No Hitting, No Biting (w/ Rosebud Baker)

Summary

Staying Alive with Jon Gabrus & Adam Pally

Episode: "No Hitting, No Biting" (w/ Rosebud Baker)
Date: September 25, 2025
Podcast Network: SmartLess Media

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Episode Overview

In this candid and riotously funny episode, Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally welcome comedian Rosebud Baker for a deeply honest, irreverent, and self-aware conversation about health, wellness, parenthood, sobriety, and show business. The trio veer seamlessly between dark comedy, heartfelt admissions, and biting critiques of modern life—illuminating the grim realities (and absurdities) of trying to "stay alive" while juggling parenting, comedy, therapy, and self-care in a world run by algorithms, content, and sleep deprivation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fitness, Sleep, and Modern Wellness

• Jon and Adam's Opening Wellness Check-in (00:26-02:01):
  • Jon shares he's working out daily, using free weights—even late at night—which he jokes helps him resist drinking.
    • "It also holds me off sometimes from drinking." – Jon (00:48)
  • Adam describes a run in New York, ending with a shirtless lay in the park, humorously describing instances with local teens.
• The group sets the self-deprecating and brutally honest tone for wellness: It's hard, sometimes gross, and often about doing “the least bad” thing.

2. Parenthood, Motherhood, and Sleep Deprivation

• Rosebud on Motherhood (04:46-11:58):
  • Rosebud describes the exhausting, mind-altering effects of having a very young child and the resulting sleep deficit:
    • "I haven't gotten enough sleep to form a new memory in, like, four years, and that's...and my daughter's one and a half." – Rosebud (11:38)
  • Adam and Jon relate, describing parenthood as one endless, REM-deprived day.
  • Rosebud jokes about getting "50 First Dates disease" and worries no one would notice if she developed dementia (11:49).

3. Vices: Vaping and Sobriety

• Candid Takes on Substance Use (06:01-09:08):
  • Rosebud and Adam reveal their affinity for vaping (nicotine and weed), swapping stories about hiding weed smells from their kids—with much self-mockery about parental responsibilities.
    • "My daughter called me dad-mom for a long time… I feel like I fixed whatever was broken." – Rosebud (08:41)
  • Rosebud opens up about her sobriety, stressing that giving up drinking wasn’t so much a choice as a necessity for survival (16:54–17:29).
    • "Every day that I don't drink, I go, that's a frigging miracle." – Rosebud (17:13)

Notable Segment: "No Hitting, No Biting"

• Rosebud perfectly sums up her approach to day-to-day sobriety:
  • "If I didn’t hit or bite someone, I did good that day. That's kind of what it feels like, you know?" (17:43)

4. Mental Health & Therapy

• Therapy as Self-Care (13:34–16:38):
  • Rosebud shares she recently returned to therapy, prompted partly by an episode of White Lotus (21:01).
  • The group discusses the difficulty of committing to therapy, the emotional exhaustion of introspection, and the feeling of wanting to "bring something" to each session.
    • “I cannot do the emotional work. It’s exhausting to go in…and then just sort of, like, process it afterwards.” – Rosebud (15:04)
  • Adam coins the phrase “Angel’s Advocate”: offering hopeful alternatives; Rosebud jokes about returning to bad habits.

5. Navigating Modern Life, Phone Addiction, and Content Overload

• The group laments their addiction to phones, the speed of passing fads, and the feeling of personality whiplash caused by algorithms (03:25–04:36).
  • "Sometimes I'm like, let me just put my phone away for a week so I can remember what's on it." – Rosebud (03:58)
  • Discussion of constantly shifting interests, and being “slaves to content”—either consuming or creating (03:25–04:13).

6. Show Business, Auditions, and the Brutal Grind

• Inside Comedy & Acting (48:29–54:48):
  • All three discuss the futility and emotional cost of chasing acting roles, the indifference of the industry, and the process of self-taping auditions that rarely lead to jobs.
    • "You have to do all these fucking hoops...and all the shit that you have to edit. You don't have to do any of that when you're actually [acting]." – Jon (52:25)
  • Rosebud recounts her joy in directing her own comedy special (“Motherlode”), the difference between writing/acting, and the importance of creative control.

7. Touring as a Comic & Family Travel Logistics

• Rosebud, a touring comic and mother, recounts bringing her family and nanny on the road:
  • “The road is so lonely, and when I was on the road pregnant, I felt like I was with somebody the whole time.” – Rosebud (40:20)
  • She and her husband (also a comic) strategize how to travel together, take turns headlining, and find genuine joy bringing their toddler on the road. The group discusses how having kids forces you into healthier routines and out of hotel "bed-rotting" (44:07–44:41).

8. Discussion on Wellness "Shortcuts": Supplements, Fiber, & Realistic Health

• Rosebud lists her self-care regimen: NAD supplements, iron, stool softeners (32:13–34:07).
  • The trio joke about the various ways they manage their digestive health, including fiber and the perils of traveling as a comedian with unpredictable bathrooms.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Sleep Deprivation & Parenting:
“I haven't gotten enough sleep to form a new memory in, like, four years, and that's... and my daughter's one and a half.”
— Rosebud Baker [11:38]

On Sobriety:
"Every day that I don't drink, I go, that's a friggin' miracle."
— Rosebud Baker [17:13]

On Modern Identity Crisis:
"Ten years ago, I’ve gone through in a microsecond. And in my head, I've already been a goth...and then I came out of it."
— Adam Pally [04:13]

On Phone Addiction:
"Let me just put my phone away for a week so I can remember what's on it."
— Rosebud Baker [03:58]

On Comedy & Motherhood:
“Doing a special about motherhood is a little bit like walking into an open grave.”
— Rosebud Baker [55:09]

On the Entertainment Grind:
"You have to do all these fucking hoops...And all the shit that you have to edit. You don’t have to do any of that when you’re actually [acting]."
— Jon Gabrus [52:25]

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Episode Timestamps for Key Segments

• (00:26–02:01): Jon and Adam discuss fitness routines and the challenges of keeping healthy on the road.
• (04:46–11:58): Rosebud on motherhood, exhaustion, and sleep.
• (06:01–09:08): Vaping, quitting smoking, and parenting while indulging vices.
• (13:34–16:38): Therapy, emotional labor, and honest self-appraisal.
• (17:43–17:57): The "No Hitting, No Biting" sobriety benchmark—raw honesty about staying sober.
• (21:01–24:00): Therapy proliferation, White Lotus as a trigger for self-reflection.
• (32:13–34:07): Health supplements, fiber, and the practicalities of bathroom health.
• (39:04–44:41): Touring while pregnant and parenting, juggling family and comedy careers.
• (48:29–54:48): The grind of auditions, losing out on roles, and taking creative control.

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Tone and Style

The conversation is raw, hilarious, and grossly forthcoming—balancing genuine vulnerability with relentless self-deprecation and comedic flair. Honest debates about wellness, therapy, and parenting are consistently undercut with sarcasm and savage wit, staying true to the hosts’ comedic backgrounds.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• **Authenticity is the theme—**wellness isn't always green juice and spin class. Sometimes, it's just doing one less harmful thing, making it through the day, or getting back into therapy after a TV show reminds you of your issues.
• Parenting, health, and self-improvement aren't linear; they're cyclical, exhausting, and sometimes just about “no hitting, no biting.”
• Comedians, despite their public personas, face the same anxieties, struggles, and humiliations as everyone else—often with less sleep and more self-loathing.
• **The search for balance is a moving target—**so much so that sometimes, surviving and sharing your story becomes the win.

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Rosebud Baker’s special, "Motherlode," is streaming now on Netflix.

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This episode offers a riotous, brutally honest, and ultimately comforting reminder: if you made it through the day without hitting, biting, or throwing in the towel, you’re doing better than you think.

Transcript

[A]

Smart.

[B]

Bless me, Adam Pally, welcome back. Looks like you're still alive.

[A]

Barely.

[B]

I know, barely. I feel it as well, but barely.

[A]

Still alive.

[B]

Have you been getting your fitness in?

[A]

I have been getting my fitness in. I. I have. Have been working out every day without a day off, which is like, really hard. But I'm at least getting to like a. A workout with free weights every day.

[B]

Oh, that's awesome. And you're not feeling overloaded by doing it?

