Transcript

Peter (0:02)

Lemonade. Hey, Story Pirates podcast listeners. Lee here. On today's episode, Megan and Rachel compete to convince Peter to invite one of them as his guest to a big fancy movie premiere. You have never heard Megan and Rachel square off in a battle of weirdness like this before. I promise. And of course, we have two brand new stories written by kids and more story love with Lee and Peter. And it's all coming up after a few words for the grown ups. Hey, grown ups. Lee here. See Story Pirates live. Our amazing touring cast, including Eric, will be visiting some east coast cities this spring to perform some of your favorite songs from the podcast. And they'll take suggestions from kids in the audience to create a brand new story that will only be seen once. Best of all, all of our upcoming shows are on weekends, so no need to worry about school nights or bedtime routines. We'll see you soon in Munhall, Pennsylvania, just outside of Pittsburgh. Cincinnati, Ohio, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Medford, Massachusetts, just outside of Boston and Ridgefield, Connecticut. Tickets to all the shows are on sale now@storypirates.com.

Lee (1:34)

So then I said, sure, I'll get off the stage, but what about you, Timothee Chalamet? That's incredible. Wow, I did not see that coming. Meghan, I have to say, I can never tell if the stories you tell are the truth or not, but either way, I'm here for it.

Peter (1:52)

A doctor once told me I was medically incapable of lying.

Lee (1:55)

Really, Peter? No.

Peter (1:57)

Say, before we go back to the ship, is there anything else we want to do at this adorable shopping mall?

Lee (2:02)

There's a movie theater on the other end. Maybe we could see something. Oh, I think the new Gertrude Gershwin movie premieres today. She is my absolute favorite. Mine too.

Peter (2:13)

I know her. She plays the Scarlet Librarian in the Super Revenge Squad movies.

Lee (2:18)

Yeah, but she also writes and directs her own small independent films, including such thought provoking box office averse films such as Desolate Ponderance and the Quietest Scream. Uh, those are great, but my personal favorite is a wizened woman wandering. Really, Megan, I would have guessed yours would have been Hush Little Barbie. I know we're all supposed to love that one, but I have notes. And if Gertrude were here right now, I wouldn't be afraid to say so.

Peter (2:45)

Well, that's good, because she's right over there.

Summary

Story Pirates Podcast

Episode: Pockets / The Evil Calendar

Release Date: February 26, 2026
Hosts: Story Pirates Ensemble (notably Lee, Peter, Megan, Rachel)
Featured Kid Authors: Scarlett (age 12, Wisconsin), Aiden (age 6, London)

Episode Overview

This irreverent, imaginative episode exemplifies the Story Pirates style—turning kids’ stories into full-blown comedic sketches and musical numbers. The episode features two kid-written tales: Pockets by Scarlett and The Evil Calendar by Aiden, interwoven with a running Story Pirates ship adventure where Peter must choose a guest for a movie premiere, leading to a zany contest between Megan and Rachel. Additional “Story Love” highlights from listener submissions round out the episode in the signature celebratory style.

Key Segments and Highlights

1. The Movie Premiere Dilemma (01:34–04:37, 17:56–28:51)

Theme: Choosing a “plus one” for a fancy movie premiere sparks a “battle of weirdness” between Megan and Rachel.
Highlights:

Peter becomes a hero: After accidentally burying famed indie filmmaker Gertrude Gershwin under a mountain of bread, Peter saves her (by eating a tunnel), earning an invite to the premiere (05:25).
- Notable quote:
  - Lee (as Gertrude): “It did give me an idea for my next movie. It’s called ‘Doe is Me.’ Think Pride and Prejudice meets 127 Hours. Genius.” (05:31)
Megan and Rachel’s rivalry: Both try hilariously over-the-top tactics (theater performances, hypnotism, playing with dreams) to win Peter’s invite.
- Megan’s theater pitch:
  - “The only place I can be my true self is the red carpet at a movie premiere! Gods be praised!” (21:23)
- Rachel’s hypnotism attempt:
  - “Peter, listen to my voice; when I snap my fingers, you’ll be filled with the insatiable urge to invite ME, Rachel!” (22:37)
- Dream sequence madness:
  - “Run, Peter! ... Uh-oh, I forgot—it was baby with a mustache’s nap time, too. We must have accidentally entangled their dreams.” (26:16)
Resolution:
- Peter, overwhelmed by the competition, decides Megan and Rachel should go to the premiere together: “All my heroes live right here on the ship.” (28:39)
- Memorable moment:
  - “Battling Rachel today was so fun. I’m sort of spent.” (28:33)

2. Story Sketch: "Pockets" by Scarlett (06:34–17:46)

Theme: Absurdist take on ordering pockets to avoid carrying things—only to receive delivery of random strangers. Plot Breakdown:

