Old Bones & Foot Stuff (w/ Julie Klausner)

Summary

Staying Alive with Jon Gabrus & Adam Pally

Episode: Old Bones & Foot Stuff (w/ Julie Klausner)
Date: January 15, 2026 | SmartLess Media

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Episode Overview

In this lively and hilariously honest episode, comedians Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally welcome writer, performer, and consummate New Yorker Julie Klausner. The trio dives into the realities of getting older, living (and eating) in New York, health routines that actually stick, navigating aches and pains, and the odd comfort foods and habits of their respective upbringings. It’s a blend of nostalgia, sharp wit, and raw talk about making wellness work—plus, a passionate discussion of Billy Joel’s life, music, and documentary. Throughout, the hosts and guest deliver the candid, grossly forthcoming banter fans love, highlighted by memorable anecdotes and laugh-out-loud moments.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. New York City Living & Food Adventures

Timestamps: 00:30–04:44

• Jon and Adam reflect on podcasting in “a studio that might actually last” and compare grungier old venues to their current setup.
• Gabrus tells the story of breaking "no-meat month" for a chopped cheese sandwich (01:22).

  “I think a good chopped cheese rivals a cheesesteak. I'm sorry.” – Jon Gabrus (01:43)

• Adam and Jon discuss navigating NYC's new trash bins, parking woes, and the food-centric adventures of a night out in New York: “We all collided at McSorley’s, then into a tiki bar. Then I did the most nasty thing ever—I ate a T-bone steak at Keen’s at 9pm and at 3 in the morning, I ate street meat. Like rice and chicken with white sauce.” (02:46)
• Conversation turns toward hangover remedies (coconut water, electrolytes, “the Gabriel special”).

2. Introducing Julie Klausner: The Spirit of NYC

Timestamps: 04:46–06:33

• Both hosts describe Julie as the embodiment of NY comedy and culture, likening her to "a beautiful Jewish Fran Lebowitz."
• Julie joins and banter ensues about studio mics, seltzer choices, and knickknack-laden studios.

3. Childhood Nostalgia, Deli Culture & Iconic Comfort Food

Timestamps: 13:05–22:01

• Julie shares her foundational morning routine, centered on the rituals of making the bed, grabbing an egg sandwich from her favorite deli, and the importance of neighborhood coffee shops (13:06).
• Discussion dives deep into NYC deli and bodega culture, the nostalgia of comfort food (tuna casseroles, bologna and cream cheese sandwiches), and the humble glories of casseroles and kugel.
• Notable food confessions:
  • Julie on her sandwich: “I like an espresso, I like a latte... the deli is in charge of my breakfast sandwich.” (14:23)
  • Gabrus’s mom’s “goyish dinner” of bologna, cream cheese, and white bread (16:53).

4. Planes, Travel Habits, and Food Psychology

Timestamps: 21:16–26:27

• The group breaks down the emotional eating rituals that come with air travel:

  “When we're flying, we're closer to death...Nothing counts.” – Adam (21:42)

• Jon and Adam describe “infantilizing ourselves” on flights—cozy outfits, treating oneself, screen time, and comfort snacks.
• Travel routines: Julie and Adam compare red-eyes, sleep patterns, and how aging impacts the ability to bounce back from travel.

5. Exercise, Aches, and Getting Older

Timestamps: 28:15–34:49

• Julie lays out her exercise regime: weightlifting, Pilates, and at-home PT for her “old bones and foot stuff,” using resistance bands for chronic issues (28:15–29:00).
• Candid talk on motivation, the value of Zoom trainers, and making fitness sustainable:

  “If they are a regular exerciser, it's that they've made it work for them... you gotta—whatever works for you.” – Gabrus (30:47)

• The importance of consistency and the psychological boost of a trainer tracking progress.

6. Moderation and “Balance” in Health

Timestamps: 34:49–36:14

• The hosts and Julie talk about the mental struggle of balance, swinging between strict adherence and indulgence.

  “Balance is the hardest thing...It’s so hard as you get older to cut out what feels good and put in what doesn’t.” – Adam (34:49)

• Julie laments social media as a poor substitute for cigarettes, with Adam describing the sensory perfection of a Marlboro after a heavy dinner.

7. Vices, Small Pleasures, and Food Psychology

Timestamps: 39:44–42:33

• The little treat economy: Julie confesses her love for sugar as her ultimate vice, and the group swaps British candy recommendations and lessons in not finishing subpar food.
• Seltzer obsession gets explained, with speculation on why Jews love seltzer (“Plain water is tough on a stomach that's not...this is all speculation.” – Adam, 43:15).
• Nostalgia about fridge Britas, college George Foreman grills, and the messiness of shared apartments.

8. Music, Billy Joel, and New York Icons

Timestamps: 46:16–55:17

• The latter third features a deep, affectionate, and funny deconstruction of the recent Billy Joel documentary:

  “He's musical theater for straight guys.” – Julie (46:59)

• The group critiques the documentary for whitewashing, discusses Billy’s literal songwriting, his exes, and Queens/Long Island culture.
• Favorite Billy Joel tracks: Julie—“Vienna,” Adam—“Miami 2017,” Jon—“Down Easter Alexa” (54:46).
  • “His songs are one to one...‘My wife is my manager.’” – Gabrus (52:24)
• Bruce Springsteen comparison, Billy’s need for validation, and the reality of stardom’s toll.

9. Wrapping Up: Projects & Personal Tributes

Timestamps: 56:00–57:39

• Julie plugs her podcasts—Double Threat (with Tom Scharpling) and How Was Your Week—both on the Forever Dog network.
• Adam (sincerely):

  “I think of you as my Amy Sedaris…my New York voice…always just there.”

• Julie:

  “What a kind thing to say. That means so much to me.” (57:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On New York deli food:

  “I think we're paying too much attention to the length of a cheesesteak and not the width of a chopped cheese.” – Jon (01:46)

• On aging bodies:

  “Old bones and foot stuff is what I search on Pornhub.” – Gabrus (28:35)

• On exercise routines:

  “If people…I know people who walk 20,000 steps a day, it's like whatever you like to do—whatever doesn't fill you with dread or resentment.” – Julie (31:13)

• On food guilt:

  “If it's delicious, enjoy it. But I'll do the thing where I'm so full…One of the appetizers I didn't like, I'll just eat these four garlic knots, I don't even like it, I don't want to throw it out.” – Gabrus (41:04)

• On Billy Joel's style:

  “His songs are one to one…It’s all like, ‘My wife is my manager.’” – Gabrus (52:24) “He's musical theater for straight guys.” – Julie (46:59)

• On Jewish food, seltzer, and resourcefulness:

  “We’re always making chicken soup out of the worst bones and stuff. Because we didn’t have anything.” – Adam (43:03)

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Highlighted Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:22 – Chopped cheese vs. cheesesteak
• 13:06 – Julie’s morning routine
• 28:15 – Julie on her exercise and PT regimen
• 31:00 – Making fitness work “for you”
• 46:59 – Julie: “Musical theater for straight guys” (Billy Joel)
• 54:50 – Favorite Billy Joel songs

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Tone & Style

True to Staying Alive’s format, the mood is energetic, sarcastic, and wildly relatable. The trio seamlessly mixes self-deprecating humor with thoughtful, earnest exchanges about health, creativity, and identity. Julie’s presence brings distinct New York authenticity and sharp comedic timing, making this episode a treat for longtime fans and newcomers alike.

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For Further Listening

• Check out Julie Klausner’s podcasts: Double Threat (with Tom Scharpling) and How Was Your Week (on Forever Dog).
• Listen to more Staying Alive episodes for honest, comedic takes on health, aging, and comedy culture.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

Smart.

[B]

Bless me.

[C]

It's kind of crazy to record in a studio where we don't see people taking the copper piping out of the walls.

[A]

Yeah, they said this is.

[C]

This seems like this might actually last. You know, like, the last time we were recording, they were like. Like taking gear out while we were in there.

[A]

Yeah, they said that this was. They said that this was a brand new studio. And they walked me down here. I thought they were gonna whack me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Guitar's like.

[A]

Good.

[C]

Fellas, right in here. Your shine box.

[A]

Oh, no, no, no. We got a brand new.

[B]

From my mom.

[A]

You and Julie. We got a brand new studio for you. I probably should. I probably shouldn't be saying this because, well, I don't think my wife listens, but we. Last month, we didn't do meat pretty easy. Just like a little bringing down the meat temperature. But I did sneak. I had to park up the block, like five blocks because it's hard. New York City is first of all. I don't know if you notice it. Props. New York City. So much cleaner. Yeah. Did you. Have you noticed these? These. The way we're doing trash now in the giant bins on the street has changed so much.

