Everything you're getting WRONG about The Fantasy Self (plus a better way to think about it!)

Summary

Sustain This! Podcast Episode Summary
Title: Everything you're getting WRONG about The Fantasy Self (plus a better way to think about it!)
Hosts: Alyssa Beltempo, Signe Hansen, & Christina Mychas
Release Date: January 28, 2025

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I. Introduction to the Episode

In this insightful episode of Sustain This!, hosts Alyssa Beltempo, Christina Mychas, and Signe Hansen delve into the concept of the "Fantasy Self" within the realm of personal style and mindful consumption. Moving beyond the conventional critique of the fantasy self, the trio explores how this idealized version of oneself can serve as a positive force in shaping authentic habits and a more intentional lifestyle.

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II. Understanding the Fantasy Self

Christina initiates the discussion by defining the "Fantasy Self" as an idealized version of ourselves that often influences our shopping habits. She highlights the common issue where wardrobes, populated by items bought with the fantasy self in mind, fail to meet everyday needs.

Christina [00:30]: "The fantasy self is essentially this idealized version of ourselves that we want to be. And we often shop with the fantasy self in mind, but it can often turn into a problem where our closet doesn't really serve our everyday needs and our actual everyday life."

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III. Reframing the Fantasy Self as the Aspirational Self

The conversation takes a positive turn as the hosts discuss rebranding the fantasy self as the "Aspirational Self." This shift emphasizes using the fantasy self as a guiding star rather than a rigid ideal.

Sina [01:48]: "I really like that as the aspirational piece and something that can almost feel like a mentor."

Alyssa concurs, referring to the fantasy self as an aspirational entity that inspires gradual and authentic lifestyle changes.

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IV. Implementing Fantasy Self through Goals and Habits

Christina draws parallels between personal goals and the fantasy self, suggesting that visualizing one's ideal day—including attire—can facilitate the formation of new habits aligned with that vision.

Christina [02:51]: "If it's a version of yourself, like, what does that perfect day look like? Like, what are you wearing?... It also can help you shape the person you want to be or the routines that you want to build."

The hosts reference James Clear's Atomic Habits to illustrate how identity-based goals can effectively bridge the gap between current behavior and desired self.

Christina [04:38]: "Atomic Habits is such a good read for anything like that."

Alyssa [05:34]: "I liked that. Like, confirming the identity and your clothes can help you do that too."

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V. Practical Applications: Style Icons and Realism

The discussion shifts to the practical aspects of embodying the fantasy self, particularly through style icons. Christina uses Amy Smilovic from TIBI as an example, emphasizing the importance of adapting inspiration to fit one's personal context and environment.

Christina [07:11]: "She's wearing socks and sandals in November. We have Arctic Wind here. We can't."

Sina adds that removing outfits from their original context can help individuals determine what truly resonates with their personal style and lifestyle.

Sina [10:44]: "Take that outfit that you feel drawn to and place it out of that context and try to put it into your own context. And will it still work as well?"

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VI. Personal Experiences and Examples from Hosts

Each host shares personal anecdotes illustrating how they navigate their fantasy selves:

• Christina discusses her struggle with copying styles too literally, leading to purchases that don't align with her actual preferences or climate.

Christina [08:34]: "Sometimes it makes me question what I like or what I think is cool because... everyone’s got things wrong."

• Alyssa reflects on embracing a more glamorous version of herself by incorporating heels into her daily attire, symbolizing a shift towards her aspirational identity.

Alyssa [20:17]: "I'm just dressing in accordance with that human... and it seems like she wears thigh highs."

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VII. The Role of Style Affirmations

Sina introduces the concept of style affirmations as a tool to reinforce the identity of the fantasy self. These affirmations help integrate new habits and encourage confidence in adopting new style elements.

Sina [25:25]: "I enjoy getting dressed, and there's nothing wrong with it."

Alyssa expands on this by emphasizing the reciprocal relationship between clothes and identity, where each informs and enhances the other.

Alyssa [05:39]: "Clothes can help you do that too. One informs the other."

