Farmer / Narrator (2:30)

I love the wonders of farm life.

Nathan (2:32)

Ugh, this part is so boring. Shh.

Ethan (2:35)

I'm trying to hear the hour long monologue.

Farmer / Narrator (2:39)

And thus concludes my hour long monologue about how great farm life is. One thing I've been wondering, though it's a little weird that everyone in this place is a farmer. No. Why is that?

Logan (2:52)

Because of me, the evil warlock Clevo. That's right. You're all farmers. Because I cursed you to be farmers for all eternity.

Peter (3:02)

No.

Logan (3:04)

And there's no way to stop me. Unless you come to my evil lair at Clevo Mountain and enter the passcode 4BAB. Oops. I shouldn't have said that out loud. End the Movie, Huh?

Ethan (3:15)

What do you mean, end the mov.

Peter (3:17)

Ugh.

Nathan (3:18)

The movie just ends right in the middle of the farmer's sentence. There aren't even any end credits.

Ethan (3:23)

I wish real life could be more like farm life. Including the part where you aren't in it.

Nathan (3:27)

Ethan, that's a very mean thing to say to your brother. Upon apologize.

Ethan (3:32)

Sorry.

Nathan (3:33)

Nathan, I know you wish farm life were real life, but that isn't possible. Now go to your room and clean up this old lamp I bought at the haunted antique store.

Ethan (3:41)

Okay, mom, maybe I shouldn't have said that to Nathan. But maybe he shouldn't have been so mean about the movie. Well, I guess I'd better clean this lamp.

Logan (3:54)

You have awoken the genie of the lamb.

Peter (3:59)

I'm here to grant you a wish.

Logan (4:00)

But before you do, think light.

Ethan (4:03)

I wish the movie farm life were real. Oh, my goodness. Everything went dark. Where am I? The movie's starting.

Lee (4:13)

Farm life, Farm life. It's a film that'll laugh on the farm.

Ethan (4:18)

I can see the opening credits. I can actually reach out and touch them. I really am in the movie.

Lee (4:24)

Here comes the monologuing.

Farmer / Narrator (4:25)

Farmer life these days is all hustle and bustle. What if you could go back to a simpler time? A time when everyone was a farmer genie?

Ethan (4:34)

Because. Because I'm in the movie now. Does that mean I'm a farmer too?

Lee (4:37)

It does.

Ethan (4:39)

But not forever, right?

Logan (4:40)

Well, I suppose you could leave farm.

Peter (4:42)

Life at the end of the movie.

Lee (4:44)

But this movie has no ending.

Ethan (4:48)

What?

Logan (4:48)

Welcome to Farmageddon.

Ethan (4:51)

That's pretty clever wordplay. A little too clever for a genie. Let me see that mustache.

Logan (4:57)

Hey, don't touch my real mustache.

Nathan (5:01)

Why?

Logan (5:01)

Fake mustache. Oops.

Ethan (5:03)

You're the evil warlock Clevo.

Logan (5:06)

Too late. You're trapped in this movie forever. Unless, of course, you find a way to write an actual ending to the movie. Something exciting like, oh, I don't know, finding your way into my secret lair and defeating me.

Ethan (5:17)

So that's how I leave the movie.

Logan (5:19)

Aw, Cleave. O, come on, man. Still, you'll never find my lair. And even if you find it, good luck getting inside. Clock's ticking. You have one hour until Farmaged.

Ethan (5:32)

He disappeared. One hour until farmer Armageddon. What does that even mean? No time. I gotta find his lair. Maybe that farmer knows where it is.

Farmer / Narrator (5:41)

Farm life is a wonderful life. Getting up with the sun in the morning.

Ethan (5:44)

Um, I. I don't really have time for an hour long monologue. I'm in kind of a hurry.

Farmer / Narrator (5:49)

From the moment the rooster calls until the sun drops.

Ethan (5:52)

Okay, so the farmer's a no go. Um, Think, Ethan. Think back to the movie.

Logan (5:56)

Unless you come to my evil lair at Clevo Mountain.

Nathan (6:00)

That's it.

Ethan (6:01)

Now I just have to find it and stop Farmageddon.

Farmer / Narrator (6:03)

But why stop it when you can join us, Ethan?

Ethan (6:07)

Huh? Are you talking to me? That never happened in the movie.

Farmer / Narrator (6:10)

Join us. Come enjoy the wonders of farm life.

Ethan (6:15)

He's acting like a zombie.