[C]

Yeah, there's like, less, like, leaky bags of garbage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Unless you're in, like, Times Square. Yeah, you're. There's like. Like the Upper west side now. Lower east side's great. It's like, really. We're nailing it anyway. Less parking because of those big bins. So to park like five blocks up and during our no meat month, I stopped and got a chopped cheese. Oh, yeah, you gotta. I think a good chopped cheese rivals a cheesesteak. I'm sorry.

[C]

I think you're right.

[A]

I think it's like. I think we're. I think we're paying too much attention to the length of a cheesesteak and not to the width of a chopped cheese.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

You're welcome. I mean, someone had to say, hey.

[C]

Your TED Talk was really short.

[A]

No one had any question.

[C]

Everyone agreed. Outstanding. Ovation. When you talk about the chopped cheese.

[A]

Welcome to New York, son.

[C]

Oh, dude. I'm here. I fucking. I am feeling it today.

[A]

I am jealous you went out without me, but with your. With your big boy club.

[C]

I went out with the big boys. I went out and.

[A]

I don't know if I could hang anymore with that club.

[C]

I don't know if you should. It was bad news for all of us. But.

[A]

How are they doing today?

[C]

They're doing okay. No one Else got as like, no one else got as, like, fucked up as I did because I. Cause then we met up.

[A]

Do you want to name names? They're former guests.

[C]

All former guests. Mitch, Carl, Zack, Cherry, and Stavros. We were all out together and then we met up with future guest Justin Tyler, our mutual friend. And him and I always tie one.

[A]

So Tyler goes hard.

[C]

We all collided at McSorley's, then into a tiki bar. Then I did the most nasty thing ever. I ate a T bone steak at Keen's at 9pm and at 3 in the morning, I ate street meat. Like rice and chicken with white sa.

[A]

Have you yet?

[C]

Have I yet, bro?

[A]

I be but that ass be. But that must for me. If I like when I hear that and I had that much meat, it would have been a clog problem. It would have been like, sweating and like, I'm like, I gotta or else I'm in trouble.

[C]

I've twice and I definitely have one more on deck. I, I, I did that thing where my eyes. I just snapped awake and it was 9am and all the lights and all the windows were open in my hotel. And I was like, oh, whoops. And I just was like, I could have. It could have easily been one in the afternoon with, like 20 missed calls from you guys. So I was like, so glad it was. And I went downstairs, bought a coconut water and a coffee, smashed both smashed electrolytes in water twice. Took a way too long of a shower. I was late today because I just, like, couldn't shut the shower off. And now I feel I'm back.

[A]

Yeah, dude, that's. But that's a Gabriel special.

[C]

Jimmy John's lunch I'll be fucking with forever.

[A]

That's a Gabriel special.

[C]

You know, like, I push it when I come here. It's like I have to. I come here too frequently to keep treating it like I'm here on vacation.

[A]

And what a guest we have today. Speaking of pushing it, Speaking of pushing it.

[C]

Speaking of New York City, we got fucking Julie Klausner on Miss New York City.

[A]

I, I really do. I think of her like, like a beautiful Jewish Fran Leibowitz.

[C]

She just is, like, part of the fabric of New York City to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Even like, more than. Even though I know her from comedy. Even more than, like, comedy. She just feels like a New York figure.

[A]

Yeah, she really, she really is. And like, her work is so New York and like, I don't know, I'm just like.

[C]

It's like, inspirational how New York her.

[A]

Shit is grown up around Her.

[C]

Yeah. And known her for 20 PL.

[A]

He's always managed to do comedy, like, from within the city. Yeah. In a weird way where it's like the city and city based comedy. Yeah. And the best and the best and the funniest.

[C]

Well, let's check it out.

[A]

I love it. Ladies and gentlemen, Julie Klausner.

[C]

All right, we're starting now.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And we're starting now. Sit down. Anne walks right across it, knocks over all three camera tripods.

[B]

Make sure you're in your mic a little bit. Maybe I'll move it a little closer. Is that okay?

[A]

They're huge mics. They don't pick up much sound.

[B]

Okay, Got it. Perfect. They're just for decoration.

[A]

These are actually lobs.

[C]

This is your. This is your mic.

[B]

I love to be here.

[C]

Julie, you need to project into this mic.

[B]

Into yours.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm so sorry.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You love to be here.

[B]

I could do that.

[C]

What a lovely evening.

[A]

Did you say going full Leone?

[B]

I didn't mean it in that way.

[A]

Yeah. What? How do you feel about the LuPone?

[B]

I mean, Diva's gonna diva, right?

[A]

So you're, like, on the side of lupone where it's like.

[B]

I did not say that. Do not say that.

[C]

Say that. We're voting for her in the general.

[A]

You gave us a list of things you wanted to talk about.

[C]

Me.

[A]

Woody Allen. Woody Allen. Especially in.

[C]

Oh, my God. Your old sketch show with Kevin Spacey. You know what?

[B]

He had a great character. It was Jack Lemmon. He would just be like, how about we do, like, a lemon cello sketch?

[A]

And I was like, oh, and you want to talk about Billy on the street with regular people?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Julie, it's so awesome to have you.

[B]

So happy to be here.

[A]

We don't do any, like.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

So good to see you too. We don't do any introduction or anything like that.

[B]

Cause it's like, I'm just happy to be in your.

[A]

I'm just.

[B]

Good to see you guys both in person.

[C]

Oh, it feels great to be in person.

[B]

Remember the last time I've been here?

[A]

Oh, do you want that? I thought you wanted my water.

[B]

You get a different seltzer than all of us.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know they were gonna have seltzer today. I usually stop.

[B]

You bring your own seltzer.

[A]

I bring my own seltzer. All of this is an upgrade.

[C]

Yeah, this is all. The lights are wild.

[B]

I'm very impressed.

[C]

And came over my house and took all my knickknacks off my shelf and put them here.

[B]

These are Yours.

[C]

These are all my.

[B]

These are your possessions?

[C]

Yeah, I have radio adjacent things.

[A]

He collects old time radios.

[B]

Do you have those? Like, do you really like retro electronics?

[C]

I mean, I do.

[A]

That's such a, like a Hollywood, like a Hollywood leading man type of interest where it's like totally. You see like Austin Butler show up on the red carpet with like an old timey camera or like a 1970s.

[B]

Like, like a Cassio.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like he has the alarm clock from the opening of Back to the Future.

[A]

Like that out of my face. He shows up on the. He shows up on the red carpet with like one of those things. He goes under a hood and like lights a flame.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like old timey cameras, typewriters.

[B]

Well, that's Tom Hanks collection. Tom Hanks collects typewriters.

[C]

Well, there we go.

[B]

There's a class ye. Keanu Reeves, the Honka Honka.

[A]

Jerry Seinfeld.

[B]

Oh my God. Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld. He doesn't drive around Manhattan the way Leno drives around Los Angeles. Like where does, where does Jerry Seinfeld take those cars?

[C]

I think Leno has like, like an elder abuse like guy watching him or something.

[A]

Leno is being elder abused. Right.

[C]

Leno's got like the Stanley thing.

[B]

His car mechanic.

[A]

Mechanic is elder. Well, like every time you see him lately.

[C]

Every time, Jay.

[A]

I was always popping up on these like weird podcasts with bruises and burns.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I remember. Yeah, he was like, he did have like some major burns from driving like a Honda.

[C]

He fell down a hill too.

[B]

I don't know about the hill thing.

[A]

But I know that he was one.

[B]

Of those old timey cars that just like ignite.

[A]

Yeah. Like a 1930s Nazi fire truck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ironically burst into flames.

[B]

You're in like the passenger side like you drive from the sidecar.

[C]

It's made of like oil soaked balsa wood.

[B]

He was going to.

[A]

He was like going to pick up Tim Allen to go to Breakf Bob's in the background.

[B]

Isn't Tim Allen also like an old car collector?

[C]

He is. At least he has a show about it. Shifting gears.

[B]

That's what he said.

[C]

I only know because I auditioned for U5 and I didn't get it.

[B]

You auditioned for shifting gears?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like was it like in person or did you do like a self tape?

[C]

I self taped. I've noticed now with my self tape I can hear the recycling bin on their desktop. When I send the clip, when I hear it click and drag to.

[B]

How do you do the full body thing? Are you just like I.

[C]

In my tiny apartment. It's so crazy to get like. I'm like, you want to see my feet? Like, I'm also. This is. I've. You have to do a fresh slate every time. I got recently still 6 foot 2 and I still live in Los Angeles and I'm still obese.