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VIII. Conclusions and Takeaways

The episode concludes with the hosts affirming that embracing the fantasy self, when done authentically, can lead to meaningful personal growth and a more intentional wardrobe. They encourage listeners to view the fantasy self as a flexible guide rather than an unattainable ideal, fostering a harmonious balance between aspiration and reality.

Christina [26:45]: "Life is short, you know, wear the lipstick, wear the heels... that feels good."

Listeners are invited to engage with their own fantasy selves by identifying aspirational habits and making incremental changes that reflect their desired identities.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Christina [00:30]: "The fantasy self is essentially this idealized version of ourselves that we want to be..."
• Sina [01:48]: "I really like that as the aspirational piece and something that can almost feel like a mentor."
• Christina [02:51]: "What does that perfect day look like?... It also can help you shape the person you want to be."
• Sina [10:44]: "Take that outfit that you feel drawn to and place it out of that context and try to put it into your own context."
• Alyssa [20:17]: "I'm just dressing in accordance with that human... and it seems like she wears thigh highs."
• Christina [26:45]: "Life is short, you know, wear the lipstick, wear the heels... that feels good."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Sustain This! offers a refreshing perspective on the fantasy self, transforming it from a potential source of style dissonance into a catalyst for personal and wardrobe evolution. By adopting incremental changes and authentic aspirations, listeners are empowered to cultivate a style that truly reflects their evolving identities.

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For more insights and engaging discussions on mindful consumption and intentional living, subscribe to the Sustain This! podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Join the community on Instagram @SustainThisPodcast to share your own experiences and learnings.

Transcript

[Alyssa]

Welcome to Sustain this, a podcast where we discuss mindful consumption, personal style, and the quest for living a more intentional life. I'm Alyssa, a sustainable stylist.

[Christina]

And I'm Christina, a shopaholic turned minimalist. Ish.

[Sina]

And I'm Sina, a color consultant and slow fashion style coach.

[Alyssa]

Together we will unpack the nuances of what it really means to be a conscious consumer and find more joy in what we have right now. So grab your tea, your coffee, or whatever floats your boat and join us in the conversation. Let's go.

[Sina]

Yay.

[Christina]

Hello, everyone. Welcome back. Welcome back to the podcast, to the channel. So today we have a really great topic that I think a lot of you always really like when we do talk about this, and that is the fantasy self. So if you've never heard of the fantasy self before, it's essentially this idealized version of ourselves that we want to be. And we often shop with the fantasy self in mind, but it can often turn into a problem where our closet doesn't really serve our everyday needs and our actual everyday life. So we've talked a lot in the past about how to declutter the fantasy self, how to know if the fantasy self is something that maybe is a little bit toxic and just being a little bit problematic within your style and how you shop. But today we're going to kind of flip the script with the fantasy self, because I don't think it's all bad. It kind of gets a bad rep. So we wanted to touch on the more authentic side of the fantasy self and basically using the fantasy self as sort of your North Star in shifting either your lifestyle or your personal style to what you've always dreamed of. We're going to make it a little bit more positive this time, which I really love. So what do you guys think about that?

[Alyssa]

Yeah, the aspirational self.

[Sina]

Yeah, exactly. That's what I like, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I mentioned in a previous episode how I like following people, for example, on social media who are not necessarily people I relate to in their sense of style, but just in the sense of putting together outfits and actually getting dressed and making more of an effort. I know we only see, like, a small part of people's lives online, so could be that it's not all 100% in tune with reality. But I really like that as the. Like you say, Alyssa as the aspirational piece and something that can almost, like, feel like a mentor. A mentor kind of thing to me. You know, something that's helping me getting dressed and me Making me feel like, almost allowed to also celebrate my wardrobe and get up and get dressed and wear the dressy piece, even if I'm just going to the local library or whatever. So, yeah, I really like that. Slightly more positive. That's like the more positive spin on it.