[A]

No, because I. Even on the. It's. It's like even when the days where I really don't want to or like there will be days where I don't do in the morning, then I'll. I won't even get to do it till like nine at night. Yeah. I feel better that I did it. And it also holds me off sometimes from drinking.

[B]

Right. Because you're like, I'm going to still lift later. I'm not going to have whiskey yet.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah.

[B]

That's good. I went. I'm here in New York doing the shows on the east coast, and I went for a run yesterday because I.

[A]

It's beautiful.

[B]

It was beautiful out and I don't have a gym here or anything like that, so I was like, oh, I used to run. I should try running. And it was the, like, how do you feel? I feel pretty good. It was the first beautiful day in a long time. So it was. Everyone in Greenpoint decided to run. So it's just beautiful. People everywhere jogging and exercising. Greenpoint, dogs and strollers and shit. It was just.

[A]

Mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everywhere. Oh, yeah, dude.

[B]

The MILF hunter was in the fucking point running.

[A]

First nice day of the year.

[B]

Look out like thick Polish broads everywhere.

[A]

That's the old Green Point.

[B]

I ran through all the neighborhoods. When you put in two and a half miles. That's why I then laid. Laid out in a park. I sat in a park and took.

[A]

My shirt off on the dream man.

[B]

And it was so.

[A]

Welcome home.

[B]

There was five kids in puffer coats smoking a blunt, and I'm laying shirtless like 10ft away from.

[A]

And then they became 20ft away, so I moved down.

[B]

Well, I had to move 200ft away because once I found out they were under 18.

[A]

Apparently the park was near a school.

[B]

I can't run anymore. I have to run away from the police. We have a great guest today.

[A]

Amazing, amazing guests. One of the funniest. One of. One of the funniest people alive. Oh, that's hands down.

[B]

That's great. I love rose, but Rosebud Baker is our guest. Get hyped for her. She's got a great news. Well, new when we're recording this Netflix special out right now. By the time you're listening to this, it's still up there. That's the one good thing about streaming is you could check it out.

[A]

It doesn't go anywhere until someone just decides it's a tax write off. All of a sudden it's gone forever.

[B]

Hey, knock on wood for 101 places. Zaslav hasn't realized he can make 7.

[A]

Dol if he deletes it, he can make more money deleting it than if he made 100 episodes and sold them to syndication.

[B]

The business is great.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

We'll get into that as well. Cuz we're always talking about sleep and we know that like trying to get sleep in a normal life is difficult. And she's a new mom. Newish mom.

[A]

Her aura ring and her nouveau ring don't work. Rose red maker. We're all slave to content.

[B]

That's what we either consuming it or making it.

[C]

This is a hot take. I feel like we're all slaves to our phones.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, well to that for sure. Let's talk about I hate my hot take. Just spent an hour of complaining about how I hate my phone.

[B]

My phone likes me so much and I hate it so much it allures me. It knows what it's doing.

[A]

It's like what's on your algorithm.

[C]

It's. I don't know. Really? Because I do look at it 24 hours a day, but none of it actually makes it inside my head. So I can't tell you. I don't know.

[B]

Just like a wash. You're just like.

[C]

Sometimes I'm like, let me just put my phone away for a week so I can remember what's on it.

[A]

Yes, I know.

[C]

So I can just remember.

[A]

It feels like too much, right? It feels like you've gone through too many. I feel like I've gone through like fads. What would have been considered like a year long fad for me.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Ten years ago, I've gone through in a microsecond. And in my head I've already been a goth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I came out of it. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like 92 to 98, I was a skateboarder. Now I. For now it would be like for six minutes before bed I was watching skateboarding videos.

[A]

And now I'm. Now I'm into the rodeo.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And now. And I know every recipe.

[C]

And this is who I am.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Until tomorrow morning where I wake up and my whole memory's been wiped clean.

[B]

Because my nerves back to the context.

[C]

Being milked all day long. Yeah.

[A]

Rosebud, you are. As. Your special is about motherhood. You're a mom.

[C]

Oh, wow. We're doing okay. You guys do the worst.

[A]

We do the worst. We do the worst transitions. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

We do very sweaty segues, so welcome to it. Speaking of algorithms, some would say that birth is the ultimate algorithm. What?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Go with me on it.

[A]

Look, you want to get out of here or not?

[B]

Says here you got laid and had a child.

[A]

Look, no one wants to be doing this, all right?

[D]

ABC Wednesday. Shifting Gears is back.

[A]

He has arisen.

[D]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

[C]

What? What?

[D]

With a star studded premiere, including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and.

[B]

Hey, buddy.

[D]

A big home improvement reunion welcome.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[C]

That guy's a tool.

[D]

Shifting Gears season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[A]

Rosewood, what do you. We ask this general question, but we go through as well. Like, what's your. What do you do to stay alive as you suck your vap? Yes.

[C]

You do.

[A]

Yes. Which opens me up to vape.

[C]

Speaking of what I do to stay alive.

[A]

Vape.

[C]

Vaping.

[A]

So you're. So we. We bonded. Roosevelt and I did a movie together and we were both in the. In the vaping section. And I forget. On the plane, I forgot. To Calgary.

[C]

Yes, yes.

[A]

I forgot if we talked about this, but were you a smoker before vaping?

[C]

I was for like five years, and then I stopped for three and then I got into vaping.

[A]

Oh, good. Whoa. Okay, that's good.

[C]

It was a. Listen. It was good. It was like. I spent some time away and I did a lot of, like, soul searching and I kind of, like, dug deep and I thought, I think smoking's not.

[B]

For me, but cotton candy might be.

[A]

But I do love vaping.

[C]

Feels right.

[A]

Yeah. I do. Like opening my mouth and walking through a car wash.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I vape marijuana.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Whoa. Yo.

[B]

Hey, dea. Come for us. Yeah, come for me.

[A]

Don't actually. Don't look into me, actually. Yeah.

[B]

I don't mean legal, but actually don't.

[A]

Come with my books. But, like, it definitely does. I started vaping weed when. When I had kids because I couldn't.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Smoke around them and they didn't like the smell. And so this.

[B]

This dad, this skunk weed is whack.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Smoking.

[B]

Top shelf.

[A]

We had no. We had, like, my. I would always blame it on, like, a fart or something. And then my kids would be walking through New York City and be like, dad, did you fart?

[B]

We're in.

[A]

Just on the corner. Like, you know, it became clear that.

[C]

You'Re like, oh, okay, I have to find a new line.

[A]

Yeah. And my son still will, like, bust me out. Actually, this morning, I, like, I have to. We parked the car, like, a bunch of blocks away. So I went and picked up the car before school to get them, and I hit my vape before. Which is, like, the only solace you have in life is the moment before you have to interact again with your children.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So I was like, oh, God. And I hit the b. Forgot to open the windows, and then just let it dissipate. And the kids got in the car, and my oldest son immediately was like, sounds like dad took a shit in here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, I know what that means. Like, yeah. I hate to break it to you. Dad is trying to get you to school.

[C]

You're, like, actually getting you to school gives me diarrhea.

[A]

Just the idea of being up this early for you makes.

[B]

Makes me ill. And I'm a childless friend. That's giving me stress. Secondhand anxiety. Just pass the vape. Start vaping now.

[C]

It is crazy to me, though, as a mom that my husband is always like, can you please not vape in the house? Like, Because I feel like it's a normal thing for. To say that to the dad. But I. My. My daughter called me dad mom for a long time.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

Yeah. For a while she was like, that's dad, and that's dad Mom. And so the patriarchy. I feel like I did my job. I feel like I fixed whatever was broken.

[A]

You got. Yeah. The whole women's movement.

[C]

I'm dad Mom.

[A]

You're a dad Mom. Ye. You're basically a Tina Fey book.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're Tina Fey's next book.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's. I mean, truly. That's awesome.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. Like, the. And. And your husband is so sweet and has. And. And I don't. He does have a. A kind of like, your daughter must just die for him, right?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So how old is your daughter now?

[C]

It's my daughter's a year and a half. We're gonna have nothing in common because my dad was the complete opposite of her dad, you know, like.

[B]

Yeah, like, good.

[A]

Based on what you do, knowing you a little bit, I mean, that's great.

[C]

That is great.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Being the opposite of your parents. Is almost like the goal at some point.

[C]

100%.

[B]

I don't even. I'm not even raising a kid, and I'm trying to be as different from my family as possible.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So are you in these. In these days with your kids and. And husband? Kid and husband. Are you are working out? Are you, like, hitting the gym? No, no, not at all.