[A]

I had to do a self tape recently and I like quickly set up. There's no one around and so I just like asked a PA on set to do it. I just like set my camera there. I sent it in and then they were like, they. They're not seeing like all of your face in the audition. Like, do you think you could record it again? I was like, no, I can't. That's a good read. I'm back at work.

[B]

What were we talking about? 30% like 70% like, not even like.

[A]

It was just like, like this. Like as if I was holding it like this and it wasn't straight on.

[B]

Right. Like you were facetiming with them kind of.

[A]

And I. My face keep turning.

[B]

Was the hairline represented?

[A]

Everything was represented. They were like, they can't really see your whole face. I was like, yeah, well, I. They could google me.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And there's a whole ton of face pictures of my whole fucking face.

[B]

Anyway, I'm waiting for the callback as a slate. You can Google me.

[C]

That's why I say now they never probably Google me and now they'll never work with you.

[A]

And now I'm canceled.

[B]

What do people use now besides Google? Because, like, because of AI kind of wrecking Google. There's one. There's like a new search engine. Yeah, it's like Jack and Jill went down the hill. It's like some dumb name. It's like one of these things like duck, Duck, Goose maybe. Is that it?

[C]

I think you might be right.

[A]

Yeah. So you have to type in duck, duck.

[B]

I feel like maybe at a certain point use it so much that it just automatically fills in.

[C]

How you add it to bookmarks.

[B]

You add it to your bookmark.

[C]

This is the oldest computer conversation you could possibly have. I know we're just hip enough to know computers, but we're still using browsers.

[B]

Old timey cars are stupid, huh?

[A]

What's Google like?

[B]

Great replace by.

[A]

We're gonna be.

[C]

The brother doesn't even know what websites are. He like just goes to YouTube or Instagram.

[B]

Has he ever heard the term the world wide web? Have you ever used that for?

[C]

I haven't used it around him. One time I did and he Slapped me. He said, what you talking about?

[B]

Like a woman when you're acting fresh.

[C]

And I fell in love with him.

[B]

That happened.

[C]

I got three Days of the Condor. Although I guess, like, it's a little different if Robert Redford slaps you a rap.

[B]

Oh, rest in paradise.

[C]

Oh, God, what a kid.

[B]

What a blonde.

[A]

What a blonde.

[C]

What a gorgeous blonde.

[A]

When his sleep, everything about his life was just blessed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like just the most. The best looks ever. Best life.

[B]

Super catalog was like, so class. You get the Sundance catalog, but I can't afford these sheets.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah. The Amaz Film Festival.

[C]

Yeah. He was like, turned around and was like, let's launch indie films. I'm like, oh, dude, you can't be cooler.

[A]

And then just dies at 88 to sleep. So.

[B]

Oh, that's the dream.

[A]

The dream.

[C]

I got in an elevator with him once at 1633 Broadway. Shout out, where Bernie and I used to work. I got an elevator with him once when the Sundance Channel was there. He had like what you would imagine he was. He would be wearing like the Ralph Lauren cat. Yes. He had like khakis, like a button. Indiana Jones. Yeah. Well, he had like, like a super faded Sundance hat on. And then like a fucking like Members Only kind of like jacket over, like a collared shirt under a sweater.

[B]

Jeans or corduroys.

[C]

You know what it was? They were like worn in. Worn in khakis, like trousers.

[B]

And you know, he wore them in himself, of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He didn't have some. Us rich guys, we'll have people wear our pants for us.

[A]

I'm waiting for my pants to come back from Nepal.

[C]

Yeah. When a guy comes in to a.

[A]

Sherpa to climb up, they're these car.

[C]

Pants that have been to Mount Everest.

[A]

But not with you.

[C]

A guy walks in who looks just like me and he has four pairs of jeans on.

[B]

Body double for breaking clothes in. That's the dream.

[C]

Protein is now at Starbucks and it's never tasted so good. Try our all new caramel protein lattes with up to 31 grams of protein and options with no added sugar.

[B]

Level up, level up, level up, level.

[C]

Up, level up, level up. Your drink at Starbucks.

[A]

Julie, what are you doing to stay alive?

[B]

I am waking up every morning and I make my bed and I have my. Have my morning routine.

[C]

And then like talk us through.

[A]

I love a morning routine.

[C]

Morning routine, whatever you're comfortable with people.

[B]

Knowing it's the opposite of that guy who like tapes his mouth and does a push up and then swims a lap and Then does another push up. It's the opposite of that, but it is, it's like kind of the only consistent part of my day. So I set my alarm and I wake up at the same time every day. And then I make my bed and I get dressed and then I go across the street to my deli and I get like a egg sandwich and then I go to my coffee shop and I got a latte and I come back home and I have my breakfast and then the day begins. But like that little section of the day is just like, absolutely. Oh my God. It's the only, like, like, because I don't go to sleep the same day, the same time every day. And like my day can look really different depending on what I'm doing or what I'm not doing.

[C]

Right.

[B]

So like that is just the, the bare minimum. And then usually like I exercise like at least three mornings a week. I try not to leave that in the afternoon. But otherwise like, that's like the one consistent, that's like weekends, no matter what.

[C]

I, I love hearing that you go to a different place for your sandwich and your coffee.

[B]

I like an espresso, I like a latte. But like, I mean, sometimes I'll be double fisting from the deli too. But no, the deli is like in charge of my breakfast sandwich. And then I'll get a latte across the street. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, man. I, I, I mean I knew you, I was rushing. I knew you'd have a pretty New York morning, but that is pretty much on the nose.

[B]

My deli, I live across the street from like the, I love, I loved this deli. Before I lived in this neighborhood. Whenever I was in the neighborhood, I'd be like, ooh, that's the deli where they have like those little square. The Ritter like singles where we're, you know what I'm talk like we just.

[C]

Get like, oh, just the chocolate acid tabs.

[B]

So that's the thing. It's like the biscuit one or the cornflake being just like, you know, 11pm I think I'll have a little, you know, apres.

[A]

I lived in the, when I, when I was, when I met you. Yeah, when I was, when we were kids, I lived in the East Village and there was this deli that is still there.

[B]

Ninth and second.

[A]

No, seventh and I lived on seventh and B. But the deli was on six and B called Sunny and Annie's.

[B]

That's a good deli. Deli.

[A]

That's a good deli.

[B]

I know that Deli.

[A]

Deli.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They have really good food, like sandwiches that I still think about by name.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And their ingredients, like, big too.

[B]

It's a big one.

[A]

It's a big menu. But, like, I like, the actual space is big.

[B]

It's like that whole corner, Right?

[A]

It's the corner.

[B]

Yeah, I know that's right.

[A]

But the sandwich place, it's amazing when you find like a cooking sandwich spot. Bodega in, because they have like a kitchen where they're cooking or a grill, essentially, where they're like, chopping. But I like, like a grilled chicken, mozzarella, balsamic red pepper.

[B]

I was waiting for the peppers. Yeah.

[A]

Is always, to me, a Mona Lisa.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Just because that's the way it, that's.

[B]

Like I, that's how it was branded. Yeah, yeah. No, I'll go there for, like, occasionally I'll like, grab a sandwich there during the day. But it's always my breakfast to the extent where I'm like, hey, can I get a. And they know which, what's your egg sandwich order? Well, I was just doing like, plain eggs on a, like a kaiser roll. And then I was mixing it up with, like, cheese. I, I, the answer is I mix it up. Lately it's been scrambled with, like, turkey bacon. Oh, well done. Like burnt.

[A]

You don't burn the turkey bacon. Yeah, you gotta burn the turkey bacon. Too crisp. Otherwise it's like, leathery.

[B]

It could be a little sweaty. Yeah, like, a turkey bacon can be a little like bologna. Ish. And don't get me wrong, I love bologna. No disrespect to bologna. I love bologna.

[A]

I like a bologna and cream cheese sandwich on white bread.

[B]

Okay, that's disgusting. That is risque. That is scandalous.

[A]

My mom used to call it a goyish dinner.

[B]

It's definitely like the opposite of a bagel with cream cheese and lobster.

[A]

But sometimes, you know, my dad was in school, we didn't have any money. It was like, no, tonight's a goyish dinner.

[B]

Be like, I remember growing up with like a tuna casserole that she would make. That was, I mean, it seemed a little like it was just like. What was it? Can of cream of mushroom soup. Tuna fish, macaroni, not pasta macaroni. Like the elbows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then on the top, like melted American cheese. Heaven.

[A]

Yeah. Sounds amazing. I like a little peas in that. I like a little, like this little fiber, you know, in that.

