Matteo Lane

Summary

---

Thanks Dad with Ego Nwodim — Matteo Lane (Aired March 24, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively, heartfelt, and hilarious episode of Thanks Dad, Ego Nwodim welcomes comedian and actor Matteo Lane. The two dive deep into their comedic careers, family upbringing, overcoming insecurity, traveling travails, cultural identity, language learning, and their unabashed mutual love of Mariah Carey. As with every episode, Ego asks her signature “Who do you want to say thanks to?” question—and, with Matteo, the conversation blooms into stories of chosen family, interwoven generations, and backstage antics.

---

Key Themes & Highlights

Life on the Road: The Joy and Toll of Touring

Touring Fatigue and Spiritual Fulfillment

• Matteo describes being “spiritually fulfilled but physically tired” on tour, relishing the thrill of performing while acknowledging the exhaustion of constant travel.

  "I always say I'm spiritually fulfilled but physically tired." — Matteo Lane (11:17)

• Both share travel hacks—staying near the airport for efficiency vs. investing in restful hotels for sanity.

Tour Dilemmas: Hotels over Comedy Condos

• Matteo advocates for better hotel stays, citing Keith Robinson’s advice to “spend a little extra on nice hotels.”
• Touring with friends for mutual support and company.
• Both acknowledge the importance of rest and structure despite demanding schedules.

Family, Upbringing, and “Thanks To...”

The Hairline Journey: Humor in Insecurity

• Matteo thanks his hair transplant doctor, Dr. Wesley Carlos, for restoring his confidence:

  "I'd like to thank Dr. Wesley Carlos for my third hair transplant and giving me a hairline that I needed... Thank you for giving me the hairline that I love." — Matteo Lane (16:13)

Art School as a Turning Point

• Also thanks The School of the Art Institute of Chicago for offering structure and opening creative/professional doors.
• Discusses early family struggles—“I had such bad grades growing up and I didn’t care about school”—and how art gave him trajectory.

Communal Family Upbringing

• Matteo is the youngest of three but grew up surrounded by cousins in a tight-knit Italian-Mexican household.

  "It was communal raising... My mother and her sisters are Italian and Mexican. Yeah. Do they discipline? Yeah." — Matteo Lane (35:21, 35:44)

• Daily contact with extended family:

  "I talk to my Aunt Cindy every single day... these are my best friends." — Matteo Lane (36:33-36:37)

Grandparents & Generational Ties

• His grandparents (in their 90s) remain witty and fully “with it,” serving as centers of family gossip and source of affectionate jokes.
• Grandmother's favorite shows: Game of Thrones, The Sopranos, My 1000-lb Sisters (Anna Nicole Smith’s death was family news!).

Sense of Humor Rooted in Family

• Credits Aunt Cindy for his comedic voice and points out that family roasts, act-outs, and table banter shaped his stand-up style.

---

The Overstimulated Modern World

“Too Many Things”: Efficiency, Overload, and Social Media Addiction

• Both lament overstimulation (airports, streaming, choices, notifications).

  "There's too many things. That's what I'm trying to say. It's too many things." — Ego Nwodim (09:30)

• Social media’s pressure:

  "The phone makes you feel like every problem happening on Earth simultaneously is your responsibility because it’s right in front of you." — Matteo Lane (24:02)

• Overwhelm seeps into social/following etiquette (“can't even unfollow the acquaintance from 2016…”), self-branding fatigue, and a longing for the days of fewer, more meaningful shows or simpler connections.

Ethics & Consumerism in a Digital Age

• Discuss the near impossibility of being an ethical consumer; resigned humor about where money/tracking data goes.

---

Language, Identity & Travel

Linguistic Skills and Cultural Fluidity

• Matteo speaks English, Italian (fluent), Spanish (proficient with heavy Italian accent!), French (proficient), and some German.

  "It's like a superpower. Like, when you land in a country and you can speak the language, it's cool." — Matteo Lane (53:12)

• Explores the awkwardness of language learning—French indifference, Italian warmth, code-switching, sibling language overlaps, and humbling language-lesson procrastination.

Travel Mishaps & Packing Philosophy

• Ego recounts suitcase woes, a Morocco travel scam (“sent loads of money to a man in Kenya”), and suitcase overpacking for every trip—eliciting laughter and empathy.
• Matteo’s rule: travel light, never check a bag (especially in Italy).

---

Pop Culture Obsessions: Music & TV

Mutual Mariah Carey Fandom

• An audibly giddy segment as both exchange favorite deep cuts, reminisce about Mariah’s work, and Matteo tells the story of meeting Mariah on an MTV shoot:

  “She did a whistle note in the elevator, which were much louder than I thought they would be. Like, when you hear Bliss, you think it's like this kind of quiet. But there it was, like, really powerful.” — Matteo Lane (79:07)

• Discussion of family musical influences, and the comfort and nostalgia that certain songs provide.

---

Vulnerability, Friendship & Self-Worth

Hair Transplants, Self-Image, and Confidence

• Delves into the emotional dimension of changing one’s appearance (“now... I can go in a pool and enjoy myself or the wind doesn’t bother me”).
• Open talk about insecurity, shame—and the absurdity of caring so much about hair but also the difference confidence makes.

Friend Group Grounding

• Shares how his circle—Bob the Drag Queen, Monet X Change, Nick, and others—keeps him humble with sincere, even “mean” humor.

  "No one sucks up to anybody in my friend group. We're all pretty vicious with each other... it keeps you humble quick." — Matteo Lane (59:54)

Separating Work and Self

• On being exhausted by self-promotion and the “business side” of comedy:

  “You’re your own brand, but you become a business. And so a lot of people rely on you... There's times you're like, I want to be away from it.” — Matteo Lane (59:24)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I was afraid to go in pools and floated above like a gay alligator.” — Matteo Lane, on hair insecurity (16:19)
• “Humans aren’t meant to know this much... every problem is swarming at us at the same time. So, of course, people are like, I’m just going to do ketamine this weekend.” — Matteo Lane (24:02)
• “Put our phone down” is not on the list of suggested coping strategies, leading to mutual laughter at the absurdity of their own screen habits (29:49).
• “Do you ever Google yourself?” “I have. Not in a very long time. So I don’t know what pictures you’re [talking about].” (58:46)
• “I want to be Kris Jenner. I want to float around my home I’ve never been in and talk about a grand piano no one’s ever played.” — Matteo Lane on #lifegoals (42:25)
• “You become a business. You have to do this PR. You have to sell this. You have to do this show… Let me just be away from this for a hot minute.” — Matteo Lane (59:24)

---

Segment Timestamps

Opening Riff & “Too Many Things”

• 02:33 – 10:24: Ego’s comedic monologue on overstimulation, airport security, and yearning for efficiency.

Matteo’s Entrance & Catch-up

• 10:24 – 11:37: Introduction, mutual excitement, touring fatigue.

Touring, Hotels vs. Airbnbs, Stage Life

• 11:37 – 14:03: The little luxuries that make constant travel bearable.

“Who/What Do You Want to Thank?”

• 15:51 – 20:46: Matteo’s gratitude to Dr. Carlos and the School of the Art Institute of Chicago.

Family & Upbringing

• 35:14 – 42:10: Communal raising, familial discipline, closeness with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.

Social Media, Overload, and Doomscrolling

• 24:02 – 31:22: Pressure to engage, ethics, guilt, and how both hosts contend with overload and social cues.

Pop Culture, Language & Travel

• 42:10 – 54:28: Language learning woes, travel frustrations and hacks, favorite vacations, and mishaps.

Family Reunions, Sibling Order

• 35:14 – 41:53: Sibling dynamics, holiday traditions, and comedic roots in familial teasing.

Friendship, Pride, and Career Balance

• 59:00 – 62:13: Being humbled by friends, separating one’s comedy “brand” from self, and not Googling yourself.

Mariah Carey Deep Dive

• 75:38 – 81:31: Wildest Mariah moments, favorite songs, and Matteo’s elevator moment with the legend.

---

Closing Thoughts

This episode stands out for its warmth, transparency, and camaraderie. Both Ego and Matteo balance wit with admissions of anxiety, creative struggle, and the quest for work-life rest. Family, self-acceptance, and chosen friends loom large—as do existential struggles with overstimulation in a digital age. And for Mariah devotees? It’s an absolute delight.

---

For advice/questions, listeners can call 502-849-3237 (“502-THX-DADS”).

---

Transcript

[Mateo Lane]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's stock up savings time now through March 31st. Spring in for storewide deals that earn four times a points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Lindor, Chips Ahoy, Gatorade, Post Ziploc and Zoa. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up or delivery restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. 30 years ago Wu Tang Clan changed hip hop forever. Last year they sold out arenas worldwide and now the final chamber comes back home. Wu Tang Clan and Encore. If you saw it last year, you know what this means.

[Nicole Byers]

If you didn't, this is the moment with special guests Bone Thugs and Harmony.

[Mateo Lane]

Get tickets now at the wu tangclan.com

[Nicole Byers]

Wu Tang Forever Killabees swarming on new locations.

[Mateo Lane]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities, so do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Nicole Byers]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee full [e-mail] support

[Mateo Lane]

for the Public the investing platform for those who take it seriously on public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors LLC SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures [e-mail] have you heard about Klarna?

[Nicole Byers]

