In this episode, I’m joined by Lisa Candera, a fellow ADHDer, autism mom, attorney, and parent coach who helps parents regulate themselves first so they can better support their neurodivergent kids. This conversation is raw, honest, and deeply needed—especially if you’ve ever felt like you’re holding everything together while quietly falling apart.

Lisa and I talk about what really happens when parenting a neurodivergent child pushes you to your limits—emotionally, physically, and mentally. We explore why traditional parenting strategies often backfire, how parent regulation changes everything, and what to do when behaviors escalate beyond what feels manageable. If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child and wondering, “Why isn’t this working?”—this episode is for you.

Lisa Candera is a single mom, attorney, ADHD-er, and autism mom coach. She helps parents of autistic children regulate themselves first so they can show up for their kids with compassion, clarity, and strength. Her upcoming book explores what it means to be a “solid object” for your child: not fixing, not co-escalating, but standing steady in the storm. She hosts The Autism Mom Podcast (top 2%) and has been featured in numerous top podcasts, like Turn Autism Around and On The Hard Days.

Episode Highlights:

[0:48] – Introducing Lisa Candera and why parent regulation matters more than we think
[2:20] – The moment Lisa realized she was just as dysregulated as her son
[3:22] – Why parent coaching often matters more than child-focused interventions
[5:25] – How traditional parenting approaches can backfire with neurodivergent kids
[6:13] – Lisa’s late ADHD diagnosis and how it reframed her parenting and career
[11:16] – Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and taking your child’s behavior personally
[13:34] – When behaviors turn physical and safety becomes the priority
[16:26] – Understanding the “order of operations” during behavioral crises
[22:54] – How to find autism-informed medical and mental health support
[27:22] – Why ABA isn’t always the right fit, especially with OCD and anxiety
[34:44] – Proactive strategies to reduce escalation before fight-or-flight hits
[36:06] – Co-regulation vs. compliance and why “doing less” can help more
[38:22] – Reframing behavior as communication—not disrespect
[44:21] – Regulating yourself as a parent when you’re triggered
[49:41] – The truth Lisa wishes she could tell her past self

Links & Resources

Lisa’s website: https://theautismmomcoach.com
Lisa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theautismmomcoach/
Lisa on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theautismmomcoach
The Autism Mom Coach Podcast

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Parenting Through Autism: Crisis to Clarity with Lisa Candera