[C]

I love, like a pea and cream based thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Talk about casseroles for a minute and how hearty they are. I.

[A]

Like, a casserole, like, a tuna casserole is a dish that, like, I'm dying.

[C]

For, like, another relative to die so I can get a nice casserole.

[A]

I know.

[C]

Is that how that.

[B]

What needs to happen?

[C]

I mean, traditional families.

[A]

Like, it's.

[C]

When my dad died, we would just have, like, trays of food dropped off our house. I'm like, I wish he could die every year.

[A]

Wow, what a takeaway. It stays, you know, like, you could. You could have half a casserole, throw it back in the fridge for two more days.

[B]

I thought you would say two months.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

These are forever.

[A]

But a fresh.

[B]

They heat up.

[A]

Well, like, they heat up well. I. I feel like I'm. The main casserole I think of is tuna.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But are there other ones that you like?

[C]

Chicken casserole.

[B]

Talk to me about a chicken casserole. Like, does it have the same creamy, or are we doing mushroom creamy?

[C]

Or you could do it like. You could do, like, tomato sauce and mozzarella.

[A]

You could make it, like, almost like a baked ziti.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like a lasagna.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, I feel like casserole is more about the fact that it's like a all in, one dish serving thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So it's not necessarily like.

[B]

And what are we doing for crunch on the top on the chicken casserole? Is it like a breadcrumb?

[C]

Yeah, like a panko.

[B]

A panko with a parm. Like, are we doing a parmesan?

[A]

Maybe?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Just brainstorming.

[A]

No, I mean, I think you have to.

[C]

I'm so hungry. We're just pitching casserole ideas. This is the writer's room, where I could finally succeed in Hollywood if we just sat around and pitched casserole.

[B]

Hot dish. Right. And it's like. But it's like people talking about casseroles. Like, we're dishing.

[A]

Yeah. And then it's like gossip, too. It's like gossip, celebrity gossip.

[B]

Before we move on. I know you're hungry, but I have to talk about kugel, because sweet casseroles.

[A]

Oh, I love it. A noodle kugel is truly a lost art dish.

[B]

It is a blessing.

[A]

Have you ever had a good noodle?

[C]

I haven't had it, like, enough.

[A]

But a good one, like. Cause they get. They. Most are bad. It's almost like a lasagna. Like, it's like the.

[C]

A Jewish form of a good one, though.

[B]

A noodle pudding. Like, it. It. The best kind is the. Is like a pudding, because once you mix up, like, whatever it is, like cottage cheese, butter, sour cream, everything. And can get ricotta. Like, it does get into that custardy space. And then if you put, like, pineapple.

[A]

Some raisins, brown sugar, cinnamon sugar.

[B]

Delicious.

[C]

You're describing all things that sound nasty. Like, and yet. And yet when they harmonize, Raisins, pineapples, cottage cheese, sour. Yeah. But it's the regatta.

[A]

The sum is. Is worth more.

[B]

And when the noodles are. Are so dense that they're just, like, layered on. The glue is. It's just.

[A]

It is a really stick to your rib dish.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I love the sound of that.

[A]

It's awesome.

[B]

You're gonna love it.

[A]

Traditionally, we had that before fast.

[B]

We would do it after. Like, you break the fast with.

[A]

We had blitzes.

[B]

So much dairy. Well, blintzes are kind of like, same thing.

[A]

It's like the noodle covered, but with.

[B]

At least, like, an opposite proportion.

[C]

I feel like it's like the burrito version of.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Anytime I'm at the. I'm like, pierogies and boiled or fried. Boiled.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[A]

And I'm not a fried pierogi.

[B]

I'm not a fried pierogi.

[A]

Fried pierogi. You start to get into, like, almost like a wontony, like, which I like, but it's like, I need more of a savory sauce for it.

[B]

I realized when people were into the, like, gluten free thing, and I found out what gluten actually does, and it's like how it's sticky and stretchy. I'm like, oh, that's my favorite food.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, that's what I like about food. Yeah.

[A]

Gluten positive.

[C]

It makes it pretty, like, gluey and soft in the bread. I'm like, okay, yeah, that's my favorite thing. And then we're giving it up then.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you for naming my favorite thing.

[C]

I guess it's lifelong diarrhea for me.

[B]

Diarrhea, diabetes, DIY and diuretics.

[A]

By the way, I want you to try my new flavor. Doritos, Diarritos.

[C]

It's all just crumbled.

[B]

Do you like the, like, flaming hot stuff?

[A]

I won't, but I did have a bag on my flight recently that kind of blew my mind. I didn't know it existed. But it's a bag that has half cheese and half cool ranch.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Wait, do they meld?

[A]

Do they mingle up and they stare together?

[B]

What is that?

[A]

Like, it's really good.

[B]

And when you're in the air, like, when you're flying Things taste different, right?

[A]

Yes. Well, to be. I thought about this a lot. I think we're flying. We're closer to death than we are on the ground. Nothing counts.

[B]

We.

[A]

We. We feel like even when we get to the airport, it's like I'm about to die. So I. I should get the combo.

[C]

I should get the combo.

[A]

Duration. Yeah. Or like, I should have a. More like Shake Shack on the way to the flight is totally permissible because of what I'm about to do.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'm such a brave boy.

[A]

Yeah. Because I'm being brave. Because I might not do it again. This may be it.

[C]

There's that. There's that element.

[B]

Statistically, though.

[A]

Yeah. But.

[B]

There's a But our bodies don't know that.

[A]

We don't know that we're going up in the sky.

[C]

You fly. So every time you do, you're like, well, this is the last one.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. I've never.

[C]

That is like our fundamental 100 believe.

[A]

You do that.

[B]

Infantilize ourselves, too. When we get on that flight was like, whether we're just like, I need, like, you know, to be the sole comfortable. I need the most comfortable girl in the world. Like, I need the biggest sweatpants. I need the coziest socks.

[A]

I need all my little security waters. My sparkly waters. Yeah.

[B]

And then you're like, I haven't had a Milky Way in seven years, so now's the time.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I'm truly a baby on flights. I just get high and get my iPad out with my headphones, and I'm just like a kid on a long car ride. I'm like, it's screen time.

[B]

So what do you watch on your iPad when you're flying? Do you watch something familiar or do you watch something new?

[C]

I will watch something. It depends if it's an early flight. Like, if I'm hoping to fall asleep, I'll watch some series I barely give a shit about.

[B]

Okay, like what?

[C]

Like, it'll be something dumb, like how it's made.

[A]

No, like Bosch.

[C]

Yes, exactly. And I love Bosch.

[B]

So it's scripted that you're already familiar with.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, you don't have. Maybe it's like an episode that you haven't seen or something. But it's not that big a deal if you pass out in the middle.

[B]

Okay. What about you? What do you watch on a plane?

[A]

I don't watch anything on a plane.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have not slept through the majority of a flight in, like, four years.

[B]

So when you get there, are you able to sleep through the night, no matter what time it is.

[A]

I have like certain things I try to do when I land. If it's because I try to take the same type of flights so that I'm always kind of. So like if I'm going to London, I try to take a red. If I'm coming to New York, I try to take a red eye because it's just like.

[B]

So you'll sleep through the night and then you get there and it's the morning and are you ready to go or do you need a nap?

[A]

Sometimes you need a nap but like I can pretty much push through no matter what. And then I'm just on the schedule. So like la. What I try to do when I go to LA is get the first flight, which is usually like at 5 something you can be in the air by like 5:30.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then you're touching down in LA at like not okay.

[B]

And then you're just like. You hit the ground running and you're ready.

[A]

I have like a full schedule or I'm shooting and then I have that day and then I go to sleep that night.

[B]

And you're fine.

[A]

And I'm fine.

[B]

See, I have the opposite experience which like any sleep I get on the plane just doesn't count.

[A]

Oh wow.

[B]

It just, it. For some reason my body just doesn't like reset. I can't really go back to bed.

[C]

It has to be a red eye or it has to be like my flight out here was at like six in the morning and I was. Because I had to. My alarm went off at 3:30 so I was able to fall back.

[A]

I think that's why I like those.

[C]

Two flights and I get so stoned.

[B]

I think that's also affects your sleep too.

[A]

Right? I like those two flights though because like I always talk. It feels like time travel because like you get. You maximize your time wherever you are. Like I like that.

[B]

So as you've gotten older, as we've all gotten older has challenging.

[C]

I'm so sorry, Julie.

[B]

You know, this whole thing.

[A]

Those egg sandwiches are worth it.

