Christopher Meloni

Summary

Podcast Summary: Thanks Dad with Ego Nwodim — Christopher Meloni

Date: June 23, 2026
Host: Ego Nwodim
Guest: Christopher Meloni
Podcast: Thanks Dad with Ego Nwodim (iHeartPodcasts/Big Money Players Network)

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Overview

In this lively and candid episode, Ego Nwodim sits down with actor Christopher Meloni (Law & Order, Little Brother) for a wide-ranging conversation about family, fatherhood, comedy, aging, work, and sports. The conversation is full of laughter, humility, and sharp observations as Meloni reflects on his career, upbringing, relationships with siblings and his own children, and his philosophy on personal growth, gratitude, and taking risks. As always, the discussion kicks off with “Who do you want to say thanks to?” and ends with playful rapid-fire questions and advice for listeners—all delivered in the show’s signature funny, unfiltered style.

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Key Discussion Points

Meditation, Fitness, and Water Skiing (03:54–05:40)

• Meditation & Fitness: Meloni shares he doesn’t meditate in the traditional sense but finds meditative calm in physical exertion—especially water skiing:

  “Every time I go out on that water… I’m a different person.” (04:09, Meloni)

• On Water’s Magic:

  “Water is magical action.” (04:26, Meloni)

• Staying Calm Amid Chaos: Water skiing teaches Meloni to remain calm under pressure—a metaphor he brings to life and work.

Caffeine and Gearhead Moments (06:02–07:11)

• Meloni reveals a “bad coffee habit” and his deep dive into espresso machine research. Ego jokes about becoming addicted to caffeine after a Paris trip.
• Hilarious rapport around buying high-end machines and “not deserving” them:

  “That’s why I didn’t buy it. I go, it’s going to be an Apple Watch for you.” (06:21, Ego)

Credits, Recognition, and Aging in Hollywood (08:08–11:02)

• On being introduced as “Christopher”:

  “As an introduction, that’s what I use. Christopher… then once we get familiar, it’s Chris.” (08:52, Meloni)

• Meloni describes being called a “legend” by younger actors and how that feels both flattering and like being called old:

  “Part of me goes, wow, that’s amazing... And the other half as I walk away is, that motherfucker just called me old.” (10:09, Meloni)

Gratitude & Being an “Ally” in Projects (11:02–13:43)

• Meloni shares about being selective with roles, referencing Daniel Day Lewis’ idea of being an “ally” in a project:

  “I needed to make sure I could be an ally... what a beautiful sentiment.” (11:53, Meloni)

• Emphasizes collaboration and only taking jobs where he feels he helps “lift” creatively.

First Paid Acting Job Story (14:01–17:56)

• Meloni vividly retells his first paid gig: a commercial for Belgium's Quick Burgers, filmed in New York and Calgary.

  “My first paid job... I say, I know a place we can go. It’s quick. ...then 100 of the runners follow us, and we dive into...a hamburger joint in Belgium.” (14:03, Meloni)

• Paid $5,500 cash, carried in a fanny pack, chased by marathon runners thinking he’s cheating.
• Notable moment:

  “I had to say the lines in Flemish. I’m like, what the—” (18:41, Meloni)

Family, Upbringing, and Parental Support (22:04–23:49)

• Ego asks who he wants to thank:

  “My parents. My wife. Anyone who has ever believed in me... that includes me.” (22:43, Meloni)

• His parents were supportive but hands-off with his career; mom only once suggested he “could always come home.” (23:13–23:34)

Sibling Relationships and Growth (31:10–33:40)

• Youngest of three; six and four years apart from sister and brother.
• Close now but admits he and his brother had friction:

  “It was maturing and taking responsibilities, letting things go… It’s a growing process, right?” (33:04, Meloni)

Parenting Philosophy (33:54–35:41)

• Two children (25, 22).
• Continually balances being supportive vs. stepping in as a parent:

  “You’re constantly navigating how much you get in their game and how much you’re just a support system.” (34:11, Meloni)

• Recently vetoed his son getting a dog at 22—passed the refusal through his wife.

On Marriage & Regional Upbringing (35:41–36:09)

• Meloni’s wife is from Memphis, he grew up in D.C.—differences in backgrounds influence their parenting “frameworks.”

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Acting Philosophy, Self-Criticism, and Leaving SVU

The Inner Critic (40:11–41:21)

• Meloni resists watching his own work due to a loud self-critic:

  “If someone critiques me, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass... The worst guy is in my head.” (41:06, Meloni)

• Cites fear of failure (in shadow of his Harvard doctor father) as a driver.

Path to Acting; College Years (44:21–45:18)

• Meloni felt aimless in college—tried acting as an elective and “knew more than anyone in the class.” He caught the bug and moved to NYC.

Sports, Competition, and Letting Go (45:25–47:04)

• Wanted to be an athlete but realized “the sport tells you whether you’re going to be an athlete or not.”
• Describes “nightmares for almost a decade” about not playing college football.

Relationship with Sports as Entertainment & Family (48:33–50:29)

• Deep love for Knicks and following games seriously.
• Not a fan of the “social” aspect of big sporting events; needs to focus, almost ritualistically.

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Comedy, Movies, and Professional Choices

On Doing “Little Brother” & Edgy Humor (36:34–37:42)

• Surprised to be asked to play John Cena’s older brother, but loved the throwback edge in the script.
• Views some roles as a “reaction to this cancel thing,” appreciating that the project was willing to take risks.

On Reviews and Artistry (39:35–41:32)

• Doesn’t read reviews unless they come to him; does not enjoy watching himself perform.

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Fatherhood, Competition, and Family Dynamics

On Raising Kids & Competitive Spirit (57:01–58:28)

• Meloni coached his son’s football team (“kicked off the field” once for being too competitive) and was even “banished” from family charades for competitive exuberance!

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Playful Segments: Games and Pop Culture

Thanks, No Thanks (68:23–70:48)

• Rapid-fire, Ego lists gifts to which Meloni mostly says “No thanks”—including items like a fly swatter shaped like a sex paddle, T-shirts with faces, robots as friends, or “really valuable coal.”

  “I don’t want anything in life. I... you’ve reached self-actualization!” (69:55, Ego)

• Only exception: appreciates good slippers as a Christmas gift.

Listener/Previous Guest Question (71:46–73:44)

• Asked by Billy Eichner: “What’s your least favorite Celine Dion song?”

  “I don’t know any of her songs. I know the chest-pounding Titanic song.” (73:10, Meloni) “That’s Whitney Houston.” (73:18, Ego, after Meloni guesses wrong) Finally, “My Heart Will Go On... you never would have guessed that.” (74:20, Ego)

Meloni’s Question for the Next Guest (76:43)

• “Who will be the 2028 presidential nominees – and will Celine Dion be part of the government?”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Water Skiing and Calm:

  “In the midst of this chaos... you just stay calm because that’s going to help you.” (05:35, Meloni)

• On Risk and Allyship in Work:

  “I needed to make sure I could be an ally. …What a beautiful sentiment.” (11:35, Meloni)

• On Self-Criticism:

  “If someone critiques me, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass. The worst guy is in my head.” (41:06, Meloni)

• On Parenting:

  “Parenting never goes away. Just the issues and how you engage them change.” (34:11, Meloni)

• On Comedy Colleagues:

  “I told you how brilliant you guys were cracking me up...I don’t get cracked up.” (53:46, Meloni, to Ego and Caleb)

• On Christmas Gifts:

  “Christmas is the most difficult time of the year because I don’t want anything.” (70:09, Meloni)

• On Family Charades:

  “I was banished from the family charades...I call it exuberance and enthusiasm.” (58:07, Meloni)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Meditation & Water Skiing: 03:54–05:44
• Coffee & Espresso Chat: 06:02–07:11
• “Legend”/Aging in Hollywood: 08:40–10:09
• First Acting Job Story: 14:03–17:56
• Who Do You Thank? Family Talk: 22:04–23:49
• Sibling Love & Beef: 31:10–33:40
• Parenting & Dog Dilemma: 34:48–35:41
• Fear of Failure & Acting Path: 44:21–45:18
• Leaving SVU & Gratitude: 59:55–63:08
• “Thanks, No Thanks” Game: 68:23–70:48
• Celine Dion Song Question: 71:46–74:20

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Tone and Style

• The tone throughout is warm, irreverent, and deeply personal, punctuated by comic asides and Ego’s brisk, deadpan sense of humor.
• Meloni is thoughtful, candid, and self-deprecating—willing to poke fun at himself, his generation, and industry quirks.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a dynamic, humorous, and at times introspective exploration of a storied career and the evolving landscape of family, aging, and professional gratification. Meloni charms with stories about acting, his upbringing, and work ethic while offering real insight into the struggles and joys of parenting, competition, and letting go. Listeners are left with memorable anecdotes and a better sense of Meloni’s grounded, unique outlook on success, gratitude, and what really matters.

