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Ego Odom
This is a Headgun podcast.
Ty Burrell
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Ego Odom
I'm gonna do an ask backwards thing right now. Well, first I'm gonna ask you where you're from, Ty.
Ty Burrell
I'm from Oregon. Southern Oregon.
Ego Odom
Okay. Okay.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
So not woodsy, but something about your background suggests you could be.
Ty Burrell
I should be. I probably, theoretically should be woodsy, but I'm not.
Ego Odom
I'm not a woodsy guy. Okay. I'm gonna do. And then I'm going to go back to Oregon, supposedly. Maybe remember, my brain goes 100 miles per hour, so maybe I won't. Okay. Hi, guys. I'm Ego, and welcome to. Thanks, Dad. I was raised by a single mom and don't have a relationship with my dad. I'm not going to have a relationship with my dad because he's actually. Guys, he's dead. He died. He died. It's not going to happen unless it happens in the next life. But I kind of feel like this would have been the more interesting life in which to have a relationship with my dad. There's so many more interesting people to meet in the afterlife. No shade to dad, but, you know, like, there's. I can list people that are dead that I'm like. I really want to get in their heads. Anyway, on this podcast, I'm sitting down with father figures who are old enough to be my dad. Ty, no offense.
Ty Burrell
Oh, no.
Ego Odom
Or are just dads themselves. You don't know how old I am, partially because Hollywood and partially because I'm black. And so you don't know how old I could be any age. I could be your daughter.
Ty Burrell
Well, you do know how old I am, partially because of my. My lack of zoom filter and partially because I'm white, so.
Ego Odom
That's correct. That's actually right. I'm going to get to ask questions I've always wanted to ask a dad. Like, how do I know if the guy I'm dating is right for me? Or what do I look out for when I'm buying a car? I live In New York, I don't have a car. Or can you help me change the oil in said car? You're not outdoorsy, Ty, but are you handy?
Ty Burrell
Well, I am. I become a little bit more outdoorsy. I'm not inherently outdoorsy and handy? No, not really. No.
Ego Odom
Okay. All right. Okay. And what are your strengths?
Ty Burrell
I want to retroactively say that I definitely am someone who is vulnerable to reading comments, but I try very hard not to. I'm going to qualify that statement.
Ego Odom
Okay. Okay.
Ty Burrell
So it's not like I'm impervious to comment.
Ego Odom
Sure, sure.
Ty Burrell
But I try very hard not to.
Ego Odom
I also feel like as a public facing figure, it is smart to just be like, nope, I don't read them. No, you can't hurt me. Or just like to say it though.
Ty Burrell
Say it out loud in a public forum.
Ego Odom
You don't want people thinking. I had one guest say he reads comments, he said on a panel in the public. And I was like, that's spookier to me. Because you've now acknowledged that you see them. And now what does that make you vulnerable to and what will that expose you to? Because people now know you do.
Ty Burrell
Like they're actually corresponding with you in some way. Right.
Ego Odom
And I go, it's better if people think you don't read them. Anyway, I'm going to do your intro now, Ty. Today's guest played the lovable Phil Dunphy on Modern Family for 11 seasons and is a dad himself. Not just to me, but to actual other children. Please welcome my dad for the day, Ty Burrell.
Ty Burrell
Hey, y'all.
Ego Odom
Hey.
Ty Burrell
Hi.
Ego Odom
I'm so happy you're here, Ty.
Ty Burrell
I'm so happy to be here. I'm such a fan. Really, truly such an admirer.
Ego Odom
You're remarkably kind. Likewise. Thank you for saying yes. You know, I'm going to be honest. I heard yes and then I also heard no. And I guess the truth was yes, cuz here you are.
Ty Burrell
Oh, you heard no.
Ego Odom
I also heard no.
Ty Burrell
Oh, no.
Ego Odom
I heard. I heard hard no. And I go, tie, no. My tie.
Ty Burrell
No, My tie. No. No. It was a hard yes from the beginning. I don't know. I don't know where the. The no came from.
Ego Odom
And I didn't say that to in any way, shape or form embarrass you. I'm just like Ty, but me and Ty back.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, hard yes is a great name for like a. Like a self help book. Right.
Ego Odom
Would you be open? Here's a question I'll ask you on the record. Would you be Open to doing a podcast with me titled Hard. Yes.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
Hard. Yes. Hard. Yes.
Ego Odom
That was the right answer. That was the right answer. I'm so glad you're here. I can't wait to talk all things dad and then some with you.
Ty Burrell
Same, same.
Ego Odom
You have a dad, presumably, right?
Ty Burrell
No, we have uncommon. I mean, I did have a dad.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
But my dad died young.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
So we are. We are both of. In the camp of deceased fathers.
Ego Odom
Deceased fathers, yes. Were your parents married?
Ty Burrell
They were.
Ego Odom
They were married.
Ty Burrell
So I knew my dad until I was 20.
Ego Odom
So I had.
Ty Burrell
I had 20, you know, 20 years with a. With a great, great dad. He was a really wonderful dad.
Ego Odom
Great years. I love to hear that. Okay.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. I know you're. I don't know a ton about your circumstances, but I know that you didn't know your dad or haven't known your dad.
Ego Odom
Yeah, I feel like. Didn't know him. I feel like saying I didn't know him is accurate to an extent in that I'm like, no, I don't know what food you like and what music you like and really how tall you are. I don't know. But I know who he was. It wasn't this, like, sort of mystery. Like I have to try to track him down. I knew who he was, where he was. He was remarried, had a new family. Some of my friends in college are their dad's children from the family. They decided to actually, like, step up for, if that makes sense. And hopefully that's the right way to say that, but I was in the first family.
Ty Burrell
Okay.
Ego Odom
I was first. I was first family child, first run.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
I was first run at it. And then. And then we really do get it right. But I don't. You. I don't know if we. We got it right on the second family or the next one, but.
Ty Burrell
Right, Right.
Ego Odom
But I did know him. I just. We didn't have a relationship is, like, the best way to put it. 20 years with your dad. You called him a great dad. What made him such a great dad, in your opinion?
Ty Burrell
He was a very good listener.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
Really good listener. Very curious guy. He. He was a very gentle guy. He was a very funny guy. Really valued silliness. Like, our home was very silly place. And I don't think he ever knew what was happening at school. Like, he never really cared about my homework or. I mean, it has its down. It has its downsides.
Ego Odom
Yeah. Yeah.
Ty Burrell
You know, he would get. He would get my shitty grades and be like, what is going on? And not notice that I hadn't done any homework and.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
Weeks and months.
Ego Odom
Okay. Okay.
Ty Burrell
So. But yeah, he was, he was, he was an artist.
Ego Odom
Okay, there it is.
Ty Burrell
A guy who was. He was. He worked in the foster care system professionally and was a family therapist. But, but at, at heart he was an artist. He, he actually had a, A scholarship to UCLA in the fine arts and was an aspiring New Yorker cartoonist and.
Ego Odom
Oh, cool.
Ty Burrell
All that kind of stuff, but that stuff didn't really pan out for him. So he, he worked in the foster care system, but in his heart he was a person who was an artist and he's the person I first really like, started doing bits with. Even though he never, he never saw me perform. I didn't perform until after he had passed. Okay, but, but the foundation of like just being an idiot doing bits all day, as you know.
Ego Odom
Well, yes, I know that well. I know that life very well.
Ty Burrell
That was, that was him. You know, he, he was a guy who loved to do bits. Just loved it.
Ego Odom
Yeah. Did he share with you his dreams and passions in terms of art from a young age or did you learn about that closer to when you were 20? How did you come to find out about that?
Ty Burrell
A little bit, but I actually think it was part of the pain of his life. So some of the, some of the challenges that he had in his life were based in the fact that that life didn't pan out. And I think on some level he, it definitely is a big part of what motivated me after he passed was seeing him, I think, lament in some ways that he maybe hadn't stuck his neck out in a way that he kind of wished that he had that, that that scholarship I mentioned was a full ride to UCLA in the fine arts, which was really something, you know, to like back in the early 60s, 50s even, that we offered a full ride in the fine arts and he passed on that he didn't take that scholarship.
Ego Odom
I was going to ask you, I'm. I was going to say you mentioned the scholarship, but you didn't say he went. Do you know why he passed on it?
Ty Burrell
This. The legend is. And I never really got clarity before he pass that his dad needed help on the dairy farm in Oregon.
Ego Odom
Wow.
Ty Burrell
But I suspect, all due respect to my dad, that in fact he passed because he was a little bit afraid of that as a career and you know, that he shared in the passing. It wasn't just his dad, but I think in some level he was a little bit nervous about doing that because I think in the end there was Some regret there. That's my take on it.
Ego Odom
Right. From what you understood, did it seem like his dad was a supportive type or would have supported a career in the arts for him?
