Andy Daly

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Thanks Dad with Ego Nwodim" featuring Andy Daly

Podcast Information:

• Title: Thanks Dad with Ego Nwodim
• Host: Ego Nwodim
• Guest: Andy Daly
• Release Date: December 9, 2024
• Platform: Headgum

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Introduction to the Episode

In this heartfelt and humorous episode of Thanks Dad, host Ego Nwodim engages in an intimate conversation with comedian and actor Andy Daly. The episode explores the dynamics of fatherhood, personal growth, and the complexities of parent-child relationships. Through candid discussions, both Ego and Andy delve into their own experiences with their fathers, offering listeners relatable insights and practical parenting advice.

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Guest Background: Andy Daly

Andy Daly is a renowned actor and comedian known for his roles in Veep, The Office, Blackish, and Modern Family. Additionally, he voices characters in animated series such as Rick and Morty, Bob's Burgers, and The Simpsons. Andy also hosts the podcast Bananas for Bonanza. His multifaceted career provides a rich backdrop for discussions on creativity, perseverance, and balancing personal and professional life.

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Discussions on Fatherhood

Andy's Relationship with His Dad

Andy opens up about his relationship with his father, highlighting both admiration and the challenges they faced. He shares stories that reveal his father's disciplined nature and professional demeanor.

Andy Daly [03:04]: "I truly believe on some level, in my lizard brain, I believe I can do anything."

Andy recounts a pivotal moment when he admitted to irresponsible behavior after college, speaking candidly about his past mistakes and the lessons learned.

Andy Daly [04:03]: "Never do it. Not even the littlest bit. Particularly nowadays with ride shares, like, whatever, leave your car."

Ego's Relationship with Her Dad

Ego discusses her complex feelings about her father, who wasn't present during her upbringing and has since passed away. She reflects on the difference between not having a relationship with a living father versus a deceased one.

Ego Nwodim [08:29]: "Oh, just because it's impossible to have a relationship with someone who's dead. You know what I mean?"

Ego emphasizes the importance of acknowledging that someone's presence in one's life, even mentally, continues to influence and shape personal growth.

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Parenting Styles and Experiences

Communication Methods

Both Ego and Andy explore different modes of communication within their families. Andy describes his father's structured approach to communication, including weekly phone calls, which he found rigid.

Andy Daly [13:09]: "When I was shortly after I moved out of the house, my dad started calling me every Sunday."

Ego contrasts this with her own methods, highlighting the challenges of maintaining communication across different time zones and personal boundaries.

Ego Nwodim [17:51]: "My phone is on silent at all times. I don't have an answer to this right now."

Discipline Approaches

Andy shares his pragmatic approach to discipline, focusing on honesty and integrity. He admits to getting angry when lied to but emphasizes the importance of having conversations to understand why deceit happened.

Andy Daly [60:58]: "If I find out that I've been lied to, I get really angry."

Ego reflects on her own disciplinary strategies, which revolve around encouraging honesty and open communication rather than strict oversight.

Ego Nwodim [58:25]: "Please understand, you have every incentive to do your best here."

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Lessons and Insights

Motivating Kids Through Humor

Andy discusses his technique of using humor to motivate his children and navigate difficult situations. He believes that making children laugh can help them overcome challenges and stay positive.

Andy Daly [48:32]: "I have always been quite good at motivating them through humor and getting past difficult things by making them laugh."

Ego agrees, noting that humor can be a powerful tool in parenting, fostering a positive environment for growth and resilience.

Teaching Important Values

Both hosts highlight the significance of instilling core values in their children. Andy emphasizes the golden rule:

Andy Daly [63:20]: "You have to treat other people the way you want to be treated."

Ego adds to this by encouraging her children to develop a clear sense of self and personal desires, free from external pressures and expectations.

Ego Nwodim [64:16]: "I would also really love for my kids to acquire as effortlessly and easily as possible a clear sense of what they want."

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Concluding Advice

At the episode's culmination, Ego requests a piece of practical advice from Andy, aligning with the show's tradition of ending with actionable insights.

Andy Daly [67:32]: "In my opinion, some people love it, but I think you should avoid haggling situations as best you can throughout your life."

Andy elaborates on his advice by sharing his personal strategy of delegating negotiations to professionals, such as using a car broker, to avoid the stress and potential pitfalls of haggling.

Andy Daly [69:02]: "I love to just take my agent's word for it that this is the most I could get out of them."

Ego appreciates the practicality of Andy's advice, acknowledging the wisdom in knowing when to step back and let experts handle specialized tasks.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Andy Daly [03:04]: "I truly believe on some level, in my lizard brain, I believe I can do anything."
2. Ego Nwodim [08:29]: "Oh, just because it's impossible to have a relationship with someone who's dead. You know what I mean?"
3. Andy Daly [13:09]: "When I was shortly after I moved out of the house, my dad started calling me every Sunday."
4. Andy Daly [60:58]: "If I find out that I've been lied to, I get really angry."
5. Andy Daly [63:20]: "You have to treat other people the way you want to be treated."
6. Andy Daly [67:32]: "In my opinion, some people love it, but I think you should avoid haggling situations as best you can throughout your life."

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Conclusion

This episode of Thanks Dad offers a deep dive into the intricacies of fatherhood and parenting through the lens of Ego Nwodim and Andy Daly. Their honest and often humorous exchanges provide valuable lessons on communication, discipline, and the importance of instilling core values in children. By sharing personal anecdotes and practical advice, Ego and Andy create an engaging narrative that resonates with listeners, encouraging them to reflect on their own relationships and parenting styles.

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Listeners who enjoy authentic conversations about family, personal growth, and parenting will find this episode both relatable and inspiring.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The holidays are all about sharing with family meals, couches, stories, Grandma's secret pecan pie recipe, and now you can also share a cart. With Instacart family carts, everyone can add what they want to one group cart from wherever they are. So you don't have to go from room to room to find out who wants cranberry sauce or whether you should get mini marshmallows for the yams or collecting votes for sugar cookies versus shortbread. Just share a cart and then share the meals. In the moments, download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. Okay. I mean, Andy, we already sort of got into it. I think that being a parent is quite a journey and so I'm excited to talk to all the dads. I'm so excited to talk to you.

[A]

I'm very excited to talk to you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I don't think go. It seems like a lack of humility to even have children to start with. And then to presume that I can give advice to anyone is. It's just. I feel insane. But I'm going for it and I'm just. I'm gonna embrace it.

[B]

You said yes to the dress and I'm so glad that you did. The dress is being on this podcast and you knew I was gonna end the podcast asking you for advice. And here's the thing, Andy. Given that you say it is a lack of humility to have children, it really is. And moreover, furthermore, a lack of humility to think you could give advice, yet having had children many moons ago, you still said yes. So is it fair to call you a cocky Motherfucker.

[A]

I guess that's right. I truly believe on some level, in my lizard brain, I believe I can do anything.

[B]

I feel like that's right.

[A]

Well, it's gotten me into a lot of trouble, is what I'm saying.

[B]

Ooh, legal.

[A]

Oh, legal trouble. Yeah. But I shouldn't talk about things like that. I've made mistakes. Sure, I've made mistakes.

[B]

I wonder if I can get you to confess to a crime on this podcast.

[A]

Yeah, you could. You know, I've confessed. Weirdly enough, I've confessed to this particular crime before on podcasts, and it gets edited out.

[B]

Well, we're keeping it in. I want to hear what it is.

[A]

Okay, here's what I will say. And this is one of the reasons that I have a 17 year old now and I'm so terrified of people in this age range. After I graduated college, I had a car and I had a job at a place that served alcohol, and I would get fairly inebriated on.

[B]

Oh, I see why. I see why they're editing it out. Okay. I see why they're editing this out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yep. But keep going.

[A]

And then I would. And then I would say to myself, I am good at this. I am good at being fairly inebriated and driving myself home now.

[B]

And you were 17, right?

