm literally like, I know most people.
B
I want to be around my family.
C
My family. The first AD I'm in this life. Telling me I'm in this life. I'm a lifer. Okay.
D
I'm running, vaping in your trailer, eating
B
deviled eggs at the craft services.
C
No, it's just, like, when I'm. I'm at work, my mind's not on anything, and the next thing you know, I'm gone. Like, mid scene.
D
Yeah, well, I told Pal mid scene. I got high with Pally that after I heard that that night, and I pitched what if in your will you say, like, if I die on set, shoot the scene and write my death into it. So it's narratively correct that I died.
B
He really.
C
No matter what.
D
Even children.
C
Even. It's like a children's movie.
B
So funny that you would still want to do a great job, like, let the audience know. They're like, okay, that made sense.
D
What about you in, like, a. Some sort of thigh wrapped around my head situated.
B
Okay, so now we're getting to how we want to die rather than how we think we're going.
D
How we think we're going to die. I think it's going to be like this. Honestly. Watch this. I'm going to say, Jeremy, I'm going to say something like, yeah, I could do it, and then die minutes after that. You're, like, jumping off a hill.
C
Backflip.
B
Yeah.
D
Like, I know I'm 50 and overweight, but I think I could do a backflip and I'll just get paralyzed in front of everyone.
C
Yeah, I think I'll die in, like, looking at my phone while driving. Oh, yeah, most likely. Yeah. I think if you want to be real about it. Yeah, we want to be, like, real about it. Like, I'm, like, I'm driving.
B
Are you watching? Are you on the phone a lot during driving?
C
No, no, I drive in New York, so.
B
Okay, but, like, cover the mic.
C
No, no, really, I would. I would say I really am not, like, honest, because I have the system where if I get part.
B
You put it in the trunk, I
C
lock it in the lockbox just so I won't. Just so I won't see, because I'm tempted.
B
I'm a. I'm a human being.
C
No, I have the apple system, and it tells you when the Tax comes in, right? And I really am like in New York City, most of the time I drive five blocks and I park and wait for the kids. So I.
B
You're not driving that much. Yeah, but most accidents happen around the house. I don't have that problem because I just have to eat my phone and I'll be okay. It's candy. But I I so hard to reach you. It is. Are you on your phone while you drive?
C
No.
D
I'm like, you guys are such liars. I follow. I, I just lying.
B
I will say you're jutted out teeth on this.
C
Mine are going in once a week,
D
maybe twice a month. I will get a toot from behind that the light has turned green and I'm around on my phone and that humbles me and embarrasses me. So mad at myself that I'm like, I, I, I then lock my phone is like on lockdown for two hours.
B
Did I tell you this story where someone was. I was texting at, I think it was Hillhurst and Franklin and I was making a left turn and I, I was texting and this is a couple years ago and somebody's like honk, you know, honking me from behind like crazy. I look up, it's a green light. I'm like, oh shit. And then around me from the right, pulls over to my right. I look in and it's Will. I am giving me two fingers through the fucking window. It'
D
you.
C
What was he driving?
B
I don't remember.
C
He must have been driving like a cover craft or something.
B
Cuz I went, I looked over, I
D
go, oh my God.
C
Well, I am telling me to off.
B
Oh, I was almost proud of myself.
C
That's so off. Brand for the black eyed bees.
D
Oh yeah, I know.
B
Well, they would never, they don't. They're clean. Right.
D
He's like, this guy's getting it started in there. Gil, is there anything health wise that you want to do that you aspire to add to your life?
B
Yes, I do want to. I want to have like a consistent exercise routine. Are you have to get back.
D
Do you enjoy walking?
B
I like walking. Yeah.
D
Yeah.
B
I like. And I'm, I'm like, you know, I live in Glendale, so it's just like you can go walk up into the. It's just like if I lose, it's like with the candy stuff, once I, it's the like basically once I stop, it's very hard for me to get back on the horse.