Ty Burrell
I think he was sort of a classic 50s dad in terms of being raised in the 50s. You know, where it was. He was just sort of like a pretty stoic guy. I. I don't think he would have been unsupportive, but I don't think it. I think it probably was not one of those things where I, like, my dad actually is the one who planted the seed, said you should be an actor. Like, you know, like, before he passed.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
And I had never done it.
Ego Odom
So what were you like that point? You were 20. Okay. 19. Okay. And he says to you, hey, you should do it. Was it just based on watching you do bits and your bad grades? Okay.
Ty Burrell
It was like, listen, I can put two and two together.
Ego Odom
Yeah, yeah.
Ty Burrell
2.1 GPA.
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
And. And a bunch of dumb bits.
Ego Odom
At least two bits. And now we've got four. You should go do art. Okay, Man. When he said that, what was your reaction to.
Ty Burrell
It was like, somebody saying, like, you should. You should have another arm. You know what I mean? I was like, what? Like, we lived out in the woods in Oregon. Like, I didn't. And we had nobody in our family who was a performer in any way. So it came out of left field. But I took it to heart, clearly.
Ego Odom
Yeah. That's really special. When he passed, was it a matter of illness? Yeah, at that point. Okay.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, he had pancreatic cancer, so we. Oh, no. It's all right. We had. We had nine months of. He was a family therapist, so he brought in a family therapist to work with us.
Ego Odom
Wow.
Ty Burrell
So we had nine months of, like, a very intense. Some of it. Some of it, you know, like, you know, doubling down on. On what was already an intense situation where, like, he wanted to hash out everything.
Ego Odom
Do you. Wait. In retrospect, do you find that that was helpful, though, to be like. It was okay.
Ty Burrell
It was. There was. I mean, there was some of it that was sort of like, oh, I. I mean, it was helpful. It was sort of. Some of it was like, where. I'm already trying to be in denial about you being terminally ill. Can you please just let me.
Ego Odom
Let me. Come on. Elizabeth Kubler Ross would approve of me. Denial.
Ty Burrell
I don't want to get to bargaining yet. I don't. I'm not ready for bargaining.
Ego Odom
Like, come on.
Ty Burrell
But, no, it was good. It was good. It was Good. I mean, it was a good thing. But yeah, we had nine months of kind of like going through all of that and it resulted in some of the stuff of like, you know, I think you should be a performer. And, you know, some other things with our family that were really positive.
Ego Odom
And in the context of the family therapy that was going on as you guys were processing his terminal illness, this whole I think you should be a performer conversation, was that something you had asked him? Like, well, what do you think of my future? He was, was like, I feel it's really important for me to impart this to you.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. I hosted a talent show for my high school.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
And it, this was, this was before that. But then, then when he was ill, he was like, he was thinking back on that and he was like, I think you should try this.
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
Which was really wild. I, I, I was like, well, where? I don't even know. Like, what does that mean? Yeah, where do I, where do I do this? Do I just go out in the yard or.
Ego Odom
Yeah, you're talking, we're in Oregon. What are we talking about? And she'd go be an actor. Do you have tips, pointers?
Ty Burrell
Not, not to divert the conversation. But, but, but, but is that something that, like, did you grow up doing that?
Ego Odom
Like, I loved performing when I was younger. I feel like I was like family entertainment. This is like my recollection of it. I'd be fascinated to hear what my family felt about my antics, but I felt like I really got high on making the adults laugh and being silly and mimicking them and such. But my aunt, when I was younger, I think I was probably 7 or 8, she's the one that put me in ballet and I was ballerina for 10 years. But she said to me, you should go be a model or something. Which her sister is like, everyone's gonna go be a doctor. Because the very first generation experience I was having in that room, I remember.
Ty Burrell
You talking about the very first time we met. The very first time we met. I remember you talking about this, that the doctor thing was like a very, yeah, very prominent.
Ego Odom
And I understand it wasn't even a matter of being closed minded, perhaps, but more so a matter of like, your parents immigrate to this country and they're like, for opportunity and the sake of stability and financial security. And to an extent, like my mom and all the other Nigerian parents and other immigrant parents who say, go be a doctor. They're kind of right. Like, you're always going to need doctors. And that's a Secure profession, and it's respectable. You get to brag to your friends. My daughter, my son's a doctor.
Ty Burrell
Right.
Ego Odom
So I understand that perspective. And so following a passion wasn't really that wasn't a thing. Or, like, pursuing happiness. I'm like, that wasn't really a thing. It was like, you grow up, you have responsibilities. What is the career path that is going to put you in the best position to handle your responsibilities? And all that is likely going to come your way. And I'm like, doctor is one. And so I find it fascinating, though, even having these conversations with all these incredible parents. I'm hearing from people about their dads. It was sort of like my dad might have had a goal or a dream, but he felt his duty first and foremost was to take care of his family and provide for them. So his goal, his passion, his dream took a backseat and fell by the wayside because why'd I say that with a British wayside.
Ty Burrell
Wayside.
Ego Odom
I wayside fell by the wayside because it was like, I have to take care of my family. And it's cute to have dreams and it's cute to hope to be a creative or whatever other path that they may not have taken. But this is my priority. And I'm hearing that shared experience. And these are not immigrants in the sense, in the way that we think of immigrants.
Ty Burrell
Right. Were you, Were you actively dissuaded from it? Like, were they sort of like, no, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't.
Ego Odom
You know, I do an exaggerated, like, impression of my mom, but she was actually quite supportive. Like, I really couldn't do what I do for work today if I didn't have the support of my family. I don' I commend anyone who's able to, despite, like, your family trying to dissuade you, is able to then pursue this work and become successful in it. Because I. It took. They say it takes a village, and I'm like, it did take a village. Everyone was so helpful and supportive. And I think if I was combating family being like, what a silly idea. This is crazy. Regularly, I don't think I would have been able to because you face so much rejection already. Right? Me too.
Ty Burrell
Me too.
Ego Odom
You know what I mean? You need at least people like, well, that's great. Even if they're quietly, like, we're worried, but they're keeping it to themselves. I'm like, I. Yeah, I. It was helpful.
Ty Burrell
I would love to be the person who is just sort of like, succeeds in. In Spite of opposition.
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
Like, I'm. I am so not that person even on set. Like, if I feel like the director or whomever is not liking what I'm doing, I'm. I mean, I'm cold. Like. Like, well, it's over.
Ego Odom
It's okay. Okay, well, it's done for me. I didn't get the. The validation. Do you think part of you is pursued comedy because we get, in terms of live performance when. And a lot of us came up in live theater, get that sort of instant affirmation in the laughter. Do you think that's a thing for you?
Ty Burrell
100%.
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
I mean, you're living it. You're living it. I. I just recently shot a multicam that. And I haven't done that and since, like, 2009, you know, live audience comedy. But it really did. It was. I had that kind of epiphany. It'd been so long, really. But I was like, oh, yeah, this is it. This is. This is why. This is why it started. It's when it's not working, it's the worst. But, yeah, but when it's working, it's just a love bath. I just, you know, you just are like, oh, this is.
Ego Odom
It truly feels so good. And you go, I'm alive. This is what I was put here to do. The fact that I get to do it. You feel so good, and then when it's so bad, it's remarkably demoralizing. As you said.
Ty Burrell
Unbelievable.
Ego Odom
High, high risk, high reward.
Ty Burrell
Kind of unbelievable. I mean, you're living that to the nth degree. To the nth degree.
Ego Odom
It is pretty wild because now instead of doing shows at UCB Theater and my comedy community, where it's like sort of this safe cocoon where it's like, all these people have seen me have excellent shows already and they know me and they're rooting for me.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
And they might see me on a Wednesday do a terrible thing. Yeah.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. But it's sort of like just one little thing. Yeah.
Ego Odom
It's like, it's. We know each other. We're a family. Whereas with snl, the world gets to see this, and they might just be tuning in for the first time today, and it could go, who the fuck is that girl? She's.
Ty Burrell
But, but do you feel. But do you feel after being on for a few seasons, do you feel like you're getting some of the same benefit of the doubt of, like, of people having seen you be really, really hilarious for a long stretch?
Ego Odom
Thanks, Ty. I think, yes. I think the Audience has to get to know you. And that's one thing I learned about live, namely just doing comedy. The benefit of the doubt thing is real. I remember when I was coming up at UCB and I was like, that guy or that girl on stage can just say yellow and everyone's dying laughing and I'm like, was yellow funny or do we love you? And listen, it is amazing to be on the receiving end of that kind of energy and belief from the audience. I would not turn it away. But it just takes some time to build that trust with an audience.
Ty Burrell
Are you feeling some of that now?
Ego Odom
Yes, I do. I do feel some of that. But the part of me that really wants to succeed and wants to achieve and has really high standards for myself, I get a lot of feedback from people who know me. And even internally at snl, they're like, you're so hard on yourself. You're so. Your standard is just too high for yourself. I don't know any other way to be though, Ty. Who knows? Where'd I get it from? You know, I don't know.
Ty Burrell
I mean, it may. Might have been. It sounds like you have a very achieving family.