Klarna is an app designed to make everyday spending simpler and more transparent. It gives you flexibility to decide how you want to pay, whether that's paying right away, paying later, or spreading payments over time, depending on what works best for you. Everything is managed in the Klarna app, so you can keep track of purchases and stay organized. You can also discover deals and even earn cash back when you shop through the Klarna app with participating brands. It's all about flexibility and staying in control of how and when you pay. Download the Klarna app today or visit klarna.com to learn more. Terms Apply California Resident Loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS Number 1353190 Klarna Balance Account required to be eligible for cashback Points. Terms and conditions apply. We're ready and we're rolling. And it's a new episode of thanks dad coming to you live from. It's not coming to you live. It's not coming to you live. I've already lied to you and that for that I apologize. We're doing too much. I mean, as a collective, we're doing too much. I want you to really consider this. I don't know what we can do about it, but we're doing too much. You know that Luther Vandross song, never too much? We've hit There needs to be another song. This is too much. I don't know, maybe there is one. I'll have to look it up on on my streaming platform. But anyway, we have got too much going on. The other day I was at the airport. I'm always at the airport. You'll find. And I got to. I got to the airport really early, was in Austin. I got to the airport so early for my early morning flight because I heard the lines were so crazy. And by heard I mean someone told me. And then I went on Reddit to confirm because that's my news source, for whatever reason is Reddit. And then there were also reputable news sources saying that the lines at Austin airport were crazy. So I woke up very early, which is fine. I just. You should know I'm a person who likes to arrive at the airport basically when my flight is boarding. And I do love the thrill. It is dangerous. I don't recommend anyone else do it. There is A method to my madness. I only time I've missed a flight in the last 20 years is because I set my alarm for PM instead of AM and I slept through and I woke up and I was like, this sleep feels too good. I was only supposed to get four hours. This is feeling like this feels like five. And it was. And my, and my, my plane was in the sky. But otherwise I've made every flight getting there essentially when it boards. But I got there very early in Austin for butt crack of dawn. And so many people in line. Like, in theory, the airport's less busy that early in the morning, but not Austin. Austin's different. Something's going down in Austin. So anyway, got there early. I have TSA precheck. At one point I had clear. I can get clear again because I'm diamond medallion, which I can't wait to brag about it to everybody. But I, I found that I, I was like, TSA pre check is enough. That's enough. That one time investment and I haven't found clear to be particularly helpful except for one time in Miami. So out of all the years I had it, I was like, this one time in Miami. Anyway, I have TSA precheck and I was like, I'm gonna get to. I'm not going to be in a long line. But people are like, no, even the pre check line is insane. So I get there very early. But then here's the thing. My boarding pass was also touchless id and that meant that they had a touchless ID line as well at Austin. And that line was like, I was in that line for like nine minutes. And that's including the random security check I got selected for. It's only ever happened to me. Well, no, it also happened to me days before in France, which is weird. But also that random security check in France happened after boarding. They were like, you've been selected for a random security check. And I'm like, we're in the little thing between the plane and the gate. But it was four people. It was four agents of some variety. But. And I'm. I digress. Right now, go with me. I was like, yeah, sure, you want to do a random security check? I feel like we've already gone past security and not. I feel like, I mean, but I feel like, I mean, we have, we're actually meant to be boarding, but your plane's not ready and you have us in the. Is that a galley? I believe so. So it's four people being like, we have to do a random check. On you. And I was like, great. And then. But they seem confused about what the check would entail. So, like, minutes passing, and then someone's like, take off your shoes. I was like, okay. And then I'm like, great, the shoes are off. And then I was kind of. There was a lot of confusion from them as to what was supposed to be happening next. And I was like, I'll do whatever, honestly. But you guys. You guys seem confused. And I don't know why there has to be four people, but it seemed like they were training three. I don't know what was going on. Always a guinea pig for them. And then the one helped. One guy I just kept. He was like, your bag. You have to unzip it. I was like, great, if you tell me what to do, I'll do it. I have overstuffed my luggage, which is sort of my thing, but I will unzip it, which is just gonna be a. To zip back up, but fine. And then he's like, you're good to go, and winks at me. And I'm like, I know you didn't do me a favor just now. Anyway, even with my random security check in Austin, you got through in night. It was nine minutes. It's nine minutes. That's exactly what it was. Because I looked. I was like, that was fast. Anyway, there's too many things. That's what I'm trying to say. It's too many things. That was too many security checks. There's too many. Why do we. Why do I. Why is there clear and there's pre check and there's global entry and there's now touchless id. I swear, I probably. Like, I don't even remember signing up for touchless id. So you don't have to pull out your id. You just look at a camera, Much like you already look at a camera when you are handing your id. So don't call me crazy for not knowing how I signed up. I don't know what I've given over or given the government access to. They already have it. But I have touched this idea, and it got me to skip the line. So I encourage you all to also sell your souls and give your blood. And I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, they are. They're gonna do something weird with it. With, I'm sure. But it's okay. Maybe I'll be dead by then. It's too many things. We need to. Can we just become efficient again? Am I allowed to say make America efficient again? Guys? Me asking permission, maybe not we're trying here. That maybe isn't the thing to say. Make society efficient again. Too many streamers. I love you all. Why we have so many. There's too many things to watch. There's so many things to watch. And we're not connected anymore because we're not all watching the same five shows. We're not all watching TGI Friday. We're not all watching. What was the Saturday morning cartoon situation? Remind me. Do you guys remember? Was it one Saturday? Kids WB Power. Okay, maybe there were always too many things. Maybe there were too many things always and I don't know what I'm talking about and I should stick to freaking comedy. Shut up and dribble ego. I can't handle the basketball to save my life. Okay, well, I'm about to talk to somebody really exciting, so you don't have to hear from me anymore. Except for you do. While I'm talking to them. But that's my stance. There's too much going on. But maybe there's always too much going on. I am just simply overstimulated as a person. And that's what's happening for me. Anyway, very good conversation coming. Stand by. You're gonna want to hear it. I feel like it's gonna be great. So if you didn't like this, you're definitely gonna like that. I hope. It's happening. Hey, eighth grade. Okay. Mateo.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes.

[Nicole Byers]

I should do your intro first. That's how podcasts go. You have a podcast?

[Mateo Lane]

I do. It's called I never liked you'd.

[Nicole Byers]

I was gonna do that. No, let me do that.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, go ahead.

[Nicole Byers]

No, no, no. Okay. My next guest is a comedian and actor whose latest special, the Al Dente Special, is now streaming on Hulu and Disney. Right. And you are the co host. He is the co host of a podcast. I never liked you. It's Matteo Lane.

[Mateo Lane]

Hello, everyone. Hey, Mateo. Hey.

[Nicole Byers]

Hey. Hey, Mateo. I'm so glad you're here.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm so happy to be here. I was so excited when they're like, do you want to do the I'? Yes, I do.

[Nicole Byers]

I'm so glad.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't remember the last time we saw it. We're in each other's lives, but we're not.

[Nicole Byers]

I know.

[Mateo Lane]

Is that weird?

[Nicole Byers]

We know all of the same people. We have lots of mutual friends. But you're on tour right now and he's cross eyed. Because that's a lot of work.

[Mateo Lane]

I always say I'm spiritually fulfilled but physically tired.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay. Which is a good way of Answering. Cause sometimes you're like, oh, yeah. When you're on four planes a week, you know people. But I love doing the shows. Like, I do it just. Cause I love the second they're like Mateo Lane and I'm on the stage. That part I love. The rest of it can. If you're in the right mindset, it's okay. But you know, you do you get tired after a while.

[Nicole Byers]

I was on a plane. I mean, I was on a plane yesterday and I fully. Somebody said something. Okay. Well, transparently, somebody, meaning the flight attendant came up to me. The flight attendant was like. Or this was actually last week. The plane I was on, the flight attendant was like, you are now officially diamond medallion. And I thought I already was because I told Jeff Hiller I was, but I wasn't. So this is a confession. But he was like, you're diamond medallion and thank you. And I actually like it. Almost made me sad. I'm on planes too much.

[Mateo Lane]

Thanks for reminding me. I don't have a life.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah, truly. I was like, how would it. There's no stability. That's why I'm diamond medallion. Traveling, though for you on tour, the actual travel also similarly kind of annoying. Taxing, taxing, taxing, taxing. How are the hotel stays for you? Are you doing Airbnb, what you do?

[Mateo Lane]

No, I usually try and get a hotel if it has room service and I'll stay there.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

I learned from Keith Robinson that when you are touring non stop, it's worth it to spend a little extra on nice hotels so that you're looking forward to your rest, you're looking forward to a quiet room. And then after the show, you're looking forward to getting in bed and resting.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Because, you know, I've been doing this 18 years now and all the horrible comedy condos and cockroaches and sleeping on mattresses on floors and asking to sleep with friends and ask. You know, that also takes a toll because there's like an anxiety where you're like, oh, like afterwards I have to go to that shithole. You know I can swear, right?

[Nicole Byers]

You're allowed to swear.

[Mateo Lane]

This is.

[Nicole Byers]

I know it seems that way, but it's like, I don't want to swear. Did you hear how I did your intro?

[Mateo Lane]

This is all one big joke.

[Nicole Byers]

This is all one big joke.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, but no. So I usually. I get my opener. I like a nice cute hotel and make like a little weekend out of it. So, yeah, I'll be with Sydney Washington soon. Rosebud this weekend. Me and Amina in Paris Sachet. We just. You fill it with your friends so you can hang out and have a good time.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, that's nice. And that's very smart. I hadn't thought about the hotel thing. As a person who prefers hotels to other options.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

I'm always like, get me near the airport. I've stayed at hotels in the airport.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, no.

[Nicole Byers]

I'm like, I want to be inside the airport. I want to wake up, brush my teeth, wash my face, and I want to leave in the morning first thing. But I don't think that's right. And hearing what you're describing sounds so much better and wiser.

[Mateo Lane]

Guess yours is more efficient. That makes sense.

[Nicole Byers]

I crowned efficiency, but I don't think it's the right way to live your life. Try to, like, I'm trying to live life efficiently.

[Mateo Lane]

Talk to Keith Robinson for five minutes, and you'll be calling the Four Seasons.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay, great. We're gonna get well, by the way, if it's not a tour situation or a work situation, I am like, I need to stay in the nicest hotel in the city. Yeah, but it's. I should switch it up. We're gonna get Keith Robinson. The booker's not here, but I'm.

[Mateo Lane]

I'll call Keith.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

I talk to him every day.

[Nicole Byers]

You do? Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

And we send each other memes of, like, 70s and 80s and 90s great singers and then just rip some of them in half. Like, you know, we have an ongoing joke. We love Dionne Warwick, but she's in every clip. Like, we send a lot of Patty clips, chocolate clips, Diana Ross clip, and Pat or. And Dionne Warwick is always there. And then I was just doing a show last week, and there was a giant poster of Dionne Warwick, and I sent it to Keith. I was like, why is she here?

[Nicole Byers]

She's always legend.

[Mateo Lane]

She's everywhere.

[Nicole Byers]

She's everywhere. And just the longevity of it of Dion's career.

[Mateo Lane]

She was Psychic Friends Network.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, don't I know it.

[Mateo Lane]

She could really sing, like, in the 70s. Like, she really. You know, people kind of think of her as, like, the Burt Bacharach crooner 1960s. But when she really wanted to sing, she really could sing.

[Nicole Byers]

She could blow. She came to SNL because I did that Dionne Warwick impression because her tweets were so funny. I did that impression. She came to the show, and we did a sketch together, and we were singing what the World Needs now. And she was harmonizing with me, but I didn't know. And I'm like, I'm just gonna try to do what she's doing. And I was like, oh, she's a real singer. And it's trying to harmonize. I'm not a real one. I play. I play sing. Everyone says that, but I'm like, it's a joke.

[Mateo Lane]

Do you know, I find it interesting, like, people who can do characters, and my immediate assumption is like, oh, well, then you can sing.

[Nicole Byers]

Well, you know, Jamie Foxx famously says that it's like music and for him doing impressions. I think I saw him in some interview saying, like, for him, impressions, it's like hitting different notes depending on who he's doing. And it's like a pitch thing.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

But, you know, it's something for me to consider. Thank you. You should thank you before I get too far down the road with you. Who or what do you want to say thanks to?

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, there's like a million joke. This joke is sincere. I don't know. Some people say sincere things on your show, and then other people say really funny things. And I think some guy thinks his smoothie May Curtis joke.

[Nicole Byers]

He did. That was Josh. Cigar? Yeah. Okay, you can do two. Maybe one sincere.

[Mateo Lane]

One sincere. I'd like to thank Dr. Wesley Carlos for my third hair transplant and giving me a hairline that I needed because I was losing my hair desperately. And the comb over was so apparent, I was afraid to go in pools and floated above like a gay alligator. So thank you for giving me the hairline that is that I love. Thank you.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. Dr. Carlos really did his thing because I'm gonna say the hairline's giving thank. And I would never have known if you didn't snitch.

[Mateo Lane]

I did. I won't stop telling people. I have no shame, you know, But I remember the third time I got it, I walked him and I was like, let's just do this. And he was like, got it. But they also gave me a beard.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, wow.

[Mateo Lane]

That's crazy. I never had a beard before.

[Nicole Byers]

Were you not able to, like, you were one of those people with, like, peach fuzz at best?

[Mateo Lane]

No. And everyone in my family, I don't mean to say this because everyone's like, oh, well, someone in your family's balding. Let me make this very clear. I have 30 cousins on my mom's side. My grandfather's from Mexico. My grandfather's hairline started here. Everyone has hair. My brother has hair. Everyone, they have thick Mexican hair. My dad's side, everyone has hair. I just am the only one.

[Nicole Byers]

You're just the anomaly. The weird little baby.

[Mateo Lane]

So it really was revenge.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay, good. Listen, I'm just. I'm so happy for you. There's so much hair with you right now.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you.

[Nicole Byers]

And it looks good. And I love the salt and pepper. Is that intentional?

[Mateo Lane]

No, it's. That's my hair.

[Nicole Byers]

That's real.

[Mateo Lane]

But I did try dyeing it in, like, October. I was like, maybe I'll, like, try dyeing it one color. And I did it in London, but they dyed it to, like, warm. And it really was. I don't look good with, like, a warmer, like, reddish kind of color hair. And so when I went into my doctor's. My hair doctor's office, because I get this, like, stuff on my head every month to help keep it strong, all of them were like, your hair looks like shit. Who did your hair? And I was like, yeah, you're right. So I got it. I went to a Greek girl who made it dark again. And then I just. Now it's completely. Its normal color.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. They were like, we did our part. Who the hell did this shit? Who the hell?

[Mateo Lane]

Dude, they did get that. You know, New York women, they walk in, they're like, who's fucked your hair up? Some British guy.

[Nicole Byers]

How long did you keep it? Because when I don't like my hair the way I will have spent money. But if I don't like it instantly be like, this has to change tomorrow. How long did you stick it out?