[C]

No, I'm not. I'm not working out.

[A]

You're struggling to. You're, like, in that she's so young that you're just like, get me to tomorrow.

[C]

Yes. Yeah. I'm just like, please get us through these couple of years and then I. I will have time for myself again. But, like, at the moment, I'm like, let's just make enough money to survive and try to, like, wake up every day happy. Ish.

[B]

As close to happy. Ish.

[C]

Happy ish. Yeah. I mean, I can't do even this, having a kid. Like, if I took a red eye, it would take me, like, three days to feel normal. And normal is bad.

[B]

Yeah. Like, to be not awful is just.

[C]

Normal was not good. It was like Chernobyl bad. You know what I mean?

[A]

So the red eye, the, like, the. The weird waking dream is like a relief to you?

[C]

Yeah, in a way. It's kind of like. It's just a red eye. It's like getting off a red eye every day for like a year and a half.

[B]

You're selling parenthood. I think our listeners are super sad.

[A]

I found this, and my kids are older now, but still, I don't think you ever get over it, but, like, you'll never have that kind of sleep again. That kind of, like, REM calmness to you again. So the lack of that, as you get older and older, the more you break from, like, what is. When am I asleep? When am I awake?

[C]

Like, yeah.

[A]

It all starts to become this one long day with little naps.

[C]

Yes. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. How is your sleep? Like, what's your.

[C]

I don't fucking. I don't sleep. I don't. I haven't gotten enough sleep to form a new memory in, like, four years, and that's. And my daughter's one and a half.

[B]

You gave yourself 50 first dates disease.

[C]

Yes. 100.

[B]

Yes, I was. I did some experiments in my body, and now I have the Drew Barrymore disease from 50 first dates.

[C]

Yeah. Genuinely, I am concerned that if I were to get Alzheimer's, no one could tell. Like, that's my biggest fear is that I have Alzheimer's and my husband's like, yeah, but she's like, normally like this.

[A]

I actually think you're right, because I believe I've had Alzheimer's for a long time.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I kind of just waiting till my whole, like, self.

[B]

You're waiting till you're old enough to admit that it's okay to have 41.

[A]

Or just like, something bad happened. Like, I'm. I'm just riding it out until someone's like, you've walked into this movie theater four times. You know, I'm like, oh, that's the.

[B]

Third sliding glass door you went through.

[C]

I'm waiting until the point where I don't feel bad about it, you know, where I'm like. I walk up to people and they. They're like, you've asked me this several times. And I'm like, well, go fuck yourself. You know what I like, I'm waiting to feel that Dementia.

[A]

The dementia anger.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. It's.

[B]

Using your flat, using your phone flashlight to look under the bed for where you maybe dropped your phone is like. I'm like, what the fuck? I can't find my phone anywhere that I'm like, no one can know about this.

[C]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

I'm like, oh, I need a flashlight. Wait, let me get my phone out. Look there. No phone here.

[C]

Luckily, you have a podcast, so anything that you do that where you're like, no one can know about this can go directly on the podcast.

[A]

Let's face it.

[C]

So everyone pros.

[A]

But I wish this would help the viewership of your show, but no one. Less people will know about it from entertainment.

[B]

Yeah. This is the maximum number of people that will hear this story.

[C]

Fantastic.

[B]

They can leave it. So do you do anything for yourself that doesn't have to even be physical health? Anything that you do that, like, someone.

[C]

Would say, like, okay, yes, I just went back to therapy.

[B]

There you go.

[C]

I just went back to therapy.

[B]

Did anything bring that about or just.

[A]

Like, finally have some and how many times a week? Week.

[C]

Once.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Once a week.

[A]

Okay. Amateur hour.

[C]

Yeah, I don't have time for more than that.

[B]

Multiple.

[A]

No, I'm back to once. I'm back to once. But I've. I've. I. I can jack it up and then. And then couple sometimes. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm at, like, three times a month, like, almost every week. Yeah.

[C]

Three times a month. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And then.

[B]

But it's always just like, well, this week I'm in New York and I can't. I don't.

[A]

And I really don't want to talk to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

About My dad.

[B]

Yeah, you can. Yes, he's still dead. And, yes, he still looms large in my family.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

You started back. Did you le.

[B]

Did you get a new therapist?

[C]

Did I leave? No, I didn't. I. I've had the same therapist for, like, 10 years. I just was like. It was like I. He brought this up, but he. He told me that the last time we spoke, I had told him, I'm ready to, like, really buckle down and do this, like, every week again. And then we had three sessions, and I dipped out for six months.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I was like, I don't love that you were showing up with receipts. You know, I'm like, I didn't. Do you want to fight?

[A]

You're like, I did it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You're great.

[B]

You're really good at your job. Three weeks in, I'm fixed. See you later, baby.

[A]

I'm not that good. I do have a mortgage.

[C]

So I just. I went back. It was intense. It was a very intense session.

[A]

Intense because you have a child now.

[C]

Intense because I just was like, I think I get to this point with therapy, and I don't think I'm alone in this where I'm like, I cannot do the emotional work. It's exhausting to go in, do this emotional work, and then just sort of, like, process it afterwards. It all feels so exhausting. And I felt like my energy was very limited. And so I just thought, I'm gonna push it down for the next six months, and then I'll come back with something.

[B]

Yeah, I'll have.

[C]

I will come back.

[B]

There's like, this impulse of, like, I wanna bring stuff. And then, like, you know, oh, my current crises is over.

[C]

Right.

[B]

So now it's like, now you're kind of like, and I'm. For me, I'm like, and I'm still fat. And, you know, you're, like, trying to. You're like. Like Kaiser Soza. You're, like, looking around the room. You're like. You're digging for your camera clock.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But then. But. But you're also, like, unaware.

[B]

Yes. Because you're not really. Like, in the analysis.

[A]

I think the devil's advocate to that. That I would say is that sometimes that is. You're not aware that you think you're like, well, I'm still fat. But it's like, that's. That's not even. That's not. No, that' symptom of the thing. Of the thing. And what a therapist would say is.

[C]

That, like, you're actually Angel's Advocate right now. Because everything I just said is wrong. Like, about staying away.

[A]

I was like, who's Angel?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Angel's advocate.

[A]

He's the new in 11 years.

[C]

Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

[A]

Who is.

[C]

That was a jump scare. I apologize. I apologize.

[A]

But. But you know what I mean.

[B]

I like the expression angels advocate. I've never heard that. Angels advocate. Here. What if you quit vaping?

[A]

Angel's advocate. What if you go back to drinking?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, Angels advocate.

[B]

Oh, there. There's a big, healthy choice you've made, right?

[C]

That's not a healthy choice. That was like, I had to do that, right? Because I would have ruined my. I would not have a family at the moment. I wouldn't have a job.

[B]

Do you know there are people who can't make that choice still, you know, like, that's like. That's still a victory. That's still.

[C]

Yeah, but it doesn't feel like a choice that I made.

[A]

Right.

[C]

It feel. It felt like something happened one day and. And I think every day after that has kind of been like, I will say miraculous. Like, every day that I don't drink, I go, that's a frigging miracle.

[B]

What you're saying is so funny because you would hear sober people say, like, every day is a miracle. But the way you say it has a completely different tone somehow. Like, I could picture a guy like kombucha Jesus with, like, a ponytail going like, every day's miracle.

[A]

And you're like, every day is a miracle.

[C]

No, I'm like. I'm like, if I. It's almost like. Like it's. If I didn't hit or bite someone, I did good that day. That's kind of what it feels like, you know?

[B]

So no hitting.

[A]

It's a miracle.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That you're alive. Yeah, Right?

[B]

You have, like, one of those. It's been zero days since I hit.

[C]

Or something, bit someone, and I've been sober for however many years. Yeah, it is crazy.

[A]

Can't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[C]

I've never understood that. Well, I'm going to be honest. I gave it a laugh, and then I was like, you know what? That's dishonest.

[A]

No, no. Come, let's get. Baby, come for me.

[B]

This is. Because this is your huge thing, because this is.

[A]

I'm dying. I'm dying on this.

[C]

This hill.

[B]

What I never understood. I never understood that one. Hold on. Let me explain.