Ego Odom
Yes. You know, but it's so interesting. My mom, when you're talking about your dad, didn't care about like you doing homework. My mom, this is when I try to paint the picture of exactly who she is. I struggle. My mom would be like, I think it is so wrong that you guys have to go to school for eight hours a day and then come home and do homework. That is so wrong.
Ty Burrell
Which I agree, by the way.
Ego Odom
But yeah, she was like, I remember that being her soapbox. She's like, that's crazy. And then she'd be like, you know, she never cared about Grace grades. She never. I was pretty kid. It was pretty amazing. And then you have these like high achieving kids. I'm like, she wasn't that strict. Pretty chill mom. And it turns out it's helpful, I guess, to not have overly strict parents. Your dad seemingly was not strict. It sounds like. No, okay.
Ty Burrell
He really wasn't.
Ego Odom
Was he a disciplinarian at all in any way? Yeah. Okay.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, I think there were definitely rules, but it had more to do with like, you know, it had more to do with like me as a person, like me being kind or not. You know, he would. He lost his shit a couple of times in my life, but it usually had to do with me being a dick to my brother.
Ego Odom
I don't know about you, but I love a useful gift and that's why I recommend Masterclass Gift Unlimited learning. Learn from any Masterclass instructor anywhere on a smartphone, computer, smart tv, or even an audio mode. It's incredible. It's useful. People love it. Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes up to as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com thanksdad for the current offer. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com thanksdad masterclass.com/. Thanks, dad. So how many siblings do you have, Ty?
Ty Burrell
I have three.
Ego Odom
Three.
Ty Burrell
I have two older siblings, a brother and a sister, and then I have a younger brother.
Ego Odom
Okay. So middle child, did you feel ignored growing up in any way?
Ty Burrell
No. Okay. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't fit that trope. I got plenty of. Plenty of attention, possibly too much. Possibly. There's a possibility that I. They may have overdone it.
Ego Odom
Okay. Maybe gave you a little. But look at you now.
Ty Burrell
Created a lot of expectations around my dope. The dopamine in my. In my cortex.
Ego Odom
Everyone's gonna love me. Everyone's gonna see me. They're gonna enjoy me. My mom tells me this story, though, of I got on a plane to Nigeria when I was, like, four with her. I. The last time I went to Nigeria, I was 19, which I have to get back, but I want to go with friends instead of my mom because I don't want to do my mom's thing. Itinerary. I want to have my own, but I haven't been since I was 19. But when I was 4 and I was going with my mom, I guess she kept telling me, like, everyone's expecting us. They can't wait. You know, they can't wait for us to get to Nigeria. And they're all. They all can't wait to meet you. And I was so excited. I remember she tells me, I got on the plane and I go, you said everyone was excited to see me. Why aren't they hugging me on the plane? And she's like, these are not them. And whoever was in the vicinity laughed at that. But that's when the drugs started for me. But truly, I didn't. I was like, I did it. I was like, you said, they're excited. No one's even acknowledging me. And she's like, well, these people don't know.
Ty Burrell
You're like, hug me, hug me, hug.
Ego Odom
Me, strangers, hug me. Show me some love. Come on, I'm here.
Ty Burrell
Let's go.
Ego Odom
Heard you were waiting for me. Come on.
Ty Burrell
I've got a lot of Seats to go before I sit down.
Ego Odom
I know. No one, no one's saying anything. You're just worried about your bags. Come on. But that. Listen, I think all actors maybe have a little bit of, of that in them. Of all the times your dad lost his with you, which I was going to ask about.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, yeah.
Ego Odom
What is one that sticks out to you the most? You said it was times when you're being a dick to your brother. Is there a time you really were like, oh, I really have pissed dad off.
Ty Burrell
I remember. So this was kind of an odd contradiction with my dad. He did not care about my homework. He never paid attention to it. We would go come home and just do bits and watch, you know, stuff together or whatever. Even out in the woods, you know, just watching like Carson or something back in 1915 or whatever that was. But when I failed that dropped out of college.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
So I dropped out of college. I was. I mean, the amount of time that I wasn't smoking weed was like five to ten minutes a day. Right.
Ego Odom
I. I know I shouldn't be profiling, but you do not strike me as a person who ever has touched marijuana.
Ty Burrell
I. I touched it. God did I touch it. God did I. I felt that marijuana up.
Ego Odom
Every.
Ty Burrell
Wow.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
I smoked so much. I, I don't, I can't anymore. I can't do that because I loved it so much.
Ego Odom
Oh, wow.
Ty Burrell
Like, I am, I am a non marijuana smoker because it was just like.
Ego Odom
I'm loving this die.
Ty Burrell
But I, I had a 1.6 GPA.
Ego Odom
I'm sorry.
Ty Burrell
Which is very hard in your face. It's very, very, like, it takes some doing to get a 1.6.
Ego Odom
What part of the Alphabet were your grades? Like back half of the Alphabet.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, back half, back.
Ego Odom
Getting Z's.
Ty Burrell
I was getting Rs and N's.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
But I came home. I remember coming home and, you know, they had spent a lot of money. You know, we didn't have a lot of money. We weren't poor. But you know, you know, you could kind of see the poverty line from where we were at, like nearby.
Ego Odom
One false move too many. Too many car breakdowns back to back. Truly were there.
Ty Burrell
Truly we were that. Where. When my dad would get like the tax refund, which would. I remember we got one year for like $2,000. He was like, we're going, we're going out to eat and we went for pizza. Like, that was. Oh my gosh.
Ego Odom
I was like, okay, yes, I understand.
Ty Burrell
But anyway, yeah, so they spent money and he he lost his mind. He lost his mind. That was. That made. That puts him back in the category. Like he seemed like an old fashioned dad and that. That was one of those. And he loved to parent me with sarcasm.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
And like Socratic. It was all questions. So he'd be like so tell me. Like ask. Like I'd like to know what did you do this semester? You know, it was that kind of thing. Like. And do you think this is a good use of our money? Like I'd like to know and I would really like an answer. Do you think there's a good use of our money? It was just like one thing. One of those. One of those for like an hour and a half of me just going like no. You know, obvious answer is no. It wasn't. Yes. That was dumb.
Ego Odom
So how old are you when you dropped out and flunked out of time? You were 19.
Ty Burrell
19.
Ego Odom
So you weren't kidding when he was like between the bits and these great scope actor. You were not describing that scenario for comedic effect. That's actually what went on.
Ty Burrell
It really was. I had no other skill set. I still have no other skill.
Ego Odom
But you're not handy. You're pretending a little bit. You're dabbling in outdoorsy right now.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. Cosplaying outdoors guy.
Ego Odom
Cosplaying outdoorsy. Wow. Okay. So you remember him losing his shit. But was he one to raise his voice or was it just the questions? The sarcastic questions?
Ty Burrell
Yeah. It was mostly just sarcasm. But. But it was. It was intense. Like he raised. It was very biting. Yeah. And. And I would say, yeah, I think the volume was high. I think the volume was high there. Loud sarcasm. Sarcasm.
Ego Odom
That's hard. Loud sarcasm is hard. Usually sarcasm is like normal tone.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Loud sarcasm. Okay.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Was there an audience. Were your other siblings around when this would happen or when this particular conversation happened? Okay.
Ty Burrell
No. But I, they all knew what was going on. I, I was in the. You know, he took me into my bedroom which is, you know, that's when you know.
Ego Odom
Oh. Okay.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. It was. It was not. Not good.
Ego Odom
But he was a family therapist. So I feel like he knew exactly how to use the skills he had learned in his profession to make you feel what he needed you to feel. 100 I don't want to assume here but some shame. You got to feel some shame.
Ty Burrell
100 and it was. That's why it was all the Socratic stuff. Like he used the questions in family therapy. But for me it was definitely let me know that I had really screwed up. But it was questions, right? Questions. No statements.
Ego Odom
No statements. Only statements were coming from you. And answers and you. Obvious answers.
Ty Burrell
Obvious answers. Yeah.
Ego Odom
When you ultimately flunked out, drop out, it's like, this is not going to work for me. What does that conversation with him look like?
Ty Burrell
He was a little bit more open to it, I think, because he knew I wasn't really ready for college. So I, Yeah, I sort of started wandering the earth a little. I was so smoking just unbelievable amounts of weed again.
Ego Odom
Feeling the, I mean, every, I mean, every crevice.
Ty Burrell
I had one of those red wagons that I would carry behind me that was just, you know, just a mound.
Ego Odom
Did he know you were smoking weed?
Ty Burrell
Yeah, I think he did. I think he did.
Ego Odom
You think he did? He never said to you, like, I know you're smoking and the drugs are going to get in your way. I can smell it on you. None of that was just like, he's a smart man and okay, so we never talked about. So, okay, what's the conversation like? I'm sorry.
