Fashion Snail/My Impossible Vest (feat. Elyse Myers)

Summary

Story Pirates: “Fashion Snail / My Impossible Vest” (Featuring Elyse Myers)

Episode Date: April 16, 2026
Special Guest: Elyse Myers
Theme: Inspiring Kids’ Creativity Through Comedy, Music, and Storytelling

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Story Pirates podcast blends sketch comedy, original songs, and energetic performances inspired by stories written by kids. The adventures are tied together by the Story Pirates crew as they encounter a legendary (yet reclusive) guerrilla theater artist in the woods, featuring comically bizarre situations, transformative theater, and the imaginative voices of young storytellers.
Special guest Elyse Myers adds her signature warmth and comedic flair. The two kid-submitted centerpiece stories—“Fashion Snail” by Robin (age 9, New Zealand) and “My Impossible Vest” by Margo (age 8, North Carolina)—serve as springboards for musical numbers and whimsical sketches, capped off by thoughtful “Story Love” analysis celebrating children’s creativity.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Opening Adventure: Out of Gas and into the Woods

• [00:09–03:37]
  The Story Pirates (Lee, Megan, Rolo, Donna, et al.) are stranded after running out of gas and wander down an empty forest road, improvising characters and poking fun at actor stereotypes.
• Meta Comedy: Megan transforms into “Donna,” a vegetarian bus driver who loves walking, as an acting exercise.

  “I’ve done all the character work I can for Donna. That’s the name I gave the woman whom I’m pretending to be who likes walking... She’s a firstborn, a vegetarian, and a bus driver.” —Donna (Megan) [03:04]

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2. Story 1: "Fashion Snail"

• [03:44–07:15, 44:07–44:38 for epilogue]

Story Introduction:

• Author: Robin, age 9, New Zealand
• Robin (the snail) dreams of conquering the big city fashion runways—despite her snail-y limitations and naysayers.

Musical Sketch:

• Infectious pop song celebrates snail’s relentless ambition.
• Refrain:

  “Honey, she’s a fashion snail!’’ —Multiple voices [04:15, repeated]

• Parody fashion show:
  Paris, New York, Tokyo mentioned with playful wordplay (“Yves Saint Laurent and Escargot!” [05:52]).
• Running Gag: Fashion snail takes hours to cross the runway, with updates:

  "She’s gone about 2 inches, and she has around 40 more feet to go." —Fashion Show Announcer [06:15]

• Epilogue:
  Five hours later, Fashion Snail finally reaches the end of the runway, outlasting even the designer [44:07].

  “Wow, she looks really, really spectacular in her blue nail polish... Oh, she’s turning back around.” —Fashion Show Announcer [44:42]

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3. Meeting Phoenix Maistone: The Guerrilla Theater Maker

• [07:41–19:48]

Key Moments:

• Phoenix Maistone (played by guest Elyse Myers) is discovered in the woods, living off-grid with her elderly cat, J. Lo (named after the “famous author” Jack London—comedy).

  “Wait, there’s a famous singer named Jack London?” —Phoenix [09:32]

• She is revealed as a legendary guerrilla theater playwright, author of “Click It or Ticket” and “Buckle Up, Tabitha”—plays that advocated for seatbelt laws via public performances.
• Guerrilla Theater Defined:

  “It happens out in the world. We take over public spaces and stage dramatic happenings to get people to think about some very important issues.” —Phoenix Maistone [11:08]

• Legend of “Buckle Up, Tabitha”:

  “We belted ourselves to the outside of people’s cars. They had to have deep, meaningful conversations with us about seatbelt safety before we would unbuckle.” —Phoenix [11:29]

• Phoenix has been in hiding since 1982, believing her art could still spark change.
• Megan and Rolo read her unfinished script, “Fasten,” but realize seatbelt laws already exist (since ‘84).
• Moral debate: Should they tell Phoenix the truth and risk crushing her spirit?

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4. Phoenix Learns the Truth—and Finds Freedom

• [19:02–19:48]
• As they drive to town to perform the new play, Phoenix learns seatbelt laws passed long ago; she is initially stunned, but then feels satisfied her work mattered.

  “Well, unlike seat belts, which hold you firmly in place, the truth has set me free. Yay.” —Phoenix Maistone [19:06]

• Phoenix moves energetically to new ideas (“cat toy—a laser light!”), only to discover that, too, already exists, in classic Story Pirates fashion.

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5. Story 2: "My Impossible Vest"

• [19:57–27:08]

Story Introduction:

• Author: Margo, age 8, North Carolina
• A child receives a magical talking vest that desperately wants to attend its wedding—to a lemon named Lemon.

Escalating Attempts to ‘Fix’ the Vest:

1. Pebble in the Hole (fails)
2. Pebble + Stitch (fails)
3. Pebble + Stitch + Glue (fails)
4. Pebble + Stitch + Glue + Tape (fails)
5. A Second Vest (fails)

• Each fix has antic comic result, referencing loving persistence and futility.

  “You’ve got a hole. There’s no way you can get married to your beloved lemon with a hole in yourself.” —Anna [21:30]

• Resolution:

  “Lemon doesn’t care if I have a hole. Lemon loves me for who I am, in spite of my flaws. Maybe even because of them.” —Vest [25:53]

• Wedding: Officiated with puns (“By the power vested in me...”) and quirky guests (pebble, tape, etc.).

  “You may kiss the lemon.” —Wedding Officiant [26:46]

• Meta-Commentary:

  “Is anyone gonna mention how weird it is that I just married a talking lemon to a talking vest?” —Officiant [27:03]

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6. Author Interviews and Deep Dives

Interview with Margo, author of "My Impossible Vest"

• [27:15–29:27]
• Margo clarifies the PS: the vest wanted to marry a lemon nearby.
• The wedding guests would be all the failed repair items.
• Instead of rings, they’d exchange a golden lemon squeezer and a golden zipper [28:31].
• The honeymoon: climbing a mountain and visiting a restaurant.

  “Such a beautiful wedding.” —Lee [29:04]

• Joyous affirmation of children’s imagination and story logic.

