Fashion phrases and style rules that should be left behind in 2024!

Summary

Sustain This! Podcast Episode Summary

Title: Fashion Phrases and Style Rules That Should Be Left Behind in 2024
Release Date: October 29, 2024
Hosts: Alyssa Beltempo, Christina Mychas, & Signe Hansen

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I. Introduction

In this engaging episode of Sustain This!, hosts Alyssa Beltempo, Christina Mychas, and Signe Hansen delve into the restrictive nature of traditional fashion phrases and style rules. The trio explores how these commonly accepted norms can hinder personal style development and mindful consumption, advocating for a more intentional and authentic approach to dressing.

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II. Challenging Traditional Style Rules

The conversation begins with the acknowledgment that while style rules can offer guidance, they often become obstacles that complicate the decision-making process when getting dressed. The hosts emphasize the importance of viewing these rules as tools rather than strict directives, encouraging listeners to prioritize personal expression over societal expectations.

Notable Quote:
Alyssa (00:31): “Style rules can be helpful, but they can also sometimes make it harder to actually get dressed and make a decision about what to wear.”

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III. Specific Fashion Phrases to Leave Behind

The hosts identify and critique several fashion-related phrases that they believe should be abandoned to foster a more creative and fulfilling wardrobe experience.

a. "Flattering"
Christina expresses discomfort with the overemphasis on whether an outfit is "flattering," arguing that this focus can stifle creativity and limit personal expression.

Notable Quote:
Christina (01:28): “'Flattering' can really stifle creativity, especially if that's the main pursuit when getting dressed.”

b. "Dressing Your Age"
Signe criticizes the notion of dressing according to one’s age, highlighting how it perpetuates ageism and undermines confidence. She advocates for celebrating individuality regardless of age.

Notable Quote:
Signe (10:14): “I just don't really like the concept of dressing your age because it's all about celebrating who you are or who you're becoming rather than trying to hide behind a certain number.”

c. "Does This Go With This?"
The hosts discuss how rigidly checking if items match can lead to "analysis paralysis," making the dressing process more stressful. They suggest asking more personalized questions to enhance creativity.

Notable Quote:
Signe (16:31): “The question that should be asked instead is, does this align with my style personality, or does this align with how I want to feel today?”

d. "Inappropriate"
Alyssa challenges the subjective nature of deeming outfits as "inappropriate," emphasizing the importance of context and personal comfort over external judgments.

Notable Quote:
Alyssa (23:44): “Dressing out of context is interesting. It’s hard because we live in a world where dress codes are just all over the place.”

e. "Dress for the Life You Want"
The concept of dressing for a "fantasy self" is examined, with Christina highlighting the potential disconnect between aspirational fashion choices and everyday practicality.

Notable Quote:
Christina (25:51): “The disconnect with the fantasy self is that sometimes when you shop just for them, the pieces in your clothes don't necessarily align with your actual life.”

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IV. Alternative Approaches to Personal Style

Instead of adhering to restrictive phrases, the hosts advocate for a more personalized approach to styling. This includes focusing on how clothes make you feel rather than how they make you look, and identifying what aspects of your appearance you genuinely appreciate.

Notable Quote:
Alyssa (03:52): “How do I want to feel in my clothes today? And less so how do I want to look.”

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V. The Fantasy Self vs. Authentic Self

Christina introduces the concept of the "fantasy self" — the idealized version of oneself that one aspires to be. She emphasizes the importance of balancing aspirational choices with authentic, practical needs to maintain a functional and genuine wardrobe.

Notable Quote:
Christina (25:54): “You just have to bring it in ways that work for you and that feel authentic.”

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VI. The Psychological Impact of Clothing

The discussion touches on the concept of enclosed cognition, where the clothes you wear can influence your mental state and performance. Alyssa references a study showing that wearing certain attire, like a lab coat, can enhance cognitive performance, underscoring the power of clothing beyond mere aesthetics.