[Mateo Lane]

I stuck it out for a minute, and I kind of just looked like an older Italian woman who started box dyeing her own hair. Cause she didn't want to go to the salon anymore. So it's like a hair magenta.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

But luckily I can. Now that I have a hairline, I can just buzz it and kind of start over again.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. Okay. You're allowed to cut it. You're allowed to cut it when it's the trans. Okay. Yeah. Was it really. You said it was your third one. Your third one. Right. So was. Is it three? Because that's how many you need to.

[Mateo Lane]

No, they were all successful. I just wanted to have a better hairline because I was losing that much hair. Hair in the crown and then hair all the way up here. Like, I just wanted to bring it in and.

[Nicole Byers]

You look good, honey. Okay. Sorry.

[Mateo Lane]

Am I really insecure about my hair?

[Nicole Byers]

No, you look really good. You may be insecure about it. I would never have known. Because the way you just shouted out the doctor, it's giving confident. You look good. Okay, what's the. Is that the Is that the artist wanted.

[Mateo Lane]

That was a serious. No, I'm kidding. That was. Well, it was kind of serious.

[Nicole Byers]

I mean, it's serious.

[Mateo Lane]

It's. I get out of bed easier. I guess I would thank the school of the Art Institute of Chicago where I went to college. Cause I had such bad grades growing up and I didn't care about school and I wasn't good at school. My family didn't have money and I just was gonna, I don't know, work at retail like I was already doing and just kind of live in the city and what. And I was always able to draw. And I had a really good teacher when I went to one class at community college who also worked at School of the Art Institute. And he was like, you should be there. And he helped me put a portfolio together. And I got in and it's a very small school and it just changed my life, opened up my life to all different types of people. I came out and creativity and what that means and, and, and you know, teachers that talk to you in a really adult way. Like there really was no, it was a very one on one. I had a great teacher, Dan Gustin, who was very psychological in terms of how he taught painting and drawing. And I immediately got a job storyboarding TV commercials and fashion illustrations. At 22, I graduated in, immediately started drawing for like Lexus and 7up and doing all these commercials. And you learned really young, you know, living in Chicago too. Like I didn't live in the dorms, I still had to have a job. Like I had to take the bus every day. Like it was a great way to also teach me. Here's how you be an adult. You don't have time to party, you don't have money to party, you know, so get yourself coordinated and get yourself structured. And then that really helped me. When I started standup at 22, I was like, oh well, I know structure and success from structure. So I just did the same thing with stand up.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah, okay. It's so interesting you say that about structure because my friend and I were just talking about some people wanting to be successful but like absolutely needing structure in order to do so. But how this career in, in this industry, kind of all the jobs, there is no structure and it's so non linear. And like how you achieve something, you see someone you look up to achieve is going to be totally different for you depending on the time and the climate and in whatever the context of the industry is at the time. So the notion that you being in college taught you Structure is so cool because. And then you. It transferred. It translated to comedy. And your pursuit of comedy is so cool because it's truly what my friend and I were just saying, that you have to be able to create your own structure.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

At a certain point, like, what's nice. I enjoyed college for its structure. So, like, it felt like the very next thing to do after high school, of course you're gonna go to college, right? And it's like, great. You have the, like training wheels on still. And then the real world. When I left college, it was like, oh, there's. I don't have to be anywhere. Cause I didn't have a job right away either. It was like, no one's checking on me. No one's. There's no. Like, we're checking in every quarter or every semester. So if you can take away from school. I think what you say of just like, figuring out what being an adult is and figuring out structure, I'm like, that's very important. And take that one to the bank. Kids. Yeah, kids, kids. Cause kids, listen to this one. We are cussing.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, Eliza Minnelli just wrote a book, which I am listening to the audio version, which is clearly AI. They did. They AI'd her voice because, you know, like, when normal people talk like, it'll be like, I was going to the store and it was wonderful because papa was so funny. But this is AI. So I was going store pop, hot funny. And you're like, what's happening, Liza? But the COVID of her book is, kids, you're gonna love it. And I'm like, no, there's no kids reading your book, liza. They're all 50 year old gay men. Stop it.

[Nicole Byers]

But I love the idea that she's like, I know the kids are still interested in me. Oh, the kids love me.

[Mateo Lane]

I think I'm so funny.

[Nicole Byers]

You have to respect that delusion. I respect it.

[Mateo Lane]

I love her, though. I don't care who wrote. I don't care if ChatGPT dried up a lake for that book. I love her. She can do no wrong. Good for her. Good for you, Eliza. You're half machine now. She's like Darth Vader, more machine now than man.

[Nicole Byers]

Wait, do you use ChatGPT?

[Mateo Lane]

No, no, I used it like when it first came out. And, you know, you would type like my relations, blah, blah, you know, and it does. But the thing is, I started noticing it's too supportive. Like, I could literally be like, well, I burned someone's car. And they're like. And that was Tough for you. I'm like, no, that wasn't tough for me.

[Nicole Byers]

Tough for them. They don't have a car.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. So, no, I don't use it. Also, it's bad. I don't like that. It's where the money goes and all that stuff. So I'm just like, nah, I'll just rely on my. I'll rely on my own brain.

[Nicole Byers]

How do you. Okay, well, how do you handle that, though, when you're like, okay, when the money goes? Like, the ethics of anything else you spend money on, it's a bit frustrating

[Mateo Lane]

because I feel like everything I do now, they're like, well, that goes here. I'm like, well, am I gonna live in a tree? I don't know what to do. We're all just shitty. The world's shitty. I don't want my money going to these things. I think it's so unfair and stupid.

[Nicole Byers]

I know. How much do you keep yourself up at night thinking about it? Because I'm like, how much? I can only control so much, and I can only be mindful of so much, and I'm trying my best.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, I think that that's the illusion of social media, is when, you know, like, Fran Lebowitz said it best, like, you could be in front of the Taj Mahal, but if you're looking at your phone, that's where you are. So you sort of forget that reality exists. Curated this whole existence in your phone, and it becomes very well 1. We're addicted to it. But also, I think that the phone makes you feel like every problem happening on Earth simultaneously is your responsibility because it's right in front of you. I think there has to be a kind of step back and, like, okay, what can I do that? You know, a small step, but also, how am I keeping myself sort of centered? And I think humans aren't meant to know this much. I don't think that humans were meant to know, like, is my mom okay? Do I have food for tomorrow? You know, just sort of evolutionary speaking. And so now it's like, every problem is swarming at us at the same time. So, of course, people are like, I'm just gonna do ketamine this weekend, or, I'm just gonna eat every pill, like, you know, just to throw because it's hard, you know, I think the good sign is that it innately means that people want good things. I think in reality, people deep down want things to be good, want to be a good person, want these things. But I think it becomes so muffled with just the pressure of, like, I have to take care of every single thing that's ever happened on the Earth, and it's like, it's not physically possible. So do what you can do in your own life. Do what you can do to help your community. You know, give. If there's charities you can give to, if there's things that you can donate to, where you can see where your money's going in your local neighborhood. Okay, that's, like, a really good step. That's where people really should do.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, but it's hard to navigate because it's in your phone, it's in your face, and you feel this pressure, and you're like, oh, I'm so stressed out.

[Nicole Byers]

Yes. So overstimulated. And you're like, I'm not doing enough. I'm not doing enough. I could be doing more. I should be doing more. And then.

[Mateo Lane]

But that's also the trick is, like, the people that we are supposedly in charge, they're supposed to be taking care of those things and doing the right things, but they don't do the right things.

[Nicole Byers]

That is true.

[Mateo Lane]

And they send the money to the wrong things. And so it's like, even more responsibility. They've tricked us to make it think it's our fault and our responsibility. No, that's your responsibility. Do the right thing, you piece of shit. I hate everyone. That's why I play fortnite every night

[Nicole Byers]

to kind of zone out. You do fortnite instead of keto?

[Mateo Lane]

I stream and I play fortnite. I can't do any drugs. I'm so, like, Even if I smoke weed, I'm just. Then I'm just, like, in a director's chair. Like, kids. Like, I'm just like, I can't do it. I drink once every four months. Like, I'll have a drink. I'm just.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. So what's your beverage of choice? What you do drink?

[Mateo Lane]

If I drink, if I'm in Italia, I'll have an aperol spritz.

[Nicole Byers]

I knew you were gonna say that.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, I'll white woman that shit. I'll smoke a cigarette and have a spritz. And, like, it's sexy here, you know? Like. And. Yeah. And then maybe, like, a spicy margarita.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, love, love.

[Mateo Lane]

With tajin. Not with salt.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, with Tajin. I love my ta Tahin. The way I be putting tahin on my fruit at home.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, the best way to have tahin is mango. And then you cut it up. Good. Mango, and you pour tahin and squeeze lime on it. Have you done this?

[Nicole Byers]

You know, I have because I lived in LA for 12 years and I would get it from the carts and I'd watch them freak it and I'm like, all the little fruits, the lime, the tahin, my. That's like my favorite little treat I love. So good.

[Mateo Lane]

Same.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. But speaking of the overstimulated social media, every problem is right there in front of us and thus all of the problems are our problems right now. All the time. I feel, as I've said, overstimulated. I feel that way about, like, even the number of accounts I follow. Do you feel that? Especially doing comedy and we meet so many people that you want to keep in touch with, but then you're like, I met you one time and I really liked you and I really liked our conversation, but I'm like, oh, and now I'm seeing your mother in law and your cousin. I don't even know you. I'll be on my phone. I'm like, who the fuck is this? I'm like, I don't know you and I'm seeing your extended family and friends.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

What do I do? This is not. We're gonna get to a segment about me. Is a crazy thing about me asking this question right now, but I'm like, how do you handle. Do you follow people? Do you have rules around following people?

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, Paris, Sashay and I were literally just talking about this the other week. I think depends on where my mental state. If I'm really stressed out during the day, like, I will scroll, I'll doom. Scroll more.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

And that's when I start getting stressed out. I'm like, Then I start thinking myself, like, who cares about this baby shower? I don't know who this person is. I met them in 2016, but now I can't unfollow them because I felt they were one of my original followings. And if I unfollow them, they're gonna

[Nicole Byers]

look like he's Hollywood.

[Mateo Lane]

And I'm like, that's not what I mean, you know? Yeah, I don't know. And. But if I'm like feeling strong, then I don't, because then I'm. And then I want to know, you know, or screenshots into the group chat.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

That kind of stuff. You know, it depends on the day, really.

[Nicole Byers]

I know, but so, okay, if someone. Have you been in a situation where someone comes up to you and is like, you're at an event, you kind of briefly talk, or maybe they're a fan of yours, but maybe Your peers, to some extent, you don't know them well, and they're like, I'm gonna follow you right now. And have you felt pressure in that moment to be like, I'm gonna follow you back. I have to follow you back?

[Mateo Lane]

I don't know that I've had that situation. There's been times where I've asked people, you know, and maybe they were like, they didn't want me to follow them. Maybe they're going, now. I'm going through a crisis. Like, did I force someone to follow me? I'm that guy. Like, yeah, I don't really go out much, but if I'm at. If I'm somewhere and I see somebody and you know how sometimes you are. You're friends with somebody or you respect someone, you're not following them, and then you're, like, ashamed of yourself.

[Nicole Byers]

Yes.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, like a peer or something.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

So then I'll be like, oh, my God, that's ridiculous. I'll follow you right now. Let's exchange phone numbers. Blah, blah, blah. I've done that, but I don't think I've had it where someone's like, let's

[Nicole Byers]

follow each other now. Yeah, right now. I need to see. I need to see it happen right now. I've had strange experiences like that, but I know people mean well. But I am also like. Like, when I think about how overstimulated I am, I'll get in my head about that. I'm like, but is this a good idea? It feels so deep to me. I'm like, but I don't. Do we. Do we need to. Is it too soon? Is it the right time?

[Mateo Lane]

I also love that you and I are talking about this, and none of the suggestions have been, put our phone down.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, I know.

[Mateo Lane]

You know what I mean? It's like, I think we just need to put our phone. Like, I need to get back into, like, something. Like, I should just go back to, like. It's so hard. You just want to be on your phone. And sometimes I'm so. Mine's right there. Yours is there, too, sitting there with my id.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Mateo Lane.