Lee (6:17)

Farm life.

Ethan (6:20)

Run away. Phew. I made it to my house. Why is my house in the movie? Oh, there's mom in the front yard.

Nathan (6:31)

Ethan, what's wrong?

Ethan (6:32)

I made a wish on that lamp for everything to be like farm life. But it turns out the genie was the evil warlock Clevo, and now we're stuck in the movie with no ending.

Nathan (6:40)

Slow down and help your brother till this soil. Come, brother. Farm with me.

Ethan (6:46)

But you hate farm life.

Nathan (6:48)

I've always loved the wonders of farm life.

Ethan (6:52)

Ah, you guys, too. Run away.

Lee (6:56)

Farm life.

Ethan (6:59)

Oh, I've just got to find Clevo Mountain. But how? I can't even see past that giant mountain in front of me. Wait a minute. I found it. There's a door right here. I just need to figure out the passcode. What did they say in the movie?

Logan (7:12)

And enter the passcode. 4BAB, 4B.

Ethan (7:16)

A, B. It worked, Clebo. I cracked your passcode and I'm here to defeat you.

Logan (7:24)

I know I should have set up two factor authentication. Well, you're too late. You still have no way to defeat me.

Ethan (7:30)

Wait. I have an idea so imaginative it just might work. So, Clevo, this Farmageddon curse. Why'd you do it?

Logan (7:39)

Wow, really? No one ever asks the villain to monologue about their evil plan. See, when I was a young warlock, when we'd visit my little warlock cousins on the farm, they refused to let me help with the farm chores. They'd say, you can't help us. You're from the suburbs. It was then that I vowed to seek revenge via farm Ogeddon. Hey, wait a minute. What are you doing?

Ethan (8:03)

Oh, nothing. Just asking you about your plan so you'd be distracted long enough for me to find and pull these down from the ceiling.

Logan (8:11)

Are those the.

Ethan (8:12)

The end credits?

Nathan (8:14)

No.

Ethan (8:15)

Watch your head.

Logan (8:18)

Good night.

Ethan (8:20)

I defeated Clevo. And the credits, they're rolling. The movie's end.

Lee (8:26)

Farm life. Farm life. The end of the film about her life on the farm.

Peter (8:31)

Huh?

Ethan (8:31)

Hey, I'm back in my room.

Nathan (8:33)

Ethan, where have you been? I was looking for you.

Ethan (8:36)

Nathan, it's so good to See you. Hey. I'm sorry I was so mean to you earlier.

Nathan (8:42)

Well, I'm sorry I didn't appreciate Farm Life. It's a pretty good movie.

Ethan (8:47)

Want to watch? I don't really want to see it for at least 18 years.

Peter (8:53)

Welcome, adult Ethan, to Slacker Movie Production Studios. I'm Ted, the director of Farm Life. What can I do for you?

Ethan (9:01)

Well, as you know, it's been 18 years since farm Life came out. Which means I think it's time to reboot the franchise.

Peter (9:09)

How much will that cost us?

Ethan (9:10)

About $80,000, Mr. Filmmaker.

Peter (9:13)

Okay, second question. Do you know how to write an.

Ethan (9:16)

Ending to a movie?

Peter (9:17)

Cause we don't roll the credits. Oh, that's how you get to.

Logan (9:22)

Ooh.

Ethan (9:24)

Sorry.

Logan (9:25)

The end. We'll be right back after a few words for the grown ups.

Lee (9:36)

Hey, welcome back to StoryLove, where we read stories written by kids and we talk about them. Hello, Peter.

Peter (9:42)

Hello, Lee.

Lee (9:44)

Would you kick it off with our first story for today?

Peter (9:47)

There is nothing in this world. I would love to do more.

Ethan (9:49)

Nothing.

Peter (9:50)

Not a single thing.

Lee (9:51)

Wow. Impressive.

Peter (9:53)

This first story comes to us from a 9 year old from New Zealand named Elizabeth. And Elizabeth's story is called Back in my day. I almost said back in the day. Back in my day. Back in my day. Oh, sorry. My satellites must have let you hear me. I'm Dr. Professor. An alien from the planet Blairy. Blub. As I was saying, back in my day, we actually had to find the alligators to wrestle and crash. Dinosaur crashes through wall with kinds fighting it. Man runs away screaming. I liked the old days. The end says dinosaur.

Lee (10:48)

Incredible. Wow.

Peter (10:50)

Wow.