Notable Quote:
Alyssa (31:04): “Clothes you wear actually have an effect on your mental state... clothes are powerful.”

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VII. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Wrapping up the episode, the hosts reiterate the importance of moving away from restrictive fashion phrases and embracing a more mindful, authentic approach to personal style. They encourage listeners to prioritize how they feel in their clothes over societal expectations, fostering a more joyful and intentional wardrobe.

Notable Quote:
Christina (25:25): “Just be like, what do I love about myself? What do I like about myself? And let's highlight that instead.”

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Engagement and Community Building

The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to share their own experiences and thoughts on outdated fashion phrases. The hosts emphasize the value of community interaction, encouraging subscriptions, ratings, and active participation through social media channels.

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Final Words

This episode of Sustain This! serves as a thought-provoking exploration of how traditional fashion rules can limit personal expression and mindful consumption. By advocating for a more individualized and authentic approach to style, the hosts inspire listeners to cultivate a wardrobe that truly reflects their unique identities and values.

Transcript

[Alyssa]

Welcome to Sustain this, a podcast where we discuss mindful consumption, personal style, and the quest for living a more intentional life. I'm Alyssa, a sustainable stylist.

[Christina]

And I'm Christina, a shopaholic turned minimalist. Ish.

[Sina]

And I'm Sina, a color consultant and slow fashion style coach.

[Alyssa]

Together we will unpack the nuances of what it really means to be a conscious consumer and find more joy in what we have right now. So grab your tea, your coffee, or whatever floats your boat and join us in the conversation. Let's go.

[Sina]

Yay.

[Alyssa]

Yay.

[Sina]

Hello, everyone. Welcome back. Thank you so much for joining us today. We recently talked about. Or we made an episode all about style rules and how sometimes style rules are. They can be helpful, but they can also sometimes make it harder to actually get dressed and make a decision about what to wear. Essentially, style rules is like, one phrase that we try to challenge. I guess we rather look at style. Style rules as tools rather than rules. And we have a bunch of other, like, fashion phrases that we think we should maybe leave behind in 2024. For example, just a question of is this flattering or, you know, does this go together? Like, there are a bunch of phrases that are not really helpful in terms of getting dressed and, you know, evolving your. Your personal style.

[Alyssa]

Which one's your least favorite?

[Christina]

Flattering.

[Sina]

Yeah, I think that one, yes, definitely comes to mind as one of the.

[Christina]

First ones not to say I don't like things when they are flattering, because sometimes that's just like the word you use to describe it. Like, when you're throwing something on, it's just like, oh, this really flatters me. This really looks good. But I think it becomes more of an issue, and it's like a sticky point for me when that's all we're looking for. Like, that's all we're pursuing when we're getting dressed, because I think it can really stifle creativity, especially if you are more on the creative side when you. When it comes to getting dressed. I just think sometimes if, like, if that's the main goal or the main pursuit. I don't know. I feel like that limits a lot. I don't know.

[Sina]

Yeah. I think the problem is that the. Yeah. The generalizations are the issue here. And you know that because it's all. It should all be from a personal perspective or a personal point of view. I also like how you said, Christina, when you ask yourself, does this flatter me so that it's not like a generalization, like something that you can just Something everyone should follow because it should always be from a personal point of view, I think.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like bringing it back to yourself. Because I think there's this general. We've been so accustomed to hearing that flattering means X size, X proportions. And this is what flattering means, but that's not it at all. And I think. I think we are kind of moving away from that a little bit. Like, I think, you know, body diversity is, we hope, being celebrated more. So re. Centering yourself is really important.

[Christina]

But you're whispering.

[Alyssa]

I know. Sorry.

[Christina]

We've got a. We got people sleeping in the other room. We're. We're recording early in the morning.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. So, yes, apologies. I hope it's still.

[Sina]

No, we'll just amp up the volume on you a little bit. Okay.

[Alyssa]

Okay, sorry. Here. I'll go closer to the mic that Alyssa's asmr. Yeah, she will.