D
This is the most relatable.
C
Yeah, it's just, I Mean, that's like everybody's. Yeah.
D
I'm super momentum based and inertia based.
B
Yeah.
D
In almost every facet of my life. If I, like, re. Read a couple of chapters three days in a row, I can, like, keep reading.
B
It's so much easier.
D
If I. If I take three days off from the gym, it's 10 days. It's. So if I eat, like, for like a long weekend, it goes into Tuesday through Friday.
B
Exactly. So I go through, like, waves.
E
I don't know.
D
Same. And that's really hard. But when you're. And the hardest part about it, I say, is when you are dialed in and you're like, this does feel good, not hard. And I am doing better. I'm sleeping better. I'm not dealing with.
B
Exactly. That's when you go, I think I could take a day off.
C
Yeah.
D
Yes.
E
And then.
D
And then just.
C
I could eat a whole pizza.
D
You're hard, right? It's oncoming.
B
I've done the work. Now it's time to put pizza in my mouth.
D
That was me the other day. I ate like, I went to a friend's party and I had like, salmon and spinach before I went. And I. Then I was like, so that was super healthy. Then I drank like 15 Bud Heavies, did a few shots.
B
Yeah.
D
And then came home and ordered like 70 worth of taco Bell. And I was like, yeah, well, I'm glad I had that salmon and spinach at some point during the day.
B
Like, that's what my therapist says also, like, like, when you're feeling good, you're like, okay, now I don't need therapy.
C
Right.
B
But that's exactly the time when you need to keep it going because you're like, oh, maybe the reason I'm feeling good is because I'm doing it. And you're just like, now I don't need it. It's just the opposite. It.
C
Whereas anytime you get hooked on a vice, you never have that thought.
B
Right.
C
Like, anytime there's like some sort of, like, dependency or.
D
Or when I'm on day 65 in a row of sparking a joint at like 3pm Exactly.
C
It's like your. Your mind never goes the other way on the vice.
B
Yeah.
D
But I'll take, like, I'll do this a lot now. I try to take like three or four days off in a row from weed just to like, prove I can.
E
Can.
D
And like, I'll be like, on like the fourth day, be like, okay, this is. I feel.
B
This is crazy.
D
I'm like, I Am like waking up with my eyes open and like, I am like, I am not eating like a full. Another meal at midnight. And like that I'm like, okay. And then I'll go like a few. And then I'll be like, man, I could just do like one little J. And then all of a sudden it's right.
B
Do it so I don't have to not do it anymore.
D
Well, it's like, it's just. I'm scared about keeping the streak up. Maybe I just do it to break the street.
B
Wait, if I. I don't start now, I'm probably going to stop smoking altogether.
D
I should probably smoke a lot of knock. I'm not going to not smoke.
B
I'm not going to not smoke, so I might as well fucking get high.
D
Well, I do get into these, like, arguments with myself where I'm like, well, you enjoy it and what else do you have to fucking do? You know what I mean? Like, you don't like. And then I like, make up all these reasons why it's no big deal that I.
B
Well, you're running like three businesses too.
D
Well, this is where I get into this thing where I'm like, it's only me. A lot of plates.
B
Plates. A lot of vitamin water boxes in your apartment that you got to get rid of.
F
You're telling me.
B
Don't.
C
Interesting thing to buy in bulk.
D
I can't sell any of these ape paintings I bought that are.
C
Those were digital, so I don't know who sold.
D
Yeah, I got hard. I printed them all up on my dot matrix, black and white printer. I got these huge. Went through 12 cartridges of toner to print all my bored apes out. I got one that says,
B
That's so funny that people did that. Just.
C
Didn't Justin bieber waste like $100 million?
B
A lot of people did. Yeah, that's. And it's worth.
D
Somebody made a bunch of money.
B
Yeah.
C
Yeah.