Ty Burrell
It was basically like, I think I'm gonna drop out of school. I'm gonna. And I was gonna travel. So I, I, that began a period where I just worked and traveled until he got sick. And then, and then I moved home for that period and I did stop smoking weed.
Ego Odom
Then when he got sick and you moved home, why do you think that is?
Ty Burrell
I think that kind of like what we were talking about before, where it became clear that there were aspects of his life that he hadn't lived. And I never really realized that. That because it was actively happening for me, it was very, very much a present tense thing. Experience for me where I was not living parts of my life.
Ego Odom
Right.
Ty Burrell
But I, I definitely, I got a really strong sense from him that there were aspects of his life that were unfulfilled, which I, I just hadn't really put together before. So I, Yeah, I stopped and, and started to, started to think about other things. And the first thing, weirdly enough, was acting. That he, Right. He had said that, you know, so he died in July and I went to an acting class in August. I went back, I went back to college.
Ego Odom
Oh, okay.
Ty Burrell
And went, went directly into an acting class and was like, what do I.
Ego Odom
I mean, okay, what happens now? Yeah, because you didn't know what to do as he's telling you, you should pursue a career in acting. You're like, I don't even know, like you said, what that entails.
Ty Burrell
No, I was like, my dad died and said I should be an Actor. So.
Ego Odom
And they're like, welcome to class, buddy. Every. Okay. Everyone's got.
Ty Burrell
Everybody's dad's died.
Ego Odom
And Ly man. When you say you got the sense that there were parts of his life that were unfulfilled, and you've said it a few times, did you actually hear him express that too overtly in any way?
Ty Burrell
I don't think so. I think it actually came through in him saying that I should pursue my dreams. You know what I mean? Like, I think if you were somebody who was ill and not long, not long for the world, I think my. My instinct would probably be the other direction, which is like, take care of your family. Take care of your mom. I need you to. You know, I need you to get a good job and make sure that the family is secure. But I think that it. I just. I. My interpretation is that he was. It was basically in his immediate, like, you need. You should be a performer and. And you should really, like, pursue your.
Ego Odom
Your dreams.
Ty Burrell
I think it was sort of in the subtext.
Ego Odom
I really appreciate that. And being able to, like, see your parents and their humanity and saying, okay, he's saying this to me, but how do I read between the lines and even hear the message behind the message?
Ty Burrell
Mm.
Ego Odom
While you were pursuing acting, did you then feel an intense sense of responsibility to succeed at it because this is something your dad shared with you right before he died, like, that he believes you should do this?
Ty Burrell
I think so. Yeah. I think I felt a. I definitely felt a. A real responsibility to. To stick my neck out, because that was kind of the message that I was getting from him. The other part, in addition to the fact that he hadn't pursued when he. When he was younger, as an adult, he would send cartoons into the New Yorker from the woods of Oregon. I remember, like, put, you know, in a manila envelope. He would go. Go to the. Go to town to put them in the mail.
Ego Odom
Wow.
Ty Burrell
And then get rejection envelopes. And at a certain point, he stopped and he did it for a couple of years. So I think I definitely felt. I felt a real connection to him in the pursuit of it. I guess maybe I didn't feel a ton of pressure to succeed, but I definitely felt a lot of pressure to really have the adventure. Like, really, like, go for it.
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
Also, it really helps when you can't. When you have no other skill set like that.
Ego Odom
I will say, like, I really. I've heard it said about acting, like, if you're going to pursue a career in acting, do it because you literally can't see yourself doing anything else. Because if you can see yourself doing something else, just go do that. I've heard that.
Ty Burrell
And it's even better if you. Not just that you can't see it. You literally can't do anything else. Like, you try and it didn't work. No, not good at that.
Ego Odom
What was your major, though, your first go at college? Did you have.
Ty Burrell
It was. I think it was communication, which is. I don't even know what that means.
Ego Odom
I. To this day, that's. I went to usc. There's a big communication school there, Annenberg. I don't know what it means, but I mean, I know journalist. I know that, like. But I know you have to be a journalism major. What is a communication major?
Ty Burrell
I don't know. I don't.
Ego Odom
What.
Ty Burrell
What did you study?
Ego Odom
I studied biology. I was a biology major. Imagine.
Ty Burrell
So you were on your way to being a doctor.
Ego Odom
I was on my way to pretending I was pretending I was going to be a doctor. I would have been a terrible doctor. I would have been so terrible. Who wants a doctor who doesn't want to be there? But then again, I wouldn't be surprised if that's a good number of doctors either. You know, I'd be curious to hear how many doctors have other passions and things they might have pursued if they felt they had that option.
Ty Burrell
Did you graduate with a degree in biology?
Ego Odom
I graduated with a degree in biology because I have this aversion to quitting. That sounds noble, I actually think is problematic at times for me. Big time. And I'm like, I did not like it straight away. Okay. And then I look back, yeah, straight away. I mean, we're talking month one. I'm like, I don't know that I made any of the right decisions to this point, but I had made up my mind. This is where I was going to school. This is what I was going to study. Because this is the deal with my mom, that I would study biology and be pre med. It didn't have to be biology, but I'd be pre med. I think if I'd been like, my major, psych, but I'm pre med, she would have been like, no, no, no, you're very off track. Like. So I was like, here's a major. Not a social science, but a science major. Hard science.
Ty Burrell
Right.
Ego Odom
And I'm pre med. I knew I didn't like it, but I was like, this is the plan. This is what people do when they go to college. You don't study in art. And I would hear Whispers and around the holidays, around other cousins who were older and they weren't cousins by blood, but like, this person went to this Ivy League school, but then they changed their major once they got there. Because you're allowed. Because your parents aren't in control of you at 18. And. And now they're, they're, they're on a wayward path because they changed their major to creative writing or something. And so I knew, like, you don't do that. That's throwing away your dream.
Ty Burrell
Qualifies them as being lost.
Ego Odom
Yeah, exactly. Oh, my goodness. You change your major, you're at an Ivy, but you change your major. So I would hear that. And I was like, okay, so I'm gonna just do this. This will be my, like, I have a really solid air quote backup plan. But I'm like, I don't even know that I would have got into med school. I certainly would dread every day of it. I know that. Yeah, I just wasn't a good science student. And I kind of think it's crazy that we make 18 year olds pick a major and that's the thing you're gonna do. I'm like, I don't know. Like, I'm curious at this point. And I should be curious. What a cool trait to try to first of all maintain well into adulthood. But at this point, I should definitely be able to just dabble in curiosity. But I remember looking back, I'm like, in my 20s, and I was like, you didn't like science in high school? Literally didn't like it. Like, actively did not enjoy those classes in high school. What made you think you did?
Ty Burrell
You. But did you do well in them?
Ego Odom
I didn't do poorly. I didn't really get bad grades in high school at all. I actively didn't enjoy it. There were classes that I was more curious about and that I excelled in when I picked up a business minor at USC my senior year, because I thought college had to be four years at this point. I'm basically done my bio major. I have one class. Other people would be like, I'm taking one class this semester. They might have crammed in the class over the summer. They might have been like, and I did college in three years. But I was like, it's got to be four years. So I picked up two minors. One of them was business. And I loved doing my business homework because I like math, but not enough to be a math major, but I really liked math. And so I'm like, I enjoy this. I'm excited. Decided to get My lined paper and my mechanical pencil and figure out assets vert's liabilities for my accounting class. I was like, I love it. I love these numbers. I love sitting down and doing math. So there are other things I could have done in terms of majors that I think I would have found enjoyable. I'm glad I get to do this thing. But while you mentioned finding parallels, it seems, between your pursuit of acting and your dad's pursuit in the arts himself and sending his cartoons to the New Yorker, is there anything else you look at now and you go, ah, I'm experiencing or clocking a parallel with my dad here. Like values he instilled in you that you're seeing. Oh, my goodness. These are really important to me now.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, for sure. So I've taken this long break up until this past spring from performing, and a lot of it had to do with moving to Utah. And my dad was never gone. He was never gone. Like, never, never travel. I don't remember him being gone. And I mean ever. He was there every night.
Ego Odom
Wow.
Ty Burrell
And the first part of being a first stretch of being a parent, I was gone a fair amount. You know, just by the nature of our business, you know, I just be gone for two weeks here, three weeks there, you know, whatever it was. And I think maybe by virtue of COVID to a degree, but once I got into that rhythm, I really, really felt my dad in terms of like, just. I. I don't even think of it as like a virtue. It just really, like, I. I got into a rhythm of, like, being home. And my dad loved to cook, and I. I've grown to love to cook and I think. And probably losing him when I was younger as a motivator, but I. I definitely felt connected to him and, like, really loving to be home. Home and really, like, prioritizing. It isn't even a word. I mean, isn't the right word because it's truly organic. It just really, like, I'm just really digging it. Like, just been really nice. And it's hard to think about, like, scenarios that feel, like, worth it, if that makes sense.