Transcript

[A]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Are you really buying a car online on autotrader right now? Really? I can get super specific with dealer listings and see cars based on my budget. You can really have it delivered or pick it up.

[B]

Mommy's walking.

[A]

I think kid is walking up the slide. Really? Autotrader, Buy your car online.

[B]

Really?

[A]

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[B]

A little bit.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Not much. Tomorrow's a big day.

[A]

Do you meditate?

[B]

Not on a regular.

[A]

Okay. You seem like you do.

[B]

I do get my meditation through physical exertion, through, you know, working out or, you know, I'm a water skier every time.

[A]

You are?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, not like competitive or anything, but, you know, I picked it up late in life. But every time I go out on that water, get up, come back off the water, you know, I just do two runs. I'm a different person.

[A]

I believe it.

[B]

It's insane.

[A]

Water's crazy, though.

[B]

Water is magical action. Yeah, I agree with that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it's also the action. Maybe it's akin to what surfers feel, but for me, with the water skiing. Welcome to Water Skiing Weekly. To me, though, it's this. Because you brought up the meditation thing. To me, it's kind of that journey towards a Zen kind of state of mind. And I find for myself because, again, I started late in life, and when you get a good pull, you're leaned back, your hips are pulling towards the rope, which causes a catapult effect, and you're on the edge of your ski. You can effectively go, you know, 50 miles an hour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For just, you know, that couple seconds and that sense. And the last thing you can do is tense up because then you're screwed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're going ass over T. Kelly. You gotta catch a tension. Something's gonna f up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's the practice of. In the midst of this chaos.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You just stay calm because that's going to help you.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Through it, I'm like, oh, what an interesting.

[A]

Again.

[B]

I started late, so I. I was in my head thinking, oh, what an interesting practice.

[A]

Even hearing you describe that. I've calmed down. I've had a little too much caffeine today. Yeah. But that's. Yeah. Yeah. Do you do drink caffeine. Way too much coffee every day. Is it?

[B]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I. In fact, I. I'm one of these guys. I researched best home espresso machines.

[A]

I've researched it too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't even really drink coffee.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I research. I was gonna give someone a gift

[B]

and then I researched beans. Yeah. Mine's like in, you know, in the multi thousand, of course.

[A]

Like 3, 4, 5, maybe right in there. I saw. Because I. Not that I saw at your house, but I mean, I. I saw when I was doing my research and I was like, this person doesn't deserve that. That is how. That's why I didn't buy it. I go, it's going to be an apple watch for you.

[B]

You're a $300.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I was really down a rabbit hole with it being like on William Sonoma. Like, I'm gonna. We're gonna really blow their mind. And then I was like, actually, we're. Yeah, $300. That's. We're gonna cut that in one. 1/10 of what I was about to spend. So every day you have a coffee.

[B]

Multiple espressos.

[A]

Multiple.

[B]

Coming my way.

[A]

When did you start drinking coffee?

[B]

Late 20. What made you start exams at University of Colorado? Okay, exam time.

[A]

I have tried not to become addicted to caffeine, and I fear I have. In the last two weeks, you get

[B]

headaches when you don't drink it.

[A]

Today I was getting a headache because I hadn't had any. But this is like in the last two weeks thing because I was in Paris and I was in Paris for like two weeks and I was drinking cappuccino or a matcha every Day. And.

[B]

And I think, as Parisians are.

[A]

Want to do Matchas. Matchas with the Parisians. Chris, I need to do an intro for you. We just dove in.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Speaking of water, my next guest.

[B]

You're gonna list my credits.

[A]

I won't if you don't want me to. I'm always uncomfortable when people do that while I'm sitting there.

[B]

No, I actually. I don't know if it's ego or just curiosity. I just want.

[A]

It's ego. Okay. Okay. No. Okay. Okay. Okay, good. No. What were you gonna say?

[B]

Play on words. No, I do want to hear it.

[A]

Okay, so they only listed two credits here.

[B]

That's what I came here for.

[A]

You came to hear your credits listed, and, honey, there's two of them on

[B]

this I can look at. Save time. Okay. Cut out the fat.

[A]

No. Okay. My next guest is an actor who, you know from the hit series Law and Order and. And the Netflix movie Little Brother is Christopher Meloni. Do you like Chris or Christopher? Everyone, calm down. Guys, sit back.

[B]

Sit back. Guys, step back.

[A]

Sit down, sit down. You'll get the autographs later.

[B]

They always like this.

[A]

It's embarrassing.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

It's so fucking embarrassing. Guys, act like we have big guests.

[B]

Wake up, you. Yeah, wake up. What was the question?

[A]

Chris or Christopher?

[B]

Christopher.

[A]

Christopher.

[B]

No. Yeah, as an introduction, that's what I use. Christopher. Yeah. That is like Chris.

[A]

Then once we get familiar, it's Chris. Do you have any nicknames?

[B]

Malone's.

[A]

Malone's. How long does one have to be in your life to start calling you Malone's?

[B]

Everything is organic in that regard.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, Jeremy, because if it comes out of your mouth too fast, everyone knows it. You kind of. It's like the needle on the.

[A]

It's like. Yeah. I had someone call me Eggy, and I was like, I don't know you. In my. In my head, I didn't say it, but I go, oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah. And maybe that's me, too. That. Maybe it's just the record is scratching on my end, but I just feel it's like a mutual.

[A]

Like, did you just.

[B]

That didn't feel right. Right.

[A]

I don't feel ready to call you Malone's. I have so much respect for you.

[B]

Oh, I don't know where that's placed, but. All right, I'll.

[A]

Is that surprising? I want. I. I used to watch you. You were like a babysitter to me. Yep. Lots of people tell you that.

[B]

Yeah. My new shtick. And this has only happened in the last couple years when I'm On a job, you know, younger actors calling me a legend. And it's very flattering. Right?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But I, you know, part of me. That part of me goes, wow, that's amazing. And thank you very much. How sweet. And the other half, as I walk away is that motherfucker just called me home.

[A]

It's the nicest way you could be called old.

[B]

There you are.

[A]

The most flattering way to be called old. Do you feel old? No, I don't feel. You're not giving old vibes to me.

[B]

No. And if anything, you know, the. How. I. Truthfully, deeply, I think the core of truth in that interaction of, you know, if someone gives me what I feel is a very high compliment using that kind of verbiage is I really do engage in gratitude that, you know, you know, 65 years old and I still get phone calls. Yeah. And, you know, I started out in this biz just wanting a job.

[A]

Yeah. So, you know, how do you. How do you feel about the kind of calls you're getting? In general, of course there's gratitude there,

[B]

but the same old, same old, same.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, it's the 80% that you're like, no. And then you have that. The next 10% that you may want, but you don't get, or that you then have to put it in the Matrix of who's directing. You know, if it's all first time and new and, you know, because I've been through that trajectory and that's. Sometimes I just go. I'm not. I don't feel like. Because, you know, I feel as though I'm gonna have to do some lifting. I'm gonna have to. I once heard Daniel Day Lewis say this about agreeing to be. I think it was in Lincoln, I think, with Spielberg. And he said. And I guess he. Spielberg had to pursue him. And I'm not equating myself with Daniel Day, but I. It was the word he used. He said. He goes. I wasn't trying to be coy or play hard to get. Paraphrasing. But I just. I needed to make sure I could be an ally. An ally. And I thought, what a beautiful sentiment that is. And so, you know, being an ally, being in the. Because, you know, it's. If we do our things right and conscientiously, you know, you're in the trenches, you're. You're coming to work.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

If you, you know, if, if you care and are engaged in it, that's my fee. That's how it strikes me.

[A]

Yeah. Which makes sense. It's I think we did a movie together, the one I mentioned. Maybe that's why there's only two credits here, because I told you need any

[B]

more credits when you've got you and

[A]

I. I mean, yeah, me and you in a movie, imagine. But you take for granted, I think as a viewer sometimes just how much goes into making a movie happen of any variety. So the notion that you would take a job prioritizing the desire to be an ally is something special. And I also think something very important because it's like you're going to be in the trenches together, as you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's also the idea of, you know, making films is a lot of waiting and, you know, do I feel like doing that, you know, in the middle of summer, do I want to just kind of wait around?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then, you know that you're going to have creativity and the collaborative process of creating, you know, you, you, you just, you really always the thinking and trying and practice rehearsing and.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. What do you remember your first job as an actor and what was it like? Paid.