[Sina]

Should we just turn it into an ASMR episode?

[Christina]

Shall I eat something?

[Alyssa]

She, like.

[Christina]

I'm really good at that.

[Alyssa]

But yeah, no, the. Yeah, I think that's also something, too, is to, like, uncondition our brains to. To think of those general flattering, quote, unquote terms like, yeah, like you said, Christina just stifles creativity. And I think it also stifles that whole question of how do I want to feel in my clothes today? And less so how do I want to look?

[Christina]

Yeah, I think that's a really great question to ask, like. Yeah, because sometimes I don't know, I'll say from my own experience, because that's kind of all I can share when it comes to this. But it's like, I'd say, for example, I'm a blazer gal. I love blazers. I'm wearing one right now. The one I'm wearing right now. Probably many people objectively might say it's not flattering because it has like a drop shoulder, maybe like a shoulder pad. Something sharper, something more fitted technically is more flattering. But those blazers, when I put them on, they're a little bit tighter, they're a little bit more form fitting, they're closer to the body. And I don't always want to have clothes feeling that close on me. I don't want things to be that fitted, that sharp in that element in particular. So just kind of going on a quick little aside. So, like, my three style words are minimal, sporty, and sharp. And sharp is the word that I use to polish things up. And it's often how I want to feel, but I don't always need to incorporate the word sharp in a shoulder pad. When I wear a blazer, you know, like, I can use that in my hair or I can use it in a shoe. So I just don't always want, like, I don't always want that certain fit. I want to feel relaxed. I want to feel chill. I want to feel cozy. Like, this blazer is oversized and cozy and relaxed. We're doing this at seven in the morning, but I wanted, like, a jacket, and. And so I'm going to wear my more oversized drop shoulder blazer. And I still think it's cool and it feels chill, and it kind of embodies other ways that I want to feel. And you're right. It's not about how I want to. I think I still look good. I think I still. I think I enjoy this blazer. I think it kind of shows a different look of how I want to present myself. And so it's not. Yeah. But if I were to dress more flattering all the time, I'd always be in, like, a super sharp shoulder pad and something super fitted and. Yeah.

[Sina]

Yeah. I love how you're both, like, flipping it around to. What questions can we ask instead of that one? Is this flattering? What can I ask instead that will actually be way more constructive for me in my situation? Yeah.

[Alyssa]

And I think there's nothing wrong with, you know, coming up with your own sort of points that you find are flattering about yourself. Like, for me, personally, I love. I love a long leg. So I dress to, you know, enhance that or highlight those proportions. And I guess sometimes I often question myself and it's like, do I like a long leg or is that just because I think guys like a long leg? You know what I mean? Like, dressing for the male gaze and everything. So I often question my. Myself just to, like, I don't know, give it a little check, you know, like, am I stifling my creativity and all that? So I think. But. But ultimately, I do think it's okay, like, figuring out the proportions and what you like and why. But yeah, and I do think to your point, Christina, like, you look good in that blazer because also, like, you carry it well. You're comfortable in it. It's like, yeah, it's like, you know.

[Christina]

I'm not self conscious in it. It's just like, yeah, like, throw it on, you feel cool. There's, like, slouch, you know, that's. That's. Those are different elements of how you want to show up and. And also how you're feeling. You Know.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, I don't know. Are we ready to move on to the next one? Because this next one is like one of my biggest pet peeves.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

But I get it a lot. It's all. I often get asked and this is like very, like what not to wear. Remember that show? Oh, there was so much focus.

[Christina]

Remember though, they're backpedaling on a lot of.

[Alyssa]

They are.

[Christina]

Yeah. Stacy London is on TikTok and she's like, I'm so sorry.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. Yes, she's great.

[Christina]

Her tick tock's awesome. I really like her. Yeah. How she's showing up now, it's. Yeah. Anyways.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, yeah. She's almost like criticizing herself from what they used to.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

Okay, cool.