D
I mean, a handful of the worst people probably made a bunch of money on that. So that's at least good.
B
Yeah, that's good.
C
So what are your vices besides candy?
B
What are you, like, digging sometimes Video games.
C
When I say vice about video games, you're like, doing it for video games. Like golf to me. Like, you. You do it. There's an app hour thing. It was like a component of escapism for the length of time. How long are you playing at a stretch.
B
Yeah, like that.
C
Like three hours.
B
Not three hours, two. I probably don't have three hours.
C
Like an hour. An hour.
B
An hour and I like to play with friends, too.
D
Oh, okay.
B
So I'll play with gimberling and a
C
tamina so you guys all get on it. And, and, and is that. But that seems social to me. That seems healthy.
B
It is, it is.
C
That doesn't seem like, like this is.
D
I think this, I think golf's a great analogy where if you're playing with friends and it's social, you know, like, and it's like, it's not like golf weekend. Again, sorry, kids, I'm not around. But it's like, oh, Friday night, I play for two hours.
B
Here's the thing. I have a very difficult time delineating between self care and escape.
C
Right.
B
Right. I can't, like, with work. Sometimes I'll be like, emily, this is self care. I'm doing something. Like, I want to be writing this thing. I want to be writing it.
D
Yeah.
B
And then I'll realize, oh, no, I'm trying to, like, get away day, you know?
D
Right.
B
Like, I'm not actually, like, doing self care. I'm not actually taking care of myself in this moment. I'm just escaping from any other issue.
C
Something else that I. Yeah.
D
Steering towards work rather than a vice.
B
It's really hard to tell the difference. Sometimes video games can be like, oh, okay, you know, like, I need to blow off some steam. And other times it's like I'm avoiding, you know?
D
Yeah.
C
I mean, that, that's all vices, I think, to a certain extent. But it is, it, it is really challenging.
D
Well, self care and vice is like, they're like a razor's edge in between them. Like to take bath.
B
Scissoring is what you.
D
I take for there.
C
No one likes.
D
They're tripping.
C
No one likes.
D
I believe it's called tri Tri.
C
First of all, no one likes. He has to explain it.
D
Joey Tribingani.
C
Joey Tribingani.
B
Joey Tribbing Nanis. Yeah.
C
Nailed it. No, but I was gonna say there's some like.
F
Sorry.
D
If you like taking baths.
B
Sorry. Shut the up.
C
I know. I got it. I'll shut up.
D
If you, like, take a bath. That's self care. If you're in the bath for like six hours a day, you're in device territory. That's.
B
If you start to drink the bath water. Yeah. Then it's.
C
Then you're drinking your own film. Yeah. No, what I was gonna say was I think it is also hard for us or like, your job is yourself.
B
Huh.
C
You know what I mean? So, like, that is also really hard. Like even doing an improv show, like, for Me is like, oh, I'm, I'm. This is self care, right? It's like, I'm, I'm. I gotta take care of myself. And then the self care is kind of some.
B
It's sometimes debatable. I deal with this with my dad a lot because I'll see him, he works still, he's like close, hitting close to like 80, but he loves work. And a lot of times he'll be like, yeah, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. And I feel like as an outsider, I could see him avoiding like some of the hard shit that's going on in his life and he's just, just like diving into it. So I feel like it's, it's how you sort of use it in the moment because it could be really like something that actually is making you feel better and allowing you to express yourself. And then other times you're just like, I don't want to deal with life around me. So I'm going to do this thing because it's going to keep me busy and not make me think about.
C
But isn't that okay? I mean, there's a.
B
It's okay too. It's just like once you start to like, that's it. That then it be just because you're doing full avoidance. Yes.
C
Avoidance is never good. But there is also a certain angle to like, well, this is my job and if I, I don't do my job, what am I doing? Like, what, what, what, what is the day if I'm not doing my job?
D
You know, like off, off that tip of like, you have a show that doesn't feel like a job per se.