[A]

I think. I think it is. I really don't know. Is that. Is that. Is that that you. In olden times, you. You would. Bathwater was like saved for several days of bathing. Of bathing and people. So the baby like you, you didn't want to put. When you change the bath water.

[C]

Right.

[A]

It's. The expression is like, don't throw out everything. Like, you gotta change the water, but take the baby out. Keep the baby. Change the bath water. Keep the baby.

[B]

So what's the metaphor still?

[C]

I'm like, how do you use that in regular every day?

[B]

It's like, don't.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[A]

It's like, don't far. I almost use another one. It was like, I think it's like, don't get rid of the whole idea.

[C]

Get rid of just. Oh, yeah, cut the fat.

[A]

Cut the fat.

[C]

Got it.

[A]

Got. Cut the fat.

[B]

If a part of it is working for you, don't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. If the baby's working, keep the baby. Maybe let's just change the bath water.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think we live in a society where maybe those do. That has nothing to do with anything.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I like to wait till the 8th bath. The 8th bath has happened. And then I make tea with that water.

[C]

Well.

[B]

I just gross myself out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But. But I don't know. I just like to see the forest through the trees.

[C]

Stop, Stop.

[B]

You're the man now, though.

[C]

You explain more.

[A]

I don't. I can't explain one more.

[B]

He has an excuse to explain zero things.

[C]

So far, I feel like so far on this podcast, we've sort of broken down every idiom.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Let's go Devil's advocate.

[A]

It's about wealth.

[B]

So we can get through a lot.

[A]

It's about we. Wellness, Rose.

[B]

But. Well, it's about wellness. And we go. Do you exercise? Nope. Do you do it? No.

[C]

And I go. And I went back to therapy after six months away.

[B]

But that's. That's great.

[C]

It is great.

[A]

I mean, that's a huge, like. That's a huge thing. Like, I've been like, in. In. In non times. I'm taking care of my mental health and like, there would be. You can drag me back there with like.

[B]

You get a little calcified.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Where you're like, so used to not going. Where you're like, I don't like whether it's the gym or going for runs. Like, whatever you're. Your habit is your healthy habit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

When you don't do it for X amount of time, all of a sudden you're like, I don't think I'll ever do it again.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I can't even imagine going to the gym now. And it's like, you used to do this four days a week. Now all you need is like two months off and you're like, I'll never do that again.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And like, with therapy, that's even harder because then you're like, you have to admit some stuff to yourself and then admit some stuff to someone else.

[C]

Yeah. You know when it actually hit me was I was watching White Lotus and Walter Goggins is in that, like that meditative thing and she's like, you know, all anger is sadness. And I saw that and I was.

[A]

Like, yeah, that pissed you off?

[B]

It was pissing me off.

[A]

And I threw the remote at the tv.

[E]

When it comes to reducing carbon emissions, the heaviest industries face the toughest challenges. That's where we come in. Exxon Mobil is investing in technology to help American industry lower its emissions, including in our own operations. All while empowering businesses and creating job opportunities. It turns out that fewer emissions can mean a stronger economy. ExxonMobil, let's deliver.

[B]

I'm gonna put you on, nephew.

[A]

All right, unc.

[C]

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss?

[B]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years now. It's back. We need snack wraps.

[A]

What's a snack wrap?

[B]

It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back.

[D]

ABC Wednesday. Shifting Gears is back.

[A]

He has arisen.

[D]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

[C]

What?

[B]

What?

[D]

With a star studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and.

[B]

Hey, buddy.

[D]

A big home improvement reunion welcome.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[C]

That guy's a tool.

[D]

Shifting Gears. Season premiere Wednesday, 8.7Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[C]

Did I call him Walter?

[A]

I did it.

[C]

It's Walton. Yeah, it's Walton. I've been calling him Walter Goggins on several podcasts.

[B]

I think people know who you're talking about. Yeah, as long as they're not thinking David Goggins.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

The writer.

[B]

No, David Goggins is the ex Navy SEAL who's like a crazy fitness motivator. Gu.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Who will carry the fucking boats? Who's gonna carry the fuck? He's a snake.

[C]

Nobody thinks that. That man's like, name is coming out of my mouth. Right, right. No one is.

[B]

You know, Rosemat's a huge David Goggins guy. She runs 21 miles barefoot every day in Central park with a vape bar.

[C]

I can't get off my phone because of him.

[A]

I'll carry the boat's Mr. Goggins, my.

[C]

Biggest problem is fucking.

[A]

You always see roses David Goggins around the Lower east side, running with a.

[B]

Log, barefoot with a log in their back.

[C]

Yes, I have those toe sh on.

[B]

And shout out to our sponsors, nasty little toe shoes. The promo code staying alive.

[A]

Nasty little to nasty little toe.

[B]

Adam and I are launching a brand of nasty little toe she is those.

[A]

Nasty little toes covered up?

[C]

It's perfect for this podcast.

[B]

Wait, just to lay some more groundwork, you said I, I, I went back into therapy, and then your inciting incident was an episode of the new season of White Lotus.

[C]

For.

[B]

For case this episode is airing way later, we are on episode five. So you are, you are recently into. Back into therapy.

[C]

Yeah, I recently into it because of this one episode. And I feel like every time I watch it, Walton Goggins does something that makes me feel like I need to go back for another. So I will be in therapy until White Lotus is over. I'm going to skip.

[A]

I understand, though.

[C]

That'll put me back in.

[A]

I've been loving. I've been watching the season of White Lotus and I picked up my habit of lorazepam again.

[C]

Oh, my God, it's been the best.

[A]

Don't they make you look good?

[C]

Yeah, they do.

[A]

They make it look like it's the first time I've ever seen, like, pain. Like pain pills made to look romantic. Yeah, you know, like drug deals.

[C]

Oh, that's not true.

[A]

What movie? Some. It's always like. It's always like, thrown down and like, then, you know, maybe Saved by the Bell.

[C]

Maybe. I have thought, I guess because I've spent a lot of time in 12 step rooms the romanticizing of.

[A]

Well, that's all pain pills is all that. Yeah, but I mean, like, in cinematically. Yes, it's very hard to make. I would say on screen facts. Look at, like, Wolf of Wall Street's like a horrible.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, but like, when you see them pop those pills in White Lotus, you're like, I could drive a white wine and fall asleep on a beach in Tahiti for nine hours.

[C]

Like, okay, so you just actually made me realize something about myself.

[A]

What?

[C]

Which is that when you said Wolf of Wall street makes it all look bad, I. I was like, oh, no.

[A]

No, the pain pill part. The cocaine use looked so fun.

[C]

Oh, yes. Amazing.

[A]

The cocaine useful. I still can't.

[B]

I took messages from Wolf of Wall Street.

[A]

You start.

[B]

I was like, short trading. I was like, this guy's in jail, but he fucked Margot Robbie before that lock Me the fuck up.

[C]

Yeah. I'm like, I got to be a.

[B]

Millionaire on Long island for 12 years.

[C]

All of that.

[A]

See, to me, I know. Truly, I was just being. I was. That's how like drug fueled I am is that I was being hyper specific to the scene of drug use. Like that. Where he's like falling on the.

[B]

Yeah. When he takes the ancient Quaalude.

[C]

Yes. I mean, every. That I've never met. It's funny because for the fandom, like the whole fandom of White Lotus is just. We want to be in their business.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

But the. The characters themselves are so secretive that they're not checking for each other like that.

[A]

Truly.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

This is sort of maybe analogous to my entire life of like, you have something that you're looking forward to and it's further as far away. And then as it gets closer, it gets closer and then it doesn't live up to the hype. You built up to it for like the last six years.

[C]

And I think that when you're edging for gossip, it. There's also something about that that's very demoralizing. Yes. Because you're like, I'm just edging for gossip. That's not even real.

[B]

I'm edging for like well written narrative bullshit. Yes.

[A]

But I do think. I think that that's probably from a lack of good. Like television and movies.

[B]

That's all we have for like our Sunday. Because I miss a Sunday night show.

[A]

I miss all. I miss all TV nights. Like, I love.

[B]

I miss Must See. I miss Monday night Raw.

[A]

I miss characters welcome. Yeah, no, I do. I miss like Thursday night.

[C]

But think about it. There was a time where all you had was the Sopranos.

[A]

Y.

[C]

Now you have several versions of that.

[B]

And you still have.

[C]

Because we got severance. We got White Lotus.

[A]

Right.