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7. Story Love

• [29:42–41:26]
• The Pirates highlight other notable kid-submitted stories:
  • “Time I Went to Summer Camp” (by Liam, 10, Tennessee): An absurdist self-portrait involving turkeys, cacti, and marshmallow monkeys named Jeff.
    • Analysis: Is it wordplay/nonsense, or coded communication about fitting in at camp?

    • “This character, blah blah blah chit chat Doodlepants, is from Nonsense Lane and speaks gibberish. Do you think... this is just the language of gibberish?” —Megan [31:10]

    • “Eventually you get used to an environment, and most importantly, you can understand Jeff. So the connection is made, it’s formed, but it was never easy.” —Lee [33:01]

  • “The Alpaca Wearing Sunglasses” (by Izzy, 8, South Korea): A mischievous talking alpaca outwits a farmer, building legend status.
    • “These sunglasses are amazeballs,” says the alpaca [35:44].

    • “Who can we trust?” —Lee [37:13]

    • The farmer lets the alpaca go; all customers hear the tale—a new myth is born.
  • “How to Turn a Piranha Plant into a Football” (by Daxton, 6, California): A logic-defying how-to recipe for kids with wild backyards and Mario-inspired imaginations.

    • “You have really, really done it, my friend. Thank you so much for sending it in.” —Lee [41:11]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Sure, it would have been nice to learn this sooner. And I could have been living with that Irnet you were talking about earlier.” —Phoenix Maistone, on the Internet [18:52]
• “Well, unlike seat belts, which hold you firmly in place, the truth has set me free.” —Phoenix Maistone [19:06]
• “By the power vested in me. See what I did there?” —Wedding Officiant [26:46]
• "Is anyone gonna mention how weird it is that I just married a talking lemon to a talking vest?" —Officiant [27:03]
• “It was all for the greater good. Oh, JLO also wanted me to tell you that I went into hiding after that last performance for my own safety.” —Phoenix [11:59]
• Constant meta-comedy: actors calling out each other’s acting, and recurring jokes about not being able to hide when you project.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Setup: 00:09–03:41
• Story 1: "Fashion Snail": 03:44–07:15, epilogue at 44:07–44:42
• Phoenix Maistone/Guerrilla Theater: 07:41–19:48
• Story 2: "My Impossible Vest": 19:57–27:08
• Margo's Interview: 27:15–29:27
• Story Love Segment: 29:42–41:26
• Fashion Snail Runway Finale: 44:07–44:42

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Tone & Style

• Whimsical, high-energy, meta-comedic, musical, and gently subversive.
• Constant encouragement of children’s creative voices and celebration of imagination, reinforced by supportive adult performers who amplify kid ideas rather than outshine them.

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Why Listen?

This episode exemplifies Story Pirates at its best: hilariously elevating kids’ creativity, balancing absurdist fun with gentle messages about self-acceptance ("My Impossible Vest") and persistence ("Fashion Snail"), and embracing the joy of finding one's voice, even if it sometimes means waiting forty years for the world to catch up.

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Endnote:
For more stories, submissions, and full-length "Story Love" episodes, the podcast encourages visiting storypirates.com and tuning in for more kid-powered storytelling adventures.

Transcript

[Phoenix Maistone]

Lemonade.

[Narrator]

Hey, Story Pirates podcast listeners.

[Rolo]

Lee.

[Narrator]

Here on today's episode, Megan and Rolo meet a theater maker who changed the world. I know. A theater maker who changed the world.

[Lee]

Sounds preposterous, but it really happens every once in a while.

[Narrator]

And today's special guest is the wonderful comedian and digital content creator, Elise Meyers. And Grown Ups. Elise's debut book and New York Times bestseller is out now. It's called that's a Great Question, I'd Love to Tell youl. And you can get it wherever books are sold. And of course, we have two brand new stories written by kids and more Story Love with Lee and Peter. And it's all coming up after a

[Lee]

few words for the Grown ups. Well, it's official. We've run out of gas again.

[Megan]

If only there was some sort of gas gauge to tell you when you're getting low.

[Donna]

Now, now, Peter, sarcasm isn't going to help us.

[Megan]

Who's sarcasm? Why isn't he going to help us?

[Narrator]

There is a gas gauge, Peter, but I keep getting distracted by pavement. You know, the thing we're driving on and the band. Wowie Zowie. Still hits.

[Phoenix Maistone]

I prefer Brighten the Corners.

[Lee]

Said no one ever. We can't get into this again, Nimini.

[Narrator]

Now, since I got us into this mess, I'll do the noble thing and stay here with the car while Megan

[Lee]

and Rolo walk down that empty looking

[Narrator]

forest road to find help.

[Rolo]

Okay, I can stand to stretch my legs.

[Donna]

I'm not going. Do you really think I'm so easily manipulated, Lee?

[Narrator]

Why don't you see this as an

[Lee]

acting exercise and act like you want

[Narrator]

to walk down that abandoned dirt road?

[Donna]

Interesting. Actress mode activated. Let's go, Rolo.

[Anna]

Okay. Acting.

[Narrator]

Why have I never thought of that before?

[Anna]

I love Story Pirates.

[Margo]

It just filled me up with joy.

[Rolo]

My mom loves the jokes.

[Margo]

Yo, yo, Mac. Check it. Made me very proud about my sighting warning. It's impossible, so do not buy it. I definitely think I can be more creative.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Now I'm the champion.

[Anna]

The Story Pirates.

[Rolo]

Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast,

[Donna]

everyone, where we take stories written by

[Rolo]

kids and turn them into sketch comedy and songs. Phew. We've been walking for a while and there's nothing down this road. Should we turn around?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Sure.

[Donna]

I've done all the character work I can for Donna. That's the name I gave the woman whom I'm pretending to be who likes walking. She's a firstborn, a vegetarian, and a bus driver.

[Rolo]

A bus driver who likes walking? That's so complex.

[Donna]

I Thought so, too.

[Rolo]

Oh, my God. Look at this cat. It's old. Like, really old.

[Donna]

Really, really old. Wow. Wait, it has a collar. There must be a house nearby.