Protagonist Krystal longs for a pocket after always holding friends' items.
Phone order for a pocket leads to the arrival of random men rather than actual pockets—including a “chili podcast” host.
- Notable quote:
  - “Check out Chili Time, wherever you get your podcasts. We talk about all things chili—traditional chili, bean chili, turkey chili, avocado chili.” (10:22)
Frustration with faulty “Pockets” company, returns, and a wild in-person visit.
CEO revealed as a porcupine seeking dance lessons, running a get-rich-quick scam.
Resolution: Krystal offers to teach tap dance in exchange for porcupine companionship.
- Final touch:
  - Chili Podcast Guy cameo and silly ending.
  - “Thanks for calling Pockets. Buy more, please.” (11:14) Author Interview with Scarlett:
Discusses family jokes, inspiration from being “the family table,” and making up the porcupine’s dream.
- Quote:
  - “No one is giving money away for free to porcupines anymore. And he’s so mad, all he wants in his poor, tiny porcupine life is some tap dance lessons so he can go to Hollywood or Broadway.” (15:16)
Reveals she and her sisters make fake podcasts for their younger sibling featuring their dog.
- “We included an interview with a dog, and it’s just our dog at our house, breathing heavily into the phone.” (16:25)
- “Me and my sisters made up this fake language where we only use the word maraca…” (17:24)

3. Story Sketch: "The Evil Calendar" by Aiden (28:59–36:39)

Theme: Calendar confusion launches a third grader’s family through ridiculous time mix-ups. Plot Breakdown:

Parents replace digital with wall calendar—chaos ensues as misreading leads to time mishaps (wrong day, soccer game alone, surprise birthday, unintended “graduation”).
- “The calendar is truth!” (35:44)
It escalates to parents believing they're 4,186 years old and “obelisks of pure energy.”
Evan, frustrated, proves it’s Monday via phone, setting things right.
- Dad’s punchline:
  - “Hey kiddo, now that that’s over, got any Steely Dan on that phone?” (36:26) Notable moments:
- Deadpan parents, mounting absurdity, and resonant punchlines for parents (“no more calendar confusion”).
- Theme of “trust but verify” wrapped in madcap humor.

4. Story Love Mini-Stories & Discussion (36:50–46:07)

Featured Mini-Stories:

"Well, That Escalated Quickly" by Samara, 8 (Wisconsin):
- Clothes become a portal, fight a demon king, win!
- Lee and Peter riff on “exponential heightening” in stories.
- “If I were to—there’s a math lesson in here... how things heighten: linearly—1,2,3,4,5—versus exponentially—a far steeper curve!” (37:47)
"Hot Dog Lasers" by Elias, 9 (Pennsylvania):
- Hot dog costs $2,000 and shoots lasers, sending Bob into space.
- Lee and Peter analyze logistics of hot dog laser physics and orbital slingshots.
- “I’m trying to imagine where the lasers come out of the hot dog. The scariest place a laser could come out would be the end.” (41:00)
"The Fruit Tree" by Harlow, 6 (Maine):
- Surreal, Giving Tree-esque: the tree grows objects, family vanishes to another time.
- Lee notes: “A modern update of the Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein... But this one is growing endless stuff.” (44:14)

5. Signature Wrap-up & Encouragement (46:07–end)

Story Pirates urge listeners to submit stories and watch Story Love on YouTube.
Behind-the-scenes encouragement for families and kids.
Instructions for grown-ups to get involved, including education programs and volunteer opportunities.

Notable Quotes & Moments

Megan (Oscar speech style):
- “The only place I can be my true self is the red carpet at a movie premiere!” (21:23)
Rachel (as hypnotist):
- “Peter, listen to my voice… When I snap my fingers, you’ll be filled with the insatiable urge to invite me, Rachel…” (22:37)
Lee (inception madness):
- “You think you’re the only one on this ship that can do an Inception? Hey guys, why am I dreaming about turkey legs and waffles?” (26:16)
Peter (laser logic):
- “I think the lasers are shooting out the end, and it is multiple lasers, but it’s more like a pew, pew, pew...” (42:14)
Story Pirates Encouragement:
- “You can still send us your stories and we respond to every single one... Until then, stay creative and stay kind.” (47:45)

Episode Timestamps (Key Segments)

01:34–04:37: Setup of Peter’s movie premiere dilemma
06:34–17:46: Sketch and interview for “Pockets” (Scarlett)
17:56–28:51: Megan and Rachel compete for Peter’s plus one (parodies, hypnotism, inception)
28:59–36:39: Sketch of “The Evil Calendar” (Aiden)
36:50–46:07: Story Love mini-stories and comedic analysis

Final Thoughts

This episode encapsulates Story Pirates’ spirit: honoring kid creativity with top-tier comedy, playful irreverence, and genuine affection for young storytellers. From bread avalanches and fake podcasts to laser-shooting hot dogs, listeners are treated not just to laughter but a deep celebration of imagination—the perfect fuel for listeners of all ages.

For more kid stories or to submit your own, visit storypirates.com.
Grown-ups: Check out the show notes for ways to help the show and educational resources.

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Pockets/The Evil Calendar