Ego Odom
Yeah, that does make sense. And it's cool to hear it put that way, even as you sort of like, I don't want to reject is maybe too strong of a word, but you sort of like, shoo away the notion that it's a virtue that you would want to be present. It's, It's. It's really cool to hear that where you go, yes, sure, a priority. But I actually just really enjoy it. I. I prefer it to other things and for. I prefer it to being gone. Yeah.
Ty Burrell
And I think it's a real. That's a blessing, you know, that. That my dad really gave me was I. I could tell he was having a good time.
Ego Odom
That's so cool, Tom.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. Yeah, he was having a good time. He really liked. Like, he cooked and he. We laughed a lot. And, you know, it was like. It wasn't like he was at home begrudgingly.
Ego Odom
Right.
Ty Burrell
It was really like we. We had a lot of good nights.
Ego Odom
And he had energy for you guys and you were sharing energy. I'm just picturing that childhood or your youth with him. And when you're saying, like, we laughed and he liked to cook and he liked being home and he seemed like he was enjoying it. That's so refreshing.
Ty Burrell
I'm probably painting too perfect of a picture of our home life, though, because.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
There were certainly periods when I'm sure he was absolutely sick of us, and I'm just not remembering them well also, I mean, it's.
Ego Odom
People pass away and you tend to remember, and you just remember the good. But you don't sound particularly. I wasn't there. Again, you are old enough to be my dad. You said you're 19. 15, was it?
Ty Burrell
Yeah, 1915.
Ego Odom
No. But you don't seem deluded. I don't get the sense that you're, like, now painting the picture of the. This. He sounds quite human in so many ways, given that he was having so much fun and you were aware of it and you were sharing all these laughs and you didn't feel pressure him, which is all wonderful things to feel in your home life. Did you always know you wanted to be a dad?
Ty Burrell
Yeah. Yeah. I. I think there was a brief period when. When Holly, my wife, and I, when we lived in New York, when we kind of entertained not having kids. Oh. Because, you know, I don't know about what it is about New York, but it was just like we were having the.
Ego Odom
Yeah. New York's a vibe in that way. It is. I want kids. And I feel like when I walk around the city some days or weeks, especially in the summer, I go, why would you go and do that? Yeah.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. It really was. It was like you seeing somebody carrying a bassinet up the subway stairs, and you're like, no, I think we're fine.
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
But no, no, in the back of my mind, I. I really did. I really did want to be a parent. And it's. Yeah.
Ego Odom
Even as you didn't know exactly what you wanted to do professionally or career wise. You're like, this is something I knew I wanted.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, that's. That's a thing that we all have to deal with. That's really weird. And I suppose anybody who is a freelance employee of any kind, like, we are, but there's this double Dutch of like, when do you start a family with your career? You know, of like, do I jump in now? Do I jump in now? You know, you're like, waiting for this perfect window and that can. That can go on forever and ever. So I gotta. We got a late start, but.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
Because I just was constantly. We were constantly like, do we have enough, like, savings? We're gonna need another bedroom. You know, like, all of that stuff like, that can go on forever.
Ego Odom
But when you guys did go ahead and do it, you're saying you got a late start. Did you feel you had found the perfect window or was it sort of.
Ty Burrell
Like yes and no? Yes and no. Like, there's kind of never the perfect window and so much of. Of life is out of your control anyway. Yeah, but. But in retrospect, it kind of was. Yeah. It just was like at the beginning of some. Some stability, and we were starting to feel a little more connected to the West Coast. It was like. Which is where we were both raised.
Ego Odom
Okay. Yeah.
Ty Burrell
She was raised here in Utah. I was raised in Oregon. And that's kind of where we kind. That's where our. Our tools for parenting were right. You know, basically working out of a car.
Ego Odom
Okay. Yes.
Ty Burrell
Not really New York, so. Yeah. Yeah. If it has. It did kind of feel like, luckily.
Ego Odom
I mean, I'm from Baltimore. And I was saying to somebody yesterday, my friend is moving to New York and he's from la and he's only ever lived in la. And he was like, I don't how I'm gonna do. How am I gonna do the winter? So he was like, how do you deal? I was like, I'm from a car place. It is cold outside, but I go start the car in the driveway if it's so cold, you know, I'm like, we don't, like, hang out outside in Baltimore, and we're driving from building with heat to building with heat. And so I was like, I still don't love New York. Winter in any. By any stretch of the imagination.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, that always felt like an adventure. Winter in New York always felt like I was the closest I'd ever get to being, like, an explorer.
Ego Odom
Yes. So you found this perfect window, which I love for you. You. And were you Scared when you go, I'm going to embark on. On this journey yet. You were scared?
Ty Burrell
Yeah, for sure.
Ego Odom
What were you freaked about?
Ty Burrell
My gosh, everything. Everything. I think, you know, just want to do right by this little human also, I think because. And my, you know, we talked a lot about my dad, but my mom is just such an extraordinary person and especially after my dad passed, just. Just showed unbelievable strength, you know?
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
Just incredible. Incredible woman. She's still alive. She lives within a mile of me now in Utah.
Ego Odom
That's nice.
Ty Burrell
She's awesome.
Ego Odom
She left Oregon and was like, I'm gonna come to Utah also.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. Okay. My brother lives here too. We have some. We have some businesses here in town. So she came to tracking down the grandkids. She. She is very old fashioned. She does not. Not knock. So I.
Ego Odom
On any of the doors. Not. We're not just on your front door. All.
Ty Burrell
None of the doors.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
None of the doors.
Ego Odom
I wasn't allowed to have doors locked growing up, but not like.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
I also never felt like my privacy was invaded, but in. But it was like doors locked in the houses. We don't do that. But anyway.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Yeah, she doesn't.
Ty Burrell
She hasn't locked her door for real. She hasn't locked her car doors or her. Her front door of her house and her lock life.
Ego Odom
My mom's friend, Ms. Esther also never locked her front door. And this is in Baltimore. Ms. Esther never locked her front door. Was like, no need. And I was like, whoa. We. We locked our front door. I will say, wow.
Ty Burrell
Yeah. My mom. I will still say like, mom, you got to lock your door. And she's like, well, H. 55 years later. I think there's some empirical proof, you know.
Ego Odom
Yeah. Yeah. And you can't really argue with her there, I guess.
Ty Burrell
But anyway, I'll turn a corner in. In the house and she'll be there with some muffins or something. I was like, oh, God. Hey. Y. And I think I had just like. I also wanted to kind of do right by the parents who, like, really worked hard to try to get me into a good place, which took some shaping.
Ego Odom
Right.
Ty Burrell
So, yeah, I felt a lot of pressure there. I really. The pressure is lessened when you have a partner who's really like, on the ball. My wife is just a really very competent person.
Ego Odom
Thank God. Shout out to Holly. Is Holly an example or actress?
Ty Burrell
She was. She. She. She was when we met and then this was in New York. The business, the business end of the business didn't really jive with Her. So she became a banker in New York.
Ego Odom
Wow.
Ty Burrell
For a long time. Hard turn. Yeah. Hard left. And then went to a pastry school. And had. Has had some different chapters in her.
Ego Odom
Life, but so cool.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Wow. I love that she went from acting to banker because I go know. Straight up instability. The floor is lava when you're an actor too. Okay. Now it's concrete. And I know where my check's coming from every week. And there's order here. And there's a way that things go. It's linear in. In many ways. That's nice.
Ty Burrell
She. Well, especially as you. As somebody who. Who loves math and loves that world. But she. It was the place that she went to, like, within a few. Maybe a year after she was kind of transitioning and. And she supported us.
Ego Odom
Wow.
Ty Burrell
She really did. Like, I was. I. I was failing a lot, like, for years.
Ego Odom
Right. And this is before the kids come along. Yes.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Okay. Now, when she was supporting you guys.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
How was your male ego doing? Tell me.
Ty Burrell
It was. It took a. It took a minute. You know, it took a minute. Like, I think I was really. I was raised in a very progressive household, so I had that going for me, but I think maybe. I don't know if it's my. Probably my male ego. Probably my male ego, but definitely my ego in general, so. So also my. My genderless ego.
Ego Odom
Genderless ego, Fine. Yes. Your. How is your genderless ego doing?
Ty Burrell
My ungendered ego was also really like, you gotta get your shit together. You gotta. To pull in some. You got to pull your weight a little. So I. I worked really hard. I will say, like, I think I mo. I was very motivated to. To. To kind of carry my weight and. And probably to your point, probably some of that's pride.
Ego Odom
Yeah, yeah.
Ty Burrell
Like, just me getting up early to work on auditions because I'm like, yeah, I don't want to go to another dinner party and have her like, you know, she was really climbing the ladder quickly at this. At Credit Suisse, at a big, big banking firm in New York.
Ego Odom
Sure, yeah, I've heard the name.
Ty Burrell
And I'm just like, you know, I went in for a, you know, a Sonic commercial.