[Rolo]

Let's try to find it. And while we do, how about a new story?

[Donna]

Yeah.

[Rolo]

Here's the author to introduce it.

[Margo]

My name is Robin, and I'm nine years old, and I live in New Zealand. This is my story. Fashion snail.

[Donna]

Honey, she's a fashion snail.

[Robin]

Once upon a time, there was a snail. That snail was named Robin. She had big dreams of a life in the city. Being a fashion model. No snail had done that. No, snails were fashion models. But she said, I believe in my fashion dreams. One day I'll be a snail Sail Fashion snail She'll be a fashion sail Sail sale Fashion sail Serving up some blazing trail do, do, do, do, do do Honey, she's a fashion snail Momma said this dream of yours is just a phase. Snails can't be fashion models. You take all day to walk down the Runway and leave a trail of slime. She found a bottle of sparkling blue polish. She didn't have nails, so she put it on that day on she was a snail Sail fashion sail. She was a fashion snail Snail, snail Fashion snail Serving looks and blazing trails

[Donna]

Honey, she's a fashion snail Fashion fashion

[Robin]

snail Couture Breaking glass ceilings Opening doors New York. Paris.

[Lee]

Tokyo.

[Robin]

Yves Saint Laurent and Escargot. Go, go, go, go, go.

[Megan]

Bonjour.

[Fashion Show Announcer]

I'm at Paris Fashion Week show of the season, where the world's first and only fashion snail is about to make her debut. Here she comes now, in her blue nail polish.

[Lee]

She's gliding down the Runway.

[Fashion Show Announcer]

And she's still making her way down the Runway. I just wanted to update everyone. Fashion snails. Still making her way down the Runway. She's gone about 2 inches, and she has around 40 more feet to go.

[Robin]

Snail, snail fashion snail she is a fashion snail Fashion sale. She's not just a regular snail, Honey, she's a fashion snail Snail sale Fashion sale. She is a fashion sale. Honey, she's a fashion snail.

[Fashion Show Announcer]

And she's still making her way down the Runway.

[Donna]

Oh, wow. I really enjoyed that story. It was great. Oh, don't worry, Kitty. We're sure to find your home soon.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Jlo, where are you? Come here, buddy.

[Rolo]

Jlo, look. Someone's coming through the trees.

[Anna]

Jlo.

[Phoenix Maistone]

There you are. People, what are you doing here?

[Rolo]

Sorry to frighten you. We ran out of gas a few miles back, and we're looking for a hand. I'm Rolo.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Hello, Rolo.

[Donna]

And I'm Donna. I'm a bus driver, a vegetarian, and I love walking.

[Phoenix Maistone]

No, you're not. You're clearly acting.

[Rolo]

What? How did you know that?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Your posture, your pupils. You even projected. That's great for a proscenium, but, honey, take a look around you. We're not at alort a. We're in the woods. Okay, you got that right, J.

[Robin]

Lo.

[Donna]

Okay, you got me. My real name is Megan, and I'm a fantastic actress. And who are you?

[Phoenix Maistone]

My name is, um, Lucy Belt, and I'm a fisherman. Nice to meet you. Goodbye forever. Okay, come on, J. Lo.

[Donna]

Wait. I accuse you of acting. You're clearly not a fisherman. And the only Lucy Belt I've ever heard of is the protagonist of one of the greatest underground theater pieces from the last 50 years, which leads me to think you're none other than its playwright, who hasn't been seen since 1982.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Phoenix Maistone. Fine, you caught me. Come on up to the house. I'll explain everything. Here's my house. Welcome. Or what? Whatever. I've been living off grid in hiding for, like, 40 plus years, talking to nobody except my cat, Jlo. So please forgive me if my hosting skills are a little out of practice.

[Donna]

Well, as far as houses go, this is definitely the most, uh, recent one we've been in. Right, Rolo?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Thank you.

[Margo]

Meow.

[Donna]

Did you name your cat J. Lo after the famous singer?

[Phoenix Maistone]

No, the famous author. Wait, there's a famous singer named Jack London?

[Rolo]

Not quite.

[Narrator]

Wow.

[Phoenix Maistone]

I am way out of the loop. Next thing you'll be telling me is that everyone is required by lotto wear seat belts while driving.

[Rolo]

Oh, everyone is required. Logan, why is my hand all over my mouth?

[Donna]

Rollo, you had some bean soup in your mustache.

[Anna]

Or maybe it's hummus.

[Donna]

I'll just keep my hand there until we figure it out.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Bean soup? What are you talking about? Megan. Sorry. Excuse me. JLO wants to show me something in the other room. I'm coming, sweetie. If this is another dust bunny you think looks like Margaret Thatcher, we're gonna have some work. Phew.

[Donna]

Sorry about the fake bean soup story, Rollo, but you'll understand after I get you up to speed.

[Rolo]

There was no bean in my mustache. Wow. Megan Phoenix may be able to tell when you're acting, but I can.

[Donna]

Thank you. Now, Phoenix Maystone is an incredible guerrilla theater artist. She was absolutely ahead of her time.

[Rolo]

Clearly, she named her cat J. Lo before there was a J.

[Vest]

Lo.

[Rolo]

By the way, is it just me, or is that the oldest cat you've seen.

[Donna]

It's a concerningly old cat. Anyway, Phoenix's whole thing was that she thought people should wear seatbelts. She wrote, produced, and starred in several influential plays that everyone studies in drama school. He who built it. Buckle Up, Tabitha. And her most famous one. Click it or ticket.

[Rolo]

Fascinating. But what is guerrilla theater?

[Phoenix Maistone]

The only theater that matters.

[Rolo]

Phoenix, you're back.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Or at least the only theater worth living off the grid for. It happens out in the world. We take over public spaces and stage dramatic happenings to get people to think about some very important issues.

[Donna]

I was just telling him about your pieces. Like Buckle Up, Tabitha.

[Rolo]

What was Buckle Up, Tabitha about?