[C]

I don't know what else we have because it's not on right this second. And obviously my.

[A]

But we used to have. But I. I like the communal. I get. Maybe it's just the release date of it. Like, I liked. I like that Severance comes out on. On Thursday night or whatever.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then everyone's writing about it all week like that. That. I like that. I feel like it sucks when something's just like, like for you in like a way. Like, I do understand it. How you can catch up on a show and do I. I like it, but it just doesn't. I don't know.

[B]

No, you want. I. I like that water cooler talk. I've never had a real job, but, like the water cooler talk idea.

[A]

Also, I think water coolers are gross.

[B]

They're great.

[A]

They're gross. Everyone's touching the nozzle.

[B]

They're all touching the nozzle.

[A]

You know, it's just scraping.

[C]

It's just like I'm seeing the Jewish. I'm seeing the Jewish.

[B]

Yeah, never mind. You're right. You're Jewish.

[A]

This is the first time.

[C]

This is the first time. Hey, I wasn't really checking for it like that.

[B]

You're gonna need that skill in the next 20 years.

[A]

Look at me.

[B]

Keep practicing hiding your junior.

[A]

Yeah, it's not great.

[C]

I love that you guys just went, what do we say?

[B]

I got. I know what.

[C]

That was the first time.

[A]

We don't want Rosebud.

[C]

You guys just went. I never see podcasters go.

[A]

We're not podcasters.

[C]

Yeah, but ye.

[B]

Yes, I am. Unfortunately, I am.

[C]

You are.

[B]

I was born a podcaster. I was born with athletic reasons.

[C]

This new part of yourself.

[A]

I'm Jonathan Silverman. I'm. I'm the single guy.

[C]

I don't know who that is.

[A]

You're Musty tv. Musty tv. No, I'm Zach Braff. I'm. I'm David Schwimmer. I'm not supposed to be sitting here talking about weight loss.

[B]

You are all the people you.

[A]

No, I am not.

[B]

The people you describe have weirder careers than you do. You're like, I'm Zach Braff. I'm doing T mobile commercials with a guy from 12 years ago.

[A]

My face is not the same.

[B]

I am upset.

[C]

Again, to accept that you are the. There needs to be more representation of guys in podcasts that. That aren't taking Alpha brain. Yeah, there needs to be.

[B]

There needs to be more guys who are like, I also know I'm dumb.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, unlike everyone else who is a dumb podcaster won't ever say they're dumb.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I actually know how to fix the country because I toured Alabama last year.

[C]

Yeah, like, I don't know shit about shit, but I'm here and I'm talking.

[A]

Well, you guys can't come to my fundraiser for Beat Homes for local government chair number four.

[B]

Oh, you mean Magic Mind Modern Mammoth Shampoo.

[A]

He's going to make the whole country weird.

[C]

Thank God.

[B]

Finally.

[A]

I would vote for Pete Holmes. Mike Birbiglia. All your State of the unions came in. Elaborate, one man show.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

What are all the balloons for?

[C]

Can you also imagine how good that would be?

[A]

Amazing. State of the Union for Mike. For.

[C]

I would love it. I'd love to see Marjorie Taylor Greene, like, speaking up as a woman to Pete Holmes.

[A]

You have to. She'd be like, have to understand.

[C]

You just go, okay. And gender's not a spectrum.

[B]

Look at Pete's hair.

[C]

Look at Pete's hair. Look at Marjorie's head. Look at the shape of her head.

[A]

Do you remember the video of Marjorie?

[C]

The size of her neck alone.

[A]

And she's got.

[B]

She's got to get her on the podcast. She loves CrossFit. It would be funny to have her on Normally talk about CrossFit and then go, oh, what else do you do?

[C]

What else?

[B]

Oh, help fabricate the destruction of society. Oh, yeah. Well, see you around, babe. How much can you deadlift?

[A]

That video of her doing those pull ups where she's, like, throwing her whole. The kipping pull up is violent.

[B]

Okay, while we're on this, I know it's an old news story, but the fact that she had an affair with, like, her strength coach, who is, like a guy with, like, a mohawk and a huge beard. It's like she knowing, like, everyone knows she had an affair with this.

[C]

I did not know this was a story until just now.

[A]

An old story.

[B]

Weird looking guy with a giant beard who gets to someone. I'm paying attention.

[A]

Isn't Lauren Boebert dating Chris Rock or Chris Rock, Kid Rock?

[C]

I did not.

[B]

I know Chris Rock, the Upchuck double.

[A]

I think Lauren. I think Lauren Bober is. Is with Kid Rock.

[B]

That's amazing.

[C]

That checks out.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, I feel like that's. That's what, that's what happens. You. You. You know the people you want.

[C]

You mingle.

[A]

You mingle at the.

[C]

Mingle with your people.

[A]

Rnc. Things go one way, you know?

[C]

Y. I see it.

[A]

I just think I could see it.

[C]

When you're a government sponsored artist, you.

[B]

How many off Broadway shows do you think they're going together? Do you think he's getting tugged off at Leonard Skynyrd cover band or whatever the Rock post is?

[A]

I hope they. I. I hope they go.

[B]

It's a full release. David Copperfield magic show. The story has a happy ending. Oh, my God.

[A]

So you take any vitamins?

[C]

I do, though. I just remember. All right, good.

[B]

You just remember. Okay, we have her. She's with us for five seconds. Remembering. Vitamins.

[C]

Vitamins. Okay, so I take nad, which does feel like it was, like, promoted by Joe Rogan.

[A]

Nap.

[C]

Is that.

[A]

Can you get that in, like, you.

[C]

Can get it in an iv?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I've had it in the iv.

[C]

Yeah, I heard it's really great. That way.

[B]

Is it niacin, vitamin A and vitamin D?

[C]

Yeah, it's like. Maybe it is. I should look.

[B]

No, no, you should take it.

[C]

I've been taking it for months. I've been taking it for months.

[A]

I think that's actually not nitrous.

[B]

Yeah, it's no. 2, and it makes my car go real fast.

[A]

It comes in a canister.

[C]

I'm supposed to huff it through a paper bag. Yeah, that's the way you take vitamins, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

They're inhaling vitamins and they taste like strawberries and cream.

[C]

And I can't. I'm not conscious for about two to three hours after I take it.

[A]

That's the vitamin sound.

[C]

Okay, good. Yes, all. Yeah, I just hear.

[B]

All right, listeners, now we're all going to take our nightmares at the same time and.

[C]

Wait. So I take nad. I take iron. Take iron.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I take.

[B]

Stopping myself from doing.

[C]

I'm like, do stool softeners count as vitamins if I take them with my vitamins?

[B]

No. Yeah.

[A]

No, I mean, I'm doing. I'm doing. Doing four. What's it. What's Metamucil Caplets in the morning and four at night.

[C]

Okay, that's great.

[B]

Yeah, I'm doing psyllium whole husk, which is kind of like in the fiber department.

[C]

Yeah, that's the same.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I just take the chemical version of.

[B]

I do not need to soften my stool at all. I need to get it, like. I need to de. Pudding, my ass.

[A]

You need to see a carpenter.

[B]

I need to add sawdust to my.

[C]

To be honest, I have taken stool softeners for so long, it was part of why I went back to therapy. I was like, I think I need to. So.

[B]

And just in general, my stool is soft. Now it's time to get the heart.

[A]

Well, no, I get that, though. Sometimes you just don't feel like you're fully done unless it's like a big, wet release.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Are you talking about going to see Beetlejuice with Bober?

[A]

No, I. I hear I'm a big, wet release.

[B]

You're talking about in your pants during a Broadway show. Unfortunately, I am, babe.

[C]

You're like, I actually haven't come until I. My pants.

[A]

Well, it is.

[B]

My name is Chr.

[A]

You don't get a boner from.

[B]

They're brothers.

[A]

You don't get a boner from.

[C]

I actually don't.

[B]

I'm sorry to have this crazy disgusting aside. No, but when you have to. You have morning wood. You gotta take a. You gotta Somehow tuck your boner into the toilet.

[C]

Wait, why?

[B]

Because if you push, you could.

[A]

Because otherwise it'll be sticking up. And if you piss while you shit.

[B]

You'Ll get a bubbler.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So you have to, like, sit up in the toilet.

[C]

But I know you guys can't piss until you lose your boner.

[A]

No, you can pee with.