[Nicole Byers]

It can't be too far from you. It has to be in the same thing. Thank you.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you, the Simpsons. When Lisa became friends with those cool kids and they glued shells all over their car.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. You know, I'll tell you what. This case. I was not an iPhone case person, because I was like, just be careful with your phone.

[Mateo Lane]

Just be careful. And I still refuse.

[Nicole Byers]

I know, but it's Cool. It's hip. It's cracked.

[Mateo Lane]

Is it because everyone and people, when I say judge you for not having a case on your phone.

[Nicole Byers]

Well, that's why I got one. I got one because of the judgment. I was like, I'm tired of people commenting. So now all my cases are always the, like, most ridiculous. This. There's, like, a Bailey Hikawa case that is like a piece of art, and it's a big, bulky. Like, big, bulky. I will have to send a picture. Okay. And I'm like, I'm. This is my response to people telling me I need a case. It's got to be some insane thing that honestly makes it inconvenient in some ways.

[Mateo Lane]

You're seeking revenge on these people through your iPhone cases, but only inconveniencing yourself. And they're still giving you a shocking answer.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah, they are.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

Every time.

[Mateo Lane]

Time.

[Nicole Byers]

I'm going to sort it out. I. Today, I, like, didn't have the case on when I woke up, and right before I left. It felt great. I'm like, without the case, it's so sexy. But maybe I should get the biggest case I can find, and then we can put the phone down.

[Mateo Lane]

Get it. So it's basically an iPad.

[Nicole Byers]

I'm like, I don't want this thing.

[Mateo Lane]

Here's my case. You go take a picture.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. You guys insist that I get a case.

[Mateo Lane]

Critics and audiences agree. What the hell is this place? Only three letters describe.

[Nicole Byers]

They will kill you. Wtf?

[Mateo Lane]

Splendid.

[Nicole Byers]

USA Today calls it bloody and bonkers.

[Mateo Lane]

Are you ready to die? IGN declares it's electrifying action, cinema and

[Nicole Byers]

popcorn entertainment to the max.

[Mateo Lane]

How many of you are there?

[Nicole Byers]

It begs to be seen in a packed theater.

[Mateo Lane]

Please remember to clean up the blood. Wow. They will kill you.

[Nicole Byers]

Now playing only in theaters. Rated R. Under 17, not admitted without parents.

[Mateo Lane]

All right, two truths and a lie. Here we go. I went to college with college football coach Jim McElwaine. I began my broadcasting career doing play by play for the Las Vegas stars. And I've been a Verizon customer for 15 years. Okay, I lied. All three are true. Verizon isn't as expensive as you think. In fact, if you bring in your ATT or T Mobile bill to a Verizon store, they'll give you a better deal. That's right. A better deal on the best network with the most ways to save on plans, streaming, and phone deals. So take that AT and T or T Mobile. Build to your local Verizon store today, get a better deal, and start saving based on root metrics Best overall Mobile Network Performance U.S. 2nd Half 2025 All Rights Reserve must provide recent consumer mobile bill in the name of the person redeeming the deal. Additional terms, conditions and restrictions apply. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's stock up savings time now through March 31st. Spring in for store wide deals that earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn eligible items from Lindor, Chips Ahoy, Gatorade, Host, Ziploc and Zoa. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pick up or delivery restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. Thirty years ago, Wu Tang Clan changed hip hop forever. Last year they sold out arenas worldwide and now the final chamber comes back home. Wu Tang Clan and Encore. If you saw it last year, you know what this means.

[Nicole Byers]

If you didn't, this is the moment with special guests Bone Thugs and Harmony.

[Mateo Lane]

Get tickets now at the Wu TangClan.com

[Nicole Byers]

Wu Tang Forever Killer bees swarming on new locations. Hello. Hello. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, host of the podcast smart talks with IBM. I recently sat down with IBM's chairman and CEO Arvind Krishna, and I asked him, how can companies use AI to its fullest potential to create smarter business? My one advice to them? Pick areas you can scale. Don't pick the shiny little toys on the side. For example, if anybody has more than 10% of what they had for customer service 10 years ago, they're already five years behind. If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today with the goal of being 70% more productive. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Wow.

[Nicole Byers]

So we are not asking our clients to be the first experiment on it. We say you can leverage what we did. We are happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process. Because the biggest change is not technology is getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things. To listen to the full conversation, visit IBM.com smarttalks. Where do you fall in the sibling lineup? That's something I wanted to ask you.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm the youngest of three. We're each one year apart. What's up? How many are you out of?

[Nicole Byers]

I'm out of four.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, nice.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay, so.

[Mateo Lane]

But I felt like I was out of like at least 15. I grew up next to my cousins and they're all the Same age as us. So it was like. It was communal raising, so to speak. So I don't always feel the youngest. Like, my cousin Brian to me is still the youngest, but in my home, I was the youngest.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. When you say communal raising, were your aunts and uncles allowed to discipline you?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. What are you talking about? Were they allowed to discipline me? What?

[Nicole Byers]

I'm hosting a podcast. I have to act like, what?

[Mateo Lane]

Tell me more.

[Nicole Byers]

Of course I know the answer.

[Mateo Lane]

My mother and her sisters are Italian and Mexican. Yeah. Do they discipline? Yeah. My Aunt Cindy was basically my other mom. I wasn't gonna. I wasn't gonna fuck up in front of her. She fucking take care of that shit quick.

[Nicole Byers]

That's a. I know. Listen, I have to try to.

[Mateo Lane]

No, I love that question.

[Nicole Byers]

You love it so much. You're, like, so fucking ridiculous. Who the fuck are you talking about?

[Mateo Lane]

It's because I just grew up in a home where I'm like. I couldn't fathom them not disciplining me. I couldn't fathom them.

[Nicole Byers]

Imagine them being like, mateo is my sister's responsibility. I'll tell my. I'll report back to my sister what he did. She'll handle it later.

[Mateo Lane]

No, you get. You get discipline and the report. So then I get disciplined again when I get home.

[Nicole Byers]

Would you have it any other way?

[Mateo Lane]

No, I. And my. I talk to my Aunt Cindy every single day.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Are you joking? Like, these are my best friends. That's the thing is when you grow up with that kind of house like you. You just stay so close to each other. I talk to my cousins every single day. I talk to my aunt and uncle. I mean, I just talked to Ever. I talked to my grandparents. I can't believe they're still alive. I tell them every week. I'm like, how are you two not dead yet? They just laugh.

[Nicole Byers]

How old are you?

[Mateo Lane]

They're 90.

[Nicole Byers]

They're 90.

[Mateo Lane]

They're 90 and they're. My Nonna wants the air conditioning on in her basement even in January. So I said, I'm like, you two are alive because you're cryogenically freezing yourself. You're not doing anything healthy. I said, you're just cryogenically freezing yourself and avoiding the sun. And then you two. That's it. You guys are like a vampire.

[Nicole Byers]

It's working. Is she like. It's vibrant.

[Mateo Lane]

They're very mentally there. So I can call my Nonna and be like, hey, how? Like, talk to my grandma. And she's completely there. She has all the celebrity gossip. Like, she Knows everything. She called me. When Anna Nicole Smith died. I was in the middle of class. I'm like, oh, my God, my grandma's calling. Like, grandma, what is it? Anna Nicole Smith died. I'm calling Kelly. Like, it was like, she knows. She was like our star magazine, but yeah, my grandpa too. So they're just. They're mentally there, but their bodies are physically going.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay, when you talk about gossip with your nana, what's the latest gossip she's giving you?

[Mateo Lane]

Well, she's really. Her favorite show is My Thousand Pound Sister.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Like the 2,000 pound sister.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, that just sounds made up. Cause I'm like, I can't keep up with all the show names. It's my 600 pound life. There was the biggest loser.

[Mateo Lane]

There was the biggest loser. And that was to teach you about losing weight. And then they just fully went into, here's what someone who doesn't wanna lose weight looks like. Okay, great. And now there's sisters who. One of them, I think did lose weight. Cause my cousin Kelly got them on cameo to announce their pregnancy to my grandma. So she went over to my grandma's house and she's like, look. And the 1000 pound sister was like, kelly's pregnant. That's her favorite show.

[Nicole Byers]

That's her favorite show.

[Mateo Lane]

And I said to her, I said, if you told me when I was a kid that I could have eaten whatever I and gotten married and been on tv, I would have had a whole different life.

[Nicole Byers]

It would have been easier, I know. Far less time.

[Mateo Lane]

She loves that. She loves. Game of Thrones is her ultimate favorite show. She's obsessed with Jon Snow. She has a mug. She met him. And she loves the Sopranos. I mean, she's obsessed with the Sopranos. She loves, you know, 90 Day Fiance.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. Yeah. Dang. She's really with it. You aren't lying.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

What's your grandfather's vibe?

[Mateo Lane]

He went blind at five and he became a judge. And he is basically the center of my life. I mean, my grandpa and I are really close. I mean, close just because we're. Obviously, we're Italian. But my job was to walk him around the block every single day. So, you know, you hold your arm and we just became instantly close. I think out of all the grandkids, him and I are just extremely close. And yeah, he's like a father figure to me in a lot of ways and. But he's very sweet. We make fun of him. Like, you know, he'll run into a wall. We're like, there's A wall. Anyways, I was saying to John, you know, like, we're so used. I forget he's blind sometimes.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

But, yeah, so I love my grandpa. He's the best. And he has great sense of humor. I mean, he's surrounded by chaos. There's just so many of us.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. Where do you think you got your sense of humor?

[Mateo Lane]

From my Aunt Cindy. No question. 100%. Yeah. 99% of what I do on stage is just how my Aunt Cindy. That's how my whole family. Like, my whole family's that way. We sit around giant tables. There's like 15 of us. And it's just about being funny. You can't watch tv. You can't be on your phone. You can't. And so I'm five years old, and all we have. You have to got to keep up with these adults. My Aunt Cindy's so funny. Like, there's lines I use in my act that my Aunt Cindy said to me.

[Nicole Byers]

That's incredible.

[Mateo Lane]

Funny.

[Nicole Byers]

That's incredible. So you're so. This. Your Aunt Cindy's your mom's sister then, right? And then on your dad's side, more cousins there that you're super close with?

[Mateo Lane]

No, I love my dad's family, but they. It's just culturally very different than my mom's family. They're just very. Like, my dad has. He's one of four. And I love my aunts and uncles, but I see them maybe like one once a few years. We would see them once a year growing up. I saw his parents before they passed. Maybe a few times my whole life. Like, they moved to California. Just like a different existence.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

So, like, I didn't get, like, any kind of in between with families. I got either. The most extreme. I see them every single day. They. Every part of your life, they're Every decision you make, they're always in your house. They're always. Or like, kind of strangers, you know? And I love my dad's family. It's just. But that's just not. They didn't grow up like my mom,

[Nicole Byers]

you know, you can't.

[Mateo Lane]

I can't. Italians. And it just. It's too intense.

[Nicole Byers]

It's. I love you're. Like, it's too much. It's a lot. It's intense.

[Mateo Lane]

You know what I mean? Like, I never had the grandma's. Like, let's go bake cookies in the oven. Like, that was not my grandma either. It was just intensity all the time.

[Nicole Byers]

But the holidays sounded fun. Were they fun? They sounded like they were fun.

[Mateo Lane]

They were the best.

[Nicole Byers]

So do you still look forward to them? You know, people are like, I kind of dread the holidays with my family. And like that dread sort of grows with age.

[Mateo Lane]

But you have to understand, like, holidays usually for most families are like, let's get the family together. My family was always together, so it wasn't really that different. It was just like at my grandma's house and now we're having lasagna. So it wasn't that. We're always together, you know, and we're always making fun of each other, which I love. Like, and we're doing act outs. Like, my cousin Megan wanted to imitate my uncle Mike brushing his teeth. Cause it's really aggressive, you know, or like, so it was just we were always together. But I love, like anytime I get a chance. I was just. My family in Chicago. I was at Nicole Byers taping in Chicago. So I went there and I saw my family. You get so emotional. Cause I'm like, oh, I love my, my family. And now all my nieces and nephews, like my nephew Joey and Wally were imitating Chris Farley. A van down by the river. Like, they just discovered that.

