Thanks Dad with Ego Nwodim
Episode: Nicole Avant
Date: December 16, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode of "Thanks Dad," host Ego Nwodim sits down with Nicole Avant: bestselling author, award-winning film producer, entrepreneur, and former U.S. diplomat. The conversation explores gratitude, resilience, family values, community, and the pivotal life lessons Nicole received from her parents, particularly her mother. Nicole’s reflections draw deeply on her upbringing in a house bustling with music, creativity, and intentional parenting, and the episode touches warmly on how discomfort and community shape character.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Who Do You Want to Say Thanks To?

(06:28–08:22)

• Nicole initially plans to thank her parents, whom she speaks with daily, but that day acknowledges her longtime friend John McClane, who surprised her with a meaningful, large crystal as an unsolicited act of kindness.
  • "It was just to be kind and to be generous and thoughtful, and that is enough." — Nicole Avant (07:46)

2. The Value of Unconditional Generosity

(07:28–08:22)

• Nicole shares how unexpected kindness can replenish the spirit during times when you feel emotionally drained by others' constant requests and lack of reciprocity.

3. Lessons in Service and Manners from Her Mother

(08:48–12:14)

• Nicole’s mother insisted Nicole work service jobs from age 15 to learn empathy, humility, and to “see the best and worst of people.”
  • "The best way for me to teach you about human nature and mankind is you have to serve people." — Nicole Avant (09:34)
• Emphasis on respecting everyone, regardless of status or title.

4. Parental Influence, Choices, and Values

(10:25–13:00)

• Ego and Nicole discuss that good parenting does not guarantee good behavior; each person ultimately chooses their path.
  • "A parent can only do so much... then they are gonna ultimately take what they want from that and become who they're meant to be." — Ego Nwodim (10:58)
• Nicole’s mother: strict but fun, instilled respect for authority and service.

5. Kindness, Respect, and Societal Shifts

(13:00–16:12)

• Discussion on declining everyday manners and how simple decency—like saying “please” and “thank you”—is transformative.
  • "Kindness really is respect—the highest form of love is respect." — Nicole Avant (14:45)
• Nostalgia for times when communities prioritized kindness and consideration.

6. Mother’s Upbringing and “Think You’ll Be Happy”

(16:12–21:30)

• Nicole’s mother, born in Jamaica, Queens (1940), debiant and model, taught Nicole to show up in the world with gratitude and be a “happy soul.”
• The title of Nicole’s book stems from her mother’s final words: “Think you’ll be happy.”
  • "She would always say, gratitude...you just decide to be happy, and...being a happy soul is being a grateful soul." — Nicole Avant (19:02)

7. Gratitude, Contentment, and Moving Bars

(22:23–31:20)

• Ego notes the tendency to move the goalposts and lose sight of earlier gratitude when new challenges arise.
  • "The bar is always going to move, and that is what we all forget." — Nicole Avant (29:06)
• Writing down what you're grateful for shifts perspective rapidly.

8. Pushed Out of Comfort Zones

(35:15–41:30)

• Nicole describes being pushed by her mother into uncomfortable social situations and camps to foster resilience.
  • "She loved putting me in uncomfortable situations so that I would become resilient." — Nicole Avant (36:09)
• Value of learning discomfort ("it’ll put hair on your chest," as her dad joked) and that not getting everything prepares you for life.

9. Community: Its Gift and Inconvenience

(52:01–56:46)

• Nicole’s childhood home was a hub for musicians and community figures—a source of personal annoyance at the time but, in hindsight, vital to her development.
  • "The cost of community is inconvenience." — Ego Nwodim (52:34)
• Nicole credits her character and values to the “village” that helped raise her.

10. Taking Responsibility & Choice

(54:45–62:32)

• Her father’s advice: "It is what it is. But what are you gonna do about it?"
• Nicole reflects on the power of acceptance and choice in every situation: accept reality, then decide on intentional action.
  • "Your power of choice comes in right after and what am I going to do about it?" — Nicole Avant (55:32)
  • Avoid focusing on others’ “why”; focus on your own.

11. Lessons from Discomfort, Quitting, and Perseverance

(61:20–75:58)

• Ego grapples with the difference between quitting and leaving situations not aligned—Nicole advises that “quitting” is different from making the active, healthy choice to move on.
  • "If you’re not a quitter, you could still leave things." — Nicole Avant (72:50)
  • “I always try to give the 80/20 rule: if it’s 80% good, it’s great—if it’s 80% dread, you gotta go.” — Nicole Avant (73:09)

12. Relationships, Partnership, and Growth

(62:32–67:11)

• Nicole and Ego discuss the importance of having a supportive partner and how both she and her husband, Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos, empowered each other to take big leaps.

13. Step-Parenting and Adult Relationships

(66:33–69:44)

• Nicole recounts her relationship with her stepchildren, especially Sarah—growing from friction to deep love after mutual understanding and respect.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Generosity & Impact:
  "It moved my heart...generosity coming in for no other reason than just to be generous and kind." — Nicole Avant (07:46)

• On Kindness & Service:
  "The highest form of love is respect." — Nicole Avant (14:45)

• On Parental Limits:
  "A parent can only do so much." — Ego Nwodim (10:58)

• On Community:
  "The cost of community is inconvenience." — Ego Nwodim (52:34)

• On Responsibility:
  "It is what it is. But what are you gonna do about it?" — Nicole Avant (54:45)

• On Entitlement:
  "Entitlement kills the soul." — Nicole Avant (24:00)

• On Leaving & Quitting:
  "Quitting things and being a quitter are very different." — Nicole Avant (72:27)

• On Resilience:
  "If you choose to make yourself uncomfortable ... you realize, oh my God, I didn’t die." — Ego Nwodim (42:43)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Who do you want to say thanks to? (start of interview): 06:28
• Importance of service & manners: 08:48–12:14
• Respect & societal shifts: 13:00–16:12
• Mother’s upbringing & happiness mantra: 16:12–21:30
• Gratitude & moving bars: 22:23–31:20
• Discomfort and resilience: 35:15–41:30
• Community’s role in upbringing: 52:01–56:46
• Accepting reality and taking action: 54:45–62:32
• Discussion on quitting vs. moving on: 61:20–75:58
• Partner support & rearing stepchildren: 62:32–69:44

Tone & Style Highlights

• Deeply heartfelt, reflective, and candid
• Warm, conversational banter with moments of humor, especially when relating personal anecdotes
• Lessons often wrapped in the original phrasing and spirit of Nicole’s family wisdom

Conclusion

This episode delivers a rich, moving exploration of gratitude, service, community, choice, and parental influence, through Nicole Avant’s lived experience and thoughtful storytelling. The interplay between Nicole and Ego is genuine, mutually respectful, and full of life lessons relevant for anyone reflecting on family, ambition, and personal growth.