[Phoenix Maistone]

We wanted people to petition their representatives to create seatbelt laws. So my theater troupe and I got a bunch of seatbelts and belted ourselves to the outside of people's cars and grocery store parking lots all around San Francisco. They had to have deep, meaningful conversations with us about seatbelt safety before we would unbuckle.

[Rolo]

That sounds annoying.

[Phoenix Maistone]

It was. And that was the point, though, because sometimes keeping yourself safe boils down to little annoying tasks.

[Rolo]

I never thought of it that way. But you're right.

[Phoenix Maistone]

I got so sunburned that day and developed an allergy to car wax. But it was all for the greater good. Oh, JLO also wanted me to tell you that I went into hiding after that last performance for my own safety.

[Rolo]

Safety from what?

[Phoenix Maistone]

The auto industry. They wanted to censor me because I was trying to get them regulated by the government for the safety of people everywhere.

[Rolo]

Wow. Safety has totally shaped your destiny.

[Phoenix Maistone]

It's been my life's mission, Rolo. I moved into this abandoned house after my Troupe's last performance. October 11, 1982.

[Donna]

1982? I bet JLo was just a kitten back then. Right, J.

[Anna]

Lo?

[Donna]

Sorry. Go on, Phoenix.

[Phoenix Maistone]

I've lived off grid ever since. Sure, it's been tough at times, but totally worth it for my art. Speaking of which, can I share something I've written with all of you?

[Rolo]

Please?

[Donna]

I'd love to read it.

[Phoenix Maistone]

It's a script I've been working on since 1985. It's called Fasten. Guess what it's about.

[Rolo]

Uh, seatbelts?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Nope. Seat belts. Wait, did you say seatbelts? Yeah, it is about seatbelts. And maybe this will be the piece that will finally get seatbelt laws on the books. Okay, jlo, I'm coming. He needs to get the zoomies out, so I'm gonna go chase him around for a minute. But read through the script. It's incredible.

[Rolo]

Let's Read.

[Donna]

This is brilliant.

[Rolo]

It's very moving.

[Donna]

I'm tearing up at this part on

[Rolo]

page three and the seatbelt ballet on page ten.

[Donna]

It feels like the most powerful thing I've read in years.

[Rolo]

Her mad seatbelt laws went into effect in 1984, so it's totally irrelevant.

[Anna]

Shh. We can't tell her that.

[Rolo]

Why not?

[Donna]

We can't tell Phoenix. She's been living like this for nothing. How do you think she'd react? She's so passionate, so dedicated, and honestly, I'm a little scared of her.

[Rolo]

Me, too. I mean, I'm more scared of J.

[Donna]

Lo, but still, if she thinks her mission is complete, she won't want to do this play with us. And there's a really good part for me in it.

[Rolo]

Fine. We keep it under wraps until we can find a way to break it to her gently.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Break what to her gently?

[Robin]

Gently.

[Donna]

That this is one of the best guerrilla theater pieces we've ever read.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Why would you need to break that to me gently?

[Donna]

Because normal reasons.

[Phoenix Maistone]

I can see you acting again. Actress. Tell me the truth, or I will fasten myself with safety belts to my kitchen table. Where did I put my box of safety belts?

[Donna]

No, Phoenix, I'm telling you the truth. I'm just always on. You know, I'm such a pro, it's hard to know where Megan the girl from Kalamazoo stops and Megan the actress begins. Surely, as an artist, you understand.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Honestly, I do. Sorry, I've really only been conversing with J. Lo for many, many years. But you like the script for Fasten.

[Rolo]

No notes.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Good, because we're going to stage it tonight.

[Donna]

But where?

[Anna]

How?

[Donna]

Why?

[Phoenix Maistone]

For in town with you two. Because it must be done.

[Donna]

Oh, dear.

[Margo]

We'll be right back after a few words for the grown ups.

[Narrator]

Hey, grown ups. Today's episode is sponsored by Children, Incorporated. What if changing the world started right at home? Sponsoring a child through Children, Inc. Is a beautiful way to show your own children what kindness in action looks like. Imagine being able to say we're helping another child go to school. Through trusted local volunteer coordinators who personally know each child, Your sponsorship goes directly where it's needed most. Because some of the most important lessons we teach our kids have nothing to do with homework. They come from compassion, empathy, and choosing to help someone else feel seen and supported. Visit childrenincorporated.org today to sponsor and help remove the barriers to education.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Okay, Megan and Rolo, thanks for catching me up on everything I missed while I've been out here, but it's Time to drive into town and stage the first ever presentation of Fasten. See ya, J. Lo. Would one of you drive? I kind of forgot how since I haven't left the house since Reagan was in office. I haven't actually even looked at the car since then. Let me just take the tarp off. Wow.

[Rolo]

Where did you find the car shaped like an iguana?

[Phoenix Maistone]

I don't know. Came with the house. Wow. Hey, you both buckled your belts without me saying anything.

[Rolo]

Oh, that's because I was so moved by your new script.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Hmm. It feels like you're acting right now, Rolo. I think we're gonna have to work on that during the rehearsals of Fasten.

[Rolo]

First things first. We need to make sure this lizard car starts so we can bring guerrilla theater to.

[Anna]

Hooray.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Here we go. Let's put on some tunes. This is what music is like now. I love it. I forgot how much fun it is to be in a car on the open road. With a safety belt on, of course.

[Donna]

Take the turn here, Rolo.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Oh, wow. I really wasn't that far from the highway all these years. Look, a road sign. I haven't seen seen one of those since 1982. What does it say?

[Donna]

Oh, no.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Click it or tick it? That was the name of one of my theater pieces. What gives? Is someone doing a production of my play?

[Donna]

Uh, probably. Hey, maybe we should all take a look at the script again. Phoenix, what do you mean by this line?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Which line?

[Donna]

This one here.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Wait, another sign? What does it say?

[Rolo]

Buckle up. It's the line.

[Donna]

Rolo, what are you doing?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Oh, it's the law. Please pull over. Pull over now.

[Donna]

Phoenix, we can explain.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Be honest with me. Are there seatbelt laws now?

[Lee]

Yes.