[Christina]

I do too. It makes me think about. Well, it makes me think about a couple of things. Like, if you have a goal that you want to reach, one of the best advice you can get is to begin with the end in mind. So what's that vision? Yeah, what does that look like? And maybe if it's a version of yourself, like, what does that perfect day look like? Like, what are you wearing? What time do you wake up? What are you eating for breakfast? What's on your itinerary for the day? Where are you? I feel like all of that can help you shape the person you want to be or the routines that you want to build. And when it comes to style, I feel like that also can be weaved in. Right. So. Or I also. It also makes me think of like a fitness goal, for example, like, you know, if you want to lose weight or build muscle or get more fit or be able to run a 5k or something. Like thinking about what you need to do to train, how you need to eat, or what does this. What does a person who already does this, what does their daily routine look like? What are they already doing that I'm not? So I feel like that just beginning with the end in mind and thinking of yourself as that person already is a great way to lead you into those new habits that we need to build, to be, to really create, to become part of that. Like, to. To become a little bit of that fantasy self, but make it an authentic new side of you with new habits and new goals and things like that.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, that was. That was really beautifully said and well put. I feel like we could end the episode here.

[Christina]

Bye, bye, bye, everyone.

[Alyssa]

That's it. Just like a little gem. That was such a good gem. Drop well both of your points, right?

[Sina]

So.

[Alyssa]

Yes, that's right.

[Sina]

How about five minute episodes of F. House? It's a new thing.

[Christina]

And I did learn that from Cena. It's our favorite book, Atomic Habits. So, for example, if you wanted to give up smoking, you kind of think of yourself. So there's two things to think about. There's identity, like, what's your current identity? And what's the identity of the person you want to be. So he uses an example of quitting smoking. So instead of saying, like, oh, I'm trying to quit smoking. You try to create the identity of. Well, I'm a non smoker. And what does a non smoker do? And you sort of work backwards. You work in reverse from the goal that you want and the identity of that person that you want to become.

[Sina]

I love that.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

What would a stylish person do?

[Christina]

Like, what would.

[Sina]

What would my style I can do in this situation?

[Christina]

100%.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a good book. We read it last month, so it was good.

[Christina]

Oh, did you? I read it like once a year. I think it's.

[Sina]

Yeah, it is really good.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I liked that. Like, confirming the identity and your clothes can help you do that too. Right. Like, it's. One informs the other. They're not mutually exclusive. So it's cool when you. When you can wear a piece that identifies with the person who you want to be. And then it's almost like a cycle. Right. Like, the clothes kind of give you that little boost that you need or allow you to get into that. That feeling that you're looking for. Yeah.

[Sina]

I think that's where you can use the fantasy self as a more positive, Positive figure or whatever you want to call it. Like, almost like a style icon. I'm curious to hear if you guys have. Like, when you think of your fantasy style, do you picture a person? Like a full outfit or what? What. What are you. What are you thinking about when you. When you think about your fantasy style? Like, what does she look like?

[Christina]

I feel like my fantasy self now is more. I'm trying to break it down of what it is. I feel like it's more who I'm influenced by these days. I don't know. Like, Amy Smilovic from TIBI is like my style icon, and I feel like I want to wear things the way she wears it. And instead, but at that, like, that's a fantasy self for me because that's her style and that's how she wears things, and that's her lifestyle and her climate. I love the idea of, like, she'll wear a lot of sandals in November. We have Arctic Wind here. We can't.

[Sina]

No, I love it. So it always raises the question of if it's cold enough to wear a sweater, when can you actually wear sandals?

[Christina]

Yeah. Or like. Or she'll do a lot of, like, socks and sandals and stuff like that, which I think is cool. But, yeah, it can't happen here. So I think a lot of my fantasy self is who. Who I'm Influenced by. It's about learning how to take what they do or the way they wear something as inspiration. And how do I adopt that into my own everyday life? How do I make it work for me? You know, I'm not gonna wear socks and sandals or I'm not even gonna wear. I'm not gonna wear heels, like to work or all day long kind of thing, you know, so that's where I'll swap out a flat or I'll take like a. A technique or a principle that she might talk about like, like big, slim skin or wearing. Wearing your clothes, wearing your nice clothes to the gym. But how do I do that within my own closet? So it's more like the techniques that I want to bring in and, and habits that I want to adopt rather than like carbon copying the outfit and just like trying to become that person. Because that's when I think you lose yourself and things start to feel really costumey and out of place. It almost kind of puts people on a pedestal that like, it makes them feel infallible to me when, you know, everybody's got. Got things right. So. Yeah.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Can you talk more about why? Why perhaps putting our style icons on pedestals isn't like it's. I really. That's so interesting that you bring that up. Like it makes her infallible. And it's like, I think that's a really good point to recognize that everybody's human. Sorry, I'm just trying to work through. I'm not exactly sure, but I feel like maybe we should talk about this.