Ego Odom
I'm on a veil. I'm on a veil. That's something. Can't pay the rent with a veil. You can't pay bills with a veil out. Which I'm so fascinated by, because just having pursued acting myself and having friends in different stages of their careers still, you know, some friends who have, like, really sort of. I don't Even want to say figured it out. Because as much as I don't know that I believe in luck fully.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
I want to just for the sake of being concise. Go. People who've gotten super lucky and it has just worked out. And then there's people who. I'm like. They get a thing here and there. It's pretty unstable and inconsistent.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
I'm fascinated by the dynamics with relationships in that regard. And so to hear even your experience, you're at a dinner party and Holly pulls out her card, but she pretends you pulled it out. You get to. You take her card before you go into the couple's dinner party and put it in your wallet. And then the server is looking for a Holly to handle the. Well, Holly, want to sign?
Ty Burrell
It's Harry. Thank you, Harry.
Ego Odom
Every sing and someone goes every time. I'm getting the sense that Holly's paying for everything.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Well, that's wonderful that you had a partner in that way. What are some things that you guys are trying to instill as parents in your girls? It's girls, right?
Ty Burrell
Yeah. I think where we're at right now, we're entering into homework, like, for the first time. And as you know, know from earlier within this discussion, I was not. I was not good at it. So.
Ego Odom
You were not Mr. Homework. Okay.
Ty Burrell
So now I'm. I'm in the position of trying to advocate, like, trying to basically convince my. My daughters that really it's important to develop these good habits that I didn't have. So don't. This. Nobody's. Nobody's gonna hear this, right?
Ego Odom
No, don't let that. How old are they?
Ty Burrell
14 and 12.
Ego Odom
We are. We are going to be playing episodes in every child's middle school. So every comes on. I'm locating their schools and. And I'm going to. If they're middle school and up or playing them, do they watch your work or seek out your work in a.
Ty Burrell
Not really. No.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
No. Not really. No.
Ego Odom
Not interested in you. Does that feel kind of nice?
Ty Burrell
Yes. And it's simultaneously nice and insulting because, like, one. It's great because they don't give a crap, you know, but the other thing is, like, when I come on screen, if it's something they're watching, they're basically like, hurry up.
Ego Odom
Like, yeah, okay. Because now they're like, I've been pulled of the story because that's dad. And now like, I need to get back in. Okay.
Ty Burrell
I think that's actually it. They're sort of like, let's get. We. We Were actually watching something.
Ego Odom
Yeah. Now you come on screen. Damn it. Okay, so homework is a thing right now that you're trying to instill.
Ty Burrell
Trying. We're trying to instill, like, good habits, which I, you know, as an adult, I developed good habits, but the truth be told, when I was their age, I had no good habits. So right now my wife is leading the charge because she's always had good habits.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
And I'm in the background. I'm like her hype man.
Ego Odom
That's what mom said. Yeah. Yeah. You heard her. Yeah. If you heard.
Ty Burrell
All her life. All her life.
Ego Odom
Straight and you. And you straight A's. All her life.
Ty Burrell
All her life. You heard?
Ego Odom
Yeah. If your daughters do not do well academically, how do you think you're going to handle that?
Ty Burrell
Oh, good question. Good question. I've got no ground to stand on. I've got no ground to stand on.
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
I gotta just sit quietly in the background and let Holly go at him.
Ego Odom
Hype man is quiet now. Hype man's actually quiet. For shame.
Ty Burrell
Wow. Is that crying?
Ego Odom
Is he. What's going on?
Ty Burrell
Is that crying?
Ego Odom
Hey, what's happening? Yeah, I. I think that's a fascinating spot to be in, where you go, I made this mistake or I misstepped in this way. But here's the thing, Ty. It's crazy because it all worked out for you, right? So then you go, how much does it really matter? I did not have good habits at 12 and 14. Yeah.
Ty Burrell
I guess, you know, I can at least bring up that, like, I had to develop good habits and. And. And hopefully have good habits so that, like, hopefully I'm modeling some decent habits. But. But I basically started when I was 20, so I got like, they've got a long leash.
Ego Odom
They've got. They've got some time. But also the notion I think that might be helpful is like, the sooner you start, the better. The sooner you develop the habits, the better.
Ty Burrell
Thank you.
Ego Odom
More life to enjoy with more order. In those years when dad like this, will you tell them that you were smoking weed? Will we?
Ty Burrell
Oh, well, here's the thing. I didn't start. And this is true.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
I didn't start until I was out of high school. So it was really just like two years of like, full blown, constant.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
Just like 0 to 100.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
0 to 100.
Ego Odom
You don't. And you do not dibble dabble anymore. No, you're not. Okay. Wow.
Ty Burrell
Hard. I would be within like 20 minutes. I'd be in my underwear watching cartoons.
Ego Odom
And snacking Maybe snacking.
Ty Burrell
Like. Like, it would. It wouldn't even be like a half an hour.
Ego Odom
Okay. You're like, I can. How did you develop this hard line with it, by the way?
Ty Burrell
It just was really clear that, like, nothing was happening.
Ego Odom
So was this once you started acting? Is that when you were like, okay, I have to stop start acting. Okay, gotcha. All right.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, yeah.
Ego Odom
Do you want your girls to be able to talk to you about anything? And I said it like that on purpose. Oh, okay, great.
Ty Burrell
I do. I really do.
Ego Odom
I.
Ty Burrell
And I don't know how to make that happen. I. I would love. I would love advice on how to make that happen because I know that you also can't be a great parent and be their best friend.
Ego Odom
Yeah, that's the tough part, right? I've never been a parent, but I. For the most part, when I look back on how I was raised by my mom, specifically, it did take a village. But when I think about my relationship with my mom, yeah, I. I am grateful. I'm just grateful that she was a mom to me. Right. And whatever that meant to me. She was not my best friend. Like, I would. I'd call her my number one girl. I used to say that to her all the time up until, like three years ago, because I'm like, you're not my friend, but you're my number one girl.
Ty Burrell
But now she's number four or something.
Ego Odom
She's number four on the call list. We got Rashida Ashley, my sister, like, people. She's. She. She kind of slipped in the rankings. No, she's. She's the one. But, yeah, I enjoy that. We had this sort of, like, boundaried situation going on.
Ty Burrell
Did you. Did you tell her everything?
Ego Odom
No, absolutely not. Absolutely not.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
It's interesting. I have this, like, sort of friend who's a mentor in some ways. Not professionally, more of like, I call her a life mentor. I surmise our relationship that way. And her name is Reagan. I absolutely adore her. And I used to babysit her sons when they were 2 and 4 or 4 and 6. Excuse me? 4 and 6.
Ty Burrell
6.
Ego Odom
And the 4 year old just started college today. His parents are dropping him off today. Jonas is going to college. I love you, kid. Great kids. But she. Once I was confiding in her about a dating situation, and she was like, sweetie, it was. She's so sweet. It was a terrible situation. She was. And it wasn't like, I wasn't in danger or anything like that. She goes, you ever talk to your mom about this stuff? And I go, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And what I said to her in that moment is, I don't want her to worry. I said that in the moment. Is that true? I'm gonna take a moment to think if that's exactly why. Yes. It's like, I don't want her to worry. And we don't talk about those things now. Now that I'm older, I, like, pay my own rent. I'm taking care of myself. My career is where it is. In a way, it's stable. And I might deal with a bad situation in dating. I have gone, okay, I'm gonna tell her a little bit of this. And she just shuts down. Like, that's what I think about. She does not want to hear I'm not being treated well. Like, she doesn't want to hear that. She doesn't want to hear it.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
And then you go, oh, okay. I found the boundary line. It was never spoken, but I found the line. I. I kind of inherently. In the way you were talking sort of about your. Your father's unfulfilled dreams for himself, you just get a sense, like, I'm. I'm grasping my belly here, right? I'm like, I just got a sense in my 20s. I'm like, I don't think my mom wants to hear about. About the fuck boy I'm dating, right? And so, yeah.
Ty Burrell
I wonder, you know, hearing you say that out loud, I actually wonder if I can handle it. Yeah, I wonder if I can handle it. Maybe I can't.
Ego Odom
You might not be able to, Ty. It's such a. Just hearing boy and your sweet, precious dog. And I'm like a sweetheart, Ty. And by my estimation, the way you're so humble, we might cut that part out up top. So I have to give context that I was asking Ty if he was humble. He says, I'm the humblest. And it's like me going, I'm just the sweetest, sweet girl. But I'm like, I'm a pretty sweet gal. I'm like, I don't think anyone who cares about me, my friends, even you can see them. Like, they can handle it because they're my friends, but they, like, get upset. And I go, my mom who changed my diapers, I don't think she wants to hear about the bad guy. And so it's cool. I feel very close to her, and I think it's appropriately close because that's what feels appropriate for us. And her level of vulnerability in her tools kit and Mine. So I think it varies and there is no one answer in that way. And so you'll just have to know. But I go, sometimes you're keeping things away from them, not because you're like, I want secrets or I want distance. It's just like, that's not their forte. I don't think they can handle this, and I don't think they can hear this in the way it would be if I was telling a girl, girlfriend, I take it back, okay?