[B]

You can pee semi hard.

[C]

Yeah, you can.

[B]

It's really difficult. You have to.

[C]

Is it like.

[B]

I mean, let's be honest. I'm not dealing with boners as much.

[A]

Anymore as I was for 20 years.

[B]

They're less of an issue these days. Way more pissing, way less boners. But, yeah, you used to kind of have to go stand over the toilet and push your dick down because you couldn't really aim it.

[A]

And my. And my wife likes it when I.

[B]

Wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[C]

I have a question. I have a question.

[B]

We have to.

[C]

If you're. If you're. Hold on to that, because I just. I do need to know. Are you standing to push your dick down and shitting while you do that?

[A]

No, it depends on what the circumstance.

[B]

It depends on how deep the water is.

[A]

No, it depends.

[C]

Like.

[A]

Like, if you wake up and you have to shit really bad and you have a boner, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is, like, most of the time.

[C]

You have to push it down you.

[A]

Sometimes you can. You can kind of.

[B]

You can kind of like.

[A]

Like let it kind of like you.

[B]

Get it in the toilet.

[C]

Yeah, it's sort of like. Like an old. Like a children's toy.

[B]

Like a jack and go to Jamaica and find the little barrel guy who. You lift him up. You guys been to Jamaica, right?

[C]

I hate that.

[B]

My racist by accident. But you know what I'm talking about. The figurine.

[C]

No, I have no idea.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you had a problem with my forest through the trees reference. You didn't get that analogy?

[B]

I need to know what you said.

[C]

You were saying. My wife likes it when I did.

[A]

That on purpose to tell you what she likes.

[C]

To show you. I'm listening.

[A]

Show you. I'm listening to the conversation. We're talking about pissing. Right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I was right. So my wife.

[B]

You know, it's not something people talk about much, is how you have to tuck your dick into a toilet to go to the bathroom.

[C]

I think you guys really need to talk about this more.

[A]

Well, I still want to be here tonight. I don't want to talk about anything, Rose.

[C]

No, you do. I think there's a lot. There's Stories that are just deep within you that you're not letting out. And one of them is, you know, the struggle of having to tug your dick while you take a shit.

[A]

Everybody's got something.

[C]

Everybody's got something. And that, to be honest, it's not as bad as what you just mentioned.

[A]

I didn't mention it.

[B]

Me neither.

[C]

I definitely didn't.

[B]

I know we're not supposed to bring up Ann, but I'm pretty sure it was Anne.

[C]

Anne was like, hey, can you guys take a moment to just, just talk.

[B]

About this last episode? You guys don't have to talk about last episode.

[A]

She was like, you know, most people pretend I'm not here.

[E]

Can lighter structures really be stronger? Yes, they can. Exxon Mobil is helping advance American industrial innovation with Proxima systems, enabling a lighter and stronger alternative to traditional rebar while lowering greenhouse gas emissions to help build a more efficient construction industry with sustainability in mind. Exxon Mobil, let's deliver.

[D]

ABC Wednesday, Shifting Gears is back.

[A]

He has arisen.

[D]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

[C]

What What?

[D]

With a star studded premiere, including just Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and.

[B]

Hey, buddy.

[D]

A big home improvement reunion welcome.

[C]

Oh, boy, that guy's a tool.

[D]

Shifting Gears season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[A]

If you thought goldenly breaded McDonald's chicken couldn't get more golden, think colder because new sweet and smoky special edition gold sauce is is here made for your chicken favorites.

[B]

I participate in McDonald's for a limited time.

[A]

In your comedy special. You're pregnant for half the time.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Which is so.

[B]

Well, that's an intense special.

[A]

It's so.

[B]

I haven't watched it yet, but it's awesome.

[A]

Well, it's so crazy to see how people laugh differently at.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Different things at the different. Yeah, it's like, it's wild. Wild. But it is. It's so cool. But the first thing that I just kept thinking was like having three kids just being the road must be so hard when you're pregnant.

[C]

Yeah, it was really, really hard.

[A]

It must be brutal.

[C]

It was really hard. I mean, it's hard no matter what.

[B]

It sucks no matter what.

[A]

Yeah, but, but add on that, I mean, how are you eating? How are you sleeping? Like, was it.

[C]

It was bad. I mean, in some ways it's easier to do the road pregnant than it is to do the road with a kid, obviously.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Cause you're bringing the.

[C]

You're kind of like living a pregnant life on the road. Anyway, you're sort of like, bed rotting.

[B]

And just, like, just vaping. Eating sushi, obviously.

[C]

Vaping.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So you're living that life. But I think it was just. It was just difficult because obviously I was exhausted. I was just really tired.

[A]

Yeah, you're carrying around this whole other person and, like, feeding it and telling jokes for two.

[C]

That part actually, then. Sorry to be sweet, but that part was cool because I. The road is so lonely, and when I was on the road pregnant, I felt like I was with somebody the whole time. So I would, like, go home from the club and I'd be like, yeah, this doesn't feel sad. I'm not alone in my hotel room.

[B]

Yeah. Your opener is in your womb.

[C]

Yeah, she's right there.

[A]

But that's really. That is. I mean, the worst part of the road by far.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is a show on, like, a Sunday night night.

[C]

And then going back to.

[A]

And then going back to the hotel.

[C]

I did. Ever since having a kid, I fucking love it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's only when I'm, like, on the road by myself.

[A]

Right. No. Yeah.

[C]

Right now it's like, when I'm on the road and Andy and I have gotten in huge fights about this where it's like, one of us will be like, well, I was working, and the other one will be like, stop pretending like work isn't a fudgeing vacation.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

You know, like, we keep having to call each other out on that, so.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I found myself at times being like, just because my job is fun doesn't mean it's not work, you know?

[C]

Right. Yeah, I know.

[B]

Yes, I know. I was in Maui with Adam, but we were working.

[A]

Yeah. And. And your husband's a standup comic.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So it must be insane for him. Like, there's no way. Or for you to lie. There's nowhere.

[B]

It's like, yeah, he knows the beast.

[A]

Every in and out.

[C]

He knows everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it genuinely is like, one of those situations where you can't. Can't each other, and it's. It's frustrating, but at the same time, it's better for, you know, for your marriage.

[A]

Yeah. You have one that's going to last.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Being unable. Being unable to each other, I think is a important step in a marriage.

[A]

The amount of that my wife and I do to each other with just, like, will almost, like, blissful ignorance, where, like, one of us will be like, I'm going here and be like, okay.

[C]

I don't even know what that is.

[B]

I Mean, I'm lying to myself.

[A]

No one checks into anything. Right. It's like, hope you don't get hit by a car.

[B]

Well, why would you say that?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Where are you going to be? Where are you going to be? What time?

[B]

Yeah, you know, I'm standing in Times Square playing my acoustic guitar. I hope you don't get by a car. It's car free now. Don't worry.

[A]

So are you bringing. You. Are you bring your daughter on the road?

[C]

Sometimes? Like, sometimes I'll bring her on the road. When it's a fun city and there's stuff to do, then I'll bring her on the road. And it's only like, when Andy's willing to come open, and that's becoming harder to do because you're only going to open at clubs that you haven't headlined. So it's tricky.

[A]

And he's got a career that is surpassing that.

[C]

Yeah. So it's kind of that situation where you go, can you open? If it's. If it's a really fun family vacation, can you open?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And he'll be like, yes.

[B]

Can you slum it?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So that we can split a hotel and go see everything?

[C]

Yeah. And then sometimes. And these are. This is the most fun is like. And when it goes the smoothest is when. When we'll go together on the road. Either he opens for me or I'll open for him. And we'll bring the nanny, and then the nanny gets her own room with a crib in it, and the nanny watches the baby from like 6pm until 8am and then we just like.

[A]

And what time does the nanny have to be back at snl?

[C]

Funny.

[B]

How. How long until your daughter can feature for you guys?

[C]

I fucking hope this.

[B]

She only has five minutes. It is.

[A]

So what you. What you just described is like, I think. I mean, it's like a dream come true.

[B]

It feels like a hack.

[A]

I was. Yeah. Like, for someone whose partner is not in. In the entertainment industry, like, it. That sounds like heaven.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The idea that you could go out and. And it's like the best of both worlds together and know the time and have the same timing and. And then have your child with you and do that together, that seems like, amazing.

[C]

It's pretty fun because there's a surprising.