[Nicole Byers]

How do they find that? How old are they?

[Mateo Lane]

They're like 6 and 9. And they, they've discovered that they love Stuart from MADtv.

[Nicole Byers]

Remember Stuart? Of course I remember.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, they're obsessed.

[Nicole Byers]

I'm like, how did they find that? How do they know? Have they seen you on tour though?

[Mateo Lane]

They've not seen my show, but they see my goddaughter Evie and my cousin Mia have come see me. And they're 18 and 14, but yeah,

[Nicole Byers]

maybe not safe for a kid.

[Mateo Lane]

Not at all.

[Nicole Byers]

10 year old.

[Mateo Lane]

No. I want to be Kris Jenner. I want to float around my home I've never been in and talk about a grand piano no one's ever played. I watch a lot of Architectural Digests. I don't know if you saw hers, but she dressed up like the Queen from Snow White and was rolling through a home that had no real sentimental value. And she's like, and we love this. And she turned piano. And I was like, that's kind of where I want to get to.

[Nicole Byers]

I kind of am never in my own house. It was like Dakota Johnson and the Limes. Was it? Do you not remember?

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, are you joking? I made a whole video about it.

[Nicole Byers]

Yes.

[Mateo Lane]

I was obsessed. I couldn't. First of all, the best archetypal digest ever is the Liv Tyler. Liv Tyler from Lord of the Rings.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You have to watch It. It's like being high. Okay, whatever she's on, you absorb it.

[Nicole Byers]

What's the vibe?

[Mateo Lane]

Just like touching the walls. This wall makes me feel. At one point, she's in her attic. Like, this is an action figure of me. You know, it's amazing because she seems quite pleasant, but, like, you're like, are you. Well, yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, I'm gonna go watch it.

[Mateo Lane]

Immediately after this, she talks about this tree seven times. Like, it is a tree. It's a tree. Like she sees it and she can't let go of it. You know, the director was like, ah, live. Can you talk about the. But this tree's branches speak to me. You know, you're like, duh.

[Nicole Byers]

It's a four hour day. And she would spend an hour on the tree. I'm gonna have to watch. I'll watch that. I just started. I just watched Hillary Duff's last week. Hers is a few years old because I. I was sort of like, I wonder what her vibe is. And then it fed me Ashley Tisdale's, which I was like, YouTube's being a little obsessed.

[Mateo Lane]

Ashley Tisdale. And they're like, drama, drama or something.

[Nicole Byers]

Mom group drama. I wonder what that's. I mean, I don't have kids, just the dog. And I'm not. I wonder what that's. That's like to be a mom. Like, I have drama with the other moms, but then I have in LA who has like a mom group that she's like, I feel really grateful that I have found this community of like, similar in age women who have kids around the same age of my as my kids. And they're all really great. And they did some like, vision boarding or manifesting thing recently, which sounded very pleasant and lovely. And I'm like, see, that sounds like chill.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

I've been have kids.

[Mateo Lane]

You think a group of like ex Disney stars. Doesn't sound chill to. It sounds like a nightmare.

[Nicole Byers]

It does.

[Mateo Lane]

And the public picked Lizzie McGuire. Sorry. Lizzie has a chokehold over us. Sorry, Ashley.

[Nicole Byers]

I fully was like, we don't know what happened. We don't know what happened. We don't.

[Mateo Lane]

But we do, do we?

[Nicole Byers]

Because I'm not overly familiar with either of them.

[Mateo Lane]

Same.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay, what do you think happened?

[Mateo Lane]

I think there's egos that get in the way, and I think that things are touchy and blah, blah, blah, but I don't care. Hilary Duff gave some. Gave us some good music.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. And Hillary. Yeah, Hillary looks really good. These are stunning.

[Mateo Lane]

Amazing.

[Nicole Byers]

Stunning. Mateo, are you fluent in Spanish?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Ish More Italian.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

All right.

[Mateo Lane]

Italian fluent. And then Spanish. Like, I sound Italian, but like, I'm proficient, but they just make fun of me when I speak Spanish. They're always like, there's always like a giggle.

[Nicole Byers]

Just a little cute.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Because I speak with such a strong Italian accent. Because they're so close.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, I don't know how to, like, separate. And I don't know how to speak with like a Spanish or like, Mexican accent. Like, it just comes out like Mario and Luigi.

[Nicole Byers]

Well, okay. I. I'm always like, I speak a decent amount of Spanish fully. I'm a delusional about the amount of Spanish I speak, but do you want to speak Spanish? Un poquito? Si, por favor.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Nicole Byers]

A little bit, please.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes, Brava.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah, a little bit. Yes, please.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, we can speak in Spanish if you want.

[Nicole Byers]

For example.

[Mateo Lane]

Ye.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Like the easy things like Como te llamas?

[Nicole Byers]

Me amuego.

[Mateo Lane]

Brava. Me amoego is so pretty. Isn't that nice?

[Nicole Byers]

Baltimore, okay. Good morning, Baltimore. It's giving sixth grade Spanish.

[Mateo Lane]

It's okay. Well, Nicole Byers learning Spanish right now. And she, you know, it's very like, me gusta comer pasta, you know, And I'm like, that's great.

[Nicole Byers]

That's good. Well, see, I. I have signed up for Spanish lessons. I have a 10 pack with a woman. I believe her name is Marisol. I haven't. They keep sending me emails, being like, you got. Hey, you've paid for this already.

[Mateo Lane]

You gotta do it.

[Nicole Byers]

You have to do it. And I'm like, no. I remember how to say me. I'm. I'm okay, we'll tap in. We'll tap in when I really need it. As opposed to getting prepared for something. I'm like, in a pinch, I'll contact you for a lesson. Should call her now and do one of the lessons right now. Cause I'm like, fully paid for a tap impact. I. I used a little bit of Spanish that I know in Italy. The first time I went to Italy, it was to shoot Spin me Round.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Nicole Byers]

With Alison, Brie and a lot of fun people. Tim Heidecker, like an ensemble movie. I had never been to Italy and I. I don't know why. And this is dumb as hell. This is dumb. I don't know why I was like, yeah, they're gonna speak Italian in Italy because I think I know, like, dumb people who go on vacations to these wonderful places and they never mention that they're speaking another language. And I'm like, you're kind of dumb. And if you went, I can go. And I'm like, how are they managing? So I was also not in, like, the biggest cities, too. So obviously, they. They were speaking talent. But I was like, okay, if I really focus, there's some overlap with Spanish. It might not be literal, but, like, it's enough that I can, like, get by and be like, I know that word, and I know what you're saying to me, and I'm gonna try.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean. And they do. Like, there's. I was in Rome once and waiting in line at this gelato place. And these group of girls, they're probably, like, 15. They're from Spain. And they were all ordering. They were all speaking in Spanish. And the guys are speaking back in Italian. Like, it just works.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

There is so much. They're 82% the same language.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

There's a lot of overlap. And even, like, counting or like. Like, small things like, me llamo is mi chiamo, or grazie is gracias or, like, you know, I mean, there's some things that don't make sense, but generally speaking, like, if there's Latin speakers and they can hear Italian, like, Italian, Spanish are the easiest. French and Italian are even closer.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. French and Italian are closer.

[Mateo Lane]

89 the same.

[Nicole Byers]

Damn. Because when I tell you the time I've spent in France and just been like, I just. So. I've also paid for a pack of French lessons.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Byers]

With someone else, by the way, who lives in the south of France, I gotta get my lessons. I'm paid some. They've made the money, and I intend. I don't think my classes expire, but I've paid, and I need to learn French. I go to France a decent amount. I feel like I keep finding myself in France.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Nicole Byers]

Which is. Which is very nice. And I feel fortunate.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

And I want to know the language, certainly. Enough.

[Mateo Lane]

They make it hard, though.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. But there's a little bit of the snicker or the, like, even if you try there, they're like, yeah, honey, I'm gonna speak English. I'm like, but if I hadn't started with Frank French. Okay. This is what it feels like happens. They start with French. Okay. I go. And then they're like, yes or no. But usually they're like, yes. And then they're like, all right, now we're speaking in English. Pero, like, if I were to go to them and start speaking English, sometimes it feels like they're like, I'm only gonna Speak French to you?

[Mateo Lane]

They don't make.

[Nicole Byers]

So, yeah, I'm like, the dance of it all. I asked one girl. I was like. I was like. And this is the only time I've even had a remot. Unpleasant experience. And it wasn't that unpleasant, honestly. But I was like, paulie, vous anglais? Because I was trying to order this little pizza. And she was like, do you speak French? And I was like. I'm like, girl, if I spoke French,

[Mateo Lane]

would I ask if you spoke English thing?

[Nicole Byers]

Do you think? The first thing I'm asking is, do you speak English? I'm not trying to get to know you. I'm trying to order this pizza.

[Mateo Lane]

This is a real. I use this as a joke, but it's a real story. I was with my friend Francesco Ricardo, who's an Italian comic. We were in Paris. I was doing shows. So we're there for three days, and I speak a proficient amount of French. And so I walk into everyone's like, you have to go to this patisserie. Like, they're the best croissants. Blah, blah, blah, this and that, okay? And I'm like, I know how they feel about Americans and this and that. So I'm like, we walk in, we're speaking Italian. We're in the sunglasses, we're just smoking. Blah, blah, blah. Like, we look very Italian. So I said to Francesco, italian, what do you want? He goes, I'd like a croissant and a coffee. All right? So I go up to the guy, bonjour. And I go, bonjour, monsieur. I.

[Nicole Byers]

And.

[Mateo Lane]

And he goes, all right, you're gonna go down there, and that's where you're gonna pay.

[Nicole Byers]

In English.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. I'm like, I know. It's obvious I'm not, like, fluent, but, like, I can tell you everything I'm feeling and thinking in French. I can't count to 10 for some reason, but I can tell you, literally my life story. But they just wanna make it weird for you.

[Nicole Byers]

Like, there's no need. And I see other people who. I'm like, I know you're a primary English speaker. And then I see them speaking French. And then the. The server, the bartender will be like, okay, here's my answer in English. And I'm like, can't you give them a little something for trying?

[Mateo Lane]

And I don't think the French care. We are French. We do not care. And it is a. You cannot speak our language. It's okay. We speak your language. It's fine. But, you know, it is the best Language in the world.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah, it seems totally fine. Your vibe seems really fine.

[Mateo Lane]

Italians are just excited.

[Nicole Byers]

It's so plus. Oh, me in Italy, truffle hunting for truffles.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

I can't remember my guy's name. I had a ball.

[Mateo Lane]

Did you really go hunting? Like, you walk around with a. They have, like, pigs and he had dogs.

[Nicole Byers]

It's so many years ago that I'm like, remember? But yes, I know this is the pigs, but he might have had dogs. It was a very nice time. But do you think that little snicker, though, keeps you from attempting to, like, perfect your espanol?

[Mateo Lane]

No, I think they're just. I think they think it's amusing. Okay. But no. And I actually really should sit down and study Spanish because my Spanish is pretty high level. But there's so many, like, small things that are like, I just. My brain, I just revert into Italian because it's so easy.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

So my brain goes. Thinks in Italian, not English, then translate, translates to Spanish.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

So that's why it's getting so heavy on that side. And they say certain things like, can you make me a coffee? Which you wouldn't say like that in Italian. So, like, even grammatically, I'm using, like, Italian. But it's all understood. And once, like, you can communicate openly with somebody, then your brain stops wanting to, like, push farther because you're like, well, you can communicate everything. You understand everything. We're good. We're good.

[Nicole Byers]

I don't need to do too much work after. Yeah, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

But if I went to Spain or if I went to Mexico or somewhere, and this was like, okay, for a month, I'm just gonna immerse myself. I would come out completely fluent.

[Nicole Byers]

How many languages do you speak?

[Mateo Lane]

English, Italian, Spanish, French. I would say both proficient. And then my German's pretty rough. I studied German in high school. Oh, okay.