[A]

Oh, no, no. This was after college. So I'm 22.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You're 22.

[A]

This. It's just an example of the sort of thing that you. Sometimes you do need to recognize limitations even. Even if it really seems like you're good, you're pretty good at something.

[B]

Okay. But may I ask, Andy, now, did you have to face the law or you just kind of got away with.

[A]

I never did. And in some ways, no, I'm glad. I'm glad I never faced the law. But I look back on that time and I just say, oh, I almost wish something had stopped me sooner. Like, everything worked out fine in the end. No one was ever hurt, nothing was ever significantly damaged. Nobody. No legal consequences. But I look back on that and just say, how was I so stupid?

[B]

Youth. Youth. You feel invincible as a young person. Yes. And well into your 30s, I feel. But that said, yes. What's your official statement on driving while inebriated? Maybe this will. This will. This will absolve you.

[A]

Never do it.

[B]

Never.

[A]

Not even. Even the. The littlest bit. Particularly nowadays with ride shares, like, whatever, leave your car. You'll find it sometimes.

[B]

Okay. Okay. I love that. That is great advice from you, dad. Okay. Oh, yeah, great advice from you. Dad, I'm going to do my little intro.

[A]

Great.

[B]

And we do everything out of order here.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

Chaos, guys. Hi. Hello. Hello. I'm Ego Odom, and welcome to. Thanks, Dad. I was raised by a single mom and I don't have relationship with my dad. Spoiler alert. He's also dead now. Andy's laughing. He thinks it's funny. He has no sympathy for me whatsoever. He's like this silly little girl and her dead dad.

[A]

I didn't know he was dead.

[B]

I'm just kidding. I know. You know, I didn't for a little bit there either. I think I found out eight weeks after. Maybe anywhere from four to eight weeks after. But it's okay. We didn't have a relationship. Right. Why would I be the first one alerted?

[A]

Well, so I'll just say it's very different to not have a relationship with someone who's alive versus not having a relationship with someone who's dead. Those are very different.

[B]

I want to talk more about that. Wait, I'm going to talk to you more about that. All right, guys, you've seen my next guest on Veep the Office, Blackish and Modern Family, just to name a few of his credits. You've heard his voice on Rick and Morty Bob's Burgers, the Simpsons, and the list goes on and on. As I previously suggested. He also hosts the Bananas for Bonanza podcast. Bear in mind, it is intentionally spelled wrong. It's intended to confuse you. I'll stop there. Please welcome my dad for the day, Andy Daly.

[A]

Hello, dear. It's good to talk with you.

[B]

It's wonderful to talk to you.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. I'm so thrilled. You're pure delight. Honestly, if I could pick a dad, which I have, and I do week after week, it'd be you.

[A]

Oh, that's so great. So, yeah, this feels exciting to me. It's like connecting with the child that I had, you know, that I didn't know I was responsible for as a 17 year old. That's kind of. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that's a fantasy. That's a popular fantasy. There are a lot of movies about that, about somebody discovering in adulthood that they have a child and you sort of. You got to skip the hard parts.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And now this person comes into your life and.

[B]

Right. It's a thing. Speaking of skipping the hard parts, I feel like as an adult, people were like, are you gonna pursue a relationship with your dad? And I was like, he's not exactly pursuing one with Me and the hard parts are over. I feel like we're beyond the hard parts. And you get to slide in here where I'm this fully formed woman who's such a vibe. And now you get to be my dad. I don't know. I don't know, man. Yeah, yeah. But I'm glad it's you. You don't know what to say to that, do you?

[A]

Well, I'm just. It's confusing because you really threw me for a loop when you revealed that he's dead. That changes everything. It really does.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You said a relationship. You said this. A relationship alive versus not having a relationship with someone when they're dead is quite a difference. What would you say that is in your mind?

[A]

Oh, just because it's impossible to have a relationship with someone who's dead. You know what I mean?

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

That can't be done.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

That's not an option. The other thing is an option.

[B]

You know, some people pray to their ancestors. I know, but it's not the same. I know. It's not the same. It's not the same.

[A]

Well, I guess. I guess I have to be okay. I suppose there is some version of someone that always continues to exist in your head, whether they're with you or not.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

So, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I will say what someone once communicated to me because I kind of expected that if my dad passed, I wouldn't really have too much of a reaction because we didn't have a relationship. My parents got divorced when I was a baby and someone had said to me, yeah, but you will care. Because then the possibility of a relationship is no longer there. And not to sound socio, but I didn't feel much of anything. And I didn't feel like, oh, darn, the possibility's gone. Because I wasn't abstaining from a relationship as a means to punish or to send a message so that I could get some alternative outcome. Does that make sense?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I feel like sometimes people are abstaining cause they're like trying to prove a point or because they are so upset and angry, understandably so. And they're hoping the other person will come around and be different. I think I didn't have one partially because I just from what I understood my dad to be, wasn't necessarily right for me.

[A]

Yeah. It's interesting that there are some people who grow up with truly no knowledge of a biological parent, one or both. And those people often seem very driven to find out who are those people? Who were those people how can I find them? They get into 23andMe and all that. But your situation is different. That you had information about this person that made you say, okay, that's. I know what I need to know. I don't have to find anything out. And then. So it takes away the impetus to track him down.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And I knew. I know his family. I know my cousins on my dad's side. It's not some big mystery. It was just we didn't have a relationship. And it was. Frankly, I know this is probably illegal to say, but it was okay. It was okay. I mean, I think it's. I think it was okay. I know it's not the story people want, it's not the stories the movies told us, but it is mine.

[A]

It sounds like you definitely get the feeling that it was okay with him. He wasn't looking for you.

[B]

That's the same. Like, you weren't chasing me down. Yeah, I mean, he did call me when I was 18 once I had moved to LA, to USC where I went to college, and it was sort of like, kind of just gave me a lecture and I go, whoa. Imagine. Imagine getting lectured by a person you haven't talked to. I was like, what's happening? I would take a different approach. I was like, what exactly is going on here? So, yeah, I was so confused by it. And then I think he was also probably confused by my, like, you know, my response to that was very like, well, if you wanna foster a relationship, I am open to that, but whatever, this is not so much. And then that deterred him. That was enough to deter him. And I go, okay, yeah. I think I'm doing these voices now, and I wonder if it sounds like I'm being guarded or silly about it, but I'm not. I'm earnestly like, yeah, okay, understood.

[A]

That's an amazing skill to have. But, yeah, it sounds like he was like, here it is on my terms. Oh, you have terms. No, thanks.

[B]

I didn't expect you to have terms. Last I remember, you were four. You don't expect a four year old to have terms and conditions. Andy, I'm so, so glad you're here. Enough about me for now.

[A]

I'm excited.

[B]

You presumably have a dad, right?

[A]

I have a dad. Yeah, that's right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My dad is. He's going to be 80 next month. Whoo.

[B]

Wow. Happy birthday. Early birthday to your dad. He's lived a life. Are you guys close?

[A]

Yeah, Yeah, I see my dad. Well, not geographically close. I grew up in New Jersey and My parents still live in the house that they moved to in 1980, and so they're still there, but I live in Los Angeles now. And so I see them. We go out there every Christmas time, and in the summer, we take a trip out there for a big family reunion annually in May, and then they usually come out here once a year for a week. So. Yeah.

[B]

That's sweet. Now, are you on the phone a lot with them at all, or is it.

[A]

I am.

[B]

Big trips are kind of on the.

[A]

Phone with them a lot. You know what? Actually, speaking of boundaries, when I was. Shortly after I moved out of the house, my dad started calling me every Sunday. And I remember that he had a conversation with his parents when I was growing up. He spoke with his parents on the phone every Sunday and wrapped it up in time for 60 Minutes. That was the routine. And he started doing that with me every Sunday. And I just felt like, I'm not enjoying this. Like, there's something about it. Like, I would rather have a I'll call you when something's going on relationship rather than a weekly appointment on the phone. So I said that, and that felt to me like a big deal at the time because he had this very rigid idea in his head. That Sunday you speak with your parents.