[B]

Exactly. So death becomes her form. I have them sprinkle on at the end. Like has sleep been something that you've grappled with or are you always like, is it easy for you to fall asleep and stay asleep and quality of sleep and all that stuff.

[A]

Since I had kids, sleep has been hard because like you, you get screwed up at the beginning and then you really. It's very hard to come back from that. Cause you're worried.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You Know, and so, yeah, like, anytime I've gotten on a flight, I'm so dead that I'm just like. And no one's around.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, so it's like kind of.

[C]

And you can't be reached.

[A]

Yeah. And I can't.

[C]

My phone.

[B]

Something very.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, peaceful.

[A]

It is. I love that.

[C]

I fly all the time. I do not have kids or responsibilities. I never get the Internet.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm always like. I'm always like. These are just six hours I'm not on social media and I'm not, like, reachable.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I. Like. I said iPad or now I have, like, a handheld gaming system to make myself even more of a kid. I'm just playing, like, a video game for. I flew first class and it was like. Like models next to me and I'm just like, playing.

[B]

They love.

[C]

They like that.

[A]

This guy doesn't even know I'm here.

[C]

This guy's barely paying attention to me. This guy ate his eggs so fast.

[B]

Do you like plain eggs?

[C]

I'll eat plain. Whatever.

[A]

I don't eat plain food.

[B]

Eggs on a plane has its own personality. They're so weird.

[A]

I don't like plain food. You eat plain food.

[B]

I will eat it, but I don't like it.

[A]

I don't like to eat it. Like, I really like. It's got to be one of those flights where I'm. It's so long.

[B]

You bring your own.

[A]

I don't. I have brought my own. Yeah, for sure. Like, there have been times where I've snuck, like, Joe's sandwiches.

[C]

Like, you get my noodle Kugel out of the.

[A]

You have a good one.

[C]

You gotta have a good one.

[B]

You've been sitting on it to warm it up.

[C]

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[B]

Sugar.

[C]

Level up your drink at Starbucks. We've all been there.

[A]

You hold on to a coupon, but.

[B]

Forget about it and suddenly it's expired.

[C]

Expired in 2012.

[B]

Dang it.

[C]

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[A]

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[B]

I do weightlifting and I do Pilates and I do a lot of physical therapy for my various like, aches and pains in my old bones. So I have like, some like, you know, foot stuff and some like, like tendonitis and some chronic pain in my shoulders. So I have these like, physical therapy exercises.

[C]

Old bones and foot stuff is what I search on pornhub.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Whatever that is you gotta be careful with. We were like one letter away from.

[B]

I did have the, Like, I got. So I was like, I was having some like, issues with my. What turns out to be like a combination of like tendonitis and other stuff. And I got like, imaging and I was very tempted to upload my foot X ray to my wikifeet.

[A]

Yeah, good. You were so handsome on your own wikifeet.

[B]

Oh, I have. I. I mean, I, I can't trust the guy who want to control the narrative. I have to control the narrative. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

[C]

I have a foot publicist, so I.

[B]

Do like, stuff with like, resistance bands. Hell yeah. I love my resistance bands. I. I have like, like, like different shapes.

[C]

Welcome to the resistance.

[B]

I'm in a resistance band. I played a tambourine.

[C]

You're not going to take it while.

[A]

They'Re doing like the squats?

[B]

Exactly. Oh, my God. Squats. I'm not a fan of. But yeah, I do. Like, I have a kettlebell. I do everything at home. I have like a little, you know.

[A]

Matt, you're not going to a gym.

[B]

With a go to. Like, there's a PT place I go and work out with someone, but I don't have like a gym membership because I also don't trust myself to, to like have the initiative to be like, oh, it's 3pm I guess I'll go to Crunch. Like, that's not really been something I've been successful in the past. Yeah, I do have a trainer. She and I meet over Zoom because she moved out of the city. And so I meet with her a few times a week and she like.

[C]

Oh, and she runs you through the stuff you have in your house.

[B]

Great. She's great. Yeah, I like her a lot.

[A]

Zoom training has taken and it is, is a huge thing. It is. I don't think I would mind just being like, okay, you're in my house, but you're not in my house.

[B]

It's perfect.

[A]

And then all gotta go.

[B]

Amazing. Like, I have all the Stuff. And, you know, she knows me from, like, being in person, so she also knows what, like, my issues are and when to be like, turn the camera a little bit this way. And it's. It's great. It's like. And I also just. I'm like a big homebody, so I like to be at home as much as possible. I. And you know, exercise should be easy, it should be accessible. It should not be something that you have to, like this, you know, this.

[C]

Is a great topic that you just organically brought up. Every single person we talk to, the thing that everyone has in common, if they are regular exerciser, is that they've made it work for them.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And like, that's so important. You can't really do what other people do necessarily, but you gotta. Whatever works for you. Like, whatever's gonna put you in the. Like, if people. I know people walk, like, I walk 20,000 steps a day, I'm. I like to walk. It's like, great. Whatever you like to do, whatever doesn't.

[B]

Like, fill you with, you know, dread or, like, resentment because you could build up so much, you know, like, there's so much psychological just resistance towards the thing that unless it's something that is convenient or makes sense with your schedule, you're just not going to do.

[C]

And there's no point in putting any more barriers in front of something where it's like, now I have to also do a thing I don't like.

[B]

And the consistency to me is like the absolute most important thing.

[A]

I really rely on that. And I think that one of the things that, like, trainers are really good about, if you can afford it and you have, is like, you need someone to tell you that you're incrementally doing well. Because sometimes you're so hard on yourself because you're like, yeah, you're like, I'm working out. I should be jacked. You know, like, you get out of the shower and you catch yourself and you're like, what the fuck?

[B]

Or you just have a hard time walking up, like, to the subway, or.

[A]

You don't feel good, or you're having.

[B]

A shitty day, or you're just like, I'm out of shape or whatever for that general like we were talking about.

[A]

Last week, you do a bit and you're out of shape doing the bit. You're like, oh, my God, it's embarrassing.

[C]

I did like nunchucks and then chug the beer in a live show recently. And when I sat down to, like, be. To talk, I was like, like, oh, Man, I don't have the cardio to do comedy anymore. And so you're like, comedy in quotes, chugged a beer and didn't choke. Comedy three.

[A]

Those things, you know, feel different now, but they. But still. Even still, still. Everyone's so hard on ourselves. But it's nice when you have a trainer who goes, like, dude, you're 43. You're doing great, and I know where.

[B]

You used to be and I know that you keep showing up. And these things are cyclical. They're not linear.

[A]

Yeah. And look at your arms. They're better than they were before.

[C]

Yeah. But you do need that.

[B]

There's other ways of measuring things too. Like, oh, you used to be able to only hold this for this amount, and now you're doing that. So I. That's super, super important.

[C]

Yeah. For people without trainers, quantifying your workout. Some people, some people, that overwhelms them and makes it less fun. But quantifying your workout where you're like, wow, I'm doing five more pounds. Or like, I'm walking a mile on the treadmill 10 seconds faster than I used. And every one of those little improvements counts. I'm doing one more rep than I was last time. I'm resting ten less seconds in between sets. I'm doing two more pounds. You can, you know, titrate the intensity in, like, hundreds of different ways.

[A]

I feel like people often, because they, like, they want the, like, movie star result so quickly, they get depressed because they're like, last week I tried to do five more each time, and I did it, and I still look the same way. It's like, without someone there. That's like, that's great. That's awesome.

[C]

Keep that up forever and you're.

[B]

But also, like, spurts of intensity are always, like, followed by spurts of just, like, totally dropping out because you can't maintain it. Really? Really. I mean, that' just human nature.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Especially in our industry where you're like, I just.

[C]

My pendulum swings so hard where I'm like, oh, I just did six days in a row of fitness and eating whole food, salad for lunch every day and eat meal prepping. And then I'll be like, well, I ate street meat at 3:30am Again. And it's like. And then I'm just off the rails for five days and I swing back on. Not ideal.

[B]

Does that work for you, though?

[C]

It doesn't work for me health wise, but it works for me mentally.

[B]

That's what I was gonna say because, like, it does seem like, that might be a pattern that, like, makes sense with your personality.

[C]

Yes. It really, like, I do feel like angel and devil shoulder thing where I'm.

[B]

Like, I mean, maybe there is a balance to that if you are going back and forth consistently. I don't know.

[A]

Balance is the hardest thing. It's like our big keyword. It's the hardest thing because it's so hard as you get older to cut out what feels good and put in. In what doesn't, you know, because you're like, I don't have time for this. I don't have time.

[C]

Just one cigarette.

[A]

I just want to. Yeah, it's like, I just want.