[Rolo]

Seatbelt laws vary by state. But people in most states are required to wear seat belts. Or they get a ticket.

[Anna]

Rolo.

[Rolo]

Megan, she deserves to know the truth.

[Phoenix Maistone]

When did these seatbelt laws start?

[Rolo]

1984. Ish.

[Phoenix Maistone]

So you're telling me that all of my hard work paid off in the 80s? That's. That's. That's wonderful.

[Vest]

It is.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Of course. Sure, it would have been nice to learn this sooner. And I could have been living with that. That Irnet you were talking about earlier.

[Donna]

Internet.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Okay, whatever. But finding out that something I made as an artist has had an impact. Wow, this feels really good.

[Donna]

I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. I was worried about how you would take the news.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Well, unlike seat belts, which hold you firmly in place, the truth has set me free. Yay. Which means I have to work on my neck. Next big idea. Listen to this. Because I've only been living with a cat for 40 plus years, I've developed a cat toy that's actually a laser light. I know it sounds wild, but I think it could be a big thing in cat toys. What do you think?

[Donna]

Oh, wow. That is. That's incredible. And new.

[Anna]

Yeah.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Rolo, tell me the truth.

[Rolo]

People have been using laser pointers as cat toys for decades.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Ah, shoot. All right. Well, well. Guess I gotta come up with another earthmoving, successful project to focus on.

[Donna]

Well, while you meditate on that, should we do another story?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Yes, please.

[Donna]

And here to introduce it is the author.

[Margo]

Hi, my name is Margo. I'm eight years old, and I live in North Carolina. This is my story. My impossible vest.

[Anna]

Anna, I'm home from the store.

[Donna]

Look what I brought you.

[Anna]

A brand new vest. Thanks, mom. I'm gonna take it to my room and put it away so it doesn't get wrinkled. Before I put this vest away, maybe I should try it on. What do you think? New vest? I'm so funny talking to a vest. Even though it can't talk back.

[Vest]

I'm happy with whatever you decide.

[Anna]

Oh, my gosh. You can talk?

[Vest]

That's right. I'm a talking vest.

[Anna]

But that's impossible.

[Vest]

Not really. I mean, I'm doing it, aren't I?

[Anna]

I suppose you are.

[Vest]

Oh, also, I want to marry a lemon.

[Anna]

You're a talking vest that wants to marry a lemon?

[Vest]

Not just any lemon. The most wonderful, kind, smart, fun, and loving lemon in the whole entire world. Their name is Lemon.

[Anna]

Ah, so you have a specific lemon in mind?

[Vest]

Yes, but I can't marry them unless I get to the wedding, which is in one hour. Can you help me?

[Anna]

Sure. Why wouldn't I help a talking vest get to their wedding To a lemon? There aren't any obstacles to that goal. That I can see. Hey, wait a minute.

[Donna]

Is that.

[Anna]

Oh, no.

[Vest]

What? Don't leave me hanging. Even though I'm an article of clothing and it's considered an act of love in my culture to leave me hanging in your closet.

[Anna]

You've got a hole. There's no way you can get married to your beloved lemon with a hole in yourself.

[Vest]

You're right. My wedding day is ruined.

[Anna]

Not if I can help it. I have an idea. Let's go to my backyard. Here we are in my backyard. Isn't it nice?

[Vest]

Yes, yes. Native plants. We love to see it. But what's your plan to fix the hole?

[Anna]

I can fix the hole. With a pebble.

[Vest]

Is that the best solution?

[Anna]

We'll see. I'll just pick up a pebble from the rockscape. And now to put it into the hole, which should plug it right up. All set. Now let's head off to the wedding so you can marry that Lemon. Hooray.

[Vest]

Let's go. Oh, no. The hole ripped.

[Donna]

Uh oh.

[Anna]

Now it's even bigger.

[Vest]

Well, you tried, but it's okay. I think Lemon will understand. No need to let this delay the wedding.

[Anna]

No need to delay the wedding because I already thought of another solution to my mom's craft room. Here we are in my mom's craft room. I'm definitely allowed in here, by the way.

[Vest]

Are you?

[Anna]

Now to fix that hole. First, we'll put that pebble back in. And now to put in some stitches.

[Vest]

Really feels like we could have started with that.

[Anna]

There. All done. You look as good as new. Thanks.

[Vest]

Now I'd better get to that wedding. Here I go. Oh, no. The hole ripped again. The pebble and stitch didn't work, and the wedding's in 30 minutes.

[Anna]

Don't worry. I know just how to fix it.

[Vest]

It's okay. I really don't want to be late to the wedding. And I'm sure Lemon won't mind.

[Anna]

Nonsense. To my school.

[Margo]

Ah.

[Lee]

Is there anything more relaxing than being

[Vest]

a teacher at school when it's closed?

[Anna]

Hello. Mr. McMillan, the art teacher.

[Lee]

Anna, the student. What are you doing here?

[Vest]

And why are you carrying a sewing machine?

[Anna]

I have a problem that only educational strength glue can solve. May I borrow some?

[Vest]

Sure. Here you go.

[Anna]

Thanks. Now to fix up the hole in this vest. First, a pebble, then a stitch, and now glue. Perfect. Now let's get you to that wedding so you can marry your Lemon.

[Vest]

I'm sorry, what? Here I go. Oh, no. The hole ripped again.

[Narrator]

Is that a talking vest?

[Anna]

The pebble stitching glue didn't work, so

[Vest]

maybe we can drop it and just head to the wedding. It starts in 20 minutes.

[Anna]

Never to the shipping store.

[Vest]

The what?

[Fashion Show Announcer]

Welcome to Wepack.

[Megan]

You ship the store where you pack it. We ship it.

[Fashion Show Announcer]

It's a terrible name. How can I help you?

[Anna]

I need a roll of your strongest shipping tape, please.

[Megan]

Here you go.

[Anna]

Thanks. Now to fix this hole once and for all. First, the pebble, a stitch, glue, and finally, tape. Zoom. How does that feel, vest?

[Rolo]

Great.

[Vest]

Now can we please head to the wedding so I don't leave Lemon at the altar?