[Christina]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alyssa]

But yeah, so to that point, like one of them is, is this focus on like, okay, how do I hide this part of my body? And that always drives me a little bit nuts. But I mean, I get it. Like there are parts of ourselves that we don't love and that's fine. But I find it's easier to get dressed when you flip the narrative and you ask yourself like, okay, like just this as a starting point. What do I want to highlight? And then if you start from there, you're starting from a completely different mindset. Like, you're not starting from this place of lack or you know what, I don't know, lower, lower self esteem. So when you start from a place of like a little bit more power and, and self compassion and self love, then you're going to, I think you're going to make choices that are healthier for your closet, for your wallet, for the planet, because you'll be, you'll be coming at it from a place of abundance instead. But that's a very, very hard mindset shift.

[Christina]

Yeah, it is. Yeah. Because I think we're so conditioned to focus on the negative and it's a, it takes. I mean, but we talked about choosing hard when it comes to getting dressed and the more rewarding kind of process. And I think that's another form of it. If we, if we kind of go back to that, it's harder to think in a more positive way and to even list out to yourself what you like about yourself. Sometimes that's difficult for people. Right. So I think that's a really, I think that's a really nice, small thing that you can do when you're getting dressed. Just be like, what do I love about myself? What do I like about myself? And let's, let's highlight that instead of trying To. Instead of starting from, as you say, like, focusing on what you want to hide, and that basically focuses on what you don't like about yourself. And so it just starts the whole process in such a negative way.

[Alyssa]

Yeah.

[Sina]

Yeah, it's true.

[Christina]

That sets the tone, you know? Yeah, I love that.

[Sina]

Yeah. I think that's a really great tip.

[Alyssa]

Cool. What else do we have?

[Sina]

I mean, I. There's the whole dress. Your age, I think, is a really, really heavy one as well, if you will. Yeah. I mean, I completely, like, now that I. I'm getting older, I completely relate to how you can kind of get into those. To that way of thinking. And I think the older you get, you'd probably relate even more to it. But it's just. I just. I just don't really. I'm not a huge fan of the concept of dressing your age because to me, like, it's. Yeah. I think it's all about celebrating who you are or who you're becoming rather than trying to hide behind a certain number or, you know, your. Your age, basically.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

Obviously comes from the whole youth obsession and eternal youth. And youth is better than, you know, young is better than being old. Like, that's what we've been taught for so many years. Years. Right.

[Alyssa]

So.

[Sina]

And maybe it's also because now I. I have a daughter. Like, I'll soon have two daughters, so maybe I think about it even more now. Like, what do we pass on to future generations? Like, even, you know, that being a boy or a girl. Like, it's not to say that it's all, like, black and white like that, but it's. I would really love for future generations to grow up in a world where we're more or less focused on, you know, young being better.

[Alyssa]

Mm.

[Christina]

Yeah. Yeah. I totally agree. And I think there's some great. We've had Dominique Baker, who was a guest on. On the podcast. She was great. You all loved her, and she's fabulous. We should have. We definitely need to have her back. But she has a series on her. Yes. On her social media, kind of. Like, I think she. How old? She's 46. And she's proud. Like, she's proud of it. And she talks openly about it and is probably one of the most fabulous people I've ever met. She does not let age dictate what she wants to wear, how she wants to feel, how she wants to show up. And she's glam and she's grace, and she's everything. And I just think. But there's, like, that's just one person that I can think of off the top of my head. There's so many accounts that are just women in their 40s, 50s, 60s, getting dressed and being fabulous. And it's really not like that doesn't inhibit anything. If anything, I feel like you get better with age and you know yourself better. Like, I feel. I mean, I'm in my late 30s, so I can tell you with confidence that I am a completely different person than I was in my 20s. And I feel like you just get to know yourself more and you get to know yourself better. And I think style evolves and kind of grows with you, too. And so dressing for your age, it's like, why do you need to, like. I feel like as women get older, they kind of get left behind and forgotten about, and you sort of fade into the background. And then that whole. If you adhere to dressing your age, it's just like another way for women to fade even further, I think.