[B]

Yeah, something about. Yeah, something about that feels, like, very dutiful, which is not necessarily how you want your relationship with your parents to feel. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's not how it should necessarily feel either. I don't know.

[A]

Because he said at the time, he was like, yeah, but then you forget. If you only call when something you have something to say, I feel like we'll hear from you less. And I was like, yeah, wow. And that has turned out to be exactly right.

[B]

Exactly right. So now how often are we on the phone?

[A]

Very.

[B]

If you had to. Okay. We're talking calling right before that Christmas trip and right before that summer trip to let them know you're on your.

[A]

Way, that kind of thing. But texting. We're texting, we're emailing. Oh, yes.

[B]

Okay. Your dad's a texter.

[A]

Yes. He's not as good about it as my mom. He texts out of the blue strange things, strange observations, such as, can you.

[B]

Eat anything juicy or silly?

[A]

Okay. Yes. He just texted me that he was doing something with his lawnmower or something like that, and there was a piece that he needed, and he went on Amazon to order it, and it arrived the same day, and he was stunned. Yeah. This was a group text to me and my brothers and our Wives and just amazing. This service is amazing. It got here the same day. It was just like, whoa.

[B]

Okay, what was your actual response to that when you saw that text? Truly, what's the first thing you thought?

[A]

I had no response. And then my older brother left him on read. I did. And then my older brother got in there and said, and he often does this. He beats me to like the. What's the word? The anodyne kind of, wow, Incredible, great, you know, and then I'm like, oh, that one got taken.

[B]

That was good. That would have been good.

[A]

The simple wow is gone. Now I can't use it.

[B]

Stellar. I mean, and then it causes you to kind of be paralyzed and just go. Did you respond at all?

[A]

I did, actually. It made me put more thought into it. And so I responded saying, yeah, the same day delivery from Amazon option hasn't appeared quite as often for me lately. But yes, it is incredible.

[B]

I love the acknowledgement then I appreciate that you had something to say. I really do. I've heard this concept that in relationships, sometimes the way relationships deteriorate is because one partner or another or both are making these little bids for attention. And the smallest thing, I think your dad's text could be deemed bids for attention and bids to connect. Like, bids to like, can we connect in this moment? And that's nice that you respond, in my humble opinion.

[A]

Humble, yes. I wish that as soon as I read the text. Well, they're in the east coast too. So often I wake up to texts from my family.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And I'm bleary eyed and I can't. I just kind of go, I can't. I don't have an answer to this right now.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

And then hours go by and it's a problem.

[B]

The time difference thing in text messages is a big. We need to talk about this as a nation.

[A]

Yes, we do.

[B]

You know, because I have a lot of friends on the west coast in la. I lived there before I moved to New York for SNL. And those friends will text me at like 10pm their time. That's not so late. But I might be asleep over here because that's 1:00am East coast time. Now. I will wake up and I'll see that text message at 8:00am and I go, it's too early for me to respond to this. Quite. And also, I know it's now 5am on the west coast and then I don't respond and then I totally forget to respond.

[A]

It's a problem.

[B]

Yeah, I'm going, oh, this isn't the right time to be sending them a text. Yeah, it's a problem.

[A]

I operate on this assumption, which may be very faulty, that if I send you a text message when you're likely to be sleeping, I might. There's a good chance I'm gonna wake you up. But if I send you an email when you're likely to be sleeping, I won't wake you up.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Is that true? I don't know if that's true.

[B]

I have the same theory. I just told someone I'm working with who lives in Ohio. I said, I'm going to email you tomorrow, Monday, because I think I'm going to be up really early, east coast time. I'm talking really early, and it'll be a little earlier for you, but still just kind of inappropriate anyway to try to wake someone. And I was like, I'm going to email you instead of texting you because I would hate to wake you. And he was like, you're not going to wake me. So you could text. But in my mind, I'm like, an email. I probably won't wake you. Here's a little secret. My phone is on silent. It's maybe not a secret, but my phone is on silent at all times. It does not vibrate. It does. Does not make any noise. It does not even alert me that I've received a text message. I have to go in my text messages to see that I have text messages because that little red dot gives me anxiety. And so friends will be like, I didn't text you because I didn't want to wake you. And I go, I need you to get it through your beautiful head. You could never wake me up. You could never wake me up. I don't even use do not Disturb for that reason. I'll use it if I have a zoom. But I'm like, no one can ever disrupt.

[A]

I think. I think anybody that is in your contacts, we all need to just have a whole thing of, like, what is your policy? What are you doing? When can I text you?

[B]

Right. It should be like a section in the context part. So, like, if I put Andy daily in my contacts, I go. I can reference in the notes section. This is Andy's policy on when he can be texted and when he's awake. What would be disruptive to him? Your preferred mode of communication? Cause mine is FaceTime. Mine's FaceTime. How do you feel about FaceTimes?

[A]

No, not. No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

All right, understood. Okay. What is it about? Just feels intrusive to have to hold.

[A]

It away like that to keep myself in the frame. It's just. It's too much work.

[B]

Anytime I FaceTime a friend who I can tell doesn't like it but is trying to appease me. I can see in the way they're sort of, like, jittery about where the phone is and what angle and where to rest their arm. I'm like, oh, they're hating this. They're not telling me, but they're hating this. And I have all my methods for being comfortable. Prop it up on a water bottle. Like, lean it against a water bottle, but you're prepared.

[A]

It's very different. An outgoing FaceTime call is so different from an incoming FaceTime. An incoming FaceTime call, it's like, what? What now?

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

I'm on television suddenly.

[B]

Would your dad FaceTime? No. It sounds like you're not a FaceTime family.

[A]

No, but he'll make an appointment to. You know what? During the whole pandemic, we did appointment zoom appointments.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, we did that.

[B]

So beautiful.

[A]

That'll happen, but that has tapered off. We're not doing that now.

[B]

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[A]

Oh, yes, very much so.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, he's very serious, very serious about the departure time from the house for to get to some place on time. He, he likes to be. He's one of these guys. He likes to be at the airport way before the flight.

[B]

Oh my gosh. See, he and I are oil and water. I do not. I like to arrive to the airport as my flight is boarding. Oh, I want to arrive. Really? The ideal time is 15 minutes before my flight boards. Enough time to get through security. I have TSA pre check. I got digital ID and I want to walk from security onto the plane. Those are I. That's how I move.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, we would, we wouldn't be able to travel together, your dad and me.

[A]

No, in fact, he and I, we were both going someplace and we were waiting for the car to take us someplace. And I looked up on the GPS that the place we were going was 10 minutes away and this was like 25 minutes before we had to be there. And we were just waiting for a car that's probably going to come in the next five minutes. And I said, oh, we're in good shape. And my dad said, no, we're not actually. I don't know. What do you mean?

[B]

What do you mean? We are in good shape. We're in real good shape.

[A]

Time wise.

[B]

What kind of work did he do?

[A]

Well, funny enough, he was. When I was very young, he worked for the phone company when there was one phone company doing some management thing. And then he worked for AT&T.

[B]

Bell Atlantic. Was it Bell Atlantic?

[A]

It was. Oh, maybe it was just Bell Telephone. I think it was okay.

[B]

Okay. Because I think maybe they merged or something. Anyway.

[A]

Well, in the mid-80s, the government split up the phone company into AT&T and Bell, all this stuff. So he went to work for at. But anyway, the part that I was saying was ironic is that he. From the mid-80s to his retirement, 15 years ago, he was a salesman of video teleconferencing equipment.

[B]

Okay. Jaws on the ground, because I'm like, are we talking Zoom before Zoom?

[A]

Yes. So this was like, okay, 1985. You would have a way of video conferencing in a conference room to some other place that has the same equipment. And it was very rudimentary.