[B]

Amount of downtime when you're on the road.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're. Yeah. If you're doing two nights in the same place and you have no travel, you're like, well, I wake up at 10 and I have 10 hours till my set.

[C]

And it's like when we're all together, genuinely, like, we just do it with cities where we would want to go out, right?

[B]

It's like, let's go see.

[C]

We'll go see something we'll do. Like, she is, is. She has made the road so much more fun and gotten me out of just by getting me out of the hotel room.

[B]

Yeah, you're not gonna bed rot if your kid is. You're like, oh, we should take her to insert. Interesting site.

[C]

We'll go to the aquarium. We'll go to the children's museum. We'll go like, I don't know, just walk around a park or something.

[A]

How old is she?

[C]

She's a year and a half now.

[B]

That's like going on the road with Adam. We have to go to the street, the menswear store, the Nike store, the cool streetwear place, a tattoo parlor.

[A]

Everybody's got their thing. Like a cool guy with no harm. Yeah, I, I, I think you, you have like, a little bit more time of that, you know, like, because it's, it's so shocking how like, a child becomes their own entity.

[C]

This is our last summer to do it before she turns 2.

[A]

Kind of. Yeah. Like, well, well, you could, you probably squeeze out three because, like, when she gets friends, then, then you're battling with, like, a want of her.

[C]

Oh, I just meant, like, without having to pay for a separate ticket.

[A]

Yeah, but like, oh, yeah, she could.

[B]

She could a lap fly.

[A]

Oh, we don't. Well, I lied. I still. My oldest 14. I'm like, yeah. He sits on my lap, he's all up.

[B]

He thinks he's a pilot.

[A]

He's all up.

[C]

You're like, limp. Limp.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I tell him all the time, lower your jaw.

[B]

This is actually my.

[C]

Lower your jaw.

[B]

This is my emotional support. Human. You have like a little vest on.

[A]

Him sometimes lay on the ground sometimes, honestly, I put on sunglasses and I get a leash and I pretend blind.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he's leading me around.

[C]

Good.

[A]

Any way to get on?

[B]

Sometimes I put sunglasses on the dog and go, my dog is blind. Excuse us. I'm his seeing eye. Human.

[A]

Come on, you should hear, you should hear him play the piano. Oh, my God.

[C]

My dog is blind.

[B]

I need to get on the plane on the first board. I'm pre boarding because my dog is blind.

[A]

So good.

[B]

I'm, it's emotional support. Seeing I.

[C]

That reminds me of like a bit that I, that I heard Bobby Moynan do where he would Go up to somebody to go, hey, do you know where such and such is? And they go, no. And he'd go, oh, it's right over there. You're going to go down six blocks.

[B]

Whatever.

[C]

It was like a repetitive, like a repeating bit that he would do. Just one of those, like, classic. Wait, what is this?

[B]

Oh, you guys, that's a computer monitor.

[C]

Where was this?

[B]

In the. In a jungle in Puerto Rico.

[C]

Shut up.

[B]

Yeah, the only jungle.

[C]

And you came back from this and told your wives I was working?

[A]

Yeah, well, it was her travel.

[C]

The audacity.

[A]

Yeah. No, no, they didn't. No one. No one wanted. Again, Much like this podcast, no one wanted it.

[B]

This is us because we really admire Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey. So we.

[A]

Politics. We admire their politics.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Of course.

[B]

I like Texas soccer and I'm anti vax.

[C]

I'm just straight up anti vax.

[B]

No, back when they were just pothead actors, I really liked them. But now that there's shills for AI and some anti vax, I'm losing a little bit of steam in almost every single hero of my line ever.

[C]

I do think that. I do think that could come all the way back around Woody Harrelson.

[A]

Yes. More space than McConaughey. I agree with you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm. I'm way more willing to, like, buy Woody Harrelson's stuff even though he's not getting vaccinated.

[C]

And, like, he just seems very skeptical in general.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So now that everything has swung and it's very obviously like, in a fascist direction.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I feel like we get a chance at him coming back.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

I say this a lot, but I can hear the recycling bin on their desktop when my self tape arrives. I just hear them click. Oh, good. Click. Drag. Quick time.

[A]

I don't think that my self tapes are even getting past the casting director a lot of times.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

I think the casting director, like, they'll open it up, click, and I'll be doing my, like, Adam Pally 5 10. I'm from. They're like, click.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I don't know.

[A]

Like.

[C]

No, I can feel it. When the audition is sent to me. I'm just like, here. It feels like when I get an audition, like a self tape, they're. They just. I'm reading it and going, you don't have a chance. But here's a way to waste your time. And I'm literally like, what?

[B]

Yeah, I'm. I'm so. When they have something, I'm so On board with this. You get that audition, you're like, they're not going to put me as Robin in Batman. Like, why am I reading for this? But it's big. And who knows? Dice roll. Maybe the cast director sees me and makes me play a heavy and, you know, whatever. And you're like, all right, great. And then you know you're not going to get it, but you just do it. Because you also, like have to keep this system up with your agents and your managers. That I'm willing to self tape.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Because I'm begging for more.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But then you, the real heartbreakers are when you're like, this is a really bullshit, low paying indie movie with no celebrities attached. No, blah, blah, blah. The role is for a fat bearded guy from New York who smokes weed. And you're like, oh my God, it's over the plate. This is, I think, below, not what I want to be doing, doing, but this is perfect for me. And they're like, still no volume, still here.

[A]

Nothing. Like, we went with an actor.

[B]

Yeah. And you're like, oh my God. Even when I can go like, all right, I'm officially slumming.

[A]

No, I think, I think all. I feel like my psychological thing when, when like a job or like an opportunity comes in that you have to try for because there's all versions of that. There's like a meeting or a writer packet or whatever. I get so attached mentally. Mentally. To the prospect of that being a thing in my life.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That I obsess over it and then do the same job I would have done had I thrown it away.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

Because you just add so much.

[A]

But I just add so much of my own worth and emotion to it that the rejection is a million times worse. Worse.

[B]

And you don't do like markedly better. That if you're just like, it's the.

[A]

Same because you're doing five takes either way. It's like you're controlling. Controlling the one. Like at the end of the day you're like, send that one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not any worse or better.

[B]

I think I need to go to a therapist that specializes in self taping auditions. Like.

[A]

Like a sports psycho.

[B]

Yeah, I need someone. I got the yips bad. I'm not booked. Like, I cannot, I cannot. And I watch tapes back and I hate myself. So. And I'm not like that kind of person. Like, I don't have like low self esteem, but if I have to watch myself act, I'm like, you are a pig. Put that script down. What Are you doing. Get the at. Why. Why is your room like this, you fucking sad fuck? And I'm like, where did that all come from?

[A]

Do you find that as a writer and an actor, do you find that you ever have to do that? Because like your SNL job and your. And your Amy Schumer job are like so saying specifically them because they're sketch. It's so like you're. It's like you write a sketch, you go in there, you're. You're pointing it around, doing right. And then you're an actor and someone's telling you where to be and what to do. Do you ever. Are you ever like, this sucks.

[C]

I mean, honest. An acting level, I do get like frustrated. I get frustrated more with acting than with writing. Because with writing you're like, I can. I. Generally speaking, if I write something that I'm happy with, I'm like, that's fucking amazing. If it's. Yeah, now it's a different story when you see it live and you go, okay, well, you know, win some, you lose some.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Doesn't always turn out the way it.

[A]

Is, but there's so many factors.

[C]

Would have been a great sketch on a different show is what I'll tell myself. But I, I think with acting it's frustrating because I'm like the. You're just waiting for someone to give you permission to do the thing that you do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Which is like so demoralizing, which is how I got into comedy because I was just acting for so long and then decided this. I'm not doing this anymore. Took like a year and a half off and then tried tried stand up in that time while I was like considering social work and then just got into. I was like, oh, I could just do this because if I write something, I can perform it that night. I don't have.

[B]

And there's no middleman. That's the thing that's killing me. Like all these middle. Middlemen where it's like in order to. In order to act in something with people, I have to do three to five things that are not at all that acting. Right. I have to like do this audition, which is nothing like real acting. I have to self tape, which is nothing like being on set. Like, you have to do all these fucking hoops. You have to like upload a video using Dropbox and get it to like. And all the shit that you have to edit. You don't have to do any of that when you're actually.