[Sina]

Yeah, there's like an. There's a bit of a. Almost like the older you get, the more you need to. Like, you say you need to kind of hide yourself or step. Step back a little bit. And why should you. Just because you're getting older, it's.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

Where it's a privilege to get older, Right?

[Christina]

Absolutely.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. It's funny. It's almost like there should be an inverse relationship. Like, the older you get, the more sort of bold you become with your style. We had that conversation in my community, actually, because we were talking about styling with color, and someone brought up the fact that, like, you know, maybe we shy away from dressing in a more bold way the older we get, because we've been so conditioned to feel that you become invisible when you age. And. Yeah, so I think all your points are right. Don't dress your age. Dress for how you feel and what you like.

[Christina]

Yeah, yeah. And I just think, honestly, most of. I don't follow too. Too many people on social media, but the people that I go to the most for fashion inspiration are all in their mid, late 40s, 50s, and 60s, and they're probably the most. They're just like, the coolest, most fabulous. And I get a lot of inspiration from them. And I think it's because, I don't know, I just get a sense. I get, like, an air of more confidence and more surety in themselves, and, like, you can see a through line in how they dress and how they experiment and how they just own it, and that feels.

[Sina]

Almost feels a little bit more authentic in some Cases.

[Christina]

Yes. Yeah. And I just, I mean, as, like, as I get older, I'm like, I don't know if I want to follow a 20 year old for fashion inspo. It's just like you can't. I don't relate as much, I guess, just like in my own stage of, of life. And I think, I think it's cool that at least on social media you can like even like a, an older fashion influencer is now a thing. Because I feel like that maybe wasn't like you, you could only do this, you could only present yourself online if you were in your 20s. You know, at a certain point if you're like hot and young, but being hot and older is like, I think way, way more fun.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. I think we also have to remember that like, if it come when it comes to like following younger influencers or seeking style and for inspiration, people in their 20s, and I would say even early 30s, like, they're still experimenting. Right. Like they're still figuring themselves out. They're still figuring their style out. So it's, I mean that's always fun to watch too. But yeah, there's definitely something that comes with that confidence of just knowing what you like and.

[Christina]

Yeah, yeah. Confidence is the word, I think.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good one. What about like, does this go with this? Like things having to match and you know, or like I often the time.

[Sina]

With, especially with colors. Yeah, yeah. To see or do these two colors go. And it's like I'm always at a stage of like anything, you know, anything goes. Which I know is not particularly helpful because again, we've, we've talked about this many times before that depending on what kind of person you are, a lot of people want a more fixed, you know, way to get there.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Sina]

They want like a template to get there easier. And if you, if you go, well, anything goes. That you can do whatever you want. It doesn't make things easier, it makes things harder. Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Analysis paralysis.

[Sina]

Exactly. And we've also talked about that before. But you know, choosing hard is what you need to do to really develop your style and really understand what you like and really develop more style confidence. There's no quick fix, but of course a template can be helpful. But yeah, I feel very. Yeah, I don't necessarily like that phrase either. Does this go. Um, because in reality it's all. It depends on what, from what, what point of view you're asking. Um, I also, I think the question that should be asked instead is for example, like you mentioned Christina you just mentioned your style words. I think it's more about, does this align with my style personality, or does this align with, like you said, Alyssa, how I want to feel today? There's so many other questions that are way more helpful in that sense, I think that we could ask instead.

[Alyssa]

I also feel like the whole does this go question is such a slippery slope into over consumption. Right. Because then you feel like you have this thing, and it's like, oh, but I have nothing to quote, unquote, go with it. So you go out and you buy something else that goes with it, and then you're. You're filling gaps in a closet. In your closet in a way that is not intent, in my opinion. That doesn't feel as in tensional. It just feels a little bit more forced. So maybe, yeah, it's like taking that pause and being like, wait, does it have to go, why aren't I thinking of other elements that I can bring in that would work?