[B]

Really? Yeah, it was very, very. This is fascinating, truly, to me, because in my mind, Skype was a thing before Zoom, but they somehow fumbled the ball, and then Zoom took over during the pandemic. And that was, in my mind, Skype was sort of among the first of its kind. But that's not true, because this sounds like your dad was a pioneer to this thing.

[A]

Yes, he was.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And he put a lot of them in, like, so courthouses so they can arraign people from the county jail without bringing them to the courthouse. Like, weird stuff like that.

[B]

You kind of want the person to be present to get. If they're getting arraigned, right?

[A]

I would think so. But there's some. There's some reasons that there. You want a video link from the court to the jail. I don't know why. Some circumstances. Oh, you know what else? He was very busy after 9, 11, when every municipality got all this money to set up, like, an underground emergency response bunker. He sold a lot of what? Video teleconferencing equipment. During this.

[B]

Really? Business was booming. Business was booming for him. The height of his career.

[A]

Every little town had, like, a nerve center under the city hall. Emergency response.

[B]

The things you learn. Okay, wait, is this something he was passionate about?

[A]

He. Maybe he really.

[B]

He.

[A]

He had a lot of pride in being a good salesman. Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And in being a real expert in the subject matter. In fact, he published a book on the subject matter called we have to Start Meeting Like This.

[B]

I love. Okay. Did you read the book?

[A]

You know, I'm not sure. I definitely thumbed through it. It's on my bookshelf somewhere. For sure.

[B]

You have the book. You've skimmed the pages. The content is not alluring to you. Is that accurate?

[A]

It's quite technical. It's quite technical.

[B]

So he's very passionate about being a good salesman.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Does he ever impart any of that wisdom in terms of being a good salesman to you and what it entails?

[A]

Well, he definitely. He. Okay. He's a Real. A hustler, a real go getter. There was a period of time when he was out of work, he was between jobs for a period of time, and he would wake up earlier than if he had a job and go downstairs to his desk and he would be working the phones and making connections. And that's when actually when he wrote the book. So when I graduated college to become. With the intention of becoming an actor, he, number one, brought me to the. To the men's warehouse to buy me a suit for job interviews.

[B]

And I'm like, for acting auditions?

[A]

No, he's thinking job interviews. He's thinking, you know, really?

[B]

Wait, so he knew you wanted to be an actor, but he's like, was he kind of like, okay, very cute, but what you're going to do, young man, is you're going to have to go on job interviews. He kind of treated it as like, that's a hobby. You're going to get into business. Business. As a man should. Yes, okay. Yes. Okay.

[A]

In fact, he would tell me, he would say things to me like, you know, when I worked at AT&T, there was a guy, he actually did quite a few plays and he had a regular job at AT&T. So that's an option. Interesting. All right, all right.

[B]

Okay. So when you said, we have to be meeting like this, just do you know that what the premise was, was it like on we need to be meeting on video?

[A]

Yes, yes, that was the idea.

[B]

Okay, okay, got it. He really was a pioneer. This is incredible because he's right, because here we are on video.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

You and I.

[A]

We are.

[B]

I mean, he did know some things, but he sounds like he didn't know much about your pursuit of acting. Really? No.

[A]

And I have a hard time knowing whether. How much to judge that because.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Well, okay, here's what I've arrived at. And now I'm getting into a little bit of advice. I would say that if there's something that your child is passionate about pursuing and you think, like, particularly if it's show business or even if it's sports, something that seems like that's a long shot and that's how you feel about it, there is no point whatsoever in being discouraging because the pursuit itself will discourage them. You know what I mean?

[B]

That's a really great point, Andy.

[A]

Show business.

[B]

Someone put that in a book. You need to write.

[A]

Show business will talk you out of doing show business.

[B]

Absolutely. If you've ever talked to an actor who is trying to make it, trying to get that first job trying to make rent this month, you will know that everything inside of them, besides some tiny little voice is like, yeah, you don't got what it takes and this isn't gonna happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So your role, I think, as a parent is just to say, great, how can I help? You know, but my parents, like, nobody in our family ever did anything like that. My dad, I believe my dad was the first person in his family to go to college. And he got, you know, he got a respectable job, a management job. And I think in his mind, the intergenerational upward mobility would have led to lawyers and doctors and stuff like that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Not. I would like to follow David Letterman's path and be him, which was what I told him.

[B]

Oh, and wait, how did he react to that when you told him that?

[A]

Well, actually, that's a memorable conversation because I had read an unauthorized biography of David Letterman where it said that he went to college and studied television and radio. And so I said to my dad, hey, I heard about this major, television and radio. And it feels like for the first time in my life, I can imagine myself going to college, if you can major in television. And he was so happy.

[B]

Oh, okay. Oh, he was happy because you were thinking about not going to college or that was kind of your vibe.

[A]

I was unable to imagine myself going to. So this was like, okay, this gets us the bachelor's degree. Then after that I'll buy him the suit and he'll go on job interviews.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

And we're on our way.

[B]

I also want to say, to your point, you know, the notion that you're like, your dad's perspective informing how he was responding to what it is you said you wanted to do, you have some grace for it, it sounds like. And I also want to say, as a person whose family wanted me to be a doctor, because that's just what they knew. I think some people, I get interviewed from time to time and people will go, oh, like, that's. Well, were they supportive? And that must be hard because they didn't like, jump at the idea of you pursuing acting. But I'm like, I don't know. Nine times out of ten made that stat up, guys, don't quote me. I do feel like the parents intention is good. And I wasn't getting, like, no one was telling me it wasn't going to happen for me. That's not a thing anyone ever said to me. But it was sort of like, uh, oh, what path is she going to go down? And how is it Going to impact her being on this really unstable journey that is the pursuit of acting or career in entertainment. And so I think parents, by and large, I just have a lot of grace for it. And I'm always like, the inclination that it's like, oh, mean parent that didn't go, oh, you want to be an actor or you want to be an artist? Heck, yeah, is a bad parent. I don't agree with that notion.

[A]

I guess I don't either, because I would say that my parents did not believe that I could have a career in this business, but not. It. It wasn't personal. It wasn't like they saw my performances and said, you know, relative to the other kids and relative to what I think it takes to do it, he doesn't have it. It was more like just. It's. It's so impossible. It's so competitive. I don't know how you do it. I can't visualize it. It's right. So many people try and fail. I don't see it happening.

[B]

Right. There's nothing linear about it. And so you can't go, okay, well, if Andy does X, Y and Z, it will produce 1, 2, 3 for him. That's just not how the industry works. And if they can't wrap their head around it, of course, they're a little reticent to go, heck, heck, yeah, Go down that path. And so to your point, too, that no one in your family had been in entertainment before you. That's my experience as well. And so, like, yeah, when you haven't experienced a thing or seen a thing or seen it work out or even begin to have a concept of. Of how it could work out. I feel like that is a fairly reasonable response, if I may say so.

[A]

You know, I think so, yes. Another thing my dad did after buying me the suit that drove me crazy and I had to put a stop to. Was that.

[B]

Was it just one suit, Andy? It was the one suit.

[A]

One suit.

[B]

Okay. But it really peed you off.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, no, I did wear it on auditions. It did come in handy on commercial auditions at a certain point.

[B]

Okay, good. Okay, Very good.

[A]

But he also, once he knew that I had a commercial agent and that I was doing some things, he would call me all the time and say things like, what's that agent doing for you? Well, why don't you call that agent? Where's their office? Well, why don't you go by their office and tell them what have you done for me today? You know, what? Are you so bringing a very businessman's hustle to this world that he doesn't know anything about. And it's hard to explain to somebody like, no, if I just show up unannounced at my agent's office and say, what have you done for me this week? I'm done in show business.

[B]

Yes, you're done. And word will get around. Do not sign that guy. Let me tell you how I used to come up to our office, huffing and puffing, asking me to show receipts. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It wouldn't have. Did you ever try telling him that? Like, it doesn't work that way. Or would you be like, oh, yeah, totally, dad. I'm going to, you know, I'm going to try that. How would you handle it?