[B]

Cigarettes were the best. Can I just say that, like, swapping social media for cigarettes is like one of the worst ever. Like, yeah, we just. We leveled down.

[C]

We might as well smoke cigs, kind of.

[B]

At least you're talking to people outside, right? You're outside, you're just like, hey, like, can I have a light?

[A]

Or whatever.

[B]

And now, now it's like on a set, people used to smoke and now they're all on their phones. And you're just like, this is. I mean, look, no disrespect to anyone who's like, been affected by the cancers, all the horrible things that cigarettes bring. Like, I don't want to, like, play that down.

[C]

We're not pro lung cancer anymore.

[B]

We're not.

[C]

We've changed. We used to be sponsored by.

[A]

Still doing my own research. But no, I had a cigarette. But then also you get older. Like, I was in Las Vegas with my cousins a couple weeks ago. They're all younger than me. These are bachelor part party. And like, I had a few drinks and had a cigarette after dinner.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And it was when I tell you the most amazing, delicious cigarette I've ever. I had like a big steak dinner and walked outside to the casino floor and one of them was smoking cigarettes. Like, hey, can I bum one of those? And they gave me like a Marlboro.

[B]

Like, I was gonna ask you what kind.

[A]

It was crisp out of the M light, you know, like, they. They packed. They were like, yeah, let me open a new pack. They like, did the whole thing.

[B]

Color of the Marlborough, like, kind of bronze.

[A]

Bronze, Silver. I was like. And I was like, watching this 31 year old dude, like, pack the thing. And I was like, oh, this is gonna rip. And he handed me and I lit it and was just like, oh, my God, I am in fucking heaven. And I smoked. No, I smoked it down to the nub. Ooh, Got Lightheaded.

[B]

Yeah. Dizzy.

[A]

Was like, ooh, I like that feeling. Missed that feeling. I haven't had that in a while. It's specific dizziness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then had the rest of the night. Woke up the next morning sounding like this. Like I have had like a sinus.

[B]

Infection that I can't.

[A]

It's like I haven't had a cigarette, like years and it like went right to my eyes. You know what?

[B]

Like the inflammation it caused. And you're like, yeah, like.

[A]

And like I smoke a ton of weed and still my. My body was like, different. This is poison.

[C]

Along the same lines. I smoked a spliff. Weed and tobacco in the same thing, and it rot. Like, obviously I got lightheaded. I'm like, oh, that's fun.

[B]

Tobacco. Was it like a cigar?

[C]

Like one of those, you know, like those. Pouch is like a hipster tobacco pouch.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Ones that you make your own. Smoke every.

[A]

I make them.

[C]

And then they. They put flour in it, rolled it up. We smoke it. I'm like, oh, man, that's pretty crazy. That tastes kind of good with the tobacco in it. Cut to me two hours later in bed. My throat is insanely dry and hurting.

[B]

Tummy. It didn't hurt your tummy.

[C]

No, it hurt my head and my throat.

[A]

That's what the cigarette. My. My stomach was all right, but like, yeah, the. My head. I. I legit have sounded like this since. And I. And I loved every second of it. I wouldn't trade it one. Yeah, it's like, like a fountain. And you know that.

[B]

That 30 year old is like literally a CrossFit right now.

[A]

It.

[B]

Yeah, like an opera class.

[A]

Yeah. The rest of the night they went. They went out. Of course they did. You know, and I was like, okay, boys. I think that's the thing, like the second location.

[C]

Just the idea that, like, where's your cousin? It's like a cigarette took him out.

[B]

Grampy needs a suit.

[A]

Needs a suit. Yeah, but it was.

[C]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

I don't smoke anything. Right. I try to be careful about that stuff. My food stuff. I'm definitely in the, like, little treat economy. Like, I'm very.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't cut things in the opposite direction. Like, so what's your little treat? I love sugar.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I know it's really bad for you, but I love it so much.

[A]

Impossible.

[B]

I mean, it makes life so much.

[A]

Better, even in my health. Night last night, I had to run out and park the car, and I grabbed, like, a handful of peanut MM's. I was like, I deserve this.

[B]

Peanut MM's are also, like. They're not bad for you.

[C]

They're practically trail mixed.

[B]

No, I had, like, a little bag of British Maltesers last night after. Come on.

[C]

I love British Maltesers.

[A]

I love British biscuits. I love any British biscuit.

[B]

British biscuits with milk chocolate. And their chocolate is so much better than ours. So that's my thing is, like, with. With sweets, as long as they're good, they're not good. I don't finish it. I just. I throw it. I'm like, this is a waste of my time.

[C]

Honestly, you just trigger something for me. Julie. I need to learn to. It's okay to throw to not like.

[B]

Something because something's crap and it's not worth your calories. You know, it's bad for you. Just, like, get rid of it.

[A]

That's a hard lesson from the clean plate.

[C]

I can't do that because I used to just impress adults by eating. And I'm like, yeah, it's, like, still in my head.

[B]

But if it's delicious and enjoy it.

[C]

But I'll do the thing where I'm so full and they'll. And one of the appetizers or one of the things I ordered, I didn't really like, yeah. And it's there. And I'm like, gonna walk it over to the garbage. And I'm like, I'll just eat these four garlic knots. She's like, I don't even like it. I'm just like, if I don't want to throw it out.

[B]

That's the same mentality of, like, when you make yourself. Because God forbid, I make myself too much pasta. And then I have some pasta in the colander in the sink. Sink. Nothing is more attractive to me than that.

[C]

Colander.

[B]

Sink. Pasta calls my name.

[A]

I love. I bought the most Soda Stream. Soda Stream you can get.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Like, literally spent something like paycheck on it.

[B]

Old timey clown would use to spray you with.

[C]

Boys aren't even allowed to buy.

[A]

Even better. I had to go to an all Jewish way. I get this in Tel Aviv.

[C]

Now's the time to do some shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Everything was on sale, of course.

[B]

I can't imagine why.

[A]

It was a. It's a. It's a box. I got it from Japan.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And it is. It does one thing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It has a. You have to install it in your counter. Drill a hole for the.

[B]

Oh, so it's part of your counter. It's part of your kitchen.

[A]

Kitchen. Attach it to the water system.

[B]

I know someone had this. I knew someone had this.

[A]

And you just put the cup in. You press the button. It's sparkling water.

[B]

So you have this faucet that sparkling water does. Seltzer. That's the dream.

[A]

It's the most extravagant thing I've ever had in my life.

[B]

It's worth every penny.

[A]

I love it. Worth every penny. I've replaced. Taste it twice. Every time it breaks.

[C]

You drink more sparkling than anyone I know.

[A]

It's. It's already.

[B]

I don't know why Jews love seltzer so much.

[A]

I've thought.

[B]

I've asked this question. I don't know why.

[A]

It's like a weird thing.

[B]

I think about it and I. And I come close, but then I get distracted.

[A]

You know what it could be like? Well, plain water. Plain water. I don't want to.

[B]

Tap water.

[A]

Tap water. Flat is hard on your digestion. At first. I feel like when you're hungry, plain water is painful.

[B]

Oh, that's interesting.

[A]

Jews inherently were all hungry and running.

[B]

You know, Same with pickles. Pickles are. We eat pickles because they're cheap and they fill the stomach.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

And they fill and they last and they take space.

[A]

And, like, that's what, like, you know, we're always making like chicken soup out of, like, the worst bones and stuff. Because we. We didn't have anything.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I feel like plain water is tough on a stomach. That's not. And this is all speculation.

[C]

Yeah, of course there's something to the idea of, like, it's jazzing up water.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

With air. Something even cheaper than water. Something even free, like an egg cream.

[B]

Have you ever had an egg cream?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, good.

[C]

I do like, like it. I didn't like seltzer when I was a kid. I like seltzer when I got old and started smoking older and started smoking weed and tried to stop drinking alcohol.

[B]

Oh, I thought you say soda.

[A]

Yeah, soda.

[C]

I never. We weren't. We weren't allowed to have soda in our house growing up. We were a water. Like, we. A tap water family to the point. But we eventually got, like, the Deer park delivery jugs. I was going to ask you if.

[B]

You had, like, a Tupperware pitcher of, like, just tap water in your fr. That was always kind of the best.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Super cold tap water.

[C]

That's all we. We used to have. And we used to.

[A]

Hated seeing a Brita. Hated going to a friend's house.

[B]

I don't like a Brita.

[A]

Seeing a Brita. The lid's always up. You gotta open it. There's like flies in the top.

[B]

Totally. It's like a Brita was kind of like a floppy mess.