C
Right.
D
And you're like, that's going to be fun when I do an improv show with friends. But when you're like, we didn't sell enough tickets, I got to promote it. Oh, right. I gotta. And then all of a sudden it starts to feel. Then it starts to feel a little less like self care and a little more like work.
C
Exactly.
D
And then you're like, our work happens to be fun and happens to be with our peers. Well, yeah, friends. It's like, I think it's like it, it muddies that relationship a little bit.
B
I think. I think it's also like noticing when you're being present while you're doing it, if you can be present and in the moment and like while you're performing and you're like, I'm here with my friends, I'm doing this fun thing, then it Feels good. If you're like, I'm, I'm somewhere else. I'm using this thing to like not think about stuff.
D
Yeah. Or I'm self conscious about the crowd or I'm like, are they laughing? Is this like. Then you're not enjoying yourself.
C
I mean, and that's really hard to keep out.
D
Right.
C
It's really hard to keep that outside too because you're like here for them as well.
D
Pushes it back towards work and away from self.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
D
Like. And if you were like talking about true self care, it would be like four of us in a champion studios just doing improv like, you know, for no one.
C
Right.
D
For each other.
C
Yeah.
B
Spending time with my family.
D
Yeah. Like reading or looking at the ocean or.
B
Yeah, exactly. Being in the moment.
C
Yeah. You know, I mean. Yeah. From. I think that that is something that is really hard to. Especially when your money is tied to it as well.
B
Yeah.
C
Which is a whole other stressor.
E
Yeah.
C
It's like, it's almost impossible, I find. I mean I work really hard at it, but it's. And I've been working hard at it on another level too, which is something I, We've talked about. But like in my therapy, I'm. I'm working on not having my friendships be dictated by that.
B
Oh yeah.
C
Work. That's one of the hardest things.
B
Yeah. You have to consciously be like, I'm not gonna talk. I don't want to talk about work. I want to talk about how this person's doing in their life.
C
Exactly.
D
You know, but so frequently for us the answer is like, well, I'm waiting to hear back about this. Or maybe writers.
C
And so it's like, or, or, or even, even, or even like I want to spend time with someone so I'll think of a, A project that we could do together.
B
Yeah.
C
You know, and it's like as much as I'm excited to do that project, I really just want to spend time with that person.
B
Yeah, absolutely.
C
And so.
B
Absolutely.
C
And so then in my head that's
B
what it is anyway. I feel like that's ultimately. That's what it is anyway. It's just like. Because there's no look at what we're doing. I know it doesn't, it isn't.
D
It isn't exactly.
B
It's not to get philosophical, but it doesn't, it isn't a. About like because things succeed and they fail all the time. It's just like these are little experiences you have with other people and you're like, oh, we're gonna do this little journey together. I want to spend time with this person, whether it's good or bad or whatever comes out of it.
C
Right? And I like that. But at the same time, the downside is that when you, when it's the only way that you socialize and it's the only outlet you have for friendship and for camaraderie.
D
Well, when you've monetized, like, your hobbies in a way, like, you know what I mean? Like, improv could be a hobby, but if you're still trying to sell tickets to. And if you like sitting around, catching up with you guys could be a hobby. But if we put microphones in front of us and have to rewatch Instagram,
B
when I hang out with my kids, I'm always like, this could be a tweet. Like, this could be a tweet.
C
And then you're like. And that could be a stand up bit.
B
That could be a. Wait, shut up for a second. Hold on. Shut up.
D
I got an idea. Write this down.
B
Write this down. Make sure it's 280 characters.
C
Daddy's gonna lie down on his back in a black room, yell you. Yeah, I, I. No, I just, I really want to have more of that in my life. And I feel like I. Especially when I moved to New York, I put up these, like, big walls with just people I would meet. Like friend, kids, friends, parents and stuff. I would be like, well, we're gonna have nothing in common here, pal. Like, there's nothing.