[A]

Somewhere in between, I think I found some way of just being like, yeah, yeah, no, I don't know. I might call him. Yeah, I'll call him soon. Yeah, I don't know. Okay, just kind of, let's get out. Move on. So let's change the subject.

[B]

Where did you go to college, Andy?

[A]

I went to Ithaca College in upstate New York.

[B]

Okay, upstate New York. Yes. And then you moved to la? How soon after college?

[A]

Well, first, because my parents lived in New Jersey. I moved back in with them after college and commuted into New York to do improv and sketch and stand up and so. And then I moved into the city in 94 and lived in New York until 2001. Then I was bicoastal for a year and a half, and then I've been full time in LA since 02.

[B]

Okay, so while you were like, taking classes at. In New York City and doing improv and sketch, was it ucb? Well, no, that wasn't around.

[A]

No. Yeah.

[B]

Was that around?

[A]

UCB came to town in 1996. I was one of the first students there, but I had already been in town doing this company called Chicago City Limits that. That worked out of a church originally on the Upper east side.

[B]

I can only imagine the kind of blasphemy that was going on during improv practice in church. I've been in improv practice. I know the types of things that are said. What?

[A]

You're right.

[B]

When you were in New York, going to New York and commuting and doing the classes, what was your relationship with your dad like at that time? Was he very invested in that journey? Was he sort of like, oh, Andy's hobby, and he's really loving this hobby, or.

[A]

Yeah, I think that was the period when he was just like, you need to approach this, like, I would approach getting a job as a salesman.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And yeah, there was a lot. Well, what are you doing about this? Why don't you call that person? How about this connection? You know, that guy? Didn't he have a sister who did this?

[B]

Or, like, in that case? Because he's like, trying to wrap his head around what you're doing. He's trying to apply the way he operates in his industry to your industry and your life. Did you feel supported?

[A]

No, I wouldn't say so. I mean, I guess I should. Now, in retrospect, I should say that that was definitely a form of support, but the part of it that at the time was most notable to me was just like. It's like you're assuming a degree of expertise in an area that you don't know anything about. And believe it or not, I've been in this world, even just the little while that I've been in this world and that I've been interested in this world, I have some sense of how to. How to do. How often you should appear in front of someone that you're hoping will give you stage time. You know what I mean? Like, yes.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

That sometimes it's just smiling and being unobtrusive and, you know, just a decent hang as opposed to.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A firm salesman for yourself. You know, like, I actually, I have a sense of what it's going to take for me to move a little forward from this place that I am. And I kind of. I've got it. I've got this.

[B]

Yes, you might be an expert at what it is you do and what you've experienced, but this thing over here that you have really no concept of, I might be a little more of an expert than you. And I felt that, too. Even people giving me advice on how to navigate snl and given how many years it's been around, it is an institution unto itself. And every once in a while, someone will engage with me in a way that they're like, well, surely it's got to go this way. Well, why wouldn't it just work this way? And I go, and you should just. And I go, trust that my being there gives me a level of expertise or knowledge that you just would never be able to begin to wrap your head around. And so, yeah, you don't know what you don't know. And that's okay.

[A]

I was once talking to a. A lawyer who works in international contract, not show business, and explaining the screen test situation. You know, how, like, okay, I've Auditioned for a TV show, they like me. They send me the contract that locks me in to their rates for five or six years. And then I go for my final audition. And I was telling that to somebody and he was like, no, no, no, no, no. You've signed that contract under duress. It's unenforceable.

[B]

Imag that to the industry. Imagine the next test you go to, the screen test you go, I won't be signing this contract for. I feel duress. Yeah, you would be out of a job. So you just can't apply some of that stuff from these other industries to this one. And that's just a fact.

[A]

Sometimes you have to say, I have no idea about what your world, how your world works.

[B]

Exactly. And I trust that you being in it, know a little, at least a tiny bit more than I do. And so we're going to defer to you a little now. Did your dad ever come to shows of yours when you were doing improv sketch? Did he ever come watch you?

[A]

Yes. So when I. Chicago City Limits was a review. They had a playbill, they paid us a couple hundred dollars a week. And it was song parodies and short form improv of the Whose Line is it Anyway Style. And we did six shows a week on the Upper east side and we dressed in like shiny shirts and ironed chinos.

[B]

Okay. Your dad would like this. He had to have loved it. Exactly.

[A]

My parents loved this show. They came again and again. They brought all their friends. It seemed like they were making friends to bring them to this show. They had a favorite restaurant that they would go to before each show. And so they loved that. But then UCB came to town and I was like, no, that's where it's at.

[B]

Oh, and we were not wearing suits and iron shirts. No, the ucb. No, no, no.

[A]

They never understood the transition from Chicago City Limits to ucb.

[B]

What happened to that one? Nice theater.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where, you know, everyone was dressed in a business casual attire. And now what? Holes in your jeans and. And dirty sneakers. What's that about?

[A]

Yeah. Where are the funny rings and jackets and the entrances and exits and the piano player on the stage? What's. What's happening? You're just, you're all, you're all standing there slouching on the back wall and stepping forward and what is this?

[B]

Some of it's not funny. And what's going on? What's going on?

[A]

They never.

[B]

Yeah, they didn't get it. They didn't. And. But then, were you two particularly close during this period? If you're like, in retrospect, you maybe go, this was his way of showing support by trying to apply what he knows to what I'm doing. Did you feel close to him at the time that you were in pursuit of all this?

[A]

I don't. No. I wouldn't say particularly because it truly was at the time it was just like. All right, let me change the subject. Cause I. We were not bonding over a shared enthusiasm for my success.

[B]

What would you say at the time you felt like your dad was. This sounds so insensitive what I'm about to say, but just for the sake of brevity, like, good for when you go, if you go, my mom's really good at this thing relationally with me. What did you feel like? Well, my dad's really good at this thing relationally with me. What would you say?

[A]

Oh, wow. Oh God, I don't know. I don't know how I would have answered that question at that time because I was not quite able to see his efforts as well intentioned and as best as he could do. So I don't know what I would have told you at that time. What is he good for?

[B]

Absolutely nothing. Besides being a pioneer to zoo. I mean, the man sounds smart.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, very smart.

[B]

What's something that you learned from him though? So if you feel like you can't quite answer that question, is there anything that you would go. Even now, in retrospect, I did learn this watching you and it's part of who I am now and how I conduct myself.

[A]

Absolutely. The period of time that he was between jobs and working out of the house is something like. It's burned into me permanently. That like. Cause I work out of the house most of the time. I'm usually. I'm always pretty much out of work and I'm handy. No, you know what I mean.

[B]

Somebody just the way show business is. Exactly, exactly. I out of work from May to September every year and I'm on a Saturday.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I go between feeling like I'm semi retired and I haven't quite gotten off the ground yet. You know what I mean?

[B]

Right. Same at all, I guess. That doesn't change. Good to know.

[A]

Good to know that show business. Okay, so. But, but that spirit of like, I'm awake, it's a new day. I have a goal in mind and everything that I do today is going to be in service of, of that goal and it's up to me to do it. And that's. It definitely instilled that in me.

[B]

That's incredible and I do think very useful. It's interesting considering all the kinds of advice he would give you concerning how to show up as an aspiring actor who was auditioning and put on a suit and knock on an agent's door and say, what have you done for me lately? It's interesting that just by observing him it seems you got this bit of wisdom that is applicable to what you're doing now that is quite unlike the industry he was in. And just going, oh, look at me now, I'm working from home a lot and I need to self motivate and I need to wrap my head around each day because it's very easy if you're working from home to not do no work. You could be busy all day and not be working.

[A]

Absolutely, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Big, big time.

[A]

I have an uncle who after he retired, he said if I have all day to make it to the dry cleaner, it will take all day to make it to the dry cleaner.

[B]

That's a very real thing. Sometimes I respond to one email some days and I go, oh wow, you really effing did it today, girl. Held your own. Well, that is fascinating. Is your dad close to your siblings, would you say? Does anyone, any of your siblings have a closer relationship to him than you do?