[A]

Yeah. And anytime you went to a house of the Brita, the mom always had like, a tight perm, you know, like a. Like.

[B]

And that was like the old thing in the fridge, too.

[A]

Yeah. And there was always, like, you know, like, obsessed about the water and the Bretta.

[C]

I went to college in the early aughts. And we always clean it.

[A]

No, never.

[B]

Because that's. And also the. I've never seen a good fridge with a Brita.

[A]

Never. No. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a mess, Jeffrey. The fridge is a mess, Jeffrey.

[C]

A Brita was like such a thing in the early aughts. Like when we. When you moved in with, like, five guys and you had multiple Britas. Yeah.

[B]

And did you have a Jordan? George Foreman.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Thank you. We cooked. We cooked chicken.

[A]

Birds on my arm. Why is it at an angle?

[B]

Most idiotic thing I ever did. After I bought my George Foreman, I threw away the little, like.

[C]

Like the grease catcher.

[B]

Like, I don't want this anywhere neat. And then, of course, my whole counter.

[A]

Is like, the grease straight. Yeah. I can't. I. I never liked. I. I couldn't just Put meat in a waffle maker. Exactly. Yeah.

[C]

Or panini press.

[A]

They're all the same thing. They're all the same, but they were. It was the most dangerous. They were like, thank you.

[B]

You.

[A]

Bernie, I'm going to blow my nose.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You could do it now.

[A]

Are you sure? I feel like, go for it. This is going to be a.

[B]

How many tissues are you.

[A]

Sure? I have enough. I don't want it to bleed through.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's like when you're with the guy.

[C]

And he's like, oh, I hope you're.

[B]

Ready for what's coming.

[C]

Yeah, I know. This is. This is stretching me.

[A]

No, I do blow huge nose loads. Okay.

[C]

You're on the. You're on zinc. You're taking zinc.

[B]

I've always deserved, like, smile.

[A]

I think we can all agree.

[C]

I think you need to get.

[A]

I think we can all agree. I delivered.

[C]

Y. That was not the sound I was expecting.

[A]

Was that enough for you?

[C]

Holy.

[B]

I'm going to go squat in the tub for a couple hours.

[A]

Turn around. I'll get your back.

[C]

Why don't you lay here, Adam? I'll go get the towel.

[B]

I'm listening.

[C]

I'll go get the baby.

[A]

Question. Julie, you know this dance?

[C]

You lay right there. I'll be right back.

[A]

You know how this goes.

[B]

Luigi. Guys. To New York. Where on Long island are you from?

[C]

The south shore of Nassau County. Freeport.

[B]

Have you seen the Billy Joel documentary?

[C]

Of course. Have I watched it? Twice. Once with my mom.

[B]

So here's. Did you say I'm from Westchester. I'm from Scarsdale.

[A]

Okay. So we're all in the same place.

[B]

Northeast. We're all mishpocha here. So. Okay. This is my experience with the Billy Joel documentary. I went into it being like, I respect Billy Joel. I wouldn't say I'm a fan. Cause he's not, like, my taste. But I have tremendous.

[A]

Shocking for showtunes.

[B]

S. Yeah, I know. Because I love show tunes. But it was also kind of like, in between.

[A]

Yes. It's not quite Andrew Lloyd Webber.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

It's not quite Stephen Sondheim. But it's also not quite Bruce Springsteen.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

He's musical theater for straight guys.

[B]

Exactly. Really well put. So anyway, so I was like, okay, I'll watch this. About, like, halfway into the second one, I'm like, is this it? I wish this was like a Ken Burns style. Oh, yeah. Like 10 part. They got to Stormfront. I was like, how are we at Stormfront already?

[A]

I need more. My beef with it is only my Beef with it. With it is that they do a little bit of whitewashing and glossing over his bad behavior. Just a little bit.

[B]

Like, with the alcoholism, you mean?

[A]

Just all of it. Like, they just. They'll be like. And then Billy had a car crash. I was like, well, how did that happen?

[B]

That part of Glazed over when he.

[C]

Says, I've never gotten a dui.

[A]

Yeah. It's like.

[C]

And you're like, yes, of course. No one's on Long island.

[B]

Stopped it.

[C]

Yeah. No Suffolk county cop is gonna give Billy Joel. Let's not. But he also crashed two cars.

[A]

Yeah. Into like, churches and shit. Like, it's like the guy is like, you know, so, like, it's not. It's not just one. It's like two major car crashes.

[B]

There was a.

[A]

And a motorcycle accident. And a motorcycle.

[C]

I didn't know. He tried to take his life twice.

[B]

When he was a young man.

[C]

That was new to me. Other. Other things I love from the doc. When he does that album in LA and it doesn't go well and he comes back to and hires all Long island guys for his band and then all Long island guys to run business. And they cut to a picture of just 20 Italians and 20 curly haired brunette guys standing in a room. And I'm like, all in, like, black T shirts and jeans. And they're all like, hey, like, this is the fucking. This is what you do. Yeah. This is what you do when you.

[B]

Get back from LA and you're going through divorce. How interesting is it that all of his exes were interviewed.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And they didn't seem on good enough terms to be like, I equate that to.

[A]

I. I equate that to. He is a tortured guy.

[B]

That's exactly it. And I think that Al. Alcoholism was the thing that tore them apart more than them having any judgment around his, like, character.

[A]

Well, because, like, oftentimes when they talk to the exes and they talk about the relationships, they don't say like, oh, and then Billy cheated on me. Or then Billy got in a fight. It's like, usually it goes like, Billy got sad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Billy stopped wanting to go out to dinner with me. And then Billy didn't leave the house and then it was over.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, oh, this is a good sign.

[C]

If he's got a problem, he's got a problem.

[B]

Got a big problem.

[C]

All three of his ex wives are so still, so beautiful.

[A]

His first ex wife, Elizabeth, is.

[B]

I want to talk about.

[A]

Is that the gray hair?

[B]

I want to talk About Elizabeth, Is.

[A]

That the first one?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

She is the most beautiful older woman I've ever seen in my entire life.

[B]

When I listen to her, I was like, and she somehow looks better.

[C]

Yeah, she looks better than she did.

[A]

And then, and then, but. And you hear her voice and it's like an 80 year old voice. So you're like, you're like expecting it to be one of those things where Bruce ditched her for a younger, you know, version. And then you're like, wait a minute.

[B]

No, Elizabeth was fascinating. He had brother. Yeah.

[C]

They had to be really in love too, because she left her husband, who Billy was best friend, his partner in.

[B]

Attila, also interviewed because they reconciled and he like, ended up directing those videos.

[C]

They live together.

[B]

That's exactly.

[A]

Everyone loves Billy.

[B]

Everyone comes back and they understand that he's got these demons, but they aren't failing. And it's, it's know that like, first.

[C]

Marriage was real though, because like, like if, if your best friend steals your wife and you eventually go like, well, they're actually good.

[A]

The other thing about that first. The other thing about that first marriage though, that is she managed also.

[C]

She fudgeing. Plus this career.

[A]

That's what I was gonna say. I think, I think that's the, the other thing that's like really talked about well in the documentary is that that marriage comes out of a deep love of his work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She fell in love with Billy, but like, she loved Billy the way a manager, like, if you have a good manager.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I've had the Same manager for 20 years. I don't know. Like, all I know is that he loves my work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and like anything I put out, he's like the number one fan.

[B]

He's your fan.

[A]

And like, that's what you need. Yeah. And that's what you need. And like, it's so, so hard to find that. Right?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

How many times have you had a.

[B]

You need to find someone who gets you right.

[A]

Or like you've presented an idea to a manager, an agent, and they're like, yeah.

[B]

Or they'll tell you what the marketplace is.

[A]

The marketplace is. Yeah. And you're like, I thought you were my manager. I thought you were gonna do something. I thought you're gonna make this work. And then you, you see her managing him, taking out other managers because she's like, I love your work and I see it and I know how to do it so much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That, that, that relationship is destined to fail romantically because you can't be in love with someone's work so much to the point where you're willing to look past the way they.

[B]

Oh, yes, sure. They do have fatal flaws. And you can't.

[A]

Yes, and you can't. We were never gonna have a family. They were never gonna make it work. But she's in love with the guy that wrote Allentown, you know? And it's like.

[B]

But he wrote all those songs about her, too. So there was that kind of, like. I know, but it's like, collaborator thing.

[C]

The other thing about Billy you learn from, I never really put together. I kind of knew this. But the Doc really hammers it out. The dude has no poetry, no metaphors.

[B]

No.

[C]

His songs are one to one. And when it's like, this song's about me, it's like, my wife is my manager. It's all like.