Ty Burrell
I genuinely take it back. I think just hearing it out loud, I don't think I want to know everything. I don't think I want to talk about everything with them. Because you're right. Like, I honestly don't think I thought that through.
Ego Odom
It's nice to. Because the notion is really nice, Ty the notion that, like, I want them to feel I'm a safe haven and I'm there for them. So you go, yeah. I want them to be able to tell me anything. And then I'm like, in practice, you could hear some really hurtful things. And how do you step in and protect while still allowing them to have their experiences and feel like they are allowed to have their experiences? It's such a fine line. I support you taking it back is all I'm trying to say right now in a very long winded way.
Ty Burrell
I had an experience since we've gone down this road of the two. Two years of me carrying around a wagon of weed. I had an experience once where my dad, who really wanted me to talk about everything with him as a therapist, you know, where I told him that I'd done acid and he completely shut down, just like you just said. He was like. He was like, what? He did he. Not out loud in his head.
Ego Odom
Exactly. Absolutely. That's the thing. Nothing to say. And then you go, I'm left hanging. And I almost wish he would say something.
Ty Burrell
Is that what happened with your mom? A little bit, yeah.
Ego Odom
She just went. She just fell silent. She just got really quiet. We were on FaceTime and. And it was just quiet. And I was like, okay, well, we were talking and now you just got really, really quiet. I know you're not mad at me, per se. I remember getting my belly button pierced and I was such a sucker for like. I've thought about a sketch about this. It wouldn't be about the belly button piercing thing, but I used to be a person who was like, if a thing is free, I'll say yes. So I went with my friend to get her belly button pierced, ears and she's like, will you come with me? And when we got there, she's like, okay, will you get yours done too? Because I'll. And she's like, I'll pay for yours. And I was like, well, it's free. I didn't come wanting a belly button piercing, nor did I intend. But since you're paying for it, sure, I got my belly button pierced. It was crooked, honey. It was crooked. And the piercer, after looks at it and I don't say anything because I'm in a. Some semblance of denial. So I don't even acknowledge that it's crooked. I see that it's crooked. It is visibly crooked. And the. And the piercer. The piercer goes. I don't even think I make a face. But he's. It's. Hey, that's just going to straighten. Straighten out as it heals. That's not how holes work. And I was like, yeah, okay. I knew that he was wrong and lying, and he pierced it crookedly. He knew. But I was just like, what is there to be done now? I was like, I didn't pay for it, so I'm not going to demand my friend's money back.
Ty Burrell
If you gain. If you gain a tremendous amount of weight, that thing will straighten out.
Ego Odom
And so I went home and I remember being like, I'm not going to tell my mom. This is what I do talk about with our closeness, where I'm not a secrets person. Person in general don't really. I feel like I say, if I say this in a public forum, someone's gonna be like, and I found a secret about her. But I generally don't. I'm not interesting in this way. I don't have any juicy secrets. And so even when I go, I shat in my pants tie once on the 10 freeway. And I remember going, I'm not telling anyone about this. This is crazy. Have gone on stage and told that story to them. Immediately told someone the next day. I was like, I just don't. I don't like secrets.
Ty Burrell
For me, I love it. I also have a pants story, so I'm with you. Of course we do. We all do.
Ego Odom
Everyone sits in their pants as an adult. Of course you wanted the bathroom. Of course you didn't intend for that to happen that way, but it happens to the best of us. But I came home from the piercing situation. I remember being like, I'm not going to tell my mom. I don't ever. She's never going to see my midriff. We don't go to the beach together. I'm not walking around with my belly out. She'll never see this. But I literally walk into her room. I knock on her door, walk into her room. I didn't knock. Doors unlock. But I did knock. And I just lift my shirt up while she's, like, talking to me. We're just talking. I go, look what I did. And she goes, what? And I'm. And she just. She has her. Like. It's not even a real meltdown because I think my mom's cooler than she even. She's so conservative in ways, not politically, but she's so conservative in ways. But then, like, doesn't actually care. I discover about her. And like, yeah, she doesn't actually care. Even when I was like, I'm getting a tattoo too. And she was like, don't. And I was like, well, mama, that's my grandmother, her mom, she had them. They were tribal, though. And she goes, well, they were fashionable in her time. And I go, well, turns out they're fashionable in the year 2021 as well. But I just remember lifting the shirt and I can't even do the impression of what that moment was. But I'm like, it's a woman who's like, why this girl go and get her belly button pierced? But I also don't really care because she could be into worse things, sort of.
Ty Burrell
That's really. That's amazing.
Ego Odom
Yeah.
Ty Burrell
You know, it occur. It occurs to me that you must be a great partner without. Without, like, that bone in your body of, like, being honest. Honest and upfront.
Ego Odom
Thank you, Ty. You know, in my estimation, I certainly try my best to be a good partner. Yeah. I have not had the greatest luck I'm imagining.
Ty Burrell
It's probably hard to find a partner who also shares the same same trait.
Ego Odom
Yeah, I. I think so. I think I. On my way to come do this record with you, I was. Dropped my dog off at daycare, and then I was walking here. And again, the mind goes 100 miles per minute. Right. We've established. And I'd go, yeah, if you don't like the truth, I don't think you would want to date me. I don't like if you're not a person who's honest and you don't like people being honest, I feel like I'd be a remarkably unenjoyable person to date. I also think. Think that a lot of people will say they want an honest partner, but they don't actually. And I'm not honest. Like, I hate your Outfit. I'm not. I don't even. Sure. I guess that's honesty, but that's not what I'm talking about. But that's just mean, and you have too many opinions. I'm not into people with too many opinions. By the way, I want to say that for the record, hot ish take. Okay, great.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, I'm with you, though. I'll take that.
Ego Odom
Opinions. You don't have to have an opinion about everything.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Pet peeve of mine. I'll just say 200 miles per minute here. Here is people who point at people's outfits, like with their. You're at lunch with a friend and go look at what that person's wearing. I go, I'm sorry, why do we care? Why do we care what the person's wearing? And this is mean. And I'm not into it.
Ty Burrell
Yeah.
Ego Odom
Gigantic red flag to me in friendship, partnership, everything, when people will do that. I go, now, what made you stop what you're doing to point to a stranger who seems to be enjoying their Wednesday afternoon and going with their weird pants?
Ty Burrell
Do you agree with me that, like, especially in the world of comedy, like, the biggest red flag in the world is when the only way that somebody gets their laughs is in that way?
Ego Odom
Yes. Yes.
Ty Burrell
Is in that way. Like gigantic. And they kill with it.
Ego Odom
Gigantic red flag.
Ty Burrell
But I always feel like, oh, what a big red flag. That the. Even if they kill, it's in a way that you don't really admire.
Ego Odom
Yes. Everyone's laughing and I'm looking at you like I see you, and I don't like what I see.
Ty Burrell
Yeah, I don't love this.
Ego Odom
I don't love this. But thank you for the kind compliment. It's funny because I get. I'm better about compliments than I ever have been. I would say, let's say 15 years ago. But I never want my listeners to feel like I'm bringing on my dads for the day to gas me up and compliment me. But compliment me. I can't even speak because I'm so uncomfortable, but you guys are all so kind. You all are very, very true.
Ty Burrell
I think. I think that that makes you, like, an ideal partner and. And. And eventual parent.
Ego Odom
I was going to say I can't wait to be a parent. I can, because I have a puppy and much work, and I, in hearing all of my dads for the day talk about parenting, and those are just the dads. I'm a little like, that's. That's the dads. And I. I would like to Carry a child for nine months. In theory. I say that right now. We'll see. Some people like pregnancy, some people hate it. Anyway, Ty, you've been an amazing dad for the day. You've been open. I appreciate it.
Ty Burrell
I'm proud of my humble. My TV daughter for the day. My Zoom daughter.
Ego Odom
Thank you, Zoom Daughter. Daughter. The people wouldn't have ever known we were on Zoom if you hadn't just. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I end every episode asking my dad for the day for some advice. Okay, I have a piece. It's coming to me off the top of my head. So kind of what I do is I'll every once in a while come with a ready made. And I kind of have coined the term. I've coined it. Meaning I'm deciding I've coined it. And in the age of the Internet and you can say anything thing. Who's going to sue me if I say I coined this term? Because maybe someone else came up with it. Now someone's.
Ty Burrell
Who coined the term. Coined. Who coined.
Ego Odom
Right. Coin. Coin. Who coined. I've coined. In my opinion. Dad Vice. I'm gonna call this segment dad Vice.
Ty Burrell
I like it.
Ego Odom
Okay, all right.
Ty Burrell
Tm.
Ego Odom
Tm. Trademark. Okay, so I kind of come in something red made. This is going on in my life. Sometimes I'll listen to a dad talk, and I go, oh, he'll be great for this. Sometimes I listen to a dad talk and I go, he'll be way out of his depths on this one. And I can't wait to hear him try to be a dad.