[Christina]

Yeah. A little bit more like, because I think what I'm really attracted to with a lot of my style icons is like the sense of effortlessness and sort of surety in themselves. And sometimes it makes me feel like I don't know myself very well or it makes me question what I like or what I think is cool because, you know, they might say something or like they might do something and it just makes me forget about myself and like the self confidence building that you need to have good style and to feel good sometimes. And I think it's great to be inspired by people and what they say and what they do. But like, everybody's got. Everybody's got flaws and you know, there might be a lot going on behind the scenes that we don't see and we don't know, you know, what about you?

[Alyssa]

Who's your. Like if you have someone in mind.

[Sina]

I don't know. I don't think.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

I don't know if there is any One specific comes up. Like, obviously, I do have, like, some people that I look up to for their style and the way that they put together outfits. But actually, when we did one of our previous episodes, Alyssa, you said something about, like, taking the. Whatever piece or the outfit that they're wearing and removing it out of the context a little bit, which got me thinking. You know, it's actually a really great exercise also, when you picture a fantasy self or even a style icon or someone on social media that you look up to for their style to. To kind of take that outfit that you feel drawn to and place it out of that context and try to, like, put it into your own context. And will it still work as. As well? Because I, for example, lately I've been pinning a lot of autumnal kind of outfits, and actually, when I pull them out of the context and the setting, it's like it's all the same outfits.

[Christina]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sina]

There's nothing new. It's. It's stuff that I already know that I love wearing, but it's also just the emotion of seeing that outfit in a specific context and kind of dreaming yourself into the same cozy, autumnal setting. I don't know. That's why I've also mentioned before that I love watching. I just love watching people getting dressed. I think that's why I'm into TikTok right now, because people will do little Get Dressed with me videos where there's a little bit more storytelling behind and there's room for more, like, human floss and, you know.

[Christina]

Yeah, like a little bit. Something might work and not work. It's not. You don't see the end result. You see the process of it. Yeah, exactly.

[Sina]

And then people might tell them a little bit about. Or tell you a little bit about what they're doing or what. When, you know, what's been going on since last time. I made a little Get Ready With Me kind of video, and I really like that because you can't really. You don't get the same when you just see a picture.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

But the whole storytelling around it and making it more human and more relatable. I really like that. Yeah. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.

[Christina]

I don't know if I think. I agree. I think it's making me think about. I think maybe what we really want when we think about the fantasy self is we want the habits, we want the lifestyle, the routines and the skill set. I guess maybe that these people or that we assume that they have when they're getting dressed to come to that end result. It's almost like the idea of the effort behind, the hidden effort behind effortlessness, the perception of effortlessness. And it's like there's a lot of work and a lot of trial and error and a lot of prioritizing those pieces and those habits in your wardrobe to get to that end result, you know? So I feel like maybe that's what. That's what we really admire and that's maybe what we really want.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Which is a. Which I think is a good thing. I think that's a way. That's the positive aspect of it. And that's kind of like the beginning with the end in mind. And like, what habits do I need to do? What time do I need to wake up? How much more time do I need to give myself in the morning to get dressed, to take the outfit selfie, to prepare the outfit in advance, to plan and to even kind of wear something that feels a little bit out of your comfort zone to get used to a certain vibe that you want to achieve. Like, all of that takes a little bit of work and some discomfort and takes time. But I think that's where. That's where you can really use the fantasy self as opposed to just like. Because I think the problem with, at least for me with the fantasy self in the past was I would, like, we talked about this before. The way I would shop would almost be like a mannequin dressing and I would just copy head to toe, everything that I liked about it. So it made me buy, not made me. I did it, but I ended up buying, you know, like 5 inch wedge heels or like, I have bike shorts. Like, bike shorts and me are a fantasy self thing. Like a Hailey Bieber kind of effortless la cool girl. I hate bike shorts on me. Like, why do I have bike shorts? So stuff like that. So, you know, there's. That's when I think the function and the form of your closet can really get out of alignment with what you need and what you actually genuinely want.