[B]

My first paid job.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Was for a Belgium hamburger outfit called Quick Burgers.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I almost missed it because they were calling, calling, calling. I was out all day. It was before cell phones. No one could get a hold of me. And my roommate, another unemployed actor, was like in a panic when I arrived. He goes, you've got a call. You've got a call by 5 o' clock or they'll give it to someone else. It was like five of five. And I just remember the panic and great boom called. Yes. Okay, it's yours. Super duper. And the, the premise of it was me and my buddy are in the New York marathon and we're running and he says, boy, I'm hungry. I say, me too. I go, I know a place we can go. It's real quick. It's quick. I say, I know a place we can go. It's quick. He goes, okay, so we veer off and 100 of the runners, runners follow us and we go over hill and dale. We actually, our feet splash in the Atlantic and we dive into, swim across the Atlantic, run over hill and dale over there and bust through the doors of the quick fast food hamburger joint in Belgium. Yeah, but we didn't go to Boston. You didn't really go to college. I went to Calgary, Okay. For hill and Dale in Europe, which I didn't understand. It's like we got hills here in America.

[A]

We didn't have to go, but it Was cool.

[B]

It was my first time flying first class.

[A]

What was it like? Did you have champagne?

[B]

I did, yeah. I partook of everything.

[A]

The first time you fly first class, you have to partake in everything. I'm not rejecting a single thing. Do you want orange juice or champagne? I want both.

[B]

Yes. That's the vibe and the. What was the weird story to come out of it. And you can stop me at any time.

[A]

No, I would never want to.

[B]

The weird. There were two weird things that happened. This was right, right after, I believe her name was Ruby Ruiz, who ran the marathon, jumped in the subway, took it, cut the line and came in first place. And they were able to go, wait. I mean, it was like impossible that she arrived as quickly as she did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we were in a van trying to time to get footage of us running in the actual New York marathon.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Went to the versatile bridge and all that. And we get out of this white van with the guy, you know, guy hand holding the thing. We get out, just start running.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And everyone's like, these are cheating. And we sporadically did that along the line. And it got more threatening and more violent because by, you know, by mile 20.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everyone is gassed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're in no mood. You know, like, so mile 10, mile 50. You know, it almost got, you know, fisticuffs.

[A]

Yeah. So you have to be like, we're shooting. It's a commercial. It's a commercial.

[B]

Yeah. But there's no reason. I mean, you know, they don't care.

[A]

Yeah. At that point. Yeah.

[B]

And the other thing was when we went to Calgary to go over hill and dale. Well, you know, New York marathon, we were in tank tops or whatever for the November run. October.

[A]

November. Yeah, November. I think.

[B]

Well, Calgary. November in Calgary is a different animal. It was, I think in the. Not in the single digit, but it was like, you know, 10, 11, 12

[A]

degrees in your tank top.

[B]

And you know, it was like a really wide shot. So like anyone with a blanket or comforter to put over us after we would run and have to go back to the start mark.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, felt like miles away. So it was challenging.

[A]

A true test. That first job. That's crazy.

[B]

And then they paid us in cash.

[A]

In cash.

[B]

And that was awesome.

[A]

This was a real commercial, by the way.

[B]

Well, that $5,500.

[A]

Oh, wow. Did you.

[B]

I was making $40 a night as a bouncer. Wow. I mean, $5,500.

[A]

And how over the course of days, obviously. Because you got. Went to Calgary. Right. So you did.

[B]

That's where they paid?

[A]

Yeah. They paid you in cash? Yeah. And you crossed the border with that cash? What did you do?

[B]

My fanny pack.

[A]

In your fanny?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Were you scared you were gonna get robbed?

[B]

Fanny packs were very fashionable back then.

[A]

They're back. I don't know if you heard.

[B]

They're back with my mullet.

[A]

I gotta find this commercial. I wonder if I'd be able to.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I want to find this commercial for quick.

[B]

And how about this? We're shooting, you know, footage here in New Jersey or something, and one of the producers, out of the blue, goes, I want you to say the lines in Flemish. I'm like, what the.

[A]

I never heard of Flemish.

[B]

It's like someone's.

[A]

Oh, like phlegm.

[B]

Yeah, it's. But I said, shoot. What was it anyway? It sounded like the soldiers run with Ed McMahon.

[A]

Okay, so anyway, were you scared you were Gonna get robbed? 50 $500 cash in your fanny pack on the front of your body? You weren't worried about it coming home? Canada, I mean, yeah, Canadians are too robbed. They're too nice. But then once you got back to New York, you could get robbed in New York. No, not you.

[B]

It gets a bad rap. I mean, it used to be rough and a little more rough and tumble,

[A]

but yeah, no, I love New York. What a moment New York is having, huh?

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

Rooting for the Knicks, obviously.

[B]

Oh, is that what you were talking about? When did that happen?

[A]

What moment? What moment are you talking about?

[B]

I don't remember that.

[A]

You don't remember that? Do you smoke weed? You've already said terrible things. And it's legal. You do smoke weed. Okay. How often are you smoking? Chris.

[B]

Hi, I'm Chris.

[A]

This is her intervention. How often just to go to sleep, enjoy a meal?

[B]

Oh, no, more often. Every once in a while. You know, it's, it's my. More of my go to if it's always like just the truly take the edge off thing.

[A]

Okay, that's it. Do you get nervous ever anymore about anything?

[B]

I think. I don't know if it's nervous. I think there's an anxiety, which doesn't bother me in most circumstances because it feels, I think, because that feeling has always been there just in greater amounts earlier. And it was my go to rev up moment. Like, you know, in sports, before the game, you know, like even listen, you know, when I do, when I go to a Knicks game, I, I, I feel as though I go back into sports mode. It's, it's Pavlovian.

[A]

That you're.

[B]

You know, I just remember. It's. It's what I used to do when I played football and basketball and all. You know, the sports.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's, you know, anxiety, I guess, a little something.

[A]

So you might take a little puff. Puff before next game, maybe? No, no, no.

[B]

I want to engage it fully on its. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. There's so much stimulation. You don't need an enhancement. That's my feeling.

[A]

Fair enough. It's a lot. Did you go to any of the games in the playoffs?

[B]

Yeah, the one they lost. How you doing?

[A]

You and. You and someone else were in the building. I think you were the bad luck. You were the bad luck, Chris. You are the reason everyone's blaming someone else for that. L. But I'm blaming Chris Maloney.

[B]

Well, yeah, I did a rise in a motorcade as well.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. You shut down the watch party outside of the stadium as well. Man, you all cause a little brother. The movie.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They heard the movie's coming up.

[B]

Storm the gates.

[A]

I was supposed to start this episode by asking you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I didn't forget, but I just was enjoying what we were talking about, so I'm gonna bring us back. I'm supposed to start by asking you, who or what do you want to say thanks to?

[B]

That's a rather broad question.

[A]

I know. Intentionally so. Did they not warn you of the question?

[B]

No. Yes. They didn't. Who or what do I want to give thanks to?

[A]

It's your fault. Who or what do you want to give thanks to? It can be Ernest. My parents. Okay, great.

[B]

My wife.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Anyone who has ever believed in me, that includes me. I'm gonna give you a 20, and let's just call it. Call it Ian.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Your parents were supportive of your career, Always. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, here. They were supportive in that. Didn't talk about it. It's like, you know, your decision.

[A]

Do it.

[B]

Do it. And there was only one call because, you know, at the beginning was very difficult. I didn't have a pot to piss in. I had no place to live. I didn't have a job. I had nothing. And my mother, she's like, you can always come home.

[A]

Oh, Mom.

[B]

And that moment, I went, ah. She cracked a little bit. She cracked. And I. But because of their parenting, I knew that that's what it was. As opposed. You know, I didn't follow that. I'm like, yeah, that. That ain't happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's just going back to square one to, you know, I'm already in the fire.

[A]

So did you have a backup plan when you were pursuing acting?

[B]

For a microsecond, I was going to. I was thinking of radio.

[A]

And.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not very dynamic, I don't think.

[A]

No, you don't think so?

[B]

I mean, I'm sure I could grow into it, but I think I fall into the kind of calm place and radio needs to be a little louder and a little bigger, a little louder.

[A]

But you know how to put it on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If your life was depending on it.

[B]

So true.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? You got it in you. You're an actor. I know you would put that on. And you were working as a bouncer. I have to ask, and I know this is probably not kosher. Did you ever have to kick anyone's ass?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Any good stories?

