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Story Pirates
Deep Cuts #9: Fart Stories
00:22:25
Welcome back to Deep Cuts, a celebration of our favorite, funniest and weirdest stories from the archives.
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Lee
Hey, Story Pirates podcast listeners. Lee here coming at you with another very special bonus episode just for you. We'll be back with full episodes soon, and in the meantime, we have more deep cuts for you grown ups. Did you know that ads only cover a small portion of what it costs to make this show? That's right. So if you'd like to help us keep making it, consider supporting Story Pirates by becoming a Creator Club member. There are so many perks, including the ad free version of the show. Premium members even get to participate in a quarterly video meetup with Lee and Peter where we create a brand new story together for the podcast. But most of all, Creator Club members help us support the cost of the show so we can keep bringing it to you every week. If you're already a Creator Club member, thank you so much. And if you'd like to join, you can do so by visiting storypirates.com creatorclub or you can subscribe right in Apple Podcasts for the ad free version and bonus episodes. Get excited for some of the weirdest and funniest stories from the Story Pirates archives. And this week, they're all about farts. Coming up right after a few words for the grown ups. I love storytelling. I'm very different from everybody. Confusing is the step before curiosity. Okay, that's a really funny idea. We have to send that in. I just get some joy when I hear other people giggling. I believe all the things in my story. Human beings are just able to create the Story Pirates. Welcome back to Story Pirates Decompress, where we celebrate our favorite and weirdest stories from the Story Story Pirates archives. And today's decoms are all about farts. Because of course, February 18th was one of the most sacred of all Story Pirates holidays. That's right, Fart Out Loud day. So in celebration, we thought, how about we do some more farting? But first, let's get even weirder and funnier than just a normal fart. Like how about a mountain fart? This first story has exactly that. And here's the author to introduce it. Hi, I'm Hannah. I'm nine years old and I live in Virginia. This is my story, Mountain Fart. Another beautiful morning as mayor of Mountaintown, Virginia. Time to make the rounds. Good morning, citizens. Good morning, mayor. Wow, our mayor is so engaged. He makes me feel valued as a constituent. Good morning, birds. Good morning, Moun. We named the town after the mountain. Isn't that right, Mountain? Totally. Everyone feels valued in Mountain Town, Virginia because I'm the mayor that cares. Time to go to my office. Good morning, office. Good morning, Mayor. Good morning. Wha. Who are you? How did you get into my office? Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Granite, an expert in geology and mountains. Oh, of course. Dr. Emmett Granite, the Except eccentric geologist. What brings you to my humble mountain town? It's the mountain mare. Oh, no. It's on the verge of something awful. A cloud of ash so dense it blocks out the sun. No. An eruption of hot lava. Worse. The ski lift is closed. No, no, not that bad. Oh. Phew. That's a relief. No. Your mountain is ready to fart. Mountains can fart? Oh. Oh, my, yes. Oh, no. Those winds, that rumbling. We don't have much time, Doctor. How much time do we have? Mountain farts are difficult to predict. Some are loud and boisterous. Others, silent but deadly. Oh, no. A mountain is about to blow. Oh, dear. Here it comes. Huh. That didn't sound so bad. Hmm. No. I don't smell anything. See, Dr. Granite, nothing to worry. Whoa. There it is. Oh, that smell. Woof. It's like broccoli put in a microwave made of sulfur. Dr. Granite, look. Your skin is turning green. Your skin is turning green too. We have to warn the people. Panic in the streets today after the mountain town mountain has farted. The National Guard has been mobilized. We now go live to Kathy on the scene. Kathy? Thanks, Shannon. Mountain town has been fumigated with a thick layer of gas. All roads out of town are clogged. Kathy, is there any truth to the rumor that whomever smelt it dealt it? We have heard that rumor, Shannon. Although some say that whoever denied it supplied it. Another citizen told me, quote, whoever said the rhyme committed the crime. Shannon. Fascinating stuff. Thank you, Kathy. More on this story as it develops. Attention, mayor. We