[Sina]

I love that you highlight, you know, being realistic about also your own time. Like, do I even have time? For example, there's so many makeup trends and there's so much, oh, yeah, it's so easy to get sucked into a new eyeshadow palette or, you know, and it's like, yes, but do I even have time to play around with the. Like, is it even realistic for me? Which is, you know, that that's also where the fantasy self becomes more of a negative impact on Your style and your life is when. When there starts. There starts to be, like, a disconnect between what's actually realistic for you and your lifestyle. And then, you know.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

Kind of like having a closet full of high heels and you have nowhere to. To buy them. And you buy that. You keep buying them because you feel drawn to them. And you like the idea of you being able to, like, kind of that. Sex in the city, you know?

[Christina]

Yes, My. All over the city. Yeah, exactly.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Christina]

So.

[Sina]

So it's also about making little compromises because it. It can be aspirational to you. Like, okay, let's say my fantasy sub was Carrie Bradshaw. How can I implement that in a way that's actually realistic? Okay, well, maybe instead of the heels, I could buy little cute flats or, you know, other ways that you can implement that. Those style elements into your wardrobe, but in a realistic way.

[Christina]

Nailed it.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to fully ignore the fantasy self. You could just make little tweaks and take the elements that you like from it. And. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina]

It makes me think, too, when you mentioned the eyeshadow thing, like, because I've been contemplating, like, purchasing an eyeshadow palette and being like, oh, let me. Maybe I want to be an eyeshadow. Like, the question I ask myself, are you an eyeshadow person? And I'm like, no. But let's say I bought it, or I have other eyeshadow palettes in my collection already. I personally don't. But let's say you do and you want to buy another eyeshadow palette. It's like, okay, if I want to be a person who does eyeshadow, then I have to become like, who? What does this person do? They get up a little bit earlier. They. They experiment with makeup looks. They play with the eyeshadow. They. This is how you become a person who wears eyeshadow?

[Sina]

Yeah. Are you willing to do the labor?

[Christina]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alyssa]

I think that's actually an interesting point, because I think the fantasy self. Well, this is the whole purpose of the episode is vilified. Right. But I. How you're both using that example of it's okay to be an eyeshadow person. It's okay to have, like, 20 lipsticks and be a lipstick person. But, yeah, use.

[Christina]

You're wearing them, right?

[Alyssa]

You're wearing them. Yeah. You're using it.

[Christina]

Yeah, yeah. So it makes me think, like, if you want to become a lipstick person, but before I go out and buy another lipstick, I'm gonna try Using the lipsticks I already have and, like, wear it, you know, and start it slowly. Maybe I'll say two times this week I'm going to leave the house wearing lipstick. Or even one time, let's start even smaller and see how it feels and see how it wears and, you know, and then maybe you increase it to twice a week and three times a week. Or maybe you wear lipstick when you're working from home and then get used to that. And then one day when you go to work, you're going to wear a red lip, and everyone's going to be shocked and be like, ooh, where are you going? Fancy. But it's like, no, I'm. I want to become a lipstick person, and I want to wear this. And now it's like, this is how you kind of take the baby steps out into the. Into the universe. And then that's when it's like, okay, if I want to. Now I know I'm a lipstick person. Now I'm going to try a different lipstick.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Yeah.

[Sina]

I love that. That's why. Yeah. Atomic habits is such a good read for anything like that.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

Like, through any kind of lens you want to read it. If it's the smallest thing, like a. A tiny thing, like you want to become a lipstick person, then you could just read it through the lens of that.

[Christina]

Sometimes I do want to become a lipstick person.

[Sina]

I do love lipsticks, too. More, like, more navy colors.

[Christina]

So.

[Sina]

But. Yeah.

[Alyssa]

How come. Christina, why do you. Why or why even Cena, you said, like, you want to be a lipstick person, too. Why. Why does that appeal to you?

