Redhanded (w/ Vic Michaelis)

Summary

Staying Alive with Jon Gabrus & Adam Pally – "Redhanded" (w/ Vic Michaelis)

Podcast Date: May 21, 2026 | Network: SmartLess Media | Guest: Vic Michaelis

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Episode Overview

This lively and freewheeling episode features hosts Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally chatting with comedian, improviser, and internet personality Vic Michaelis. The trio, renowned for their no-holds-barred banter and honesty about health and wellness, dig into Vic’s formative years in martial arts, performance anxiety, the importance of routines, family quirks, internet comment culture, and—of course—the mysterious hand injury referenced in the episode’s title.

While the tone is frequently irreverent and comedic, conversations ultimately orbit around the central theme: how to "stay alive"—physically, mentally, and emotionally—when your life is a mix of entertainment industry chaos, lingering childhood influences, and the need to seek out health on your own terms.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening Banter, Celebrity Sightings & Podcast Dynamics

Timestamps: 00:00–03:06

• Gabrus and Pally riff on the celebrity promo photo based on Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey.
• Comedic speculation about guest selection and the idea of surprising Vic by donning elaborate costumes.
• “We think we’re…that we love their politics…we agree with them about AI…” — Adam, sarcasm on actor personas (00:19)
• Early bemusement about jealousy over not being invited on Vic’s VIP show.
• Underlying theme: feeling like outsiders or not quite “good enough” for certain types of comedy or performance gigs.

2. Theater Stories & Kids’ Productions

Timestamps: 03:06–06:09

• Hilarious retelling by Jon of taking a whole TV crew to a children’s production of "The Hobbit"—and being moved to tears by the kids’ big performance choices.
• “I lost my shit. It was so beautiful.” — Jon recalling the experience (05:19)
• The moment parents start pitching their acting children to the crew, flipping the dynamic from outsider to sought-after Hollywood connection.

3. “Redhanded”: The Running Mystery

Timestamps: 06:27–13:02

• Recurring comic thread about Vic’s injured, possibly tie-dyed hand, which becomes a running joke and a metaphor for things guests don’t want to talk about.
• “You can look, but you can’t talk… That’s perfect. Because I can’t avert my gaze.” — Adam & Vic, on the awkwardness of injuries (06:46)
• The joke carries through the episode as a device to deflect, connect, and lampoon podcast “oversharing.”

4. Health & Wellness: The “Stay Alive” Question

Timestamps: 13:02–16:38

• The core of each episode: what are you actually doing to stay alive right now?
• Vic shares the importance of small daily routines and structure, referencing a background that alternated between organized religion and intense martial arts:
  • “I think what is keeping me alive is a lot of really tiny routines that I force myself to do every day, even though they might not do anything.” (14:50)
  • Describes nightly vitamin prep, including international “Soul de Terre” supplements sourced via cousin.

5. Martial Arts: Identity, Gender, and Letting Go

Timestamps: 16:38–27:33

• Deep dive into Vic’s competitive Taekwondo past, growing up in a Midwestern, conservative, and at times hyper-masculine dojo culture—often the only girl in class.
• “We’re allowed to wear…anything with the American flag on it.” — Vic, on Americanification of martial arts spaces (17:28)
• Taekwondo as both an anchor for childhood identity and a hyper-competitive world that, ultimately, proved unsustainable.
• “It became very apparent it just wasn’t going to happen…I could put every ounce of effort into this and it wasn’t gonna pan out…” — Vic, on why they left martial arts (23:05)
• A friend’s brutal jaw injury became the final tipping point, prompting a shift into acting and the performing arts.

6. Grieving, Shifting Identity, and the Artist’s Journey

Timestamps: 27:33–34:32

• Vic discusses the ‘swap’ of one all-consuming discipline for another: from Taekwondo to acting.
• The pressure of finding self-worth and stability as a performer—particularly after loss (the death of Vic’s mother).
• Jon shares how his late father’s “bookshelf for retirement” taught him about not delaying essential life experiences (scuba diving as an example):
  • “As soon as my career is in a place where I'm happy about it, then I'll get scuba certified… And then I just age nine years and I'm like, what if my career never goes. Exactly.” (32:32)
• The group explores how passion-based work can blur boundaries between career, social life, and identity.

7. The Challenge of Improvisation & Embracing Discomfort

Timestamps: 34:32–42:01

• Adam asks Vic about returning to improvisational roots and the anxiety that accompanies performing after a break.
• Discussion on the unpredictability of improv, the importance of maintaining the muscle (or “oxidizing” if let lapse), and finding excitement in the unfamiliar:
  • “If I can find myself in a situation where I activate a little bit of nerves, it makes me feel so… alive.” — Jon, on performing outside his comfort zone (41:16)
• The trio commiserate about self-doubt and the desire to prove oneself in new formats, like stand-up.

8. Hobbies Outside Performance: Doing Things Badly

Timestamps: 36:05—39:13

• Vic has begun “really bad pottery”—embracing the freedom to be terrible at something for the sake of personal happiness.
  • “It holds such a small amount of water for how heavy it is.” (36:40)
• Engaging with musical theater in a new way (often with more talented friends) as a form of controlled discomfort and a reminder not to take oneself too seriously.

9. Internet Comments, Aging Family, and Online Anxieties

Timestamps: 49:25—54:40

• Spirited conversation about internet comment culture: the shock of negative comments, the urge to clap back, and the generational oddities of parents and aunts posting supportive or clueless things on social media.
• “My mom called, commented, ‘you looking good, Scoot. And you too, Adam.’…You can’t be posting Scoot online.” — Jon, on family intrusion (51:37)
• Both laughter and frustration emerge as they discuss “boomer internet” and viral AI animal videos fooling family members.

10. Loss, Wellbeing, and Final Reflections

Timestamps: 32:02—36:13, 54:40—end

• Revisiting how personal loss and family changes shape motivation and the search for meaning outside of work.
• Vic and Jon muse on the continuing urge to find physical activities that don’t morph into new obsessions or pressures (martial arts, running, hobbies).
• All three discuss resisting internet noise, setting boundaries, and “shame as a moral corrective” in real life and online.
• Closing jokes about bizarre South by Southwest experiences, aging out of some comedy scenes, and physical mishaps onstage.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On childhood Taekwondo:
  “I got to like kick somebody in the face for the first time, and I was like, I want to do this.” – Vic, (20:20)

• On shifting identity:
  “It really was no pause to be like, who am I without this? Because even…it just subbed for something else.” – Vic, (31:58)

• On structuring adult life:
  “Tiny routines that I force myself to do, even though they might not do anything…to create structure for order.” – Vic, (14:50)

• On letting go of old goals:
  “He lose a bunch of his teeth, he's got to get it wired shut. And I just go, I think I am done.” – Vic, on quitting martial arts, (26:09)

• On the joy of doing things badly:
  “I'm doing really bad pottery…It holds such a small amount of water for how heavy it is.” – Vic, (36:10, 36:40)

• On online feedback:
  “My new thing is I reply to comments: ‘I don't know what you intend with this, but I did read it and I hope you're happy.’” – Jon, (50:19)

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Additional Highlights & Timestamps

• [15:29]: The hazards of Instagram wellness advice and imported vitamins.
• [17:28]: The Americanization of martial arts.
• [22:13]: Olympic Taekwondo’s exclusionary structure.
• [32:32]: Scuba diving as postponed life experience.
• [41:07]: The nerves before performance—versus the lack of nerves onstage.
• [51:37]: “You looking good, Scoot.” Family over-sharing online.
• [53:40]: AI animal videos fooling older relatives.

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Uplifting Plugs & Social Good

Charity shout-outs (56:43–57:11):

• Vic plugs Zebra Youth (Orlando), Lost and Found (Atlanta), and the Transgender Law Center, encouraging donations to any trans-supportive organizations, especially in states with anti-trans legislation.

"Two organizations I really love are Zebra Youth out of Orlando and Lost and Found out of Atlanta. But truly, even in like safe states, there's any local organization can absolutely use your money, your time..." – Vic, (56:43)

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Final Thoughts

This episode uses a mix of hilarious tangents, personal vulnerability, and thoughtful asides to examine how creative people “stay alive”—not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally—in a world full of unpredictability, shifting identities, and relentless online noise. Through Vic’s stories and the hosts’ own self-deprecating honesty, Staying Alive illustrates that “wellness” isn't just about health regimens but about building resilience, community, and a measure of healthy detachment.

“Stay alive.” — The show’s recurring sign-off, made all the more meaningful by the stories shared.

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[End of summary]

Transcript

[A]

Smart. Less. That's such a good photo of you two.