[A]

Yeah, well, I would say both of my brothers still live in New Jersey and so they definitely see my parents a lot more. And I think that they. Yeah, that that makes a huge difference. Just that they're like my older brother has kids and so my parents are their grandparents and they go to every performance and every graduation and every, you know, and so it just puts you in proximity for all kinds of conversations and discussions that I am out of the loop on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So yeah.

[B]

Do you feel like you want to be closer in like geographically or emotionally, et cetera?

[A]

Yeah, I guess I'm starting to feel that way now. Now that they're getting older it would be, you know, and I had a job in New Jersey a couple years ago and so I said don't put me up in a hotel, I'll stay at my parents house. And it was really interesting to be there as like a 50 year old and to kind of feel like, hey, I don't see how these two function when I'm not here.

[B]

Like yeah.

[A]

But in a kind of a good way. Like, you know, I, I'll go for a walk with my mom. She has a lot that she needs to get off her chest to me and I don't know how she manages When I'm not here.

[B]

Yeah. I have a friend, he goes home to his parents place in Nebraska and he'll often be like, I don't know how. I tell my mom. He goes on walks with his mom and he's like, how do you deal with dad? Oh my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's like, well, that's your dad and that's who I'm married to. And yeah, I know. That's my best attempt at a Midwestern. I have to. Or. I know. Don't. Don't you know? Do you remember Bobby's World? That was big for me.

[A]

No, I don't know Bobby's World.

[B]

You don't know Bobby's World? No, it was a cartoon. And I don't know much more beyond that. And I'll. I'll leave it to you to look at.

[A]

I can just.

[B]

I'm bad at recounting things. It's not even a matter of not wanting to tell you. I think, I fear I'll embarrass myself because I can't provide any further details.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And that's just that. Okay. And I apologize to everyone listening, I'm asking you to go to Google.

[A]

Yes, we can all do it. Season.

[B]

Okay. His mom just used to be like Bobby, don't you know? That's the Midwest. Midwestern woman. So then being at home with your parents as an adult while you had that job, shift in perspective of sorts, or at least you felt like, yeah, how are they doing this without me?

[A]

And also that it's kind of nice to feel helpful, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I think I would feel often If I lived 30 minutes away from them, you know what I mean?

[B]

Right. Okay. Do you feel helpful as a dad yourself, though?

[A]

To my own kids.

[B]

You mean to your own kids.

[A]

Yeah. Yes, very much so. I consider myself to be. What's the word? A mission critical asset in our household.

[B]

Oh, I love this.

[A]

That's a phrase from a productivity book I read once.

[B]

Okay. Not written by your dad.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. Mission critical asset. I like that. What ways are you helpful from, in your point of view?

[A]

Well, I'm practically helpful as a chauffeur and as. Okay just doing things around the house and for them. I definitely. In all sorts of practical ways. But I also. My 12 year old is in the next room, but I don't think she can do that.

[B]

Okay, so whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper. Okay, we're going to a whisper.

[A]

I'm. I have always been quite good at motivating them through humor and getting past difficult Things by making them laugh.

[B]

It's almost like telling the kid Santa Claus doesn't exist. Or that the fairy tale, the. What's that bitch's name? Gosh, the tooth fairy doesn't. Why is she a bitch? She doesn't have to be a bitch. She didn't even do it. She didn't do anything to me. Doesn't exist. You're like, I like that you don't understand what's exactly happening here. And I enjoy the wonder and awe. Really?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Something magical about it where it's like, this is a little tool of mine. And if you see how the sausage gets made, you lose a bit of the wonder here.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

And so. Okay, so that's why we're whispering. Okay.

[A]

Because what I relate to with my kid, because I feel this way, too. I guess everybody feels this way. There are things that, like, you're really torn about doing, like putting on your shoes to go out to the farmer's market. Like, you know, like, part of you is like, I know we agreed to do that, and I know everybody else wants to do it. And I think I can look ahead and know that from past experience. Once I'm there, I'm glad I went because there's all this stuff, but I don't wanna. And then that's a moment when, like, making you laugh, having some fun, changing the energy in the room can get.

[B]

That's powerful.

[A]

Yeah. It can get you past that, like, into all the other stuff.

[B]

It's giving mission critical asset for sure. To me, you've sold me. I'm like, that is. I wonder, you know, if all dads feel that useful and it's sincere wonder, like, I have no take on it, but I'm like, that does seem really important. And if your kids grow up and they look back and they go, man, my dad always made us laugh. My dad, you know, when I was feeling down or dubious about something, you had to, like, change the vibe and uplift us. That's such a. That is really important, I think, more than money. I have friends whose dads were so not present, but very rich. And they'd, like, just toss money at things and they'd be like, yeah, my dad's a dick, though. Like, yes, I have zero student loans, but my dad's a dick. And I'm like, yeah, you're kind of like a TV dad, Andy.

[A]

Oh, yes, Very much so. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, well.

[A]

But you know what's funny? Like, I am. I'm saying that. And I'm at a place now Where I'm really proud of it. But for a long time I have said it like out of the corner of my mouth, almost like I can't leave town, they would never get to school. You know what I mean?

[B]

Wait, what do you think the motivation behind that was? To be like I'm a little, I'm hush hush, like out of the side of your mouth. I'm not really proud to say this.

[A]

At the outset of parenting, I did not expect to be so integral to the process and so kind of needed. In a weird way, I don't know what I had. Well, my dad traveled a lot as a salesman. He was gone a lot and he worked full schedule when I was a kid. So in some way, even though I'm a man of the modern world, I think I did have in my mind like my wife is going to do like 90% of the parenting and I'm here for something else.

[B]

I just made my little deposit and I'll be here. If she can't handle something, somehow I'll find a way to defer back to her. But you know what's interesting is that what you're saying I think I've heard reflected over and over again, even as friends now are having kids with their partners and you hear it, they go. And I've read it online, it's like, you know, the dad, we can't really be useful till X point in their lives or we're kind of with the guy, the dad, there's not really much to be done. When you really think about it, the woman is carrying so much of the responsibility physically, literally and otherwise. I find this incredibly fascinating because you're like I expected that sounds like based on your experience and perhaps what's the way people talk about fatherhood and how fathers can show up and how they can or can't be useful in kids lives and how important a mother is, which. Agreed. But you seem to have a different experience for yourself and different from what you expected and from what you'd heard.

[A]

Very much. Cool. And it's partly that I am around. It's partly that doing this thing for a living has meant that I don't have a regular schedule. And so I have been able to jump in and find things to do and ways to be helpful that then have become quite necessary to the functioning of our houses.

[B]

I love to hear that. I love to hear that. Do you think that your kids feel close to you?

[A]

I do, yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Great. And how many do you have, if.

[A]

You don't mind me asking two kids, 17 and 12. And actually this is, I mean this just happened. So it's kind of perfect timing that my 17 year old, I think, how do I explain. My wife mentioned to my 17 year old that when she and I first got together I was like not so sure about having kids for various reasons. And I at the time was like, I don't think you should tell that to our child.

[B]

Yes, but.

[A]

Yes, but she, our 17 year old has hung on to that piece of information and recently said to me in front of all of us, she was like, I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have such a great dad, particularly for someone who wasn't so sure he wanted to have kids. I was just like, this is amazing.

[B]

It's at your birthday party, retirement party. For someone who didn't know he wanted to have me.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Was there a sarcastic tone to it?

[A]

No, no. She really, like, she appreciated that, like it wasn't a given that I was going to get into this parenting game and that she feels like I. She obviously feels that I've showed up for it, which is.

[B]

That's pretty damn cool. That's wonderful. Right? Can I. May I ask why you weren't sure you wanted to be a dad?

[A]

Um, okay.