[B]

Yeah, one time. So one time, it was a little dive bar down on Bleecker street that I worked at. And frantically, a waitress comes up to me and says, you know, the two couples or these two girls, that's what the two girls ran out on the bill. And so me and the manager, you know, bust out onto this bleaker street and there's a fresh fallen snow, like, you know, half inch, quarter inch on the ground. And the waitress goes, that's him. That's them. Right. So me and him go running.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Go boom. Down Sullivan street or Thompson, and grab. Grab the girl and say, hey, you got, you know what's going on. You gotta. You gotta pay your bill. And like, oh, no, let's go. I was in a car screeches up, right. And I'm distracted. And one gets away. They both get away and they jump into the car and it's their boyfriends.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And so I get onto the passenger side door, it's closed. And they're trying to roll up the window and I'm like holding it down.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

And I said, get out of the car. Get out of the car. Well, the guy starts. The guy starts driving. The girl's punching me in the face, offer some drinks. And that's when. And then the guy in the back seat goes, slam him against. Hit him against. You know, hit him against the cars. The parked cars.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was going to try and crush me against the parked cars. And I'm skitching along because it's fresh snow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, probably lasted all three seconds. But in that moment of, you know, it starts going. And you're wondering, when can I let go without being caught under the back wheels and not. Whatever it was I Did let go. Finally. Freshly slapped, punched around. And. Yeah. I just remember going, what the fuck are you thinking? What are you doing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, probably for a bill of

[A]

$45 or something, which is so crazy. Like, the boyfriends are like, we're not going to buy you drinks, but we will pick you up once you run, Skip.

[B]

Well, you know. Yeah. You know, that was. That was the shtick. That's the shtick.

[A]

They had it planned out always. Yeah. That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. But other than that. Yeah. I had to do a guy put down a guy with a sidekick one time. I'd taken taekwondo in college and I went, oh, it actually works. You know, he tore my shirt. I was trying to be nice, trying to get him out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was holding on to me, and I threw him to the ground. He held onto my shirt like, oh, that's just great to just get out of here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Would not, not get out of here.

[A]

And so you had to hit him with that sidekick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it turns out, Mr.

[B]

It worked.

[A]

He was right.

[B]

Yeah. Knocked the wind out of him.

[A]

All right. Wow, Chris, are you really buying a car online on Autotrader right now? Really? I can get super specific with dealer listings and see cars based on my budget. You can really have it delivered or pick it up. I think kid is walking up the slide. Really? Autotrader, Buy your car online.

[B]

Really? Hey, everyone, it's Cal Penn, host of Earsay, the Audible, and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Lily Chu, the author of the Audible original romantic comedy Just Kiss Already. It's a story about a forensic anthropologist who secretly writes mystery novels, an actress who adapts his book into a film, and what happens when a meme and a media tour collide with a slow burn romance. It's performed by Simu Liu and Philippa sue, and it is an absolute blast.

[A]

When you actually hear the performance, you realize that other people are taking your words and what you thought was kind of a straightforward sentence, like, the cat in the corner is black. In my head, it's, the cat in the corner is black. Not the dog, not the gerbil. But someone else might say it, the cat in the corner is black. That's always fascinating to me how they just bring in all these different nuances and really make it fun in interesting and distinctive.

[B]

Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[A]

I don't know if you knew this.

[B]

But anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have

[A]

one of your assistant's assistants switch you

[B]

to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[A]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month

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required intro rate, first 3 months only.

[A]

Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees, extra fee. Full [e-mail] bro.

[B]

From the show last night to this drive, why is it never chill?

[A]

Because this is our live backstage on the road. It's loud, messy, real.

[B]

And that's the best part. Whole crew, no plan, just moving. Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos. Not just test tracks, real life scenes,

[A]

late nights, road trips, all of it.

[B]

That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. power. Yeah, you can tell. 2026 Nissan Rogue built for what really happens for J.D.

[A]

power. 2025 U.S. initial Quality Study Award information. Visit jdpower.com awards awards based on 2025 model year, newer models may be shown you don't use. Yeah, go ahead. Get you some water. You don't want water?

[B]

I'm fidgeting.

[A]

You're fidgeting?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. That's okay. I wish I had weed. I wish. Is anybody.

[B]

I know? I know that motherfucker's holding. That's.

[A]

Oh, I wish I had some weed for you. Do you have siblings? Yeah. How many? Where do you fall in the lineup?

[B]

One of each.

[A]

One of each.

[B]

Who came in last? I did, sir.

[A]

You came in last?

[B]

Yeah, my sister and my brother.

[A]

Okay. Sister's the oldest.

[B]

Six years older. Four years older.

[A]

Wow. Are you guys close?

[B]

Very.

[A]

Have you always been close?

[B]

I think my brother and I went through, you know, older, younger siblings, you know, a little of that stuff, but you know, nothing but love and respect. Deep respect. I have deep respect for my siblings.

[A]

Where does the deep respect come from?

[B]

They are hard working, intelligent people. They're my. My sister's here. My sister, practicing Catholic, cornerstone of her life. She just lost her husband, teaches Sunday school, is a social worker helping drug and alcohol addicted women, trying to get them back with their families. My brother, retired cpa, was well thought of and you know, the stickler. Stickler. And that's where I think, you know, he and I, that was the issue on the cornerstone of our. Our problems.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, that that's how yeah. Anyway.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, yeah. And great parents and just, you know, they really made better what they learned from my parents, you know, brought it forth to the next generation.

[A]

Yeah. What. How do you. How did you guys squash your beef, you and your brother? What do you think that moment was? Or.

[B]

I just think, at least on my part, just. And look, maybe he go, we had no beef, and that's fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was maturing and it was taking responsibilities, you know, letting things go that don't need to be held on to. And. And that's it. You just. You. You take the moment, you take the people, how they engage life. How you engage life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's growing process, right?

[A]

I think so. I didn't used to get along with my brother, and now we're like the best of friends. It happens. But I also think it's like the normal progression of siblings.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

Look, that's true.

[B]

I just feel it's how if you say, yeah, we used to. It's healthy. That's. It's a nothing burden if it's held on to, then it's like, well, I guess something really bad happened or.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, just.

[A]

You have kids, Chris, right?

[B]

I do.

[A]

How many?

[B]

Two.

[A]

Two what?

[B]

Girl? Boy.

[A]

Girl. Boy. And are they of college age?

[B]

25. 22. My son is still in college.

[A]

Okay. Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. What is your relationship like with them?

[B]

I think great. Parenting never goes away. Just the issues and how you engage them, handle them, change. Yeah, obviously, because they change. And you're constantly navigating how much you get in their game and how much you're just a support system, or you stay quiet and let them make their own mistakes?

[A]

Yeah. What's something that would make you get in their game where you're like, I need to step in here. Or has that experience already happened? In a way.

[B]

Well, small thing, you know, my son, you know, asked my. My wife if he could get a dog, and I went, absolutely not. Now is not the time. Now is not the time for a dog?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

22 is not. 22 is not time for a dog.

[A]

Okay. And you said no. Was he mad at you?

[B]

I don't know. I passed it. I told my wife no.

[A]

You told your wife to tell him no?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Pretend it came from you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She's never, you know, shrinking violet and she'll lay down the law.

[A]

Oh, wow. Fun.

[B]

Just nicer.

[A]

Yeah. Or so would you say you're stricter then or than she is?

[B]

I think my framework is a Little strict. Only because that's how I was brought up. She was brought up differently than I. Yeah.

[A]

Where's your wife from?

[B]

Memphis.

[A]

Oh, okay. And you grew up in Virginia, right? Dc. Dc. Did we ever talk about that on set or. No.

[B]

We might have touched on it.

[A]

I'm from Baltimore.

[B]

You're Baltimore? Yeah. Oh, I know.

[A]

Look at us, you know? Did you read about me on your way here? Have to remember. Did you remember who I am?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I hiccuped for a second.

[A]

You were like, I know who somewhere.

[B]

And I went, oh, my God. We starred in that movie with those

[A]

other actors who you don't remember, but if you. You'll see them in a couple days.

[B]

One's a wrestler and one's some comic guy.

[A]

It's John and Eric. I'll whisper. Yeah, maybe.

[B]

Can I borrow your pen?

[A]

John and Eric.

[B]

Drop the kilo and just write it down for me. Will.

[A]

What made you say yes to doing little brother?

[B]

I barked out loud when they told me that they want you to be John Cena's older brother.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I kind of, like, looked in the mirror going, really? All right, Yeah, I can do this. Let me do some shoulder shrugs, get my neck big or something. And I just really thought. I thought it was a great throwback comedy kind of comedy that hasn't been made in a while, man. I thought that. I thought they took risks, and I thought, you know, they went. Went for the edgy humor, you know, sometimes inappropriate. I was given a lot of those moments. I was like, man, you know, I would read it going, all right, let me say this. I'm happy to say it. And I think, you know, And I think I felt that, you know, we were joking earlier, but it is a. I feel, in certain ways, a reaction to this cancel thing that has been running around.