[B]

Oh, we're obsessed. We're so proud of that photo because it's based on that picture of Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey hugging in the.

[A]

Oh, no way.

[B]

Yeah. We think we're.

[C]

That we love their politics.

[B]

We agree with them about AI. Yeah. And we disagree with their true, true detective characters. We think pedophile cabals should be.

[A]

Should exist, should be allowed.

[B]

Season two, all bangers so far. Yeah. And we're gonna keep it up.

[C]

Yeah. Season two's a no skip.

[B]

Yeah. All rippers, no skippers.

[C]

Yeah, No, I. I think so, too. I think. I think we've. We've. We've kind of hit our stride as far as, like, also. It's so much easier. Peep. There are people that are reaching out to us.

[B]

Right? Well, we have. We. We have episodes out now, so people know what it is, at least when we invite them.

[C]

Exactly. Yeah.

[B]

And our next guest, you probably have seen interview hundreds of weird freaks online with their show, Very Important people. Vip. But we got Vic Michaelis coming into the students.

[C]

They may be the most famous person we've ever had on the show.

[B]

We're in their territory on the Internet. You know, they run. They run this shit.

[C]

They are. Yeah, they are. They are the. The alpha and the omega of online. Online comedy.

[B]

Yeah. And Vic runs that. Vic is vip. Vip is the name of the show.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I'm trying to work out some, like, mottos and stuff for the show, too.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's good that you're working them out. That's good. You don't want to just throw them out on the pod before you've.

[B]

Before even interviewing Vic. Just for us, before they even show up, we're like, I got a bunch of ideas for you. Here's some marketing. I'm now, like, I fully reached, like, uncle status.

[C]

Have you done Vic show?

[B]

No.

[C]

It's one of the few shows that I'm jealous every time I see a friend has been invited to do it.

[B]

Same. I feel the same way. And I'm like, I'm also not a good character person.

[C]

Me, Nobby, I'd be terrible.

[B]

I'd be bad at it. But I want to be. Also, at my size, costuming is difficult,

[C]

you know, But I also want the challenge. It's like I could see myself being invigorated by whatever I open my eyes to see.

[B]

So, Vic, if you actually listen to this podcast or watch this episode, and now you're seeing this intro.

[C]

Well, how. How much does it cost to go on the show?

[B]

Should we just. Should we pay?

[C]

I assume that that Bobby's paying.

[B]

Would. It would have been really funny if we invited Vic to do the podcast. And when they showed up, you and I had crazy costumes. Like, you've elaborate costumes.

[C]

Oh, we were dressed in brown business

[B]

suits, stealing their thunder, doing their bit here. We just need you to put on this giant bobblehead.

[C]

Hold on. Before you come in. We have that. You can't see. See how you deal with it. Vic Michaelis,

[A]

Woody Harrelson randomly in Toronto. He was filming something and, like, just started showing up at the youth theater that I did a lot of stuff at with, like, the really creepy director that used to, like, date students. Like, he just would just, like, started showing up to, like, our rehearsals and our shows.

[C]

Like, James Franco style.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, never did anything, but just was like, I love this guy and I'm gonna hang out. And never gave notes, never talked about acting at all. Just sort of showed up and was watching.

[C]

You know, there's always those dark stories about movie stars you hear. Like, I. I once heard this story about Jared Leto.

[B]

Like, any story about him.

[C]

No, but I want. I once heard this story about Jared Leto, like, paying an Uber driver to, like, hang out with him in a mall for the day.

[A]

A job creator.

[C]

Yeah. Well, he truly is a job creator. I mean, Tron alone, Tron Legacy, Aries alone is like a job. Think of the economy.

[A]

They didn't want me.

[C]

It's bio digital jazz, baby. But yeah, no, I, I, like, I'm

[B]

thinking about one time when I was shooting a show in Montana. Me and my buddy, just our friend Justin Tyler, he was writing on the show. We had one day off and we saw that there was a local theater production of the Hobbit. And we talked like.

[A]

Of the Hobbit?

[B]

Yeah, they were putting on a staged version of the Hobbit. And so me and Justin.

[C]

I don't remember that play on Broadway.

[B]

Me neither. This was in Montana, and it was in Whitefish, Montana.

[C]

We never put that production on in my high school.

[B]

Yeah, no, I couldn't imagine we didn't have enough short people. No, it was. And so we. We're like, oh, we're going to go. And the crew is like, it's the one day off. And the crew's like, wait, what are you guys doing on day off? Are you going to party? We're like, well, we were going to go to this. And also we get the entire crew to go. So 40 people go to this production. And when we get there, everyone's kind of looking at us weird. And we're all ordering, like, double red wines. And we're like, we're gonna sit down and everyone's looking at us weird. And then we start to notice everyone that's looking at us is older than us. And we're like, oh, it's an old theater crowd.

[C]

It's a high school production.

[B]

It's not a high school production. Younger. It's a kids production of the Hobbit. And I brought 30, like, drunk LA hipster, like, grips and fucking producers.

[A]

How old are these kids?

[B]

They were between 6 and 11. And the play was so good. I was like, hysterical crying. I was like, I lost my shit. It was so beautiful.

[C]

Meanwhile, some of the grips are like, you're not supposed to be this close to a school.

[B]

Gary, the kid who played Frodo, had like a Woody Allen like, cadence. So we'd be like, gandalf, what's going on in Montana? It was amazing. Kids were the kids.

[A]

I love the kid that makes a big choice.

[B]

Every kid was making a big choice. And 12 little kids with like, fake dwarf beards going like, I'm filling, I'm grilling, you know, like, it was such an amazing moment. And it was like after the show. And then it flipped weird because the parents were like, wait, what are you guys doing in town? We're like, oh, we're shooting a TV show. And also the parents are like, my son is available.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no.

[A]

Tough.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you with Woody.

[B]

They were like, well, why don't you go introduce yourself?

[A]

I. My dad doesn't recognize anybody ever, under any circumstances. None of my friends he met over and over again. He. Everybody is pal, big guy in chief

[C]

to my dad like that. I love a.

[A]

If he would have met Woody Harrelson. I don't want to talk about it.

[B]

Yeah, I literally caught you red handed.

[C]

I'm glad you don't want to talk about it because I've been avoiding talking about it.

[A]

I don't want to talk about it 10 minutes. So that's so funny because I don't

[B]

want to talk about things. You did want to talk about talking about it.

[C]

We don't have to talk.

[A]

It wasn't on it because it's new and I don't want to talk about it. Had. I know.

[C]

Do you want me to stop staring at it?

[A]

You can look, but you can't talk, right?

[C]

Because I can't. That's perfect. Because I Can't avert my gaze.

[A]

That's fine. Honestly, it's sort of. It's one of these.

[C]

The more you do that. Like I'm being tested for a one of these.

[A]

It's one of these. And I don't want to talk about it.

[B]

You immediately clocked me. He went like, you did something like that. I was like, what the.

[A]

And we're not discussing it. And we're not discussing it. Cuz the story at this point is going to be so disappointing. Here. Sure.

[C]

Can I catch it? Like, is it this date? Is this a good enough distance?

[A]

I think you're going to find out tomorrow.

[C]

Oh, God. That's not the answer I wanted. Then you see me tomorrow on the plane next to someone. I'm like, don't ask me about it.

[B]

You go flying.

[A]

Where you going?

[C]

No, I'm not going. Right.

[A]

Okay. So lying. A little bit of lying.

[B]

Just.

[C]

Well, I just thought that's the place

[B]

I would have an audience flying. Just lying.

[C]

Also, I'm super concerned that this couch is going to break.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because you're in the house.

[A]

Why?

[B]

You know why.

[A]

Come on, watch me stack a bunch of bricks in my pocket. Some are worried the couch is going to break.

[C]

No. Cuz I know you're headed to the ocean after this.

[B]

We usually weigh all our guests.

[C]

No, that.

[A]

That's really smart. Do a weigh in.

[B]

We can't get anyone to do the pod.

[C]

We. We started doing the pod that way and then they said we had to stop.

[A]

I legitimately would do a podcast. Is it making you scared that doing this over and over again, sort of shaky.

[C]

I just want you to acknowledge that the leg is shaky and off. Okay.

[A]

It's shaky and off. What do you mean?

[C]

Like, look at the leg.

[B]

I.

[A]

It's another lie.

[C]

No, I'm serious. It's.

[B]

I think we're fine. I wouldn't. Just don't lean back or move.

[C]

Yeah. Yes. Okay. So I. I'm.

[B]

I'm the couch.

[A]

I understand. Thank you. I appreciate it.

[B]

But we're going to check off couch.