[B]

There's a lot to bearing in mind, Andy. I'm sure there's a lot, but bearing in mind that like what I think I've never had children, but I imagine one of the best feelings in the world is hearing your child say that about you. Like, I acknowledge and see the effort you've made as a parent and it has impacted me and I am deeply grateful for it. And the way you show up, I don't take it for granted. So knowing that dad is so glad you're here, both of your children, I'm like, I am curious why, especially if you're such an exceptional dad and you feel like one and your children, at least one of them has said you are, why did you feel reticent?

[A]

Partly it was like practical stuff and at that time in my life in particular, I was very like focused on money and feeling like I don't know what happen next year and stuff like that. But partly it was also like I had a terrible fear of having kids who at some point hated me. Like I just, I could just imagine that. I could just imagine a teenage into 20s age kid who was just like, get out of here, old man. Like for whatever reason or for no reason. And the idea of that just seemed terrible and it almost seemed, it almost Seemed in a way, like an inevitable period of time between particularly a son and a father. Even though I can't say my dad and I didn't really have. Well, we had some. Yeah, we had some friction.

[B]

You had some friction? You had some friction.

[A]

It didn't get as bad as what I was envisioning, but I was envisioning, like, a true. Like a moment will come when a son has to, like, separate from their. As it turns out, I did not have sons, but when a son.

[B]

That's the case.

[A]

Separate from their dad and some way. And it's going to be so ugly and brutal.

[B]

Yeah. You're saying it never got that dark or ugly with you and your dad, but did any part of you, like, resent the way he was or the way he showed up for you or didn't show up for you?

[A]

Yeah, for sure. Like, you know, yes and no. But, like, I was a very bad student in high school. And looking back on it now with. With this vantage point, like, I. There were things I was good at and there was things I was not good at, and I think it was obvious that I was smart and that there were certain things I could do even if the report cards were coming home. And they were really disappointing, and they seemed to, like, limit my options going forward, you know, like.

[B]

But.

[A]

But look at the big picture. And I'm not a hopeless case. I'm not going to end up in jail or pumping gas, you know, at the gas station. Like, I.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, look at the whole picture. And my parents were so, so upset at my grades and where I was with. And so that was a lot of conflict and a lot of being grounded and punished and. Yeah, a lot of conflict around that.

[B]

Yeah. Can I ask where you fell in the birth order? Cause I feel like by the time they get to the youngest, it's a little. A lot more lax.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

But where do you fall?

[A]

My older brother is three years older than me. My younger brother is eight years younger than me, so I'm in the middle, but for eight years, I was the baby.

[B]

You were the baby, but still, you were only three years apart from your older brother. Okay. Now, given how strict your parents were about academia and their expectations for you, are you that sort of strict with your kids or.

[A]

I literally don't know how to look at my daughter's grades. I actually don't. I don't know where to go out.

[B]

Of the year over here.

[A]

They're on some kind of parent portal that I don't Know the password to.

[B]

Okay, you don't care. You don't care to know. That's the honest to God truth, isn't it? You don't really care.

[A]

No, I mean, I have definitely tried to explain that like the higher that grade point average is, the wider the vista of options is. But so don't not get good grades just as a matter of like casual choice. Okay. There's every incentive to do your best, but. And it's hard to like envision the future, so I get it. But it's. Please understand, you have every. You have every incentive to do your best here. Right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, But I'm not sitting there going, we gotta bump this up to a B plus. At least you know, you literally don't.

[B]

Even know what it is. For all you know, you have no idea. And does your wife know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, she knows. She's. She's.

[B]

Sometimes you leave that to her.

[A]

Yeah, sometimes she'll track it a little. Although, yeah, our daughter just recently did. She mentioned her GPA and I was like, oh, great. Okay, good. The hands off approach works. Okay.

[B]

You're like, love it. Laissez faire. It actually is effective. That's a. Are you a disciplinarian, would you say, with your kids?

[A]

No discipline? No, no. I mean, I definitely. I get angry when there are. If I am lied to, I get really angry. That's my only thing. Like I think I can be reasonable being told almost anything. But to find out that I've been lied to, I get.

[B]

Yeah, that's tricky. Yeah. I mean that same with me again. And I'm not. And I'm like, that's. Something about. That really gets under your skin. How do you handle those moments? You obviously get angry. They know you're angry. Do you think it changes like if the. If your kids know you're angry about something that they've done, namely for, you know, being lied to, do you think the next time the opportunity to lie to you arises or the inclination arises, they will choose different course? Or have you seen that be effective, being angry about it?

[A]

Yeah, I. I think so. But I guess I can't draw a direct line from the anger to the okay to the different choices.

[B]

Being angry works. There's righteous anger. They say there's good anger.

[A]

Yeah. But I guess it's probably been more helpful to have the conversations after the anger about why that hurt so much.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. I actually believe. I believe that our 17 year old has become more respectful of our desire to be told the truth.

[B]

I mean, it sounds Again, like, effective parenting. And. And I truly believe no one really knows what they're up to. Everyone's sort of trying their hand as you go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll tell you as you go. Right.

[A]

It. What, like, I would say 90% of the parenting conflict, and I'm sure you've heard this before, is all about devices and screen time and Instagram and TikTok and all of that.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that is the ultimate, like, carrot, like, you know what I mean?

[B]

What's interesting, I hadn't heard that. It does make sense. It makes me wonder, okay, if it's that now, what was it 30 years ago? Was it TV? I feel like we liked playing outside. I liked playing outside. But, yeah, I'm like, what was I getting in trouble for? It's all a distant memory. Which is to say to you, and hopefully comfort you, that you don't remember a lot of it. I'm like, I don't remember. I'm like, what do I used to get in trouble for? Attitude. Which is probably not surprising anyone as much as I talk. But yeah, I'm like, I could see that now. But what do you think it was some, like, devices, iPads, phones.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, when. I think, like when I was younger, me and my older brother would. Would fight and get into stupid arguments about stuff, and that's what we got in trouble for.

[B]

Okay. Fighting.

[A]

Yeah, that's for sure. And then.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then once I was past ninth grade, it was all about grades.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. But I can't remember what else I got in trouble for. We were a pretty TV positive house.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, sit down and watch tv. Some people were, in fact, raised by tv, and I kind of was one. And now look. It all worked out. Now you're in it now. Look. Do your kids get along with one another?

[A]

Yeah, they do. They're actually five years apart, so it's.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's for good and bad, you know, like, they're okay. They. They don't have a lot of the same interests a lot of the time.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But they also don't seem to have the. They're not competing over the exact same resources.

[B]

Right. It's not. It's kind of nice, the staggered, staggered life they're living. Is there something that feels really important to you as a dad to impart to your kids in terms of what kind of people they become, what sort of values they have?

[A]

It's. I mean, there's never been a better bumper sticker than you have to treat other people the way you want to be treated. Like, it's so simple and it's. But it's so true. And you do have to actively remind yourself of it from time to time. Like, oh, how would I feel if somebody did that to me? But it's the main thing that I've tried to get across. But I don't know. That's not very satisfying because it's such a common piece of wisdom.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it is satisfying to me. I'm like. I just am curious when it's like you bring a human into the world, you're responsible for the human, at least till they're 18 in theory, and you're literally rearing this person. What are you trying to teach them? Has it occurred to you what it is you really want to teach them? And if that is satisfying, I want to teach them to treat others how they want to be treated.

[A]

I would also really love for my kids to acquire as effortlessly and easily as possible a clear sense of what they want. You know what I mean? Because I think what you want can so often get muddied up by what other people want from you and what the expectations of your peers and all that stuff. Stuff. And your inability to predict how something's going to make you feel, you know? So, yeah, that's one thing I would love to foster in my kids. Like, just have a clear idea of who you are and what you want, and then from there you can build on so much.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And would you. Would you say your kids consider you a confidant.

[A]

Sometimes? Not as often as I would like, but every once in a while, the teen will surprise me with, like, an outpouring of personal stuff that I'll be like, I'm so glad you're telling me this.

[B]

Oh, good, good, good. And you react well, you know, you feel equipped to respond well in those moments?