[Nicole Byers]

What did you just say?

[Mateo Lane]

My teacher's name.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay, okay. All right. I'm like, what was that? Because I don't speak any German. So that's like five languages. That's attractive. Mato.

[Mateo Lane]

That's a good amount. But it's like a superpower. Like when you land in a country and you can speak the language, it's cool.

[Nicole Byers]

Yes, it's very, very cool. Do you have a favorite place to vacation?

[Mateo Lane]

I love Sicily. I would say Messina. Sicily.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. My best memories are from there.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. I had a friend. I was just asking cuz I desperately needed to take a vacation and cuz I forget to. I didn't grow up with Taking vacations. And then we like being on the planes and traveling to do this job, that job. And on paper, it all looks really, like, easy, doable, but then it's just starts to be just a touch taxing, all the movement. So I was like, I want to go on vacation. And I asked a friend who I'm like, she's so big on rest, which is good. I think she works hard, but she's, like, very big on taking her rest. And I was like, where should I go? And she said, sicily.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, really?

[Nicole Byers]

It's her favorite.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

She swears by it.

[Mateo Lane]

You have to be kind of aware, though, when you go, it's not like northern Italy.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay?

[Mateo Lane]

It's not gonna function the same. There's a lot of confusion. There's a lot of, like, this doesn't work. There's a lot of, like. There's a lot of that going on.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

But you're really highly rewarded. I would say just stay out of touristy areas and really be with the Sicilians, and you'll see it's really beautiful. It's so different than Italy, really. They speak another language, they eat different food. Like, the vibe is very different. Like, very different.

[Nicole Byers]

But your favorite. Okay, I'm. That's putting that in my back pocket, Mateo.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

So I guess it's time for a segment I like to call. That's Nice, but what about me?

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Nicole Byers]

Even though I did so much about me, so maybe I should make this one. That's nice.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't think you did. I think you're a really good interviewer.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, you're so kind. You are. You are really generous. What's your sign?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm Cancer.

[Nicole Byers]

I always tell people I don't care about astrology, I don't know anything about astrology. And I ask, what's your sign? And what time Were you born?

[Mateo Lane]

5:30. In des Plaines, Illinois. Right outside of Chicago.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. All right. I don't know what that means, but it's good to. Maybe I'll go look up your birth chart or something later.

[Mateo Lane]

What sign are you?

[Nicole Byers]

I'm a Pisces.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Nicole Byers]

That means. It was just my birthday.

[Mateo Lane]

Happy birthday.

[Nicole Byers]

Thank you. Thank you for saying. I was trying. No, thank you.

[Mateo Lane]

When was your birthday?

[Nicole Byers]

March 10th.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay. One day after my mom's.

[Nicole Byers]

She's March, so she's a Pisces, and my dog's is March 12th. And look at that. I think we're a family. We can be a family now, finally. Wait, so cancer is when?

[Mateo Lane]

June. June to middle of July.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

I think middle of June to, like, July.

[Nicole Byers]

Yes. Because I was like, right before that is Gemini. I know more than I give. I know more about astrology than I recognize.

[Mateo Lane]

I know nothing.

[Nicole Byers]

You know nothing. But you are able to answer that question and be like that.

[Mateo Lane]

I know. Because you know when you go to la, you have.

[Nicole Byers]

So it's mandatory.

[Mateo Lane]

Mandatory.

[Nicole Byers]

What other tips do you have for la for a person who doesn't live there. Because I lived there for so long. I'm obsessed with. When you go to la, you have to know your sign.

[Mateo Lane]

You do. You have to know your astrology sign. I guess everyone's supposed to have a brand. Everyone seems to have a brand. I don't know what that means. Brands. Branding brands. Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

You've got to brand yourself.

[Mateo Lane]

And there's a lot of smiling, but sort of stillness behind the eyes. A sort of, of, like, fog. Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. This is good. This is good for me to think about. I also say that when I'm in LA walking, because I live in New York now, primarily, and we walk, no problem. And in la, walking feels so strange. Even if it's like when I moved to New York and I would go back to la, I'd be like, oh, this is half a mile. And I'm going to just walk. Because in New York, I'd walk half a mile. Mile. And I'd walk. And I'm like, I feel so exposed. Everyone else has a car. And I kind of want to tell all the drivers I have a car, too. Yeah, I'm choosing to walk.

[Mateo Lane]

They're judging you.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah, that's what it feels. She doesn't have a car. She doesn't have it. Did you see that girl back there?

[Mateo Lane]

She's going, yeah, I get it. Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

I'm like, I just want to tell them I have. It's so weird. Like, people will drive a few blocks there as opposed to walking, because it's

[Mateo Lane]

like, it was weird and hilly and strange and it's not meant for walking. And then you're trying to walk and some R2D2 is delivering food to somebody.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, my goodness. I was walking past the R2D 2S on Sunset Boulevard when I was there last month. They have diverse names. It was like, Uche, which is a Nigerian one, is one of the R2D2s. And then like a Middle Eastern or Arab name. I was very. I was like, why are they doing this to the robots?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. But they don't. They're going to unionize. Why don't they just give them numbers to take over.

[Nicole Byers]

But I'm like, just give them numbers. Why are you trying to humanize the robot robots?

[Mateo Lane]

I don't know. Delivering those dumb cars that drive around without drivers.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, my goodness. A waymo. Have you ever been?

[Mateo Lane]

In a way, yeah. I did an ad for him. Whoops. But you know, it's like, it was a promo with this movie I was in. No one saw. But yeah, I.

[Nicole Byers]

What was the movie?

[Mateo Lane]

It was called Maintenance Required.

[Nicole Byers]

Why do I feel I know Maintenance Required?

[Mateo Lane]

You didn't. But it was an Amazon rom com. It was fun to make. It stars Madelaine Petsch from Riverdale. And it was like a rom com that was sort of like you've got mail, you know, I think it was. I think it actually was like a hit with a certain demographic for. For like a couple weeks.

[Nicole Byers]

I swear. Now I'm gonna. My phone again, please. Maintenance Required.

[Mateo Lane]

I played homosexual.

[Nicole Byers]

How hard was that?

[Mateo Lane]

It was really tough. I had to go to like the middle of a desert with an acting coach and sort of like center myself and be okay with it. And whatever Jake Gyllenhaal did to be in Brokeback Mountain, I had to do to play this role, to really get into it. I really had such a fun time making the movie and everybody was amazing.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. Okay, first of all, Mateo. Sorry, I got distracted by. I know I'm supposed to be looking at Maintenance Required, but then I just typed, wow, these are really great pictures of you online.

[Mateo Lane]

Really?

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. You look really handsome in them.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, thank you.

[Nicole Byers]

Do you ever google yourself?

[Mateo Lane]

I have. Not in a very long time. So I don't know what pictures you're.

[Nicole Byers]

Why do you not google yourself? It's normal to not. But why? What made you go, I'm not. I don't want to.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't even look at comments anymore. It's just too much. It's also enough of me. Like, you know, you have to like put up your posters and I'm on tour and you're talking, so I'm like, google my.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, that's okay. I feel this sim similarly. So I. So we're still on this. That's nice. But what about me? And this is perfect because I feel. I'm like, I'm sick of me. But not in a self hate way. I'm like, I don't want to hear myself talking anymore. I don't want to see pictures of me anymore. But I do love myself. It's not in an unhealthy way. It just gets to be a lot. I'M like me again.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, because I think you're. You're in la, they would say you're your own brand, but you become a business. And so a lot of people rely on you, and you sort of separate yourself from your acting self and your comedy self. And you're like, okay, that's the business side. And that's what I have to do. I have to do this pr. I have to sell this. I have to do this show. You know? And so you sort of look at it. It's work.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And so there's times you're like, I want to be away from it. Like, let me just be away from this for a hot minute.

[Nicole Byers]

How do you separate? So that's my question.

[Mateo Lane]

I play Fortnite.

[Nicole Byers]

You play Fortnite? Yes, you do.

[Mateo Lane]

Honestly, my friends, like Bob the Drag Queen or Monet X Change, or my friend Nick, they're very humbling friends. No one sucks up to anybody in my friend group. We're all pretty vicious with each other. Really mean to each other in a way that we laugh. It makes us laugh. So they keep you humble quick. I don't think Nick has ever said one nice thing to me ever.

[Nicole Byers]

But you like that?

[Mateo Lane]

I love it. Cause I know he loves me. After I did Radio City Music hall last year, it was one of my biggest achievements. I had Bob hosting the show. You know, my friend Tranna Wintour came on, my friend Francesca. It was this big achievement. Once it was finally over with, you know, that sense of relief after using so big. And Bob is standing there, who's one of my. I mean, I've known him since 2012. Truly one of my best friends on Earth. And Bob is so full of love and gave me a hug, and he was like, congratulations, Mateo. And Nick was right next to him. Nick goes, we don't do this. And I was like, yeah, you need that kind of friend in your life.

[Nicole Byers]

It's a sincerity. What are you doing right now?

[Mateo Lane]

I know we talk seven times a day. Like, I know we love each other, but we don't say that to each other.

[Nicole Byers]

It's not the thing. Did you guys say I love you in your household growing up? Was that you did?

[Mateo Lane]

And kiss like. Well, all the women. Like, I would go into my grandma's house. You have to kiss everybody, you know, hugs, kisses. Touchy, touchy. You love? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

Are you super tactile now? Not with your.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I am. When I'm in a relationship for sure. Like, you know, even with my friends, you know, it depends like which. Like, I was at Sydney Washington yesterday. Like, her and I will always hold hands or like, you touch. You know, some people like you get the same sense that they have the same sort of tactile childhood as you. And so I'm totally comfortable with that.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. I've been told I look like I don't want to be touched, which is crazy, because I'm a big hugger.

[Mateo Lane]

You seem quite warm.

[Nicole Byers]

Thank you, Mateo.

[Mateo Lane]

You're very inviting eyes, like, very warm.

[Nicole Byers]

Tell them. Yeah, tell them. Because a few people, I'm like, I'm a big hugger. And the notion that you think I don't want to be touched on one hand, I'm like, okay, good. Good. A boundary.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, good. At 2:00am when you're walking home. Al. Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

Don't hug away from me, strange man.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, you. I look like an.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. On purpose. You have to have a look in. In a city.

[Mateo Lane]

Even though I'm listening to, like, everybody does not. You know, but doesn't matter. I'm still giving that look.

[Nicole Byers]

I think that's what it is, is that I also have this, like. I think I walk around a bit. We're on my podcast. We're safe. This is a safe room, a safe space. But I think I walk around a little bit. Like, do not. Do not.

[Mateo Lane]

I get that, too. When I was at. My friend said the same thing to me. I go to the gym a lot, and I was like, gosh, I'm like, no one's ever, like, come up and hit on me or talk to me, you know, blah, blah, blah. Actually, that's not true. And I was in LA last week, and I was working out, and some gentleman came over, an older gentleman. He's very sweet. He was like, hey, Mateo. And I was like, oh, hi. And he was like, just want to say, you know, hi, because we've been talking on Grindr. And I go, oh. I said, I'm not on Grindr. I said, I haven't been on in years now. I don't use any apps. I don't like being. And he goes, you're not. I go, no. He goes, were you not in Hudson, New York, in December? I go, no. Said, I was in London. He goes. And I just watched him realize he's been catfished and was just talking to somebody else. And he was humiliated, you know? And then he ended by going, loved your show in Palm Springs. And then just, like, ran away. And I was like, oh. Like, I felt so bad.

[Nicole Byers]

Some man's dreams.

[Mateo Lane]

I know, but I'm not on a Grinder, but as a gym. Like, I'm, like, listening to Mariah. I'm listening to Whitney. I'm listening to. Listening to you. And like, my friend Sean's like, you don't seem very inviting. At the gym, I was like, maybe it's my Mediterranean face. It just sort of gives, like, you

[Nicole Byers]

know, but also, what is. Like, I'm. I'm doing squats when I'm flirting. Like, come on. I don't. I'm here to sweat.

[Mateo Lane]

And then I never understood, though. I never look angry. But do you see those people at the gym who look furious in the mirror?