[Christina]

So I find that so fascinating. I think that's a great point. And part of that also, I feel like if you come at it from that perspective, it almost limits that thing to. It really limits what you can style it with. You know what I mean? You know, if you buy that one bag and it's always going to go with this outfit, this outfit, and this, then like, and that's it. It kind of just boxes you in.

[Sina]

Kind of like with the style rules, too, right? It's kind of like in that same.

[Christina]

Yeah, yeah. So I think it's. I think.

[Alyssa]

Great point.

[Christina]

I think a lot of it kind of comes down to your right color and perhaps proportion. Like, I just watched a video the other day of what sneakers to wear with what jeans. So it was kind of like, you know, avoid chunky sneaker with this and this. Actually, I made a video.

[Sina]

I mean, it can be helpful, but it feels so boxed sometimes. It's like. Like you just said, it's. It's almost like it's. It narrows down our opportunities even more. This is like, okay, now I can't wear these shoes with those. Like, it's.

[Alyssa]

I've tried making those videos, and I do it, and I'm like, putting the one that's, like, supposed to not look good together. And I'm like, no, but you're like, it looks great. I contradict myself all the time. Like, this isn't working.

[Sina]

I mean, sometimes I definitely see it. It's like, okay, yeah, I can see totally. But. But it's more. It's. Again, it depends on what point of view? If the point of view is I want to look slim and I want my legs to look longer, then, yeah, don't wear the bulky sneakers with wide leg jeans. Like, then wear the more pointy or more sleek pair. But if you want. Like, if you want to pull out a different kind of style element, or if you. If. I don't know, if you want to add more of a cool or quirky twist to your outfit, then, you know, the chunky sneakers could work. It's all about what point of view you were asking that question from.

[Alyssa]

I think this is actually a really good, like, link to that whole. To that first question of the, like, Flattering. Right? Because, like, the do's and don'ts, as we were just saying, the chunky sneaker, whatever, that's a don't because it's quote unquote, not flattering. So, again, like, the generalizations can really pigeonhole you in a not so great place.

[Christina]

Yeah. It also makes me think about. So, you know, there's flattering in terms of a shoulder or looking more hourglass or making your boobs look bigger or making your waist look smaller. But there's the one I hear a lot, a lot is this makes you look shorter.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Truncates you. And I find, to be honest, that's kind of a pain point for me because I. I feel like I have shorter legs and a longer torso, so I don't like it when I feel truncated. But I don't always dress for that. For example, I really like to do. Right now, I'm kind of super into, like, a cuffed jean, um, and then maybe having, like, a taller shaft boot sticking out or even a ballet flat. But because it creates. It kind of cuts you off. Instead of creating one continuous line, which would be more flattering, I have an intentional break in the. In the sight line of that outfit. But I'm. So I will look shorter compared to if I undid the jean and wore the full length of the jean, you know, but looking taller or having my legs looking longer in that particular context is not my goal. But I still like the outfit. So I think kind of that's what we mean by. You know, there's nothing wrong with something being flattering on you or dressing in a flattering way. But as we said, having that dictate the entire outfit, I think that can really limit you. Because if all I did was want to dress for looking tall, then I would never cuff my jeans, and I want to cuff my jeans. Life's too short. Not to cuff your jeans. Okay.

[Alyssa]

Totally, totally.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

What about. What about. That's not appropriate, Quote unquote.

[Christina]

Ooh.

[Sina]

Yeah, that's an interesting one.

[Alyssa]

Like, who deems what. That something is appropriate or not?

[Christina]

Well, I mean, I get it. Okay. I get, you know, there's. There's hr. There are dress codes. Totally understand. Or, you know, if you go to a wedding and they're like. And they say black tie, but. Okay, sometimes I've gotten invitations and it would be, like, business casual, but, like, what. What is that? What does that really mean? You know? So. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It. That one's. That one's tough.

[Sina]

Yeah.