have 5,000 troops, each with a candle at the ready. Thank you, General. A match team is inbound, awaiting your order to strike. The situation is dire, General. What hope do you think we have? Only a fool's hope, Mayor. What am I doing? When all hope is lost, the smart move is to shut down the government. What? Why? What's the point? Nothing can stop the mountain fart cloud. Tell your team to stand down and disperse those candles to the people. They'll need them. Surely no one will show up at the last possible moment to save us now. Someone call the sewer company. What? No. Who are you? Hey, I'm Mike the plumber with the sewer company. How you doing? Pretty bad. Yeah, I heard you got a gassy mountain letting one rip. You know what I'm saying? Why yes. You know, cutting the cheese. I get it. The sulfa samba. A worse smelling burp. The Devil's trumpet. I haven't heard that one. That's fun. An air biscuit. Enough. What brings you here? Turns out I can help you. You can? Hey, wait a minute. Your skin isn't green. Hey, you worked with the sewer company. As long as I have, your sense of smell can take a few hits. Well, how do you propose we save everyone? Hey, I'm Mike the plumber. Just leave it to me. All right, first thing's gotta dig a hole in the middle of the street, then divert the flow of gas with some new copper pipe. Why copper? Why not? Then we'll just turn the valve and release the steam. The stink. It's fading. Welp. That should do it. My hero. The town is saved. Yay. Well done, Mayor. Dr. Granite. Where did you come from? I was using your toilet. In my professional opinion, you should not go in there. The end. Welcome back to story Pirates Decompose. I don't know about you, but that last story makes me realize just how beautiful beautiful nature is. Our wonderful planet is just full of animals, plants and even mountains just farting it up. It's beautiful. Now, I have a question for you. Why do you think that farts are so funny to us? I have a theory about this. I think it's the sound of the farts. Sure, it's funny that they stink, and it's even pretty funny that they come out of butts. But without the sound of a fart, I think the other elements just wouldn't really matter. And to prove it, this next story is only really about the sound of a fart. And I still think it's pretty funny. So there you go. And it's a really decol from way, way, way, way, way back to our live radio show days From a second grader named Liam Hears. This is national Whoopee Cushion Day. In a galaxy. Excuse me. In a galaxy that is out of this one, there was a world called Whoopee Cushion World. And in that world, there was a town called Whoopee Cushion Town, where there were very few holidays. All right, kids. We will now stand for the pledge of Allegiance. I pledge allegiance to the flag of Whoopee Cushion World. One cushion under bottom, inflatable with air and fart sounds for all. All right, kids, everyone take your seats. Okay, now, why was there a whoopee cushion on my chair? We all have whoopee cushions on our chairs. We live in Whoopee Cushion Town. Oh, right. Sometimes I forget where it is that I live now. Anyways, today's lesson is on Whoopee Cush. Oh, my. It's recess already. How the time flies. All right, everyone, head on out to the playground. Yay. Hey, guys, I sure do love recess. Yeah, it's like a little holiday from school. Man, I wish it were a real holiday. You know, that lasted all day. You said it. We hardly have any real holidays here in Whoopee Cushion Town. You said it. In fact, I'd say that we don't have much fun thinking to do it all. Guys, I just had an amazing idea. What? We should create our own holiday, get a big meeting and present it to the mayor. Yeah, let's go. Later that day at the mayor's. Well, I don't know why. Ladies and gentlemen, all rise for the honorable Mayor Whoopee T. Cushion. Thank you. Thank you very much, everyone, you may be seated. Walloping windbags. What was that, sir? All of our chairs have whoopee cushions on them. Oh, that's right. This is Whoopee Cushion Town. I forgot. Gets me every time. Anyway, we're all here today to hear a proposal from some Whoopee Cushion Town students in regards to there not being enough holidays. Are those kids present? Yes, sir. All right, then. Step up to the microphone and state your case. You go. No. I believe in you. I will do it. Mr. Mayor, I think we should have one more holiday. Order. Order. Order, I say. Very well. We shall put it to a vote. All those in favor and all those opposed. It looks like the yeas have it. I declare today