[C]

Honestly, I only talked about the couch so I could stop talking about the hand. Because the hand is dry.

[A]

You want to talk about it? It's going to be fine.

[C]

What?

[B]

You can talk to the hand, but not about it.

[A]

Got it. I love that. Put that on a T shirt. Do you guys do merch?

[B]

We do.

[C]

Not in a good way.

[B]

No one's buying it.

[C]

Not good merch.

[B]

We do it just to fill a fucking huge hole in the ground in Africa.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

You don't know what's going on. Well, we going to Buffalo, and it's

[A]

not a hole in the ground. It's sort of a blanket on the ocean. Blanket on the coast, which is how

[C]

I positively think about it. Someone's got to tuck in those dolphins.

[A]

That really is it. That's lovely.

[C]

That's why I never understood why people are so upset about the nets. I was like, this is just a blanket.

[B]

Yeah, it's a hammock. It's a dolphin hammock.

[A]

A hammock. And they're so smart. He'll get out.

[B]

They're getting a nice long caught in there. That's what. All right, I only got three nets this week.

[A]

This is where the podcast gets canceled. That is going to be the moment. I think that's why they shut it down.

[B]

No. If Devin ever releases this Dropbox file he has of all of our cutting room floor moments, he has it like a. He has a nuclear. If he doesn't click a button every 15 days, it just automatically gets released. So we can't even kill it.

[A]

If I don't try to get those.

[C]

If I don't tell people he wrote the theme song. I got an email with, like, a gif of me doing something horrible.

[B]

A gif?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We have GIFs that are visibly us doing horrible things. It's like.

[A]

Did you write the theme song?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Will you do it live?

[C]

Where? Like at the Palladium.

[A]

Is it a song?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Try Staying Alive. I can't wait to. I can't wait to hear that. At Greek later this summer when you open for Seth Rogen.

[B]

Another thing he has in common with Russell Brand.

[C]

Yeah. I thought it was only his politics for a while.

[B]

Then only his dating history.

[C]

Then his dating history. I was really shocked. But then to find out a yoga interest. I was just overwhelmed.

[B]

Did you guys. I'm sorry. We'll get to the real podcast in a second. This is all gonna be, unfortunately, part of it, but did you see that clip of Russell Brand on Piers Morgan?

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Where he goes, tell me the Bible. I'll send it to you. The tell me the Bible story. And he looks through the Bible. It's like a Simpsons level bit. He looks through the Bible for, like three minutes. He's like, I guess I don't remember which one it is, but it's like two minutes of him silently shuffling through the Bible live on. On CNN or whatever.

[A]

And he can't just make up a Bible story.

[B]

He's so clearly lying, like 11 times. He can't Even fake. He can't even in this moment just riff. He's like, oh, it's Isaiah. And he's like, wait, no that's not it. Hold on. It's something in Isaiah. And he's like, well, let's just say the Bible verse helped me a lot.

[C]

He's got so many like L Personas going on his neck. His actual necklaces look like a coexist bumper sticker. It's like a rosary bead and a Buddhist Jesus know what the is going on.

[B]

Royal Caribbean takes next level to another level. Go all in on the world's boldest ships. Filled with mind blowing entertainment, world class dining and the largest water parks at sea. And just when you think it couldn't get any better, you'll stop at our award winning private island. Perfect day Cococay. It's an unreal adventure for everyone in the family book [e-mail] Big Time, Best time, all the time. Come seek the Royal Caribbean ships registry. Bahamas.

[A]

Getting a Jesus fish. I feel like in 2026 is cool again.

[C]

Yeah, like the one like at the store, like going to the Aquari when you're like, can I get that one?

[A]

That one.

[C]

The one that turned the tank into wine.

[B]

Maybe that's.

[C]

That will have your hand. Is that whatever your.

[A]

I am not talking about it. I don't want to talk about it. This stop. Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask, don't ask, don't. And I'm not telling. So fine.

[B]

So Vic, we literally only ask into the army. What's that?

[A]

My hand is gay and it's trying to get into the army.

[C]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Me too. Hashtag, me too.

[C]

I thought you were like a hand double for vision Fun.

[A]

I wish. Get me in there.

[C]

They're like, for some reason Paul Bettney's hands are just like swollen alcohol.

[B]

M. Right as right as the podcast ends, we're like, thank you so much for having you, Vic. You're like, I jerked off grimace and then just runs away.

[A]

I'll never tell. I'll never tell.

[C]

No, I know. It's something way worse than that.

[B]

We only really ask one question.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

What are you doing to stay alive right now? Yeah, currently right now in this minute on a macro.

[C]

Way to get you here. Yeah.

[A]

Oh man. What am I doing to stay alive? That's a great question.

[B]

I mean like, that's why we only ask one because it's so. It's filled and if you don't have an answer. We'll figure out the next 59.

[A]

Oh, I do. I do. Do you have a Bible?

[B]

Yeah, it's in here.

[C]

You can't make one.

[A]

Isaiah, for sure.

[C]

There we go.

[A]

I.

[C]

All of a sudden, the couch breaks.

[B]

I thank God.

[A]

I rigged it. I r it.

[C]

You broke the couch?

[A]

It's. Listen, Talk about my hand.

[C]

Jesus. What's your workout thing that's so bad? Why do you not want to talk about your workout?

[A]

I have. Recently. I did. I. I've always. I'm somebody that's always had, like, a. I got. I got to stop this. I'm somebody that's always had a lot of structure in my life. Like, I. I grew up in, like, a. In the church. Like, my family wasn't into it. I got super into it.

[C]

Like, where? In the.

[A]

In, like, sort of in the Midwest. It was like, everybody was a part of those, like, big mega churches, and they can really sniff out people with weird family situations.

[C]

That's. That's how they've made their money.

[A]

Yes. And so, like, my. My dad, who, like, wasn't even religious, really was like, I all of a sudden was like, I'm getting baptized, and I'm going to four different youth groups at three different churches. Like, I was, like, stacking up my week. I like. When we moved to Canada, I left that pretty quickly because nobody does church up there. And there's only another thing I like. There you go. Only so much you can do. And I did, like, really intense martial arts for a long time, and that was a lot of structure. And I think, like, leaving that behind. I think what is keeping me alive is a lot of really tiny routines that I force myself to do every day, even though they might not do anything to find.

[B]

To create structure for.

[C]

Order.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Order.

[A]

Yeah. I'm somebody that I think like, as well. Especially, like, you know, being, like, a performer, touring around.

[B]

You're not even in the same city all the time. You're not even in the same location.

[A]

And so I'm like, I have started. This is. My honest answer is I've started taking vitamins, and I put. At night, I put them. I do iron. I do B12. I just have, like, a general vitamin that I do. I have one that my cousin found on Instagram.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I think I take those vitamins, too.

[C]

Next to La Cienega.

[A]

Yeah, It's. It's just like, he. He is. He's so smart, and he's like, there's this lady who I like, and I follow all of her stuff. And she's kind of crazy, but I like this vitamin that she has. And I go, great. And so he just sends me those vitamins.

[C]

You want to gatekeep it?

[A]

And I take. I could not. It's called like soul. Oh, Sol de Terre. It's like. It is.

[C]

Okay, so you're getting these internationally.

[A]

These are.

[C]

They may not be.

[A]

I lived in. I was in Hungary for six months and I got the best vitamins in Eastern Europe. Central Europe. Sorry.

[B]

Yeah, they're like. They're like the vitamins that you wouldn't pass a drug test. Like you would get like, kicked out of the Olympics.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, I was just taking Hungarian vitamins. That's like when Stallone got caught shipping, he. He brought steroids into Australia. When he got caught, he said he called them bodybuilding vitamins.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And the people were like, well, yeah, kind of.

[A]

I guess.

[C]

Right. It's the kind of vitamins that when you come back through customs and they're like, where have you been? You're like,

[B]

gallop onto the slowly.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well, let's talk a little bit about. Because I'm obsessed with this. And we connected over this when we first met. But aggressive martial art, you were pretty heavy into Taekwondo or karate.

[A]

Taekwondo. It was the kind of Taekwondo. And I know we talked about this, but it is like the kind of Midwestern Taekwondo where you're like in a suburb. All of it is like ex law enforcement or wannabe law.

[C]

I took taekwondo when I lived in Skokie.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. So I mean, like, I wonder if it was a similar experience here where it's like deeply like conservative patriot. Very considering, like how, you know, steeped. It is in like in.

[B]

It's an ancient Asian tradition.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Korean tradition, to be specific. With Taekwondo that somehow is the most. It takes place in the most American. A word that called dojo. But somehow they managed to put American flags. I'm obsessed with the Americanification of dojos.