B
Right?
C
Trust me. There's nothing here. Like, I am. I only.
D
Trust me. I hate you.
C
Yeah, I hate you.
D
You actually probably hate me.
C
Yeah. Yeah. And you don't even want to know.
B
Yo, my teeth go in.
C
Yeah, that' at it.
D
Pretty soon, I got reverse horse, dude.
C
I'm gonna look like the dune.
D
I got reverse cowgirl.
C
I'm gonna look like the dune popcorn bucket in a couple years. But like the, the.
D
I'm Al G.
C
I walk that way.
D
That was me. That was me last night walking out of Dodger Stadium.
B
Were you?
C
Were you?
D
No, no, no, no. I was. That's fine. I'm going to live forever.
B
Oh, Lord.
D
I'm the healthiest and dirtiest I've ever
C
been in my entire life at both the same time.
D
Yeah.
B
That's great.
D
I feel like, I feel like I'm 25 again in a lot of ways that I'm, like, working really hard on my health and mental health, but I'm also doing everything I can on the. In the other hand, to, like, Undo it and destroy it. It's a very.
B
How does it that feel?
D
Feels powerful. Feels very powerful.
C
Powerful.
D
My fate of my. The world is in my hands. My world is in my hands. No, it feels a little weird. I do think I need to figure out, like, a real more long term. I, I haven't really been thinking about long term for a while now, and now I'm kind of in the head space to be thinking long term.
B
Me and Emily went to see a financial advisor to talk about, like, retirement.
A
Oh.
B
And I was just. The guy goes, all right, so I think you'll be able to stop working when you're 90. I was like, what? I was like, oh, my. It's. I was just like, this is insane. 90?
C
Yeah.
B
90.
D
It's so upsetting, dog. It's so upsetting. Yeah.
B
Crazy.
E
It's awful.
C
You know, I, I, I don't think I'll. That's why I said I'm. I would like to die on set because I, like, I don't think I'll ever.
B
You don't want to worry about it.
C
I like this podcast. I don't think I'll ever be able to retire.
B
That's crazy.
C
For real.
B
I would love to die on the grill of a Ford Mustang.
C
I would love to be in a car accident with, like, Steven Spielberg.
B
The weirdest people.
C
Yeah. Like Steven Spielberg.
B
John Baptist.
C
John Baptist and Dita Von Ness are driving. Driving in a, in like a, A little moki in the Hamptons. And then I come speeding around, not looking, and like, they, for some reason, my car exploded. Oh, dude. So plug. You want to plug anything?
D
Oh, you have a health and wellness podcast.
B
I'm coming out.
E
Yeah.
C
Well, no, you do have a podcast coming out with a, With a, With a former guest and contributor to our podcast, Anthony.
D
And the head of the MAHA movement.
B
That's true. And the head of the maha, Anthony Atamin.
C
Anthony Atamanic.
B
It's called Good side Science.
C
Yeah.
B
Comes out June. Starts to come out June 2nd.
C
And you. He is playing Robert F. Kennedy.
B
Yes, F. Kennedy.
C
And you are playing.
B
I am playing a, like, unfiltered comedian called Kyle Quim. Yes. In the. Who's got, like, one of these stupid podcasts? Manosphere podcast.
C
That's perfect.
B
Two morons.
D
It's a parody of us.
B
No, I'm not going to say you guys are Manosphere, you men.
C
No, we're not.
D
Damn right.
C
They wouldn't blame us at all.
D
You're damn right.
B
Folks, I just saw junk.
D
I just saw what looked like a Mashed up piece of Juicy Fruit. And he calls that his genital.
C
Careful, he might think that's candy.
B
I just saw a goose's throat, folks. It's dope. The bumps. Everything. The skin, the bumps, the bumps.
C
Dude, you have the.
B
You're nuts.
C
Of the complexion of J. Moore.