[A]

It's been running around. It's rampant. Yeah. They're coming.

[B]

It's like, screw.

[A]

I have to. I'm sorry to do this. I'm distracted because the whole John Cena's older brother of it all, and you going, wait a minute. And I get that because I'm like, you're 65. Your skin is so good. What do you do?

[B]

I'll never tell.

[A]

Salmon sperm.

[B]

Send that to Dove, and I want a contract.

[A]

Okay. Come on, Dove. Ageless beauty over here. Come on, Dove.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. What do you. You're not gonna. What do you do?

[B]

I do nothing. I'm. This is a. You know, that's one of these genetics. Yeah. I mean, the Same thing with the 65 and looking pretty good for 65. You know, my old man, he was the same way. I mean, up until, you know, into his late 70s.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Really? It was just like. And he didn't work out, and he, you know, he did whatever the heck he wanted to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's just. That's a luck of the draw thing.

[A]

Damn. Yeah, because. Do you wear sunscreen every day?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Damn. You should start just.

[B]

Yeah, you know, I get it. But, you know, I like a little Sicilian field hand. Look,

[A]

you're still gonna get the tan. Just the UV rays getting blocked. Send this to Neutrogena. See, I'm such a proponent.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, anyway, you do what you want. It's obviously working. But if you want to prolong.

[B]

So put down the shield to get underneath my neck. Drop the shield.

[A]

I'll just drop the shield, Chris. Yeah. All right. Well, I think I'm excited for people to see the movie.

[B]

So am I. Yeah.

[A]

I think it's going to be silly fun.

[B]

Yeah. I'm going to be interested to see how it's received.

[A]

Are you worried? A little bit.

[B]

No. No, no, no. Because I, you know, to guess what people like or don't like, that is absolutely not my gift. I've never had a feel for it, so I subsequently. I don't really care because I don't. Not my job, not my problem.

[A]

Do you read reviews of your work or what people have to say about you and your work ever?

[B]

I don't search it out, but if it's presented to me, which it more often is. Yeah than not. Yeah, I'm happy to.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't watch myself. I don't like to watch myself.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Oh, my God. Yes.

[A]

Why is. I don't really love to watch myself either, but why is that for you?

[B]

Because I think it's, again, the patterning that we all have. You know, the anxiety thing we were talking about earlier? I think that we hold onto the things that we had that we feel, consciously or not unconsciously got us to where we are. So I've always had a very loud critic in my head, which is good because it makes you bulletproof against anybody. I mean, if someone critiques me, I couldn't give a rat's ass.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because the worst guy is in my head.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

So it doesn't matter, man. You're a hack. You're a D lister. I'm like, first of all, D lister. I'm like. Of all the important things in life, that's on my D list. I don't care. I don't care about that stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think that comes from forward and I, and I have a difficult time enjoying the movie. It's like sitting next to the guy who's talking and it's me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I just keep wanting to go shut up.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

I missed that beat.

[A]

We know. I know. Ah, Chris is. I mean, are you a perfectionist?

[B]

I wouldn't say that. I think just think I'm hard on myself and I think that that's how I motivated myself to push through moments of procrastination or moments of inaction or you know, like if I fucked up an audition, you know. You ever see a Once upon a time in Hollywood?

[A]

Uh huh. Yep.

[B]

Leo DiCaprio going into his trailers, his trailer, after he's fucked up the scene. I was like, I could not have been more entertained because I went, that is me. That he might as well have compiled the best of Malones after a horrible audition and just glued him. It was just great.

[A]

Have you. Wait, where does the harsh critic come from? If you had to guess,

[B]

Fear. You know, look, my father, My father was a doctor. And I think this, I'm going to say this because I think, I know it meant a lot to me. He went to Harvard and so, you know, and I think that always has a little bit of a Harvard and it did to me and I never felt I was smart enough to follow in those footsteps and to be. And he was a doctor and I think he was considered a good doctor. So I mean, you know, kind of linear kind of guy. And then, you know, for me to go off the reservation, for me to, you know, it was a big gamble and there's a lot. And I didn't. Failure was, you know, I want to say failure wasn't an option but you know, it's always, it's always an option.

[A]

Everyone loves to say it's not an option, it's an option.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It could happen.

[B]

Everyone can be the tough guy going, hey, it's not an option, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of bodies on the road, you know.

[A]

Yeah, I see. So you felt a lot of pressure to excel at what you do or

[B]

even just fear of failure, you know, you didn't want to. Yeah. You didn't want to. You didn't want to. You didn't want to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you start entertaining. Well, if you do, then what horrible thought process.

[A]

Yeah, that is, I mean, what made you want to be an actor? Where did it come from? So I know you Went from radio, maybe. And then you're like, okay, I'm not dynamic enough is what you felt.

[B]

Well, yeah, all that happened, and I've told this that I. I was in college and I guess I just. I didn't know what the fuck I was or what I wanted to do. And there were a lot of people who were, you know, he's studying to be a chiropractor or physical therapist or, you know, they're going to go into banking.

[A]

They.

[B]

They had these paths and I didn't. And I was a solid B plus student. Just couldn't get A's, you know, every once on a. But I went as an elective, I took out an acting class. And it was the first time in my life that I felt that I knew more than anyone in the class and I knew how much I didn't know, which I thought was really important for me. And that was it. So I got the bug then. And then I just decided to go up to New York.

[A]

Yeah. Is there a reason you didn't think, like, oh, I'm going to be an athlete. You played sports?

[B]

Yeah. The sport tells you whether you're going to be an athlete or not.

[A]

Yeah. Can you say more about that?

[B]

Because. Well, your football season ends.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Not a letter, not a call.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Not an interest.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And do you know, you, you know, your arm is not particularly dynamic. You're not the fleetest of foot. You know, I, you know, you know, you know, do you.

[A]

Were you on a team at any point with someone who didn't know, who was like, I'm gonna. You. You.

[B]

At one point during season.

[A]

Yeah. During season, you thought you were that guy.

[B]

Maybe I had the potential to be a guy.

[A]

Okay. And then after, I wasn't even.

[B]

I wasn't even

[A]

contention.

[B]

Yeah. I went to the University of Colorado thinking, I'll be a walk on, bro. Go D3. If you want to play football, go to a D3 school. And even then you're gonna have to pay your dues. I mean, it's a real journey. You want to continue your football career?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think. And I had nightmares for almost a decade for not playing football in college, for not.

[A]

So you didn't play football. You couldn't be a walk on. Yeah.

[B]

I saw the starting quarterback at University of Colorado at the time. He was 6, 4, 2, 40.

[A]

Okay. I see.

[B]

I thought he was a D lineman. I thought he was a D line when I saw him.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I went, oh. I mean, you know, they're just built differently.

[A]

They're yeah. Think about the people with the genetics, not for the sport they play, but then somehow push through. And I'm like, the mind. You have to. Have to be like, who is it? Oh, my gosh. The. The short basketball player from Baltimore. Do you know who I'm talking? Mugsy.

[B]

Muggsy.

[A]

Mugsy Bose. Yeah. I'm like, you just went for it, even though the body was telling a different story. Like, that's a different kind of mental resilience to me. But.

[B]

Well, I think of Jalen.

[A]

I know with that 6:2. Jalen's 6:2. I. I read somewhere shorter.

[B]

I think that's. I think he's being generous.

[A]

But they lie about athletes, even in college.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

College would be like, he's 5 10. It's like 5, 8. Okay. But, yeah, so we think he's maybe

[B]

shorter than 6:2, but, you know, for him, it's just. I've never. He's a rare mental toughness individual. That's just what I see when I. I feel as though this whole season has perplexed me because I. I've. I've rarely seen an individual will his team to the ultimate win. That's how it always came off when they were down 29 points. And I'm one of the other million people going, you know, well, this. You know, okay, not too bad. We're too. Too it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And that they just were so resilient.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's tough.

[A]

What a team, though. I feel like I get the sense they also like each other, but you never know. But I'm like. I get the sense they like each other.

[B]

There seemed to be a camaraderie.

[A]

Yeah. Which I think goes a long way. And I heard him say that he got rid of social media at some point, at least during the playoffs. Didn't have it. And he's like, no noise. No noise whatsoever. And I'm like, that is important. It worked. Which is exciting to. To bear witness to. We'll forgive you for that one game you attended where. And your police escorts will forgive you as a city, because they won. They won. Are you gonna. You're not gonna get to go to the parade. Premiere. Press and premiere. I'll see you there.