[B]

It's. So.

[C]

I met Elle McPherson, and she was from uptown.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The last song you put out was the chorus is, I'm late, but I'm here right now. It's like, the guy does not deal in metaphor. No, he's literally saying, like, I haven't put out a song in three years.

[B]

How about that classical music album he did to, like, impress his dad? And his dad's like, my other son is more impressive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, that was like, all the. Well.

[C]

And he's like, I wrote the song Vienna about my dad. And it's like, why? Cause he moved to Vienna with it and started a new family.

[B]

Yeah. It was very literal. Very literal.

[C]

Everything's literal.

[A]

He's not like Bruce, who's also literal.

[B]

He's also pretty literal.

[C]

Bruce.

[A]

And the least. Not when he's talking about a car.

[C]

Bruce and the Doc. Bruce and the Doc.

[B]

Car is a woman.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

Bruce and the dock. Bruce and the Doc. I told you about my view of Bruce and the Doc, Right? Bruce and the Doc is like, Michael. They are very competitive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I don't think they like each other.

[B]

Other that well. Elton. Elton was the only one who wasn't interviewed. That's the breakup. They hate each other. That was the breakup.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

That was like, no.

[A]

Yeah. But I think Bruce. But I think Bruce was the. Was the. Was the most telling of the. Like.

[B]

Well, he said he had the Tin Pan Alley gene. He was like, he has melody.

[A]

Yeah, he has melody. And then he also said. He also says the thing about his metaphors. He also goes, bruce is the most literal songwriter. And if you watch Bruce's like, chunk, it's very, very pejorative. It's. Everything is kind of like, yeah, it's talking about. It's talking about him in a way that's like keeping him at bay from being compared to myself.

[B]

Yeah. He's basically like, I'm the rock star and he's like Tin Pan Alley. Like Broadway.

[A]

Yeah. And it's like.

[C]

And then Billy is like, whatchamacallit. Resents Bruce because Bruce gets the, like, he's like the song.

[B]

Critics love him and critics love him.

[C]

That's clearly killed Billy. Also, pretty crazy reveal for people who don't know. Billy Joel has been part of the zeitgeist for 40 years. Hasn't put out a new song in 30 years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, he put one out last year. Yeah.

[B]

What did he put out last year?

[C]

He put out one song.

[B]

Oh, that one. But I'm here. How is it? That's great.

[A]

You love it.

[C]

It sounds like a Billy song.

[B]

Is it a ballad?

[A]

It's a ballad.

[C]

It's a bit of a.

[A]

It's a bill of. It's the first. I can't believe you didn't hear it. It's the first Billy song with songwriters. He used like a team of songwriters.

[B]

He did.

[A]

And it's amazing. I. I love it. Makes me cry. It's.

[C]

It's the first time he's put out new music since.

[B]

What's your favorite Billy Joel song down Easter. Alexa, what's your favorite Billy Joel song?

[A]

Miami, 2017.

[C]

What's yours?

[B]

Vienna. And it was before I saw the doc and then I saw that it was about his dad and I said, oh my God. But close second scenes from Italian restaurant. Because I love a medley, right? Yeah, I love a medley.

[A]

It is a medley. It's an overture.

[C]

It's a true medley. Yeah. Also in the. We should move on from talking about the now seven month old documentary. It's a. It's a great documentary about my staying alive. Like Billy's. Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Have you ever seen him out and about on Long Island?

[C]

No, I've never. I never did. My mom, like, almost broke hipaa to tell me she was a private nurse for his publicist. And that's like enough to get you like. Absolutely.

[B]

He's my height. Do you know that? He's five' five.

[A]

He's a smaller guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why these smaller guys, they have such a.

[B]

Like, they have a lot to prove.

[A]

I guess they have a lot to prove.

[B]

I welcome it. Like, except for Hitler.

[A]

Hitler was not my favorite painter. No, I preferred his writing.

[C]

Good author.

[B]

That's the problem with cartoon is, you know you're gonna be Better at.

[A]

So, Julie, you're podcasting with Sharply still.

[B]

I'm podcasting with Sharply. We're doing Double Threat, and I brought my own podcast back a year ago. How was your week? And you guys are gonna have to come on.

[C]

I love it.

[A]

I was an original guest. I love that podcast.

[B]

Yes. And how is your week? Is. They're both on the Forever Dog network, and I do it like. So how is your week? We break up now where it's like two episodes. Like, one is an interview and one is a monologue.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

And the interview is generally, like, focused on a topic. So we'll have, like, you know, someone come on and bring, like, a list or, like, something that, you know, they want to talk about. Or else I'll have, like, a filmmaker come on and talk about a lot of documentary filmmakers coming on. Cool. And, like, authors and things like that. So we had. Who do we have?

[C]

Oh, I don't know what she wants.

[A]

To talk to us about.

[B]

I'll figure out.

[C]

Billy Joel.

[B]

We'll have a casserole episode. You guys will both bring in recipes.

[A]

I'll bring the sweet. You bring the savory sweet.

[B]

And savory.

[A]

Klaus, do you have anything you wanna plug? By the way, I wanna say, how was your week?

[C]

How was your week? Double Threat.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Come on the show. I wanted to tell you that you. I think of you. Oh, I love you and have known you for so long, but I think of you as like my Amy Sedaris.

[C]

Oh, I love.

[B]

What a beautiful kind.

[A]

You know what I mean? You're just like my New York.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're like my New York voice, kind of. Who has, like, a beautifully strange life. Thank you. But is just a constant and awesome. Always just there, you know?

[B]

Oh, I love that. What a kind thing to say. That means so much to me. And I love her. She's so cool.

[A]

She's the queen.

[B]

She's the coolest. The coolest and the funniest.

[A]

Well, that's what I think of you.

[B]

Thank you so much. Well, I love you both and it's just a pleasure to.

[C]

I've known you for a long time, but I don't really have any strong feelings towards you either way. That's fine.

[B]

I'll take that.

[A]

I did it for us.

[B]

We'll build that together with, like. But I think it'll be food related.

[C]

Oh, I think it just might be that. Yeah. I think you're gonna like my Google.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This is so Schlitz. Gay liquor right now.

[C]

Yeah, I think we're gonna like house sitting.

[A]

Thank you guys so much.

[C]

We fucking did it.

[A]

She left her makeup bag.

[C]

Now, do we give it to her or do we use it all on ourselves and see if she notices that we're wearing her same foundation?

[A]

Well, so she's gonna want her eyes. I. Her. Her headphones are in here.

[C]

What she definitely doesn't want to do showing Bernie her wallet's in here.

[A]

So I don't think she's going to be able to get out of. Get out of the building. But not the first guest to leave something they needed behind last week. Casey Wilson left her keys.

[C]

Was there car keys in the toilet? In the bathroom. Not in the toilet.

[A]

That's my case.

[C]

Yeah. We looking for her keys afterwards. She goes, no. And she goes, I must have left them in my car. I go, that is the worst place to leave your keys. That means your doors aren't locked. Of your husband's armor.

[A]

Wild man.

[C]

It was so fun catching up with Julie. And I will say I'm a little hungover and we talked a lot about food. I could go for a tray of kugel right now.

[A]

Oh, my God. That'll. That'll sop up that direct.

[C]

Sinners call me Ryan Kugala. Do me ll Coogel J.

[A]

I don't even. I can't even think of another kugel.

[C]

Oh, I have one more. Stay alive.

[A]

Everyone's gonna.

[C]

Double crib.

[A]

That's what you get.

[C]

You have been listening to Staying Alive with John Gabris and Adam Pali. A Smartless media production in association with Sirius xm.

[A]

Produced by Devin Tory Bryant and Anne Harris. Engineered and edited by Devin Tory Bryant, who also wrote the music.

[C]

Associate producer and video producer is Matty McCann. Social media producer Tommy Galgano.

[A]

Assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Special thanks to Jared O' Connell at SiriusXM.

[C]

Executive producers are John Gabris.

[A]

Ooh, me.

[C]

Adam Pally. Ooh, you Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminski. Do us a favor. Just rate and review the podcast. It actually helps.

[A]

Just so everyone knows we do not have a discord.

[C]

Don't reach out to us.

[A]

See us on the street. Walk the other way or you'll catch hands.

[B]

Besides the Billy Joel one, do you like docs a lot? I.

[A]

Documentaries.

[B]

I love documentaries.

[C]

It's like as close as I can get to reading. Yeah, to me like watching a documentary counts as reading.

[B]

Smart, less media. Choose to lean into it. Every Mazda is engineered to give you effortless control.

[C]

Awake up.