D
Oh, the dream body. A Of ton. Tail.
C
You dog.
D
A dog.
C
Your dog. It has no tail.
B
Oh, my God.
D
Check out the pot.
B
I mean, it's called good science.
D
I cannot wait to watch wherever you podcast.
C
Well, I mean, I can't wait to hear some more Robert F. Kennedy. Oh, he's science.
B
Oh, my God.
C
Is that. Is there science involved?
B
Barely. Barely.
C
And that's.
B
Yeah, it's it. I mean, it's just so much conspiracy stuff and, you know.
C
Right in Anthony.
B
Ridiculous. Yeah.
D
You guys are so funny. I can't wait. It's fun. And I hear you've nailed down the production, how to do it and stuff like that.
B
Oh, you've been hearing rumors. Have you heard from Tony?
C
I haven't heard any rumors. I deal with Tony about him and my dad's podcast.
B
Oh, yeah?
C
Yeah. So I don't know that.
B
That they have a podcast.
D
Oh, yeah. You don't think I get like an 11 minute, like, no listening back upload from him while we're on the phone every once in a while.
B
Wait, Tony sends you? Oh, my God. Tony sends, like, have you heard them yet? 40 minute voice, mem.
C
You heard him. My dad's podcast.
B
No, I haven't.
C
Oh, you'll love them.
B
I can't.
C
Episode one, Prostate Cancer.
D
Gilly, thank you so much for coming on, staying on.
B
Thank you for having me. I love you.
C
I love you too. Human resources. Yeah.
D
Mating season.
B
Well, yeah, I do a couple of things on Mating soon, but. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
D
You're really great on Kevin.
B
Oh, that's really sweet of you. Thank you.
D
It's very fun.
B
Thank you.
C
Dude, that's a lot of voices.
B
That's a lot of voices.
D
Well, you're good.
C
You're so.
B
Oh, my God, you're so Robin Williams from Mrs. Doubtfire. Hey.
C
In the beginning.
D
Yeah, yeah.
B
What is the.
E
What is.
C
He's. It's like a smoking psa, right? They're like.
B
I forgot.
D
Oh, my God.
B
I watch a little frog or something.
D
You do very funny voices on a lot of things. So while we're talking about old. I love your throw pillow character from Big Mouth.
B
Oh, thank you very much.
D
Such a fun character, man. Boyfriend of his.
B
Boyfriend.
C
Amazing.
B
So fun.
D
It's such a fun role. It's such a nasty, disgusting. Perfect for a little girl.
B
Perfect for a little dirty boy.
D
Little dirty boy. Papa's little dirty boy.
C
You are, dude. You are the dirtiest little bird.
A
Yeah.
D
Love you, buddy.
B
I love you, too. Thank you for having me, boys.
D
Oh, please.
C
That was great. Oh, man.
D
Oh, what a time. Like crazy.
C
He's making himself sick.
D
He came here on his lunch break from work. If he didn't, we would have done
C
four hours and he has to stay.
D
Yeah. What's a little upsetting? Hearing your friend, like, pushes himself to the point where he makes himself sick for extended periods of time.
C
But that's also like, tracks with guilt. Feels like, you know, like, again, I was being serious. I really don't think he. I think his sense of humor is like, you need to have shown me that you pushed yourself to the limit or else. I just can't think that he's, like,
D
willing to sacrifice it all for the bit.
C
Yeah, in a way.
B
Yeah.
C
And he has. I lost friends and we didn't get to talk about this. I wanted to ask him about it, but he wants. He's got this crazy story for another time, but where he. He had a dinner party. He's ever told you the story? He had a dinner party and he invited. Invited three sets of couples and told each couple not to talk about a specific issue because the other couple was having problems. And then at the dinner, he brought up that specific issue about each couple.
D
And that. That is sociopathic. But that just makes me love him.
C
Diabolical.
F
Yeah.
D
Extreme impish. Behav.