[Anna]

You got it.

[Fashion Show Announcer]

Did that vest just talk?

[Anna]

Did the hole just get worse?

[Vest]

No, it's fine. Never been better. Let's go to the wedding.

[Phoenix Maistone]

You're lying.

[Anna]

I will not let this hole defeat me. To the clothing store.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Welcome to Pots and Pans.

[Lee]

We sell clothes.

[Phoenix Maistone]

It's a terrible name.

[Vest]

You sell clothes?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Yes, how can I help you?

[Anna]

Where is your vest section?

[Phoenix Maistone]

Talking or regular?

[Anna]

Doesn't matter.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Well, they're both right here next to the cash register.

[Anna]

Thanks. Now to fix this hole so you can get married.

[Vest]

Please, Anna, we only have 10 minutes. And I really think that Lemon.

[Anna]

Pebble stitch, glue, tape, and finally, another vest.

[Robin]

Hello.

[Phoenix Maistone]

I'm another vest.

[Margo]

Poof.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Oh. Oh, my good.

[Lee]

Oh.

[Vest]

Oh, wow.

[Rolo]

Hello.

[Vest]

Okay, this is happening.

[Robin]

Very nice.

[Anna]

Ah. There. I've put the second vest over you to hold it all in.

[Megan]

I'm hanging on.

[Anna]

That ought to do it for good, though.

[Vest]

Hey, it's not ripping. Anna, I think you did it.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Oh, no. I'm falling off. Sorry. I did my best, but I couldn't

[Anna]

hold it any longer. It's okay. Second fest. You tried? I tried, but it wasn't good enough. And no. Lemon will never marry you, Vestal, because fixing this hole is impossible.

[Vest]

Anna, of course Lemon will marry me.

[Anna]

What do you mean?

[Vest]

I've been trying to tell you this whole time. Lemon doesn't care if I have a hole. Lemon loves me for who I am, in spite of my flaws. Maybe even because of them.

[Anna]

Really?

[Vest]

Yes. I appreciate that you tried, but it was really unnecessary. A love like Lemon and I have can't be stopped by a little hole.

[Anna]

That's beautiful. Let's get you to that wedding.

[Megan]

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to celebrate the marriage of Lemon.

[Vest]

Hello.

[Megan]

And Vest. But I don't see Vest anywhere. I suppose the wedding is off.

[Vest]

Wait. I'm here.

[Anna]

Vest. You made it.

[Vest]

Of course I made it. I love you, Lemon. Nothing was going to stop me from getting to this wedding. Not even a well meaning human fixated on fixing this hole.

[Anna]

You always say that.

[Megan]

By the power of vested in me. See what I did there? Anyone? Moving on. I now pronounce you Lemon and Vest. You may kiss the lemon.

[Vest]

Wow. Sour.

[Megan]

Is anyone gonna mention how weird it is that I just married a talking lemon to a talking vest?

[Anna]

Nope. The end.

[Rolo]

And now Lee speaks with the author.

[Lee]

So, Margo, you wrote my impossible vest?

[Margo]

Yes.

[Lee]

Can you tell me, does the hole in the vest ever get fixed because you don't tell us in the story?

[Margo]

No, I don't think it ever will get fixed. Because it's impossible. Because the mom didn't see the tag that says warning. It's impossible. So do not buy it.

[Lee]

Now we have to talk about the PS of your story. In the original story, it says the end and then PS it wanted to marry a. Can you tell me more about that part? Is there a specific lemon that the vest has in mind?

[Margo]

I think there was a lemon next to it when it was trying to get fixed.

[Lee]

Oh, okay. So is it going to work out for these two starry eyed lovers?

[Megan]

Yeah, they're going to get married.

[Margo]

Yeah.

[Lee]

Oh my gosh. Can you tell me anything about the ceremony?

[Margo]

I think all the guests will be the things that the kid uses to try to fix the vest.

[Lee]

A lot of times when people get married, they like, exchange rings. But since lemons and vests don't have fingers, is there anything that they exchange instead of rings to sort of show their commitment?

[Margo]

I think the vest should give the lemon a golden lemon squeezer and the lemon to give the best a golden zipper.

[Lee]

Oh, it's beautiful. Did you get invited to the wedding? Because it says my impossible vest, so I have to assume it's you. Margo's vest. Did you get to go?

[Margo]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Lee]

And what about your mom? Did your mom get to go?

[Margo]

I think she got to go and she served all the cake.

[Lee]

Wow. Such a beautiful wedding. Are they gonna go anywhere after the wedding to sort of celebrate together?

[Margo]

I think they will go to the mountains, they're gonna climb the mountain and then they're gonna go to a restaurant.

[Lee]

Margo, thank you so much for letting us perform your story.

[Margo]

Thank you for choosing it.

[Lee]

You're so welcome.

[Narrator]

Bye, Margot.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Bye.

[Margo]

We'll be right back after a few words for the grownups.

[Lee]

Welcome back to Story Love, where we

[Narrator]

take stories written by kids and we

[Lee]

read them Story Pirates get tens of thousands of stories a year. Sure do. We respond. We read every single one. Some of them get to be on our podcast and some of them we talk about in this segment, which is called Story Love.

[Megan]

Let's do that right now.

[Lee]

Okay. From Liam, a 10 year old in Tennessee, here is the time I went to summer camp. My name is blah, blah, blah, chit chat doodle pants. This is about the time I went to summer camp. I live on nonsense lane, I speak gibberish, and tomorrow is the day I go to summer camp. Also, I'm an evil mad scientist and I top dance and play the flute. Also, my shoes are made of mud. I was in the car for 10 hours when the car turned into a turkey that breathed fire. We flew to summer camp. When I got there, I went to my cabin and Inside I found a monkey made out of marshmallows, and his name was Jeff. Everything in my cabin is made of cacti, and my bed is made of clouds. And when I lay on it, it turned me into a pig made out of pillow fluff. But I can stand on my hind legs. And now I can understand Jeff now when he sings Ring around the Rosie. Everyone at summer camp went to play soccer in a pool. I scored a point. Jeff scored a point.