[C]

It's like nachos.

[A]

Yes, yes. We. In our gym, we're allowed to wear our. Your Yuko or foldable Buck. You could wear a. Like a shirt with the gyms logo on it somewhere. Or you could wear anything with the American flag on it.

[C]

I mean, my favorite movie of all time might be Foot Fist Way. Hell yeah. No, Danny McBride, it's his first and yeah, Jody Hill, their first movie. They made it on their own.

[A]

Dang, I gotta watch this.

[B]

And Foot Fist Way is an English translation of what Taekwondo means.

[C]

Right. It is the funniest It's. It's because it's even more Danny. It's more Danny McBride than anything he's ever done on a network or. It's so unheard of.

[B]

Hinge.

[C]

But it is maybe the funniest movie. Still so dark and so dark and

[A]

so holds up, though.

[C]

Oh, my God. Beyond holds up.

[B]

It's a cl.

[C]

Like, I put it on sometimes, just for la.

[B]

I put it on and I'm just like, we should have known right then and there that this guy is like, oh, undeniable.

[C]

Yeah. He's one maybe my favorite.

[B]

And is.

[C]

It's his. It's his opus.

[B]

And isn't Rex Kwondo. That's Diedrich Tater in Diedrich Bader. Diedrich Bader in Napoleon Dynamite.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Rex Fondo. And he's got, like, the American flag

[C]

and he's got the bandana.

[B]

Bandana.

[A]

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Two chicks at once.

[A]

I'm like, he's so good at all kinds of social commentary, because even, like, rageous gemstones. I just, like. I just went back and I re. Watched that recently, and I'm like, it just is so good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Came up in big church.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, it really is like. It's a bunch of people that kind of don't even believe in it, that are just sort of like, we're doing it because it's the family business.

[C]

Yeah. And it's show business. Showbiz, you know, it's like, we're getting on a stage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's hard to, like, give up watching them. Like, difficulty giving up that power and stuff like that.

[C]

It's so, so good. Yeah.

[B]

So you were pretty competitive in taekwondo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For the listeners who might not know what made you stop, because this is a crazy detail.

[A]

Oh, I. It was like a. It was a couple of things. The big thing that ended up happening is like, I. I can't remember which story I told you.

[C]

Well, how old are you first?

[A]

The nose or the jaw?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I.

[C]

How old are you when you're doing this?

[A]

So I was.

[B]

What color were your hands?

[A]

I'm not talking. All right, so this.

[C]

So, okay, so that's. Good question. So we don't know how long this

[A]

is, and so don't ask.

[C]

Okay, great.

[A]

I was. I did taekwondo. I was raised by a single dad who, again, just was like. It was me and my brother and sister, the twins and my cousins. My aunt was like, I'm putting Teresa and Jacob the pill cousin who gives me all my vitamins. They're like, we're we're putting them in Taekwondo. You put your kids in Taekwondo too? So they were like, great. It was like our local gym. It was like the closest thing, like in between our two houses. So my aunt could come and pick us up and like we could go do that. That's how we did most of our activities. And I got to like kick somebody in the face for the first time. And I was like, I want to do this.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like in class, like you did, when you get to greenbelt, you got to start sparring because it became like a part of your test. And I remember. So this would have been like, what, like six months into it or something like that. And I got to like fight. And there were only boys that were at the class, so I just got to like kick ass, kick as hard as I could to these older boys. And I was like, I want to do this forever. I'm just, it was like a tap.

[C]

I want to put my neck on boys throats for the rest of my life.

[A]

I want to put my neck on boys throats.

[C]

My foot on their neck.

[A]

No, no, no. I want to put my neck, my

[B]

neck, your throat, my pussy and my crack.

[C]

Is that how that happened? Is that how that happened, huh?

[A]

Adam? I'm not, I'm not talking about it.

[B]

No question this time.

[A]

No questions, please.

[C]

I can't stop looking at it. Seems like it's getting redder.

[A]

It's spreading for. It's a, it just was like, it, it was, it was the most wonderful thing I'd ever done. And so then me and actually my little sister, I was a good fighter. My little sister was a, was a great fighter. She was in gymnastics. At the same time, she was super flexible. Like she had a backspin kick that would come at you so, so, so quickly. Like she could get it up. Like it was like her special thing that she could do, especially at her age group. Anyways, it, so yeah, we just got really competitive with the fighting. I mean, my sister especially, we, you know, do nationals and things like that. There's a couple of things that happened when I quit. Like we got really competitive. It became pretty clear that like I. First off, Taekwondo at the Olympics is because they picked.

[C]

Don't get me started.

[A]

Vic, is this true?

[C]

Don't gaslight me, Vic.

[A]

Gaslight me.

[C]

Because I, I. How long have I been saying no?

[A]

Me and my.

[B]

Is that what happened?

[C]

Is that what happens? No, no. What do you mean?

[B]

Like it.

[A]

So in the Olympics, first off, they only pick four weight classes for Taekwondo, so You could make the national team. And then they essentially like, they say it's kind of random, but they essentially like look at who they think their best shot at like getting medals is or like who the most interesting fights are going to be for people to see. And those are the weight classes that always end up getting picked. So you could like train and do it all and then your weight class could not get picked for the Olympics. And then you just like don't go. And that crazy.

[C]

That doesn't make, I guess, I don't know any sense.

[A]

Of course it's crazy, but it's also.

[B]

I. I was in the Kaiju weight class.

[C]

I was in the.

[B]

We fought were on like a, like a fake city set. Also like waist high skyscrapers.

[A]

And I was fighting you and Idris Elba is gungam suit. Right.

[B]

I was at Pacific Rim, Jack.

[A]

It was like. But it became very apparent that like, it just wasn't going to happen. Like, I kept bronzing in like fights where gold and silver made nationals team. And so it just was like, it truly was not like it wasn't going to happen. And even it, if it did happen, I was going to be at the bottom of the team. So it's like, it sort of became apparent that like, I could put every ounce of effort into this and it just like wasn't gonna pan out the way that I wanted it to pan out. And then my friend at US Open, first fight out a kid. So also at this time, I'm sorry, I'm really rambling in the weeds of what martial arts is. Yeah, this is also the time the MMA is becoming really big. And so in order to make Taekwondo a little bit more of a competitive sport with mma, they changed the point system. I don't know what it is now, but it was at this time that I think it was like, for regular body kicks, it was a point. Spinning body kicks, two points. Regular head kicks, three points. Spinning head kicks, I believe four points.

[C]

I was just going to say. So that's like a three pointer, but I realized it's four point and it

[A]

was really close to.

[B]

You want to say four pointers, like a three pointer in basketball.

[C]

That's like when we.

[B]

That's like when we.

[C]

We were in Portland and all the stores we got, we got into town on a Monday and all the stores are closed. And I found this store and I was like, hey, it's weird. Like, all the stores are closed and they're like, yeah, in Portland, Monday's like a Sunday. And I was Like, I'll come back tomorrow. He's like, yeah, but some of the stores won't be open because Tuesday is kind of like a Monday. So what day is like, what day?

[B]

I kind of fell in love with it, though, because I was like, in it. Like, if you're. If you really want to get into the anti capitalist mindset.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Just being like. Yeah, we're not even open.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

We're a store Thursday, which is a Sunday, so.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. It's Portland black.

[B]

Hard to keep track of all these. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. What happened? Your hand.

[A]

This one?

[B]

No, the other one.

[C]

No, the other one. I'm curious about that one because that one seems different.

[A]

This one. Well, now it's sort of. It's spreading, so. Oops. Oops.

[C]

Where's my math?

[A]

Oops. Here we go. Yeah, but it's like, I don't know,

[B]

they change the point system.

[A]

Yeah. So in order to be competitive with mma. So it just like, is especially for, like the boys division at the time, people are trying to get scouted out, so it just becomes like an absolute bloodbath. It's like people that are just like, gunning for spinning head kicks to the.

[B]

Yeah. And we're probably shooting in a world where we're asking, like, young people to spin kick each other in the.

[C]

After drinking 15 Celsius.

[A]

Yes. After you've been waiting in a holding outside in Houston, Texas. No air conditioning.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like just an absolute nightmare situation. But my. One of my best friends gets spinning. It's like a spinning back kick to the jaw, essentially. It dislocates his entire jaw. He lose a bunch of his teeth. He's got to get it wired shut. And I just go, I think I am done.

[C]

You watched it, you saw it and you're like, I can't.

[A]

I didn't see it. I wasn't. I wasn't there. I had. I had decided not to go to U.S. open because I had gotten a part in Stuart Little. It was my first.

[B]

Here's your Robert Frost moment. Sliding Doors.