A
Yeah.
E
Yeah.
C
Stay alive.
D
Fuck. Crush me. You have been listening to Staying Alive with John Gabris and Adam Pally a Smartless media production in association with Sirius
C
XM Produced by Devin Tory Bryant and Anne Harris. Engineered and edited by Devin Tory Bryant, who also wrote the music Associate producer
D
and video producer is Maddie McCann. Social media media producer Tommy Galgano.
C
Assistant engineer Kyle McGraw. Special thanks to Jared O' Connell at SiriusXM.
D
Executive producers are John Gabris.
E
Ooh me.
D
Adam Pali. Ooh you Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Do us a favor. Just rate and review the podcast. It actually helps.
C
Just so everyone knows we do not have a discord.
D
Don't reach out to us.
C
See us on the street. Walk the other way or you'll catch hands. JK Rowling got her inspiration for the for Gringotts for the Gringotts from BH photo in the system.
B
It's true. Gay rally needed a DV cam. She went there and she said, look
D
at these little wizards. And then she also has some ideas I disagree with.
B
Yeah,
E
Sorry,
C
our editor left the room.
D
He's gotta leave that in.
C
That's staying in.
A
Smart.
B
Bless me.
E
You've tried melatonin, the white noise machine, the blackout curtains, the magnesium, and you're sleeping fine. Not great, just fine. At some point you have to consider the four year old pillow is doing more damage than the magnesium is fixing. Coop Sleep Goods is running a bundle sale 7-9-20. The starter bundle is the move. Two pillows plus a sheet set 40% off. And we're not saying it'll fix everything, we're just saying you've tried everything else. Coops pillows are adjustable, designed to fit how you sleep so not just tolerate it. Mix and match any two pillows at 25% off or go all in on the starter bundle. One real upgrade beats six mediocre ones. Head to coopsleepgoods.com comedy that's C-O-O-PSleepgoods.com comedy for 40% off the starter bundle and 25% off all other bundles. Feeling stuck with rising ad costs and flat results, Realize Taboola's advertising platform for businesses unlocks growth beyond search and search social. Taboola's algorithm engages with high intent users on the open web, accelerating their path to conversion. Powered by an AI model trained on over 500 billion monthly signals, Realize delivers smarter prospecting with privacy, safe targeting. The result? Higher conversion rates and scalable funnel at lower cost. To learn more, visit realize.com podcast.
Episode: “A Gilly’s Heel” (w/ Gil Ozeri)
Release: July 9, 2026
Guest: Gil Ozeri
Network: SmartLess Media
This episode of Staying Alive delivers a wild, freewheeling, and grossly honest conversation between hosts Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally and their long-time friend and comedic co-conspirator, Gil Ozeri. The group dives into tales of self-destruction for the sake of comedy, body issues, family quirks, health frustrations, candy vices, and the blurry line between self-care and avoidance—all with their signature blend of absurdist humor and vulnerable candor. At its core, the episode explores the messy intersection of health, mental well-being, and the pursuit of laughter.
Timestamps: 00:45 – 04:00
Timestamps: 04:00 – 07:20
Timestamps: 09:00 – 11:00
Timestamps: 11:00 – 12:30
Timestamps: 13:40 – 14:28
Timestamps: 14:28 – 16:40
Timestamps: 26:03 – 29:41
Timestamps: 31:30 – 33:10
Timestamps: 34:02 – 36:35
Timestamps: 36:35 – 38:40
Timestamps: 39:08 – 41:17
Timestamps: 48:05 – 49:57
Timestamps: 52:08 – 56:09
Timestamps: 44:06 – 45:13
Timestamps: 62:13 – 63:29
This episode captures the hilarious and unfiltered energy of old friends who have grown up together but are still figuring it all out:
If you love comedy that isn’t afraid to get real—and a friendship dynamic where brutal honesty is always on the table—this episode is a must-listen.