Lee (10:50)

So many surprises here. Starts with. I also love how deeply in character this monologue is from the very beginning. Effortlessly gives us the exposition that we need to understand that this old person is from. Is an alien from another planet.

Peter (11:08)

Yeah. And I want to know who is this old doctor professor talking to? Like who is the.

Lee (11:15)

Whoever will listen. Just like all old people.

Peter (11:18)

He's just like whoever will come by.

Lee (11:21)

Hey you. Do you want to hear about my youth?

Peter (11:25)

And thank goodness that this alien dystopian future or whatever this is has dinosaurs to save us by crashing into walls to say the end.

Lee (11:35)

Really beautiful story. And I have to say though, Peter, despite my comments, I think listening to stories from the elderly is one of the most interesting things you can do with your time. True, true. I love hearing about the old days.

Peter (11:49)

Yeah, because you know why?

Lee (11:50)

What?

Peter (11:50)

I wasn't there.

Lee (11:51)

Elizabeth. Incredible story, my friend. All right. From 10 year old Oslo in North Carolina. Here is the big problems. One day in the city on Mars. Mayor, we have a problem. Said the mayor's assistant. Here's a taco. Said the mayor. But the problem is. But then aliens from Pluto came and kept beating everyone at Uno. And they were stealing Martian coins with their new money. They bought emoji masks. One of them was a poop emoji.

Farmer / Narrator (12:21)

Oh no.

Lee (12:23)

Everyone was laughing. Then the mayor got everyone on a giant couch and they all watched Wetube. Everybody had forgotten about the problem from the beginning, except the assistant. He told the mayor, the problem is that your golden toilet is clogged. Then the mayor gave the assistant a plunger. The end. P.S. weTube is the Martian version of YouTube.

Peter (12:49)

I loved. You know, the lowly assistant who can't get a word in.

Lee (12:56)

Sure, sure.

Peter (12:58)

That whole like, wait, please, this is important. And then the wildest possible things happen and we finally get to it and what is it? A little bit of good old fashioned toilet humor.

Lee (13:08)

They're kind of flipping it, you know, because usually the problem is huge that the assistant's trying to get through. And there's like less important things that are interrupting the assistant.

Peter (13:19)

Right. This is the opposite.

Lee (13:21)

This is the opposite. A great flip on the trope.

Peter (13:23)

Yeah. Normally I actually, in most cases, if you just listened to the lowly assistant then and not been so high and mighty mayor, we would have fix the problem early. But honestly, this is the assistant's fault. Priorities.

Lee (13:36)

And does the assistant need permission to get a plunger to plunge the toilet?

Peter (13:41)

Yeah. Why does he need to tell the mayor at all?

Lee (13:43)

Probably because he wants it delegated elsewhere. Plunging is not fun. But everyone's got to do it sometime.

Peter (13:49)

Here's a question. Actually, it's the mayor's golden toilet, which says to me, this is a private bathroom.

Lee (13:59)

And there is nothing that I value more than private bathrooms.

Peter (14:02)

As we know from the Stray Brides podcast, a very persistent plot point.

Lee (14:08)

That's not the only thing I love about the mayor in this story. I love the mayor's approach to leadership. If someone's like, we got a problem. Here's a taco.

Nathan (14:16)

Right?

Lee (14:16)

Just anyone who brings a problem to you, hand them a taco.

Peter (14:19)

That's right.

Lee (14:19)

And if that doesn't work, sit them on the couch and turn on YouTube.

Logan (14:23)

Ha ha.

Peter (14:25)

The toilet. Here's a plunger.

Lee (14:26)

The best mayors know that you can't. People gotta solve their own problems.

Nathan (14:31)

Yeah.

Peter (14:31)

You need to empower your subordinates.

Lee (14:34)

That's right. To pick up the plunger.

Peter (14:36)

That's right.

Lee (14:36)

On Their own.

Peter (14:37)

It's a great life lesson. You know what? If you're in a position to pick up the plunger, pick up that plunger.

Lee (14:43)

And if you can't have a few tacos on hand at all times to hand to the people that bring you problems. Yeah, that's how I run the story. Pirates.

Peter (14:51)

It's pretty much we have a lot of plungers.

Lee (14:53)

Here's the taco.

Peter (14:54)

Thank you.

Lee (14:56)

All right, Oslo. That was amazing. Fantastic story. Peter, would you read our final story for today?