[A]

And my. It was a really big conversation. My coach was really upset that I was not going to do this, so that way I could be Stuart Little's mom in a youth production of Stuart Little. I very vividly remember her being like, if you're gonna be the lead, I understand, but if you're gonna be Stuart Little's mom, what are you doing?

[B]

And I was like, there are no small parts, sensei.

[A]

Yeah, that may be Stuart Little.

[B]

There's only little parts. There's Only little parts in the little family.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

Don't call us that.

[A]

Yeah. It just was like I. So it was the thing he got back, his whole job was wired shut. And I was like, I have to be done. I want to do acting full time.

[B]

A quick rapid zoom in look at Consequences 1000. Oh, I guess now that I know, I nakedly know that that's possible. Like I. I've just learned so viscerally that this is a possibility. So now.

[A]

Yeah. And being like 16, 17 and being like, oh my friends could die.

[C]

Right, right.

[A]

You know, like we got, we only got a little bit of time. Like it really was a moment of sort of being like his jaw is going to be wired shut for six months.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, I. What am I doing?

[C]

My son kind of had that with football. He, he. He really wanted to play football and we, and I was like obviously of two minds of it. I'm like, I. I don't really want you to like get a head injury that will then bother you for the rest of your life, but I also don't want to stop you from playing a football, you know, if that's what you want to do. So we let him play and he played his first year and it was. He's on the offensive and defensive line so he's not really getting knocked around that much. And then he gets to this year and same thing, he's not getting knocked around that much. And then he goes to a game in, in a kind of not great part of town and the team is a lot bigger and you can tell like these are not all the same age kids. And so the coach from his team goes up to the other coach and goes, hey, some of your guys are really big. And the coach very goes, hey, this is not a great area. And so to keep the kids off the streets, we invite all ages to play. So if you don't want to play, that's fine. So the coach goes, no, no, we'll play. My son got the shit kicked out of him in a way that every play he got like, like they would be like hike. And I would be like, oh God. And like I could see my son get up and look at me and be. He wanted me to be like, he's done like, you know what I mean? He was like, he was like getting off the ground looking at me like help me, come get me, come get me. And I kept being like trying to walk. I'll be like, can we sub every. Subbing him out. Be like this is the only offensive lineman we got. I was like, oh, man, Sorry.

[A]

He's too good. He's too good. He's their golden glove.

[C]

Golden glove for golden helmet. Well, that's the color they gave him

[A]

after it was a golden helmet.

[C]

Yeah, as like a. Because he got pummeled all game and then left the game and was like, I just don't think I want to play football anymore. I was like, yeah, it's a real eye opener when that happens.

[B]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Me. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[A]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[A]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[B]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[C]

Liberty, Liberty.

[A]

Liberty. Liberty. Get a jump on next summer with vrbo's early booking deals. Don't wait to claim your dream summer spot, whether that includes a good porch swing or a poolside lounger. When you book early, you get the best places at the best prices. But back to poolside loungers. With vrbo, you don't have to reserve any loungers. They're all yours. In fact, the whole private home is yours. Book with early booking deals and you can lounge around all summer long, however you please. Book with Verbo. When I need to impress someone with a gift, I go straight to 1-800-FLOWERS. There's a reason they've spent 50 years as the floral authority. Every stem is hand selected by a vetted florist and with same day delivery nationwide, 100% satisfaction guaranteed. That's why millions go to 1-800-flowers to celebrate life's most important moments. Order now for up to 40% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Act now and save up to 40% at 1-800-flowers.com sxm. That's 1-800-flowers. Com sxm them. I am somebody that is quite single minded. Like, I decided I like doing taekwondo when I was like seven. And that's all I did for 10 years. And it. And it was like around 16, with no prior experience. I was like, I think I could do musical theater. And my dad's like, no. And I'm like, no, I think I'm going to do that. And that's. I mean, like that and sort of its Branches is now all I've done from. From, like, 17 until now. Yeah. So it's like I. It. It really is. It just was like, it was such a massive part of my identity. There really was no, like, pause to be like, who am I without this? Because even it just subbed for something else. You know what I mean? Like, even now with acting like, I do feel like to bring it back, I'm in this, like, weird space now where I am like, if all of this were to go away tomorrow, like, now that I am finding, like, a little bit. Bit of success in, like, the. The corners of things that I'm doing, it really is like, who am I outside of all of this? Which has been really fun and cool.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Which isn't always the case for everybody. Some people have to, like, really hit rock bottom to get there. So I do think that. Well, and like, you know, it just like life stuff, like my mom died and it was like. It really does make you sort of go like, oh, like, what. What is like, the. The life side of all of this? Of like, who am I and what would I do if all of this went away tomorrow?

[B]

I. I bring this up a lot. Lot. But it's a formative thing for me. My dad had a bookshelf of books he was going to read when he retired, and then he died eight years before retirement age and never read it. And I was just like. I remember just thinking at some point how sad that was. Then I was like, he could have definitely read those books. And it's like, I know that feeling that. Because I. And then my version of that is I was like, as soon as my career is in a place where I'm happy about it, then I'll get scuba certified. Right now it's just a waste of time. And then I just like, age nine years and I'm like, what if my career never goes. Exactly.

[A]

What's so funny is you literally had a show where you could have used scuba diving as a part of the.

[B]

And then now I'm a fucking. Now I'm certified up to 60ft.

[A]

Are you actually?

[B]

Yeah, I got. I got.

[A]

Dude, congrats. That's really exciting.

[B]

It's fucking awesome. It's absolutely terrifying. It's one of the scariest things I've ever done in my entire life.

[A]

Because you're underwater and you can't breathe underwater.

[B]

It's actually less that. Because I'm very comfortable.

[C]

No, that. That's fine.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm okay with not breathing.

[B]

Breathing. It's The.

[A]

Because this could happen.

[C]

It's the suit.

[A]

It's not, but it could.

[B]

There's a claustrophobia element to it. There's a. Like the tunnel vision of mass gives you. Kind of lets things sneak up on you. But for me, the scariest thing is, is that if hits the fan, I can't just push off the bottom and swim all the way to the top because you have to go slow enough to not get the bends. Even at 60ft, it's a problem. You have to come back up. You have to ascend at a certain rate, depending on how deep you were and how long you spent down. There's like crazy equations so you don't get nitrogen po. And that's the only thing that scares the shit out of me, that I can't just rip and run in any

[C]

given moment, you know, that's actually. A lot of people don't know that's what the Frasier theme song was about.

[A]

Can you sing it?

[C]

Yeah. Yes.

[A]

Can you sing the Frasier theme song?

[C]

You better not come up to the surface super, super fast. You'll scramble your eggs.

[B]

Radiohead covered it with the pens, right?

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

I'm some eggs.

[B]

Cause I'm a peace.

[C]

Are these a little dry?

[B]

But I, I, I know that feeling of like, oh, I soaking up work. Everything's about work. Everything's. Because our work happens to also be our passion, our hobby too, and our entire social circle. Right.

[C]

Are you doing any of that old school improvising, socializing, like, where you're like, going to a theater for the. Just the experience of doing improv? Still? Is that, like, still?

[A]

What do you mean?

[C]

Oh, really? Like, do you do, Are you, Are you improvising on stage a lot?

[A]

Yes, I'm on stage. Like, I. Not nearly as much as I, I have been historically, but like, I'm still on stage probably like three or four nights a week.

[C]

That's a lot.

[B]

Yeah, improv too.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But I'm touring short form, which is like a very different, different vibe. So it's like the. Which is like. It is really fun. I do love short form improv. Sorry, don't cut that part. Cut that. Cut that part.

[C]

Cut that or don't cut that. You said both.

[A]

Cut that part.

[C]

Starting to lose. Diminishing returns.

[A]

Well, this, this. You legally can't show this on camera. You got it?

[C]

That's a problem with the way you talk this, unfortunately.

[A]

You got a blur.

[B]

Legally, they will be so funny. It's like, what the fuck is drawn on there?

[A]

And it's going to look like blood.

[C]

Also, the way you talk. It's going to blur your face.

[A]

You're going to have to blur it.

[C]

All right.

[B]

That's a you problem, not a me problem.

[A]

That's it exactly.

[C]

I love that egg on my face.

[B]

Are you doing anything now that is outside of comedy or performance for your own, like, happiness or sanity? Yeah.

[A]

Yes, definitely. I'm doing, like. I'm doing really bad pottery.

[C]

Oh, you're one of those.

[A]

Yeah, I'm one of those.

[C]

You're one of those.

[A]

It's so bad. It's so ugly. And people are like, no, it's not. And then they. My stuff and they're like, oh, okay, okay. I love that you're doing something.