[B]

I could have been on a float.

[A]

I could have been on a float. It's not a flex. It's me. I wasn't here during. I wasn't here for the games. I was overseas, and so I was just watching overseas.

[B]

Paris In Paris with your matcha.

[A]

With my matcha. With my Parisian matcha. Famous for their matchas. Yeah, I was. Yeah. And so tonight I was like, oh, I'll get to go to the parade. And then it's like, no, you won't. No, you won't get to do that either. But it was electric, wasn't it, on Saturday? Electric. Where were you watching?

[B]

In a restaurant. And then I went up to my apartment. So it's for the second half.

[A]

Nice. Yeah. Okay. That's special.

[B]

I needed to focus.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Was it a little too chaotic?

[B]

No, no, no, it wasn't. I just. I really. I don't want talking. I want full. That's why, you know, super bowl parties. I'm not a fan. I don't. I. It's not a socializing event for me.

[A]

You take it very seriously.

[B]

I can't. I'm. Before the game, I'm. I'm doing the.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you get the game face.

[B]

Nonsense.

[A]

Yeah. Do you feel like you can will your team to winning? Is that why the.

[B]

What with them playing?

[A]

With them playing? No. Okay, so why do you get in the zone? I'm like, what is the zone?

[B]

Because. Because when I did play.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I felt I could will.

[A]

So it's just stuck with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Will you watch Pavlovian? Yeah. Will you watch with your wife?

[B]

Yeah, but she's.

[A]

She knows to be quiet.

[B]

Well, she. She's. It depends on her mood because it is so annoying. Me.

[A]

You.

[B]

I'm so annoying.

[A]

Okay, so when she's like, okay, you're doing that whole.

[B]

It's like watching. Watching a movie with me.

[A]

You're also like, shut the f up during a movie.

[B]

Yeah, I was just like, oh, my God. What's with the camera movement?

[A]

Oh. Oh, you're. Oh, you're looking at it like an actor.

[B]

The critique boy. Can't even. I can't even keep it.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you'll say it out loud though,

[B]

so you're laugh like there was a movie. There's an action movie that came out recently that I could not stop laughing. And everyone in the theater. One point, some guy turned around. My son was with me and he was so angry with me because you kept. He was so angry. I was in tears because it was so. It was. I found it funny.

[A]

And did he not know who you were when he turned around?

[B]

Oh, no, him. No, he didn't.

[A]

He didn't.

[B]

No. I was just another asshole for him

[A]

laughing at the camera. Camera. I'm tempted to ask you. I'll ask you off. I'll ask you off Mic. What the movie was that you were laughing at because we won't get you canceled?

[B]

No. Well, it's also. It's. You know. You know, it's. It's just not that I don't find that gentlemanly or to say, oh, yeah, no, it's not. Somebody. It's tasteless.

[A]

It's tasteless because. What did we start by saying? That there was this whole thing was an endeavor to. To do a movie, to make a movie, to make any project is quite an endeavor. So many moving parts. It's a lot harder than it looks. Did you have critiques from me on Little Brother? You can share them now.

[B]

No, actually, in fact, I think I. I'm going to clear my throat for this one.

[A]

We're allowed to clear throats on this podcast. I should have told you. Genuinely, this is an imperfect podcast. That's the thing I always say. I'm going to clear my throat. I have allergies. It happens.

[B]

I'm not wearing pants.

[A]

Okay, you're not wearing pants. You are going to get canceled. He's not wearing pants. He's not even wearing boxers. It's swing a langen. It got really tense in the room because I've outed him.

[B]

He's. That guy's so uncomfortable right now.

[A]

Where's your weed?

[B]

Someone mop him down. What was the. Sure. What was the question?

[A]

Your critiques for me on Little Brother, like, while I was.

[B]

Before, you would look. No, no, no, no. I went up to you and Caleb, and in retrospect, I felt like an asshole. No, I didn't. I. It was a little weird, but in the moment, I didn't care. I still don't care.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I told you how brilliant you guys were cracking me up. And I don't crack. I don't. I don't get cracked up because I'm always. Oh, my God. You guys were just hitting these. Beautiful. Really? Because it could have been a little cliched and a little on the nose, but I was going, oh, I. I know. I know who that person is. I've met them. And that's really funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The same with Caleb.

[A]

He's. I mean, so funny. He's so funny. And I. I'm really grateful that he and I got to work together on that. And.

[B]

Did I tell you the Caleb story?

[A]

Tell me the Caleb story.

[B]

So one of. One of my nieces said, caleb, Caleb. I love Caleb. I mean, and he. And he's like an icon in the gay community. And he's not just gay funny, he's funny.

[A]

Funny. That's what you're.

[B]

And I said, I told that to Caleb. He goes, that's what's good. That will be written on my epitaph. He wasn't just gay funny.

[A]

He was funny funny, funny.

[B]

I don't even know what that means. And she's gay.

[A]

I don't either. Okay. Well, of course. She has to be. She has to be to say that.

[B]

Yeah. Here, let me dump out my gum.

[A]

Can you. Okay. Do you want to hear? Right in here.

[B]

Can I. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Here, let's see those skills. I couldn't have caught that. And he caught that over the light. Over the light.

[B]

It's a touch pass.

[A]

No, that's what that's called. Yeah.

[B]

I can only speak backers, you know, go out into the flat. You just got to over there before the safety comes over.

[A]

And the safety. That's football.

[B]

Yes, it is.

[A]

And I'm saying this because I know just very little about sports, but I love a sports documentary. Did you watch Last Dance? Of course you did. Did you watch the Tiger woods documentary?

[B]

No.

[A]

You got to go home and watch that if you have some time.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I think it's really good. Okay. I think it's really well done.

[B]

Where I was afraid it was going to be a little too train wrecky for me to get into. Or. Or really download.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. I think you might like it. I think you might. I think it's well done. Yeah.

[B]

Did he participate?

[A]

I'm trying to write so long ago. I. No, no, no, he didn't.

[B]

Yeah. I worried about the prurient nature of it.

[A]

Sure. It's not salacious per se. It's like. It's like the making of a. An incred, like of an incredible and salacious.

[B]

Right. Those down. Try and keep up.

[A]

Kids. Kids. Yeah. This is an educational podcast. You know what I'm saying? We're trying to drop little nuggets. Go look it up.

[B]

You don't invite dumb guests.

[A]

Never in my life have I had a dumb guest on this podcast. Dumbest person in the podcast is me. Every time I'm learning stuff.

[B]

There's an art to that.

[A]

I'm just saying. No, but it's. It's. It's interesting to see how you, like, make a mega athlete and the. What kind of discipline I want to say it requires. I don't know if that's the right word given. Given the nature of that podcast, but just what kind of discipline and tunnel vision goes into that sort of thing. But I'm pitching it to you. I Didn't work on it and just found it really, really fascinating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do your kids play sports?

[B]

Not my daughter. I mean, she dabbled, but, you know, she. She dances. She likes to, you know, dance it up. Any kind, you know, hip hop or ballet and all that? Yeah, my son, he played football and then lacrosse.

[A]

Were you an annoying dad who would, after games, be critiquing?

[B]

I was. Well, I want to say I wasn't, but I was like, I was my son's football coach, one of them. And, yeah, I was. I've been kicked off the field. A Little League game.

[A]

Really? You're that dad? I don't. Yeah, I mean, I guess that makes sense.

[B]

I'm telling you, when I get into competition sports mode, that I just would. The face I'm making now just. I get like that. It's time to play. It's time to focus and play.

[A]

Did your dad play sports?

[B]

No.

[A]

No. Was he a coach? So, never coached any of your teams or anything like that? Are you competitive in games? Like board games, card games?

[B]

I was. I was banished from the family. Charades.

[A]

What did you do?

[B]

I call it exuberance and enthusiasm. They've since allowed me back, and I don't. And I. You know something? I. I'm not quite sure I've accepted the invitation back.

[A]

Really? Yep. So they. This is, like, around the holidays. They're like, you can come play with us now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I'm like, yeah. No feelings have been hurt.

[A]

Really? Okay. What will it take to heal?

[B]

German chocolate cake.

[A]

That's easy. We could. I'm gonna try to get one of your family members to listen

[B]

to listening. Tell them to bake.

[A]

One to listen, one to bake. You got two kids for a reason. Okay. All right, great. We're gonna get you back. I want you playing charades again with the family.

[B]

The world does.

[A]

Everyone's vying for you on charades. Okay, well, you know, it's time for a segment called that's Nice, but what About Me, okay. Where you've done a lot of talking about you today. Are you yawning because of the you part or because I'm about to start talking about me because of you?