[C]

And I don't like that as an actor that's. That's the limit of your creative control. Like, if I get on set and I have a different idea for the character, I feel, like, weird telling costumes that I wanted to go this direction with it because, like, I'm just the actor, Right?

[B]

So we're just C stands.

[C]

So I just feel like, yeah, I feel a little bit like if my only job is to act, then I feel a little, like, let down by that now. Whereas, like, even just directing, like, I directed my special, it was the first time I directed anything, and I was like, this is awesome. Like, I liked it even more than the standup portion of it, where I.

[B]

Was like, oh, wow.

[C]

Telling cameras, like, how to capture it and where we needed them and what we were gonna do with, like, one version versus the other. Cause it was, like, the two different specials put together. It was.

[A]

Do you find that that's just from, like, being on so many sets that you were just like, I know. I don't need someone telling me how I want to be seen. I know how to do this.

[C]

Yeah. And also, it was like, it was mine. I was like, this was mine. There's no. Nobody else wrote this. I'm not, like, putting myself up to direct somebody else's thing. It's. I'm on the screen. I wrote it. I know how I want it to be. And also, I was nervous even just hearing people's ideas about it when I would tell them the concept were crazy. Like, they. They would be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you shoot it and, like, you're pregnant, and you look like shit, you know? And then, like. And then, like, a year later, you come out on a bigger stage and you're hot all of a sudden. And I was like, what? You know what I mean? Like, I'm just like, what the fuck?

[B]

The opposite pitch is insane, too. You're looking so hot and pregnant out there. Just up there being, like, a hot.

[A]

Pregnant, like, Then you come out, look.

[C]

Like shit, looking awful, like a fucking witch put up wet.

[A]

You got to figure it down from your mouth. Your vape's broken.

[B]

Rosa, what's the name of your special? Where can people get it?

[C]

It's called the Motherlode. It's on Netflix streaming now. Just came out. And, yeah, it's. It's really fun. I mean, I feel like doing a special about motherhood is a little bit like walking into an open grave. So I do have to say that it is not, like, what you think it's going to be.

[A]

No.

[B]

I believe that based on knowing you as a standard.

[A]

No, it's not at all. It's not. And I loved. I loved the direction. I didn't know that you directed it now that I'm. I love the. I thought it. You perfectly and. And tonally was like, thanks. On point. Awesome.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Really great job.

[C]

I appreciate it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Great.

[C]

And our movie's coming out soon.

[A]

I know we're in a movie together. It's called Hell of a Summer Dream, directed by Finn Wolfhard. And I love that.

[C]

I'm calling it our movie.

[A]

Yeah. We're only in a couple.

[C]

We're in five minutes.

[A]

Yeah. I was telling him before. That was one of the worst acting moments I've had. Because, like, in it, Rosebud and I. I don't want to give too much away. We play camp counselors, and I had to film this death scene, and you had already been wrapped. They, like, wrapped you. And so they couldn't get the rig to work. And I had to hold something in my. My mouth through, like, a silicon. They had like a. A bite. Other side of it. So to bite down to. To hold the weight of the gag, and it kept falling down.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

And I was like, every shoot I.

[B]

Have, I have to put, like, this gag in my mouth.

[A]

This wasn't in Studio.

[C]

Not in his living.

[A]

This wasn't in Studio City. This was in Calgary, in the woods. And I was like. I was like, lying in the woods. Like, I remember lying in the woods, like, on a bed. Like, the water from the lake is rushing up into me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're like, can you choke down a little more on the. Can you choke down a little. Ask him if he can choke down a little more on the. The worst reason Cold.

[C]

And I'm, like, choked down.

[A]

And I'm like, what do they want.

[C]

Using the words choke?

[A]

Want you to swallow more. Like, swallow it more. I'm like, we're still seeing some of the silicone. Can he. Do you think he could choke down the.

[B]

And there's just one guy on set going, oh, he can. I know he can.

[A]

And, like, you can hear the. The. The walkie talkie from Video Village. And you. This poor PA is like, I don't know if he can get any further down. Like, ask him to choke it down. Like, maybe if you arch your neck. And so I'm like.

[B]

And then I'm like.

[A]

They're like, okay, roll, roll, roll. And I'm like, oh. And it falls. And then they're like, shit. And I was like, how did Rosebud.

[C]

That's Rosemary.

[B]

Get out of this.

[C]

I. I honestly thank God.

[A]

You were killed off screen.

[C]

Yes. No, I was. I was killed on screen. Oh, you were on screen.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

But it's. But it wasn't brutal like that. There was like. No.

[A]

So it was so long and like. Oh, God. I was just choking down this silicon.

[B]

Overhearing workers is always.

[A]

Yeah, well, I respect sex workers. Also because of my mom.

[C]

All right. Also because of your mother, Rip.

[B]

I respect sex workers because finally, now she's finally, finally.

[A]

My dad didn't let her.

[B]

Yeah. Now she's just up there doing it for the love of the game.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

She was all financial transaction.

[A]

Mom was always the love of the game.

[C]

Holy. This was fun.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

This was so fun, you guys. Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for coming on.

[C]

Thanks for having me.

[B]

Oh, man, my cheeks hurt.

[A]

From laughing?

[B]

No, from sitting.

[A]

Oh, your butt cheeks.

[B]

No, no. I was giggling a lot this episode. This was a blast. Rosebud is so fucking funny. We're doing the wrap up now.

[A]

Oh, this is real. Yeah, Rosebud's so funny.

[B]

Rosebud. That was a real pleasure. I never. This is maybe our first guess where we said, do you do anything healthy? And she said, no, took out a vape and took a rip. I was like, oh, we're in it now, baby.

[A]

And hopefully many more. Yeah, I love Rosebud. We played husband and wife in this movie and, like, bonded within two seconds of sitting with each other.

[B]

Makes total sense.

[A]

You and I are gonna be buds.

[B]

She's cool. She's cool as hell. She fit in perfectly here on Staying Alive. And I'm glad. I don't know anything about her personal life, but I'll say this about anyone. Blanket statement. Glad to hear they're back in therapy.

[A]

Well, you do actually know a lot about her personal life. She told us almost every. She's married with a young child.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I know not.

[A]

She gave you the whole story, but.

[B]

If I said to her, I'm so glad you're back at therapy, she'd be like, what the fuck do you about me?

[A]

She'd be like, are you the brunch boy?

[B]

Yes, I'm the little brunch boy. Give me my hollandaise sauce.

[A]

My little toes. What you call our shoes.

[B]

Nasty little toe. Nasty little toe shoes. Promo code. Staying alive.

[A]

See you next time.

[B]

You have been listening to Staying Alive with John Gabris and Adam Pally. A smartless media production in association with Serious XM Produced by Devin Tory Bryant.

[A]

And Anne Harris Engineered and edited by Devin Tory Bryant, who also wrote the.

[B]

Music, Associate producer and video producer is Maddie McCann, social media producer Tommy Galgano.

[A]

Assistant engineer Kyle McGraw. Special thanks to Jared O' Connell at SiriusXM.

[B]

Executive producers are John Gabris. Ooh, me. Adam Pally. Ooh, you. Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayley Hayes, Richard Corson, and Bernie Kaminski. Do us a favor. Just rate and review the podcast. It actually helps.

[A]

Just so everyone knows, we do not have a discord.

[B]

Don't reach out to us.

[A]

See us on the street. Walk the other way or you'll catch hands.

[B]

Oh, okay, sure. Yeah, no worries.

[C]

It's my voice.

[A]

Rosemary's been in here about a half hour.

[B]

We just take her volume all the way down. And Adam and I just are like, it's fixed.

[C]

You guys can go.

[A]

That's right. All right, we'll turn the woman down.

[B]

Let's just get to the subtext of podcasting in general. Eliminate the woman's voice. Let the two men talk.

[A]

Smart.

[B]

Last media.

[E]

When it comes to reducing carbon emissions, the heaviest industries face the toughest challenges. That's where we come in. ExxonMobil is investing in technology to help American industry lower its emissions, including in our own operations, all while empowering businesses and creating job opportunities. It turns out that fewer emissions can mean a stronger economy. ExxonMobil. Let's deliver.

[B]

I'm gonna put you on, nephew.

[A]

All right, unk.

[C]

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss?

[B]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years now is back. We need snack wraps.

[A]

What's a snack wrap?

[B]

It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back.