[C]

Pottery is ugly. There's truly like, I've never seen a pot that someone made. Even the perfect ones that are like, glossed and would like. I'm like, sure.

[A]

And you're going to look at mine and be like, right. But that's bad.

[B]

It is funny.

[C]

It could be. Does it not hold water? Is there a hole on the bottom?

[A]

It holds such a small amount of water for how heavy it is.

[C]

Oh, that's. Oh, yeah, you're right.

[B]

It is funny when you don't know, like, how something works. You're like, well, I don't really know pottery, but then you see something thing and go, well, I. I can tell that that's bad. Yeah, I might not know pottery, but that is objectively not good.

[A]

Which is kind of a gift, is kind of a skill. And then I'm also just doing a lot of things that, like, I'm bad at. Like, I'm doing a lot of. Right now I'm like, weirdly in a circle where I'm. Immersion therapy. Coming back to musical theater. I'm doing a lot of, like, musical theater stuff, but it's kind of like a pretty sadistic exercise because I'm doing it with all of my Broadway friends. Friends. So it's like me and. Do you know Kimmy of Pornia?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's like her and I will be sort of the non singers in this group of then people that, like, used to do Broadway stuff. And so, like, we're all on stage at the same time singing. Singing ABBA mostly, but other stuff, sometimes to an audience. Yeah, there was this show called Mamma Mia. But different, that ran for a long time and it just was like, I don't know, it was like, stupid and silly and like, knowing that, like, you are just there and people are walking out being like, well, that one couldn't really sing, but the rest of the show was awesome. And it's like. That is kind of fun. It's like, kind of.

[C]

Oh, no. I identify with that completely.

[B]

Now, Vic, we've talked about this in the past, because I kind of have this. Whatever this same gene is that you're describing here. I don't get nervous doing improv anymore. So if I can find myself in a situation where I activate a little bit of nerves, it makes me feel so, like. So when I do. If I do anything musical, I'm immediately a nervous wreck because I cannot do anything like that. And. And then I do the Spanish language. Ass.

[A]

Cat.

[B]

And I'm like, it's my second language. And it's. And it's very bad. And I'm still new to it, but to me, I'm like, all of a sudden of, like. It feels like I'm trying to, like, swim with, like, chains on or something. I'm like, oh, this is terrifying. I'm usually so okay with this. And then I'm, like, taking something I normally love, stage time, and making it hard on myself. Feels so weird.

[C]

And do they tell the audience that you're. That you're the least equipped at Spanish?

[B]

The audience finds it out for themselves.

[C]

They figure it out.

[B]

When you walk on stage. Yeah, there's a couple of white. That. There's a few white people that help signify who might not be as good at the language. And then when the show starts, I'm constantly being pimped into playing an Amer, an American actor in Mexico, a guy who. You know, an undercover cop pretending to be Spanish.

[C]

So your Spanish can be a little justified.

[B]

Great experience for me on the back line, dying to walk into the scene because I had, like, a killer game move, and I couldn't think of what the word for bird was. Was. And I'm like, this is something that's literally never happened to me because that's

[C]

happened to me in English.

[B]

Hey, man, watch out. There's one of those, like, flying animal things.

[C]

So many times I'm on the back line, I'm like, refrigerator. What does it go into that?

[B]

I can't figure out how to say refrigerator.

[A]

Are you doing a lot of improv these days?

[C]

More. I started again about a year ago ago, and I had. Had gone through, like, an immense, like, struggle with performing.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Just like, an anxiety thing or.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Yeah. I just didn't. Didn't feel good anymore to do. To do it. It started to feel, like, stressful.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And and then I stopped doing it. And the. The longer you. I mean, improv is a young man's game. Like, the longer you. You don't do it, the less good you are at it. You know, it's like, that's just the way it is. Like, the. The. The less times you've been on stage, doing, exercising it, the less comfortable you are.

[B]

Russ. Develop. You oxidize fast.

[C]

Really improv in my mind. So that became another incapacitating thing. But so I just. I started doing. One of my favorite shows to do ever is Gravid Water.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And. And so I started doing that about a year ago again. And. And like, that slowly I could, like, build. Cause that's really. Gravid Water is for improvisers, like, at least for. For. For season ones. It's a bit of a cheat code. Like, you. Yeah, you're. You're.

[B]

It's.

[C]

It's easy. It's easy. And so. But it, like, got my legs going and then I started.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I do it probably, like once a month now.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome.

[C]

Yeah. Which is like, somewhere. And it's. It's good. It feels good. I've. I've. I've definitely, like, gotten better over the year. I can see that. Like, I'm way better now than I was when I started.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But there are still times where I'm like. I mean, it takes such an effort to get there and to put. It's like, I don't get nervous once I'm there. I get nervous the whole day leading up to it.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Once you jumped out of the plane, it's like, we're. I'm already doing. I'm. I'm at the theater. It's going, you know, but like, the whole day up to it. I'm like, I'm going to cancel.

[B]

That's why I started doing. I started doing standup and, like, not just to feel nervous, but I was. Wanted to do it. I was like. Because I'm so cocky and confident, and I also like to just try new things. So I started doing standup and then started making me nervous.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I started to feel like, well, I don't deserve to be here with these people. I'm like, you have to prove it. And, like, it activated me in a way where I'm like, I did a Planned Parenthood fundraiser and I was like, the only old straight person on.

[C]

The only one against it.

[B]

Yeah. I was the only one there going, I don't know.

[C]

Are you sure it's called a fundraiser when you're on the outside of the building with a sign.

[B]

But I did a tight ten. No, no, no one laug tough crowd.

[A]

But they went. I could see. That's funny. Yeah, it's a writer.

[B]

That was funny to a writer. That's the same really funny man.

[A]

Well constructed joke.

[C]

Yeah. That's all a writer wants is acknowledgement.

[B]

Even the people who booked me, like, people who booked me, I was friends with and they knew me. But then the people who own who run the planned parent organization don't. And they were like, they were like, wow, you were great. We had no idea. Like, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm up there talking about like sucking dick. I was like. And I made like some reference to like. I've probably brought you guys more business to millennials.

[A]

Great, great.

[C]

Run us through the whole. Run us through the whole.

[A]

Do it. Oh, do the 10, please.

[B]

Oh, please. I couldn't. Brick wall.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

My hands are purple.

[C]

That's how it happened.

[A]

Don't. It's how it could happen. Can I guess? Yeah.

[C]

Were you tie dying something?

[A]

Damn.

[C]

Is that that boring? Yeah, that was my guess. You're indigo dyeing something.

[A]

Tie dye. I was tie dying. This is of a multicolor of. You can see some of the blue that I had in there. I put a glove on this hand and I didn't put a glove on this hand.

[B]

Well, you always wear one glove when you perform because you're a freak for Jackson.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a. Yeah, I'm a big. The glove doesn't fit though. So I keep going. You got to.

[C]

You were telling me that you were upset at the point the movie ended.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You wanted the movie to go into the later stuff.

[A]

I said, I just really want to sort of see. I want to get a full picture.

[C]

Me too.

[B]

My mom's like. I talked to her on the phone yesterday. She says, jonathan, I saw the Michael Jackson Broadway show. It's amazing. I go, jesus, mom. She goes, everyone's saying that. And she's like, you know, the movie doesn't even go into it. I go, that doesn't mean it didn't happen. This is, by the way, the same.

[A]

The movie doesn't even talk about the bad stuff.

[B]

Right. It's like the Billy Joel doc. My mom also famously, I saw capturing the Friedmans and with a 74 year old Jewish guy from the Bronx who's the exact age of Steven Spielberg. And he's like talking to us after the movies like it's actually really heavy to watch. There's like those sequences of anti Semitism when he's in high school. And my. This guy. This man is going like. It's actually really hard for me to watch. You know, I'm the exact age. I have all these similar memories. And he's telling us. And my mom just walks over the most oblivious person in the world. She goes, if it was about Steven Spielberg, how come his name wasn't Steven in the movie? And I'm like, mom, this man is talking about like the dealing with anti Semitic. It's like, this can wait. Also. It's the dumbest idea. This is the way my mom consumes stuff is so we.

[A]

Your mom's got some good ideas.

[B]

I think she's got a lot of great. I'm going to pile on poor Joanne right now. We watched the Pit together. She's a nurse, so we watched season one in the Pit together in like three days.

[A]

What did she think?

[B]

She constantly goes, that's actually how they do it, Jonathan. She loves to say that. So I visit her in Florida. We watch.

[C]

To be fair. To be fair, you said the same thing to her during middle age.

[B]

And Schwartz, like, this is actually how improv.