[Christina]

I just think there's, like, a certain sense of really beautiful effortlessness to it. I'm. I think I. I did a video last year talking about. Or not last year. I don't know when this is going up. I did a video of things that I think are really. And one of the things I love is a red lip with, like, no makeup anywhere else. Like, maybe just, like, a little bit of glow on the skin, and that's it. And I just think it's so.

[Alyssa]

That's very cool.

[Christina]

It's very shiny.

[Sina]

Yeah. Very elegant.

[Christina]

But that is. That is definitely part of my fantasy self because I've never. I never do it. Maybe one day. Yeah, we'll try it.

[Sina]

Yeah. No, I agree. I think. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's just a nice way to add something extra. Yeah. I don't know. An extra, like, elevated touch to whatever you're. And I think it often, like, Even if it's just a slightly darker color than your natural lips, I feel like it does make you look a little bit more fresh, sometimes a little bit more put together.

[Christina]

What do you think, Alyssa? Do you have any fantasy selves?

[Alyssa]

Yeah, I've been thinking. I've been trying to think of. Of if I have. I don't have anyone in particular. I think definitely the whole, like, someone way more glamorous than me is maybe a fantasy self. Like, that's why I still have, like, a bunch of heels. But I was reflecting on it because I've been actually just wearing my heels out more, like.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

And more frequently. So it's kind of like your lipstick example. It's like. No, like, I've just been. Yes. I wear the thigh highs on a Tuesday morning to get a go.

[Christina]

Coffee, like, amazing.

[Alyssa]

And it's great. I'm happy with it, you know, But.

[Christina]

I think that's how you implement that, right?

[Alyssa]

Yeah. Yeah. So the fantasy. Yeah.

[Christina]

This makes me think of the three word method and how one of the words is kind of like our aspirational word or how. How we want to feel when we're getting dressed. And maybe that to like. Like yours is dramatic or bombshell. This is where that. There's that little bit of authenticity and natural attraction to that part of the fantasy self, because I feel like that's you wearing the thigh highs to go get a cappuccino. Amazing slay. But that's like. That takes a little bit of work to implement, and I feel like that's. So that's kind of like, as we say, it's the aspirational word. It's the. It's the North Star of where you want to go with your style or how you want to feel in that outfit and what kind of makes it feel complete and. And pushed.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. And to be honest, it's funny because when. When we were thinking about, like, oh, what does our fantasy self look like? Or who are they to be? To be really honest, if I really think about it, I don't know what she looks like. I've been doing so, so much internal work on myself that I don't know. I don't know what, like, Alyssa 2.0 looks like yet. But I know how she wants to. Or, yeah, I know how I want to, you know, respond to conflict with friends or family. I know how I want to, like, move forward in my business. I know how I want to handle things. So I'm just dressing in accordance with that human. And. And it seems like she Wears thigh highs.

[Christina]

That's all.

[Sina]

Do you know what I mean?

[Christina]

I love it.

[Alyssa]

Like, I don't. I don't pick. I don't have that aesthetic yet. I think I'm still figuring that out, but I. I know for sure how the fantasy self person, like, behaves.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

So.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. Yay. Fantasy self.

[Christina]

Beginning with the end in mind. Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. Really, really good convo.

[Christina]

This was.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Great, great idea to, like, spin it.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

Yeah. The behavior. I think that's probably what I learned. Like, what. How the fantasy self behaves. Probably the best. Because it doesn't have to. Like you said, it doesn't have to be, like, a carbon copy of someone, like a. A person that you or even yourself pictured in very specific clothes. It can also just be the behavior, which for you, Casino was the styling tools. And it. And it is for me, too. But also just getting dressed, like, taking more pride in getting dressed and showing up for myself, you know, that's definitely.

[Alyssa]

And.

[Sina]

And that's almost like the bare minimum.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think, too, like, it's okay if they change. Right? Like, that's. That's part of life. And it could be a phase.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Too.

[Christina]

But, yeah, definitely.

[Alyssa]

The exploration is definitely worth it, I think, though.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Alyssa 2.0 in the thigh highs, like you talked about, you know, this is how she deals with conflict. This is how she deals with her business. This is how. This is what she does when she gets up.