[Megan]

The end. Okay, Lee, I love this, and I have a big theory about this.

[Lee]

Let's hear it.

[Megan]

This character, blah, blah, blah, chit chat, Doodlepants, is from Nonsense Lane and speaks gibberish. So do you think that. Cause there's a lot of very silly and almost nonsensical things in here. Do you think that's just the language of gibberish? And then, in fact, he did a very normal camp. But this is how you would say it, in gibberish, because he's speaking in English. But so what is the language of gibberish?

[Lee]

That's a really good theory. This is in their language. And if you were to translate in English, it would be something like. And I go to summer camp also. I'm interested in science and dance and music.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Lee]

And I love to play in the mud. And when I got there, there was. We had turkey for dinner. And it was spicy.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Lee]

You know, like, instead of a turkey that breathed fire.

[Vest]

Yeah.

[Megan]

And then I played soccer and got a point.

[Lee]

I think that's pretty good. I have an alternate theory. Let's add this story, because we do get a lot of stories that are just like, you know, laundry list of, like, funny, silly details. And I think this is not that. To me, this whole thing is symbolic about how hard it can be to relate to others.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Huh?

[Robin]

Right.

[Megan]

Especially in a new environment like summer camp.

[Lee]

In a new environment like summer camp, like a person. You know, you go to summer camp, and it can seem when you're in a new place that everything is just madness. Right. You're not. You're not used to the routine.

[Megan]

Is that a monkey made out of marshmallows? What is happening?

[Lee]

That's right. You don't. You can't even talk to your cabin mates because they're from some other state, you know, like, they have a totally different perspective and life experience than you. They might as well be a monkey made out of marshmallows named Jeff.

[Megan]

And they probably see me as some sort of evil mad scientist that tap dances and plays a flute with mud shoes.

[Lee]

That's Right. And then once you sort of, you know, get used to an environment, eventually you get turned into a pygmy out of pillow fluff. But most importantly, you can understand Jeff. So, like, the connection is made, it's formed, but it was never easy. And then you come home and you

[Megan]

have all these inside jokes that your school friends don't get.

[Lee]

That's right.

[Megan]

And that's the magic of summer camp.

[Lee]

Right.

[Megan]

Some details in here I need to point out that I really like. I love that the marshmallow or the monkey man on marshmallow's name is not just Jeff.

[Lee]

It's Jeff, capital J, E, F, F.

[Megan]

My other favorite detail of this story is that the imagery of this character is an evil mad scientist that tap dances but has shoes made of mud. So I love imagining somebody tap dancing with sloppy mud shoes.

[Lee]

Oh, yeah, I didn't get that. And playing the flute.

[Megan]

Mud shoes and the sound of a flute are completely the contrast of those sounds. The timbre is intriguing.

[Lee]

Yeah, it's a buffet of delectable audio. Incredible story, Liam. Thank you, my friend. Great story. Thanks for sending it in. All right, Peter, would you read this next one for us?

[Megan]

Yes. This next story comes to us from an 8 year old from South Korea named Izzy. And Izzy's story is called the Alpaca Wearing Sunglasses. Once upon a time, there was an alpaca wearing sunglasses who lived on a farm. When the residents came by, they all screamed and put their hands in the air and stomped their feet. It's an alpaca wearing sunglasses. Make as much noise as possible to alert the farmer. But the farmer knew about this. He always tried to take the sunglasses off the alpaca, but he kept getting new ones somehow. And so the farmer set off on a quest to find out where he got the sunglasses. The alpaca liked his sunglasses. But there was one secret nobody knew about the alpaca.

[Narrator]

What was it?

[Megan]

He could talk. It was incredible. But they never found out. So. So, yeah, at nighttime, the alpaca would go into the farmer's bedroom to get the sunglasses back. Then he would go back to sleep as if nothing happened. The farmer thought the alpaca could talk for some reason. So he put up security cameras. And he was right. The alpaca could talk. Wow. These sunglasses are amazeballs, said the alpaca. The farmer continued on his mission.

[Margo]

Hmm.

[Megan]

How do I find out why my alpaca wears sunglasses?

[Robin]

Hmm.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Hmm.

[Megan]

So he asked everyone he met, do you know why my alpaca wears sunglasses?

[Rolo]

No.

[Megan]

Most would Respond. Oh, I see. The farmer would say as he went on. Some would just ignore him. Hey, you okay? You there? All right? He asked literally everyone he crossed paths with, but no one knew. Then he heard a sound.

[Vest]

O.

[Megan]

You should let the mystery go. No, Said the farmer in a sharp tone. No, I won't. Oh, then I can't help you. Then the farmer was drawn to his destiny. Like, literally. He cried. He let the alpaca go, and he told all his customers about the alpaca wearing sunglasses.

[Rolo]

And you know what?

[Megan]

Said the alpaca. The end.

[Lee]

So who or what is this mystery sound?

[Megan]

I think it is the alpaca.

[Lee]

You do Telling.

[Megan]

Trying to get the. The farmer to just forget it.

[Lee]

Yeah.

[Megan]

There's a lot of specifically not revealing things. Like, earlier on, he goes, he could talk. It was incredible. But they never found out.

[Lee]

So the farmer does find out. There's a lot of secrets and lies going on in this story.

[Megan]

Who. Who can we trust?

[Lee]

I'm not sure you can trust anyone.

[Megan]

I like. I like a story that creates that little bit of unease.

[Lee]

Yeah. The alpaca sneaking into the farmer's room at night and stealing the sunglasses back felt very mischievous and a little sneaky to me.

[Megan]

Well, the. You know, this farmer is not perhaps the most clever, because every day he's like, he got new sunglasses, but hasn't noticed the old ones he took are gone. Yeah. At the end, the farmer was drawn

[Lee]

to his destiny, like, literally. And what is his destiny?

[Megan]

His destiny is to just run around and scream at people and go, the alpaca. He wears sunglasses.

[Narrator]

It says he let the alpaca go.

[Lee]

Does that mean he set him free?

[Donna]

Oh.