[A]

That's how we it.

[B]

Well, I don't actually do it like that.

[C]

You're like, no, no, actually we don't do it like, I do it a

[B]

little differently, but it is the same form, believe it or not. Just like Savannah ban. Savannah bananas play baseball.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we're watching the Pit. We only get up to episode 10 because that's all that's out. And my mom is like, Like, Like a. Like a partner. Like a. Like a romantic partner. She's calling me every week. She's like, what are we going to do about the Pit? Are you going to. Should we wait and wait till we see each other again or should we watch these episodes? And I'm like, we can watch them separately, but let's. Let's let me know when you watch them so we can talk. She calls me up.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

She's like, I got one left. And I'm like, you watched six episodes already. She's like, Six? I thought we were on episode 14. I was like, wait. So my mom just like went to my aunt's house, put on a late episode, missed, like five hours of the show, didn't connect, that anything was confusing at all, and just watched it.

[A]

She's a nurse. She's lived it. She doesn't need to see the other.

[B]

You know how it Goes.

[C]

Yeah, that's how they do it.

[A]

The baby shows up.

[C]

Yeah, that's the baby shows up.

[A]

You don't know who it has?

[B]

Dr. Robbie's on a motorcycle.

[A]

I love your mom, Joanne.

[C]

What does she look like? Like John.

[B]

She looks exactly like me. Exactly like me. But five foot four.

[A]

Oh, my God. And a nurse.

[B]

And a nurse. Yeah, a tiny, absolutely Italian nurse. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[A]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[A]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[B]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty.

[C]

I sold my car in Carvana last night.

[A]

Well, that's cool.

[B]

No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow.

[A]

Nothing went wrong. So what's the problem?

[B]

That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes to smoothing. I'm waiting for the catch.

[A]

Maybe there's no catch.

[B]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[A]

Wow. You need to relax.

[B]

I need to knock on wood. Do we have wood? Is this table wood?

[A]

I think it's laminate.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, that's good. That's close enough.

[A]

Car selling without a catch. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up these. May apply. The GLP1 pill you've been waiting for is now on row. Yep, it's finally, finally here with the same clinically proven ingredient now in a pill. And now on roe. It's the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss at the lowest price available. That's one daily GLP1 pill for big results now on RO. Go to RO. Listen, to see if you qualify. RX only, go to RO. CO safety for serious side effects and boxed warning associated with GLP1s.

[C]

So are you. Is there anything physical that's taken up the place of Taekwondo? Are you like. Is that how you pronounce it? Taekwondo?

[A]

You said it right earlier in this episode. And then I think now we're second guessing it. Taekwondo.

[C]

Taekwondo.

[A]

TaeKwondo. TaeKwonda.

[B]

TaeKwondo.

[A]

TaoKwondo. TaeKWondo. Day 1 TKD kind of. I'm like, I'm constantly looking for that thing. The problem is, anytime I do any kind of martial art, I immediately am like, how do I start competing in this, like, I really have, like, running.

[C]

Do you feel that way with running?

[A]

No, I hate it. And it's bad. It's like running is one of the. I. I hurt my knee pretty bad because it's like a lot of bouncing on concrete when you're doing martial arts. So it's like, I up my knee pretty bad. Are we allowed to cuss?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We allowed to curse?

[B]

You're not, right?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

That's up to you, I guess around

[A]

on the concrete and it's just, you

[C]

know, Never really thought about that rule for myself.

[B]

That'd be so funny. If we just bleep any curse Vic says, but we let them all.

[C]

We're. We don't.

[B]

We don't believe anything louder.

[C]

Thank you so much for respecting my podcast wish of blurring.

[A]

I'm like, weirdly, it's like, I know that there's algorithm stuff sometimes, so people are like, don't curse. Great. I love that.

[C]

Yeah. There's. We don't know anything about the algorithm and we don't engage with our audience. Everyone's like, you should have a message board. We're like, no, do not come talk to us on the street. Don't be like, oh, I heard that episode. I like those games. I'll be like, I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

I want to talk about it.

[C]

I black out. I don't know.

[B]

I don't even want them. Comments thing on the Instagram.

[C]

No, me either. Please don't. All 90% of them are problematic. Do not comment.

[A]

I say comment good things, comment bad things. But if you're going to comment back these, you got to comment 9bad things all on the same post. You can't post them separately. You got to do a thread.

[C]

That will not be a problem for our fans.

[B]

I am constantly. I've been replying to people lately.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Negative comments.

[C]

Me too.

[A]

I go, are they posting negative comments about you guys?

[C]

Yes. On our thing, they will be so brazen to be like. They will say, be like white socks with loafers much. You know what I mean? And you'll be like, fudge you, pal. Like, and you'll. It'll catch you. Like, you'll bad news.

[A]

That's pretty funny.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wrote that about myself.

[B]

But also, then you click on that person's profile and they are like a fucking piece of dog shit with glasses on.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like.

[C]

Or it's like a gram. Or it's like a grandma with a little white dog and an American flag behind behind her.

[A]

And you're like the guy on a pontoon boat with Oakley's in. The dog is also in a place little thing.

[C]

The dog's driving the boat.

[A]

We drove the boat.

[B]

I always. My new thing is I reply to comments and I say, I don't know what you intend with this, but I did read it and I hope you're happy.

[C]

You think people are like, you think, you think that someone who's like making fun of you on the Internet behind is like, oh, damn, he really scolded me. He really hit me where it hurt.

[B]

I think I'm, I'm doing my single handed effort to bring back a little bit of shame and into the world and I want people to just feel a dash of shame. I'm not trying to kink shame. I'm not trying to say, I'm not trying to yuck yums or any of these other fucking positivisms. I'm just saying we all need. You should just feel a little bad if you're on minute four of your speakerphone conversation in a restaurant. You should just feel some shame if

[C]

your shoes and stuff are comments being like, you should be ashamed of the way you look.

[B]

I know. It's like I'm showing, showing me

[C]

showing

[B]

me showing upper goose.

[A]

I will say online, sometimes I do think older people or people of an older demographic sometimes think that they are saying things where people can't hear them. My dad is constantly DMing my friends, being like, I like this one thinking he's messaging me.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

And I'm like, it's. I'm like, I don't know why you would think that you're dming my friend Lou Wilson about his Kimmel sketch, thinking that I am somehow going to read it, going, this one, this was a good one.

[B]

On a recent video of ours, my mom called, commented, you looking good, Scoot. And you too, Adam. And Scoot is like a nickname she has for me. And I'm like, you can't be posting Scoot online.

[A]

You shouldn't have told anyone that. You got to believe that.

[C]

Aunt comments on all ours. Ben Squishy mom, who's my cousin Ben's mother. And he, he Squishy, he liked to eat Entamin's chocolate chip cookies, which he called Squishy. So Ben Squishy mom comments every time. There's my boy Adam.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I'm like Joanne to my mom. I'm like, joanne, get the offline.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Step one, get offline. You're being radicalized. Yeah, she's like, did this really happen? Like, the frequency in which I get sent a Facebook video of, like, in California, a homeless guy uses a machine gun to gun down a fucking Gucci store. And my mom's like, did this really happen?

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Is this close to you? That's what she says. Is this near you?

[A]

I can't even get into it. My stepmom and dad are constantly doing health stuff now, and they're like, well, did you hear about this? I'm like, where did you hear about this? They're like, I read it. And I went, where did you read it? I read it on a TikTok reel. And then I had to get them to send it to me, and then I have to send them actual articles, and then they'll send me articles back from, like, a clickbait site that gives my phone a virus. Being like, red infrared saunas actually have a lot of science.

[C]

The amount of time. The amount of times my, like, Jewish family will send me an article will be like, did you hear, Mom? Donnie did this. I'll be like, where'd you hear that? I read it. Send me the article. And it's like, from, like, Fox News or whatever.

[A]

I'm like, it's one of those AI fruit reels.

[B]

You know what. You know what my mom gets to do by all the time? Those Instagram posts that are like, oldest children are most likely to love their mothers the most.

[C]

Oh, my.

[B]

And then there's. You see, like, the next day, it's like, middle children love their mom the most. Youngest children love their mom. And my mom is just constantly forwarding them to the three of us for three boys. And she's just constantly like, well, see, that's why Jonathan and mom get along so well. Like, what the fuck are you talking.

[C]

My aunt has started to get fooled by the AI animal videos.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Animal videos.

