That gap, between how capable you are and how out of control your money feels, is exactly where James lives professionally. He's a fee-only fiduciary who works specifically with physician families. We started with the basics, why money is the number one household stress for most American families and why none of us were ever taught how to actually talk about it. But it moved fast into something deeper. Values. The real ones, not the ones you say out loud at a dinner party.

James walked us through an exercise from the Gottman Institute, essentially money love languages, security, freedom, success, love, wellbeing, significance, survival, contribution. He has couples guess each other's top three before they even talk about it. Nine times out of ten, the answer traces straight back to childhood. Mine did. I grew up hearing save, save, save, like something terrible was always one purchase away.

We also got into the law of familiarity, why the people closest to us are often the hardest for us to actually hear, and why sometimes you need someone else in the room to translate. And we talked, honestly, about trust. About the fancy dinner early in our marriage where someone sold us a bunch of products and called it a plan. About how a physician family can start to feel like a revenue opportunity instead of a person. James gave me the actual questions to ask a financial advisor to know the difference, and one of them might make you a little uncomfortable in the best way.

If you've ever felt like you and your spouse are speaking two different financial languages, this one is for you.

What You'll Learn (with Timestamps)

[00:01:00 - 02:00] The real gap James sees in almost every physician family he works with, and why it isn't about intelligence
[00:11:00 - 13:00] Kendra's own money story growing up, and how it shaped years of financial anxiety
[00:13:00 - 15:00] The Gottman Institute's "money love languages" exercise, and what it reveals when you guess your spouse's top three
[00:17:00 - 19:00] The law of familiarity, and why your own spouse might be the hardest person to hear you
[00:24:00 - 25:00] The fifteen minute weekly money rhythm James recommends to every couple he works with
[00:26:00 - 29:00] The exact questions to ask a financial advisor to know if they're actually a fiduciary

Resources Mentioned

Your Next Steps