Peter (15:02)

Yes, I would. Our final story comes to us from a 5 year old from Illinois named Maven. And this story is called Jane and Apple Fall down because of the Dinosaur. All right. Jane and Apple are sisters and they were walking home in the desert and a big dinosaur was sleeping. And while they were quietly walking, Apple sneezed.

Lee (15:28)

Oh, no.

Peter (15:28)

And then the dinosaur woke up. And then the surprised Apple chased the dinosaur. And then Mr. Paper Towel came out from behind spaghetti. And then the mom T. Rex came out. Then the mom picked up the dinosaur that was woken up and tucked them back in bed. Then the mom dinosaur chased apple, Jane and Mr. Papal Towel. Then a pterodactyl came out of the clouds and spread his wings and grabbed a fish and dropped it in the mom dinosaur's mouth. Apple, Jane and Mrs. Paper towel found bananas and made a car to escape and go back home. Apple and Jane made a new rule not to walk home through the desert again.

Lee (16:12)

The end. Probably a good idea. This is like a Dali painting to me. It's like a desert landscape. There's spaghetti, like hanging on a tree and stepping out from behind that is Mr. Paper Towel. There's a dinosaur sleeping. Just. The images here are amazing. The pterodactyl flying by, dropping a fish into the mouth of the mama T. Rex.

Peter (16:37)

That was a big moment. It doesn't say this explicitly, but I feel like that's the thing that's mollified the. Is that the right word? The dinosaur mother. Like, she's like, you woke up my baby oafish.

Lee (16:49)

Oh, yeah, exactly. Because if there's anything that we know as humans, it's beware of the sleeping dinosaur, but be extra aware of the sleeping dinosaur's mother.

Peter (17:02)

Never. That's the. Never come between a dinosaur and a dinosaur's mom.

Lee (17:06)

If you see a baby dinosaur on the trail.

Peter (17:08)

Yeah.

Lee (17:08)

Don't approach it because you could accidentally put yourself in between the mama dinosaur and the baby dinosaur.

Peter (17:14)

Absolutely.

Lee (17:15)

These are basic nature facts.

Peter (17:17)

You don't. You might not be so lucky as to have a Mr. Paper towel just hanging out behind spaghetti nearby.

Lee (17:23)

For safety's sake, just stop walking home through the desert.

Peter (17:26)

Yeah, for sure.

Lee (17:27)

Take the long way through the forest.

Peter (17:30)

And I want to say that I don't know if this was intentional or not, but Mr. Paper Towel is hiding behind spaghetti. Mr. Paper Towel is running with Apple and Jane. And then finally the dinosaur goes to sleep. And Apple, Jane, and Mrs. Dinosaur. A Mrs. Paper towel found bananas.

Lee (17:47)

Oh, oh. Is there a Mrs. Paper towel?

Peter (17:53)

Yes, she's here building a boat out of bananas. Not a boat, a car. And is there a Mrs. Paper Towels?

Lee (18:05)

Oh, boy. Maven. Incredible story, my friend. Thank you so much for sending it in. To read all of today's story love stories, just head to storypirates.com and remember, grown ups, you can find an even longer version of Story Love on The Story Pirates YouTube page. That's it for today's bonus episode. Thanks to today's author, Logan. And we'll be back next week with another brand new episode. Until then, stay creative and stay kind by dream. The Story Pirates podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios. Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka. This episode was produced by Sam Baer, Peter McNerney, Andrew Miller, and Lee Overtree. Recording sound design and mixing by Sam Baer at the Relic Room in New York City. Additional production by Brett Toobin. Theme song by Bobby Lord. Musical scoring by Jack Mitchell. Our head writer is Peter McNerney. Staff writers are Megan O' Neil and Alexis Simpson. Farmageddon was adapted by Alexis Simpson. Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin. This episode features performances by ben blackman, allison braska, alexandria iona, justin linville, peter mcnerney, tony rodriguez, and jamie watson. Hey, Peter.

Peter (19:38)

Hey, Lee.

Lee (19:39)

You have got to check out this new trick I learned from this week's episode.

Peter (19:42)

Ooh, a new trick. Sounds fun.

Ethan (19:45)

Watch.

Lee (19:45)

I just reach up here to the ceiling and I can pull down the credits.

Peter (19:51)

But we already did the cr.

Lee (19:52)

Here they come.

Peter (19:53)

Huh? Good night.

Lee (19:59)

Peter. Peter. Peter.

Peter (20:02)

Peter. Peter. Peter.