[C]

It's huge on my feet. So now it'll be on your. But, like, they're. They're all these, like, AI videos of, like, a fox sneaking into, like, it's, like, shot. It looks like red light camera or whatever. It's like a fox will sneak into a hen house and. And grab a hen, and then a donkey will, like, come out of nowhere and be like. Like, grab the fox and, like, beat the. Out of the fox and, like, throw the fox against the thing, and then the. Then, like, comfort the chicken and. And my aunt will send that to me and be like, I'm your donkey, Adam. Don't ever forget it.

[B]

I know.

[C]

I'm like, what? What about the fox you just murdered

[B]

in front of me?

[A]

I'm your donkey.

[C]

Yeah, you are.

[B]

That means you're the chicken donkey.

[C]

Thank you, Aunt Ass.

[B]

Man, Aunt Ass is one of another one of my search terms. Another one.

[A]

I'm so worried about you all the time.

[B]

You are correct.

[C]

You should be.

[B]

Vic saw me in South By.

[A]

I wake up and I go, I hope he's okay.

[C]

Vic saw you in South By? I barely saw you in South.

[A]

Were you in south by also?

[C]

We did a show together.

[B]

We did? No, me and you did.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Vic and I also did shows together.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

We did a bunch of the ass cats together. You should have come down to ask out with us.

[C]

Oh, that would have freaked me out.

[B]

He was. He was out of town in a heartbeat.

[C]

Yeah, I bounced. Ran out of I hate Austin as is. It feels like I'm behind enemy lines. And then on top of it, south by Southwest gives me major anxiety.

[A]

What, you didn't want to wait two hours in line for the Rivian dune experience?

[C]

I have had such.

[B]

Lisa and Al Ghaib.

[A]

I've had such horrible to Rivian in a way.

[C]

Like. Yeah. I've had, like, such horrible times doing comedy at south by South. Truly the worst gigs of my life. Life there that I get, like, PTSD when I walk by a bar and I hear someone be like. And next up, I'm like, I gotta get the out of here.

[B]

That weekend, I was getting.

[C]

You were.

[B]

I was doing. I was just, like, casually doing drugs. I. I did poppers on stage.

[A]

Well, there was somebody that came up to you at. Was it?

[B]

Yeah, at the Eric Andre show. I did pop.

[A]

Was that the show also where they were like, you ate a lizard or whatever.

[B]

It was like a lizard's nose.

[A]

Nose also.

[B]

That was the same. Someone was like, I saw your scrotum last night. And I said, where? They said, you pulled it out on stage.

[C]

Where, like, it was.

[B]

I was like. In my head, it was like

[C]

it was having a steak at R. Chris.

[B]

I knew I shouldn't have let him off leash. My yam bags rang up my American Express at Ruth's. Chris. Oh, you didn't ring Tower.

[A]

At least it's American Express. You're getting those points.

[B]

Yeah, I'll get my Delta Miles. Thank you, Scro.

[C]

Your scrotum's like, all you need is the chip, right?

[B]

Vic, do you have anything you'd like to plug?

[A]

Yes. Okay.

[B]

Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much. That's it.

[A]

There's a lot of just really bad anti trans bills happening around and about sort of the country at large. Two organizations I really love are Zebra Youth out of Orlando and Lost and Found out of Atlanta. But truly, even in like safe states, there's any local organization can absolutely use your money, your time or they're often putting out like things that they could use around and about the organization or on a national scale. Transgender Law center is a really great resource.

[B]

Those links will be in the show notes. Donate away, please. Yeah, come on.

[C]

Those were the best, most altruistic plugs we've ever had. I truly thought you were going to say drop out. I. I'm shocked and blown out.

[A]

People are too aware.

[C]

Yeah, I'm shocked and blown out.

[B]

People know you're not. This is not the first time I've seen Vic do the plugs.

[C]

Yeah, it's a. I always makes me

[B]

feel bad when it's right after me

[A]

and I'm just like, please get a $10.

[C]

Like I'll be at Largo.

[A]

That's important to come on. And also you're going to be a Largo. And that's. I want to plug that too. Yeah, I want to plug it.

[C]

The trans kids are.

[A]

No, I want to plug Largo. Cut my first part and it's going to be at the Largo.

[C]

Trans kids are rights are being taken away every second. And even in state. Safe state. Even in safe states. We need to do. We need to do.

[A]

And so I was talking about it here, but he's not going to be talking about that at Largo on. On March 25th.

[C]

Crawling friends.

[A]

March 25th, 2024.

[C]

I have a show. I have a Show back in 24 that I have to go make up for.

[A]

It was a great one. Yeah, I wish I was there when taking Notaro. Did that be what be set? That was you at Largo on.

[C]

I was the Louis.

[A]

That was it.

[B]

Well, it's better than what I was the Louis of.

[C]

From what hotel rooms.

[B]

I'm considered the Louie of hotel rooms.

[A]

I love this.

[C]

I like this. What is on your hand? Thanks, Vic.

[A]

Give us the outro song live, please.

[C]

Tossed salad and scrambled eggs are coming again.

[A]

Cause I'm a pe.

[C]

Stay alive.

[B]

You can't do that. We got to do it. We got to do a little bit of outro.

[C]

Stay alive.

[B]

We could do that on like the next accidental 90 minute episode, but for now we.

[C]

No that they were amazing.

[B]

That I. I left a little inspired.

[C]

Yeah, completely.

[B]

Also, Vic and I have been talking about getting back into martial arts together. So I'm looking forward to that, though. They scared me a little bit when Vic said, I get way too close competitive. I was like, maybe Vic's not the perfect dojo partner for me because I've got to.

[C]

I seeing Vic being like, get off. Nothing's over. And then you being like, yeah, Vic's a little intense.

[B]

Kicking my ass, like, completely spinning. Heel kick. Knock my bottom jaw clean off my face.

[C]

But they are an open book.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Which is, like, so, like, nice. And they got a lot to talk about.

[B]

And I hope the doctors are able to figure out Vic's hand and. And take care of him. Stay alive.

[C]

I already did it. Started it.

[B]

It doesn't hit Devon. Take out his first day.

[C]

Even. Even if you do, the viewer will be like, for some reason didn't hit as hard.

[B]

You just take out that first day alive and wonder what happened.

[C]

Yeah. I said it twice so you could take out the first one.

[B]

Take out both of them. Take out mine, too. Put this one in. Stay.

[C]

Now you're making Devin. Now Devon's all, put this one in.

[B]

Stay alive.

[C]

Stop. Stop doing that. That doesn't work. That doesn't work. Then they could have edited as Staying Alive from last week's episode. It doesn't matter. You don't need them now.

[B]

Edited me saying, staying alive. Stay alive. It's over.

[C]

Stay alive.

[B]

You have been listening to Staying Alive with John Gabris and Adam Pally, a smartless media production in association with Sirius

[C]

XM Product produced by Devin Tory Bryant and Anne Harris. Engineered and edited by Devin Tory Bryant, who also wrote the music.

[B]

Associate producer and video producer is Matty McCann. Social media producer Tommy Galgano.

[C]

Assistant engineer, Kyle McGraw. Special thanks to Jared O' Connell at SiriusXM.

[B]

Executive producers are John Gabris. Ooh, me. Adam Pally. Ooh, you Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, Richard Corson and D. Bernie Kaminsky. Do us a favor. Just rate and review the podcast. It actually helps.

[C]

Just so everyone knows, we do not have a discord.

[B]

Don't reach out to us.

[C]

See us on the street. Walk the other way or you'll catch hands.

[A]

I got my dad, who's crazy, but I love him.

[C]

And is he living out here?

[A]

No, he's in Florida. Hell, yeah, he's in Florida.

[C]

So you have. So he has to be crazy.

[A]

He's.

[C]

You have to write that in. When you come in my hand, you

[A]

just can't see it.

[C]

Oh, you have the Florida.

[B]

Sometimes you have to pretend to be crazy just to get into Florida.

[C]

Yeah, they Have a customs.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just sort of make sure. See what you're holding.

[B]

Yeah, they're like, okay, you see a lizard on the ground, what do you do? Eat it?

[A]

All right, come on in.

[C]

Okay, your car starts. Starts to have trouble. What do you do? Leave it on the side of the road? Come on in. Yeah, you're Florida.

[A]

They need it for the scrap metal. So if you're not willing to contribute some way, you got to go.

[C]

Smart.

[A]

Bless me.

[B]

And Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[A]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[B]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[A]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[B]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent. Liberty, Liberty.

[A]

Liberty.

[B]

Liberty. Book a loved by guest property with VRBO and you get a top rated vacation rental that's loved for all the right reasons.

[A]

Ugh, I love my VRBO for the location.

[B]

Good reason.

[A]

Oh, and for the pool. Cause pools are cool.

[B]

I feel the love book of verbo that's loved by guests.

[C]

If you know you verbo.