[Nicole Byers]

Yes, I've seen that. And I'm like, well, what's that about? What are you mad? You're at the gym. You're. You're pumping iron, your muscles. Yeah, that is a very strange. That's a strange one. I cannot. That's a strange one I cannot relate to. Was that older gentleman attractive? You said he was very nice. He was, yeah, of course.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, he was attractive. You know, I would say he was probably, like, mid-60s, you know, and. And usually people like, I'm almost 40. So I would say, but no, everyone kind of leaves you alone.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

But he came up really confident. Like, what is up, Mateo?

[Nicole Byers]

We've been talking, me and you. We go back, actually, that's heartbreaking.

[Mateo Lane]

Who's using my me on Grindr?

[Nicole Byers]

And the fact that he hasn't been reported because I feel like Caleb is always talking about. Not always. Or Caleb has talked about being. Being reported on dating apps because people are like, oh, he's impersonating Caleb.

[Mateo Lane]

But the last time I used Grindr was over two years ago. And I remember getting on it thinking, I can do this. And it was a long story time ago. But, yeah, I got reported immediately. People were like, you're fake. And then I called Bob and I was like, bob, what do you do? Because Bob has his picture up there, and it's the coldest picture you'll ever see. And he was like, yeah, you know, you just have to let Grindr know. But I was like, I'm too stressed out.

[Nicole Byers]

Imagine emailing. You're like, I'm gonna have to email Grindr. It's really me.

[Mateo Lane]

And well, years ago, I was in London. It was like 2021 or 22, and I was on Tinder. And they're like, you're not you. And so send us three pictures of yourself to prove it's you. So I did that. They were like, it's still not you.

[Nicole Byers]

I Don't know what to tell you.

[Mateo Lane]

It is.

[Nicole Byers]

I don't know what to tell you. Was it. There was no difference between. Yeah. When. By the way, when did you get your hair, Your first hair transplant?

[Mateo Lane]

It was 2022. August of 2022.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay. Do you really feel it completely transformed your look or is it more that it transformed confidence? Because I'm just thinking about the Tinder pictures and being like identity transformed.

[Mateo Lane]

Both.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Because I was so insecure about my hair.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You know when you don't have a lot of hair and people really judge you for hair and hair is such a big thing and men who are balding and blah, blah, hair is big for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. So it was just a huge insecurity. And now like I realize, like, it doesn't feel different from like, oh. Like I do feel like more centered in my face. Like I feel better and I'm just more relaxed. Like I can go in a pool and enjoy myself or the wind doesn't bother me. I hated the wind before because the

[Nicole Byers]

comb over thing, you're like the fucking.

[Mateo Lane]

I would walk in the direction of the wind. I'd be walking and you live.

[Nicole Byers]

You were from Chicago. I mean, you were living in Chicago at the time. You're dealing with this problem.

[Mateo Lane]

I started losing it around 23 or 4. And the joke I had, which is true, was like just another bad haircut. Like I just couldn't get what was going on.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Feel different.

[Nicole Byers]

Well, I also am. This is a very weird thing for me to say, but it is true. Cuz I'll say it to someone 101, but I'm like the breeze. I don't want to breathe unless it's a really hot day. Even then I'm like, I don't want the wind blowing.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't want to ruins everything.

[Nicole Byers]

Just like. Yes. I. I was in Austin for South by Southwest and It was like 92 degrees day one. And genuinely the next day was 40 something. It was the mo. I couldn't figure out how to pack for it. But the thing. And I'm like, I have, I have the information for days and every day I kept looking be like leading up to the trip, like, this is not for real. This is not for real. And then like on the day it's like, no, it's. You're traveling in a couple hours and it's very much the case. Still did a bad job packing. Just couldn't figure it.

[Mateo Lane]

I could not do over pack.

[Nicole Byers]

I over pack. But then there's nothing useful in there. There's nothing you. Every time someone touches my suitcase, say a driver, say a flight attendant is assisting me, they're like, oh, my God, must have packed your whole life. And I'm like, yeah, it's a long trip. I'm going for two days. I get to the place, I can't. There's nothing in there for me to wear.

[Mateo Lane]

Why did I pack a clock? You know, it's like, just.

[Nicole Byers]

I. In case my phone stopped working. Like, I wore the same outfit I was in Paris a little bit ago. I had the same outfit on every single day. Had a whole suitcase overstuffed, was in Texas, as I said, and wore the same outfit I flew on the plane with to the do the whole life. The whole next day after the award show, I just had the same sweater and jeans. And I'm like. And my suitcase is full anyway.

[Mateo Lane]

And it gives you stress because it's full and it's like. And I. I'm going away this weekend for two days. So I've learned to for those two days, just backpack. Like, here's the jeans I'm gonna wear for the next day and a half. Here's three pairs of underwear. Workout shirt, toiletries. Done.

[Nicole Byers]

I need to get in touch with you. And this is. You just saved me because I. This last trip, I was like, this is ridiculous. This was like, again, another suitcase. People commented about the weight. Like, anyway, yeah, I'm gonna. You're gonna have to help me. I don't know how I haven't figured this out. I do refuse to do a checked bag. How are you?

[Mateo Lane]

I won't either. I'll never do checked bags. They will lose it, especially in Italy. I won't do it.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, yes, yes, they will lose the damn bag.

[Mateo Lane]

Do you know Laura Ramuzo, the girl who does Chiara? She does. The Italian flight attendant on Instagram. She does all these characters and she does. She's from Italy. She does the. It's called Chiara, the flight attendant or whatever. And she's like, oh, you lost your bag? No, it fall in the Baltic Se. Your bag fall in the Baltic Sea. To get bag back, I need blood and date of birth with blood, you know, like, it's like the most impossible

[Nicole Byers]

people to deal with my suitcase from. I went to Morocco on like a sort of Eat Pray Love in attempts. It was very much not giving that.

[Mateo Lane]

But did you not enjoy Morocco?

[Nicole Byers]

I was having a very hard time. I was having a hard time.

[Mateo Lane]

Amina Said they couscoused her to death.

[Nicole Byers]

Yes. Well, I was like, I don't want any more. Is it Tajin? Tagine? T, A, G, I, N, E. I don't know how to pronounce tagine. I. I just was like, I don't. I have to eat something else at a certain point. And I was there for 10 days and I'm like, I did. I planned wrong. I. I did this wrong. And this was truly supposed to be my like get centered, this is you time. And then coming home, my suitcase got stolen. No, not stolen. No, this isn't what happened. My suitcase got lost.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byers]

So we arrived to the area airport and there's a list of 10 in New York and there's a list of like 20 names off the bat. Like our names posted on a little like, like pillar and. And the baggage claim or. No, they had a little sign. It was like these 20 people's bags didn't make it. It was like just casually, you know that already. I mean, on one hand I'm glad, you know, and I don't have to stand in. But I was like, oh, you guys know that? And we have a sign already.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, what's going on? Yeah, why?

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. And then I got caught in a scam trying to get my bag back. So I kind of like didn't care. I was just like happy to be home after 10 days of like that. I didn't plan that correctly. That wasn't what I needed. That wasn't what I envisioned. That wasn't for me right now. Me and my broken heart. And so then I like three days without my bag. I was like, I should call the airline and at least let them know I do care about getting my bag back. Because this girl who cashed me was like, saw my name on the sign in the airport. And the employee being like, these people, you'll just. Don't worry when it arrives on whatever flight, we'll get it to you. So I was like, great, I have my bag here. I'm ready to go. So I was like, day three. I was like, I should call them just to let them know someone is looking for the bag. And so I go. And I was like, I don't know how to get in touch with the airline the right way. So my dumbass. And I don't think I'm a dumbass, but I have my moments. I go on. I go on Twitter because I've seen at the time on Twitter for a long time. Don't do me, please. I go on Twitter Because I'm like, oh. When people complain about, like, airlines, oftentimes the airlines like, hey, DM us or call us here at our house. So I just go on. And I was like, okay, Moroccan Air, Royal Air Morocc. This person has said, has a complaint. Another person has replied being like, the. The what Seems like the account. The airline has replied being like, we're so sorry. Give us a call here. I call the number and remember, this is like, more me being like, I need to, like, I need to show face and let them know I care about my bag. So they need to bring it back. Whenever I call this number on from Twitter. What? And I call the number from Twitter and it's the guy being like, for every day your bag has been gone, we owe you compensation. So. So. And I'm. I am actually, like, getting ready to go to a dinner. And for me, this was like a quick, like, I'm putting on eyeliner, doing cat eye, talking to this man on speakerphone, and I'm like, oh, great, they're going to pay me for every day. I really don't need that. I'm really just here to be like, someone's looking for the bag. Anyway, all of a sudden, I'm sending money to a man in Kenya. And I didn't know until like, four transactions deep. I was like, this can't be right. I was like this. And the most embarrassing call to my business manager be like, so I know I'm smart. I know you think I'm smart. I know people think I'm smart. I have just sent loads of money to a man in Kenya.

[Mateo Lane]

Hey, remember, I'm one of your smartest clients. I did send money to man Kenya.

[Nicole Byers]

And I'm like, so type A, by the way, about that. Like, this is. He caught me at the exact right time. I was doing my eyeliner.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, well, where did you get this number? Well, Twitter, obviously. I was like.

[Nicole Byers]

So I went on Twitter and it was a tweet that I was like, that's the airline. I'm gonna get to skip their, like, confusing website, get the number off of Twitter. And mind you, for a bag that I need you to understand, I didn't. I knew I was gonna get the bag back. I just was trying to be like, I should let them know someone cares. So if that means that it's as escalated because it had been three nights and I was just like, it'll come. I don't need that. So all like, it's this. I don't know how to articulate this like, born of me just being like, gotta show face. And I don't really care. I'm not too worried about it, I guess, hence looking on Twitter, being like, I shan't inconvenience myself further, but I am on Twitter and I bet I can find the number.

[Mateo Lane]

Do you never got the bag?

[Nicole Byers]

I did get the bag, but then, like, what happened is. So I realized that got guy. That guy. I, at one point I started being really mean to him because I was like, this is ridiculous. And then I felt bad. I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm being mean. He's a thief, a scammer. He deserved it. And so, But I didn't realize that at the time. And then I hang up. Immediately realized after I hang up, like a minute up, and I was like calling my Uber to go to this dinner. And I was like, that was fake, that wasn't real. Anyway, I did get the bag back, but then that turned into its own thing where it's like, okay, your bag is back and this man is bringing it. He's going to deliver it between 7 and 9pm the tracker started, says, and then I have jet lag. So at like 9:00 clock, I do fall asleep. And then apparently at 1:00am the guy calls me, but my phone's always on silent. As much as I want it near, I want it to be silent. I don't want to ever make a sound, not a vibration. I want you near me, but don't make a peep. He was like, hey, I tried calling you at 1:00am and so now, like, I have your bag still. And so there was no way to deliver it at one. I was like, there are door people here at all times. And. And they're mostly awake. And you shouldn't have called. You should have attempted to deliver it. Why are you trying to deliver it at 1am and it said you were coming 7 to 9. So now me and this man are talking and I'm like, is he even real?

[Mateo Lane]

Give the Kenya guy's number to him.

[Nicole Byers]

I gave the. Exactly. I'm like, talk to this guy.

[Mateo Lane]

You two will get along.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that was. It was a whole thing.

[Mateo Lane]

Damn, I've been through it.

[Nicole Byers]

So checking bags, I'm like, no, thanks.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, so when I go to Morocco, bring a carry on.

[Nicole Byers]

Carry on.

[Mateo Lane]

Got it.

[Nicole Byers]

And you don't need too much. And they speak French in Morocco and they sure do. And you can have couscous.

[Mateo Lane]

I love couscous. Amina went with Marie and a group of them for Marie's birthday.

[Nicole Byers]

Oh, wow.

[Mateo Lane]

Amina was like, it was beautiful. It was wonderful. And they couscoused me to death. She goes, I had to go into the market and find a burger somewhere. I was like, I gotta get away from this couscous. I can't have any more goose.

[Nicole Byers]

It can be a lot, but I find that anytime I travel anywhere, you just are like, oh, it seems like this one cuisine is available to me, which sounds really great in theory before you get here. But then like, four days in, you're like, no, Rome.