[B]

No, I want to hear about you.

[A]

It's not gonna be much. It's not gonna be much.

[B]

I'll fast forward through it anyway.

[A]

Do you even listen to this? You didn't even know what this was. You didn't even know who I was when you came in. I saw the publicist tell you.

[B]

Caleb, calm down.

[A]

Okay. Okay. So you have worked quite a bit in this industry. Right. How have you decided when you want to wrap up a job? Obviously, there's films, shows have seasons, but sometimes you want to leave a job. How do you decide when and how?

[B]

Oh, you mean, like, you know, when I was on svu.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That's the only time that's happened. All I know is that there was. It was time for a change for me and how I was. I felt I was treated in the negotiations, how they conducted the negotiations. I went loud and clear, you know, because, you know, negotiations, always a little bit of cat and mouse are, you know, playing chicken and all that. And sometimes, in my opinion, there's a timbre or tone of bullying and almost they. And I think it's kind of that psychological warfare to let you know, oh, we don't need you that much. And, you know, when I. I felt I was getting those vibes, I went, oh, that's fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I really meant it. I never felt it was reactionary of, oh, I'll show you. You know, I just went, I got it, heard, heard. I heard it. And when I left, you know, I would say it, and I really meant it. I go, I wish them the best of luck. I want people to be employed. I want the show to go on for as long as everyone wants it to go on. You know, I had no heart, and it was so. That was so. I guess it's. It's that. It's. You know, I think a part of that was also driven by, you know, maybe creatively it wasn't. I was getting a little itchy for the last. Last few years before.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, what's out there?

[A]

Sure. Do you think, like, some of your gratitude, and this isn't a critique, like, seems you kind of find yourself like, oh, I'm not in the same state of gratitude for. For this particular job. Is that a thing that you.

[B]

Yes. That's a great. That's absolutely valid. Yes. In fact, that's why I moved out of New York City. Once it ended, I just found myself going, I don't. I'm unhappy here. I'm not appreciating New York. And that I was very clear about of, you know, you don't like New York. If you're not appreciating New York City, you need to get the fuck out.

[A]

I think that's a word. And where do you live now?

[B]

In New York City? Yeah. Because I came back, I went to la. I lived there for seven years.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then we came back, and it Was the same thing before. I've done two tours of duty in la and both times was the first time I just gotten married. And then, you know, we're in la, we've been in LA for five, six years and I was like, I. I gotta go back to New York. And I thought I'd be a bi coastal actor, you know, pre SVU and all that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. And then you came back, you were missing New York and now you have gratitude for it.

[B]

Yeah. And also it's like. It's almost like Rabbit at rest. That's a book.

[A]

Never mind.

[B]

John Updike.

[A]

Okay, look that up. Shit. Just dropping gems. You gotta give me. Okay, you've done three. Three gems. I feel more, more gems from you than that, but lots of things. Yeah.

[B]

Was that a gem?

[A]

That was a gem. That was a gem. I'm going to. And then. And then the book. Say the book again.

[B]

A Rabbit at Rest. Rabbit, Rabbit run.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Rabbit redux. Rabbit returns. I think. And then Rabbit at rest.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

John Updike, he wrote four. I read them. Yeah, I.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yeah, I did.

[A]

Okay, you read. Are you reading anything right now?

[B]

Yeah. All the light that can. Can. All the be. All the light that can be seen. All the light that can't be seen.

[A]

You could tell me anything and I believe it.

[B]

Yeah. What's his name? Door. D O E R R. Look it up for me. Put the camera down. Look it up for me.

[A]

The camera telling the photographer. Put the camera on the ground.

[B]

Let's see what you're gonna multitask.

[A]

All the light we cannot see. Are you enjoying it? You do? It's good.

[B]

Yeah. And I thought, you know, I'm. Because I usually read non fiction but same. And my daughter goes, I said is it any good? Pulitzer prize winner. I said, is it any good? She goes, oh yeah. And dad, all the dads like you are like.

[A]

What she mean by that?

[B]

Would that, you know, cool dads like who want to be part of the zeitgeist. I. I guess you know, of the moment in. In literature.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Literature are.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And maybe hard crusty guys like myself.

[A]

Okay. I was gonna say zeitgeist.

[B]

Get the hell off my lawn.

[A]

You know what I'm reading.

[B]

Can't you see all the light we cannot see.

[A]

You know the one the cool dads read.

[B]

I'm a cool dad.

[A]

Shh.

[B]

Put on my reading glasses.

[A]

You should. Did you brought the glasses in here? Why?

[B]

Those are my reading glasses.

[A]

Well put up. Can we see them? Some modeling. I was. I Have been sitting here thinking, what would the outfit look like with the glasses?

[B]

Stanley Tucci, Chris Maloney.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stanley Tucci, Chris Meloni. Both Italian.

[A]

Both Italian. Wow. Yeah. It's giving Stanley Tucci for sure. It is. You are absolutely right. You know that about yourself. Did someone tell you that or you just knew it? Well, that you look like Stanley Tucci when you put the glasses on.

[B]

No, Stanley Tucci looks like me.

[A]

You know what? That is my bad. I'm so sorry.

[B]

I do have a plate of pasta right here, though. I just got my Italian citizenship.

[A]

You did? What made you pursue it?

[B]

I have a hunch, so we'll leave it at that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We'll leave it at my house, actually.

[B]

My daughter was studying in Spain, and I thought it would be a good idea, you know, down the road. I don't know how much it'll benefit me, but, you know, just might benefit the next generation, you know, gives you a whole new. Because, you know, it's easier to get a job in the EU and you can buy land if you want to do that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Become a vintner if you want to do that.

[A]

If you want to.

[B]

I'm not telling my kids to be a vintner, but I'd love it if they became a ventner.

[A]

Hinted. I'm gonna try to get the kids to listen to this podcast. There's a lot of messages in. In this one for them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

German chocolate cake vintner. Okay. All right. Do you have a favorite place in Italy? I'm just curious. I'm. I love Italy.

[B]

Well, I love Florence.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I wish Venice did not allow tourists too many, but they accepted me because I now have my citizenship. I love Rome, but, you know, that. That big city thing, I'm becoming less and less enamored with.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, because New York, I mean, you know, I get a lot of that energy. Hard to beat, but that's. Yeah, yeah. We were just there. We were just there.

[A]

I'm going.

[B]

Where?

[A]

Modena. Yeah. Yeah. To go to the. The Casa Maria Luigia. Do you.

[B]

No.

[A]

No. You don't know.

[B]

Is it the right Bologna? Yeah.

[A]

Not f. Not related to F1. Just food. Going for food.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Genuinely going to this restaurant that was like, maybe the best in the world or. No, that's literally.

[B]

Why write that down.

[A]

I will.

[B]

Next to salacious.

[A]

Improve. Okay. And then kid want to be a vintner? German chocolate cake. Okay. I got all my notes. That was bad acting, by the way. No, no, no. Imagine you're watching a movie and she's written all that down and I tapped twice.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're laughing at that? If you're watching me in a movie do that. You're laughing and not a good.

[B]

I'm probably going. Yes.

[A]

What the fuck was that? Tap, tap. She wrote all that down.

[B]

Get me Murray Hill, 94242. What?

[A]

I have a little game I want to play with you before I release you in the world.

[B]

Charades.

[A]

Charades. And your family is here.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Here? Yes.

[B]

There's no my family.

[A]

Your family's here. Okay. It's called thanks. No, thanks. Okay.

[B]

No thanks.

[A]

To the game.

[B]

It's been great.

[A]

Yep. All right. See you later, Chris. This was all right. Okay, I'm gonna.

[B]

Has anyone ever used that joke?

[A]

Which part?

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

No, thanks. Immediately and left. No one's done it. You're the first pioneer. Pioneer. Talk about a cool dad. Talk about a cool dad right here.

[B]

Oh, my God. I want to suggest you read this book.

[A]

Okay. For real? Yeah. The Light that Can't be Seen Within.

[B]

Ask your photographer as the photographer.

[A]

Well, I also wrote it down. Click, click, remember? All right. Tap, tap.

[B]

Between solilos.

[A]

Thanks. No, thanks. So basically I'm going to list a bunch of gifts.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I want to know if you would be saying thanks or no thanks if you received the following. Okay.

[B]

This is good. Good. This is going to be easy. Go ahead.

[A]

Rapid fire.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Going to be easy.

[A]

A fly swatter that looks like a sex paddle.

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

A T shirt with the gift giver's face on it.

[B]

No, thank you.

[A]

Even if it's your wife?