[Alyssa]

Still working on it.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Yeah. No, we all are. Right.

[Alyssa]

Yeah.

[Christina]

But going back to beginning with the end in mind, was there something about Alyssa now that you weren't satisfied with, that you just, like, what's the self improvement that you wanted? You know, Whoa.

[Alyssa]

I guess that'll look different for everybody. It was. It was just to assert my needs without. Yeah. I think just asserting my needs and being okay with even the fact that I have needs, like, acknowledging that I even have them in the first place. Yeah. And then. And then asserting them and being unapologetic about it not being an. But, yeah. You know, knowing. Knowing what you want and what you need and not being afraid or ashamed to ask for it.

[Christina]

So it's more like. It's like identifying what's not working for you or maybe what feels complacent or too comfortable or so comfortable it feels uncomfortable now, you know, so there's, like, things that we can identify that. That we want to work on and want to improve. And then I feel like that also helps drive sort of the reverse engineering of becoming that Person.

[Alyssa]

Right. Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

It's kind of like how Sina, you use the style affirmations. Those can be part of it, too.

[Sina]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Right.

[Sina]

Yeah, I agree.

[Alyssa]

Like, you've talked about, I think.

[Sina]

Yes.

[Alyssa]

You know, like, I. I deserve to put a full outfit on today. Like, I deserve to wear this lipstick.

[Sina]

You know, and I enjoy doing it. I like getting.

[Alyssa]

I enjoy doing it, and there's nothing wrong with it.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. So maybe that's also part of the fantasy self, too, right? Yeah, I think, because in a good way. Yeah.

[Sina]

The style information. Yeah, that's. That's a great example. Yeah. Because I think also for me, depending on where you live, I live in a very small town, you know, and it's. If I were in Copenhagen, I probably would be more bold with my fashion choices. But where I live now, not that people aren't, like, stylish, but you.

[Christina]

You.

[Sina]

You tend to hide yourself away. You don't want to stick out too much. And I think for me, I'm often afraid that people will look at me like, you know, I'm frivolous or that it's silly that I care so much about how I look, and I don't want to be labeled as, you know, vain or someone who is afraid to leave the house without makeup or, you know, but then at the same time, it's like. And so what if I, you know, it's. I don't know. Yeah. That's where I definitely feel like the style affirmations can be helpful to learn. Teach yourself to get comfortable with the fact that, yeah, I do care and it's okay, and I actually enjoy it and I love the way it makes me feel.

[Christina]

I thought this was such a. Such a great conversation. I don't know. I feel.

[Alyssa]

Conversation.

[Christina]

I feel like we learned a lot about ourselves and maybe our own fantasy selves, but, like, the direction that we want to take things and that it's like, that it's okay to want to go that way, you know, like, it's kind of how you were getting at cena. Like, oh, maybe. Does it feel too vain, or am I going to stick out too much? And life is short, you know, Wear the lipstick, wear the heels, wear the. Wear the thing that you want to wear that feels good. Let us know in the comments who your fantasy self is and what you learn from them. Is there a direction that you want to go with that fantasy? And what action are you taking to make it happen? Leave us a comment down below. Thank you. So much for listening like Share, subscribe and if you want even more bonus exclusive content where you get to ask us questions directly. We spend some time doing a secret exclusive podcast every single month, so if you have specific questions for us, that's the best place to find us and we'll see you next week. Thanks.

[Alyssa]

Thank you.

[Christina]

Bye Bye bye.

[Sina]

Thank you so much for joining in our conversation this week. If you're enjoying the show, we'd love it. If you subscribe to the podcast on Spotify and Apple and leave us a rating and review, it's one of the best ways to support the Sustain this podcast at zero cost to you.

[Christina]

We're also a community led podcast so if you have any questions for us, topic requests or even guests you want to hear from, please send us a DM on Instagram @Sustain ThisPodcast. We read all of our comments and look forward to hearing from you.

[Alyssa]

We hope you join us again next Tuesday where we'll talk about so much more than clothes.

[Christina]

Ciao.