[Mateo Lane]

I can do carbonara every day.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I've done it for like seven days in a row.

[Nicole Byers]

And you never make fun of me.

[Mateo Lane]

No. Because it's made so amazingly there. I'm like, I'm not gonna get it the same way in the States. I'm just gonna have it here. And I'm satisfied every time.

[Nicole Byers]

I love that. You know, I feel that way about some foods. I have to say or not not foods. Feel that way about some songs is what I should say. Oh, I feel that way about some songs. I will never tire of Bliss by Mariah Carey. Yo, I listen to that all the time.

[Mateo Lane]

I can't even believe you mentioned. Talk about a deep cut.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm obsessed with bliss.

[Nicole Byers]

Bliss is I. That whistle.

[Mateo Lane]

Whistle tone, the whole thing.

[Nicole Byers]

Casually whistle tone.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, my God. I feel so connected to you that you said bliss.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah. Bliss is like my. And I. And I keep thinking, like, this will be the year. You're tired of bliss. This will be the time. This will be. You're gonna out bliss yourself, and I'll just do it one more time. And I love it. There's.

[Mateo Lane]

I listen to Mariah Carey all the time. She's my number number. She's really kind of my number one Ish. It's a toss between a few of them, but I'll always go back to Mariah Carey. Bliss. What a cut.

[Nicole Byers]

I love Bliss, I'm telling you. Bliss. My family, I grew up, like, you know, I grew up Christian, but I also grew up Mariah Carey fandom. My family was like. My mom had all the vhs.

[Mateo Lane]

What's your favorite Mariah songs?

[Nicole Byers]

Have you met her? Gosh, I've never met Mimi, but, like the Emancipation of Mimi. No, no, no. The Diary of an Imperfect Angel.

[Mateo Lane]

Yep. Memoirs of an Imperfect.

[Nicole Byers]

Memoirs of an Imperfect Honey. I was making people listen to that album, which is like, slow, low, R B, underrated. Four nights out. That was like, impossible. And the Reprise and then Fourth of July, which is old school. Mariah, my Goodness, I could hold on.

[Mateo Lane]

Melt Away from Daydream is one of my favorite songs ever.

[Nicole Byers]

Mimi, let me tell you, I've never met her. It's almost fun. I almost, in some sense, like, in. In the best way possible. Do I mean this? I'm like, I don't. I want you to just be.

[Mateo Lane]

You do one. I met her once, and it was everything you wanted. I wanted it to be.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah, Yeah. I just hold on. I have to. It was ridiculous because I'm like, this is not the sound. This is not the album to listen to on your way out for a night out, but I would, like, have them this. Oh, my God, it's a rap. And then

[Mateo Lane]

now for the deluxe when she sings that with Mary J. Blige.

[Nicole Byers]

Mary J. Blige. Yeah, that. Okay, it's a wrap. The impossible. Me and my friend used to drive around LA just listening to the impossible. Like, she rescued my love and that. Like, I think it's a Jodeci sample. I believe it's a Jodec. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Anyway, she did a remix with, I think, Jermaine Dupree of the hate you song with him last night, I think of you. And it was so. It's one of my favorite songs. And I was at Caleb Herring's birthday party, and the DJ started playing that remix, which I think only myself and Mariah's heard, and Jermaine Dupri. And I ran up to her and I was like, that's not the best song. I can't. I'm sober. I can't believe you're playing this. I was like, mateo, just go listen to your iPad.

[Nicole Byers]

Shut up.

[Mateo Lane]

Your iPhone has the same goddamn go in the corner.

[Nicole Byers]

But it's. When that happens, though, when a DJ plays a cut of a song, like, you're like, wait, you know, how do you. There's some songs that, yeah, you go crazy for. But anyway, I thought we might be able to relate on that just because we mentioned Mimi and I used to

[Mateo Lane]

make so many jokes about Mariah Carey, just because a young comic and Mariah, she's fought her for her jokes. But I publicly said I take them all back. And I apologize, because I really do love Mariah Carey, and I feel like, you know, she is underrated. Even though she's, like, one of the best divas ever, she's still underrated. I don't care what anyone says. I think all. I think she's truly one of the best singers that's ever lived, and she's an amazing songwriter. And when I met Her. I did this show on. I spent a show called Girl Code and Guy Code on MTV way back,

[Nicole Byers]

back in the day.

[Mateo Lane]

And this producer named Stucky, who talks like this, he called me. I was like, madeo, we got something for you. I can't tell you what it is. I was like, I know it's Mariah. He's like, oh, he knew boys. So they did this, like, meet your. Like the. MTV used to do this. Like this. Your favorite celebrity was in an elevator and they'd open the door and then you're in there. Yeah. And so I was one of them. And they opened the door and there she was. She was in the corner and her light was the other corner, so she didn't move. And it was me and like six people. And her makeup was artist. And it was so funny because like, you're 15 minutes in this elevator and like every once in a while, like a hand with a brush would kind of come out, fix something, and pearl back into the corner. But we got to. She did a whistle note in the elevator, which were much louder than I thought they would be. Like, when you hear Bliss, you think it's like this kind of quiet. Yeah. But there it was like really powerful. We all sang Always Be My Baby together. And she. You know, everyone was kind of nervous and. And I think. Cause we're performers, we're used to the adrenaline. So I could compose myself a little bit. She just toured China. And I was like, oh, how was the tour of China? And she. But I was in her good side, so she couldn't turn to me. So she would sort of kneel. She was like, fine. And they were like, don't touch her. Do not hug her. But then the white girl, of course, was like, can I hug you? So Mariah hugged her. I was like, I'm gonna fuckin. So I was like, mariah, can I hug you? And she's like, sure. And there was like a picture of her hugging me. Like I was gonna give her like some kind of, you know, one of those hugs. But it's amazing. It's exactly what I wanted to be. She's stunning. She. And like, you know, her skin, truly, I. She's one of these people. Like, if she has had work, I don't know where, like, it's Nothing's obvious, but she really is just naturally stunning. Her skin is flawless. She's flawless. I was like, wow, she's really. She's. She was everything I wanted her to be. A diva in a corner with her light. Wouldn't Move a makeup artist.

[Nicole Byers]

Like, one side. Church hug. Don't mess me up. I love it.

[Mateo Lane]

Whistle note. I was like, I got.

[Nicole Byers]

Yeah, I'm listening to. Or I was listening to her audiobook and I was like, juicy.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, the story about Selene and Aretha. Have you gotten there yet?

[Nicole Byers]

No. No, I haven't.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, that's amazing.

[Nicole Byers]

Okay, I have to get there.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, they go. They have like a diva jam session at Divas Live. And Mariah was basically like, Celine stepped out when she shouldn't have. And then Patti LaBelle called her to be like, I better not see you on TV trying to out sing Aretha. She's like, I wasn't. I backed up with the backup singers. And Selene and Aretha are going at it. Oh, and props to Celine. Cause she could keep up with Aretha. I mean, it was kind of. It was wild.

[Nicole Byers]

Real tea. Okay, I'm gonna get in there. I'm gonna get in there. I have much to do. I have to do my Spanish lessons, my French lessons.

[Mateo Lane]

Any other language you wanna learn?

[Nicole Byers]

I am. I've always been curious about Hebrew, but I think I have.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, get a pack of 10 and never touch it. Get a pack of 10. Get Portuguese in there, too.

[Nicole Byers]

I feel like it counts for something. I'm like, it'll seep into me because, like, my body will know I have a pack of 10. And then somehow the language.

[Mateo Lane]

You're gonna show up in Peru and be like, look, I don't. Owl Espanol good, but I got a pack, guys. Is that good enough?

[Nicole Byers]

Yes. Isn't that something? I do have a pack of 10 lessons. Is that anything? Mateo, you've been a dream.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you. Thank you for being. We need to be hanging out with each other. I don't understand why we're not. You're so wonderful.

[Nicole Byers]

You are.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm avoiding myself. I'm never home. My door guy's like, you.

[Nicole Byers]

Where? Who are you coming from? I feel that. My door guy today. This morning. Also, the way he greeted me was like, I said, hey, good morning. And he was like, good morning. Like, he's seen it, goes, where have you been?

[Mateo Lane]

Every time I see my door guy, I have a new hairline. Like they don't know who I am anymore. I look a little different every time I see him.

[Nicole Byers]

You have to show ID to get into your building. Oh, we should. We will and we should. And I have much to learn from

[Mateo Lane]

you, so thank you so much.

[Nicole Byers]

Espanol. All right. All right, great. Bye, guys. That was my conversation with Mato Lane. How charming and lovely. And Harry is he. Oh my gosh. My goodness. And I told you I was gonna brag about having being diamond medallion. I mean it was, it was like a, it was like a humble brag because I was like, I'm sad about it. But anyway, he's amazing and I, I'm so grateful he came and did the podcast because truly, last time I saw him was at the Comedy Cellar and he was so kind then. I'm glad to see he's still kind and I encourage everyone to remain here. Kind to the best of your ability. Sometimes we have bad days. Give people grace for bad days, guys. I should have said that at the the. My. I should have said that up top. That's something else that's on my mind. Give people a little grace. Anyway, if you want advice, my number to call me and get advice is 5028-4932-3750-2849-3237. I just wanted to make sure I gave you the right number. Sometimes I give the wrong number to. To people on purpose. Haven't done that in a long time. I mean in my personal life. Haven't done that in a long time. But I definitely don't want you guys to have a wrong number. I want you to have the right number. I want you to call and ask for advice. So it's 502-849-3237 or 502. Thanks. THX dads d a d S. You know how to spell dads? I didn't need to do that. Anyway, please call. We can maybe give you advice. We didn't have to give anyone advice today, but please call. Call me and a non expert will help you to the best of our ability. It probably won't be good or helpful, but we will talk about you on my podcast. Thanks for listening, guys. Thanks. Dad is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart podcast. I'm your host, Ego Wodem. Our producer is Kevin Bartelt and our executive producer is Matt Apodaca. Think Verizon is expensive?

[Mateo Lane]

Think again.

[Nicole Byers]

Anyone can bring their AT&T or T mobile bill to a Verizon stor and we'll give you a better deal. So bring us your bill, walk in, run in, pogo sticking, teleport.

[Mateo Lane]

If you can ride on the back of a rollerblading yak or flying on

[Nicole Byers]

the wings of a majestic falcon. Any way you can bring your AT&T or T mobile bill to a Verizon store today. And we'll give you a better deal on the best network based on root metrics. Best Overall Mobile Network Performance US Second Half 2025 all rights reserved. Must provide very recent postpaid consumer mobile bill in the name of the person redeeming the deal. Additional terms, conditions and restrictions apply.

[Mateo Lane]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's Stock Up Savings time now through March 31st. Spring in for storewide deals and earn four times of points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Lindor, Chips Ahoy, Gatorade, Post Ziploc and Zoa. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up or delivery restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. With Bali from iShares, you get access to both mobile monthly income and growth

[Nicole Byers]

potential in one simple ETF. It's the best of both worlds. Discover Bali iShares Large Cap Premium Income

[Mateo Lane]

Active ETF iShares the market is yours. Visit www.ishares.com to view perspectives for investment

[Nicole Byers]

objectives, risks, fees, expenses and other information that you should read and consider carefully before investing. Risks include principal loss and the use of derivatives, which could increase risks and volatility.

[Mateo Lane]

Monthly income is not guaranteed.

[Nicole Byers]

Prepared by BlackRock Investments, LLC. It's football season, and now you can get anything you need for game day delivered with Uber. Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything.

[Mateo Lane]

You can't get a running back, but baby back ribs?

[Nicole Byers]

Yes, Uber Eats Official On Demand food delivery Partner of the NFL.

[Mateo Lane]

It's tax season, and by now we're all a bit tired of numbers. But here's an important one you need to $16 billion. That's how much money in refunds the IRS flagged for possible identity fraud. But it's not all grim news. LifeLock monitors millions of data points per second and alerts you to threats you could easily miss on your own. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com iheart Terms apply.

[Nicole Byers]

This is an iheart podcast. Guaranteed human.