Ty Burrell
Okay, I'm gonna go without a doubt of my depth.
Ego Odom
I don't know. Okay, so in dating, I'm your daughter. Okay. I'm your third daughter. Your oldest. You just found out? Yeah, an hour ago.
Ty Burrell
Oh, wow. Okay. It's exciting. This is all very exciting. My life's changing.
Ego Odom
Remember those years when you were smoking weed? Yeah. Okay.
Ty Burrell
Actually chimes out.
Ego Odom
Yes, exactly.
Ty Burrell
So they really.
Ego Odom
Smoking weed. Okay, so in dating, I am trying to discern whether you give someone a second date first. If the first date is not bad. Dad. Okay, okay. And I'm dating men. I'm dating men. And say the first date is like men. Meh. It's not bad. Your dad, my grandfather, was a family therapist. And they say that if you have butterflies on a first date, that's actually a trauma response. It's not like a. Oh, good. I really like this person. I don't know how much I agree with that school of Thought I would have to do more of my own research.
Ty Burrell
I've never heard that.
Ego Odom
Yes. I spend too much time on the Internet. There's a lot of insta therapy going on. I don't know how many of these people are licensed, but they posture in such a way that I believe that them.
Ty Burrell
Right, right, right.
Ego Odom
But they say, those butterflies, that's actually a trauma response. And I don't know how much I agree with that. But I'm just going to throw it out there for you in case it's helpful. You might throw it out. You might toss it back and burn it.
Ty Burrell
Okay.
Ego Odom
But if I am on a first date and I find it to be me, historically, I would go. I don't want to go on a second day with this person. They're totally fine, but I feel nothing towards them. I can't imagine a second date. Make me go. You know what? Actually my question is, dad, should I be approaching dating that way? Should I be giving guys second dates? Even if on the first one I'm like, fine, fine. You weren't terrible and you weren't amazing. Sure. You're asking me out again. I'll go. Or should I go? No, I trust my gut. This probably isn't going anywhere.
Ty Burrell
Well, first of all, ego. I'm just glad you came to meet with us. You know that I want you to be able to come to me about anything.
Ego Odom
Anything.
Ty Burrell
Secondly, is this based in re. In real life? Outside of this question?
Ego Odom
Yes.
Ty Burrell
Okay. I mean, my instinct is no, because I feel like if you didn't come away from this. I mean, I could be totally wrong, but my instinct think if you didn't come away from this first date with one of, like, two things. Right. Like, one being just a physical draw to the person, which isn't always, you know, the first thing that happens, obviously. But the other one would be coming away, like, really admiring them as a person. Like, Like. Well, okay, I'm not attracted to them necessarily, but I really admired them. Like, I really like the way they think. Or.
Ego Odom
And it's really. It's really, really important, by the way.
Ty Burrell
I think so.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
I don't know. I don't know. That's a good question. But I would say if you were meh. About the date, a part of me feels like the reason to do a second. You know, here, there. There's obviously a third option. Okay, maybe the third option is somebody who you trust really, really well. Like, a lot is like, I know you do so well, like, this is your mom or, you know, somebody on the call list.
Ego Odom
Sure, sure. Top four.
Ty Burrell
Top four.
Ego Odom
Right.
Ty Burrell
And they know this person equally well and is like, trust me, you got to get one more shot. Ah, that might be. That might be the third door.
Ego Odom
Okay.
Ty Burrell
But I would say to me, right or wrong, I would say if it wasn't one of those first two categories, or maybe you weren't attracted to the them, but they really made you laugh, or they had some, like, opinions that really surprised you in a. In a. Or. Or it's not opinions even, but just thoughts that. That really surprised you and you thought like their original thinker to your mind or something. Then I. I would. I would say. No, that would be my thought.
Ego Odom
That's really helpful, dad. That's really, really helpful.
Ty Burrell
You bet. Daughter.
Ego Odom
Because how you refer to your daughter.
Ty Burrell
Daughter, daughter, daughter.
Ego Odom
No, you won't always say, great job, son. You never go, great job, daughter.
Ty Burrell
Wow, you're right.
Ego Odom
Yeah. What is that about?
Ty Burrell
I say great job, son to my girls. Yeah. Great job, son.
Ego Odom
I'm proud of you, son. Think about it in a movie. Think about in a movie. You'll go, I'm proud of you, son.
Ty Burrell
Oh, you are? You don't know.
Ego Odom
I'm proud of you, daughter. Huh?
Ty Burrell
Too many syllables.
Ego Odom
Too many syllables. And daughter. And that was the patriarchy's fault.
Ty Burrell
I'm proud of you, Doc.
Ego Odom
Dot, dot. That sucks. Should son. If son is son is the boy child. Should san be daughter? It should be sun and san. I'm proud of you, San. And san is daughter. San kind of short for Sandy. I don't know. We're on to something. I think we're on to something. That's such great advice, dad. You've been an incredible dad for the day. Thank you so much.
Ty Burrell
You've been an incredible daughter for the day, Ego. You're awesome.
Ego Odom
Thank you.
Ty Burrell
Really are. Are.
Ego Odom
Thank you.
Ty Burrell
You are as thoughtful as you are hilarious.
Ego Odom
Thank you. I'm taking that to heart. You're incredibly kind. I really appreciate that. I'm going to let that sink in. I will not deflect. On that note, I'm going to go. I won't even try to say anything cheeky at the end. I'm actually. I want to try a thing like my hands are literally up where I go. Just receive it. Just receive it. Thank you, Ty. You're. I'm so grateful that you did this. It means a lot to me.
Ty Burrell
Thanks, Ego. Really, thank you. Fun.
Ego Odom
Thanks dad is a headgum podcast created and hosted by me, Ego Odom. This show is engineered by Relle Chen. And Anya Kovskaya and edited by Relle Chen with Executive producer Emma Foley. Katie Moose is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Jason Matheny for our show Art and Ferris Manchi for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe, just maybe, we'll read it on a future episode. That was a Headgum Podcast.
C
Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the so True podcast now on Headgum. Every week me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I asked them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew A. Fualo or my actual biological mother Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth and if we find it, great. And if not, no worries. So subscribe to so True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the so True with Caleb Heron YouTube channel channel. New episodes drop every Thursday.
Ty Burrell
Love.
Podcast Summary: "Thanks Dad with Ego Nwodim" featuring Ty Burrell
Podcast Information:
The episode begins with Ego Nwodim introducing Ty Burrell, known for his iconic role as Phil Dunphy on Modern Family. The conversation quickly establishes a comfortable rapport between host and guest, setting the tone for an open and engaging dialogue about fatherhood, personal growth, and parenting.
Notable Quote:
Ty delves into his upbringing, sharing poignant memories of his father, who passed away when Ty was 20. He describes his father as a gentle, funny, and artistic man who worked as a family therapist and was deeply involved in the foster care system.
Notable Quotes:
Ty reflects on his father’s unfulfilled artistic dreams and how his father’s encouragement led him to pursue acting. Despite the initial confusion, Ty took his father’s advice to heart, which became a turning point in his life.
Notable Quotes:
Ty candidly discusses his struggles with academics and substance use during his late teens. His father's stoic yet supportive approach helped him navigate these challenges, ultimately steering him toward his passion for acting.
Notable Quotes:
The conversation shifts to Ty’s own journey into fatherhood. He shares the apprehensions and excitement he and his wife, Holly, experienced while deciding to start a family. They eventually welcomed two daughters, navigating the balance between career and parenting.
Notable Quotes:
Ty emphasizes the importance of developing good habits in his children, something he felt he lacked during his youth. He collaborates with his wife to foster a supportive and structured environment, while also learning to let go and support their daughters’ autonomy.
Notable Quotes:
Ego and Ty discuss the delicate balance between being an open and honest parent while maintaining boundaries. Ty shares his efforts to create a safe space for his daughters to communicate freely without feeling overwhelmed.
Notable Quotes:
In line with the podcast’s format, Ego asks Ty for practical advice on dating. Ty advises trusting one’s instincts and recognizing when a relationship isn’t sparking joy or connection, emphasizing the importance of admiration and respect in relationships.
Notable Quotes:
Both Ego and Ty share personal anecdotes about maintaining boundaries with their parents, highlighting the challenges of being completely open while respecting each other's emotional capacities.
Notable Quotes:
The episode concludes with heartfelt appreciation from Ego towards Ty for his openness and support. They acknowledge the complexities of fatherhood and parenting, emphasizing the ongoing journey of learning and growth.
Notable Quotes:
Episode Duration: Approximately 75 minutes.
This episode of "Thanks Dad with Ego Nwodim" offers an intimate glimpse into Ty Burrell’s life, exploring the enduring impact of his father, his journey through personal challenges, and his evolving role as a parent. Through shared stories and mutual reflections, Ego and Ty provide listeners with heartfelt insights into the dynamics of fatherhood and the importance of nurturing supportive relationships.