a new holiday. Yay. This hearing is adjourned. We forgot to name the holiday Great Gaseous Ghost. She's right. Everyone sit back down. All right, kid, what do you have to say? Sir, I propose that we call the holiday Whoopee Cushion Day. Well, I really like it. All right, settle down. Settle down. We'll put this to a vote. All those in favor and all those opposed. Fart. What was that? I left my whoopee cushion at home. I've got my eyes on you, Fart. Then the yeas have it. I declare today Whoopee Cushion Day. This hearing is adjourned. So that day. Gosh, this darn cold. So that day, all the citizens of Whoopee Cushion Town brought together all their whoopee cushions, cut them up, and then with the pieces, made one giant whoopee cushion. All right, citizens, on the count of three, we're all gonna jump on this single giant whoopee cushion. 1, 2, 3. Happy whoopee cushion Day. The end. We'll be right back after a few words for the grownups. Aren't adventurers supposed to have a specific purpose? What are you doing on this quest? Just meeting strangers. Yep. My purpose is to have no purpose, though I sort of find purpose as I go. My basket. It's missing. I have tried many means of defense, but none have yet proven successful. I just wish someone would succeed in getting that darn sword. I am under attack by this ruffian. I want to be big and strong and fight evil. I have hope that if you show up at her door, she might listen. Want to help me? Yell at them with your sword in a threatening manner. Sidequesting is a fantasy podcast about avoiding the main plot. It follows Ryan, an adventurer who's willing to help just about anyone out as long as they're not being asked to deal with that scary wizard everyone keeps talking about. Subscribe today on your favorite podcast app. Oh hey, welcome back. We've got time for one more decon about farts and okay, let's face it, this one is not a decon. It's very much a shallow car. Meaning we all already love it and know it. But we can't have an episode about farts without it. So get ready to sing and fart along. Here's the author to introduce it. I'm Sam. And I'm Allie and we're from Colorado. And our story's called Fart at One of the Happy Fall Out Loud. It's a way where you can fart out loud. You don't have to be embarrassed. Happy Far out Loud day. You can just let it out and have fun at the same time. Everything was normal at the park until somebody. And then everybody stopped. Did somebody just fart? They think it was a little girl. And then everybody stared. Which is what always happens when somebody farts out louded. Just gave a big smile and shouted out loud. Happy. Part of my day where you can fart out loud. You don't have to be embarrassed. Happy Far out of now day. You can't just let it out and have fun at the same time. And the results of your test are. Blood pressure's normal. She farted like 18 million times. It's just my people most times. And it fights at the body in history. And after she was done, she brought it more and more and she didn't have to worry. Cause today just happened to be Happy Fall on Monday. It's a day where you can let it out. You don't have to hold it in. Happy fall out. Parents, teachers, boys and girls. Yeah, everybody gets to too. You see, in school, on Thought Out Loud Day, the government requires schools to teach students about, well, farts. Social studies. Read Ben Franklin's letter fart proudly, which is all about fart science. How and why do we fart? Language arts. Write about how you feel when you fart. Math, chart the frequency of farts. Stem, how to program a robot to make fart sounds Spanish. Por favo de repetir en espanor Tomas cetiro un pedo en la biblioteca. Throw my sink it all the pillow and I'll be the real checker. You can call it Fold for Short. National Fart Out Loud Day. Call it fold for short. You can also call it Fold for Short. You can call it Fold for Short. It makes school more fun and enjoyable on that day. Don't tell me what to do, backup singers. Although Thought Out Loud Day seems all happy and full of laughs, you have to remember there are downsides. It's an issue. Don't take the day for granted. Get up and go outside. Cause today when you fart, you don't dream. All right. Thought Out Loud Day smells like Thought Out Loud day to me. That's right. Happy Tuesday. Oh, what's that? I couldn't hear you over the whole world farting. Can you imagine coming? Happy but Out Loud Day. Thanks for listening to today's episode. We'll be back next week with another one for you. Until then, stay creative and stay kind. By.