[Lee]

And the alpaca became a legend because he told all his future customers about this.

[Megan]

The farmer, he was literally going mad with not being able to figure it out to the point where he was running up to strangers going, do you know why my alpaca wears sunglasses?

[Lee]

Yeah. The farmer's driven mad, and so the alpaca finally gets what he wants, which is to hit the road. I feel like the final shot of this is the alpaca's in a convertible with the sunglasses on, and you hear, like, bad to the bone or something.

[Megan]

This was his plan the whole time was, how do I escape the farm by driving the farmer mad? And so at the very end, he gets behind the wheel, and I like to think that he's got the sunglasses you can flip down because he's like. And you know what? Flip the end

[Lee]

off into the sunset. All right. This is amazing. Izzy, what a story.

[Megan]

Incredible.

[Lee]

Wow. Fantastic.

[Megan]

Lee, do you want to read this final story?

[Narrator]

I'd love to.

[Lee]

Okay. From Daxton, age 6 in California, here is how to turn a piranha plant into a football. If you are in your backyard and you see a piranha plant, you might want to turn it into a football. How? Turn a piranha plant into a football? First, you feed it a football. Next you tame it. Last, it turns into a football. That's how you turn a piranha plant into a football.

[Megan]

Wow. The end. I wish I'd known this. And I would have saved myself so many piranha plants. Plant bites.

[Lee]

Do you have those in your backyard?

[Megan]

No.

[Lee]

What. What is a piranha plant? Are you imagining it's like a fish growing out of a plant? Or is it more like a Venus fly trap?

[Megan]

Or is it like Mario Brothers? Oh, but I was first picturing just a fish on a stem.

[Lee]

Huh. I was. That's what I was for. Sure. I mean, that's what a prawn is.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Lee]

They had. They do have sharp teeth.

[Megan]

They do.

[Lee]

Yeah.

[Megan]

I've seen. I had a friend growing up who had piranha in a fish tank.

[Lee]

No.

[Megan]

Yeah. He'd feed him little meatballs.

[Lee]

No.

[Megan]

Yeah, I saw it. I saw it once.

[Lee]

Are you sure you're not making that up, or.

[Megan]

He might have lied to me.

[Lee]

But I saw he would serve him little meatballs.

[Megan]

He had little meatballs, and he'd just

[Lee]

drop a little meat. Raw meat or cooked?

[Megan]

Don't remember. But I remember it was probably cooked. Cause he was just touching with his hands, and he'd go, bloop, bloop, bloop. And I was like.

[Phoenix Maistone]

Like, oh, piranha.

[Megan]

Now I remember thinking, it's a little boring.

[Lee]

Could you see the teeth?

[Megan]

No, I don't remember.

[Lee]

Are you sure it was a piranha? Can you have piranha at home? Listeners, viewers, I haven't thought of this.

[Megan]

Does any of you have Piranhas in over 30 years?

[Lee]

Wow.

[Megan]

But it happened. He could have lied to me.

[Lee]

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that is reasonable doubt right there. Yeah. Also, this reminded me of how to make a basketball plant.

[Megan]

I also thought of that.

[Lee]

How to make a basketball plant.

[Megan]

How to make a basketball plant.

[Lee]

A classic story, pirate story, and Daxton, in the long history of amazing stories about how to make certain kinds of plants into different things.

[Megan]

Or not a worthy entry into the canyon.

[Lee]

It is a worthy entry. You have really, really done it, my friend. Thank you so much for sending it in. And to read all of today's Story Love stories, just head to storypirates.com boink boink.

[Narrator]

And guess what, Grown Ups. You can find an even longer version of today's story love on YouTube. And while you're there, subscribe to our channel and make sure to watch the new videos every week. And Grown Up Story Love isn't just the name of a segment on our show. It's also the name of our incredible corporate volunteer program. To find out more about StoryLove or our digital creative writing program, StoryQuest, or our nonprofit arms Story Pirates Changemakers, Check the Show notes for links. That's it for today's episode. Thanks to today's authors Robin and Margo. And guess what? You can still send us your story and we respond to every single story we receive.

[Lee]

Grown Ups.

[Narrator]

Your link to submit stories is in the show notes for Today's Episode. We'll be back next week with another brand new episode. Until then, stay creative and stay kind.

[Robin]

Bye.

[Narrator]

The Story Pirates podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios, executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka. Co executive producers are Holly and Rizwan Kasim, Manya, Lissi Murray Sampson, Jack Schaefer and Jacob Bond. This episode was produced by Isabel Erricchio, Sam Baer, Greg Barnett, Peter McNerney, Lee Overtree and Brittany Stahl. Recording, sound design and mixing by Sam Baer at the Relic Room in New York City. Additional production by Brett Toobin. Theme song by Bobby Lord, musical scoring by Eric Gerson and Jack Mitchell. Our head writer is Peter McNerney. Staff writers are Megan O' Neil and Alexis Simpson and contributing writing by Lee Overtree. Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin, special guest Elise Myers. This episode features performances by langston darby, justin coon, caroline lux, anna marr, peter mcnerney, kyle moore, megan o', neil, lee overtree, ned risley, peter russo, julia schroeder, rachel winitski and nimini ware. Fashion snail was written by ned risley and rachel winitski and produced by eric gerson with vocal direction by jack mitchell. Hmm, what should I do today? Oh wait, I almost forgot. There's a fashion show on tv. I'll just turn the TV on and looks like the fashion snails still, still moving down the catwalk.

[Fashion Show Announcer]

Alright, just wanted to give a quick check in. We are now in. It looks like it's now hour five of the fashion show.

[Rolo]

Huh?

[Fashion Show Announcer]

And it seems like many of the models and quite a few of the spectators and oh wow, even the designer of the collection himself have all left. But excitingly enough. Fashion snail is just now reaching the end of the Runway.

[Lee]

This is really interesting.

[Margo]

Gosh.

[Fashion Show Announcer]

Wow. She looks really, really spectacular in her blue nail polish. And we are so excited to. Oh, she's turning back around. Okay, that's Fashion Snail Hour five.