[A]

Yes and no. I think I know well enough at this point that, like, what I should not do is jump in with all kinds of, like, forcefully expressed advice. Sure.

[B]

Okay. Would you say you would ask more questions? Do you ask more questions? Is that sort of it? Okay.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Ask questions and sympathize and empathize.

[B]

Yeah. You can't really go wrong if you ask questions and go, oh, I'm so glad you said that. And now that thing you just said has brought another question to the surface for me. How about this? And let me give you the space that's really invaluable, I think, Andy, I'm going to go ahead this isn't something I do typically on the podcast, but go ahead and say, pretty damn good dad. And this is not to say the other dads were not good.

[A]

You should have a rating system of pipes and slippers. We should.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. I now have to go back and go, oh, my goodness. I think all the dads are good. Oh, no, cut that part out. Let's pretend I never called Andy a good dad. It's not to say Andy is not a good dad. It's not zero sum. To say Andy is a good dad is not to say the other dads are not good dads. In fact, I think all the dads, truly, that I've spoken to thus far are remarkable. I think it's so cool to show up as a father, to not know exactly what type of role you will play in a young person's life, but knowing you have this responsibility and knowing that you can have an impact and learning as you go navigating it and trying your damn best, it's worth celebrating. I end each episode by asking my dad for the day for a piece of advice. So I'm gonna ask you for a piece of advice. I'm asking you simply because you're my dad for the day.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And it's not a function of me thinking you're an expert in any regard. So if you're not an expert, you don't have to pretend to be one. Well, so go, go. No, please answer.

[A]

I will give you a piece of advice inspired by something that was in one of the emails about, like, how to buy a car, but I'm going to expand it out from there and just say, in my opinion, some people love it, but I think you should avoid haggling situations as best you can throughout your life.

[B]

We are connected. I think that we share DNA, because what you're going to realize that I was just about to. I kid you not, about to ask you a piece of advice about how to negotiate.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know you. I didn't know you were going to have a specific question.

[B]

No, I was going to. It's okay. A few people have it and I think it's kind of fun to be like, have them jump in and say, here's a piece of advice for you I'm going to dish out. Because I think dads do that. By the way, you've had that experience.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

As a. As a son of a father, which sounds like a slur.

[A]

You son of a father.

[B]

You son of a father. But how do I negotiate my Salary. Do I. You essentially just said, don't do it.

[A]

Yeah. Don't ever, man. I mean, I'm so glad that, like, I have. And you have people who actually do that for you and that I get to. Let me tell you about. I have found this person who is a car broker. And when I. If I want a new car because I some. I lease a car, so the lease will be up, and then I'll say to him, like, here's the car I want. And he just finds it. And I don't. I don't know if the price I'm paying is good or bad.

[B]

Okay, I understand what kind of dad you are. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I can't get involved. I can't get my feelings hurt by feeling like I. I paid too much or that I got screwed or that I fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book. Like, I can't. It hurts too much. Like, I can't put that on the line.

[B]

Get involved. I love. You don't know your daughter's grades, and you don't know how much money you're paying for your car. Again, the hands off approach is working so well for you.

[A]

I mean, I'm very hands on on some things, but there are certain things that I'm just like, there's no, no good can come of me getting deep in the weeds on this. And like. Yeah. So when it comes to negotiating, I love to just take my agent's word for it that, like, this is the most I could get out of them. I mean, they really. They came in here and I went up there and this is either we walk away or we accept this, you know? And I just go, whatever you tell.

[B]

Me, can I ask Andy, when a job offer comes in for you, if it's a number that you're like, oh, this feels like less than what I'm worth, Will you say to your reps, hey, and reps, guys, agents, managers, et cetera, Will you say to your reps, I think we need to push for more money? Or do you go, I like the sound of this job I'm in?

[A]

No, I have said more money. I have said that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Sometimes.

[B]

Well, why are you telling your daughter? Me?

[A]

Why are you telling me? Well, because I guess I'm saying, yeah, all right. All right. Because I'm imagining you sitting across the table from Lorne Michaels slipping pieces of paper to him. You don't want.

[B]

No.

[A]

So, okay, given that there's an intermediary. Given that there's an intermediary yes, absolutely. You can say to the intermediary, can't.

[B]

We do a little bit better than that?

[A]

Or I. You know, sometimes there are jobs where it's like, yeah, the. The amount of money is so wrong that I'll just say, clearly, they don't have.

[B]

On principle, you wouldn't do it, or, no, you will do it.

[A]

I would do it. But, like, we're in such different universes that there's no point continuing to discuss it. You know what I mean?

[B]

Okay, got it.

[A]

Like, if you're starting here, yes, I'm.

[B]

Somewhere else, in some other world. I'm in Wakanda. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

There have been times like that. There have been times like that. Yeah. I guess I have found mostly in my career, it's kind of take it or leave it. And sometimes you leave it. Okay. But occasionally my agents be like, I'll go back and ask if you want, and see what they say.

[B]

And then, you know, okay, I understand. I'm not trying it, guys. I just wanted advice from my dad. You don't have to dad. Honestly, his advice was a bit contradictory, which feels very human and feels really dad like. You sound so disappointed. Okay.

[A]

I wish.

[B]

No, I.

[A]

Like, that's the fact I don't have all the answers.

[B]

Well, that's what I'm wanting all the dads to say. That's not what I'm wanting them to say. But that's also a really good dad answer. A really good out. It's like, look, I don't have all the answers. Also, I'm always confused about how to handle those situations, and I wanted to get your take on it, and that's helpful to me. And your take and everything is case by case.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I will say everything is case by case. Okay. Right. So I know that much. But I will have your conflicting advice, top of mind next time it comes time to negotiate. It's sort of like, don't haggle, but.

[A]

Don'T haggle over buying and selling things. Let's get specific. Okay.

[B]

Okay. Okay, that's good. I'm selling some items in my home.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

From my home. And I'm like, I guess people are like, will you come down on the price? And I'm a little like, I don't know. The price is the price. The price is the price. The price is just the price. And I didn't price it in a way that I was like, I'm leaving room for haggling. Cause I don't want to do that, nor do I have time Right. I see what you're saying.

[A]

I once sold a television at a garage sale for $13, and that was like, 2005.

[B]

What year was this?

[A]

2005. And I'm still mad about it.

[B]

Are you still thinking about it?

[A]

I got Talked down to $13, but okay.

[B]

Which is why. Okay, so you're saying that's so upsetting to you that you're like, never again will I haggle or be haggled with.

[A]

Exactly. Exactly.

[B]

Yes. Understood. All right, wonderful. Andy, is there anything you would like to plug before we go?

[A]

Oh, just my podcast, [e-mail] andydaily. You can find all kinds of podcasts there, including the aforementioned Bonannas for Bonanza.

[B]

Oh, no. Did I say. Okay, Bonannas for Bonanza.

[A]

No, no, no, no. It's. It's bananas for Bonanza. But I'm. I'm accentuating the bow for the purposes of helping people understand it.

[B]

Oh, yes, and helping people locate it on the Patreon, because, I mean. Oh, no, nevermind. Okay, well, I've absolutely walked in shit myself. Andy, thank you so much for being my dad for the day.

[A]

My pleasure.

[B]

Is that all the plugs? Is that all the plugs your heart desires?

[A]

Yes, all the plugs. That's it.

[B]

Okay. All right, wonderful. Thank you so much for your time. I really, really appreciate you having this conversation with me.

[A]

I enjoyed it. So get good sleep and eat well, please.

[B]

Thank you, dad. Thanks. Dad is a headgum podcast created and hosted by me, iGoodom. This show is engineered by Rochelle Chen and Anya Kanovskaya and edited by Rochelle Chen with executive producer Emma Foley. Katie Moose is our VP of content at Headgum. Thanks to Jason Matheny for our show Art and Ferris Monchi for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe, just maybe, we'll read it on a future episode. That was a Headgum podcast.