[Alyssa]

I've heard that used in the same context of, like, the whole dressing your age. Like, oh, that's not. That's not appropriate for you. Like, you're not.

[Christina]

That's.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, like that. Those kind of.

[Christina]

You can't wear a mini skirt at.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, whatever. Whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And I think. I don't know. I think this also goes hand in hand with dressing, like, in and out of context. Like, if you're being respectful to your environment and the people around you and you're respecting yourself, then, you know, you're. You're good. I think sometimes we take inappropriate to a level that involves a lot of shame, and that's where. That's where it becomes harmful, I think, to your psyche. When you're getting dressed, if you have. It's almost like, you know, you hear. You hear if you had, like, that aunt or that mother, like, that's not appropriate. Like, you know, like when you're. When you were younger. So I think that's. Yeah. It's hard, though, because we are. We are living in a world where dress codes are just all over the place, and it is hard to know. But dressing out of context is interesting. Yeah. Yeah. That's a tough one, being. Yeah. Being appropriate or not. But I think.

[Christina]

Yeah, I think context matters, but I think, like, I don't know. I think you kind of alluded to it, like, sort of read the room, read the vibe and interpret it in a way that still feels good to you. But you. I don't want to say you wouldn't stand out, because I think it's important to not necessarily fade into the background, but you kind of like it. It works. It meshes with the vibe. It meshes with. You don't look out of place, I guess.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. To me, it's more. It's, like, about disrespectful. Like, if you're, you know what I mean? Like, you're not, you're. You're respecting your surroundings. And I think there's some self trust involved there too. Right. Like, knowing that, like you said, Christina, you can read the room and that's it. Yeah.

[Sina]

How about dress for the life you want or like, dress for the job you want.

[Christina]

AKA the fantasy self. Yeah, exactly.

[Sina]

Because I get it to a certain extent. Extent. We've talked about fashion psychology a lot and you can definitely use clothing to, you know, set the right mood or. Yeah, you can probably dress to get the job you want. But I'm. But is it authentic? Like, I think that's the. Where the struggle can really arises, you know, if you're losing, if you're losing your own authenticity over, you know, dressing. I don't know, it's. That's kind of a tricky one for me as well. Yeah.

[Alyssa]

Oh, is it?

[Christina]

Eh.

[Alyssa]

Okay. Yeah.

[Sina]

I mean, it can be, it can be aspirational, but it's also. Are you, are you truly dressing for who you are? Like, if you're. I don't know.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. No.

[Sina]

The fantasy self, like you put it, Christina, like, are you dressing for someone you're not? Like, are you trying to hide behind your clothes more than you're trying to enhance what you actually want to achieve or.

[Christina]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And I mean, as a. Yeah, definitely no stranger to the fantasy self. One thing I have learned about it though is, okay, so the fantasy self is essentially the kind of person or this avatar of the person you want to be, slash the life you want to live. And you'll often shop for that person. And the disconnect with the fantasy self is that sometimes when you shop just for them, then the pieces in your. The clothes in your closet don't necessarily align with your actual life. So if I fantasize about being this, you know, cosmopolitan city girl, Carrie Bradshaw, running around in my Manolo Blahniks all over the city, but I work from home or I stand all day at work and I couldn't possibly rock a 3 inch Manolo all day long, then that might be where the disconnect is. But I think the kind of nuance with the fantasy self is there's obviously something that we're attracted to. Like, it's, it's. So there is some authenticity there. But I think it's about creating the connect between that fantasy and the reality. And like, how do you balance that and make it work? So I do think you can use the fantasy self to kind of like, as A North Star. But it has to feel good. It has to feel authentic. And I think the pieces in your closet have to work in a practical way where it does feel authentic, and then it also works for your life because you need a wardrobe that's functional. You need it to work for you. I almost think of the fantasy self now as, like, that third word of how you want to feel. The aspirational word. Yeah, yeah. But you got to bring it. But what I learned is, like, you just got to bring it in. In ways that work for you and that. Yeah. In ways that just work for you.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. It's just the nuance between the aspirational self and the fantasy self. Like, it's funny there. I've started wearing my heels around the house when I work from home, and it's like, it makes no sense, but. But I love it.