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

Okay. I wasn't supposed to do follow ups. Okay. Really valuable coal.

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

A robot that is your friend.

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

A donation made in your name. But when you ask what charity, they get kg.

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

Okay. Old Timey Games.

[B]

A trump coin. Go ahead.

[A]

Old Timey Games?

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

Nine volt batteries. The really chunky ones.

[B]

No, thanks.

[A]

So you don't want anything on this list of things?

[B]

I don't want anything in life.

[A]

You want for nothing.

[B]

I.

[A]

You've reached self actualization is what I'm realizing. You're there. You're in it. You want for nothing.

[B]

Christmas is the most difficult time of the year because I don't want anything. But I understand, you know, people are opening up presents and there's this feeling of I'm left out. And it's like I'm not.

[A]

You don't want to.

[B]

I don't. I've never under. When I was a child, I got it Obviously, I don't get it. I don't get this exchange of this. If I want something, I'll get it. And I appreciate people who make the. Still make the effort. I really do. I'm like, I'm so touched. But, you know, I'm just.

[A]

So when do you pretend to. Like, your family, presumably, is still getting you gifts for Christmas? And are you.

[B]

I'm like, I can't believe I've become this guy. I'm like, slippers. I never understood that. But I gotta tell you, after a year, those slippers are worn out.

[A]

Yeah, every year. Okay.

[B]

Some slippers.

[A]

Good ones. Do we have like, your initials embroidered on them? Anything just. Or. No, we're talking.

[B]

Do I look like the guy who embroiders this?

[A]

Yes, you actually do. In that suit.

[B]

Is it the beard?

[A]

It's the suit and the beard.

[B]

The world's most interesting man and his slippers.

[A]

You got a little C on the left foot and an M on the other.

[B]

Stay healthy, my friends. Is that what he says? Is that a.

[A]

They'll tell me. Oh, my gosh. Now it's time for the last segment. It's called me acting surprised that it exists. I do this all the time. Thank you. Next. Is this next segment.

[B]

Okay. Do I have to act surprise.

[A]

Like I just did? I just did. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

I'll try. Okay. I'll try and emulate that.

[A]

Thank you. Next. Basically, you're going to be answering a question from our previous guest, and then you're going to get to ask our next guest a question. All right, so our previous guest, a previous guest, Billy Eichner, asks, what's your least favorite Celine Dion song?

[B]

Surprise. My least favorite.

[A]

What's your least favorite Celine Dion?

[B]

Clean up on aisle three.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. It's making it worse. He's making it worse. Actually, it's pretty good.

[B]

Damn right. Okay.

[A]

Is that the surprise? That was you acting surprised?

[B]

Yes, yes. I felt I was late. Like, if I. When you cut it together, I'd be like, nah, you were late with that. Anyway, Billy Eichner. You stalled me on Billy Eichner there.

[A]

That's.

[B]

He's a funny guy.

[A]

He is a funny guy. What's your least favorite Celine Dion song? He wants to know. He's begging to know.

[B]

Billy. I don't know any of her songs. I. I know the chest pounding Titanic song.

[A]

What's the name of it?

[B]

Hold on. I will always love you.

[A]

That's Whitney Houston.

[B]

Hold on, Hold on. Oh, shit.

[A]

Put the camera down and look it Up. Put the camera down.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Don't spoil it.

[B]

Did he say it?

[A]

He said it. You didn't hear it?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So, Mom. Oh, God. This. This is gonna be the most interesting part of the podcast.

[A]

Four hours later.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

Beautiful voice.

[B]

I've been taking voice lessons.

[A]

Breath control.

[B]

No.

[A]

No matter the one.

[B]

Is that it?

[A]

No.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

My Heart Will Go On.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

That's not your least favorite.

[B]

You know something? We did the audience a favor. That was not coming out of my mouth.

[A]

Okay. That was never gonna happen.

[B]

We will go on.

[A]

My Heart Will Go On. You never would have guessed that. No, Just fist pounding. You call it the fist pounding Titanic song.

[B]

Yeah, because I saw her singing it live, which was powerful. She has a beautiful voice, but she, like, banged herself in the chest, and I was just like. That had to have hurt. Yeah, but she's a pro.

[A]

Yeah. So you don't. Do you have a least favorite.

[B]

I don't know any of her.

[A]

You don't know her music? You heard it here first. What do you listen to?

[B]

Tool.

[A]

Tool. Okay. Do you. Okay, fine. Do you have a least favorite Tool song? That's my question. No. Billy Eichner on this one. You love all their songs. Look at that bottom lip.

[B]

You're the only band that I really. I do. I. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Sorry.

[B]

God darn.

[A]

No, that's okay. You feel like you're failing?

[B]

No.

[A]

Good. Good. I was like, if that critic.

[B]

I also, you know, I also think. I don't want to trade in, you know, least favorite.

[A]

Oh, you don't want to do least because you're positive. We don't rag on people.

[B]

I don't know. I'm.

[A]

Look, publicly. Publicly, we don't rag.

[B]

Definitely not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I also have found the older I get that I find I get very little. I get no benefit. There's no benefit. There's no upside for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, so, like. Because those conversations go on like, you know, party, and I'm just like. Or I. I attempt to stay quiet.

[A]

I understand. And out of the way.

[B]

Let it flow.

[A]

And let it flow.

[B]

It's, you know, it's no big deal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is the moment I knew I'd ruined the podcast.

[A]

Be exhausted by Chris being like. Okay. No, no. Okay. What's this? Damn. Damn. You made this hard today, Chris.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No, you didn't. Okay. What's a question you want to ask a next guest? A guest in the future? You don't know who the guest will be, nor do I. But What's a question for them?

[B]

Who will be the 2028 presidential nominees?

[A]

Who will be the 2028 presidential nominees? Okay, we'll make sure to ask a guest who may or may not be in politics, who may or may not have a hunch, and that's okay.

[B]

And will they pick Celine Dion as vice president?

[A]

And so a two parter. Two parter.

[B]

And I know she's Canadian, but will

[A]

they pick Celine Dion as vice president? Okay, we'll make sure someone answers that.

[B]

You've got to tell you what, I'll just make it even more broad. Will she be part of the government?

[A]

Will Celine Dion be part of the government? Okay. All right. I will make sure.

[B]

We've got a home builder who's. Who's going to be intel chief.

[A]

That's true. We'll make sure to ask that. Thank you, Chris.

[B]

No, thank you.

[A]

No, thanks to you on. Thanks, Dad. I liked it, Guys. I just talked to Chris Maloney. That was so fun. I enjoyed it. You got to see a side of him I'm sure you haven't seen before. He didn't know there were eggs in my pocket. At no point did he look at me and go, hey, I'm getting this. Since you have eggs in your pocket, in your. In your blazer pocket. You know what I'm saying? Stealth. Stealth eggs. He had no, he had no idea. He just had a whole conversation with me. No clue that there were some hard boiled eggs in my pocket. He couldn't smell them. Nothing. Anyway, loved talking to him. Loved getting to do the whole thing. The spit on the glass. I was gonna say when he started wiping. I mean, I did say that he made it worse, but now that I'm looking, nah, this, this window needs. This glass needs to get Windexed. And that's word to Windex. Maybe they want to be a sponsor because it kind of looks like the rest of the glass. You wouldn't know someone in here spit water at that glass. A lot of things happening right under our little noses in this world. I think that's the lesson today. Thank you for listening. I love you guys. And listen to the next one and do something for yourself today and then do something for someone else. Can you believe I think I'm going to catch my breath at some point from running up those stairs. Okay, bye, guys. Thinkstad is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and I Heart podcast. I'm your host, Ego Wodem. Our producer is Kevin Bartelt and our executive producer is Matt Apodaca. Are you really buying a car online on Autotrader right now? Really? At a playground? Yeah, really. Look at these listings from dealers. Wow, your search can really get that specific. Really? And you just put in your info and boom. Car's in your budget. Mom needs a second. Honey, you can really have it delivered.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Or I can pick it up at the dealership. One sec, sweetie. Mommy's buying a car. Mommy's. I think your kid is walking up the slide, Kyle. Again?

[B]

Really?

[A]

Autotrader? Buy your car online.

[B]

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[A]

You said you were over him, but his hoodie is still in your rotation. It's time. Grab your phone, snap a few pics and sell it on Depop. Listed in minutes with no selling fees. And just like that, a guy 500 miles away just paid full price for your closure. And right on cue. Hey, still got my hoodie?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

But I've got tonight's dinner paid for. Start selling on Depop, where taste recognizes taste list. Now with no selling fees, payment processing fees and boosting fees still apply. See website for details. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.