[Sina]

I love it.

[Alyssa]

I enjoy it. Right. But it's like. So that's almost like the aspirational piece that you can use, I guess. Yeah. That's a tough one. I kind of agree with.

[Christina]

Because you don't want to get rid of the shoe. Right? But, yeah, that's what I mean. It's kind of like a bleep this out. It's kind of like a. Or get off the pot type of scenario. I often say it's like, you know, so you. You don't want to get rid of the shoes, but you're finding a way to use them, and that's totally fine. Like, I think the key. I think. I think where we often feel guilty with our wardrobes, too, is like, when things don't get use. Right. So.

[Sina]

And that's also where it becomes wasteful.

[Christina]

Right.

[Sina]

When you keep purchasing things for fantasy self, and then you can't really realize that fantasy self, Then it's.

[Alyssa]

Yeah, you're kind of hiding behind that. That Persona as well. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sina]

But actually, like, we. I feel like we've talked a lot about wearing shoes inside, and I found myself when we're hosting. We. We just had a birthday. My. My girl just turned four this weekend, and we had a birthday, and we usually. We don't wear. We don't wear shoes inside, like, for. Okay, you know, family gatherings. But I wore a pair of little flats because I thought, you know, it really does make a difference. I feel like all of. All of these talks we've had about wearing shoes inside and, like, completing your outfit, even though you're just in. It really does make a big difference.

[Alyssa]

Yeah.

[Sina]

Sorry, that was just a bit of.

[Christina]

A. I totally agree. Especially working. Especially working from home. I feel like that kind of is where maybe that is where you dress for the job you want. Because so many of us now work from home. And I feel like now that if you don't leave the house or you don't go to an office, that's when it's like, okay, but do I wear a blazer inside? Do I wear heels? Yeah, but it's like, well, when. I don't know. Sometimes it can make you. It kind of creates the environment. It makes you feel.

[Alyssa]

Mm.

[Christina]

It can be that missing piece that just makes you feel a little bit more put together or more present in your role. Kind of like. What was that? Enclosed cognition. Yes.

[Alyssa]

Yeah. Enclosed cognition is this phenomenon that, you know, the clothes that you wear actually have an effect on your mental state. So there was a study that was done where a group of people were asked to take sort of a general knowledge test. Half of the people were asked to wear a white lab coat while doing it, and the other half, nothing. And it actually turned out that the people wearing the lab coat scored higher on the general knowledge test, even though everyone was of the similar, you know, knowledge base background, all that stuff. So it's just that. Yeah, it is that proof that the clothes you wear are powerful. Okay, Amazing. I feel like we could wrap it up here. Do you have any. Any things that you were. Anything that maybe, like, as a child you were told that kind of gets stuck in your head? These sort of. These rules that are just. Or these. These phrases that you think we should leave behind? Put them in the comments below. Maybe we can make a whole other episode about it. But in the, um, don't forget to like and subscribe the channel. Catch us wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget, we also have a membership community where we post some exclusive content. We get to chat and engage a little bit more with you. And it's right here on YouTube so you don't have to go anywhere. You can just click the little join button below and we will also link it in the show notes for everyone who is listening. So thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for supporting us. And we will see you in the next one. Ciao. Bye.

[Sina]

Thank you so much for joining in our conversation this week. If you're enjoying the show, we'd love it if you subscribe to the podcast on Spotify and Apple and leave us a rating and review. It's one of the best ways to support the Sustain this podcast at zero cost to you.

[Christina]

We're also a community led podcast, so if you have any questions for us, topic requests, or even guests you want to hear from, please send us a DM on Instagram @ Sustain this Underscore Podcast. We read all of our comments and look forward to hearing from you.

[Alyssa]

We hope you join us again next Tuesday where we'll talk about so much more than clothes.

[Sina]

Ciao.